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Unresolutions issue for Feb/Mar 2013

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The Feb/Mar 2013 issue features Chicago fashion designer JP Chookaszian, fresh seafood and Beasts of the Southern Wild, spring's best beauty trends, bar/arcade combos sweeping the nation, wintry scenery and a lust for adventure, social media can be a jungle and lots more.
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Spring into these seasonal beauty trends Does booze have health benefits? FEAST of the Southern Wild Feb/Mar 2013 Dapper designs from Chicago to Shanghai
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Page 1: Unresolutions issue for Feb/Mar 2013

Spring into theseseasonal beauty trends

Does booze have health benefits?

FEAST of the Southern Wild

Feb/Mar 2013

Dapper designsfrom Chicagoto Shanghai

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2 FEB/MAR 2013 | thefacetsmag.com

Facets is now available to order in print! Order a printed copy via HP MagCloud today and have it on your coffee table in as little as three days.

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We traveledTo The Coop, Chicago’s “favorite co-working spot” in the River North neighborhood, on an icy, overcast Sunday morning. While it was adjacent to a Chicago Transit Authority train stop, we all drove. (Too bad Chicago still charges for parking on Sundays.)

We choseJP Chookaszian, a working man in all facets of the term: He’s a full-time consultant who’s following his passions of fashion and giving back through Urban Offering, a custom clothing company based in Chicago with a knack for charitable work, too.

We rocked outTo Gemini Club’s, “Here We Sit.” Look out for these guys in the months to come!

Inside Facets

From the cover shootOn a gloomy Chicago day, fashion shines

Taken from our

Instagram. Follow us

@facetsmag!

We played dress up ... and traffic cop!We filed through some cool Urban Offering fabric swatches, collars and piles of boutonnières between photos inside, then played a bit of “Game on/Game off” a la Wayne’s World while shooting photos in the middle of Franklin Street.

We lived life on the edgeChookaszian is not only a consultant and a fashion designer, he’s also a daredevil. He balanced effortlessly on a 2-inch brick ledge in a slight drizzle while wearing dress shoes in order to snap our cover photo for this issue. ◊

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Say hello to the Facets team.What’s most likely to derail your resolutions?

BRITTANY ABEIJONfounder and editor in chief

A chilled bottle of white

RACHEL KOSMALfounder and creative direction/graphic designFleece-lined sweatpants and a cold, rainy day

LYNN W. CONWAYfounder and photographer

Nothing! I don’t have resolutions

MELISSA GRIFFINlead graphic designer

A spicy malbec and some Netflix

ASHLEY JOHNSTONgraphic designer

Forgetfulness

STEVEN COHENmanaging editor

Jan. 1, 2014

JENNY SCHULERWeb publisher/designer

Good cocktails and parties full of sinfully delicious food

SAM LAWWELLadvertising coordinator

The latest season of Sons of Anarchy becoming “instant” on Netflix

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Facets Contributors

We love contributors! Email [email protected] if you’re interested in working with us.

1. Joanna Bastermajian - Don’t be afraid to express your own personal style, Chicago, makeup artist

2. Connor Corley - Avid climber, backpacker and professional raft guide, Conway, Ark., writer

3. Lauren Coy - Sleeps with her smartphone, Drexel Hill, Pa., social media strategist

4. Brianna Eck - Multitasking her mixing, Seal Beach, Calif., writer

5. Jamie Lewis - Her morning routine is Twitter and coffee, Atlanta, PR/Marketing specialist

6. David Pavlina - Finding somewhere in the middle of nowhere, Lake Zurich, Ill., photographer

7. Lindsey Reiser - Resolving to make resolutions 365/24/7, Chicago, writer

8. Rick Schuler - Home Brewm’n and self proclaimed beer enjoyer, Chicago, writer

9. Joanna Swidzinski - Photos are stray dreams looking for homes, Chicago, photographer

10. Kara VanderBijl - Story hoarder, Chicago, writer

11. Leah Westfall - Just say no ... to low-hanging fruit, Denver, writer

111098

765

4321

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Contents Unresolutions - Feb/Mar 2013

14

7 Unresolutions Learn what unresolutions really are in our letter from the editor.

9 Facets favorites Resolve to add these faves to your shopping list this year—or this month.

FASHION/BEAUTY 14 Style is my last name

I will mix business and pleasure.

23 Makeup your mind I will not follow the latest trends.

FOOD/DRINK 32 Dinner and a movie

I will think about the food I eat less.

39 The art of crafts I will no longer buy beer.

44 Boost your spirits I will drink to my health.

ENTERTAINMENT 48 A quarter life revival

I will not grow up.

50 Freeze frame I will not stay indoors this winter.

LIFE 58 It’s a jungle gym out there

I will be an online oxymoron.

60 Down with New Year’s resolutions I will not change anything come Jan. 1.

61 Cut the low-hanging fruit from your life I will not be your friend … or yours.

63 Baby, you were born this way I will consider giving back to Facets favorite charity.

64 Social media fridge I will be a follower—of all our readers on Vine!

32

23

50

39

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Admit it. The resolutions you made on Jan. 1, 2013, scribbled happily with motivation onto the first page of your new chevron-printed notebook, are buried beneath responsibilities by now. Replaced with 16 other work to-dos and a gluten-free grocery

list are faded words that read: Volunteer somewhere anywhere, drink less, call Grandma more.

There’s a chance these words look a lot like the ones you wrote in your old notebook on Jan. 1, 2012. There’s a chance no one else may have even noticed your flighty ambition this year. There’s a chance you may never even look at these goals again. And with only your notebook holding you accountable, why should you?

If you don’t fall within the 8 percent of superhumans who actually achieve their New Year’s resolutions, then you’re just like the rest of us. We believe, however, that the majority of people could thoroughly enjoy sticking to a set of unresolutions.

Unresolutions sound like the opposite of those goals you wrote down in that notebook earlier this year. “I will quit my job,” could mean you’re inspired to pursue an entrepreneurial adventure or a stint with a non-profit that supports a great cause. “I will spend less time with family,” may mean you want to try new hobbies to make new friends. Illogically worded, unresolutions are easily defined.

Every article in this issue is tied to an unresolution. Check out the table of contents for a quick rundown on what you’ll find. There’s the stylish gentleman on our cover, Urban Offering co-founder and lead designer JP Chookaszian, who vowed to mix business with pleasure. There’s the ‘90s throwback to pixelated arcade games and pop machines that promises to never grow up. There’s even a column that simply resolves to never make resolutions again.

Whatever your resolution or unresolution may be, don’t wait until Jan. 1, 2014, to start anew. Start now.

A letter from the editor

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Don’t miss out!Check out our social media vehicles between

issues for sneak peeks, behind-the-scenes photos and inside information.

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Facets favorites

I’m newly obsessed with my Fitbit One. The tiny wireless activity tracker clips onto my skinny jeans and acts like a pedometer, counting every step I take. It also tracks calories burned, miles walked and even the quality of sleep I get. Then, it sends the data to an online dashboard or posts results to Twitter. For just $99, it’s a fantastic motivator to get moving.

When I tried on this military jacket with faux leather sleeves from H&M last week, I found myself secretly wishing a crowd of my girlfriends were waiting outside the fitting room so they could erupt in applause as I sauntered out. The cut is flattering, the mix of fabric is badass and the price is nice.

You need to get on Vine. The video-sharing app Twitter recently introduced allows users to create six-second videos using a creative, animated style. Just five minutes after I downloaded the app, I’d already seen the inside of a hot air balloon, watched the National Guard march down the street in NYC and heard the wind as a cyclist rode through traffic in Delhi. Oh, and I can’t forget the dog named Norman ... that I saw ride a scooter!

Brittany

What we’re loving right now

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After using a Hello Kitty tote to carry around my camera for years, I thought I should finally grow up and get an official camera bag. My problem with camera bags is that they aren’t very pretty—but then I had an Epiphanie. What I love about Epiphanie camera bags is that they look more like a purse. They’re well-built and so roomy! They have space for your camera, plus your lipgloss, wallet and iPhone.

I’m loving the Thursday-night ABC drama Scandal. It’s a political thriller with non-stop action starring Kerry Washington. Just when you think you figured out what’s going to happen, they completely make a new twist in the storyline. Warning: you’ll be on the edge of your seat from start to finish.

I can’t seem to stop listening to The All-American Rejects Kids in the Street album. Every song has me putting it on repeat. It’s hard to pick out the best song, but some of my favorite tracks are “Heartbeat Slowing Down,” “Bleed Into Your Mind” and “Walk Over Me.”

Rachel

Lynn

The Precore AMT is not affordable in the least. However, if you see one of these bad boys at your local gym, I urge you to give it a try. Great at stretching and working out your legs without the pressure and pain on the knees, it’s perfect for your cardio workout (and pretty cool looking, too).

With seven 100-calorie Emerald cocoa-roast almond packs per box, all packed with healthy almonds and just enough chocolate, you’ll be fooled into thinking it’s a luxury. Throw one in your bag for work and snack on it when you’re feeling cranky.

Archer, the secret agent, super spy, sex-crazed show filled with reconnaissance missions, espionage and awkward co-worker relationships, is a great way to kill some indoor time this winter. Featuring the voices of H. Jon Benjamin and Jessica Walter, it’s sure to make you laugh. Or make you feel uncomfortable. Or both!

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My (November) birthday present got quite a workout during my ski trip this winter. The tiny GoPro HD camera is a blast! It easily straps onto your helmet, bike or even surfboard, so you can capture your adventures from a first-person point of view. The video quality is amazing, but motion sickness sufferers beware. Now, if only I could strap the harness to my dog to see what she’s up to while I’m away …

When has Kevin Spacey not been amazing? Surrounded by a great cast in House of Cards, a Netflix original series, he shines. Set in Washington, D.C., this seriously addictive series is compelling and funny. The best part is that Netflix really knows I like to veg on the weekend and watch a whole season marathon of my favorite shows (doesn’t everyone?), so they released the entire first season at once. Give it a try, and you might just get sucked in, too.

Call me a sucker for an awesome beauty product, but the Clarisonic Mia 2 has been really good to me. After wishing for a long time, I finally got one. I’ve been using it for about six weeks now and my skin feels great. The Mia 2 has two speeds and comes in a ton of colors, and many come packaged with great cleansers. Who doesn’t love beauty and technology rolled into one pretty little package?

The three Cs—cardamom, cedar and coumarin—combine to form a fourth with this eau de cologne: cool. Yves Saint Laurent La Nuit de L’Homme has a gentle, yet seductive scent that will surely please the nostrils of all of those around you.

I guess I’m all about smelling and feeling good so far this year. I picked up this Minus 417 vitamin moisturizer for men at a LOOK Boutique at Walgreens, and I haven’t once regretted my most expensive purchase on a non-cologne beauty product ever. Hey, it’s made with minerals from the Dead Sea. It must be good.

Full disclosure: This is good music. Vapor Eyes, the Chicago-based DJ, also happens to be my brother. Bloodlines or not, Strange Places is definitely one beats-driven DIY album you need to take note of in 2013.

Melissa

Steve

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A bAg As powerful As youEverpurse charges your smartphone on the go. Learn more at everpurse.com.

2-page-v1.indd All Pages 2/8/13 1:40 PM

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A bAg As powerful As youEverpurse charges your smartphone on the go. Learn more at everpurse.com.

2-page-v1.indd All Pages 2/8/13 1:40 PM

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14 FEB/MAR 2013 | thefacetsmag.com

FASHION/BEAUTY

Chicago and Shanghai have been sister cities since 1985, which is fitting when you consider the

backstory of Urban Offering, a family-oriented, socially-responsible fashion business based out of the Windy City with deep roots in China.

It was November 2010, and JP Chookaszian had just started kicking around the concept of launching a custom fashion business with his father, Don, brother, Dave, and close friend, Sharbel Shamoon. Two short months later, the group booked four plane tickets to Shanghai to start forming relationships with tailors and designers, necessary to get from concept to production.

“It’s somewhat crazy to think about Urban Offering’s origin since it wasn’t a long, drawn-out process, nor was it something we’d been dreaming up for years,” said Chookaszian, co-founder and lead designer. “Our goal was to provide a high-quality custom experience for our clients at a reasonable price, so we knew we’d have to source overseas. With my dad’s extensive business experience in China, and having lived there myself for five months after I graduated from college, it was pretty much a day-one decision to anchor down and find the right partners to work with.”

Family mattersFor the Urban Offering team, layering an across-the-globe

partnership on top of the dynamics of a family-run business increased the complexities exponentially. However, hopping into the trenches together and collaborating as a team helped get the business off the ground and the sewing machines humming.

“Working with my family was hard at times, but overall, it’s something I wouldn’t trade for anything,” said Chookaszian. “Our partners would probably say we’re the craziest family ever, but it has been fun getting to relate in an entirely different way than we did growing up. I’ll also say that even though I’ve always had a profound respect for my father as a business leader, it’s really through the roof now. The guy never cuts a corner.”

Style is my last nameFashion and family weave together for a unique “offering”

By Steven Cohen • Photography by Lynn W. Conway

• •

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FASHION/BEAUTY

volume 13 / issue 01 15

JP Choozokian, co-founder and lead designer for custom-clothing

company Urban Offering.

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FASHION/BEAUTY

Neighbors across the globe As much as Urban Offering continued moving forward with design, manufacturing and business development, the team made it a point to find a way to give back to the local Chinese community where they’d spent so much time.

Working through some friends, the Urban Offering team connected with the Starfish Project, an organization established in 2006 to bring holistic healing to exploited women in Asia. For every garment or accessory purchased, Urban Offering makes an investment in the community where the garment is produced. For example, $15 goes back for every suit purchased, and $7.50 for every shirt.

“We couldn’t think of a better way to build upon the notion of ‘family’ than taking care of the tailors and neighbors in the

communities we feel a part of,” said Chookaszian. “The whole concept of social responsibility and entrepreneurship is a strange thing in some senses because it’s so popular now. There’s no question it brings up uncomfortable dilemmas, such as, ‘Am I making this decision as a marketing play or because it brings a sense of wholeness to an individual?’ But it’s an important concept for us.”

Focused as one Chookaszian will be the first to say that Urban Offering doesn’t have it all figured out, but they remain strongly committed to maintaining a posture of learning with open hands. With a tagline of “Woven Together,” the team believes that seeking the benefit of others ultimately benefits everyone, including themselves.

“We’re all inextricably tied together as the fabric of humanity,” said Chookaszian.

Today, Urban Offering continues to operate with the original team of four, as well as five style advisers. With a strong focus on suits, shirts, blazers and overcoats for men, they’ve recently launched a collection of women’s outerwear (that includes some of Chookaszian’s favorite Urban Offering pieces), as well as some accessories, including lapel flowers and shoelaces.

“We’ve grown the business organically for a variety of reasons, but we’ve also had countless discussions about what additional capital could help us achieve,” said Chookaszian. “There are a few directions we could go, but I’d love to see us expand into other cities and start innovating more using technology and E-Commerce.”

Hey, Chicago does have 27 other sister cities. Sounds like the perfect time for a family trip.

Above: Men can dress up any suit or blazer with a leather lapel flower, a new accessory by Urban Offering. Left: Who knew there are this many types of collars? Urban Offering lets men pick their favorite for a custom shirt at a great price.

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FASHION/BEAUTY

volume 13 / issue 01 17volume 11 17

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FASHION/BEAUTY

JP Chookaszian, 26Co-founder, lead designer for Urban Offering; consultantChicago

STYLE Q&A

It sounds like you spend a lot of time with Urban Offering. Is this a full-time gig for you? Actually, it’s not. I currently work full-time for a consulting firm. And while it doesn’t necessarily cultivate the more entrepreneurial spirit within me, I wouldn’t have considered launching this venture without the training I’ve received—as well as the encouragement of several co-workers. However, if I’m not working, you’ll find me cooking, strumming my guitar or hitting the slopes out west.

What has taken your sense of fashion to where it is today? I’ve grown comfortable over the years trying out new or bolder looks. My mom let me dress myself for as long as I can remember, and looking back at my younger years in particular, that led to some pretty awful outfits. However, without being able to push the envelope a little bit, I wouldn’t know where my style boundaries really lie. Today, I have a clear sense of those lines when honing in my “look.”

FASHION/BEAUTY

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WearingWatch - Nixon; Tie - Vintage thrifted (from Dovetail Chicago); Socks - Zuriick; Shoes - J.D. Fisk; All else - Urban Offering

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FASHION/BEAUTYEven with that fearlessness, is there anything in your wardrobe you’re dying to give up? With the cyclical nature of fashion, I’m certain a lot of my current wardrobe won’t be relevant in a few years. I do have a pair of skinny cargo pants that I love, but I’m thinking that in two years I won’t be wearing them as frequently—or at all. On the flipside, I do have a lot of timeless pieces I’ve inherited—ahem, stolen from my father—that will last until I die.

What advice can you give to someone trying to be bolder with his or her fashion choices? No. 1: Push yourself, and don’t be afraid to wear something you’ve never worn before. A lot of people may disagree with me, but don’t pay attention to the “strict rules” of fashion, such as no white after Labor Day. Sometimes worrying about conventions limits your ability to expand into new areas. Wear what you want and what you like, and don’t sweat the rest.

What’s your guilty pleasure when it comes to fashion? Right now, it’s drop-crotch pants. They’re totally absurd, but I’m a sucker for crazy trends, and I’ve been on the lookout for a nice pair for a while. Probably by the time I find a pair, they’ll be out of style. Wait, are they even in style?

Name the best fashion city in the United States not named New York. That’s tough. Los Angeles would be an easy choice, but I’m going to stick to my roots and defend Chicago. We have a lot of ground to make up, but there’s a pocket of neat fashion startups, such as StyleSeek, Trunk Club and Couture Circle, and a growing demographic of talented folks coming out of the fashion program at the School of the Art Institute that don’t want to go coastal. Plus, we’ve got some great neighborhoods with an alternative edge that make me excited to call Chicago my home base. ◊

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WearingNavy suit - Urban Offering; Red striped shirt - Zara; Polka dot socks - Happy Socks; Shoes - J.D. Fisk; Pocket square - Urban Offering; Silver bracelet - Starfish Project; Other bracelets - Urban Offering samples; Glasses - Warby Parker

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Chicagoans: interested in being photographed and interviewed for a future fashion feature?

Email [email protected] if interested.

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FASHION/BEAUTY

Makeup your mindHow to make spring’s best beauty trends work for youBy Joanna Bastermajian • Photography by Joanna Swidzinski

There’s no better way to start off the new year than with a new look. But just because a designer sent it down the runway doesn’t mean you need to rock it down the street. When it comes to the top trends for spring 2013,

makeup artist Joanna Bastermajian transforms three beauty trends into everyday looks—whether you’re headed to the catwalk or the cubicle.

Photo by Lynn W. Conway

FASHION/BEAUTY

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FASHION/BEAUTYModel: Anna Francik

Marc Jacobs

FASHION/BEAUTY

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1 Bold brows The bolder, the better. This wasn’t always the case, but today thick and heavy brows are all the rage. Caterpillar brows can be a bit intimidating, especially if you’ve never used anything but a tweezers. If you’ve been able to achieve a great arch au naturel, kudos! But most of us need a little assistance to perfect the shape of our brow and create the most fitting frame for our face.

Get the look1. Using MAC Wedge

eyeshadow, fill in the brows using an eyebrow brush.

2. For a clean, polished look, add brow gel, such as MAC Brow Set, to keep the hairs in place.

Tip: To achieve a natural looking bold brow, apply an eyeshadow color that

matches your hair to fill in thin or patchy spots. If you can’t find a perfect color match, go with a color

that’s slightly lighter than your hair.

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FASHION/BEAUTY

Tip: When applying a bold liner, keep

the other color on your eyelids minimal

to accentuate the eyeliner color.

2 Pop of color

Bright colors are a must for new spring looks, but bold lips are not for everyone. A simple, creative way to spin this trend is by showing a pop of color on your eyes. Black liner looks great on everyone, but try switching it up with a striking purple liner. As for lips, try a tint for a perfect pop of color without looking like you just kissed a cupcake.

Get the look1. Switch it up by using MAC

Pearlglide Intense Eye Liner in Designer Purple.

2. Dab a tiny amount of Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics Lip Tar in Grandma, a classic coral, onto your lips.

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Model: Lula Hannes

Giles

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FASHION/BEAUTYModel: Denise Torres

Gucci

FASHION/BEAUTY

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Tip: If you’re brave enough to take the next step, add a few

individual false lashes to the outer corner of your eyes to add some

drama without the drag.

3 Faux lashesAlthough a thick bed of lashes looked sexy on Brigitte Bardot, it may not be your thing. Rather than jumping right into a full strip of falsies, experiment with mascara that will produce the look of false lashes.

Get the look1. Using MAC In Extreme

Dimension Lash Mascara, coat each lash by combing the wand through your lashes while wiggling the wand side to side.

2. Apply individual false lashes with tweezers and a steady hand. Try this look with Ardell Duralash Flare and Duo eyelash glue. ◊

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Advanced Mineral Makeup is an ultra-refined, 100% natural mineral makeup line created by highly skilled TV and film makeup artist Annie Mayo.

Unlike conventional makeup, Advanced Mineral Makeup is anti-bacterial and does not contain talc, perfumes, parabens, dyes or preservatives, making it healthy for the skin and ideal for those who suffer from hyperpigmentation, acne, rosacea and sensitivity.

AdvancedMineralMakeup.com

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Formulated with natural essential botanicals that soothe and prep the skin, Bold For Men Dry Shave™ Gel is the first shave product designed to deliver a “dry” versus a “wet” shave - no water, no foam, no mess. It can also be used as a complete 3-in-1 regimen for pre-shave, shave and after-shave. Just apply to the area to be shaved, and allow gel to soften hairs for 30 seconds. Shave as usual, then reapply as your after-shave.

www.boldformen.com

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FOOD/DRINK• •FOOD/DRINK

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Many will tell you that Beasts of the Southern Wild is about the adventures of a brave

little girl who lives in a fictional, poverty-stricken, southern Louisiana bayou community called “The Bathtub.” Others may say the film, with its melting ice caps, damaging floods and stampeding creatures, is about the end of the world as we know it. We, however, will tell you the film is actually about food.

Nominated for Best Picture, Best Actress (Quvenzhané Wallis), Best Director (Benh Zeitlin) and Best Adapted Screenplay (Zeitlin and Lucy Alibar) at this year’s Academy Awards, Beasts has poetic dialogue, magical scenery and flawless acting.

The film follows 6-year-old Hushpuppy (Wallis), as she treads a muddy line between being cared for and fending for herself. Influenced by her ailing father, Wink (Dwight Henry), Hushpuppy’s relationship with food evolves from carefully listening to a chick’s beating heart to cracking a crab with her hands and sucking out its guts. Whether it’s crawfish, chicken or cat food, “The Bathtub” is a place rich with food and little else.

Fresh seafood, fried cornmeal and

Beasts of the Southern Wild

By Brittany Abeijon Photography by Lynn W. Conway

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FOOD/DRINK

Tip: Your crustacean is

cooked, now what? Check out some

photographic advice on eating crab.

MAINBoiled dungeness crab

In one scene, an afternoon history lesson becomes about food as Hushpuppy’s teacher tells her, “We’re all meat.” From a small crab to a beastly Auroch, the ancient animal unleashed by the melting ice caps, Hushpuppy understands that in an eat-or-be-eaten-world, she’s meat, too.

• 1½- to 2½- pound crabs

• 4 Tbsp butter

• 2 cloves garlic, minced

1. Fill a large pot with enough water to cover the crabs by 2 or 3 inches, and heat until it boils.

2. Add crabs to boiling water, using tongs if crabs are fresh.

3. Cover pan and simmer crabs for about 15 minutes.

4. Remove crabs from simmering water, and rinse in cool water until cool enough to handle.

5. Add minced garlic to butter and melt. Serve with warm or cold crab meat.

34 FEB/MAR 2013 | thefacetsmag.com

FOOD/DRINK

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SIDE DISHHushpuppies

These are a must for any Beast feast. In the film, Wink reveals that the origin of Hushpuppy’s name came from her mother, who suggested it because she said, “a hushpuppy is a small, warm, stupid, good little thing.”

• 2 8½-ounce boxes Jiffy corn muffin mix

• 2 eggs, beaten

• ¼ cup sweet onion, chopped

• Vegetable oil (for frying)

1. Measure out 2¼ cups of the mix (keep leftover mix for later use).

2. Combine the mix with eggs and onion, mixing well.

3. Gently place spoonfuls of batter into hot oil (370°F). Turn when golden brown and fry on other side until golden.

4. Remove with slotted spoon and drain on paper towels.

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FOOD/DRINK

DESSERTMud cups

It’s easy to see how the destructive flood and resilient community in Beasts could be a metaphor for New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina—but the film doesn’t admit it. It’s only when the water recedes and all that’s left is mud, that Hushpuppy sees the beauty in her life.

• 1 package (1.4- ounces) Jell-O Chocolate Instant Pudding

• 2 cups cold skim milk

• 1 8-ounce tub of Cool Whip

• 15 Oreos, finely crushed (about 11/4 cups)

1. Beat pudding mix and milk in a large bowl with whisk for 2 minutes. Let stand for 5 minutes. Stir in Cool Whip and ½ cup of Oreo crumbs.

2. Spoon into 10 (6- to 7-ounce) plastic cups, and top with remaining Oreo crumbs.

3. Refrigerate for 1 hour.

Tip: To make your mud more realistic, add a few gummy

worms to each cup.

Movie photos via IMDb

FOOD/DRINK

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DRINK“Bathtub Water”

Alcohol and fireworks are a chancy pair, which is exactly what makes them a likely scene in booze-soaked Beasts. Noon or night, in a coffee cup or a label-less liquor bottle, residents of “The Bathtub” are usually happy—because they’re usually drunk.

• Gin

• Fresh rosemary sprigs

• Fresh lemonade

• Lemon, sliced

1. Add 1½-ounces gin to a jar and top with lemonade.

2. Garnish with a sprig of fresh rosemary and a slice of lemon. ◊

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Facets is now available to order in print! Order a printed copy via HP MagCloud today and have it on your coffee table in as little as three days.

We’re currently looking to bring on

graphic designers, advertising coordinators and PR/marketing specialists.

Interested?

Read more details on our website, or email [email protected].

we’re hiringand we want you.

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FOOD/DRINK

The art of craftsHome-brewed beer is the new black

By Rick Schuler • Photography by Rick and Jenny Schuler

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FOOD/DRINK

When I think of fads, I think of Justin Bieber and jeggings. I don’t, however, think of home brewing. Sure, it has recently seen a large resurgence, but home brewing

has been around since before Prohibition. Not since Prohibition, though, have we seen such an intrigue with the making of alcohol in the comfort of our own homes. Luckily, we’ve come a long way from distilling gin in the bathtub.

Although I’ve always loved beer, it wasn’t until just a few years ago that I began growing curious about how the boozy nectar is made. I read blogs and forums, talked the ears off brewers and cicerones (fancy talk for beer experts), and went on as many brewery tours as I could handle. But it wasn’t until my wife surprised me with a customized home brewing starter kit that I finally joined the ranks of the rest.

Easy as 1, 2, etc.

Brewing beer can be as easy as boiling water, but it’s not quite that simple. The easiest method is extract brewing. Extract brewing involves boiling malt extract (a concentrated malt syrup) and hops for a minimum of

one hour, then adding yeast and fermenting for a few weeks. There are even extracts that have been “pre-hopped,” which only need to be boiled for a short time.

Partial mash brewing is the next step up. In this case, you’re still using malt extracts, but you’re also incorporating raw, milled grains into your boil. Think of it like using only half of the cheese powder in your Kraft Mac & Cheese, and substituting the other half with fresh grated cheddar. This method can be a little more time consuming, but not inconvenient.

The most complicated technique is all-grain brewing. This process uses only raw, milled grains, and no malt extracts. You start by mashing the grains in hot water, which breaks down the starches into sugars—much like how I break down into tears every time I watch Toy Story 3. Then you boil the remaining liquid, called wort, while adding hops and other specialty ingredients. Although all-grain brewing is a longer process, you’re able to control more of the elements, which many home brewers value. It’s the difference between pre-made lasagna and making one from scratch.

Pouring hot water into raw, milled grains is used

in the all-grain brewing process–the most

complicated technique for DIY beer.

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Time is on your side

The time it takes from start to sip varies by method. Extract brewing takes about two or three hours, as does partial mash, although you may need a little more setup and cleanup time because you’re adding grains to the mix. If you’re all-grain brewing, you can expect it to take at least four or five hours. The setup time is much more involved because you have more equipment and usually more ingredients to prep. As for cleanup, you’ll have to wash a mash tun, in addition to the usual brew pots. The actual brewing process is more time consuming as well because you’re adding the mashing step, which takes a minimum of one hour.

Once you’re done brewing, you could just drink your concoction. You could also drink milk straight from the udder, but I don’t recommend that. Therefore, you’ll need to ferment the wort you just made, which could take anywhere from one week to a few months, depending on the style. On average, your beer will be ready in about two weeks. After that, it just needs to be carbonated and then it’s ready to be consumed.

Shut up and take my money

A frequent question when it comes to home brewing is cost. How much do the equipment and ingredients cost? Am I saving money by brewing my own beer versus just buying six-packs at the local five and dime?

When it comes to your equipment, there are two options. You can use a pre-packaged starter kit, or you can piecemeal a kit of your own. Buying a pre-made kit is easier and probably cheaper, and you’ll usually be equipped with everything you need to make a basic home-brewed beer. If you’re looking for something more advanced or want to get the best deal on each piece of equipment, building your own kit is a great option. You can compare deals online and purchase the best options as you go.

Once you’re up and running, you’ll find brewing at home can actually save you money. For a basic five-gallon recipe, you’ll spend anywhere from $25-$45. Five gallons of beer is the equivalent of 48 bottles, or eight six-packs. That means you’re spending about $3-$6 per six-pack when you make it yourself.

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FOOD/DRINKBottles vs. kegs: Live on Pay-Per-View

When it’s time to carbonate your beer, you’ll need to make the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make in your time on God’s green Earth: bottles or kegs? Bottles can be more convenient. They’re portable, easy to clean and can be put right in your fridge and chilled easily. If you’re new to home brew, bottling is a more popular option because it’s cheaper and requires less equipment. Carbonating in bottles, however, could take anywhere from two weeks to a few months until they’re ready.

Kegs may be a bit bulkier, but they carbonate your beer much faster than bottles. In a keg, your beer can be ready to drink in as early as one day or as long as a couple weeks. You have a lot more control of the beer when using a keg because you can adjust the CO2 levels as you go. You’ll also end up with a much clearer beer because the sediment settles at the bottom of the keg, which can be easily extruded with your first few pours.

FOOD/DRINK

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Stout and about

Last fall, Facets polled the Facebook community to find out what beer they wanted to see brewed: pale ale, brown ale or stout. When stout won, I hopped to it. Stout is a great winter style, and milk stout is a smooth, often creamy, drinkable beer that’s sure to please a crowd. The sweetness of the added unfermented sugars, in this case, lactose, offers a nice balance to the roasted characteristics of a stout.

For this milk stout, I used a recipe that’s comparable to Left Hand Milk Stout, brewed in Longmont, Colo. It’s a

popular milk stout right now that has a great balance of sweet and roasted notes.

My home-brewed version came out very smooth, with a creamy head that’s typical of the milk stout style. At just over 4 percent, the alcohol by volume (ABV), came out a bit lower than expected due to issues controlling the temperature during fermentation. Want to try your hand at home-brewed milk stout? Visit the Facets blog for the recipe. ◊

Don’t worry, be hoppyIf you want try home brewing but don’t know where to start, check out these resources:

HomeBrewTalk.com is a great forum for getting feedback. You can browse existing threads or post any questions of your own.

Looking for a home-brew starter kit? Want a new brew kettle? Need to order ingredi-ents for your next brew? No matter what supplies you need, NorthernBrewer.com is a great online shop.

Chicagoans looking for a local home brew supply store can check out Brew & Grow. They have stores throughout the Chica-goland area as well as a few locations in Wisconsin. They also have a large online store with everything from grains and hops to yeast and kegs. Or, try Bob’s Homebrew Supply in Seattle, Beer at Home in Denver or Brooklyn Brew Shop in New York City.

If you’re starting to annoy your friends and family with all your brew talk, maybe it’s time to join a home brew club. A club is a great place to bounce ideas off other brewers, get advice from veteran brewers and enjoy the company of other hopheads. Many clubs participate in brewing com-petitions and events, and some even sup-ply their members with a space to brew or equipment to borrow.

2

3

4

1

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FOOD/DRINK

All your adult life you’ve been reminded of the negative effects of alcohol: liver damage, busted brain cells, beer belly pudge ... and don’t forget the questionable text you

sent your ex last weekend. It’s clear that booze has a bad reputation when it comes to your health. However, we’re determined to restore the reputation of moderate, safe drinking by establishing healthy drinking—a smarter approach to reaping the health benefits cocktails have to offer. With your new knowledge (and our new signature drink), you’ll start to see the proverbial martini glass as half full and completely delicious.

A glass of wine a day keeps the doctor awayA 2012 study by the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs shows that moderate drinking can potentially benefit your health. But before ordering that double, it’s important to know what “moderate” really means. According to the American Heart Association, moderate drinking consists of one drink a day for women and two for men. For all the social sippers out there, here’s more to toast to:

• Wine, beer and spirits may help prevent heart disease by increasing levels of high-density lipoprotein, also known as HDL or “good cholesterol.”

• The Mayo Clinic notes that alcohol is a natural blood thinner, reducing the likelihood of developing blood clots.

• Drinking moderately can reduce your risk of stroke, gallstones, type 2 diabetes and Alzheimer’s disease.

Although the positive side effects of various types of alcohol are similar, red wine reigns as the most heart-healthy. You and a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon are a match made in heart-health heaven.

Potent potionsIf you partake in the occasional celebratory cocktail, you might want to consider making the most of your mixing. Los Angeles-based mixologist and owner of Sip Bartending Natalie Moiseve is the queen of beneficial booze. Here Moiseve reveals how you can ditch the sugary, syrupy concoctions in favor of a cleaner, smoother drink.

Q: What mixers and mix-ins can you recommend for someone looking to double down their drinking with health benefits?

A: When you’re entertaining, I recommend using flavor-infused alcohol, which you can make by muddling sweet, aromatic fruits, adding fresh herbs or using sugar-free juices. You should also keep some hand-crafted flavored syrups and honey on hand. If your favorite libation calls for a soda, switching to diet sodas and tonics is a no-brainer.

Q: To maximize my booze betterment, can I add supplements to my concoction?

A: Yes. A mix-in like coconut water has multiple benefits. Aside from having a distinct nutty flavor, the health benefits of coconut water are no less than 100 percent vitamin C, high levels of potassium, natural hydration and naturally-occurring electrolytes.

Muddled, fresh whole blueberries, which contain the highest amount of antioxidants of more than 40 fruits and vegetables, are an ideal mix-in with your spirit. Plus, they add a beautiful color and bouquet.

A cucumber, lime and mint cocktail works as a nice energy booster. Mint is rich in aroma and has a soothing flavor that people find invigorating, which is why it has many uses in the field of aromatherapy. Cucumbers are full of vitamins like A, B1, B6, C and D. Plus, they actively counteract the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath, which comes in handy when you’re going in for a smooch.

Boost your spiritsSkip the sugary shooters and make the most of your cocktails

By Brianna Eck • Photography by Lynn W. Conway

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We know you’ll love the signature cocktail Moiseve formulated just for Facets readers.

Fizz with Benefits

• ½ tsp minced ginger

• ¼ cup fresh blueberries

• ½ tsp honey

• ½ ounce fresh squeezed lemon juice

• 2 ounces blueberry juice (natural, pure, no-sugar added)

• 1 bottle dry sparkling white wine (you can substitute champagne)

1. In a cocktail shaker, mash the ginger, blueberries, honey and lemon juice together. Add more honey for an even sweeter beverage.

2. Add blueberry juice and ice, then shake, strain and pour into a fluted glass.

3. Fill with wine and garnish with blueberries.

Try a kicked-up version of this healthful cocktail by swapping the bubbles for vodka. Add the vodka and juice to the shaker, and then shake, strain and pour into a martini glass. ◊

If you partake in the occasional celebratory cocktail, you might want to consider making the most of your mixing.

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ENTERTAINMENT

If you’re part of Generation Y, please take a moment to rewind about 20 years. It’s Saturday night, and you and your friends are trying to decide what to

do and where to go. Without much debate, you pile into your mom’s minivan, get dropped off at the local mall and set your sights on blowing through your $5 allowance on NBA Jam, Mortal Kombat and a super-sized soda to fuel your arcade adventure.

Now, fast-forward through your adolescent and early 20-something years. It’s once again Saturday night, and you and your friends are trying to decide what to do and where to go. After hailing a cab, you tell the driver to take you to the nearest beercade (that’s a bar plus an arcade) to play most of those same games, this time aided by adult beverages purchased with your own money.

From Portland to Denver to Chicago to Brooklyn, N.Y.—and even Lexington, Ky.—urban dwellers experiencing the inevitable quarter-to-midlife crisis are now using quarters and half quarts to satisfy their pre-pubescent nostalgia at beercades.

Dropping coin coast-to-coast

No longer confined to mega-malls, classic arcade games are staging a comeback through a seamless harmony of 16-bit entertainment and 16-ounce pours of the finest craft beers. In the ‘80s and ‘90s, only a certain type of clique hung out at the arcades (ahem, nerds), but these beercades are actually cool. No, really.

Proof: they stock some of the finest craft beers, play the latest indie rock and hip-hop hits, and are just as packed on the weekend as the nearest sports bar. Heck, most beercades even carry a popular arcade game, Tapper, dedicated to serving and drinking beer.

For a quick history lesson, Ground Kontrol in Portland, Ore., which opened in 1999, and Barcade in Brooklyn, N.Y., which opened in 2004, are considered the epicenters of all video game bars. By default, they’re the oldest, but they’ve set the standard through a seamless expansion, uniting some of the most timeless, yet innovative products for Generation Y—beers, tunes and arcade games—in a single venue.

Step aside, Dave & Buster’s. There’s a new arcade in town.

By Steven Cohen • Illustrations by Rachel Kosmal

There have been so many others trying to coin the name “barcade” that the owners of the

chain Barcade registered the name as a federal trademark in 2007.

ENTERTAINMENT• •

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ENTERTAINMENT

Machines are meant to break

Just as the quality of these beercades increases, the quantity isn’t keeping up. Last July, the Chicago Tribune reported that there were nearly 24,000 arcades in the United States in 1982. But according to the Census Bureau, only 2,500 existed in 2008—and only a fraction of those are beercades.

Why the decline? The classic arcade industry (think Tetris, Galaga and Dig Dug) is on the endangered list, but more concerning is that most gamers are staying in to play. According to the Entertainment Software Rating Board, the self-regulatory body that assigns ratings for video games and apps, 67 percent of all households have a video gamer, and the average player spends eight hours a week on the couch clicking through the cinematic worlds of today’s video games.

Maintenance is another issue. The CEO of Ground Kontrol pointed out in a 2008 missive that the biggest challenge to a successful operation has always been keeping the games running. Most beercades have a list of active games on their websites since the turnover is so high. That’s because with games usually older than the players playing them, finding the right parts for repairs is timely, cost-prohibitive—and about as difficult as hitting your targets in Duck Hunt from more than six inches off the screen. And buying a replacement isn’t so easy with major video game makers such as Atari, Nintendo and Capcom halting production on the classics.

However, that’s not stopping the throngs of twenty- and thirty-somethings from channeling their inner child and staying up until the wee hours of the morning video gaming with their friends—and making new ones. ◊

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ENTERTAINMENT

Chilly outside? Head outdoors and stay awhileBy Connor Corley • Photography by David Pavlina

FREEZE FRAME

ENTERTAINMENT

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Jan. 1., 2013South Fork, Colo.

19°F

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ENTERTAINMENT

It’s a familiar scene. The wind howls, clouds hang low and crisp precipitation adds another freezing layer to the already icy ground. Hardly a soul is seen outside, and even the deer seem

put off by the unwelcoming weather. But while most humans are inside watching TV, nursing their hot chocolate and hiding in fear of frost, others, like photographer David Pavlina, tie boot

laces over wool socks, wrap tight scarves around their necks and venture into the mystical frozen world around us, lens and camera in tow.

Brash and unhindered by the chilly world, Pavlina treks deep into the forests of Illinois, Colorado and Arkansas to capture nature’s hauntingly beautiful winter landscapes.

Jan. 29, 2012Lake Zurich, Ill.31°F

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Frozen photosAt first glance, the biting cold may not be the first thing you want to feel when the snow is falling and the wind is roaring, but those who press forth into parks and nature preserves are usually rewarded with stunning winter scenes. With snow on the ground to reflect the sun, the natural world glows with ambient light.

“Winter makes it easier to shoot, because there’s so much natural light,” said Pavlina. “And with a high aperture, the depth of field is increased, allowing for a crisp, well-focused image.”

Although not every landscape has frigid temperatures in winter or early spring, natural light allows photographers to find a new appreciation for contrast and shadowing, and since the scenes seem barren, it’s a good opportunity to add breadth and texture to your images. However, if you’re looking to photograph winter landscapes, Pavlina’s best advice is a lust for adventure.

Feb. 17, 2012Oglesby, Ill.

55°F

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ENTERTAINMENT

March 27, 2012Little Rock, Ark.

84°F

Don’t be afraid to explore. Venture off the beaten path and find your own special place that inspires you.”

“- Photographer David Pavlina

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Take the path less takenHikes on chilly days, accompanied by the down, fleece or ultra-warm fabric of your choosing, keep the body warm enough to soldier through the forbidden landscape, and nature greets visitors with its most barren bones exposed.

The silky snowdrifts and resolute ridges of pines lie all around, forcing one to forget the flashy colors of spring and revel in the majesty of the world on ice. It’s here that the world gets quiet, and the still trees and blanketed soil become the playground of those willing to fight the doldrums of indoor hibernation.

March 2, 2012 Oglesby, Ill.41°F

March 25, 2012Morrilton, Ark.82°F

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ENTERTAINMENT

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This winter, dare to make the first footprints in the powdered earth and get lost in the quiet sublimity of the chilled outdoors. You may be surprised that the beauty will keep you coming back for more. And, for once, you’ll be wishing spring would take its time. ◊

Jan. 21, 2012Oglesby, Ill.

25°F

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LIFE

It’s a jungle gym out thereNavigating the World Wide Web of wobbly bridges

By Kara VanderBijl

They call it personal branding, and if you’re young enough, you’ve probably been doing it for most of your life. Successfully marketing your personal and professional goals to

others across a variety of channels existed well before the Internet became mainstream. But it wasn’t until the rise of social media that this self-help process became second nature, especially to millennials.

Within the term itself, two historically-divorced concepts come together in a bizarre oxymoronic union: “personal,” implying that which is private,

hidden, unique; and “branding,” that which is developed, publicized, consumed. In other words, personal branding is the process of taking that which is unique to a person and making it known, recognizable and valuable to others—a technical definition that basically describes tweaking your profile on any social media platform to secure the attention of a prospective employer, new friend or love interest.

As digital technology grew, it also made our worlds smaller and more seamlessly integrated. Suddenly, I could access any given social network without even

• •

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logging out of another one. I could put them in my pocket next to receipts and loose change. I could manage multiple accounts at once and weave complex webs of privacy settings to keep my mother out and to avoid scaring any new boyfriends. So was it personal, or professional? The line blurred beyond definition.

It was both, of course. But I was asking the wrong question. And as technology got smaller, I got bigger. So big I lifted off my profile with a feeling like the one you get when you swing so high the chains on either side of you go slack and you aren’t sure for a couple of seconds whether or not you’re going to fall.

What do you do with this?As a personal brand, your greatest enemy

is inconsistency. Marketing gurus suggest using common color

schemes across various platforms, sitting for professional photos that will span diverse profiles and sitting down to think about things like mission statements

and target audiences. The words “transparency” and “authenticity”

are thrown around so much, you’d think they had hashtags in front of them.

Fearing inconsistency, though, means fearing you’ll discover that others have challenging and often contradictory tastes, opinions or lifestyles—basically that there are humans who hide or learn later that they’re sometimes different from what others expect. It means that you find out Beyonce lip-synched “The Star-Spangled Banner” at President Obama’s second inaugural ceremony and your world falls apart.

It would be nice if people were as easy to qualify as huge corporations or small start-ups, if, when you picked up the phone to call a friend’s personal customer service hotline, you were given a host of options by a soothing automated voice that allowed you to move effortlessly through your interaction with them. But it’s just not that simple. People aren’t commodities.

What do we do with this?Social media imitates playground politics. Personally, I’d be happy to let the pigtail-pullers rule their corner

of the world, as long as they didn’t infringe on my right to a life of quiet happiness. But they do. So what do you do? You watch the popular kids as closely as you can, hoping against all reason that one day they’ll hop off the jungle gym and relinquish the best spot. You watch others scoop up prime playground real estate and wonder when you got lost in the fray, standing on the wobbling bridges connecting the various park attractions and hoping you don’t fall.

The truth is, you can only be at the top of the slide for so long. Popularity, for the most part, is married to impermanence. Cherish your moment, then join us on the wobbly bridges. You can see much clearer from this perspective, and most importantly, you’re not alone.

When I was 11, I fell off the monkey bars and broke my wrist. I was trying to make it across as nimbly as the kid in front of me, but my fingers were too slippery. I wasn’t great with monkey bars (or heights, for that matter). Thankfully, that was never required of me. Find out what you’re good at and what you enjoy. Do it offline and talk about it online. Use social media platforms to meet others who enjoy it as much as you do. Teach and learn from one another. Don’t jump on the monkey bars just because they’re trending or because there’s a big fat hashtag in front of them. Most importantly, if you’re not sure what you want to do, waiting for your own inspiration is better than copying someone else.

Everybody will hear the things you choose to say on the playground. Whether they’re personal or professional, pithy or playful, choose what subjects you’ll stick to and which ones you’ll avoid. Allow yourself to be corrected. Spend some time inside if necessary. When in doubt, don’t say anything.

The playground is for getting outside, both of ourselves and of our own thoughts and habits, and for practicing what we’ve learned. It’s for sharing and running and learning to see and make beautiful things. Imagine what would happen if we used social media to connect with others, instead of interacting @ them. Then do it. ◊

“Find out what you’re good at and what you

enjoy. Do it offline and talk about

it online.”

“As a personal

brand, your greatest enemy is

inconsistency.”

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LIFE

Procrastination and excuses go hand in hand. As writers, we know a lot about procrastination. Writers who start projects early and pace

themselves accordingly are rare. Most of us tend to work under pressure, chalking up hours of catching up on ironing or surfing the Internet for cat videos as part of the “creative process.” Of course, that’s just another excuse.

The problem with excuses is that they’re usually man-made. It may be your fault that your alarm clock didn’t go off, or that you didn’t leave enough time to beat rush-hour traffic. But it’s definitely man’s fault that we’ve fabricated holidays to mark milestones or cultivate certain emotions. We’re supposed to be giving on Christmas, romantic on Valentine’s Day, patriotic on the Fourth of July and drunk on St. Patrick’s Day. And we’re supposed to start with a clean slate every Jan. 1.

The fact is that no one has a clean slate. Ever. If we did, we’d never learn from our mistakes or have the motivation to reach a higher plane … or at least one in which our skinny jeans fit. If you want to look back on 2012 and ruminate on all you did right and wrong, that’s fine. But introspection shouldn’t come around once a year, nor should the practice of setting goals.

What happens if you fall off the wagon around June? Do you just wait for another New Year’s to reset your quest toward self improvement? Or after barbecue season is over? Or after Thanksgiving? Where do the excuses end and the changes begin?

Jan. 1 is the loneliest number

In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll admit that I hate New Year’s anything. More than sub-zero weather, more than overzealous cyclists, more than someone barfing on public transportation. It’s not because I don’t have anyone to kiss or am easily annoyed by throngs of inebriated people. It’s because no matter how low you set your expectations, the night will never measure up. Everything about it is artificial and planned, demanding that your evening must reach its apex at the stroke of midnight.

Don’t take that criticism to mean that I’m a curmudgeon where all things festive and sparkly are concerned. I simply take comfort in the fact that the most fun night of the year could be any night, even if it’s Tuesday and you’re sharing home-cooked dishes with friends while watching Wayne’s World.

By that same token, any day of the year could be the day you start your new life. A new life where maybe you decide to call your mom more often, or quit raiding the fridge after your husband goes to bed, or perhaps stop browsing Pinterest at work. If those goals aren’t important enough to start right now, no magical date will help you see them through. I say no more New Years’ resolutions … and no more excuses. ◊

Down with New Year’s resolutionsI will not say, “I will ...”

By Lindsey Reiser • Photography by Lynn W. Conway

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We’ve heard it time and time again. Life is short, so spend it with those we care about most doing the things we want to do most. It may be unpopular, but the truth is that

we don’t have to be friends with everyone in our life at a given moment. Doing so can spread a person thin, causing other—possibly more important—relationships to suffer.

To be the happiest, it comes down to compartmentalizing your social circle into three simple categories: People we like and look forward to seeing; acquaintances we must interact with occasionally, such as bosses, neighbors or best friend’s spouses, and others who are just kind of there—the low-hanging fruit, if you will. But with a few simple reminders, hitting the “Unfriend” button can be as painless as possible.

You’re not stuck with anyoneSo, you’ve been friends for 15 years—so what. Yes, those brothers and sisters you never had are a blessing, but sometimes friendships fall apart, yet we continue to hang on to them without knowing why. Dr. Susan Newman, social psychologist and author of 15 books about relationships and parenting, says it’s because of history.

“We don’t want to accept that we’ve gone in different directions; that we are, or one of us has, changed in our views and expectations,” Newman said. “We’re not the same as in high school or college, or when we met as very young adults. We’ve become different people with little left in common. We often hold on to a relationship out of a sense of loyalty even when the relationship or friendship brings us down or upsets us.”

The ‘ex’ factor How many of us have been blindsided by a significant other when “things just aren’t working out,” even when

we believed things were working out? If you really want love that’s ridiculous, inconvenient and consuming (thank you, Carrie Bradshaw), you should consider that keeping a simmering flame alive may only serve as a nagging reminder that it’s over.

Instead of a fumbling excuse of why it pains you to be around someone you’ve recently split from, a straightforward message can do the trick and leave your pride intact.

“It’s as easy as saying, ‘This new arrangement isn’t working for me. You’re a great person and I wish you well, but being friends just reminds me of what we could have been and I’m not comfortable with the reminder. In time, I know you’ll understand,’” Newman said.

Not everyone has to be a bestie Unlike our pets that show unconditional love even after we forget to drag our hungover remains out of bed at feeding time, it’s not part of human nature to give endless affection, forgive our counterparts or strive for love from those who are undeserving. So next time a gossipy co-worker asks you to lunch or someone new to town wants to cling to your friends, know that their problems aren’t also yours.

“More often than not, the person making a request moves on to find someone else who will comply, and they’re not thinking about you anymore,” Newman said. “A simple, ‘Love to, but can’t’ works just fine.

Out of the millions of choices we make every day, we owe it to ourselves that one of them is making it a priority to spend time with our most valuable friends and family. So put a stop to the regret of declined invitations and hurt feelings, and go get those scissors and start cutting. ◊

Here’s how to cut the low-hanging fruit out of our lives

By Leah Westfall • Illustration by Rachel Kosmal

I will not be your friend … or yours

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If you support the effort to empower youth and inspire bravery, consider making a donation to the Born This Way Foundation today.

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