Wordy Frames 1 Version 1.0 This is one of a series of units available here to help you write...

Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Wordy Frames 1 Version 1.0

This is one of a series of units available here to help you write sentences well. Please view this unit as a slide show.

This unit includes about 135 slides. Each slide includes three columns. The left column presents editing cues and problematic text. The middle column repeats the text and permits editing. The right column presents model answers and commentary. Examine these three columns now:

Press the down arrow to reveal your editing tools.

If you are viewing this slide in a slide show, then please press the right arrow on your keyboard and reveal the model column.

Way to go!

Problem Column Editing Column Model Column

https://pantherfile.uwm.edu/dermer/public/Editing


For editing you can use: the cursor to mark text; the mouse and the keyboard’s arrows to move the cursor; and the four shortcut keys below:

Short Cut Function

ctrl-c copy marked text

ctrl-x cut marked text

ctrl-v paste marked text

To remember the short cut for paste, think of the “v” as the first letter in “Velcro.”

Press the down arrow to cut some words.


In the editing column, use your tools to cut the needless words.

Problem Column Editing Column Model Column

Contrary to previous reports . . . # 181

Compare your revision with the model. Is your revision as concise? Do both revisions have about the same meaning as the original (in the problem column)?

Press the down arrow to learn more about revising.

Press the right arrow to reveal the model revision.


In the model columns, I’ve provided “professional” revisions, but there is no absolutely right revision for revisions vary across editors. Indeed, one editor may revise many times, over many days.

Moreover there is the issue of context. In this unit you usually will be editing text without much context such as a next sentence or the paragraph in which the text could appear.

So what should you do? Given the cue, such as wordy, revise as best you can. If you can think of several revisions then enter them. Crafting multiple revisions now sans context, will help you edit later with context.

Here you will be asked to edit for a reader with considerable editing experience. As you revise more and more text, your style will become increasingly like that of an experienced editor. In the process, you will be acquiring a basic skill that will help you edit when text appears in context!

Press the down arrow for a request for your help.


You will be using the “first edition” of this unit. So it is very possible that your revisions are better than mine. If so, could you forward them to me here?

Please include the version number of this unit (see the top of Slide 1) and the number of the slide as it appears in the model revision column, for example, “# 102.”

If your revision is helpful, then with your consent I will use your revision and add your name to the list of contributors here.

Press the down arrow for advice about skill learning.

mailto:[email protected]

https://pantherfile.uwm.edu/dermer/public/Editing


Four Factors that Promote Skill Learning

Location

instructions or advice see web page that corresponds to this unit

examples see above practice revising the many texts in this unit

constructive feedback comparing your revisions with the model revisions

Practice is vital. It is best to study for 20 minutes daily and carefully work through the slides, typing revisions, comparing, etc. After each session, store this unit on your computer. Then retrieve the unit the next day as needed to finish the unit.

Factors that promote skill learning and their location in these instructional materials are listed in the table below. Please review the table.

Press the down arrow for advice about the “next step.”


When you have finished a unit, the best next step is not to move on to a new unit but to review your revisions. If you have been storing this unit then you have been storing your revisions. So review them! This is what experienced researchers do; sometimes they revise more than ten times.

In this regard, consider Lee J. Cronbach’s comments in his "Four Psychological Bulletin Articles in Perspective,” (Psychological Bulletin, 1992, 112, 389-392):

In the days before word processors, I found 10 retypings of a manuscript none too many, and that implies many rereadings by me. Pages going back to my typist often carried scribbles in five colors, each new color representing an additional reading. Always, one sees floating pronouns to anchor, sentences to clarify or vivify, paragraphs to move, digressions to delete. . . I advise the inexperienced writer to leave a near-final draft in a drawer for a few weeks and, returning to it fresh, to read it aloud. Try to listen through the ears of a graduate student new to the paper, indeed, new to the topic.

Press the down arrow to reveal another tool.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lee_Cronbach




As you work through this unit, you will be encountering the slides in a fixed order. So, when you finish this unit and seek to review your work, it may be desirable to present the slides in a new order.

Reordering is possible with a module written in Visual Basic for Applications. Below, is an image of the window you must access to run the module.

Press the down arrow to learn about accessing the macro window


You can access the macro window when not in slide show mode. So, stop the slide show and press Alt-F8. When the window appears, press the run button. An hour-glass icon will appear on your screen. Randomizing the slides may require 50 seconds patiently wait for the icon’s removal. Of course, you must then restart the slide show to begin practicing. Just advance to the slide with the green bar below.

There you have it. Practice and learn!

--MLD

Go for it!


The participant could not respond.

# 24


Though participants are of the same age, they need not have identical verbal skills.

Though participants are of the same age, their verbal skills may differ.

# 61

#


The walls were white.

# 182


A central role of the hippocampus is to consolidate conscious forms of learning and memory.

Retrieved November 5, 2012 from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2078244/

# 156


In the overt condition, participantsknow . . .

In the overt condition, participantsrecognize . . .

In the overt condition, participantssense . . .

# 192


At high concentrations . . .

# 198


As had Smith and Jones (2010), we manipulated exercise and measured learning.

The version above renders “Smith and Jones” important; the version below renders them less important.

We manipulated exercise and measured learning (see Smith & Jones, 2010).

#


Before the polygraph was invented . . .

# 111


As the number of miles walked daily increases, performance improves on memory tasks.

Flesh and blood characters:

Daily, as people walk more miles, they better perform memory tasks.

Rather than describing a mere correlation, this revision suggests that people improve their memory by walking:

Daily, as people walk more miles, they improve their memory.

#34


The shock upset the rat.

The revision replaces the adjective “upset” with the verb “upset.” Here is another discussion of nominalizations.

# 175

https://pantherfile.uwm.edu/dermer/public/Editing/Nominalizations/


The psychologist examined the polygraph records.

# 172


During World War II, only the highly intelligent were selected for training . . .

The revision replaces the noun “selection” with the verb “selected.”

With more of a flesh and blood character:

During World War II, only highly intelligent persons were trained to . . .

# 22


The study of composition development vitally depends on memory.

# 142


Memory catches and stores events.

# 85


In a replication, younger adults scored below older adults.

The revision replaces the noun “scores” with the verb “scored.” Here is a discussion of nominalizations.

# 69

https://pantherfile.uwm.edu/dermer/public/Editing/Nominalizations/


Participants imagined.

The revision replaces the noun “images” with the verb “imagine.”

Here is a another discussion of nominalizations.

# 167

http://www.physics.ohio-state.edu/~wilkins/writing/Handouts/nominalization.html


Patience is necessary in . . .

# 171


Participants can prepare themselves to respond most quickly

# 18


The students preferred beer over wine.

# 250


Among teenagers . . . .

# 200


Whether food deprived or not, the pigeons . . .

# 211


The program will work as follows . . .

# 263


The article discusses . . .

# 180


Burglary is the most frequent crime.

# 242


The first method could fail . . .

# 112


Psychoanalytic must explain love . . .

# 237


A second study (Smith & Klein, 2011), tested if level of exercise affected memory.

The revision parenthetically refers to the authors because it is not the authors but their work that is important. Want to emphasize the authors? Look here:

In their second study, Smith and Klein (2011) tested if level of exercise affected memory.

# 59

#


To decrease negative thoughts and feelings, researcher have constructed . . .

# 106


Often physical punishment was avoided because of ethical concerns.

# 113


The client feared . . .

# 232


Steroids reportedly hamper healing.

# 269


The results substantially support level of processing theory.

# 88


As we come to better understand humor we will . . .

# 238


The confederate returned to . . .

# 176


Students quickly learned to . . .

# 195


Participants sat before a personal computer.

# 2


To further understand the relation between age and verbal skill . . . .

# 28


The professor demonstrated . . .

# 247


Teenagers reportedly tend to watch less TV than do younger children.

# 215


Participants reported that they exercised regularly.

Participants reported regularly exercising.

# 257


Only recently have professors recognized that student writing must improve.

# 255


Before the participant entered the room,

# 23


People use alcohol . . .People drink alcohol . . .

# 240


For all conditions . . .

# 103


This study explored whether verbal skill increases with age.

# 20


Steroids reportedly increase appetite.

# 254


The schedule continued . . .

# 223


Learning depends on many factors.

Many factors determine learning.

#42


Throughout the children’s free time . . .

# 226


This project provides . . .

# 262


The confederate confidently strided into the room.

# 219


Sarah reflected on how her life differed from those of herfemale ancestors.

#268


The program controls the experiment.

# 261


When the light was on, the lever was unavailable

# 228


Participants were 25 undergraduates.

# 67


Contrary to previous reports . . .

# 181


Besides being happy, the client was generous.

# 234


These data now support cognitive dissonance theory . . .

# 189


The analysis of variance presumes that . . .

# 109


Initially, the child laughed.

# 233


Unlike other studies, this study did not explore skill differences.

With flesh and blood characters:

Unlike other researchers, we did not explore skill differences.

# 48


The participants were increasing asking for . . .

# 202


Within ten years, will we understand the biological bases for autism spectrum disorders?

Within a decade, will we understand . . .

# 201


Every student . . .

# 216


The story angered the children.

The story frightened the children.

# 256


When the participant was confused about . . .

# 244


As age increases, verbal skills increase (e.g., Zaretsky & Archy, 1980).

Verbal skills increase with age (e.g., Zaretsky & Archy, 1980).

# 43


Psychologists agree that . . .

# 252


The Institutional Review Board prohibits removing . . .

# 197


At six stations, participants . . .

# 208


They predicted that as age increased so did verbal skill.

The revision replaces the noun “prediction” with the verb “predict.”

Here are other versions:

They predicted that verbal skill increased with age.

They predicted that age and verbal skill covaried.

# 60

#


The experiment’s findings can enhance undergraduates’ learning.

# 92


The data records were inspected.

The data records were scrutinized.

The data were inspected.

The data were scrutinized.

# 188


Program administrators at the National Science Foundation increasingly question . . .

# 205


This project seeks . . .

# 251


Dissonance theory explains the attitude change in terms of inconsistent cognitions. Dissonance theory attributes the attitude change to inconsistent cognitions.

# 236


In general, people write best when . . .

# 26


Maslow might assert that . . .

# 225


For two months, the pups gainedweight.

# 258


The teaching assistant read instructions out loud.

# 93


A good theory must have . . .

# 231


Before modeling correct behavior,

# 169


The solution was . . .

# 183


Regarding Smith and Jones’s (1945) findings . . .

#


The data indicate that the best way to increase cooperation is to cooperate.

The data indicate that cooperation best increases cooperation.

# 224


Some people believe that . . .

# 222


The participants in the experimental group fear . . .

# 204


Many parents feel their children have hurt themselves.

# 210


The advertisement targeted cigarette smokers.

# 209


Most participants were African-Americans.

# 235


Social support energized the resistance.

Social support galvanized the resistance.

# 220


When Fendrick and Smith (2012) replicated this study . . .

When Fendrick and Smith (2012) repeated this study . . .

# 190


The first target appeared before a yellow background.

# 174


The cannula was replaced.

# 218


Many participants were similarly skilled.

# 49


Responses to speech determine behavior.

With flesh and blood characters and more words:

How others respond to what you say determines what you do.

What you do depends on how others respond to what you say.

Your behavior depends on how others respond to your speech.

#53

#


These findings replicate previous findings (Baron & Gottlieb, 2001) . . .

The revision parenthetically refers to the authors because it is not the authors but their work that is important.

This revision renders the authors important:

As did Baron and Gottlieb (2001), we found that . . .

# 27


To assess response latency . . .

# 33


Before the injection . . .

# 259


Participants in the incidental learning condition were unaware that memory was being studied.

# 89


The participants enjoyed meditating.

Above the noun phrase “experiencing joy” was replaced with the verb “enjoyed.” Certainly the revision is short but not synonymous with the original sentence.

# 227


The study of compliance continues since the 1950’s.

If the next sentence begins this way:

Compliance may be understood to have three components . . . .

Then a revision that produces cohesion would be:

Since the 1950’s , there have been studies of compliance.

# 229


He is expert on profiling.

He expertly profiles.

# 217


Because the solution was not isotonic . . .

# 199


The professors aim to improve their teaching methods. The professors seek to improve their teaching methods.

# 249


This project examined whether . . .

# 239


Research methods will be improved.

# 230


The doctor complained that some of his patients missed appointments.

# 214


The researchers depicted . . .

# 191


In secure marriages, each partner shows recognition of the other's contributions.

In secure marriages, each partner acknowledges the other's contributions.

# 221


The researcher demonstrated . . .

# 168


Scores could range from 20 to 60 ms.

It is best to include the unit of measure, here milliseconds.

# 76


To test this hypothesis . . .

# 193


The puzzles were imaginatively designed.

# 179


The researcher demonstrated . . .

# 170


Researchers must closely supervise their assistants.

# 241


The participants in the experimental group distrusted . . . .

# 203


Cognitive dissonance theory ignores . . . .

Cognitive dissonance theory overlooks . . .

# 196


The confederate announced that he was refusing to cooperate.

# 213


When recall was completed, . . .

# 98


This study did not examine skill differences.

With a flesh and blood character:

We did not study skill differences.

# 50


We anticipate participants earning . . .

# 177


Participants were ten undergraduates.

Ten undergraduates participated

# 65


The mice quickly mated.

# 248


Although common a century ago,

# 245


Participants were 25 male and 25 female undergraduates between the ages of 20 and 30.

# 5


Two-frame slides were each presented for 10 s with a 3 sec inter-slide interval.

# 75


To evoke responses . . .

# 173


Though participants are of the same age, they need not have identical verbal skills.

Though participants are of the same age, their verbal skills may differ.

Participants of the same age can have different levels of verbal skill.

# 63


Participant 1's diary covered his graduate studies.

# 206


Successful assessment depends on accurately identifying the causes of the misbehavior.

# 110


After the participant fell asleep . . .

# 243


To reduce contamination . . .

# 194


Winning the race has encouraged . . .

# 178


Exercise has enhanced learning. improved facilitated

# 212

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Wordy Frames 1 Version 1.0 This is one of a series of units available here to help you write...

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