Dr. Chris Bowen

Marriage & Family

In marriage a man and woman

commit to meet certain intense and

intimate needs for each other on an

exclusive basis

These needs may differ between a

man and a woman

Each person has atleast 5 basic

emotional needs of the 10 needs

10 Most Important Emotional Needs

AFFECTION -

Symbolizes: security, protection,

comfort, and approval

1. You are important to me, and I

will care for you and protect you

2. I’m concerned about the problems

you face and will be there for you

when you need me.

10 Most Important Emotional Needs

SEXUAL FULFILLMENT -

Sexual need predates your current

relationship and is somewhat

independent of your relationship

The need for sex is an exclusive need

10 Most Important Emotional Needs

INTIMATE CONVERSATION-

Not the same as ordinary

conversation

Content focuses on personal interests,

problems, topics, and events that you

would not share with just anyone

10 Most Important Emotional Needs

RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIP-

COMBINES TWO NEEDS IN ONE:

1) Need to engage in recreational

activities

2) Need to have a companion

10 Most Important Emotional Needs

HONESTY AND OPENNESS -

Gives a sense of security

Without open and honest

communication – trust can be

undermined and the feeling of

security destroyed

10 Most Important Emotional Needs

PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS -

For some people this is important

Some consider this need to be

temporary and important only in the

beginning of the relationship

10 Most Important Emotional Needs

FINANCIAL SUPPORT -

Many people marry for financial

security

10 Most Important Emotional Needs

DOMESTIC SUPPORT -

Marriage usually begins with a

willingness of both spouses to share

domestic responsibilities

Domestic support includes: cooking,

washing dishes, washing and ironing

clothes, cleaning house and child

care

10 Most Important Emotional Needs

FAMILY COMMITMENT -

Family commitment is a

responsibility for the development of

children, teaching them values of

cooperation and care for each other

It is spending quality time with your

children to help them develop into

successful adults

10 Most Important Emotional Needs

ADMIRATION -

If you have this need you may have

fallen in love with your spouse

because of their complements to you

How an Affair Begins:

Usually as a friendship

Conversation usually draws you together

– at first talking about various topics of

interest, then you begin to share personal

problems

The attraction is usually emotional

Marital breakups usually

occur when one or both

partners lack the skills or

awareness to meet each

other’s emotional needs.

Everyone has a love bank

It contains many different

accounts – one for each person we

know

Pleasurable interactions cause

deposits

Painful interactions cause

withdrawals.

The love bank is designed to

underscore the fact that we affect

each other emotionally with almost

every encounter

Two love banks constantly operate

in marriage: his and hers

The love bank is designed to

underscore the fact that we affect

each other emotionally with almost

every encounter

Two love banks constantly operate

in marriage: his and hers

Commitment and trust are a vital

bonding link in any marriage

If any spouse’s five basic

emotional needs go unmet, that

spouse becomes vulnerable to the

temptation of an affair