Working with our own thoughts

Loving-kindness in the face of frustration at gender & sexuality inequality.

Gabriella Buttarazzi

School of Education

Workshop Aims

�  To share with you how I personally became familiar and interested in this work.

�  To introduce you to two techniques: loving-kindness meditation and self-inquiry meditation.

�  To give you the opportunity to practice with these meditation techniques.

Nice to meet you . . .

�  CELE, International Communications (IC) tutor & module convener.

�  Supporter of Diversity.

�  Passionate about identity & the self, meditation and education.

�  Education doctoral student at UNNC.

�  NAA Module running from September Mind-work: Practical self-inquiry for improved personal- and work-life relationships.

Structure & Agency

�  We do live in a society where inequality exists.

�  For a society to be a society, inequality exists because distributions of power exist for a society to even be formed.

Structure & Agency Structure

The recurrent patterns in society that influence and *limit the choices and opportunities we have.

Agency

The capacity of individuals to act independently and make their own choices.

* Gender and sexuality, quite like nationality, religion and social class can limit our choices and opportunities within society.

Structure & Agency

�  The structures dominate the norm, but we as individuals have agency, some more than others.

�  We have choices: to complain, to resist, to escape, to become apathetic, to lose interest, to give up, to fight, to campaign, to protest.

. . . to work on ourselves . . .

Where does our personal interest in gender & sexuality inequality come

from?

How my personal story lead

me to all this.

Stressful Thoughts Shoot Out

I am living with a dangerous man.

He is controlling me. He is manipulating me.

He is ruining my life.

I am weak woman.

I hate him.

People will think I deserve it.

He doesn’t respect me.

My friends will judge me.

They don’t understand my situation.

My parents will be upset with me.

People will think I am stupid.

I repeat the same stupid

mistakes with men.

I cannot be in a relationship.

He is abusing me.

I am alone again.

It’s my fault.

I can’t tell anyone. I am pathetic.

Loving-kindness �  Be kinder and more compassionate to those who have

hurt you (and all living things).

�  Helps you reconcile past hurt, anger and frustration towards others and also yourself.

�  When we are at peace with reality, we are kinder and more compassionate human beings.

�  When we act rather than react we are more powerful agents of change.

�  Loving-kindness must be directed to ourselves as well as others.

Loving-kindness

PLEASE NOTE

Loving-kindness meditation (metta bhavana), like all meditations, requires a great deal of reflection, silence, introspection and discipline to work with our thoughts thoughts about ourselves and others in the world.

Self-inquiry �  A powerful self-inquiry technique that invites you to question

the truth behind your stressful thoughts that generate stressful feelings.

�  Any thought that involves yourself and yourself in relation to others, that causes you stress can be questioned.

�  Thoughts including others and yourself: he/she/they/him/her/them/xxx and me/myself/I/mine/my/I am are questioned. Often called the I-thought or the I-am-ness thought.

�  Teachers of self-inquiry are ancient and modern: vipassana direct teachings of the Buddha (Dhamma insight meditation), Ramana Maharshi, Byron Katie, Hua Tou (Chan Buddhist meditation), Papaji, Mooji.

Self-inquiry PLEASE NOTE

Self-inquiry meditation, like all meditations, requires a great deal of reflection, silence, introspection and discipline to work with our thoughts about ourselves and others in the world.

It can also get worse before it gets better, the self-inquiry process is sometimes distressing when you are working through past trauma and stories.

Prepare yourself gently for this by starting with less distressing thoughts.

A Practice Byron Katie’s The Work

Step 1 Step 2

Step 3 Step 4

Fill in the five statements on the Judge your

Neighbour worksheet.

Apply the four self-inquiry questions to the five statements (one-by-

one).

Find the turnaround statements.

Embrace reality through the final two turnaround

statements.

A Practice (Example)

Step 1

Fill in the five statements on the Judge your

Neighbour worksheet.

A Practice (Example)

Step 2

Apply the four self-inquiry questions

to the five statements (one-

by-one).

A Practice (Example)

Step 3

Find the turnaround statements.

A Practice (Example)

Step 4

Embrace reality through the final two turnaround

statements.

A Practice (The Work) Alex shouldn’t try to control how I look and behave.

Yes.

No.

Angry, frustrated, upset, hurt, like I want to scream, like I feel depressed at the thought of being in a relationship, not close to him, lonely, pitiful about the state of my relationship.

Enjoying his company, at peace, relaxed, listening to his words, able to digest his words with judgement, calm, just getting ready to go out like normal.

Wrapping Up

�  It is easy to get frustrated with social inequality, especially when it relates to us personally.

�  Our reactions and actions dominate how much agency we have for change within societal structures.

�  Keep practising, working with your own mind and thoughts, the work never ends.

Thank You For Listening & Participating!

Any Questions?

References

�  Barker, C. (2005) Cultural studies: Theories and practice. London: Sage.

�  Do the work (2011) Available at the http://thework.com/en/do-work (Accessed: 9th April 2016).

�  Mitchell, K.B. and Mitchell, S. (2002) Loving what is: four questions that can change your life. New York: Three Rivers Press.

�  Paramananda (2006) Change your mind: A practical guide to Buddhist meditation. Birmingham: Wind Horse Publications.