HUNTINGTENHOMIES

Brief Intro

Sorry this is being delivered to you all at about the very last minute. This week, coming off a great

newsletter, I am going to give you all the bare minimum. Hopefully my timing gets better with these, but

once again I have contributions from Andy and Chip, which make up a much larger percentage of the

newsletter.

T h is p o r tio n o f th e n e w s le tte r w ill fo c u s o n c o m p a r in g te a m s ' pr e v io u s w ee k p e rf o rm a n ce s to ro a d s ig n s th a t w e a ll k n o w .

Andy

J E F F R E Y

T he stop s ig n is give n to th e low e st sc orin g te am eac h w e e k. T his w ee k Jeffrey sc ore d 89 .6. J effrey's te am lo oks g o od on pa p er, b ut co n tin ue s to u n derperform e ac h w ee k . Startin g a n injured T yre ll W illiam s d id not he lp. Jeffre y w ill loo k to ge t his f ir st w in th is w ee k a ga ins t A nd y .

C O N N O R T his award is g iven to the team that would have won , if they would have started the correct p layers. T his week C onnor wou ld have had an addition al 51 .8 p ts. It was hard to see W ill Fuller exp loding for over 50 pts, but Connor could have easily ju stified starting h im over E m m anuel Sand ers. T ough break for C onnor.

A N D R E T his award goes to the team that scored the m ost poin ts. A ndre is winn ing th is award fo r the second straigh t week with a sco re o f 186.3 . A ll team s in the league shou ld be wary o f en tering a m atchu p with Andre as h is team con tinues to rack up the po in ts. Am azingly the Patrio ts D /ST has been Andre's m ost consisten t perfo rm er.

T H A D T his prestig ious award is g iven to the team that got railed the hardest. T had lost by a m ind bogg ling 75 .1 p ts this week. T he Sea Urch ins m anaged to run a train on T had all week long. T had will try to walk it o ff this week against Nick . Look out fo r tra ins, T had.

DK Awards

Killer Kong this week is super easy as Urchin ties Andre’s record for most DK points in a week.

Diddy Kong goes to Hedgehogs. They only had 10 DK points this past week which was the third lowest, but diddy win? He did.

The Hairless Kong this week goes to Jeffrey. It is not only because Jeffrey scored just 4 points this week, but he has the lowest average DK points per week so far this season. He averages just 11.8 DK ppg, below the average of 16.2.

Hey gang, it’s Chip back for another round of predictions. Last week I went 3-3, but seeing as a I picked against myself and lost that pick, I’m going to consider it 4-3. So, in my mind at least, I’m in the green heading into week two of Chipredictions (shoutout to Thad for the cool name).

 

This week’s picks are coming to you live from Paris, so there will be a little French flavor involved. Either that or body odor because these people stink. But without further ado, let’s look at this week’s matchups. I’m doing these on Saturday night, so some teams will already have points on the board. I’ll take that into account, as well as the typical player matchups, team mojo and other stuff as well.

 

Team Nolan (1-4) v. Ki-Thadi-Mundi (2-3)

ESPN Prediction – Team Nolan (-13.1)

 

As I write this prediction, Nick’s team is currently winning 24.3 to 13.3. Nick has had Julian Edelman get him his points, while Thad had Sony Michel get him his 13.

 

On paper, this matchup looks relatively even. Both teams have stumbled out of the blocks so to speak, but could see their seasons take a turn for the better with a win here. Nick is a series of strong performances out of Le’Veon Bell from being in the hunt, while Thad just needs that one

CHIPREDICTIONS

spark to get his team going, possibly in the form of Kerryon Johnson. At the time of writing this, Thad does not have a tight end in his team either.

 

This one is truly a coin flip. I’m going to go with Nick, simply because I think he needs this win more. Thad’s team needs a win, but Nick’s team desperately needs a win. I know his players don’t know that, but I think it still applies.

 

WINNER – Team Nolan (in a close one)

 

Tanking for Tua (0-5) v. Daddy’s Darlings (4-1)

ESPN Prediction – Daddy’s Darlings (-19.2)

 

Oh boy.

 

On paper, this could be one of the more lopsided affairs of the week. Andy’s coming off a huge week where McCaffrey snapped like a piece of celery (who doesn’t love celery?), and Jeffrey is the last winless team in the league. This one has the potential to get ugly.

 

With that said, I really like the look of Jeffrey’s team. Zeke, Michael Thomas and Terry McLaurin all have favorable matchups from what I can tell. Plus, McCaffrey is playing in London this week, at Tottenham Stadium no less, which can produce bottlejobs.

 

I don’t think it matters. I picked against Andy last week and I’m not making that same mistake twice.

 

WINNER – Daddy’s Darlings

 

Alvin and the Nose Rings (5-0) v. Richard Sherman (2-3)

ESPN Prediction – Alvin and the Nose Rings (-26.3)

 

First and foremost, that line is ridiculous. I don’t know how ESPN calculated that, but I want to contest it.

 

I managed to squeak out a win last week against Ridge despite Deshaun Watson’s best efforts. Connor, on the other hand, faced some serious misfortunes when Mike Evans got clamped, and I mean CLAMPED, by Marshon Lattimore last week. That isn’t going to happen this week, but I don’t think Adam Thielen goes off again this week either. Kirk Cousins can’t beat teams who are over .500, just sayin.

 

Without Gurley and Engram in his starting lineups, I think this week could be tough for Connor. I’m going to back myself behind big games from Lamar and Hollywood Brown (sorry Bengals fans).

 

WINNER– Alvin and the Nose Rings

 

Huntington Hedgehogs (2-3) v. NukTown OBJYNs (2-3)

ESPN Prediction – Huntington Hedgehogs (-12.1)

 

At the time of writing this, the Hedgehogs are winning 13.5 to 0, courtesy of James White.

 

This game presents an interesting set of matchups. Matt’s team seems to be on the ups, while Stephen’s team seems to be slumping. It’s an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object, sort of.

 

I feel bad for Stephen because so much of his team is either hurt or on bye this week. Josh Jacobs, Darren Waller and Josh Allen not being in the team make it difficult to succeed. Couple that with Matt’s relatively hot hand as of late and Odell’s inability to do anything, and I think it’s tough for Stephen to pull this one out. I’m taking the new boy over the commish.

 

WINNER – Huntington Hedgehogs

 

Davante’s Inferno (4-1) v. Melbourne Sea Urchins (1-4)

ESPN Prediction – Davante’s Inferno (-21.3)

 

At the time of writing this, Andre is beating Alec 28 to 23.7. Andre’s points were scored by the Pats D/ST, while Alec’s were scored by Tom Brady and Josh Gordon.

 

Honestly, the Pats defense is unfair this year. How the hell do they keep getting massive double digit numbers like that? They’re becoming one of, and dare I say the most important player on Andre’s team week in and week out. It’s tough to compete when an opponent is getting 28 from defense alone.

 

With that said, Alec’s team exploded last week to get him his first win. Nick (full) Chubb had a rock solid performance (I’m guessing, I just wanted to make a couple of dick jokes) and Amari Cooper and Jordan Howard remain solid options. With Davante Adams out this week, don’t be surprised if Alec makes it a close affair.

 

But just a close affair. I have Andre winning thanks to Chris Godwin, maybe Derrick Henry and that damned Pats defense.

 

WINNER – Davante’s Inferno

 

GAME OF THE WEEK

Ruffles Have Ridges (3-2) v. 5’9 Kyler Whale

ESPN Prediction – 5’9 Kyler Whale (-7.1)

 

This is game of the week because it is the only matchup this week that features two teams with winning records. Plus, I’ve seen these two go head-to-head on the basketball court and it is always entertaining.

 

Grant made a trade this week to get himself Kyler Murray as his QB1, which prompted the team name change. Looking at his roster, I think QB is still the weak point, but that speaks more to the strength of the rest of his team. RBs are solid, WRs are solid, everything is good enough to put up 120 each week.

 

Ridge’s team is a little more boom-or-bust. Deshaun is a baller, as is evidence by his performance last week. The receiving corps plus Ertz at tight end is terrifying to think about, especially with Tyler Lockett as the flex. I think on his day, Ridge can outscore just about anyone in the league.

 

Is this week going to be his day? I don’t think so, but I still like Ridge to bounce back and grab a win this week.

 

WINNER – Ruffles Have Ridges (in a close one)

 

That’s all I have for this week. If all my picks flop this week, blame France. Now, I’m going to watch Peaky Blinders until I doze off. Good luck this week, and may the odds be ever in your favor.

1. Chip2. Andy3. Grant4. Andre5. Ridge6. Matt7. Connor8. Stephen9. Thad10. Urchins11. Nick12. Jeffrey

POWER RANKINGS

*based on what I think the formula would spit out.

ComparisonsThis week I’ll be comparing you all to drinks per Andy’s request. I always appreciate ideas for comparisons, so let’s begin.

Chip – Absinthe

Chip gets the French drink Absinthe because he spent part of the week in France. Absinthe is also known as the Green Fairy, and it is known as the Green Elixer in the world of Wicked (Wizard of Oz). Absinthe works for Chip because it is highly alcoholic and will rock your world. As you know, I know my alcohol. So absinthe is hardcore while also being fancy, and Chip’s team will also tear your life apart and look good doing it.

Andy – Chocolate Milk

Andy loves chocolate milk, so with this comparison I am making dreams come true. AS we all know chocolate milk is bomb, although results may vary amongst brand. It looks like Andy’s team is going to survive the absence of Saquon Barkley in one piece, and I really thought he would suffer more losses. Chocolate milk has also survived the test of time, because it was great when I drank it out of a carton in middle school, and its great out of my fridge in 2019. The worst part about chocolate milk? Klay Thompson. (If you get it you get it).

Grant – Yoohoo

No this is not the same thing as Andy’s. Yoohoo is considered chocolate drink which is pretty disgusting compared to chocolate milk. And I think that could be the comparison right there. Grant is 4-1 and Andy is 4-1, and regardless of results this week, Grant team is not as good as Andy’s. Also, how is Yoohoo still happening? I always wanted it as a kid, I have never had it, and it still exists. How tf is Grant 4-1?

Andre – Sweet Tea

This one is more personal. I always had disregard for Sweet Tea. I though it was a poser of a drink and it always made me have to pee. But this summer I had sweet tea that changed my perspective on it. Now it really depends on the place, but good sweet tea is really good. Andre’s team, although I hate to say it, is legit this year. He could easily suffer some losses, but he’s got a nice head start on most of the league. Unless there are injuries, there is no way he has the drought he had last year. Also, Andre a sweet boy.

Ridge – Pepsi

This is not personal because I favor pepsi personally. But when you order soda at a resteraunt and say “Can I have a Coke” and then they say “Is Pepsi okay?” Sure its okay. It’s pretty much the same thing, but its not quite the real thing. If Ridge were any worse he’d be Sam’s Cola, but he does have a very good team. But through five weeks I do not think he is Coke.

Connor – La Croix

I’m not a big La Croix fan, because it is stupid and tastes very eh. It is so freeking eh. I’ve been riding Connor for a long time, and he isn’t done, but I am taking my foot off the pedal. Connor can still easily make the playoffs, but his team has definitely fallen flat. And what tastes more flat then La Croix.

Stephen – Blended Hamburger

I’ve never had blended hamburger, but I would imagine it tastes like bad hamburger. Blended hamburger used to be good when it was just a hamburger, but when it becomes blended not as many people are going to consume it. Stephen’s team was 2-0 and now he is 2-3. He is battered and bruised and based on his consistently mediocre scores he probably won’t make the playoffs.

Thad – Natty Light

I am the drink you drink when you want to get a cheap buzz. Natty Light can get the job done, just ask Grant, but if everything was free you’d be taking some classier beer. This was never a fair fight.

Nick – Neosporin

Not a drink? Arguable. Neosporin is actually just the beverage of the fancy doctor folk like Nick. But Neosporin is intended to heal wounds. And Nick has been sustaining wounds, and he makes people feel better about their team as he imitates a Bye week. The big difference here, and I know we are all thinking it, Neosporin comes in a small tube, and Nick has a massive tube. My gosh he is going to wreck Alli Perry. RIP her.

Jeffrey – Green Apple Gatorade

Not good. Probably the worst drink ever. This is devastating to say because Green Apple is such a good flavor, but wow that drink makes you wan to throw up. Maybe the hardest thing to swallow is the ruined potential.