What men and women MUST know about

each other.Rev. Can. Dr. John and Ruth Senyonyi

Marriage and Family Seminar GAFCON 2, NAIROBI , KENYA

OCTOBER 2013

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

HIS NEEDS

HER NEEDS

HIS NEEDS /HER NEEDS W. Harley (2011)

HIS 1. SEXUAL FULFILLMENT2. RECREATIONAL

COMPANIONSHIP 3. PHYSICAL

ATTRACTIVENESS (A GOOD LOOKING WIFE)

4. DOMESTIC SUPPORT (PEACE AND QUIET)

5. ADMIRATION (TO BE PROUD OF HIM)

HERS

1. AFFECTION 2. INTIMATE

CONVERSATION 3. HONESTY &

OPENNESS4. FINANCIAL SUPPORT 5. FAMILY COMMITMENT

(GOOD FATHER )

NEEDS

His Hers

Eye opening truths Research by Shaunti Feldhahn MEN • Looks confident but has

so much self doubt • Needs respect so much he

would give love to get it. • Sex is primarily an

emotional need • The male brain processes

best when there is time to think first then talk.

• Seeing attractive (sexual ) images – brain first has an involuntary response then a voluntary one)

WOMEN Needs to know every

day that he would choose me all over again.

Want emotional security more than financial security.

If she wants less sex it’s about her brain chemistry not his desirability.

The male and female brain

About MEN

The visual wiring of the male brain

A man’s brain structure & chemical mix wire him to be extremely visually oriented. That wiring makes him more likely to perceive attractive images as sexual and triggers an initial reaction that is both instinctive and automatic.

From there he can choose – if he opts to apply his will power - how he will think & behave.

Men in a minefield

• In this saturated culture – the man becomes an unasked –for walk through a minefield of possible triggers & unwanted images that can pop up again days or years later.

• Man has to make a great effort to tear them down. The longer he entertains the temptation the more difficult it will be to get rid of.

Reassurance for the wife..

There is no relationship between the woman who catches your husband’s eye.

Be assured that your husband has a deep and long meanigful relationship with you as his wife

There is therefore – No competition – its just an observation.

What can the wife do? Pray for him and yourself • Allow him to reveal his weaknesses

without being judged – not to allow the transparency to create a major crisis in the relationship

• Be a support – to talk & listen, honor his efforts Recognize factors that make it hard

(Hunger, loneliness, anger , fatigue) • Be modest in your dressing

About WOMEN

Woman has lower sex drive than the man

Lower level of sexually assertive hormones

= less craving for sex = less likely to initiate sex= more susceptible to non sexual

distractions (noise in other room, child , fatigue)

Woman – Sex drive..

Woman needs more warm up time Man’s body does not by itself turn

woman on. Sex starts in her heart (tied to how

she feels about the man emotionally)

Cruise ship headed for port..

“Its not that I don’t want to make love, but at the end of a long day with four kids, my mind is set on a course like a cruise ship headed for port..port being that quiet bit of space a mom anticipates when the kids are asleep, the chores are done and the house quiet.

Cruise ship…

And just as I ‘m within sight of that port, my hubby rolls over and says, “whatcha doing over there?” It’s not that I don’t want to be with him but mentally its like trying to stop a cruise ship that’s going full steam ahead and making it turn on a dime . I can’t quite turn off the day and do an about face in the blink of an eye like he can.

What a husband needs to do

Pay attention to her outside the bedroom

Give chase – romantic pursuit (flirting, call,)- notice her, non sexual touches

Give her anticipation time- planning for sex.

Ask her if in doubt

Ephesians 5.21-33 : Wife/Husband specific

roles “…submitting to one

another out of reverence for Christ.” (v21).

“Wives submit to your husband”

“Husbands love your wives”

Song of Songs

a) Friendship (1.4)b) Romance ((2.8ff). c) An exclusive relationship (2.16; 6.3;

7.10). d) The importance of cultivating good

memories (3.6ff).e) Mutual appreciation.f) Affirmation of love (5.2-8; 6.4ff; 8.6-

7).g) Sexual delight (4.16b; 7; 8.5).