Conflict Resolution with Power and Privilege in Mind

Amy Benson, Associate Project DirectorSteve Lew, Senior Project Director

CompassPoint Nonprofit Services

500 12th Street Suite 320Oakland, CA 94607

ph 415-541-9000 fax 415-541-7708

web: www.compasspoint.orge-mail: workshops@compasspoint.org

amyb@compasspoint.orgstevel@compasspoint.org

twitter: @CP_change

We are grateful to the work of many other people whose contributions to communicating across social differences have informed these materials, and our own values and practices at CompassPoint: Elena Featherston, Laurin Mayeno and Poonam Singh, who also teach with us in these areas. We have

also attributed certain concepts and exercises to other authors and creators in the page foot notes, and along with our deep appreciation to their work, we encourage you to find more of their work and

thinking through those footnotes.

Disclaimer

All material is provided without any warranty whatsoever, including, but not limited to, the implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. Any names of people or companies listed in this book or in its companion computer files are fictitious unless otherwise noted.

Copyright

© 2016 CompassPoint Nonprofit Services unless otherwise indicated. All rights reserved. This publication, including any companion computer disk, or any component part thereof, may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, storage in an information retrieval system, or otherwise, without the prior written permission CompassPoint, 500 12 th St, Ste 320, Oakland, CA 94607, 415-541-9000 or the author.

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Table of Contents

Agenda and Trainers Bios………………………………………………………………………………………………………4

Principles for Communicating Across Differences of Power and Privilege…………………………..…5

Learning Objectives…………………………………………………….…………………………………………………………6

Listening Exercise: What are the Qualities of an Authentic Conversation?...............................7

Group Exercise: Communication Breakdowns…………………………………………………………………….…9

Communication Competencies……………………………………………………………………………………………..12

Observation Skills………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….13

Inquiry Skills………………………………………………………………………………………………………….………………15

Empathy, and Self-Empathy……………………………….………………………………………………….……………..19

60 Second Statement to Address a Conflict…………………………………………………………..………………20

Next Steps…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….21

Sample Meeting Agreements……………………………………………………………………………..…………………22

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Today’s Agenda

9:00am Introductions, Agenda, Context, Group Agreements10:00 am Communication Breakdowns10:25 am Inquiry Skills10:50 am Conflict Resolution Styles11:30 am Awareness of Privilege12:15pm Lunch Break1:15 pm Power Dynamics2:00 pm Observation Skills, Perspective-Taking2:30 pm Empathy and Self-Empathy3:10 pm 60-second statement4:05 pm Resources, Next Steps, and Close

Trainers: Amy Benson & Steve Lew, CompassPoint Nonprofit Services

Amy Benson is an Associate Project Director at CompassPoint. Working alongside her trusty Workshops Team, she helps to coordinate CompassPoint’s amazing and transformational public workshops. She also manages the CompassPoint volunteer program, and co-chairs the Multicultural Organizational Development team. Amy currently facilitates, trains, and blogs on the following topics: Instructional design; Interpersonal communication; Power, privilege, and accountability; Communicating across differences.Amy has a background in training and facilitation in a variety of environments including volunteer training in the domestic violence field and leading sessions on the issue of confronting and disrupting racial bias.

Steve Lew is a Senior Project Director at CompassPoint. He helps positional and emerging leaders increase their effectiveness in fundraising, governance, leadership and multicultural group development. Steve’s work at CompassPoint has been deeply connected to building the strength of organizations, leaders, and networks in communities of color. He has co-designed and led the Fundraising Academy for Communities of Color and the Next Generation Leaders of Color Program and has been a fundraising and leadership coach for many of these participants for over a decade. He deeply appreciates and enjoys working with nonprofit leaders who are on a path to align their personal values, practices, and impact more closely to the change they are working toward in their organizations. SteveL@compasspoint.org

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Principles for Communicating Across Differences of Power and Privilege There is no one “right” way to do communication, and all

communication skills are not available to everyone at all times. Power, privilege, and culture affects who gets to say what to who.

Communicating across differences is important, and often uncomfortable. Use the discomfort as a place of learning more about yourself and the other person.

Listening can be healing, and it can leave the listener and the speaker with a shared experience of respect and integrity.

Systemic oppressions work together to make it difficult for people to connect across cultures – communicating across differences can interrupt oppressive thinking and behaviors on many levels.

We are all here to learn, we are all here to teach. Mistakes happen; the goal is not to avoid them, it’s to handle them well when they do come up. Dominant/non-dominant group status varies from setting to setting, and isn’t always clear –

power/privilege are relative, therefore to be successful with these skills, we must learn to communicate up/down/across.

To do this successfully, we must combine thinking/reflection with action (“Action without vision is only passing time, vision without action is merely day dreaming, but vision with action can change the world.” Nelson Mandela).

It’s helpful to have support through this process! Find what works for you, such as an ally at work to practice these skills with, church/spirituality groups, counseling, journaling, making art, community groups, etc.

Thinking about oppressive systems, and especially our participation in them, can cause guilt. Feeling guilt for oppressive thoughts or behaviors is not helpful in creating responses or future actions. Avoid asking people to help you deal with your feelings of guilt around their oppression. Self-reflection & talking to others about how to be an effective ally is functional helping.

Add your own grounding principles & philosophies here:

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

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Learning ObjectivesThis workshop will provide information, training and peer learning so that YOU…

1. Can apply an understanding of different conflict styles (including your own) to how you work with interpersonal conflict in the future.

2. Can generate open ended questions to gain understanding of another person’s perspective (compassionate inquiry).

3. Gain 1 skill to increase effectiveness in communicating across social differences: inquiry, empathy/self empathy, naming issue & exploring solutions. i.e. taking responsibility, holding yourself and another person accountable to the work relationship.

4. Will create 60 second statement to address an existing tension.

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Working Definitions

Conflict: An actual or perceived difference of some significance between two parties, each of whom perceives that the other party is interfering with their needs and or desires. Group conflict such as friction, disagreement, or discord arising within a group when the beliefs or actions of one or more members of the group are either resisted by or unacceptable to one or more members of the other group.

Conflict styles: Default strategies for managing conflict that people tend to use across different situations.

Culture: Sum total of the ways of living, including values, beliefs, aesthetic standards, linguistic expression, patterns of thinking, behavioral norms and styles of communication which a group of people has developed to assure its survival & sustenance in a particular environment.

Cultural identity: The way in which individuals define themselves.

Cultural humility: Takes a learning stance with culturally different communities, accepts that all cultures are living and not static or fixed; different from cultural competence, which assumes a place of “knowing,” it invites us to recognize and have humility about what we don’t know.

Emotional Trigger: Un-processed feelings and reactions to a person, situation, event, dialogue that provokes a strong emotional reaction to past trauma or distress rather than the present situation.

Multiculturalism: The practice of appreciating cultural and social differences within personal interactions, group and organizational practices. Leaders and groups that operate in a multicultural framework strive to have inclusive practices, to understand and work to undo social and economic inequity, and the imbalance of power held by privileged social groups.

Oppression: Systematic mistreatment of people based upon their membership in a group. Denial of full potential and access to power and resources. Hold down by unjust use of authority or power.

Internalized oppression: A result of oppression, in which members of the oppressed group internalize negative beliefs and messages about their group.

Power: The ability to cause or influence outcomes for that affect you and other people.

Privilege: Access to benefits and resources (economic, social, political, etc) that others do not have, based on one’s group membership.

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Listening Exercise: What are the Qualities of an Authentic Conversation?

1. Pair up and decide who is “A” and who is “B”. B will be speaker and A will be listener.

2. Speaker will share a time when s/he experienced an authentic conversation.

a. What went well? b. What key ingredients were in the conversation?

3. Listener will practice engaged or active listening:a. I’m listening to you with full attention. I will resist urges to add my own thoughts.b. What else? Tell me more. What was difficult? What was most important?

Deep listening leaves a sense of respect and integrity in both the speaker and the listener. This is a skill that can be practiced and improved.

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Authentic conversations: ability to communicate about things that matter to us, our mission, and to find deeper understanding and connection towards seeking solutions.

What are the qualities of an authentic conversation?

How do you know you are being listened to?

Reflection: Who do you tend to listen more, more often to? Who do you tend to listen to less?

Group Exercise: Communication Breakdowns Underline or circle the things you tend to do when your ‘buttons are pushed’.

Type Examples

Not Listening Being distracted Interrupting Finishing the other person’s sentences Saying, “I knew that” Saying, “No”, “But, “However” Turning the conversation back to yourself

Making Assumptions “She’s nervous, she probably doesn’t know what she is talking about” “He’s frowning, he obviously has an issue with this project” “I don’t think she likes me” “They’re not looking at me, they are not telling the truth” “She’s so loud, she is obviously upset”

Judging, Labeling, or Blaming Others “She is such a bulldozer. She just runs right over people” “He talks too much, takes up so much space” “That person is a jerk” “It’s his fault we didn’t meet the deadline”

Failing to Meet Expectations Committing even when it is not clear about what was expected Agreeing to requests and then not following through Breaking promises and undermining trust

Un-communicated or Unclear Expectations Not making requests Making unclear requests Not being aware of difference between what was expected and what was delivered Making a decision to ignore the situation or issue

Using power plays to control the behavior of others

One up One down

Giving orders without checking for agreement, understanding, or commitment Agreeing to follow orders outwardly, while withholding information about why they won’t work

What else?

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Inquiry Skills

Curiosity and Inquiry Good inquiry is also essential to authentic conversations. It helps you understand the perspective of the person you’re speaking with, without jumping to conclusions. It also invites someone to question your perspective. Here are some questions that can be used to better understand perspectives.

Effective questioning opens up the story that needs to be told. These questions help us to drill down and bring forth all the information. Here are some additional examples of open-ended questions that might be used with someone to interrogate reality:

What is most important about all of this?

This is what’s going on for me…..what is going on for you?

What is your theory about how this can work?

What leads you to conclude that?

What do you think about what I just said?

What would you change about what I just said?

How do you see it differently?

How does this relate to your other concerns?

Can you help me understand your thinking here?

How did you arrive at this view?

What do you see as the biggest challenge?

How can I work best with you?

What similarities do we have?

What is it that you never want to hear me say again?

What is important that I honor about you? About your culture?

How do you see it differently than others do?

When have things worked well for us? How can we get back to that place?

Ask questions and stay open and curious as a way of interrogating reality and getting to the bottom of what’s really going on (for you or for them). Invite them to ask you questions as well. What each of us believes to be true simply reflects our views about reality.

Adapted from Coaching Skills for Nonprofit Managers and Leaders, by Judith Wilson and Michelle Gislason, CompassPoint Nonprofit Services.

Questions to Expand Your Understanding and Challenge Your Own AssumptionsCOMPASSPOINT 2016 10

A person appears to be upset: When you say that, how do you feel? What’s going on, for you right now? Are you feeling ____ because you need more ____ in this conversation

What do you mean by . . . Example: What do you mean by “better”?

What caused you to . . . Example: What caused you to feel so strongly about this issue?

What stops you from . . . Example: What has stopped you from bringing up this problem until now?

A person says ‘OK’ but makes a face or shrugs: “What made you frown when you said ‘OK’?” “What caused you to shrug?”

Questions to Open Up Another Person’s Thinking

A person is saying things you oppose and leaving no room for discussion: “Are you saying that as a fact or as your perspective on the issue?” “Do you believe you are 100% right and I am 100% wrong about this?”

Adapted from Taking the War Out Of Our Words: The Art of Powerful, Non-Defensive Communication, by Sharon Ellison.

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Your Turn: Thinking about your conflict/communication breakdown, write down 2 questions that will help you learn more about what is going on for the other person.

What questions can I ask the other person to help them see and question their assumptions, consider another perspective, and/or connect to their values?

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Understanding Your Conflict Style

Behavioral scientists Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann (who developed the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument) have identified five styles to responding to conflict. These styles are based on a person’s conflict-handling behavior along two basic dimensions:

(1) assertiveness: the extent to which the individual attempts to satisfy his or her own concerns, and

(2) cooperativeness: the extent to which the individual attempts to satisfy the other person’s concerns

Conflict Style Definition Fundamental Premise Dimensions*

Avoid To side step or ignore the problem, issue, or person

This isn't the right time or place to address this issue.

Assertive and Uncooperative

Accommodate

To yield your own position in favor of the other party’s need in a conflict

Working toward a common purpose is more important than any of the peripheral concerns; the trauma of confronting differences may damage fragile relationships.

Unassertive and Cooperative

Compete The inverse of accommodation, where you fight your corner and insist on ‘winning’ the conflict.

Associates "winning" a conflict with competition.

Assertive and Uncooperative

Compromise Both sides yield or give up part of their position in order to resolve the issue.

Winning something while losing a little is OK.

Intermediate of both

Collaborate Working together to satisfy both parties; distinct from compromise in that neither side has to give anything up.

Teamwork and cooperation help everyone achieve their goals while also maintaining relationships.

Assertive and Cooperative

*based on definitions by Thomas & Kilmann referenced above

14

Sources: http://www.bcs.org/content/ConWebDoc/24899; https://home.snu.edu/~hculbert/conflict.htm; https://www.cpp.com/pdfs/smp248248.pdf

Group Activity: Teach Back

Style Advantages Disadvantages When to use

Avoid

Accommodate

Compete

Compromise

Collaborate

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Which Style When?

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Source: graph adapted by PCRC from materials by Moulton & Blake (1971) and Thomas & Kilmann (1974);

People often have a “dominate” conflict style, but depending on the situation they may choose alternate styles.

Managing conflict effectively over time requires comfort in all styles.

There is no right

or wrong conflict

style; there are pros/con

s to each.

There are choices when responding to conflict.

Things to Remember about Conflict Styles:

Less cooperative More cooperative

Less assertive More assertive

COMPETE

COMPROMIS

AVOI

ACCOMMODATE COLLABORATE

High

Concern forrelationship

or other

person

Low Concern for self or issue High

Privilege Wheel Self Reflection: This exercise is solely for you to make connections between the social identities you have between experiences in life and at work. This self-awareness is a cornerstone to the communication competencies that we will explore and practice in the workshop.

Take time to notice each of the slices of the Privilege Pie. Place yourself closer to the center "P" if you have access to resources and benefits that others not in your social identity group have much less access to. Place yourself further out from the center "P" if you are in a social identity group that lacks access to power and resources.

Steve’s example:

Some of the ways that I experience social privilege in certain settings are: Being middle aged, college educated professional, biologically male, born and raised in the U.S., fluent in the language and culture of the U.S. middle class. While I have experienced some prejudice as a Chinese American, I also benefit from and gain advantage over other people of color from the ‘model minority’ myth. (I placed myself closer to the “P” on these slices of the pie, some all the way and some towards the middle of the slice.)

Some of the ways I lack power and privilege in certain settings are: Being a gay man, in my late 50's, of Chinese heritage. (I placed myself further out from the center, but not all the way to the edge).

There is no exact science or formula involved here, no correct or incorrect answer. This exercise is primarily for you and your own reflection about how power and privilege impacts your interactions.

Reflection questions:

What are the areas where I have privilege that I don’t really notice at my workplace? Are their places in your example of conflict or communication breakdown where

your social privileges or power contributed to your impact? Where the other person’s power and privilege contributed to their impact on you?

If you are having difficulty thinking about what social privilege means and how you apply it to yourself:

watch the 4 minute video, 5 Tips for Being an Ally. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dg86g-QlM0

read this short blog post: 4 Uncomfortable Thoughts You May Have When Facing Your Privilege. http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/01/uncomfortable-thoughts-privilege/

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Power and the Uses of PowerPower is the ability to create or affect outcomes for yourself and others in an organization. Formal, positional power and informal social power are not ‘good’ or ‘bad’, it’s important for Executive Directors and other positional leaders to think about and act with responsible uses of power.

Power Over: Is often linked to domination and control, the power to command compliance. It is so much a part of our society that we are accustomed to its language. Many systems function by imposing “power over” through coercion and threats. Positional leaders in nonprofits, like other institutions, often use “power over” simply by restricting information and narrowing the number of individuals given decision making power or who can influence decisions.

Power With: Creating outcomes that affect others, with those people involved in specific decisions, directives, and requests. Individuals with formal power can share information pro-actively, ask and take advice, or distribute authority and decision-making. Individuals who have social and informal power can actively support or “back up” people with less power. When we act together,

we have collaborative power.

Power from Within: Regardless of formal or informal power, we can tap into self-knowledge that supports better decision making and actions. As individuals with have endless reserves of power within: creativity, immanence, spirit, soul depending on your world view; the sense of bonding and connection with other human beings and the environment. From these resources, we each become more effective leaders and agents of change for the common good.

Power Under: When we give up the power we do have, when we say we can’t instead of we won’t. If we experience less power in certain situations, we may give up any commitment to succeed, improve the situation, and create the best outcome.

In some instances nonprofit leaders hesitate to use their positional authority and can make inappropriate choices of when to use “power over” and “power with”.

Inquiry: Do I want to alter some ways that I use power, respond to power in my conflict example?

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When are you

using?

Power Over

Power With

(collective)

Power Under

Power Within

Self

Observation Skills

Practicing objective observation is an amazing discipline. It teaches you to know when you are seeing without judgment and when you are interpreting. There is a big difference, and many people confuse the two. Indian writer and philosopher J. Krishnamurti (1970) notes that we all have fears, prejudices, and past experiences that shape our opinions about what we see in front of us. In this way, we are not really seeing but merely coming to conclusions and making judgments based on our past experiences. At best, these conclusions and judgments can lead to misunderstanding or confusion about another person’s intentions. Or they can lead to simply making generalizations (often known as labeling) about that person. At worst, they can lead to marginalizing, dismissing, or disregarding others.

Have you ever heard someone describe another person like this? “She is such a bulldozer. She just runs right over people. ” “He talks too much.” “She is obviously upset.”

These examples are not observations. They are subjective interpretations and a form of evaluation or judgment about another person. What you think is unprofessional and what someone else thinks is unprofessional can differ. For instance, one person may think talking nonstop for two minutes is too much, while someone else may consider it perfectly fine to go on for a good ten minutes before the line is crossed. Interpretation can lead to misunderstanding, yet most can agree on objective observations: what we saw and what we heard. So how can you observe and accurately capture what someone is saying or doing, without evaluating? Here’s how:

Spend a few minutes simply paying attention to what you see and hear.

Focus on the person’s behavior.

Pretend you are videotaping a movie of that person and then playing it back.

What did you actually see or hear?

Ask yourself: “Would other people see or hear what I saw or heard?”

Get specific: note exactly what the person did or said.

Say what you observed without judgment.

Avoid labeling (“unprofessional,” “lazy,” “eager,” “smart”)

Be aware of your language (“you never,” “you always”)

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Practice the Skill of Observation1- Free Write for 5 minutes about “what happened” on the left-hand side of the page– feel free to

be as “judge-y” as you want. Make assumptions. Blame the other person. 2- When the bell chimes, you’re going spend 5 minutes on the right-hand side of your page. Pick a

few details in your story and see if you can turn them into neutral observations.

1. What happened? (my story) 2. Write Down ObservationsShe got angry with me as soon as I mentioned the trip. She stormed out of the room.

I mentioned the trip and she frowned. A minute later she left the room quickly and didn’t respond.

1.

2.

3.

4.

We can use the skill of observation without judgement to be heard effectively, and to also challenge our own interpretation long enough to consider the other person’s perspective, or other possible reasons for the conflict.

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Empathy and Self-Empathy

Empathy Exercise Empathy is the ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people and the skill in treating people according to their emotional reactions. Understanding is not the same as agreeing with their opinion or behaviors. Being empathetic is not about stamping down or stuffing your own feelings; you must also be aware of what you are feeling and what you needed in the situation (self-empathy). Strengthening a practice of empathy and self-empathy can lessen the judgments that you have about yourself and the person, so you can get to shared purpose and effective actions.

Exercise Purpose: To convey the importance of empathy in the ability to understand the perspective of different parties when intervening or participating in a conflict.

1. Pair up with your accountability partner. Choose who will be “A” and “B”. Use the conflict experience you discussed earlier.

What are you most concerned about? How do you tend to act in this kind of situation? What do you feel about the conflict?

2. A (you) will switch chairs and assume the role of person you have the conflict with. B will interview you again in this assumed role. (4 minutes)

How do you know person A? Have you had any difficulty with A lately? What kind of constraints do you face in the organization? What is it like dealing with A? What are your concerns/fears about this situation? What do you need from A? How are power dynamics affecting this situation?

3. A (you) will switch chairs again and assume self. Answer the following questions as yourself. B will ask the questions and listen: (4 minutes)

How did you contribute to this situation? What have you tried to fix this? What in this are you responsible for? What can you do next? How are power dynamics affecting this situation for you?

4. The first round is complete. Person B takes their turn in the same exercise.

When you complete this, thank your partner for being present for you during this exercise. Share mutual insights!

Adapted from Michelle La Baron and training conducted by Valerie Edwards, LCSW and Maria Ramos-Chertok, Esq.

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60 Second Statement to Address a ConflictWrite a rough draft of your 60 second statement to practice

1. What do I REALLY want out of this conversation? For yourself? For others? For the relationship?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________2. Name the issue.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________3. Select a specific example that illustrates the behavior or situation I want to change.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________4. Describe my feelings around this issue and/or the impact it is having on me or others.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________5. Clarify why it is important – what is at stake to gain or lose for me, for others, for the team, or for the organization?

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________6. Identify my contribution to this problem.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________7. How I will state my wish to resolve this issue.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________8. What I will say to invite my partner to respond.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Adapted from Fierce Conversations, by Susan Scott.

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Practice Using Your 60 Second Statement!

1. Answer the questions on the 60-Second Statement page.

2. Underline the parts that you might want to share with the other person

3. Using the underlined words from your worksheet, draft a “60-second statement” that you could use

to re-engage that person.

4. Share your statement out loud with your partner.

5. Partner – listen for tone of voice, body language, any assumptions being made, anything that takes

away from the speakers intended meaning or impact.

How Will You Re-Engage with the Person? Notes from your practice:

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What Are Your Next Steps?

You attended the workshop to learn how to communicate more effectively across cultural and social differences at your workplace, so that you and others can contribute fully to your group’s mission and impact. Think about the skills that you have and those that you want to acquire.

What communication skill will you practice in order to make it a habit?

What ideas do you have about introducing these skills and awareness to teams you work with, or the whole organization?

Who can you partner with in your organizations to keep the practices going?

What is 1 Thought, Feeling or Action that you are taking with you today?

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Sample Meeting Agreements / Group Agreements (taken from CompassPoint Multicultural Working Group communication guidelines)

Seven Guidelines for Multicultural Interactions

Try on new ideas and perspectives, concepts and experiences which are different than your own. Be willing to open up to new territory and break through old patterns. Remember, try on is not the same as “take on.”

Step up/Step back. Honor different beliefs and encourage empowerment by making a space for all voices, experiences and ideas to be heard and shared. Talking does not equal participation. Generous listening is a form of participating. If you tend to speak a lot, try listening more. And, if you tend to sit back and listen, consider speaking up more.

Intent is different than impact, and both are important. It is also important to own our ability to have a negative impact in another person’s life despite our best intention. In generous listening, if we assume positive intent rather than judging or blaming, we can respond, rather than reacting or attacking when a negative impact occurs.

Speak from the “I” is speaking from one’s personal experience. Rather than saying “we”, using “I” allows us to take ownership of thoughts, feelings and actions.

Confidentiality is often defined as “what’s said in the room stays in the room” and we agree not to discuss what happens here in a way that would identify any individual. There is another dimension to confidentiality that includes “asking permission” to share or discuss any statement another person makes of a personal nature. It helps to remember that the story belongs to the teller, not to the listener.

Both/and thinking. Making room for more than one idea and point of view at a time means appreciating and valuing multiple realties – your own (it is possible to be both excited and sad at the same time) and others. While either/or thinking has its place it can often be a barrier to human communication

It’s okay to disagree. Avoid attacking, discounting or judging the beliefs and views of yourself or others – verbally or non-verbally. Instead, welcome disagreement as an opportunity to expand your world. Ask questions to understand the other person’s perspective.

“Ouch” and “Oops”. In group meetings, it may not serve the group by processing actions or statements (such as micro-aggressions or misuse of power) real time, yet naming “what just happened” without processing it immediately can be useful to resolving conflict. You can let someone know that their words or actions had a negative impact on you by saying “ouch”. You can notice that something you said or did negatively impacted someone by saying “oops.” This helps all parties to recognize a potential conflict and makes a commitment to resolve it at a later time.

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