Using Non-Violent Communication Skills for Managing Team Conflict

AT3 Concurrent Session 11/14/2013 10:15 AM

"Using Non-Violent Communication Skills for Managing Team Conflict"

Presented by:

Pat Arcady FreeStanding Agility

Brought to you by:

340 Corporate Way, Suite 300, Orange Park, FL 32073 888‐268‐8770 ∙ 904‐278‐0524 ∙ [email protected] ∙ www.sqe.com

Pat Arcady FreeStanding Agility

Pat Arcady, EdD, is an executive consultant and agile coach with a specialty in work team conflict resolution. Consistent with the Agile Manifesto which values individuals and interactions over processes and tools, Pat’s work teaches busy professionals the “how to” of that value—how to interact with colleagues and customers in ways that best serve to achieve the successful outcomes work teams seek. A former manager at Verizon, college administrator, and trainer in the Nonviolent Communication System of conflict resolution, Pat is an expert in creating environments that foster high levels of productivity, collaboration, and positive morale. Learn more atfreestandingagility.com or email [email protected].

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© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013 © FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013

USING NVC FOR MANAGING CONFLICT ON YOUR AGILE TEAM

AGILE DEVELOPMENT & BETTER SOFTWARE EAST CONFERENCE, 2013 PAT ARCADY w 617-623-9026 [email protected] c 617-947-1440

Scrum Master Skills 1

WELCOME TO


AGENDA � What is your burning question? � Large group exercise � Stimulus vs. Cause � 4 step NVC protocol � Four key distinctions � Small group practice � Wrap up


PURPOSE Share core concepts of NVC that agile teams find useful for

managing conflicts that inevitable arise.

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A PARADIGM FOR MANAGING CONFLICT ON AGILE TEAMS Based on the work of Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication



AN EXERCISE: LUNCH WITH THE SCRUM MASTER


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SITUATION (OBSERVATION) THOUGHTS FEELINGS NEEDS

12 NOON You arrive at restaurant. No SM.

12:20 Still no SM.



Assumptions


1. Everything someone says or does is an attempt to

meet one or more universal needs.

4. Value maintaining a

connection with the other over finding a quick

solution.

3. Universal needs are never in conflict. Strategies for meeting those needs are

what lead to conflict.

2. We all have the same universal needs (not

necessarily up at the same time) and all our needs

matter.

Source: Marshall Rosenberg- Nonviolent Communication

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PART A: Understanding YOURSELF

O 1. OBSERVATION: What did the person say or do? What is a concrete, verifiable description all can agree on? Free of your judgments, evaluations, interpretations.

F 2. FEELING: What am I feeling? An emotion, sensation I experience in my body. This is very different from my thoughts – things I tell myself in my head. e.g., I feel mad/upset/hurt vs. I feel disrespected

N 3. ** What do I NEED or VALUE in this situation? ** Awareness of my core needs/values in the moment helps me translate my judgment of wrongness of the other into clarity about what my unmet needs are in the moment. (See NEEDS list)

R 4. What’s my REQUEST of the other or myself? Is there a strategy, something I am willing to do, that might meet my need and the other’s need?



Key Distinctions to Make


OBSERVATION vs. Judgment, Evaluation, Interpretation

She came in 15 minutes after vs. She is always late for meetings. the meeting started.

He did not attend the meeting. vs. He blew off the meeting again.

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FEELINGS vs. THOUGHTS Feeling word (see list)

I feel mad/sad/glad I feel it’s important… I am curious… I feel you should… I’m angry/upset… I feel disrespected… I feel alarmed… I feel ignored… I’m worried… I feel criticized…




NEED vs. STRATEGY (universal)

Need/ Value (see list) What to do / Action to take

I value having choice/options. You need to…. I care about including everyone. I want you to … I really want team work & collaboration… I believe it is time ….

Accountability means a lot to me. Clear communication is really important to me.

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REQUEST vs. DEMAND

1.  For Connection a. Would you be willing to tell Hearing NO is me what’s going on for you? not acceptable to you.

b. Would you be willing to tell me what you understand I’m saying?

2. For Action Would you be willing to …?


Key Distinctions Recap


OBSERVATION VS. EVALUATION, JUDGMENT, INTERPRETATION

FEELINGS VS. THOUGHTS

NEED VS. STRATEGY

REQUEST VS. DEMAND

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PART A: Understanding YOURSELF

O 1. OBSERVATION: What did the person say or do? What is a concrete, verifiable description all can agree on? Free of your judgments, evaluations, interpretations.

F 2. FEELING: What am I feeling? An emotion, sensation I experience in my body. This is very different from my thoughts – things I tell myself in my head. e.g., I feel mad/upset/hurt vs. I feel disrespected

N 3. ** What do I NEED or VALUE in this situation? ** Awareness of my core needs/values in the moment helps me translate my judgment of wrongness of the other into clarity about what my unmet needs are in the moment. (See NEEDS list)

R 4. What’s my REQUEST of the other or myself? Is there a strategy, something I am willing to do, that might meet my need and the other’s need?



PART B: Curiosity About the OTHER

O 1. OBSERVATION: What did the person say or do? What is a concrete, verifiable description all can agree on? Free of any judgments, evaluations, interpretations.

F 2. FEELING: What might they be feeling? An emotion, sensation experience in their body? EG: Are they feeling mad/upset/hurt? vs. Defensive

N 3. ** What might THEY NEED or VALUE in this situation?** (See NEEDS list)


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Opt-In Small Group Practice Scrum Master Skills 15

Pick one scenario to work with in your group.

1.  “There are too many meetings. I can’t get my work done.”

2.  “The P.O. is so disorganized! I hate these backlog grooming meetings.”

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ a.  Observation or Evaluation? (If evaluation, what

might be an observation? b.  What might the speaker be feeling? c.  What would you guess is the speaker’s need? d.  What possible request might the speaker make?


Continue Your NVC Learning


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Continue Your NVC Learning


Center for Nonviolent Communication www.cnvc.org

PuddleDancer Press www.puddledancerpress.com

Pat Arcady’s blog posts @

www.FreeStandingAgility.com (fixin’ to start)

Attend NVC-Agile daylong training class with Pat www.FreeStandingAgility.com


THANK YOU FOR ATTENDING & PARTICIPATING!

I APPRECIATE THE CHANCE TO SHARE AND LEARN

TOGETHER.

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Using Non-Violent Communication Skills for Managing Team Conflict

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