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“You phoned my wife to ask her to do what?!?”
Taking a deeper look at traditional expectations of
pastoral couples.
What kinds of thoughts and words come to mind when we say
“pastor’s wife” and “expectations” in the same sentence?
Why serving together can be a positive thing:
• Theological Foundation• The Biblical Example• Realistic reasons: why many
congregations expect their pastor and wife to work together.
• Some of the practical advantages that come with serving together.
A story that goes back in time...
“But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and
while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the
place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of man, and he brought
her to the man.” Gen 2:22
God created Eve to work with Adam.
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he
created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth
and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and
over every living creature that moves on the ground.” Gen 1:27-28
Adam and Eve• A couple united in a
common purpose– Be fruitful and increase in
number,• A couple united in their
work.– fill the earth and subdue it.
Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on
As Christians we are called to excel in those areas where God has called us to labour. As married couples we
are called to join together in our work.
1 Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III. Intimate Allies (Wheaton: Illinios: Tyndale, 1995) 113.
... a husband and wife who respect each other and value each other’s view of the world. They share together they plot their lives together, support each other in their common vision. Such a life strategy not
only doubles but also multiplies the couple’s effectiveness. 2
2 Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III. Intimate Allies (Wheaton: Illinios: Tyndale, 1995) 114.
Marriage is to be a Working Relationship
• home–inside –outside
• raising children• vehicles• vocation – career(not just romance)
The Biblical Example• “Don’t we all have the right to food and
drink. Don’t we have the right to take a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord’s brothers and Cephas.” 1 Cor 9:5
• “When Priscilla and Aquilla heard [Apollos], they invited him to their home and explained to him the way of God more adequately.” Acts 18:26
‘REALITY CHECK’Most expectations are rooted in
experience rather than conscious theological reflection.
My lens for life was shaped by growing up in a family that owned and ran a small business.
Our family life revolved around the business of farming.
A different paradigm for home and work.
• The small family business.– it is hard to separate a person from their work.–business and personal assets are combined.–business activities involve the home.– children are expected to work with their parents.– spouses are often both involved in making the
business successful.– family fortunes rise and fall with the success of
the business.
Our assumptions about life affect many things, including our
concept of marriage.
It was not if we would share a common purpose and vision.It was not if we would work
together...
... But it was what our vision, purpose, and work would be.
A place where our passions merged.
(Gwynne Community Church - Gwynne, AB)
‘His Story’
• Joining my dad as an usher.• Teaching Sunday school.• Early Church board experience.• Lay preaching.• Prayer meetings
(Ryan )
‘Her Story’
• The church where Jenneke’s Mom first went to Sunday School.
• Teaching Sunday School• Leading worship• Working with youth• Prayer meetings with seniors• Leading Vacation Bible Schools• Seniors’ visitation
The decision to go to Seminary wasn’t about a career for me.
Our decision to pursue ministry as a vocation was about a passion we
both shared.
Seeing the bright side of working together
Working Together Assumes...
• Freedom to work to each other’s strengths.
• That we are both respected in our roles.• We share the same vision and passion.• A positive, workable, and working
marriage.• Stage of life allows it.
Together Time.• A home office keeps us “in touch”
throughout the day.• My children are used to me being home in
the morning when they leave for school, and home when they come home.
• We’ve managed our schedule so that we don’t send our children out for care.
We Share the Joy of Success.• A great night at AWANA is a great night
for both of us.• A special Sunday service is something
that we both appreciate because we will have both contributed to it.
An Established Team
• We bring 14 years of working together as a team.–14 years of commitment to working
together –14 years developing our communication
skills• Our combined skill set almost doubles what
we can do.• A secure, reliable sounding board for our
ideas and thoughts.
Group Activity from Handout(Question #9)
What does YOUR spouse bring to your ministry?
Spouses collaborating is an efficient way to advance the kingdom of God.
• Two of us can serve on one good salary.• Fighting overhead by ministering as an
extension of our household.- The family van is the church van.
- Low childcare costs
We are an example to those we serve...
Collaborating sets an example for the people we serve how a disciplined
prudent lifestyle can free us to serve God.
Staff meetings are more fun when you’re married.
Spending Time with Your Spouse is One of the Best Ways to Stay Faithful.
• “a healthy marriage, including satisfying sex is a strong defense against immorality among ministers.” London and Wisemen,
• working together means that it is very difficult to have secrets, it’s our business to know each other’s business.
• my “open office policy” (or lack of walls) serves as a good accountability protocol.
Dividing Things on Gender Lines.
*Ladies Bible Study *Counselling* Confidant*
‘The Women’
‘The Men’A hard crowd to crack.
You can be a man and
have a faith.
Making it Work
• We need to cover for each other, and help carry each other’s load.
• We need to be willing to allow our children to define their involvement in the church.
Challenges to Work On• Competition between us for time and
resources. • Ministry intruding into our living space.• Remaining free to parent when required.• Ministering to those outside of our stage of
life. • Maintaining boundaries between family time
and ministry.
In it together...