What is the overarching theme that connects Parashot Shekalim, Zachor, Para, and Hachodesh? Rav Aaron Soloveitchik explains that these parshiyot are meant to prepare us for the upcoming experience of freedom and renewal on Pesach.

Yirmiyahu states that a person should not boast about his wisdom, wealth, or strength. Rather he should work to know Hashem. This is the secret of the four parshiyot. They guide us to properly use wisdom, wealth, and strength. A slave is not free to utilize these gifts as long as he is subjugated to his master. Therefore, as

Pesach nears, and with it the experience of freedom and renewal, we remind ourselves once again how to channel our strengths in the right direction.

Shekalim refers to wealth. Parshat Shekalim is about a communal mitzva that hints that we should use our possessions for Torah and mitzvot. Parshat Zachor is about strength. Amalek used its strength inappro-priately. We are enjoined to utilize strength productively by wiping out evil. Parshat Parah corresponds to wisdom. Parah adumah is the classic chok that defies rational thinking. The same mitzva that

purifies also causes impurity. Parah adumah teaches us the right way to use wisdom. Unfettered wisdom is dangerous. Torah wisdom is governed and limited by Hashem’s command. Parshat Hachodesh symbolizes Matan Torah. It describes kiddush hachodesh, the first mitzva given to us as a nation.

As Pesach nears, let us prepare to experi-ence true freedom and renewal by rededicat-ing our gifts and talents for ruchniyut and avodat Hashem.

The Four ParshiyotBased on a Naaleh.com shiur by Rabbi Beinish Ginsberg

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Brought to you by Naaleh.comVolume II, Number 2

Dedicated in memory of Rachel Leah bat R' Chaim Tzvi

Chassidut: Parshat Ki TisaThe Mind and Heart ConnectionBased on a Naaleh.com shiur by Rabbi Hershel Reichman

The Shem MiShmuel examines two difficul-ties in this parsha. The first thing the kohanim did prior to beginning the avoda was to wash their hands and feet at the kiyor. Why does the Torah describe the kiyor after the mizbayach and not before it? Additionally, why was there a need for two altars in the Mishkan, the mizbayach hanechoshet, the bronze altar and the mizbayach hazahav, the golden altar?

The Shem MiShmuel explains that when Hashem created the world, he created spiritual energies that then evolved into reality in the form of place, time and soul. The bronze altar was located outside of the Tent of Meeting, in the chatzer, the outer courtyard, while the golden altar was inside. The placement of these altars parallels the heart and mind of the human soul. We can people’s emotions to some extent, but the intellect of other people is invisible. The bronze altar burned hundreds of sacrifices and was full of energy and activity. In contrast, the goden altar was relatively small and quiet; it only burned a tiny spoon-ful of incense twice a day. The bronze altar corresponds to man’s emotions, which are fiery and unstable, while the golden altar parallels the intellect, which is cool, calm, and collected.

The Gemara in Chullin discusses the

identity of the angel who wrestled with Yaakov. One opinion holds that he appeared like an enemy soldier. Another opinion maintains that he looked like a talmid chacham.

This debate symbolizes the ageless struggle between good and evil. Evil tries to worm its way into us in any way it can, coming in through our emotions or intellect. Sins of the heart come as a result of emotional weakness, even at times when the intellect knows it is wrong. Sins of the mind develop when the evil inclination poses as a talmid chacham and fools us into thinking that something evil is truly good.

The two altars were meant to extricate us from both the sins of the heart and the mind. In order to overcome the evil passions of the heart, one must learn Torah with great fire and do mitzvot with tremendous energy and enthusiasm. The bronze altar was intended to eradicate weakness of the heart.

The kiyor was meant to wash away spiritual impurities. How can we purify ourselves and do teshuva if our spiritual sensitivities are dulled with sin? The kohanim would wash their hands at the kiyor while it was still dark. Their only light was the glow of the fire on the bronze altar. This teaches us that even when we lack enthusiasm we should still make the effort to go to yeshiva and shul.

We must continue to learn Torah and to pray even when we do not feel the brightness and warmth of life. The eternal light that constantly hovers there will penetrate our clogged arteries and release our innate passion and love for Hashem and His Torah. This is why the bronze altar was placed before the kiyor. Its fiery light would ignite an ember within us that would open our hearts to teshuva.

After the kohein offered the sacrifices on the bronze altar he would proceed to the golden altar. This signifies that although the service of the intellect is higher, the service of the heart must precede it.

The Shem MiShmuel cites a Gemara that discusses a machloket whether one should say Ahavat Olam or Ahava Rabah in the blessing that immediately precedes Shema. Ahava Rabah corresponds to emotional love, which can cool off. Avahat Olam signifies intellectual love, which is eternal. Is our relationship with Hashem emotional or intellectual? Minhag Ashkenaz is to say Ahava Rabbah in Shachrit and Ahavat Olam in Maariv. The first step is to awaken our passion for Hashem when the day is bright and full of hope. Then we can affirm our eternal commitment to Him even in the darkness of night.

This week, we complete our discussion on building a relationship with your teen.

Summer vacation can be daunting with teenagers. My view is that kids have to be busy. I tell my own children that during their break they have to divide their day in three between work, doing mitzvot, and having fun. Teenagers can work as camp counsel-ors or do temp work in offices. Be careful about putting your child in an environment that’s less than perfect. It is your responsibil-ity to check things out beforehand.

Earning money gives teenagers a sense of achievement. Let them have the pleasure of giving tzedaka and deciding where their maaser will go. This is very good for their development. Let them spend their money on fun and extras, not on necessities. Join them on excursions and trips. If you can’t, have someone you trust go with them, if possible. If not, try to be a safe person to whom they can tell their adventures of the day. Show interest and approval. Often you will need to be the one to find them chesed and mitzva opportunities. Try to make it match their talents and abilities.

Your child should hear you say, “I don’t

know,” and see you ask a Rav. This tells him that he doesn’t have to battle against his parent’s gaavah. His parents know they don’t know and there’s an authority above them who can be trusted. Capitalize on your children’s idealism. Expose them to what’s right and good and worthy of imitation. As children get older they will have what I call Hallmark Birthdays, birthdays that they’ll only remember a few days later. At the risk of sounding like a teacher, talk to them on their special day about what life’s all about and what’s really important.

Almost all teenagers turn out fine in the end. Hashem is kind and compassionate and even the ones who gave parents a terrible couple of years can turn around. The teenage years are a period of exceptional growth. It can be a time of excellence, dveikut, spiritual maturity, tahara, and an opportunity to develop a profound, almost discipleship connection with parents. Teens have enormous capacities. They’re idealis-tic. They love justice. They have lots of physical energy. There’s a certain temmimut and purity in their ability to learn. Let all this be the basis of your relationship with them. Discover what’s beautiful in your

children and talk to them from there.

Provide positive outlets for their strengths. Taking an idealistic child to mekomot hakedoshim or to a round of tzadikim can be life transforming. Including a child in the mitzvot you do can be enormously positive. Treating them almost like a friend is constructive. Find out what your kids like to do and do it with them. Some girls like the creativity and energy of the kitchen. Find occasions for her to use her talents. Have her bake a cake for a sheva brachot. The compliments she will receive will satiate her desire for kavod. Some girls like social things. Have them organize a melave malka or a chanuka party for kids with special needs. There are girls who enjoy chesed and will sleep over at the hospital with a sick child or visit homebound seniors. There are boys who are wizards at organizing. Have them pack and deliver food packages to needy people. Other boys excel at learning and enjoy being seen as the matmid. Find your children’s high point, give it a place to be, acknowledge and validate them for it, and eventually you’ll reap the nachat all parents pray for.

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Bringing Torah To Life #7 Building Parent-Child Relationships

Based on a Naaleh.com shiur by Mrs. Shira Smiles

Brought to you by Naaleh.comVolume II, Number 2

Dedicated in memory of Rachel Leah bat R' Chaim Tzvi

Rebbetzin’s Perspective II Part 1Excerpted from Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller’s Question and Answer series on Naaleh.com

Question:

Is it wrong for me to reward my ten-year old with prizes for helping around the house and watching the baby? Am I raising her level of expectation in gashmiyut that way? If so, what alternatives do you recommend?

Answer:

It’s a marvelous idea to reward your daugh-ter for helping. Much better than having to

spend money on a counselor to find out what to do with a child who is not cooperat-ing. Certainly you shouldn’t expect a ten-year old to do things for purely altruistic reasons. However, be careful not to reward her completely consistently. From time to time, ask her to do small chores or errands and don’t reward her for it. This way when you do get her something, she will see it as a prize or reward and not as payment. As

she gets older, at around twelve or thirteen, try to reward her less frequently and steer her more towards kavod. Eventually she’ll reach a point where she herself will realize that it’s foolish to expect a reward constantly, especially for chores that she would be expected to do in any case.