Date post: | 14-Jan-2016 |
Category: |
Documents |
Upload: | shemar-ohara |
View: | 214 times |
Download: | 0 times |
Volunteer Chaplain TrainingModule 10
Ministering at the Death of a Child
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
2
Death of a Child
• The death of a child• The dying child• Neo-natal death• Ministering to parents
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
Credits: I have gained much in this arena through reading and experience over the years. I am indebted to many sources that I cannot name. Three of sources however, need mentioning. I am especially grateful to the organizations RTS Bereavement Services (formerly Resolve through Sharing), Compassionate Friends, and SHARE. Without my encounters and training with these two organizations, I would have been utterly lost in comforting bereaved parents.
3
The Death of a Child
• THE most difficult of all death and dying situations
• Children seen as– More innocent– Vulnerable– Closer to “holiness”
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
4
The Death of a Child
• Tragic because of limited:– Experience– Responsibility– Self-discovery
• Tragic because of unrealized potential– Life cut off– Limited opportunities for physical,
psychological, and spiritual growth
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
5
The Death of a Child
C o n tra s t E xp e rie n ce
Id e a l o f C h ild 'sIn no cen ce
R e a lity o fC h ild 's S u ffe ring
T e n s ion#1
--Brock, Journal of Pastoral Care, Vol. 48, No. 2, summer 1994.
6
The Death of a Child
C on tras t E xp erien ce
Im ag e o f G odas O m n ip o ten t
an d G ood
R ea lity o fC h ild 's S u ffe rin g
Ten s ion# 2
--Brock, Journal of Pastoral Care, Vol. 48, No. 2, summer 1994.
7
The Death of a Child
C o n tra s t E xp e rie n ce
Im ag e o f G oda s P re se n ta n d C a ring
R e a lity o fF e e ling s o f
A ba n do nm e nt
T e n s ion#3
--Brock, Journal of Pastoral Care, Vol. 48, No. 2, summer 1994.
8
The Dying Child
• Key issue for a dying child is– Abandonment
• Key issue for pastoral care– Incarnational Presence
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
9
The Dying Child
• Six means of ministering– Showing love– Listening & responding– Talking though feelings– Comforting the pain– Doing the “possible”– Helping “let go”
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
10
The Dying Child
• The role of the pastor involves– Treating the child as a person– Asking about & working through
feelings– Blessing the struggle– Touching when appropriate– Standing as an “incarnation” of God
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
11
The Dying Child
Key element of ministry:
“Concretely sharing with a Child [and/or the parents] that God can be incarnated through the caring of at least one adult.”
--Brock, Journal of Pastoral Care, Vol. 48, No. 2, summer 1994, pp. 157-8.
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
12
Neo-natal Death
• Types– Still birth– Fetal demise– New born death– SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)
• “A joyous occasion turns quickly to tragedy.”
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
13
Neo-natal Death
• Key Issues:– The baby is a PERSON
• “A person is a person, no matter how small.”
• Dr. Seuss
– The baby cannot be “replaced”– The loss is real– The grief is just as valid as any other
kind© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
14
Neo-natal Death
• Appropriate Pastoral Responses– I’m sorry your baby has died.– Tell me how you are.– Tell me about your baby.– This must feel like a bad dream.– How can I help you?– You don’t have to be strong now.– It’s alright to cry; your baby has died.
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
15
Neo-natal Death• Inappropriate Responses
– It’s God’s will.– Oh, well, you really did not know this baby.– You can have another one.– Forget it! Go on with your life.– Cheer up; it’s not that bad.– God needed another angel in Heaven– “God loved your baby more than you did.”– There was probably something wrong
anyway.– Don’t be angry/sad.– Be strong and don’t be angry at God.
16
Neo-natal Death
• Role of the Pastoral Care Giver– Begins the grief process and ministry
to parents/family– Assists with funeral home/planning of
rituals– Supports staff/physicians– Facilitates role of family’s
church/pastor
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
17
Neo-natal Death
• Initial Decisions to Be Made– Seeing & holding the baby– Collecting memories– Autopsy?– Funeral home or hospital disposal?
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
18
Neo-natal Death
• Decisions to be made– Seeing and holding the baby
• Sometimes not advisable• It is the decision of the parents• Parent’s only chance to be with their
baby• A chance to experience some bonding• Creates memories that will be cherished
some day
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
19
Neo-natal Death
• Decisions to be made– Collecting memories
• Polaroid of baby• Lock of baby’s hair• Crib card• Baby gown, t-shirt, stocking cap, etc.• Footprints• Blanket, wristbands, etc.• Scrapbook© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
20
Ministering to Parents/Families• What parents need most from us:
– Listening– Empathy– Gentle voices– Touch– Caring presence– Calm in the midst of chaos– Acceptance of their feelings as valid
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
21
Ministering to Parents/Families• Goal of the pastor:
– To be an enabling presence– to offer a relationship of:
• Acceptance• Personal responsibility• Spiritual rekindling
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
22
Ministering to Parents/Families• Task of the pastor:
– Focus away from abandonment– Focus toward
• Needs of parents for each other• Needs of other children• Needs of the child who is dying
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
23
Ministering to Parents/Families• Death of a child at any time is NOT
– A time to defend God– A time to expound on a personal
theodicy– A time to promise “healing”
prematurely
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
24
Ministering to Parents/Families• Establishing a relationship with
parents and family– Is never easy– Early introduction allows for
relationship building– Initial visit a time of support and
consolation– Represent (quietly) God’s presence
© Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.
25
Ministering to Parents/Families• Concept: Combative Christian Hope
– Finds roots in presence of God in human reality
– Seeks to give form to that presence in the lives of people
– Struggles against evil to bring good out of it.
Schillebeeck, et. al., JPC, Vol 48, No. 2, summer 1994, p157
26
Ministering to Parents/Families
C o n tra s t E xp e rie n ce
N e ga tive e xp e rie n ceo f m e a n in g le ss
e v il
P o s itve a ff irm a tiono f m ea n in g fou ndin ac tive h um an
h ope
Y ie ld s --A "g lim pse " o f the
N e w C re a tio n fo u ndin the K ing d om (R e ign ) o f G od
--Brock, Journal of Pastoral Care, Vol. 48, No. 2, summer 1994.