MartineandI,baffleduntilourlittlegirl'sAbsentSeizurewillbediagnosed,andequallyperturbingthroughyearstocome,Iwasn'tletinbyaforewarningofthisnearfatalincident.Mindflirtingphotosyntheticinsectsswarmcycloramicspiderwebs,distillingamorningdewdrippingtheknittedextrasensoryperceptionssilkspuppeteeringthebrainwithmovingimages.Visionsbysignalstrengthwaningtodreams,bydegreesuchcommonroutine,theexceptionbeentheflagrantabsenceofwarningsigns.InmypastIsearchedunresolvedmysteriesthejottingblockofmymind,andamongstnotes,thiscriticalincidentappearednowhere.Eveninthemostabsurdwarpingshapes,thecosmicangelofdarkness,theshadowsofawaveringveiltruncatemybabyoffmoralscolorsfromtherealityreachingmymind.Themysteryoffateinstilledtoomitvisualizingtheincident,furtherafieldmyperception,sessionswiththeapparenttransparentRoseDelbruyere,readingenlighteningtarotcards,thanthesubtleusageofwords,symbolofacrossroadsindicatingalifechangingcourse.

AsIrodealongfromthepassengerseatoftheambulance,sightingSundaynightslumberbuttedbricktownhousesbouncingoffthecoldblueflashdissolvingthecadenceinthecabin.Thelamppostsreflectivemoonshinefacadeswithafeedingnotionandmysteriousawakingartificialphotosyntheticlightthroughthedesertedstreet.Soontarnishedandshadowy,asthedashboardbrightenedtoneonlitdialsovershadowingthedriversilhouetteatthesteeringwheel.Headingtowardachangingperspective,waysidebreakingupbuttedhouses.Atcruisingspeedanaccordionunfurledbellows,asthebrushingheadlightsbeamsraisefromapitchblackcavernthedualcarriagelanes.Whilewaysideapproachedcontourindividualhouses,thedarkhollow,lielikeauniversalvacuumbringswisdom,bythevacatedlampposts.Insuchamomentsofrelapsealongthewayliketheblueflashglidedunhindereddissolvingacrossaflatcountryside,guiltcomesrappingmyconscious.

Henceforthinyearstocome,mindniggledconsciousoflynchedemotions,meanwhiledevelopingthediscreetwavelengthconnectingoursouls.Alerted,luredbyaninstinctivecuriositytoglanceovermyleftshouldermyfiguretwistingintheseat.Eyesadjustingtothebrightcapsulepunchedbycontrastingdeepspatialglaresgluedtoresistantglazing.Nearbythelargedroopingshoulderstwistedasideoverhislaptowardmybabyadmirableinherbeautysleepy.Hisfigurestooping,obliteratedfromviewofherinnocentfacewatchedsincebirthimprintedtomind.Hercriticalhandicapnotatsight,unacceptable,themindelucidatingbyappearingdeliriantwithintravenousmouthandnosetubes,andwiredchest.The'surgeon'raisedconcernovermonitoringherbreathingbyaroutineimpartialattitude.Insensible,ofmyproperreflection,whichordealintheaftermathawakesandcatchesmyabdominalstoreboundtheexperiencewithaseismicsystemshock.

Thenursecrouchedunderthelowroofatthefootofthegurney,crawledfrommonitoringthedigitaldisplay.Onoctopusarmssharingwiththe'surgeon'foracloserwatchofthelittlepatient.Afterwhichinretrivewiththem,Iuncoiledinmyseat.Gazingthroughthewindshield,inastrangereigningsilence,anotionrevivingfromfardistantlightsaswestalkedthedoctorinamomentabandoninghisresuscitationattempt,withapageturntoapitchblackuniverse,alone,rappingdoorsformedicalassistance.Inthewakeofthelivingordeals,interiorlightsshutinourfaceandalongourhopes.Isaid,"[Dutch]thanks!Wordswhichfelltodeafears.AsIwatchedtheheadlightbeamsbrushingandwakingtheleadingtarmacoutofapitchblackpool.Inanightwhistlingfears,Iadded,"[Dutch]Thanksagain,you'vebeenfantastic."

Iheardthestoneofmyvoicefallinginawell,hitthebottomwiththedriver'sbriefandpolite,reply,"[Dutch]It'smyjob."

Asthedarknessabsorbsthesilentbluerepercussiveflash,cruisingtowardanupcomingrailwaycrossing,shyofarousinganinterjectionanxiety.Acrosstheopenrightofwayjumpoftheroadintoourpath,Irelaxedtothesoftblueswipingtalltree,emergingtheirshadowsfromstraightrowsoftrunksborderingtheroad.Thealleywayendedwithemergentgableapexesandchimneyscutoutasubtlerisinglightpollution.Then,facedaspeedbreakerbringingthewaysideshadowylandscapetoavirtualstandstill.leftbehind,acceleratingalongadistantsuburb,inthewindowportrayingthedriver'silhouetted,Icontenteddroppingathought,saying,"[Dutch]Thatisnotveryusefulforyou?"

"[Dutch]No,"repliedthedriver,"Itslowsusdownalot."

Attentivetoasuddenactivitybehind,Ifollowthroughtheinterleadinggaptotherearcompartment.Seeingrestraintthe'surgeon'andnursefigureovermylittlegirl.Amongstmovinghands,nimblefingersmassagethelengthofthetransparenttube,Icallout,"[Dutch]Whatisthematter?

"[Dutch]Apiecesoffoodisstuckinthetube.Thepumpcan'tabsorbdirt.Wehavetohelptheclotofvomitfurtheralongreturndownthetube,thenursereplied.

Thestoopingfiguresshowedsignsofreliefmovinginretrieveeyesinfixationonthetubeemergingfrommybaby'smouth.Seatedandpreeningtheirthoughts.Beforelong,the'surgeon'andnursewerebacksqueezingthemuckystuffdown,whilefluidsaddedfacilitatingtodislodgetheclot.Thefigurescrawledinretreat,thenontheassaultwithawilderdetermination,inacaptivatingagitationpinchedfingersstrokethetube.Frowningaraisedconcernasapiecestuckfromallattemptstodislocate.Thenurseasalastresort,detachedthetubeandheldthefreeendovertheremainingtubeandwireruns,andthelongestmomentkeptformregaintheirplace.Whentheydidmyfigureuncoiledintheseattofaceuptoheadlightbeamsbrushingroad.

Asneongreeneyeswatchedourapproach,bysight,Ibrokeawayfromthesetoftrafficlightsinatownoutskirtdecor.Shiftingtomysideinthedarkerlowercabin,followingamovingshadow.Theapparentdriver'shandtotheundersideofthedashboardwithaweirdholdofapointingfinger.Themischievouslightstoggledtored,andoffleftavehicledshadowboundtocrossourpath,slowsdownforagradualhalt.Whilerightinthehorizontalaxisanegligibleshadowalongthewayleftmetoimagineanabsentmindeddriverhurlinginourtrajectorywithoutmeetingatthecruxoftheintersection.Shortoftheanxiouscrossing,theparamedicdriverpromptedaflickoftheswitch.Fetchtheevanescentblueflashwhiningsirenawakingthesleepingflatlandscape.Acrosstheintersection,theblueflashsomberedinsilence,thedriverremovedhishandtograbthesteeringwheel.Upfrontinaorientativeheadlightbeamsasheenmirrorsthesettleddewofacoursemeetinganupcomingsuburbanmedleyofshylitstreets.Suddenlyavoicearosefromtheradio,announcing"[Dutch]Thenighttemperaturesareboundtofallunderfreezingpoint."Weirdthatwiththecautionaryadvicetheroadsurfacemetamorphosedanenclave,thefrontiercrossedasurfaceextendedinadustedbakingpowder,ofasaltspreaderpassageahead.Thechosenmomenttobreakthesilencefromtherear,the'surgeon'inareassuredvoicesaying,"[Dutch]She'sdoingwell.It'sovernow."

Astheunconceivabletothemind,mybaby'slifehungbyahair,andseekingdistractions,emblematic,fastflitsthereflectivesignspelling"Leopoldburg."Interacting,bysettingupatopographictriangulationofourearlierAudiride,spearheadingintotowntoricochetatanacuteanglefromthecenteroutbound.Thechildrenquietabsentontherearseat,toanabruptseizureonalastlegatdroppingoffSteffybyhermother.Theleadingtenebraeperspectivethroughafewvillagesannihilateditselfinmind,togetheralongtheseveringhighwaytowardTheNetherland.

TheblueflashdissolvedtoanlonelynascentwaysidecloakoflightswakingtheadvertisingFrenchFries.Wepassedbytheclosedstall,whenfurtheralongjuttedanemergenttranslucentgasstationfasciapointingtowardourpath.Wepassedbythedesertedvolumeofafluorescentglow,cruisingdistinctiveinaclockwisegreatercircleraisinganinstinctivebackroadapproach.

Trackingtheambulancecoveredride,recollectingthelureofacandlelightwindowshinetowrapatthedoorofthebohemianhouseforassistance.Mappinginmindthepreventivewildgoosechase,asdestinyassumed,bytheyoungstershuttingthedoorinourface.Ishruggedofftheculprittoanearfatalincidentendingourbaby'slife.Intheabsurd,Iaskedthedriver,"[Dutch]Howfaristhewaytothehospital?

Henceforth,Iflirtedthroughtheyearswiththereconstruction.Watchingovertheevolutivetrailthesequenceofeventsinamatterofafewminutes,andcaretoquestion,Howlongwasn'tshebreathingfor?StartingfromthemomentofpullingupwaysidetheAudi,endingenrouteandcounterwisefromthehospital,mymind'sconstantpreoccupation,timingtheleadingparamedicarrivinginthedoctor'sroomstomybabygirl'sexaminationtableside.Inthebackgroundtoapileupactivityofpeople,theartificialfootpumprestitutingbreathingtomybaby'slungs.Intheaftermathspeakingforsomeambiance.Thenursesurpriseme,byanobsoletethought,byherrevealingwords,"Thedoctor'swifehadtherightreflectionputtingtheemergencycallthrough."

Ontheleftindistinctivesketchinginthetenebrousdistancesuburbanhouses,whichfacedacrossourwayanequaldistantwoodedpark.Inpursuitoflawncoveredrunsoftrafficislands,twistinginmyseatandwatchthe'surgeon'sterneyedinaswiftmovestandsup.Heswaysaboutwhileinthecrisisthenursemovesinandbendingoverformingacurtainwiththeirfigures,obliteratingmybabyfromviewinawildarmsandlegsconvulsiveshake.Afterawhileappeased,withoutrevealingthemysteriousincident,retrievedtorelaxedintheircorner,Iuncoiledinmyseatfacing

thelightbeamsarousingtheleadingroadfromthetenebrea,equivokemedics'ongoingattentiveness.

Offourrightoutlyingwoodsinamarchthroughdarkfieldscameliningupalongthewaysideheadlightbrushingbeams.Brightandstrokingafarinpursuit,untiltheforeststopped.Clearinganopendisappearinglandscape,accruingacrossabindintersectiontoarisingsilverhaze.Leadingahighsecurityfence,lawnsbleedingthroughthereflectivewiremeshagirdlestoafarawaysingledoutfivestorycubicstructure.theblockendedtoarisingreflectiveroadpointer,andthebrusquescreenturningoffright.Wesloweddown,swerved,andedgingalongtowardmidwayupabrightmedicaldirectory,inourapproachorientatedtheentryintothegrounds.

Engagedupthedrivewaytothedistantbuilding,theunattendedchevronpatternboomliftedtostanduprightalongsideaswepassedby.Twoinarow,beforeleavingrighttheheliport,bringingintofocusacreamymetalgiganticindustrialboxprotrudingfromthebuildingfacade.Thedriverignoredthedrivewayedgingoffleftspreadingbroadaparkinglot,asweheadingfortheupfrontfaceofthebox.Inprecisiontimingastheboomsbefore,ahorizontalfluorescentlightgashedfromunderneath.Theslitwidenedtoanopeningsluicetothedistinctivefullwidthpanelsrollingup.Divingintothehighandbroadblindinglighttovisionaworldenteringfromthetenebreatolandinavirtualdockingspacestation.Pullingupataramprisingtowardslinedupplateglass.Extendinganunhinderedviewofthewidecorridor.Portrayingawhiteslendersentinel,asawellroundedfiguresinamatchinguniformstormedfortheexit.

Togetherwiththedriver,Isetfootdown,losingsightofhisenergeticbackwithaslamofthecabinclosingdoor.Ataslowpace,Isteppedalongtheambulancetowardtherear.Againsttheevanescentindustrialloweringgateshuttingthelightintrusivenightout,thehospital'matron'flitacross.Atthetailgateinbriskswingstheobesefiguresandtheparamedicdriverbringthedoubleleafambulancedoorstoobscuremyviewtotheinterior.Hesitant,inanoutofthewaystance,tomysurprisewhenoffrightinthegateway,awindowglazedwaxedMartinefaceinfromthetenebrea.Interruptingmyviewthegurneystretcherdroppedwheels,movingonfortheemergencyentrance.Intheglitchoftime,projectedashortdistancefromthebackgroundoutlinedpedestriandoor,Martine'sbeamedfigurebathesinfluorescentlights,fromwhichsheawakesandstepsup.

Martineeyesmovedtowardsherbabydaughterlyingunconscious.Shecatchesuptoleanoverthoughtlesshangingontothemovingstretcher.Thenurseshovedheroff,whichdidn'tsufficeforMartinetoletgo.Inabarkingtoneofvoice,thenursesaid,"Dutch]Wehavetoperformanexamination!"Martinerosetoadetachingstretcher.Sheisleftwatchingbaffledherdestituteexpressiononherdaughterjoinedbythemanfromtheleftwingoftheslidingpairofplateglassdoorsandtakenalong.Acceleratingwhitedynamicsghostlyfigureswheelingthegurneyacrossthegleamingwhitefloorthroughaperspectiveshapencorridoratagivenablindingdistanceswervesinadisappearingactbehindtheblindcorner.

Wearrivedatthetrickleofourstepsinthedesertedemergencyhall,tojoltMartinewithaquestioningexpression.Astherewasn'tatracetotrackourdaughterdown.Searchingonourleftafewdeepemptysampleofalcoves.Furtherontoawallofdeepfolddrapes.InrowsofcurtainsdrawnacrossthatleftmecountEeny,meeny,miny,moe,tothealcovewhichabsorbedawholechangingteaminwhiteuniforms,whichvanishedmomentsearlierbeforeoureyeswithourdaughter.

Atamoment,aman'sblackshoeheelsappearedbeneaththeseamofdancingpleats.Nextbreakingoutedgingtheagitatedlinenfoldsoffsideflitsaghostlydissociatedblondnurseamongsttheephemericspellofstrangersearlierinthedoctor'srooms,tothishospitalnotbeforeclearingthealcoveexposinginthedepththe'matron'attheheadbyourbaby'sgentleface.Suddenlyaghostly

nursesaidinapassinghurry,"[Dutch]Wehavetoperformathoroughexaminationofthechild."Inherongoingnotion,writhingoff,sheretractedonsecondthought,adding,"Willyouhaveaseatinthewaitingroomtilltheexaminationisover?"

OnthespotrollsinagentlenewfacetohaltaddressingMartineandI.Atstance,thediligenttraineenursereturns.Leftusinconfusionwatchingherlightbrownponytailcoif.Weturnedtothewhiffofanephemericexit.Headingofftofetchnoapparentpointersthroughtheextendingcorridor.Inplightfordirectionechoingoffheavenlywallstheguide'swordsdowntheslightrampstretch.Martine'sbreakawaynotion,eyesightattachedtotheblindinneralcove,cravingtolaysightonherbaby.Progressive,shebouncesonarubberband,lingeringonbehindme,repeatedlyasking,"Doyouknowwhereitis?"

"No!I'mnotyetthere,"Iceasedtorepeat,asIchasedbysightthroughhazyglasspartitionsalabyrinthineofapparentcubicles.Churningtomind,thealltoooftenlocalandfamiliar,unconsideredtowardforeignerscaughtinchangingenvironmentalperceptions.Byahandpressure,upfrontIreachedatangiblewaterwalltoanotherworld.Astheplateglassdoorleafceeded,withaswirlofsightaround.Halfwaydownthecorridor,tothecallsoftheponytailcoiffednurserushingandbringingamessage,Martinestoppedinhertracks.

Inanapparentreprimandbytheseniornurseoveraninnocenttraineenurse'searlierexplanation,thePonytailgirllendagesture.Inacrossoverbasicchachachastep,dancedspeakingtoMartinehesitantdownthecorridorapproachingthroughtheglazedwall.Acrossthethreshold,theglazedcubicleclearedaroom,andvoluntaryMartineandI,steppedin.Theponytailnurserepeated,"[Dutch]Youmaywaithere.We'llcomeandcallyouwhenyoucanseeyourchild."

Install,wherethetraineenurseroundusup,tovanishedfromsight.Tworowsofbrightstaringorangeparallelchainlinkedchairs,graciouslyofferedtheiremptyseat.Shortlydigging,andwigglychangingposition,torelievetheproddingmeshliningfrommypelvicbones.Standingupanddriedupeyeballs,seekingdistractivematter,itemergedtableandmagazineless,tomoveonandexitfromtherestrictivecrystalroom.Timeonstandstill,MartineandIatourproperpacesteppedinthenurse'svision.Roamingandmappingaroundthecornerdiscoveringnothingmorethanfacinganapparentmaindaylightentrance,whichplacedthetraineenurse'searlierwildexplanation.Returningtimeandagain,onthelookoutthroughthewaterwall,andbackthoughtlesscontentedtogazeatthesnoozeprooflinedupchairs,tirednesshadcreptinataslowwalkingpaceforforameresit.