Why Do We Form Relationships?

Professor Tamara ArringtonCOM 252

University of Kentucky

Attraction Social attraction

Desire to belong to a group, person, or society

Physical attraction Strongest

predictor of initial interaction

Task attraction Desire to have

something done

We Like People Who Are Similar To Us… …Usually Common ground – interests,

experiences Attraction is greatest when

we are similar to others ina high % of importantareas

We Like People Who Are Different From Us… …In Certain Ways Complementarity Balance and adjustment

are key

We Like People Who Like Us… …Usually! We are attracted to people

we believe are attractedto us

People who approve of us strengthen our self-concept

We must see their interest as sincere

We Are Attracted To People Who Can Help Us We seek out people who can give

us rewards – either physical or emotional

Healthy relationships seek outequitable exchanges                                  

We Like Competent People… …Especially when they’re “human” We want their competencies

to reflect well on us BUT – we don’t want to

look bad in comparison

                                 

We Are Attracted To People Who Disclose Themselves To Us…

Appropriately! It suggests respect and

trust Needs to be

appropriate inbreadth & depth

Sometimes timing iseverything

We Feel Strongly About People We Encounter Often Proximity leads to liking Chances are we will choose

a mate whom we crosspaths with often

Of course, familiarity can also breed contempt!

Personal Relationships and Physical Attractiveness

Physical Attractiveness Important in mating behavior Appreciation for beauty may be

biological (based on studies of infant and children’s preferences)

Though the ideal changes over time and across cultures, there is basic agreement on who is and is not considered physically attractive.

Evolutionary Perspective Physical attractiveness in a partner

generally more important to males. Cues to female’s health and

reproductive potential Females prefer partners who show signs

of physical ability, intellect, ambition, and status – ability to generate and control resources.

Height in males given a high rating by females.

Sociocultural Perspective Effect of female’s beauty seems to

transfer to some extent to the man she is with. The same does NOT apply to women.

Likewise, when with physically unattractive persons, we are perceived as being less physically attractive ourselves.

Attributes Assigned to the Physically Attractive Warmer More sexually

responsive More sensitive More sociable More nurturing Assumed to have

more prestigious occupations

More masculine (men) or feminine (women)

Kinder More interesting Stronger More poised More outgoing More exciting on dates Seen as happier Seen as better

husband/wife potential

Benefits of Physical Attractiveness

More likely to get offers of assistance in times of need

More cooperation in conflict situations Elicit more self-disclosure More effective at persuasion More likely to be hired, and seen as more

effective on the job Less likely to be found guilty by a jury (with a

few exceptions) Mental health connection – for both clients and

therapists

Communicative Implications of Physical Attractiveness More social options & can be more

selective Self-fulfilling prophecy in social

situations Rated as more social, sexually

warmer, more permissive and interesting.

Relational Implications Dating The Matching Hypothesis Friendships Marriage

More stable when matched We “aim high, but are tempered by a

bit of realism”.

http://students.usm.maine.edu/klande71/during,html

The Downside As a group, seen as egotistical, snobbish,

and vain Not viewed as high in integrity or having

concern for others Less physically attractive are seen as more

honest and moral Men and women later in life – better to have

been an attractive young male than a female

Those less attractive more likely to “make up for it” in other ways

Discussion Questions Research suggests that we often

underestimate the influence of physical attractiveness in our personal relationships. Why do you think this is so?

What are the major relational advantages and disadvantages of being physically attractive?

How do you account for gender differences in the emphasis on physical attractiveness? Do you favor an evolutionary or a sociocultural approach?