Date post: | 15-Dec-2014 |
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Education |
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YOU… Transform[ED]
Julie Christiansenwww.angersolution.com
Transform[ED] is…
Transformational educationMaking decisions about your life and
choosing carefully the outcomes you want
Trusting yourself and othersLearning to accept, forgive, and changeA lifestyle – not a quick fix
Who am I anyway?
Finding your “Come From” placeA little about me…A little about you…What’s up with you right now?The value of speaking your truth
What’s up with us today?
Self EsteemThe Four Keys to AssertivenessSimple Strategies for Resolving ConflictForgiveness and AcceptanceThe Permissions You Give
More than a cliché…
SELF ESTEEM IS:
How you feel about yourself
What you think about yourself
The value you place on yourself
Why does Self-Esteem matter?
The value you place on yourself determines how well you will do in life
“I think therefore I am!”
Where does our Self-Esteem Come From?
MESSAGES: From our parents,
family From our teachers From our peers,
friends From the media From other
authority figures From ourselves
Try this activity:
What does the media try to make you believe about yourself?What ads send a positive message?What ads send a negative message?How do these ads make you feel about
yourself?
What Message is SHE sending?
Who Has More Courage?
The truth is in the eyes…
Is What You See What You Get?
We are our own worst enemy!
Negative Self-Talk: Makes you feel bad about
yourself Weakens you physically,
emotionally, and mentally! (Power Arm Exercise)
Increases your stress Reinforces negative
messages you heard from other sources
Causes you to engage in more negative self-talk
Tip #1: Interrupt Your Negative Thought Patterns
Thought Stopping… Break the pattern of negative
thinking through some sort of “jolt” Question the validity of the
thought Look at things realistically Make the choice to expect the
best rather than the worst
Tip #2: Become More Aware
Identify Your Strengths and Abilities
Look at Areas Where You Can Grow
Change What isn’t Working
Re-Assess
Do this exercise!
What are your top 3 character traits? What are 3 things you are good at? What are 3 areas you want to improve? What have you been doing so far to improve
those things? What is working? What is not working? What can you do differently to get a better
result?
Tip #3: Be Assertive
Four Keys to Assertiveness
#1: Intention
Be direct, honest, caring, and openBeware of your motives! Think about what you want to say before
you say it…Remember some people would rather be
right than happy. CHOOSE to be happy, and admit it when you are wrong.
Sometimes Assertiveness Means…
Walking awayChoosing to say nothingHurting someone’s feelingsSaying you’re sorryAsking for a second chance
Assertiveness never means…
Hurting people on purposeShowing somebody upGetting revengeFeeling guilt or shame afterwardsNot saying what you really want, feel,
think, or need – then feeling resentment because you didn’t get it!
#2: Language
Some tips on being assertive:Say “I want, feel, choose, need, think…”
instead of “You make me…”Having a positive self-esteem makes
being assertive easy
Being assertive boosts your self-esteem
#3: Actions
What are some ways we “speak” non-verbally?
Watch your body language Make eye contact Smile Keep your hands relaxed and at your sides Don’t block people in Respect personal space Maintain an even tone, volume and pitch in your
voice
More on being assertive…
Watch your body language Make eye contact Smile Keep your hands relaxed
and at your sides Don’t block people in Respect personal space Maintain an even tone,
volume and pitch in your voice
Tip #4: Leverage Yourself!
Power Questions
Choose to be in control rather than letting others control you
Tip #5: Surround Yourself with Self-Esteem Boosters
Pictures!
Music
Colours
People
Other stuff…
Self-Esteem can…
Help you make better choices About living arrangements About the people you hang out with How you will provide for yourself How you will treat other people What kinds of jobs you are willing to take What things you want to learn How you want to contribute to society Your short and long-term relationships Your negotiables and non-negotiables
Self Esteem + Assertiveness =
Great conflict resolution skills!
Conflict is…
The belief that if you get what you want, I can’t get what I want
Belief is the basis of action, which determines your outcomes!
Exercise…
How can we “re-frame” conflict so that it has a positive connotation?
Here’s a Great Definition…
The TSA Model for Effective Communication…
T: Think – what is happening? What does this mean to me? How should I respond?
S: Say – I feel/need/think/want… because…
A: Ask – for feedback. “How do you feel about what I’ve just said?”
Take Responsibility
E+R=O Event + Response = Outcome
Strategies to help you be response-able
Strategy #1 “State Your Problem”
Understand that helping others meet their needs can help you meet your needs
Allow the other party to state his/her problem
Good relationships are the first priority.
Work to build mutual respect
Strategy #2Listen: Use Empathy
“I hear what you’re saying”
“I can understand why you’re upset”
Avoid using “you” statements
Believe in innocence
Engage yourself fully
Use active listening skills
Stay focused (centered)
Listen 1st: Talk 2nd
Strategy #3Look for Common Ground
Establish the “facts” of the case Explore options together Eliminate the ones that just don’t fit Be open to other ideas Work towards that which is mutually
acceptable
Strategy #4Separate the Person from the Problem
Request changes in behaviour only Practice: Change these statements to
address the problem rather than the person. (ASC) “You’re not interested in helping me.” “You are the reason I am so angry …” “You’re more interested in your own issues
than my needs…”
Permissions: Try this formula…
Say: This is what I see you doing, and I interpret it to mean…
Ask: What is your opinion? Do you understand where I am coming from? Are my observations correct?
Clarify: Giving ongoing feedback ~ “When you do _____, do you mean to _________?”
Keep asking and clarifying – Set limits!
The Floor is Open!
Any questions you have after today, please see Catherine or Tom – or feel free to email me at [email protected].
Thank you!