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www.attitudespecialist.co.nz 1
Dealing with Difficult People and Tricky Situations
Janice Davies ATTITUDE SPECIALIST
MODULE FIVE
Recap
• Personal Assessment
• Personality Style
• Relationship Scenario
• Self Esteem
INTERPRETATION
DECODE
RESPONSEFEELING
EXPRESSION DECISION
True or False
OUTSIDE or INSIDE
Fun or Fear
Excited or Scared
Communication
• Face to face/Telephone/Email
• Verbal/non verbal (body language)
• Language/dialect
Communication Statistics
Effective Communication
Sender Message Receiver
What gets in the way?Telephone ringing, talking, radio,
background noise, machines, outside noise, fax machine, THINKING/BELIEFS????
Pause – Stop - Listen
•Stop talking
•Show you want to listen – look/act interested
•Hold your temper, don’t argue or criticiseYour reply = “Thank you. Here’s my view…”
•Be patient - allow them time/do not interrupt (depending on situation)
Active Listening
• Show you are listeningeye contact/nod head/aha’s
• Don’t think of your answer while they are talking….
• Rephrase a reply – “So what I heard you saying was….”
Miss-interpretation = mistakes
“I” statements The most powerful word you can use Creating your space with words
– I THINK this is a possible solution– I FEEL unhappy….– I AM loving/loveable
Now it’ their turn/opinion/feelings
• ASK what, where, why, how, when questions
• Every person unique
• Every person entitled to thoughts
• No-one can say you are wrong
• It is YOUR thoughts
• Negotiate/compromise
Learning to say “No”
• I’d like to help you but I’m sorry I’ll have to say NO…• I have other work scheduled • I have alternative appointments• That is not part of my job• But if you’re unhappy, check with my boss• You’ve missed the deadline and I can’t do any more • I sent out a reminder notice a few days ago
Empathy
Understanding and imaginatively entering into another person’s feelings.
I UNDERSTAND….. how you’re feeling
your point of view/your situation
3 Types of Communication
PASSIVE • Signal feeling indirectly (sighing, no eye contact)
or ignoring someone • Deny their feelings show in body language• Can force others do make the decision • Make excuses, being indirect when expressing needs
Aggressive
• Using more force verbally or physically
• Violating other rights through aggression or manipulation
• Want to dominate or win
• No regard to others
• Bullying
Assertive
• Expressing thoughts, feelings, opinions
• Compromising
• Honest and direct
• Considers others
• Spontaneous
• Direct – avoids excessive apologies
• Honest – rely on feelings/owns them
Gender/Age/Cultural issues
• We are all the same but different
• Understanding/Accepting
• Glass Ceiling
• Men not want female boss
• Equal or unequal pay
• Baby Boomers, Gen X & Y
Based on what I would like you to KEEP doing, STOP doing, START doing
WHAT YOU DO THAT I VALUE IS…..
ONE THING I AM HAVING DIFFICULTY WITH IS……
WHAT I WOULD LIKE YOU TO DO INSTEAD IS……..
FEEDBACK SANDWICH
Latest Heart Rate Statistics Kees Blaas – Heartmath 2005 - www.heartmath.com
Relaxation
Appreciation
Stress
Results through Appreciation Drives people and a basic need 5 positives to re-balance 1 negative interaction- M Duclos
Describe the behaviour – the facts, neutral, without criticism, clear and open “You are sometimes late to work
Describe the consequences for you – realistic and concrete “ I have other staff complaining.”
Describe your personal emotions – this behaviour provokes in me, how I feel in a situation “I feel uncomfortable with their constant complaints”
WHAT COULD YOU DO TO SOLVE YOUR LATENESS PROBLEM?
The other person then decides their new actions
NOW WHAT
• What’s happening for you?
• What is the difficult person doing?
www.attitudespecialist.co.nz 21
Next Session
• Take some action
• Think your situation through with your
new knowledge
• Observe them and you
• Talk to positive support person
• Take notes….do something different