"Write Tight(er)"—LavaCon, Oct 12, 2014

@MarciaRJohnston #LavaCon

Write Tight(er): A Time-Saving, Pain-Free Technique for Selling Yourself, Your Company, and Your Products through Your Words

Marcia Riefer Johnston

#LavaCon @MarciaRJohnston Write Tight(er) HowToWriteEverything.com

http://HowToWriteEverything.com




What does conciseness mean (and not mean)?




How much difference can conciseness make?





How does conciseness help me sell?






How can I write more concisely?




Fast, pain-free technique











WORKSHOP








WORKSHOP

Three-minute video



#LavaCon



#LavaCon

No headline?



#LavaCon

No headline?

No bullets?



#LavaCon

No headline?

No bullets? No

verbiage?



#LavaCon

No headline?

No bullets? No

verbiage?

How concise!



#LavaCon

No headline?

No bullets? No

verbiage?

How concise!





WordsWordsWordsWords

Words

Words

Words

WordsWords

WordsWords

WordsWordsWords

Words

Words

Words

Words

WordsWords



“Most often I talk about content as text because text is everywhere … text is different … text is messy as hell.”

!—Kristina Halvorson

Content Strategy for the Web



“The number-one complaint I’ve heard from technical publications managers is, ‘Much of my staff is about to retire, and I’m having trouble finding anyone who can write correct grammar and simple, concise, accurate text.’”

!—Maxwell Hoffmann

Intercom magazine, Society for Technical Communication, Jan. 2013






Minimalism




Concise means “minimal.”



Concise means “minimal.”Not short.




“Cut me a short string.”




“Cut me a short string.” Huh?




“Cut me a short string.” Huh?




“Cut me a short string.”

Make text (like string) as long as needed.

Huh?



Make text, like string, as long as needed. @MarciaRJohnston #LavaCon






Not robospeak.




Not robospeak.




Not robospeak.

Push button.




Not robospeak.

Push button. Push the button.




Not robospeak.

Keep the the.

Push button. Push the button.







Not gutted for mobile.









Don’t think, “Smartphone users won’t need that.”





They will.






They will.





Example



Example



No discussion board?

Example




No calendar?

Example



Concise ≠ Gutted


No calendar?

Example



Minimal.



Minimal.

Enough to meet your audiences’ needs



Minimal.


Enough to accomplish your purpose



Minimal.



No more



Minimal.



No more No less



Write Tight(er): A Time-Saving, Pain-Free

Technique for Selling Yourself, Your Company, or

Your Products through Your Words



Audience needs: “What’s in it for me?”







My purpose: Get you here






No more








No more No less


















Questions, please.







“Measured usability was dramatically higher for the concise version [of the website]—58% better.” !

Nielsen Norman Group www.nngroup.com/articles/

how-users-read-on-the-web






Translation costs




Translation costs

Readability




Translation costs

Readability

Think usability, engagement.






Write Tight (er)







“But I already write concisely.”This is your toothbrush when it’s new. The blue bristles are blue all the way to their tips.

This is your toothbrush when it’s ready to replace. The blue bristles have turned half white.



Readers want this.



Especially if you translate.

Philips Sonicare™ toothbrush



“But my stuff isn’t translated.”



“But my stuff isn’t translated.”

Get ready!



How much can a word cost?



You may be needing a loan.





How much can a word cost?words6




How much can a word cost?words6





You may need a loan.

words6






words6

5 words






words6

5 words






words6

5 words

1 word






words6

5 words

1 word





Translation cost (or savings):


words6

5 words

1 word







words6

5 words

1 word







words6

5 words

1 word

1 sentence, 1 language






$ 0.25


words6

5 words

1 word







$ 0.25


words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences,* 1 language







$ 0.25

* the size of a Harry Potter novel


words6

5 words

1 word








$ 0.25


$ 2,500.00


words6

5 words

1 word








$ 0.25


$ 2,500.00


words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences,* 25 languages








$ 0.25


$ 2,500.00

$ 62,500.00


words6

5 words

1 word









$ 0.25


$ 2,500.00

$ 62,500.00


words6

5 words

1 word








per word? How so?



per word? How so?

Close enough



per word? How so?

Close enough

Varies with the language



per word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database)



per word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word



per word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word

Full price



per word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match Full price



per word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match Full price

Pay less



per word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match “perfect” match

Full price

Pay less



per word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match “perfect” match

You still pay!

Full price

Pay less



Whether or not you translate,




whatever size your page or screen,




whatever size your page or screen,

you owe it to yourself to ask …






Dump these words!*



Dump these words!**unless you need them







weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact that





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjust





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order to





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbial





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particular





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiage





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiageany other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch




















be-verbs



be

be-verbs



isbe

be-verbs



isbe

are be-verbs



isbe

am

are be-verbs



isbe

wasam

are be-verbs



isbe

has beenwasam

are be-verbs



isbe

will be

has beenwasam

are be-verbs



isbe will have

been being

will be

has beenwasam

are be-verbs



be-verb. Any form of the verb to be—namely, am, are, be, been, being, is, was, and were—whether used as an auxiliary verb or as a main verb.

—Bryan Garner Garner’s Modern American Usage







See be-verbs.



See be-verbs.



See be-verbs.



See be-verbs.



Start seeing be-verbs! @MarciaRJohnston #LavaCon



Questions, please.



Examples



“Bias tape has the advantage of being able to be applied smoothly around curves as well as straight.”
















The fix might not be self-evident.







You have to think.




You have to think.

(Not too painful.)













“A scheme of which every part promises delight can never be successful.”

—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice



“A scheme of which every part promises delight can never be successful.”

—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice







Audit logs are proof that no data breach has occurred.



Audit logs are proof that no data breach has occurred.



Our team wants to be predictive.







What does the team

want to do?



Skydiving was fun.



Skydiving was fun.



Skydiving was fun.

What happened?



Use be-verbs when they serve a purpose.





what?



is



“Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after.”

—Ernest Hemingway, Death in the Afternoon



“Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after.”

—Ernest Hemingway, Death in the Afternoon



www.hemingwayapp.com












What it is is…



“What was found was that access points on maps were not reflective or accurate for where they are.”



“What was found was that access points on maps were not reflective or accurate for where they are.”



“ There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things

that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things

we don’t know we don’t know.” (attributed to a one-time US secretary of defense)











We don’t know diddly—






We don’t know diddly—except to avoid (most) be-verbs.



Be-verbs are everywhere. See? @MarciaRJohnston #LavaCon



Be-verbs are everywhere. See? @MarciaRJohnston #LavaCon





See be-verbs.



Now available

Start seeing be-verbs.HowToWriteEverything.com



Start seeing be-verbs.HowToWriteEverything.com



Barbara Beresford, Minneapolis







Questions, please.









-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)



Jane fully expects a big publisher to snap up her first novel.



Jane fully expects a big publisher to snap up her first novel.



We hope that people will actively participate.



We hope that people will actively participate.



Please listen carefully to the following choices so that we can immediately direct your call to the appropriate person.









Mahatma Gandhi truly changed the world.



Mahatma Gandhi truly changed the world.



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs)


very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)



Fred likes his toast very dry.







Fred likes his toast so dry.









Fred likes such dry toast.





Fred likes such dry toast.



Exception:the doge meme













weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)


not, no (& other negative words)



Do not use negative phrasing.



Do not use negative phrasing.



If you want viewers to focus on something, do not show faces looking away from it.

(This image is from an eye-tracking study by James Breeze as cited in Garr Reynolds’s book Presentation Zen.)



If you want viewers to focus on something, do not show faces looking away from it.

(This image is from an eye-tracking study by James Breeze as cited in Garr Reynolds’s book Presentation Zen.)



The Oregon Ducks have not lost a “Civil War” game to their archrivals, the Beavers, in seven years.












weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words)


the fact that



Given the fact that Joan understood topic-based writing, everyone went to her with questions.

Concept Task Reference



Given the fact that Joan understood topic-based writing, everyone went to her with questions.

Concept Task Reference



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that


just



It's just that I just say just a lot. I just have the habit, so it’s just hard to stop saying it.



It's just that I just say just a lot. I just have the habit, so it’s just hard to stop saying it.



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just


begin to, try to, tend to, in order to



Michael Noer handed the six-year-old the tablet. With no instruction, and never having seen a computer, the boy began to swipe the screen, launch apps, and play a pinball game.



Michael Noer handed the six-year-old the tablet. With no instruction, and never having seen a computer, the boy began to swipe the screen, launch apps, and play a pinball game.



Try to focus on breathing.



Try to focus on breathing.



“Stop trying to hit me, and hit me.” —Morpheus to Neo



“Stop trying to hit me, and hit me.” —Morpheus to Neo



“Do or do not. There is no try.”

—Yoda



“Do or do not. There is no try.”

—Yoda



“When our tools don’t work, we tend to blame ourselves for being too stupid or not reading the manual or having too fat fingers.”

—Lev Grossman, Time



“When our tools don’t work, we tend to blame ourselves for being too stupid or not reading the manual or having too fat fingers.”

—Lev Grossman, Time



In order to divert 34,000 tons of food scraps from landfills, Portland created a curbside-pickup program for compostable waste.



In order to divert 34,000 tons of food scraps from landfills, Portland created a curbside-pickup program for compostable waste.



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to


period of time



Jones and Caruthers have worked here for a long period of time.

Sketch by Brian Poulsen. Used with permission.



Jones and Caruthers have worked here for a long period of time.

Sketch by Brian Poulsen. Used with permission.



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time


in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)



In light of my lack of cash, we stopped at an ATM.







Since…




In spite of his poor health, Samuel attended his niece’s graduation.

Since…





Since…





Since…

Despite…





I prefer that TV in terms of cost.

Since…

Despite…






Since…

Despite…






Since…

Despite…

…that cheaper TV.



“The word of is, in anything other than small doses, among the surest indications of flabby writing.”




“The word of is, in anything other than small doses, among the surest indications of flabby writing.”




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)


proverbial



The proverbial needle in the haystack









weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial


different (as in many different, 36 different)



Our company understands the pros and cons of all these different technologies.



Our company understands the pros and cons of all these different technologies.



Steve Jobs’s name appears on 212 different Apple patents.



Steve Jobs’s name appears on 212 different Apple patents.



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different)


particular



Google’s CEO, Eric Schmidt, has a particular belief that Android’s open platform leads to more options and more consumer choice.



Google’s CEO, Eric Schmidt, has a particular belief that Android’s open platform leads to more options and more consumer choice.



While Lady Gaga’s particular sense of style puzzles many, millions of fans say that her affirming theme of bravery and kindness has changed their lives.



While Lady Gaga’s particular sense of style puzzles many, millions of fans say that her affirming theme of bravery and kindness has changed their lives.



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different) particular




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different) particular


verbiage



We’ll throw some verbiage in there.



We’ll throw some verbiage in there.







Want to make this technique even faster?







Try this.



Another translation example



Updates are needed to your content.





Another translation examplewords6




Another translation examplewords6





Your content needs updating.

words6






words6

4 words






words6

4 words






words6

4 words

2 words






words6

4 words

2 words






words6

4 words

2 words

$ 0.501 sentence, 1 language !10,000 sentences, 1 language !10,000 sentences, 25 languages

$ 5,000.00

$ 125,000.00

Translation savings:






words6

4 words

2 words

$ 0.501 sentence, 1 language !10,000 sentences, 1 language !10,000 sentences, 25 languages

$ 5,000.00

$ 125,000.00

Translation savings:



It’s worth noting that most readers do not want to wade through huge volumes of information to find what they need.



















Nobody wants to wade through volumes.





15-word reduction x 10,000 sentences x 25 languages saves ...






$ 937,500.00






A cool mill.$ 937,500.00



This is your toothbrush when it’s new. The blue bristles are blue all the way to their tips.














Bet you didn’t miss the headline I deleted.



It’s mind-boggling to consider what TIGHTENING that

dramatic would do to IMPROVES KEYWORD DENSITY.















Questions, please.



Adjectives • absolutely certain, absolutely essential, absolutely

guaranteed, completely necessary, totally sure • bald-headed • best ever, first ever • blue in color, few in number, long in duration, nubbly in

texture, round in shape, slovenly in appearance, short in height, slow in speed, small in size, tall in stature

• booked solid • exact same, same exact, same identical • filled to capacity • incredible to believe, visible to the eye, warm to the touch



Nouns • actual experience, actual fact • added bonus • advance notice, advance planning, advance preview,

advance reservations, advance warning • all-time favorite, all-time record • alternative choice • anonymous stranger • annual anniversary • armed gunman • artificial prosthesis • autobiography of her own life, biography of his life



Nouns • actual experience, actual fact • added bonus • advance notice, advance planning, advance preview,

advance reservations, advance warning • all-time favorite, all-time record • alternative choice • anonymous stranger • annual anniversary • armed gunman • artificial prosthesis • autobiography of her own life, biography of his life

And that’s just the a’s.



Verbs • add an additional • aid and abet, cease and desist, pick and choose • allow you to be able to • always include • ask the question • assemble together, attach together, blend together,

collaborate together, combine together, confer together, connect together, cooperate together, fuse together, gather together, join together, integrate together, meet together, merge together, mingle together, mix together, pool together, share together, splice together



Odds and Ends

• 6 a.m. in the morning, 10 p.m. in the evening, twelve noon, twelve midnight

• and etc.

• ATM machine, GOP party, GRE exam, HIV virus, ISBN number, LCD display, PIN number, RAM memory, UPC code—and my favorite: Please RSVP



www.HowToWriteEverything.com/Annals-of-Redundancy-Annals/

More on redundancy …


http://howtowriteeverything.com/annals-of-redundancy-annals/




































Or… “Unleash your creativity.”







Savings: 79%





YOUR WORDS



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different) particular verbiage any other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch




Word count

Cost to translate into 1 language 25 languages

x 10,000 sentences

(Harry Potter novel)

BEFORE Your original text here with more words than you need. 10 $2.50 $62.50 $625,000.00

AFTER Your tighter text here. 4 $1.00 $25.00 $250,000.00Savings 60% $1.50 $37.50 $375,000.00

Spreadsheet available on request.


Story time

Story time

Water dispenser

Story time

Water dispenser

Buttons

Story time

Water dispenser

Buttons

Quick reference




Concise = good ... right?



Ready for a video?



Ready for a video?(You’ll have to pretend.)



Hey, Rick, would you bring me a glass of room-temperature water?




Rick (Smart guy!)




GlassRick (Smart guy!)





Instructions





Instructions Button





Instructions Button Water




DumpGlassRick (Smart guy!)







Read again






Read again Exasperation






Read again Exasperation Try again






Read again Exasperation Try again Try again




Dump again



Read again Exasperation Try again Try again




Dump again



Read again Exasperation Try again Try again Try again







If conciseness doesn’t fix it, change what you’re saying. @MarciaRJohnston #LavaCon





“A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all sentences short or avoid all detail and treat subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.”

!— William Strunk Jr.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrei_Codrescu


“Reader-users read differently than their forebears—they read Twitter to find links to long articles that will interest them; they switch between phone calls and the Kindle app. And yes, they watch video, play games, and listen to music. But language still knits it all together, and words have more work to do than they ever did before.”

!—Paul Ford

Foreword to Karen McGrane's Content Strategy for Mobile, 2012



For more on concise writing and much, much more










powerful




powerful




“I’ve longed for a book on writing to recommend to clients and colleagues … and this is it!”—Kristina Halvorson

powerful





Think this is small?














Date post:	22-Nov-2014
Category:	Business
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"Write Tight(er)"—LavaCon, Oct 12, 2014

Business