Vol. 10, Issue 1 February 18, 2011 (Alessandro Volta’s Birthday)

(Nine more than we thought we’d get.)

Angelo State’s Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 On the Internet @ Ramdiculous.com

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Quote of the Week

Top Editor: What the %#!@ is Ramdiculous? This fair news-

paper has made it

to its tenth se-

mester of publi-

cation. Yay us.

I imagine this

must be due in

part to sheer

chutzpah. When

the paper first

began, we were-

n’t officially rec-

ognized by the

school, and our

founders used

their unlimited

printing privi-

leges in the MCS

lab to produce

thousands of cop-

ies of what was essentially a

pirate newspaper.

Fun fact: Ramdiculous is the

reason you now have a 2,000

page printing limit in the com-

puter labs on campus.

And from there, like the

Dragonzord fighting the Tech-

nodrome (see Fig. 1), we took

on the mighty Ram Page with

an ounce of good-natured fun.

But the point was brought up

in one of my classes just the

other day; what, exactly, is

Ramdiculous?

I’m not going to lie. Ten

semesters in, we literally have absolutely no freaking idea what we’re doing right now.

Most of our original staff

has moved on to greater

things. Our current staff is

pretty much a pack of

trained baboons, and our top

editor is quite obviously

insane (see Fig. 1).

But our ulterior motive

for printing, I think, is that we

exist to serve as the “id” to the

Ram Page’s “superego.” And

the Oasis magazine is the

“ego” or something, I dunno.

Anyway, whatever we are,

Angelo State would be missing

something without us. So

here’s to ten grand volumes of

Ramdiculousness and what-

not. And to make it another

ten semesters, I have to go

feed the baboons now.

-Top Ed.

Vol. 10, Issue 1 Something to read in class today

R A M D I C U L O U S   P A G E   P O L I C Y Published every other Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University System or this newspaper. We welcome all letters, tweets, and other such nonsense. Please include your name, position, and an email address. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned, EVER. Submit your letters, articles, and/or favorite Kevin Bacon movie via our email, page@ramdiculous.com, or our website, www.ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration or the Ramdiculous Page. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook and/or MySpace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing. If you are an professor you need not worry, we will not use your profiles. Happy tenth semester, y’all. 

“I’m not gay, but Dwight Yoakam is a sexy man.” -A guy in one of my classes last semester, who said I could use this quote

Fig. 1. Dragonzord vs. Technodrome

Top Editor Bryce J. Parsons

Artists and Writers The Usual Ramdiculous Goons

It’s the eye of the tiger It’s the cream of the fight

3 th

e in

cred

ible

qu

esti

on Ram of the Week:

John Bautista

John’s cool. Even though he graduated last August, we’re featuring him anyway. He says he loves music, and plays guitar and drums. He’s also way into ultimate Frisbee and the Ramdiculous Page.

He also claims to have gone to the moon. There, he says,

he got the inspiration to invent cheesecake (our planet has been thankful ever since). He also says that Smokey the Bear is WAY more intense in person.

I’m beginning to suspect that MAYBE he made some of

this up.

Ramdiculous Page Meeting, 2-25-2011, 2:30 pm Want to join the Ramdiculous Page staff? Want to tell us how awesome we are? Want to tell us how much you hate our humble little magazine? Then attend the Ramdiculous Page meeting on Friday, February 25, at 2:30 pm, at the UC tower thingy where they usually put the Christmas Tree! We won’t have soft drinks or T-shirts or any-thing, but we’ll sing for you if you like.

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Number Ten By Marilyn C. Monroe

Hello, I'm Jen.

I am ten;

And kin

To a young prince named

Ken

Who died at the age of ten.

Ten is a great number ‘cause

it relates to me.

I'm ten years old, my kin

died at my age, and I wear a

size ten in shoes.

One of the greatest things

about ten is that I got 3 huge

tens when I went swim-

ming!

Ahh, the number ten... :)

Bad Poetry Time.

Write or draw for us! Contact us at:

page@ramdiculous.com (P.S. For every article you

write that gets published, you get a $5 gift card.

Who says no to money?)

EAA: I’d like to ramble for a while about bananas cover for a single banana. Oh glory,

now when you get down to that last

banana you will not only be able to

keep it fresh but you will be able to

find it instantly. You look at the prices

of both the items, the banana holder

being $25 and the plastic banana guard

being $5. The fact that both items

represent nearly 1/10th of your total

paycheck doesn't phase you at

all. You are about to change your life.

The first week of your banana hold-

ing exploits go by successfully. You

buy bananas, hang them on the

holder, and when you get down to the

last one you place it in the plastic

guard. But suddenly, a problem oc-

curs. You see, when you buy your

bananas, you try to buy the awesome ones. You hate buying the crappy tiny

withered ones, but sometimes you

have no choice. And logically you eat

them in progression of which ones

look the best. So when you finally get

down to the last banana, it's a mis-

shaped, discolored, off-size banana,

and it doesn't even fit in the plastic

banana guard. Frustration sets

in. Suddenly the thing that was sup-

pose to make your life easier is making

it more stressful. And the time it takes

to even hang the stupid bananas so

they don't fall almost outweighs the

time it use to take to search for them

in the fridge. You get lazy. You get

complacent. And eventually, you stop

using your banana holder/banana

guard.

You wake up in the morning with

disgust on your face. You see the

empty, now rusting, soulless, vile

banana holder sitting on your

kitchen counter. It mocks you. It

laughs at you. You can see it saying

"$25" over and over. It reminds you

of the price you paid to give it a

chance. The feeling you feel now is

almost comparable to having a one

night stand and waking up to realize

the woman/man you were with

doesn't exactly look the way she did

last night. An idea jumps into your

head. You will return it! Suddenly, a

sharp stinging pain fills your

brain. You remember that you got

the items in part of a special sale and

you can't return them. Rage fills

your body. Your face becomes warm

and your fists become clenched. You

raise one high above your head. But

the banana holder is sharp

metal. You run to your kitchen

drawer, and find a meat tenderizer.

You at least knew that thing served a

purpose. You black out...and don't

remember much after that...only that

there are a lot of metal scraps laying

around your kitchen and your next

door neighbor Gertrude came over to

ask if you were okay.

Oh well. Another day, another

dollar.

By Edwin Abbott Abbott

Who’s This? Send us your

answer! (Facebook.com/

ramdiculous)

Last answer: Mario from Saturday Supercade (No one got it completely right)

We've all been there. You go to

the store, you just got your pay-

check cashed and you feel like

buying a bunch of stuff. You see

something that catches your eyes.

No, not that midriff-baring middle

aged woman that has more rolls

than Golden Corral. Instead, you

settle upon something that you

think is perhaps the most ingenious

thing ever. Every time you get

home from working out, you al-

ways have to dig through the fridge

and find your bananas. What a

hassle. Instead, you realize that a

banana holder would be the solu-

tion to all your woes. With what

you have found, you can now

eliminate valuable searching time

and instead utilize your time doing

other useful things! Oh bliss! You

ponder and think about the days of

cavemen, their exploits with fire

and the wheel, and begin to realize

just how far primitive man has

come. But wait! What happens

when you get down to a single

banana? You think... and think..

and then spy something sitting next

to the banana holder. It's none

other than a plastic banana

guard. Yes, that's right, a plastic

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We are your voice, the voice of the Students of Angelo State.  Be heard, we would like to know what you love about ASU, what you hate about ASU and what you think needs to be changed around here.  We are here for 

YOU!  

If you have a comment, complaint, concern, or question, don’t hesitate to contact us.  Via email sga@angelo.edu, via phone  

(325) 942‐2063, via our suggestion box in the UC, in our office UC 133 or even come attend our meetings at 6 PM on Monday nights. 

ADVERTISE WITH US. If you would like your ad to appear in the

Ramdiculous Page, please contact us at ads@ramdiculous.com

Advertising Guidelines 1. Deadline for ads to be submitted is 1:00pm the Tuesday be-

fore publication. 2. Ads will be received only if they are complete. The Ramdicu-

lous Page will not create any ads. 3. Ad size will not exceed one-quarter of a page. 4. Organizations/events may have more than one ad, but no

organization/event will be allowed more than one-quarter of a page in ad space.

The Ramdiculous Page will not advertise for any off-campus event except in certain circumstances,* or anything of questionable nature. This includes but is not limited to: Alcohol drugs tobacco illegal activities *Exceptions to this rule will be determined by the staff of the Ramdiculous Page

 

Top Ten Inherently funny words

10.) Chicken

9.) Trousers

8.) Keokuk

7.) Pickle

6.) Weasel

5.) Pickleweasel

4.) Garbanzos

3.) Dipthong

2.) Fiduciary

1.) Bieber

Stranger danger: Unfamiliar people are HIGHLY suspect (Editor’s note: The back-

ground music is “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” by Deep Blue Some-thing. Pretend you are listen-ing to it right now.)

I am sitting cross-legged on my bed, laptop open, my Ray Ban wayfarers on (see insert), and chewing on a strawberry Twizzler, real-izing how our world is so dangerous. Our world is full of creaky carnival rides and rusty cotton candy machines, full of people who break your heart and laugh at inappropriate times. It’s scary, to think of the chances we have to take everyday! You step outside and there’s cats without names, sudden rain, things that make you trip, cigarettes, and people who don’t have volume control (you know,

completely EXPANDED this definition, though. A power lipstick can now be a pair of jeans, a certain hairdo, or even for some of the peculiar ones, a hat (cause I mean, really, who wears a hat these days?).

A power lipstick can turn your ex-boyfriend fat, fix bro-ken blow-dryers and find that pair of earrings you lost in the 11th grade.

So girls, this is your calling, whenever you are walking around our world make sure you have your power lipstick on…and if you ever see a white unmarked van with a FREE CANDY sign on, your power lipstick will save you from the poison that the creepers put in said candy. Or, you know, not going by the van all in all might prove a bit more effective.

Regardless of your approach, make sure to find your power lipstick a midst all of the bad-ness of the world so that you may always carry your acces-sory as a self-defense tech-nique. But, you know, just to be safe, probably learn kick-boxing…and become immune to poison.

I love you,

Holly Golightly

those people who seem like they’re yelling, but you’re like, I dunno, 30 INCHES FROM THEM. Dude, back up).

I mean, just yesterday I read that 70% of men don’t bring home roses to their wife.

That’s HOR-RIBLE! I was devas-tated. A girl can't read that sort of thing with-

out her (power) lipstick. Power lipsticks are to girls what a good workout is to guys. They pump you up, they give you a burst of energy and they give you a rush of endor-phins. Don’t you just love it? (Don’t you?)

See, the concept of a power lipstick began with finding the perfect lipstick for you. The one you’d wear to a job inter-view, your chemistry final, a first date, or to come out to your parents. It’s a perfect shade, and nothing can go wrong in it, except maybe for California detaching from the continental United States.

Or clowns. Clowns can go wrong even while wearing your power lipstick.

The beautifully complicated next generations of girls have

Ray Ban wayfarers (dramatization)

Ramdiculous Observances

Saturday, Feb. 19: Chocolate Mint Day

(I scream, you scream.)

Sunday, Feb. 20: Clam Chowder Day (Red or

white?)

Monday, Feb. 21: Presidents’ Day (Be sure to call

Barack and wish him a happy one.)

Tuesday, Feb. 22: World Thinking Day (Don’t hurt

yourselves, students.)

Wednesday, Feb. 23: Curling is Cool Day

(Stealth pun.)

Thursday, Feb. 24: National Chili Day (I really have no comment whatsoever, other than to express how AWESOME it is that we actually have this holiday.

What a country!)

127 Hours 2:25pm 5:00 8:00 11:00

No Strings Attached

1:15pm 4:15 7:15 10:15

Black Swan 1:05pm 4:05 7:05 10:05

The King’s Speech

1:25pm 4:25 7:25 10:25

True Grit 1:10pm 4:10 7:10 10:10

The Green Hornet (2D) 3:00pm 6:00 9:00

The Green Hornet (3D)

1:30pm 4:30 7:30 10:30

The Fighter 4:35pm 10:35

The Dilemma

1:20pm 4:20 7:20 10:20

The Mechanic 2:10pm 4:45 7:45 10:45

Movie Times from two weeks ago

The Social Network (2010) By Walter M. Waffles

The Social Network is a tale

about power, betrayal, and all

that fun jazz. It’s also about

the founding of Facebook.

Chances are, however, that

you already know this from,

like, everywhere. It got nomi-

nated for Best Picture at the

Oscars, for Pete’s sake.

But I liked it. And chances

are, you probably did too. So

what should you do? I think

you know:

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Laconic Movie of the Day

Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

TV Tropes will ruin your life. Read them at tvtropes.org.

“Space samurai Farm Boy has

Psychic Powers.”

Super!