WORKBOOK - everywoman · Getting the most out of being mentored 5 People who have had mentors...

Getting the most out of being mentored

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WORKBOOK

Getting the most out of being mentoredwww.everywoman.com

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CONTENTSAbout this workbook 1

Section 1: Understanding mentoring 3What is mentoring? 3Your experience with mentoring 5Coaching and mentoring are not the same 7Benefits of mentoring 9Formal versus informal mentoring 11

Section 2: Being an effective mentee 13Goals and objectives 13Developing the right mindset 16Developing your communication skills 18Listening skills 18Receiving feedback 21Expected and unexpected feedback 23

Section 3: What to look for in a mentor 24What do people want from a mentor? 24Core attributes of a mentor 26The practical side 27

Section 4: Putting it into practice 28The first meeting 28The mentoring contract 31Sample mentoring contract 31What do you talk about? 32Relationship boundaries 33Reviewing your session 35Reflective practice 35

everywoman experts 38Further reading 39

Getting the most out of being mentoredwww.everywoman.com 1

ABOUT THIS WORKBOOKEverywoman is an organisation that works to advance women in business. For more than a decade we have come across thousands of accomplished people, including leaders of industry, who have told us they attribute elements of their success to having had a great mentor.

Most accomplished people will attribute at least partial success to having had a great mentor. Someone who shared valuable insight and knowledge, showed them a path they hadn’t thought of, and encouraged them to think beyond the ordinary.

This workbook is designed to support anyone who is being mentored or looking to be mentored. You will gain an in-depth understanding of what mentoring is and its benefits. It will arm you with the information and skills you need to get the most out of your mentoring relationship. We often think that a good mentoring relationship is solely dependent on how effective the Mentor is; this workbook will help you, the mentee, realise how important your role is and how you can help ensure both parties achieve success through the relationship.

As you work through this workbook, you will be encouraged to focus on several areas. It will be invaluable to your development to take the time to answer what is asked.

Often, we are ‘in the moment’ when we learn and then find it difficult to transfer that learning into usable, effective skills. As a mentee, one of the key skills you need to develop is ‘reflective practice’. This means thinking through what you have experienced, discussed or actioned so that you can engage in continuous learning. In this busy 24/7 world, reflection time is perceived as a bonus. It is important to recognise that in order to develop you must find the time and willingness to articulate what you are experiencing. There is space near the end of the workbook for you to reflect, we have given you some guidelines to help do it effectively. Some of you will write pages and others short words or phrases. You know what will work best; just make an effort to find a suitable way to engage with the process.

Go through this workbook at your own speed. The most important thing is that you feel confident you are prepared to give the best you can to what should truly be a career enhancing experience.


Let us know how you get on – email us at [email protected] or Tweet us @everywomanuk.

Good luck!

and the everywoman team.

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https://twitter.com/everywomanuk


There are many definitions of mentoring, mostly because mentoring is a term that has been used for hundreds of years and has evolved over time.

Now it is one of the key skills of competent leadership and as such has grown in importance.

Here are some definitions that help show the scope of a mentoring relationship:

“A mentor is a person with superior rank or authority and influence in his or her field who commits time, emotional support intellectual strength to encourage growth and development in an understudy.”

Nick Repak

“Mentoring is a supportive learning relationship between a caring individual who shares knowledge, experience and wisdom with another individual who is ready and willing to benefit from this exchange, to enrich their professional journey.”

Suzanne Fauer

“Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen and a push in the right direction.”

John Crosby

“Mentoring is a protected relationship in which learning and experimentation can occur, potential skills can be developed, and in which results can be measured in terms of competencies gained.”

Audrey Collin

What is mentoring?

SECTION 1: UNDERSTANDING MENTORING


What is your definition of mentoring? Take a few minutes to think about how you would define the relationship you are looking to achieve. Once you have done this it will be easier for you to articulate what you are hoping to gain by engaging in a mentoring relationship.

EXERCISE


People who have had mentors describe them as someone who affected them in a positive and long-lasting way. Mentors come in many forms and at different stages in our lives.

They can include people you have worked with, but can also include neighbours, family, friends, former colleagues, teachers or anybody who has made an impact in your life in some way.

Your experience with mentoring

Look back over your life and try to think about the people who have been mentors to you. The relationship may have been over a long period of time or could have been brief, maybe even just one crucial conversation. Whatever it was, it helped you change or improve, and it developed you as a person, or employee, it may have been someone who changed the way you think, gave you an opportunity, or influenced a decision you were making.

List the person’s name, role (e.g. teacher, friend, relative or colleague) and a short description of how that person had an impact on you.

Name of person Role How the person made an impact on your life

EXERCISE


Now take some time to think about the reverse. Whose lives have you made a difference to by acting as a mentor, either informally or formally? Reflect on the experience.

Name of person Role How you made an impact on their life


Many people and organisations use the two terms interchangeably. Both are useful and hugely beneficial; however it is important to note the differences to ensure you are looking in the right direction for the support you need.

The primary difference is that with mentoring the learning comes from the mentor’s experience. With coaching, the learning comes from the person being coached. They are different, however there is some overlap.

A mentor is a role model and tends to be in a more senior position or has more expertise in a particular aspect of a role, than the mentee. The mentor has ‘already been there’ and can highlight the way for the mentee. They can offer valuable insight regarding the organisation and/or what it takes to be successful in a particular role. The mentor may use coaching to help their mentee achieve their goals.

On the other hand, a coach brings specific expertise in helping the person being coached learn for, and about, them in order to find their own way ahead. A coach may also be used where specific life/personal issues need to be addressed and/or a particular skill or set of skills needs to be developed.

If, for example, you wanted to become a professional tennis player:

A mentor might be an ex-pro who could show you the ropes, tell you the inside story of the pressures and joys, the pitfalls, short cuts, people to know or avoid and the best training schools.

A coach would work on the specifics of your game, tactics, your mind-set regarding competition, winning, losing etc. This would help you find a style of playing that really works for you and a specific route through appropriate tournaments that would best improve your play.

There are many similarities between coaching and mentoring, both:• Aim for a person to improve performance and productivity• Focus on learning and development to enhance skills and competencies• Accelerate personal growth to develop new expertise• Require good questioning and listening skills

Coaching and mentoring are not the same


• Require well developed interpersonal skills• Provide support and encouragement without taking away personal responsibility• Function as career guides to review goals, strengths and weaknesses• Provide role models

Take a few moments to consider the following: Where or with whom do I need to build a coaching relationship?

Where or with whom do I need to build a mentoring relationship?

EXERCISE


There are many benefits of mentoring, here are just a few:

1. Your organisation benefits, as it:• Increases your engagement and productivity• Improves morale and motivation• Improves communication of values, goals and relationships with colleagues and

clients• Encourages reflective practice• Promotes a climate of professional development

2. Your mentor benefits, as they will:• Demonstrate their expertise and knowledge• Have a better understanding of the barriers experienced at lower levels of the

organisation• Take a proactive role in learning and development• Enhance their personal brand via peer recognition and respect• Learn new perspectives and approaches• Extend their professional networks

3. You benefit, as you will:• Develop your awareness of culture, politics and the philosophy of the organisation• Improve your self-confidence, commitment and motivation• Improve your performance and productivity• Improve your career mobility and development• Develop and extend your professional networks• Demonstrate your strengths and explore your potential• Develop new ideas and perspectives• Take responsibility for self-directed learning• Have support to achieve your goals• Take time to reflect on best practice

Benefits of mentoring


Reflecting on the benefits outlined in this section take some time to think about what you need or want to get out of your mentoring relationship.

EXERCISE


The mentoring process can be either a formal or informal arrangement. Some organisations initiate mentoring programmes as part of their on-going staff development programmes, while others are happy for the staff to arrange informal mentoring partnerships. Both forms of mentoring are valuable and may happily co- exist within the company, but there are clear and obvious differences between the two.

Informal Formal

Mentoring is initiated and maintained solely by the mentoring partners.

A mentoring programme co-ordinator manages the start-up, progress and evaluation phases of the programme.

Mentors and mentees self select each other.

Mentors and mentees are matched for compatibility or part of a corporate development programme.

Aims of the relationship may be non-specific, non-existent or suggested by the mentor.

The aims of the relationship are specific and directed towards achieving goals which the mentee has clarified.

There is no formal mentoring agreement.

A mentoring agreement is agreed at the beginning of the process.

The relationship may be very long lived - sometimes many years long.

The relationship has a finite duration beyond which the partners can elect to conclude it or extend it.

The relationship is not evaluated. The relationship is regularly evaluated and measures are established for assessing progress towards the goal/s.

No training in mentoring is provided. Training in mentoring is provided.

Although the format for each of these approaches differs, they share the same aim in helping people take charge of their own development and realising their full potential. Please note you can use a combination of the two styles.

Formal versus informal mentoring


Be aware - When people are asked to become part of a formal mentoring programme, it is easier to attribute blame to the process, rather than individuals. People often say mentoring didn’t work for them because they were matched with an inappropriate person or the business didn’t encourage them to keep the relationship going. It is essential that if you are embarking on a mentoring programme, formal or informal, you take complete accountability for the success of the results.

Take some time to explore the following: The type of mentoring that will work best for you and why.

How you can start to build the relationship.

EXERCISE


Goals and objectives

As a mentee, you are a recipient and beneficiary of the mentoring relationship, although in a good mentoring relationship both the mentor and the mentee benefit. It is important to note that mentoring is not just about two people spending time together with one person - the mentor, doing the work.

The mentor’s role includes helping you to identify your personal development needs and helping to agree and set development objectives and goals. These help decide where you should be heading and what you need to work on to get there. These goals, objectives and agenda, however, must be driven by you with your mentor acting as a facilitator.

Make sure the goals you set are what you personally should achieve, not what you think your mentor wants you to achieve. This responsibility means that you, the mentee, must have to have a clear vision of what you want to achieve.

A simple way to explore your goals and objectives is to start is by asking yourself the following:• What is going on?• What do I want instead?• How can I get there?

A useful technique is to use a SWOT analysis to highlight areas that need attention. It can help you identify strengths and weaknesses so that appropriate goals can be set. It can also highlight potential obstacles in the achievement of goals.

SECTION 2:BEING AN EFFECTIVE MENTEE

“In the absence of clearly defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily acts of trivia.”

UNKNOWN AUTHOR


Here are some issues you could think about when building your own SWOT analysis.

STRENGTHS WEAKNESSES

• What have you done/achieved/developed that you are proud of?

• What experience do you have that others don’t?

• What skills do you consistently get positive feedback on?

• What do others see as your strengths?

• What do you do better than anyone else?

• What tasks/projects do you avoid because you are not confident?

• Where do your colleagues consistently outperform you?

• What education or training would you like because you are not at a level you, or your organisation thinks you should be?

OPPORTUNITIES THREATS

• What is going on in your organisation that you think could help boost your profile?

• What is going on in your clients world that you could help support?

• Where do you consistently outperform your competition?

• What new tools/ projects/research methods can you learn?

• What are your competitors doing that you are not skilled to deliver?

• Do you have core skills that are not in demand?

• What worries you about your achievements at work?

• What obstacles do you face at work?


Be aware goals get waylaid when there is a lack of ‘how-to’ associated with them, so do think about the following:• What else can I do?• Who can help me?• What might stop me?• Is there a goal within a goal?

Finally, to make your goals and objectives really meaningful they need to be SMART – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timebound (for more information about smart goals see our everywomanNetwork ‘Stepping into Leadership’ Workbook).

STRENGTHS WEAKNESSES

OPPORTUNITIES THREATS

EXERCISE


As well as having a clear vision of what you want to achieve, you also need to be enthusiastic and motivated. But above all, you need to be committed and take a proactive approach to the process. Here are some of the attributes required to getting the most out of mentoring:

WILLINGNESS TO TAKE RISKS

Mentoring can only be beneficial if a mentee is willing to engage in it with a positive attitude toward taking necessary but reasonable risks. Such as thinking outside the box, taking on new challenges and confronting difficult situations.

CAN LISTEN AND TAKE ADVICE

Hearing what the mentor is really saying and considering advice given seriously is essential for the mentoring relationship to be useful. This is most critical when it comes to receiving feedback about what areas need to be addressed.

TAKES RESPONSIBILITY FOR LEARNING

Although the mentor is there for the mentee’s benefit, the success of the relationship rests largely with the mentee. It is the mentee who decides what advice to take or leave, what course of action to follow and what risks to take. The mentor’s task is to help in that process but not to decide for the mentee. The mentee needs to own their actions.

OPENNESS The mentee must be willing to consider other viewpoints, other courses of action from what they may ordinarily be inclined to. It is essential they remain open to constructive criticism about areas that could do with improvement.

MOTIVATION The mentee is the driver in the relationship and must accept that role, rather than viewing it as a relationship whereby the mentor does ‘their thing’ to the mentee. The mentee must be motivated to stay engaged and to work towards achieving results.

Developing the right mindset


COURAGE Being a mentee requires the ability to share vulnerabilities with another so that these can be considered when planning how one will develop. It means avoiding hiding areas with respect to issues of self-confidence and abilities. It is crucial that the mentor be capable of challenging the mentee in any identified area. Courage and the willingness to take risks are essential components for success on the part of the mentee.

COMMITMENT Honouring appointments, being punctual and most importantly completing agreed tasks, are all crucial if a mentee wants the mentor to feel that their investment of time and effort is worthwhile.

Be aware, you may be mentored by someone you admire very much or is very senior to you. Research has shown that this has in some cases been a barrier to the mentoring relationship as the mentees:• Were afraid to make mistakes in front of mentors• Didn’t consider the mentor as a partner• Thought their issues were too insignificant

These barriers can be quite common and that is very understandable, but barriers will get in the way of a successful relationship for both participants. The only way to remove the barriers is to be honest and talk about it.

This leads us to an essential skill required to create a successful mentoring partnership – communication.


Hearing what your mentor is really saying and being open to receiving feedback are key to your progress.

The mentee needs to be able to listen not only to the words, but the emotion and the intent that can be attached to the words. Effective listening enables you to hear and truly understand what is being said. You also need to be open to receiving constructive feedback so you can use it to your benefit.

The mentee is expected to be assertive and proactive within the relationship. They need to be able to articulate their goals, utilise feedback and manage their own learning.

Listening skills

To get the most out of your mentoring conversations, you need to be a good listener – much easier said than done!

The most important part of listening is to ensure you fully understand what people are saying to you. This may seem obvious, but often what we hear is not always the full story. It is not unusual to be thinking about what we are going to say next before the other person has stopped talking. Have you ever thought you were listening and then suddenly you realise you have not truly digested a word of what was said?

What does listening really look like?• Showing the speaker that you are showing interest and paying attention• Asking appropriate questions that clarify and reflect what the speaker has said• Encouraging the speaker to expand on an issue

How can you do this? Here are some easily implementable skills to help you.

Non-verbal communication Non-verbal communication is a natural, unconscious language that transmits our true feelings and intentions in any given moment and clues us in to the feelings and intentions of those around us. Think about how many different ways you could

Developing your communication skills


communicate with a single word…‘OK’. OK with a smile means I am fine, happy, doing well. OK with a sigh and shoulder shrug means I am not doing so well. And ‘OK’ without eye contact means something different again. So be aware of people’s body language and whether what they are saying matches with how they are acting.

Paraphrasing Repeating back what the speaker has said to you at points in the conversation lets the speaker know that you are listening and at the same time helps fix information in your mind.

“So, what I hear you saying is…” “It sounds like you…”

“If I understand you correctly…” “You are telling me that…”

Reflecting This is like holding a mirror in front of the speaker, reflecting back phrases as you hear them. This increases clarity and lets the speaker know that you are hearing accurately.

“I can see why you are confused about this”

Summarising This emphasises that you have listened and understood what the speaker is saying. It also gives the speaker an opportunity to correct any wrong impressions you may have had.

“As I understand it, what you are saying is...” “So your point is that...”

“So to sum up...”


Try the following to build your listening skills:• Assess your listening skills by recording a conversation with a colleague. You

could then play it back to see how much talking each of you are doing and try and identify any instances of listening techniques.

• Ask trusted colleagues what you could do to be a better listener.

• Reflect on a time when you really felt listened to, what did the other person say or do?

EXERCISE


Receiving feedback

Receiving feedback is vital in the mentoring process. Remember, people need to have feedback to know how they are doing and what they need to do to progress, and develop.

Before you start your mentoring relationship, it could be very useful to get feedback from people you work with. 360 degree feedback is one of the most useful and comprehensive ways to learn what a range of other people think about someone’s work.

How can you do it?• Make a list describing different aspects of yourself, these could include what you

are good at, what you do, what qualities you possess etc.• Ask at least five different people in your work and social environment to complete

the same exercise. These should include both people who know you and people you are not so familiar with.

• Read the answers from a purely objective viewpoint. Review how other people’s assessments match or differ from your own. Are there any surprises?

Now use this feedback to help establish areas that you could work on with your mentor.

Example 360-degree feedback form

360-degree feedback evaluates an employee from all sides. The form should be filled out by the employee, the employee’s managers/supervisors, the employee’s subordinates, and the employee’s colleagues and any other relevant individuals (e.g. the Reviewer). On the next page you will find a sample 360 degree form which you can use as a basis for your own particular questions.


Reviewer (optional): Reviewee: Below are a series of elements related to the skills/qualities/attitudes/developmental needs of the reviewee and the role they play within the organisation.

Please score the capability of the reviewee in the areas you feel able to 1 = weak, 4 = very strong. If you have provided a rating against an element, you are also required to provide evidence of where you have seen the capability (or lack of) in action.

Please provide any constructive general feedback in the box below.

SKILL/QUALITY/ATTITUDE/ ROLE

SCORING 1 – 4 EXPERIENCE OF SEEING QUALITY/SKILL/ATTITUDE IN ACTION

e.g. Attention to detail

2 The last two client presentations have included typing errors - needs to pay more attention and allocate more time to this.

e.g. Negotiation 4 Strong negotiation skills have resulted in four major contracts this year.

e.g. Professionalism

3 Great with clients but has missed two deadlines in the past two months.

Other constructive feedback:


By agreeing to be mentored you should realise you are agreeing to be developed and know that feedback is needed in order to develop. Be aware that your mentor may have a lot of insight to offer and probably a good perception about you and your role within the company. However, if on occasion your mentor is not effective in getting the feedback across, try to take what you can from the conversation and disregard the method in which it was given.

Expected and unexpected feedback

Sometimes you may receive feedback that you were not expecting. It could be positive or negative. As long as it is constructive and helps you develop, it is valuable. In fact sometimes negative feedback can often lead to more meaningful long-term changes. It can be very useful to identify whether or not you were aware of the contents of the feedback before you have a discussion about it. This can help give a reference point for self awareness.


What do people want from a mentor?

Everyone’s needs are different but here is a definition of a mentor and several ideas given to us by everywoman members:

A successful person, currently in a more senior position in an organisation who is further ahead on the path they wish to travel and is able and willing to help you on your way by:

SECTION 3: WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A MENTOR

“...telling you about their own experiences in a way which is useful to the mentee.”

“...pointing you in the right direction in terms of professional development.”

“...letting you learn from their mistakes.”

“...highlighting pitfalls.”

“...opening doors to enhance your networking.”

“...giving insight into how the company works at higher levels and relevant issues (where appropriate) – widening your perspective.”

“...possibly including you in a project they are working on.”

“...looking out for you in terms of opportunities – projects, secondments etc.”

“...taking genuine interest in your work - supporting and challenging.”

“...being able to see your strengths and weaknesses and help you grow.”

“...being genuinely interested in you as a person and be a working friend.”

“...ideally, but not necessarily, being a good coach.”


Think about what you want from your mentor:

EXERCISE

“A mentor should have the qualities of experience, perspective and distance, challenging the mentee and using candour to force re-examination and reprioritisation without being a crutch.”

CHRISTOPHER CONWAY


A mentor is there to facilitate your development and a great mentor will demonstrate the following attributes:

SUPPORTIVE Encourages the mentee to take risks that are reasonable under the circumstances and that will result in the mentee’s professional and personal development.

UNBIASED Creates a ‘risk free’ environment whereby the mentee can share with the mentor the issues that are most critical to their development.

OPENNESS AND WILLINGNESS TO SHARE KNOWLEDGE

Makes certain that the mentee has all the information needed to make informed decisions and provides the mentee with the critical knowledge and understanding of situations so that the mentee gets the ‘complete picture’ prior to taking any action.

GIVES CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK

Provides necessary feedback (supportive and responsible), which allows the mentee to know what they are doing well and what areas can be further developed for success.

UNDERSTANDS BOUNDARIES

Is able to set limits with the mentee and also understand that the mentor’s job is not to create a clone of the mentor but to share knowledge and information that can be useful to the mentee as they develop in their own unique way.

BALANCED PERSPECTIVE

Brings a realistic viewpoint in discussions with the mentee, look at issues from the company’s perspective as well as the mentee’s and is also aware of her own blind spots.

CREDIBILITY Mentoring is based upon trust which comes from believing in the mentor. Being honest about what the mentor does and doesn’t know is vital.

VULNERABILITY Mentoring requires the willingness to share failures and successes as a way of encouraging the mentees sharing. It also means being open to feedback from the mentee.

Core attributes of a mentor


INDEPENDENCE Successful mentoring happens when a mentor focuses her attention on the mentee’s need and not vice versa. One of the benefits for mentors is the sense of satisfaction derived from mentoring. Effective mentors have a strong sense of who they are and do not become dependent on the mentee.

The practical side

From a practical point of view, an effective mentor must be able to ensure they have the time to give the relationship. Before you formalise a relationship with your mentor, it is worth exploring how much time they have to. Do note that regular contact for short periods of time is more desirable than less frequent contact for longer periods of time. Not many people have hours of time they can block out, so make sure you both work within your own constraints.


You have had a chance to look at what mentoring is all about and the skills and qualities required to be a great mentee so now it is time to see how to get started.

Much of what is discussed in this section will be the dual responsibility of the mentor and the mentee. It is important to understand how the relationship should work so that as a mentee, you can do everything you can to make the relationship work from the first conversation, and be able to question when things don’t seem to be going as they should.

The first meeting

Build a solid foundation for your relationship by making sure the first meeting is effective. Mentors should take the lead for ensuring that the initial meeting and the relationship gets off to a good start, but as a mentee you need to understand what you can do to help this process.

Items to think about for the first meeting:• Define the individual roles and expectations of each other• Establish a comfort level for future communications• Time keeping - do not be late• Begin with open communication• Discuss mutual expectations for the mentoring relationship• Define common goals and focus• Share your thoughts about what skill or knowledge areas you wish to develop

Regardless of how the partnership started, there are core principles that apply to all types of mentoring. You need to agree to several things from the outset.

Time commitment Establish a meeting time that suits both parties, an hour or hour and a half once a month would be reasonable.

Confidentiality Confidentiality is essential to create a climate of trust and safety.

SECTION 4: PUTTING IT INTO PRACTICE


Location A decision about where to meet could depend on the type of relationship it is. You may want to meet in the office or over coffee outside of the office. You could also schedule catch ups via phone calls/Skype.

Meeting Log A decision needs to be made about whether a record is made of each meeting and if so how and what will be recorded.

Getting to know each other In an ideal world the process would involve two complimentary characters who could build an instant rapport and the process would run smoothly. In the real world however, these things take time and effort. Any time spent at the beginning of the relationship in getting to know each other and trying to make a connection will pay dividends in the long run.

Logistics and procedures As well as getting to know each other, the first meeting is also the time to establish ground rules and discuss expectations. You should agree the logistics of how the partnership will operate. To be prepared you may want to consider some of the following questions before the first meeting:• How often will the meetings take place?• How long will meetings last?• Where will the meetings take place?• Is there a particular time when to meet, during work or outside work or a mix of

both?• How often will you meet?• How long are you both committing to the process?• How will you know when it is over?• What are the expectations for contacting each other or responding to emails?• What are the arrangements if a meeting has to be rescheduled or cancelled?

Together define the roles of the Mentor and Mentee so each party is clear.


These will include:

Mentor• Negotiates the mentoring agreement with the mentee.• Serves as a ‘sounding board’ to the mentee’s learning process by providing

effective feedback which both supports and challenges the mentee’s professional development.

• Shares their own unique experiences and knowledge so that the mentee may benefit from the mentor’s background.

• Guides, counsels, supports, coaches and encourages the mentee in developing their talent and skills.

• Completes commitments made as part of the mentoring agreement.• Meets with the mentee on an on-going basis as specified by the mentoring

programme.• Attends check-in sessions and completes any evaluation forms.

Mentee• Works with mentor to develop a mentoring agreement that incorporates the

suggestions of the manager as well as areas they wish to work on.• Maintains confidentiality and assists in creating a climate of trust with the mentor.• Follow through on all commitments made and tasks assigned in the mentoring

programme.• Follows proper protocol in obtaining manager approval in advance for any

activities/meetings/projects that require additional time away from work.• Respects the limits of the mentor’s time and resources.


The mentoring contract is a core condition of the mentoring relationship. This contract will cover all the basic details of the partnership, including the time and logistical arrangements that we talked about earlier.

It will also touch on the commitment to being open and frank on how to handle any disagreements that might arise. This area should always be addressed fully and in- depth. People sometimes find this difficult or unnecessary to discuss at the beginning of the relationship, because they are eager and positive. The contract also helps to remind both parties of the dedication needed to be involved in a mentoring process.

Sample mentoring contract

The mentoring contract

To achieve the mentee’s aspirations, this mentoring arrangement requires meetings:

Every week Every other week

Every third week Once per month

The length of these meetings will be:

1 hour 1 ½ hours

How and who will schedule the meetings?

Beyond face-to-face meetings, specify what other ways you will communicate and how often?

Specify any limits or constraints that will affect your interaction (time constraints, travel, new

boss, etc.) and how will these be handled?

Other points to negotiate:

• Confidentiality and trust are key points. Your agreement for confidentiality is crucial. Decide on

what will be considered confidential in the relationship from the outright.

• When a problem arises in your relationship, share and discuss how you each of you would like

to proceed in dealing with the problem together.

• The mentoring agreement sets forth the objectives that the pair commits to working on

together. Both partners agree to follow the guidelines of the programme for the period

specified to make a good faith effort to resolve any issues that may arise between them during

this contract.

Mentor sign

Mentee sign

Mentee’s line manager sign (if appropriate)


Mentoring is a professional relationship, and the mentor is there to help the mentee improve their work performance in the short-term and professional and career development in the long term.

At the centre of this relationship is the mentee, their goals, objectives and agenda. Each relationship is unique and driven by the dynamics of the individuals involved and as such the content and subject matter that will be talked about will be as different as each individual partnership.

The mentee’s goals and objectives will have been set in the first meeting and these should always be the main focus. It may be that certain issues arise that help or hinder that process and need to be addressed but achieving the goals set should always be at the centre of any session.

Here are some examples of the variety of topics that you might include in your goals:• Navigating organisational politics• Managing the office environment• Being a catalyst for change• Increasing assertiveness• Impressions and impact• Decision making• Career pathways• Improving working relationship with manager• Getting past a perceived career barrier

What do you talk about?

“Mentors engage in a dialogue and caring relationship that centres on the mentee’s potential.”

GORDON SHEA


It is always advisable to be clear about boundaries or limitations from the outset. This will help if difficulties arise.

You will then have a point of reference for review or negotiation. It is always good practice to participate in periodic check–ins so that all views are aired and dealt with sooner rather than later. You could use the mentoring agreement as a basis for establishing and recording boundaries, and use this to review how the relationship is progressing or otherwise.

The key is not to let issues fester. As soon as either party feels uncomfortable with the process, the relationship, or any issues that come up it is vital to get it out in the open. If not, inevitably it will get swept under the carpet which will often result in the mentoring relationship ending without any closure or success.

Let’s sum up the boundary responsibilities for both parties: Mentors• Create a safe learning environment• Meet in neutral professional areas• Maintain confidences of the mentee• Deliver on what is promised• Respect the uniqueness of the mentee• Remember the goal is not to create a clone of oneself• State your boundaries

Mentees• Respect your mentor’s time• Don’t confuse your mentor’s role with that of your manager• Never put your mentor and manager at odds with each other• Take responsibility for your own actions and learning• Maintain confidences of your mentor• State your boundaries

Relationship boundaries


Think about any worries you have about your mentoring relationship. How can you clarify and negate these worries from the onset of the relationship?

EXERCISE


The mentoring process will encourage you to think in ways you haven’t before and about your development from several different angles - this is an essential part of continuous professional development.

Create a learning journal and record your experiences, this will help you reflect on and enhance your learning, through the very process of writing and thinking about your learning experiences.

You might want to reflect after each mentoring session, once you have the time to think through what was discussed and agreed action points. You might want to think through experiences you have had between mentoring sessions and encourage yourself to see the learning.

Reflective practice

Your learning journal should be about reflecting and thinking. Don’t use it only as a summary or descriptive account of what you did but an opportunity to consider and articulate your thinking process. Ask yourself how and why you did what you did, and then stretch that thinking to understand what you now think about what you did.

Here are some ideas and questions to start your thinking. After a mentoring session ask yourself:• What are my overall thoughts about the session? What is the reason I think that?• What did I say or discuss that surprised me?• What did my mentor say or suggest that I wouldn’t have thought about on my own?• Was there anything I didn’t like about the session? If yes, then how can I work on

this to make the next session more successful?• Is there anything I need to mention to my mentor before the next session?• Did I get everything I wanted out of the session? If not, what can I do about it?

Before the following a mentoring session ask yourself, “What have I experienced in the time since the last session that I can learn from?”

It is useful to note which experiences you were able to recognise as a ‘learning experience’ as they happened, and which ones you are only now learning from. Upon

Reviewing your session


reflection, think about the following:• What have I tried that has worked well? What is the reason it worked well? How

can I use this thinking or action again?• How have I worked through any issues that came up?• What worked and what didn’t?• What would I do differently next time?• What resources or people have I tapped into that have helped me with tasks or goals?

It is up to you how much reflective practice you use with your mentoring relationship. We do know that reflection helps learning. Make a commitment to when and how much reflection time you will give your mentoring sessions.

When will I make time to reflect?

How much time will I spend?

EXERCISE


Mentoring, when done properly, should be an engaging, enjoyable and career enhancing experience.

It will require effort from both parties, but they will both benefit from the relationship. By using this workbook you should now have all the back up and support you need to get a mentoring relationship going. Take the time to work on the skills you need to be the best mentee you can be. Some of the hints and tips in this workbook might seem a little onerous, but we know if you put the time and effort in from the start, discuss commitment, boundaries and use a mentoring agreement, it will help the relationship build and grow smoothly.

Enjoy the experience.


EVERYWOMAN EXPERTSeverywoman creates resources on topics that matter most to our Network members. We draw on member surveys and the latest thinking from the academic and business worlds, as well our own experiences as we navigate our careers. Each workbook offers practical advice, enabling tangible actions for your daily working lives.

Sara ParsonsSara Parsons has been an everywoman Associate for 10 years and has worked in the field of Personal Development globally for 16 with clients such as; Paramount Pictures, The RSA, Ipsos MORI, RNLI, Oxford University Press. She holds an honours business degree and is a qualified expert in many professional assessments including Belbin and MBTI – the Myers-Briggs profile. Sara is passionate about inspiring and supporting women to reach into the potential they often don’t know they possess. Maxine Benson MBE & Karen Gill MBECo-founders of everywoman, Karen and Max have spoken to thousands of women about the challenges they face at work. Through their own experiences of starting a business, they uncovered a real need for a network where female entrepreneurs and businesswomen could interact and share experiences. The everywomanNetwork serves as a truly global tool to enable members the world over to propel their careers and businesses through online membership.

everywoman workbook team

Victoria Pavry, Head of ContentKate Farrow, Senior Client Manager

Any topics you’d like to see covered on the everywomanNetwork? We’d love to hear from you: [email protected]

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FURTHER READINGMastering Mentoring and Coaching with Emotional Intelligence – PatrickMerlevede and Denis Bridoux

The Mentoring Pocketbook – Bob Garvey

Common Sense Mentoring – Larry Ambrose

COPYRIGHTThis edition © 2017 Everywoman Ltd. All rights reserved worldwide. This publication is protected by law and all rights are reserved, including resale rights: no part of this publication may be reproduced and you are not allowed to make copies and distribute or sell this workbook to anyone else.No responsibility for loss caused to any individual or organisation acting or refraining from action as a result of the material in this publication can be accepted by Everywoman Ltd or the authors/experts.


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