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Whatactionhave

youtakeninthe

past30daysto

realizeyour

potential?

JenniferL.Smith, MSOD,CPC,ELI-MP

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…transitionfromwhereyouaretowhereyouwanttobe…

GrowthPotentialConsulting(GPC)isaLeadershipcoaching,training,and

consultingcompany. Wepartnerwith smartpeoplelikeyouwhowantto

havegreatersuccessandrealizeyourgoals.

JenniferL.Smith, MSOD,CPC,ELI-MP

LeadershipEffectivenessCoach&Consultant

732-207-7922

www.GrowthPoten�alCons.com

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MasteringYourLife

WhatHold’sUsBack

LimitingBeliefs

Assumptions

Interpretations

Gremlins

“I believethateveryonehasgreatnesswithinthem.“

TableofContents

SummarizingtheBig4

AnabolicandCatabolicChoice

AnabolicandCatabolicLeadership

AreYouLivingInSyncWithYourValues

TheImportanceofFollow-Through

Using“And”inPlaceof“But”

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MasteringYourLife

Whatisamaster?

Itissomeonewhoresonateswithsuccess.It'sapersonwho'smindsetautomaticallyattracts

therightpeople,places,events,andopportunities.Thissamemindsetallowsthat personto

jumpalloverallofthoseopportunitieswithgusto,andwithoutfearorhesitation.

Ibelievethatwhileeachofuscandomanythingswell,thereisreallyonlyonethingthat

wecantrulymaster,andironically,whileittakesalotofefforttobecomeamasterin

whatyoudo,thereisnorealeffortnecessaryinthethingwecantrulymaster,which

is beingwhoweare.

Eachofushasaveryuniquemakeup.Thatmakeup,atitscore,isperfect! So,whenwe

tapintoourtruecore,ourrealgifttotheworldisrevealed.Whenyoushareyourtruegift

withtheworld,youcanbeconsideredaSelf-Master.

Self-Masteryismadeupof3parts:

1. Understandingthateachofushas

auniquegiftofferingtotheworld,

andthatsuchanofferingcomes

whenwearetrulyauthentic.

2. Discovering(remembering)what

exactlyisourtrulyauthenticself.

3. Sharingwhowearewiththe

world,inawaythatonlywecan.

It'snot what youdothatmatters,norasmuch how youdoit.

Masteryisaboutknowing who youreallyare,andhowyouexpressthatinwhatyoudo.

Soinsteadoftryingtobetteryourselfto.inallybeataplaceofdeservedness,whynot

relax,andinsteadlookwithinto.indthatwhichyouwerereallyseeking?

Self-Masterymeanslivinganabundant,ful.illed,andenjoyablelife.Itmeansfeelingin

controlwithouthavingtocontrolanythingoranyone.Asamaster,itmeansyouareatthe

cause,insteadoftheeffectofyourlife.

Self-Masterymeansresonatingatahighfrequencyofenergy,andattractingallyoucould

everwantinto yourlife,and...withlittleornoeffort.Imaginelivingthisway.

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Whatcanyoucreateifyouattractedallthatyouwantinlife?

Ibelievethateachofusareleadersinourownway whichcanmean thatour Self-Mastery

leadstoLeadershipEffectiveness!

Goingforward,we'lllookatmanythingsthatgetinthewayofdiscoveringandsharing

ourtrueselves. Onebyone,we'llidentifythoseobstacles,limitations,andchallengesand

revealthemforwhattheyare...distractionsthatcanberenderedpowerlessthrough

awarenessandSelf-Mastery.

We'llhelpyoutotransformandmoldyourworldintoallthatyoudesire,torevealyour

unlimitedpotential.

“Youwillneverhaveagreaterorlesserdominionthanthatoveryour-

self...theheightofaman'ssuccessisgaugedbyhisself-mastery;thedepth

ofhisfailurebyhisself-abandonment....Andthislawistheexpressionof

eternaljustice.Hewhocannotestablishdominionoverhimselfwillhave

nodominionoverothers.”

― LeonardodaVinci

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WhatHoldsUsBack

Whatholdsusbackfromlivingtheliveswedesire?

Somepeopleattributethelackofhavingwhattheywanttofate-thattheirlivesare

somehow"meanttobe"thewaytheyare.

Whatiftheconceptoffatedoesnotexist?

Ifwecanbelievethattobetrue,aconceptcalledself-fatehelpsexplainwhysomanyof

usdon'thavewhatwereallywant.

Self-fateistheideathatbecauseourpastisdominatingourthoughtprocesses,andmost

peoplearenotconsciouslylivinginthe

moment,ourpastactuallycreatesourfuture.

Whenwemakechoicesbasedonourpastexperiences,wecannotchangeourfuture

unlessthecontrolofthepastisremoved.Wehavepre-determinedchoicesthatweare

programmedtomake,andourpastdoestheprogramming.

Thinkaboutaleaderwhohasexperiencedcolleagueswhohavenotfollowedthrough

onadecisionthathehasmadeorbeingquestioned/challengedinmeetingsorhaving

decisionsreversedbyhismanager.Thisleadercanbegintofeeldisrespectedandbelieve

thatnotonewilltakehimseriously.Hebeginstoquestionhisabilityandmaybelievethat

everyoneisagainsthim.

Maybeit'sawomanwhoisunhappywithherrela-

tionshipsandsaysthatsheseemstomeetthesame

kindofmenoverandoveragain.

Shecomplainsthatmenareallthesame,looking

forthesamething.Shebelievesthatshe'snevergo-

ingto.indarelationshipthatismutuallyrespectful

andserving,asopposedtotherelationshipsshe's

had,whereshe'sbeenemotionallyabused.

It'snowondershefeelsthisway,asshe'shadmany

experiencesthathavecreatedthosebeliefs.

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Theleaderandthewomanhavefeelingsthatarequitenormalbecauseoftheirpast

experiences.Becauseofthiscontinuedfrustrationandpaintheybegantoputout"victim"

energy.Andwhatistheresultofthat?Thevibrationemittedispickedupbythosewhose

energymatchesthosebeliefs:colleagueswithcertainbehaviorsormenwhowilltake

advantageofthewoman.Andso,theyactuallycreatetheirfuturerelationships,andwill

continuetodosounlesstheychangetheirsenseofself,or,whotheyareBEING,in

relationships.

So,thetraditionalconceptoffateproposesthatourlivesarepre-determinedbyanout-

sidesource.

Self-fate,however,issomethingthatwecancontrol.Wecangaincontrolby learningto

makeconsciouschoices-choicesthataremadeinthepresentmoment,withoutallthe

emotional"baggage"wecarryaround.

Youcanthinkofthatbaggageasbeingpackedinfourkindsofsuitcases-

the"Big4"energyblocksthatwecarryaroundwithusthatdictatehowweseetheworld

andthatholdusbackfromreachingourunlimitedpotential.

Leadershipgreatnessisachievedwhenwechoosehowwewanttoshowupin

relationships!Webegintoresonatewithapositive/anabolicenergywhichhelps

uscreateourdesiredoutcomesinlife.

“I'velearnedthatpeoplewillforgetwhatyousaid,peoplewillforget

whatyoudid,butpeoplewillneverforgethowyoumadethemfeel.”

― MayaAngelou

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LimitingBeliefs

Beliefscaneitherhelpyouorhinderyou.

Limitingbeliefsarethosethatholdyoubackfromsuccess.Ifyoudonotbelievesome-

thingispossible,you'renotlikelytoattemptit.Evenifyoudoattemptit,youwon't

devotemuchenergytoachievingthatgoal.

Limitingbeliefsaregeneralbeliefsabouttheworld,yourenvironment,situation,andthe

peoplearoundyouthatstandinyourway.Moreoftenthannot, alimitingbeliefisaccept-

edastruebecauseyou'velearneditfrom someoneelse,orfroman"authority,"suchas

themedia,abook,oramovie.Youassumethatit's"justthewayitis."

Hereisaclassicexampleofalimitingbelief:

Upuntil1954,itwascommonly heldthatrun-

ningamileinunderfourminuteswasimpossi-

ble.Moreover,physiologistsbelieveditwas

extremelydangerouseventoattemptit.Yeton

May6ofthatyear,RogerBannistercrossedthe

.inishlinein3minutesand59.4seconds,there-

bydisprovingthemythforever.

It'sremarkablethatBannisteraccomplishedhis

feat.Itrequiredthathecompletelyignorethe

prevailing,limitingbeliefandconstructanen-

tirelydifferentbelief

systemforhimself.

Whatotherssawasalimitation,heperceivedasopportunity.Andoncehedisprovedthe

presumedlimitsofthehumanbody,lessthantwomonthslater,anotherrunner,John

Landy,brokeBannister'srecordwithamiledashof3minutesand57.9seconds.What's

more,withinjustafewyears,dozensofrunnerswereleavingthefour-minutemarkinthe

dust.

Hereareacoupleofcommonlimitingbeliefsthatholdmanyofusback.

Howaboutyouhavetoworkreallyhardtoachievesuccess?

Orthatsuccessfulpeoplearelucky?

Orthatyouhavetohavemoneytomakemoney?

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Thereareseveralwaystochallengelimitingbeliefs.

Youcanexploretheeffectthebeliefhashadonyourlife,lookforproofofitstruth(orlack

ofproof),ormodifythebelieforaspectsofthebelieftobetterserveyou.

Simplyexaminingthebeliefwithquestionslike"HowtruedoIbelievethatis?"andthe

rhetorical"WheredidIgetthatidea?"canalsoworkremarkablywell.

Onceyouovercomelimitingbeliefs,theycannolongerholdyouback.

"Healthyleadersare...verytalentedinself-observationandself-analysis;

thebestleadersarehighlymotivatedtospendtimeinself-re)lection."

-ManfredF.R.KetsDeVries

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Assumptions

Anassumptionisabeliefthatisbasedonthepremisethatbecausesomethinghap-

penedinthepast,itisautomaticallygoingtohappenagain.

Whenchoicesaremadebasedonassumptions, thisislettingthepastcontrolthefuture.

Assumptionshold usback,becausewhen wealready"know"thatsomethingwon't

work, wemaynot considerdoingit.Evenifwedoattemptit, wewon'thavealotof

energyfororbeengagedinwhat weare doing. Thisisbecauseourbeliefisthatitcannot

work.

When weholdonto ourassumptions, wemissoutonmanypossibilities.

Imaginethisscenario:Anewsalespersonhasdone.ivesalespresentations,andnoneof

theprospectiveclientshavedecidedtobuyherproduct.Ifshemakestheassumptionthat

sheisnotgoodatdoingpresentations,thenit'sunlikelythatshe'llputherallintosolicit-

ingthem.And,evenifshedoesendupdoingone,thecatabolicenergyshebringswithher

tothepresentationmayactuallyrepelherpotentialsalesandwithoutherevenrealizing

it,shehascreatedmoreproofthatherassumptionwascorrect.

Anotherscenarioisthatduringholidayswebegintothinkaboutpastinteractionswith

familymembers.Forthosethatrequiredsigni.icantpatiencefromusinthepast, wemay

assumethat they willalwaysbethatway. So,we begintodreadattendingthefamily

dinnerbecause ofpastexperiences.

Herearesometypicalassumptions:

• IfIdon'tdoitmyself,itwon'tbedoneright.

• Myemployeesarelazyandunproductive.

• I'mnogoodatspeakinginfrontofgroups.

• NoonelistenstowhatI'msaying.

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Becauseassumptionsareprimarilybasedonpersonalexperience,theyareinternalized

andemotional,andsomewhatdif.iculttoletgoof.Delvingdeeptoremovetheemotionof

thepastexperiencemaybenecessarybeforemovingforward.

Themainquestiontoaskwhenchallenginganassumptionissimply"Justbecausethat

happenedinthepast,whymustithappenagain?"Inrelationships,whenweacceptour

familyforwhotheyareandenjoythegiftoftimewithfamilyweshiftourenergyto

becomemoreanabolic.

Wechoosetoenjoyourselves!

Overthenextmonth,whenyoujust"know"thatsomethingwon'tworkbasedon

yourpastexperience,recognizeyourassumptionforwhatitis,questionit,and

consciouslychoosetoletitgoandtotakepositiveaction.

“Assumptionsaredangerousthingstomake,andlikealldangerousthings

tomake--bombs,forinstance,orstrawberryshortcake--ifyoumakeeven

thetiniestmistakeyoucan)indyourselfinterribletrouble.Makingassump-

tionssimplymeansbelievingthingsareacertainwaywithlittleornoevi-

dencethatshowsyouarecorrect,andyoucanseeatoncehowthiscanlead

toterribletrouble.Forinstance,onemorningyoumightwakeupandmake

theassumptionthatyourbedwasinthesameplacethatitalwayswas,

eventhoughyouwouldhavenorealevidencethatthiswasso.Butwhen

yougotoutofyourbed,youmightdiscoverthatithad)loatedouttosea,

andnowyouwouldbeinterribletroubleallbecauseoftheincorrectas-

sumptionthatyou'dmade.Youcanseethatitisbetternottomaketoo

manyassumptions,particularlyinthemorning.”

― LemonySnicket, TheAustereAcademy

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Interpretations

Whenweinterpretsomething,wecreateanopinionaboutanevent,situation,orexperience.

Inessence,wecreateanexplanationandthenlookforevidencetosupportitsvalidity.

Whenwemakeaninterpretation,wedon'tevenseethatotherexplanationsexist.In

actuality,though,aninterpretationoftenrepresentsonlyoneviewpointamongthemany

thatarepossible.

Ourinterpretationsholdastrongenergeticcharge,whichaffectsouremotionsand

actions.Ifwebelieveourviewpointofaparticularsituationistheonlyexplanation,we

mightnotbeawareofanotherpointofview.Wemayendupwastingalotoftimeand

resourcesmarchingoffinthewrongdirection.Becausewedon'tseethatotherpossibili-

tiesexist,weremainstuckinourstory,andfeellikewehavenocontrolovertheoutcome.

Anexample:

Solet'ssayyougointoworkoneday,andyourbossbarelynodshello,andthengoesinto

hisof.iceandclosesthedoor.Ifyouthinkthatyourbossactedthatwaybecauseheis

angrywithyou,youmightspendthemorningwonderingwhatyoudidtogethimmad,

andyoumightbehesitanttoapproachhimwiththegreatideayou'dcomeupwithonthe

wayintowork.

Aswithassumptions,interpretationsare

personalandaresomewhatdif.iculttolet

goofandchallenge.Holdingontothemmay

seemliketheeasywayout,asfacingthem

maymoveyouintounchartedterritory.

However,challenging yourinterpretations

opens youuptoaworldofpossibilities,

literally.

Typicalinterpretationsmaysoundlike

this:

• Hedoesn'tlikeme.

• ShethinksI'mincompetent.

• Theydon'twanttofolloworders.

• Mysonisjustnotinterestedindoinghis

homework.

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Interpretationscanbedirectlychallengedbyasking:"What'sanotherwaytolookat

that?"Justrealizingthatthereareotherwaystolookatsomethinglessensthepowerof

the.irstinterpretation.

Onewaytodothisistoimaginewhatanotherindividual'sperspectiveofthesituation

mightbe.Askingforsomeoneelse'spointofviewonadif.icultsituation(eveniftheyare

notdirectlyinvolved)canbreakexistingparadigmsandopenpathwaysformoresuccess-

fulsolutions.Challengingyourselforotherstoarguethepointofviewdirectlyopposite

yourinterpretationalsoworksremarkablywelltoarriveatnewinformation,newangles,

andnewpathstosuccess.

Intheexampleofthebossabove,perhapsthereasonwhyhebarelyacknowledgedyou

wasthathejustreceivedadisturbingphonecallaboutafamilymember,orhehada

deadlinethathadtobemet...or...well,therearemanypossibleexplanations.

Whatanopportunityyou'dmissifyoudecidednottopresentyourgreatideabased

onyourfalseinterpretation.

Beforeyou"jumptoconclusions"andbelievethe.irststorythatcomestomind,consider

otherpossibilitiesthatcouldleadyoutonew,empoweringchoicesandactions.

"'Everyoneinacomplexsystemhasaslightlydifferentinterpretation.

Themoreinterpretationswegather,theeasieritbecomestogaina

senseofthewhole." ~MargaretJ.Wheatley

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Gremlins

Ifyou'renotachievingwhatyouwant,it'smostlikelyoneofthebig4energyblocksthat's

keepingyoustuck.

Previously,welookedat

• Limitingbeliefs-things thatyouacceptaboutlife,aboutyourself,aboutyourworld,or

aboutthepeopleinit,thatlimityouinsomeway;

• Assumptions-expectationsthat,becausesomethinghashappenedinthepast,itwill

happenagain;

• Interpretations-opinionsandjudgmentsthatyoucreateaboutanevent,situation,

person,orexperienceandbelievetobetrue.

Itisnowtimetoexaminethelast,butcertainlynottheleast,ofthebigfourenergyblocks.

The.inalblockwe'lltalkabout-thegremlin-isthemostdif.iculttoovercome,because

it'sthemostpersonalandholdsthemostenergy.

Whenyoureadtheword-gremlin,whatcomestomind?

Thisbarrieristhegremlinwithineveryoneofus:theinnercritic.Youknow...thatlittle

voiceinyourhead.Thevoicethattellsyounottotry,youarenotgoodenough,tonever

totakearisk,alwaystotakethesaferoad,andtocompromiseyourlifebyplayingsmall.

Whenisthelasttimeyouheardthisvoice?

Whathasitpreventedyoufromaccomplishing?

Thatvoiceisyourgremlin!

Regardlessofanyevidencetothecontrary,thegremlin'svoicecontinuestowhisper:"It

ain'tgonnahappen."Thisdebilitatingmessagebubblesupinmanyforms:"I'mnotsmart

enough,experiencedenough,andattractiveenough."Itallcomesbacktoasimpleand

quiteviciousblock:"I'mjustnotgoodenoughtocutit."

Yourgremlinishighlypersonal.Itisrooteddeeplyinsideyouandcarriesthemostin-

tenseemotionalchargeofanyoftheblockswe'veexploredbecauseit thrivesonfear.

Whenyouhearitswhispers,yourmotivationtotrywithers.Youdreadfailing,feeling

pain,andbeingembarrassed.Youcanevenbescaredofsucceedingifthegremlincon-

vincesyouthatyou'llfaileventually.

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Sowhataresometypicalgremlinsstatements?Whichof thesestatementsdoyou

hearfromyour innercritic?

• I'mnoteffective.

• WhoamIkidding,here?Ican'tdothat.

• I'mnotsmartenoughtoreallydothisjobwell.

• Idon'thaveenoughexperience.

• NoonewilltakemeseriouslyifIsharemyideas.

• Idon'tdeservegreatsuccess.

• Youdon'thavethewillpowerto continue withthat2012NewYear'sresolutionor

intention.

Beingawareofyourgremlinisthe.irststeptowardslesseningitspower.Onceyourealize

thatyourgremlinexists,giveitanidentity.Nameit-andthen,ifyou'dlike,makeiteven

morerealbydrawingit,sculptingit,orseeingitinyourmind-whateverworksforyou.In

doingthis,youdiscoverthatthegremlinisonlyapartofwhoyouare,notyourwhole

identity.Byseeingitinobjectiveterms,yousapsomeofitsstrength.

Gremlinworkcanbequiteinvolvedandismost

effectivewhenyouareguidedbyacerti:iedcoach

yetbelowaresomestepsyoucantaketo"tackle"

yourgremlin:

• Nameyourgremlin.Itisbesttonotusethename

ofafamilymemberorpersonthatisinyourlife.

• Keepalog/journalhowoftenyourgremlin

speaksandwhatitsays.

• Whenyouhearthevoicecallitbynameand

speaktoitsaying"youareonlyasmallpartof

whoIam."

Forthenextmonth,keepajournalofwhenyourgremlinspeakstoyou.

Eachtimeitdoes,challengeyourselftoshiftyourperspectiveandseejusthowMUCH

MOREpositiveenergyyouwillhave!

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SummarizingtheBig4

Asyouthinkabouttheintentionsyousetforresolutionsorgoals,whatpreventsyou

fromachievingthem?

Whatblocksyoufrommovingforward?

Bynowyouhaveprobably.iguredoutthatit'stheBig4!

AsyourecalltheBig4are:

• Gremlins

• Assumptions

• Interpretations

• LimitingBeliefs

BrianTracysays"controlyourattention.Lifeisverymuchastudyofattention.Whatever

youdwelluponandthinkaboutgrowsandexpandsinyourlife."

TheBig4aredistractions.

Theygrabyourattentionandblockyoufrombelievinginyourself,trustingyourintuition,

goingforthatideathatnooneelsebelievesin,havingthe.inancialwealththatyou

deserve,enjoyingrelationshipswithpeoplethatareinyourlife,andhavingpeaceof

mind.

Sonowisthetime,today,tosetanintentiontochoosemoreempowering

andself-lovingthoughtswhentheseblocksbegintocreepoutyoursuit-

caseandintoyourmind.

Imaginealifeofchoosingpeaceofmind.

What'smostexcitingaboutthisisweallhavecontroloverourthoughtsandhowwefeel

aboutthingssowhenwechangeourentireperspective...wecancreatea"newreality"

thatmovesusinthedirectionofourdreams.

SustainingthePathtoYourDesiredSuccess

Whensomethinghappens(adiscussionwhereyoufeltangryorhurt,aninteractionwith

afriendorcolleaguewhichquestionedyourability,amissedpromotion,aperformance

reviewthatindicatedsomethingyouwerenotexpecting)youcanusethefollowing

processtohelpguideyoutomoreempoweringthoughts.

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Thoughtsin.luencefeelingswithresultinactionorinaction.

So,askyourself:

Step1: Whathappened?Simplydescribethefactswithoutincludingthoughtsorfeel-

ings.

Step2:WhatthoughtsamIhavingaboutthissituation?

Step3: Arethesethoughtscomingfromaninterpretation,assumption,limitingbe-

liefsoroneofmyGremlins?

Step4:Howdothesethoughtsmakemefeel?

Now,refertoandanswerthequestionsinpastnewslettersabouttheBig4.Thiswillhelp

youworkthroughyour"suitcases." Tosupportyouthroughouttheprocess,Irecommend

surroundingyourselfbypositivity(anabolicpeopleandmessages).

Thiscanbeaccomplishedinanumberofways:

• Talkwithoneofyourfriendswhoisverysupportiveofyou.Share whatyoudiscov-

eredwhenaskingthe4questions.Theymayevenbecomeyouraccountabilitypart-

nerinmovingforwardwithyourplan.

• ReadbooksorlistentobooksonCD. Afewsuggestionsare:

1. EnergyLeadership

2. TheMasteryofLove:APracticalGuidetotheArtofRelationship

3. DeepChange:DiscoveringtheLeader Within

4. TheSecretofAttractingMoney

• Reachouttoamentorwhosupportyouorconsiderengagingacoachwhocanpro-

videan"outsiders"perspectiveusingtechniquesthatsolicittransformational

change.

• Ifyouarereligiousorspiritual,theremaybesomeonewithinyourcommunitythat

canbesupportive.

Thegoalistosurroundyourselfwithsupportive,positive(anabolic)peopleand

minimizenegative(catabolic)in:luences.

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AnabolicandCatabolic Choice

Manyofuswalkaroundfeelinglikewehavelimitedchoicesinmanyaspectsofourlives.

Takenoticeofhowmanytimesadayyousaythewordshaveto,should,andneedto.

Wheneveranyofusfeellikewemustdosomething,we'reinLevel1energy-avictimto

ourthoughtsorcircumstances.

Someofyoumaybethinking:IhavetogetmyworkdonebecauseifIdonotIwillnotre-

mainemployedortheywon'tlikeme.Howoftenhadyousaidsomethingsimilarandthen

hadfeelingsoffrustrationordissatisfactionafterwards?

Infact,whenfacedwithataskorsomethingtodo,therearefourbasicwaystorespond,

andofthem,onlyoneisbyfullconsciouschoice.

Thefourwaysofrespondingare"Ihaveto,""Ineedto,""Iwantto,"or"Ichooseto."

Whensaying"Ihaveto"dosomething,themindisthinkingthatyouhavenopower,life

justhappens,nomatterwhatyoudoorbelieve."Havingto"completethetaskcreates

thoughtsandfeelingsthatyouwillexperiencedireconsequencesifthetaskisnotcom-

pleted.Youfeelforcedtodoitandthatyouhaveverylittletonochoice.

Thesecondresponse,"Ineedto"isamorepowerfulplacetocomefrom.Here,you're

awareofyourchoicesandyouseekto.indtheopportunityinthechallengespresented.

Thisperspectivebringsmorechanceofsuccess,butit'sstillcatabolic,becauseyoudon't

feelfullyatchoice.

Sothesetworesponsescreateeithernoactionoractionbyforce.Sinceyouarenotener-

geticallyboughtintoasituation,goal,orprojectcatabolicenergyisbroughttoit,itbe-

comesarecipeforlackofengagement,frustrationwithjoborrelationships.Sointhese

cataboliclevels,

Thenextresponse,"Iwantto,"isanabolic,becauseitbeginstheindicationofbeingat

choice.But,"want"stillcomesfromaplaceoflackeventhoughitmayfeellikechoosingto

dosomething.

Themostpowerfulresponseis "Ichooseto." Whenrespondingthisway,youbelievethat

youhavecompletechoice.Thiscreatesanempoweringfeelingaswellasaconnectionbe-

tweenwhoyouareandwhatyoudo.

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…transitionfromwhereyouaretowhereyouwanttobe…

Example

Jane's2012NewYear'sresolution(intention)istoexercise3timesaweek.Shebelieves

she"hasto"dothisbecauseit'stherightthingtodo.Well,byweek3shewasalready

losingmomentumbecauseshecamefromaplaceoflittlechoice.Whatcanshedo?By

shiftingtoaplaceof"Ichooseto"becauseoneofhervaluesistobehealthy,Janenowhas

anabolicenergyaroundexercising.Thisunleashesmotivation!

Whatcanyoudo?

Youcan comefromaplaceofhavingeverythingandchoosingtoexperience,ratherthan

.illaneed.Whenthesethoughtscreepintoyourmindorslipoutofyourmouth,challenge

yourself.Askthequestion:doI"haveto"dothisoramIchoosingtodothisbecauseby

havingajobIcanpaymybillsorcareformyfamily?

Remember,ourthoughtsdriveourfeelingswhichyieldeithernoactionoraction.

Howmightcomingfromaplaceofchoicemorequicklymoveyoutowardsgreater

success?

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AnabolicandCatabolic Leadership

Howwellyouleaddependsonyourlevelofconsciousness,orenergy.Higherlevelsofan-

abolicenergyareassociatedwithmoreeffectiveleadership.

Ananabolicleaderleadsbecausetheyfeelempowered.Onede.initionofleadis"togobe-

foreorwithtoshowtheway"andanotheris"toguideindirection,course,andaction"

soundssupportive,anditis. Theseleaders inspirepeoplewithwords,actions,andby

personalexample. Anabolicenergyisbuildingenergy,andwhetherintheworkplaceorat

home, greatleadersbuildrelationships,teams,families,andbusinesses.

Acatabolicleaderbelievesthattheyneedtocontrol,manipulateordemandthat people

dothings. Theyhavelittletonocon.idenceinothersandquestionthecompetencyofoth-

ers. Catabolicenergyisdestructiveandthisbehaviorbeginstocreatedysfunctionin

teamsandlackofengagement.

Remember...thefourwaysofrespondingare"Ihaveto,""Ineedto,""Iwantto,"or"Ichooseto."

Whenananabolicleaderrequestssomethingorasksforsomeone'sinputonaproject,the

personismuchmorelikelytorespondwiththeanabolic"Iwantto"or"Ichooseto."The

moreanabolictheleaderis,thegreatertheprobabilityofsuccess.

Whenacatabolicleaderdemandsthatsomeonedosomething,mostlikely,thepersonwill

respondcatabolicallywiththoughtsof"Ihaveto"or"Ineedto."Overtime,thiscanleadto

resentment.

Howmightbeingmoreanabolicbegintoaccelerateyourleadershipsuccess?

So,what'soneofthemajordifferences?Demand/commandversusrequest.

PracticalApplication

Beginassessingyourcurrentanabolicandcatabolicleadershiptendenciesbyanswering

thesefewquestions:

• HowoftendoIuselanguagesuchas"youhavetogetthisdone"or"youneedto

.inishthatprojectrightnow?"

• WhenwasthelasttimeIaskedforsomeonetoprovidetheirinputonaproject

oridea?

• Whatcausesmy"catabolic"tendenciestoshowup?

Thewordswechoosehaveasigni.icantimpactonthosewelead.Bychoosinglanguage

thatinspiresotherswewillbeginunleashtheirpotential!

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AreYouLivinginSyncWithYourValues?

Ful.illmentinlifeisrelatedtohowwellyouarelivinginalignmentwithyourvalues.Val-

uesarenotmoralsorprinciples.Theyaretheessenceofwhoyouare-notwhoyouthink

youshouldbe.

Forinstance,moneyisnotavalue,whereasthethingsthatmoneymightbuy,suchasfree

time,risk-taking,andbeingofservicearevalues.Whenyou'realignedwithyourvalues,

youfeelinnerharmony,yourchoicesaremoreeasilymade,andyouractionsareinaccord

withyourtrueself.

ValuesAlignmentIndicator

Answertrueorfalseforeachstatement toseehowcloselyyouarelivinginsyncwith

yourvalues.

1. Ihavespenttimeclarifyingmyvaluesandcaneasilyarticulatethem.

2. Myvaluesaremyown.Ihavenotsimplyadoptedthemfromparents,teachersor

otheroutsidein.luences.

3. Ibasedmychoiceofoccupationonmydeepestvalues.

4. MyvaluesareinalignmentwiththecompanyIworkfor(orown).

5. MybusinessassociatesandIregularlyexaminehowwearelivinguptoourval-

uesandmission.

6. Iturndownmoney-makingorstatus-buildingopportunitieswhentheycon.lict

withmyvalues.

7. Inresolvingdisputesatwork,Ilookbeneaththeapparentproblemtoseeifval-

uesarebeingdishonored,andthenIseekwaystohonorthem.

8. AnyonelookingatmylifefromtheoutsidewouldseewhatIvalue.

9. Iusemyvaluesasaguidepostformakingdecisions.Iaskifaparticularchoice

wouldbringmecloserto-orfurtherfrom-acorevalue.

10. WhenIfeelupset,it'salmostalwaysbecausemyvaluesarebeingtrampled-

eitherbyme,someoneelse,orthesituation.

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11. Iamnoteasilyswayedbyothers'opinionswhentheycon.lictwithmyvalues.

12. Toremainopenand.lexible,Iamwillingtore-examinemyvaluestodetermine

whethersomethingisstilltrueforme.

13. I.indcreativewaystohonorallofmyvalues-evenwhentheycon.lictwithone

another.

14. Myworkvaluesareinharmonywithmypersonalandrelationshipvalues.

15. IfIliveaccordingtomyvalues,Iwillfeelsatis.iedandsuccessfulthroughoutmy

life.

PracticalApplication

Whatareyourtop5values?

Ifyouansweredfalsemoreoftenthantrue,youmaywishtoclarifyyourdeepestvalues

andbringyourlifeintogreateralignmentwiththem.

Howmightmakingchoicesthatalignwithyourvaluesaccelerateyourleadership

success?

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TheImportanceofFollow-Through

Whetheryou'relearningtoswingagolfclub,baseballbatortennisracquet,coachesal-

waysemphasizetheimportanceoffollow-through.It'snotjusthittingtheballthatmat-

ters,it'showyoucontinueyourswingoncecontactismade.

Thesamethingappliesinjobinterviews,clientmeetings,networking,salesandalmost

anyworksituation:withoutpurposefulfollow-throughonyouractionsandinteractions

withothers,youwon'treallybeabletoreachyourpotential.

"Failuretomeetdeadlines,honorcommitments,monitorstaff,returncallsandkeep

trackoflong-termprojectsisthemostunderratedcauseofchaosandfailureinbusi-

nesslife,"writesStephanieWinstoninOrganizedforSuccess.

Sooftenwefeelwe'vecompletedataskbecausetheactionofitis"done,"butweunder-

emphasizehowpowerfulitistocontinuedeveloping,trackingandmonitoringoperations

andrelationshipsevenafterthey'vebeensetinplace.AsLarryBossidyandRamCharan

noteinExecution:TheDisciplineofGettingThingsDone,"Follow-throughisthecorner-

stoneofexecution,andeveryleaderwho'sgoodatexecutingfollowsthroughreligiously.

Followingthroughensuresthatpeoplearedoingthethingstheycommittedtodo,accord-

ingtotheagreedtimetable."

It'sNotJustWhat,ButHow

Whenwethinkoffollow-through,wetendtothinkoftakingaction.Butalargepartoffol-

low-throughisabout.irst.iguringout how thingswillbedone.Howoftendoyou

rush righttoactionversusspendingsometime"thinkingthroughthings?"Onceyoude-

.ineyourgoals,setasidesometimetodecidejusthow youwillreachthem.Whatsteps

willbeneededtoaccomplishthem?Whowilldowhichstepsandwhen?Whatisthede-

siredtimeline?Ifastrategy,project,idea doesnotaddressthe hows,itisalmostcertainly

willbemoredif.icultthanitneedstobeandtakelongerthandesired.

Takemeetings,forinstance.Aplanforfollow-throughshouldbedetailedattheendof

everymeeting.

"Never/inishameetingwithoutclarifyingwhatthefollowthroughwillbe,whowill

doit,whatresourcestheywilluse,andhowandwhenthenextreviewwilltakeplace

andwithwhom,"BossidyandCharansuggest.

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Organizing

Agoodorganizationalsystemwillsupportfollow-throughmorethanalmostanything.If

youareamongtheorganizationallychallenged, choosetodo oneoftwothings:

1. Getthingsinorder.Buyanorganizationbook,reserveaweekendoraweek,and

likeNikesays"justdoit."Getorganizedonceandforall.You'renotlikelytofollow

throughwell,ifatall,whenthedisorganization gremlin hasholdofyou.Gettingor-

ganizedisoneofthebiggestkeystosuccess;notdoingsoisanextremelycommon

andmostunfortunateformofself-sabotage.

2. Hiresomeonetoorganizeyouandkeepyouthatway.Theinvestmentwillpayfor

itselfwhenyoubeginfollowingthroughmoreconsistently.

Youknowyourselfwellsoifyouhavetrieddoingthisyourselfbeforeandbecomeover-

whelmed,obtainhelp.

PracticalApplication

Forthenextmonth,monitoryourfollow-through. Ifyounoticethatyouarestruggling

withfollowing-throughonsomethings,makenotesin ajournalornotebookaboutwhat

isn'tgettingdone,thoughtsaswellasfeelings youarehaving,andthetimeofday.This

willprovide greaterclarityaboutpatterns.

Howmightshiftingoneortwothoughtsresultinbetterfeelingssothatyoucantake

actiontoaccelerateyourleadershipsuccess?

First,wefocusedonthe"how." Then,westartedgettingorganizedandnowit'stimeto

discussthe.inal follow-throughtips.

Delegating

Delegatingshouldalsobepartofanorganizationalsystem."Gettingthingsdonethrough

othersisafundamentalleadershipskill,"accordingtoBossidyandCharan."Indeed,ifyou

can'tdoit,you'renotleading."Delegatingisanef.icientwaytoensurethatthegreatest

numberoftasks,includingfollow-uptasks,getdoneintheshortestamountoftime.In

otherwords,ifyouwanttobesuccessful,don'tbeafraidtodoleouttheworkloadtooth-

ers.Thekeyistoalwaysthinkintermsofthebigpictureinsteadoffocusingonlyonwhat-

evertaskisinfrontofyourfaceatthemoment.

Ihavetakenthisonetoheart! InthepastmonthImadealistofthetasks/projects

thatIhavetodoversusthosethatcanbedonebysomeoneelse.

Thiswaseye-opening!

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Ifyouaresaying,Ihavenoonetodelegatetothiswon'tworkforme…Iencourageyouto

getcreative! Dependingwhat'sonyourlist,delegatingmight involveautomatinga

processversusdoingitmanually.

TakingActionandKeepingYourWord

Whenyousayyou'lldosomething,bescrupulousinmeetingyourcommitment,whether

toaclient,supervisor,customerordirect-report.Ifyoucan'tdeliverit,don'tpromiseit.

Injobinterviewsandnetworking,rapidfollow-upcanmeanthedifferencebetweenland-

ingthejoband/orclient.Hiringdecisionsareoftenmadeveryquicklyafterinterviews.

Andgettingincontactwithpeoplesoonaftermeetingthemmeanstheywillremember

you,increasingthelikelihoodtheywilleventuallybuyfromyou.

Besuretosendathankyounoteafteryoucloseasaleorreceiveanycourtesy.Thiswill

makeyoustandoutfromtheothers,invitinganongoingrelationshiptodevelop,or

continuetodevelop.Also,ashortthank-younotegivesyouagreatexcusetoaddanything

youforgottosayinameetingorinterview,ortohighlightdetailsyouonlyglossedover.

Alltopsalespeoplearemastersatfollow-through.Lackoffollow-throughistheprimary

elementmissingwhensalesarenotkeepingpacewithleadsgenerated.Youmayhave

hundredsofleadswithagreatdealofpotential.Butunlessyoufollowthroughandactive-

lymarket/selltotheseleads,theywillnotturnintosales. Forthosewhoarenot

"salespeople,"rememberthatwe "sell'ourideas everyday.

Followingthroughaftersaleshavebeenmadealsomakesgood.inancialsense.Getting

businessfromnewcustomerscostssigni.icantlymorethansecuringadditionalbusiness

fromexistingcustomers.

Whenitcomestofollow-through,somethingisbetterthannothing.Itdoesn'thavetobe

anall-or-nothingthing.Thebestistofollow-upasfrequentlyandbestasyoucan,aprac-

ticethatcanevenaffectproductivitypositively.

"Onaday-to-daybasis,consistent,automaticfollow-throughcande/lectalotofthe

/ire/ightingthatcanpushyourdayoffcourse,"Winstonwrites.

PracticalApplication

Forthenextmonth,monitorif youcommitto morethingsthanwhatyoucanreasonably

complete. Continue writingaboutwhatyouarelearningin ajournalornotebook.

Howmightshiftingoneortwobehaviorsresultintaking actiontoaccelerateyour

leadershipsuccess?

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Using"And" inPlaceof"But"

Nothingzapsagreatideafasterthan"Yes,but...."Youmightaswellsay"No."

It'snotjustaboutsemantics.

Infact,"Yes,but"maybethenumber1phraseforkillingpersonalhope,puttinggreat

ideasonice,andthreateninginnovationinorganizations.

Example

TakeJonah,forexample.Jonahisaseniormanagerintherealestatedivisionofalarge.i-

nancialservicescompanywhenhelearnsofanopenpositioninthecompany'sprestig-

iousnew-productresearchteam.He'sbeensuccessfulintherealestatedivision,butnev-

erreallyful.illed.Whathereallylovesisthechargehegetsbrainstormingnewideasand

researchingtheirviability.

Jonahisexcitedtoapplyfortheposition-initially,thenduringaconversationwitha

friend,hesays,"Yeah,I'dbegreatforthatteam,butyouhavetoknowsomeonetoget

named."Afterthecall,he.indshimselfincreasinglydiscouraged.

Willhegettheposition?Atthisrate,hewon'tevenapply.

Luckily,Jonah'scoachpointsouthisself-defeatingself-talkandsuggestsasimple.ix.

"Yeah,"Jonahsaysagain,"I'dbegreat,andit'shardtogetonthenew-productsteamifyou

don'tknowsomeone,butI'mgoingtogiveitashot."Catchinghimselfagain,hesays,"And

I'mgoingtogiveitashot."

Heworkshardonhisresume,evenproposesapotentialproductlinefortheteamtocon-

sider,andshowsupimpeccablyforhisinterview.Jonahdoesn'tgettheposition,and

that'sokaybecauseintheprocesshe'sbecomeclearerabouthiscareergoals.He'sin-

spiredtotakesomeclassesandtodevelophisnetworkofcontacts,thusmakinghissuc-

cessmorelikelyinthefuture.

AndThinking...

Andispowerful.Andunitesopposites,opensupopportunity,createspossibilitiesthat

weren'tevidentbefore.Coupleandwithyes,andyouhaveawinningcombination.

Hereareafewmoreexamples.

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Yes,andopensuppossibility.

• Yes,Iwakeupmanymorningswithideasfornewinventions, but I'man

accountant.Ican'tquitmyjob.

• Yes,Ihavelotsofideasforinventions, and asanaccountantI'vehandled

mymoneywell.NextmonthI'mbuildingaprototypeofmymostpromising

idea.

Yes,andinvitescooperation.

• Yes,I'dlovetotelecommute, but mybossdoesn'ttrustanyoneandwould

nevergoforit.

• Yes,I'dlovetoworkfromhome, and mybosshastroubletrustinghisem-

ployees.I'lldevelopaproposalshowinghimthebene)itsoftelecommuting

andsuggestthatwetryitforamonth.

Yes,andencouragescreativity.

• Yeah,I'dlovetolivehere, but youhavetoberichtobuyahouseinthis

market.

• Yeah,Iwanttolivehere, and themarketischallenging.SoI'mseeking

unconventionalopportunitiesasIimprovemy.inances.

PracticalApplication

Everytimeyouhearyourselfsay,"Yes,but,"changeitto"yes,and." Inthatmoment,

you'rebreakingthehabitofclosedthinking.Themoreyoudoit,themoreopenyour

thinkingwillbecome.Aswithanyhabit,ittakestimetobreak.

Howmightusingtheword"and"inplaceof"but"changetheoutcomeofa

conversation?

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Turnyourdreamsintorealitybytakingactiontoday.

Doyouhavework/personalrelationshipsthatdrainyourenergy?

Areyoustrugglingwithifyouareintherightjob/position?

Areyouchallengedwithanemployeewhoisnotperforming?

Areyouleadingateamthatisnotmeeting/exceedinggoals?

Areyoureadytostartyourjourneytoachievinggreatersuccess?