WOMAN ʼS ERA JULY 2021 JULY 2021 ` 100 HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS CRAZY GEN-Z GENERATION GAP UNAPOLOGETIC LIVING IN FEED YOUR WANDERLUST IT’S 4 AM! PANDEMIC RELATIONS THE AMBITIOUS GIRL! TASTE THE FROZEN TREATS HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS CRAZY GEN-Z GENERATION GAP UNAPOLOGETIC LIVING IN FEED YOUR WANDERLUST IT’S 4 AM! PANDEMIC RELATIONS THE AMBITIOUS GIRL! TASTE THE FROZEN TREATS THE MINDEST GAME! SINGLE PARENTING SPEAKING ARTWORKS FROM MOTHER WITH LOVE THE MINDEST GAME! SINGLE PARENTING SPEAKING ARTWORKS FROM MOTHER WITH LOVE
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FeaturesFash
ion
Jew
eller
y
30
DIMONDS FORRADIANCE
48 THE STRANGER WHOTAUGHT ME LOVE ANDLIVE LIFERIMLI BHATTACHARYA
60 THE CURSED GIRLSUDHA VISHWANATHAN
86 WHISPERS IN THE NIGHTVASUDHA MURTHY
108 EXPECTATION ANDREALISATION JYOTI GALADA
TODDLER TRENDS
HANDCRAFTED WITHETHNICITY
15 MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS AND ME
33 NEW LAUNCHES44 THE INCIDENT
I CANNOT FORGET50 GREATEFULLY YOURS51 HOW I SAVED
MY MARRIAGE67 PERSONAL PROBLEMS75 I AM PREGNANT79 CHILD CHALLENGES87 HOW I WAS DUPED90 LOVELY DREAM (POEM)97 YOUR BODY99 KITCHEN QUERIES103 BEAUTY QUERIES114 TEENACHE
Cover courtesy:Sharat Chandra
Model: Kasturi Rout
EDITORIALCensorship or Upmanship?
With the pulling up of various social media bodieswhich are operated out of America, the BJPgovernment has set new rules in motion. It should belooked at both ways, as written earlier in edits column.As far as social media is concerned it will be difficult forthe government to let go of it since a lot ofgovernment, its politicians and functionaries dependupon the American system for any communication. Thetechnical obsolescence of India of the coolie culture inthe IT industry, has not let India develop any majorapplication, like the Chinese, that can replace thepresent American social media networks. As writtenearlier in my column, India will have to pay a price for it.And it is not just in taxes but also in the unyieldingpower that these media networks bring with them.Investment in media by foreign companies is restrictedby the Parliament. Cross-border media cannot berestricted in this age of communication. Needless to saythe Indian government, and the present BJP regime ispaying the price for it. Even if they are taxed, theirvoices cannot be suppressed. By taking away theintermediaries status, does not have any effect on thefunctioning of the app or its audience. The only thingthat will be affected is the bill for a large law firm. Itappears that the BJP government has run out of clueson how to buy in to this newly developed social mediapower, which at one time was their chosen weaponagainst the spokesmanship of congress and comingback into power. The way things stand at the moment,is that the government is battling technology, of end toend encryption for WhatsApp, and the twitterati, whocannot leave their fingers off the Twitter app, guided bythe laws that were formulated by the same regimehundreds years back- that is the British.
In the days to come, the non-complying social medianetworks, will agree to the government’s propositionand start backing the government again. The BJP has anuphill battle in the UP and the other eight states, whichgo to polls. Even Gujarat is going to be a battle and itappears that social media is not helping them this time.In order to get their own rhetoric communicatedproperly, through this media the government is simplycalling its power for the media networks to pay heedand march as per instructions.
What holds in line for the third waveof pandemic?
Retrospectively speaking January 2020 must havebeen the best year or quarter for most businesses inIndia. Even if those businesses were making a loss, theywere funded by the banks and governments werebehind them. 14 to 16 months of the pandemic haschanged many things beyond proportion and
imagination. What is tocome could either bemore dreadful or a newway of living, one’sprospective will holdthe key. The mosttroubling factor duringthe pandemic has beengovernment policies allaround the world.Being in a state of flux the top government officials andpoliticians are unable to decide what is best for thecountry. Also the political opposition during these timeshave receded due to reasons of health failure, financialfailure and the like.
In India even corruption has taken a backseat sincethere are not many tenders being floated and not manypolitical party leaders being able to conduct business.And the bars are closed, so no DESH MUKH stylerobbery. Most of the movements by NGOs and agencieshave taken a backseat. Pollution has been at its all-timelow, the weather has been strong and the harvest hasbeen rosy, all being topped by lower consumption. Silosare overflowing. Hence an entire economy and a systemof working which depended upon unreasonableamounts of consumption has had to revert itself inorder to survive. To say that it will be survival of thefittest will be wrong since the fittest pre-pandemic hada different fundamental, or was a different animal inthis corporate world. People most affected during thepandemic are young student-children just out of school,employees at their first job and government servantsrecently have joined waiting to be assigned work. Thenext big losses would be of policies and law which wereinvented for many subjects pre-pandemic but thosesubject matter do not exist anymore. It will take goodamount of time to learn and understand as to how newlife will be led. If the third wave was to strike India, itshould be of a lesser proportion than the second inIndia, since people are prepared and also thegovernments are prepared to create an emergency war-room. Hopefully the war room will play out properlyand not be limited to mudslinging between politicalparties. The biggest loser in the during the beginning ofthe pandemic era has been the government andpolitical parties, which is quite clear. All over the worldthe parties which are in power have to remain in powerno matter what their compulsion. And the amount ofinvestment which has gone into public sectorcompanies all around the world will have to remainintact so that the wealth of the nation remains intact.This is a certain paradox to the way we live life sincemost of the systems and law is designed to change,whenever there is a problem or need of the hour.During the pandemic populations of the world are stuckwith the same set of rules regulations and the electedgovernment that they may want to dislodge.
In an interview with Asian Age,Shilpa Shetty had revealed,“Mr Kundra had a few things
of mine, and he flew all the wayfrom London to Mumbai to givethem to me. On the first day, hesent me a colourful bag, and thenext day, he sent me another bag.I immediately picked up the phoneand made it clear to him thatnothing could happen between usas I was not interested in shiftingbase from Mumbai to London.”
She had further shared, “Atthat point, I was planning to settledown, and he told me that he wasplanning to settle down as well.He gave me his Mumbai addressand asked me to meet him. That’show I ended up going on my firstdate with Mr Kundra.”
Vikas Gupta has claimed thathe had dated PratyushaBanerjee for a short span of
time. His revelation came as asurprise five years after her death.“Pratyusha isn’t there to tell theworld whether it’s true orincorrect. She isn’t there to verifythese claims. Why is Vikas talkingabout his past with her now? Famechahiye ki kya chahiye? I don’tappreciate it at all. I didn’t read orwatch the interview. I don’t wantto know ki Pratyusha ke baare meinsach likha hai, jhooth likha hai yatareef likhi hai.” Earlier Pratyusha’sthen-boyfriend Rahul Raj Singh hadalso revealed that Vikas has neverdated Pratyusha and is just usingher name for two minutes of fame.
Kamya Punjabi slams Vikas Guptafor claiming that he dated latePratyusha Banerjee
From Bollywood...Neena Gupta revealsSatish Kaushik had proposed her whenshe was pregnant with MasabaN
eena Gupta is one suchactress who never shiesaway from speaking her
mind. She recently launched herautobiography “Sach Kahun Toh”where she talked at length abouther professional highs andpersonal lows. Neena hadrevealed that ace filmmaker SatishKaushik had offered to marry herwhen she was pregnant withMasaba out of wedlock.
He had also asked her not toworry even if the child is borndark-skinned, they will say that thechild is his and eventually they willget married and no one willsuspect a thing. The actress hadrevealed, “Don’t worry, if the childis born with dark skin, you can justsay it’s mine and we’ll get married.Nobody will suspect a thing.” Shehad further added, “I have respectfor him, he respects me and so,she has respect for both of us. It’sa very simple thing.” S
ushant Singh Rajput was bornin Patna, Bihar on 21st ofJanuary 1986. He was very
fond of his mother Usha Singh whopassed away in 2002.
● Sushant had achieved 7th rankin AIEEE and also won the NationalOlympiad in Physics. He alsoenrolled himself in the DelhiCollege of Engineering now knownas Delhi Technical University butafter completing three years hedropped out to pursue a career inacting.
● He came to Mumbai andjoined Shiamak Davar’s dancetroupe which bagged him a chanceto appear in the title track ofDhoom 2 as a background dancer.
● He finally made his actingdebut in Ekta Kapoor’s daily soaptitled “Kis Desh Mein Hai Mera Dil''in a supporting role.
● His fascination with space andastronomy was no secret he alsoowned a top-notch telescopecalled Meade 14- LX600. He hadalso bought a piece of Lunar landnamed “Mare Moscoviense” or the“Sea of Muscovy”.
First Death Anniversary: Lesser-knownfacts about Sushant Singh Rajput
Ranveer Singh’s reaction when RanbirKapoor said, “Watching porn is unhealthyand dark”
Now we have stumbled uponan old video where RanveerSingh and Ranbir Kapoor
can be seen discussing casual sex,hookups, and porn. Ranbir lefteveryone amazed when he saidthat he finds causal sex worse thanmasturbation. RK said, “Porn is notgood. It is violent, unhealthy anddark.” After listening to RK’sanswer, Ranveer Singh, who wassitting right beside him on thecouch mockingly said, “You’rewatching the wrong kind of pornbro.”
On the personal front, RanbirKapoor is currently dating AliaBhatt and the two seem to begoing strong. Rumors of theirwedding keep surfacing on socialmedia every now and then. WhileRanveer Singh is happily married toDeepika Padukone.
Third-time pregnant Lisa Haydon’s sassyreply to trolls saying, “You are pregnant allthe Time
As the actress is pregnantfor the third time, thenetizens are leaving no
stone unturned to bully her. A fewhours ago, she had shared apicture from her shoot withHarper's Baazar Magazine. In thepicture, Lisa can be seen exuding apregnancy glow and flaunting herbaby bump. While some of thefans were really delighted to catcha glimpse of her, some of her fansleft no chance to bully her. A usercommented, “It seems like you arepregnant all the time!! Do you lovebeing pregnant?”
To which the actress gave asassy reply, she wrote, “Yes, I do,it's a very special time. But also,no, not anymore. I look forward tolife after childbirth.”
Bengali actress turnedpolitician Nusrat Jahan hasbeen hitting the headlines
for all the wrong reasons lately.And now a photo of Nushratflaunting a baby bump is goingviral on social media. Dressed in awhite maternity dress Nushrat canbe seen exuding a pregnancy glowposing with actress SrabantiChatterjee. Fans have flooded thecomments section withcongratulatory messages for theactress. Earlier there were reportsthat Nusrat’s estranged husbandNikhil Jain has claimed that thebaby is not his. Nikhil Jain hasclaimed that he is not even awareof her pregnancy and has said thatthe baby can’t be his because theyare not in touch for months. Theactress is allegedly dating actorturned politician Yash Dasguptaalthough the actress has deniedsuch rumors.
Kareena Kapoor revealed that BabitaKapoor raised her and Karisma without anyfinancial support from The Kapoors K
areena Kapoor andKarisma Kapoor werebrought up single-
handedly by their mother Babitaand they had no financial supportfrom the Kapoor family. In athrowback interview, KareenaKapoor had opened up aboutfacing a financial crisis beforeKarisma made it big in theindustry.
In an interview, KareenaKapoor had revealed that theirmother has taken care of both ofthem single-handedly, “Mum wasalways doing something, shesingle-handedly brought us up. Itwas tough. Though my father isalso an important factor in mylife.” When asked if they had anyfinancial support from theKapoor’s she had revealed, “Wewere left alone to fend forourselves. But now we see moreof our father, though we did notsee him often in our initial years.We are a family now.”
Single ParenthoodSurviving and thriving. By Sujatha Rao
According to the 'Progress ofthe World's Women 2019-2020' report by United
Nations Women, an estimated 4.5percent of all Indian households(which translated to 13 million in2019) are run by single mothers.Reportedly another 32 million singlemothers are living in extendedfamilies.
In the last four years, the number
of One Parent Households (OPHs) inIndia has doubled from 4% in 2015 to7.5% in 2020. Another report byEuromonitor International hasprojected that very soon India isslated to have the fourth highestnumber of OPHs after the US, Chinaand Japan.
At 38%, the poverty rate of suchsingle-mother households in India issignificantly higher than the 22.6
percent for the dual parenthouseholds. This is majorly becauseonly about 26% of these singlemother households receive anincome of their own according tothe Demographic and HealthSurvey.
The following data from the saidUN report gives an overview of thesituation both globally and in India:
Household Classifications: Global & India
Couples living with their children (of any age) 38%
Extended families 27%
One-person 13%
Lone-parent families 8%
Global IndiaCouples living with their children (of any age) 46.7%
Extended families 31.2%
One-person 12.5%
Lone-parent families 7.5%
More than eight of every ten lone-parent houeholds are headed by
women. Based on data fromm 89countries. It is estimated there are
101.3 million households where singlemothers live alone with their children.
4.5% of all households are lone-motherhouseholds, this transiates int 13million households where women livealone with their children. Another 32million live in extende households.
Poverty in lone-motherhouseholds is much greater than
in dual parent households withchildren aged 6 or younger
Poverty in lone-mother householdsis 38% in comparison to 22.6% for dual-parent households.
Source: The figures of the World’s Women 2019-2020 : Families in a changing World (United Nations)
THOUGH THERE ARE NO BLACK AND WHITEPOSITIVES OR NEGATIVES AS A FALL OUT OF THESINGLE PARENTING, THERE ARE CERTAIN BROADTHEMES THAT CAN FALL INTO EITHER, THOUGHTHESE BUCKETS THEMSELVES ARE SUBJECTIVEONES WITH BLURRED BOUNDARIES.
Reasons The reasons for single parenting
can be quite varied right from thedeath or separation of the spouseto the one arising out of one’s ownchoice through adoption /surrogacy/ opting for a spermdonor, or children born out ofwedlock etc., during the times thatwe live in.
Them of parentigThough there are no black and
white positives or negatives as a fallout of the single parenting, thereare certain broad themes that canfall into either, though thesebuckets themselves are subjectiveones with blurred boundaries. Imust hasten onto add here thatthese are once again dependent onthe individual situations andchildren involved therein, sincewhat is viewed as a positive by onecould as well be deemed to be a
negative by the other and viceversa, as human reactions to eventshappen to be extremely complex.
Positive Impact Creativity: Pooja is the only
daughter of her parents. Havinglost her father very early on, shelearned to spend time on her ownthrough drawing, painting, craftwork etc. Like Pooja, many single
children tend to become morecreative as they tend to indulge insolitary pursuit hobbies such asdrawing, writing, painting, stitching,solving puzzles, reading, writing,craft work etc. out of necessity aswell as individual interest.
Responsibility: Shobita is thesingle parent of her two daughters.As Shobita works long hours, herdaughters have learnt to carrythemselves with greaterresponsibility.
Confidence: Shobita’s childrenare also more forthcoming in termsof carrying out chores for the familysuch as buying stuff for the houseetc., and hence are more confident.
Negative ImpactVoid: Mother and Father are the
two most fundamental relationshipsin anyone’s life and being deprivedof one of them leaves a void thatcan hardly be filled. Saritha’s onlyson feels deprived of the presenceof his father as he sees his peerswith two parents during the regularPTA meetings, annual functionsetc., notwithstanding theextraordinary efforts put in by his
mother to fill the same.
Insecurity: Loss of aparent for whatever reasonleaves the child feelingmore insecure especiallyduring their growing upyears. The followinglines from the verypopular Broadway“Dear Evan Hansen”very poignantly sumup this feeling.
That night, Itucked you into bed
I will neverforget how you satup and said
"Is thereanother truck
coming to ourdriveway?
A truck that willtake mommy away"
And the house feltso big, and I felt so small!
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 13
IT IS VERY CRUCIAL FOR A SINGLE PARENT,TO KEEP THECOMMUNICATIONCHANNELS OPEN WITHTHE CHILDREN BYTAKING THEM INTOCONFIDENCE ANDEXPLAINING THINGS TOTHEM IN AN AGE-APPROPRIATEMANNER. IT IS BEST TOBE HONEST WITH THEMABOUT THE REASONSFOR YOUR BREAK-UPWITH YOUR SPOUSE IFTHAT IS WHAT LED TOYOUR SINGLE PARENTSTATUS.
Vulnerability: Single children maybecome more vulnerable as they aredeprived of the protection of twoloving parents while growing up.Due to this, they may fall a prey tovarious kinds of abuse from eventhe close members of the family attimes, as the unsuspecting singleparent reaches out to these peoplefor help. In certain cases, they maytend to become emotionallyvulnerable too due to the lackthereof of adequate authoritativeand protective environment athome during those confusing yearsof adolescence.
Pressure: Anindita’s daughterfinds it hard to live up to thestandards of her demanding fatheras there is no buffering of pressurefrom the missing mother whopassed away when she was verysmall. Many a time, she findsherself to be the target of all that ispent up inside her father.
Handle the ChallengesFollowing are a few tips to
handle the challenges that arise outof single parenting from my ownpersonal experience and from theexperiences of the friends Ihappened to observe from the closequarters.
Keep the communicationchannels open: It is very crucial for asingle parent, to keep thecommunication channels open withthe children by taking them intoconfidence and explaining things tothem in an age-appropriate manner.It is best to be honest with themabout the reasons for your break-upwith your spouse if that is what ledto your single parent status.Children are more mature than wegive them credit for, and it’s betterto deal with them withtransparency.
Build a strong support system:They say ‘it takes a village to raise achild’ and this is so very true in thecase of single parents. If you are asingle parent, you need to seek helpfrom reliable and trustworthy
neighbours, extended familymembers friends so as to overcomeall those daily challenges life throwsat you. When you are working andsingle parenting, even innocuousevents like transport strike, absence
of your maid or baby sitter, suddensickness of yourself or your childcan seem like insurmountableissues. This is when you need todraw from that strong supportsystem.
But remember, even then, it’syou who has to be the strongestpillar of your support system, at thecost of stretching yourself beyond
Sharat Chandra is a fashionand glamour photographerand film producer from
Mumbai. He has shot manyfashion brands and editorials. He has developed an individualstyle that’s artistic andglamorous. He is known for his
unconventional lighting andangles.
Cover Picture was shot bySharat Chandra fashionPhotographer Kasturi Rout haselegantly posed in this picture .The outfit has been designed bySujata & Sanjay Mumbai.
Leading Fashion and Glamour Photographer
14 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
your limits at times. One of mysingle parent friends once said, “Isave and spend all my leaves atwork only for the needs of mychild.”
Take one day at a time: Itbecomes overwhelming when youthink of the years ahead of youbefore your child becomesindependent. It is a journey into theunknown with so many daysthrowing unforeseen challenges atyou. But focus on one day and onechallenge at a time with therealization that with each passingday, you are nearing your goal.
Choose a job with flexible hours,if you can: With her husbandworking abroad, Vinita found it verydifficult to continue her job in anMNC in Hyderabad due to longworking hours with a skewedgender ratio at her office, making itall the more difficult for her totackle those meetings set up closeto the day end, or those month endloads making work stretch into latenights etc.
Hence, she took a break. Today
she does multiple jobs with flexibleworking hours. So it pays to choosea job that offers work from homeoption or flexible working hours fora while.
Don’t try to be perfect: Thosefamily members or that baby sitteror that nanny will never be a perfectsubstitute for you. In fact, there cannever be a substitute for the parentthat is missing – not even you. Butit’s okay. Sometimes the best wayto bond with your child is to let himor her know that you are onlyhuman. Tough situations makechildren stronger, with propercommunication, understanding andloads of love.
Let the child bond with bothparents: It’s the responsibility of theparents living separately not totraumatize the child with theirindividual issues with each other.One of the difficult parts of thesingle parenting is to let the childbreathe free and grow into an adultwithout being constantlybombarded with the bitterness thatexists between his/her parents.
Summing UpAll said and done, while being
very demanding and difficult, on apersonal level, single parenting canalso become the most rewardingand enriching experience for thatparent as well as the child. It givesan opportunity of a lifetime bondingwith each other, leaving in its trail atreasure trove of memories andshared experiences that might leavea lasting imprint of love on thechildren, even after the singleparent is gone.
More often than not, for thechildren, the single parent becomestheir most favourite hero of sorts inlife as they would have witnessedand shared the toughest journey ofthe single parent from the closestquarters possible.
Whether we like it or hate it,single parenting is a growing trendacross the globe and it appears asthough it’s here not only to stay,but also to grow.
What the single parents needfrom the society, is not sympathybut empathy, and the need to betreated without discrimination orbias.
Since it’s no longer somethingthat can be ignored or brushedaside, it’s time we as a societymake good with single parentingby building a conduciveatmosphere for growth for all kindsof families – OPHs or otherwise.The 2016 change in the passportapplication finally accepting oneparent’s name in the children’spassport application form is a smallcase in point. As Robin Williamsbeautifully put it in the concludingspeech in the movie Mrs.Doubtfire,
“There are all sorts of differentfamilies.
Some families have one mommy,some families have one daddy, ortwo families. And some children livewith their uncle or aunt. Some livewith their grandparents, and somechildren live with foster parents.………. But if there's love... thoseare the ties that bind, and you'llhave a family in your heart,forever.” We
IAM AN EIGHTEEN-YEAR-OLD GIRL STUDYING IN COLLEGE. I AM
AN only child and pampered a lot by my parents. A fewmonths ago, when we went to our native place, my
father’s brother told my father that he was worried abouthis daughter (who is, of course, my cousin) saying thatafter she had completed her college graduation, she didn’tknow what she wanted to do next.
To my utter dismay, my father at once said that sheshould come and stay with us and that it would not bedifficult for her to get a job in the big city in which welived. My uncle at one agreed and so did my cousin.
My dismay was because I did not want to share myparents with anyone, but after my father had offered totake my cousin with us to our home, I could not doanything and she came with us when we returned.
Now, I am angry because I have to share my parentswith her and am behaving very badly with my cousin. Myparents are very upset with me but my cousin is behavingas if she doesn’t mind my behavior. Due to this I don’tthink that I need to change the way I am acting. Am Iright?
I am sure that you know the answer to that question.Whether your cousin realizes it or not, you know that youare behaving badly and that is surely reason enough foryou to change your deplorable ways. Besides, yourparents are unhappy with your behavior and that is asecond reason for you to behave better.
It is also more than likely that your cousin is moremature than you and, though she is upset with yourbehavior she has decided that she should not show herfeelings, because if she did it could cause a rift in thefamily.
So, you should show more maturity and change yourbehavior. And since you do not have any siblings, youshould accept this gift of a sister gratefully.
WHAT WITH DEMONETIZATION AND ITS ACCOMPANYING
problems, many enterprises are either closingdown or downsizing and people are losing their
jobs. Unfortunately, my forty-eight-year-old husbandworked in one such company and is one of those who waslaid off. That was eight months ago.
The situation, however, was not too bad for us since Ihave a good job and we do not have any children to worryabout.
There is also the fact that the owner of the companymy husband worked in is a very decent man and he hasassured all the employees he laid off that he would takethem back at the same salaries as soon as possible.
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 15
As a result, my husband has been relaxingand behaving as if he is on leave – especiallysince his ex-employer began taking his oldstaff back.
So, the atmosphere in our home is quitewithout tension.
This makes my husband’s recent behaviorall the stranger. What happened was this.During the last week my company has been
having its annual stock-taking and I have been ratheroverworked. So, on two occasions I asked my husband tohelp me by undertaking some household chores.
The first time it was to go out and buy some provisionsI had run short of and the second time it was to bring inthe washing that was hanging outside as it had suddenlybegun to rain. The first time, he did not say anything andhe quietly did what I asked him to. But the second time, tomy shock, he exploded with anger and shouted that I wasinsulting him. He then threw things about and stormedout of the house.
I was very upset, but I had to leave for work and did so,after leaving the front door key with my neighbor. Thatwhole day nothing went well at work and I grew more andmore angry at my husband’s behavior. When I returnedthat evening, my husband was at home. He didn’t sayanything to me and neither did I speak to him.
Three days have passed and the cold war in our homeis continuing. I am still furious with my husband. I havenever asked him to do any household chores before this,but is it so wrong of me to do so? After all, I work harderthan he does as I both earn and do housework. And I amjust a year younger than he is.
You have been doing housework as well as working inoffice all these years, but you have never asked yourhusband to do any household chores before this, haveyou?
Then why did you ask him to do some now? Was itbecause he was sitting idle and you, therefore, thoughtthat he may as well help you out? It was probably thisthinking on your part that upset your husband.
You say that your husband’s boss had assured all thestaff he laid off that he would take them back as soon aspossible and that therefore your husband was relaxingand having a holiday.
That may be true, but it does not mean that yourhusband was not worried or tense. After all no one likesbeing laid off. This is probably why your husbandexploded with anger when you asked him to do somechores.
You should, therefore, take the first step now andapologies to him for having asked him to do somehousework.
But after he is back at his job, you should raise thesubject again and tell him that he too has responsibilitiestowards the running of the house.
After all, besides doing housework, you haveundertaken to help in bringing in the money you bothneed to live a good life.
Q A&My Family, My Friends and Me...
●
Speaking Artworks withBandana Jain
Aiming to create thought-provoking artwork.
Bandana Jain is acontemporary artist and adesign expert. An award-
winning personality stronglyconnects with the idea ofsustainability. Her love for theenvironment is vividly visible fromthe kind of work she does. She ispassionate about working withrecycled materials to createsomething stunning. Her work is notjust a piece of art but a cause tomake the world a better place tolive in. Her artwork has been highlyrecognized by the well-knownpersonalities and art connoisseursin the country. Having sufficientexperience at hand she has alsoentered into art curation whichgives her an opportunity to inform,educate and inspire the public.Always aiming to create thought-provoking artwork.
What’s the difference betweenart and craft?
Craft is to show the creativity ofminds and intricacies of hands. It isabout making some visuallyappealing things.
While art is deeper, it is aconcoction of emotional values andreflection of an artist’s experiencethrough her creations. Art isindependent, art is powerful, it hasdepth and dimension to change themindset of the society in a very subtleor a very strong way. That’s why art isneither bound to be beautiful normeant to be silent. Art speaks!
Please describe to us yourprocess of working? Also which partof it do you enjoy the most?
I am a visualizer, so I takeinspiration from things orcircumstances I see around me. Theworld is a canvas for me. When Iwork I take a portion of it, which Ireally want to develop.Hence, morethan the creation of my thoughts on
Diversity & Inclusion: To create a sustainable change, diversity and inclusion must be integrated.
Bandana Jain is acontemporaryartist and a designexpert.
Perfectly Imperfect: Embrace yourimperfections!
paper, I curate my ideas from thevisuals I see around me. It’s always astart by clicking a picture,converting that into a smallminiature, and then just trusting myinstinct for the best outcome.
What’s the most Bad-assinspiration you have had up till now?Have you converted that to art?
How about I tell you that the
simple creases and folds of my bedsheet made me win Elle DécorInternational Design Awards and Iwas a star overnight. Yes, I believein the beautiful Japanese concept ofWabi-Sabi. Beauty lies inimperfections. This gives me ablissful feeling of embracing myimperfection. The title of myartwork was Perfectly Imperfect.
What do you do when you feelshort of inspiration? How do yourecover from it?
It is hard to gain a perspectivewhen you are in the midst of suchuncertainty, to make sense of whatis going on and how the future willemerge. If asked, “what did thepandemic eventually teach us?” Iwould only say how stronger andevolved I have come out of thiscritical period, wherein each day wehave all evaluated ourselves on somany aspects and tried toovercome our weaknesses. I thinkof this period as the golden period.It’s the period when everyone hastaken out time to introspectthemselves. Isolation ignitesinspiration. Take Einstein, forexample, who proved his theory ofrelativity during the Spanish Fluwhen a quarter of the world’spopulation was wiped away. I formyself observed things verydifferently compared to when Iwasn’t quarantined. It made mecreate one of the most stunningpieces of art, the Restoration ofHumanity. This artwork is inspiredby my isolation in the pandemic.
Sustainability became an industrybuzzword now, you are encouragingit since a decade. How did you firstcome across sustainability?
I remember 9 years ago I was inSwitzerland when for the first timeI encountered 6 dustbins inside thekitchen with an instruction note onthe wall. There were differentdustbins for glass, paper, plastic,food waste, bio waste, and others.Can you believe this, I had neverused more than one dustbin in myentire life in India. And there weresix. That was my first-hand
experience of garbage segregationat the source. Where all thediscarded material directly goes forupcycling or recycling without anyhassle. And here we are stillstruggling to maintain just 2 dustbinsfor dry and wet waste. It is so far-fetched for us that we don’t eventhink of giving any space for a 2nddustbin in the kitchen. It was thenwhen I understood the vitality of thisword and now it’s a part of me.
9 Years and you have made amark in the industry, how did youmanage to do it so fast?
9 years seem a lot to me. Thoughfrom an artist's point of view I thinkI am blessed. One thing I can say isthat there are three keywords:confidence, uniqueness, andawareness which made it possiblefor me. I was always confidentabout my work although it is quiteunconventional.
Why Public art?I knew how strong public art was
in terms of expressing! But I wasassured when I did it. It was aChristmas Tree that gave a satiricalvisual of the landfill, made out of700 plastic bags at the MountMary’s church Bandra.
As an artist, I believe Public Art isan excellent form to conveypowerful social messages to ouraudience. It's all about creatively
telling your story. Vibrant street artdecorates buildings all around theworld. Artists are a vehicle to voiceuniversal emotion.
You are going international, whatwill be your approach?
I have often been told that thekind of work I am doing has a largermarket for it overseas. Art haswider audience internationallyPeople are still being made aware ofthe novelty of art. I aspire to be apart of the biggest International ArtExhibitions like Venice Biennale, ArtBasel, etc. I would like to beassociated with reputed architects& contemporary art galleries acrossthe world.
What advice would you give toemerging female artists entering theart world?
There is one thing that has gotme where I am. For you to conquerthe world, you need to have a strongthought process. People shouldrespect you for what you believe. Inthe end, it’s all about how you cancommunicate, show depth in yourwork. Originality is a must!
#ThrowItToGrowIt: A Christmas tree:A satirical visual of the landfill.
Restoration of Humanity: Depression can ignite inspiration!
It’s quite startling to recall theculinary journeys of ourgrandmothers. To put forth a
basic meal, they had to literally toilin the kitchen with modestresources day after day. Blowinginto the firewood chulha in profuseheat and smoke, pounding on thegrinding stone, fetching water froma reliable source were all parts andparcel of their daily rituals.Nevertheless, the colossal potbrimming with rice and thecauldrons of flavorsome curries thatensued were profoundlysumptuous. How we would hog itall, up to the last morsel, after ouruninhibited play sessions during thesummer holidays.
That satiating taste still lingerson the palate. Those were the timeswhen everything on the plate –from pickles to papads – washomemade. Starting on as little girlswho matured into adulthood andpitched towards old age whilstfeeding their humongous extendedfamilies, our grandmothers werewomen just two generations prior,yet it seems like worlds apart.
Moving on to the nextgeneration, raised in conventionalfamilies, they apparently inheritedthe legacy of their diligent mothers.Thanks to their perseverance, we’vegrown up on hearty doses of soft
idlis, hot puris, delightful pulavs,and whatnot. And the arrival ofcooking gas, mixer-grinder,refrigerator, and water filter intohouseholds perhaps made themundane chores less daunting andmore exciting. Special treats werenot just reserved for festiveoccasions. As kids, home-madecakes and storable snacks werecompletely habitual for us.Likewise, with new recipes beingput out in magazines andnewspapers, our mothers were
willing to explore the cuisines ofdifferent regions.
Well, frankly speaking, present-day mothers have all the desiredmeans and gadgets, and endlessrecipes are at their fingertips too.Yet, catering to individuals who arespoilt for choice is no easy task. Askany mother, she would agree withthat. Yes, there are eateries aroundevery corner and there are ready-to-eat packs as well, but that is not arooted solution. Even so, therecould be no match to fresh home-cooked meals.
Thus, to array an assortment ofdishes upon the table, mothersventure into the realm of baking,boiling, roasting, simmering,sizzling, steaming, and frying with alot more enthusiasm than theirpredecessors. So what if thenoodles get burnt at times or thecookies turn out to be like theirdistant cousins? With such chronictrial and error sessions, today’smothers can dish out anything frominstant noodles to multi-coursemeals.
To conclude, mothers of everygeneration have their own share ofchallenges, but what is commonamong all is the abundance of thesecret element called ‘love’ thatmakes mothers’ recipes second to none.
Mother of three generation.By R. Krishnaraja
THANKS TO THEIRPERSEVERANCE, WE’VEGROWN UP ON HEARTY DOSES OFSOFT IDLIS, HOT PURIS,DELIGHTFUL PULAVS,AND WHATNOT. ANDTHE ARRIVAL OFCOOKING GAS, MIXER-GRINDER,REFRIGERATOR, INTOHOUSEHOLDS PERHAPSMADE THE MUNDANECHORES LESSDAUNTING AND MOREEXCITING.
We
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The Mindset Game!Habits of People with Remarkable Mental Toughness. By A. Maheshwari
Mental Toughness hasalways been an essentialskill to learn and Covid has
even more highlighted theimportance of mental toughness.Mental toughness is the inner abilityto endure the process to achievegreatness. To withstand anytemptations, you need to be braveand courageous to say “No” to allthe distractions. Easier said thandone. But if you have the guts tostay determined you will alwayswin. Overcoming fear is the no. onequality that needs to be developed.Everyone fears something, but youdon’t need to let it rule you. Takesteps to overcome it strategically.This will give you wings of freedomto leverage your best self. Anotherhurdle that creates trouble is thatpeople are often confined andlimited by their past. Never let yourpast make you believe you can’thave a bright future, whether itrelates to your personal life orprofessional life, you can anyminute change it for the better. Anindividual is not always completelyaware of his/her potential. Theyneed to be made aware of theirhidden treasures by giving them anenvironment of nourishment andfreedom to experiment. This will inturn illuminate their hidden qualitiesand talents.
Grit RulesAdversity and Failures are part of
life. You simply can’t avoid them.But let grit rule the season ofweaknesses and you’ll see what youare truly capable of. You’ll discoveryour true self in this process. Youwill realize just how brave andresilient you are.
Failure doesn’t mean you are notgood enough, or you lost youropportunity of a bright future.
Instead, failure has manymeanings, sometimes it means assimple as to try again. Another time,it could mean redirection tosomething far better. Other times, itcould mean work harder and deeperinto the concerned project to knowand understand the hidden aspects.What truly matters is youunderstand the truth behind failureand navigate your way out of it. Justas we train our physical body whileexercising, similarly we need totrain our mind to endure the toughprocess of being resilient. Self-beliefand creative problem-solving skillsare the working equipment’s of atruly resilient individual.
Believe in Yourself!Confidence comes when you
know “what” you are doing and“why” you are doing it. Clarity is asuper power. Remember, you needto realize the difference betweenwhere you have control and whereyou can’t control and then put yourtime and energy only on things youcan control like your efforts,discipline, time management, etc.There is no point procrastinating byfocusing on things outside yourcontrol like weather conditions,economy, etc. Be mentally flexibleto give yourself the gift ofacceptance. Accepting the realityfor what it is will help you leverageyour energy and resources on areaswhere you can truly make adifference.
Mentally strong people don’ttake rejections personally. Becausethey understand that they can’t befor everyone, but they are definitelyfor someone. Mentally strongpeople have a trait to connect withlike-minded people. People who canhelp them shine their true light andalso help them learn and grow inthe process. They don’t entertainnegative, small thinking, andnarcissist’s traits and distancethemselves from such people whopull them back.
Everyone’s eyes are set on you,watching you dancing and at theend, the sound of claps is thepayment of the hard work you didto learn that. I feel the same whenI did Kathak with mygranddaughterShanaya at her school.The performance titlewas “Khana So JaJara” choreographedby me.
The love for Kathakemerged inside mealmost ten years ago, IDr. Rekha Suman gotinspired by one of mydaughter’s friends,Richa who waspursuing Kathak.When I saw herdancing on the stage, a little sparkgenerates in my heart, I couldn’tstop myself. I move my chair andthe child inside me came over, Iflutter my eyes like a teenage girlin love and said “I also want to dothis”. She suggested to me akathak dancer and teacher RachnaYadav. I am a cosmetologist by
Matching Feet With Grand Daughter
profession and restarted learningKathak in the late ’40s.
Life had changed a lot butKathak is constant. Between all mybusy schedule at my clinic,
marrying of my son anddaughter, and now agrandmother, I nevergave up my dancing.Kathak is anundetachable part ofmy life.
Today mygranddaughter Shanayais about 5 years old andwe both performedtogether at her School’scultural programfunction. The feelingwas awesome.
Your passion givesyou wings to fly, and learning hasno age bar. Today, I am a proudwoman to inspire others, to keepgoing, keep learning and always beyoung at heart. Learning Kathak isa realization of freedom to me,practicing Kathak after a stressfulday at the clinic and home isextremely liberating.
Embracing UncertaintyMentally tough people are hard
to break simply because they knowlife is not a bed of roses and toachieve greatness, you need toendure the process and develop andimprove yourself to handle thegreatness when you receive it.
Gratification does not attractthem. Short term sacrifices for longterm gains are their motto. Theymake themselves available to learnand grow on a constant basis.Creativity is their entertainment.
Risk taking is part of theirlifestyle, for they know life can’toffer them the best it has from theplace of their comfort zones. Theyunderstand what it means to say We
“YES” to a life that others don’tunderstand. They have the power tostand alone for something theytruly believe in. They don’t getswayed by the masses, instead theyare the game changers who areinitially exiled and not accepted bythe societal conditioning.
Their satisfaction lies in theefforts they have put in executingon their vision.
Their vocabulary has no place fordis-empowering words like “I can’t”or “I wish I was able to”. StephenHawking is a real-life example ofmental toughness.
You have to be clear on what’sthe “WHY” behind everything youdo.
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 33
The pandemic has forced all ofus to stay indoors. Most ofthe people are operating their
work from their homes. It makes it amust to have these clothes in yourwardrobe:
ComfyLockdown
Wardrobe musts for this lockdown season.By Mallika
Comfortable pajamasComfortable pajamas are a must
in this lockdown season. Pajamascan be worn all day long with anyshirt. The work from home officeworkers also tend to wear pajamaswith a good top because it iscomfortable, cost effective anddurable. Different color of pajamascan be bought to add variety andcolor in the wardrobe. They caneven be mixed with Indian attiressuch ad long Kurtis. Pajamas areairy and comfortable for the hotsummer months. They allow theskin to breathe and prevent anykind of skin infections in the hothumid weather of Indian summers.
Soft slippersSoft slippers are a must. As most
of the people are inside theirhomes. The sole of the slippershould be soft. Hard slippers cancreate medical issues such as corn.Slippers with a rough sole can givecracks on the heal which can bereally painful.
The best slippers for spendinglong hours indoors are slipper witha soft sole allowing the propermovement of the foots.
Smart watchesSmart watches are the need of
the hour while talking about thelockdown season. The smartwatches would count the stepstaken, calories burned, caloriesconsumed and so on. This wouldhelp the people monitor theiractivity and the calorie intake whilethey have been restricted to theirdomestic realms. It would act as ahealthy solution for people toprevent them from gainingexcessive weight and maintaining ahealthy lifestyle in such difficulttimes.
Semi formal shirtsSemi formal would be a good buy
for the lockdown season. They canbe worn by office goers. They cancombine the semi formals withcomfortable lowers for their onlineoffice meetings. This would helpthem being a smartly dressedexecutive in their office for beingdressed to the occasion and notlooking too casual in the work fromhome regime. Semi formal shirtscan be purchased in a variety ofcolors to provide adequate choiceand variety to the individual.
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 35
Ambitious
Lofty dreams and high expectations.By Sandeep Hattangadi
Swapna belonged to a middleclass family but she had loftydreams and high expectations
from her though she was plainlooking with average intelligencebut she was hell bent on bagging agroom who was rich and had a wellpaying job. Finally the day dawnedwhen an expectant groom with hisfamily came to see her. Swapna andher sisters had all prepared her forthe ‘Interview’ and she came with agood saree draped and carrying teain a beautiful tea set, she served thefamily of the groom. The groom’sfamily was satisfied with the firstlook of Swapna and immediatelysaid yes to the bride in waiting.When the discussions went furtherthe two families discussed thesalary of the groom and theirexpectations of dowry which theysaid was not much.
Finally Swapna and the groomwere left alone to discuss theirviews. Swapna said, “How did youlike the house?” The groom Pradeepsaid, “It’s beautiful and I have neverseen such houses in Indore before.”
Swapna replied, “It’s my traditionalhouse built by my grandfather whenhe was a big post engineer in theBritish company.” Pradeep queried,“What about your sisters?” Swapnaanswered “My eldest sister is asuccessful banker and married to afinance consultant who is wellplaced and my middle sister is anadvertising professional andmarried to a highly regarded adfilmmaker.” Pradeep queried,“What about you?” Swapna loftily
said, “I want to model first by goingto Mumbai and become afilmmaker.” Pradeep was surprisedand praised her that she was indeedplanning a big dream and said,“Your dream and ambition is goodbut its too unrealistic. You need alot of contacts and hard work forthat.” Swapna replied confidently,“Once I reach Mumbai I will achieveall my dreams.”
Pradeep asked, “So what aboutour marriage?” Swapna said, “Whatis your current job like?” Pradeepreplied, “I am a clerk in governmentservice which is a well paying and astable job and I can get a transfer toMumbai to be with you.” Swapnathen met her mother downstairsand said that she was not happywith the match as she wantedsomeone in a higher position. Hermother tried to put some sense intoher but to no avail. Finally Swapnamoved on to Mumbai and startedher struggle. What she achieved isquite a mystery but she certainlyput her best into her. Que Sera Sera!Vive La Queen!
The
Girl!
HER MOTHER TRIED TOPUT SOME SENSE INTOHER BUT TO NO AVAIL.FINALLY SWAPNAMOVED ON TO MUMBAIAND STARTED HERSTRUGGLE. WHAT SHEACHIEVED IS QUITE AMYSTERY BUT SHECERTAINLY PUT HERBEST INTO HER.
We
The different ways to love your partner. By Dr. Sanjay Teotia
Different people bring out andactivate varying traits andalternate sides of each of us.
As in, with one partner or friends,we might be one way. While withanother different partner or friends,we may find whole other parts ofourselves emerging into thespotlight to even our own surprise.Every love, connection and reactionbetween two people is different.Layered with varying nuances,complexity and feeling. Is emotionalavailability something that we canchoose consciously to turn on or offor is it and automatic reaction,instated determined by pastexperiences and innertemperament?
True, genuine love beginsafter the spell wears out
After the honeymoon ends andreal life begins. This is great news, ifwe know that actually lovingsomeone starts at the end of thebuckling knees then we areprepared, we don't give up. Wedon't think, oh, no it's over. Myheart doesn't flutter anymore. Isyour relationship suffering fromboredom, stagnation or just a caseof the blahs, do you feel like youhave fallen out of love with yourspouse or life partner? Whilewomen tend to wait for the man toinitiate romance, men often feel likeit is all on them and they like theirspouse to initiate.
Appreciate your significantother
It makes them feel loved, desiredand special just like it does forwomen. Call your partnerunexpectedly just to say you lovehim or her and were thinking of himor her. Call your partner just to tellthem one thing you appreciateabout them. When you come home,find your spouse and just hold himor her close for a moment,prolonged hug, no words necessary.Try a new way to make your lovemaking more sensual and
prolonged, be creative in beingsexually and sensually loving. Callyour partner unexpectedly duringthe day or at night if they are out oftown and talk sexy to him or her,telling them how much you long totouch his or her body, feel him orher etc.
Conversation is the keySit and talk about fun and
romantic times in your relationship,when you were dating, first marriedetc. Enjoy the memories and thinkabout how to bring some of thatinto the present. Make seductivecomments to your partnerthroughout the evening. Sex can bean uncomfortable topic for couples.Many of us feel embarrassed aboutour bodies or have been sexuallyrejected at some point. Not tomention our culture and lifeexperiences which have createdfeelings of sexual shame, makingromantic and intimate sex a scaryendeavor to even talk about.
Embrace each phases of lifeResearchers have found that
couples who have a great sex lifemake sex a priority rather than thelast item of a long to do list. Theycreate space for intimacy andconnection. These couples talk
about sex and put the relationshipfirst, despite the demands of workand kids. They discover sexualpleasure through a variety ofmethods, not just intercourse.Sexually satisfied couples areemotionally attuned to each otherinside and outside of the bedroom.The Key to long term happinessthen, sexually and otherwise, is forboth partners to support and valuetheir friendship. Love is one of themost universal human experiencesof all-yet it's still not easy to define.
Spend some quality timetogether
Often, you just know it when youfeel it. A simple glance at the personmay cause strong feelings ofaffection and attachment. You mayalso feel an overwhelming need tomake that person happy becauselove is also an action, not just afeeling. Truly loving someonemeans caring for them in the waysthat they need to be cared for, withno strings attached (That's whythey call it unconditional love).There's not a one size fits allinstruction kit for how to lovesomeone. What are love languages,we all give and receive love in fivedifferent ways, words ofaffirmation, acts of service,
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 37
SIT AND TALK ABOUTFUN AND ROMANTICTIMES IN YOURRELATIONSHIP, WHENYOU WERE DATING,FIRST MARRIED ETC.ENJOY THE MEMORIESAND THINK ABOUTHOW TO BRING SOMEOF THAT INTO THEPRESENT. MAKESEDUCTIVE COMMENTSTO YOUR PARTNERTHROUGHOUT THEEVENING. SEX CAN BEAN UNCOMFORTABLETOPIC FOR COUPLES.
receiving gifts, quality time andphysical touch. So, you findsomeone you love and who lovesyou back. Well played, hopefully youlike them enough to want to keepthem around for a long time.
Keep the romance aliveUnfortunately, it can sometimes
be a little too easy to fall into a rutand to even mistake it for routine.Luckily, there are plenty of thingsyou can do to show your love, keepthe romance alive and make yourbeloved feel special. Just be kind isthe most important action we cantake to improve our relationshipsand stay in love but it's actuallyreally hard for most couples to takeat a certain point in theirrelationship. Many couples makethe mistake of overly connecting toeach other and losing a sense ofthemselves as separate people.They begin to form an illusion offusion or fantasy bond. They start tooverstep each other's boundariesreplace substance with form anddiminish real, personal interactions.
The fantasy worldAlthough it is not a conscious
process, when a couple forms thistype of fantasy, they stop engagingin small acts of kindness or evenshowing care and concern for each
other. Without realizing it, couplesform a fantasy bond in order to feela sense of safety. However, whatthey end up feeling is resentmentand frustration. Instead of seeingtheir partner as someone theychose, they may feel like theirpartner is someone they are stuckwith. The behavior between thecouple deteriorates. One partnermay become withholding orcontrolling. Both can become more
nitpicky, critical and less acceptingof their partner's individuality andfreedom.
Sexual connectionWhile the quality of the
relationship may be deteriorating, afantasy bond still offers animpression of unity that gives us acertain sense of security. When wehave formed this type of bond,being kind to our partner actuallythreatens to disrupt the sense ofsafety we experience. It forces us toacknowledge our partner as aseparate person. Sexual connectionis a vital aspect of most romanticrelationships but it's not always ascentral as people may think.Partners have sex for self-interested reasons, it feels goodand can boost self esteem and forrelationship focused reasons, itenhances closeness and pleasessomeone they love. Over the longterm, most couples will face sexualchallenges as bodies change withage and individual's desire for sexwaxes and wanes (and generallydeclines).
You know the saying,relationships are fifty-fifty
That is not always true,sometimes you have to give a littlemore than you take fromrelationships and that's anotherway to love your partner. Intenselove does not measure, it just gives.One of the many ways to love yourpartner is to talk to each other daily.This is a serious problem inrelationships. We are too busy withsocial media, with our kids or withfriends. Yes, we may spend timetogether but are you reallycommunicating every day. Ask themhow their day went and really listen.Make eye contact or hold handswhile you chat. Think about whenyou were dating and you wanted toknow everything about them. Makea point to communicate often.º
Tell your partner that you thinkthey look hot, smell good orwhatever the case may be. And doso in the moment, you serve as yourbeloved's best mirror.
38 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
THAT IS NOT ALWAYSTRUE, SOMETIMESYOU HAVE TO GIVE ALITTLE MORE THANYOU TAKE FROMRELATIONSHIPS ANDTHAT'S ANOTHER WAYTO LOVE YOURPARTNER. INTENSELOVE DOES NOTMEASURE, IT JUSTGIVES. ONE OF THEMANY WAYS TO LOVEYOUR PARTNER IS TOTALK TO EACH OTHERDAILY. THIS IS ASERIOUS PROBLEM INRELATIONSHIPS.
Reviving the art of conversation. By Sujatha Rao
My toddler is alreadyreaching out for the mobilephone!”
“My one-year-old doesn’t eat,unless I show him videos fromYouTube.”
“My son knows how to operatethe mobile phone better than I do,though he is only five years old.”
“My 12-year-old threw a tantrumfor his own mobile phone. Finally, Igave in.”
“My teenage children hardly talkto us. Both of them are into their
mobile phones day-in-and-day-out.”These are the common refrains
we have been hearing over the lastfew years. During the last one year,the following got added to this list:
“What else should I do? There isno school and I cannot go out andplay.”
When you go through these one-liners by the parents from all walksof life, don’t you notice anevolutionary progression in them?Sadly, in most of such cases, it is theparents who start their child off onthe device for reasons better knownto them. However, the initial pridein the technical proficiency of theirkids slowly gives way to frustration,as the so-called talent gets into anout-of-control obsession.
This is not the malady that isafflicting the children alone. This issomething that has taken a deeproot in our society across people ofall ages and has uprooted the art ofholding a meaningful conversation.
ItOut!Let’s Talk
The ProblemOne of the major things that
seems to have contributed to thisdire shortage is our fast-pacedlifestyles and the constant feelingthat we are racing against time allthe time. Though there are manymore reasons for this affliction, thefollowing two are significantenough to be discussed in detail:
(a) Digital MediaThere were >4 billion internet
users in 2019 as per Global digitalreport, with 1 million new usersgetting added every day. More than5 billion people own mobile devicesin the world. 98% of Generation Z(people born between mid-ninetiesand early 2000s) own asmartphone.
These statistics highlight the factthat we are bombarded with aswarm of digital distractions whichwe get addicted to, sooner thanlater.
The allure of burgeoning ubiquityof interaction modes over variousdigital platforms such as texts,WhatsApp messages, emails,tweets, posts etc., is so strong thateven the free minutes of talk-timeover most of the telephone serviceproviders are going unused.
Unfortunately, these socialmedia platforms indirectly favourone-upmanship over equality ofexchange.
And they are always on. Always judging.Tuning out these distractions is
something the present younggeneration is unwilling to do. It’s asad state of affairs that withhundreds and thousands of friendson their Facebook pages, thepresent generation is busyhankering after attention chasingtrivial things like number of “likes”online, as they distance themselvesmore and more from the moreimportant interactions of the realworld.
What they actually need is aheart-to-heart and face-to-facechats with their friends, sharingtheir inner vulnerabilities ratherthan keep themselves busy posting
those photo-shopped perfect selfiesscreaming for appreciation onFacebook/Instagram. Unable tostrike a real-world, meaningfulconversation with either theirfriends or family, their craving forattention becomes insatiable asthey feel more and more insecureand frustrated.
As Tristan Harris, former designethicist at Google and co-founder ofthe Centre for HumaneTechnologies quotes in theDocumentary “The SocialDilemma”,
“We’re training and conditioninga whole new generation of peoplethat, when we are uncomfortable orlonely or uncertain or afraid, we have
view. This tendency is totallybackfiring with children as they areneither capable, nor interested inengaging with the adult parents inthis kind of battle of wits, drivingthem into a fight or flight mode.
In an environment where bothhis parents have dominantpersonalities, Saatwik has beengrowing silent over the years. Atfirst, his parents brushed aside theworry telling themselves that theirson is an introvert. But when itcame to a level when his presence inthe house stood out only by histotal silence, his mother started topanic. Even his texts got reduced tomonosyllables.
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 41
a digital pacifier for ourselves. That iskind of atrophying our own ability todeal with that.”
Isn’t it ironic that the very peoplewho were instrumental in shapingthese social media platforms as theystand today have come up to informthe world in the documentary thatthey restrict their own children’shours on social media with some ofthem even reducing it down to zero?
(b) EgoIn a world full of inflated egos
and the resultant need to prove apoint, everyone is only keen ontalking with hardly anyone listeningto really understand the other’s
“
”
WE’RE TRAINING AND CONDITIONING AWHOLE NEWGENERATION OFPEOPLE THAT, WHENWE AREUNCOMFORTABLE ORLONELY OR UNCERTAINOR AFRAID, WE HAVE ADIGITAL PACIFIER FOROURSELVES. THAT ISKIND OF ATROPHYINGOUR OWN ABILITY TODEAL WITH THAT.
the parents have started a ritual andseem to have struck somethingpositive towards creating a lastingbond.
Put the devices away: Ritwik’sfamily has spelt the ‘out of thebound’ times clearly for their familyduring which times they turn thenotifications off and put theirdevices away. Instead, they playsome word games. Take turnsconcocting some funny stories.Open the family albums and sharesome interesting anecdotes aroundthem. Share the news. Shareanything. They make it a practice totalk, however silly it might be, andlet the conversation channels flowuninterrupted by the buzzingdevices during these times.
Create an environment of inquiry:In Gautam’s household, they aretrying to foster an atmosphere thatencourages the spirit of inquiry bytrying to answer the “why” of their3-year-old daughter throughconscious efforts. I don’t knowabout the cat that was killed bycuriosity, but curiosity and abeginner’s mindset can extend thelives of human beings. Instead ofwallowing in negative thoughts, itwould create a sense of wonderabout things around, kindling anurge to share your enthusiasm withothers thereby creating a rippleeffect.
Learn the skill: Holding aconversation, as we know, is also askill that requires constant practice.While it’s true that some peopleseem to have the innate talent ofgood conversational skills, let’s notforget that it’s a skill that can bemastered by one and all with properfocus towards learning andpracticing. When you are in a group,don’t talk only to a few in thegroup. Sprinkle your conversationwith humour of the right kind.Handled well, self-deprecatoryhumour can serve the purpose ofconnecting to the audience well.
Real life conversations can bemessy with a lot of pauses and
42 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
listen with some conscious efforts.In the bargain, you would get anopportunity to tailor theconversation around the listenercreating the magic of thatconnection between you both.
Eat together as a family:Believing in the age-old adage “thefamily that eats together staystogether” Anil’s family makes it apoint to sit together as a family onthe dining table. By asking theirchildren about how their day was.and by telling them about theirs,
It was heartbreaking to Saatwik’smother to see her son in thispsychological lockjaw, unable totalk about the everyday experienceof living. To her, it felt as thoughshe and her son were on two sidesof the unbreakable glass wall ofsilence between them, as they bothstared at each other helplessly fromeither side. Saatwik’s father whohad always been in denial had towake up to the reality of somethingbeing amiss, when Saatwik startedto flare up in uncontrollable rage, asall the bottled-up frustrationerupted over very small squabbles.
A Few Useful Tips towards a solution
Following are a few useful tips tohelp us revive the art of holding ameaningful conversation.
Listen, Listen and then listensome more: Most important part ofany conversation is in fact lessabout talking and more aboutlistening not only to the verbal talkbut also being receptive to the non-verbal cues. As Stephen Covey, thewriter of the best seller “The SevenHabits of the Highly EffectivePeople” said “Most people do notlisten with the intent to understand,they listen with an intent to reply.”Curb that urges to retort. Pause to
WHILE IT’S TRUE THATSOME PEOPLE SEEM TOHAVE THE INNATETALENT OF GOODCONVERSATIONALSKILLS, LET’S NOTFORGET THAT IT’S ASKILL THAT CAN BEMASTERED BY ONE ANDALL WITH PROPERFOCUS TOWARDSLEARNING ANDPRACTICING. SPRINKLEYOUR CONVERSATIONWITH HUMOUR OF THERIGHT KIND.
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incomplete sentences. But themessiness is what lends itauthenticity and life.
Unjudge: We often tend to judgepeople through the externalmanifestations of their colour,creed, caste, religion, appearanceetc. More often than not, our pre-conceived notions make us view acertain human being who is so verydifferent from us with disrespect.To open our eyes to this veryshortcoming in us, Human Librarywas started in 2000 in Copenhagen,Denmark with a motto to “UnjudgeSomeone”.
A Human Library is a conceptwhere human beings are lentinstead of books. Presently HumanLibrary Organisation (HLO), a not-for-profit entity holds its events in80 countries spread over 6
continents. It has its chaptersacross all major cities in India too.
At the Human Library, peopleserve as open books on loan toreaders, having conversations theywould normally not have. Deepconversations between people areencouraged in these libraries withno subject being a taboo.
In total contradiction to thenormal book libraries, the abovesign is put up in human libraries,encouraging discussions aroundchallenging questions, leaving thereader impacted profoundly.
It’s a place where the trueessence of the saying “don’t judgea book by its cover” is slowlyunraveled to the reader, as thestories narrated in flesh by theseunique human books from theirown lives, come to life.
The very popularity of the
Human Libraries across the worldshows that meaningfulconversations can become the mostpowerful tool in breakingstereotypes, and helping us inunderstanding differentperspectives, leading us towardsbuilding a community of greatertolerance.
ConclusionIn a world being torn with
conflicts, biases and prejudices,what we need right now is therevival of having healthy andegalitarian conversations, which isfundamental to our humanexperience.
Linda Lambert said “One greatconversation can shift the directionof change forever.” Let’s worktowards creating a better world,one conversation at a time.
High Street RobberyHow can I forget that day! Mydaughter’s exams were going on.Also we were very excited, asafter her exams, we had plannedfor a trip abroad.
That evening my husband hadan appointment with anorthopaedic. While returning fromthe office, he first went to an ATMand withdrew Rs.10,000 and fromthere he went to the doctor. Aftergetting down from the car, heasked the driver to take care of hisbag. After showing the doctorwhen he came and sat in the car,the driver said that his bag hasbeen stolen. On asking, he saidthat a few minutes back, threemen were passing near the car.One of them showed the driver afew notes fallen near the car and
asked whether that was his money.When the driver stepped out tocheck, the other two men took thebag from the back seat and thethree of them fled on their bike. Allthis happened within seconds andso the driver was unable to makeout that he was fooled. Myhusband, on hearing this, straightaway went to the police station andlodged an FIR. He came home andnarrated this incident to us. Wewere very upset as the bag hadimportant bank documents.
At around 9 pm, when we werehaving dinner, my husband got acall, from some students who saidthat they had found his bag dumpednear the university ground. Theyfurther explained that theycontacted him with the help of thebank documents which had hiscontact number.
My husband and I rushed to theplace where they were waiting withthe bag. They asked us to check thecontents .The students had foundthe bag an hour back but were alittle hesitant to call us as they feltthat we would consider them as theculprits. We appreciated theirhonesty and thanked them.
After much thinking, we cameto conclusion that those thievesmust have followed my husbandfrom the ATM thinking that hewould have kept the money in thebag. Fortunately, he had kept it inhis wallet. The students were likeangels and we would always begrateful to them.
– Shanti Chandrasekhar
Has somethinghappened in your life thathas left an indelible impressionon your mind? Some experience thatgladdens your heart or which makesyou shudder with pain orembarrassment even after years!Why not share it with the readers ofWoman’s Era? All publishedincidents will be paid Rs 200. Sendyour entries to:
INCIDENT
E-3 Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110055.Womansera.com
Name:Mobile:E-mail:
44 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
Every evening, just as theelegant sun is about toceremoniously descend down
beneath the contours of thewestern horizon the celestialspectacle appears to beresplendent. The azure skytransforms into a kaleidoscopicpalette of indiscriminate hues.Brilliant blues, vivid oranges andpearly pinks illuminate the heavenspiously at most before the explicitmurkiness surfaces upon.
With gusts of breeze that feelbalmy, the ambience is perfectlypleasant. Likewise, as the sunretreats, its supplement of the dark– the appeasing moon – comes intoview and with every passingmoment, it makes its presenceincreasingly evident.
Over the next half hour or so, wecan witness several flocks of birdsnimbly gliding across the wild blueyonder. Having concluded theirwork hours, these agile creatures flyback to their nests to retire for theday. Drifting in big and small flocks,the similar ones can be spotted inindividual groups, although it is not
rare to see some of these wingedbeauties wandering solitarily aswell. From far and near, theirchirrups rhythmically pierce into thespace.
The way they spread out theirwings and reveal amusingmaneuvers is exemplary. As flocksof distinct sorts emerge one afterthe other, their arrays splash agraceful charm against the endlessblue vault. The exhibit is akin to andreminds us of the painstakinglyorganized aero show. In the interim,while gazing at the sky, one couldeasily lose track of time.
And after a bit, prior to thenightfall, while the last hint oftwilight fades, the final flock tooflutters homewards rather briskly. Itis indeed intriguing to behold themas they swoop farther, beyond allbounds, gradually seeming smallerand smaller, down to tiny specklesand finally vanishing into thin air.
Such a glorious vision of a typicalnatural phenomenon, whendiscerned with all senses, can beabsolutely soothing, just like anearnest prayer.
A day to remember. By Renuka Krishnaraja
WITH GUSTS OF BREEZE THAT FEEL
BALMY, THE AMBIENCEIS PERFECTLY
PLEASANT. LIKEWISE,AS THE SUN RETREATS,
ITS SUPPLEMENT OFTHE DARK – THE
APPEASING MOON –COMES INTO VIEW ANDWITH EVERY PASSING
MOMENT, IT MAKES ITSPRESENCE
INCREASINGLYEVIDENT.
We
Tattoos in India have certainlychanged leaps and bounds,from the traditional Art form
which came down from all thecultures and believes, have comedown to a new face of Acceptanceand Creativity from Taboo & justsign of a rebel.
All The Fashion trends in theworld are predominantly dominatedby the most influential people inBollywood, Hollywood & nowmoreover by Sports personalities.
Sportspersons get tattoos forseveral reasons: to have a sense ofbelonging, to alter their publicimage, to feel powerful, to bringgood luck or ward off bad luck, tohonor family, to honor their team,
to honor their hometown, to honorGod, to remind themselves of hardtimes or humble beginnings.
All the sports like Cricket,Football, Basketball, rugby,Baseball, MMA, Tattoos havebecome an accepted part of fashionstatement that has influencedpeople from all walks of life and hasalso played a major role in boosting the tattoo industry atlarge.
In India Cricket is consideredsacred & sportsmen like Virat Kohli,Rahul Chahar, Hardik Pandya, K.L.Rahul, Shikhar Dhawan, and manymore... have been very bold andoutspoken about their tattoos &responsibilities as a public figure.
Attribute to Nikhil Bhanushali, Co-Founder of Ace Tattooz, Indiaʼs premier tattoo studio.
Tattoo Trends inGeneration Z
Nikhil Bhanushali, Co-Founder of Ace Tattooz
SPORTSPERSONALITIES
The new generation of sportspersonalities are more aware oftheir appearances and at the sametime more Daring & experimental.
Perhaps the man who started thetrend. Former Manchester Unitedmidfielder David Beckham was oneof the first high-profile footballersto make tattoos a fashionstatement, is reported to now havemore than 40 tattoos.
Cleveland Cavaliers' LeBronJames is another major athlete withmajor artwork on his body. Theworld's most famous NBA playerhas "Chosen 1" on his back, to namejust one, a tattoo he had done afterbecoming a cover star on a SportsIllustrated issue while still in HighSchool.
Tennis player Bethanie Mattek-Sands adds color to the court in avariety of ways. The American has atattoo of a large flowery design,which features honeybees, on theinside of her right arm.
UFC star Conor McGregor hasclearly been a regular visitor to thetattoo studios, He has a large tattooacross his abdomen and his leftforearm, and a silverback gorillawearing a crown on his chest. Whichhas a lot of influence over peoplegetting the same tattoo as theirfavorite sportsperson does.
NBA star Carmelo Anthony is oneof many athletes who sports asleeve -- a series of tattoos coveringhis arm. On his right arm is a flamingbasketball with his initials,representing his commitment to hissport. Sportspeople have a lot ofdie heart following and people
blindly follow the new trends offashion, hairstyle, to shoes to luxurywatches and cars & now we cancertainly say tattoos is one moresection added to their fans tofollow...
They also act very responsibly bynot doing such tattoos and thingsbut to inspire them and the youthwho follows them.
Trends will come and go, at theend tattoos are something that willstay with you forever, so don't justget carried away with the shortfantasy of a certain celebrity (itdoesn't mean you don't get theirtattoos done) but do somethingthat you will cherish forever andthat touches moves and inspiresyou for the rest of your life or youhave the commencement & courageto stay with your decision for therest of your life.
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 47
SPORTSPEOPLEHAVE A LOT OF DIEHEARTFOLLOWING ANDPEOPLE BLINDLYFOLLOW THE NEWTRENDS OFFASHION,HAIRSTYLE, TOSHOES TO LUXURYWATCHES ANDCARS & NOW WECAN CERTAINLYSAY TATTOOS ISONE MORESECTION ADDEDTO THEIR FANS TOFOLLOW...
under the cold water, allthe while feelingexhausted. I stepped out ofthe shower, reached for mycupboard, pulled out thatpolka dotted red gown ofmine. I don’t step outwithout my trademark kohland lipstick; I sat in front ofthe mirror for my dose ofmake-up.
Oh damn it! Lipstick andkohl are getting over, Ineed to buy them. Twomore additions in thaterrand list of mine. I lookedat the mirror and felt like anogre. I had dark circlesunder my eye; I had notslept well for the last week.Sluggishly I applied thatkohl, my maroon lipstick,applied a little mascara,some blush on my cheeks.
No, I won’t wear myglasses; they are only forreading and writing. Butwhy do I need to do such alot of make-up for thesemundane chores? No, I willnever improve.
Wearing the stilettos Ileft my house. Somethingis wrong with me today. Iam not feeling that good,but why is it? Anyway, lifehas to go on, and I amsingle, so I need to do all bymyself. Plugging myearphones, tuning to somesongs I stepped out of thehouse. It is a windy day, thesky is overcast and it mightrain, no I won’t carry anumbrella today. Let it rainlet me get drenched andfall sick and lie on that bedfor a week.
I didn’t realise I hadreached the beach andhave forgotten the marketroute. Fair enough, I willbreak my rules today, Iwon’t even go to my workand there is no need toinform my office. I amdone, exhausted. I sat onthe sand; made circles witha stick, made a fewsketches when I got a feelsomeone is watching me.Women have a powerfulsixth sense; it’s a gift to usand to me that sense is verydominant.
Yes, I was right, he waswatching me. He was
in his casuals and waspuffing a cigarette. He
walked towards me andsaid, “Lonely? Can I giveyou a company?” I gave aquick look, a tall guy in hisforties (may be, my guess),had a moustache,somewhat fair, unshavencheek, looked like anathlete. ‘How did he readmy mind, am I lookingdesperate, I should havebeen careful’ I thought.Without even waiting formy answer he sat next tome and looked at mysketches I had made in thesand. “Do you want tomake sand castles?” heasked smiling. “I used towhen I was a kid, now Ihave forgotten to makethem,” I told. “Never late,you can start making thosecastles even now with me,”he replied. He is a completestranger, has not evenintroduced himself andnow he speaks of sandcastles, that’s my destiny,how funny. Okay, if that ismy destiny to make castleswith a stranger, so be it. Iagreed. We made sandcastles and I laughed athow messy I am in makingthose castles. He wasexcellent in making castleswhen he said, “Get up, let’senter the sea.” I forgoteverything and ran withhim towards the waves. Ilaughed when I realised Ihaven’t laughed so muchfor a while. He played withthe waves; I was slippingwhen he lifted me and said,
My eternal enigma. By Rimli Bhattacharya
The Stranger Who
taught Me
Love and Live Life
ShortStory
I sat in front of the mirror formy dose of make-up. Oh
damn it! Lipstick and kohl aregetting over, I need to buy
them. Two more additions inthat errand list of mine. Ilooked at the mirror and
felt like an ogre.
It was just another busyday for me, the morningblues, sitting on my
study desk I was makingthe list of chores I had tofinish today. Bank, grocery,electricity bills and then Ihave to run to my work. Ihad taken a half day todayto finish all these stupiderrands.
Sigh! I need a break,lifting that coffee mug Iwent for a shower. I stood
“Try to live lifedangerously.” I liked thesaying, so I did that. Iplayed with the water, Islipped several times, andthe salty water passed mythroat when I told him. “Iam tired now, I am all wet,my chores are unattended,and I need to go.” “Wheredo you stay?” he asked.“Not very far, just a 10minutes walk,” I said. “Can Ijoin you?” he asked. I don’tknow how I could agree to astranger by inviting him fora coffee.
We walked together, Iwas peeping at my dress, Iwas wondering if I waslooking filthy, when heagain said “Oh come on, noone is watching you, all arebusy, and just be yourself.”How is this man reading mymind? This day is certainlydifferent. Good heavens! Ihad met someone who isreading my grey cells.Wereached my home, handinghim a towel to dry himself, Iwent for a shower. Ichanged my clothes, fixedtwo cups of cappuccino andreturned. “I am sorry, youare wet but I don’t have anyclothes to offer except mygowns, and you will looklike a female,” I told himlaughing. “So you know tolaugh as well,” he grinned.
Sipping the cappuccinoand pulling a new cig heasked, “What do you thinkthe whole day?”
What a silly question!What do I think?
“Umm, nothing,anything, I really don’tknow, why,” I replied.
“You were looking veryserious, I saw you makingsketches and you lookedconfused,” he smiled.
“So you were watchingme? Don’t you have anyother business apart fromwatching a female?” I
chair closer to me, withoutgiving me a chance tospeak he said, “Enjoy yourcompany, you came alone,you will go alone, we havebeen sent by the almightyfor a purpose and we don’tknow when we will becalled by HIM. So live yourlife and that too in abuoyant way, loveeveryone includingstrangers, because whenyou truly love, there will beno strangers. I am acomplete stranger to youand you must be thinkingwhy I am advising you somuch? Don’t get me wrong,please, I just felt I could talkto you; even I am alone, so Ithought two alone can addand make a happy day byjust playing and laughing.Life is short and happinessis a mysterious high, itmakes the young laugh andthe old cry. Do what you
love, if that calls forwasting a day playing in thesand, then do that; if thatcalls for reading a book thewhole day, then read; ifthat calls for bird watching,then do that. Explore yourhobbies. You need not beso harsh on yourself. Liveyour life. ENJOY!” I couldn’thold back my tears.Breaking into silent sobs Itold him, “I find it difficultat times, I struggle to findmy existence, I feel hollowand completely lost, I needlove and to be loved.”
“That’s natural, you area human and it’s a need tolove and to be loved. Lookaround you, there is love ineverything. The path youwalked gave you love,those flowers you watchgave you love, those wavesyou played with gave youlove, if you speak of humanlove, you will get that too.
We reached myhome, handing h ima towel to dryh imsel f , I went for ashower. I changedmy c lothes, f ixedtwo cups ofcappuccino andreturned. “ I amsorry, you are wetbut I don’t haveany c lothes to of ferexcept my gowns,and you wi l l lookl ike a female,” Ito ld h im laughing.
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replied suddenly gettingangry.
“No, I don’t have anybusiness, so I was watchingyou, happy now?” hereplied smiling at me.
This time I could notstop laughing. He pulled his
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 49
Wait for your time, eachlove has it’s time, you neednot wait for your PrinceCharming, maybe someday he will come knockingat your doors when you areleast expecting him.” Hereplied. I was still weepingwhen he reached out tome, touched my hands,lifting my chin and pulledme closer to him. I couldsmell the musk of hisperfume. Gently rubbingmy eyes, softly brushingmy sleek hairline coveringmy forehead he whispered“Stop weeping. Look, youare in my arms, I am lovingyou, so why do you cry?”
I didn’t know how long Iwas in his arms, I was lost, Iclutched his Tee, I wishedhim stay tonight when he
gently said, “Now I need togo, it’s very late, it’s almostmidnight, you need rest, goto sleep after I leave andeat something, you haven’teaten anything since wemet.”I watched him tie hisshoe laces, when he heldme close to him for one lasttime, he lowered his faceand planting a soft kiss onmy lips he said, “Goodnightand sweet dreams, fairy,don’t forget to laugh, playthe foolish games youloved once, don’t be harshon yourself. Your chorescan wait and also yourwork. But love! that cannotwait, so fall in love eachday, don’t get lazy in love.The more you love themore you get. Lay thefoundation of love and that
It all happened in May 2019,when I started my training in Delhi,the heart of India. It was my firstday; I was rushing over to catch abus not knowing where to go toreach home after my office ended.In the meantime, when I boarded abus it was too late to realize thatit’s not the same route to reach mydestination.
It was hard to figure out mylocation as I was a new girl in thecity. No wonder there are manydirections one can follow to reachone place. However, I was shockedand couldn’t gain control over mymind.
Further, one female passengerhelped me figure out my route whenit was already 9:00 clock in thenight. She explained to me thatOkhla Vihar station is where I will beable to catch a rickshaw for ShaheenBagh. At that time, she reluctantlyasked me if had a place to spend thenight and asked me to join if I don’thave one.
She went on to say that, “pleasetake care and don’t stay out thislate, it’s not safe here”.
The next moment, her stationarrived and while leaving, she askedthe bus conductor to drop me safelyat the station. Now I was the onlygirl left on the bus with few men.There were a bunch of thoughtsstriking my mind regarding thesafety issues. It was already 9:45and I had no clue where would I be ifsomething goes wrong. I wasoverwhelmed because for the time
being, the bus conductor wasconstantly observing myexpressions.
After some time he cametowards me and I started havingall the incidents that can occur atthe moment. He said, “Relax, youare just like my daughter and neednot worry”.
Subsequently, the busconductor made sure that I set myfoot on time. Now it was already10:30 and there was no rickshawto reach my place. The busconductor then offered to dropme near my location. Normally,no one does this for passengersbut he asked me if I wanted anymore help or need some money.At that moment these peoplecollectively made me feel likehome in an uncanny situation. Itmade me realize that maybe thewindows for bold gestures havenot been officially closed. I willnever forget the indelibleimpression they left on my mindthat “not all men” and “not all busconductors” are bad by offeringspontaneous help.
– Asifa Khan
One Fine Day The window for the bold
gesture is open!
is what you call love.”I couldn’t speak. I
watched him walk away. Ididn’t ask his name, neitherdid he. Gradually he fadedin the dark night; I could nolonger see his shadow.
I entered my room, Icould feel him everywhere.I sat down at my study deskand wrote a poem for him. Ididn’t know where he is,who he is, but what I have isthe lesson he taught meabout love and life.
I went back severaltimes on the shore to see ifhe was there. He was not tobe seen, he never came. Isaw him in my dreamsseveral times. Each night Iwrite to him, my closet isfull of poems which I havewritten for him. The poems
lie in my hands withsmashed words broken, Iremember his lines, “Youneed not wait for yourPrince Charming, maybesomeday he will comeknocking at your doorswhen you are leastexpecting him.”So that’sme waiting for him with mycloset full of poems which Ihave written for him and Iknow I need no PrinceCharming. What I know isonly to love him. I still visitthe shore with a hope that Iwill see him, I still wait inmy balcony looking at thatroad where he walkedaway, yes I know I want himeven more.
That stranger whotaught me how to love andlive life.
50 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 51
Yes, how did you?We see many marriages floundering
but we also see marriages between theunlikeliest of spouses, not only survivingbut growing stronger with the years.Thanks to the tactics of one wise partner!Truly, a person’s successful mar riage just does not happen, it has to be worked at.
We would like to know as to how youovercame the crisis of a break-up ordiscord in your married life.
Did your husband (or wife) have aninfuriating habit, a hot temper, miserlyways, a roving eye or a lazydisposition? Since he is your husband,how did you cope with the situation and keep your marriage happy andhome safe?
Share your secret with us and millionsof our readers all across the world.
Contributions should be neatly written
Name
Address
City Pin
on one side of the paper. A declarationthat it is your own true personal storymust accompany the contri bution. If youso desire, your name will not bepublished and you can use any pen-name. All contribu tions accept ed andpublished will be paid ` 500.
Send your entries to:
WOMAN'S ERA,Delhi Press Building,
E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110 055
or click to www.womansera.com for submission
house begging for forgiveness, as henow knew that he is going to be afather. So, he wanted to put all thebroken pieces together and save ourmarriage. I too wanted the same forour child but how could I trust himthat he will not do this again, so weconsulted a marriage counselor andafter the counseling, we understandeach other in a much better way anddecides to give our marriage asecond chance and that’s all whatwas needed. Things started gettingbetter with time I started trustinghim again and leave our past behindus with the hope of a bright future.We were now a family ready to havea baby and to give him all thehappiness of the world.
Today it’s about three years ofour marriage, we have a kid and weare happy in our lives, I can’t believethat I saved my marriage throughthose tough times, when everythingwas broken down but with the rightmoves and the contribution fromboth sides make our marriage andlife beautiful built with trust andlove. Today also if I think that whatwould have happened if we hadn’tgiven our marriage that secondchance how badly this would haveaffected our child and us, I actuallythanked to God daily, that scarynightmare is now over and we areliving a happy life together.
–By Mamta
Marriage on strings was pregnant I can’t wait to tell himthat news but I wanted to share thiswith him personally face to face, so Iwaited till he came back, but whenhe returned his behavior waschanged, he started ignoring me andwas busy in himself I didn’t evenknow the reason of it, but when Itold him that I am pregnant life againgets normal, but I wanted to knowwhat had happened so, one day Ichecked his phone and after readinghis texts I was nearly unconscious hewas having an extramarital affair, Ifought with him, he gave excusesbut all unbelievable. I leave him andgoes back to my parents, I was alsothinking of filing a divorce, I can’t livewith a man who didn’t care aboutme, but when my mother told methat how will you raise your childwithout a father what will youanswer when he will ask “where ismy father” and that strikes me. Ican’t snatch away my child’shappiness, he deserves a completehome, he deserves a father.
The next day Pratap came to my
I was just 20, enjoying my collegelife, I belonged to a Rajput familythey wanted me to get married earlyand even started finding a groom, Iat least rejected 19-20 proposalsbefore I accepted Pratap’s, familywas good, he was a sailing officerand had a home in Jaipur, that wasnothing like first sight love but I haveto select one and after talking tohim, I felt he was perfect.
But before decided anything Iwanted to be sure so, I decided firstto know him and then went to anyconclusion this was about my future,so we started talking to each otherover the phone, he seemed to becaring and loving. We even met forfew times and every time we met, heused to take care of everything likewhat’s my favourite food, what’s myfavourite restaurant, he thosequalities won my heart. So, I told myfamily that I liked him a lot andwanted to marry him. Everyone wasvery happy with this news andstarted preparing for our marriage.
I was very excited for my marriagethat was my dream to get a fairy talewedding and Pratap did everythingto compete this dream. By the nextmonth I was married to him I had alot of dreams for my married life ashe was a sailor, he had to spend sixmonths on the ship and for anothersix months he was on leave, he tookme with him to the ship for the firstthree months and that was the mostbeautiful time of my life all dreamswere becoming true he was caring,loving and overall, the perfecthusband which I ever wanted, wespent a very nice time with eachother.
Then after three months I cameback to Jaipur and found out that I
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52 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
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Woman’s Era ● July 2021 53
Veneration GapA Frustrating Barrier By I.M. Soni
Afrustrating barrier of silenceand misunderstandingsbetween teenagers and their
parents is quite natural today. Thedegree of difficulty varies. Evenwhere serious issues exist,adolescents are inclined not toconfide in their parents. A growingnumber of cases of personalitydamage and social and moraldisorders are attributed to close-mouthed family relationships, areattributed to motor-mouth families.Some damage occurs to both sides.
We see this daily. It indicatesthat something is wrong in thefamily. Sometimes a boy‘communicates’ with his fatherthrough an act of defiance. Byplaying truant, driving without alicence; he is saying, “I need help.”
He is drawing attention. A nineteen-year-old boy threw a table knife athis younger brother. The boy says,“I can’t talk with my family becausethey never let me finish an idea.When I threw the knife, I wasfighting it out in my own way.”
His father was stifling him. Thelack of communication wassymptomatic of tension andconflict. Ask a teenager why hecan’t talk things over with his fatherand chances are he answers, “He istoo conservative, holding oldfashioned ideas and is incapable ofunderstanding my generation andits aspirations.”
A self-created illusion is at theroot of this malady. The fatherspends years in grooming the son ordaughter to face the harsh realities
of the world but when the timecomes for the junior to plunge, hesays, “He is too young andinexperienced.” Neither permits theother to sit in judgement, conflict isthe result. We tend to dismiss thisas ‘generation gap or ‘venerationgap’. It’s a conflict of perceptionsand of value systems. ‘Old orderchangeth yielding place to the new.’Not for the ‘dynamic’ old order.
The new generation is eager todustbin the ‘restrictions’ of thepast; the old generation leashes thecolts straining at the leash. Theythink this freedom threatens theirauthority and power hence theymust retaliate and re-assertthemselves. It is a generationalconflict or gap, in either case iterects a wall of silence.
This is best illustrated by amother and her unmarried son,living in the same house, ‘inviting’him for dinner! The most significantfactor is the concept of growingself-reliance. Parents want to makehim independent and be able tocope with life. Then, this veryindependence becomes a stumblingblock.
Breaking away from dependenceon parents, the young adult putsthe restrictions of childhood behindhim. Parents find this hard to adjust.They view this as a threat to theirpower. Parents think that they mustassert themselves. This results in aclash and a consequent wall ofsilence.
THE SPARK SUBJECTSParents fail to give their children
enough opportunity for a trueinterchange of ideas when they dogo into a huddle. Sometimesparents are confused aboutwhether to talk to a teenager as a‘child’ or an ‘adult’.
This shows that we are limping intime- it is a veneration gap. Mygrandson says, “Let’s have a drinkand listen to Mehedi Hassan.” Icould not have said this to myfather or grandfather. But mygrandson crashing the barriers ofgeneration gap, gladdens my heart.It is like playing the non-traditionalcard.
We may call it veneration gap,the fact is that differences do growbetween two, even threegenerations. The chasm is wideningwhich has to be bridged becausefamilies cannot be allowed todisintegrate.
To bridge the veneration gap,generation gap has to be narrowed.Just as the bridge spawns to thebanks of the river, this ‘emotional’river needs connect on both sides.The big issue is whether theyoungster has the right to bea person. Unless the basicproblem is brought outin the open, there willbe conflict.
What are the
spark subjects? Lies, acts ofvandalism, infractions of moralrules, late nights, drinks and drugsare common. Poor academicperformance is another factor.Parents see a poor report card as apersonal affront!
Youngsters refrain fromconfiding when they are unable toexpress their feelings. A barriercomes up when a youngster iscriticised for spending his moneyunwisely. They are inhibited when itcomes to discussing drinking andsmoking, how to dress, reticence inthe use of the family car andentertaining friends at home.
The young want to talk withparents. They do not want to be
talked down to. They want to betalked with. They need parents in astandby capacity than as moraljudges. Like beginning swimmerswith more courage than experience,they want to know that someone isready to step in if called upon.When they call for help, they wanthelp, not a sermon!
Teenagers prefer to use parentsfor checkpoints on such questionsas physiology and proper sexualbehaviour. They really want tounderstand their parents’ realvalues, their ethics and socialrelationships, the differencebetween lies and truth.
WHAT DO YOUNGSTERSWANT?
What do youngsters want? Theywant a chance to be heard. Yet,their urge to communicate is oftenbrushed off. They must alsounderstand that although parentslived in the past, they too facedmost of the same problems thatthey have now. Trust parents, theycan be a help, not a hindrance. It iswhen you act too immature thatyou are denied the status of anadult! It is for you to prove that youare an adult.
On the other side of the fence,parental attitudes have to changetoo. Often, troubles can be tracedback to faulty rearing. So adultsshould begin as early as possible in achild’s life to talk freely with him,answering his questions good-naturedly. They should take interestin what the youngster says. Listen,even though they disagree. Avoidsarcasm or ridicule. Be slow tocriticize but quick to appreciate.Don’t let a cold power struggle
develop. If there is a cold warbetween two generations,break the barrier. Discuss.Where there iscommunication, there will
be reconciliation. Silence is astone wall; communication
wall has holes (openings) in it. Whatever the gaps, they
can be bridged. But it takestwo banks to be spawned!
THE MOST SIGNIFICANTFACTOR IS THECONCEPT OF GROWINGSELF-RELIANCE.PARENTS WANT TOMAKE HIMINDEPENDENT AND BEABLE TO COPE WITHLIFE. THEN, THIS VERYINDEPENDENCEBECOMES A STUMBLINGBLOCK. BREAKINGAWAY FROMDEPENDENCE ONPARENTS, THE YOUNGADULT PUTS THERESTRICTIONS OFCHILDHOOD BEHINDHIM.
Start Budgeting!Budget for a better future. By Sujatha Rao
it is exactly what is needed, whenwe are walking on a tight rope withwhat we perceive to be frugalearnings.
No matter which generation onebelongs to, or how much moneyone earns, Budget gives afoundation, a plan with which onecan work towards the achievementof one’s goals.
Now I understand what Mr. JoeBiden, the President of Americameant when he said “Don't tell me
Every year, when the nation’sFinancial Budget getsannounced, a big chunk of the
population in the country is eitheroblivious or impervious to it. By andlarge, a similar disinvested approachis applied to creating a “Budget” forpersonal use in life too.
When I had started working, Iused to be one such person. But Itook a turn for the better a fewyears into my work-life, and thatmade me diligently work towards
financial independence by the time Iretired. My career being one inBanking definitely helped me in thisregard.
Most of the people I talk to oftensay that they don’t earn enough toplan for a Budget for themselves.For me, this comes across to be veryunconvincing.
For one thing, nobody feels theirearnings are enough. If we agree fora moment that it could be true, thenplanning a Budget and adhering to
what you value; show me yourbudget, and I'll tell you what youvalue.”
So, how does one create abudget at an individual or at a familylevel? Is it really rocket science it isoften made out to be, against thebackdrop of the frenzied annualdiscussions by the experts over thenational budget of the year?
For our personal consumption,let’s try to simplify this through thefollowing six step process. For easyrecall purpose, the process is coinedout of an acronym for the wordBudget:
Balancing your Assets &Liabilities
The simple act of drawing up apersonal balance sheet willdefinitely relieve us of theunderlying tension that we livewith, even when such a calculationis a basic “back-of-the-envelope”kind of one. For arriving at this, youmay want to know what are your
(a) Assets ● Liquid Assets - These are things
owned by you that can easily beturned into cash – such as yoursavings accounts, Liquid funds, etc.
● Fixed Assets – These are majoritems such as house, car,furnishings etc.
● Investments - Your financialinvestments such as Mutual Funds,Bonds, Stocks etc.
(b) LiabilitiesLiabilities are what are owed by
you such as loans, credit card bills,payments to be made etc.
You can arrive at your net worthby subtracting what you owe fromwhat you own. This simple exercisewould keep in check your tendencyto overdraw, if any. Do rememberthat a healthy balance sheet willalways have a positive net worthwith sufficient liquidity for smoothnavigation.
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 57
BudgetBudget
Understandingwhere you stand Developing
your skills
Going foryour Goals
EnablingEventuality/Contingency Plan
Tracking your TargetAchievement
Balancing your Assets andLiabilities
2 3
4
65
1
MOST OF THE PEOPLE ITALK TO OFTEN SAYTHAT THEY DON’TEARN ENOUGH TOPLAN FOR A BUDGETFOR THEMSELVES. IFWE AGREE THAT ITCOULD BE TRUE, THENPLANNING A BUDGETAND ADHERING TO IT ISEXACTLY WHAT ISNEEDED.
the limit if you really want to updateyourself on any area in this Internetage. What you need is the will toinvest in lifelong learning throughthe experiences of studying,observing, and practicing theapplication of such learning’s.
Going for your GoalsA goal-based approach requires
you to first identify and prioritizeyour important goals along withtheir respective timeframes forfruition. Once you identify these,the next step is to choose specificinvestments suitable to meet eachof these goals.
Write down the goals. Calculatehow much money is needed toachieve that goal and then calculatebackwards to arrive at how muchmoney needs to be invested eachmonth at an expected rate of returnalong with the time to achieve thatgoal.
For example, if your goal is toaccumulate Rs.20 lakhs in 15 yearsfor the purpose of your child’seducation, you would need to investRs.9,949/- per month at anestimated 10% p.a. return,considering an annual inflation rateof 5%.
There are a lot of free onlinecalculators that are available for youto arrive at the amounts that arerequired to be invested everymonth for reaching your variousgoals.
Rope in your family members atthe planning stages itself for theirinputs so that you have their buy-inright from the beginning. This is amust, as the budget is at a familylevel and each member’scommitment and involvement isrequired to make it a success.
Enabling Eventuality/Contingency Plan
As the famous adage goes “Manproposes and God disposes,”there’s a lot in life that we don’tknow. So, the Budget has to makeprovision for that uncertainty bycreating an emergency fund for anyuntoward eventuality that might hitus in future.
58 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
Understanding where you stand
Once you have drawn a roughpersonal balance sheet, you get toknow where you stand not only interms of your net worth, but alsoabout your focus areas. You maywant to question whether yourexpenditure is really in line withyour earnings.
On probing further, do you findsome of those expensive items onyour “want” list worth sacrificing infavour of what you really “need”?
In this connection, it’s worthdrawing from the wisdom ofGeorge Washington who said “wemust consult our means rather thanour wishes” while creating ourbudgets.
Developing your skills Once you get to know what is it
that you need to do, you may wantto focus on how to develop yourskills in the area that you arerequired to focus on.
For instance, if there is hardlyanything that you can cut down onthe list of your expenditure items, isthere something that you can do interms of creating a second revenuestream for yourself?
Most of us might have been“saving” for tomorrow, while whatwe really need to be doing is to“invest” for tomorrow in order togain from inflation adjusted returns.So it may be prudent for you topolish your investment skills, so asto reap better returns out of yourinvestments.
With so many learning avenuesavailable online and with most ofthem being offered free, the sky is
THERE ARE A LOT OFFREE ONLINECALCULATORS THATARE AVAILABLE FORYOU TO ARRIVE AT THEAMOUNTS THAT AREREQUIRED TO BEINVESTED EVERYMONTH FOR REACHINGYOUR VARIOUS GOALS.ROPE IN YOUR FAMILYMEMBERS AT THEPLANNING STAGESITSELF FOR THEIRINPUTS. THIS IS AMUST.
While we are on this topic, makesure to have adequate life as well ashealth insurance coverage for youas well as the other members in thefamily.
Tracking your TargetAchievement
Once you have carried out all thesteps from 1 to 5, you would need totrack your achievement against thespecific targets. As we know, someof our financial goals may change inline with our life stage needs.
Depending upon our life stage,the kind of investments we makehave to change too. For instance, atthe beginning of our career, we canafford to veer towards a greaterproportion of somewhat riskierand higher yielding equityinvestments in our asset allocationstrategy. However, as we age, this needs to get rebalanced infavour of a greater percentagetowards the safer debt investmentoptions.
Even when we are young and canafford to take some risky calls, westill need to keep a hawk’s eye onthe performance of ourinvestments, lest we should becaught unawares and fall terriblyshort of meeting the various goalswe would have set for ourselves, beit to meet the needs of ourchildren’s education, or the plannedrepayment of the housing loan, orbuilding a retirement corpus forourselves etc.
So while the basic tenets and
direction of our budget may remainmore or less the same, there is aneed to keep tweaking the nuts andbolts within in order to reach ourever evolving targets.
ConclusionEach one of us can work towards
living the life we wish to live, bynudging ourselves towardsachieving what is truly important tous, instead of regretting aboutwhere we ended up. Creating abudget and meticulously acting oneach of its details with great self-discipline are critical steps in that
direction. For techno-savvy people
amongst us there are a lot of freeonline Budget apps out there. Whileall of them perform the basicfunctions of tracking the savingsand spending, many of them gobeyond that. Just do your researchand pick the one that you arecomfortable with, meeting most ofyour needs.
You may want to note thatthough the examples herein aredrawn from the financialperspective, the six step processapplies almost to anything that we
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 59
wish to have, with assets andliabilities standing for our strengthsand weaknesses.
While presenting the budget for2021, close on the heels of thegloom and doom year of 2020, Mrs.Nirmala Sitharaman, our FinanceMinister, quoting Mr. RabindranathTagore said, “Faith is the bird thatfeels the light, when the dawn isstill dark.”
We can have faith in such a lightwhen we, armed with a strong willand a well planned Budget, worktowards creating a better future for ourselves. We
EVEN WHEN WE AREYOUNG AND CANAFFORD TO TAKESOME RISKY CALLS,WE STILL NEED TOKEEP A HAWK’S EYE ON THEPERFORMANCE OFOUR INVESTMENTS,LEST WE SHOULD BECAUGHT UNAWARESAND FALL TERRIBLYSHORT OF MEETINGTHE VARIOUS GOALSWE WOULD HAVE SETFOR OURSELVES.
Life is an exam with anunknown syllabusand no question
paper set. I loved to hear Chottu
revise his lessons. Pressingmy ears close to the wallthat bifurcates his studyfrom my room, I tried tohear him read.
Exam was somethingthat brought frenziedactivities in the house. Itwas only during those timesthat father used to visitChottu’s study once in themorning and in the evening.Chottu’s mother wouldtreat him with a bonanza ofhot samosas whose aromacame piercing through thewall and some hot coffee or
tea. Some wistful words ofadvice were carefullywhispered into his ears. Thedecibel levels of thoseprecious words were verytoo low to penetratethrough the wall and henceI was never able to decipherwhat she said. Then therewas too much excitementas Chottu left for the schoolin the morning.
Devender Uncle whowas the only person to havehad the qualification of highschool pass, in ourimmediate neighbourhood,would come and ask Chottuif he had thoroughly revisedthe entire syllabus. That iswhen I concluded thatsyllabus was something
related to an exam andthen, after Chottu returned,uncle would check a whitesheet of paper that theytermed as ‘question paper’.
They said he had someexam called ‘MoralScience,’ the following day.
I got a bit baffled bywhat Chottu read out justnow.
“Exams, syllabus andquestion paper were all apart of some place calledschool,” that had been mycontention all these years;but today he was reading oflife being associated with allthis. ‘Hmmmm,’ I sighed.For someone like me whohad never had theopportunity to attendschool, it would be difficultto comprehend so manythings.
The birth of a girl child inthe house did not exactlycall for celebration andwhen I was born it called forno jubilation at all because Iwas supposed to be borncursed since my motherpassed away upondelivering me, leaving meall alone to struggle in thisworld outside her cozywomb.
Apparently my fatherremarried soon. Mystepmother gave birth tothree children. Chottu wasthe eldest one and was twoyears younger to me. Thenit was Lakshmi and Shoba,twin sisters who were borna month after my marriagewhen I was eight.
My stepmother hadnothing more than anabhorrence for me. Myfather who worked for the
She escaped to a new love. By Sudha Vishwanathan
Some w i s t fu lwords o f adv icewere care fu l l ywh i spered in to h i sears . The dec ibe ll eve l s o f thoseprec ious wordswere very too lowto penet ratethrough the wa l land hence I wasnever ab le todec ipher what she sa id .
The Cursed Girl
ShortStory
“Get her ready. The muhurtham is at 8 am,” my
granny cautioned my aunt and in another 15
minutes I was draped in a longsari that had to be taken roundand round me to somehow get
the edge on as ‘pallu.’
panchayat hardly had anytime to see me struggleevery day under hertyranny. My grandparentstoo seemed to nurture thesame idea that I was acursed child and the soonerI leave the house the better.However, my grandfatherhad a soft corner for me,but had to keep his feelingsunder wraps fearing thewrath of others in thehouse. Poor old man!
Iremember in trances thatwhile I was half asleep
one fine morning, my auntcame and shook me out ofthe reverie that an eight-year-old girl was enjoyingand put me under a showerof water that was poured bymy granny. My teethchattered as the cold watermercilessly rubbed againstmy tender skin.
“Get her ready. Themuhurtham is at 8 am,” mygranny cautioned my auntand in another 15 minutes Iwas draped in a long sarithat had to be taken roundand round me to somehowget the edge on as ‘pallu.’
A boy was already sittingnear the sacred altar when Iwas dragged there. Thensome rituals followed. Ivaguely remember the boytying a yellow threadaround my neck and ladiesblowing the conch. It wasactually frightening.
I sat through the ordealterrified to the core, even tostir. I longed for some sleep,but was asked to touch thefeet of every other personstarting with the boy whohad been sitting next to mesmiling sheepishly.
“We are blessed thatsomeone agreed to take heras their daughter-in- law.This cursed soul ate up hermother no sooner than shewas born. Now I have to put
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 61
“You are married now,got it? It is our responsibilityto make sure that you arehanded over to your in-lawsin one piece, so stoprunning and jumpingaround. If you break yourhands or legs we aredoomed for good.” Mystepmother found a newway to harass me.
I thought I had beenplaying and jumping allthese years withoutbreaking a bone. Maybeafter what they callmarriage, girls have achance of damaging theirbones, I deduced using mytiny logic.
Needless to say daysand nights were toostretched and neverseemed to move. A fewtimes the boy who had sat
up with her for another fewyears till she comes of ageand then send thiswretched girl to herhusband’ s place.” Mystepmother was lookingupwards with folded handsand probably talking tosomeone up there in thevast firmament.
It all sounded toocomplicated for my littlehead and I fell asleep at theearliest possibleopportunity. Life which waseven otherwise miserable atthe hands of a stepmotherhad turned horrendousafter this ritual they termedas marriage. I was expectedto keep myself draped inthat nine- yard sari. Neitherwas I allowed to play norwas I allowed to jumparound.
next to me at the altarcame with his parents. Iliked them because theygot jingling bangles for methat I loved to wear. Theyalso got sweets and theboy’s mother seemed to bean adorable person. Shealways hugged me whileleaving.
“We will take you homesoon,” she had said duringher last visit.
Three days after thatthere was jubilation in thehouse. At 15 I had attainedpuberty. It was celebratedwith pomp. I heard mygranny and aunt discussalong with my step-motherhow matters shouldproceed.
“We should inform themto come and take her. Letthem have the nuptials
“We will take you home soon,”she had said during her last visit. Three days after that there wasjubilation in the house. At 15 Ihad attained puberty. It was
celebrated with pomp.
there,” my aunt chuckledmuch to my amusement as Ifound ways and means tofind out what nuptialsmean.
And then all hell brokeloose. That very night wehad a visitor from the boy’svillage who came rushingin, “He is dead, he is dead. Asnake bit Vithhal when hehad gone for an eveningbath in the pond,” hescreamed. Everyone in thehouse screamed.
This only gave my step-mother a fresh
opportunity to vent heranger on me. It would be anunderstate ment if I said Iwas subjected to physicaland mental torture.
“Cursed girl; now howwill they take her? We aredoomed, will have to bearwith her for the rest of mylife. The same snake to biteher too.” She ardentlyprayed that the same snakebit her too as if her prayerswould be answered withimmediate effect.
Ten days after that, theydecided that I don’t deserveto have the long cascadingblack hair. That is how awidow has to live, theytaught me.
The village barber wasbrought in. I was made to siton a stone in the backyardwhile he allowed his scissorsto ruthlessly wander overmy skull. I stifled my sobs aslong tresses of hair keptfalling on the ground.
“We will call for you asand when needed,” myfather told him afterhanding over some moneyand food to the barber. Helooked at me rubbing hispalms greedily. ‘This girl isonly 15 and will needcutting of hair often, myregular income from thishousehold is set,’ he was
probably thinking thus.“No going out from
today, you understand?”my dad who hardly spoke tome, instructed. “You canhave your bath in our housepond, no moving around tothe local pond and meetingfriends. No one wants totalk to you. The neighbourshave already told us to keepyou indoors. Better stayhere.” Then, looking at mystep-mother, he said, “Askher to apply sandalwood onher shaved head and giveher those white saris that Ihave got. And I hope you
know at twilight you haveto remove the yellowthread around her neck.”
My step-mother noddedmuttering all the while, “Ifthe boy had died after shehad spend – a few nightswith him, she would havebeen their property andthey would have retainedher there itself. It is my illluck it should happen likethis”. She slapped herforehead hard with herpalm. It hurt me to see herpunish herself thus. Whatwas she up to?
Everything sounded sovery weird. However onething was assured; if lifewas worse after marriage itwas dreadful after the boydied.
Hours turned into daysand days into months andyears. However, these
transformations in theuniverse brought nosignificant change in mylife. Chottu hardly spoke tome these days. Lakshmiand Shobha were warnedagainst visiting my room.My life was mostlyrestricted to this small area,except when I went to theverandah to put my clothesfor drying. Here too I hadbeen strictly warned not toloiter around or laze aboutfor too much time. A worldbright and cheerful beyondthis window had stoppedexisting for me long ago.
The discrimination in thehouse was obvious becausethe two girls were allowedto attend school thoughthere were talks that itwould be only for a coupleof years then theirmarriages also had to befixed. By that time Chottuwould be a high school passand well qualified to find arich wife.
“Only this cursed soulwill continue to haunt us,”my step-mother oftenchided. My heart bled asthere was no one to speakin my favour. Some timesmy grandfather did standby me, but his voice wassubmerged in thevociferous echo of thefemale of the house.
Then one day when I was19, a middle-aged couplecame home. They werestrangers no doubt. No onehad seen them in the villagebefore.
They had come to seekthe blessings of our villagedeity whose fame as abenevolent goddess havingthe power to eraseeveryone’s ill luck, hadspread far and wide.
I am not an atheist but ifthe goddess of our villagehad such powers why was Ibeing punished for no
apparent reason or mistakeof mine? Why was she noterasing my ill luck?
The couple said to myfather that they had seenme in the verandah dryingclothes and had taken aninstant liking for me. Myattire and shaven headstood testimony to the factthat I was widowed. Theyhad a 24-year-old son whohad lost his wife a couple ofyears ago and they wantedto take me as his wife.
They spoke at length toall the elders in the house,but I, who was the mainsubject of discussion, wasnot considered importantenough to be present there.
Needless to say,mayhem broke out in
the house once they left. “Ihad warned you not toallow her to loiter in theverandah,” my father wasscreaming at mystepmother. Timelyintervention by mygrandfather put an end toall apprehensions aboutwhat people would say if Iwas married off.
“Listen, Jayendra,” heboldly told my dad, “Behappy that your daughterhas got a new lease of life.Do not bother about whatour kith and kin will say.Will they come to take careof her later? Now she willhave a family of her own.”
Grandfather wasfortunate this timebecause my step-motherwas on his side of theargument, more sobecause she wanted to seeme off from this house.Grandfather was thereforeable to press on thisdemand of marrying meoff.
A heated argumentfollowed and a debate thatlasted for hours. My step-
62 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
Hours tu rned in todays and daysin to months andyears . However ,theset rans fo rmat ionsin the un i ve rsebrought nos ign i f i cant changein my l i f e .
I was 19 and far moremature than an eight-year-old bride. I therefore satthrough the rituals patientlyand touched every elderperson’s feet meticulouslybefore my husband askedme to accompany him to hisroom
With mixed feelings andsome kind of excitement, Iwalked with him to a roomin the first floor of thehouse. He opened the door.A small child was sleepingon the bed.
“This is my sonAbhisumath,” he saidpointing at the kid. “Mywife, Sumati, was sufferingfrom jaundice during thetime of delivery and soonsuccumbed to it.”
In a flash of a secondmany hitherto unknownfacts dawned upon me.People in my house were
aware of this kid but did notfind it necessary to tell methat I was crossing a newthreshold not only as a wifeto a widower but as amother to a two-year-oldchild. Too many betrayals inlife had taught me how tomaintain my composure.
Gathering myself I liftedthe kid while he flashed aradiant smile living up to hisname, Abhisumath;radiance of the sun. I heldhim close to my bosom.
Some lines I had heard afew years beforereverberated into my ears.“Life is an exam with anunknown syllabus and noquestion paper set.”
How truly said! Thesignificance of the lines hadfailed to influence a smallgirl, but today at 19 I was ina position to grasp thecomplete connotations.
Yes, my life indeed hadbeen an exam with anunknown syllabus. Was Iaware that I would lose mymother at birth and besubjected to ill treatment atthe hands of a step-mother? Did someone
We
“This is my son Abhisumath,” he said pointing at the kid.
“My wife, Sumati, wassuffering from jaundice
during the time of deliveryand soon succumbed to it.”
intimate to me that I wouldbe married off at the age ofeight? Was this predictedthat I would be widowed at15? And then did I knowthat I was to be married offagain at 19 to nurture a kid?
Where does the need fora question paper arise? Noone ever paid attention tomy answers which wereunsaid words by far.
The soft touch of the tinypalms triggered the
pent-up affection in me.Deep down my heart I was afemale yearning to give andaccept love. Only someonewho had gone through theharsh experience of havingbeen denied the warmth ofa maternal hug wouldunderstand the lacunae.
In a way I should expressmy gratitude to my step-mother for having taught -me this bitter lesson in herown resentful manner. Ithad fortified the femaleinstinct in me today tonurture a motherless child.That would be my onlyexam in life now, but Iwould set my own syllabusto keep him cheerful andnurture him to become agood and honest man,never giving him anopportunity to yearn for amother. No one need setany question paper for me. Iwould give this examunblemished, without one.
I had to tell my husbandsoon that I did not wish toshare my love and affectionfor Abhisumath withanother child. I was afraidthat the advent of anotherprodigy might dilute mylove for him.
Certain facts in life arelearnt the hard way. Whosays I am a cursed girl? I amblessed to shower myaffection on a motherlesschild.
mother pointed out thatChottu’s marriageproposals were gettinghindered because therewas a widowed sister in thehouse. Lakshmi wasalready married and waswaiting to join her husbandsoon while Shoba’smarriage was on the cards.Disregarding of whatothers would say it wasfinally decided that mymarriage would beconducted in their housewith only close familypeople.
“What about thehoroscope matching?” mygrandmother blurted outmuch to the annoyance ofher husband and daughter-in-law.
“What did we achieve bymatching it in her firstmarriage?” I think my step-mother had a valid pointthere; so the chapter wasclosed. No one asked mewhat my opinion was. Itcarried very little or novalue whatsoever in thishousehold.
I was once again made tosit in the altar next to theguy.
Legality Of Live-In Relationships In IndiaBy Sanjeev Sirohi
Live-In Relationships May NotBe Acceptable To All ButLiving Together Without
Marrying Doesn't Constitute AnOffence: P & H High Court.
It is really good to learn that thePunjab and Haryana High. Court hasjust recently in a latest, laudable,landmark and learned judgmenttitled Soniya and another Vs Stateof Haryana and others in CRWP No.4533 of 2021 (O&M) heard throughvirtual conferencing and deliveredon May 18, 2021, has set the recordstraight by making it abundantlyclear that a live-in relationship maynot be acceptable to all but itcannot be said that such arelationship is an illegal one or thatliving together without the sanctityof marriage constitutes an offence.It must be mentioned here that theSingle Judge Bench of Hon'ble Ms.Justice Jaishree Thakur of Punjaband Haryana High Court observedthus in a matter pertaining to a live-in-relationship couple, who are bothmajor and decided to enter intosuch a relationship and approachedthe Court seeking protection oftheir life and liberty as against theimmediate family members of theGirl. Perhaps even moresignificantly, the Bench thenobserved, "It would be a travesty ofjustice in case protection is deniedto persons who have opted toreside together without the sanctityof marriage, and such persons haveto face dire consequences at thehands of persons from whomprotection is sought. Very rightly so!
Live-In Is Not Living In Sin
To start with, this notablejudgment authored in oral byJustice Jaishree Thakur sets the ballrolling by first and foremostobserving that, "The petitioners,having attained the age of 18, areseeking protection of their life andliberty at the hands of the privaterespondents, who are none otherthan the immediate family membersof petitioner No. 1."
While elaborating on the facts ofthe case, it is then put forth that,"In brief, the facts as stated are,that Ms. Soniya, petitioner No. 1 isaged 22 years 4 months with herdate of birth being 01.01.1998,whereas Mr. Anil, petitioner No. 2 isyounger and is 19 years 6 monthsold, with his date of birth being26.09.2001. The parents ofpetitioner No. 1 wanted her tomarry a person of their choice andthreatened her with direconsequences in case she did not doso. Petitioner No. 1 left her parentalhome and called upon petitionerNo. 2 (whom she had known for thepast one year) to save her from herparents, who wanted her to getmarried to a person who was mucholder in age. Petitioner No. 2requested her to go back, but beingfearful for her life and that shewould be forcibly married to aperson much older than her, sherefused to do so.
Consequently, she shifted in withpetitioner No. 2, The petitionersdecided to live together till theycould solemnise a marriage, i.e., onpetitioner No. 2 attaining the age of21. It is also stated that therelationship would never beaccepted by the privaterespondents, as both belong todifferent castes. Petitioner No. 1belongs to the Kashyap castewhereas petitioner No. 2 belongs toa Rabari caste. The petitioners havealready approached the SP, Kamalvide a representation dated12.05.2021 (Annexure P-3) seekingprotection at the hands of theprivate respondents, but there hasbeen no response. Fearing a threatto their life, as the relationship wasnot acceptable to the parents and
family members of petitioner No. 1have threatened to kill thepetitioners, the instant criminal writpetition has been preferred."
To be sure, it is then stated that,"Notice of motion to the officialrespondents only."
As we see, it is then envisagedthat "Mr. Vishal Kashyap, AAGHaryana, who is appearing throughthe medium of video conferencing,accepts notice on behalf of theofficial respondents-State andsubmits that the couple seekingprotection are not married andaccording to their pleadings are in alive-in relationship."
NOTABLE JUDGMENT To put things in perspective, Ms.
Justice Jaishree Thakur whilestaying the purpose of the petitionobserves that, "The petitionershave approached this Court underArticle 236 of Constitution of Indiaseeking protection of their life andliberty at the hands of the privaterespondents, with. A further prayerthat they be restrained frominterfering in the peaceful live-inrelationship of the petitioners. Thepetitioners have not approachedthis court either seeking permissionto marry or. for approval of theirrelationship. The limited prayer asnoted is for grant of protection to
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 65
Hon'ble Ms. Justice Jaishree Thakur
THE SUPREME COURTIN A CASE RENDERED INS. KHUSHBOO V.KANNIMMAL, (2010) 5SCC 600 HAS HELDTHAT A LIVE-INRELATIONSHIP ISPERMISSIBLE AND THEACT OF TWO ADULTSLIVING TOGETHERCANNOT BECONSIDERED ILLEGALOR UNLAWFUL, WHILEFURTHER HOLDINGTHAT THE ISSUE OFMORALITY ANDCRIMINALITY ARE NOTCO-EXTENSIVE.
them, fearing the ire of familymembers of petitioner No. 1 onaccount of the parties belonging toa different caste and their decisionto reside together without thesanctity of a valid marriage."
Be it noted, while mentioning therelevant case laws, it is thenworthily stated that, "This Court inthe past and also recently hasallowed protection to thoserunaway couples, even though theywere not married and were in a live-in relationship, and in cases wherethe marriage was invalid (as one ofthe parties though a major, was notof age as per Section 5 of the Hindu
couples who are not married. Again,reference can be made to a recentjudgment rendered by theAllahabad High Court in Kamini Devivs. the State of UP, 2021 (1) RCR(Civil) 421 and in Bhagwan Dass v.State (NCT of Delhi), (2011) 6 SCC396."
As it turned out. Justice Jaishreethen holds that "The petitionersherein, who are major, have taken adecision to reside together withoutthe sanctity of marriage and it is notfor the courts to judge them ontheir decision. The Supreme Court ina case rendered in S. Khushboo v.Kannimmal, (2010) 5 SCC 600 has
held that a live-in relationship ispermissible and the act of twoadults living together cannot beconsidered illegal or unlawful, whilefurther holding that the issue ofmorality and criminality are not co-extensive.
If the petitioners herein have notcommitted any offence, this courtsees no reason as to why theirprayer for grant of protectioncannot be acceded to. Therefore,with due respect to the judgmentsrendered by the CoordinateBenches, who have deniedprotection to couples who are in alive-in relationship, this court isunable to adopt the same view."
Finally, it is then held in that,"Without entering upon an exerciseto evaluate the evidentiary value ofthe documents placed on the file, Idispose of this petition withdirections to respondent No. 2 todecide the representation of thepetitioners (Annexure P-3) within aperiod of one week from the date ofreceipt of this order and grant themprotection, if any threat to their lifeand liberty is perceived.
It is made clear that this ordershall not be taken to protect thepetitioners from legal action forviolation of the law if anycommitted by them."
In essence, this exceptionallybrilliant, brief, bold, and balancedjudgment authored by Hon'ble Ms.Justice Jaishree Thakur of Punjaband Haryana High Court deserves tobe emulated in all similar such casesby all the Judges. It is certainly apath-breaking, powerful,progressive, and a par excellentjudgment! The bottom-line of thisnotable judgment is: Live-inrelationships may not be acceptableto all but living together withoutmarrying doesn’t constitute anoffence.
In other words, this judgmentrightly conveys that we must bemore tolerant. Why should twoconsenting adults not live as theylike? It is high time and familymembers must also learn to accepttheir children's choice and notthrust their own choice on children!
66 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
Marriage Act). Reference in thisregard can be made to thejudgment rendered by the DivisionBench in Rajwinder Kaur andanother Versus State of Punjab,2014 (4) RCR (Criminal) 785 where itwas held that marriage is not a mustfor security to be provided to arunaway couple.
The police authorities weredirected to ensure that no harm wascaused by anyone to the life andliberty of the couple. Similar viewshave been taken by the CoordinateBenches in the matter Rajveer KaurVersus State of Punjab, 2019 (3) RCR(Civil) 478 and in Priyapreet. TheKaur Versus State of Punjab, 2021 (1)RCR (Civil) 604 amongst others.Different High Courts too haveallowed protection to runaway We
IN ESSENCE, THISEXCEPTIONALLYBRILLIANT, BRIEF,BOLD, AND BALANCEDJUDGMENT AUTHOREDBY HON'BLE MS.JUSTICE JAISHREETHAKUR OF PUNJABAND HARYANA HIGHCOURT DESERVES TO BEEMULATED IN ALLSIMILAR SUCH CASESBY ALL THE JUDGES. ITIS CERTAINLY A PATH-BREAKING, POWERFUL,PROGRESSIVE, AND APAR EXCELLENTJUDGMENT!
I got married and went to live in myhusband’s small, crowded home. When I wastaken to meet my father-in-law, I realised thathe was paralysed and hardly aware of what wasgoing on around him. I felt sorry for him but wasalso worried as I did not have any experience inlooking after such an ill person.
My first year of marriage was full of tensionas I tried to get used to life in my new home and to dothe house-work that I was allotted. After that I becamepregnant and my life became a nightmare as my mother-in-law decided that I should have the “light” work oflooking after my father-in-law because of my pregnancy.Now, my son is nearly one and I am still doing this.
It was not difficult for me to learn what I had to do formy father-in-law, but I found and still find the work oflooking after an almost completely paralysed man,sickening.
I feel like throwing up when I have to clean him upafter he had soiled himself and when I have to wipe himdown and change his clothes.
None of the other daughters-in-law of the family havedone this work as my mother-in-law has done it sincemy father-in-law fell ill and it was only because she hadbegun to find it difficult to move my father-in-law, thatshe had given the job to me.
I have not told my husband how I feel, but I justcannot continue to look after my father-in-law. I wouldalso like to move out of my in-laws’ home and live withmy husband and son.
I know that if I tell him this, he will be furious withme. But I cannot continue to live like this. What should Ido?
Though there is nothing wrong in a woman lookingafter a male patient (nurses do it all the time) youngdaughters-in-law are usually not asked to do the job ofcleaning up their sick fathers-in-law, changing theirclothes, etc.
Sons usually do this, not only because it isembarrassing for a young daughter-in-law to do it, butalso because an untrained woman may not be able tolift and turn a heavier man.
So, tell your husband that you are finding it difficult tolift and turn your father-in-law and ask him to help you.Once he helps you and sees what you have to do, he willprobably realise that this is a job for him and his brothersand tell you that you need not do it any more.
If he doesn’t, you should tell your mother-in-law thatyou can’t lift and turn your father-in-law by yourself andthat one of your sisters-in-law should help you.
Wanting to leave your joint family and live separatelyis a completely different issue and one that you shoulddiscuss with your husband.
Iam one of three children, two sisters and one brother.My brother is the eldest and is in army. My sister is23-years-old and has completed her postgraduation
and I am 19 years old, youngest in the family. I am anundergraduate.
All of us in the family adore my brother and eagerlylook forward to his visits home for his annual leave. Mysister and I also look forward to the guests, smartarmymen like himself, whom he brings home on visits.
When he came home a few weeks ago, he broughthome an army officer from his own batch who won allour hearts. He stayed two days with us and my parentswere very taken by him, and the fact that he was an onlyson and unmarried.
Both my elder sister and I fell for him! Now, myparents are trying to arrange a match between my eldersister and him, but I am head-over-heels in love withhim.
I don’t feel that my sister really loves him as much as Ido. How can I make my parents realise this and get meand not my sister married to him?
This is a very tricky situation and you should proceedcarefully. Why do you say that you love this man morethan your sister does? Actually, it is likely that both ofyou are just attracted to this young man and not “in love”with him at all, because you really don’t know him! Afterall, he stayed just two days with you! Besides, he didn’tshow that he was specially attracted to either of you,did he?
If you talk to your parents and tell them that you arein love with this man, you will put them and your sister inan awkward position since you are four years youngerthan her.
So, it is best that you keep quiet. And don’t worry.The army is full of smart, eligible young men and yourbrother will surely bring others home.
Three years ago, when I was 20 years old, myparents got me married to a 30-year-old man whohad a good job. I met the man just once before I
married him and in that meeting he told me that I wouldbe living in a joint family with his parents, three elderbrothers and their families.
When I heard this I felt relieved that I would be theyoungest daughter-in-law and would have to just followinstructions the elder daughters-in-law gave me. I feltlike this because I had no experience in running a home.
My husband-to-be also told me that his father was illand bedridden and would not be able to attend ourwedding.
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 67
Have you a personal problem of any nature, which you hesitate to discuss with your family or friends? Share it with us. WE will try to help you.Address your letters to:WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110 055.
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Q A&Personal Problems
Treat yourself to delicious scoops.
ICE CREAMBONBONS
To make your Sundays moreflavorsome, we are here with amouth-watering and simple recipe- Ice Cream Bonbons.
INGREDIENTS1 cup finely-crushed cookiecrumbs2 cups semisweet chocolate chips½ cup butter1 tbsp instant coffee granules
semisweet chocolate chips and 1/2cup butter, stir until smooth. Stirin 1 tablespoon instant coffeegranules until dissolved, coolcompletely. Working quickly andin batches, use a toothpick to dipice cream balls into chocolatemixture; allow excess to drip off.Place on a waxed paper-lined pan;remove toothpick. Return tofreezer, freeze until set. Forlonger storage, transfer bonbonsto a covered freezer containerand return to freezer.
Your dessert is ready
Frozen3 scoops Pure Coconut ice cream
METHODLine a baking pan with waxed
paper, place in freezer to keepcold. Working quickly, scoop outballs of Pure Coconut Ice Creamwith a scooper, immediately roll in1 cup of finely crushed cookiecrumbs. Place on the preparedpan; freeze at least 1 hour or untilfirm.
In a microwave, melt 2 cups
to re-solidify ice cream, keepfrozen until ready to serve.Garnish with chocolate sauce,caramel sauce, whipped cream,and cherries.
Take a bow all you masterchefs! Your gourmet dessert isready.
FLUFFERNUTTERMILKSHAKE
This dessert isn’t just delicious— it’s simply DIVINE! And the bestpart is, it’s super easy to make!Prepare to have your taste budsblown away.
INGREDIENTS2 cups Pure Vanilla withAssorted Nuts & Black raisins IceCream ¼ Milk1/2 Peanut butter2 tbsp Marshmallow crème4 Nutter butter cookies
METHODIn a blender, combine 2 cups of
Pure Vanilla with Assorted Nuts &Black Raisins ice cream, ¼ cupmilk, and 1/2 cup creamy peanutbutter. Blend until just mixed. Add2 tbsp. marshmallow crème, 4Nutter Butter cookies and blenduntil smooth. Divide amongglasses. Serve with whippedcream.
Your Sunday delight is ready.Serve it right away!
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 69
FRIED ICECREAM
This homemade fried ice creamhas everything the normal versionhas to offer, but it lacks all thetedious steps, lengthy prep timesand oily mess that come alongwith the real deal.
INGREDIENTS6 cups cornflakes½ cup salted butter2 tsp powdered cinnamon2 scoops Pure Vanilla withAssorted Nuts and Black Raisinsice cream
METHODPour 5-6 cups cornflakes into a
re-sealable bag and then use arolling pin to crush cornflakes tosmall bits. Melt 1/2 cup saltedbutter in a pan over medium heat.Stir in crushed corn flakes and add2 tsp. cinnamon. Cook mixture,stirring constantly until goldenbrown and fragrant (color will
Fried Ice Cream
deepen and begin to smell lightlytoasty and corn flakes should becrisp), for about 2 minutes.Remove ice cream from freezer,scoop out desired serving size of Pure Vanilla with AssortedNuts & Black Raisins Ice Creamand shape into a ball with clean hands.
Immediately drop shaped icecream ball into corn flake mixtureand roll to evenly coat, whilepressing corn flake mixturearound outer surface for a thickercoating. Freeze for 10 - 15 minutes
Fluffernutter Milkshake
RED VELVET ICECREAM CAKEINGREDIENTS2¼ cups flour2 tbsp cocoa powder1 tsp salt½ cup butter1½ cups sugar2 eggs2 cups buttermilk1 beetroot, boiled and puréed1 tsp vinegar1 tsp baking soda2 scoops Pure Coconut Ice Cream
METHODLine three 9-inch cake pans
with parchment paper, and thenspray with non-stick cookingspray. Preheat the oven to 350F.In a bowl, whisk together theflour, cocoa powder, and salt. Inanother bowl, beat together thebutter and sugar until light andfluffy. Add the eggs, one at a time,beating for 30 seconds after eachaddition. Add in a quarter of theflour mixture, followed by half ofthe buttermilk and anotherquarter of the flour. Add theremaining buttermilk and then theremaining flour, beating until justcombined after each addition. Mixin three-fourth cup of freshly-pureed beets for that amazing redcolour. In a small bowl, combinethe vinegar and baking soda. Themixture will bubble. Fold into the
cake batter. Divide the batterevenly between the three pans.Bake until the cakes spring backwhen lightly touched, about 20minutes. Let the cakes cool for 10minutes in the pans, and then turnout onto a cooling rack to coolcompletely. Assemble the cake:Place one cake layer on a cakestand or cake plate. Add twoscoops of pure coconut ice creamand place another cake layer,followed by the second ice creamlayer, and then add the last cakelayer. Frost the cake with more icecream. Decorate as desired.Freeze the cake until ready toserve.
70 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
2 tsp Lemon juice 1 cup Water
METHODIn a saucepan, bring 1 cup
water, 2 cups strawberries, 3 tbsp.sugar, and 2 tsp. lemon juice to aboil. Let simmer for 5 minutes. Letcool to room temperature. Blendtogether then strain through asieve. Chill in the refrigerator,covered, for 3 hours. Place ascoop of Pure Almond MarzipanIce Cream in a chilled bowl andsurround it with the chilledstrawberry soup.
Your easy and healthy soup isready!
Red Velvet Ice Cream Cake
Strawberry Soup with Ice Cream
STRAWBERRYSOUP WITH ICECREAM
This is a dessert soup, easilymade with fresh strawberries,sugar, and our very favorite-Handcrafted Ice Cream.
INGREDIENTSA scoop of Pure Almond MarzipanIce cream 2 cups Fresh strawberries 3 tbsp Sugar
CHOCOLATE &VANILLA ICECREAM
Scoops of chocolate and vanillaice cream get ladled withchocolate sauce, then toppedwith toasted peanuts andcoconuts in this Rocky Road-inspired sundae that's smoothsailing.
chocolate, 2 tablespoons sugarand 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla in asaucepan. Stir over low heat untilmelted and combined.
Transfer chocolate sauce to ajug and cool to roomtemperature. Hull 200 gmstrawberries, cut into slices. Placea scoop of Pure Chocolate IceCream into base serving dishes.Sprinkle with half the berries.Now place the scoop of PureVanilla with Assorted Nuts andBlack Raisin Ice Cream into thedishes and top with chocolatesauce, remaining berries, minimarshmallows, toasted peanutsand coconut. Serve immediately.
Your decadent dessert is ready!
COLD COFFEELATTE
Now make your own cup ofcoffee is the way to go. So let’s
start by making a strong andheavenly cold coffee latte toppedwith an equally rich scoop of IceCream
INGREDIENTS2 cups of chilled milk2 tsp sugar2½ instant coffee powder4 scoops of pure coffee ice cream
METHODPour 2 cups or 750 ml of chilled
milk, 2 tablespoons sugar, 2.5tablespoons instant coffeepowder, 4 scoops of pure coffeeice cream into a blender.
Blitz until it is the consistencyof a smoothie.
Dress up a glass with chocolatesyrup or ganache. Pour the coffeestraight into the glass. Top with ascoop of pure coffee ice creamand chocolate shavings. Servechilled.
Treat yourself to this simpleand delicious coffee!
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 71
Cold Coffee Latte
CINNAMONFRENCH TOASTWITH ICECREAM
This large stack of cinnamonFrench toast covered in ice creambreakfast will surely give your daya great head start.INGREDIENTS1 cups fresh blue berries2 tbsp sugar1 tbsp Lemon juice and butter2 eggs1 cup cream1 tsp Vanilla essence1 tsp cinnamon powder1 tbsp maple syrup
METHODPlace 1 cup fresh blueberries, 2
tbsp. sugar, 1 tbsp. lemon juiceand butter, as needed in amedium saucepan and simmer onlow heat for about 30 minutes, oruntil thickened. Set aside yourblueberry compote to cool. Beat 2eggs, 1 cup cream, 1 tsp. vanillaessence, 1 tsp. cinnamon powderand 1 tbsp. maple syrup in ashallow bowl. Heat a large skilletover medium heat and add a patof butter. Dip each slice of breadinto the custard mix, soaking bothsides. Add the bread to the skilletand cook for about 3 minutes oneach side, or until golden brown.Serve French toast with blueberrycompote and scoops of PureChocolate Ice Cream.
Your perfect breakfast is ready!Just dig in.
APPLE CAKE ALA MODE
This little Apple Cake a la Modeis a haphazard mix of apple cake,Pure Vanilla with Assorted Nuts &Black Raisins in ice cream andcaramel drizzle.
½ cup black or white sesameseedsa pinch of saffron¼ cup of olive oil
METHODPreheat oven to 350°. Melt 2
tablespoons unsalted butter in asmall saucepan over mediumheat. Remove from heat and mixin 2 tablespoons sugar, 1tablespoon honey, and 1/2teaspoon salt, and then 3tablespoons flour. Add 1/3 cupblack and/or white sesame seedsTransfer dough to a parchment-
72 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
lined rimmed baking sheet andflatten with a spoon until dough isno more than ¼ inch thick. Bakeuntil wafer is golden brown andsmells like caramel, 9–11 minutes.Let cool. Place saffron in a smallbowl and pour in 1 teaspoonboiling water. Let sit until saffronreleases its colour, 10–12 minutes.Stir in 1/4 cup olive oil. Breakwafer into large pieces. ScoopPure Vanilla with Assorted nutsand Black Raisins Ice Cream intobowls; drizzle with saffron oil andtop with wafer. Your dessert isready, take out your spoonsand dig-in.
Cinnamon French Toast with Ice Cream
Apple Cake a la Mode
EASY FROZENMUD PIE
It is a very simple recipe and ifyou love chocolate, this pie recipeis perfect for summer!
INGREDIENTS1½ cup of cookie crumbs1½ tsp sugar¼ cup butter3 cup of pure coffee ice cream¼ cup of chocolate surup
METHODIn a small bowl, combine 1-1/2
cups cookie crumbs and 1-1/2teaspoons sugar if desired. Stir in1/4 cup butter until crumbly andwell blended. Press the mixtureinto a 9-inch pie plate. Refrigeratefor 30 minutes. Spoon 3 cups ofPure Coffee Ice Cream onto thecrust. Drizzle 1/4 cup chocolate
syrup on the top. Freeze untilfirm. Remove from the freezer 10-15 minutes before serving. Garnishwith whole cookies if desired.
Woah! So simple and such adelicious pie! Anyone can make itand everyone should try it out.
MOCHI ICECREAM
Deliciously refreshing ice creamon the inside and perfectly softand chewy mochi (Japanese ricecake) on the outside.
INGREDIENTS1 cup sweet rice flour¼ tsp sugar1 cup water1 scope of pure coffee ice cream
METHODCombine 1 cup sweet rice flour,
¼ cup sugar, and 1 cup water in alarge microwave-safe bowl andcover with plastic wrap.Microwave for 1 minute. Stir therice flour mixture with a whisk toget rid of any lumps, then coverwith plastic wrap and microwavefor 1 minute. Dip a rubber spatulain water and stir the rice mixtureagain. Cover the mixture one lasttime and microwave for another30 seconds. Place a large piece ofparchment paper on your counterand cover it with a generousdusting of corn-starch.
With a wet spatula, scrape thedough out of the bowl and ontothe corn-starch.
Dust the top of the dough withmore corn-starch. Roll the doughinto a rectangle shape, no lessthan ¼-inch thick.
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 73
Make sure you keep dustingthe top and bottom of the doughwith corn-starch to prevent anysticking. Once rolled out, placethe dough into your refrigeratorto set. This will take around 30minutes. After the dough has set,cut circles of the dough using acutter. If you don’t have a cookiecutter, use an empty tin can ordrinking glass.
Brush off any excess corn-starch. Now, working quickly, takea scoop of Pure Coffee Ice Creamand place it in the center of thecircle. Press the dough’s edgesaround the scoop of ice cream,forming a ball, and squeeze toseal.
To help preserve its shape,wrap the mochi ice cream ball incling wrap and place them seamside down back in the freezer toset. Allow the mochi to freeze fora minimum of 2 hours.
When ready to eat, let themochi ice cream sit out for a fewminutes to soften. Done! Sosimple and such a deliciousdessert.
BROWNIESWITHCHOCOLATEAND ALMONDICE CREAM
Try out a recipe which is lovedby all, Brownie + Ice Cream! It’s amatch made in heaven.
INGREDIENTS½ cups melted butter½ cup cocoa1 cup sugar2 eggs1 tsp Vanilla essence½ cups flour¼ tsp salt1 cup nuts and raisins chocolatechip
METHODPreheat oven to 350°F. Grease a
square pan or line with foil and setaside. In a bowl combine 1/2 cup
melted butter and 1/2 cup cocoaand 1 cup sugar, stir until fullydissolved. Add 2 eggs (one at atime) then 1 tsp vanilla essenceand stir until well combined. Tothis add 1/2 cup flour and 1/4 tspsalt until the flour is fullycombined.
To make your brownies extradelicious, you can add 1 cup ofnuts, raisins, chocolate chips oranything else that you desire.
Spread the mixture in the panand bake for approximately 20-22minutes or until the center isslightly set.
Be careful not to over-bake!Cool completely.
Top it with a huge scoop ofPure Chocolate with Almonds IceCream.
Done! We told you it will be super
easy yet super delicious.
74 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
Recipes by: Ms. Prerna Puri, Founder and CEO of Prerna’s Handcrafted Ice Cream
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 75
On the other hand if the BPS is poor will beadmitted and strict monitoring done if the baby ispremature so that it can grow big enough tosurvive outside the womb.
IUSUALLY HAVE DELAYED PERIOD AND DID NOT REALISE
that I was pregnant when I got a X ray of mytooth done for some dental problem. I do
want to continue with this pregnancy but do not know if it iswise to do so after the exposure to X rays. Please advise.
Inadvertent exposure to X ray, during pregnancy,especially in an area remote from the uterus (the tooth inyour case) is relatively harmless so do not panic or think of anabortion on this account. One X Ray exposure does notwarrant such a drastic step.
RECENTLY I ABORTED A TWO AND A HALF MONTHS OLD BABY
due to some internal problem. I want to know if I canget pregnant again and have a healthy baby. What if
I abort again?.One in twenty five pregnancies end up in an abortion,
usually due to a chromosomal anomaly that is incompatiblewith life. This is because 10-20% of the millions of spermsproduced during each ejaculate are abnormal and one ofthese must have fertilised the ovum. In that case in allprobability you will have no difficulty in having a healthypregnancy and a normal baby next time. On the other hand ifyou have repeated abortions, you will need a host ofinvestigations to reach a diagnosis and management will bedone accordingly. Repeated abortions could occur due toconditions such as genetic, hormonal, immune problems,infections and congenital abnormalities of the uterus.
Usually there is no difficulty in conceiving after an abortionunless you develop blocked tubes due to infection. It isadvisable to wait at least six months after an abortion beforeyou try for another pregnancy.
IAM EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT AND HAVE DEVELOPED SWELLING
around my ankles and feet. What is it due to and whatshould be done to prevent it?Swelling, or edema, is a very common discomfort of
pregnancy. When the weather is warm, or you have beenstanding on your feet for awhile, or even by the end of yourday, you may notice that your feet feel tight and swollen. Ingeneral swelling is nothing to be alarmed about.
The swelling usually subsides after a good night's rest.Increase your intake of water to at least eight glasses of watera day. While people believe that swelling is caused byexcessive intake of salt in the diet, the opposite is also true so,moderation is the key to balance. To reduce the swelling youshould wear comfortable shoes, slip on types are best. Putyour feet up when possible. If you stand at work, try to movearound slightly or get a stool to prop a foot up. Don't wearelastic topped socks; try support stockings. If the swelling isaccompanied by increased blood pressure and albumin inthe urine, it is not normal and needs medical management.
– Dr. Amrinder Bajaj
THIS IS MY FIRST CONCEPTION. AS MY TIME DRAWS NEAR MY
fears are getting compounded as people have told methat small women have a small pelvis and this makes it
difficult for the baby to pass through. As a result there areincreased chances of cesarean delivery. I do so want todeliver normally.
This is a blanket statement and not entirely true. A lotdepends upon the size of the baby for the space available inthe pelvis should be adequate in relation to the baby you arecarrying. If the size of your baby too is small, the small pelviswill not be an impediment to delivery and you may very wellhave a normal delivery. However one must remember thatCPD – cephalo-pelvic disproportion – difficulty of the baby’shead to pass through a narrow pelvis, is not the only reason forcesarean section. Quite a few tall women with an adequatepelvis end up in a cesarean section for a multitude of otherreasons like fetal distress, breech presentation (baby is bottomfirst) etc.
ISMOKED TILL I WAS THREE MONTHS PREGNANT AS I DID NOT KNOW
that I was pregnant. Now I have tried stopping but when I don’t smoke I become very irritable and moody which
makes things unpleasant at home. I take a few drags nowand then but do not smoke as I used to do. Will this affect my baby?
Not only is smoking harmful to your baby, but beingaround people who smoke is as bad, if not worse for thenicotine is passed on to the baby as carbon monoxides. Therisks of smoking to the baby include stillbirths, prematurity,low birth weight, asthma and sudden infant death syndrome.Ideally you should give up the habit before you get pregnantbut if that has not occurred do so now, no matter howirritable or moody you have become. Take professional helpif needed to do so.
IAM IN THE EIGHTH MONTH OF MY PREGNANCY AND THE BABY’S
movements have decreased considerably over the lastweek. Is this a cause for concern?. It is indeed a cause for concern. You should visit your doctor
at the earliest. She will perform a check up, hear the fetalheart and get an NST done. NST is a simple, non-invasive testthat gives a fair idea about the baby’s well being. If this isnormal you will be sent home and asked to keep a kick count.This entails counting the baby’s movements for one hour afterevery meal. If there are 3-4 movements each time all is well. Ifthe NST is abnormal or inconclusive further surveillance isrequired. An ultrasound with a BPS (biophysical score) will bedone where the baby gets a score out of 10. Sometimes you donot perceive the movements but they are well visualized on anultrasound and you may be sent home after being reassured.
Q A&I am Pregnant
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76 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
Pracheen Kala Kendra’sGolden JubilationsCelebrating Golden Jubilee of All India Bhaskar Rao Nritya andSangeet Sammelan. By Sudipto Mullick
Frailties in intentions are itstrue defeat. Despite themandatory shelving of the
golden jubilee celebration ofPracheen Kala Kendra, Chandigarhinitiated All India Bhaskar Rao Nritya& Sangeet Sammelan last year —for which huge losses were factored— they nonetheless, poweredthrough to reprise it albeit in thephygital format this year. Inevitably,the original celebratory tone ofpairing the illustrious exponentswho had previously illuminated thisprestigious stage with theirpracticing progenies had to begreatly rethunk owing to theongoing pandemic.
The vestige of that schema wasalmost an eventuality with PadmaBhushan Pandit Vishwa MohanBhatt billed to inaugurate this
conference, held at Tagore Theater,alongside his son, Salil with a duet.However, senior Bhatt was heldprisoner to an unanticipated healthissue. He did air a congratulatoryvideo message, after which, juniorBhatt took to a solo Satvik Veenarendition launching into ragaJogeshwari, but not before rueingthe lack of prevalence of rare ragaslike Gangeshwari, Kameshwari, andParameshwari — all of which,including the one he staged, beingPandit Ravi Shankar's owninventions. One wished him to havesubsidised the posturing andinstead extended the equivalentearnestness to performing. He andtabla player Abhishek Mishra, bothwere then combined by Rajasthanifolk artist & khartal player KutlaKhan — who handsomely held up
his end and Paarth Koser, a cubdrummer, to render a mash basedon raga Bhopali, pahari and folk-music, in succession.
During this week-long turnout,Odissi danseuse, Vidushi SujataMohapatra — disciple & daughter-in-law of the legendary guruPadmavibhushan KelucharanMohapatra, and her troupe hadessayed Mangalacharan — aterpsichorean oblation to LordJagannatha followed by Jayadeva'sGita Govinda, choreographed by hermentor, Hansadhvani pallabi andallied items. She then soloed anevocative abhinaya-steeped Shabaribefore bringing in her troupe toconclude with Moksha contiguouswith a hymn to the presidentgoddess. She and her troupe werean incarnation of applied
mathematics stimulated by melody.Be it core engagement, sharpness,individual/group symmetry andspatial exploration, it was blinding,none more so than the lady at itsheart.
The authentic showcasing of gat,nikas thaat, aamad, uthaan, ganeshparan, chakradar paran, and upaj —left leg more impactive than theright, per instructions — of Jaipurgharana by Dr Samira Koser wasappreciable.
Demonstrating restrainedthespianism in Madhab Prasad'screation, Ahilaya, she successfullydrew empathy to the protagonist'stravails.
This edition's only otherdanseuse, Guru Kamilini Dutt andher troupe's kathak-bharatanatyamamalgam, Rango'ntaratma — a
journey navigating nada, bindu, kalaand rasa, premised on Shiva tattvadepicting shakti, birth of nature &culminating in an existentialeuphoria, employing VO & AVeffects came across ascorporatised.
EVIDENT N TARANAAND HORI
Vocalist Vidushi Purnima Bhatt ofDharwad district, Karnataka,exuded brilliance via raga PuriaKalyan (bandish: 'hovan lagi sanjhbhai' in vilambit ek-taal), upping thepace in a drut bandish (dhan dhantero bhag). Her assertive gain andtankari-laykari control were just asevident in tarana and hori in MishraKhanbaj (khele nandlal sangrangbhari hori) she intonated
before winding up. Durjay Bhaumikon tabla and Paromita Mukherjeeon harmonium both complementedher judiciously.
Enchanting with raga Kalavati,Vidushi Mahalakshmi Shenoyinitiated it with an aalapprogressing to a bandish (sajan gharaaye) in vilambit ek-taal. Applausewas thick as her drut teen-taalbandish (tumhare bina main toh)came to rest; a couple of bhajansincluding one in her mother-tongue,Konkani, yet to be proferred beforeshe'd exit along with Pt. AbhishekMishra, and Tarun Joshi, hersymbiotic tabla and harmoniumaccompanists, respectively. Herpoised vibrato, simulation ofKrishna's frolicking in 'Nari nayanchakora' (in Ahir Bhairav) andanoesis-induction in self-written
Dr Samira Koser presenting Shudh Kathak of Jaipur Gharana
{ }A JOURNEY NAVIGATINGNADA, BINDU, KALA ANDRASA, PREMISED ON SHIVATATTVA DEPICTING SHAKTI,BIRTH OF NATURE &CULMINATING IN ANEXISTENTIAL EUPHORIA,EMPLOYING VO & AVEFFECTS CAME ACROSS ASCORPORATISED.
Meera's bhajan in Bhinna MishraShadja was lost to none.
'Kajra kaise dalu' in vilambit ek-taal; 'avgun na kijiye guni sang'(drut), and 'aae mayi aaj aaye gharmitwa' in teen-taal were thebandishes intrinsically harnessed byAmbareesh Das to portray ragaYaman Kalyan. And when he delvedinto a Basant raag bandish (ayopagwa brij dekhan ko chalo ri), histabla catalyst, Pt. DebashishAdhikary, came into his own.
13TH GENERATIONCONCATENATION
Raga Jog was the opener forPrashant and Nishant Mallick, thecontemporary flag-bearers ofDarbhanga gharana. An elaborateaalap, segued through badat toblossom into their father PremKumar's bandish (khelan aaye horikanhaai) set to Dhamar-taal. MallickBrothers, the 13th generationconcatenation, sealed theirthoroughly riveting session withKripalam Mahakal — a venerationstructured on the rare and brisk 10-matra rhythm cycles attemptedcustomarily only by expertdrupadists. Pakhawaj playerRishishankar Upadhyay's Gayagharana notations were congruentwith the gravitas of the recital.
Incidentally, the other brother-
duo, 'friends' in their associativenomenclature withstanding, aresiblings — Madhu and Gopal ontabla and srikhol, respectively. TheBarman Bandhus' filial nexus waspalpable as they unwove theirengrossing instrumentation withrela, kaida, palta and likes in Rupak-taal, additionally benefiting fromHiranmoy Mitra's harmoniousharmoniuming.
Only through the father-sonsarodists duo — Pt. Alok andAbhishek Lahiri did the initialideation witness fructification.Mesmerising from onset, theycommenced with raga Rageshri(aalap, jod, jhala, jhap-taal and teen-taal gat) and concluded with a bitthumri-mannered Mishra Kafi,tailing into a Suddha-Zila Kafiragamala. Their conflux ofShahjahanpur, Maihar and theSenia-Bangash gharanas had theprogenitor principally abandoningspace for his virtuoso scion.
Pt. Rakesh Chaurasia's solemnraga Durga (aalap, jod inmadhyalaya), fluttered about theaudi, nonetheless soon he appliedhis rigorous embouchure. Theconcluding pahari dhun too lingeredbeyond its exhausted notes, allwhile conversing with thecontemplative, though faintlystentorian towards end, tablavoicing of Ram Kumar Mishra.
Self-composed ragaJanasammohani (aalap, jod, gat,jhap-taal, teen-taal, sawal-jawab) – arather flippant tune – was Pt. TarunBhattacharya's presentation withtabla maestro Pt. Ramdas Palsule intow, closing with a bhatiyali dhunand an overall perfunctory effort.
Sitarist Dr.Harvinder KumarSharma's cantabile predicated onkhayal-ang in raga Pahadi peakedthrough alaap, jod alaap and thegats — masitkhani (slow) andrazakhani (fast). EmulatingImdadkhani gharana's Ustad VilayatHussain Khan's late-career habit, hebroke into singing (rangi sari gulabi;payoji maine ram ratan) which forsome could slump the sublimation.Ustad Akram Khan supplied himwith delicious counterpoints.
Flags of Punjab gharana flewhappy and high as tabla-pair, Jaidev(disciple & son of Pt Kale Ram) andhis disciple, Ravinder Singhdisseminated quintessential reles,kaydes, paltes and the likes,assisted steadily by BhishamSharma on harmonium.
The conference, compliant toCovid-19 protocol, was live-streamed on PKK's Facebook page& YouTube channel where it'sarchived as well. As valiant effortsgo, this exposition backed up by afierce intention despite such tryingtimes, was right up there.
78 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
Mallick Brothers Prashant Nishant of Darbhanga Gharana Pt. Rakesh Chaurasia lipping Raga Durga
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 79
in your arms or in the pram. If he wakes upafter he has settled down, gently soothe himback to sleep. Do not take him to the hustlebustle area of the house that will provoke himto wake up.
Such rituals may take up to an hour initiallybut after a month or so you baby will get the‘it’s time to sleep’ message and willmiraculously fall asleep within minutes. If you
need to wake your baby up for whatever reason do not doso by shaking him. Such rough handling can be dangerous.Instead tickle is toes or blow gently on his cheek.
MY NEW BORN DAUGHTER PASSED BLOOD FROM HER PRIVATE
parts a few days after delivery. This has alarmedus terribly. What could be the cause?
Maternal hormones circulate in the baby’s blood whileshe is in the uterus. At delivery the sudden withdrawal ofthese hormones lead to a menstruation like situation whichis entirely harmless. It does not require treatment and willnot recur.
IWAS SURPRISED TO LEARN THAT MY SISTER’S NEW BORN SON
has developed jaundice! Where could he have caughtthe infection? My siser does not have jauncide?This is not an infection but is physiological and occurs in
approximately 50% of newborns. It is characterised byyellowish discoloration of the skin and the white of theeyes and usually appears on the second or third day ofbirth, disappear within 1 to 2 weeks. The yellowing beginsin the upper par of the body and spreads downwards. Whydoes it occur? A baby in the womb has higher heamoglobinlevels than a newborn because the former has to extractoxygen from the maternal blood while the latter gets itdirectly from the air. As there is no need for the extra redblood cells after birth they are destroyed. Jaundice iscaused by the accumulation of bilirubin (a waste productproduced by the breakdown of red blood cells) in theblood, skin, and other tissues as the immature liver of thenewborn is unable to remove this substance effectivelyfrom the body. It is different from the jaundice that adultssuffer from, which is due to the inflammation of the liver.
If the jaundice appears earlier or the bilirubin levels arehigh, the baby may need phototherapy or even exchangetransfusion. During phototherapy the child is kept underblue lights for days with the eyes and genitalia covered forprotection. Exchange transfusion is required when thebilirubin levels are so high that there is a possibility of thebrain being affected. The baby’s blood is replaced by freshblood to bring down the biluribin levels with immediateeffect so that brain damage is minimized.
– Dr Amrinder Bajaj, MD.
Readers are invited to send their problems of child care andchild rearing. WOMAN’S ERA will provide the answers,solutions to problems usually encountered by mothers, youngand old. Address your letters (neatly written on white paper) to:
WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110 055.
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Q A&Child Challenges
PLEASE TELL ME WHAT SORT OF NAPPIES SHOULD I USE FOR MY
child? The disposable ones are too expensive and I donot know if cloth ones are good enough. Also please
tell me how often should I change the diaper and what isthe right way of doing it?
You could use cloth nappies, disposable ones or ajudicious mixture of both - the latter while going out andcloth ones at home. You would probably need 10 diapers aday. Before changing the diapers make sure that everythingyou need is at hand so that you do not leave the babyunattended. After each bowel movement or if the diaper iswet, lay your baby on his back and remove the dirty diaper.Use the water, cotton balls, and washcloth or wipes togently wipe your baby's bottom and genital area. Whenremoving a boy's diaper, do so carefully because exposureto the air may make him urinate. When cleaning a girl child,wipe her from front to back to avoid infection. Do notpowder the local area. Wash your hands thoroughly afterchanging a diaper. If you are a new mother and are stillrecovering from the strain of child birth make sure that yourworking level, be it in the kitchen, wash basin or nappychanging should be high enough so that your back remainserect while performing these chores. Repetitive/constantback bending can lead to chronic backache.
WE WERE SURPRISED TO LEARN THAT MY NEWBORN CHILD
had lost weight on discharge on the 3rd day,instead of gaining it as expected.
A newborn loses about 5-10% of his body weight in thefirst few days of life as the swelling subsides. This isnormal. The weight is regained within the next 7 -14 days.Thereafter there is a gain of 25-30gms per day. Standardcharts for height and weight are available and your baby’sheight and weight will be marked on a graph on every visitto the pediatrician. Generally, a baby doubles his birthweight in 4-5 months and triples it in one year.
IHAVE AN EIGHT MONTH’S OLD SON AND AS YET HE HAS NOT
developed sleep pattern. This is making all of usirritable. Please tell me how to make him sleep properly
at proper times or is it too early to start doing the same.This is the right time to develop a proper sleep pattern.
To help him do so you could set a routine for every nightand adhere to it. Put him to sleep at the same place sothat he associates the place with sleep. Keep the areadimly lit and quiet so that he understands the differencebetween night and day. Do not switch on the lights whilefeeding. Quickly burp and change his nappy without talk orplay as you would do in the day. You could put him to sleepby patting, singing to him, rocking or walking him around
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Travelling generates ideas and learnings.By Aditi Maheshwari
Travelling is known as a sourceof rejuvenation andrefreshment. Some people
travel with the intention ofspending quality time with theirfamily and friends, some with thepurpose of celebrating specialevents of their life like destinationweddings, honeymoon, etc. Sometravel with a simple view to explorenew places, some in search ofpeace, some to reveal their statusand rich lifestyle, some travel tolearn about various cultures andbackgrounds, some to learn peculiarskills, some to learn cuisines ofdifferent locations of the world.Everyone chooses to travel for theirpersonal reasons which continue tovary from time to time.
When we feel we need a break toattain peace and to rejuvenateourselves, what we are actuallyseeking is change for the good thatpenetrates an extra dose ofexcitement for life within us. We arebasically seeking a resurgence ofoptimism that we may have not feltlately, an opportunity to sing thehappy song and expect miracles inthe world around us. We seek theability to view new horizons. Ourmindset expands when we freeourselves to notice in detail thevarious aspects of the world whichin turn ignites passion and creativityand the will to experiment things.
Travel and creativity aremagically interlinked. Multi-culturalengagements naturally give birth tocreative ideas. When we involve andadapt something new, even if for ashort time, it increases ourunderstanding and broadens ourperspective which makes usmodest. Also, it caters the momentof curiosity. The first inklings of newgrowth happen in an atmosphere offreedom uninfluenced by anylimited perception.
Creativity is an experimentallearning where you understandwhat works and what does not. Itflies on the wings of imagination.Travelling gives us the opportunityto talk to the locals and learn abouttheir practices, their thoughts andtheir heritage in all. Great wisdomlies hidden in the most ordinarythings and places.
Our unfulfilling existence getsreplaced by one rich adventure,mystery and excitement. Webecome vibrant again. Doingsomething with a mindset that wehave to, makes us lose our spark ofexcitement and curiosity. However,if we choose the attitude that wewant to do something, that wewant to do because it’s the rightthing to do we get a bounce in oursteps naturally, liberating us fromour shortcomings and winning overourselves. We enable our restrictedvision to become wide open,leading to innovation and new waysof doing things. Be a perpetuallearner for life as life has amazinggifts and insights to offer us andtravel provides great teachings.Remain spirited, joyful and curious.Stop majoring in minor things. Enjoyand relish the beauty of diversity.Celebrate different ethnicities. Letpassion rule the game of life foryou. Every experience no matterhow small offers lessons, if we keepourselves open to acknowledge.
Reclaim the joy of waking upevery morning full of energy andunbridled exhilaration as if you areon vacation to your favorite place inthe world. To absorb the agelessphilosophy, we need to develop ourexploration skills and not get
limited to our self-servingruminations. Our society isconditioned to label the ignorant asweak and submissive, but the truthis that the one who has the courageto express their lack of knowledgeand seek instructions find the pathto enlightenment before anyoneelse, we have examples of greatscholars, who travelled across theglobe in search of knowledge andenlightenment. Their honestquestions reveal they are open tolearn, experiment and grow indeed,letting the fresh ideas bloom andtake space.
3 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 3
IMPROVE YOURSELF FIRST
Learning how to learn is the firststep to limitless success. Travelmakes us realize why change isconstant. The wise embrace the factthat change is the only thing that ispermanent, so instead of fighting itthey welcome it, which allows themto expand and broaden their mindallowing them to learn and updatetheir skills and mindset with thechanging times. Zen traditionspeaks of a beginner's mind: thosewho are open to new concepts,those who are willing to learn, willalways move to higher levels ofachievement and fulfillment.Questions are the most effectivemethod of eliciting knowledge.
The biggest mistake is when weassume we have no time to work onourselves. Self-improvement andpersonal expansion are the bestthing you can do for yourself and inturn the society at large becausetrue learning means to improveyourself first and help others next.When you take time to build astrong character full of discipline,energy, power and optimism, youcan have anything and do anythingyou want in life. Travel highlightsthe importance of taking the timeto master your mind, to care foryour body because you will not getanother and to nourish your soul as
DO THE THINGS YOU HAVE ALWAYSWANTED TO DO BUTDIDN’T BECAUSE YOUTRICKED YOURSELFINTO BELIEVING THATYOU WERE TOOYOUNG, TOO OLD,TOO RICH OR TOOPOOR. TRAVEL MAKESYOU YOUNG ATHEART AGAIN,IGNITING THE SPIRITOF A CHILD WHO GETSEXCITED FORANYTHING NEW.
superior or inferior in any regardrequires immense inner strengthand courage to be transparent andvulnerable to the realities of life.
All the new aged theories havethe roots of tradition and culturespreviously practiced and upgradedwith time. Nothing is a coincidenceor happened on its own. Everythingis connected and so to learn thenew, you cannot ignore the old.Experimentation leads toupgradation, but we need to beflexible in our approach and notrigid in our patterns of thinking andliving. Practical illustrations thathappen locally cannot be replaced.There are hundreds of people whogo unacknowledged for theirremarkable skills simply because ofliving in far off humble places.
Travelling is always a fascinatingexperience that helps us steptowards self-mastery. When welearn to tap into our internalresources, we equip ourselves toexperiment, learn and expand ourcreative skills. We give ourselvespermission to travel both into ourinner world and the external worldat large. We become open toreceive the richness that theuniverse offers. Practicing the art of“Kaizen” prepares us to live asoaring, fully alive life. Simple actsof being high atop the mountainsgazing at the starry and gloriously
beautiful night makes us see thingswe could never have seen in theroutine course of mundaneactivities. Watch the sun rise, dancein the shower, experience life to thefullest, be the person you alwaysdreamed of being. Do the thingsyou have always wanted to do butdidn’t because you tricked yourselfinto believing that you were tooyoung, too old, too rich or too poor.Travel makes you young at heartagain, igniting the spirit of a childwho gets excited for anything new.
Example, if you fear travellingalone, by all might do that and thefear disappears. If you fear startinga new business or getting out of atoxic relationship, muster everyounce of your inner resolve and doit, solo traveling brings theopportunity to feel independentand see the world through a newperspective. This might be the firsttaste of real freedom that you mayhave experienced over the years.Fear is simply a negative stream ofconsciousness that has crept intoyour mind over the time.Methodically search for and destroyevery fear that has secretly slid intothe fortress of your mind. This alonewill give you enormous confidence,happiness, peace of mind and zestfor life. Fear is the greatest obstaclein the road of experimentallearning. The fears we don’t facebecome our limits. Our natural stateis of indomitable strength andunlimited potential and travellingmakes us realize this fact. Our self-neglect and unbalanced thinkingnever lets us enter into ourpowerful natural state. Self-love isthe foundation of anything healthyand beautiful.
Dipping into the zone of theunknown alerts our senses naturallyleading to differential thinking,leading to sharper creative skills.Now it’s up to us to decide whetherwe are willing to accept the call onour life and say yes to greatness.
However, travel during Covidtimes is not recommended. Butsoon when all will be well andthereafter, we can restart ourgrowth pursuits.
4 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 4
it will put you in a position todevelop more vitality in living. Aswisely said by Epictetus- “No man isfree who is not a master ofhimself.” Remember, freedom givesbirth to innovation, imagination andcreativity, so gift yourself a tour tounleash the freedom to live fully.
Balanced lifestyle is thefoundation of achieving innerpeace. Reckless living will never letyou learn the deep truths ofpurposeful life. When we travel tofar off places and see the struggleof people living in those lands yetsmiling and striving to livecompletely and enhancing theirskills and contributing to thesociety, we become modest andhumble.
RUN YOUR OWN RACECourage allows you to run your
own race. The degree of courageyou live with determines theamount of fulfillment you receive. Itallows you to truly realize all theexquisite wonders of life. All thosewho master themselves have anabundance of courage. Travelling tocertain places is an act of courage,but having said that being open tothe wide diversity of cultures andtraditions and learning fromeveryone who you come acrosswithout being entitled to feel
84 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
When you are up a fewhours early each morningbefore your standard time
to wake up, you get a good time tosmash at the activities that relate toyour passion. The result will beyou'll feel more inspired during theday. 4 AM is that time of the daywhere there is no kind of distractionand you can solely focus on yourgoals. It’s the best hour for deepthinking that you need to execute inyour creative projects.
The golden hoursThe value of life is fully extracted
by discovering the potential of timeand making wise use of it. If youpass by the golden hours sleeping,you are simply losing theopportunity to propel yourselftowards strategic growth. The nextlevel will demand more from you, soprogram yourself for greatness. Ifyou keep waiting for the executionof your dreams: ‘For a while’, thisphrase and phase will never end.
You create your own value bymanaging your time effectively,because otherwise you'll waste itwithout being truly awakened to itspresence and authority and here iswhere the casualty takes place.Don't let your life go by as anaccident, show up always whetheryou feel like it or not. You will never
be your best self always but stillshow up and do as much as you can.Don't just go around in circles,doing the same thing over and overagain. Be hyper intentional withhow and when you start your day.Out of bed straight to walk orexercise or work, do as you feel likeand if you prefer to exercise around7 AM so be it. Focus on yourpriorities instead, but be activelyengaged in doing somethingmeaningful to you is a dominion inmanifesting your reality.
4 Am – The pilot pour ofcreators!
Don’t underestimate the powerof consistency and desire. There isone irrefutable law of the universe:we are each responsible for ourown life. It’s like opening a gymcalled resolutions. It will be exercisefor the first two weeks and then itturns into a bar for the rest of theyear. Remember, you can’t bedevoted and distracted at the sametime. Commitment leads toconsistency. The smell of possibilityin the morning is very alluring. Ipersonally prefer getting up at 4 AMrather than working till 2 AMbecause after a peaceful night'ssleep and the freshness of themorning hours, I happen to operatewith more enthusiasm and focus.
The cut-and-dried monotonyA river flows through the huge
rocks of obstacles and through thedirt thrown by other fellowpassengers of life, peacefully in itscomplete glory fighting the externalnegative influences and yetretaining the source of purity; is agreat example for us to look up to.
It starts so young that we fail torealize the impact of oursurroundings on us and thus as aroller coaster ride, we need to learnto balance ourselves both internallyand externally so that we canexecute complete passion to ourpurpose. The cut-and-driedmonotony will not help you succeedin life. Time is a fair and equalopportunity employer; now it’s upto us to show our commitment andearn the rewards of the moment.
Dancing on the splinter ofglass
The promise to perform in thefuture is a hollow promise if it is notbacked by the small meaningfulactions of the present time - TheNOW. You need to be intoxicatinglyinsane while pursuing your dreamsas if you are dancing on the starswhile in reality you may be dancingon the splinter of glass. Grind nowso later your dogs can have thebackyard they deserve. Nothing
4AM!It’s
Roll up your sleeves. By Aditi Maheswari
comes from worrying or self-pity,keep showing up no matter howhard it feels. You have within youthe power to overcome anything.You can be vulnerable and still bepowerful. You can have a gentleheart, but still be rock solid at yourcore. You can be as calm as abreeze, but as fierce as a tiger. Thebest people embody both sides.Never let others dictate who youare. Get honest with people aboutwho you are, what you want andhow you expect to be treated.Standards only scare off people notmeant for you. Maintain a balancebetween working hard and notgiving up but at the same timegiving adequate rest to your bodyand taking care of yourself whichincludes emotional, spiritual andmental health, because only whenyou take care of all such aspects ofyourself can you truly set yourselffor greatness. Be both the dreamerand the doer. It all starts within you;your internal world is the driver ofyour external behavior. 5 minutes isenough to view your whole lifedifferently. So just imagine howpowerful a few extra hours willhave on your life if you use themwisely. The wisdom of beingannoyed at the loss of thesebeautiful golden hours can help youextract the wisdom of your innerpower.
THE VALUE OF LIFE IS FULLY EXTRACTED BY DISCOVERING THE POTENTIALOF TIME AND MAKING WISE USE OF IT. IF YOU PASS BY THE GOLDEN HOURS
SLEEPING, YOU ARE SIMPLY LOSING THE OPPORTUNITY TO PROPELYOURSELF TOWARDS STRATEGIC GROWTH. THE NEXT LEVEL WILL DEMAND
MORE FROM YOU, SO PROGRAM YOURSELF FOR GREATNESS.
early morning notwithstanding the dietfood on some days andcheat diet on the other. Ishudder when her phonerings and a new recipe isborn.
I was used to a certaindiet of hers and there shegoes throwingconsistency to thewinds.”Listening to this Icringe looking at mystomach. My eyes werenext in line. “Listen to mysorry tale. I am dazzledthe whole day what withthe array of movies shewatches. It is either the
Television or the Laptopor the mobile. She hopslike a frog from one toanother. As if suggestionsfor movies appearing onthe TV is not enough shegets messages from allover to watch this or thatand there she goeswithout a blink.
I have lost my veryclose pal whose warmthwould bring me rest andsweet dreams. I wonderwhy the virus chose tokidnap him. His name wassleep and I am still waitingfor him.” Hey! that’s myface and hair in unison,“Just look at us. We havenever been plain andnormal from the day thelockdown started. Veggiessupposed to be in thefridge and in the food aresmeared on us in thename of packs. Yew! Thesmell makes us want topuke. Why doesn’t she letus be? We would enjoy thewarm un rays on us duringher morning walks andglow. The glow is now lostin the midst of so manypacks.” Angry tones camefrom my hands, “She istorturing us with all thosewashing and cleaning,sanitisers et al. We refuseto do any more maid or nomaid”. My brain spokevehemently, “I have letthe virus take away hersleep”.
Now I could hear my
Whispers in
the Night
ShortStory
She was a nice friendlysoul till the virus hit.
Now she has goneoverboard on the
workouts.
Thanks to Covid-19and the lockdown,sleep had eluded
me and would come overto embrace me only aftera lot of tossing andturning boisterously inbed. The other day I wokeup with a start hearingbabbled voices talking inwhispers late in the nightwhen the whole worldwas asleep. I walked overto where the sounds werecoming from and wasshocked to see most ofmy organs sitting on thedining chair and werehaving a panel discussion.I peeped in and tried toeavesdrop on what theywere saying in disgruntled
words. “I am fed up of her(that’s me). She was anice friendly soul till thevirus hit. Now she hasgone overboard on theworkouts. It is spotjogging, Zumba one dayand the other day it isYoga and belly blasts andthe next day it is bellydance gyrations. I huffand puff but she stilldoesn’t heed. All sorts ofonline fitness workouts ina day to boot” cried theoverwhelmed heart. Nextwas the stomach to speak“My plight is still worse. Ihave lost count of thetypes of herbs, powders,juices veggie soupscoming inside which starts
Cov id Fears By: Vasudha Murthy
whole body screaming, “Iam sick of her wearing thesame old clothes day inand day out. Where haveall her lovely drapesgone?”.The last one tospeak were my legs, “I amthe lucky one here. I amenjoying my siesta eitheron the couch or on thebed. How I wish thislockdown never ends!”
I couldn’t bear hearing
more and tried to closemy ears only to be rudelyawakened by the alarm.Whew! it was a dream!But was it really?…..Butthen some dreams aretoo close for comfort.
Coming back to reality,how I wish we could hearour organs speak so thatwe do not overdo whatwe are doing through thelockdown and further.
Whatsapp messages areflooded with self-immunity home remedieswhich makes one want totry this or try that. Anyhome remedy forexample, Turmeric whichwe have been using for along long time in ourkitchen is to be taken onlyin required quantities andnot through the day.Ginger also is
recommended for ourstable digestion but thenthat too is not good whentaken in overdose.Dearest readers, thisarticle is neither a fantasynor a fancy to just readand brush it off but asmall alarm ring for allthose who have becomeimmunity freaks to justtake every message with a pinch of salt.
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 87
The Birthday GiftMy husband worked in Hong
Kong and I stayed in Mumbai withmy two school going sons. Mybirthdays were never celebratedwith too much fanfare. We had asmall cake cutting amongst thethree of us. I must admit that myhusband is not the kind ofromantic guy to shower words oflove on a birthday. Gift wassomething that I definitely hadn’treceived from him. However I hadno complaints because he neverstopped me from purchasingwhatever I wanted. This year I gotsurprised on my birthday in adifferent style.
A well-dressed guy knocked atmy door at around 9 pm on the eveof my birthday. He had a huge gift-wrapped packet. Requesting toverify my identity he said,“Madam, this gift has come fromHong Kong,” he confirmed thename of the sender as myhusband.
Then he added apologetically,“We were instructed to deliver it
only at 12 midnight madam, but Ihave to travel to the other end ofthe city where I live. Please do notlet your husband know youreceived it hours earlier.”I feltsorry for him and assured him thatI won’t divulge the timing ofdelivery to my husband.
“Anyway I won’t be calling himright now. He must have fallenasleep. It is 11.30 pm in Hong Kong.I will call him tomorrow and tellhim I received it at 12 midnight.” Iwas actually bubbling withexcitement over this gift wrap andwas eagerly waiting to open it.However the man stood there nothanding over the packet and said,“Sorry madam but you need togive me Rs 3348. The money fortransportation has not beencharged.”
The packet looked pretty hugeand the kind of amount the manstated sounded perfect to me.Without second thoughts I handedit over to him. He left after wishingme, “Happy birthday, madam.Have a great one.” I and my sonspent a good 15 minutes trying toopen the packet. The wrapperskept peeling around waning sizedboxes and the last box had a smallrubber ball in it. That is when Irealised I had been duped!
This guy definitely had made athorough study. He knew that myhusband was away and he knewmy birth date. Very shrewdly hequoted an amount astransportation fee that wouldevoke no suspicion. I have still not
If you have, at antime, been taken in bya smooth-talking tricksteror a clever impostor, share yourexperience with our readers.Contributions should be about 500words typed or neatly written onone side of the paper only. `200will be paid for each acceptedand published reminiscence. Sendit to:
HOW I WAS DUPED
E-3 Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110055.Womansera.com
Name:
Mobile:
E-mail:
been able to find out how the manhad gathered information someticulously and tricked me.
Some neighbours say, “Youwere discussing this with us thatyour husband never really bothersto shower you with gifts andwishes on your birthday. He musthave been hovering around andeavesdropped on us.”
“Your kids might havediscussed with their friends thattheir father is in Hong Kong and hegathered that information too.” Allthat may be true but the fact that atrickster had been tracking our dayto day activities is somethinggenuinely bothersome.
– Sudha Viswanath
We
Forward'soch ke'
Aherd of giraffes is walking down majestically tothe diving board. One by one the giraffes pull offacrobatic dive into the swimming pool.’ An
awesome video going viral on social media with theclaim that it is a real show in Australia! The fact is it isnot a real show, but computer graphics, an award-winning animated video. Sample another widely sharedimage which is of an elephant carrying a lion cub withits trunk and a lioness walking by the side. The pictureis going round in social media with the back-story thatthe elephant is coming to the rescue of a cub in harshSahara Desert. Fantastic! Animals forgetting animosityin the times of adversity! However, the photo is notreal, but a doctored image.
Think before you forwardBy Rama Kashyap
These are tall claims, fakevideos and photos, butabsolutely harmless.However, there are manymanipulated stories, videosand pictures beingforwarded on WhatsApp andcirculated on other socialmedia platforms that can bedangerous- pitchingcommunity againstcommunity, religion againstreligion- spreading hatred,fear and mistrust throughdivisive messages. A large numberof these malicious posts are sham,not based upon facts, but madepurposely by the dedicated fakenews industry to serve vestedinterests. Earlier the virtual worlddid not exist, but in the age of socialmedia, rumours and hatred spreadfast like a wild fire. There have beeninstances when fake forwards haveled to riots and mob lynching’s inrecent years by giving leverage toexisting prejudices at the masslevel. We have been witnessing tothe enmities of the virtual worldgetting translated into violence,arson, loot, destruction, killings inthe real world when riots broke outin East Delhi in 2019.
In fact, there is an industrybacked by political parties churningout fake messages. Parties createand spread messages to suit theiragenda, to influence people andsway elections. Never mind ifhistory is distorted, facts aretwisted, stories are planted, news ismanipulated, pictures are morphedand images are used out of contextbut political agenda must be served.A study titled ‘Images andmisinformation in political groups:evidence from WhatsApp in India’conducted by two researchers fromMassachusetts Institute ofTechnology (MIT) from the end of2018 to mid-2019, the period leadingup to the 2019 general elections inIndia finds that imagemisinformation is highly prevalenton WhatsApp public groups. Thestudy states one out of eight imagesshared in politically orientedWhatsApp groups contained some
kind of factual inaccuracyindicating extensive abuse ofWhatsApp for electioncampaign in India. The studyreveals that out of these13percent of images thatcontained false news; about34 percent were old imagesthat were taken out ofcontext, fake quotes andfalse statistics made up 30percent of a person's imagesand 10 percent of imageswere photo-shopped or
doctored. Besides politicallymotivated posts, fake informationand WhatsApp forwards are addingto coronavirus myths. Ever since theoutbreak of the pandemic, scores ofself-styled experts have emerged onsocial media giving unmaskedadvice on treatment of the virus.There is no dearth of medical advice- all kinds of cures -allopathic,homeopathic, ayurvedic,naturopathy- are going round thesocial media. Taking a dig at (mis)information galore on social media,a WhatsApp post says, “I have justfinished my post-doctorate oncorona virus treatment fromWhatsApp University.”
THOUGHTLESS SHARESIn this game of mindless shares
and fake forwards, great thinkers,leaders, historical personalities arebeing blatantly misquoted. Manyquotes credited to Chankya, anadviser to Chandra Gupta Mauryaon social media are not his. “If thereis unrest among intellectuals andcriminals assume that the king isdoing right,” is his widely circulatedfake quote. It is farfetched tobelieve that Chankya, an intellectualhimself would have been critical ofhis own clan of intellectuals. A viralquote on the impact of coronaviruson Indian economy written in amotivational tone has been falselyattributed to Ratan Tata, “2020 isthe year to survive, not to makeprofits….” The WhatsApp forwardis false. Ratan Tata had to take totwitter to clarify the quote was nothis. Sometimes one can attribute
THANKS TO MINDLESSSHARES, INCESSANTFORWARDS AND RE-TWEETS; SOCIAL MEDIAIS A BLACK-HOLE OFUNVERIFIED NEWS. TOCURB THE VIRUS OFMISINFORMATION,WHATSAPP HAS TAKENCERTAIN INITIATIVES.SINCE LAST YEAR THEFORWARDED MESSAGECAN BE FORWARDEDTO FIVE USERS ANDFREQUENTLYFORWARDEDMESSAGES TO ONLYONE CHAT AT A TIME.
agenda behind a post, but isbaffling why poets and writers havebecome victims of fake forwards.Many second-rate poems which arenowhere near the work of Gulzarare being attributed to the veteranpoet. He has written ‘Adetein BhiAjeeb hoti hain’ but he says hewould certainly not write ‘Aurtanbhi ajeeb hoti hai’ which has goneviral in social media under his name.Recently the celebrated Punjabipoet Amrita Pritam too became atarget of fakes going viral. Thepoems which are too simplistic to fitinto oeuvre of Amrita Pritam,neither having her diction nor hervision, are being celebrated as hers.Pranksters have spared no one, noteven legends like Ghalib, Iqbal andIqbal, Harivansh Rai Bachchan,Munshi Prem Chand and also theBard of Avon–Shakespeare. Greatmen like Mahatma Gandhi,Vivekananda and Einstein too havebecome victims of new epidemic offalse forwards.
The extent of misinformation onsocial media can be gauged fromthe result of a 2019 Microsoft studywhich found that 64% of Indians
encounter fake messages on-line,the highest among the 22 countriessurveyed. Another study by threeMIT scholars has found that falsenews spreads more rapidly on thesocial network Twitter than realnews does- and by a substantialmargin.
“We found that falsehooddiffuses significantly farther, faster,deeper, and more broadly than thetruth, in all categories ofinformation, and in many cases byan order of magnitude,” says SinanAral, a professor at the MIT SloanSchool of Management and co-author of a new paper detailing thefindings. Millions of people in Indiatoday may be hooked on to socialmedia and messaging serviceWhatsApp for their daily dose ofnews, views and entertainment, butthe fact is the pandemic of fakenews has turned these intoplatforms of misinformation.
The staggering number ofdisembodied messages and videosdoing rounds of social mediaplatforms and credulous WhatsAppcircuits like headless chickens makeit hard to distinguish credible facts
from misinformation and sift truthfrom lies. Thanks to mindlessshares, incessant forwards and re-tweets; social media is a black-holeof unverified news. To curb thevirus of misinformation, WhatsApphas taken certain initiatives. Sincelast year the forwarded messagecan be forwarded to five users andfrequently forwarded messages toonly one chat at a time. WhatsApphas introduced yet another featurein certain countries that allows theusers of certain advancedapplications to verify authenticity ofany frequently forwarded message.But right now, the feature is notavailable in India, hence not easy toverify the correctness of themessage but to surf google.
It has always been important toexercise caution while speaking‘Zabaan sambhaal ke’ since wordsonce spoken cannot be taken back,but today in the age of social mediait is even more important toforward ‘soch ke’ as a post canbecome viral within no time. It isimperative to exercise restraint andthink before sharing and pressingthe forward button.
I look out from my window,A beautiful bright morning,Lovely breeze,Birds chirpingThe sun is rising...
Dadi, Dadi walks in my grandsonI have made tea for you.Holding nanny's hand, smilingA tray with a cup of teaThank you, my dear,Lovingly picking up the cupI start sipping...
I hear a long ring...Alarm, my wake-up call,I open my eyes slowlyWas I dreaming?What a lovely dream,I look out of the window,Dark, cloudy,It’s raining heavily,Slowly I get out of the bed,To kitchen I go to make..A cup of tea.
– Urmilla Ramrakhiani.
Lovely Dream
90 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
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Initiating Conversations Around
Micro AggressionsWhat appears to be small, is in real sense BIG!
By Aditi Maheshwari
Micro aggressions are basically small and subtle acts ofexclusion or misbehaviors. Example: cutting a particularindividual from a group photograph, purposely
pronouncing someone’s name wrong, being unfair in routineactivities, excluding someone on purpose in a particular setting,disrespecting by not acknowledging the individual, making fun ofan individual’s attire and many other such ways.
Game of Meanness These micro aggressive acts are
usually done with the intention tobreak a person’s self-belief andconfidence. When people can’thandle an individual’s individuality,they resort to such petty activities,in order to make them appear lessthan others and also with theintention to humiliate and dis-respect them, so that they startdoubting themselves and lack theconfidence to shine their true light.
Micro aggressions are the mentalgames people try to engage you in,so that you lose focus from yourgoals. It’s the subtle act ofdetriment, where people lose theirconfidence to show up and rise.Even though they might beunintentionally executed at times,they still harm the individualconcerned. Pointing out the offensecan raise hackles but still it’simportant to address this issue.Being constantly exposed tomicroaggressions can act as slowpoisoning and thus dangerous forthe individual in the long run.
Initiators of microaggressionsusually defend themselves byexcluding an individual byhighlighting their intentions behindtheir acts but they fail to notice andtake responsibility for the impact oftheir microaggressions on thatindividual. Speaking up and voicingagainst microaggressions can behard but it truly is effective andnecessary. It’s a moral responsibilityto be fair and just. It’s a spiritualresponsibility to voice what is vitaland often ignored because ofsocietal conditioning.
Speaking up and voicingagainst microaggressions
Make note of the following tohave a decent and smoothconversation aroundmicroaggressions:
Initiator: If you are the initiatorand someone points at you whenyou showed microaggression,instead of being defensive, listenand try to understand the impact ofyour actions and then resolve to
correct it. Continuing with the samenegative attitude ofmicroaggression will not let youdevelop healthy relationships andwill also prevent you from achievingthe success and happiness youdeserve.
Subject: If you are the recipientof the negative micro aggressiveacts, don’t take things personally,voice the injustice. Remember,whatever the other person does toyou, has nothing to do with you, itsimply is a reflection of theirinsecurities and fear that they aredumping on you. We cannot changepeople in our strength and ourtimeline always, but we can take theinitiative to work on it withoutneeding to prove ourselves correct
justice. Disrupting some of thedowngrading patterns surroundingbiased behaviors is a service tohumanity. Never let the problemcreators go unchecked. Inculcate aculture of constructive criticismwhere the issues are raised in adecent, kind and fair manner.Where equality and not biases is thefoundation of decisions. Wheretruth prevails and not falsehood.
Dignity: Dignity should be theend and means of finding a solutionand conveying it to the concernedparties. No offensive behavior mustbe entertained in the process.
Civility: Civility is what peopleneed to learn in the currentscenario. People are losing theirmoral ground and behavingrecklessly. Some believe beingthick-skinned means tolerating thewrongdoings of others withpatience. However, ifthoughtfulness is infused in ourculture and the more peoplepractice it diligently, the faster thetransformation towards astructured and culturally strongsociety emerges.
Honour is not for a select few.It’s equally deserved by allirrespective of their background,religion, educational and financialstatus, etc. No religion teaches todisrespect an individual’s sense ofidentity. This is a practice chosen bypeople who operate based on theirpersonal insecurities and shallowmindedness. It takes courage toplay fair with integrity as the basisof operation whether it relates topersonal or professional life. Youractions reveal who you are morethan the words you chose to speak.Mindfulness is an art of practicinghumanity at core level and notwhen it's comfortable to do so.When you treat people fairly andrespectfully you show the worldthat you are confident aboutyourself from within and not just ona superficial level. Establish anenvironment of manners andmorals; be more concerned aboutpracticing principles rather thangaining false sense of security.
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 93
and without any revenge from ourside, but with the only intention tosave people from destructioncaused by petty behavioralpatterns. Small minds cannotunderstand greatness and you havenothing to prove them. However,creating awareness is needed formaking people responsible andaccountable.
Witness: When you witness anymicro-aggressive acts, voice yournon-acceptance and support thesubject in gaining justice. Don’t besilent on the things that matter.Your voice counts and you have thepower to confront and achieve
MINDFULNESS IS AN ARTOF PRACTICINGHUMANITY AT CORELEVEL AND NOT WHENIT'S COMFORTABLE TODO SO. WHEN YOUTREAT PEOPLE FAIRLYAND RESPECTFULLY YOUSHOW THE WORLD THATYOU ARE CONFIDENTABOUT YOURSELF FROMWITHIN AND NOT JUSTON A SUPERFICIALLEVEL.
94 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
Is eating animals cruel or not?By Maneka Sanjay Gandhi
In India most animal welfarepeople are vegetarians. We, inPeople for Animals, insist on
that. After all, you cannot want tolook after animals and then eatthem. But most meat-eaters,whether they are animal people ornot, have a hesitant relationshipwith the idea of killing animals forfood. They enjoy the taste of meatbut shy away from making theconnection that animals have beenharmed grievously in the process.
This moral conflict is referred to,in psychological terms, as the 'meatparadox'. A meat eater will eatcaviar, but he will refuse to listen tosomeone telling him that this hasbeen made from eggs gotten fromslitting the stomach of a livepregnant fish. The carnivorousindividual simply does not want tofeel responsible for his actions.Meat eaters and sellers try andresolve this dilemma by adoptingthe strategy of mentallydissociating meat from its animalorigins.
Meat CConsumption
For instance, ever since hordesof young people have startedshunning meat, the meat companiesand their allies in the government,and the nutraceutical industry, havedeliberately switched to calling it“protein”. This is an interestingmanipulation of words and the last-ditch attempt to influenceconsumer behaviour.
For centuries meat has been apart of people’s diet inmany cultures. Global meat-eating rose hugely in the20th century, caused byurbanization anddevelopments in meatproduction technology.And, most importantly, thestrategies used by the meatindustry to dissociate theharming of animals fromthe flesh on the plate.Researchers say “Thesestrategies can be direct andexplicit, such as denial ofanimals' pain, moral status, orintelligence, endorsement of ahierarchy in which humans areplaced above non-human animals”(using religion and god to amplifythe belief that animals were createdsolely for humans, and had noindependent importance for theplanet, except as food andproducts). The French are taught,for instance, that animals cannotthink.
Added to this is the justificationof meat consumption based onspurious nutritional grounds.Doctors and dieticians, who areunwitting tools of the “nutritionalscience” industry, put their stampon this shameless hard sell. Themost important of all thesestrategies, and the one that has aprofound effect on meatconsumption, is the dissociation ofmeat from its animal origins. If aperson holds two conflicting orinconsistent pieces of information,he feels uncomfortable. So the mindstrives for consistency between thetwo beliefs, and attempts are madeto explain or rationalize them,reducing the discomfort. So theperson distorts his/her perception
wilfully and changes his/herperception of the world.
In earlier hunter-gatherer andagricultural societies, people killedor saw animals killed for their table.But from the mid-19th century, theeater has been separated from themeat production unit. Singer (1995)says that getting meat from shops,or restaurants, is the last step of agruesome process in whicheverything, but the finished
product, is concealed. The process:the loading of animals intoovercrowded trucks, the dragginginto killing chambers, the killing,beheading, removing of skin,cleaning of blood, removal ofintestines and cutting the meat intopieces, is all secret and the eater isleft with neatly packed, ready-to-cook pieces with few reminders ofthe animal. No heads, bones, tails,feet.
INDUSTRIALMANIPULATION
The industry manipulates themind of the consumer so that hedoes not think of the once-livingand intelligent animal. The languageis changed concealing the animal.Pig becomes pork, sausage, ham,bacon, cows become beef andcalves become veal, goat becomesmutton and hens become chickenand white meat. And now all ofthem have become protein.
Then come rituals and traditionswhich remove any kind of moraldoubt. People often partake inrituals and traditions withoutreflecting on their rationale orconsequences. Thanksgiving isturkey, Fridays is fish. In India allrituals were vegetarian. Now, manyweddings serve meat. Animalsacrifice to the gods is part of thisritual.
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 95
FOR CENTURIES MEATHAS BEEN A PART OFPEOPLE’S DIET INMANY CULTURES.GLOBAL MEAT-EATINGROSE HUGELY IN THE20TH CENTURY,CAUSED BYURBANIZATION ANDDEVELOPMENTS INMEAT PRODUCTIONTECHNOLOGY. AND,MOST IMPORTANTLY,THE STRATEGIES USEDBY THE MEAT
In 2002 it was found that highschool students had difficulty inconnecting the animal origins ofdifferent meat products, suggestingthat dissociation was deeplyentrenched in their consuminghabits. Simons et al. found thatpeople differed in what theyconsidered meat: while red meatand steak was seen as meat, moreprocessed and white meat (likechicken nuggets e.g.) wassometimes not seen as meat at all,and was often not considered whenparticipants in the study reportedthe frequency of their meat eating.
ANIMAL-MEAT LINKIf the animal-meat link was made
obvious – by displaying the lamb forinstance, or putting the word cowinstead of beef on the menu – theconsumer avoided eating it andwent for a vegetarian alternative.This is an important finding: byinterrupting the mentaldissociation, meat-eatingimmediately went down. Thisexplains how, during COVID, thepictures of the Chinese eatinganimals in Wuhan’s markets actuallyput off thousands of carnivores andmeat sales went down.
Do gender differences existwhen it comes to not thinking aboutthe meat one eats?
In Kubberød and colleagues’(2002) study on disgust and meat
consumption, substantialdifferences emerged betweenfemales and males. Men were moreaware of the origins of differenttypes of meat, yet did not considerthe origins when consuming it.Women reported that they did not
want to associate the meat they atewith a living animal, and thatreminder would make themuncomfortable and sometimes evenunable to eat the meat. Thesupermarket customer grouppreferred products that did notremind them of animal origins, andshowed a strong motivation toavoid any clues that highlighted themeat-animal connection. Whatemerged was that the females feltthat contact with, andpersonification of, food producing
animals would sometimesmake it impossible for them toeat animal products.
What are the otherdissociation techniques thatcompanies and societies useto make people eat meat. Formen, the advertising is direct:Masculinity, the inevitable fateof animals, the generationaltraditions of their family. Forwomen it is far more indirect :just simply hiding the sourceof the meat and giving the
animal victim a cute name toprevent disgust and avoidance.
Kubberod et al. (2202) comparedgroups from rural and urban areasbut found little evidence fordifferences between these groups.
Moreover, both urban and ruralconsumers in the study agreed thatmeat packaging and presentationfunctioned to conceal the linkbetween the meat and the once-living animal. Both groups ofrespondents also stated that ifpictures of tied up pigs, or pigsinstalls, would be presented on thepackaging of pork meat, or picturesof caged hens on egg cartons, theywould not purchase the product inquestion.
Are people who are sensitive todisruptions of the dissociationprocess (or, in plain English, open tolearning the truth about the liesthey tell themselves) more likely tobecome vegetarians? Probably.Everyone has a conscience. Themeat industry has tried to make youbury it. We, in the animal welfareworld, should try to make it activeagain.
96 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
THIS IS AN IMPORTANTFINDING: BYINTERRUPTING THEMENTALDISSOCIATION, MEAT-EATING IMMEDIATELYWENT DOWN. THISEXPLAINS HOW,DURING COVID, THEPICTURES OF THECHINESE EATINGANIMALS IN WUHAN’SMARKETS ACTUALLYPUT OFF THOUSANDSOF CARNIVORES ANDMEAT SALES WENTDOWN.
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 97
✿ Systemic diseases such as diabetes,✿ Personal behavior such as smoking and
alcohol use, and✿ The environment such as prolonged exposure
to sunlight (ultra-violet, or UV, rays). ✿ How is cataract treated?The symptoms of early cataract may be
improved with new eyeglasses, brighter lighting,anti-glare sunglasses, or magnifying lenses. If thesemeasures do not help, surgery is the only effectivetreatment.
Surgery involves removing the cloudy lens andreplacing it with an artificial lens (IOL). A cataract needsto be removed only when vision loss interferes with youreveryday activities, such as driving, reading, orwatching TV.
You and your eye doctor can take this decisiontogether. If you have cataracts in both eyes that requiresurgery, the surgery will be performed on each eye atseparate times, usually six weeks apart. Many peoplewho need cataract surgery also have other eyeconditions, such as age-related macular degeneration orglaucoma.
If you have other eye conditions in addition tocataract, talk with your eye doctor. Learn about therisks, benefits, alternatives, and expected results ofcataract surgery.
✿ What is cataract surgery?A small incision is made on the side of the cornea,
the clear, dome-shaped surface that covers the frontof the eye.
Your doctor inserts a tiny probe into the eye. Thisdevice emits ultrasound waves that soften and breakup the lens so that it can be removed by suction.
Mostly, cataract surgery today is done byphacoemulsification, also called "small incision cataractsurgery."
●
IAM A 41-YEAR-OLD ACCOUNTANT, AND HAVE RECENTLY
started having difficulty in seeing figures in theledger clearly. I want to know about the age-related
change in eyesight?With the advancement of age, the lens inside the
eye becomes harder, or less flexible, resulting inweakening of the power of accommodation. Someweakening of the ciliary muscle also occurs. All thismakes it more and more difficult to see near objectsclearly.
The change is gradual, and eventually a time comeswhen it becomes difficult to, say reading a newspaper,at the usual working distance, necessitating to hold thereading matter away at an uncomfortable distance.Treatment, or management, of presbyopia is withconvex, or plus, lenses, and eye care professionalsusually prescribe the weakest lenses that provide goodvision (but no magnification).
– Dr Narendra Kumar
IAM A 56-YEAR-OLD TEACHER. MY HUSBAND IS AN ENGINEER,58. We have two children, a 37-year-old doctor sonand an executive daughter, 29. All the four of us wear
spectacles. Every two years we visit the eye clinic, andare issued a fresh prescription for glasses. My question isas to what should normally be the time-gap for going infor change of glasses?
The usual rule for a patient to undergo is an eyeexamination on yearly basis; and if there’s a sizeablechange in your eyewear Rx, then, too, go for a change ofglasses. However, there are some exceptions to this rulewhich are as follows:
✿ Should your handling of glasses be not ideal, andthere be scratches on lenses and/or the frame getsbroken or defaced, then it’s time to change the eyewear,
✿ In children, there is likely to be more frequentchange in Rx, and in some cases, it may be advisable forrefraction check-up every six months, and change ofglasses, if need be,
✿ If you are an elderly suffering from, say, cataract ordiabetes, the change in your spectacle Rx may be morefrequent, necessitating eye examination at shorterintervals.
●
IAM A 65-YEAR-OLD RETIRED BANK EMPLOYEE. I HAVE READ
that Cataract is the commonest cause of curableblindness. Lately, I have been experiencing some
frequent changes in my eye-sight. My blood sugar is onborder-line. I would like to know about cataract and itstreatment in detail.
Cataract is the clouding of the lens inside the eye,that affects vision. Most cataracts are related to aging,and cataracts are, thus, very common in older people.By the age 60, many persons either have a cataract orhave had cataract surgery.
Cataract can occur in either or both eyes. But, itcannot spread from one eye to the other.
✿ What is lens?The lens is a clear part of the eye that helps to focus
light, or an image, on the retina. The retina is the light-sensitive tissue at the back of the eye.
In a normal eye, light passes through the transparentlens to the retina. Once it reaches the retina, light ischanged into nerve signals that are sent to the brain.The lens must be clear for the retina to receive a sharpimage. If the lens is cloudy from a cataract, the imageyou see will be blurred.
✿ Who is at risk for cataract?The risk of cataract increases as you get older. Other
risk factors for cataract include:
Q A&Your Body
98 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
Readers are invited to send in any health and medical queries they would like to be answered. Woman’s Era willprovide answers to your questions and offer solutions toyour problems. Individual replies cannot be sent. Addressyour letters (neatly written on white paper) to:
WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110 055.Womansera.com
doses of a phobic object or situation is an effectivetechnique and one that the patient can practiseoutside the therapy session.
Emotive imagery, wherein the patient imagines theanxiety-provoking situation while at the same timelearning to relax, helps to decrease the anxiety whenthe patient faces the real-life situation.
Physiologic symptoms in panic attacks respond wellto relaxation training.
●
MY HUSBAND IS ABOUT 40 YEARS OLD. SINCE LAST TWO
TO THREE months he is suffering from itchingand rashes on the scrotum and gluteal region.
We have consulted a skin specialist for this problem.After examination and investigation, doctor told usthat he is suffering from tinea cruris (jock itch) andadvised treatment. What is your opinion about thedisease?
Tinea cruris lesions are confined to the groin andgluteal cleft. Intractable pruritus ani may occasionallybe caused by a tinea infection. Marked itching inintertriginous areas, usually sparking the scrotum.Itching may be severe or the rash may beasymptomatic.
The lesions have sharp margins, cleared centres andactive, spreading scaly peripheries. Follicular pustulesare sometimes encountered. The area may behyperpigmented on resolution. Hyphae can bedemonstrated microscopically in potassium hydroxidepreparations.
The organism may be cultured readily. Treatmentconsists of drying powder (eg. miconazole nitrate)should be dusted into the involved area in patientswith excessive perspiration or occlusion of skin due toobesity.
Underwear should be loose-fitting. Miconazole,clotrimazole, butenafine and terbinafine ointment orcream may be used and have a beneficial effect.Terbinafine cream is curative in over 80 per cent ofcases after once daily use for seven days.
Oral griseofulvin ultramicrosize is reserved forsevere cases. Give 250-500 mg orally twice daily for 1-2 weeks. One week of either itraconazole, 200 mgdaily or terbinafine 250 mg daily, is alsoeffective.Tinea cruris usually responds promptly totopical or systemic treatment. It may leave behindpostinflammatory hyperpigmentation.
– Dr Sanjay Teotia.
IAM A 25-YEAR-OLD WORKING WOMAN. ONE WEEK AGO IGAVE birth to a female child. This is my first child. Iwant to know about the breast feeding. Whether
breast feeding alone is sufficient to the child or someother supplements are required along with breastfeeding.
Postnatal care offers an excellent opportunity to findout how the mother is getting along with her baby,particularly with regard to feeding. For many children,breast milk provides the main source of nourishmentin the first year of life.
In some societies, lactation continues to make animportant contribution to the child's nutrition for 18months or longer.
In the world's more affluent societies, breast feedingappears to have become a lost art and the feedingbottle has usurped the breast.
When the standard of environmental sanitation ispoor and education low, the content of the feedingbottle is likely to be a nutritionally poor as it isbacteriologically dangerous. It is therefore veryimportant to advise the mothers to avoid the feedingbottle.
A great asset in India is that an average Indianmother, although poor in nutritional status, has aremarkable ability to breast feed her infant forprolonged periods, sometimes extending to nearly 2years. Longitudinal and cross-sectional studies indicatethat poor Indian women secrete as much as 400 to 600ml of milk per day during the first year.
No other food is required to be given until 4 to 5months after birth. When breast milk alone will not besufficient to sustain optimum growth of the infant, atthe age of 4 to 5 months, breast milk should besupplemented by additional foods rich in protein andother nutrients – eg. animal milk, soft-cooked mashedvegetables etc. These are called supplementary foodswhich should be introduced very gradually in smallamounts.
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MY MOTHER IS ABOUT 60 YEARS OLD AND SUFFERING
FROM anxiety disorders since last 3 to 4 yrs. Sheis taking medicines for this disorder but this
disorder is progressing slightly. We have consulted apsychiatrist for this problem. He advised behaviouraltherapy along with medicines. I want to know aboutthe behavioural therapy.
Behavioural approaches are widely used in variousanxiety disorders, often in conjunction with medication.Any of the behavioural techniques can be usedbeneficially in altering the contingencies (precipitatingfactors or rewards) supporting any anxiety-provokingbehaviour.
Relaxation techniques can sometimes be helpful inreducing anxiety.
Desensitisation by exposing the patient to graded
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 99
WE THINK THAT TOMATO PUREE OR PASTE IS INDISPENSIBLE
for our cooking, but when it is not available, whatall can be used as a substitute?
Tomato paste, unlike tomato sauce, consists only ofconcentrated tomatoes. It doesn’t contain preservativesor sugars. When it is not handy we have many ingredientswhich can be used. Tamarind is one of them which comesclosest to the full-bodied flavour of tomato paste. Anotheringredient easily available at home is yoghurt which comeshandy while cooking Indian dishes with gravies. Anotherpopular replacement for tomato paste is kokum. We alsouse dry mango powder which replicates the tomato pasteflavour while cooking.
MANY OF US ARE THOROUGHLY CONFUSED BY THE WIDE
range of breads that have suddenly becomeavailable in the market. Please elaborate and tell
us about whole wheat bread and brown bread.The list of types of bread available in the market is
endless: sour dough, baguette, ciabatta, focaccia, blackbread, brioche, multigrain bread and grissini. The maincompetition is between brown bread and aata bread forthe common man. Now whole wheat bread is widelyavailable though most of them still contain at least a littlemaida or refined flour. Some people are under theimpression that brown bread is equivalent to aata bread.But the brown colour comes from caramel or molasses andit is falsely suggested that it is more nutritious than thewhite bread. So just make your choices based on taste andnot on the names.
WHAT ARE DALGONA AND PROFFEE TYPES OF?Dalgona and Proffee, both are types of coffee. Dalton
was a hit in the lockdown, but now it’s time for Proffeethe new food craze. Dalton coffee is a beverage made bywhipping instant coffee powder, sugar and hot water untilit becomes creamy and then adding it to hot or cold milktopped with coffee powder, cocoa or crumbled biscuits.Poffee is basically a combination of protein shake andcoffee, mixed to perfection with a slight hint of sweetness.It not just tastes good but also has a good amount ofprotein content thus making it a healthy drink. It is a smartchoice for those who want to increase their protein intakewithout letting go the amazing taste of coffee.
WHAT IS A MEAT ANALOGUE AND HOW CLOSE IS IT’S TASTE TO THE
real meat?After vegan milk and vegan cheese we now have vegan
meat. A meat analogue is a meat-like substance madefrom plants. More common terms are plant-based meat,
vegan meat, meat substitute, mock meat, meatalternative, imitation meat or vegetarian meat orsometimes fake meat. Seitan also known as fakemeat, is a high protein food item prepared fromwheat flour. The dough is washed with water toremove the starch granules and sticky insolublegluten is left behind. Once cooked it is very close tothe taste and texture of real meat and it also
absorbs seasoning flavours.
CAN WE USE SUGAR SUBSTITUTES TO MAKE FLAVOURFUL AND
delightful desserts?Sugar is a highly consumed ingredient in India and now
a days we have many healthier alternatives to it. In naturalforms we have jaggery, beet sugar, coconut sugar, palmsugar and honey. Stevia is also a natural plant-based sugar.Though all these options are yet to be commonly used tomake mithai in India. Adding natural sugar substitutes todesserts gives a very natural and refreshing flavours tothem.
WHAT ALL FLOURS CAN WE USE TO MAKE CAKES, MUFFINS, COOKIES
ETC?We are always told dump the no-good maida and that
cakes made with healthier alternatives too bring refreshingflavours. We mostly use maida or refined flour for ourbaking purposes owing to it’s easy availability. Apart fromoffering health benefits, alternative flours like amaranthflour, coconut flour, almond flour, buckwheat flour andbanana flour are versatile and are easy to be experimentedwith. Made from fruits, nuts and seeds they are all rich infibre with high amounts of amino acids and vitamins.Amaranth and buckwheat flour are rich and have an earthyflavour. cassava flour is gluten, grain and nut-free. Coconutand almond flour are the most popular alternatives tomaida.
AS THE SUMMER SEASON IS HERE PLEASE TELL US ABOUT WHAT ARE
MOCKTAILS AND HOW THEY CAN BE PREPARED.An appropriate question for the present times. A
mocktail is a cocktail without the liquor. Instead juices,sodas, infused waters and many other ingredients, mixedin just the right ratio. With a little imagination, one canmix and match a variety of fruits such as strawberry, wildberry, kiwi, orange, grape, pineapple and pomegranate tocreate vibrant colours and flavours.
These drinks create a visual treat and a refreshingretreat and are not unhealthy. Served in unusual coloursthey add a bit of charm too. The idea of preparingmocktails is simple. One remains fresh and also gets toenjoy whole bunch of seasonal fruits.
— SAVITA BHARGAVA
Q A&Kitchen queries
If you have any problem in cooking or kitchen, write toWoman’s Era. We shall try to help you sort it out. Address your queries to:WOMAN'S ERA, E-3, Jhandewala Estate, Rani Jhansi Marg,New Delhi-110 055. Click womansera.com to lodge your queries.
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100 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
FIBROMYALGIAA chronic disorder. By Devayani Medhekar
Achronic and painful disorderthat does not have a curebut can be managed with
massages and exercises is calledFibromyalgia. Mostly affectingwomen in their middle age,fibromyalgia causes immensemusculoskeletal pain (that ispersistent and chronic pain in themuscle and the bones).
The exact cause of Fibromyalgiais not understood. At one timeconsidered a psychiatric disorder, itis now believed to be a neurologicaldisorder where the brain wronglyinterprets and amplifies painsensations.
While the symptoms offibromyalgia may resemble arthritis,in reality, it affects the soft tissuesand there are tender points on the
body that become painful whenpressure is applied to them. Thesetender points or trigger points alsohave shifting points of pain.
Trigger points were used in thepast to diagnose Fibromyalgia. TheAmerican RheumatologyAssociation no longer believes thisto be true. The persistent pain alongwith other symptoms and also theexcursion of other diseases canmake one diagnose Fibromyalgia.Trigger points are found on mostpatients though.
Fibromyalgia symptoms are notthe same for every person, thoughthe common symptom iswidespread pain that is more in theback and the neck region and mayrange from an ache to shootingpain.
Other associated symptomswith Fibromyalgia are:● Severe Fatigue● Disturbed sleep ● Not feeling fresh on waking up,
in the sense that it tends to behereditary, and people withrheumatoid arthritis, osteoarthritisand, auto-immune disorders likelupus tend to get fibromyalgia.
Doctors say that heredity is apossibility and there is yet, anunsubstantiated possibility that thegenes may be transmitted. It is feltthat fibromyalgia symptoms maydevelop due to surgeries, physicaltrauma, or stress. Otherwise, itdevelops over some time due tovarious other causes.
Because of its varied symptomsthat may resemble other ailments,Fibromyalgia was not easilydiagnosed.
The disorder was not knowninitially but over time it was.
Earlier the focus was on triggerpoints but now the presence ofchronic widespread pain isconsidered more imperative for thediagnosis of fibromyalgia. Now thesymptoms accompanying pain arealso given more importance.
There is also a belief that thelevel of pain sensation in thisdisorder is felt to a greater degree,as fibromyalgia, affects the way thebrain interprets the pain.
For people with this condition,pain can be debilitating and more sodue to the other symptoms thataccompany it. However, a betterunderstanding of how to deal withit is essential.
Medication, acupuncture, achange in one’s lifestyle, massages,exercises, counselling sessions, andcognitive-behavioural therapies maygo a long way in easing the pain andimprove the quality of daily life.Some medicines help too.
Living with this condition daily is
by no means an easy task!However, doctors say, that,
besides medication and exercise, ifpeople with fibromyalgia follow afew disciplinary activities daily, itmay make their life easier.
They recommend:Following a healthy lifestyle and
reducing stress by doingmeditation, yoga and, pranayama(which are deep breathingexercises) is recommended.
Regular sleeping and waking uppattern are advocated. A night ofgood sleep keeps the body relaxedand the mind refreshed. Caffeine isknown to affect sleep so it is betterto avoid a regular intake.
Exercise and fitness routines are
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 101
Fibromyalgia symptoms to never ignore● Sleep Issues● Dattime Fatigue
(“fibro fog”)● Depression and anxiety● Headache
Jaw and facial pain
Digestive issues
Sensitivity to touch
Pelvic floor dysfunction
Widespread pain (feelslike it affects musclesrather than joints)
the most important. Nothing worksbetter for Fibromyalgia than regularexercise. It not only reduces thepain and stress but also keeps youin a feel-good mode and notdepressed and fatigued.
Also, the intake of anti-inflammatory foods may helpreduce pain.
Over the counter painmedication like paracetamol andanti-inflammatory agents may beused but caution has to be followedas these can cause side effects.Medicines should never be takenwithout a doctor’s prescription.
Promising new medications forFibromyalgia include medicinesused for depression and seizuredisorder. Fibromyalgia is a vastlyunder-diagnosed condition andeven doctors very often may notconsider this diagnosis even ifpatients are present with thesymptoms already explained above.
Both patients and medicalpractitioners need to be aware ofthis condition so that it is notmissed and the patient be forced torun from pillar to post to get relief.
CONCENTRATION ANDMEMORY ISSUES AREKNOWN AS “BRAIN ORFIBRO- FOG” DUE TOWHICH A PERSON FINDSIT DIFFICULT TO FOCUSAND PAY ATTENTION.
2 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 103
ALTHOUGH I HAVE VERY ATTRACTIVE FACIAL
features, I DO not like the shape of mylips, for it is too thin. It makes me look
like stern school teacher! I know that this is ahereditary feature….my mother and two sistershave this issue too, but while they are notbothered by it, I am keen to do something torectify this. Can I resort to plastic surgery? I am
a 15-year-old girl.To go under a cosmetic surgeon’s knife at your age is
not a good idea, as you are still in the growing age. It isonly around the age of 20 or thereabouts that your face willsettle into a final adult format.
You can use cosmetics to cleverly create the illusion offuller lips. Outline the contours of broader lips with a lipcolour pencil outside the edges of your lips; use lip gloss onthe lips and extend the gloss to reach the outer edges youhave penciled in.
Dab lips with tissue to remove extra gloss. Now uselipstick over the natural and extended lip lines carefully,seamlessly and smoothly. Now, your lips will look naturallybroader.
Fillers are usually used by cosmetic surgeons to plumpup thin lips. Botox is the most common filler used. Theeffect is not permanent and you will have to opt foranother session as your lips begin to shrink again. Anyway,you are advised not to go in for such procedures now.
Avoid dark colours of lipstick as these make lips lookthinner. Use pale shades, light pinks, ruby or rose, forexample.
PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO REMOVE THE HAIR FROM INSIDE MY
nostrils. I have a thick growth which does not lookgood, although I tweeze the hairs which I can reach. I
am a 20-year-old woman living in Madurai.Can I use adepilatory?
Do not tweeze hairs from your nostrils as this could leadto infection, boils and eruptions, as the inner nostril skin isfragile and moist. To trim large hairs, use a pair of scissors,taking care not to nick yourself.
Never use a depilatory as it can harm the skin and alsoyou may inhale it and cause health issues.
Nostril hairs can be removed very efficiently with atrimmer, which has either a rotary or oscillatory blade. It isfor you to decide which kind you are more comfortablewith.
You have to guide the trimmer carefully into your nostriland switch it on. Then bring it out and blow into a tissue toget rid of the cut hairs .
Follow the instructions on the trimmer pack carefully. Itis advisable to learn to use it first from a beautician, afterwhich you can do it at home very easily.
AFRIEND SUGGESTED TO USE COLLAGEN TO DEAL WITH THE
wrinkles on my forehead. What is this and where doI get it from? I am a 40-year-old woman in
Aurangabad.Collagen is present abundantly in the body as the main
structural protein in various connective tissues. It makes upfrom 25 to 35 per cent of the whole protein content inmammals. It helps muscles, joints, skin and tendons. It isused pretty extensively to help skin regain its elasticty.
As we age, collagen is lost steadily from the skin andthis causes skin to wrinkle, thin, and sag. Collagensupplements in the form of powder help to increase itspresence in the body, and there are creams to use topicallytoo to improve sagging in skin and smooth out wrinkles.
Nowadays, the use of collagen supplements hasdecreased considerably as its effects are not veryconsistent. In fact, many take recourse to botox instead,although this causes stiffness and partial paralysis of themuscles.
IAM 30 YEARS OLD AND AM SURPRISED BY A PATCH OF pimpleswhich has sprouted on my face.I have always had asmooth, acne-free complexion all my life, even during
my teens. How has this happened? And, how do I deal withthis? Please advise.
You are having adult acne which affects women, andsometimes men, due to several reasons. Stress, excessivesmoking or sudden change of climate could cause anoutburst. Could one of these conditions be the culprit inyour case?
Some cosmetics could have caused allergic reactionson your skin. If you have started to use a new beautyproduct, this could be the cause.
A diet which is rich in fats, non-vegetarian items, greasyingredients could cause an increase of oiliness in the skinlayers, to trigger an attack of pimples too.
Recently, research has revealed that poly cystic ovarysyndrome( PCOS) and certain hormonal imbalances affectskin adversely, usually due to excessive tetestorone orsome other androgens in the body, to cause acne.
For a start, avoid cosmetics, especially foundations, andkeep your face clean and scrubbed. Use only a lightmoisturiser containing SPF 30 to keep offharm from UVrays. Avoid fat and oil-based soaps; use a glycerine soapinstead.
If your condition does not improve visibly within afortnight, do consult a dermatologist to access yourproblem. You may need hormonal therapy to get relieffrom your problem.
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Readers are invited to send their beauty problems andquestions regarding face, complexion, hair, skin, eyes, etc tothis column. Address your letters, written legibly or typed on white paper, to:WOMAN’S ERA E-3, Jhandewala Estate, New Delhi-110 055.
Q A&Beauty Queries
Tears Frozen On Cold Stones
Tears Frozen On Cold Stones
Reminiscences of old warriors. By Rajshekhar Pant
The arched entrance.
Nainital, Uttarakhand to Bhimta
While driving on the 20 Kmlong stretch of themountain road connecting
Nainital with Bhimtal, my eyes areoften riveted to a sloping expansebelow the road, around five kmdownhill from Nainital. It is thicklydotted with the age-old cedar trees,shady cypresses and the Himalayanpines. Hundreds of those followingthe Christian faith have been puthere for eternal rest. Officialrecords state that this graveyardwas opened for burial in 1895.However, a handful of graves of thesixth decade of the nineteenthcentury, with easily readableepitaphs are also there. A few ofthese have been made part of thearched entrance. It appears thatquite a few family vaults must haveexisted here well before it wasofficially designated as an openburial ground in the referred year.Obviously the ritual burial musthave been initiated here in the earlyyears of the second half of thenineteenth century.
Crossing a glum arched gate – awitness to the continual flow of
separation and sobbing – I arrive ata small glade covered with pineneedles. A handful of youngsters isseated on the lower slope close tothe gate with a bottle of vodka, colddrinks and chips. Right in front ofme is the modest looking grave ofMark Darrell James. Its headstone,the text of which must have beendevised by his beloved wife, is allcovered with moss and lichens.Born on 8 November, 1896 atBermuda, Darrel was a youngcaptain in the 83 field battery of theRoyal Artillery. He had a fatal fallfrom the horse back on 15September, 1936 while playing poloat the ‘flats’ in Nainital. An old-timerfrom the town had narrated to mein my infancy the story of theautumn polo tourney in the colonialNainital. Visuals from that tell-talenarrative begin to surface beforemy mind’s eye. The horse of Darrel,falling from whose back he died, ledhis funeral procession with his spursturned upside down on the saddle.Following the completion of theburial it was taken to the edge of adeep gorge called toota-pahar, oneof the entry points of the town. Itwas here that he was shot deadfrom a point blank range. Heavenonly know whether it was a tributeto the then orphaned horse or apunishment for being instrumentalin effecting the death of his master.However, following this fatalaccident polo was never played inNainital.
A PROLONGED HUNTI move ahead a bit on the
ensuing slope. A series of gravesbuilt in the initial years of theprevious century is there. I recallthat till a few decades back, thesegraves were decked with ornatetombstones and crosses chiselled inMeerut or Allahabad. Nothing of itis left now. The entire slope islittered with broken pieces ofcrosses and deliberately uprootedheadstones. I remember readingsomewhere about the burial ofthree prisoners of the Boer Warhere, who died of some incurable
disease in the Boer War camp atBhimtal. Around 1900, as goes thedocumented history, Boer Warprisoners were brought all the wayfrom Africa to the remote corner ofBhimtal in the Central Himalayas. Atented colony was raised for themin the flat expanse close to theupper end of the Bhimtal Lake.These prisoners as forced labourerscontributed a lot in developingpublic and private properties in andaround Bhimtal region.
A prolonged hunt for the gravesof the war prisoners results intodiscovering heaps of liquor bottleshere and there. Underneath a clumpof trees are thrown a half cut lemonsmeared in vermillion, a fistful offlour, broken earthenware and athrottled white pigeon. It is quiteweird to be a part of this landscape
Woman’s Era ● July 2021 105
Deliberately opened grave.
Grave of darrel.
Liquor bottles.
THE HORSE OF DARREL,FALLING FROM WHOSEBACK HE DIED, LED HISFUNERAL PROCESSIONWITH HIS SPURSTURNED UPSIDE DOWNON THE SADDLE.FOLLOWING THECOMPLETION OF THEBURIAL IT WAS TAKENTO THE EDGE OF A DEEPGORGE CALLED TOOTA-PAHAR.
left centuries behind thecontemporary times. Strolling hereand there I happen to notice anopen grave. Its heavy vault was inpieces and the chamber was dugquite deep. The scenario issuggestive of a deliberate effort tolook for something deep into an oldand somewhat huge grave of thefirst half of the nineteenth century.I try, though in vain, to read theepitaph piecing together thesandstone slab. An elderly personselling grilled corn-cobs at thearched gateway of the cemeterylater informs me of the frequentraids by the drunken youngsters inthe lull of night to dig the old gravesdeep under the belief of findinggold coins and other valuablesburied with the dead.
GRAVES OF WARPRISONERS
Close to the dilapidatedboundary wall of the cemetery Isuddenly find myself standing nextto the grave of one RB Beusch, aBoer War prisoner. He breathed hislast on 26 Dececember, 1902 atBhowali, half way to Bhimtal fromNainital. Nobody knows whetherthe graves of his two othercompatriots could survive thevandalism of our times or not.History does record but the namesof the conquerors and those whosucceed in leaving behind a trail of
death and destruction. Those whowere condemned to get buried inobscure places like thesemountains, miles away from theirhomes and dear ones, often get lostin the haze of the decades rolled by.
The evening breeze rustlingthrough the droopy branches ofhoary cypresses has made theentire ambiance look quite elegiac.Lines engraved on the pieces ofbroken marbles littered all over arestill vocal enough to convey theagony of a wife whose belovedhusband was killed in a battle insome far off continent; or that of afather the life of whose 14-years-olddaughter was lost in someepidemic; of the cutting short byuntimely death the dreams of anadolescent to touch the pinnacle ofglory. All this in an incongruouscombination with the brutally duggraves, the empty liquor bottles,cruelly mutilated pigeon, and a halfcut lemon smeared in vermillion – ispotent enough to disturb me to thecore. I want to come out of thisweird world.
Bare roots of a tree that hascome up on the battered arch at theentrance have clung to the coldstones tightly as if an effort to tell-we won’t let you sag... let youcrumble. I feel good and relieved –at least someone... something isthere to care for the tear dropsfrozen on cold stones.
106 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
Strangled piegon.
Grave of a Boer war Prisioner.
We
THE EVENING BREEZERUSTLING THROUGHTHE DROOPYBRANCHES OF HOARYCYPRESSES HAS MADETHE ENTIRE AMBIANCELOOK QUITE ELEGIAC.LINES ENGRAVED ONTHE PIECES OF BROKENMARBLES LITTERED ALLOVER ARE STILL VOCALENOUGH TO CONVEYTHE AGONY OF A WIFEWHOSE BELOVEDHUSBAND WAS KILLED.
Understanding the Mis-understanding
Towards a healthy relationship. By Preetha Rengaswamy
Understanding' is the ability ofa person to sympathise andempathise with others,
comprehend and deal with thesituation skillfully. Goodunderstanding results in a strongbonding between persons. Lack ofunderstanding results in wronginterpretation of words, ending upin mis-understanding and break ofrelationship.
Many a times, mis-understandingleads to a better understanding too.Whenever a conflict occurs, peopleinvolved in the conflict, for the fearof bitter words spoken, avoidtalking to each other and so the gapbetween them grows and hatredaccumulates with the passage oftime, bringing the friendlyrelationship to a stand-still.
Mis-understandings cause greatmental stress and agony, creatingdrastic health issues, which couldhave been easily avoided bycommunicating verbally and openly,without pilling up imaginativegrudges against each other. If themisunderstanding is resolved at theearliest, the relationship is sure togrow stronger, healthier andhappier as mis-understanding is a'platform' for better understanding.
Raghu and Neeraj were thickfriends since early school days.During college, due to theintervention of a third person, aconflict occurred and both abusedeach other with filthy wordswithout analysing the truth ,whichresulted in their separation. Yearsrolled on and after about 30 yearsthey happened to criss-cross eachother on the roadside of the city,both had moved on to. Struck withanxiety, both hug each other withguilt of having missed this lovelyrelationship and days of fun. Theyspoke for hours on how immature,kiddish and foolish they hadbehaved, without solving the issueby a verbal talk. Having resolvedtheir mis-understanding, better latethan never, an inseparable bond gotcreated between them. Its hightime we realise that life is short andenjoy it peacefully, to the fullest! We
MIS-UNDERSTANDINGSCAUSE GREAT MENTALSTRESS AND AGONY,CREATING DRASTICHEALTH ISSUES, WHICHCOULD HAVE BEENEASILY AVOIDED BYCOMMUNICATINGVERBALLY ANDOPENLY.
It was her special day.Prema turned 65 yearsold today. She was
excited since the momentshe woke up because shehoped that today shewould get to see her onlyson and grandchildren. Herson had recently shifted toanother house on rent inthe same city to avoid
clashes between Premaand his wife. Prema was awidow. She lost herhusband two years back toheart attack. As soon as shewoke up on her birthdaythe first thing she did wasto check her mobile phonefor any messages. Actuallyshe had expected her sonto wish her birthday at 12midnight but shrugged her
own thought thinking it tobe too childish. There wasno message in her mobilephone. She feltdisappointed.
She got busy in her dailyroutine. While saying hermorning prayers sheremembered her latehusband. Every year herhusband would sing herbirthday song with a bunchof roses and a smile on hisface the moment she wokeup in the morning. ButPrema was never happywith flowers. She wantedhim to be more romanticand buy her someexpensive gift. She neversaw the feelings behind theflowers and birthday songfrom her husband. After a
few years of marriageshe started grumblingabout the same to herhusband.
Prema’s husbandwas in deep love withher. He would do all
that he could to makeher happy. But being amiddle class guy with a
simple accountant’sjob it was difficult forhim to buy an
expensive gift for her onher birthday. If he did sothen their monthly budgetwould get disrupted. Butit’s not that he never tried.He started saving littleevery month every year tobuy Prema a nice birthdaygift. He would get her a sarior artificial jewellery set orbag or make-up. But all thistoo did not fulfill Prema’sexpectations and she wouldcrib about the same everytime.
Two hours had passedsince Prema woke up. Shekept checking her phoneoften. There was no call ormessage from her son. Shestarted feeling sad butconvinced herself thinkinghe would give her a surprisevisit with his family after hisoffice hours. She thoughtof making kheer andsamosa loved by hergrandchildren. Whilecooking she again passedthrough her memory lane.Her husband every yearwould bring rasogullas onher birthday. After offeringone to god and praying forher wellness, he wouldforce Prema to eat one bigrasogulla in one go. If shewas not able to do so thenhe would put another onein her mouth. He wouldlaugh and hug her afterthat. Prema never paidheed to the depth of hislove nor reciprocated in thesame manner. She alwayshad something or other tocrib about.
Prema was materialistic.
Expectat ion and rea l i sat ion . By Jyoti Galada
Expectation and
Realisation
ShortStory
Being a middle class guy witha simple accountant’s job itwas difficult for him to buyan expensive gift for her on
her birthday. He startedsaving little every month
every year to buy Prema anice birthday gift.
She got busy in herdai ly rout ine. Whi lesay ing her morningprayers sheremembered herlate husband. Everyyear her husbandwould s ing herb i r thday song with abunch of roses anda smi le on h is facethe moment shewoke up in themorning.
She herself belonged to amiddle-class family but, asan unmarried girl, dreamtof living with a rich guy witha lavish lifestyle. But thisnever happened. She wasmarried to a simple junioraccountant. His salary wasjust enough to meet thedaily expenses. But this didnot stop her fromdreaming. She cultivatedfriendships with ladiesliving a luxurious andmodern lifestyle. Going foran outing and attendingkitties became a part of herlifestyle. And to be at parwith them she would savemoney from monthlyexpenses to buy brandedclothes and accessories.Her husband was not happythe way she managedfinances. He did raise thistopic many times butseeing Prema getemotional and disturbedwould give up. She alwayscribbed about theunbranded and simple giftsbrought by her husband onher birthday since shewanted something trendy.
Kheer and samosa wasready for her
grandchildren. She relaxedfor a while on the sofa tocheck her mobile. Therewas an email fromsomeone wishing her onher birthday. Her face litup. She curiously openedthe mail to find Facebookwishing her birthday! Shesighed and checked formessages but there wereno birthday wishes. Sheopened her Facebookaccount that showed abirthday posting made byher husband five years ago.It had a picture of himserving rasogulla to Prema.Tears rolled down her faceas she read the messagebelow wishing her a long
and happy life togetherwith him by her husband.She had not even glancedat the picture when it wasposted leave alone readingthe message but today shezoomed in on the imageand kept staring at itlonging for him to comeback.
By now she was surethat her son would give hera surprise visit. She thoughtof making her special rawmango chutney along withsamosa instead of serving itwith tomato ketchup. Shegot down to working in thekitchen again. It wasevening and time her sonoften returned home. Shewas excited that he wouldbe there anytime. Shechanged her sari, wore thepiece of artificial jewellerywhich was the last gift ofher husband to her beforehis departure and awaitedher son’s arrival. Almost anhour passed but no one wasthere. There was neither amessage nor a call from herson. Prema’s confidencestarted breaking. Sheheavy heartedly thought
that may be her son forgother birthday. She switchedon the TV to divert hermind and pass her time buther mind was unable toconcentrate on anyprogramme. As timepassed the thought that herson forgot her birthdaygrew stronger.
Tears rolled downPrema’s eyes. It was twohours past since her sonmust have returned home.But he did not bother to callor meet her. ‘He could havesaved my birthdate on hismobile,’ she thought asmobiles give reminders.
She missed her husbanddearly. She went near hisphoto hung on the wall andcried loudly asking forforgiveness for all theneglect and pain she hadcaused him. His smilingface in the picture lookedas if he was forgiving herand asking her to be happy.He would have never likedif Prema cried on herbirthday.
Prema thought offorgiving her son. Sherealised that all her life shehad expected too muchfrom everyone and that’swhat caused grief to her.She picked up her phone,gave a call to her son andreminded him of herbirthday. Her son wholeheartedly apologised forforgetting her birthday. Innext one hour her son,daughter-in-law andgrandchildren arrived at herhouse with a cake and abranded dress. They allsang the birthday song forPrema as she cut the cake.They relished the samosaand kheer prepared by her.Then all went out toPrema’s favouriterestaurant for dinner.
Later, Prema slept onthe bed carrying a smile onher face.
Prema wasmater ia l i s t ic . Sheherse l f be longed toa middle-c lassfami ly but, as anunmarr ied g i r l ,dreamt of l i v ingwith a r ich guy witha lav ish l i festy le.But th is neverhappened. She wasmarr ied to a s implejun ior accountant.
We
102 Woman’s Era ● July 2021 109
How to Choose A
Home Insurance PolicyA guideline for safety. By Subhash Dhall
In India, most home owners donot bother to insure theirhomes, even though it is often
the biggest asset that one can own,attributes the low demand forhome insurance, to ignorance,saying that Indians are not evenaware of the risk associated withtheir lifetime investment.
Currently, unlike a car insurance,home insurance is not mandatory.However, banks are making itmandatory for a borrower to obtainhome insurance, while opting for ahome loan. In home insurance, thecover is provided for the structureand contents. There needs to bemore awareness about suchproducts, as a lot of people are not
even aware of home insurance.Even though India witnesses naturalcalamities each year, homeinsurance remains a low priority.
Even the people who are awarethat a home can be insured, are notdoing so, as they consider it a wasteof money. They feel that any threatto their house is rare and mayhappen once in 10 years. In manyplaces, people may have notexperienced any threat to theirhome in their lifetime.
This ignorance can expose themto high risk, which can be avoidedby paying a small annual premium.
A home insurance is a safety netthat provides cover, in case ofdamage. It protects the house from
unwanted, unforeseen causes thatcan damage it, such as fire, smokedamage, floods, earthquakes,lightning strikes, storms of all kinds,explosions, riots or civil commotion,burglary, break-ins, vandalism, etc.
People generally believe thathome insurance is expensive andthe process of settlement of claims,is complicated. The scenario hasnow changed, with the entry ofmany insurers and the regulatoryauthority keeping a strict vigil onthe operations of these companies.
The premium payable towardsinsuring a home is around Rs 50 forcoverage of one lakh rupees andwhen the policy is taken for a longterm, then, the insurance premium
can even come down to `25 per` one lakh coverage.
While a home insurance policyprovides risk cover only for theconstructed property, what if youhave bought an under-constructionproperty? In this case, expertssuggest that it is the duty of thebuilder, to get a project insurancepolicy, to cover the threat to anunder-construction property fromnatural disasters. So, before youbuy an under-construction propertyon a home loan, check whether thebuilder has taken a projectinsurance cover.
A comprehensive homeinsurance policy product, may giveyou the benefit of risk cover for thecontents, as well as the structure.However, before buying aninsurance policy, the applicantshould check out the list ofinclusions and exclusions, to figureout what risk hazards the insuranceproduct covers.
Besides the basic protection, aninsurance policy can also offer add-on covers, such as the cost of livingin a rented accommodation whileyour house is being repaired. If thehouse is rented out, the owner cantake cover against the loss of rent, ifa natural calamity renders it unfitfor occupation. However, thesecovers are for a limited period of upto a few months after the disaster.
A landlord insurance coversthe financial risk to a property,caused due to earthquake,flood, fire, damages due toa tenant’s actions and soon. When the landlordincurs such financialloss due to damage to theinsured property, then, theinsurer pays for the replacementcost, to the extent of damage,after adjusting the deductible asper its terms and conditions. Forexample, if, due to fire, thekitchen is damaged, then, theinsurance company will pay forthe cost incurred in repairingthe kitchen. However, beforeyou get the claim amount, theinsurance company may ask you topay the deductible sum.
What does a homeinsurance cover?
In home insurance, the coverageis generally limited to theconstruction cost and contents ofthe apartment. “For the structure,the insurance cover is based on thearea of the apartment and theapproximate construction cost.Thus, one should avoid takingexcessive insurance, as one will notget the claim for more than theconstruction cost of the company.Check the claim history and trackrecord of the company, beforebuying the home insurance. Checkthe inclusions and exclusions of thepolicies.
Not all types of damages arecovered by all home insurancepolicies. Different types of homeinsurance policies provide cover fordifferent types of damage. Hence, itis essential to do one’s homework,before selecting a home insuranceCheck the list of risks and naturalcalamities that are included in thepolicy. Read the policy carefully andunderstand the terms andconditions. Make note of theexclusions. Get all doubts cleared,before buying the policy. Check thefinancial ratings of your homeinsurer. An ‘A’ by CRISIL, is a goodindicator of strength.
Claiming home insuranceEnsure that you have all
information, like policy number,name, address and ID proof ready, ifrequired. “When filing a claim,mention the type (theft/fire/waterdamage, etc.) and the description ofloss or damage to the personalbelongings and home. Call theconcerned authorities, in case offire or pipeline burst. If possible,take photos of the damaged areaand also keep the receipts fromservices used or purchases made,because of the damage/loss. Theinsurance company will deploy asurveyor and have the damagedgoods inspected thoroughly. Theclaim is settled, after the losses are
assessed,” Chandani elaborates.It is advisable to do an
online search and comparedifferent policies and their
scope, before buying.Check everything,
including the extent ofcover, the exclusions
and increase inannual premium.
Homeowners buyinsurance to protect
against disaster. But whendisaster strikes, yourinsurer might not live up toyour expectations.
The greater thedamage, the higher the
likelihood that there will be adisagreement over the value of thedamage. The best test of an insurer
BEFORE BUYING ANINSURANCE POLICY,THE APPLICANTSHOULD CHECK OUTTHE LIST OFINCLUSIONS ANDEXCLUSIONS, TOFIGURE OUT WHAT RISKHAZARDS THEINSURANCE PRODUCTCOVERS.
Woman’s Era ● April 2020 111
is how well it handles claims. Somemajor insurers provided significantlybetter satisfaction when it comes tohandling claims than others. Don’tbe afraid to make a small claim.
If the dispute is over the damageamount, request a sit-down withthe contractor and adjuster to goover the estimate line by line, whichis standard practice.
If you’ve been misled by aninsurance salesperson about policywording, contact a lawyer whospecialises in insurance law.Lawsuits were rare among oursubscribers, courts haveconsistently ruled in favor ofpolicyholders on such ambiguities.Arbitration is another option.
Even if your coverage level iscorrect, a standard home ownerspolicy still leaves you insufficientlyprotected. If you want to protectagainst the surge in material andlabour prices that often follow anatural disaster, you’ll have to buyan “extended coverage rider.”
Additional policies for floodingand earthquakes, which aren’tcovered by a traditionalhomeowners insurance policy. Also,you may need separate policies forhurricanes, wind, and hail if you livein a high-risk zone. Coverage foryour furniture, electronics, clothing,and other belongings is standard,but if you have expensive furs,
jewelry, silverware, or artwork,they’re subject to coverage limits.You’ll need to purchase a specialendorsement or floater to covertheir full value.
Fire, lightning, and debrisremoval lead to the highest claimsof all insured perils. Cookingequipment is a leading cause ofhome fires, so never leave a stoveunattended, and keep a fireextinguisher in the kitchen.
In earthquake-prone areas,make sure your home’s buildingframe is properly bolted to itsfoundation. Get more informationon reducing risks from earthquakes,freezing weather, lightning,wildfires, and more
What to see for opting forhome insurance✿ The policy should only be taken
for an adequate sum, becauseunder home insurance the claim
payment is limited to the cost ofconstruction.
✿ Always take a home insurancepolicy for the long term, so thatthe premium can be minimised.
✿ Opt for add-on covers likeearthquake/terrorism.
✿ In order to hedge the inflationaryimpact on construction price,always opt for the escalationmethod of insurance.
✿ The inclusions and exclusions aretreated differently by eachinsurance provider. Therefore,one must carefully go throughthe policy document, beforeselecting any insurance.
What is title insurance?In order to protect the buyer of
the property – whether a flat, orland, or even a developer who isbuying a land – an insurancecompany promises to indemnify thebuyer against any loss caused, dueto any defect in the title of the sellerin the property. Under titleinsurance, the insurance companypays you for any loss in the marketvalue of the property, for expenseswhich you may incur due to thedefect in the title of the propertyacquired by you.
The defect in the title may bepresent at the time of buying thetitle insurance and which, neitherthe insurer nor the insured areaware of. The RERA has mandatedthat all developers obtain titleinsurance for their projects. Weexamine how this will impact under-construction and completedprojects and the benefits that titleinsurance offers, to home owners
Section 16 of the Real Estate(Regulation and Development)Act, 2016 (RERA), requires alldevelopers to buy title insurance,for the project to be undertakenafresh, as well as for projects thatare incomplete as on the date ofenactment of the law. Thisrequirement will help mitigate thehardship caused to innocent flatbuyers, in case any defect isdetected in the title of the landon which the building wasconstructed.
112 Woman’s Era ● April 2020
COOKING EQUIPMENTIS A LEADING CAUSE OFHOME FIRES, SO NEVERLEAVE A STOVEUNATTENDED, ANDKEEP A FIREEXTINGUISHER IN THEKITCHEN.
114 Woman’s Era ● July 2021
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ADVICEREADERS are advised to make appro p -riate and thorough enquiries before actingupon any advertise ment. This magazinedoes not vouch for sub scribe to claim anyrepresen tation made by the adver tiserregarding the particulars of status of whatis offered.
better. Things will surely look up., there are significantsigns to show that the pandemic is getting controlled withvaccines and happy days are just around the corner.
IAM IN A TERRIBLY DIFFICULT SITUATION---AND FOR NO FAULT OF
my own. Last month, my sister who is three yearsolder got engaged to a very handsome lawyer and a
marriage date too has been finalised in the comingsummer.It is an arranged match. I have to admit honestlythat I felt very drawn to this young man and soon wediscovered a wonderful rapport with each other.
A couple of weeks after the engagement, to myastonishment, when we were alone with each other ,oneafternoon, he declared that he had fallen in love with me.You can imagine my shock…and secret delight too,unfortunately. I fled from the room and have since thenavoided meeting him.
Although I will never ever cheat and betray my sister, Iam having serious concerns about this man’s integrity.My sister trusts him completely. What if he begins toharass me later on when he becomes a part of the family?If he can flirt with me, can he not flirt with other girls too?
Should I talk to my parents about this? Please tell mewhat to do. Please advise me.
This is , indeed, a issue which you cannot keep toyourself as it has a lot to do with your sister’s life andfuture happiness. Confide in your mother, or father, if youthink he will be more calm and sensible. Maybe a serioustalk with the young man is in order.
OUR SCHOOL HAS CLOSED DUE TO COVID 19 AND WE ARE
have our classes on-line. Although I was quite finein the early days, nowadays, I feel a strange sense
of hopelessness and despondency. I feel as if we will notever go back to normal again, as if there is no light at theend of the tunnel, as if the pandemic will never goaway.This frame of mind is affecting my studies too; mygrades are falling too. I think what I miss most is myfriends. I am an extrovert person and this forced isolationis making me very,very unhappy.Can you help meunderstand all this?
The present situation is evidently affecting youadversely, especially since you are deprived of yourfriends’ company. Social distancing restrictions arehardest on people who love socialising. In fact, mentalhealth has taken a bashing in the year and depressionhas been the most frequently seen mental disorderoccurring due to pandemic conditions. It looks as if youtoo are suffering from mild depression. Take heart,though. You can feel much better if you take somepositive steps to lift your mood. Eat better, exercise andgo outdoors frequently, taking all necessary precautions.Talk to friends, especially cheery, positive ones, take up ahobby you enjoy or even get a dog.
Going to your family doctor to get a mood enhancer isalso a very good idea and can help tremendously in feeling
Teenache●
Q A&
Curated Art for your Spaces
The
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Jogen ChowdhuryUntitled, 5x7 inchInk & Pastel on Paper
