Uyinci/A Teen's Tale

TheGIRLwho got

trashedon Facebook

A true cyberbullying story

How a girlnamed

Nicole withhundreds offriends...

4 C H O I C E S FEBRUARY/MARCH 2012 VI

tormentedby texts...

GO ONLINETO WATCH

AN AMAZING

L

t was supposed to be a night of fimwith friends. Nicole Edgington wascelebrating her 17th birthday at a concert.The music was blaring and the band wasrocking. But then the texts started coming

in. "Whore," "slut," and "scared snitch."Other messages were even fouler.

Horrified, Nicole sent out a slew oftexts to find out what was going on. "Somefriends told me there was a secret plan toattack me at an In-N-Out Burger," Nicoletells Choices. "The plan was to attack meand slam my head into cement."

Thankfiilly, the physical attack neverhappened. But a different sort of attack hadbegun on Nicole's life: assaults using texts

SCHOLASTIC.COM/CHOICES FEBRUARY/MARCH2012 5

1. Nicole (right) withtwo friends during herfreshman year of highschool. Before hercyberbullying ordeal,she says, "I was alwayseveryone's best friend."

2. With best budMarina, who stuck byNicole when the wholeschool seemed to turnagainst her.

3. With her familyafter her high schoolgraduation. By thatpoint, she'd become anantibullying activist.

4. Even in the midst ofher darkest times, herfriend Marissa wasthere for her.

5. Kicking back with herfriends and her brother,Derek, the summerafter graduating. Asshe headed to college,Nicole (far right) waswell on her way toputting her cyberbulliesbehind her.

6 C H O I C E S FEBRUARY/MARCH 2012

and Facebook. Her tormentersnever broke her bones or spilled herblood, but the terrifying experiencedevastated her.

Fateful First DayOn the first day of Nicole's senior

year of high school in Pleasanton,California, some students got introuble for coming to school drunk.Nicole had nothing to do with theincident, but unbeknownst to her,the busted kids wrongly accusedher of turning them in to schoolauthorities. "I wasn't aware that Iwas being blamed until about twoweeks later," Nicole says. That'swhen she found out about the secretplan to attack her.

After the plan to attack her failed,the texting and Facebook campaignagainst her went into full force. "Ireceived hundreds of threateningtexts and messages," says Nicole,now 19. "I was shocked that peoplewere blaming me for somethingI didn't do. I was terrified ofthethreats, and I was humiliated thatthe school was turning against me."

So many students sent Nicolemean messages that she couldn't geta fix on who the ringleaders were.

95%of teens go online tocheck out Web sites

and videos.

She was able to narrow it down to agroup of 50 seniors. "They made mylife a nightmare," she says.

Nicole's tormenters bombardedher. Vicious texts greeted her whenshe checked her phone at the mall.Taunting words mocked her fromthe screen when she opened herFacebook page from the privacy ofher home. The sight of classmatestalking among themselves in thecafeteria during lunch made herparanoid. "Are those kids at thenext table whispering about me?"she'd nervously ask herself. "Or arethey the ones texting me?"

"I always had my phone withme, and that made it impossible toescape from the horrific messages Iwas receiving," Nicole says.

Hurtful WordsWhat made matters worse was

that the bullying ruined her sociallife, much of which had been runthrough texting and Facebook."Prior to being cyberbullied, Iwas almost always on my phoneor on Facebook," Nicole says."I socialized with friends viaelectronics when I wasn't with

80%

of teens say they'vebeen the target of

mean comments onsocial networking

sites.

0of teens have

been bullied bytext messages.

Source; Pew Internet & American Life Project 2011 study.

SCH0LASTIC.COM/CH0ICES FEBRUARY/MARCH2012 7

22%of teens have lost a

friendship oversomething that

happened on a socialnetworking site.

them. I never expected thattechnology would become myworst nightmare."

Instead of chatting withfriends about TV shows andweekend plans, Nicole wasreading one put-down afteranother—all directed at her.She tried defending herselfby responding to texts andFacebook posts, but that justled to more insults from others.The barrage battered herfeelings of self-worth. "I beganbelieving what people weresaying about me," Nicole says.

She also felt helpless.

Stopping Cyberbulhes

Her parents contacted theschool, but officials weren'tprepared to help. "At thatpoint, the school didn't have aspecific plan on how to reactto cyberbullying, so they justoffered condolences for whatwas happening," Nicole says.

A couple of close fhendsstuck by her, but she lost trust inmany others who were involvedin spreading rumors about her.

Speaking OutBut as her cell phone contin-

ued to vibrate with awful texts,an idea came to Nicole: Shecould stop this by controllingpeople's access to her.

She deleted her Facebookaccount. She vowed to ignoremean texts. That was difficult,but not responding becameeasier than trying to arguewith bullies who were nevergoing to stop harassing her.

of teens have gottenin trouble at school

because of an onlinebullying incident

And Nicole figured out hownever to read a hateful text. "Iknow who is likely to send mesomething hurtful, so whenI see that a message is fromone of those people, I delete itbefore reading it," she says.

But ignoring the bullyingwasn't enough. By then,Nicole's mother was so horrifiedabout her daughter's ordeal thatshe began educating herselfabout cyberbullying. ShawnEdgington spoke at schoolsabout the issue, but soon realizedthat kids wanted to hear aboutcyberbullying fi om a teen.

Would Nicole want to bethat teen? She jumped at the

N I C O L E ' S If you're a victim of cyberbuiiying, here is Nicole'sTIPS advice on how to put a stop to your tormenters.

^^ Block 'emYou can do this onFacebook throughyour settings, andyou can do this withtext messages bycalling your serviceprovider.

Delete &destroy Somemessages are goingto get through toyou. Nicole saysthat if you recognizethe name of a bully,delete the messagebefore reading it.

The silenttreatment "Bullieswant you to fightback so they cancontinue to tear youdown," Nicole says."But if you ignoremessages, bulliescan't continue toharass you."

^ Call forreinforcementsIf you get a threateningmessage, tell a trustedadult. And don'thesitate to contactthe police either."Most states havelaws to protect kidsfrom cyberbullies,"Nicole says.

8 C H O I C E S FEBRUARY/MARCH 2012

opportunity. For her, there wasno better way to get even withher tormenters than by tellingthe world what she had enduredand what she had learned.Nicole would be helping otherteen victims of cyberbullying.

Shawn formed the GreatAmerican NO BULLChallenge, with Nicole as thecampaign's spokesperson.Speaking to kids about hercyberbullying experience hasbeen healing for Nicole.

"This has allowed me to stoprunning from my past," Nicolesays. "Instead of letting otherstear me down, I'm able to livemy life to the fullest whileinspiring others to do the same.I am seeing how powerful it canbe to stand up to cyberbuliies."

Today, two years later,those kids who bullied Nicolestill have not been silenced.A few have taken jabs atNicole for speaking out againstcyberbullying. But there wasrecently a moment when one ofher tormenters expressed regret.

"The message wasn't sent tome, because I had the personblocked," Nicole says. "Afriend told me that she receiveda message from someone whowanted to apologize."

Nicole's reaction? "Iinstantly felt relief," she says."To finally, after all this time,hear someone say they werewrong in accusing me of doingsomething I didn't do wasamazing. It made me feel likemy world was one step closer tobeing in balance again."

Expert Talk

BEWARE! Bullies Everywhere!Cyberbuliies strike anytime, anywhere.

erhaps the most destructive part of cyberbullyingis that the victim can never feel safe, says ScottHirschfeld of the Anti-Defamation League, which is

a leader in anti-bullying education. Before the days of cellphones and Facebook, a kid who was bullied at schoolcould at least find peace at home. Not anymore. Textsand posts can be sent at all hours of the day. Cyberbuliiesinvade our bedrooms, vibrate in our pockets, ruin adinner we've been looking forward to for weeks. Plus,unlike a rude word shouted across a crowded gym, textsand postings don't fade into the air. They last forever,and can be endlessly shared. They turn the very tools offriendship—Facebook, cell phones—into weapons of hate.

In some ways, Hirschfeld says, cyberbullying can beeven more worrisome than face-to-face bullying. "There'sthe 'I can't see you, you can't see me" factor," he says."When I say or do something mean online, I'm not seeingthe tears of the person I'm targeting."

The important thing is tonot let bulUes tear you

down/' Nicolesays. 'Instead/

live yourlife and

follow yourdreams/'

TURN THE PAGETO FIND OUT IF FACEBOOKIS MAKING YOU MEAN.

Nicole andher mom

STIC.COM/CH0ICES FEBRUARY/M ARCH 2012 9

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