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Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

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Why You Shouldn’t Let Anyone Define Your Happiness By @aryomoedanton CEO and Founder of Anakmuda.net Ver 1.0 Copyrighted @aryomoedanton 2015
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Page 1: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Why You Shouldn’t Let Anyone Define Your Happiness

By

@aryomoedanton

CEO and Founder of Anakmuda.net

Ver 1.0 Copyrighted @aryomoedanton 2015

Page 2: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

This guide are not your magic bullet, interview process is a somewhat highly individual

approach, there is no single “right” way, what I share, is my personal experiences

Ver 1.0

Copyrighted @aryomoedanton 2015

Page 3: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Back home, your parents are badgering you with expectations,

In school/campus, your teachers do the same

In working space, your co-workers always excel in everything s/he do

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Even when you turn into social media, you discover happiness of your

friends getting a surprise B’day cake, achieving tops of the class, winning

debate competition, or getting accepted for lucrative scholarship

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Then you look into the mirror and see the less perfect version of everyone

else in the world,

A pathetic mess that is less happy

You are NOT special

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Or are you?

Page 7: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Why? Why do you have to be special?

Why do you need others to define your happiness?

Page 8: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Let me share a story about us, and our generations

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First of all, we are different generations,

Some call us generation Y, some call us generation Millenia

Page 10: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Well I prefer to call us, generation C

CONTENT CREATORS – CONNECTED – CO-CREATE – CUSTOMIZE CURIOUS – CONTROL – COMMUNITY – CONSTANTLY CHANGE

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We are Versatile, Mobile, and Communal, Which are our

Strength, as well as our weaknesses

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Weakness? Why?

Because we are communal : we are prone to become judgmental

Because we are mobile and versatile : we are prone to rush things and

doesn’t take a step back to think

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What does being judgmental and rushing things has to do with happiness?

because

HAPPINESS = REALITY - EXPECTATION

Page 14: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

It is simple, when the reality of someone’s life is better than they had

expected, they’re happy. When reality turns out to be worse than the

expectations, they’re unhappy

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However sometimes happiness isn’t about reality that is suck, but rather

our expectation that is messed up, or simply unrealistic

Page 16: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

It’s a magical combination of our tendency to rush things and

judgmental, plus the influences of our surroundings

Page 17: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Let us take a look at our closest family, our parents who most of them are

born between 1960 - 1980

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What happened at that time, were prosper times, Indonesia are just

releasing itself from socialist and communism, and western economy

flourishes, although not as good as ideal, situations are way better

compared to 1950-1960

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Our parents learn that things are getting better by hardworking, and it will

always do. Also it is you, and only you that can change things to be better

Page 20: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Without realizing that there are external powers such as other countries,

global economy, etc. That our country, although big in size, is just a

fraction of a bigger, more complex world

Page 21: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Fortunately, reality at that time proved to be even better than their

expectation (hence they are happy), thus confirming their belief that the

hard work method succeed, and then you are all born as their children

Page 22: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Our parents raised us just like them being raised, with believes that you can do

better than them, that you are special, nothing in this world can prevent you

from achieving your dreams, they put a lot of optimism into you

Page 23: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

This optimism grow within us, suddenly what our parent has is not

enough, we want more, we believe we can do more, easily,

We no longer just want food, shelter, and education, but we want “financial

freedom” and other dreams

Page 24: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

But that isn’t exactly what happened to our worlds now, due to higher

competitions, bigger populations, and relatively decreasing growth of

Economy, something that can be easily achieved 30 years ago can be twice,

if not thrice harder to achieve by today

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25 years ago, for 1 job occupations, there are 40 applicants, now it is 1200

25 years ago, for 1 scholarship there are 20 applicants, now it is 800

25 years ago, people retired at the age of 58, now it is 61

www.labour.org.uk

Page 26: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

So what happened? It turns out that the reality is less kind compare to all

the expectation that you, and your surroundings has build so far

Hence, you are not happy

Page 27: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

But somehow it get worse, again through our surroundings, especially in

this digital era. It is easy for you to get massive number of informations.

Theory dictate that more information create a more valid conclusion. So

its good isn’t it?

Page 28: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

No it is not

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It is good if those information are diverse and representing universally of

what really happened in society

Unfortunately, that is not what our Social Media do

Page 30: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Social media is not news, rather it is merely information generated by

user that is subjective, and more importantly, exactly just like us

(gen C, Rushing, Judgmental, thinking they are special, etc etc)

Page 31: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

They are insecure, afraid to be judged by their surroundings, and feed

their ego with hopes that they are more successful than others, and that is

the ONLY projection that they wish to share

Page 32: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

They are there publishing stories of their life, however in a bloated, inflated

version of a good story, while hiding the bad things that happened to

them. And even worse, technology is on their side, that is why we have

Inner circle in path, or camera360 to hide you in your worst day, etc

Page 33: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

This only (inaccurately) makes us feel that everyone else is happy and

success meanwhile we are not, plus adding our own frustation of feeling

less perfect, less happy

Reality Others

Reality You

Reality Others

Happiness Gap

Page 34: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

So what do WE need to do?

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Here is a couple of things that I can share based on what I experienced,

and what I learned :

Page 36: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Even if you might be gifted, it is easier for you to live knowing that you are not a know it

all person that will always succeed in whatever it is that you do, your imperfection will

make you want to learn, as long as you think you are not special. There will be less ego

inside you that reject and deny all failures and misery that happened.

Step #1 : Stop thinking that you are special

Page 37: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Stop rushing into things just simply you are panicking, “wow she get accepted into a

university? I need to take whatever crappy and unsuitable university that accepted me”. We

are all known for our potentials of harnessing every information within our world, it is a

shame should you rush into things and ended up regretting your decision

Step #2 : Tame your generation C wildness

Page 38: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

And stop being easily judgmental. It is okay to judge people because that is how us

conclude a situation, that is one of our survival instinct, but don’t let that overwhelm you

with premature judgment of situation, other, and especially yourself. Take a breather and

think it over,

Step #2 : Tame your generation C wildness

Page 39: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

There is no “correct” reality. It is a bias perception that is subjected to individuals. “seeing a heavy rain is

sad for a man going for a romantic outdoor dinner, but a blessing for farmers looking to irrigate his field

Enrich your perspective and look around for what is really happening, and don’t count only with

social media, do really talk to people, observe, and evaluate accordingly

Because Step #3 is recalibrating the FORMULA

𝐴 = 𝜋𝑟2

𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 ≠ 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 − 𝐸𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

= 𝑷𝒆𝒓𝒄𝒆𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒆𝒔 − (𝑎𝑑𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝐸𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 − 𝐵𝑒𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐸𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛)

𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 = 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 − ∆ Expectation

Page 40: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

As well as there is no immortal expectation. We humans are evolving due to conditions of environment,

I used to like my hometown Bukittinggi because it’s cool breeze, but living in Jakarta too long makes me

uneasy to the cold temperature. Is temperature changing? Not really, it is my body that adapt its

expectation of “happiness” so why couldn’t you do the same?

Because Step #3 is recalibrating the FORMULA

𝐴 = 𝜋𝑟2

𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 ≠ 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 − 𝐸𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

= 𝑃𝑒𝑟𝑐𝑒𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠 − (𝒂𝒅𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝑬𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 − 𝑩𝒆𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑬𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏)

𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 = 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 − ∆ Expectation

Page 41: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Does that mean we need to lower our expectation as the time goes? Not really, Adjusted expectation

can be bigger than initial expectation, Manny Pacquiao never really aimed to be a world champions, but

as he discover his potentials, he adjusted the goal, and it works perfectly for him. He is Happy.

Because Step #3 is recalibrating the FORMULA

𝐴 = 𝜋𝑟2

𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 ≠ 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 − 𝐸𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

= 𝑃𝑒𝑟𝑐𝑒𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠 − (𝒂𝒅𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝑬𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 − 𝑩𝒆𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑬𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏)

𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 = 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 − ∆ Expectation

Page 42: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

I will cover that later specifically in a separate topics, but whatever misery that happened

because you are adhering to other’s judgment and perspective will only crush you alone,

not them. Why benchmarking your happiness from what other see in you?

Because the Key is Step #4 : Insecurity of being judged by others, are IDIOTIC

Page 43: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Ver 1.0 Copyrighted @aryomoedanton 2015

= 𝑃𝑒𝑟𝑐𝑒𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠 − (𝑎𝑑𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝐸𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 − 𝐵𝑒𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐸𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛)

𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 = 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 − ∆ Expectation

Happy now?

Page 44: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

PROFILE

Aryo Moedanton

Jakarta-born Minang descendant

A passionate youth development activist,

Aryo believes in the power of will and consistent relentless efforts.

He currently professional development trainer as well as

founder & CEO of Anakmuda.net

“When the student is ready,

the teacher will appear” -Buddha-

Page 45: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Jakarta-born Minang descendant with passion in youth,

development and capacity building as a trainer and motivator

Passionate Communicator Among others, Aryo is the champion of Junior Chamber International

Asia Pacific Region 2015 , United Asia Debating Championship EFL

Category 2010, as well as 5 times national debating champion in

Indonesia

Global Commitment and Contribution Aryo represented Indonesia in many international event such as AFS-

YES United States of America 2007 – 2008, as well as became the

Project Leader of ASEAN Youth Expo 2014 (10 countries, 7,000

participants) and Indonesia – China Youth Exchange Program

National Selection (1,566 Individuals)

Summary

PROFILE

Aryo Moedanton

Page 46: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

EXPERIENCES

Up to date, Aryo has been working with more than

40 education institutions and 12 companies & government institutions

in the last 4 years as Professional Development Speakers in various

professional development skills.

To name a few, He is a speaker in… • Youth for Colombia, entrepreneurship session, Bogota Colombia

October 2015

• ASEAN – Republic of Korea for Woman and Youth Entrepreneur ,

Cambodia 2014

• Brand Marketing, Ministry of Marine & Fisheries 2013

And some others… • Seminar on Indonesian Progressive Culture and Hospitality,

University Prep, Seattle WA, 2008

• Class Management, Putra Sampoerna Foundation 2014

• Critical Thinking & Presentation Skills, Phillip Morris International /

HM Sampoerna 2013

PROFILE

Aryo Moedanton

Page 47: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Aryo is also exposed to various crucial elements of sustainable

society, such as Entrepreneurial, and Youth Development

thus increasing his versatility in facilitating.

Entrepreneurial • An entrepreneur since 2006

• Owning 2 start up enterprises while building the third right now

• Field Practitioner Judge and Mentor for Development Bank of

Singapore – Social Venture Challenge Asia 2015

Youth Development • Broadcaster for Greetings from America, a radio-based youth

development platform 2007 - 2008

• Founder and CEO of Anakmuda.net 2015

• Member of the team for Strategic Long Term Planning Ministry of

Youth and Sports Republic of Indonesia 2015 - 2035

MORE EXPOSURES

PROFILE

Aryo Moedanton

Page 48: Why you shouldnt let anyone define your happiness by aryo moedanton 1.0

Let’s Discuss more, should you have additional info that can be added, or want to know

deeper about the topic(s), please contact me :

@aryomoedanton

[email protected]

Ver 1.0 Copyrighted @aryomoedanton 2015


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