WHAT EVERYONE IS SAYING ABOUT

www.timmyfailure.com

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*Lovereading4kids.co.uk reader reviews

WHAT EVERYONE IS SAYING ABOUT

www.timmyfailure.com

Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah

1

All right, let’s get the boring stuff out of the

way. My name is Failure. Timmy Failure. I

look like this:

My family name was once Fayleure. But

somebody changed it. Now it is spelled as

you see. I’d ask that you get your “failure”

jokes out of the way now. I am anything but.

1

TIMMY1_9781406347876_PI_UK.indd 1 04/08/2015 11:49

2

I am the founder, president, and CEO of the

detective agency I have named after myself.

Failure, Inc. is the best detective agency in

the town, probably the country. Perhaps the

world.

The book you are holding is a historical

record of my life as a detective. It has been rig-

orously fact-checked. All the drawings in here

are by me. I tried to get my business partner

to do the illustrations, but they were not good.

For example, here is his depiction of me:

TIMMY1_9781406347876_PI_UK.indd 2 04/08/2015 11:49

3

I have decided to publish this history

because my expertise is invaluable to anyone

who ever wanted to be a detective. Just read

the reviews:

But success did not come overnight for me.

I had to overcome obstacles. Like these:

1. my mother

2. my school

3. my idiot best friend

4. my polar bear

And yes, I’m sure you have the same ques-

tion everyone else does when I list these

obstacles. Why am I best friends with an idiot?

I’ll get to it later. Oh, and I suppose I should

say a word about the fifteen-hundred-pound

polar bear.

“Invaluable to anyone

who ever wanted to be

a detective.”

— Anonymous

TIMMY1_9781406347876_PI_UK.indd 3 04/08/2015 11:49

4

His name is Total.

Total’s Arctic home is melting. So he wan-

dered for food and found my cat dish. He is

now 3,101 miles from his former home. Yes,

that’s a long way to roam for a cat dish, but

we buy good cat food. Sadly my cat is now

in Kitty Heaven (or perhaps the Kitty Bad-

lands — he never was a friendly cat), but I still

have the polar bear.

Initially Total displayed a fair degree of

diligence and reliability, and thus I agreed to

make him a partner in my agency. As it turned

TIMMY1_9781406347876_PI_UK.indd 4 04/08/2015 11:49

5

out, the diligence and reliability were a ruse.

Something polar bears do. And I don’t want

to talk about it. I also don’t want to discuss

the change I agreed to make to the name of

the agency, which now reads like this in our

yellow pages ad:

And now I have to go. Because the

Timmyline is ringing.

TIMMY1_9781406347876_PI_UK.indd 5 04/08/2015 11:49

6

The call is from Gunnar. Classmate, neighbor,

and now just another guy missing his Hallow-

een candy. I get a lot of candy cases. They’re

not headline grabbing, but they pay cash

money. So I wake up my partner and hop on

the Failuremobile.

I should say a word about the Failure -

mobile. It’s not actually called a Failuremobile.

2The Candy Man Can’t ’Cos

He’s Missing All His Chocolate

TIMMY1_9781406347876_PI_UK.indd 6 04/08/2015 11:49

7

It’s called a Segway. And it belongs to my

mother. She won it in a raffle. And she has

set forth some restrictions on when and how

I can use it.

I thought that was vague. So I use it. So

far, she hasn’t objected. Mostly because she

doesn’t know.

That touches upon one of the founding

principles of Total Failure, Inc., which I’ve

memorialized in ink on the sole of my left shoe.

TIMMY1_9781406347876_PI_UK.indd 7 04/08/2015 11:49

8

The only complaint I have about the Fail-

uremobile is its speed. If I ride it somewhere

while Total walks, Total gets there first. That

wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the fact

that in between, Total naps.

So it isn’t any surprise to me that when I

get to Gunnar’s house, Total is already there,

doing something that he frequently does when

he beats me to a house. Before I tell you what

that is, let me just say this: first impressions

are critical in the detective world. A client

has to know at first glance that their detective

is (a) professional, (b) classy, and (c) discreet.

TIMMY1_9781406347876_PI_UK.indd 8 04/08/2015 11:49

9

All of this is undermined when the client’s

first impression of their detective is this:

I’ve lectured Total so many times on eating

garbage from clients’ trash cans that I now

believe he is purposely sabotaging the agency.

Fortunately for me, by the time I knock on

TIMMY1_9781406347876_PI_UK.indd 9 04/08/2015 11:49

10

Gunnar’s door, Total has finished eating

everything edible from the trash cans and is

able to stand next to me on the porch.

Gunnar answers the door and escorts us to

the scene of the crime. He points to an empty

table by his bed. “My plastic pumpkin filled

with candy was right there,” he says while

pointing at the tabletop. “Now it’s gone.”

TIMMY1_9781406347876_PI_UK.indd 10 04/08/2015 11:49

11

I look at the tabletop. I can tell from the

empty space that it is gone.

He starts listing the candy he had in the

pumpkin. “Two Mars bars, a Twix, seven 3

Musketeers, five Kit Kats, eleven Almond

Joys, five Snickers, an Abba-Zaba, and eight

Hershey’s Kisses.”

Gunnar looks up at me. “You getting all

this down?”

“ ’Course I’m getting it down.”

TIMMY1_9781406347876_PI_UK.indd 11 04/08/2015 11:49

12

“Let’s start with the basics,” I tell the client,

“like payment. I take cash, cheques, and credit

cards.” I don’t actually take credit cards, but

it sounds professional, so I say it.

“How much will it cost?” asks the client.

“Four dollars a day, plus expenses.”

“Expenses?” asks Gunnar.

“Chicken nuggets for the big man,” I say,

pointing up at Total. Total roars, which looks

intimidating until he falls backward and

crushes Gunnar’s desk.

TIMMY1_9781406347876_PI_UK.indd 12 04/08/2015 11:49

13

That, I know, will be coming out of his

chicken nuggets. I tell Gunnar that I antici-

pate a six-week investigation. Lot of witnesses.

Maybe some air travel.

“I’ll show myself out,” I tell him.

As I walk down the hall, I pass his brother

Gabe’s room. Gabe is sitting on his bed,

surrounded by candy wrappers. There is

chocolate smeared all over his face and an

empty plastic pumpkin on the floor.

TIMMY1_9781406347876_PI_UK.indd 13 04/08/2015 11:49

14

Always on the lookout for clues, I make an

important note in my detective log.

TIMMY1_9781406347876_PI_UK.indd 14 04/08/2015 11:49

This extract is taken from Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made. First published in Great Britain 2013 by

Walker Books Ltd, 87 Vauxhall Walk, SE11 5HJ • www.walker.co.uk • © 2013 Stephan Pastis • ISBN: 978-1-4063-4787-6

Will Timmy & Total solve

the case? Find out in…

AVAILABLE FROM ALL GOOD BOOKSELLERS

14

Always on the lookout for clues, I make an

important note in my detective log.

TIMMY1_9781406347876_PI_UK.indd 14 04/08/2015 11:49

Where did the idea for Timmy Failure originate?I wanted to create a character with a big blind spot. And Timmy’s is

enormous. He is not good at anything he does, and yet he thinks he’s the

centre of the universe. I like working with characters like that. I think I

made him a detective because in kids’ books, the boy detective is always

so smart and clever. I wanted to turn that on its head.

Who is your favourite supporting character in the book?Corrina Corrina. I like the fact that she’s the protagonist’s enemy but

that she doesn’t even know that the protagonist is alive. Timmy’s just

not a part of her everyday life. On the other hand, he is completely

consumed with her.

What’s next for Timmy and Total?Timmy will continue to try to conquer the universe. And he will fall short.

And he will blame it all on his polar bear.

“Timmy is a detective who can take any mystery and make it more mysterious.”

Stephan Pastis is the creator of the New

York Times bestselling Timmy Failure

series, the first of which was a 2014

Booktrust Best Book Awards winner,

a runner-up in the 2014 Sainsbury’s

Children’s Book Awards and listed as

one of 100 Children’s Modern Classics by

The Sunday Times! He is also the creator

of Pearls Before Swine, an acclaimed

comic strip that appears in more than

seven hundred newspapers. Stephan

lives in northern California, USA.

Photo by S

usan

You

ng

Meet Timmy’s Creator, Stephan Pastis

GET COLOURING! After cracking a case, Timmy and Total

celebrate by eating together!

GET COLOURING! Timmy and Total are rushing to catch a plane to set up their new Total Failure, Inc. HQ in the home of pizza and pasta – Italy!

FIND THE FOOD… Timmy has got in a muddle with the menu. Can you

help him find the food in the word search? CLUE: the words go across and down!

PIZZA, ICE CREAM, SPAGHETTI , PENNE,

CARBONARA, CALZONE, FRUTTI , BABYCCINO

CODE BREAKER Great detectives need great code breaking skills. Can you help Timmy to crack the coded message?

First of all, fill in the code cracking table. CLUE: A = 1, B = 2, C = 3

A B C D E F G H I J K L M

1 2 3

N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

25 26

CLUE: read chapter 2 for a little help!

See the bottom of the Pizza & Pasta activity page for the answer!

3 1 19 5 7 21 14 14 1 18 19

13 9 19 19 9 14 7

3 1 14 4 25

1 20 5 20 8 5 3 1 14 4 25

19 15 12 22 5 4 7 1 2 5

G:

:

N N

N

N

N

G

G

CLUE: read chapter 2 for a little help!

See the bottom of the Pizza & Pasta activity page for the answer!

A-MAZING Total the polar bear loves his food, help him through the maze to the pizza!

PIZZA & PASTA Keep your detective brain nimble with this game of pizza and pasta, first to get a straight line up, down or diagonally wins!

EXAMPLE: PIZZA WINS!

Timmy Failure Books & Font © 2012 – 2016 Stephan Pastis

CODE BREAKER ANSWER:

CASE: GUNNAR’S MISSING CANDY SOLVED: GABE ATE THE CANDY

Timmy Failure Books & Font © 2012 – 2016 Stephan Pastis

Untitled-1 1 19/09/2016 15:25

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