Why Marriages Fail 9/9/20151. “If there is righteousness in the heart, There will be beauty in the...

Why Marriages Fail

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• “If there is righteousness in the heart,There will be beauty in the character.If there is beauty in the character,There will be harmony in the home,If there is harmony in the home,There will be order in the nation,If there is order in the nation,There will be peace in the world.”

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Satan’s Attack on the Home• The average marriage in the US last seven

years. – Ed Wheat, M.D.: “More than one million

divorces will split American households this year. About 75 percent of the family units in this country will need counseling help at some time. At least 40 percent of all married couples will divorce eventually.” (Love Life For Every Married Couple, 1980, p. 34)

• One out of six children are living with a single parent.

• Marriages of 20 to 25 years are winding up on the rocks.

• Many couples who do not divorce are not happily married.

• Many couples are deciding to live together. – In the US cohabitation outside of marriage

has increased by 5 times since 1970.

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• Terry M. Hightower: “I just heard. A so-called ‘ordained computer’ that can tie the nuptial knot has arrived! The day of ‘Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the presence of this computer and of this company to join this man and this woman in the bonds of computerized marriage...’ is here. The name of the computer is ‘____________ ,’ and the couple to be married sits before a lighted screen using the buttons of their keyboard to make the appropriate responses. With the correct equipment a couple can have piped-in organ music and be married in their own living room surrounded by the guests of their choice. Using the correct technique and pressing the right buttons, a divorce can also be obtained with the approval of a judge and a printout of the transaction for the legal file. Easy come, easy go!” (“Will Yours Be An ________ Divorce,” The Getwell Reminder, Oct. 27, 19__, 24:43)

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Marriages Are Failing…Why Are They Failing?

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In This Study We Will Appeal…

• To the experts• To commonsense• TO THE WORD OF GOD.

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• Psalm 119:97-100 —Oh, how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day. You, through Your commandments, make me wiser than my enemies; For they are ever with me. I have more understanding than all my teachers, For your testimonies are my meditation. I understand more than the ancients, Because I keep Your precepts.

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• Psalm 119:104-105—Through Your precepts I get understanding; Therefore I hate every false way. Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path.

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• Psalm 119:130 —The entrance of Your words gives light; It gives understanding to the simple.

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• 2 Timothy 3:16-17—All Scripture is given by the inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

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What the Experts Say…

• Sexual incompatibility• Financial irresponsibility • Alcoholism• Religious discord• In-law interference• Infidelity• Immaturity

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Are these the real reasons why marriages fail? Are they just

manifestations of a greater problem?

• “Why do not words, and kiss, and solemn pledge,And nature that is kind in woman’s breast,And reason that in man is wise and good,And fear of Him who is a righteous Judge, --Why do not these prevail for human life,To keep two hearts together, that beganTheir spring-time with one love.” (William Wordsworth, Excursion, Bk. VI, via Hoyt’s New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations, p. 500)

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Why Marriages Fail

• Because We Fail As People– Grant Caldwell: “Each human being is a

complicated bundle of many things. Everything you are as an individual, you bring to your marriage. This includes all of your successes, and your failures. Everything you are and everything in which you have engaged is included in your baggage which you bring to your marriage. This is equally true of the one you choose to marry. You should be ready for your mate’s baggage as well.” (The Home God’s First Great Institution, Page 87)

• Because We Fail As People– Grant Caldwell: “Each human being is a

complicated bundle of many things. Everything you are as an individual, you bring to your marriage. This includes all of your successes, and your failures. Everything you are and everything in which you have engaged is included in your baggage which you bring to your marriage. This is equally true of the one you choose to marry. You should be ready for your mate’s baggage as well.” (The Home God’s First Great Institution, Page 87)

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Marriages Fail Because We Fail As People

• IF WE ARE FAILURES AS CHRISTIANS IN OUR GOD-GIVEN RESPONSIBILITIES IN THE HOME, THEN OUR HOME STANDS A FAR GREATER CHANCE OF COLLASPING. IF BOTH FAIL IT WILL BE NEAR IMPOSSIBLE FOR THE HOME TO SURVIVE.

• 1 Peter 3:1-2--Likewise, wives, kbe subject to your own husbands, so that leven if some do not obey the word, mthey may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your nrespectful and pure conduct.

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http://biblia.com/

http://biblia.com/

http://biblia.com/

http://biblia.com/

Why Marriages Fail• Because We Fail As People• Because We Make Poor

Choices – This is the second most

important decision that one will ever make.

– The only way to completely sole this problem is to deal with the decision before it is made.

– Perhaps many marriages should not have ever been established in the first place.

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The Need for Compatibility in Marriage

• Physically• Intellectually• Emotionally• Socially• Spiritually

–Amos 3:3—Can two walk together unless they are agreed?

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“Divorces are made in courtship, not during marriage.” “Poor date selection leads to poor mate selection.” Now I realize that the decision to marry someone is seldom, if ever, made in a strictly cold, rational, logical, and academic way, but we do need to use our HEADS as well as our HEARTS.

Questions to Ask Before One Gets Into a “Serious” Dating Relationship

• Do you both have a scriptural right to marry?– Some individuals do not have the right to be married.

• Mk. 6:17-18; – Jesus taught when some people marry it is adultery.

• Luke 16:18– The Bible teaches there are three types of people who

marry with God’s approval: • Those who have never married• Those who are widowed (1 Cor. 7:39) • Those who have put their mate away for cause of adultery.

(Mt. 19:9; Mt. 5:31-32)

• Do you both have a scriptural right to marry?– Some individuals do not have the right to be married.

• Mk. 6:17-18; – Jesus taught when some people marry it is adultery.

• Luke 16:18– The Bible teaches there are three types of people who

marry with God’s approval: • Those who have never married• Those who are widowed (1 Cor. 7:39) • Those who have put their mate away for cause of adultery.

(Mt. 19:9; Mt. 5:31-32)

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You have the right and the responsibility to make sure that

you and your mate have a scriptural right to marry.

If the answer is no, then nothing else really matters!

Mk. 6:17-18

If the answer is no, then nothing else really matters!

Mk. 6:17-18


• DOES YOUR PROSPECTIVE MATE HAVE MOST OF THE QUALITIES THAT YOU DESIRE IN A MATE? – There has been only one perfect man to live on earth.

(1 Peter 2:22) – No one is perfect and it highly unlikely that you will

find a person who meets all the qualities that you want in the mate.

– But you do need to give some thought to the qualities that you want in a mate and look for one who meets the majority of those general guidelines.

– The qualities that make for a good date may not necessarily be the qualities of a good mate. (1 Sam. 16:7)

• DOES YOUR PROSPECTIVE MATE HAVE MOST OF THE QUALITIES THAT YOU DESIRE IN A MATE? – There has been only one perfect man to live on earth.

(1 Peter 2:22) – No one is perfect and it highly unlikely that you will

find a person who meets all the qualities that you want in the mate.

– But you do need to give some thought to the qualities that you want in a mate and look for one who meets the majority of those general guidelines.

– The qualities that make for a good date may not necessarily be the qualities of a good mate. (1 Sam. 16:7)

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• ARE YOU COMPATIBLE WITH ONE ANOTHER? – H. Norman Wright suggests that every couple who

marries is basically incompatible, and they must learn to become compatible.

– That may be true, but some couples are much more incompatible than others, and the more incompatible you are, the harder it will be to make your marriage all that God wants it to be

– Do you have many of the same:• Tastes and interests?• Hopes and dreams?• Ideals and goals? (1 Peter 3:7) • Moods and temperaments?

• ARE YOU COMPATIBLE WITH ONE ANOTHER? – H. Norman Wright suggests that every couple who

marries is basically incompatible, and they must learn to become compatible.

– That may be true, but some couples are much more incompatible than others, and the more incompatible you are, the harder it will be to make your marriage all that God wants it to be

– Do you have many of the same:• Tastes and interests?• Hopes and dreams?• Ideals and goals? (1 Peter 3:7) • Moods and temperaments?

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• DO YOU BOTH BELIEVE IN THE PERMANENCE OF MARRIAGE?

– If one or both of you are entering marriage with an “escape clause in your contract,” there is a very good chance that your marriage will not weather the storms of life.

• DO YOU BOTH BELIEVE IN THE PERMANENCE OF MARRIAGE?

– If one or both of you are entering marriage with an “escape clause in your contract,” there is a very good chance that your marriage will not weather the storms of life.

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• DO YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TRUE LOVE AND INFATUATION?– Note: They are not easily distinguishable!!!

• Ammon thought he loved Tamar. (1 Sam. 13:4) • Ammon was merely infatuated with Tamar. (1 Sam. 13:15)

– James Dobson: “How, then, can real love be distinguished from temporary infatuation? If the feeling is unreliable, how can one assess the commitment of his will? There is only one answer to that question: It takes time. The best advice I can give a couple contemplating marriage (or any other important decision) is this: make no important, life shaping decisions quickly or impulsively, and when in doubt, stall for time.” (What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women, p. 93)

– “Infatuation is a lot like cotton candy: it’s sweet and syrupy without much substance, and it leaves you with a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.”

• DO YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TRUE LOVE AND INFATUATION?– Note: They are not easily distinguishable!!!

• Ammon thought he loved Tamar. (1 Sam. 13:4) • Ammon was merely infatuated with Tamar. (1 Sam. 13:15)

– James Dobson: “How, then, can real love be distinguished from temporary infatuation? If the feeling is unreliable, how can one assess the commitment of his will? There is only one answer to that question: It takes time. The best advice I can give a couple contemplating marriage (or any other important decision) is this: make no important, life shaping decisions quickly or impulsively, and when in doubt, stall for time.” (What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women, p. 93)

– “Infatuation is a lot like cotton candy: it’s sweet and syrupy without much substance, and it leaves you with a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.”

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• DO YOU BOTH HAVE SIMILAR ATTITUDES TOWARD CHILDREN AND CHILD RAISING?

– If one of you wants children and the other one does not, then there is going to be frustration and trouble.

– If one of you wants a big family and one of you wants a small one, there’s going to be a problem.

– If you do not share the similar ideas about discipline in the home, there is going to be trouble. (Proverbs 22:15; Heb. 12:11)

– Do you really want him/her to be the father/mother of your children?

• DO YOU BOTH HAVE SIMILAR ATTITUDES TOWARD CHILDREN AND CHILD RAISING?

– If one of you wants children and the other one does not, then there is going to be frustration and trouble.

– If one of you wants a big family and one of you wants a small one, there’s going to be a problem.

– If you do not share the similar ideas about discipline in the home, there is going to be trouble. (Proverbs 22:15; Heb. 12:11)

– Do you really want him/her to be the father/mother of your children?

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• DO YOU HAVE SIMILAR ATTITUDES TOWARD WORK? – Young Ladies: • Does he have a job?• Can he hold down a job? • Will his job provide the necessary income to live on? (2

Thess. 3:10)• Do you like his work? • Will you be willing to move wherever his work takes him?

• DO YOU HAVE SIMILAR ATTITUDES TOWARD WORK? – Young Ladies: • Does he have a job?• Can he hold down a job? • Will his job provide the necessary income to live on? (2

Thess. 3:10)• Do you like his work? • Will you be willing to move wherever his work takes him?

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• DO YOU HAVE SIMILAR ATTITUDES TOWARD WORK? – Young Men:

• Will this girl work hard at being a wife and mother?• Will home-making be her first priority?

– Tit. 2:3-5: 3the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things -- 4that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

• Are you in agreement about your wife working outside the home???

• DO YOU HAVE SIMILAR ATTITUDES TOWARD WORK? – Young Men:

• Will this girl work hard at being a wife and mother?• Will home-making be her first priority?

– Tit. 2:3-5: 3the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things -- 4that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

• Are you in agreement about your wife working outside the home???

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• DO YOU HAVE SIMILAR ATTITUDES TOWARD MONEY AND FINANCES?– The experts tell us that:

• The first major argument during the first six months of marriage will be about money.

• Money is the leading cause of arguments during the first year of marriage.

– Ed Wheat, M.D.: “The area of financial habits is crucial to the future of the marriage. Experts believe that 50 percent of all divorces are now caused by financial disagreements, and with the growing instability of our economy, this number is sure to rise.” (Love Life For Every Married Couple, 1980 p. 147)• Money matters MATTER!• “When your out-go exceeds your income, your up-keep is your

downfall!”• “Some marriages crack up when the installment collector cracks

down”

• DO YOU HAVE SIMILAR ATTITUDES TOWARD MONEY AND FINANCES?– The experts tell us that:

• The first major argument during the first six months of marriage will be about money.

• Money is the leading cause of arguments during the first year of marriage.

– Ed Wheat, M.D.: “The area of financial habits is crucial to the future of the marriage. Experts believe that 50 percent of all divorces are now caused by financial disagreements, and with the growing instability of our economy, this number is sure to rise.” (Love Life For Every Married Couple, 1980 p. 147)• Money matters MATTER!• “When your out-go exceeds your income, your up-keep is your

downfall!”• “Some marriages crack up when the installment collector cracks

down”

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• DO YOU HAVE SIMILAR BACKGROUNDS?– Young men, if you want to know what she is going to

be like down the road, take a look at her mama. » She likely learned what she thinks it means to be a woman,

a wife, and a mother from her mama. – Young ladies, if you want to know what he’s going to

be like down the road, take a good look at his daddy.» He probably learned what he thinks it means to be a man, a

husband, and a father from his daddy. – I’m not saying that a son will always walk in the

footsteps of his father or a daughter in the footsteps of her mother, but they often will.

– Ezek. 16:44—44“Indeed everyone who quotes proverbs will use this proverb against you: ‘Like mother, like daughter!’

• DO YOU HAVE SIMILAR BACKGROUNDS?– Young men, if you want to know what she is going to

be like down the road, take a look at her mama. » She likely learned what she thinks it means to be a woman,

a wife, and a mother from her mama. – Young ladies, if you want to know what he’s going to

be like down the road, take a good look at his daddy.» He probably learned what he thinks it means to be a man, a

husband, and a father from his daddy. – I’m not saying that a son will always walk in the

footsteps of his father or a daughter in the footsteps of her mother, but they often will.

– Ezek. 16:44—44“Indeed everyone who quotes proverbs will use this proverb against you: ‘Like mother, like daughter!’

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• DO YOU COME FROM SIMILAR SOCI-ECONOMIC LEVELS?– Again the marriage of a princess to a pauper is the

stuff that fairy tales and Hollywood movies are made of, but it does not always work that way!

– If she demands a diamond ring that is valued at six months of your income then you’ve got a problem!

• DO YOU COME FROM SIMILAR SOCI-ECONOMIC LEVELS?– Again the marriage of a princess to a pauper is the

stuff that fairy tales and Hollywood movies are made of, but it does not always work that way!

– If she demands a diamond ring that is valued at six months of your income then you’ve got a problem!

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• DO YOU HAVE SIMILAR INTELLECTUAL ABILITIES AND EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUNDS? – Young ladies: Will you be willing to submit to your

intellectual inferior? – Young men: take some time to stop looking at her

and instead listen to her. • Do you trust her judgment? • Will you be willing to listen to her? • You will be accused of not listening whether you really

are listening or not.

• DO YOU HAVE SIMILAR INTELLECTUAL ABILITIES AND EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUNDS? – Young ladies: Will you be willing to submit to your

intellectual inferior? – Young men: take some time to stop looking at her

and instead listen to her. • Do you trust her judgment? • Will you be willing to listen to her? • You will be accused of not listening whether you really

are listening or not. 04/21/23 28


• WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP WILL YOU HAVE WITH YOUR IN-LAWS?– When you marry, you don’t just marry one person

you marry into a family. – What kind of relationship do you have with

his/her parents? – What are you doing to cultivate the relationship

between your parents and your mate?

• WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP WILL YOU HAVE WITH YOUR IN-LAWS?– When you marry, you don’t just marry one person

you marry into a family. – What kind of relationship do you have with

his/her parents? – What are you doing to cultivate the relationship

between your parents and your mate?

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• DO YOU HAVE VERY SIMILAR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS AND CONVICTIONS? – Plutarch [Greek writer 50-120 AD]: “Marriage

cannot be happy unless husband and wife are of the same religion.” (Quoted in William Barclay, The Letters to the Corinthians, p. 79)

– Catholics understand this; Jews understand this; Muslims understand this; pagans understood this. It’s truly amazing that so many Christians do not.

• DO YOU HAVE VERY SIMILAR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS AND CONVICTIONS? – Plutarch [Greek writer 50-120 AD]: “Marriage

cannot be happy unless husband and wife are of the same religion.” (Quoted in William Barclay, The Letters to the Corinthians, p. 79)

– Catholics understand this; Jews understand this; Muslims understand this; pagans understood this. It’s truly amazing that so many Christians do not.

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• IS YOUR PROSPECTIVE MATE A PERSON OF PRINCIPLE AND CHARACTER? – Young ladies: Tell me how you will be able to submit

to, respect, and honor your potential mate if he is:• Irresponsible?• Immature?• Without honor/character?– Young men: Does she have the type of character so

that you will be able to love, nourish, and cherish ?– It is not CHARM, WEALTH, POPULARITY, or BEAUTY

that will get you through the tough times that will inevitably come.

• It is character!

• IS YOUR PROSPECTIVE MATE A PERSON OF PRINCIPLE AND CHARACTER? – Young ladies: Tell me how you will be able to submit

to, respect, and honor your potential mate if he is:• Irresponsible?• Immature?• Without honor/character?– Young men: Does she have the type of character so

that you will be able to love, nourish, and cherish ?– It is not CHARM, WEALTH, POPULARITY, or BEAUTY

that will get you through the tough times that will inevitably come.

• It is character! 04/21/23 31


• IS THIS PERSON YOUR BEST FRIEND?

– In one study, couples in happy homes were asked to rank 36 items in the order of importance that made their marriages successful

• Interestingly enough, the first six items for both men and women were the same

• And the #1 item was identical: “My spouse is my best friend”

• IS THIS PERSON YOUR BEST FRIEND?

– In one study, couples in happy homes were asked to rank 36 items in the order of importance that made their marriages successful

• Interestingly enough, the first six items for both men and women were the same

• And the #1 item was identical: “My spouse is my best friend”

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Advice for Selecting a Mate

• Don’t date someone that under any circumstances you do not want to marry.

• Don’t deceive yourself into thinking that you can change him/her.

• Take your time.• Fall in love with and marry a Christian.• Pray for God’s help.

• Don’t date someone that under any circumstances you do not want to marry.

• Don’t deceive yourself into thinking that you can change him/her.

• Take your time.• Fall in love with and marry a Christian.• Pray for God’s help.

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• Brother L. A. Stauffer makes the following suggestions for mate selection– Pick a mate who respects God’s word– Pick a mate who has spiritual goals and values– Pick a mate who can adjust and compromise– Pick a mate who willingly corrects major flaws– Pick a mate who shows signs of maturity– Pick a mate who can and will communicate– Pick a mate who can offer more than physical attractiveness– Pick a mate who knows the difference between sex and love– Pick a mate who is a good friend– Pick a mate who views marriage as permanent (Family Life: A

Biblical Perspective, pp. 90-94)

• Brother L. A. Stauffer makes the following suggestions for mate selection– Pick a mate who respects God’s word– Pick a mate who has spiritual goals and values– Pick a mate who can adjust and compromise– Pick a mate who willingly corrects major flaws– Pick a mate who shows signs of maturity– Pick a mate who can and will communicate– Pick a mate who can offer more than physical attractiveness– Pick a mate who knows the difference between sex and love– Pick a mate who is a good friend– Pick a mate who views marriage as permanent (Family Life: A

Biblical Perspective, pp. 90-94)

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Making the Proper Choice Before Marriage Will Help Solve Many of These

Problems.

Why Marriages FailLesson #2

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Why Marriages Fail

• Marriages Fail Because of Bad Choices.• Marriages Fail Because of Half-Hearted

Commitment.

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God’s Demands Complete and Total Commitment in Marriage

• Genesis 2:24—Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

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Leave• To forsake or completely abandon. • L.A. Stauffer—One gospel preacher was astounded by

the reply of a divorce judge who said the number one cause of divorce in his court is “in laws”! (Family Life: A Biblical Perspective, page 15)

• Stauffer—“This in no way annuls the command to honor one’s father and mother, but underscores the need for children to renounce totally the rule of their parents over their households. A clear and final break must be made between a new family and the two original families. Fathers and mothers must not be permitted to interfere, regulate, dominate, or control the marriages of their children.” (Family Life: A Biblical Perspective, page 15)

• To forsake or completely abandon. • L.A. Stauffer—One gospel preacher was astounded by

the reply of a divorce judge who said the number one cause of divorce in his court is “in laws”! (Family Life: A Biblical Perspective, page 15)

• Stauffer—“This in no way annuls the command to honor one’s father and mother, but underscores the need for children to renounce totally the rule of their parents over their households. A clear and final break must be made between a new family and the two original families. Fathers and mothers must not be permitted to interfere, regulate, dominate, or control the marriages of their children.” (Family Life: A Biblical Perspective, page 15)

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Cleave

• The Greek term kollao means to wield together like glue.– This speaks of permanence– It is no longer I and Me and Mine, but instead it is

WE and US and OURS.

• The Greek term kollao means to wield together like glue.– This speaks of permanence– It is no longer I and Me and Mine, but instead it is

WE and US and OURS.

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One Flesh

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One Is Bound by Law to His Mate for as Long as He Lives

• Rom. 7:2: 2For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband.

• 1 Cor. 7:39: 39A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

• Rom. 7:2: 2For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband.

• 1 Cor. 7:39: 39A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

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Divorce Is Sinful• God hates divorce. – Mal. 2:13-16: 13And this is the second thing you do: You

cover the altar of the Lord with tears, With weeping and crying; So He does not regard the offering anymore, Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. 14Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. 15But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. 16“For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the Lord of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.”

• God hates divorce. – Mal. 2:13-16: 13And this is the second thing you do: You

cover the altar of the Lord with tears, With weeping and crying; So He does not regard the offering anymore, Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. 14Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. 15But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. 16“For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the Lord of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.”

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Divorce Is Sinful• Jesus Condemned Divorce – Matthew 19:3-6—The Pharisees also came to

Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason? And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ “and said, “for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.

• Jesus Condemned Divorce – Matthew 19:3-6—The Pharisees also came to

Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason? And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ “and said, “for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.

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Divorce Is Sinful• Paul commands the married not to divorce. – 1 Cor. 7:10-11—Now to the married I command,

yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

• Paul commands the married not to divorce. – 1 Cor. 7:10-11—Now to the married I command,

yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

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Remarriage Is Adultery• It is adultery for the one who puts away his mate.

– Luke 16:18— Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.

• It is adultery for the one who is put away by his/her mate. – Matthew 5:31-32—Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces

his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

• It is adultery for the one who marries someone who has been put away by his/her mate. – Luke 16:18—Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits

adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.

• It is adultery for the one who puts away his mate. – Luke 16:18— Whoever divorces his wife and marries another

commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.

• It is adultery for the one who is put away by his/her mate. – Matthew 5:31-32—Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces

his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

• It is adultery for the one who marries someone who has been put away by his/her mate. – Luke 16:18—Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits

adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.

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When You Married You VOWED to Live Together as Husband and Wife for

Life: • This covenant was made before God:– Proverbs 2:16-17: 16To deliver you from the immoral woman, From the

seductress who flatters with her words, 17Who forsakes the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant of her God.

• The men of Judah broke their covenant:– Mal. 2:13-16: 13And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of

the Lord with tears, With weeping and crying; So He does not regard the offering anymore, Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. 14Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. 15But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. 16“For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the Lord of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.”

• This covenant was made before God:– Proverbs 2:16-17: 16To deliver you from the immoral woman, From the

seductress who flatters with her words, 17Who forsakes the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant of her God.

• The men of Judah broke their covenant:– Mal. 2:13-16: 13And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of

the Lord with tears, With weeping and crying; So He does not regard the offering anymore, Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. 14Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. 15But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. 16“For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the Lord of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.”

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To Fail to Keep a VOW Is Sin• Deut. 23:21-23: 21“When you make a vow to the Lord your

God, you shall not delay to pay it; for the Lord your God will surely require it of you, and it would be sin to you. 22But if you abstain from vowing, it shall not be sin to you. 23That which has gone from your lips you shall keep and perform, for you voluntarily vowed to the Lord your God what you have promised with your mouth.

• Eccl. 5:4-5: 4When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; For He has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you have vowed -- 5Better not to vow than to vow and not pay.

• Deut. 23:21-23: 21“When you make a vow to the Lord your God, you shall not delay to pay it; for the Lord your God will surely require it of you, and it would be sin to you. 22But if you abstain from vowing, it shall not be sin to you. 23That which has gone from your lips you shall keep and perform, for you voluntarily vowed to the Lord your God what you have promised with your mouth.

• Eccl. 5:4-5: 4When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; For He has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you have vowed -- 5Better not to vow than to vow and not pay.

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To Fail to Keep a VOW Is Sin• You may get more (or should I say less) than

you bargained for, but you still PROMISED. – Psa. 15:1, 4: 1Lord, who may abide in Your

tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill? …. 4In whose eyes a vile person is despised, But he honors those who fear the Lord; He who swears to his own hurt and does not change;• In the eyes of God, HONOR is more important than

happiness. • God does not always guarantee our happiness, but God

expects us to keep our word.

• You may get more (or should I say less) than you bargained for, but you still PROMISED. – Psa. 15:1, 4: 1Lord, who may abide in Your

tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill? …. 4In whose eyes a vile person is despised, But he honors those who fear the Lord; He who swears to his own hurt and does not change;• In the eyes of God, HONOR is more important than

happiness. • God does not always guarantee our happiness, but God

expects us to keep our word.

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Covenant-Breakers Will Be Condemned by God

• Romans 1:31-32--without understanding, covenant-breakers, without natural affection, unmerciful: 32who, knowing the ordinance of God, that they that practise such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but also consent with them that practise them.

• Romans 1:31-32--without understanding, covenant-breakers, without natural affection, unmerciful: 32who, knowing the ordinance of God, that they that practise such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but also consent with them that practise them.

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• Landis & Landis: “Successful marriages do not result if people go into marriage with reservations .... The one who would marry with confidence in the thought that divorce is possible or relatively easy would already be steering toward divorce. The swimmer who starts to swim across a river, but is careful to stay close enough to shore so his feet can always touch bottom in case he should change his mind and wish to go back to dry land, will never make the crossing.” (Quoted in Grant B. Caldwell, The Home: God’s First Great Institution, p. 47)

• Point: Going into marriage with the thought of divorce or the thought of an escape clause WILL PERVENT US FROM GIVING THE WHOLE HEARTED COMMITMENT TO THE RELATIONSHIP!

• Landis & Landis: “Successful marriages do not result if people go into marriage with reservations .... The one who would marry with confidence in the thought that divorce is possible or relatively easy would already be steering toward divorce. The swimmer who starts to swim across a river, but is careful to stay close enough to shore so his feet can always touch bottom in case he should change his mind and wish to go back to dry land, will never make the crossing.” (Quoted in Grant B. Caldwell, The Home: God’s First Great Institution, p. 47)

• Point: Going into marriage with the thought of divorce or the thought of an escape clause WILL PERVENT US FROM GIVING THE WHOLE HEARTED COMMITMENT TO THE RELATIONSHIP!

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Commitment, Not Love, Is the Glue that Hold Marriages Together

• Good marriages and bad marriages all face the same kind of problems– Good marriages and bad marriages go through highs

and lows. – Good marriages and bad marriages have “issues”.

• Those who have committed themselves to their mate for life:– Will be found seeking solutions to problems not

seeking a way out. – If no satisfactory “solution” can be found, as is often

the case in many areas of life, then they will learn to live with the problem rather than walk off from it.

• Good marriages and bad marriages all face the same kind of problems– Good marriages and bad marriages go through highs

and lows. – Good marriages and bad marriages have “issues”.

• Those who have committed themselves to their mate for life:– Will be found seeking solutions to problems not

seeking a way out. – If no satisfactory “solution” can be found, as is often

the case in many areas of life, then they will learn to live with the problem rather than walk off from it.

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Whole Hearted Commitment

• Will help to solve the problems of: – Financial irresponsibility – In-law interference– Infidelity

• Committed to loving only your wife. (Proverbs 5:15-20)• Committed from abstaining from other women. (Job 31:1,

9-12) • Avoid temptation whenever possible. (Eph. 4:27; Romans

13:14) – Working relationships– Close friends– Committed to your mate

• Will help to solve the problems of: – Financial irresponsibility – In-law interference– Infidelity

• Committed to loving only your wife. (Proverbs 5:15-20)• Committed from abstaining from other women. (Job 31:1,

9-12) • Avoid temptation whenever possible. (Eph. 4:27; Romans

13:14) – Working relationships– Close friends– Committed to your mate

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Why Marriages Fail


Commitment. • Marriages Fail Because of

Inadequate Communication.

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Inadequate Communication• Do not great troubles plaguing marriages

today grow out of a breakdown in communication?

• Problems cannot be solved without communication.

• Without communication molehills become mountains.

• Do not great troubles plaguing marriages today grow out of a breakdown in communication?

• Problems cannot be solved without communication.

• Without communication molehills become mountains.

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Myth: “If he truly loved me, I wouldn’t have to tell him how

I feel, what I want, what I need, etc.

1 Cor. 2:10-11: 10But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit

searches all things, yes, the deep things of God. 11For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is

in him? Even so no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God.

Many problems Would be Solves Is Husbands and Wives Would Express Themselves

Thoughtfully, Kindly, and with Consideration.

• Pr. 15:1: A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

• Pr. 15:23: A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, And a word spoken in due season, how good it is!

• Pr. 25:11: A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold In settings of silver.

• Pr. 29:20: 20Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

• Pr. 15:1: A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

• Pr. 15:23: A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, And a word spoken in due season, how good it is!

• Pr. 25:11: A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold In settings of silver.

• Pr. 29:20: 20Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

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Communication is a process of sharing yourself both verbally and nonverbally in

such a way that the other person understands what you’ve said.

Dorothy Nevill: “The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right

place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” (“Quotable Quotes,”

Reader’s Digest, Dec. 1991, 139:836:153)

Good Communication Will Help With Marriage Problems

• The permanence of marriage• The sexual relationship• Finances• Roles• Parents/In-laws• Occupation• Religious differences• Children• Goals• Spiritual values• Wants/Needs/Desires• Etc.

• The permanence of marriage• The sexual relationship• Finances• Roles• Parents/In-laws• Occupation• Religious differences• Children• Goals• Spiritual values• Wants/Needs/Desires• Etc.

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Keys to Good Communication

• Create a conducive atmosphere for communication.

• Learn to be a good listener.• Think about not only what you say, but how

you say it. • Set aside some time to talk.• Communicate your love and affection for one

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Are these the real reasons why marriages fail? Are they just

manifestations of a greater problem?

Why Marriages Fail


Commitment. • Marriages Fail Because of

Inadequate Communication.• Marriages Fail Because of Insufficient Cooperation.

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God Expects Cooperation in the Home• God made us male and female so that each could complete what is

lacking in the other. – Genesis 2:18-25— Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man

should be alone; nI will make him a helper fit for1 him.” 19 oNow out of the ground the LORD God had formed1 every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and pbrought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam1 there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the LORD God caused a qdeep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made1 into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is rbone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was staken out of Man.”1 24 t

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

– She is to be a “helpmeet” (KJV)

• God made us male and female so that each could complete what is lacking in the other. – Genesis 2:18-25— Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man

should be alone; nI will make him a helper fit for1 him.” 19 oNow out of the ground the LORD God had formed1 every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and pbrought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam1 there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the LORD God caused a qdeep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made1 into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is rbone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was staken out of Man.”1 24 t

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

– She is to be a “helpmeet” (KJV)

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“Help” • L.A. Stauffer: “The two terms “help” and “meet” are vital

to understanding the relationship of a wife to her husband. The word “help” means to aid or assist, denoting God’s design for the woman to support the man. Whatever the husband’s role is and whatever the family goals are, the woman is to help bring those to fulfillment. That man needs help testifies to his insufficiency without woman. God, in other words, demands responsibilities of man that he alone cannot perform. A wife, in this respect, must see herself in some roles as superior to her husband—created special to function in ways that he cannot. A godly woman views these roles as monuments to her unique qualities.” (Family Life: A Biblical Perspective page 45)

• L.A. Stauffer: “The two terms “help” and “meet” are vital to understanding the relationship of a wife to her husband. The word “help” means to aid or assist, denoting God’s design for the woman to support the man. Whatever the husband’s role is and whatever the family goals are, the woman is to help bring those to fulfillment. That man needs help testifies to his insufficiency without woman. God, in other words, demands responsibilities of man that he alone cannot perform. A wife, in this respect, must see herself in some roles as superior to her husband—created special to function in ways that he cannot. A godly woman views these roles as monuments to her unique qualities.” (Family Life: A Biblical Perspective page 45)

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“Meet”

• L.A. Stauffer—“The definition of “meet” is literally “over against” and means to answer to, to correspond to, or to be suitable for. Woman, the thought is, was produced from the same kind of mold as man, but was made opposite to him to fit together with his being much like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. She was bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh and was made from the man for the man (Genesis 2:23; 1 Cor. 11:8,9). What the animal kingdom was unable to do for the man, God designed woman to accomplish.” (Family Life: A Biblical Perspective pages 45-46)

• L.A. Stauffer—“The definition of “meet” is literally “over against” and means to answer to, to correspond to, or to be suitable for. Woman, the thought is, was produced from the same kind of mold as man, but was made opposite to him to fit together with his being much like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. She was bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh and was made from the man for the man (Genesis 2:23; 1 Cor. 11:8,9). What the animal kingdom was unable to do for the man, God designed woman to accomplish.” (Family Life: A Biblical Perspective pages 45-46)

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• 1 Cor. 11:8-9— For lman was not made from woman, but woman from man. 9 Neither was man created for woman, but mwoman for man.

• Mike Willis: “Hence, she is the glory of man because she was created from the rib of the and for the man. Her existence was dependent upon the man. Woman originated from the man and not man from the woman.

• 1 Cor. 11:8-9— For lman was not made from woman, but woman from man. 9 Neither was man created for woman, but mwoman for man.

• Mike Willis: “Hence, she is the glory of man because she was created from the rib of the and for the man. Her existence was dependent upon the man. Woman originated from the man and not man from the woman.

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There Must Be Cooperation in Marriage:

• The man and woman are inseparably linked. They complete each other. – The woman’s very existence depends upon the man

(1 Cor. 11:8-9). – If the man was capable of meeting all his

responsibilities/needs alone there would have been no need a “helper suitable for him”. (Genesis 2:18)

• One is not better than the other. Both are needed. We need to learn to celebrate the differences and learn to use them to our mutual benefit.

• The man and woman are inseparably linked. They complete each other. – The woman’s very existence depends upon the man

(1 Cor. 11:8-9). – If the man was capable of meeting all his

responsibilities/needs alone there would have been no need a “helper suitable for him”. (Genesis 2:18)

• One is not better than the other. Both are needed. We need to learn to celebrate the differences and learn to use them to our mutual benefit.

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“As unto the bow the cord it, So unto man is woman; Though she bends him she obeys him. Though she draws him, yet she follows, Useless each without the other!” (Henry W. Longfellow)

“As unto the bow the cord it, So unto man is woman; Though she bends him she obeys him. Though she draws him, yet she follows, Useless each without the other!” (Henry W. Longfellow)

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There Must Be Cooperation In:

• THE ROLES OF HEADSHIP AND SUBMISSION.– The husband is the head of the wife. (1 Cor. 11:3) – The husband is head of the wife as Christ is the

head of the church. (Eph. 5:23) • Head means more than just “source”, instead it speaks

of authority (Eph. 1:22-23) • Christ is referred to as a “Master” – 2 Timothy 2:21; 2 Peter 2:1;

• Sound harsh? Yes, until we consider the rule of Christ.

• THE ROLES OF HEADSHIP AND SUBMISSION.– The husband is the head of the wife. (1 Cor. 11:3) – The husband is head of the wife as Christ is the

head of the church. (Eph. 5:23) • Head means more than just “source”, instead it speaks

of authority (Eph. 1:22-23) • Christ is referred to as a “Master” – 2 Timothy 2:21; 2 Peter 2:1;

• Sound harsh? Yes, until we consider the rule of Christ.

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Eph. 5:23--For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its

Savior.

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The Role of Headship

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The Role of Headship• Because Christ loved us first (1 John 4:19) we lovingly

submit to him. • Is there a problem with headship in the home? Could the

problem “insubordination” be indicative of leadership? • Christ did not ask the church to do anything that He was

not willing to first do. – Sacrifice– Submit– Serve

• Do we ask our wives to do things we are not willing to do?– Sacrifice– Serve– Submit to the needs of others

• Because Christ loved us first (1 John 4:19) we lovingly submit to him.

• Is there a problem with headship in the home? Could the problem “insubordination” be indicative of leadership?

• Christ did not ask the church to do anything that He was not willing to first do. – Sacrifice– Submit– Serve

• Do we ask our wives to do things we are not willing to do?– Sacrifice– Serve– Submit to the needs of others

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The Wife Is to Submit• The concept of submitting is found throughout Scripture.

– Eph. 5:22-24; Titus 2:5; 1 Peter 3:1-6; – Subjection or Submit—a military term which means to rank under. – Obey (1 Peter 3:6) is translated from a Greek word that combines

the prefix “under” with a verb “to hear”. The husband voices the decision and the wife, according to Peter, is to listen and submit.

• The wife is to submit “as is fitting in the Lord” (Col. 3:18) – David Lipscomb: “This is what God has ordained, and it is fitting that

those who are in the Lord should observe his order.” (Gospel Advocate Commentary on Colossians page 301)

• “as unto the Lord” (Eph. 5:22) – C.G. Caldwell: “Her obedience in the family is in the same manner

as she obeys Christ in spiritual things. She, in fact, regards her obedience to him as an act of obedience to Christ and as a part of her submission to the Lord.” (Truth Commentary on Ephesians, page 267)

• The concept of submitting is found throughout Scripture.– Eph. 5:22-24; Titus 2:5; 1 Peter 3:1-6; – Subjection or Submit—a military term which means to rank under. – Obey (1 Peter 3:6) is translated from a Greek word that combines

the prefix “under” with a verb “to hear”. The husband voices the decision and the wife, according to Peter, is to listen and submit.

• The wife is to submit “as is fitting in the Lord” (Col. 3:18) – David Lipscomb: “This is what God has ordained, and it is fitting that

those who are in the Lord should observe his order.” (Gospel Advocate Commentary on Colossians page 301)

• “as unto the Lord” (Eph. 5:22) – C.G. Caldwell: “Her obedience in the family is in the same manner

as she obeys Christ in spiritual things. She, in fact, regards her obedience to him as an act of obedience to Christ and as a part of her submission to the Lord.” (Truth Commentary on Ephesians, page 267)

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Submission • The wife is to submit to the husband “in everything”.

(Eph. 5:24; Acts 5:19) – This is easy when you agree. – But it is essential when you disagree. In fact, the real test of

submission comes when you do not agree with your husband. – To obey grudgingly and belligerently is not truly as unto the

Lord is it? – L.A. Stauffer: “Did not God know that at times a wife would see

matters differently from her husband? Surely! But this is true of any relationship of rule or subjection. Yet, God chose to instruct wives to be in subjection to their husbands in “everything”. A wife must therefore, humble herself before God, respect his authority, and yield to the rule of her husband—even when her mind wants to say no. This does not forbid her to contribute ideas, nor does it tell her husband to dismiss her views; it only says that, Sarah “obeyed” Abraham, she must obey her husband (1 Pet. 3:6).”

• The wife is to submit to the husband “in everything”. (Eph. 5:24; Acts 5:19) – This is easy when you agree. – But it is essential when you disagree. In fact, the real test of

submission comes when you do not agree with your husband. – To obey grudgingly and belligerently is not truly as unto the

Lord is it? – L.A. Stauffer: “Did not God know that at times a wife would see

matters differently from her husband? Surely! But this is true of any relationship of rule or subjection. Yet, God chose to instruct wives to be in subjection to their husbands in “everything”. A wife must therefore, humble herself before God, respect his authority, and yield to the rule of her husband—even when her mind wants to say no. This does not forbid her to contribute ideas, nor does it tell her husband to dismiss her views; it only says that, Sarah “obeyed” Abraham, she must obey her husband (1 Pet. 3:6).”

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Qualities that Produce Subjection

• Fear of God. – This is the real power that enables a wife to submit to her

husband, especially an ungodly husband. Her actions grow out of her “fear” and “reverence” for the Lord.

– She reverences her husband because she reverences God. – Proverbs 31:30—Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. – She submits first because of her reverent commitment to

the will of God. – She understands that God is infinitely wise and therefore

will manage the house, work at home in subjection to her husband. (Titus 2:5)

• Fear of God. – This is the real power that enables a wife to submit to her

husband, especially an ungodly husband. Her actions grow out of her “fear” and “reverence” for the Lord.

– She reverences her husband because she reverences God. – Proverbs 31:30—Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. – She submits first because of her reverent commitment to

the will of God. – She understands that God is infinitely wise and therefore

will manage the house, work at home in subjection to her husband. (Titus 2:5)

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Qualities that Produce Submission

• Holiness– Holy means “set apart” from sin and consecrated

to righteousness. – The heart of the woman is trained by God’s

teaching, empowered by faith and moved by consecration to His will to take seriously her role in the home.

• Holiness– Holy means “set apart” from sin and consecrated

to righteousness. – The heart of the woman is trained by God’s

teaching, empowered by faith and moved by consecration to His will to take seriously her role in the home.

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Qualities that Produce Subjection

• Meek and Quiet Spirit– 1 Peter 3:4--but let your adorning be pthe hidden

person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

– Meek/Gentle—Aristotle used the term of a horse whose will is broken and, as a result, submits to the reins of his master.

– This is the submissive spirit that is willing to surrender to the control of another.

• Meek and Quiet Spirit– 1 Peter 3:4--but let your adorning be pthe hidden

person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

– Meek/Gentle—Aristotle used the term of a horse whose will is broken and, as a result, submits to the reins of his master.

– This is the submissive spirit that is willing to surrender to the control of another.

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Qualities that Produce Submission

• Love– The godly woman is taught by the word to love

her husband and her children (Titus 2:4) – This loving spirit warms a home and gives itself to

the care and the good of others. – Ref. Proverbs 31:10-31;

• Love– The godly woman is taught by the word to love

her husband and her children (Titus 2:4) – This loving spirit warms a home and gives itself to

the care and the good of others. – Ref. Proverbs 31:10-31;

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Headship and Submission

• Is there cooperation in the home in this realm? – Husbands: Are you too selfish with your rule and

authority so that your wife does not trust your judgment?

– Wives: Are you too self-centered and head strong to submit?• Being married to a selfish husband does not release the

godly wife of her duties. (1 Peter 3:1-2)

• Is there cooperation in the home in this realm? – Husbands: Are you too selfish with your rule and

authority so that your wife does not trust your judgment?

– Wives: Are you too self-centered and head strong to submit?• Being married to a selfish husband does not release the

godly wife of her duties. (1 Peter 3:1-2)

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• THE ROLES OF HEADSHIP AND SUBMISSION.• THE ROLES OF BREADWINNER AND

HOMEMAKER.


HOMEMAKER.

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There Must Be Cooperation

• The husband is obligated to “bring home the bacon” – 1 Timothy 5:8— But if anyone does not provide

for his relatives, and especially for lmembers of his household, he has mdenied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

– 2 Thess. 3:10— For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: bIf anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.

• The husband is obligated to “bring home the bacon” – 1 Timothy 5:8— But if anyone does not provide

for his relatives, and especially for lmembers of his household, he has mdenied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

– 2 Thess. 3:10— For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: bIf anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.

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• The wife is obligated by God to be the homemaker. – Titus 2:4-5— and so train the young women to

love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

• The wife is obligated by God to be the homemaker. – Titus 2:4-5— and so train the young women to

love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

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• Grant Caldwell: “The passage does not say “keep her at home,” but that she is a “keeper at home” or “homemaker.” Truly great Bible women often did take their talents outside the home (Proverbs 31:10-31; Acts 16:14; Acts 18:2-3;) However, woman’s first responsibility is to her home. If she cannot fulfill her responsibilities at home and work outside the home, she should give up the work outside the home. Too many women are allowing their husbands and children to go wanting for lack of attention, and care in favor of a career.”

• Grant Caldwell: “The passage does not say “keep her at home,” but that she is a “keeper at home” or “homemaker.” Truly great Bible women often did take their talents outside the home (Proverbs 31:10-31; Acts 16:14; Acts 18:2-3;) However, woman’s first responsibility is to her home. If she cannot fulfill her responsibilities at home and work outside the home, she should give up the work outside the home. Too many women are allowing their husbands and children to go wanting for lack of attention, and care in favor of a career.”

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There Must Be Cooperation• Just Because a Woman Stays Home Does Not Mean She

Has Fulfilled Her Role. – 1 Timothy 5:13; – Grant Caldwell: “There is vastly more to home making than

mere keeping house. In addition to keeping a tidy house, the wife should make an atmosphere of love, happiness, friendliness, cheerfulness, and cooperation. To be a keeper at home (workers) as some translations give it, is the woman’s chief work. Here she is supreme—she has no equals. Here her first and her best work is to be done. Perhaps the reason some men spend so much of their spare time away from home is because of a nagging wife, sloven in appearance, who gads about, and shows little or no interest in him and his work. She has truly blasphemed the word of God (Titus 2:5).”

• Just Because a Woman Stays Home Does Not Mean She Has Fulfilled Her Role. – 1 Timothy 5:13; – Grant Caldwell: “There is vastly more to home making than

mere keeping house. In addition to keeping a tidy house, the wife should make an atmosphere of love, happiness, friendliness, cheerfulness, and cooperation. To be a keeper at home (workers) as some translations give it, is the woman’s chief work. Here she is supreme—she has no equals. Here her first and her best work is to be done. Perhaps the reason some men spend so much of their spare time away from home is because of a nagging wife, sloven in appearance, who gads about, and shows little or no interest in him and his work. She has truly blasphemed the word of God (Titus 2:5).”

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HOMEMAKER.• THERE MUST BE COOPERATION IN THE

SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP.


HOMEMAKER.• THERE MUST BE COOPERATION IN THE

SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP.

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• In the Sexual Relationship– Key Text: 1 Corinthians 7:3-7; – The husband’s body belongs to his wife. – The wife’s body belongs to her husband. – This obligation should not be viewed as a duty to

be endured instead as a blessing to be enjoyed.

• In the Sexual Relationship– Key Text: 1 Corinthians 7:3-7; – The husband’s body belongs to his wife. – The wife’s body belongs to her husband. – This obligation should not be viewed as a duty to

be endured instead as a blessing to be enjoyed.

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Cooperation in Marriage Will Solve the Problems of:

• Sexual incompatibility• Financial Irresponsibility• In-law Interference• Infidelity• Immaturity

• Sexual incompatibility• Financial Irresponsibility• In-law Interference• Infidelity• Immaturity

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Why Marriages Fail


Commitment. • Marriages Fail Because of Inadequate

Communication.• Marriages Fail Because of Insufficient Cooperation. • Marriages Fail Because of Little Consideration and Concern.

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How Does A Lack of Consideration and Concern Manifest Itself?

• Constant Complaining and Criticism• Nagging– Proverbs 21:9; Proverbs 21:19; Proverbs 25:24;

Proverbs 27:15;

• Thoughtlessness


Proverbs 27:15;

• Thoughtlessness

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• Advice From the Other Woman– Dear Woman: “Your husband became greatly

enamored of me because I paid attention to him, which obviously you haven’t done in quite some time. I mean real attention, complete with stimulating conversation and verbal recognition of his extraordinary qualities. I made him feel alive and important. He believes you prefer the company of your sisters, your mother and your women friends to him. When you need a man’s viewpoint you ask your father. I am not going to see your husband again, lady, because he likes me too much already, and I am no homewrecker. But I believe you should take a good, hard look at that wonderful man of yours and come up with some evidence of appreciation—before you lose him.” (Letter to Ann Landers via The Challenge of Being a Wife pp. 68-69)

• Advice From the Other Woman– Dear Woman: “Your husband became greatly

enamored of me because I paid attention to him, which obviously you haven’t done in quite some time. I mean real attention, complete with stimulating conversation and verbal recognition of his extraordinary qualities. I made him feel alive and important. He believes you prefer the company of your sisters, your mother and your women friends to him. When you need a man’s viewpoint you ask your father. I am not going to see your husband again, lady, because he likes me too much already, and I am no homewrecker. But I believe you should take a good, hard look at that wonderful man of yours and come up with some evidence of appreciation—before you lose him.” (Letter to Ann Landers via The Challenge of Being a Wife pp. 68-69)

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How Does A Lack of Consideration and Concern Manifest Itself?


Proverbs 27:15; • Thoughtlessness• Unfair Comparisons• Unrealistic Expectations• Unkindness– Col. 4:6


Proverbs 27:15; • Thoughtlessness• Unfair Comparisons• Unrealistic Expectations• Unkindness– Col. 4:6

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How Care and Concern Manifest Themselves

• Interest• Appreciation• Kindness– Proverbs 19:22; Proverbs 31:26

• Patience• Tolerance– Eccl. 7:21-22

• The Golden Rule– Matt. 7:12

• Interest• Appreciation• Kindness– Proverbs 19:22; Proverbs 31:26

• Patience• Tolerance– Eccl. 7:21-22

• The Golden Rule– Matt. 7:12

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Husbands Are Obligated by God to Show Consideration and Concern for

Their Wives• Husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved

the church. (Eph. 5:25-27) • Husbands are told to love their wives as their own

bodies. (Eph. 5:28)• If we love our wives we will nourish and cherish her. – Nourish: to feed, to supply needs, to bring up to maturity,

and to promote health and strength. – Cherish: to foster with tender care. It originally was used

to refer to the mother’s nursing her young. To “warm”.

• Husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the church. (Eph. 5:25-27)

• Husbands are told to love their wives as their own bodies. (Eph. 5:28)

• If we love our wives we will nourish and cherish her. – Nourish: to feed, to supply needs, to bring up to maturity,

and to promote health and strength. – Cherish: to foster with tender care. It originally was used

to refer to the mother’s nursing her young. To “warm”.

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How Does The Wife Show Care and Concern?

• They are to submit. (Eph. 5:22-24; Col. 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Peter 3:1-6) – C.G. Caldwell—“Someone then asks, “Why

doesn’t Paul say that wives should love their husbands like that?” Paul did say that. He said it when he instructed them to be in subjection to their husbands in all things. Her obedience, freely and willingly given, is the greatest evidence of her love for him. The woman who will not submit to her husband loves neither him nor the Lord.” (Truth Commentary on Ephesians)

• They are to submit. (Eph. 5:22-24; Col. 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Peter 3:1-6) – C.G. Caldwell—“Someone then asks, “Why

doesn’t Paul say that wives should love their husbands like that?” Paul did say that. He said it when he instructed them to be in subjection to their husbands in all things. Her obedience, freely and willingly given, is the greatest evidence of her love for him. The woman who will not submit to her husband loves neither him nor the Lord.” (Truth Commentary on Ephesians)

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How Does The Wife Show Care and Concern?

• They are to submit. (Eph. 5:22-24; Col. 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Peter 3:1-6)

• Wives are to respect. (Eph. 5:33) • Wives are to love. (Titus 2:4) – Marshall Patton—“This love also involves being

supportive of their husbands in his dreams, ambitions, and every worthy endeavor. Absolutely nothing—not wealth, costly apparel, politeness, or anything else can compensate for the affectionate devotion of a wife to her husband.” (Truth Commentary on Titus)

• Wives are to be kind. (Titus 2:5)

• They are to submit. (Eph. 5:22-24; Col. 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Peter 3:1-6)

• Wives are to respect. (Eph. 5:33) • Wives are to love. (Titus 2:4) – Marshall Patton—“This love also involves being

supportive of their husbands in his dreams, ambitions, and every worthy endeavor. Absolutely nothing—not wealth, costly apparel, politeness, or anything else can compensate for the affectionate devotion of a wife to her husband.” (Truth Commentary on Titus)

• Wives are to be kind. (Titus 2:5) 04/21/23 97

Paul’s Description of Love

• 1 Cor. 13:4-8a— Love is patient and fkind; love gdoes not envy or boast; it his not arrogant 5 or rude. It idoes not insist on its own way; it jis not irritable or resentful;1 6 it kdoes not rejoice at wrongdoing, but lrejoices with the truth. 7 mLove bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, eendures all things. 8 Love never ends.

• 1 Cor. 13:4-8a— Love is patient and fkind; love gdoes not envy or boast; it his not arrogant 5 or rude. It idoes not insist on its own way; it jis not irritable or resentful;1 6 it kdoes not rejoice at wrongdoing, but lrejoices with the truth. 7 mLove bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, eendures all things. 8 Love never ends.

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Why Marriages Fail

• Marriages Fail Because of Little Consideration and Concern.

• Marriages Fail Because of Unresolved Conflicts.

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Unresolved Conflicts• Conflicts are inevitable in any marriage but they

become problems when they are not quickly and lovingly resolved.

• Eph. 4:26-27— Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil.– When the sun goes down upon our wrath:

• Anger gets cherished• Constant tempers arise• Wrath is embittered• Irritated exasperation is harbored and brooded over in the

heart. • WE ARE ENDANGERED OF LOSING CONTROL!!!

• Conflicts are inevitable in any marriage but they become problems when they are not quickly and lovingly resolved.

• Eph. 4:26-27— Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil.– When the sun goes down upon our wrath:

• Anger gets cherished• Constant tempers arise• Wrath is embittered• Irritated exasperation is harbored and brooded over in the

heart. • WE ARE ENDANGERED OF LOSING CONTROL!!!

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Unresolved Conflicts• Love is to grow between husbands and wives. – Titus 2:4-5— and so train the young women to love

their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, tpure, uworking at home, kind, and vsubmissive to their own husbands, wthat the word of God may not be reviled.

– Love is a learning process• When conflicts go unresolved then what is grown is

not love but: – Bad feelings– Anger– Bitterness– Resentment– Hostility

• Love is to grow between husbands and wives. – Titus 2:4-5— and so train the young women to love

their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, tpure, uworking at home, kind, and vsubmissive to their own husbands, wthat the word of God may not be reviled.

– Love is a learning process• When conflicts go unresolved then what is grown is

not love but: – Bad feelings– Anger– Bitterness– Resentment– Hostility

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The Words “Always” and “Never” Should be Taken Out of Our Vocabulary.

“You NEVER take me anywhere.” “You NEVER help out around the house.”

“You ALWAYS track mud in the living room.” “You ALWAYS spend more than you should at the

grocery store.” “You NEVER watch what you spend.”

“You ALWAYS run me down in front of others.”

We Need to Practice• Repentance and Confession (James 5:16) – We need to learn to say the ten hardest words in the

English language. • “I have sinned. I am sorry. Will you forgive me?”

• Forgiveness (Eph. 4:31)– “As God in Christ forgave you.” – C.G. Caldwell: “God is kind and tenderhearted toward

us. In nothing is that more fully manifested than in the forgiveness offered in Christ. It has been given freely, unselfishly, wholeheartedly, and generously (Romans 6:23; John 3:16).”

• Repentance and Confession (James 5:16) – We need to learn to say the ten hardest words in the

English language. • “I have sinned. I am sorry. Will you forgive me?”

• Forgiveness (Eph. 4:31)– “As God in Christ forgave you.” – C.G. Caldwell: “God is kind and tenderhearted toward

us. In nothing is that more fully manifested than in the forgiveness offered in Christ. It has been given freely, unselfishly, wholeheartedly, and generously (Romans 6:23; John 3:16).”

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Unresolved Conflicts Will Destroy a Marriage

• Eph. 4:26— Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,

• “If two people who love each other let a single instant wedge itself between them, it grows—it becomes a month, a year, a century. It becomes too late.” Quotable Quote, Readers Digest, Dec. 12, 1984

• Eph. 4:26— Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,

• “If two people who love each other let a single instant wedge itself between them, it grows—it becomes a month, a year, a century. It becomes too late.” Quotable Quote, Readers Digest, Dec. 12, 1984

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Why Marriages Fail



• Discontentment.

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Discontentment• Discontentment is a big problem in society today. • We control whether we are content or not. – Proverbs 5:15-20; Eccl. 6:9; Phil. 4:11

• Solving the problem of discontentment will help with:– Sexual Incompatibility – Financial Irresponsibility

• Hebrews 13:5; 1 Tim. 6:8– In-law Interference– Infidelity

• Discontentment is a big problem in society today. • We control whether we are content or not. – Proverbs 5:15-20; Eccl. 6:9; Phil. 4:11

• Solving the problem of discontentment will help with:– Sexual Incompatibility – Financial Irresponsibility

• Hebrews 13:5; 1 Tim. 6:8– In-law Interference– Infidelity

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Why Marriages Fail



• Discontentment.• Marriages Fail Because of Complacent Co-existence.

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Chuck Swindoll: “A marriage is a lot like our house. While new it sparkles. Fresh smells, fun surprises, and new discoveries make each day snap, crackle, and pop. Sure, there’s work to be done, but the newness takes away the hassle. AS TIME

PASSES, however, things change. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the grit of responsibility mixed with the grind of routine starts to take its toll…Bills come due.

Weeds spout. Doors squeak and sag. Windows stick. Paint peels. Roofs leak. Faucets drip. Drains clog. Floors lose their luster. The fun ‘n’ games silently erode

into relentless, demanding, irritating task. The dreams fade into the misty memories of ‘the way we were’, introducing us to nightmarish and fearful feelings

of ‘the way it is’. “That warm, passionate fire once cast its spell upon us is obviously dying down. Thoughts and words once foreign to us now reside in our

heads and tumble out of our mouths. Suddenly we realize we’re faced with a decision: move out or stay and remodel. Walk away from the embers or rekindle

the fire. Too often the first choice is considered the romantic resolve. The honeymoon is over…dreams lie broken and scattered…The duet has become a

duel. The smiles and laughter that once made coming home sheer ecstasy have turned into lonely stares and sighs of disappointment. The magic is gone. Nothing

is left in its place except cold mental mirrors reflecting yesterday’s sunshine that today has been eclipsed…Gone are those romantic strings with their magnetic melodies of a lingering embrace, kisses or reassurance, and quite evenings of

treasured pleasure. Instead of caring and listening communication, you get busy signals…and you do not know how to repair the lines.” 04/21/23 107

The Opposite of Love Is Not Hate but INDIFFERENCE

• “Recently, after fifty five years of marriage, I lost my loving wife, I lost my sweetheart, my gourmet cook, my nurse, and my best friend. In the fifty-five years we were married I sent her flowers only twice. Now I put flowers on her grave twice a week. “I kiss her picture every morning and tell her how much I love her. Before she went away, my morning greeting was, ‘Is the coffee ready?’ “Somewhere I read the following: ‘Carve not upon a stone the dirgeful words that mourners say at grace side, rather tell me while I live.’ I wish I had another chance.”

• “Recently, after fifty five years of marriage, I lost my loving wife, I lost my sweetheart, my gourmet cook, my nurse, and my best friend. In the fifty-five years we were married I sent her flowers only twice. Now I put flowers on her grave twice a week. “I kiss her picture every morning and tell her how much I love her. Before she went away, my morning greeting was, ‘Is the coffee ready?’ “Somewhere I read the following: ‘Carve not upon a stone the dirgeful words that mourners say at grace side, rather tell me while I live.’ I wish I had another chance.”

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Avoid Complacent Co-existence• Express your love and affection for one another

often. • Keep courting and dating– Make time for this, and it does not have to cost much

money• How much money did you have when you were first dating?• Do you remember the days when a date was a bag of

peanuts and a bottle of pop with two straws?– Sharing and caring will go a long way in helping to

solve the problems of:• Sexual incompatibility • Financial irresponsibility• In-law interference• Infidelity

• Express your love and affection for one another often.

• Keep courting and dating– Make time for this, and it does not have to cost much

money• How much money did you have when you were first dating?• Do you remember the days when a date was a bag of

peanuts and a bottle of pop with two straws?– Sharing and caring will go a long way in helping to

solve the problems of:• Sexual incompatibility • Financial irresponsibility• In-law interference• Infidelity

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“What do you wish your husband knew about you?”

• “I wish he would take charge more -- be head of the home”

• “I wish he would understand the full importance of being a housewife and mother”

• “I wish he would understand my need for help in the home”

• “I wish I were still his sweetheart as in our dating days”

• “I wish he would be more responsible toward our financial budget” (Rick Lanning, “What Wives Wished Their Husbands Knew About Women,” Imhoff Avenue Messenger Of Truth, 8/84, 14:8)

• “I wish he would take charge more -- be head of the home”

• “I wish he would understand the full importance of being a housewife and mother”

• “I wish he would understand my need for help in the home”

• “I wish I were still his sweetheart as in our dating days”

• “I wish he would be more responsible toward our financial budget” (Rick Lanning, “What Wives Wished Their Husbands Knew About Women,” Imhoff Avenue Messenger Of Truth, 8/84, 14:8)

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Why Do Marriages Fail? • Some will fail because of a lack of

communication. • Some will fail due to lack of commitment. • Some will fail because of bad choices.• But all stand to fail when: There is not

righteousness in the heart or beauty in the character

• “Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it….” (Psa. 127:1)

• Some will fail because of a lack of communication.

• Some will fail due to lack of commitment. • Some will fail because of bad choices.• But all stand to fail when: There is not

righteousness in the heart or beauty in the character

• “Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it….” (Psa. 127:1)

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Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due:

• This sermon series was first presented by brother Kevin Kay in a Gospel Meeting at the Wilson Dam Road church of Christ in Muscle Shoals, Alabama.

• I have reworked and represented the same points and presented them to the Westside church of Christ in Warner Robins, Georgia.

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