writing correction

Some countries, especially poor ones, have a high level of crime, especially poor

countries and which the government and local authorities struggle to solve. The causes of

crime committing are depend on many various factors, however, it is commonly believed that there is

a direct correlation between the number of the crimes and the gross domestic product per person. It’s

logically due to the fact that the poverty is a major factor of crimecommitting. Another factor

which gives the has an impact to on the level of the crime is the difference

in the earnings of the various social groups.

The problem is very complicated and should be solved together by various group of

society organisations and associations.

Firstly, the poor people should care about balancing learn to maintain a

balance between their expenses and incomes which they earn in order to eliminate unpredictable

expenditures such as drinking alcohol, consuming drugs and paying for the consequences of

their bad habits.

Secondly, the government and the local authorities should give a hand up provide long-term support,

instead of giving handouts for to poor people. It gives them a chance to get an education and

obtain a well-paid job as well.

Thus, the more government maintenance control/intervention could decline reduce unemployment

and consequently, the level of the crime.

Thirdly, the media should broadcast information about living a healthy lifestyle in order to persuade

people not to consume drugs and alcohol. It is commonly known that there is a strict relationship

between crimes and drug consumption. Take, for instance, the South American countries such as

Columbia and Bolivia where the government is not able to prevent the crimes because of the high

level of illegal drug sales.

Finally, the international organization community should support the countries which

provide the an active policy in respect of regarding / with regard to the prevention of the crime via

charity donations.

In conclusion, I believe that crime prevention is a very important topic for most countries which could

be solved by the collective efforts and in order to be successful in the reduction of the crime, each

group of in society should make their contribution to minimize the number of crimes and the

government should coordinate the overall process.

Red = corrections

Green = suggested improvements

Word count: 332

Minimum word count: 250

Task Achievement

Good – the question has only been answered indirectly but the arguments are relevant and well-Like

all human needs such as food and education, health care is one of these important concerns.

Services like vaccinations or even surgeries are free in some countries but not in others. Whether or

not all people have toshould receive free health care, even those who are

responsible of for harming themselves, this is the question we aim to find its solution in the following

lines answer here. We have There are different opinions regarding this situation.

Some people believe that health care should be made free for everyone. They think that human well-

being is an essential aspect for a comfortable life. Therefore, health must be protected and cured

without charge. For instance, elderly people don’t shouldn’t have to pay in order to have an

urgent surgery operation. In addition, this will encourage people to look carefully after

themselves more carefully.

While in on the other hand, many individuals think that those who are destroying their health by not

taking care of it, like smokers, drudgers drug abusers/addicts, those who don’t do sports and those

who eat unhealthy food, just to mention a few, must pay for their controls check-

ups and cure medicines. That means, this payment will lead many of them to think again about the

unreasonable treatment of their health, so they may make a change in their way of life.

Overall, while I do believe that health is precious and managing to make it easy to for people to

protect their health is a compelling achievement, I think that those who do not protect themselves

should pay the price for their negligence.

Red = corrections


Word count - 251


Task Achievement

Good – you have addressed the task well and included some examples.

Coherence & Cohesion

Very strong – well-organised and clear.

Lexical Resource

Good – some inappropriate vocab choices.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Good – a variety of structures used with only minor errors persisting in word order, punctuation and

prepositions.

Many people dream of live having a high standard of life living, by doing a highly paid and

secured jobs, and to get more respect in the community, so they are going to university more than in

the past. But comparatively, thelife has become more hectic due to more stress and responsibilities.

Because of overpopulation and a few incidents like ’ Global Recession Period’, resulting in a shortage

of general job vacancies, most people agree that it’s better to go to for university studies and

become a highly qualified person. As a result, one can not only get a high level job post but also earn

enough money in a short period (like Bank Executives) rather than spending their whole life on

minimum wages working as a less qualified person.and also The advance in techonology has

also had a great impact, replacing many people’s jobs especially

in the agricultural fields industry, realizing making/forcing/encouraging them (to) go for job-

related vocationalcourses by which they can do work faster and more effectively. For example, a

degree in Technology in Agriculture or Mechanical Engineering. course through university.

In my opinion, in proffessional jobs workers like doctors and lawyers are spending most

of their life period to being trained and before starting to work and managing to earn a higher income

with more respect. However, I think most of them are not able to cope with the job’s responsibility and

stress. In fact, there are so many universities which gives the opportunity to do online courses.

In conclusion, the advantages of going to university in order to get higher qualifications outweigh the

disadvantages. It has had an incredible impact in the progress of developing countries like India. In

addition, with theadvance in techonolgy, it’s possisble to share work or to do a job

from your/the computer, so that one can maintain a good work-life balance and avoid stress-induced

health problems.

Red = corrections


Word count - 281


Task Achievement

Satisfactory – you need to present a clearer position and support your ideas/views with relevant

examples and reasons.


Good – you link your sentneces well with appropriate linkers.

Lexical Resource

Good – appropriate vocab showing awareness of collocation.


Satisfactory - Good range of structures but simple errors still persisting.

Overall

In today's working world, it's difficult to find better jobs because of many high/stiff/fierce competitions.

Every company requires workers with a variety of skills. Some professionals develop their skills over a

considerable period of time and had have worked for many years. However, employers are not only

looking for experienced workers but also for the qualifications and the acquired skills in

dealing with new technologies nowadays.

In our technologically advanced society, things are constantly changing. This has a

positive advantage to effect on younger generations because they had have studied and learned

these new technologies. However, it can be challenging for an older mind to assimilate new

information for the advancement in the workplace. This can be a problem with senior workers who

lack knowledge of using computers like for example.

On the other hand, the advantage of being able to use the rich wisdom of the experienced senior

must not be underestimated. The senior worker, having spent so many years in the profession, would

have experienced every possible scenario in relation to his/her job. Like for example, when a problem

occurs, the young worker has no doesn’t have enough knowledge and it is the senior worker who will

give them advice and guidance. In addition, senior staff members provide stability in a company. They

add both stability and credibility in a company environment.

Although young workers have more knowledge with new technologies, the advantages of well skilled

senior staffs are also significant. They bring tremendous knowledge and experience to the workplace.

They also add stability to the company and greatly assist younger employees. Businesses and

companies will continue to benefit from the senior workers well into the future.

Red = corrections


Word count: 270


Task Achievement

Very strong – the ideas are well developed to produce a very clear and comprehensive answer.


Very strong – effective use of paragraphs and linkers.

Lexical Resource

Very strong – wide range used with accuracy.


Very strong –. able to form complex structures with good degree of accuracy.

Overall

For the last (few) decades many people have got been getting a better income than they had before.

Moreover, in the same period, a lot of people have also had a reduction in how much time they spend

at work. Some reasearchs shows that people are less happy now than before, but on the other hand

there are also a lot who say they enjoy their lives.

The individualisation that has been going developing over the last 30-40 years has made people more

aware of their free time. In spite of an increase in available free time, some families use less time

together and this can have a bad impact on the family life. However, I think that a lot of people also

use this time to do exciting things together. In my work as a teacher I often see adults asking

permission for their kids to leave school for a week or two, because they want their family to be

together on a holiday.

Some of the leisure activities people are striving for to do can be a real cost for a family. In spite of

increasing wages some families can get the feeling of being poor, because of the ongoing strive for

something new. Expensive and long journeys can, for instance, be an example of this. matter.

It`s not easy to predict what will happen in the future, but there is one issue I will point at. Regarding

the climate, the global warming can could have a positive effect. For instance, the human

race could be forced to cut back onthe consumption. We might see a trend where people will

seek for the old values.

In conclusion, families balance their time between work and free time in different ways. Some families

fill their free time with more expensive leisure activities, while others put efforts in using make the

effort to use the time together. In my opinion I think the future will bring more of the latter.

Red = corrections


Word count - 316


Task Achievement

Very good – a well-developed answer with extended ideas and relevant examples.


Very good – effective use of paragraphs and linking words.

Lexical Resource

Good – sufficient range of vocab with occasional errors in word formation/choice.


Good – produces frequent error-free sentences.

The new technology is gradually destroying our culture and its components. It is the driving force

behind social change, imposing its own logic on the actors and their relations like use

of languages [not sure this is relevant here], transforming our traditional norms and values.

First of all, technology has abolished the social interaction between families, friends andthe society in

different ways. For instance, most people spend time indoors watching television and surfing

the internet. The use of advanced communication techniques like video cassettes as teaching aids,

instead of face to face community events, has also affected the society negatively. [the question is

about culture not really about relationships and communication]

In addition to that, our talent and culture is disappearing in the sense that we copy from

celebrities in on the internet and television. Culture determines the way in which individualsare

identified and recognised, therefore we are wiping out/away our specific values by external

behaviours inspired by foreign technology. I would also argue that we are not challenging our mental

and academic capabilities as we copy different lifestyles and their ideas, which means we are not

innovative.

The Appropriate measures could be imposed to link culture and technology.

This will wouldbring enhance the developments of our living standards, which include social, political

and cultural spheres. For instance, the use of media and communication to understand different

cultures and values. This could expand our horizons by looking at a wide range of cultural information.

In conclusion, the protection of cultural identity and reinforcing it are of vital importance. We could

accept the realities of the present world and protect our culture by the use of thenew technology.

Task Achievement

Satisfactory – clear position but some parts are not relevant to the question which should be about

technology and its impact on traditional culture.


Good – well-structured with sufficient range of linking words.

Lexical Resource

Very good – wide range of vocab used to convey precise meanings.


Good –. Uses a variety of structures and sentences are generally error-free.

Overall

With a careful study of the use of articles in English you could eliminate your grammatical errors -

Toolbox Exercise

Nowadays, international transport has become accessible and affordable. Travelling internationally

has become a sort of trend. Some travel for educational purposses, or bussiness and others do it just

http://www.ipassielts.com/index.php/course_extra/toolbox_exercise/articles

for pleasure. Whatever the reason, there are people who objects with to it as they consider it as to be

patronizing consumerism, especially when it comes to learning about the world since others think that

mass media can do a lot as it's counterpart more effectively instead. [This essay will focus for and

against travelling internationally].

First of all, I believe that the best form of learning is "doing the actual thing". The same is true with

learning about the world. While It is true that with the advent of technology,

nowadays, by merely browsing the internet can provide you with information from abouthistory,

geography, culture and tradition of those people living in a certain country. In addition, there is no

doubt that mass media is cost-effective and quicker to use.

[new para]However, I would like to reiterate that nothing can compensate (the form of)learning about

a country better than the actual interaction with its people. Feeling the real environment and seeing it

yourself will provide you with an indepth understanding of the totallity of the place and will

substantiate whatever is fed by the media, which is limited. Thus, having been equipped

with a profound and absolute information, you can be an effective form of mass media yourself. So,

while it is a far more expensive form of learning, I would still urge the proper authorities to

consider this more on this. On the other hand, I would also suggest that they should send only a

selected few and they should be the right people, ensuring that the purpose of the travel has a

genuine goal and that those who were asked to do it should be dedicated and effective to disseminate

what has been learnt to further educate the people. [this sentence could be more concise]

In conclusion, travelling is inevitable and very essential as a part of learning, but can also be

compromised if there are other more important aspects to be given priority and if it will bring

enormous benefit to the country, [not very clear] otherwise indeed! it is advocating consumerism.

Task Achievement

Very good – you have presented both sides of the argument clearly and effectively.


Good – your answer is generally well-linked but lacking in paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

Very good – wide range of less common lexis.


Good – some inaccuracies cause a little confusion but good attempt to use more complex forms.

Overall

You could make more effective use of paragraphs, and in particular, improve the final impact of your

essay by writing a clear, stron

1.1.1 Highford University - Sample

The Hartford Highford University carried out a survey on the goods and services purchased online by

some students pursuing courses in Arts, Business and the Sciences. On the whole, more students

undergoing courses in business purchase more things than the students of Arts and the Sciences.

Surprisingly, more Business Science students purchase computer equipment (about 82%), and books

(about 82%) when compared to the students of Arts and Sciences (about 78 percent) and computer

Equipment (about 65% Arts and 60% Sciences)

In computer games downloads, students of the Sciences top the list (about 55%) when compared

with the Business student (about 21%), and Arts students (about 30%).

As regards to the Music CD downloads and Video DVD downloads, the Arts students are leading, but

more business students really bought music CD downloads than the students of the sciences.

On books (did you mean to say Travel here?), the business courses students are still leading the Arts

and the Sciences students.

In conclusion, it is obvious that more Business courses students purchased goods and services than

the Arts and the Sciences students. The Arts students evidently love entertainment more than the

Sciences and Business students and they bought more DVDs and CDs.

Red = corrections


Word count - 198


Task Achievement

Good – clear overview of the information presented in the graph.


Good – clear progression of ideas.

Lexical Resource

Good – appropriate and accurate use of less common terms.


Good – accurate use of tenses and sentence structure.

Overall

1.1.2 Highford University - Sample

The bar chart shows a survey result about the types of goods and services purchased on the

internet/online by students on three different courses, namely arts, science and business. on the

internet

As we can expect, study resources play an important role for all kinds of students. Over 80% of

business students bought books and computer equipment online, followed by approximately 75%

of students on the other two courses students for the former and 70% of science students and 60% of

art students for the latter. For arts students, music CDs and video DVDs downloads were their

favourite buys, with almost 90% and more than 70% purchasing them respectively. In comparison,

business students preferred to travel while science students were more interested in computer games

downloads. Both the arts and business students spent a minimum amount of money on computer

games, only 20% and 30% of them, respectively. And science students’ last choice was travel.

Overall, we can find out learn that basic study materials account for the major part of all student

purchases and the consuming pattern of students was influenced by the needs of the courses they

studied.

Word count:171 Red = corrections

Minimum word count: 150 Green = suggestions

Task Achievement

Good – a clear and concise overview given with relevant comparisons and sufficient use of supporting

statistics.


Good – adequate range of linkers accurately used.

Lexical Resource

Good – appropriate use of vocabulary to describe data.


Good – reasonable range of structures used with minimum error.

Overall

1.2.1 Public Transport - Sample

The bar charts illustrate the use of public transport in various parts of the world. Different countries

have different amounts of usage of public transport and the metro system.

To begin with, public transport in the USA has the smallest proportion (only 2%), whereas Japan has

the biggest one (46%). In addition, the UK has half the amount of transport use of Spain.

Moreover, the metro system in some of these countries and others vary. For instance, London’s metro

system carries the least number of passengers; 784 million in one year. However, the metro system

of Moscow takes the biggest number of people; 3184 million in one year. Furthermore, Seoul’s

metro spends one third the length spent by London’s metro, and it’s the smallest length compared to

the biggest one which is New York’s network of420 kilometres.

Overall, there are is a big large number of people using the metro system especially in Moscow. In

addition, public transport is much more used in Japan than anywhere else.

Red = corrections


Word count - 163


Task Achievement

Satisfactory – try to extend your answer more fully by making more significant comparisons.


Good – information links well but there is a danger of overuse.

Lexical Resource

Satisfactory – appropriate but not used a wide range of expressions.


Satisfactory – simple sent

.3.1 Wexborough University - Sample

The two charts illustrates the result of a survey carried out at Wexborough University among the

various students. While the line graph shows how the chosen course influenced on the students’

future life who graduated between 1992 and 2004 is shown by the line graph, the pie chart represents

the purpose of selecting a course.

The most popular reason (43%) was to improve the students’ employment status and the least

purpose was to socialise while socialising was the least popular at only 8%. The figure for the

students who chosen their course to fulfill their employer's needs was recorded twice as much high as

the number of students who chosen to migrate to a foriegn country at (12%).

In the second line graph, the figure for the highly satisfied students who were graduated between

1992 and 2000, had dropped every year reaching to lowest number 400 (for 2000 year graduates)

compare to 600 (for 1992 graduates) a low of 400 in 2000 compared to 600 in 1992. In this period the

figures were recorded exactly the opposite for the graduates who were very dissappointed.

However, for the following four years, the number of very satisfied graduates numbers had

risen rose slightly, with the highest figure recorded for students who graduated between 2002 and

2003 at approximately 700. In this period the figures for very dissatisfied students had declined

slightly. The only year where both categories are equal in number was for the year 2001 graduates.

Overall, it seems to be that the courses didn't affected muchhave much effect on students’ life

prospects.

Red = corrections


Word count - 218


Task Achievement

Good – adequate presentation of key points


Good – clear progression of information

Lexical Resource

Good – adequate range of vocabulary


Good – some errors but they d

1.4.1 Riverville Hotels - Sample

The bar graph shows the number of rooms occupied by visitors in 3 hotels namely Park Hotel,

Lakeside Hotel and Hotel Lux located in Riverville town area.The occupancy rate of the rooms of the

respected hotels was affected by 2 main events and 2 incidences that happened during the peak

season. [good intro]

In Between June 4th- 8th, due to a train strike, Park Hotel had gained 50% of room occupants only

50% of Park Hotel’s rooms were occupied, as compared to Lakeside Hotel which had 10%

lesser whereas Hotel Lux had the least. However, in July, 3rd-12th due to an Arts festivals, Hotel

Lux’s room occupancy had soared amongst in comparison to the other 2 hotels though both of them

also had also a significant increase repectively (Park Hotel 78%, Lakeside hotel 80%).

In contrast, from August 15th -19th, where when there was a regional sports championship, Park

Hotel maintained its popularity (80%). Hotel lux had a slight decrease of 10% with regards to rooms

accomodation whileLakeside Hotel had a great loss at during this period due to its fire incident that

happened last on July 28th. There was a dramatic decrease of 60% of room

occupants as compared last 2 months ago to the previous month.

To sum up, the 3 hotels had a great demands of rooms in July, but unfortunately in August, Lakeside

Hotel made a great loss.

Red = corrections


Word count 191


Task Achievement

Good – a clear overview of the information with sufficient detail.


Good – well-organised with good range of linkers.

Lexical Resource

Good – appropriate range of language used to describe graphical information.


Satisfactory – good use of past simple in general but punctuation, prepositions and sentence structure

all need

.4.2 Riverville Hotels - Sample

The graph shows the trend rate at which three Riverville hotels in the town of Rivervillewere booked

during a tourist seasons and the contributing factors.

In June, the number of occupied rooms were was lower than other months in all the hotels because of

the train strike which took place over four days. Just around 30 to 50% were occupied in Park Hotel,

Lakeside, hotels and the Hotel Lux.

In July all the hotels reached a peak in all the hotels with bookings of about 95% in Hotel Lux.

Lakeside and Park Hotels had approximately the same booking rate of 80%. This was because of the

Arts festival held from the 3rd to the 12th of July.

It The graph further illustrates that August had saw significant bookings in Park Hotel and Hotel Lux

because of the regional sports championships from the 15th to 19th August. Both had similar figures

of almost 80% of occupied rooms respectively. The least booked was Lakeside with just about

20%, a significantly low rate which was affected mainly by the fire on the 12th of July.

Finally, the chart clearly indicates that most bookings were influenced by festivals and sporting

occasions.

Task Achievement

Very strong – all the main factors and how they affected the hotels' success have been explained

clearly.


Good – well-structured and logically ordered but need to increase range of linking words.

Lexical Resource

Good – clear attempt to use appropriate vocab for describing data.


Good – mistakes occur when attempting more complex sentences but in general, structures are

accurate.

Overall

5.1 Meadowside Village - Sample

The diagram shows the development of Meadowside village into a suburb of the city of Fonton from

1962, through 1985 and up to now to the present date.

In 1962, the village was just plain there were no without any infrastrustures yet as well as or houses

and the place was quite boring and empty. However, in 1985, a leisure complex was built

and it started to have a housing estate beside it and a superstore to the north. A road from the north

to the east inside the village was also developed. Another road was built connecting from the city to

the village.

At present, the village has been extended and it has now developed into a suburb. A hotel has been

constructed at the center near the city of Fonton. From there, you can see a new station where people

can travel from the cityand going to the suburb. The place is now becoming busy and a new business

park has also been established near the station.

Altogether, the new suburb is now bigger, and a more accessible and well-equipped location. In short,

a beautiful place to live in which is near the city.

Red = corrections


Word count 180


Task Achievement

Very strong – a very clear and precise overview of the information is given.


Very strong – very logically sequenced with appropriate linking.

Lexical Resource

Very strong – wide range of verbs used.


Very strong – high degree of accuracy with wide variety of structure.

Overall

Sidborough University - Sample

The map illustrates the area of the Siborough College with its current facilities and suggested

changes or additions in terms of the intended integration into the Sidborough University.

The map can be divided into two clear partitions. Running down from northeast to southwest is the

Hope River which tunnels the A 600 Road at the left bottom left of the map. The river separates the

new proposed from area from the old, which is inbetween of the river and the A 600.

After entering the main entrance, on the left there is to the left the oblong Main College Building with

its planned rectangular Lecture Halls directly adjacent to its left side. Next to The right-hand side of

the Main College Building there is proposed a rectangular will also be enlarged.

Going staight on from the entrance and passing the changing rooms there are to the left the

suggested Faculty Offices on the left, (rectangular of shape) and to the right the new intended semi-

circular Library and Resource Centre will be built. which is planned as a semi-circle.

Near to this, to the right, the old square playing fields will be incorporated into a brand new sports

complex. are located with the intended enlargement of the sports complex at the left bottom of the

fields.

Running through a proposed tunnel under the A new footbridge takes you over the Hope

River where you would reach the new planned area with 2 facilities, both directly adjacent to the river;

one square Student Union Complex and to its left the Residential Accommodation. (which is with an

angle and of complex shape)

This is the end of the description of the map of Sidborough College with its present and possible

features in the future.

Red = corrections


Word count - 261


Task Achievement

Satisfactory – you included everything except the footbridge but some information superfluous to the

task.


Satisfactory – Bit difficult to follow without diagram and insufficient use of linking words.

Lexical Resource

Good – sufficient range of vocab, accurately used.


Good – very accur

Academic and General Training Writing Task 2: For and Against

In some IELTS Writing tasks you need to give arguments for and against the topic. If you

do not do this you may only be answering half the question and you will lose marks.

Test tip: You must keep the main topic in

mind while you are writing and refer back to it all

the time. You will lose marks if you do not

address the issue raised in the question.

Re-Writing or summarising the question

1 Read the task 2 question below and summarise in your own words what it is that you must

agree or disagree with.

Some governments try to control the way a national language is used. For example, they may restrict the introduction of

foreign words, or the use of dialects, or they may demand that a certain language be used in schools.What are the

benefits and disadvantages of these policies? Do you think they can ever be effective?

2 Write your summary in the middle of a clean page and put a circle round it. ‘Brainstorm’

some ideas on how to respond to this question.

Making notes agreeing and disagreeing with the question

3 Organise your thoughts about the ideas in the task by writing them in your own words, and

thinking of points for and against the argument.

Example:

FOR

Culture is maintained through

language so it’s worth keeping

it pure.

One country needs one

language.

Restrictions on a national

language are justified

AGAINST

Language is a living thing you

can’t stop it changing.

People have the the right to use

their own language.

Think of two more points to add to the notes. one for and one against the main topic in the

circle.

Organising you answer

4 Now you need to make a plan for your answer. Here is an example.

Introduction

Expand the summary to re-phrase the question in your own words OR start

with a clear statement of your own about the policy.Useful expressions:

The question of whether or not …

I feel that language is …

Paragraph 1

Expand the first point on the ‘For’ side about the link between language and

culture. Balance it with a counter argument on the ‘Against’ side.Useful

expressions:

Some people think …

It can be argued that …

However, …

Paragraph 2

Express an opinion on having a national language. Give your own view. Make it

clear to the reader where you stand or express an understanding of both points of

view.Useful expressions:

While …, there may be an argument in favour of …

Paragraph 3

Include another point of your own based on your idea above.Useful expressions:

I tend to think that …

Generally speaking, …

Conclusion

End with a clear statement on how you feel about the issue OR summarise the two

main sides of the argument.Useful expressions:

To sum up …

Ultimately, it is important to consider …

Write a complete answer

5 Write a complete answer to this question, following the steps above.

Test tip: ‘To what extend do you agree’ is

another way of saying ‘Do you agree … if so,

how much?’ It invites you to agree and disagree.

Learning a foreign language offers an insight into how people from other cultures think and see world. The teaching of a

foreign language should be compulsory at all primary schools.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?


Very strong – effective use of paragraphs and linkers.

Lexical Resource

Good – adequate range of appropriate vocabulary.


Good – able to form complex sentences but some errors persist throughout.

Overall

It is very important to address ALL parts of the question directly. Regarding grammar, more focus is

needed on definite articles with general/plural nouns

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