Life&AdventuresOf

MartinChuzzlewitVol.I

ByCharlesDickens

LifeAndAdventuresOfMartinChuzzlewit

CHAPTERONE

INTRODUCTORY,CONCERNINGTHEPEDIGREEOFTHECHUZZLEWITFAMILY

As no lady or gentleman, with any claims to polite breeding, can possiblysympathize with the Chuzzlewit Family without being first assured of theextreme antiquity of the race, it is a great satisfaction to know that itundoubtedlydescendedinadirect linefromAdamandEve;andwas, in theveryearliesttimes,closelyconnectedwiththeagriculturalinterest.Ifitshouldeverbeurgedbygrudging andmaliciouspersons, that aChuzzlewit, in anyperiod of the family history, displayed an overweening amount of familypride, surely the weakness will be considered not only pardonable butlaudable,whentheimmensesuperiorityofthehousetotherestofmankind,in

respectofthisitsancientorigin,istakenintoaccount.

Itisremarkablethatastherewas,intheoldestfamilyofwhichwehaveanyrecord,amurdererandavagabond,soweneverfailtomeet,intherecordsofalloldfamilies,withinnumerablerepetitionsof thesamephaseofcharacter.Indeed,itmaybelaiddownasageneralprinciple,thatthemoreextendedtheancestry, thegreater theamountofviolenceandvagabondism;for inancientdays those two amusements, combining a wholesome excitement with apromisingmeansof repairingshattered fortunes,wereatonce theennoblingpursuitandthehealthfulrecreationoftheQualityofthisland.

Consequently, it is a source of inexpressible comfort and happiness to find,thatinvariousperiodsofourhistory,theChuzzlewitswereactivelyconnectedwithdiversslaughterousconspiraciesandbloodyfrays.It isfurtherrecordedofthem,thatbeingcladfromheadtoheelinsteelofproof,theydidonmanyoccasions lead their leather-jerkined soldiers to the death with invinciblecourage,andafterwardsreturnhomegracefullytotheirrelationsandfriends.

Therecanbenodoubt that at leastoneChuzzlewit cameoverwithWilliamtheConqueror.Itdoesnotappearthatthisillustriousancestor'cameover'thatmonarch,toemploythevulgarphrase,atanysubsequentperiod;inasmuchasthe Family do not seem to have been ever greatly distinguished by thepossessionoflandedestate.Anditiswellknownthatforthebestowalofthatkindofpropertyuponhisfavourites,theliberalityandgratitudeoftheNormanwereasremarkableasthosevirtuesareusuallyfoundtobeingreatmenwhentheygiveawaywhatbelongstootherpeople.

Perhaps in this place the history may pause to congratulate itself upon theenormousamountofbravery,wisdom,eloquence,virtue,gentlebirth,andtruenobility,thatappearstohavecomeintoEnglandwiththeNormanInvasion:anamountwhichthegenealogyofeveryancientfamilylendsitsaidtoswell,andwhichwouldbeyondallquestionhavebeenfoundtobejustasgreat,andtothe full as prolific in giving birth to long lines of chivalrous descendants,boastfuloftheirorigin,eventhoughWilliamtheConquerorhadbeenWilliamthe Conquered; a change of circumstances which, it is quite certain, wouldhavemadenomannerofdifferenceinthisrespect.

TherewasunquestionablyaChuzzlewitintheGunpowderPlot,ifindeedthearch-traitor,Fawkeshimself,werenotascionofthisremarkablestock;ashemight easily have been, supposing anotherChuzzlewit to have emigrated toSpaininthepreviousgeneration,andthereintermarriedwithaSpanishlady,bywhomhehadissue,oneolive-complexionedson.Thisprobableconjectureisstrengthened,ifnotabsolutelyconfirmed,byafactwhichcannotfailtobeinterestingtothosewhoarecuriousintracingtheprogressofhereditarytastesthroughthelivesof theirunconsciousinheritors.It isanotablecircumstancethat in these later times, many Chuzzlewits, being unsuccessful in other

pursuits,have,withoutthesmallestrationalhopeofenrichingthemselves,orany conceivable reason, set up as coal-merchants; and have, month aftermonth,continuedgloomilytowatchasmallstockofcoals,withoutinanyoneinstancenegotiatingwithapurchaser.Theremarkablesimilaritybetweenthiscourse of proceeding and that adopted by their Great Ancestor beneath thevaultsoftheParliamentHouseatWestminster,istooobviousandtoofullofinterest,tostandinneedofcomment.

ItisalsoclearlyprovedbytheoraltraditionsoftheFamily,thatthereexisted,at some one period of its historywhich is not distinctly stated, amatron ofsuchdestructiveprinciples,andsofamiliarizedtotheuseandcompositionofinflammatory and combustible engines, that she was called 'The MatchMaker;' by which nickname and byword she is recognized in the Familylegendstothisday.SurelytherecanbenoreasonabledoubtthatthiswastheSpanishlady,themotherofChuzzlewitFawkes.

Butthereisoneotherpieceofevidence,bearingimmediatereferencetotheirclose connectionwith thismemorable event inEnglishHistory,whichmustcarry conviction, even to a mind (if such a mind there be) remainingunconvincedbythesepresumptiveproofs.

Therewas,withinafewyears,inthepossessionofahighlyrespectableandineverywaycredibleandunimpeachablememberoftheChuzzlewitFamily(forhisbitterestenemyneverdaredtohintathisbeingotherwise thanawealthyman),adarklanternofundoubtedantiquity;renderedstillmoreinterestingbybeing, in shape andpattern, extremely like such as are in use at thepresentday.Nowthisgentleman,sincedeceased,wasatalltimesreadytomakeoath,anddid again and again set forth uponhis solemn asseveration, that he hadfrequently heard his grandmother say, when contemplating this venerablerelic,'Aye,aye!ThiswascarriedbymyfourthsononthefifthofNovember,whenhewasaGuyFawkes.'Theseremarkablewordswrought(aswelltheymight)astrongimpressiononhismind,andhewasinthehabitofrepeatingthemveryoften.Thejustinterpretationwhichtheybear,andtheconclusiontowhichtheylead,aretriumphantandirresistible.Theoldlady,naturallystrong-minded,wasneverthelessfrailandfading;shewasnotoriouslysubjecttothatconfusionof ideas,or, tosaytheleast,ofspeech, towhichageandgarrulityareliable.Theslight,theveryslight,confusionapparentintheseexpressionsismanifest,andisludicrouslyeasyofcorrection.'Aye,aye,'quothshe,anditwillbeobservedthatnoemendationwhateverisnecessarytobemadeinthesetwoinitiativeremarks,'Aye,aye!Thislanternwascarriedbymyforefather'—notfourthson,whichispreposterous—'onthefifthofNovember.AndHEwasGuyFawkes.'Herewehavearemarkatonceconsistent,clear,natural,andinstrictaccordancewiththecharacterofthespeaker.Indeedtheanecdoteissoplainlysusceptibleofthismeaningandnoother,thatitwouldbehardlyworthrecording in itsoriginal state,were itnot aproofofwhatmaybe (andvery

oftenis)affectednotonlyinhistoricalprosebutinimaginativepoetry,bytheexerciseofalittleingeniouslabouronthepartofacommentator.

It has been said that there is no instance, inmodern times, of aChuzzlewithaving been found on terms of intimacywith theGreat.But here again thesneeringdetractorswhoweavesuchmiserablefigmentsfromtheirmaliciousbrains,arestrickendumbbyevidence.Forlettersareyetinthepossessionofvariousbranchesofthefamily,fromwhichitdistinctlyappears,beingstatedinsomanywords,thatoneDiggoryChuzzlewitwasinthehabitofperpetuallydiningwithDukeHumphrey.Soconstantlywasheaguestatthatnobleman'stable, indeed; and so unceasingly were His Grace's hospitality andcompanionshipforced,asitwere,uponhim;thatwefindhimuneasy,andfullofconstraintandreluctance;writinghisfriendstotheeffectthatiftheyfailtodosoandsobybearer,hewillhavenochoicebut todineagainwithDukeHumphrey;andexpressinghimselfinaverymarkedandextraordinarymannerasonesurfeitedofHighLifeandGraciousCompany.

It has been rumoured, and it is needless to say the rumouroriginated in thesame base quarters, that a certain male Chuzzlewit, whose birth must beadmittedtobeinvolvedinsomeobscurity,wasofverymeanandlowdescent.Howstandstheproof?Whenthesonofthatindividual,towhomthesecretofhisfather'sbirthwassupposedtohavebeencommunicatedbyhisfatherinhislifetime, lay upon his deathbed, this question was put to him in a distinct,solemn, and formalway: 'TobyChuzzlewit, whowas your grandfather?' Towhich he, with his last breath, no less distinctly, solemnly, and formallyreplied: and his words were taken down at the time, and signed by sixwitnesses,eachwithhisnameandaddressinfull:'TheLordNoZoo.'Itmaybesaid—itHASbeensaid,forhumanwickednesshasnolimits—thatthereisnoLordof thatname,and thatamong the titleswhichhavebecomeextinct,noneatallresemblingthis,insoundeven,istobediscovered.Butwhatistheirresistibleinference?Rejectingatheorybroachedbysomewell-meaningbutmistakenpersons, that thisMrTobyChuzzlewit'sgrandfather, to judge fromhisname,mustsurelyhavebeenaMandarin(whichiswhollyinsupportable,for there is no pretence of his grandmother ever having been out of thiscountry,orofanyMandarinhavingbeeninitwithinsomeyearsofhisfather'sbirth;exceptthoseinthetea-shops,whichcannotforamomentberegardedashaving any bearing on the question, one way or other), rejecting thishypothesis,isitnotmanifestthatMrTobyChuzzlewithadeitherreceivedthename imperfectly fromhis father, or that hehad forgotten it, or that hehadmispronounced it? and that even at the recent period in question, theChuzzlewitswereconnectedbyabendsinister,orkindofheraldicover-the-left,withsomeunknownnobleandillustriousHouse?

From documentary evidence, yet preserved in the family, the fact is clearlyestablishedthatinthecomparativelymoderndaysoftheDiggoryChuzzlewit

beforementioned,oneof itsmembershadattained toverygreatwealth andinfluence.Throughoutsuchfragmentsofhiscorrespondenceashaveescapedthe ravages of themoths (who, in right of their extensive absorption of thecontentsofdeedsandpapers,maybecalledthegeneralregistersoftheInsectWorld), we find him making constant reference to an uncle, in respect ofwhomhewouldseemtohaveentertainedgreatexpectations,ashewasinthehabit of seeking to propitiate his favour by presents of plate, jewels, books,watches, and other valuable articles.Thus, hewrites on one occasion to hisbrother in reference to a gravy-spoon, the brother's property, which he(Diggory)wouldappeartohaveborrowedorotherwisepossessedhimselfof:'Donotbeangry,Ihavepartedwithit—tomyuncle.'Onanotheroccasionheexpresseshimselfinasimilarmannerwithregardtoachild'smugwhichhadbeen entrusted to him to get repaired.On another occasion he says, 'I havebestowed upon that irresistible uncle of mine everything I ever possessed.'And that he was in the habit of paying long and constant visits to thisgentleman at his mansion, if, indeed, he did not wholly reside there, ismanifest from the following sentence: 'With the exception of the suit ofclothesIcarryaboutwithme,thewholeofmywearingapparelisatpresentatmy uncle's.' This gentleman's patronage and influencemust have been veryextensive,forhisnephewwrites,'Hisinterestistoohigh'—'Itistoomuch'—'Itistremendous'—andthelike.Stillitdoesnotappear(whichisstrange)tohaveprocuredforhimanylucrativepostatcourtorelsewhere,ortohaveconferreduponhimanyotherdistinctionthanthatwhichwasnecessarilyincludedinthecountenance of so great a man, and the being invited by him to certainentertainment's, so splendid and costly in their nature, that he calls them'GoldenBalls.'

It isneedlesstomultiplyinstancesof thehighandloftystation,andthevastimportanceoftheChuzzlewits,atdifferentperiods.Ifitcamewithinthescopeof reasonable probability that further proofs were required, they might beheapeduponeachotheruntiltheyformedanAlpsoftestimony,beneathwhichtheboldestscepticismshouldbecrushedandbeatenflat.Asagoodlytumulusis already collected, and decently battened up above the Family grave, thepresentchapteriscontenttoleaveitasitis:merelyadding,bywayofafinalspadeful, that many Chuzzlewits, both male and female, are proved todemonstration,onthefaithofletterswrittenbytheirownmothers,tohavehadchisellednoses, undeniable chins, forms thatmighthave served the sculptorforamodel,exquisitely-turnedlimbsandpolishedforeheadsofsotransparentatexturethattheblueveinsmightbeseenbranchingoffinvariousdirections,likesomanyroadsonanetherealmap.Thisfactinitself,thoughithadbeenasolitaryone,wouldhaveutterlysettledandclenchedthebusinessinhand;foritiswellknown,ontheauthorityofallthebookswhichtreatofsuchmatters,that everyoneof thesephenomena, but especially that of the chiselling, areinvariablypeculiar to,andonlymake themselvesapparent in,personsof theverybestcondition.

Thishistoryhaving,toitsownperfectsatisfaction,(and,consequently,tothefull contentment of all its readers,) proved the Chuzzlewits to have had anorigin,andtohavebeenatonetimeorotherofanimportancewhichcannotfailtorenderthemhighlyimprovingandacceptableacquaintancetoallright-minded individuals, may now proceed in earnest with its task. And havingshownthattheymusthavehad,byreasonoftheirancientbirth,aprettylargeshare in the foundation and increase of the human family, it will one daybecomeitsprovincetosubmit,thatsuchofitsmembersasshallbeintroducedinthesepages,havestillmanycounterpartsandprototypesintheGreatWorldaboutus.Atpresentitcontentsitselfwithremarking,inageneralway,onthishead: Firstly, that it may be safely asserted, and yet without implying anydirectparticipation in theManboddodoctrine touching theprobabilityof thehuman race having once beenmonkeys, thatmen do play very strange andextraordinarytricks.Secondly,andyetwithout trenchingontheBlumenbachtheoryastothedescendantsofAdamhavingavastnumberofqualitieswhichbelongmore particularly to swine than to any other class of animals in thecreation, thatsomemencertainlyareremarkablefor takinguncommongoodcareofthemselves.

CHAPTERTWO

WHEREINCERTAINPERSONSAREPRESENTEDTOTHEREADER,WITHWHOMHEMAY,IFHEPLEASE,BECOME

BETTERACQUAINTED

Itwasprettylateintheautumnoftheyear,whenthedecliningsunstrugglingthroughthemistwhichhadobscureditallday,lookedbrightlydownuponalittleWiltshirevillage,withinaneasyjourneyofthefairoldtownofSalisbury.

Likeasuddenflashofmemoryorspiritkindlingupthemindofanoldman,itshedagloryuponthescene,inwhichitsdepartedyouthandfreshnessseemedtoliveagain.Thewetgrasssparkledinthelight;thescantypatchesofverdureinthehedges—whereafewgreentwigsyetstoodtogetherbravely,resistingtothe last the tyranny of nipping winds and early frosts—took heart andbrightenedup;thestreamwhichhadbeendullandsullenalldaylong,brokeout into a cheerful smile; the birds began to chirp and twitter on the nakedboughs,asthoughthehopefulcreatureshalfbelievedthatwinterhadgoneby,and spring had come already. The vane upon the tapering spire of the oldchurchglistenedfromitsloftystationinsympathywiththegeneralgladness;andfromthe ivy-shadedwindowssuchgleamsof lightshonebackupon theglowingsky,thatitseemedasifthequietbuildingswerethehoarding-placeof

twentysummers,andalltheirruddinessandwarmthwerestoredwithin.

Eventhosetokensoftheseasonwhichemphaticallywhisperedofthecomingwinter,gracedthelandscape,and,forthemoment, tingedits livelierfeatureswithnooppressive air of sadness.The fallen leaves,withwhich thegroundwasstrewn,gaveforthapleasantfragrance,andsubduingallharshsoundsofdistant feet and wheels created a repose in gentle unison with the lightscatteringofseedhitherandthitherbythedistanthusbandman,andwiththenoiseless passage of the plough as it turned up the rich brown earth, andwroughtagracefulpatterninthestubbledfields.Onthemotionlessbranchesof some trees, autumn berries hung like clusters of coral beads, as in thosefabled orchards where the fruits were jewels; others stripped of all theirgarniture,stood,eachthecentreofitslittleheapofbrightredleaves,watchingtheirslowdecay;othersagain,stillwearingtheirs,hadthemallcrunchedandcrackled up, as though they had been burnt; about the stems of somewerepiled, in ruddy mounds, the apples they had borne that year; while others(hardy evergreens this class) showed somewhat stern and gloomy in theirvigour, as charged by naturewith the admonition that it is not to hermoresensitiveandjoyousfavouritesshegrantsthelongesttermoflife.Stillathwarttheirdarkerboughs,thesunbeamsstruckoutpathsofdeepergold;andtheredlight,mantlinginamongtheirswarthybranches,usedthemasfoilstosetitsbrightnessoff,andaidthelustreofthedyingday.

Amoment,anditsglorywasnomore.Thesunwentdownbeneath the longdarklinesofhillandcloudwhichpiledupinthewestanairycity,wallheapedonwall,andbattlementonbattlement;thelightwasallwithdrawn;theshiningchurchturnedcoldanddark;thestreamforgottosmile;thebirdsweresilent;andthegloomofwinterdweltoneverything.

Aneveningwinduprosetoo,andtheslighterbranchescrackedandrattledastheymoved,inskeletondances,toitsmoaningmusic.Thewitheringleavesnolongerquiet,hurriedtoandfroinsearchofshelterfromitschillpursuit; thelabourerunyokedhishorses,andwithheadbentdown,trudgedbrisklyhomebeside them;andfromthecottagewindows lightsbegan toglanceandwinkuponthedarkeningfields.

Thenthevillageforgecameoutinallitsbrightimportance.Thelustybellowsroared Ha ha! to the clear fire, which roared in turn, and bade the shiningsparks dance gayly to themerry clinking of the hammers on the anvil. Thegleamingiron,initsemulation,sparkledtoo,andsheditsred-hotgemsaroundprofusely.Thestrongsmithandhismendealtsuchstrokesupontheirwork,asmadeeventhemelancholynightrejoice,andbroughtaglowintoitsdarkfaceas it hovered about the door and windows, peeping curiously in above theshoulders of a dozen loungers. As to this idle company, there they stood,spellboundbytheplace,and,castingnowandthenaglanceuponthedarknessintheirrear,settledtheirlazyelbowsmoreateaseuponthesill,andleaneda

little further in: nomore disposed to tear themselves away than if they hadbeenborntoclusterroundtheblazinghearthlikesomanycrickets.

Out upon the angry wind! how from sighing, it began to bluster round themerry forge, banging at the wicket, and grumbling in the chimney, as if itbullied the jollybellows fordoing anything toorder.Andwhat an impotentswaggereritwastoo,forallitsnoise;forifithadanyinfluenceonthathoarsecompanion,itwasbuttomakehimroarhischeerfulsongthelouder,andbyconsequencetomakethefireburnthebrighter,andthesparkstodancemoregaylyyet;at length,theywhizzedsomadlyroundandround,thatitwastoomuchforsuchasurlywindtobear;sooffitflewwithahowlgivingtheoldsignbeforetheale-housedoorsuchacuffasitwent,thattheBlueDragonwasmorerampantthanusualeverafterwards,andindeed,beforeChristmas,rearedcleanoutofitscrazyframe.

Itwassmall tyrannyforarespectablewindtogowreakingitsvengeanceonsuchpoorcreaturesasthefallenleaves,but thiswindhappeningtocomeupwithagreatheapofthemjustafterventingitshumourontheinsultedDragon,did so disperse and scatter them that they fled away, pell-mell, some here,somethere,rollingovereachother,whirlingroundandroundupontheirthinedges, taking frantic flights into the air, and playing all manner ofextraordinarygambolsintheextremityoftheirdistress.Norwasthisenoughfor itsmalicious fury; for not content with driving them abroad, it chargedsmall parties of them and hunted them into thewheelwright's saw-pit, andbelowtheplanksandtimbersintheyard,and,scatteringthesawdustintheair,it lookedforthemunderneath,andwhenitdidmeetwithany,whew!howitdrovethemonandfollowedattheirheels!

Thescaredleavesonlyflewthefasterforallthis,andagiddychaseitwas;fortheygotintounfrequentedplaces,wheretherewasnooutlet,andwheretheirpursuer kept them eddying round and round at his pleasure; and they creptundertheeavesofhouses,andclungtightlytothesidesofhay-ricks,likebats;and tore inatopenchamberwindows,andcoweredclose tohedges;and, inshort,wentanywhereforsafety.Buttheoddestfeattheyachievedwas,totakeadvantageofthesuddenopeningofMrPecksniff'sfront-door,todashwildlyintohispassage;whitherthewindfollowingcloseuponthem,andfindingtheback-door open, incontinently blew out the lighted candle held by MissPecksniff,andslammed the front-dooragainstMrPecksniffwhowasat thatmomententering,withsuchviolence,thatinthetwinklingofaneyehelayonhisbackatthebottomofthesteps.Beingbythistimewearyofsuchtriflingperformances,theboisterousroverhurriedawayrejoicing,roaringovermoorandmeadow,hillandflat,untilitgotouttosea,whereitmetwithotherwindssimilarlydisposed,andmadeanightofit.

In the meantime Mr Pecksniff, having received from a sharp angle in thebottomstepbutone, that sortofknockon theheadwhich lightsup, for the

patient'sentertainment,animaginarygeneralilluminationofverybrightshort-sixes, layplacidlystaringathisownstreetdoor.Anditwouldseemtohavebeen more suggestive in its aspect than street doors usually are; for hecontinued to lie there, rather a lengthy and unreasonable time, without somuchaswonderingwhetherhewashurtorno;neither,whenMissPecksniffinquiredthroughthekey-holeinashrillvoice,whichmighthavebelongedtoa wind in its teens, 'Who's there' did he make any reply; nor, when MissPecksniffopenedthedooragain,andshadingthecandlewithherhand,peeredout, and looked provokingly round him, and about him, and over him, andeverywherebutathim,didheofferanyremark,orindicateinanymannertheleasthintofadesiretobepickedup.

'I see you,' criedMiss Pecksniff, to the ideal inflicter of a runaway knock.'You'llcatchit,sir!'

StillMrPecksniff,perhapsfromhavingcaughtitalready,saidnothing.

'You're round thecornernow,'criedMissPecksniff.Shesaid itataventure,buttherewasappropriatematterinittoo;forMrPecksniff,beingintheactofextinguishingthecandlesbeforementionedprettyrapidly,andofreducingthenumberofbrassknobsonhisstreetdoorfromfourorfivehundred(whichhadpreviouslybeenjugglingoftheirownaccordbeforehiseyesinaverynovelmanner) to a dozen or so,might in one sense have been said to be comingroundthecorner,andjustturningit.

Witha sharplydeliveredwarning relative to thecageand theconstable,andthestocksandthegallows,MissPecksniffwasabouttoclosethedooragain,whenMrPecksniff (being still at thebottomof the steps) raisedhimself ononeelbow,andsneezed.

'Thatvoice!'criedMissPecksniff.'Myparent!'

At thisexclamation,anotherMissPecksniffbouncedoutof theparlour;andthe two Miss Pecksniffs, with many incoherent expressions, dragged MrPecksniffintoanuprightposture.

'Pa!'theycriedinconcert.'Pa!Speak,Pa!DonotlooksowildmydearestPa!'

Butasagentleman'slooks,insuchacaseofallothers,arebynomeansunderhisowncontrol,MrPecksniffcontinuedtokeephismouthandhiseyesverywideopen,andtodrophislowerjaw,somewhatafterthemannerofatoynut-cracker;andashishathadfallenoff,andhisfacewaspale,andhishairerect,and his coat muddy, the spectacle he presented was so very doleful, thatneitheroftheMissPecksniffscouldrepressaninvoluntaryscreech.

'That'lldo,'saidMrPecksniff.'I'mbetter.'

'He'scometohimself!'criedtheyoungestMissPecksniff.

'Hespeaksagain!'exclaimedtheeldest.

With these joyfulwords theykissedMrPecksniff on either cheek; andborehim into the house. Presently, the youngestMiss Pecksniff ran out again topick up his hat, his brown paper parcel, his umbrella, his gloves, and othersmallarticles;and thatdone,and thedoorclosed,bothyoung ladiesappliedthemselvestotendingMrPecksniff'swoundsinthebackparlour.

Theywerenotveryseriousintheirnature;beinglimitedtoabrasionsonwhatthe eldestMiss Pecksniff called 'the knobby parts' of her parent's anatomy,such as his knees and elbows, and to the development of an entirely neworgan, unknown to phrenologists, on the back of his head. These injurieshavingbeencomforted externally,withpatchesofpickledbrownpaper, andMrPecksniff having been comforted internally,with some stiff brandy-and-water,theeldestMissPecksniffsatdowntomakethetea,whichwasallready.In the meantime the youngest Miss Pecksniff brought from the kitchen asmokingdishofhamandeggs,and,settingthesamebeforeherfather,tookupherstationonalowstoolathisfeet;therebybringinghereyesonalevelwiththeteaboard.

Itmustnotbeinferredfromthispositionofhumility, thattheyoungestMissPecksniffwassoyoungastobe,asonemaysay,forcedtosituponastool,byreasonoftheshortnessofherlegs.MissPecksniffsatuponastoolbecauseofher simplicity and innocence, which were very great, very great. MissPecksniffsatuponastoolbecauseshewasallgirlishness,andplayfulness,andwildness,andkittenishbuoyancy.Shewasthemostarchandatthesametimethe most artless creature, was the youngest Miss Pecksniff, that you canpossiblyimagine.Itwashergreatcharm.Shewastoofreshandguileless,andtoofullofchild-likevivacity,wastheyoungestMissPecksniff,towearcombsinherhair,ortoturnitup,ortofrizzleit,orbraidit.Sheworeitinacrop,alooselyflowingcrop,whichhadsomanyrowsofcurlsinit,thatthetoprowwasonlyonecurl.Moderatelybuxomwashershape,andquitewomanlytoo;but sometimes—yes, sometimes—she even wore a pinafore; and howcharming THAT was! Oh! she was indeed 'a gushing thing' (as a younggentleman had observed in verse, in the Poet's Corner of a provincialnewspaper),wastheyoungestMissPecksniff!

MrPecksniffwasamoralman—agraveman,amanofnoblesentimentsandspeech—andhehadhadher christenedMercy.Mercy!oh,what a charmingnameforsuchapure-souledBeingastheyoungestMissPecksniff!Hersister'snamewasCharity.Therewasagoodthing!MercyandCharity!AndCharity,with her fine strong sense and hermild, yet not reproachful gravity,was sowellnamed,anddidsowellsetoffandillustratehersister!Whatapleasantsightwas that the contrast theypresented; to see each lovedand lovingone

sympathizing with, and devoted to, and leaning on, and yet correcting andcounter-checking,and,asitwere,antidoting,theother!Tobeholdeachdamselin her very admiration of her sister, setting up in business for herself on anentirelydifferentprinciple,andannouncingnoconnectionwithover-the-way,and if the quality of goods at that establishment don't please you, you arerespectfullyinvitedtofavourMEwithacall!Andthecrowningcircumstanceof the whole delightful catalogue was, that both the fair creatures were soutterlyunconsciousofallthis!Theyhadnoideaofit.Theynomorethoughtordreamedof it thanMrPecksniffdid.Natureplayed themoffagainsteachother;THEYhadnohandinit,thetwoMissPecksniffs.

IthasbeenremarkedthatMrPecksniffwasamoralman.Sohewas.Perhapsthere never was a more moral man than Mr Pecksniff, especially in hisconversation and correspondence. It was once said of him by a homelyadmirer, thathehadaFortunatus'spurseofgoodsentimentsinhis inside.Inthisparticularhewaslikethegirlinthefairytale,exceptthatiftheywerenotactualdiamondswhich fell fromhis lips, theywere theverybrightestpaste,and shone prodigiously. He was a most exemplary man; fuller of virtuouspreceptthanacopybook.Somepeoplelikenedhimtoadirection-post,whichisalwaystellingthewaytoaplace,andnevergoesthere;butthesewerehisenemies,theshadowscastbyhisbrightness;thatwasall.Hisverythroatwasmoral.Yousawagooddealofit.Youlookedoveraverylowfenceofwhitecravat(whereofnomanhadeverbeheldthetieforhefasteneditbehind),andthere it lay, a valley between two jutting heights of collar, serene andwhiskerlessbeforeyou.Itseemedtosay,onthepartofMrPecksniff,'Thereisnodeception,ladiesandgentlemen,allispeace,aholycalmpervadesme.'Sodid his hair, just grizzled with an iron-grey which was all brushed off hisforehead,andstoodboltupright,orslightlydroopedinkindredactionwithhisheavy eyelids. So did his person, which was sleek though free fromcorpulency.Sodidhismanner,whichwassoftandoily. Inaword,evenhisplain black suit, and state of widower and dangling double eye-glass, alltendedtothesamepurpose,andcriedaloud,'BeholdthemoralPecksniff!'

The brazen plate upon the door (which beingMr Pecksniff's, could not lie)borethisinscription,'PECKSNIFF,ARCHITECT,'towhichMrPecksniff,onhis cards of business, added,ANDLANDSURVEYOR.' In one sense, andonlyone,hemaybesaidtohavebeenaLandSurveyoronaprettylargescale,asanextensiveprospectlaystretchedoutbeforethewindowsofhishouse.Ofhisarchitecturaldoings,nothingwasclearlyknown,exceptthathehadneverdesignedorbuiltanything;butitwasgenerallyunderstoodthathisknowledgeofthesciencewasalmostawfulinitsprofundity.

MrPecksniff'sprofessionalengagements,indeed,werealmost,ifnotentirely,confined to the reception of pupils; for the collection of rents, with whichpursuitheoccasionallyvariedandrelievedhisgravertoils,canhardlybesaid

tobeastrictlyarchitecturalemployment.Hisgeniuslayinensnaringparentsandguardians,andpocketingpremiums.Ayounggentleman'spremiumbeingpaid, and the young gentleman come toMrPecksniff's house,MrPecksniffborrowedhiscaseofmathematicalinstruments(ifsilver-mountedorotherwisevaluable); entreated him, from thatmoment, to consider himself one of thefamily; complimented him highly on his parents or guardians, as the casemight be; and turned him loose in a spacious room on the two-pair front;where, in the company of certain drawing-boards, parallel rulers, very stiff-legged compasses, and two, or perhaps three, other young gentlemen, heimprovedhimself,forthreeorfiveyears,accordingtohisarticles,inmakingelevations of SalisburyCathedral from every possible point of sight; and inconstructing in the air a vast quantity ofCastles,HousesofParliament, andother Public Buildings. Perhaps in no place in the world were so manygorgeousedificesofthisclasserectedasunderMrPecksniff'sauspices;andifbut one-twentieth part of the churcheswhichwere built in that front room,withoneorotheroftheMissPecksniffsatthealtarintheactofmarryingthearchitect,couldonlybemadeavailableby theparliamentarycommissioners,nomorechurcheswouldbewantedforatleastfivecenturies.

'Eventheworldlygoodsofwhichwehavejustdisposed,'saidMrPecksniff,glancingroundthetablewhenhehadfinished, 'evencream,sugar,tea,toast,ham—'

'Andeggs,'suggestedCharityinalowvoice.

'Andeggs,'saidMrPecksniff,'eventheyhavetheirmoral.Seehowtheycomeandgo!Everypleasureistransitory.Wecan'teveneat,long.Ifweindulgeinharmlessfluids,wegetthedropsy;ifinexcitingliquids,wegetdrunk.Whatasoothingreflectionisthat!'

'Don'tsayWEgetdrunk,Pa,'urgedtheeldestMissPecksniff.

'WhenIsaywe,mydear,'returnedherfather,'Imeanmankindingeneral;thehuman race, considered as a body, and not as individuals. There is nothingpersonal inmorality,my love.Evensucha thingas this,' saidMrPecksniff,layingthefore-fingerofhislefthanduponthebrownpaperpatchonthetopofhishead,'slightcasualbaldnessthoughitbe,remindsusthatwearebut'—hewasgoingtosay'worms,'butrecollectingthatwormswerenotremarkableforheadsofhair,hesubstituted'fleshandblood.'

'Which,' criedMr Pecksniff after a pause, duringwhich he seemed to havebeencastingaboutforanewmoral,andnotquitesuccessfully,'whichisalsoverysoothing.Mercy,mydear,stirthefireandthrowupthecinders.'

Theyoungladyobeyed,andhavingdoneso,resumedherstool,reposedonearmuponherfather'sknee,andlaidherbloomingcheekuponit.MissCharity

drewher chair nearer the fire, as oneprepared for conversation, and lookedtowardsherfather.

'Yes,'saidMrPecksniff,afterashortpause,duringwhichhehadbeensilentlysmiling,andshakinghisheadatthefire—'Ihaveagainbeenfortunateintheattainmentofmyobject.Anewinmatewillveryshortlycomeamongus.'

'Ayouth,papa?'askedCharity.

'Ye-es, a youth,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'He will avail himself of the eligibleopportunitywhichnowoffers,forunitingtheadvantagesofthebestpracticalarchitectural education with the comforts of a home, and the constantassociationwith somewho (however humble their sphere, and limited theircapacity)arenotunmindfuloftheirmoralresponsibilities.'

'OhPa!'criedMercy,holdingupherfingerarchly.'Seeadvertisement!'

'Playful—playful warbler,' said Mr Pecksniff. It may be observed inconnection with his calling his daughter a 'warbler,' that she was not at allvocal,butthatMrPecksniffwasinthefrequenthabitofusinganywordthatoccurredtohimashavingagoodsound,androundingasentencewellwithoutmuchcareforitsmeaning.Andhedidthissoboldly,andinsuchanimposingmanner, that he would sometimes stagger the wisest people with hiseloquence,andmakethemgaspagain.

His enemies asserted, by the way, that a strong trustfulness in sounds andformswasthemaster-keytoMrPecksniff'scharacter.

'Ishehandsome,Pa?'inquiredtheyoungerdaughter.

'Silly Merry!' said the eldest: Merry being fond for Mercy. 'What is thepremium,Pa?tellusthat.'

'Oh,goodgracious,Cherry!'criedMissMercy,holdingupherhandswiththemost winning giggle in the world, 'what a mercenary girl you are! oh younaughty,thoughtful,prudentthing!'

Itwasperfectlycharming,andworthyofthePastoralage,toseehowthetwoMiss Pecksniffs slapped each other after this, and then subsided into anembraceexpressiveoftheirdifferentdispositions.

'He is well looking,' saidMr Pecksniff, slowly and distinctly; 'well lookingenough.Idonotpositivelyexpectanyimmediatepremiumwithhim.'

Notwithstandingtheirdifferentnatures,bothCharityandMercyconcurredinopeningtheireyesuncommonlywideatthisannouncement,andinlookingforthemomentasblankasiftheirthoughtshadactuallyhadadirectbearingonthemainchance.

'But what of that!' said Mr Pecksniff, still smiling at the fire. 'There isdisinterestednessintheworld,Ihope?Wearenotallarrayedintwooppositeranks; the OFfensive and the DEfensive. Some few there are who walkbetween;who help the needy as they go; and take no partwith either side.Umph!'

There was something in these morsels of philanthropy which reassured thesisters.Theyexchangedglances,andbrightenedverymuch.

'Oh! let usnotbe for ever calculating,devising, andplotting for the future,'saidMrPecksniff, smilingmoreandmore, and lookingat the fire asamanmight, who was cracking a joke with it: 'I am weary of such arts. If ourinclinationsarebutgoodandopen-hearted,letusgratifythemboldly,thoughtheybringuponusLossinsteadofProfit.Eh,Charity?'

Glancing towards his daughters for the first time since he had begun thesereflections,andseeing that theybothsmiled,MrPecksniffeyed themforaninstant so jocosely (though stillwith a kindof saintlywaggishness) that theyoungeronewasmovedtosituponhiskneeforthwith,putherfairarmsroundhis neck, and kiss him twenty times. During the whole of this affectionatedisplay she laughed to a most immoderate extent: in which hilariousindulgenceeventheprudentCherryjoined.

'Tut, tut,' said Mr Pecksniff, pushing his latest-born away and running hisfingers throughhishair, ashe resumedhis tranquil face. 'What folly is this!Letustakeheedhowwelaughwithoutreasonlestwecrywithit.Whatisthedomesticnewssinceyesterday?JohnWestlockisgone,Ihope?'

'Indeed,no,'saidCharity.

'Andwhynot?' returnedherfather. 'His termexpiredyesterday.Andhisboxwaspacked,Iknow;forIsawit,inthemorning,standinginthehall.'

'HesleptlastnightattheDragon,'returnedtheyounglady,'andhadMrPinchto dine with him. They spent the evening together, and Mr Pinch was nothometillverylate.'

'AndwhenIsawhimonthestairsthismorning,Pa,'saidMercywithherusualsprightliness, 'he looked, oh goodness, SUCH a monster! with his face allmannerofcolours,andhiseyesasdullasiftheyhadbeenboiled,andhisheadachingdreadfully,Iamsurefromthelookofit,andhisclothessmelling,ohit's impossible to say how strong, oh'—here the young lady shuddered—'ofsmokeandpunch.'

'NowIthink,'saidMrPecksniffwithhisaccustomedgentleness, thoughstillwith theairofonewhosufferedunder injurywithoutcomplaint, 'I thinkMrPinchmighthavedonebetterthanchooseforhiscompaniononewho,atthe

close of a long intercourse, had endeavoured, as he knew, to wound myfeelings.IamnotquitesurethatthiswasdelicateinMrPinch.IamnotquitesurethatthiswaskindinMrPinch.Iwillgofurtherandsay,IamnotquitesurethatthiswasevenordinarilygratefulinMrPinch.'

'ButwhatcananyoneexpectfromMrPinch!'criedCharity,withasstrongandscornfulanemphasisonthenameas if itwouldhavegivenherunspeakablepleasuretoexpressit,inanactedcharade,onthecalfofthatgentleman'sleg.

'Aye,aye,' returnedher father, raisinghishandmildly: 'it isverywell tosaywhat canwe expect fromMr Pinch, butMr Pinch is a fellow-creature,mydear;MrPinchisaniteminthevasttotalofhumanity,mylove;andwehavearight, it isourduty, toexpect inMrPinchsomedevelopmentof thosebetterqualities,thepossessionofwhichinourownpersonsinspiresourhumbleself-respect. No,' continuedMr Pecksniff. 'No!Heaven forbid that I should say,nothingcanbeexpectedfromMrPinch;orthatIshouldsay,nothingcanbeexpectedfromanymanalive(eventhemostdegraded,whichMrPinchisnot,no,really);butMrPinchhasdisappointedme;hehashurtme;Ithinkalittletheworseofhimonthisaccount,butnotifhumannature.Oh,no,no!'

'Hark!'saidMissCharity,holdingupherfinger,asagentlerapwasheardatthestreetdoor.'Thereisthecreature!Nowmarkmywords,hehascomebackwithJohnWestlockforhisbox,andisgoingtohelphimtotakeittothemail.Onlymarkmywords,ifthatisn'thisintention!'

Evenasshespoke,theboxappearedtobeinprogressofconveyancefromthehouse,but after abriefmurmuringofquestionandanswer, itwasputdownagain,andsomebodyknockedattheparlourdoor.

'Comein!'criedMrPecksniff—notseverely;onlyvirtuously.'Comein!'

Anungainly,awkward-lookingman,extremelyshort-sighted,andprematurelybald,availedhimselfofthispermission;andseeingthatMrPecksniffsatwithhisbacktowardshim,gazingatthefire,stoodhesitating,withthedoorinhishand.Hewasfarfromhandsomecertainly;andwasdrestinasnuff-colouredsuit,ofanuncouthmakeatthebest,which,beingshrunkwithlongwear,wastwisted and tortured into all kinds of odd shapes; but notwithstanding hisattire, and his clumsy figure, which a great stoop in his shoulders, and aludicroushabithehadofthrustinghisheadforward,bynomeansredeemed,onewouldnothavebeendisposed (unlessMrPecksniff saidso) toconsiderhim a bad fellowby anymeans.Hewas perhaps about thirty, but hemighthave been almost any age between sixteen and sixty; being one of thosestrangecreatureswhoneverdeclineintoanancientappearance,butlooktheiroldestwhentheyareveryyoung,andgetitoveratonce.

Keepinghishanduponthelockofthedoor,heglancedfromMrPecksniffto

Mercy, from Mercy to Charity, and from Charity to Mr Pecksniff again,severaltimes;buttheyoungladiesbeingasintentuponthefireastheirfatherwas,andneitherofthethreetakinganynoticeofhim,hewasfaintosay,atlast,

'Oh!Ibegyourpardon,MrPecksniff:Ibegyourpardonforintruding;but—'

'Nointrusion,MrPinch,'saidthatgentlemanverysweetly,butwithoutlookinground. 'Pray be seated,Mr Pinch. Have the goodness to shut the door, MrPinch,ifyouplease.'

'Certainly,sir,'saidPinch;notdoingso,however,butholdingit ratherwideropen than before, and beckoning nervously to somebody without: 'MrWestlock,sir,hearingthatyouwerecomehome—'

'MrPinch,MrPinch!'saidPecksniff,wheelinghischairabout,andlookingathimwithanaspectofthedeepestmelancholy,'Ididnotexpectthisfromyou.Ihavenotdeservedthisfromyou!'

'No,butuponmyword,sir—'urgedPinch.

'The less you say, Mr Pinch,' interposed the other, 'the better. I utter nocomplaint.Makenodefence.'

'No,butdohavethegoodness,sir,'criedPinch,withgreatearnestness,'ifyouplease.MrWestlock, sir,goingaway forgoodandall,wishes to leavenonebut friendsbehindhim.MrWestlockandyou, sir,hada littledifference theotherday;youhavehadmanylittledifferences.'

'Littledifferences!'criedCharity.

'Littledifferences!'echoedMercy.

'Myloves!'saidMrPecksniff,withthesamesereneupraisingofhishand;'Mydears!'After a solemnpause hemeekly bowed toMrPinch, aswho shouldsay, 'Proceed;'butMrPinchwassoverymuchata losshowtoresume,andlookedsohelplesslyat the twoMissPecksniffs, that theconversationwouldmostprobablyhaveterminated there, ifagood-lookingyouth,newlyarrivedatman'sestate,hadnotsteppedforward fromthedoorwayand takenup thethreadofthediscourse.

'Come,MrPecksniff,' he said,with a smile, 'don't let there be any ill-bloodbetweenus,pray.Iamsorrywehaveeverdiffered,andextremelysorryIhaveevergivenyouoffence.Bearmenoill-willatparting,sir.'

'Ibear,'answeredMrPecksniff,mildly,'noill-willtoanymanonearth.'

'Itoldyouhedidn't,'saidPinch,inanundertone;'Iknewhedidn't!Healways

sayshedon't.'

'Thenyouwillshakehands,sir?'criedWestlock,advancingasteportwo,andbespeakingMrPinch'scloseattentionbyaglance.

'Umph!'saidMrPecksniff,inhismostwinningtone.

'Youwillshakehands,sir.'

'No, John,' saidMrPecksniff,with a calmnessquite ethereal; 'no, Iwill notshake hands, John. I have forgiven you. I had already forgiven you, evenbeforeyouceasedtoreproachandtauntme.Ihaveembracedyouinthespirit,John,whichisbetterthanshakinghands.'

'Pinch,'said theyouth, turning towardshim,withaheartydisgustofhis latemaster,'whatdidItellyou?'

PoorPinchlookeddownuneasilyatMrPecksniff,whoseeyewasfixeduponhimasithadbeenfromthefirst;andlookingupattheceilingagain,madenoreply.

'As to your forgiveness,Mr Pecksniff,' said the youth, 'I'll not have it uponsuchterms.Iwon'tbeforgiven.'

'Won'tyou, John?' retortedMrPecksniff,with a smile. 'Youmust.Youcan'thelp it. Forgiveness is a high quality; an exalted virtue; far above YOURcontrol or influence, John. I WILL forgive you. You cannot move me torememberanywrongyouhaveeverdoneme,John.'

'Wrong!'criedtheother,withalltheheatandimpetuosityofhisage.'Here'saprettyfellow!Wrong!WrongIhavedonehim!He'llnotevenremember thefive hundred pounds he had with me under false pretences; or the seventypoundsayearforboardandlodgingthatwouldhavebeendearatseventeen!Here'samartyr!'

'Money,John,'saidMrPecksniff,'istherootofallevil.Igrievetoseethatitisalreadybearingevilfruitinyou.ButIwillnotrememberitsexistence.Iwillnotevenremembertheconductofthatmisguidedperson'—andhere,althoughhespokelikeoneatpeacewithalltheworld,heusedanemphasisthatplainlysaid "I havemyeyeupon the rascal now"—'thatmisguidedpersonwhohasbroughtyouhereto-night,seekingtodisturb(itisahappinesstosay,invain)theheart'sreposeandpeaceofonewhowouldhaveshedhisdearestbloodtoservehim.'

ThevoiceofMrPecksnifftrembledashespoke,andsobswereheardfromhisdaughters. Sounds floated on the air, moreover, as if two spirit voices hadexclaimed:one,'Beast!'theother,'Savage!'

'Forgiveness,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'entire and pure forgiveness is notincompatiblewithawoundedheart;perchancewhentheheartiswounded,itbecomesagreatervirtue.Withmybreaststillwrungandgrievedtoitsinmostcorebytheingratitudeofthatperson,IamproudandgladtosaythatIforgivehim. Nay! I beg,' cried Mr Pecksniff, raising his voice, as Pinch appearedabouttospeak,'Ibegthatindividualnottoofferaremark;hewilltrulyobligemebynotutteringoneword, justnow. I amnot sure that I amequal to thetrial. Inaveryshortspaceof time,Ishallhavesufficientfortitude,I trust toconversewith himas if these events hadnever happened.But not,' saidMrPecksniff, turning round again towards the fire, andwaving his hand in thedirectionofthedoor,'notnow.'

'Bah!' cried John Westlock, with the utmost disgust and disdain themonosyllable is capable of expressing. 'Ladies, good evening.Come, Pinch,it'snotworththinkingof.Iwasrightandyouwerewrong.That'ssmallmatter;you'llbewiseranothertime.'

Sosaying,heclapped thatdejectedcompanionon theshoulder, turneduponhis heel, and walked out into the passage, whither poor Mr Pinch, afterlingering irresolutely in the parlour for a few seconds, expressing in hiscountenance the deepestmentalmisery and gloom followedhim.Then theytookuptheboxbetweenthem,andsalliedouttomeetthemail.

That fleet conveyance passed, every night, the corner of a lane at somedistance; towardswhich point they bent their steps. For someminutes theywalked along in silence, until at length young Westlock burst into a loudlaugh, andat intervals intoanother, andanother.Still therewasno responsefromhiscompanion.

'I'll tell youwhat, Pinch!' he said abruptly, after another lengthened silence—'Youhaven'thalfenoughofthedevilinyou.Halfenough!Youhaven'tany.'

'Well!'saidPinchwithasigh, 'Idon'tknow,I'msure. It'scompliment tosayso.IfIhaven't,Isuppose,I'mallthebetterforit.'

'Allthebetter!'repeatedhiscompaniontartly:'Alltheworse,youmeantosay.'

'Andyet,' saidPinch,pursuinghisown thoughtsandnot this last remarkonthepartofhisfriend,'Imusthaveagooddealofwhatyoucallthedevilinme,too, or how could I make Pecksniff so uncomfortable? I wouldn't haveoccasionedhimsomuchdistress—don'tlaugh,please—foramineofmoney;andHeaven knows I could find good use for it too, John. How grieved hewas!'

'HEgrieved!'returnedtheother.

'Whydidn't youobserve that the tearswere almost startingout of his eyes!'

cried Pinch. 'Blessmy soul, John, is it nothing to see amanmoved to thatextentandknowone'sselftobethecause!Anddidyouhearhimsaythathecouldhaveshedhisbloodforme?'

'DoyouWANTanybloodshedforyou?'returnedhisfriend,withconsiderableirritation. 'Does he shed anything for you that youDOwant?Does he shedemploymentforyou,instructionforyou,pocketmoneyforyou?Doesheshedevenlegsofmuttonforyouinanydecentproportiontopotatoesandgardenstuff?'

'Iamafraid,'saidPinch,sighingagain,'thatIamagreateater;Ican'tdisguisefrommyselfthatI'magreateater.Now,youknowthat,John.'

'You a great eater!' retorted his companion, with no less indignation thanbefore.'Howdoyouknowyouare?'

There appeared to be forcible matter in this inquiry, for Mr Pinch onlyrepeated in an undertone that he had a strongmisgivingon the subject, andthathegreatlyfearedhewas.

'Besides,whetherIamorno,'headded, 'thathas littleornothingtodowithhisthinkingmeungrateful.John,thereisscarcelyasinintheworldthatisinmyeyessuchacryingoneasingratitude;andwhenhetaxesmewiththat,andbelievesmetobeguiltyofit,hemakesmemiserableandwretched.'

'Doyou thinkhedon't know that?' returned theother scornfully. 'But come,Pinch,beforeIsayanythingmoretoyou,justrunoverthereasonsyouhaveforbeinggrateful tohimat all,willyou?Changehands first, for thebox isheavy.That'lldo.Now,goon.'

'Inthefirstplace,'saidPinch, 'hetookmeashispupilformuchlessthanheasked.'

'Well,' rejoined his friend, perfectly unmoved by this instance of generosity.'Whatinthesecondplace?'

'What in the second place?' cried Pinch, in a sort of desperation, 'why,everythinginthesecondplace.Mypooroldgrandmotherdiedhappytothinkthatshehadputmewithsuchanexcellentman.Ihavegrownupinhishouse,I am in his confidence, I am his assistant, he allowsme a salary;when hisbusinessimproves,myprospectsaretoimprovetoo.Allthis,andagreatdealmore,isinthesecondplace.Andintheveryprologueandprefacetothefirstplace,John,youmustconsiderthis,whichnobodyknowsbetterthanI:thatIwasbornformuchplainerandpoorerthings,thatIamnotagoodhandforhiskindofbusiness,andhavenotalentforit,orindeedforanythingelsebutoddsandendsthatareofnouseorservicetoanybody.'

Hesaidthiswithsomuchearnestness,andinatonesofulloffeeling,thathiscompanioninstinctivelychangedhismannerashesatdownonthebox(theyhadbythistimereachedthefinger-postattheendofthelane);motionedhimtositdownbesidehim;andlaidhishanduponhisshoulder.

'Ibelieveyouareoneofthebestfellowsintheworld,'hesaid,'TomPinch.'

'Not at all,' rejoinedTom. 'If you only knewPecksniff aswell as I do, youmightsayitofhim,indeed,andsayittruly.'

'I'llsayanythingofhim,youlike,'returnedtheother,'andnotanotherwordtohisdisparagement.'

'It's for my sake, then; not his, I am afraid,' said Pinch, shaking his headgravely.

'Forwhose you please, Tom, so that it does please you.Oh!He's a famousfellow! HE never scraped and clawed into his pouch all your poorgrandmother'shardsavings—shewasahousekeeper,wasn'tshe,Tom?'

'Yes,'saidMrPinch,nursingoneofhislargeknees,andnoddinghishead; 'agentleman'shousekeeper.'

'HEneverscrapedandclawedintohispouchallherhardsavings;dazzlingherwithprospects of yourhappiness and advancement,whichheknew (andnomanbetter)neverwouldberealised!HEneverspeculatedand tradedonherprideinyou,andherhavingeducatedyou,andonherdesirethatyouatleastshouldlivetobeagentleman.Nothe,Tom!'

'No,'saidTom,lookingintohisfriend'sface,asifhewerealittledoubtfulofhismeaning.'Ofcoursenot.'

'SoIsay,'returnedtheyouth,'ofcourseheneverdid.HEdidn'ttakelessthanhehadasked,because that lesswasall shehad,andmore thanheexpected;nothe,Tom!Hedoesn'tkeepyouashisassistantbecauseyouareofanyuseto him; because your wonderful faith in his pretensions is of inestimableserviceinallhismeandisputes;becauseyourhonestyreflectshonestyonhim;becauseyourwanderingaboutthislittleplaceallyoursparehours,readinginancient books and foreign tongues, gets noised abroad, even as far asSalisbury,makingofhim,Pecksniffthemaster,amanoflearningandofvastimportance.HEgetsnocreditfromyou,Tom,nothe.'

'Why,ofcoursehedon't,'saidPinch,gazingathisfriendwithamoretroubledaspectthanbefore.'Pecksniffgetcreditfromme!Well!'

'Don't I say that it's ridiculous,' rejoined the other, 'even to think of such athing?'

'Why,it'smadness,'saidTom.

'Madness!' returned young Westlock. 'Certainly it's madness. Who but amadmanwouldsupposehecarestohearitsaidonSundays,thatthevolunteerwhoplays theorgan in thechurch,andpractisesonsummerevenings in thedark, is Mr Pecksniff's young man, eh, Tom? Who but a madman wouldsupposeit isthegameofsuchamanashe,tohavehisnameineverybody'smouth,connectedwiththethousanduselessoddsandendsyoudo(andwhich,ofcourse,he taughtyou),eh,Tom?Whobutamadmanwouldsupposeyouadvertisedhimhereabouts,muchcheaperandmuchbetter thanachalkeronthewalls could, eh,Tom?Aswellmight one suppose that hedoesn't on alloccasionspourouthiswholeheartandsoultoyou;thathedoesn'tmakeyouavery liberaland indeed ratheranextravagantallowance;or, tobemorewildandmonstrousstill,ifthatbepossible,aswellmightonesuppose,'andhere,ateveryword,hestruckhimlightlyonthebreast,'thatPecksnifftradedinyournature, and that yournaturewas tobe timid anddistrustful of yourself, andtrustfulofallothermen,butmostofall,ofhimwholeastdeservesit.Therewouldbemadness,Tom!'

MrPinchhadlistenedtoallthiswithlooksofbewilderment,whichseemedtobeinpartoccasionedbythematterofhiscompanion'sspeech,andinpartbyhisrapidandvehementmanner.Nowthathehadcometoaclose,hedrewaverylongbreath;andgazingwistfullyinhisfaceasifhewereunabletosettleinhisownmindwhatexpressionitwore,andweredesiroustodrawfromitasgoodaclue tohisrealmeaningas itwaspossible toobtain in thedark,wasabouttoanswer,whenthesoundofthemailguard'shorncamecheerilyupontheirears,puttinganimmediateendtotheconference;greatlyasitseemedtothesatisfactionoftheyoungerman,whojumpedupbriskly,andgavehishandtohiscompanion.

'Bothhands,Tom.IshallwritetoyoufromLondon,mind!'

'Yes,'saidPinch. 'Yes.Do,please.Good-bye.Good-bye.Icanhardlybelieveyou'regoing.Itseems,now,butyesterdaythatyoucame.Good-bye!mydearoldfellow!'

JohnWestlock returnedhispartingwordswithno lessheartinessofmanner,andsprunguptohisseatupontheroof.Offwentthemailatacanterdownthedarkroad;thelampsgleamingbrightly,andthehornawakeningalltheechoes,farandwide.

'Goyourways,' saidPinch,apostrophizing thecoach; 'I canhardlypersuademyself but you're alive, and are somegreatmonsterwhovisits this place atcertainintervals,tobearmyfriendsawayintotheworld.You'remoreexultingand rampant than usual tonight, I think; and youmaywell crow over yourprize;forheisafinelad,aningenuouslad,andhasbutonefaultthatIknow

of;hedon'tmeanit,butheismostcruellyunjusttoPecksniff!'

CHAPTERTHREE

INWHICHCERTAINOTHERPERSONSAREINTRODUCED;ONTHESAMETERMSASINTHELASTCHAPTER

Mention has been already made more than once, of a certain Dragon whoswungandcreakedcomplaininglybefore thevillagealehousedoor.Afaded,andanancientdragonhewas;andmanyawintrystormofrain,snow,sleet,andhail,hadchangedhiscolourfromagaudybluetoafaintlack-lustreshadeofgrey.Buttherehehung;rearing,inastateofmonstrousimbecility,onhishind legs; waxing, with every month that passed, so much more dim andshapeless,thatasyougazedathimononesideofthesign-boarditseemedasifhemustbegraduallymeltingthroughit,andcomingoutupontheother.

Hewasacourteousandconsideratedragon,too;orhadbeeninhisdistincterdays;forinthemidstofhisrampantfeebleness,hekeptoneofhisforepawsnear his nose, as though he would say, 'Don't mindme—it's only my fun;'whileheheldouttheotherinpoliteandhospitableentreaty.Indeeditmustbeconcededtothewholebroodofdragonsofmoderntimes,thattheyhavemadea great advance in civilisation and refinement. They no longer demand abeautifulvirgin forbreakfasteverymorning,withasmuch regularityasanytamesinglegentlemanexpectshishotroll,butrestcontentwiththesocietyofidlebachelorsandrovingmarriedmen;andtheyarenowremarkableratherforholdingalooffromthesoftersexanddiscouragingtheirvisits (especiallyonSaturday nights), than for rudely insisting on their company without anyreferencetotheirinclinations,astheyareknowntohavedoneindaysofyore.

Nor is this tribute to the reclaimedanimals inquestion sowideadigressionintotherealmsofNaturalHistoryasitmay,atfirstsight,appeartobe;forthepresentbusinessofthesepagesinwiththedragonwhohadhisretreatinMrPecksniff's neighbourhood, and that courteous animal being already on thecarpet,thereisnothinginthewayofitsimmediatetransaction.

Formanyyears,then,hehadswungandcreaked,andflappedhimselfabout,beforethetwowindowsofthebestbedroomofthathouseofentertainmenttowhichhelenthisname;butneverinallhisswinging,creaking,andflapping,had therebeen sucha stirwithin itsdingyprecincts, ason theeveningnextafterthatuponwhichtheincidents,detailedinthelastchapteroccurred;whentherewassuchahurryingupanddownstairsoffeet,suchaglancingoflights,such awhispering of voices, such a smoking and sputtering ofwoodnewly

lightedinadampchimney,suchanairingoflinen,suchascorchingsmellofhotwarming-pans,suchadomesticbustleandto-do,inshort,asneverdragon,griffin,unicorn,orotheranimalofthatspeciespresidedover,sincetheyfirstbegantointerestthemselvesinhouseholdaffairs.

An old gentleman and a young lady, travelling, unattended, in a rusty oldchariot with post-horses; coming nobody knew whence and going nobodyknewwhither;hadturnedoutofthehighroad,anddrivenunexpectedlytotheBlue Dragon; and here was the old gentleman, who had taken this step byreasonofhissuddenillnessinthecarriage,sufferingthemosthorriblecrampsandspasms,yetprotestingandvowing in theverymidstofhispain, thathewouldn't have a doctor sent for, and wouldn't take any remedies but thosewhichtheyoungladyadministeredfromasmallmedicine-chest,andwouldn't,in a word, do anything but terrify the landlady out of her five wits, andobstinatelyrefusecompliancewitheverysuggestionthatwasmadetohim.

Ofallthefivehundredproposalsforhisreliefwhichthegoodwomanpouredout in less than half an hour, hewould entertain but one. Thatwas that heshouldgotobed.Anditwasinthepreparationofhisbedandthearrangementofhischamber,thatallthestirwasmadeintheroombehindtheDragon.

Hewas,beyondallquestion,veryill,andsufferedexceedingly;not the less,perhaps,becausehewasastrongandvigorousoldman,withawillof iron,and a voice of brass. But neither the apprehensions which he plainlyentertained,attimes,forhislife,northegreatpainheunderwent,influencedhisresolutionintheleastdegree.Hewouldhavenopersonsentfor.Theworsehegrew,themorerigidandinflexiblehebecameinhisdetermination.Iftheysentforanypersontoattendhim,man,woman,orchild,hewouldleavethehousedirectly(sohe told them), thoughhequitteditonfoot,anddieduponthethresholdofthedoor.

Now,therebeingnomedicalpractitioneractuallyresidentinthevillage,butapoorapothecarywhowasalsoagrocerandgeneraldealer, thelandladyhad,uponherownresponsibility,sentforhim,intheveryfirstburstandoutsetofthedisaster.Ofcourseitfollowed,asanecessaryresultofhisbeingwanted,thathewasnotathome.Hehadgonesomemilesaway,andwasnotexpectedhomeuntillateatnight;sothelandlady,beingbythistimeprettywellbesideherself, dispatched the same messenger in all haste for Mr Pecksniff, as alearnedmanwho could bear a deal of responsibility, and amoralmanwhocould administer aworldof comfort to a troubledmind.That her guest hadneedofsomeefficientservicesunderthelatterheadwasobviousenoughfromtherestlessexpressions,importing,however,ratheraworldlythanaspiritualanxiety,towhichhegavefrequentutterance.

Fromthislast-mentionedsecreterrand,themessengerreturnedwithnobetternewsthanfromthefirst;MrPecksniffwasnotathome.However,theygotthe

patient into bed without him; and in the course of two hours, he graduallybecame so far better that there were much longer intervals than at firstbetweenhistermsofsuffering.Bydegrees,heceasedtosufferatall;thoughhis exhaustionwas occasionally so great that it suggested hardly less alarmthanhisactualendurancehaddone.

It was in one of his intervals of repose, when, looking round with greatcaution,andreachinguneasilyoutofhisnestofpillows,heendeavoured,witha strange air of secrecy and distrust, to make use of the writing materialswhichhehadorderedtobeplacedonatablebesidehim,thattheyoungladyand the mistress of the Blue Dragon found themselves sitting side by sidebeforethefireinthesickchamber.

The mistress of the Blue Dragon was in outward appearance just what alandladyshouldbe:broad,buxom,comfortable,andgoodlooking,withafaceofclearredandwhite,which,by its jovialaspect,atoncebore testimonytoherheartyparticipationinthegoodthingsofthelarderandcellar,andtotheirthrivingandhealthfulinfluences.Shewasawidow,butyearsagohadpassedthroughherstateofweeds,andburstintofloweragain;andinfullbloomshehadcontinuedever since;and in fullbloomshewasnow;with rosesonherampleskirts,androsesonherbodice,rosesinhercap,rosesinhercheeks,—aye,and roses,worth thegathering too,onher lips, for thatmatter.Shehadstillabrightblackeye,and jetblackhair;wascomely,dimpled,plump,andtight as a gooseberry; and though shewas not exactlywhat theworld callsyoung,youmaymakeanaffidavit,ontrust,beforeanymayorormagistrateinChristendom,thatthereareagreatmanyyoungladiesintheworld(blessingsonthemoneandall!)whomyouwouldn'tlikehalfaswell,oradmirehalfasmuch,asthebeaminghostessoftheBlueDragon.

As this fairmatron sat beside the fire, sheglancedoccasionallywith all theprideofownership,abouttheroom;whichwasalargeapartment,suchasonemayseeincountryplaces,withalowroofandasunkenflooring,alldownhillfrom the door, and a descent of two steps on the inside so exquisitelyunexpected, that strangers, despite the most elaborate cautioning, usuallydivedinheadfirst,asintoaplunging-bath.Itwasnoneofyourfrivolousandpreposterouslybrightbedrooms,wherenobodycancloseaneyewithanykindof propriety or decent regard to the association of ideas; but itwas a good,dull,leaden,drowsyplace,whereeveryarticleoffurnitureremindedyouthatyoucametheretosleep,andthatyouwereexpectedtogotosleep.Therewasnowakeful reflection of the fire there, as in yourmodern chambers,whichupon thedarkestnightshaveawatchful consciousnessofFrenchpolish; theold Spanish mahogany winked at it now and then, as a dozing cat or dogmight,nothingmore.Theverysizeandshape,andhopelessimmovabilityofthe bedstead, and wardrobe, and in a minor degree of even the chairs andtables, provoked sleep; they were plainly apoplectic and disposed to snore.

There were no staring portraits to remonstrate with you for being lazy; noround-eyedbirdsuponthecurtains,disgustinglywideawake,andinsufferablyprying.Thethickneutralhangings,andthedarkblinds,andtheheavyheapofbed-clothes,werealldesignedtoholdinsleep,andactasnonconductorstothedayandgettingup.Eventheoldstuffedfoxuponthetopofthewardrobewasdevoid of any spark of vigilance, for his glass eye had fallen out, and heslumberedashestood.

The wandering attention of themistress of the Blue Dragon roved to thesethingsbuttwiceorthrice,andthenforbutaninstantatatime.Itsoondesertedthem,andeventhedistantbedwithitsstrangeburden,fortheyoungcreatureimmediatelybeforeher,who,withherdowncasteyesintentlyfixeduponthefire,satwrappedinsilentmeditation.

Shewasveryyoung;apparentlynomorethanseventeen;timidandshrinkinginhermanner,andyetwithagreatershareofselfpossessionandcontroloverher emotions than usually belongs to a farmore advanced period of femalelife. This she had abundantly shown, but now, in her tending of the sickgentleman.Shewasshortinstature;andherfigurewasslight,asbecameheryears;butallthecharmsofyouthandmaidenhoodsetitoff,andclusteredonher gentle brow. Her face was very pale, in part no doubt from recentagitation. Her dark brown hair, disordered from the same cause, had fallennegligentlyfromitsbonds,andhunguponherneck;forwhichinstanceofitswaywardnessnomaleobserverwouldhavehadthehearttoblameit.

Her attirewas that of a lady, but extremely plain; and in hermanner, evenwhenshesatasstillasshedidthen,therewasanindefinablesomethingwhichappearedtobeinkindredwithherscrupulouslyunpretendingdress.Shehadsat, at first looking anxiously towards the bed; but seeing that the patientremainedquiet,andwasbusywithhiswriting,shehadsoftlymovedherchairinto itspresentplace;partly,as it seemed, froman instinctiveconsciousnessthathedesiredtoavoidobservation;andpartlythatshemight,unseenbyhim,givesomeventtothenaturalfeelingsshehadhithertosuppressed.

Of all this, and muchmore, the rosy landlady of the Blue Dragon took asaccurate note and observation as only woman can take of woman. And atlengthshesaid,inavoicetoolow,sheknew,toreachthebed:

'You have seen the gentleman in thisway before,miss? Is he used to theseattacks?'

'Ihaveseenhimveryillbefore,butnotsoillashehasbeentonight.'

'What a Providence!' said the landlady of the Dragon, 'that you had theprescriptionsandthemedicineswithyou,miss!'

'Theyareintendedforsuchanemergency.Wenevertravelwithoutthem.'

'Oh!' thought the hostess, 'then we are in the habit of travelling, and oftravellingtogether.'

Shewas soconsciousof expressing this inher face, thatmeeting theyounglady'seyesimmediatelyafterwards,andbeingaveryhonesthostess,shewasratherconfused.

'Thegentleman—yourgrandpapa'—sheresumed,afterashortpause,'beingsobentonhavingnoassistance,mustterrifyyouverymuch,miss?'

'Ihavebeenverymuchalarmedto-night.He—heisnotmygrandfather.'

'Father, Ishouldhavesaid,' returnedthehostess,sensibleofhavingmadeanawkwardmistake.

'Normyfather'said theyounglady. 'Nor,'sheadded,slightlysmilingwithaquickperceptionofwhat the landladywasgoing toadd, 'Normyuncle.Wearenotrelated.'

'Ohdearme!'returnedthelandlady,stillmoreembarrassedthanbefore; 'howcouldIbesoverymuchmistaken;knowing,asanybodyintheirpropersensesmightthatwhenagentlemanisill,helookssomucholderthanhereallyis?That I should have called you "Miss," too, ma'am!' But when she hadproceededthusfar,sheglancedinvoluntarilyat thethirdfingerof theyounglady'slefthand,andfalteredagain;fortherewasnoringuponit.

'WhenI toldyouwewerenotrelated,'said theothermildly,butnotwithoutconfusiononherownpart,'Imeantnotinanyway.Notevenbymarriage.Didyoucallme,Martin?'

'Call you?' cried the old man, looking quickly up, and hurriedly drawingbeneaththecoverletthepaperonwhichhehadbeenwriting.'No.'

Shehadmovedapaceortwotowardsthebed,butstoppedimmediately,andwentnofarther.

'No,' he repeated, with a petulant emphasis. 'Why do you askme? If I hadcalledyou,whatneedforsuchaquestion?'

'Itwasthecreakingofthesignoutside,sir,Idaresay,'observedthelandlady;asuggestionbytheway(asshefeltamomentaftershehadmadeit),notatallcomplimentarytothevoiceoftheoldgentleman.

'Nomatterwhat,ma'am,'he rejoined: 'itwasn't I.Whyhowyoustand there,Mary,as if Ihad theplague!But they'reallafraidofme,'headded, leaninghelplesslybackwardonhispillow;'evenshe!Thereisacurseuponme.WhatelsehaveItolookfor?'

'Oh dear, no.Oh no, I'm sure,' said the good-tempered landlady, rising, andgoingtowardshim.'Beofbettercheer,sir.Theseareonlysickfancies.'

'Whatareonlysick fancies?'he retorted. 'Whatdoyouknowabout fancies?Whotoldyouaboutfancies?Theoldstory!Fancies!'

'Only see again there, how you take one up!' said themistress of the BlueDragon,withunimpairedgoodhumour. 'Dearheartalive,thereisnoharmintheword,sir, if it isanoldone.Folksingoodhealthhavetheirfancies,too,andstrangeones,everyday.'

Harmlessasthisspeechappearedtobe,itactedonthetraveller'sdistrust,likeoilonfire.Heraisedhisheadupinthebed,and,fixingonhertwodarkeyeswhose brightnesswas exaggerated by the paleness of his hollow cheeks, astheyinturn,togetherwithhisstragglinglocksoflonggreyhair,wererenderedwhiterbythetightblackvelvetskullcapwhichhewore,hesearchedherfaceintently.

'Ah! you begin too soon,' he said, in so low a voice that he seemed to bethinking it, rather than addressing her. 'But you lose no time. You do yourerrand,andyouearnyourfee.Now,whomaybeyourclient?'

The landlady looked ingreatastonishmentatherwhomhecalledMary,andfindingno rejoinder in thedrooping face, lookedbackagainathim.At firstshehadrecoiledinvoluntarily,supposinghimdisorderedinhismind;buttheslow composure of his manner, and the settled purpose announced in hisstrongfeatures,andgathering,mostofall,abouthispuckeredmouth,forbadethesupposition.

'Come,'he said, 'tellmewho is it?Beinghere, it isnotveryhard forme toguess,youmaysuppose.'

'Martin,'interposedtheyounglady,layingherhanduponhisarm;'reflecthowshortatimewehavebeeninthishouse,andthatevenyournameisunknownhere.'

'Unless,'hesaid, 'you—'Hewasevidentlytemptedtoexpressasuspicionofher having broken his confidence in favour of the landlady, but eitherrememberinghertendernursing,orbeingmovedinsomesortbyherface,hecheckedhimself,andchanginghisuneasypostureinthebed,wassilent.

'There!' saidMrs Lupin; for in that name the Blue Dragonwas licensed tofurnishentertainment,bothtomanandbeast.'Now,youwillbewellagain,sir.Youforgot,forthemoment,thattherewerenonebutfriendshere.'

'Oh!' cried the oldman,moaning impatiently, as he tossed one restless armupon the coverlet; 'why do you talk tome of friends! Can you or anybody

teachmetoknowwhoaremyfriends,andwhomyenemies?'

'Atleast,'urgedMrsLupin,gently,'thisyoungladyisyourfriend,Iamsure.'

'She has no temptation to be otherwise,' cried the oldman, like onewhosehopeandconfidencewereutterlyexhausted.'Isupposesheis.Heavenknows.There,letmetrytosleep.Leavethecandlewhereitis.'

As they retired from thebed,hedrew forth thewritingwhichhadoccupiedhim so long, andholding it in the flameof the taper burnt it to ashes.Thatdone,heextinguishedthelight,andturninghisfaceawaywithaheavysigh,drewthecoverletabouthishead,andlayquitestill.

This destruction of the paper, both as being strangely inconsistent with thelabourhehaddevotedtoit,andasinvolvingconsiderabledangeroffiretotheDragon,occasionedMrsLupinnota littleconsternation.But theyoungladyevincingnosurprise,curiosity,oralarm,whisperedher,withmanythanksforher solicitude and company, that shewould remain there some time longer;andthatshebeggedhernottoshareherwatch,asshewaswellusedtobeingalone,andwouldpassthetimeinreading.

MrsLupin had her full share and dividend of that large capital of curiositywhichisinheritedbyhersex,andatanothertimeitmighthavebeendifficultsotoimpressthishintuponherastoinducehertotakeit.Butnow,insheerwonder and amazement at these mysteries, she withdrew at once, andrepairing straightway to her own little parlour below stairs, sat down in hereasy-chairwithunnaturalcomposure.At thisverycrisis,astepwasheardintheentry,andMrPecksniff,lookingsweetlyoverthehalf-doorofthebar,andintothevistaofsnugprivacybeyond,murmured:

'Goodevening,MrsLupin!'

'Ohdearme,sir!'shecried,advancingtoreceivehim,'Iamsoverygladyouhavecome.'

'AndIamverygladIhavecome,'saidMrPecksniff,'ifIcanbeofservice.IamverygladIhavecome.Whatisthematter,MrsLupin?'

'Agentlemantakenillupontheroad,hasbeensoverybadupstairs,sir,'saidthetearfulhostess.

'Agentlemantakenillupontheroad,hasbeensoverybadupstairs,hashe?'repeatedMrPecksniff.'Well,well!'

Nowtherewasnothingthatonemaycalldecidedlyoriginalinthisremark,norcanitbeexactlysaidtohavecontainedanywiseprecepttheretoforeunknownto mankind, or to have opened any hidden source of consolation; but MrPecksniff'smannerwassobland,andhenoddedhisheadsosoothingly,and

showed in everything such an affable sense of his own excellence, thatanybodywouldhavebeen, asMrsLupinwas, comfortedby themerevoiceandpresenceofsuchaman;and,thoughhehadmerelysaid'averbmustagreewith its nominative case in number and person, my good friend,' or 'eighttimeseightaresixty-four,myworthysoul,'musthavefeltdeeplygrateful tohimforhishumanityandwisdom.

'Andhow,'askedMrPecksniff,drawingoffhisglovesandwarminghishandsbeforethefire,asbenevolentlyasiftheyweresomebodyelse's,nothis; 'andhowishenow?'

'Heisbetter,andquitetranquil,'answeredMrsLupin.

'Heisbetter,andquitetranquil,'saidMrPecksniff.'Verywell!Ve-rywell!'

Hereagain,thoughthestatementwasMrsLupin'sandnotMrPecksniff's,MrPecksniffmadeithisownandconsoledherwithit.ItwasnotmuchwhenMrsLupinsaidit,butitwasawholebookwhenMrPecksniffsaidit. 'Iobserve,'he seemed to say, 'and throughme, morality in general remarks, that he isbetterandquitetranquil.'

'Theremustbeweightymattersonhismind,though,'saidthehostess,shakingherhead,'forhetalks,sir,inthestrangestwayyoueverheard.Heisfarfromeasy in his thoughts, and wants some proper advice from those whosegoodnessmakesitworthhishaving.'

'Then,' saidMrPecksniff, 'he is the sortof customer forme.'But thoughhesaid this in theplainest language,hedidn'tspeakaword.Heonlyshookhishead;disparaginglyofhimselftoo.

'Iamafraid,sir,'continuedthelandlady,first lookingroundtoassureherselfthattherewasnobodywithinhearing,andthenlookingdownuponthefloor.'Iam very much afraid, sir, that his conscience is troubled by his not beingrelatedto—or—orevenmarriedto—averyyounglady—'

'Mrs Lupin!' saidMr Pecksniff, holding up his hand with something in hismannerasnearlyapproachingtoseverityasanyexpressionofhis,mildbeingthathewas,couldeverdo.'Person!youngperson?'

'Averyyoungperson,'saidMrsLupin,curtseyingandblushing;'—Ibegyourpardon,sir,butIhavebeensohurriedto-night,thatIdon'tknowwhatIsay—whoiswithhimnow.'

'Whoiswithhimnow,'ruminatedMrPecksniff,warminghisback(ashehadwarmedhis hands) as if itwere awidow's back, or an orphan's back, or anenemy'sback,orabackthatanylessexcellentmanwouldhavesufferedtobecold.'Ohdearme,dearme!'

'AtthesametimeIamboundtosay,andIdosaywithallmyheart,'observedthehostess,earnestly,'thatherlooksandmanneralmostdisarmsuspicion.'

'Yoursuspicion,MrsLupin,'saidMrPecksniffgravely,'isverynatural.'

Touching which remark, let it be written down to their confusion, that theenemies of thisworthymanunblushinglymaintained that he always said ofwhat was very bad, that it was very natural; and that he unconsciouslybetrayedhisownnatureindoingso.

'Yoursuspicion,MrsLupin,'herepeated,'isverynatural,andIhavenodoubtcorrect.Iwillwaituponthesetravellers.'

With that he took off his great-coat, and having run his fingers through hishair,thrustonehandgentlyinthebosomofhiswaist-coatandmeeklysignedtohertoleadtheway.

'ShallIknock?'askedMrsLupin,whentheyreachedthechamberdoor.

'No,'saidMrPecksniff,'enterifyouplease.'

They went in on tiptoe; or rather the hostess took that precaution for MrPecksniff alwayswalked softly. The old gentlemanwas still asleep, and hisyoungcompanionstillsatreadingbythefire.

'I am afraid,' saidMr Pecksniff, pausing at the door, and giving his head amelancholyroll,'Iamafraidthatthislooksartful.Iamafraid,MrsLupin,doyouknow,thatthislooksveryartful!'

Ashefinishedthiswhisper,headvancedbeforethehostess;andat thesametime the young lady, hearing footsteps, rose. Mr Pecksniff glanced at thevolumesheheld,andwhisperedMrsLupinagain;ifpossible,withincreaseddespondency.

'Yes,ma'am,'hesaid,'itisagoodbook.Iwasfearfulofthatbeforehand.Iamapprehensivethatthisisaverydeepthingindeed!'

'Whatgentlemanisthis?'inquiredtheobjectofhisvirtuousdoubts.

'Hush!don't troubleyourself,ma'am,'saidMrPecksniff,asthelandladywasabouttoanswer.'Thisyoung'—inspiteofhimselfhehesitatedwhen"person"rosetohislips,andsubstitutedanotherword:'thisyoungstranger,MrsLupin,willexcusemeforreplyingbriefly,thatIresideinthisvillage;itmaybeinaninfluentialmanner,however,undeserved;andthatIhavebeensummonedherebyyou.Iamhere,asIameverywhere,Ihope,insympathyforthesickandsorry.'

Withtheseimpressivewords,MrPecksniffpassedovertothebedside,where,

afterpattingthecounterpaneonceortwiceinaverysolemnmanner,asifbythatmeanshegainedaclearinsightintothepatient'sdisorder,hetookhisseatin a large arm-chair, and in an attitude of some thoughtfulness and muchcomfort,waited forhiswaking.Whateverobjection theyoung ladyurged toMrsLupinwentnofurther,fornothingmorewassaidtoMrPecksniff,andMrPecksniffsaidnothingmoretoanybodyelse.

Fullhalf anhourelapsedbefore theoldmanstirred,butat lengthhe turnedhimself in bed, and, though not yet awake, gave tokens that his sleep wasdrawingtoanend.Bylittleandlittleheremovedthebed-clothesfromabouthis head, and turned stillmore towards the sidewhereMr Pecksniff sat. Incourseoftimehiseyesopened;andhelayforafewmomentsaspeoplenewlyroused sometimeswill, gazing indolently at his visitor,without any distinctconsciousnessofhispresence.

Therewasnothingremarkableintheseproceedings,excepttheinfluencetheyworkedonMrPecksniff,whichcouldhardlyhavebeensurpassedbythemostmarvellousofnaturalphenomena.Graduallyhishandsbecametightlyclaspedupontheelbowsofthechair,hiseyesdilatedwithsurprise,hismouthopened,his hair stood more erect upon his forehead than its custom was, until, atlength, when the oldman rose in bed, and stared at himwith scarcely lessemotionthanheshowedhimself,thePecksniffdoubtswereallresolved,andheexclaimedaloud:

'YouAREMartinChuzzlewit!'

His consternation of surprisewas so genuine, that the oldman,with all thedispositionthatheclearlyentertainedtobelieveitassumed,wasconvincedofitsreality.

'IamMartinChuzzlewit,'hesaid,bitterly:'andMartinChuzzlewitwishesyouhadbeenhanged,beforeyouhadcomeheretodisturbhiminhissleep.Why,Idreamedofthisfellow!'hesaid,lyingdownagain,andturningawayhisface,'beforeIknewthathewasnearme!'

'Mygoodcousin—'saidMrPecksniff.

'There!Hisveryfirstwords!'criedtheoldman,shakinghisgreyheadtoandfro upon the pillow, and throwing up his hands. 'In his very first words heassertshisrelationship!Iknewhewould;theyalldoit!Nearordistant,bloodorwater, it's all one.Ugh!What a calendar of deceit, and lying, and false-witnessing,thesoundofanywordofkindredopensbeforeme!'

'Pray do not be hasty,MrChuzzlewit,' said Pecksniff, in a tone thatwas atonceinthesublimestdegreecompassionateanddispassionate;forhehadbythis time recovered from his surprise, and was in full possession of hisvirtuousself.'Youwillregretbeinghasty,Iknowyouwill.'

'Youknow!'saidMartin,contemptuously.

'Yes,'retortedMrPecksniff.'Aye,aye,MrChuzzlewit;anddon'timaginethatImeantocourtorflatteryou;fornothingisfurtherfrommyintention.Neither,sir, need you entertain the leastmisgiving that I shall repeat that obnoxiouswordwhichhasgivenyousomuchoffencealready.WhyshouldI?WhatdoIexpectorwantfromyou?ThereisnothinginyourpossessionthatIknowof,MrChuzzlewit,whichismuchtobecovetedforthehappinessitbringsyou.'

'That'strueenough,'mutteredtheoldman.

'Apart from that consideration,' saidMrPecksniff,watchful of the effect hemade,'itmustbeplaintoyou(Iamsure)bythistime,thatifIhadwishedtoinsinuate myself into your good opinion, I should have been, of all things,carefulnottoaddressyouasarelative;knowingyourhumour,andbeingquitecertainbeforehandthatIcouldnothaveaworseletterofrecommendation.'

Martinmadenotanyverbalanswer;butheasclearlyimpliedthoughonlybyamotionofhislegsbeneaththebed-clothes,thattherewasreasoninthis,andthathecouldnotdisputeit,asifhehadsaidasmuchingoodsetterms.

'No,'saidMrPecksniff,keepinghishandinhiswaistcoatasthoughhewereready, on the shortest notice, to produce his heart for Martin Chuzzlewit'sinspection,'Icameheretooffermyservicestoastranger.Imakenoofferofthemtoyou,becauseIknowyouwoulddistrustmeifIdid.Butlyingonthatbed,sir,Iregardyouasastranger,andIhavejust thatamountofinterest inyou which I hope I should feel in any stranger, circumstanced as you are.Beyond that, I amquite as indifferent to you,MrChuzzlewit, as you are tome.'

Having said which, Mr Pecksniff threw himself back in the easy-chair; soradiantwithingenuoushonesty,thatMrsLupinalmostwonderednottoseeastained-glassGlory, such as the Saintwore in the church, shining about hishead.

Alongpausesucceeded.Theoldman,withincreasedrestlessness,changedhisposture several times.MrsLupinand theyoung ladygazed in silenceat thecounterpane.MrPecksnifftoyedabstractedlywithhiseye-glass,andkepthiseyesshut,thathemightruminatethebetter.

'Eh?'hesaidat last,opening themsuddenly,and looking towards thebed. 'Ibegyourpardon.Ithoughtyouspoke.MrsLupin,'hecontinued,slowlyrising'I am not aware that I can be of any service to you here. The gentleman isbetter,andyouareasgoodanurseashecanhave.Eh?'

Thislastnoteofinterrogationborereferencetoanotherchangeofpostureontheoldman'spart,whichbroughthisfacetowardsMrPecksnifffor thefirst

timesincehehadturnedawayfromhim.

'IfyoudesiretospeaktomebeforeIgo,sir,'continuedthatgentleman,afteranotherpause, 'youmaycommandmyleisure;butImuststipulate,injusticetomyself,thatyoudosoastoastranger,strictlyastoastranger.'

NowifMrPecksniffknew,fromanythingMartinChuzzlewithadexpressedingestures, thathewantedtospeaktohim,hecouldonlyhavefounditoutonsome such principle as prevails in melodramas, and in virtue of which theelderly farmerwith the comic son always knowswhat the dumbgirlmeanswhen she takes refuge in his garden, and relates her personal memoirs inincomprehensible pantomime.Butwithout stopping tomake any inquiry onthis point, Martin Chuzzlewit signed to his young companion to withdraw,which she immediately did, along with the landlady leaving him and MrPecksniffalonetogether.Forsometimetheylookedateachotherinsilence;orrathertheoldmanlookedatMrPecksniff,andMrPecksniffagainclosinghiseyesonalloutwardobjects,tookaninwardsurveyofhisownbreast.Thatit amply repaidhim forhis trouble, andaffordedadeliciousandenchantingprospect,wasclearfromtheexpressionofhisface.

'Youwishmetospeaktoyouastoatotalstranger,'saidtheoldman,'doyou?'

Mr Pecksniff replied, by a shrug of his shoulders and an apparent turninground of his eyes in their sockets before he opened them, that he was stillreducedtothenecessityofentertainingthatdesire.

'Youshallbegratified,'saidMartin.'Sir,Iamarichman.Notsorichassomesuppose, perhaps, but yet wealthy. I am not a miser sir, though even thatcharge is made against me, as I hear, and currently believed. I have nopleasureinhoarding.Ihavenopleasureinthepossessionofmoney,Thedevilthatwecallbythatnamecangivemenothingbutunhappiness.'

ItwouldbenodescriptionofMrPecksniff'sgentlenessofmannertoadoptthecommonparlance,andsaythathelookedatthismomentasifbutterwouldn'tmelt in hismouth.He rather looked as if anyquantity of buttermight havebeenmadeoutofhim,bychurningthemilkofhumankindness,asitspoutedupwardsfromhisheart.

'ForthesamereasonthatIamnotahoarderofmoney,'saidtheoldman,'Iamnotlavishofit.Somepeoplefindtheirgratificationinstoringitup;andotherstheirs inpartingwithit;butIhavenogratificationconnectedwiththething.Painandbitternessaretheonlygoodsitevercouldprocureforme.Ihateit.Itis a spectrewalking beforeme through theworld, andmaking every socialpleasurehideous.'

AthoughtaroseinPecksniff'smind,whichmusthaveinstantlymountedtohisface,orMartinChuzzlewitwouldnothaveresumedasquicklyandassternly

ashedid:

'You would advise me for my peace of mind, to get rid of this source ofmisery, and transfer it to some one who could bear it better. Even you,perhaps,would ridme of a burden underwhich I suffer so grievously.But,kind stranger,' said the oldman,whose every feature darkened as he spoke,'goodChristian stranger, that is amainpartofmy trouble. Inotherhands, Ihaveknownmoneydogood;inotherhandsIhaveknownittriumphedin,andboasted of with reason, as themaster-key to all the brazen gates that closeupon the paths toworldly honour, fortune, and enjoyment. Towhatman orwoman;towhatworthy,honest,incorruptiblecreature;shallIconfidesuchatalisman, eithernoworwhen Idie?Doyouknowany suchperson?YOURvirtues are of course inestimable, but can you tell me of any other livingcreaturewhowillbearthetestofcontactwithmyself?'

'Ofcontactwithyourself,sir?'echoedMrPecksniff.

'Aye,'returnedtheoldman, 'thetestofcontactwithme—withme.Youhaveheardofhimwhosemisery(thegratificationofhisownfoolishwish)was,thatheturnedeverythinghetouchedintogold.Thecurseofmyexistence,andtherealisationofmyownmaddesireisthatbythegoldenstandardwhichIbearaboutme,Iamdoomedtotrythemetalofallothermen,andfinditfalseandhollow.'

MrPecksniffshookhishead,andsaid,'Youthinkso.'

'Ohyes,'criedtheoldman, 'Ithinkso!andinyourtellingme"Ithinkso,"IrecognizethetrueunworldlyringofYOURmetal.Itellyou,man,'headded,withincreasingbitterness, 'thatIhavegone,arichman,amongpeopleofallgrades and kinds; relatives, friends, and strangers; among people in whom,when Iwaspoor, Ihadconfidence,and justly, for theyneveroncedeceivedmethen,or,tome,wrongedeachother.ButIhaveneverfoundonenature,no,not one, in which, being wealthy and alone, I was not forced to detect thelatentcorruption that layhidwithin itwaiting forsuchas I tobring it forth.Treachery,deceit,and lowdesign;hatredofcompetitors, realor fancied, formy favour; meanness, falsehood, baseness, and servility; or,' and here helookedcloselyinhiscousin'seyes,'oranassumptionofhonestindependence,almostworsethanall;thesearethebeautieswhichmywealthhasbroughttolight. Brother against brother, child against parent, friends treading on thefaces of friends, this is the social company by whom my way has beenattended.Therearestoriestold—theymaybetrueorfalse—ofrichmenwho,inthegarbofpoverty,havefoundoutvirtueandrewardedit.Theyweredoltsand idiots for their pains. They should have made the search in their owncharacters.Theyshouldhaveshown themselves fitobjects tobe robbedandpreyeduponandplottedagainstandadulatedbyanyknaves,who,butforjoy,wouldhavespatupontheircoffinswhentheydiedtheirdupes;andthentheir

searchwouldhaveendedasminehasdone,andtheywouldbewhatIam.'

MrPecksniff,notatallknowingwhatitmightbebesttosayinthemomentarypausewhichensuedupontheseremarks,madeanelaboratedemonstrationofintending todeliversomethingveryoracular indeed; trusting to thecertaintyof theoldman interruptinghim,beforehe shouldutter aword.Norwashemistaken,forMartinChuzzlewithavingtakenbreath,wentontosay:

'Hearmetoanend;judgewhatprofityouareliketogainfromanyrepetitionofthisvisit;andleaveme.Ihavesocorruptedandchangedthenatureofallthosewhohaveeverattendedonme,bybreedingavariciousplotsandhopeswithinthem;Ihaveengenderedsuchdomesticstrifeanddiscord,bytarryingevenwithmembers ofmy own family; I have been such a lighted torch inpeaceful homes, kindling up all the inflammable gases and vapours in theirmoralatmosphere,which,butforme,mighthaveprovedharmlesstotheend,thatIhave,Imaysay,fledfromallwhoknewme,andtakingrefugeinsecretplaceshavelived,oflate,thelifeofonewhoishunted.Theyounggirlwhomyoujustnowsaw—what!youreyelightenswhenItalkofher!Youhateheralready,doyou?'

'Uponmyword,sir!'saidMrPecksniff, layinghishanduponhisbreast,anddroppinghiseyelids.

'I forgot,'cried theoldman, lookingathimwithakeennesswhich theotherseemed to feel,althoughhedidnot raisehiseyessoas tosee it. 'Iaskyourpardon.Iforgotyouwereastranger.ForthemomentyouremindedmeofonePecksniff,acousinofmine.AsIwassaying—theyounggirlwhomyoujustnowsaw,isanorphanchild,whom,withonesteadypurpose,Ihavebredandeducated,or,ifyouprefertheword,adopted.Forayearormoreshehasbeenmyconstantcompanion,andsheismyonlyone.Ihavetaken,assheknows,asolemnoathnevertoleavehersixpencewhenIdie,butwhileIliveImakeheranannualallowance;notextravagantinitsamountandyetnotstinted.Thereis a compact between us that no term of affectionate cajolery shall ever beaddressed by either to the other, but that she shall call me always by myChristianname;Iher,byhers.She isboundtomein lifeby tiesof interest,andlosingbymydeath,andhavingnoexpectationdisappointed,willmournit,perhaps;thoughforthatIcarelittle.ThisistheonlykindoffriendIhaveorwillhave.Judgefromsuchpremiseswhataprofitablehouryouhavespentincominghere,andleaveme,toreturnnomore.'

Withthesewords,theoldmanfellslowlybackuponhispillow.MrPecksniffasslowlyrose,and,withaprefatoryhem,beganasfollows:

'MrChuzzlewit.'

'There.Go!'interposedtheother.'Enoughofthis.Iamwearyofyou.'

'I am sorry for that, sir,' rejoined Mr Pecksniff, 'because I have a duty todischarge,fromwhich,dependuponit,Ishallnotshrink.No,sir,Ishallnotshrink.'

It isalamentablefact, thatasMrPecksniffstooderectbesidethebed,inallthedignityofGoodness,andaddressedhim thus, theoldmancastanangryglancetowardsthecandlestick,asifhewerepossessedbyastronginclinationtolaunchitathiscousin'shead.Butheconstrainedhimself,andpointingwithhisfingertothedoor,informedhimthathisroadlaythere.

'Thankyou,'saidMrPecksniff; 'Iamawareofthat.Iamgoing.ButbeforeIgo,Icraveyourleavetospeak,andmorethanthat,MrChuzzlewit,Imustandwill—yesindeed,Irepeatit,mustandwill—beheard.Iamnotsurprised,sir,atanythingyouhavetoldmetonight.Itisnatural,verynatural,andthegreaterpart of itwas known tome before. Iwill not say,' continuedMr Pecksniff,drawingouthispocket-handkerchief,andwinkingwithbotheyesatonce,asitwere,againsthiswill, 'Iwillnotsaythatyouaremistakeninme.Whileyouare in your presentmood I would not say so for the world. I almost wish,indeed, that I had a different nature, that I might repress even this slightconfession of weakness; which I cannot disguise from you; which I feel ishumiliating;butwhichyouwillhavethegoodnesstoexcuse.Wewillsay,ifyouplease,'addedMrPecksniff,withgreattendernessofmanner,'thatitarisesfromacoldinthehead,orisattributabletosnuff,orsmelling-salts,oronions,oranythingbuttherealcause.'

Here he paused for an instant, and concealed his face behind his pocket-handkerchief. Then, smiling faintly, and holding the bed furniture with onehand,heresumed:

'But,MrChuzzlewit,whileIamforgetfulofmyself,Ioweittomyself,andtomycharacter—aye,sir,andIHAVEacharacterwhichisverydeartome,andwill be the best inheritance ofmy two daughters—to tell you, on behalf ofanother,thatyourconductiswrong,unnatural,indefensible,monstrous.AndItellyou,sir,'saidMrPecksniff,toweringontiptoeamongthecurtains,asifhewereliterallyrisingaboveallworldlyconsiderations,andwerefaintoholdontight, tokeephimself fromdartingskyward likea rocket, 'I tellyouwithoutfearor favour, that itwillnotdo foryou tobeunmindfulofyourgrandson,youngMartin,whohas the strongestnatural claimuponyou. Itwill notdo,sir,'repeatedMrPecksniff,shakinghishead.'Youmaythinkitwilldo,butitwon't.Youmustprovidefor thatyoungman;youshallprovideforhim;youWILLprovideforhim.Ibelieve,'saidMrPecksniff,glancingatthepen-and-ink,'thatinsecretyouhavealreadydoneso.Blessyoufordoingso.Blessyoufordoingright,sir.Blessyouforhatingme.Andgoodnight!'

Sosaying,MrPecksniffwavedhisrighthandwithmuchsolemnity,andoncemoreinsertingitinhiswaistcoat,departed.Therewasemotioninhismanner,

but his step was firm. Subject to human weaknesses, he was upheld byconscience.

Martinlayforsometime,withanexpressiononhisfaceofsilentwonder,notunmixedwithrage;atlengthhemutteredinawhisper:

'Whatdoes thismean?Can thefalse-heartedboyhavechosensucha toolasyonderfellowwhohasjustgoneout?Whynot!Hehasconspiredagainstme,liketherest,andtheyarebutbirdsofonefeather.Anewplot;anewplot!Ohself,self,self!Ateveryturnnothingbutself!'

Hefelltotrifling,asheceasedtospeak,withtheashesoftheburntpaperinthe candlestick. He did so, at first, in pure abstraction, but they presentlybecamethesubjectofhisthoughts.

'Anotherwillmade and destroyed,' he said, 'nothing determined on, nothingdone,andImighthavedied to-night! Iplainlysee towhat foulusesall thismoneywillbeputatlast,'hecried,almostwrithinginthebed;'afterfillingmewithcaresandmiseriesallmylife,itwillperpetuatediscordandbadpassionswhenIamdead.Soitalwaysis.Whatlawsuitsgrowoutofthegravesofrichmen,everyday; sowingperjury,hatred,and liesamongnearkindred,wherethere shouldbenothingbut love!Heavenhelpus,wehavemuch to answerfor!Ohself,self,self!Everymanforhimself,andnocreatureforme!'

Universalself!Wastherenothingofitsshadowinthesereflections,andinthehistoryofMartinChuzzlewit,onhisownshowing?

CHAPTERFOUR

FROMWHICHITWILLAPPEARTHATIFUNIONBESTRENGTH,ANDFAMILYAFFECTIONBEPLEASANTTOCONTEMPLATE,THECHUZZLEWITSWERETHESTRONGESTANDMOST

AGREEABLEFAMILYINTHEWORLD

ThatworthymanMrPecksniffhavingtakenleaveofhiscousininthesolemnterms recited in the last chapter, withdrew to his own home, and remainedthere three whole days; not so much as going out for a walk beyond theboundaries of his own garden, lest he should be hastily summoned to thebedside of his penitent and remorseful relative, whom, in his amplebenevolence,hehadmadeuphismindtoforgiveunconditionally,andtoloveon any terms.But suchwas the obstinacy and such the bitter nature of thatsternoldman,thatnorepentantsummonscame;andthefourthdayfoundMr

PecksniffapparentlymuchfartherfromhisChristianobjectthanthefirst.

During the whole of this interval, he haunted the Dragon at all times andseasonsinthedayandnight,and,returninggoodforevilevincedthedeepestsolicitudeintheprogressoftheobdurateinvalid,insomuchthatMrsLupinwas fairly melted by his disinterested anxiety (for he often particularlyrequired her to take notice that he would do the same by any stranger orpauperinthelikecondition),andshedmanytearsofadmirationanddelight.

Meantime,oldMartinChuzzlewitremainedshutupinhisownchamber,andsaw no person but his young companion, saving the hostess of the BlueDragon,whowas,atcertaintimes,admittedtohispresence.Sosurelyasshecameintotheroom,however,Martinfeignedtofallasleep.Itwasonlywhenheandtheyoungladywerealone,thathewouldutteraword,eveninanswertothesimplestinquiry;thoughMrPecksniffcouldmakeout,byhardlisteningatthedoor,thattheytwobeinglefttogether,hewastalkativeenough.

Ithappenedon the fourthevening, thatMrPecksniffwalking, asusual, intothebaroftheDragonandfindingnoMrsLupinthere,wentstraightupstairs;purposing,inthefervourofhisaffectionatezeal,toapplyhisearoncemoretothe keyhole, and quiet his mind by assuring himself that the hard-heartedpatientwasgoingonwell.IthappenedthatMrPecksniff,comingsoftlyuponthe dark passage intowhich a spiral ray of light usually darted through thesamekeyhole,wasastonishedtofindnosuchrayvisible;andithappenedthatMr Pecksniff, when he had felt his way to the chamber-door, stoopinghurriedlydowntoascertainbypersonalinspectionwhetherthejealousyoftheoldmanhadcausedthiskeyholetobestoppedontheinside,broughthisheadintosuchviolentcontactwithanotherheadthathecouldnothelputteringinan audible voice the monosyllable 'Oh!' which was, as it were, sharplyunscrewedandjerkedoutofhimbyveryanguish.Ithappenedthen,andlastly,that Mr Pecksniff found himself immediately collared by something whichsmelt like severaldampumbrellas, abarrelofbeer, acaskofwarmbrandy-and-water, and a small parlour-full of stale tobacco smoke,mixed; andwasstraightwayleddownstairsintothebarfromwhichhehadlatelycome,wherehefoundhimselfstandingoppositeto,andinthegraspof,aperfectlystrangegentlemanofstillstrangerappearancewho,withhisdisengagedhand,rubbedhis own head very hard, and looked at him, Pecksniff, with an evilcountenance.

The gentleman was of that order of appearance which is currently termedshabby-genteel, though in respectofhisdresshecanhardlybe said tohavebeeninanyextremities,ashisfingerswerealongwayoutofhisgloves,andthesolesofhisfeetwereataninconvenientdistancefromtheupperleatherofhis boots.His nether garmentswere of a bluish grey—violent in its coloursonce, but sobered now by age and dinginess—and were so stretched andstrained in a tough conflict between his braces and his straps, that they

appearedeverymomentindangerofflyingasunderattheknees.Hiscoat,incolourblueandofamilitarycut,wasbuttonedandfroggeduptohischin.Hiscravatwas, inhue andpattern, likeoneof thosemantleswhichhairdressersare accustomed to wrap about their clients, during the progress of theprofessionalmysteries.Hishathadarrivedatsuchapass that itwouldhavebeenhardtodeterminewhetheritwasoriginallywhiteorblack.Butheworeamoustache—ashaggymoustachetoo;nothinginthemeekandmercifulway,butquiteinthefierceandscornfulstyle;theregularSatanicsortofthing—andhewore,besides,avastquantityofunbrushedhair.Hewasverydirtyandveryjaunty; very bold and very mean; very swaggering and very slinking; verymuchlikeamanwhomighthavebeensomethingbetter,andunspeakablylikeamanwhodeservedtobesomethingworse.

'Youwereeaves-droppingatthatdoor,youvagabond!'saidthisgentleman.

MrPecksniffcasthimoff,asSaintGeorgemighthaverepudiatedtheDragoninthatanimal'slastmoments,andsaid:

'WhereisMrsLupin,Iwonder!canthegoodwomanpossiblybeawarethatthereisapersonherewho—'

'Stay!'saidthegentleman.'Waitabit.SheDOESknow.Whatthen?'

'Whatthen,sir?'criedMrPecksniff. 'Whatthen?Doyouknow,sir,thatIamthe friend and relative of that sick gentleman? That I am his protector, hisguardian,his—'

'Not his niece's husband,' interposed the stranger, 'I'll be sworn; for hewastherebeforeyou.'

'Whatdoyoumean?'saidMrPecksniff,withindignantsurprise.'Whatdoyoutellme,sir?'

'Waitabit!'criedtheother,'Perhapsyouareacousin—thecousinwholivesinthisplace?'

'IAMthecousinwholivesinthisplace,'repliedthemanofworth.

'YournameisPecksniff?'saidthegentleman.

'Itis.'

'Iamproudtoknowyou,andIaskyourpardon,'saidthegentleman,touchinghis hat, and subsequently diving behind his cravat for a shirt-collar, whichhoweverhedidnotsucceedinbringingtothesurface.'Youbeholdinme,sir,onewhohasalsoaninterestinthatgentlemanupstairs.Waitabit.'

Ashesaidthis,hetouchedthetipofhishighnose,bywayofintimationthat

he would let Mr Pecksniff into a secret presently; and pulling off his hat,began tosearch inside thecrownamongamassofcrumpleddocumentsandsmall pieces of what may be called the bark of broken cigars; whence hepresentlyselectedthecoverofanoldletter,begrimedwithdirtandredolentoftobacco.

'Readthat,'hecried,givingittoMrPecksniff.

'ThisisaddressedtoChevySlyme,Esquire,'saidthatgentleman.

'YouknowChevySlyme,Esquire,Ibelieve?'returnedthestranger.

MrPecksniffshruggedhisshouldersasthoughhewouldsay'Iknowthereissuchaperson,andIamsorryforit.'

'Verygood,' remarkedthegentleman. 'That ismyinterestandbusinesshere.'Withthathemadeanotherdiveforhisshirt-collarandbroughtupastring.

'Now,thisisverydistressing,myfriend,'saidMrPecksniff,shakinghisheadandsmilingcomposedly. 'It isverydistressingtome,tobecompelledtosaythatyouarenotthepersonyouclaimtobe.IknowMrSlyme,myfriend;thiswillnotdo;honestyisthebestpolicyyouhadbetternot;youhadindeed.'

'Stop'criedthegentleman,stretchingforthhisrightarm,whichwassotightlywedgedintohis threadbaresleevethat it lookedlikeaclothsausage. 'Waitabit!'

Hepausedtoestablishhimselfimmediatelyinfrontofthefirewithhisbacktowards it. Then gathering the skirts of his coat under his left arm, andsmoothinghismoustachewithhisrightthumbandforefinger,heresumed:

'I understand your mistake, and I am not offended. Why? Because it'scomplimentary.Yousuppose Iwouldsetmyselfup forChevySlyme.Sir, ifthereisamanonearthwhomagentlemanwouldfeelproudandhonouredtobemistakenfor,thatmanismyfriendSlyme.Forheis,withoutanexception,the highest-minded, the most independent-spirited, most original, spiritual,classical, talented, themost thoroughlyShakspearian, ifnotMiltonic, andatthesametimethemostdisgustingly-unappreciateddogIknow.But,sir,IhavenotthevanitytoattempttopassforSlyme.Anyothermaninthewideworld,Iam equal to; but Slyme is, I frankly confess, a great many cuts aboveme.Thereforeyouarewrong.'

'Ijudgedfromthis,'saidMrPecksniff,holdingoutthecoveroftheletter.

'No doubt you did,' returned the gentleman. 'But, Mr Pecksniff, the wholethingresolvesitselfintoaninstanceofthepeculiaritiesofgenius.Everymanof truegeniushashispeculiarity.Sir, thepeculiarityofmy friendSlyme is,thatheisalwayswaitingroundthecorner.Heisperpetuallyroundthecorner,

sir.Heisroundthecorneratthisinstant.Now,'saidthegentleman,shakinghisforefinger before his nose, and planting his legs wider apart as he lookedattentivelyinMrPecksniff'sface,'thatisaremarkablycuriousandinterestingtraitinMrSlyme'scharacter;andwheneverSlyme'slifecomestobewritten,thattraitmustbethoroughlyworkedoutbyhisbiographerorsocietywillnotbesatisfied.Observeme,societywillnotbesatisfied!'

MrPecksniffcoughed.

'Slyme's biographer, sir,whoever hemay be,' resumed the gentleman, 'mustapply to me; or, if I am gone to that what's-his-name from which nothingumbobcomesback, hemust apply tomyexecutors for leave to searchamongmypapers.Ihavetakenafewnotesinmypoorway,ofsomeofthatman's proceedings—my adopted brother, sir,—which would amaze you. Hemadeuse of an expression, sir, only on the fifteenth of lastmonthwhenhecouldn't meet a little bill and the other party wouldn't renew, which wouldhavedonehonourtoNapoleonBonaparteinaddressingtheFrencharmy.'

'Andpray,'askedMrPecksniff,obviouslynotquiteathisease,'whatmaybeMrSlyme'sbusinesshere,ifImaybepermittedtoinquire,whoamcompelledbyaregardformyowncharactertodisavowallinterestinhisproceedings?'

'In the firstplace,' returned thegentleman, 'youwillpermitme to say, that Iobjecttothatremark,andthatIstronglyandindignantlyprotestagainstitonbehalf of my friend Slyme. In the next place, you will give me leave tointroduce myself.My name, sir, is Tigg. The name ofMontague Tigg willperhapsbefamiliartoyou,inconnectionwiththemostremarkableeventsofthePeninsularWar?'

MrPecksniffgentlyshookhishead.

'Nomatter,'saidthegentleman.'Thatmanwasmyfather,andIbearhisname.Iamconsequentlyproud—proudasLucifer.Excusemeonemoment.IdesiremyfriendSlymetobepresentattheremainderofthisconference.'

WiththisannouncementhehurriedawaytotheouterdooroftheBlueDragon,andalmostimmediatelyreturnedwithacompanionshorterthanhimself,whowaswrapped in anoldblue camlet cloakwith a liningof faded scarlet.Hissharpfeaturesbeingmuchpinchedandnippedbylongwaitinginthecold,andhis straggling red whiskers and frowzy hair being more than usuallydishevelledfromthesamecause,hecertainlylookedratherunwholesomeanduncomfortablethanShakspearianorMiltonic.

'Now,'saidMrTigg,clappingonehandontheshoulderofhisprepossessingfriend,andcallingMrPecksniff'sattentiontohimwiththeother,'youtwoarerelated; and relations never did agree, and never will; which is a wisedispensation and an inevitable thing, or there would be none but family

parties,andeverybodyintheworldwouldboreeverybodyelsetodeath.Ifyouwere on good terms, I should consider you a most confoundedly unnaturalpair;butstandingtowardseachotherasyoudo,Itookuponyouasacoupleofdevilishdeep-thoughtedfellows,whomaybereasonedwithtoanyextent.'

Here Mr Chevy Slyme, whose great abilities seemed one and all to pointtowards the sneaking quarter of the moral compass, nudged his friendstealthilywithhiselbow,andwhisperedinhisear.

'Chiv,'saidMrTiggaloud,inthehightoneofonewhowasnottobetamperedwith.'Ishallcometothatpresently.Iactuponmyownresponsibility,ornotatall. To the extent of such a trifling loan as a crownpiece to aman of yourtalents, I lookuponMrPecksniff ascertain;' andseeingat this juncture thattheexpressionofMrPecksniff's facebynomeansbetokened thathesharedthis certainty,MrTigg laidhis fingeronhisnoseagain for thatgentleman'sprivateandespecialbehoof;callinguponhimthereby to takenotice that therequisitionofsmallloanswasanotherinstanceofthepeculiaritiesofgeniusasdevelopedinhisfriendSlyme;thathe,Tigg,winkedatthesame,becauseofthestrongmetaphysicalinterestwhichtheseweaknessespossessed;andthatinreference to his own personal advocacy of such small advances, hemerelyconsulted the humour of his friend, without the least regard to his ownadvantageornecessities.

'Oh,Chiv,Chiv!'addedMrTigg,surveyinghisadoptedbrotherwithanairofprofound contemplation after dismissing this piece of pantomime. 'You are,uponmylife,astrangeinstanceofthelittlefrailtiesthatbesetamightymind.If there had never been a telescope in the world, I should have been quitecertainfrommyobservationofyou,Chiv,thattherewerespotsonthesun!Iwish I may die, if this isn't the queerest state of existence that we findourselvesforcedintowithoutknowingwhyorwherefore,MrPecksniff!Well,nevermind!Moraliseaswewill,theworldgoeson.AsHamletsays,Herculesmay lay about him with his club in every possible direction, but he can'tprevent the cats from making a most intolerable row on the roofs of thehouses,or thedogs frombeingshot in thehotweather if they runabout thestreetsunmuzzled.Life'sa riddle;amost infernallyhard riddle toguess,MrPecksniff.My own opinions, that like that celebrated conundrum, "Why's amaninjaillikeamanoutofjail?"there'snoanswertoit.Uponmysoulandbody, it's the queerest sort of thing altogether—but there's no use in talkingaboutit.Ha!Ha!'

Withwhichconsolatorydeductionfromthegloomypremisesrecited,MrTiggrousedhimselfbyagreateffort,andproceededinhisformerstrain.

'Now I'll tell you what it is. I'm a most confoundedly soft-hearted kind offellowinmyway,andIcannotstandby,andseeyoutwobladescuttingeachother's throatswhen there'snothing tobegotby it.MrPecksniff,you're the

cousinofthetestatorupstairsandwe'rethenephew—Isaywe,meaningChiv.Perhapsinallessentialpointsyouaremorenearlyrelatedtohimthanweare.Verygood.Ifso,sobeit.Butyoucan'tgetathim,neithercanwe.Igiveyoumybrightestwordofhonour,sir, thatI'vebeenlookingthroughthatkeyholewithshortintervalsofrest,eversincenineo'clockthismorning,inexpectationof receiving an answer to one of the most moderate and gentlemanlyapplications for a little temporary assistance—only fifteen pounds, andMYsecurity—that the mind of man can conceive. In the meantime, sir, he isperpetually closetedwith, and pouring hiswhole confidence into the bosomof,astranger.NowIsaydecisivelywithregardtothisstateofcircumstances,that it won't do; that it won't act; that it can't be; and that it must not besufferedtocontinue.'

'Everyman,'saidMrPecksniff,'hasaright,anundoubtedright,(whichI,forone, would not call in question for any earthly consideration; oh no!) toregulate his own proceedings by his own likings and dislikings, supposingtheyarenotimmoralandnotirreligious.Imayfeelinmyownbreast,thatMrChuzzlewit does not regard—me, for instance; say me—with exactly thatamountofChristianlovewhichshouldsubsistbetweenus.Imayfeelgrievedand hurt at the circumstance; still Imay not rush to the conclusion thatMrChuzzlewit is wholly without a justification in all his coldnesses. Heavenforbid!Besides; how,MrTigg,' continued Pecksniff evenmore gravely andimpressivelythanhehadspokenyet,'howcouldMrChuzzlewitbepreventedfromhavingthesepeculiarandmostextraordinaryconfidencesofwhichyouspeak;theexistenceofwhichImustadmit;andwhichIcannotbutdeplore—for his sake? Consider, my good sir—' and here Mr Pecksniff eyed himwistfully—'howverymuchatrandomyouaretalking.'

'Why,astothat,'rejoinedTigg,'itcertainlyisadifficultquestion.'

'Undoubtedlyitisadifficultquestion,'MrPecksniffanswered.Ashespokehedrewhimselfaloft,andseemedtogrowmoremindful,suddenly,ofthemoralgulfbetweenhimselfandthecreatureheaddressed.'Undoubtedlyitisaverydifficultquestion.AndIamfarfromfeelingsurethatitisaquestionanyoneisauthorizedtodiscuss.Goodeveningtoyou.'

'Youdon'tknowthattheSpottletoesarehere,Isuppose?'saidMrTigg.

'Whatdoyoumean,sir?whatSpottletoes?'askedPecksniff,stoppingabruptlyonhiswaytothedoor.

'Mr andMrsSpottletoe,' saidChevySlyme,Esquire, speaking aloud for thefirst time, and speaking very sulkily; shambling with his legs the while.'Spottletoemarriedmyfather'sbrother'schild,didn'the?AndMrsSpottletoeisChuzzlewit'sownniece,isn'tshe?Shewashisfavouriteonce.YoumaywellaskwhatSpottletoes.'

'Now uponmy sacredword!' criedMr Pecksniff, looking upwards. 'This isdreadful.Therapacityofthesepeopleisabsolutelyfrightful!'

'It's not only the Spottletoes either, Tigg,' said Slyme, looking at thatgentleman and speaking atMr Pecksniff. 'Anthony Chuzzlewit and his sonhavegotwindof it, andhavecomedown thisafternoon. I saw 'emnot fiveminutesago,whenIwaswaitingroundthecorner.'

'Oh,Mammon,Mammon!'criedMrPecksniff,smitinghisforehead.

'So there,' said Slyme, regardless of the interruption, 'are his brother andanothernephewforyou,already.'

'This is thewhole thing, sir,' saidMrTigg; 'this is the point and purpose atwhichIwasgraduallyarrivingwhenmyfriendSlymehere,withsixwords,hitit full.MrPecksniff,nowthatyourcousin(andChiv'suncle)has turnedup,somestepsmustbetakentopreventhisdisappearingagain;and,ifpossible,tocounteract the influencewhich is exercisedoverhimnow,by thisdesigningfavourite. Everybody who is interested feels it, sir. The whole family ispouringdowntothisplace.Thetimehascomewhenindividualjealousiesandinterestsmustbeforgottenforatime,sir,andunionmustbemadeagainstthecommonenemy.When thecommonenemy is routed,youwillall setup foryourselvesagain;everyladyandgentlemanwhohasapartinthegame,willgoinontheirownaccountandbowlaway, to thebestof theirability,at thetestator'swicket,andnobodywillbeinaworsepositionthanbefore.Thinkofit.Don'tcommityourselfnow.You'llfindusattheHalfMoonandSevenStarsin this village, at any time, and open to any reasonable proposition. Hem!Chiv,mydearfellow,gooutandseewhatsortofanightitis.'

MrSlymelostnotimeindisappearing,anditistobepresumedingoingroundthecorner.MrTigg,plantinghislegsaswideapartashecouldbereasonablyexpected by the most sanguine man to keep them, shook his head at MrPecksniffandsmiled.

'Wemustnotbetoohard,'hesaid, 'uponthelittleeccentricitiesofourfriendSlyme.Yousawhimwhisperme?'

MrPecksniffhadseenhim.

'Youheardmyanswer,Ithink?'

MrPecksniffhadheardit.

'Five shillings, eh?' said Mr Tigg, thoughtfully. 'Ah! what an extraordinaryfellow!Verymoderatetoo!'

MrPecksniffmadenoanswer.

'Five shillings!' pursuedMrTigg,musing; 'and to be punctually repaid nextweek;that'sthebestofit.Youheardthat?'

MrPecksniffhadnotheardthat.

'No!Yousurpriseme!' criedTigg. 'That's thecreamof the thing sir. Ineverknew that man fail to redeem a promise, inmy life. You're not in want ofchange,areyou?'

'No,'saidMrPecksniff,'thankyou.Notatall.'

'Justso,'returnedMrTigg.'Ifyouhadbeen,I'dhavegotitforyou.'Withthathe began towhistle; but a dozen seconds had not elapsedwhen he stoppedshort,andlookingearnestlyatMrPecksniff,said:

'Perhapsyou'drathernotlendSlymefiveshillings?'

'Iwouldmuchrathernot,'MrPecksniffrejoined.

'Egad!' criedTigg, gravelynoddinghisheadas if somegroundofobjectionoccurredtohimatthatmomentforthefirsttime, 'it'sverypossibleyoumaybe right.Would you entertain the same sort of objection to lendingme fiveshillingsnow?'

'Yes,Icouldn'tdoit,indeed,'saidMrPecksniff.

'Notevenhalf-a-crown,perhaps?'urgedMrTigg.

'Notevenhalf-a-crown.'

'Why, then we come,' said Mr Tigg, 'to the ridiculously small amount ofeighteenpence.Ha!ha!'

'Andthat,'saidMrPecksniff,'wouldbeequallyobjectionable.'

On receipt of this assurance, Mr Tigg shook him heartily by both hands,protestingwithmuchearnestness,thathewasoneofthemostconsistentandremarkablemenhehadevermet,andthathedesiredthehonourofhisbetteracquaintance.Hemoreoverobservedthatthereweremanylittlecharacteristicsabout his friend Slyme, ofwhich he could by nomeans, as aman of stricthonour, approve; but that he was prepared to forgive him all these slightdrawbacks,andmuchmore,inconsiderationofthegreatpleasurehehimselfhad thatdayenjoyed inhis social intercoursewithMrPecksniff,whichhadgiven him a far higher and more enduring delight than the successfulnegotiation of any small loan on the part of his friend could possibly haveimparted. With which remarks he would beg leave, he said, to wish MrPecksniffaverygoodevening.Andsohetookhimselfoff;aslittleabashedbyhisrecentfailureasanygentlemanwoulddesiretobe.

Themeditations ofMrPecksniff that evening at the bar of theDragon, andthat night in his own house, were very serious and grave indeed; themoreespecially as the intelligence he had received fromMessrs Tigg and Slymetouchingthearrivalofothermembersofthefamily,werefullyconfirmedonmoreparticular inquiry.For theSpottletoeshadactuallygone straight to theDragon, where they were at that moment housed and mounting guard, andwheretheirappearancehadoccasionedsuchavastsensationthatMrsLupin,scentingtheirerrandbeforetheyhadbeenunderherroofhalfanhour,carriedthe news herself with all possible secrecy straight toMr Pecksniff's house;indeeditwashergreatcautionindoingsowhichoccasionedhertomissthatgentleman,whoenteredat the frontdoorof theDragon just as sheemergedfromthebackone.Moreover,MrAnthonyChuzzlewitandhissonJonaswereeconomically quartered at the Half Moon and Seven Stars, which was anobscureale-house;andbytheverynextcoachtherecamepostingtothesceneofaction,somanyotheraffectionatemembersof thefamily(whoquarrelledwitheachother,insideandout,allthewaydown,totheutterdistractionofthecoachman), that in less than four-and-twenty hours the scanty tavernaccommodationwasat apremium,andall theprivate lodgings in theplace,amountingtofullfourbedsandsofa,rosecentpercentinthemarket.

In a word, things came to that pass that nearly the whole family sat downbeforetheBlueDragon,andformallyinvestedit;andMartinChuzzlewitwasin a state of siege. But he resisted bravely; refusing to receive all letters,messages, and parcels; obstinately declining to treat with anybody; andholdingout nohopeor promiseof capitulation.Meantime the family forceswereperpetuallyencounteringeachotherindiverspartsoftheneighbourhood;and,asnoonebranchof theChuzzlewit treehadeverbeenknown toagreewith anotherwithin thememory ofman, therewas such a skirmishing, andflouting, and snapping off of heads, in the metaphorical sense of thatexpression;suchabandyingofwordsandcallingofnames;suchanupturningofnosesandwrinklingofbrows;suchaformalintermentofgoodfeelingsandviolentresurrectionofancientgrievances;ashadneverbeenknowninthosequietpartssincetheearliestrecordoftheircivilizedexistence.

At length, in utter despair and hopelessness, some few of the belligerentsbegan to speak toeachother inonlymoderate termsofmutualaggravation;andnearlyall addressed themselveswitha showof tolerabledecency toMrPecksniff, in recognitionofhishighcharacterand influentialposition.Thus,bylittleandlittle,theymadecommoncauseofMartinChuzzlewit'sobduracy,until it was agreed (if such a word can be used in connection with theChuzzlewits)thatthereshouldbeageneralcouncilandconferenceheldatMrPecksniff'shouseuponacertaindayatnoon;whichallmembersofthefamilywho had brought themselves within reach of the summons, were forthwithbiddenandinvited,solemnly,toattend.

IfeverMrPecksniffworeanapostoliclook,heworeitonthismemorableday.Ifeverhisunruffledsmileproclaimedthewords,'Iamamessengerofpeace!'thatwas itsmissionnow. If everman combinedwithin himself all themildqualitiesofthelambwithaconsiderabletouchofthedove,andnotadashofthecrocodile,ortheleastpossiblesuggestionoftheverymildestseasoningoftheserpent,thatmanwashe.And,oh,thetwoMissPecksniffs!Oh,thesereneexpressionon the faceofCharity,which seemed to say, 'I know that allmyfamily have injured me beyond the possibility of reparation, but I forgivethem, for it ismy duty so to do!'And, oh, the gay simplicity ofMercy; socharming, innocent, and infant-like, that if she had gone out walking byherself,andithadbeenalittleearlierintheseason,therobin-redbreastsmighthavecoveredherwith leavesagainstherwill,believingher tobeoneof thesweetchildreninthewood,comeoutofit,andissuingforthoncemoretolookforblackberriesintheyoungfreshnessofherheart!WhatwordscanpaintthePecksniffs in that trying hour?Oh, none; forwords have naughty companyamongthem,andthePecksniffswereallgoodness.

Butwhenthecompanyarrived!Thatwasthetime.WhenMrPecksniff,risingfromhisseatatthetable'shead,withadaughteroneitherhand,receivedhisguests in the best parlour and motioned them to chairs, with eyes sooverflowingandcountenancesodampwithgraciousperspiration,thathemaybe said to have been in a kind of moist meekness! And the company; thejealousstony-hearteddistrustfulcompany,whowereallshutupinthemselves,and had no faith in anybody, and wouldn't believe anything, and would nomoreallowthemselvestobesoftenedorlulledasleepbythePecksniffsthaniftheyhadbeensomanyhedgehogsorporcupines!

First, therewasMrSpottletoe,whowas sobaldandhad suchbigwhiskers,that he seemed to have stopped his hair, by the sudden application of somepowerfulremedy,intheveryactoffallingoffhishead,andtohavefasteneditirrevocablyonhisface.ThentherewasMrsSpottletoe,whobeingmuchtooslim forheryears, andof apoetical constitution,was accustomed to informher more intimate friends that the said whiskers were 'the lodestar of herexistence;'andwhocouldnow,byreasonofherstrongaffectionforheruncleChuzzlewit,andtheshockitgavehertobesuspectedoftestamentarydesignsupon him, do nothing but cry—except moan. Then there were AnthonyChuzzlewit, andhis son Jonas; the faceof theoldman so sharpenedby thewarinessandcunningofhislife,thatitseemedtocuthimapassagethroughthecrowdedroom,asheedgedawaybehindtheremotestchairs;whilethesonhadsowellprofitedbythepreceptandexampleofthefather,thathelookedayearortwotheelderofthetwain,astheystoodwinkingtheirredeyes,sidebyside, and whispering to each other softly. Then there was the widow of adeceasedbrotherofMrMartinChuzzlewit,whobeingalmost supernaturallydisagreeable, and having a dreary face and a bony figure and a masculinevoice, was, in right of these qualities, what is commonly called a strong-

mindedwoman; andwho, if she could,wouldhave establishedher claim tothe title, and have shown herself, mentally speaking, a perfect Samson, byshutting up her brother-in-law in a private madhouse, until he proved hiscomplete sanity by loving her very much. Beside her sat her spinsterdaughters, three in number, and of gentlemanly deportment, who had somortified themselves with tight stays, that their tempers were reduced tosomethinglessthantheirwaists,andsharplacingwasexpressedintheirverynoses. Then there was a young gentleman, grandnephew of Mr MartinChuzzlewit, very dark and very hairy, and apparently born for no particularpurposebuttosavelooking-glassesthetroubleofreflectingmorethanjustthefirstideaandsketchynotionofaface,whichhadneverbeencarriedout.Thentherewasasolitaryfemalecousinwhowasremarkablefornothingbutbeingverydeaf,andlivingbyherself,andalwayshavingthetoothache.ThentherewasGeorgeChuzzlewit,agaybachelorcousin,whoclaimedtobeyoungbuthadbeenyounger,andwasinclinedtocorpulency,andratheroverfedhimself;to that extent, indeed, thathis eyeswere strained in their sockets, as ifwithconstantsurprise;andhehadsuchanobviousdispositiontopimples,thatthebright spots on his cravat, the rich pattern on his waistcoat, and even hisglitteringtrinkets,seemedtohavebrokenoutuponhim,andnottohavecomeintoexistencecomfortably.LastofalltherewerepresentMrChevySlymeandhisfriendTigg.Anditisworthyofremark,thatalthougheachpersonpresentdisliked theother,mainlybecauseheor sheDIDbelong to the family, theyoneandallconcurredinhatingMrTiggbecausehedidn't.

SuchwasthepleasantlittlefamilycirclenowassembledinMrPecksniff'sbestparlour,agreeablypreparedtofallfoulofMrPecksnifforanybodyelsewhomightventuretosayanythingwhateveruponanysubject.

'This,' said Mr Pecksniff, rising and looking round upon them with foldedhands, 'does me good. It does my daughters good. We thank you forassemblinghere.Wearegratefultoyouwithourwholehearts.Itisablesseddistinctionthatyouhaveconferreduponus,andbelieveme'—itisimpossibletoconceivehowhesmiledhere—'weshallnoteasilyforgetit.'

'I am sorry to interrupt you, Pecksniff,' remarked Mr Spottletoe, with hiswhiskers in a very portentous state; 'but you are assuming too much toyourself, sir. Who do you imagine has it in contemplation to confer adistinctionuponYOU,sir?'

Ageneralmurmurechoedthisinquiry,andapplaudedit.

'Ifyouareabouttopursuethecoursewithwhichyouhavebegun,sir,'pursuedMrSpottletoe in agreat heat, andgivingaviolent rapon the tablewithhisknuckles, 'thesooneryoudesist,andthisassemblyseparates,thebetter.Iamnostranger,sir,toyourpreposterousdesiretoberegardedastheheadofthisfamily,butIcantellYOU,sir—'

Oh yes, indeed! HE tell. HE! What? He was the head, was he? From thestrong-minded woman downwards everybody fell, that instant, upon MrSpottletoe,whoaftervainlyattempting tobeheard insilencewas fain tositdownagain,foldinghisarmsandshakinghisheadmostwrathfully,andgivingMrs Spottletoe to understand in dumb show, that that scoundrel Pecksniffmightgoonforthepresent,buthewouldcutinpresently,andannihilatehim.

'Iamnotsorry,'saidMrPecksniffinresumptionofhisaddress,'Iamreallynotsorry that this little incidenthashappened. It isgoodtofeel thatwearemetherewithoutdisguise.Itisgoodtoknowthatwehavenoreservebeforeeachother,butareappearingfreelyinourowncharacters.'

Here,theeldestdaughterofthestrong-mindedwomanrosealittlewayfromher seat, and trembling violently fromhead to foot,more as it seemedwithpassion than timidity, expressed a general hope that some peopleWOULDappearintheirowncharacters,ifitwereonlyforsuchaproceedinghavingtheattractionofnoveltytorecommendit;andthatwhenthey(meaningthesomepeoplebeforementioned)talkedabouttheirrelations,theywouldbecarefultoobserve whowas present in company at the time; otherwise it might comeroundtothoserelations'ears,inawaytheylittleexpected;andastorednoses(sheobserved)shehadyettolearnthatarednosewasanydisgrace,inasmuchas people neither made nor coloured their own noses, but had that featureprovidedforthemwithoutbeingfirstconsulted;thoughevenuponthatbranchof the subject she had great doubtswhether certain noseswere redder thanothernoses,orindeedhalfasredassome.Thisremarkbeingreceivedwithashrill titter by the two sisters of the speaker,MissCharityPecksniff beggedwith much politeness to be informed whether any of those very lowobservationswerelevelledather;andreceivingnomoreexplanatoryanswerthan was conveyed in the adage 'Those the cap fits, let them wear it,'immediately commenced a somewhat acrimonious and personal retort,wherein she was much comforted and abetted by her sister Mercy, wholaughedatthesamewithgreatheartiness;indeedfarmorenaturallythanlife.And it being quite impossible that any difference of opinion can take placeamongwomenwithouteverywomanwhoiswithinhearingtakingactivepartinit, thestrong-mindedladyandhertwodaughters,andMrsSpottletoe,andthedeafcousin(whowasnotatalldisqualifiedfromjoininginthedisputebyreasonof beingperfectlyunacquaintedwith itsmerits), one and all plungedintothequarreldirectly.

The two Miss Pecksniffs being a pretty good match for the three MissChuzzlewits,andallfiveyoungladieshaving,inthefigurativelanguageoftheday, a great amount of steam to dispose of, the altercationwould no doubthavebeenalongonebutforthehighvalourandprowessofthestrong-mindedwoman,who,inrightofherreputationforpowersofsarcasm,didsobelabourandpummelMrsSpottletoewithtauntingwordsthatthepoorlady,beforethe

engagementwastwominutesold,hadnorefugebutintears.Thesesheshedsoplentifully,andsomuchtotheagitationandgriefofMrSpottletoe,thatthatgentleman,afterholdinghisclenchedfistclosetoMrPecksniff'seyes,asifitweresomenaturalcuriosityfromthenearinspectionwhereofhewaslikelytoderivehighgratificationandimprovement,andafteroffering(fornoparticularreasonthatanybodycoulddiscover)tokickMrGeorgeChuzzlewitfor,andinconsiderationof,thetriflingsumofsixpence,tookhiswifeunderhisarmandindignantly withdrew. This diversion, by distracting the attention of thecombatants, put an end to the strife, which, after breaking out afresh sometwice or thrice in certain inconsiderable spurts and dashes, died away insilence.

ItwasthenthatMrPecksniffoncemorerosefromhischair.ItwasthenthatthetwoMissPecksniffscomposedthemselvestolookasiftherewerenosuchbeings—not to say present, but in thewhole compass of theworld—as thethree Miss Chuzzlewits; while the three Miss Chuzzlewits became equallyunconsciousoftheexistenceofthetwoMissPecksniffs.

'It is tobe lamented,' saidMrPecksniff,witha forgiving recollectionofMrSpottletoe's fist, 'that our friend should have withdrawn himself so veryhastily,thoughwehavecauseformutualcongratulationeveninthat,sinceweareassuredthatheisnotdistrustfulofusinregardtoanythingwemaysayordowhileheisabsent.Now,thatisverysoothing,isitnot?'

'Pecksniff,' said Anthony, who had been watching the whole party withpeculiarkeennessfromthefirst—'don'tyoubeahypocrite.'

'Awhat,mygoodsir?'demandedMrPecksniff.

'Ahypocrite.'

'Charity,mydear,'saidMrPecksniff,'whenItakemychambercandlestickto-night,remindmetobemorethanusuallyparticularinprayingforMrAnthonyChuzzlewit;whohasdonemeaninjustice.'

This was said in a very bland voice, and aside, as being addressed to hisdaughter'sprivateear.Withacheerfulnessofconscience,promptingalmostasprightlydemeanour,hethenresumed:

'Allourthoughtscentringinourverydearbutunkindrelative,andhebeingasitwere beyondour reach,we aremet to-day, really as ifwewere a funeralparty,except—ablessedexception—thatthereisnobodyinthehouse.'

Thestrong-mindedladywasnotatallsurethatthiswasablessedexception.Quitethecontrary.

'Well,mydearmadam!'saidMrPecksniff.'Bethatasitmay,hereweare;and

beinghere,wearetoconsiderwhetheritispossiblebyanyjustifiablemeans—'

'Why,youknowaswellasI,'saidthestrong-mindedlady,'thatanymeansarejustifiableinsuchacase,don'tyou?'

'Verygood,mydearmadam,verygood;whetheritispossiblebyANYmeans,wewill say byANYmeans, to open the eyes of our valued relative to hispresent infatuation. Whether it is possible to make him acquainted by anymeanswiththerealcharacterandpurposeofthatyoungfemalewhosestrange,whoseverystrangeposition,inreferencetohimself'—hereMrPecksniffsunkhis voice to an impressivewhisper—'really casts a shadow of disgrace andshameuponthisfamily;andwho,weknow'—hereheraisedhisvoiceagain—'elsewhyisshehiscompanion?harbourstheverybasestdesignsuponhisweaknessandhisproperty.'

In their strong feeling on this point, they, who agreed in nothing else, allconcurredasonemind.GoodHeaven, thatsheshouldharbourdesignsuponhisproperty!Thestrong-mindedladywasforpoison,herthreedaughterswereforBridewell and bread-and-water, the cousinwith the toothache advocatedBotany Bay, the two Miss Pecksniffs suggested flogging. Nobody but MrTigg,who,notwithstandinghisextremeshabbiness,wasstillunderstoodtobeinsomesorta lady'sman, inrightofhisupper lipandhisfrogs, indicatedadoubtofthejustifiablenatureofthesemeasures;andheonlyogledthethreeMiss Chuzzlewits with the least admixture of banter in his admiration, asthoughhewouldobserve, 'Youarepositivelydownuponher to toogreatanextent,mysweetcreatures,uponmysoulyouare!'

'Now,'saidMrPecksniff,crossinghistwoforefingersinamannerwhichwasatonceconciliatoryandargumentative; 'Iwillnot,upontheonehand,gosofar as to say that she deserves all the inflictions which have been so veryforciblyandhilariouslysuggested;'oneofhisornamentalsentences;'norwillI,upontheother,onanyaccountcompromisemycommonunderstandingasaman,bymakingtheassertionthatshedoesnot.WhatIwouldobserveis,thatIthinksomepracticalmeansmightbedevisedofinducingourrespected,shallIsayourrevered—?'

'No!'interposedthestrong-mindedwomaninaloudvoice.

'ThenIwillnot,'saidMrPecksniff.'Youarequiteright,mydearmadam,andIappreciate and thank you for your discriminating objection—our respectedrelative,todisposehimselftolistentothepromptingsofnature,andnottothe—'

'Goon,Pa!'criedMercy.

'Why, the truth is,my dear,' saidMr Pecksniff, smiling upon his assembled

kindred, 'that Iamata lossforaword.Thenameof thosefabulousanimals(pagan,Iregrettosay)whousedtosinginthewater,hasquiteescapedme.'

MrGeorgeChuzzlewitsuggested'swans.'

'No,'saidMrPecksniff.'Notswans.Verylikeswans,too.Thankyou.'

Thenephewwiththeoutlineofacountenance,speakingforthefirstandlasttimeonthatoccasion,propounded'Oysters.'

'No,'saidMrPecksniff,withhisownpeculiarurbanity,'noroysters.Butbynomeans unlike oysters; a very excellent idea; thank you, my dear sir, verymuch.Wait!Sirens.Dearme!sirens,ofcourse.Ithink,Isay,thatmeansmightbedevisedof disposingour respected relative to listen to thepromptingsofnature,andnottothesiren-likedelusionsofart.Nowwemustnotlosesightof the fact that our esteemed friend has a grandson, towhom hewas, untillately,verymuchattached,andwhomIcouldhavewishedtoseehereto-day,forIhavearealanddeepregardforhim.Afineyoungman,averyfineyoungman!Iwouldsubmit toyou,whetherwemightnotremoveMrChuzzlewit'sdistrustofus,andvindicateourowndisinterestednessby—'

'IfMrGeorgeChuzzlewithasanything tosay toME,' interposed thestrong-mindedwoman,sternly,'Ibeghimtospeakoutlikeaman;andnottolookatmeandmydaughtersasifhecouldeatus.'

'As to looking, I haveheard it said,MrsNed,' returnedMrGeorge, angrily,'thatacatisfreetocontemplateamonarch;andthereforeIhopeIhavesomeright,havingbeenbornamemberofthisfamily,tolookatapersonwhoonlycameintoitbymarriage.Astoeating,Ibegtosay,whateverbitternessyourjealousiesanddisappointedexpectationsmaysuggest toyou,thatIamnotacannibal,ma'am.'

'Idon'tknowthat!'criedthestrong-mindedwoman.

'At all events, if I was a cannibal,' said Mr George Chuzzlewit, greatlystimulated by this retort, 'I think itwould occur tome that a ladywho hadoutlived three husbands, and suffered so very little from their loss,must bemostuncommonlytough.'

Thestrong-mindedwomanimmediatelyrose.

'AndIwillfurtheradd,'saidMrGeorge,noddinghisheadviolentlyateverysecond syllable; 'naming no names, and therefore hurting nobody but thosewhoseconsciencestellthemtheyarealludedto,thatIthinkitwouldbemuchmoredecentandbecoming,ifthosewhohookedandcrookedthemselvesintothis family by getting on the blind side of some of its members beforemarriage,andmanslaughteringthemafterwardsbycrowingoverthemtothat

strongpitchthat theyweregladtodie,wouldrefrainfromactingthepartofvultures in regard toothermembersof this familywhoare living. I think itwouldbefullaswell, ifnotbetter, if those individualswouldkeepathome,contenting themselves with what they have got (luckily for them) already;insteadofhoveringabout,andthrustingtheirfingersinto,afamilypie,whichtheyflavourmuchmorethanenough,Icantellthem,whentheyarefiftymilesaway.'

'Imighthavebeenpreparedforthis!'criedthestrong-mindedwoman,lookingaboutherwithadisdainfulsmileasshemovedtowardsthedoor,followedbyherthreedaughters.'IndeedIwasfullypreparedforitfromthefirst.WhatelsecouldIexpectinsuchanatmosphereasthis!'

'Don't direct your halfpay-officers' gaze at me, ma'am, if you please,'interposedMissCharity;'forIwon'tbearit.'

This was a smart stab at a pension enjoyed by the strong-minded woman,duringhersecondwidowhoodandbeforeherlastcoverture.Ittoldimmensely.

'I passed from thememory of a grateful country, you verymiserableminx,'saidMrsNed,'whenIenteredthisfamily;andIfeelnow,thoughIdidnotfeelthen, that it served me right, and that I lost my claim upon the UnitedKingdomofGreatBritainandIrelandwhenI sodegradedmyself.Now,mydears, if you're quite ready, and have sufficiently improved yourselves bytakingtoheartthegenteelexampleofthesetwoyoungladies,Ithinkwe'llgo.Mr Pecksniff, we are very much obliged to you, really. We came to beentertained, and you have far surpassed our utmost expectations, in theamusementyouhaveprovidedforus.Thankyou.Good-bye!'

With such departing words, did this strong-minded female paralyse thePecksniffianenergies;andsoshesweptoutoftheroom,andoutofthehouse,attendedbyherdaughters,who,aswithoneaccord,elevatedtheirthreenosesin the air, and joined in a contemptuous titter. As they passed the parlourwindow on the outside, theywere seen to counterfeit a perfect transport ofdelightamongthemselves;andwiththisfinalblowandgreatdiscouragementforthosewithin,theyvanished.

BeforeMr Pecksniff or any of his remaining visitors could offer a remark,another figure passed this window, coming, at a great rate in the oppositedirection;and immediatelyafterwards,MrSpottletoeburst into thechamber.Comparedwithhispresentstateofheat,hehadgoneoutamanofsnoworice.Hisheaddistilledsuchoiluponhiswhiskers,thattheywererichandcloggedwithunctuousdrops;hisfacewasviolentlyinflamed,hislimbstrembled;andhegaspedandstroveforbreath.

'Mygoodsir!'criedMrPecksniff.

'Ohyes!'returnedtheother; 'ohyes,certainly!Ohtobesure!Oh,ofcourse!Youhearhim?Youhearhim?allofyou!'

'What'sthematter?'criedseveralvoices.

'Oh nothing!' cried Spottletoe, still gasping. 'Nothing at all! It's of noconsequence!Askhim!HE'lltellyou!'

'Idonotunderstandourfriend,'saidMrPecksniff,lookingabouthiminutteramazement.'Iassureyouthatheisquiteunintelligibletome.'

'Unintelligible, sir!' cried the other. 'Unintelligible!Doyoumean to say, sir,that you don't knowwhat has happened!That you haven't decoyed us here,andlaidaplotandaplanagainstus!Willyouventuretosaythatyoudidn'tknowMrChuzzlewitwasgoing,sir,andthatyoudon'tknowhe'sgone,sir?'

'Gone!'wasthegeneralcry.

'Gone,' echoed Mr Spottletoe. 'Gone while we were sitting here. Gone.Nobody knows where he's gone. Oh, of course not! Nobody knew he wasgoing.Oh,ofcoursenot!Thelandladythoughtuptotheverylastmomentthattheyweremerelygoingforaride;shehadnoothersuspicion.Oh,ofcoursenot!She'snotthisfellow'screature.Oh,ofcoursenot!'

Adding to these exclamations a kind of ironical howl, and gazing upon thecompany for one brief instant afterwards, in a sudden silence, the irritatedgentleman started off again at the same tremendous pace, andwas seen nomore.

Itwas in vain forMrPecksniff to assure them that this new and opportuneevasionof thefamilywasat leastasgreatashockandsurprise tohimas toanybodyelse.Ofallthebullyingsanddenunciationsthatwereeverheapedononeunluckyhead,nonecaneverhaveexceededinenergyandheartinessthosewithwhichhewascomplimentedbyeachofhis remaining relatives, singly,uponbiddinghimfarewell.

Themoral position takenbyMrTiggwas somethingquite tremendous; andthe deaf cousin, who had the complicated aggravation of seeing all theproceedings and hearing nothing but the catastrophe, actually scraped hershoes upon the scraper, and afterwards distributed impressions of them alloverthetopstep,intokenthatsheshookthedustfromherfeetbeforequittingthatdissemblingandperfidiousmansion.

MrPecksniffhad,inshort,butonecomfort,andthatwastheknowledgethatall these his relations and friends had hated him to the very utmost extentbefore;andthathe,forhispart,hadnotdistributedamongthemanymorelovethan,withhisamplecapitalinthatrespect,hecouldcomfortablyaffordtopart

with. This view of his affairs yielded him great consolation; and the factdeservestobenoted,asshowingwithwhateaseagoodmanmaybeconsoledundercircumstancesoffailureanddisappointment.

CHAPTERFIVE

CONTAININGAFULLACCOUNTOFTHEINSTALLATIONOFMRPECKSNIFF'SNEWPUPILINTOTHEBOSOMOFMR

PECKSNIFF'SFAMILY.WITHALLTHEFESTIVITIESHELDONTHATOCCASION,ANDTHEGREATENJOYMENTOFMRPINCH

Thebestofarchitectsandlandsurveyorskeptahorse,inwhomtheenemiesalreadymentionedmorethanonceinthesepagespretendedtodetectafancifulresemblancetohismaster.Notinhisoutwardperson,forhewasaraw-boned,haggardhorse,alwaysonamuchshorterallowanceofcornthanMrPecksniff;butinhismoralcharacter,wherein,saidthey,hewasfullofpromise,butofnoperformance.Hewasalwaysinamanner,goingtogo,andnevergoing.Whenathisslowest rateof travellinghewouldsometimes liftuphis legssohigh,anddisplaysuchmightyaction, that itwasdifficult tobelievehewasdoingless than fourteenmiles an hour; and hewas for ever so perfectly satisfiedwithhisownspeed,andso littledisconcertedbyopportunitiesofcomparinghimself with the fastest trotters, that the illusion was the more difficult ofresistance.Hewasakindofanimalwhoinfusedintothebreastsofstrangersalivelysenseofhope,andpossessedallthosewhoknewhimbetterwithagrimdespair. Inwhat respect,having thesepointsofcharacter,hemightbe fairlylikenedtohismaster,thatgoodman'sslanderersonlycanexplain.Butitisamelancholy truth, and a deplorable instance of the uncharitableness of theworld,thattheymadethecomparison.

In thishorse,andthehoodedvehicle,whatever itspropernamemightbe, towhichhewasusuallyharnessed—itwasmore likeagigwitha tumour thananythingelse—allMrPinch's thoughtsandwishescentred,onebright frostymorning; for with this gallant equipage he was about to drive to Salisburyalone, there to meet with the new pupil, and thence to bring him home intriumph.

Blessingson thy simpleheart,TomPinch,howproudlydost thoubuttonupthatscantycoat,calledbyasadmisnomer,forthesemanyyears,a'great'one;andhowthoroughly,aswiththycheerfulvoicethoupleasantlyadjurestSamthehostler 'nottolethimgoyet,'dostthoubelievethatquadrupeddesirestogo,andwouldgo ifhemight!Whocouldrepressasmile—of lovefor thee,

TomPinch,andnot in jestat thyexpense, for thouartpoorenoughalready,Heavenknows—tothinkthatsuchaholidayasliesbeforetheeshouldawakenthat quick flow and hurry of the spirits, in which thou settest down again,almostuntasted,onthekitchenwindow-sill,thatgreatwhitemug(putby,bythyownhands,lastnight,thatbreakfastmightnotholdtheelate),andlayestyondercrustupontheseatbesidethee,tobeeatenontheroad,whenthouartcalmer in thy high rejoicing! Who, as thou drivest off, a happy, man, andnoddestwithagratefullovingnesstoPecksniffinhisnightcapathischamber-window, would not cry, 'Heaven speed thee, Tom, and send that thou wertgoingoffforever tosomequiethomewherethoumightst liveatpeace,andsorrowshouldnottouchthee!'

Whatbetter timefordriving,riding,walking,movingthroughtheairbyanymeans, than a fresh, frosty morning, when hope runs cheerily through theveinswith thebriskblood, and tingles in the frame fromhead to foot!Thiswasthegladcommencementofabracingdayinearlywinter,suchasmayputthelanguidsummerseason(speakingofitwhenitcan'tbehad)totheblush,and shame the spring for being sometimes cold by halves. The sheep-bellsrangasclearlyinthevigorousair,asiftheyfeltitswholesomeinfluencelikelivingcreatures;thetrees,inlieuofleavesorblossoms,sheduponthegrounda frosty rime that sparkled as it fell, and might have been the dust ofdiamonds.So itwas toTom.Fromcottagechimneys,smokewentstreaminguphigh,high,asiftheearthhadlostitsgrossness,beingsofair,andmustnotbeoppressedbyheavyvapour.Thecrustoficeontheelseripplingbrookwasso transparent, and so thin in texture, that the livelywatermight of its ownfreewillhavestopped—inTom'sgladmind ithad—to lookupon the lovelymorning.And lest thesunshouldbreak thischarmtooeagerly, theremovedbetweenhimandtheground,amist likethatwhichwaitsuponthemoononsummernights—theverysametoTom—andwooedhimtodissolveitgently.

TomPinchwenton;notfast,butwithasenseofrapidmotion,whichdidjustaswell;andashewent,allkindsofthingsoccurredtokeephimhappy.Thuswhenhecamewithinsightoftheturnpike,andwas—ohalongwayoff!—hesawthetollman'swife,whohadthatmomentcheckedawaggon,runbackintothelittlehouseagainlikemad, tosay(sheknew)thatMrPinchwascomingup.Andshewasright,forwhenhedrewwithinhailofthegate,forthrushedthe tollman's children, shrieking in tinychorus, 'MrPinch!' toTom's intensedelight. The very tollman, though an ugly chap in general, and one whomfolkswererathershyofhandling,cameouthimselftotakethetoll,andgivehimroughgoodmorning;and thatwithall this,andaglimpseof thefamilybreakfast on a little round table before the fire, the crust Tom Pinch hadbrought awaywithhimacquiredas richa flavour as though it hadbeencutfromafairyloaf.

But there was more than this. It was not only the married people and the

childrenwhogaveTomPinchawelcomeashepassed.No,no.Sparklingeyesandsnowybreastscamehurriedlytomanyanuppercasementasheclatteredby, and gave him back his greeting: not stinted either, but sevenfold, goodmeasure.Theywereallmerry.Theyall laughed.Andsomeof thewickedestamong them even kissed their hands as Tom looked back. ForwhomindedpoorMrPinch?TherewasnoharminHIM.

Andnowthemorninggrewsofair,andallthingsweresowideawakeandgay,thatthesunseemingtosay—Tomhadnodoubthesaid—'Ican'tstanditanylonger;Imusthavealook,'streamedoutinradiantmajesty.Themist,tooshyandgentle forsuch lustycompany, fledoff,quitescared,before it;andas itswept away, the hills and mounds and distant pasture lands, teeming withplacidsheepandnoisycrows,cameoutasbrightasthoughtheywereunrolledbrannewfortheoccasion.Incomplimenttowhichdiscovery,thebrookstoodstillno longer,but ranbrisklyoff tobear the tidings to thewater-mill, threemilesaway.

MrPinchwasjoggingalong,fullofpleasantthoughtsandcheerfulinfluences,when he saw, upon the path before him, going in the same direction withhimself,atravelleronfoot,whowalkedwithalightquickstep,andsangashewent—forcertaininaveryloudvoice,butnotunmusically.Hewasayoungfellow,ofsomefiveorsix-and-twentyperhaps,andwasdressedinsuchafreeand fly-away fashion, that the long ends of his loose red neckcloth werestreaming out behind him quite as often as before; and the bunch of brightwinter berries in the buttonhole of his velveteen coat was as visible toMrPinch's rearward observation, as if he had worn that garment wrong sideforemost.Hecontinuedtosingwithsomuchenergy,thathedidnothearthesoundofwheelsuntil itwas closebehindhim;whenhe turnedawhimsicalface and a verymerry pair of blue eyes onMr Pinch, and checked himselfdirectly.

'Why,Mark?' saidTomPinch, stopping. 'Who'd have thought of seeing youhere?Well!thisissurprising!'

Marktouchedhishat,andsaid,withaverysuddendecreaseofvivacity,thathewasgoingtoSalisbury.

'And how spruce you are, too!' said Mr Pinch, surveying him with greatpleasure.'Really,Ididn'tthinkyouwerehalfsuchatight-madefellow,Mark!'

'Thankee,MrPinch.Prettywellforthat,Ibelieve.It'snotmyfault,youknow.With regard to being spruce, sir, that's where it is, you see.' And here helookedparticularlygloomy.

'Wherewhatis?'MrPinchdemanded.

'Where the aggravation of it is. Anymanmay be in good spirits and good

temperwhenhe'swelldressed.Therean'tmuchcredit in that. If Iwasveryragged and very jolly, then I should begin to feel I had gained a point,MrPinch.'

'So you were singing just now, to bear up, as it were, against being welldressed,eh,Mark?'saidPinch.

'Your conversation's always equal to print, sir,' rejoinedMark,with a broadgrin.'Thatwasit.'

'Well!'criedPinch,'youarethestrangestyoungman,Mark,Ieverknewinmylife. I always thought so; but now I am quite certain of it. I am going toSalisbury,too.Willyougetin?Ishallbeverygladofyourcompany.'

Theyoungfellowmadehisacknowledgmentsandacceptedtheoffer;steppingintothecarriagedirectly,andseatinghimselfontheveryedgeoftheseatwithhis bodyhalf out of it, to express his being there on sufferance, and by thepolitenessofMrPinch.Astheywentalong,theconversationproceededafterthismanner.

'Imorethanhalfbelieved,justnow,seeingyousoverysmart,'saidPinch,'thatyoumustbegoingtobemarried,Mark.'

'Well,sir,I'vethoughtofthat,too,'hereplied.'Theremightbesomecreditinbeingjollywithawife,'speciallyifthechildrenhadthemeaslesandthat,andwasveryfractiousindeed.ButI'ma'mostafraidtotryit.Idon'tseemywayclear.'

'You'renotveryfondofanybody,perhaps?'saidPinch.

'Notparticular,sir,Ithink.'

'But thewaywouldbe,youknow,Mark,accordingtoyourviewsof things,'said Mr Pinch, 'to marry somebody you didn't like, and who was verydisagreeable.'

'So it would, sir; but that might be carrying out a principle a little too far,mightn'tit?'

'Perhapsitmight,'saidMrPinch.Atwhichtheybothlaughedgayly.

'Lord bless you, sir,' said Mark, 'you don't half know me, though. I don'tbelievethereeverwasamanascouldcomeoutsostrongundercircumstancesthatwouldmakeothermenmiserable,asIcould,ifIcouldonlygetachance.ButIcan'tgetachance.It'smyopinionthatnobodyneverwillknowhalfofwhat'sinme,unlesssomethingveryunexpectedturnsup.AndIdon'tseeanyprospectofthat.I'ma-goingtoleavetheDragon,sir.'

'Going to leave the Dragon!' cried Mr Pinch, looking at him with greatastonishment.'Why,Mark,youtakemybreathaway!'

'Yes,sir,'herejoined,lookingstraightbeforehimandalongwayoff,asmendosometimeswhentheycogitateprofoundly. 'What'stheuseofmystoppingattheDragon?Itan'tatallthesortofplaceforME.WhenIleftLondon(I'maKentishmanbybirth, though),and took that situationhere, Iquitemadeupmymind that itwas the dullest little out-of-the-way corner inEngland, andthattherewouldbesomecreditinbeingjollyundersuchcircumstances.But,Lord, there's no dullness at the Dragon! Skittles, cricket, quoits, nine-pins,comic songs, choruses, company round the chimney corner every winter'sevening.AnymancouldbejollyattheDragon.There'snocreditinTHAT.'

'But if common reportbe true foronce,Mark, as I think it is, beingable toconfirmitbywhatIknowmyself,'saidMrPinch, 'youarethecauseofhalfthismerriment,andsetitgoing.'

'There may be something in that, too, sir,' answered Mark. 'But that's noconsolation.'

'Well!' saidMr Pinch, after a short silence, his usually subdued tone beingevennowmoresubduedthanever.'Icanhardlythinkenoughofwhatyoutellme.Why,whatwillbecomeofMrsLupin,Mark?'

Marklookedmorefixedlybeforehim,andfurtheroffstill,asheansweredthathedidn'tsupposeitwouldbemuchofanobjecttoher.Therewereplentyofsmartyoungfellowsaswouldbegladoftheplace.Heknewadozenhimself.

'That's probable enough,' saidMr Pinch, 'but I am not at all sure thatMrsLupinwouldbegladofthem.Why,IalwayssupposedthatMrsLupinandyouwouldmakeamatchofit,Mark;andsodideveryone,asfarasIknow.'

'Inever,'Markreplied,insomeconfusion,'saidnothingaswasinadirectwaycourting-liketoher,norshetome,butIdon'tknowwhatImightn'tdooneofthese odd times, and what she mightn't say in answer. Well, sir, THATwouldn'tsuit.'

'NottobelandlordoftheDragon,Mark?'criedMrPinch.

'No, sir, certainly not,' returned the other, withdrawing his gaze from thehorizon,andlookingathisfellow-traveller. 'Whythatwouldbetheruinofamanlikeme.Igoandsitdowncomfortablyforlife,andnomanneverfindsmeout.WhatwouldbethecreditofthelandlordoftheDragon'sbeingjolly?Why,hecouldn'thelpit,ifhetried.'

'DoesMrsLupinknowyouaregoingtoleaveher?'MrPinchinquired.

'Ihaven'tbrokeittoheryet,sir,butImust.I'mlookingoutthismorningfor

somethingnewandsuitable,'hesaid,noddingtowardsthecity.

'Whatkindofthingnow?'MrPinchdemanded.

'Iwasthinking,'Markreplied,'ofsomethinginthegrave-digging.way.'

'Goodgracious,Mark?'criedMrPinch.

'It's a gooddamp,wormy sort of business, sir,' saidMark, shakinghis headargumentatively, 'and there might be some credit in being jolly, with one'smind in that pursuit, unless grave-diggers is usually given that way; whichwouldbe a drawback.Youdon't happen to knowhow that is in general, doyou,sir?'

'No,'saidMrPinch,'Idon'tindeed.Ineverthoughtuponthesubject.'

'In case of that not turning out as well as one could wish, you know,' saidMark, musing again, 'there's other businesses. Undertaking now. That'sgloomy.Theremightbe credit tobegained there.Abroker'sman in apoorneighbourhood wouldn't be bad perhaps. A jailor sees a deal of misery. Adoctor's man is in the very midst of murder. A bailiff's an't a lively officenat'rally. Even a tax-gatherer must find his feelings rather worked upon, attimes.There'slotsoftradesinwhichIshouldhaveanopportunity,Ithink.'

Mr Pinchwas so perfectly overwhelmed by these remarks that he could donothingbutoccasionallyexchangeawordortwoonsomeindifferentsubject,and cast sidelong glances at the bright face of his odd friend (who seemedquite unconscious of his observation), until they reached a certain corner oftheroad,closeupontheoutskirtsofthecity,whenMarksaidhewouldjumpdownthere,ifhepleased.

'But bless my soul, Mark,' said Mr Pinch, who in the progress of hisobservation just thenmade thediscovery that thebosomofhis companion'sshirtwasasmuchexposedasifitwasMidsummer,andwasruffledbyeverybreathofair,'whydon'tyouwearawaistcoat?'

'What'sthegoodofone,sir?'askedMark.

'Goodofone?'saidMrPinch.'Why,tokeepyourchestwarm.'

'Lordloveyou,sir!'criedMark,'youdon'tknowme.Mychestdon'twantnowarming.Evenifitdid,whatwouldnowaistcoatbringitto?Inflammationofthe lungs, perhaps? Well, there'd be some credit in being jolly, with ainflammationofthelungs.'

As Mr Pinch returned no other answer than such as was conveyed in hisbreathing very hard, and opening his eyes verywide, and nodding his headverymuch,Markthankedhimforhisride,andwithouttroublinghimtostop,

jumpedlightlydown.Andawayhefluttered,withhisredneckerchief,andhisopen coat, down a cross-lane; turning back from time to time to nod toMrPinch,andlookingoneofthemostcareless,good-humouredcomicalfellowsin life. His late companion, with a thoughtful face pursued his way toSalisbury.

Mr Pinch had a shrewd notion that Salisbury was a very desperate sort ofplace; an exceeding wild and dissipated city; and when he had put up thehorse,andgiventhehostler tounderstandthathewouldlookinagaininthecourseofanhourortwotoseehimtakehiscorn,hesetforthonastrollaboutthestreetswithavagueandnotunpleasantideathattheyteemedwithallkindsofmysteryandbedevilment.Tooneofhisquiethabitsthislittledelusionwasgreatly assisted by the circumstance of its being market-day, and thethoroughfaresaboutthemarket-placebeingfilledwithcarts,horses,donkeys,baskets,waggons,garden-stuff,meat,tripe,pies,poultryandhuckster'swaresof every opposite description and possible variety of character. Then therewere young farmers and old farmerswith smock-frocks, brown great-coats,drabgreat-coats, redworsted comforters, leather-leggings,wonderful shapedhats, hunting-whips, and rough sticks, standing about in groups, or talkingnoisilytogetheronthetavernsteps,orpayingandreceivinghugeamountsofgreasywealth,withtheassistanceofsuchbulkypocket-booksthatwhentheywereintheirpocketsitwasapoplexytogetthemout,andwhentheywereoutitwasspasmstogettheminagain.Alsotherewerefarmers'wivesinbeaverbonnets and red cloaks, riding shaggyhorses purgedof all earthly passions,whowentsoberlyintoallmannerofplaceswithoutdesiringtoknowwhy,andwho,ifrequired,wouldhavestoodstockstillinachinashop,withacompletedinner-service at each hoof. Also a great many dogs, who were stronglyinterested in the stateof themarket and thebargainsof theirmasters; andagreatconfusionoftongues,bothbruteandhuman.

Mr Pinch regarded everything exposed for sale with great delight, andwasparticularly struck by the itinerant cutlery, which he considered of the verykeenestkind,insomuchthathepurchasedapocketknifewithsevenbladesinit, and not a cut (as he afterwards found out) among them. When he hadexhausted the market-place, and watched the farmers safe into the marketdinner, hewent back to look after the horse. Having seen him eat unto hisheart's content he issued forth again, to wander round the town and regalehimselfwiththeshopwindows;previouslytakingalongstareatthebank,andwondering in what direction underground the caverns might be where theykeptthemoney;andturningtolookbackatoneortwoyoungmenwhopassedhim,whomheknewtobearticledtosolicitorsinthetown;andwhohadasortoffearfulinterestinhiseyes,asjollydogswhoknewathingortwo,andkeptituptremendously.

Buttheshops.Firstofalltherewerethejewellers'shops,withallthetreasures

of the earth displayed therein, and such large silver watches hanging up ineverypaneofglass,thatiftheywereanythingbutfirst-rategoersitcertainlywasnotbecausetheworkscoulddecentlycomplainofwantofroom.Ingoodsooththeywerebigenough,andperhaps,asthesayingis,uglyenough,tobethemost correct of allmechanical performers; inMr Pinch's eyes, howevertheyweresmallerthanGenevaware;andwhenhesawoneverybloatedwatchannounced as a repeater, giftedwith theuncommonpowerof striking everyquarterofanhourinsidethepocketofitshappyowner,healmostwishedthathewererichenoughtobuyit.

But what were even gold and silver, precious stones and clockwork, to thebookshops, whence a pleasant smell of paper freshly pressed came issuingforth, awakening instant recollections of some new grammar had at school,long time ago, with 'Master Pinch, Grove House Academy,' inscribed infaultlesswritingonthefly-leaf!Thatwhiffofrussialeather,too,andallthoserows on rows of volumes neatly ranged within—what happiness did theysuggest! And in the window were the spick-and-span new works fromLondon,with the title-pages, and sometimes even the first page of the firstchapter,laidwideopen;temptingunwarymentobegintoreadthebook,andthen,intheimpossibilityofturningover,torushblindlyin,andbuyit!Heretoowerethedaintyfrontispieceandtrimvignette,pointinglikehandpostsontheoutskirtsofgreatcities,totherichstockofincidentbeyond;andstoreofbooks,withmanyagraveportraitandtime-honouredname,whosematterheknewwell,andwouldhavegivenminestohave,inanyform,uponthenarrowshellbesidehisbedatMrPecksniff's.Whataheart-breakingshopitwas!

There was another; not quite so bad at first, but still a trying shop; wherechildren'sbookswere sold, andwherepoorRobinsonCrusoe stoodalone inhis might, with dog and hatchet, goat-skin cap and fowling-pieces; calmlysurveyingPhilipQuarn and thehost of imitators roundhim, and callingMrPinchtowitnessthathe,ofallthecrowd,impressedonesolitaryfootprintontheshoreofboyishmemory,whereofthetreadofgenerationsshouldnotstirthe lightest grain of sand.And there toowere the Persian tales,with flyingchestsandstudentsofenchantedbooksshutupforyearsincaverns;andtheretoowasAbudah,themerchant,withtheterriblelittleoldwomanhobblingoutof the box in his bedroom; and there themighty talisman, the rareArabianNights,withCassimBaba,dividedbyfour, liketheghostofadreadfulsum,hangingup,allgory,intherobbers'cave.Whichmatchlesswonders,comingfastonMrPinch'smind,didsorubupandchafethatwonderfullampwithinhim, that when he turned his face towards the busy street, a crowd ofphantomswaited on his pleasure, and he lived again,with new delight, thehappydaysbeforethePecksniffera.

He had less interest now in the chemists' shops, with their great glowingbottles(withsmallerrepositoriesofbrightnessintheirverystoppers);andin

theiragreeablecompromisesbetweenmedicineandperfumery,intheshapeoftoothsomelozengesandvirginhoney.Neitherhadhetheleastregard(buthenever had much) for the tailors', where the newest metropolitan waistcoatpatterns were hanging up, which by some strange transformation alwayslookedamazingthere,andneverappearedatalllikethesamethinganywhereelse. But he stopped to read the playbill at the theatre and surveyed thedoorway with a kind of awe, which was not diminished when a sallowgentlemanwith longdarkhair cameout, and told a boy to runhome to hislodgingsandbringdownhisbroadsword.MrPinchstoodrootedtothespotonhearingthis,andmighthavestoodthereuntildark,butthattheoldcathedralbellbegantoringforvesperservice,onwhichhetorehimselfaway.

Now, the organist's assistantwas a friend ofMr Pinch's,whichwas a goodthing,forhetoowasaveryquietgentlesoul,andhadbeen,likeTom,akindofold-fashionedboyatschool,thoughwelllikedbythenoisyfellowtoo.Asgood luck would have it (Tom always said he had great good luck) theassistantchancedthatveryafternoontobeondutybyhimself,withnooneinthedustyorgan loftbutTom; sowhileheplayed,Tomhelpedhimwith thestops;andfinally,theservicebeingjustover,Tomtooktheorganhimself.Itwas then turning dark, and the yellow light that streamed in through theancientwindows in the choir wasmingledwith amurky red. As the grandtonesresoundedthroughthechurch,theyseemed,toTom,tofindanechointhedepthofeveryancienttomb,nolessthaninthedeepmysteryofhisownheart.Greatthoughtsandhopescamecrowdingonhismindastherichmusicrolledupontheairandyetamongthem—somethingmoregraveandsolemnintheirpurpose,butthesame—werealltheimagesofthatday,downtoitsverylightestrecollectionofchildhood.Thefeelingthatthesoundsawakened,inthemomentoftheirexistence,seemedtoincludehiswholelifeandbeing;andasthe surrounding realities of stone and wood and glass grew dimmer in thedarkness, these visions grew so much the brighter that Tom might haveforgottenthenewpupilandtheexpectantmaster,andhavesat therepouringouthisgratefulhearttillmidnight,butforaveryearthyoldvergerinsistingonlockingupthecathedralforthwith.Sohetookleaveofhisfriend,withmanythanks, groped hisway out, aswell as he could, into the now lamp-lightedstreets,andhurriedofftogethisdinner.

All the farmersbeingby this time jogginghomewards, therewasnobody inthesandedparlourofthetavernwherehehadleftthehorse;sohehadhislittletable drawn out close before the fire, and fell to work upon a well-cookedsteakandsmokinghotpotatoes,withastrongappreciationoftheirexcellence,andaverykeensenseofenjoyment.Besidehim,too,therestoodajugofmoststupendousWiltshire beer; and the effect of thewholewas so transcendent,thathewasobligedeverynowandthentolaydownhisknifeandfork,rubhishands,andthinkaboutit.Bythetimethecheeseandcelerycame,MrPinchhadtakenabookoutofhispocket,andcouldaffordtotriflewiththeviands;

now eating a little, now drinking a little, now reading a little, and nowstoppingtowonderwhatsortofayoungmanthenewpupilwouldturnouttobe.Hehadpassedfromthislatterthemeandwasdeepinhisbookagain,whenthedooropened,andanotherguestcamein,bringingwithhimsuchaquantityofcoldair,thathepositivelyseemedatfirsttoputthefireout.

'Veryhardfrost to-night,sir,'said thenewcomer,courteouslyacknowledgingMr Pinch's withdrawal of the little table, that he might have place: 'Don'tdisturbyourself,Ibeg.'

Though he said this with a vast amount of consideration for Mr Pinch'scomfort,hedraggedoneofthegreatleather-bottomedchairstotheverycentreofthehearth,notwithstanding;andsatdowninfrontofthefire,withafootoneachhob.

'Myfeetarequitenumbed.Ah!Bittercoldtobesure.'

'Youhavebeenintheairsomeconsiderabletime,Idaresay?'saidMrPinch.

'Allday.Outsideacoach,too.'

'That accounts for his making the room so cool,' thought Mr Pinch. 'Poorfellow!Howthoroughlychilledhemustbe!'

The stranger became thoughtful likewise, and sat for five or ten minuteslooking at the fire in silence.At length he rose and divested himself of hisshawlandgreat-coat,which(fardifferentfromMrPinch's)wasaverywarmandthickone;buthewasnotawhitmoreconversationaloutofhisgreat-coatthan in it, forhe satdownagain in the sameplaceandattitude, and leaningback in his chair, began to bite his nails. He was young—one-and-twenty,perhaps—andhandsome;withakeendarkeye,andaquicknessof lookandmannerwhichmadeTomsensibleofagreatcontrastinhisownbearing,andcausedhimtofeelevenmoreshythanusual.

Therewasaclockintheroom,whichthestrangeroftenturnedtolookat.Tommade frequent reference to it also; partly from a nervous sympathywith itstaciturncompanion;andpartlybecausethenewpupilwastoinquireforhimathalfaftersix,andthehandsweregettingontowardsthathour.Wheneverthestrangercaughthimlookingatthisclock,akindofconfusioncameuponTomas if he had been found out in something; and it was a perception of hisuneasinesswhichcausedtheyoungermantosay,perhaps,withasmile:

'Webothappear toberatherparticularabout the time.Thefact is, Ihaveanengagementtomeetagentlemanhere.'

'SohaveI,'saidMrPinch.

'Athalf-pastsix,'saidthestranger.

'At half-past six,' said Tom in the very same breath; whereupon the otherlookedathimwithsomesurprise.

'Theyounggentleman,Iexpect,'remarkedTom,timidly,'wastoinquireatthattimeforapersonbythenameofPinch.'

'Dearme!'criedtheother,jumpingup.'AndIhavebeenkeepingthefirefromyouallthiswhile!IhadnoideayouwereMrPinch.IamtheMrMartinforwhomyouwere to inquire. Pray excuseme.Howdo you do?Oh, do drawnearer,pray!'

'Thankyou,'saidTom, 'thankyou.Iamnotatallcold,andyouare;andwehaveacoldridebeforeus.Well,ifyouwishit,Iwill.I—Iamveryglad,'saidTom,smilingwithanembarrassedfranknesspeculiarlyhis,andwhichwasasplainlyaconfessionofhisownimperfections,andanappealtothekindnessofthe personhe addressed, as if he had drawnoneup in simple language andcommittedittopaper:'IamverygladindeedthatyouturnouttobethepartyIexpected. Iwas thinking,butaminuteago, that I couldwishhim tobe likeyou.'

'Iamverygladtohearit,'returnedMartin,shakinghandswithhimagain;'forIassureyou,IwasthinkingtherecouldbenosuchluckasMrPinch'sturningoutlikeyou.'

'No,really!'saidTom,withgreatpleasure.'Areyouserious?'

'Uponmyword I am,' replied his new acquaintance. 'You and Iwill get onexcellentlywell,Iknow;whichit'snosmallrelieftometofeel,fortotellyouthetruth,Iamnotatallthesortoffellowwhocouldgetonwitheverybody,and that's the point on which I had the greatest doubts. But they're quiterelievednow.—Domethefavourtoringthebell,willyou?'

MrPinch rose, and compliedwithgreat alacrity—thehandlehung just overMartin'shead,ashewarmedhimself—andlistenedwithasmilingfacetowhathisfriendwentontosay.Itwas:

'Ifyoulikepunch,you'llallowmetoorderaglassapiece,ashotasitcanbemade,thatwemayusherinourfriendshipinabecomingmanner.Toletyouintoasecret,MrPinch,Ineverwassomuchinwantofsomethingwarmandcheeringinmylife;butIdidn'tliketorunthechanceofbeingfounddrinkingit,withoutknowingwhatkindofpersonyouwere;forfirstimpressions,youknow,oftengoalongway,andlastalongtime.'

MrPinchassented,andthepunchwasordered.Induecourseitcame;hotandstrong. After drinking to each other in the steaming mixture, they becamequiteconfidential.

'I'masortofrelationofPecksniff's,youknow,'saidtheyoungman.

'Indeed!'criedMrPinch.

'Yes.Mygrandfatherishiscousin,sohe'skithandkintome,somehow,ifyoucanmakethatout.Ican't.'

'ThenMartinisyourChristianname?'saidMrPinch,thoughtfully.'Oh!'

'Ofcourseitis,'returnedhisfriend:'Iwishitwasmysurnameformyownisnotaveryprettyone,andittakesalongtimetosignChuzzlewitismyname.'

'Dearme!'criedMrPinch,withaninvoluntarystart.

'You'renotsurprisedatmyhavingtwonames,Isuppose?'returnedtheother,settinghisglasstohislips.'Mostpeoplehave.'

'Oh,no,'saidMrPinch,'notatall.Ohdearno!Well!'AndthenrememberingthatMrPecksniffhadprivatelycautionedhimtosaynothing in reference tothe old gentleman of the same namewho had lodged at theDragon, but toreserveallmentionof thatpersonforhim,hehadnobettermeansofhidinghisconfusionthanbyraisinghisownglasstohismouth.Theylookedateachother out of their respective tumblers for a few seconds, and then put themdownempty.

'I told themin thestable tobereadyforus tenminutesago,'saidMrPinch,glancingattheclockagain.'Shallwego?'

'Ifyouplease,'returnedtheother.

'Would you like to drive?' said Mr Pinch; his whole face beaming with aconsciousnessofthesplendourofhisoffer.'Youshall,ifyouwish.'

'Why, that depends,Mr Pinch,' saidMartin, laughing, 'upon what sort of ahorseyouhave.Becauseifhe'sabadone,Iwouldratherkeepmyhandswarmbyholdingthemcomfortablyinmygreatcoatpockets.'

Heappeared to think this suchagood joke, thatMrPinchwasquite sure itmustbeacapitalone.Accordingly,he laughedtoo,andwasfullypersuadedthatheenjoyeditverymuch.Thenhesettledhisbill,andMrChuzzlewitpaidfor the punch; and having wrapped themselves up, to the extent of theirrespective means, they went out together to the front door, where MrPecksniff'spropertystoppedtheway.

'Iwon'tdrive,thankyou,MrPinch,'saidMartin,gettingintothesitter'splace.'Bythebye,there'saboxofmine.Canwemanagetotakeit?'

'Oh,certainly,'saidTom.'Putitin,Dick,anywhere!'

Itwas not precisely of that convenient sizewhichwould admit of its beingsqueezedintoanyoddcorner,butDickthehostlergotitinsomehow,andMrChuzzlewithelpedhim.ItwasallonMrPinch'sside,andMrChuzzlewitsaidhewasverymuchafraiditwouldencumberhim;towhichTomsaid, 'Notatall;'thoughitforcedhimintosuchanawkwardposition,thathehadmuchadotoseeanythingbuthisownknees.Butitisanillwindthatblowsnobodyanygood;andthewisdomofthesayingwasverifiedinthisinstance;forthecoldair came fromMr Pinch's side of the carriage, and by interposing a perfectwall of box andman between it and the new pupil, he shielded that younggentlemaneffectually;whichwasagreatcomfort.

Itwasaclearevening,withabrightmoon.Thewholelandscapewassilveredbyitslightandbythehoar-frost;andeverythinglookedexquisitelybeautiful.At first, thegreat serenity andpeace throughwhich they travelled, disposedthembothtosilence;butinaveryshort timethepunchwithinthemandthehealthful air without, made them loquacious, and they talked incessantly.When theywere halfway home, and stopped to give the horse somewater,Martin (who was very generous with his money) ordered another glass ofpunch, which they drank between them, and which had not the effect ofmaking them less conversational than before. Their principal topic ofdiscourse was naturallyMr Pecksniff and his family; of whom, and of thegreat obligations they had heaped upon him, Tom Pinch, with the tearsstanding inhiseyes,drewsuchapictureaswouldhave inclinedanyoneofcommonfeelingalmosttoreverethem;andofwhichMrPecksniffhadnottheslightest foresightorpreconceived idea, orhe certainly (beingveryhumble)wouldnothavesentTomPinchtobringthepupilhome.

Inthiswaytheywenton,andon,andon—inthelanguageofthestory-books—until at last the village lights appeared before them, and the church spirecast a long reflection on the graveyard grass; as if it were a dial (alas, thetruestintheworld!)marking,whateverlightshoneoutofHeaven,theflightofdaysandweeksandyears,bysomenewshadowonthatsolemnground.

'A pretty church!' said Martin, observing that his companion slackened theslackpaceofthehorse,astheyapproached.

'Isitnot?'criedTom,withgreatpride. 'There'sthesweetestlittleorganthereyoueverheard.Iplayitforthem.'

'Indeed?'saidMartin. 'It ishardlyworththetrouble,Ishouldthink.Whatdoyougetforthat,now?'

'Nothing,'answeredTom.

'Well,'returnedhisfriend,'youAREaverystrangefellow!'

Towhichremarktheresucceededabriefsilence.

'When I saynothing,'observedMrPinch,cheerfully, 'I amwrong,anddon'tsaywhatImean,becauseIgetagreatdealofpleasurefromit,andthemeansof passing some of the happiest hours I know. It led to something else theotherday;butyouwillnotcaretohearaboutthatIdaresay?'

'OhyesIshall.What?'

'Itledtomyseeing,'saidTom,inalowervoice,'oneoftheloveliestandmostbeautifulfacesyoucanpossiblypicturetoyourself.'

'AndyetIamabletopictureabeautifulone,'saidhisfriend,thoughtfully,'orshouldbe,ifIhaveanymemory.'

'Shecame'saidTom,layinghishandupontheother'sarm, 'forthefirst timeveryearlyinthemorning,whenitwashardlylight;andwhenIsawher,overmy shoulder, standing just within the porch, I turned quite cold, almostbelieving her to be a spirit. Amoment's reflection got the better of that, ofcourse, and fortunately it came tomy relief so soon, that I didn't leave offplaying.'

'Whyfortunately?'

'Why?Becauseshestoodthere,listening.Ihadmyspectacleson,andsawherthrough the chinks in the curtains as plainly as I see you; and she wasbeautiful.Afterawhilesheglidedoff,andIcontinued toplayuntilshewasoutofhearing.'

'Whydidyoudothat?'

'Don'tyousee?'respondedTom.'BecauseshemightsupposeIhadn'tseenher;andmightreturn.'

'Anddidshe?'

'Certainlyshedid.Nextmorning,andnexteveningtoo;butalwayswhentherewerenopeopleabout,andalwaysalone.Iroseearlierandsattherelater,thatwhenshecame,shemightfindthechurchdooropen,andtheorganplaying,and might not be disappointed. She strolled that way for some days, andalwaysstayedtolisten.Butsheisgonenow,andofallunlikelythingsinthiswideworld,itisperhapsthemostimprobablethatIshalleverlookuponherfaceagain.'

'Youdon'tknowanythingmoreabouther?'

'No.'

'Andyouneverfollowedherwhenshewentaway?'

'WhyshouldIdistressherbydoingthat?'saidTomPinch.'Isitlikelythatshe

wantedmycompany?Shecametoheartheorgan,nottoseeme;andwouldyouhavehadmescareher fromaplace she seemed togrowquite fondof?Now,Heavenblessher!'criedTom,'tohavegivenherbutaminute'spleasureeveryday,IwouldhavegoneonplayingtheorganatthosetimesuntilIwasanoldman;quitecontentedifshesometimesthoughtofapoorfellowlikeme,asapartof themusic;andmorethanrecompensedifsheevermixedmeupwithanythingshelikedaswellasshelikedthat!'

ThenewpupilwasclearlyverymuchamazedbyMrPinch'sweakness, andwouldprobablyhave toldhimso, andgivenhimsomegoodadvice,but fortheir opportune arrival at Mr Pecksniff's door; the front door this time, onaccountoftheoccasionbeingoneofceremonyandrejoicing.ThesamemanwasinwaitingforthehorsewhohadbeenadjuredbyMrPinchinthemorningnottoyieldtohisrabiddesiretostart;andafterdeliveringtheanimalintohischarge,andbeseechingMrChuzzlewitinawhispernevertorevealasyllableofwhathehadjusttoldhiminthefullnessofhisheart,Tomledthepupilin,forinstantpresentation.

Mr Pecksniff had clearly not expected them for hours to come; for he wassurroundedbyopenbooks,andwasglancingfromvolumetovolume,withablacklead-pencilinhismouth,andapairofcompassesinhishand,atavastnumber of mathematical diagrams, of such extraordinary shapes that theylookedlikedesignsforfireworks.NeitherhadMissCharityexpectedthem,forshe was busied, with a capacious wicker basket before her, in makingimpracticablenightcapsforthepoor.NeitherhadMissMercyexpectedthem,for she was sitting upon her stool, tying on the—oh good gracious!—thepetticoatofalargedollthatshewasdressingforaneighbour'schild—really,quite a grown-up doll, which made it more confusing—and had its littlebonnet dangling by the ribbon from one of her fair curls, towhich she hadfastened it lest it should be lost or sat upon. It would be difficult, if notimpossible, to conceive a family so thoroughly taken by surprise as thePecksniffswere,onthisoccasion.

Blessmy life!' saidMrPecksniff, lookingup, andgradually exchanginghisabstractedfaceforoneof joyful recognition. 'Herealready!Martin,mydearboy,Iamdelightedtowelcomeyoutomypoorhouse!'

Withthiskindgreeting,MrPecksnifffairlytookhimtohisarms,andpattedhimseveraltimesuponthebackwithhisrighthandthewhile,asiftoexpressthathisfeelingsduringtheembraceweretoomuchforutterance.

'But here,' he said, recovering, 'are my daughters, Martin; my two onlychildren,whom (if you ever saw them) you have not beheld—ah, these sadfamilydivisions!—sinceyouwereinfantstogether.Nay,mydears,whyblushatbeingdetectedinyoureverydaypursuits?Wehadpreparedtogiveyouthereceptionof a visitor,Martin, in our little roomof state,' saidMrPecksniff,

smiling,'butIlikethisbetter,Ilikethisbetter!'

Oh blessed star of Innocence,wherever youmay be, howdid you glitter inyourhomeofether,whenthetwoMissPecksniffsputfortheachherlilyhand,andgavethesame,withmantlingcheeks,toMartin!Howdidyoutwinkle,asifflutteringwithsympathy,whenMercy,remindedofthebonnetinherhair,hidherfairfaceandturnedherheadaside;thewhilehergentlesisterpluckeditout,andsmoteherwithasister'ssoftreproof,uponherbuxomshoulder!

'Andhow,' saidMrPecksniff, turningroundafter thecontemplationof thesepassages,andtakingMrPinchinafriendlymannerbytheelbow,'howhasourfriendusedyou,Martin?'

'Verywellindeed,sir.Weareonthebestterms,Iassureyou.'

'OldTomPinch!'saidMrPecksniff,lookingonhimwithaffectionatesadness.'Ah! It seems but yesterday that Thomaswas a boy fresh from a scholasticcourse.Yetyearshavepassed,Ithink,sinceThomasPinchandIfirstwalkedtheworldtogether!'

Mr Pinch could say nothing. He was too much moved. But he pressed hismaster'shand,andtriedtothankhim.

'AndThomasPinchandI,'saidMrPecksniff,inadeepervoice, 'willwalkityet,inmutualfaithfulnessandfriendship!Andifitcomestopassthateitherofusberunoverinanyofthosebusycrossingswhichdividethestreetsoflife,theotherwill conveyhim to thehospital inHope, and sit besidehis bed inBounty!'

'Well,well,well!'headded inahappier tone,asheshookMrPinch'selbowhard. 'No more of this! Martin, my dear friend, that you may be at homewithinthesewalls,letmeshowyouhowwelive,andwhere.Come!'

With that he took up a lighted candle, and, attended by his young relative,preparedtoleavetheroom.Atthedoor,hestopped.

'You'llbearuscompany,TomPinch?'

Aye,cheerfully, thoughithadbeentodeath,wouldTomhavefollowedhim;gladtolaydownhislifeforsuchaman!

'This,'saidMrPecksniff,openingthedoorofanoppositeparlour,'isthelittleroom of state, Imentioned to you.My girls have pride in it,Martin! This,'openinganotherdoor,'isthelittlechamberinwhichmyworks(slightthingsatbest)havebeenconcocted.PortraitofmyselfbySpiller.BustbySpoker.Thelatterisconsideredagoodlikeness.Iseemtorecognizesomethingabouttheleft-handcornerofthenose,myself.'

Martinthoughtitwasverylike,butscarcelyintellectualenough.MrPecksniffobservedthatthesamefaulthadbeenfoundwithitbefore.Itwasremarkableitshouldhavestruckhisyoungrelationtoo.Hewasgladtoseehehadaneyeforart.

'Variousbooksyouobserve,'saidMrPecksniff,wavinghishandtowardsthewall, 'connectedwith our pursuit. I have scribbledmyself, but have not yetpublished.Becarefulhowyoucomeupstairs.This,'openinganotherdoor,'ismy chamber. I read here when the family suppose I have retired to rest.SometimesIinjuremyhealthrathermorethanIcanquitejustifytomyself,bydoing so;but art is longand time is short.Every facilityyou see for jottingdowncrudenotions,evenhere.'

These latterwordswereexplainedbyhispointing toa small round tableonwhichwerealamp,diverssheetsofpaper,apieceofIndiarubber,andacaseofinstruments;allputready,incaseanarchitecturalideashouldcomeintoMrPecksniff's head in the night; inwhich event hewould instantly leap out ofbed,andfixitforever.

MrPecksniffopenedanotherdooronthesamefloor,andshutitagain,allatonce,asifitwereaBlueChamber.Butbeforehehadwelldoneso,helookedsmilinglyround,andsaid,'Whynot?'

Martincouldn'tsaywhynot,becausehedidn'tknowanythingatallaboutit.SoMrPecksniffansweredhimself,bythrowingopenthedoor,andsaying:

'Mydaughters'room.Apoorfirst-floortous,butabowertothem.Veryneat.Veryairy.Plantsyouobserve;hyacinths;booksagain;birds.'Thesebirds,bythe bye, comprised, in all, one staggering old sparrowwithout a tail,whichhadbeenborrowedexpresslyfromthekitchen. 'Such triflesasgirls lovearehere.Nothingmore.Thosewhoseekheartlesssplendour,wouldseekhereinvain.'

Withthatheledthemtothefloorabove.

'This,'saidMrPecksniff, throwingwide thedoorof thememorable two-pairfront; 'is a roomwhere some talent has been developed I believe. This is aroominwhichanideaforasteepleoccurredtomethatImayonedaygivetotheworld.Weworkhere,mydearMartin.Somearchitectshavebeenbredinthisroom;afew,Ithink,MrPinch?'

Tomfullyassented;and,whatismore,fullybelievedit.

'You see,' saidMr Pecksniff, passing the candle rapidly from roll to roll ofpaper, 'some traces of our doings here. Salisbury Cathedral from the north.Fromthesouth.Fromtheeast.Fromthewest.Fromthesouth-east.Fromthenor'west.A bridge.An almshouse.A jail.A church.Apowder-magazine.A

wine-cellar. A portico. A summer-house. An ice-house. Plans, elevations,sections,everykindofthing.Andthis,'headded,havingbythistimereachedanotherlargechamberonthesamestory,withfourlittlebedsinit,'thisisyourroom, of which Mr Pinch here is the quiet sharer. A southern aspect; acharming prospect; Mr Pinch's little library, you perceive; everythingagreeableandappropriate.Ifthereisanyadditionalcomfortyouwoulddesiretohavehereatanytime,praymentionit.Eventostrangers,farlesstoyou,mydearMartin,thereisnorestrictiononthatpoint.'

Itwasundoubtedlytrue,andmaybestatedincorroborationofMrPecksniff,thatanypupilhadthemostliberalpermissiontomentionanythinginthiswaythat suggested itself to his fancy. Some young gentlemen had gone onmentioningtheverysamethingforfiveyearswithouteverbeingstopped.

'Thedomesticassistants,'saidMrPecksniff,'sleepabove;andthatisall.'Afterwhich,andlisteningcomplacentlyashewent,totheencomiumspassedbyhisyoung friend on the arrangements generally, he led the way to the parlouragain.

Here a great change had taken place; for festive preparations on a ratherextensive scale were already completed, and the twoMiss Pecksniffs wereawaitingtheirreturnwithhospitablelooks.Thereweretwobottlesofcurrantwine,whiteandred;adishofsandwiches(verylongandveryslim);anotherof apples; anotherof captain'sbiscuits (whichare alwaysamoist and jovialsortofviand);aplateoforangescutupsmallandgritty;withpowderedsugar,andahighlygeologicalhome-madecake.Themagnitudeofthesepreparationsquite tookawayTomPinch'sbreath; for thoughthenewpupilswereusuallylet down softly, as onemay say, particularly in thewine department,whichhadsomanystagesofdeclension, that sometimesayounggentlemanwasawholefortnightingettingtothepump;stillthiswasabanquet;asortofLordMayor's feast in private life; a something to think of, and hold on by,afterwards.

To this entertainment, which apart from its own intrinsic merits, had theadditional choice quality, that it was in strict keeping with the night, beingbothlightandcool,MrPecksniffbesoughtthecompanytodofulljustice.

'Martin,'hesaid,'willseathimselfbetweenyoutwo,mydears,andMrPinchwill come by me. Let us drink to our new inmate, and may we be happytogether!Martin,mydearfriend,mylovetoyou!MrPinch,ifyousparethebottleweshallquarrel.'

And trying (in his regard for the feelings of the rest) to look as if thewinewerenotacidanddidn'tmakehimwink,MrPecksniffdidhonourtohisowntoast.

'This,'hesaid,inallusiontotheparty,notthewine,'isaminglingthatrepaysoneformuchdisappointmentandvexation.Letusbemerry.'Herehetookacaptain'sbiscuit. 'It isapoorheart thatneverrejoices;andourheartsarenotpoor.No!'

Withsuchstimulantstomerrimentdidhebeguilethetime,anddothehonoursofthetable;whileMrPinch,perhapstoassurehimselfthatwhathesawandheardwasholidayreality,andnotacharmingdream,ateofeverything,andinparticulardisposedoftheslimsandwichestoasurprisingextent.Norwashestinted in his draughts of wine; but on the contrary, remembering MrPecksniff's speech, attacked the bottle with such vigour, that every time hefilled his glass anew,Miss Charity, despite her amiable resolves, could notrepress a fixed and stony glare, as if her eyes had rested on a ghost. MrPecksniffalsobecamethoughtfulatthosemoments,nottosaydejected;butashe knew the vintage, it is very likely hemay have been speculating on theprobable condition of Mr Pinch upon the morrow, and discussing withinhimselfthebestremediesforcolic.

Martin and the young ladies were excellent friends already, and comparedrecollections of their childish days, to their mutual liveliness andentertainment.MissMercy laughed immensely at everything that was said;andsometimes,afterglancingatthehappyfaceofMrPinch,wasseizedwithsuchfitsofmirthasbroughthertotheveryconfinesofhysterics.Butfortheseburstsofgaiety,hersister, inherbettersense,reprovedher;observing,inanangrywhisper,thatitwasfarfrombeingathemeforjest;andthatshehadnopatiencewiththecreature;thoughitgenerallyendedinherlaughingtoo—butmuchmoremoderately—andsaying that indeed itwasa little too ridiculousandintolerabletobeseriousabout.

At length it became high time to remember the first clause of that greatdiscoverymade by the ancient philosopher, for securing health, riches, andwisdom; the infallibility of which has been for generations verified by theenormous fortunes constantly amassed by chimney-sweepers and otherpersonswhogetupearlyandgotobedbetimes.Theyoungladiesaccordinglyrose,andhavingtakenleaveofMrChuzzlewitwithmuchsweetness,andoftheirfatherwithmuchdutyandofMrPinchwithmuchcondescension,retiredto their bower. Mr Pecksniff insisted on accompanying his young friendupstairs forpersonalsuperintendenceofhiscomforts;and takinghimby thearm,conductedhimoncemore tohisbedroom, followedbyMrPinch,whoborethelight.

'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, seating himself with folded arms on one of thesparebeds.'Idon'tseeanysnuffersinthatcandlestick.Willyouobligemebygoingdown,andaskingforapair?'

MrPinch,onlytoohappytobeuseful,wentoffdirectly.

'Youwill excuseThomasPinch'swantofpolish,Martin,' saidMrPecksniff,withasmileofpatronageandpity,assoonashehadlefttheroom.'Hemeanswell.'

'Heisaverygoodfellow,sir.'

'Oh, yes,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Yes. Thomas Pinch means well. He is verygrateful.IhaveneverregrettedhavingbefriendedThomasPinch.'

'Ishouldthinkyouneverwould,sir.'

'No,'saidMrPecksniff.'No.Ihopenot.Poorfellow,heisalwaysdisposedtodohisbest;butheisnotgifted.Youwillmakehimusefultoyou,Martin,ifyouplease.IfThomashasafault,itisthatheissometimesalittleapttoforgethisposition.Butthatissoonchecked.Worthysoul!Youwillfindhimeasytomanage.Goodnight!'

'Goodnight,sir.'

BythistimeMrPinchhadreturnedwiththesnuffers.

'AndgoodnighttoYOU,MrPinch,'saidPecksniff. 'Andsoundsleeptoyouboth.Blessyou!Blessyou!'

Invokingthisbenedictionontheheadsofhisyoungfriendswithgreatfervour,he withdrew to his own room; while they, being tired, soon fell asleep. IfMartindreamedatall,somecluetothematterofhisvisionsmaypossiblybegatheredfromtheafter-pagesofthishistory.ThoseofThomasPinchwereallofholidays,churchorgans,andseraphicPecksniffs.ItwassometimebeforeMrPecksniffdreamedatall,orevensoughthispillow,ashesatforfulltwohours before the fire in his own chamber, looking at the coals and thinkingdeeply.Buthe, too,sleptanddreamedat last.Thusin thequiethoursof thenight, one house shuts in asmany incoherent and incongruous fancies as amadman'shead.

CHAPTERSIX

COMPRISES,AMONGOTHERIMPORTANTMATTERS,PECKSNIFFIANANDARCHITECTURAL,ANDEXACTRELATIONOFTHEPROGRESSMADEBYMRPINCHINTHECONFIDENCE

ANDFRIENDSHIPOFTHENEWPUPIL

Itwasmorning;andthebeautifulAurora,ofwhomsomuchhathbeenwritten,

said,andsung,did,withherrosyfingers,nipandtweakMissPecksniff'snose.ItwasthefrolicsomecustomoftheGoddess, inherintercoursewiththefairCherry,sotodo;orinmoreprosaicphrase,thetipofthatfeatureinthesweetgirl's countenancewas always very red at breakfast-time.For themost part,indeed,itwore,atthatseasonoftheday,ascrapedandfrostylook,asifithadbeen rasped; while a similar phenomenon developed itself in her humour,whichwasthenobservedtobeofasharpandacidquality,asthoughanextralemon (figuratively speaking) had been squeezed into the nectar of herdisposition,andhadratherdamageditsflavour.

This additional pungency on the part of the fair young creature led, onordinaryoccasions,tosuchslightconsequencesasthecopiousdilutionofMrPinch'stea,ortohiscomingoffuncommonlyshortinrespectofbutter,ortoother the like results.Buton themorning after the InstallationBanquet, shesuffered him to wander to and fro among the eatables and drinkables, aperfectly free and unchecked man; so utterly to Mr Pinch's wonder andconfusion,thatlikethewretchedcaptivewhorecoveredhislibertyinhisoldage, he couldmake but little use of his enlargement, and fell into a strangekindofflutterforwantofsomekindhandtoscrapehisbread,andcuthimoffinthearticleofsugarwithalump,andpayhimthoseotherlittleattentionstowhichhewasaccustomed.Therewassomethingalmostawful,too,abouttheself-possessionofthenewpupil;who'troubled'MrPecksnifffortheloaf,andhelped himself to a rasher of that gentleman's own particular and privatebacon,withallthecoolnessinlife.Heevenseemedtothinkthathewasdoingquitearegularthing,andtoexpectthatMrPinchwouldfollowhisexample,sincehetookoccasiontoobserveofthatyoungman'thathedidn'tgeton';aspeech of so tremendous a character, that Tom cast down his eyesinvoluntarily,andfeltasifhehimselfhadcommittedsomehorribledeedandheinousbreachofMrPecksniff'sconfidence.Indeed,theagonyofhavingsuchan indiscreet remark addressed to him before the assembled family, wasbreakfastenoughinitself,andwould,withoutanyothermatterofreflection,have settled Mr Pinch's business and quenched his appetite, for one meal,thoughhehadbeenneversohungry.

Theyoungladies,however,andMrPecksniff likewise, remainedin theverybest of spirits in spite of these severe trials, though with something of amysteriousunderstandingamongthemselves.Whenthemealwasnearlyover,MrPecksniffsmilinglyexplainedthecauseoftheircommonsatisfaction.

'Itisnotoften,'hesaid,'Martin,thatmydaughtersandIdesertourquiethometopursuethegiddyroundofpleasuresthatrevolvesabroad.Butwethinkofdoingsoto-day.'

'Indeed,sir!'criedthenewpupil.

'Yes,'saidMrPecksniff,tappinghislefthandwithaletterwhichheheldinhis

right. 'Ihaveasummonshere to repair toLondon;onprofessionalbusiness,my dearMartin; strictly on professional business; and I promisedmy girls,longago,thatwheneverthathappenedagain,theyshouldaccompanyme.Weshall go forth to-night by the heavy coach—like the dove of old, my dearMartin—anditwillbeaweekbeforeweagaindepositourolive-branchesinthe passage. When I say olive-branches,' observed Mr Pecksniff, inexplanation,'Imean,ourunpretendingluggage.'

'Ihopetheyoungladieswillenjoytheirtrip,'saidMartin.

'Oh!thatI'msureweshall!'criedMercy,clappingherhands.'Goodgracious,Cherry,mydarling,theideaofLondon!'

'Ardent child!' saidMr Pecksniff, gazing on her in a dreamyway. 'And yetthereisamelancholysweetnessintheseyouthfulhopes!Itispleasanttoknowthattheynevercanberealised.Irememberthinkingoncemyself,inthedaysofmychildhood, that pickledonionsgrewon trees, and that every elephantwasbornwithanimpregnablecastleonhisback.Ihavenotfoundthefacttobe so; far from it; and yet those visions have comforted me undercircumstancesoftrial.EvenwhenIhavehadtheanguishofdiscoveringthatIhavenourishedinmybreastonostrich,andnotahumanpupil—eveninthathourofagony,theyhavesoothedme.'

AtthisdreadallusiontoJohnWestlock,MrPinchprecipitatelychokedinhistea;forhehadthatverymorningreceivedaletterfromhim,asMrPecksniffverywellknew.

'Youwill takecare,mydearMartin,'saidMrPecksniff,resuminghisformercheerfulness,'thatthehousedoesnotrunawayinourabsence.Weleaveyouinchargeofeverything.Thereisnomystery;allisfreeandopen.UnliketheyoungmanintheEasterntale—whoisdescribedasaone-eyedalmanac,ifIamnotmistaken,MrPinch?—'

'Aone-eyedcalender,Ithink,sir,'falteredTom.

'Theyareprettynearly thesame thing, Ibelieve,' saidMrPecksniff, smilingcompassionately; 'ortheyusedtobeinmytime.Unlikethatyoungman,mydear Martin, you are forbidden to enter no corner of this house; but arerequestedtomakeyourselfperfectlyathomeineverypartof it.Youwillbejovial,mydearMartin,andwillkillthefattedcalfifyouplease!'

Therewasnottheleastobjection,doubtless,totheyoungman'sslaughteringandappropriatingtohisownuseanycalf,fatorlean,thathemighthappentofind upon the premises; but as no such animal chanced at that time to begrazingonMrPecksniff's estate, this requestmustbeconsidered ratherasapolitecomplimentthatasubstantialhospitality.Itwasthefinishingornamentof theconversation; forwhenhehaddelivered it,MrPecksniff roseand led

thewaytothathotbedofarchitecturalgenius,thetwo-pairfront.

'Letmesee,'hesaid,searchingamongthepapers, 'howyoucanbestemployyourself,Martin,whileIamabsent.Supposeyouweretogivemeyourideaofa monument to a LordMayor of London; or a tomb for a sheriff; or yournotionofacow-housetobeerectedinanobleman'spark.Doyouknow,now,'saidMrPecksniff,foldinghishands,andlookingathisyoungrelationwithanairofpensive interest, 'that I shouldverymuch like to seeyournotionof acow-house?'

ButMartinbynomeansappearedtorelishthissuggestion.

'Apump,'saidMrPecksniff,'isverychastepractice.Ihavefoundthatalamppost is calculated to refine the mind and give it a classical tendency. Anornamental turnpike has a remarkable effect upon the imagination.What doyousaytobeginningwithanornamentalturnpike?'

'WhateverMrPecksniffpleased,'saidMartin,doubtfully.

'Stay,' said that gentleman. 'Come! as you're ambitious, and are a very neatdraughtsman,youshall—haha!—youshall tryyourhandontheseproposalsfor a grammar-school; regulating your plan, of course, by the printedparticulars.Uponmyword,now,'saidMrPecksniff,merrily, 'Ishallbeverycurioustoseewhatyoumakeofthegrammar-school.Whoknowsbutayoungman of your taste might hit upon something, impracticable and unlikely initself, butwhich I could put into shape? For it really is,my dearMartin, itreallyisinthefinishingtouchesalone,thatgreatexperienceandlongstudyinthesematterstell.Ha,ha,ha!Nowitreallywillbe,'continuedMrPecksniff,clappinghisyoungfriendonthebackinhisdrollhumour, 'anamusementtome,toseewhatyoumakeofthegrammar-school.'

Martin readilyundertook this task, andMrPecksniff forthwithproceeded toentrusthimwiththematerialsnecessaryforitsexecution;dwellingmeanwhileon themagical effect of a few finishing touches from thehandof amaster;which, indeed, as somepeople said (and thesewere theoldenemiesagain!)was unquestionably very surprising, and almost miraculous; as there werecases on record in which the masterly introduction of an additional backwindow,orakitchendoor,orhalf-a-dozensteps,orevenawaterspout,hadmade the design of a pupil Mr Pecksniff's own work, and had broughtsubstantial rewards into that gentleman's pocket. But such is the magic ofgenius,whichchangesallithandlesintogold!

'Whenyourmindrequires toberefreshedbychangeofoccupation,'saidMrPecksniff, 'Thomas Pinchwill instruct you in the art of surveying the backgarden,orinascertainingthedeadleveloftheroadbetweenthishouseandthefinger-post,orinanyotherpracticalandpleasingpursuit.Thereareacart-load

ofloosebricks,andascoreortwoofoldflower-pots,inthebackyard.IfyoucouldpilethemupmydearMartin,intoanyformwhichwouldremindmeonmy return say of St. Peter's at Rome, or the Mosque of St. Sophia atConstantinople, it would be at once improving to you and agreeable tomyfeelings.Andnow,'saidMrPecksniff,inconclusion,'todrop,forthepresent,ourprofessionalrelationsandadverttoprivatematters,Ishallbegladtotalkwithyouinmyownroom,whileIpackupmyportmanteau.'

Martinattendedhim;and they remained insecretconference together foranhour ormore; leavingTomPinch alone.When the youngman returned, hewasvery taciturnanddull, inwhichstatehe remainedallday; so thatTom,aftertryinghimonceortwicewithindifferentconversation,feltadelicacyinobtrudinghimselfuponhisthoughts,andsaidnomore.

Hewouldnothavehadleisuretosaymuch,hadhisnewfriendbeeneversoloquacious;forfirstofallMrPecksniffcalledhimdowntostanduponthetopof his portmanteau and represent ancient statues there, until such time as itwould consent to be locked; and thenMissCharity called him to come andcordhertrunk;andthenMissMercysentforhimtocomeandmendherbox;and thenhewrote the fullestpossible cards for all the luggage; and thenhevolunteeredtocarryitalldownstairs;andafterthattoseeitsafelycarriedonacouple of barrows to the old finger-post at the end of the lane; and then tomind it till the coach came up. In short, his day'sworkwould have been aprettyheavyoneforaporter,buthis thoroughgood-willmadenothingof it;andashesatupontheluggageatlast,waitingforthePecksniffs,escortedbythe newpupil, to come down the lane, his heartwas lightwith the hope ofhavingpleasedhisbenefactor.

'Iwasalmostafraid,'saidTom,takingaletterfromhispocketandwipinghisface, for he was hot with bustling about though it was a cold day, 'that Ishouldn'thavehadtimetowriteit,andthatwouldhavebeenathousandpities;postage from such a distance being a serious consideration, when one's notrich.Shewillbegladtoseemyhand,poorgirl,andtohearthatPecksniffisaskindasever.IwouldhaveaskedJohnWestlocktocallandseeher,andtellherall about me by word of mouth, but I was afraid he might speak againstPecksniff to her, and make her uneasy. Besides, they are particular peoplewheresheis,anditmighthaverenderedhersituationuncomfortableifshehadhadavisitfromayoungmanlikeJohn.PoorRuth!'

TomPinchseemedalittledisposedtobemelancholyforhalfaminuteorso,buthefoundcomfortverysoon,andpursuedhisruminationsthus:

'I'maniceman, Idon't think, as Johnused to say (Johnwasakind,merry-hearted fellow; I wish he had liked Pecksniff better), to be feeling low, onaccountof thedistancebetweenus,when Iought tobe thinking, instead,ofmyextraordinarygood luck inhaving evergot here. Imust havebeenborn

with a silver spoon in my mouth, I am sure, to have ever come acrossPecksniff.AndherehaveIfallenagainintomyusualgoodluckwiththenewpupil!Suchanaffable,generous,freefellow,ashe is, Ineversaw.Why,wewerecompanionsdirectly!andhea relationofPecksniff's too,andaclever,dashingyouthwhomightcuthiswaythroughtheworldasifitwereacheese!Herehecomeswhilethewordsareonmylips'saidTom;'walkingdownthelaneasifthelanebelongedtohim.'

In truth, thenewpupil,notatalldisconcertedbythehonourofhavingMissMercyPecksniffonhisarm,orbytheaffectionateadieuxofthatyounglady,approachedasMrPinchspoke, followedbyMissCharityandMrPecksniff.Asthecoachappearedatthesamemoment,Tomlostnotimeinentreatingthegentlemanlastmentioned,toundertakethedeliveryofhisletter.

'Oh!' said Mr Pecksniff, glancing at the superscription. 'For your sister,Thomas.Yes,ohyes, it shallbedelivered,MrPinch.Makeyourmindeasyuponthatscore.Sheshallcertainlyhaveit,MrPinch.'

Hemade the promisewith somuch condescension andpatronage, thatTomfelthehadaskedagreatdeal(thishadnotoccurredtohismindbefore),andthankedhimearnestly.TheMissPecksniffs,accordingtoacustomtheyhad,wereamusedbeyonddescriptionat thementionofMrPinch's sister.Oh thefright!ThebareideaofaMissPinch!Goodheavens!

Tomwasgreatlypleasedtoseethemsomerry,forhetookitasatokenoftheirfavour,andgood-humouredregard.Thereforehelaughedtooandrubbedhishandsandwishedthemapleasantjourneyandsafereturn,andwasquitebrisk.Evenwhenthecoachhadrolledawaywiththeolive-branchesinthebootandthe family of doves inside, he stoodwaving his hand and bowing; somuchgratified by the unusually courteous demeanour of the young ladies, that hewas quite regardless, for the moment, of Martin Chuzzlewit, who stoodleaningthoughtfullyagainstthefinger-post,andwhoafterdisposingofhisfairchargehadhardlyliftedhiseyesfromtheground.

Theperfectsilencewhichensueduponthebustleanddepartureofthecoach,togetherwith the sharp air of thewintry afternoon, roused themboth at thesametime.Theyturned,asbymutualconsent,andmovedoffarm-in-arm.

'Howmelancholyyouare!'saidTom;'whatisthematter?'

'Nothingworthspeakingof,'saidMartin.'Verylittlemorethanwasthematteryesterday,andmuchmore,Ihope,thanwillbethematterto-morrow.I'moutofspirits,Pinch.'

'Well,'criedTom,'nowdoyouknowIamincapitalspiritstoday,andscarcelyeverfeltmoredisposedtobegoodcompany.Itwasaverykindthinginyourpredecessor,John,towritetome,wasitnot?'

'Why,yes,'saidMartincarelessly; 'Ishouldhavethoughthewouldhavehadenoughtodotoenjoyhimself,withoutthinkingofyou,Pinch.'

'JustwhatIfelttobesoverylikely,'Tomrejoined;'butno,hekeepshisword,and says, "My dear Pinch, I often think of you," and all sorts of kind andconsideratethingsofthatdescription.'

'Hemustbeadevilishgood-naturedfellow,'saidMartin,somewhatpeevishly:'becausehecan'tmeanthat,youknow.'

'I don't supposehe can, eh?' saidTom, lookingwistfully in his companion'sface.'Hesayssotopleaseme,youthink?'

'Why,isitlikely,'rejoinedMartin,withgreaterearnestness,'thatayoungmannewly escaped from this kennel of a place, and fresh to all the delights ofbeinghisownmasterinLondon,canhavemuchleisureorinclinationtothinkfavourablyofanythingoranybodyhehasleftbehindhimhere?Iputittoyou,Pinch,isitnatural?'

Afterashortreflection,MrPinchreplied,inamoresubduedtone,thattobesure itwasunreasonable toexpectanysuch thing,and thathehadnodoubtMartinknewbest.

'OfcourseIknowbest,'Martinobserved.

'Yes,Ifeelthat,'saidMrPinchmildly.'Isaidso.'Andwhenhehadmadethisrejoinder,theyfellintoablanksilenceagain,whichlasteduntiltheyreachedhome;bywhichtimeitwasdark.

Now, Miss Charity Pecksniff, in consideration of the inconvenience ofcarryingthemwithherinthecoach,andtheimpossibilityofpreservingthembyartificialmeansuntilthefamily'sreturn,hadsetforth,inacoupleofplates,thefragmentsofyesterday'sfeast.Invirtueofwhichliberalarrangement,theyhadthehappinesstofindawaitingthemintheparlourtwochaoticheapsoftheremains of last night's pleasure, consisting of certain filmy bits of oranges,somemummiedsandwiches,variousdisruptedmassesofthegeologicalcake,andseveralentirecaptain'sbiscuits.Thatchoiceliquorinwhichtosteepthesedaintiesmightnotbewanting,theremainsofthetwobottlesofcurrantwinehadbeenpouredtogetherandcorkedwithacurl-paper;sothateverymaterialwasathandformakingquiteaheavynightofit.

Martin Chuzzlewit beheld these roystering preparations with infinitecontempt, and stirring the fire into a blaze (to the great destruction of MrPecksniff'scoals),satmoodilydownbefore it, in themostcomfortablechairhecouldfind.Thathemightthebettersqueezehimselfintothesmallcornerthatwasleftforhim,MrPinchtookuphispositiononMissMercyPecksniff'sstool,andsettinghisglassdownuponthehearthrugandputtinghisplateupon

hisknees,begantoenjoyhimself.

IfDiogenescoming to lifeagaincouldhave rolledhimself, tubandall, intoMr Pecksniff's parlour and could have seen Tom Pinch as he sat onMercyPecksniff'sstoolwithhisplateandglassbeforehimhecouldnothavefaceditout,thoughinhissurliestmood,butmusthavesmiledgood-temperedly.TheperfectandentiresatisfactionofTom;hissurpassingappreciationofthehuskysandwiches, which crumbled in his mouth like saw-dust; the unspeakablerelishwithwhichheswallowedthethinwinebydrops,andsmackedhislips,asthoughitweresorichandgenerousthattoloseanatomofitsfruityflavourwere a sin; the lookwithwhich he paused sometimes,with his glass in hishand,proposingsilenttoaststohimself;andtheanxiousshadethatcameuponhis contented face when, after wandering round the room, exulting in itsuninvadedsnugness,hisglanceencounteredthedullbrowofhiscompanion;nocynicintheworld,thoughinhishatredofitsmenaverygriffin,couldhavewithstoodthesethingsinThomasPinch.

Somemenwouldhaveslappedhimontheback,andpledgedhiminabumperofthecurrantwine,thoughithadbeenthesharpestvinegar—aye,andlikeditsflavourtoo;somewouldhaveseizedhimbyhishonesthand,andthankedhimfor the lesson thathis simplenature taught them.Somewouldhave laughedwith, andotherswouldhave laughedathim;ofwhich last classwasMartinChuzzlewit,who,unabletorestrainhimself,atlastlaughedloudandlong.

'That'sright,'saidTom,noddingapprovingly.'Cheerup!That'scapital!'

AtwhichencouragementyoungMartinlaughedagain;andsaid,assoonashehadbreathandgravityenough:

'Ineversawsuchafellowasyouare,Pinch.'

'Didn'tyouthough?'saidTom. 'Well, it'sverylikelyyoudofindmestrange,becauseIhavehardlyseenanythingoftheworld,andyouhaveseenagooddealIdaresay?'

'Prettywellformytimeoflife,'rejoinedMartin,drawinghischairstillnearertothefire,andspreadinghisfeetoutonthefender.'Deucetakeit,Imusttalkopenlytosomebody.I'lltalkopenlytoyou,Pinch.'

'Do!'saidTom.'Ishalltakeitasbeingveryfriendlyofyou,'

'I'mnotinyourway,amI?'inquiredMartin,glancingdownatMrPinch,whowasbythistimelookingatthefireoverhisleg.

'Notatall!'criedTom.

'Youmustknow then, tomakeshortofa longstory,' saidMartin,beginningwithakindofeffort,asiftherevelationwerenotagreeabletohim;'thatIhave

beenbredup fromchildhoodwithgreatexpectations,andhavealwaysbeentaughttobelievethatIshouldbe,oneday,veryrich.SoIshouldhavebeen,butforcertainbriefreasonswhichIamgoingtotellyou,andwhichhaveledtomybeingdisinherited.'

'Byyourfather?'inquiredMrPinch,withopeneyes.

'Bymygrandfather.Ihavehadnoparentsthesemanyyears.Scarcelywithinmyremembrance.'

'NeitherhaveI,' saidTom, touching theyoungman'shandwithhisownandtimidlywithdrawingitagain.'Dearme!'

'Why, as to that,youknow,Pinch,' pursued theother, stirring the fire again,and speaking inhis rapid, off-handway; 'it's all very right andproper tobefondofparentswhenwehave them,and tobear theminremembranceafterthey're dead, if you have ever known anything of them. But as I never didknowanythingaboutminepersonally,youknow,why,Ican'tbeexpectedtobeverysentimentalabout'em.AndIamnot;that'sthetruth.'

MrPinchwasjustthenlookingthoughtfullyatthebars.Butonhiscompanionpausing in this place, he started, and said 'Oh! of course'—and composedhimselftolistenagain.

'In a word,' said Martin, 'I have been bred and reared all my life by thisgrandfather of whom I have just spoken. Now, he has a great many goodpoints—there isnodoubtabout that; I'llnotdisguise thefact fromyou—buthehastwoverygreatfaults,whicharethestapleofhisbadside.Inthefirstplace,hehasthemostconfirmedobstinacyofcharacteryouevermetwithinanyhumancreature.Inthesecond,heismostabominablyselfish.'

'Isheindeed?'criedTom.

'Inthosetworespects,'returnedtheother,'thereneverwassuchaman.Ihaveoftenheardfromthosewhoknow,thattheyhavebeen,timeoutofmind,thefailingsofourfamily;andIbelievethere'ssometruthinit.ButIcan'tsayofmyownknowledge.All Ihave todo,youknow, is tobevery thankful thattheyhaven'tdescendedtome,and,tobeverycarefulthatIdon'tcontract'em.'

'Tobesure,'saidMrPinch.'Veryproper.'

'Well,sir,'resumedMartin,stirringthefireoncemore,anddrawinghischairstill closer to it, 'his selfishness makes him exacting, you see; and hisobstinacymakeshimresoluteinhisexactions.Theconsequenceisthathehasalwaysexactedagreatdeal fromme in thewayof respect, andsubmission,andself-denialwhenhiswisheswereinquestion,andsoforth.Ihaveborneagreatdealfromhim,becauseIhavebeenunderobligationstohim(ifonecan

everbesaidtobeunderobligationstoone'sowngrandfather),andbecauseIhavebeenreallyattachedtohim;butwehavehadagreatmanyquarrelsforallthat,forIcouldnotaccommodatemyselftohiswaysveryoften—notoutofthe least reference tomyself, you understand, but because—' he stammeredhere,andwasratherataloss.

MrPinchbeing about theworstman in theworld to help anybodyout of adifficultyofthissort,saidnothing.

'Well!asyouunderstandme,'resumedMartin,quickly,'Ineedn'thuntfortheprecise expression I want. Now I come to the cream of my story, and theoccasionofmybeinghere.Iaminlove,Pinch.'

MrPinchlookedupintohisfacewithincreasedinterest.

'IsayIamin love.Iamin lovewithoneof themostbeautifulgirls thesunevershoneupon.Butsheiswhollyandentirelydependentuponthepleasureofmygrandfather;andifheweretoknowthatshefavouredmypassion,shewould lose her home and everything she possesses in the world. There isnothingveryselfishinTHATlove,Ithink?'

'Selfish!'criedTom. 'Youhaveactednobly.ToloveherasIamsureyoudo,andyetinconsiderationforherstateofdependence,noteventodisclose—'

'Whatareyoutalkingabout,Pinch?'saidMartinpettishly:'don'tmakeyourselfridiculous,mygoodfellow!Whatdoyoumeanbynotdisclosing?'

'I begyourpardon,' answeredTom. 'I thought youmeant that, or Iwouldn'thavesaidit.'

'IfIdidn't tellherI lovedher,wherewouldbetheuseofmybeinginlove?'saidMartin:'unlesstokeepmyselfinaperpetualstateofworryandvexation?'

'That'strue,'Tomanswered. 'Well!IcanguesswhatSHEsaidwhenyoutoldher,'headded,glancingatMartin'shandsomeface.

'Why, not exactly, Pinch,' he rejoined,with a slight frown; 'because she hassomegirlishnotionsaboutdutyandgratitude,andalltherestofit,whicharerather hard to fathom; but in themain you are right.Her heartwasmine, Ifound.'

'JustwhatIsupposed,'saidTom.'Quitenatural!'and,inhisgreatsatisfaction,hetookalongsipoutofhiswine-glass.

'Although I had conducted myself from the first with the utmostcircumspection,'pursuedMartin, 'Ihadnotmanagedmatterssowellbut thatmygrandfather,who is fullof jealousyanddistrust, suspectedmeof lovingher. He said nothing to her, but straightway attacked me in private, and

chargedmewithdesigningtocorruptthefidelitytohimself(thereyouobservehisselfishness),ofayoungcreaturewhomhehadtrainedandeducatedtobehisonlydisinterestedandfaithfulcompanion,whenheshouldhavedisposedofme inmarriage tohis heart's content.Upon that, I took fire immediately,andtoldhimthatwithhisgoodleaveIwoulddisposeofmyselfinmarriage,andwouldrathernotbeknockeddownbyhimoranyotherauctioneertoanybidderwhomsoever.'

Mr Pinch opened his eyeswider, and looked at the fire harder than he haddoneyet.

'Youmaybesure,'saidMartin,'thatthisnettledhim,andthathebegantobetheveryreverseofcomplimentarytomyself.Interviewsucceededinterview;wordsengenderedwords,as theyalwaysdo;and theupshotof itwas, that Iwas to renounceher, orbe renouncedbyhim.Nowyoumustbear inmind,Pinch,thatIamnotonlydesperatelyfondofher(forthoughsheispoor,herbeautyandintellectwouldreflectgreatcreditonanybody,Idon'tcareofwhatpretensionswhomightbecomeherhusband),butthatachiefingredientinmycompositionisamostdetermined—'

'Obstinacy,'suggestedTominperfectgoodfaith.But thesuggestionwasnotsowellreceivedashehadexpected;fortheyoungmanimmediatelyrejoined,withsomeirritation,

'Whatafellowyouare,Pinch!'

'Ibegyourpardon,'saidTom,'Ithoughtyouwantedaword.'

'Ididn'twantthatword,'herejoined.'Itoldyouobstinacywasnopartofmycharacter,didInot?Iwasgoingtosay,ifyouhadgivenmeleave,thatachiefingredientinmycompositionisamostdeterminedfirmness.'

'Oh!'criedTom,screwinguphismouth,andnodding.'Yes,yes;Isee!'

'Andbeingfirm,'pursuedMartin,'ofcourseIwasnotgoingtoyieldtohim,orgivewaybysomuchasthethousandthpartofaninch.'

'No,no,'saidTom.

'On the contrary, the more he urged, the more I was determined to opposehim.'

'Tobesure!'saidTom.

'Verywell,'rejoinedMartin,throwinghimselfbackinhischair,withacarelesswave of both hands, as if the subject were quite settled, and nothingmorecouldbesaidaboutit—'Thereisanendofthematter,andhereamI!'

MrPinchsatstaringatthefireforsomeminuteswithapuzzledlook,suchashemight have assumed if some uncommonly difficult conundrumhad beenproposed,whichhefounditimpossibletoguess.Atlengthhesaid:

'Pecksniff,ofcourse,youhadknownbefore?'

'Onlybyname.No, Ihadnever seenhim, formygrandfatherkeptnotonlyhimselfbutme,alooffromallhisrelations.Butourseparationtookplaceinatownintheadjoiningcountry.FromthatplaceIcametoSalisbury,andthereIsaw Pecksniff's advertisement, which I answered, having always had somenatural taste, I believe, in the matters to which it referred, and thinking itmightsuitme.AssoonasIfoundittobehis,Iwasdoublybentoncomingtohimifpossible,onaccountofhisbeing—'

'Such an excellent man,' interposed Tom, rubbing his hands: 'so he is. Youwerequiteright.'

'Why, not so much on that account, if the truth must be spoken,' returnedMartin,'asbecausemygrandfatherhasaninveteratedisliketohim,andaftertheoldman'sarbitrarytreatmentofme,Ihadanaturaldesiretorunasdirectlycounter toallhisopinionsas Icould.Well!AsIsaidbefore,here Iam.MyengagementwiththeyoungladyIhavebeentellingyouaboutislikelytobeatolerablylongone;forneitherherprospectsnormineareverybright;andofcourse I shall not think ofmarrying until I amwell able to do so. Itwouldneverdo,youknow,formetobeplungingmyselfintopovertyandshabbinessandloveinoneroomupthreepairofstairs,andallthatsortofthing.'

'Tosaynothingofher,'remarkedTomPinch,inalowvoice.

'Exactlyso,'rejoinedMartin,risingtowarmhisback,andleaningagainstthechimney-piece.'Tosaynothingofher.Atthesametime,ofcourseit'snotveryharduponhertobeobligedtoyieldtothenecessityofthecase;first,becauseshelovesmeverymuch;andsecondly,becauseIhavesacrificedagreatdealonheraccount,andmighthavedonemuchbetter,youknow.'

It was a very long time before Tom said 'Certainly;' so long, that hemighthavetakenanapintheinterval,buthedidsayitatlast.

'Now, there is one odd coincidence connected with this love-story,' saidMartin,'whichbringsittoanend.Yourememberwhatyoutoldmelastnightaswewerecominghere,aboutyourprettyvisitorinthechurch?'

'SurelyIdo,'saidTom,risingfromhisstool,andseatinghimselfinthechairfrom which the other had lately risen, that he might see his face.'Undoubtedly.'

'Thatwasshe.'

'Iknewwhatyouweregoing tosay,'criedTom, lookingfixedlyathim,andspeakingverysoftly.'Youdon'ttellmeso?'

'That was she,' repeated the young man. 'After what I have heard fromPecksniff, I have no doubt that she came andwent withmy grandfather.—Don'tyoudrinktoomuchofthatsourwine,oryou'llhaveafitofsomesort,Pinch,Isee.'

'Itisnotverywholesome,Iamafraid,'saidTom,settingdowntheemptyglasshehadforsometimeheld.'Sothatwasshe,wasit?'

Martin nodded assent; and adding,with a restless impatience, that if hehadbeenafewdaysearlierhewouldhaveseenher;andthatnowshemightbe,foranythingheknew,hundredsofmiles away; threwhimself, after a few turnsacrosstheroom,intoachair,andchafedlikeaspoiltchild.

Tom Pinch's heart was very tender, and he could not bear to see the mostindifferentperson indistress; still lessonewhohadawakenedan interest inhim,andwhoregardedhim(eitherinfact,orashesupposed)withkindness,andinaspiritoflenientconstruction.Whateverhisownthoughtshadbeenafewmomentsbefore—andtojudgefromhisfacetheymusthavebeenprettyserious—he dismissed them instantly, and gave his young friend the bestcounselandcomfortthatoccurredtohim.

'All will be well in time,' said Tom, 'I have no doubt; and some trial andadversityjustnowwillonlyservetomakeyoumoreattachedtoeachotherinbetterdays.Ihavealwaysreadthatthetruthisso,andIhaveafeelingwithinme,whichtellsmehownaturalandrightitisthatitshouldbe.Thatneverransmoothyet,'saidTom,withasmilewhich,despitethehomelinessofhisface,waspleasantertoseethanmanyaproudbeauty'sbrightestglance;'whatneverransmoothyet,canhardlybeexpected tochange itscharacterforus;sowemust takeitaswefindit,andfashionit intotheverybestshapewecan,bypatienceandgood-humour.Ihavenopoweratall;Ineedn'ttellyouthat;butIhave an excellent will; and if I could ever be of use to you, in any waywhatever,howverygladIshouldbe!'

'Thank you,' saidMartin, shaking his hand. 'You're a good fellow, uponmyword,andspeakverykindly.Ofcourseyouknow,'headded,afteramoment'spause, as he drew his chair towards the fire again, 'I should not hesitate toavailmyselfofyourservicesifyoucouldhelpmeatall;butmercyonus!'—Hereherumpledhishairimpatientlywithhishand,andlookedatTomasifhetook it rather ill that he was not somebody else—'you might as well be atoasting-forkorafrying-pan,Pinch,foranyhelpyoucanrenderme.'

'Exceptintheinclination,'saidTom,gently.

'Oh! to be sure. I meant that, of course. If inclination went for anything, I

shouldn'twanthelp.Itellyouwhatyoumaydo,though,ifyouwill,andatthepresentmomenttoo.'

'Whatisthat?'demandedTom.

'Readtome.'

'I shall be delighted,' cried Tom, catching up the candle with enthusiasm.'Excusemyleavingyouin thedarkamoment,andI'll fetchabookdirectly.Whatwillyoulike?Shakespeare?'

'Aye!'repliedhisfriend,yawningandstretchinghimself. 'He'lldo.Iamtiredwiththebustleofto-day,andthenoveltyofeverythingaboutme;andinsuchacase,there'snogreaterluxuryintheworld,Ithink,thanbeingreadtosleep.Youwon'tmindmygoingtosleep,ifIcan?'

'Notatall!'criedTom.

'Then begin as soon as you like. You needn't leave off when you see megettingdrowsy(unlessyoufeeltired),forit'spleasanttowakegraduallytothesoundsagain.Didyouevertrythat?'

'No,Inevertriedthat,'saidTom

'Well! You can, you know, one of these days when we're both in the righthumour.Don'tmindleavingmeinthedark.Looksharp!'

MrPinchlostnotimeinmovingaway;andinaminuteortworeturnedwithoneofthepreciousvolumesfromtheshelfbesidehisbed.Martinhadinthemeantime made himself as comfortable as circumstances would permit, byconstructingbeforethefireatemporarysofaofthreechairswithMercy'sstoolforapillow,andlyingdownatfull-lengthuponit.

'Don'tbetooloud,please,'hesaidtoPinch.

'No,no,'saidTom.

'You'resureyou'renotcold'

'Notatall!'criedTom.

'Iamquiteready,then.'

MrPinchaccordingly,afterturningovertheleavesofhisbookwithasmuchcare as if they were living and highly cherished creatures, made his ownselection, and began to read. Before he had completed fifty lines his friendwassnoring.

'Poorfellow!'saidTom,softly,ashestretchedouthisheadtopeepathimover

the backs of the chairs. 'He is very young to have so much trouble. Howtrustfulandgenerousinhimtobestowallthisconfidenceinme.Andthatwasshe,wasit?'

But suddenly remembering their compact, he tookup thepoemat theplacewhere he had left off, and went on reading; always forgetting to snuff thecandle,untilitswicklookedlikeamushroom.Hegraduallybecamesomuchinterested,thathequiteforgottoreplenishthefire;andwasonlyremindedofhisneglectbyMartinChuzzlewitstartingupafterthelapseofanhourorso,andcryingwithashiver.

'Why,it'snearlyout,Ideclare!NowonderIdreamedofbeingfrozen.Docallforsomecoals.Whatafellowyouare,Pinch!'

CHAPTERSEVEN

INWHICHMRCHEVYSLYMEASSERTSTHEINDEPENDENCEOFHISSPIRIT,ANDTHEBLUEDRAGONLOSESALIMB

Martin began to work at the grammar-school next morning, with so muchvigour and expedition, thatMr Pinch had new reason to do homage to thenaturalendowmentsofthatyounggentleman,andtoacknowledgehisinfinitesuperiority to himself. The new pupil received Tom's compliments verygraciously;andhavingbythistimeconceivedarealregardforhim,inhisownpeculiarway,predictedthattheywouldalwaysbetheverybestoffriends,andthatneitherof them,hewascertain (butparticularlyTom),wouldeverhavereason to regret the day on which they became acquainted. Mr Pinch wasdelighted to hear him say this, and felt so much flattered by his kindassurancesoffriendshipandprotection, thathewasata losshowtoexpressthe pleasure they afforded him. And indeed it may be observed of thisfriendship, such as it was, that it had within it more likely materials ofendurancethanmanyaswornbrotherhoodthathasbeenrichinpromise;forsolongastheonepartyfoundapleasureinpatronizing,andtheotherinbeingpatronised (whichwas in the very essence of their respective characters), itwas of all possible events among the least probable, that the twin demons,Envy and Pride,would ever arise between them. So in verymany cases offriendship,orwhatpassesforit,theoldaxiomisreversed,andlikeclingstounlikemorethantolike.

Theywerebothverybusyontheafternoonsucceedingthefamily'sdeparture—Martinwith thegrammar-school,andTominbalancingcertain receiptsofrents, and deducting Mr Pecksniff's commission from the same; in which

abstruseemploymenthewasmuchdistractedbyahabithisnewfriendhadofwhistlingaloudwhilehewasdrawing—whentheywerenotalittlestartledbythe unexpected obtrusion into that sanctuary of genius, of a human headwhich,althoughashaggyandsomewhatalarmingheadinappearance,smiledaffablyuponthemfromthedoorway, inamanner thatwasatoncewaggish,conciliatory,andexpressiveofapprobation.

'I amnot industriousmyself, gents both,' said the head, 'but I knowhow toappreciatethatqualityinothers.IwishImayturngreyandugly,ifitisn'tinmyopinion,nexttogenius,oneoftheverycharmingestqualitiesofthehumanmind.Uponmysoul, Iamgrateful tomyfriendPecksniff forhelpingmetothecontemplationofsuchadeliciouspictureasyoupresent.Youremindmeof Whittington, afterwards thrice Lord Mayor of London. I give you myunsulliedwordofhonour,thatyouverystronglyremindmeofthathistoricalcharacter.You are a pair ofWhittingtons, gents,without the cat;which is amostagreeableandblessedexceptiontome,forIamnotattachedtothefelinespecies.MynameisTigg;howdoyoudo?'

MartinlookedtoMrPinchforanexplanation;andTom,whohadneverinhislifeseteyesonMrTiggbefore,lookedtothatgentlemanhimself.

'Chevy Slyme?' said Mr Tigg, interrogatively, and kissing his left hand intoken of friendship. 'You will understand me when I say that I am theaccreditedagentofChevySlyme;thatIamtheambassadorfromthecourtofChiv?Haha!'

'Heyday!'askedMartin,startingatthementionofanameheknew.'Pray,whatdoeshewantwithme?'

'IfyournameisPinch'—MrTiggbegan.

'Itisnot'saidMartin,checkinghimself.'ThatisMrPinch.'

'If that is Mr Pinch,' cried Tigg, kissing his hand again, and beginning tofollowhisheadintotheroom,'hewillpermitmetosaythatIgreatlyesteemandrespecthischaracter,whichhasbeenmosthighlycommended tomebymy friend Pecksniff; and that I deeply appreciate his talent for the organ,notwithstandingthatIdonot,ifImayusetheexpression,grindmyself.IfthatisMrPinch,IwillventuretoexpressahopethatIseehimwell,andthatheissufferingnoinconveniencefromtheeasterlywind?'

'Thankyou,'saidTom.'Iamverywell.'

'Thatisacomfort,'MrTiggrejoined.'Then,'headded,shieldinghislipswiththepalmofhishand,andapplyingthemclosetoMrPinch'sear,'Ihavecomefortheletter.'

'Fortheletter,'saidTom,aloud.'Whatletter?'

'Theletter,'whisperedTigginthesamecautiousmannerasbefore,'whichmyfriendPecksniffaddressedtoChevySlyme,Esquire,andleftwithyou.'

'Hedidn'tleaveanyletterwithme,'saidTom.

'Hush!'criedtheother.'It'sallthesamething,thoughnotsodelicatelydonebymyfriendPecksniffasIcouldhavewished.Themoney.'

'Themoney!'criedTomquitescared.

'Exactlyso,'saidMrTigg.WithwhichherappedTomtwiceorthriceuponthebreast and nodded several times, as though he would say that he saw theyunderstood each other; that itwas unnecessary tomention the circumstancebeforeathirdperson;andthathewouldtakeitasaparticularfavourifTomwouldsliptheamountintohishand,asquietlyaspossible.

MrPinch,however,wassoverymuchastoundedbythis(tohim)inexplicabledeportment,thatheatonceopenlydeclaredtheremustbesomemistake,andthathehadbeenentrustedwithnocommissionwhateverhavinganyreferencetoMrTiggor to his friend, either.MrTigg received this declarationwith agraverequestthatMrPinchwouldhavethegoodnesstomakeitagain;andonTom'srepeatingitinastillmoreemphaticandunmistakablemanner,checkeditoff,sentenceforsentence,bynoddinghisheadsolemnlyattheendofeach.Whenithadcometoacloseforthesecondtime,MrTiggsathimselfdowninachairandaddressedtheyoungmenasfollows:

'ThenItellyouwhatitis,gentsboth.Thereisatthispresentmomentinthisvery place, a perfect constellation of talent and genius, who is involved,throughwhat Icannotbutdesignateas theculpablenegligenceofmyfriendPecksniff, in a situation as tremendous, perhaps, as the social intercourse ofthenineteenthcenturywillreadilyadmitof.Thereisactuallyatthisinstant,atthe Blue Dragon in this village—an ale-house, observe; a common, paltry,low-minded,clodhopping,pipe-smokingale-house—anindividual,ofwhomitmaybesaid,inthelanguageofthePoet,thatnobodybuthimselfcaninanywaycomeuptohim;whoisdetainedthereforhisbill.Ha!ha!Forhisbill.Irepeat it—forhisbill.Now,' saidMrTigg, 'wehaveheardofFox'sBookofMartyrs,Ibelieve,andwehaveheardoftheCourtofRequests,andtheStarChamber;butIfear thecontradictionofnomanaliveordead,whenIassertthatmyfriendChevySlymebeingheldinpawnforabill,beatsanyamountofcockfightingwithwhichIamacquainted.'

Martin andMrPinch looked, first at eachother, andafterwards atMrTigg,whowithhis arms foldedonhisbreast surveyed them,half indespondencyandhalfinbitterness.

'Don'tmistakeme,gentsboth,'hesaid,stretchingforthhisrighthand.'Ifithadbeenforanythingbutabill,Icouldhaveborneit,andcouldstillhavelookeduponmankindwithsomefeelingofrespect;butwhensuchamanasmyfriendSlyme is detained for a score—a thing in itself essentially mean; a lowperformanceonaslate,orpossiblychalkeduponthebackofadoor—Idofeelthat there is a screw of such magnitude loose somewhere, that the wholeframeworkofsocietyisshaken,andtheveryfirstprinciplesofthingscannolongerbetrusted.Inshort,gentsboth,'saidMrTiggwithapassionateflourishofhishandsandhead,'whenamanlikeSlymeisdetainedforsuchathingasabill,Irejectthesuperstitionsofages,andbelievenothing.Idon'tevenbelievethatIDON'Tbelieve,cursemeifIdo!'

'I am very sorry, I am sure,' said Tom after a pause, 'butMr Pecksniff saidnothingtomeaboutit,andIcouldn'tactwithouthisinstructions.Wouldn'titbebetter,sir,ifyouweretogoto—towhereveryoucamefrom—yourself,andremitthemoneytoyourfriend?'

'How can that be done,when I amdetained also?' saidMrTigg; 'andwhenmoreover,owing to theastounding,andImustadd,guiltynegligenceofmyfriendPecksniff,Ihavenomoneyforcoach-hire?'

Tomthoughtofremindingthegentleman(who,nodoubt,inhisagitationhadforgotten it) that therewas a post-office in the land; and that possibly if hewrote to some friendoragent for a remittance itmightnotbe lostupon theroad;oratalleventsthatthechance,howeverdesperate,wasworthtrustingto.But, as his good-nature presently suggested to him certain reasons forabstainingfromthishint,hepausedagain,andthenasked:

'Didyousay,sir,thatyouweredetainedalso?'

'Comehere,'saidMrTigg,rising. 'Youhavenoobjectiontomyopeningthiswindowforamoment?'

'Certainlynot,'saidTom.

'Verygood,'saidMrTigg,liftingthesash. 'Youseeafellowdownthereinaredneckclothandnowaistcoat?'

'OfcourseIdo,'criedTom.'That'sMarkTapley.'

'MarkTapley is it?' said thegentleman. 'ThenMarkTapleyhadnotonly thegreatpolitenesstofollowmetothishouse,butiswaitingnow,toseemehomeagain.And for that attention, sir,' addedMrTigg, strokinghismoustache, 'Ican tell you, that Mark Tapley had better in his infancy have been fed tosuffocationbyMrsTapley,thanpreservedtothistime.'

MrPinchwas not so dismayed by this terrible threat, but that he had voice

enough to call to Mark to come in, and upstairs; a summons which he sospeedilyobeyed,thatalmostassoonasTomandMrTigghaddrawnintheirheadsandclosedthewindowagain,he,thedenounced,appearedbeforethem.

'Come here, Mark!' said Mr Pinch. 'Good gracious me! what's the matterbetweenMrsLupinandthisgentleman?'

'Whatgentleman,sir?'saidMark.'Idon'tseenogentlemanheresir,exceptingyou and the new gentleman,' towhomhemade a rough kind of bow—'andthere'snothingwrongbetweenMrsLupinandeitherofyou,MrPinch,Iamsure.'

'Nonsense,Mark!'criedTom.'YouseeMr—'

'Tigg,' interposed that gentleman. 'Wait a bit. I shall crush him soon.All ingoodtime!'

'OhHIM!'rejoinedMark,withanairofcarelessdefiance. 'Yes,IseeHIM.Icouldseehimalittlebetter,ifhe'dshavehimself,andgethishaircut.'

MrTiggshookhisheadwithaferociouslook,andsmotehimselfonceuponthebreast.

'It'snouse,'saidMark.'Ifyouknockeversomuchinthatquarter,you'llgetnoanswer.Iknowbetter.There'snothingtherebutpadding;andagreasysortitis.'

'Nay,Mark,'urgedMrPinch,interposingtopreventhostilities,'tellmewhatIaskyou.You'renotoutoftemper,Ihope?'

'Outoftemper,sir!'criedMark,withagrin;'whyno,sir.There'salittlecredit—notmuch—inbeing jolly,whensuch fellowsashim isa-goingabout likeroaring lions; if there isanybreedof lions,at least, as isall roarandmane.WhatistherebetweenhimandMrsLupin,sir?Why,there'sascorebetweenhimandMrsLupin.AndI thinkMrsLupin letshimandhis friendoffveryeasy in not charging 'em double prices for being a disgrace to the Dragon.That'smyopinion.Iwouldn'thaveanysuchPetertheWildBoyashiminmyhouse, sir, not if Iwaspaid race-weekprices for it.He's enough to turn thevery beer in the casks sour with his looks; he is! So he would, if it hadjudgmentenough.'

'You'renotansweringmyquestion,youknow,Mark,'observedMrPinch.

'Well,sir,'saidMark,'Idon'tknowasthere'smuchtoanswerfurtherthanthat.HimandhisfriendgoesandstopsattheMoonandStarstillthey'verunabillthere; and thencomesand stopswithusanddoes the same.The runningofbillsiscommonenoughMrPinch;itan'tthatasweobjectto;it'sthewaysofthischap.Nothing'sgoodenoughforhim;allthewomenisdyingforhimhe

thinks, and is overpaid if hewinks at 'em; and all themenwasmade to beordered about by him. This not being aggravation enough, he says thismorningtome,inhisusualcaptivatingway,"We'regoingto-night,myman.""Areyou,sir?"saysI."Perhapsyou'dlikethebillgotready,sir?""Ohno,myman,"hesays;"youneedn'tmindthat.I'llgivePecksnifforderstoseetothat."Inreplytowhich,theDragonmakesanswer,"Thankee,sir,you'reverykindtohonourus so far,butaswedon'tknowanyparticulargoodofyou,andyoudon'ttravelwithluggage,andMrPecksniffan'tathome(whichperhapsyoumayn't happen to be aware of, sir), we should prefer something moresatisfactory;"and that'swhere thematterstands.AndIask,' saidMrTapley,pointing, in conclusion, to Mr Tigg, with his hat, 'any lady or gentleman,possessing ordinary strength of mind, to say whether he's a disagreeable-lookingchapornot!'

'Letmeinquire,'saidMartin, interposingbetweenthiscandidspeechandthedeliveryofsomeblightinganathemabyMrTigg,'whattheamountofthisdebtmaybe?'

'Inpointofmoney,sir,verylittle,'answeredMark. 'Onlyjustturnedofthreepounds.Butitan'tthat;it'sthe—'

'Yes,yes,youtoldussobefore,'saidMartin.'Pinch,awordwithyou.'

'Whatisit?'askedTom,retiringwithhimtoacorneroftheroom.

'Why,simply—Iamashamedtosay—thatthisMrSlymeisarelationofmine,ofwhomIneverheardanythingpleasant;andthatIdon'twanthimherejustnow, and think he would be cheaply got rid of, perhaps, for three or fourpounds.Youhaven'tenoughmoneytopaythisbill,Isuppose?'

Tomshookhisheadtoanextentthatleftnodoubtofhisentiresincerity.

'That's unfortunate, for I am poor too; and in case you had had it, I'd haveborrowed it of you. But if we told this landlady we would see her paid, Isupposethatwouldanswerthesamepurpose?'

'Ohdear,yes!'saidTom.'Sheknowsme,blessyou!'

'Thenletusgodownatonceandtellherso;forthesoonerweareridoftheircompany the better. As you have conducted the conversation with thisgentlemanhitherto,perhapsyou'lltellhimwhatwepurposedoing;willyou?'

MrPinch,complying,atonceimpartedtheintelligencetoMrTigg,whoshookhimwarmlybythehandinreturn,assuringhimthathisfaithinanythingandeverythingwasagainrestored.Itwasnotsomuch,hesaid,forthetemporaryrelief of this assistance that he prized it, as for its vindication of the highprinciplethatNature'sNobsfeltwithNature'sNobs,andthattruegreatnessof

soulsympathizedwithtruegreatnessofsoul,all theworldover.Itprovedtohim, he said, that like him they admired genius, evenwhen it was coupledwith the alloy occasionally visible in themetal of his friend Slyme; and onbehalfofthatfriend,hethankedthem;aswarmlyandheartilyasifthecausewerehisown.Beingcutshortinthesespeechesbyageneralmovetowardsthestairs,hetookpossessionatthestreetdoorofthelapelofMrPinch'scoat,asasecurityagainstfurtherinterruption;andentertainedthatgentlemanwithsomehighlyimprovingdiscourseuntiltheyreachedtheDragon,whithertheywerecloselyfollowedbyMarkandthenewpupil.

The rosy hostess scarcely neededMr Pinch's word as a preliminary to therelease of her two visitors, of whom she was glad to be rid on any terms;indeed, their brief detention had originated mainly with Mr Tapley, whoentertainedaconstitutionaldisliketogentlemanout-at-elbowswhoflourishedonfalsepretences;andhadconceivedaparticularaversiontoMrTiggandhisfriend, as choice specimensof the species.Thebusiness in hand thus easilysettled,MrPinchandMartinwouldhavewithdrawnimmediately,butfortheurgent entreaties of Mr Tigg that they would allow him the honour ofpresentingthemtohisfriendSlyme,whichweresoverydifficultofresistancethat,yieldingpartlytothesepersuasionsandpartlytotheirowncuriosity,theysuffered themselves to be ushered into the presence of that distinguishedgentleman.

Hewasbroodingovertheremainsofyesterday'sdecanterofbrandy,andwasengagedinthethoughtfuloccupationofmakingachainofringsonthetopofthe tablewith thewet footofhisdrinking-glass.Wretchedandforlornashelooked, Mr Slyme had once been in his way, the choicest of swaggerers;putting forth his pretensions boldly, as a man of infinite taste and mostundoubtedpromise.The stock-in-trade requisite to setupanamateur in thisdepartment of business is very slight, and easily got together; a trick of thenoseandacurlofthelipsufficienttocompoundatolerablesneer,beingampleprovision for any exigency. But, in an evil hour, this off-shoot of theChuzzlewit trunk, being lazy, and ill qualified for any regular pursuit andhavingdissipatedsuchmeansasheeverpossessed,hadformallyestablishedhimself as a professor of Taste for a livelihood; and finding, too late, thatsomethingmorethanhisoldamountofqualificationswasnecessarytosustainhimin thiscalling,hadquicklyfallen tohispresent level,whereheretainednothingofhisoldselfbuthisboastfulnessandhisbile,andseemedtohavenoexistence separate or apart from his friendTigg.And now so abject and sopitifulwashe—atoncesomaudlin,insolent,beggarly,andproud—thatevenhis friend and parasite, standing erect beside him, swelled into a Man bycontrast.

'Chiv,'saidMrTigg,clappinghimontheback,'myfriendPecksniffnotbeingat home, I have arranged our trifling piece of business withMr Pinch and

friend.MrPinchandfriend,MrChevySlyme!Chiv,MrPinchandfriend!'

'These are agreeable circumstances in which to be introduced to strangers,'saidChevySlyme, turninghisbloodshoteyes towardsTomPinch. 'I am themostmiserablemanintheworld,Ibelieve!'

Tombeggedhewouldn'tmentionit;andfindinghiminthiscondition,retired,after an awkward pause, followed by Martin. But Mr Tigg so urgentlyconjuredthem,bycoughsandsigns,toremainintheshadowofthedoor,thattheystoppedthere.

'Iswear,'criedMrSlyme,givingthetableanimbecileblowwithhisfist,andthenfeeblyleaninghisheaduponhishand,whilesomedrunkendropsoozedfromhis eyes, 'that I am thewretchedest creature on record. Society is in aconspiracyagainstme.I'mthemostliterarymanalive.I'mfullofscholarship.I'm full of genius; I'm full of information; I'm full of novel views on everysubject;yetlookatmycondition!I'matthismomentobligedtotwostrangersforatavernbill!'

MrTiggreplenishedhisfriend'sglass,presseditintohishand,andnoddedanintimation to the visitors that they would see him in a better aspectimmediately.

'Obliged to two strangers for a tavern bill, eh!' repeatedMr Slyme, after asulky application to his glass. 'Very pretty! And crowds of impostors, thewhile, becoming famous;menwho are nomore on a levelwithme than—Tigg,ItakeyoutowitnessthatIamthemostpersecutedhoundonthefaceoftheearth.'

Withawhine,notunlikethecryoftheanimalhenamed,initsloweststateofhumiliation, he raised his glass to his mouth again. He found someencouragementinit;forwhenhesetitdownhelaughedscornfully.UponthatMr Tigg gesticulated to the visitors once more, and with great expression,implying that now the time was come when they would see Chiv in hisgreatness.

'Ha,ha,ha,'laughedMrSlyme.'Obligedtotwostrangersforatavernbill!YetIthinkI'vearichuncle,Tigg,whocouldbuyuptheunclesoffiftystrangers!HaveI,orhaveInot?Icomeofagoodfamily,Ibelieve!DoI,ordoInot?I'mnot amanof commoncapacity or accomplishments, I think!Am I, or am Inot?'

'Youare theAmericanaloeof thehumanrace,mydearChiv,'saidMrTigg,'whichonlybloomsonceinahundredyears!'

'Ha,ha,ha!' laughedMrSlymeagain. 'Obliged to twostrangers fora tavernbill!Iobligedtotwoarchitect'sapprentices.Fellowswhomeasureearthwith

ironchains,andbuildhouseslikebricklayers.Givemethenamesofthosetwoapprentices.Howdaretheyobligeme!'

Mr Tigg was quite lost in admiration of this noble trait in his friend'scharacter; as he made known to Mr Pinch in a neat little ballet of action,spontaneouslyinventedforthepurpose.

'I'lllet'emknow,andI'llletallmenknow,'criedChevySlyme,'thatI'mnoneofthemean,grovelling,tamecharacterstheymeetwithcommonly.Ihaveanindependentspirit.Ihaveaheartthatswellsinmybosom.Ihaveasoulthatrisessuperiortobaseconsiderations.'

'OhChiv, Chiv,'murmuredMrTigg, 'you have a nobly independent nature,Chiv!'

'Yougoanddoyourduty,sir,'saidMrSlyme,angrily,'andborrowmoneyfortravellingexpenses;andwhoeveryouborrowitof,let'emknowthatIpossessahaughtyspirit,andaproudspirit,andhaveinfernallyfinely-touchedchordsinmynature,whichwon'tbrookpatronage.Doyouhear?Tell'emIhate'em,andthatthat'sthewayIpreservemyself-respect;andtell'emthatnomaneverrespectedhimselfmorethanIdo!'

Hemighthaveadded thathehated twosortsofmen;all thosewhodidhimfavours,andallthosewhowerebetteroffthanhimself;asineithercasetheirpositionwasaninsult toamanofhisstupendousmerits.Buthedidnot;forwiththeaptclosingwordsaboverecited,MrSlyme;oftoohaughtyastomachto work, to beg, to borrow, or to steal; yet mean enough to be worked orborrowed,beggedorstolenfor,byanycatspawthatwouldservehisturn;tooinsolenttolickthehandthatfedhiminhisneed,yetcurenoughtobiteandtearitinthedark;withtheseaptclosingwordsMrSlymefellforwardwithhisheaduponthetable,andsodeclinedintoasoddensleep.

'Was there ever,' cried Mr Tigg, joining the young men at the door, andshuttingitcarefullybehindhim,'suchanindependentspiritasispossessedbythatextraordinarycreature?WasthereeversuchaRomanasourfriendChiv?Wasthereeveramanofsuchapurelyclassicalturnofthought,andofsuchatoga-like simplicity of nature? Was there ever a man with such a flow ofeloquence? Might he not, gents both, I ask, have sat upon a tripod in theancient times, and prophesied to a perfectly unlimited extent, if previouslysuppliedwithgin-and-wateratthepubliccost?'

Mr Pinch was about to contest this latter position with his usual mildness,when,observingthathiscompanionhadalreadygonedownstairs,hepreparedtofollowhim.

'Youarenotgoing,MrPinch?'saidTigg.

'Thankyou,'answeredTom.'Yes.Don'tcomedown.'

'DoyouknowthatIshouldlikeonelittlewordinprivatewithyouMrPinch?'saidTigg,followinghim. 'Oneminuteofyourcompanyintheskittle-groundwouldverymuchrelievemymind.MightIbeseechthatfavour?'

'Oh,certainly,'repliedTom,'ifyoureallywishit.'SoheaccompaniedMrTiggtotheretreatinquestion;onarrivingatwhichplacethatgentlemantookfromhis hat what seemed to be the fossil remains of an antediluvian pocket-handkerchief,andwipedhiseyestherewith.

'Youhavenotbeheldmethisday,'saidMrTigg,'inafavourablelight.'

'Don'tmentionthat,'saidTom,'Ibeg.'

'ButyouhaveNOT,'criedTigg. 'Imustpersist in thatopinion. Ifyoucouldhaveseenme,MrPinch,at theheadofmyregimenton thecoastofAfrica,chargingintheformofahollowsquare,withthewomenandchildrenandtheregimental plate-chest in the centre, youwould not have knownme for thesameman.Youwouldhaverespectedme,sir.'

Tomhadcertainideasofhisownuponthesubjectofglory;andconsequentlyhe was not quite so much excited by this picture as Mr Tigg could havedesired.

'But no matter!' said that gentleman. 'The school-boy writing home to hisparentsanddescribing themilk-and-water, said"This is indeedweakness." Irepeat thatassertion in reference tomyselfat thepresentmoment;and Iaskyourpardon.Sir,youhaveseenmyfriendSlyme?'

'Nodoubt,'saidMrPinch.

'Sir,youhavebeenimpressedbymyfriendSlyme?'

'Notverypleasantly,Imustsay,'answeredTom,afteralittlehesitation.

'Iamgrievedbutnotsurprised,'criedMrTigg,detaininghimwithbothhands,'to hear that you have come to that conclusion; for it is my own. But, MrPinch,thoughIamaroughandthoughtlessman,IcanhonourMind.IhonourMindinfollowingmyfriend.Toyouofallmen,MrPinch,IhavearighttomakeappealonMind'sbehalf,whenithasnotthearttopushitsfortuneintheworld.Andso,sir—notformyself,whohavenoclaimuponyou,butformycrushed,mysensitiveandindependentfriend,whohas—Iasktheloanofthreehalf-crowns.Iaskyoufortheloanofthreehalf-crowns,distinctly,andwithoutablush.Iaskit,almostasaright.AndwhenIaddthattheywillbereturnedbypost,thisweek,Ifeelthatyouwillblamemeforthatsordidstipulation.'

MrPinchtookfromhispocketanold-fashionedred-leatherpursewithasteel

clasp,whichhadprobablyoncebelongedtohisdeceasedgrandmother.Itheldonehalf-sovereignandnomore.AllTom'sworldlywealthuntilnextquarter-day.

'Stay!' criedMr Tigg, who had watched this proceeding keenly. 'I was justabouttosay,thatfortheconvenienceofpostingyouhadbettermakeitgold.Thankyou.Ageneral direction, I suppose, toMrPinch atMrPecksniff's—willthatfindyou?'

'That'llfindme,'saidTom.'YouhadbetterputEsquiretoMrPecksniff'sname,ifyouplease.Directtome,youknow,atSethPecksniff's,Esquire.'

'AtSethPecksniff's,Esquire,'repeatedMrTigg,takinganexactnoteofitwithastumpofpencil.'Wesaidthisweek,Ibelieve?'

'Yes;orMondaywilldo,'observedTom.

'No, no, I beg your pardon. Monday will NOT do,' said Mr Tigg. 'If westipulated for thisweek,Saturday is the latest day.Didwe stipulate for thisweek?'

'Sinceyouaresoparticularaboutit,'saidTom,'Ithinkwedid.'

Mr Tigg added this condition to his memorandum; read the entry over tohimselfwithaseverefrown;andthatthetransactionmightbethemorecorrectandbusiness-like,appendedhisinitialstothewhole.Thatdone,heassuredMrPinchthateverythingwasnowperfectlyregular;and,aftersqueezinghishandwithgreatfervour,departed.

Tom entertained enough suspicion that Martin might possibly turn thisinterview into a jest, to render him desirous to avoid the company of thatyounggentlemanfor thepresent.With thisviewhe tooka few turnsupanddowntheskittle-ground,anddidnotre-enterthehouseuntilMrTiggandhisfriend had quitted it, and the new pupil and Mark were watching theirdeparturefromoneofthewindows.

'Iwasjusta-saying,sir,thatifonecouldlivebyit,'observedMark,pointingafter their late guests, 'thatwould be the sort of service forme.Waiting onsuchindividualsasthemwouldbebetterthangrave-digging,sir.'

'Andstayingherewouldbebetterthaneither,Mark,'repliedTom.'Sotakemyadvice,andcontinuetoswimeasilyinsmoothwater.'

'It'stoolatetotakeitnow,sir,'saidMark.'Ihavebrokeittoher,sir.Iamoffto-morrowmorning.'

'Off!'criedMrPinch,'whereto?'

'IshallgouptoLondon,sir.'

'Whattobe?'askedMrPinch.

'Well!Idon'tknowyet,sir.NothingturnedupthatdayIopenedmymindtoyou,aswasatalllikelytosuitme.AllthemtradesIthoughtofwasadealtoojolly;therewasnocreditatalltobegotinanyof'em.Imustlookforaprivateservice, I suppose, sir. I might be brought out strong, perhaps, in a seriousfamily,MrPinch.'

'Perhaps you might come out rather too strong for a serious family's taste,Mark.'

'That's possible, sir. If I could get into a wicked family, I might domyselfjustice; but the difficulty is tomake sure of one's ground, because a youngmancan'tverywelladvertisethathewantsaplace,andwagesan'tsomuchanobjectasawickedsitivation;canhe,sir?'

'Why,no,'saidMrPinch,'Idon'tthinkhecan.'

'Anenviousfamily,'pursuedMark,witha thoughtfulface; 'oraquarrelsomefamily,oramaliciousfamily,orevenagoodout-and-outmeanfamily,wouldopen a field of action as Imight do something in. Theman aswould havesuitedmeofallothermenwasthatoldgentlemanaswastookillhere,forhereallywasatryingcustomer.Howsever,Imustwaitandseewhatturnsup,sir;andhopefortheworst.'

'Youaredeterminedtogothen?'saidMrPinch.

'My box is gone already, sir, by thewaggon, and I'm going towalk on to-morrowmorning,andgeta liftbythedaycoachwhenitovertakesme.SoIwish you good-bye, Mr Pinch—and you too, sir—and all good luck andhappiness!'

Theybothreturnedhisgreetinglaughingly,andwalkedhomearm-in-arm.MrPinch imparting to his new friend, as theywent, such further particulars ofMarkTapley'swhimsicalrestlessnessasthereaderisalreadyacquaintedwith.

In themeantimeMark,havingashrewdnotion thathismistresswas inverylowspirits,andthathecouldnotexactlyanswerfortheconsequencesofanylengthenedTETE-A-TETEinthebar,kepthimselfobstinatelyoutofherwayalltheafternoonandevening.Inthispieceofgeneralshiphewasverymuchassistedbythegreatinfluxofcompanyintothetaproom;forthenewsofhisintentionhavinggoneabroad,therewasaperfectthrongtherealltheevening,andmuchdrinkingofhealthsandclinkingofmugs.Atlengththehousewasclosedforthenight;andtherebeingnownohelpforit,Markputthebestfacehecoulduponthematter,andwalkeddoggedlytothebar-door.

'IfIlookather,'saidMarktohimself,'I'mdone.IfeelthatI'ma-goingfast.'

'Youhavecomeatlast,'saidMrsLupin.

Aye,Marksaid:Therehewas.

'Andyouaredeterminedtoleaveus,Mark?'criedMrsLupin.

'Why,yes;Iam,'saidMark;keepinghiseyesharduponthefloor.

'Ithought,'pursuedthelandlady,withamostengaginghesitation,'thatyouhadbeen—fond—oftheDragon?'

'SoIam,'saidMark.

'Then,'pursuedthehostess—anditreallywasnotanunnaturalinquiry—'whydoyoudesertit?'

But as hegavenomannerof answer to this question; not evenon its beingrepeated; Mrs Lupin put his money into his hand, and asked him—notunkindly,quitethecontrary—whathewouldtake?

Itisproverbialthattherearecertainthingswhichfleshandbloodcannotbear.Suchaquestionasthis,propoundedinsuchamanner,atsuchatime,andbysuch a person, proved (at least, as far as, Mark's flesh and blood wereconcerned)tobeoneof them.Helookedupinspiteofhimselfdirectly;andhavingoncelookedup,therewasnolookingdownagain;forofallthetight,plump,buxom,bright-eyed,dimple-facedlandladiesthatevershoneonearth,therestoodbeforehimthen,bodilyinthatbar,theverypinkandpineapple.

'Why,Itellyouwhat,'saidMark,throwingoffallhisconstraintinaninstantandseizingthehostessroundthewaist—atwhichshewasnotatallalarmed,forsheknewwhatagoodyoungmanhewas—'ifItookwhatIlikedmost,Ishouldtakeyou.IfIonlythoughtwhatwasbestforme,Ishouldtakeyou.IfItookwhatnineteenyoungfellowsintwentywouldbegladtotake,andwouldtakeatanyprice,Ishouldtakeyou.Yes,Ishould,'criedMrTapley,shakinghis head expressively enough, and looking (in a momentary state offorgetfulness) rather hard at the hostess's ripe lips. 'And no man wouldn'twonderifIdid!'

Mrs Lupin said he amazed her. Shewas astonished how he could say suchthings.Shehadneverthoughtitofhim.

'Why,Ineverthoughtifofmyself tillnow!'saidMark,raisinghiseyebrowswith a look of themerriest possible surprise. 'I always expectedwe shouldpart,andneverhavenoexplanation;ImeanttodoitwhenIcomeinherejustnow;but there's somethingaboutyou,asmakesamansensible.Then letushave aword or two together; letting it be understoodbeforehand,' he added

thisinagravetone,topreventthepossibilityofanymistake, 'thatI'mnota-goingtomakenolove,youknow.'

Therewasforjustonesecondashade,thoughnotbyanymeansadarkone,onthelandlady'sopenbrow.Butitpassedoffinstantly,inalaughthatcamefromherveryheart.

'Oh,verygood!'shesaid;'ifthereistobenolove-making,youhadbettertakeyourarmaway.'

'Lord,whyshouldI!'criedMark.'It'squiteinnocent.'

'Ofcourseit'sinnocent,'returnedthehostess,'orIshouldn'tallowit.'

'Verywell!'saidMark.'Thenletitbe.'

Therewassomuchreasoninthisthatthelandladylaughedagain,sufferedittoremain,andbadehimsaywhathehadtosay,andbequickaboutit.Buthewasanimpudentfellow,sheadded.

'Haha! I almost think I am!' criedMark, 'though Inever thought sobefore.Why,Icansayanythingto-night!'

'Say what you're going to say if you please, and be quick,' returned thelandlady,'forIwanttogettobed.'

'Why,then,mydeargoodsoul,'saidMark,'andakinderwomanthanyouareneverdrawedbreath—letmeseethemanassaysshedid!—whatwouldbethelikelyconsequenceofustwobeing—'

'Ohnonsense!'criedMrsLupin.'Don'ttalkaboutthatanymore.'

'No,no,butitan'tnonsense,'saidMark;'andIwishyou'dattend.Whatwouldbe the likelyconsequenceofus twobeingmarried?If Ican'tbecontentandcomfortableinthisherelivelyDragonnow,isittobelookedforasIshouldbethen? By no means. Very good. Then you, even with your good humour,would be always on the fret andworrit, always uncomfortable in your ownmind, always a-thinking as youwas getting too old formy taste, always a-picturingmetoyourselfasbeingchaineduptotheDragondoor,andwantingtobreakaway.Idon'tknowthatitwouldbeso,'saidMark,'butIdon'tknowthatitmightn'tbe.Iamarovingsortofchap,Iknow.I'mfondofchange.I'malways a-thinking that with my good health and spirits it would be morecreditable in me to be jolly where there's things a-going on to make onedismal.Itmaybeamistakeofmineyousee,butnothingshortoftryinghowitactswill set it right.Thenan't itbest that I shouldgo;particularwhenyourfreewayhashelpedmeouttosayallthis,andwecanpartasgoodfriendsaswehaveeverbeensincefirstIenteredthisherenobleDragon,which,'saidMrTapleyinconclusion,'hasmygoodwordandmygoodwishtothedayofmy

death!'

The hostess sat quite silent for a little time, but she very soon put both herhandsinMark'sandshookthemheartily.

'Foryouareagoodman,'shesaid;lookingintohisfacewithasmile,whichwasratherseriousforher.'AndIdobelievehavebeenabetterfriendtometo-nightthaneverIhavehadinallmylife.'

'Oh! as to that, you know,' said Mark, 'that's nonsense. But love my heartalive!' he added, looking at her in a sort of rapture, 'if you ARE that waydisposed,whatalotofsuitablehusbandsthereisasyoumaydrivedistracted!'

She laughedagain at this compliment; and,oncemore shakinghimbybothhands, and bidding him, if he should ever want a friend, to remember her,turnedgaylyfromthelittlebaranduptheDragonstaircase.

'Humming a tune as she goes,' saidMark, listening, 'in case I should thinkshe's at all put out, and should be made down-hearted. Come, here's somecreditinbeingjolly,atlast!'

With thatpieceofcomfort,very ruefullyuttered,hewent, inanythingbutajollymanner,tobed.

Heroseearlynextmorning,andwasa-footsoonaftersunrise.Butitwasofnouse; thewholeplacewasup toseeMarkTapleyoff; theboys, thedogs, thechildren, the old men, the busy people and the idlers; there they were, allcalling out 'Good-b'ye,Mark,' after their ownmanner, and all sorry hewasgoing.Somehowhehadakindofsensethathisoldmistresswaspeepingfromherchamber-window,buthecouldn'tmakeuphismindtolookback.

'Good-b'yeone,good-b'ye all!' criedMark,wavinghishaton the topofhiswalking-stick, ashe strode at aquickpaceup the little street. 'Hearty chapsthem wheelwrights—hurrah! Here's the butcher's dog a-coming out of thegarden—down, old fellow!AndMr Pinch a-going to his organ—good-b'ye,sir! And the terrier-bitch from over the way—hie, then, lass! And childrenenoughtohanddownhumannaturtothelatestposterity—good-b'ye,boysandgirls!There'ssomecreditinitnow.I'ma-comingoutstrongatlast.Thesearethe circumstances thatwould try a ordinarymind; but I'm uncommon jolly.NotquiteasjollyasIcouldwishtobe,butverynear.Good-b'ye!good-b'ye!'

CHAPTEREIGHT

ACCOMPANIESMRPECKSNIFFANDHISCHARMING

DAUGHTERSTOTHECITYOFLONDON;ANDRELATESWHATFELLOUTUPONTHEIRWAYTHITHER

WhenMrPecksniffandthetwoyoungladiesgotintotheheavycoachattheendofthelane,theyfounditempty,whichwasagreatcomfort;particularlyasthe outsidewas quite full and the passengers looked very frosty. For asMrPecksniffjustlyobserved—whenheandhisdaughtershadburrowedtheirfeetdeep in the straw, wrapped themselves to the chin, and pulled up bothwindows—it is always satisfactory to feel, inkeenweather, thatmanyotherpeoplearenotaswarmasyouare.Andthis,hesaid,wasquitenatural,andaverybeautifularrangement;notconfinedtocoaches,butextendingitselfintomany social ramifications. 'For' (he observed), 'if every onewerewarmandwell-fed,weshouldlosethesatisfactionofadmiringthefortitudewithwhichcertainconditionsofmenbearcoldandhunger.Andifwewerenobetteroffthananybodyelse,whatwouldbecomeofoursenseofgratitude;which,'saidMr Pecksniff with tears in his eyes, as he shook his fist at a beggar whowantedtogetupbehind,'isoneoftheholiestfeelingsofourcommonnature.'

Hischildrenheardwithbecomingreverencethesemoralpreceptsfromthelipsoftheirfather,andsignifiedtheiracquiescenceinthesame,bysmiles.Thathemightthebetterfeedandcherishthatsacredflameofgratitudeinhisbreast,MrPecksniffremarkedthathewouldtroublehiseldestdaughter,eveninthisearlystageoftheirjourney,forthebrandy-bottle.Andfromthenarrowneckofthatstonevesselheimbibedacopiousrefreshment.

'What are we?' said Mr Pecksniff, 'but coaches? Some of us are slowcoaches'—

'Goodness,Pa!'criedCharity.

'Some of us, I say,' resumed her parent with increased emphasis, 'are slowcoaches;someofusarefastcoaches.Ourpassionsarethehorses;andrampantanimalstoo—!'

'Really,Pa,'criedboththedaughtersatonce.'Howveryunpleasant.'

'Andrampantanimalstoo'repeatedMrPecksniffwithsomuchdetermination,thathemaybesaidtohaveexhibited,atthemomentasortofmoralrampancyhimself;'—andVirtue is thedrag.Westart fromTheMother'sArms,andweruntoTheDustShovel.'

When he had said this, Mr Pecksniff, being exhausted, took some furtherrefreshment.Whenhehaddonethat,hecorkedthebottletight,withtheairofamanwhohadeffectuallycorkedthesubjectalso;andwenttosleepforthreestages.

Thetendencyofmankindwhenitfallsasleepincoaches,istowakeupcross;tofinditslegsinitsway;anditscornsanaggravation.MrPecksniffnotbeingexemptfromthecommonlotofhumanityfoundhimself,attheendofhisnap,so decidedly the victim of these infirmities, that he had an irresistibleinclinationtovisitthemuponhisdaughters;whichhehadalreadybeguntodoin the shape of divers random kicks, and other unexpected motions of hisshoes,whenthecoachstopped,andafterashortdelaythedoorwasopened.

'Now mind,' said a thin sharp voice in the dark. 'I and my son go inside,because the roof is full, but you agree only to charge us outside prices. It'squiteunderstoodthatwewon'tpaymore.Isit?'

'Allright,sir,'repliedtheguard.

'Isthereanybodyinsidenow?'inquiredthevoice.

'Threepassengers,'returnedtheguard.

'Then I ask the three passengers to witness this bargain, if they will be sogood,'saidthevoice.'Myboy,Ithinkwemaysafelygetin.'

In pursuance of which opinion, two people took their seats in the vehicle,whichwas solemnly licensed byAct ofParliament to carry any six personswhocouldbegotinatthedoor.

'Thatwaslucky!'whisperedtheoldman,whentheymovedonagain. 'Andagreatstrokeofpolicyinyoutoobserveit.He,he,he!Wecouldn'thavegoneoutside.Ishouldhavediedoftherheumatism!'

Whetheritoccurredtothedutifulsonthathehadinsomedegreeover-reachedhimselfbycontributingtotheprolongationofhisfather'sdays;orwhetherthecoldhadeffectedhistemper;isdoubtful.Buthegavehisfathersuchanudgeinreply,thatthatgoodoldgentlemanwastakenwithacoughwhichlastedforfullfiveminuteswithoutintermission,andgoadedMrPecksnifftothatpitchofirritation,thathesaidatlast—andverysuddenly:

'There is no room!There is really no room in this coach for anygentlemanwithacoldinhishead!'

'Mine,'saidtheoldman,afteramoment'spause,'isuponmychest,Pecksniff.'

Thevoiceandmanner,together,nowthathespokeout;thecomposureofthespeaker;thepresenceofhisson;andhisknowledgeofMrPecksniff;affordedacluetohisidentitywhichitwasimpossibletomistake.

'Hem! I thought,' saidMr Pecksniff, returning to his usual mildness, 'that Iaddressedastranger.IfindthatIaddressarelative,MrAnthonyChuzzlewitand his son Mr Jonas—for they, my dear children, are our travelling

companions—will excuseme for an apparently harsh remark. It is notMYdesire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected infamilybonds.ImaybeaHypocrite,'saidMrPecksniff,cuttingly;'butIamnotaBrute.'

'Pooh, pooh!' said the old man. 'What signifies that word, Pecksniff?Hypocrite!why,weareallhypocrites.Wewereallhypocritest'otherday.IamsureIfeltthattobeagreeduponamongus,orIshouldn'thavecalledyouone.Weshouldnothavebeenthereatall,ifwehadnotbeenhypocrites.Theonlydifference between you and the rest was—shall I tell you the differencebetweenyouandtherestnow,Pecksniff?'

'Ifyouplease,mygoodsir;ifyouplease.'

'Why,theannoyingqualityinYOU,is,'saidtheoldman,'thatyouneverhavea confederate or partner in YOUR juggling; you would deceive everybody,eventhosewhopractisethesameart;andhaveawaywithyou,asifyou—he,he, he!—as if you really believed yourself. I'd lay a handsomewager now,'saidtheoldman,'ifIlaidwagers,whichIdon'tandneverdid,thatyoukeepupappearancesbyatacitunderstanding,evenbeforeyourowndaughtershere.NowI,whenIhaveabusinessschemeinhand,tellJonaswhatit is,andwediscussitopenly.You'renotoffended,Pecksniff?'

'Offended,mygoodsir!'criedthatgentleman,asifhehadreceivedthehighestcomplimentsthatlanguagecouldconvey.

'AreyoutravellingtoLondon,MrPecksniff?'askedtheson.

'Yes,Mr Jonas,we are travelling to London.We shall have the pleasure ofyourcompanyalltheway,Itrust?'

'Oh! ecod, you had better ask father that,' said Jonas. 'I am not a-going tocommitmyself.'

MrPecksniffwas,asamatterofcourse,greatlyentertainedbythisretort.Hismirth having subsided, Mr Jonas gave him to understand that himself andparentwereinfact travellingtotheirhomeinthemetropolis;andthat,sincethememorabledayofthegreatfamilygathering,theyhadbeentarryinginthatpart of the country,watching the sale of certain eligible investments,whichtheyhadhadintheircopartnershipeyewhentheycamedown;foritwastheircustom,Mr Jonas said, whenever such a thing was practicable, to kill twobirdswithonestone,andnevertothrowawaysprats,butasbaitforwhales.WhenhehadcommunicatedtoMrPecksniffthesepithyscrapsofintelligence,hesaid, 'Thatifitwasallthesametohim,hewouldturnhimovertofather,and have a chatwith the gals;' and in furtherance of this polite scheme, hevacated his seat adjoining that gentleman, and established himself in theoppositecorner,nexttothefairMissMercy.

TheeducationofMrJonashadbeenconductedfromhiscradleonthestrictestprinciplesofthemainchance.Theveryfirstwordhelearnttospellwas'gain,'andthesecond(whenhegotintotwosyllables),'money.'Butfortworesults,which were not clearly foreseen perhaps by his watchful parent in thebeginning, his training may be said to have been unexceptionable. One ofthese flaws was, that having been long taught by his father to over-reacheverybody, he had imperceptibly acquired a love of over-reaching thatvenerablemonitorhimself.Theother,thatfromhisearlyhabitsofconsideringeverything as a question of property, he had gradually come to look, withimpatience,onhisparentasacertainamountofpersonalestate,whichhadnorightwhatevertobegoingatlarge,butoughttobesecuredinthatparticulardescriptionofironsafewhichiscommonlycalledacoffin,andbankedinthegrave.

'Well, cousin!' saidMr Jonas—'BecauseweARE cousins, you know, a fewtimesremoved—soyou'regoingtoLondon?'

MissMercy replied in the affirmative, pinching her sister's arm at the sametime,andgigglingexcessively.

'Lots of beaux in London, cousin!' said Mr Jonas, slightly advancing hiselbow.

'Indeed, sir!' cried the young lady. 'Theywon't hurt us, sir, I dare say.'Andhavinggivenhimthisanswerwithgreatdemurenessshewassoovercomebyherownhumour,thatshewasfaintostiflehermerrimentinhersister'sshawl.

'Merry,'criedthatmoreprudentdamsel,'reallyIamashamedofyou.Howcanyougoonso?Youwildthing!'AtwhichMissMerryonlylaughedthemore,ofcourse.

'I sawawildness inher eye, t'otherday,' saidMr Jonas, addressingCharity.'Butyou'retheonetositsolemn!Isay—Youwereregularlyprim,cousin!'

'Oh! The old-fashioned fright!' criedMerry, in a whisper. 'Cherry my dear,uponmywordyoumustsitnexthim.Ishalldieoutrightifhetalkstomeanymore; I shall, positively!' To prevent which fatal consequence, the buoyantcreatureskippedoutofherseatasshespoke,andsqueezedhersisterintotheplacefromwhichshehadrisen.

'Don'tmindcrowdingme,'criedMrJonas.'Iliketobecrowdedbygals.Comealittlecloser,cousin.'

'No,thankyou,sir,'saidCharity.

'There's that other one a-laughing again,' saidMr Jonas; 'she's a-laughing atmyfather,Ishouldn'twonder.Ifheputsonthatoldflannelnightcapofhis,I

don'tknowwhatshe'lldo!Isthatmyfathera-snoring,Pecksniff?'

'Yes,MrJonas.'

'Treaduponhisfoot,willyoubesogood?'saidtheyounggentleman.'Thefootnextyou'sthegoutyone.'

MrPecksniffhesitatingtoperformthisfriendlyoffice,MrJonasdidithimself;atthesametimecrying:

'Come,wakeup,father,oryou'llbehavingthenightmare,andscreechingout,I know.—Doyou everhave thenightmare, cousin?' he askedhis neighbour,withcharacteristicgallantry,ashedroppedhisvoiceagain.

'Sometimes,'answeredCharity.'Notoften.'

'The other one,' said Mr Jonas, after a pause. 'Does SHE ever have thenightmare?'

'Idon'tknow,'repliedCharity.'Youhadbetteraskher.'

'She laughsso,' saidJonas; 'there'sno talking toher.Onlyharkhowshe'sa-goingonnow!You'rethesensibleone,cousin!'

'Tut,tut!'criedCharity.

'Oh!Butyouare!Youknowyouare!'

'Mercyisalittlegiddy,'saidMissCharity.Butshe'llsoberdownintime.'

'It'llbeaverylongtime,then,ifshedoesatall,'rejoinedhercousin. 'Takealittlemoreroom.'

'I amafraidofcrowdingyou,' saidCharity.But she took itnotwithstanding;andafteroneortworemarksontheextremeheavinessofthecoach,andthenumber of places it stopped at, they fell into a silence which remainedunbrokenbyanymemberofthepartyuntilsupper-time.

AlthoughMrJonasconductedCharitytothehotelandsathimselfbesideherattheboard,itwasprettyclearthathehadaneyeto'theotherone'also,forheoftenglancedacrossatMercy,andseemedtodrawcomparisonsbetweenthepersonalappearanceofthetwo,whichwerenotunfavourabletothesuperiorplumpnessoftheyoungersister.Heallowedhimselfnogreat leisureforthiskindofobservation,however,beingbusilyengagedwiththesupper,which,ashe whispered in his fair companion's ear, was a contract business, andtherefore the more she ate, the better the bargain was. His father and MrPecksniff,probablyactingonthesamewiseprinciple,demolishedeverythingthatcamewithintheirreach,andbythatmeansacquiredagreasyexpressionof countenance, indicating contentment, if not repletion, which it was very

pleasanttocontemplate.

Whentheycouldeatnomore,MrPecksniffandMrJonassubscribedfortwosixpenny-worths of hot brandy-and-water, which the latter gentlemanconsideredamorepoliticorderthanoneshillingsworth;therebeingachanceoftheirgettingmorespiritoutoftheinnkeeperunderthisarrangementthanifitwereallinoneglass.Havingswallowedhisshareoftheenliveningfluid,MrPecksniff, under pretence of going to see if the coach were ready, wentsecretlytothebar,andhadhisownlittlebottlefilled, inorder thathemightrefreshhimselfatleisureinthedarkcoachwithoutbeingobserved.

Thesearrangementsconcluded,andthecoachbeingready,theygotintotheiroldplacesandjoggedonagain.Butbeforehecomposedhimselfforanap,MrPecksniffdeliveredakindofgraceaftermeat,inthesewords:

'Theprocessofdigestion, as Ihavebeen informedbyanatomical friends, isoneofthemostwonderfulworksofnature.Idonotknowhowitmaybewithothers, but it is a great satisfaction to me to know, when regaling on myhumble fare, that I amputting inmotion themost beautifulmachinerywithwhichwehaveanyacquaintance.IreallyfeelatsuchtimesasifIwasdoingapublicservice.WhenIhavewoundmyselfup,ifImayemploysuchaterm,'saidMrPecksniffwithexquisitetenderness,'andknowthatIamGoing,Ifeelthat inthelessonaffordedbytheworkswithinme,IamaBenefactor tomyKind!'

As nothing could be added to this, nothing was said; and Mr Pecksniff,exulting,itmaybepresumed,inhismoralutility,wenttosleepagain.

The restof thenightwore away in theusualmanner.MrPecksniff andOldAnthonykept tumbling against eachother andwakingupmuch terrified, orcrushedtheirheadsinoppositecornersofthecoachandstrangelytattooedthesurfaceoftheirfaces—Heavenknowshow—intheirsleep.Thecoachstoppedandwenton,andwentonandstopped,timesoutofnumber.Passengersgotupand passengers got down, and fresh horses came andwent and came again,withscarcelyanyintervalbetweeneachteamasitseemedtothosewhoweredozing, andwith agapof awholenightbetweeneveryone as it seemed tothosewhowere broad awake.At length they began to jolt and rumble overhorriblyunevenstones,andMrPecksniff lookingoutofwindowsaid itwasto-morrowmorning,andtheywerethere.

Verysoonafterwardsthecoachstoppedattheofficeinthecity;andthestreetin which it was situated was already in a bustle, that fully bore out MrPecksniff's words about its beingmorning, though for any signs of day yetappearingintheskyitmighthavebeenmidnight.Therewasadensefogtoo;asifitwereacityintheclouds,whichtheyhadbeentravellingtoallnightupamagicbeanstalk;andtherewasathickcrustuponthepavementlikeoilcake;

which, one of the outsides (mad, no doubt) said to another (his keeper, ofcourse),wasSnow.

TakingaconfusedleaveofAnthonyandhisson,andleavingtheluggageofhimselfanddaughtersattheofficetobecalledforafterwards,MrPecksniff,withoneoftheyoungladiesundereacharm,divedacrossthestreet,andthenacross other streets, and so up the queerest courts, and down the strangestalleysandundertheblindestarchways,inakindoffrenzy;nowskippingoverakennel,nowrunningforhis lifefromacoachandhorses;nowthinkinghehadlosthisway,nowthinkinghehadfoundit;nowinastateofthehighestconfidence, now despondent to the last degree, but always in a greatperspiration and flurry; until at length they stopped in a kind of paved yardnear the Monument. That is to say, Mr Pecksniff told them so; for as toanythingtheycouldseeoftheMonument,oranythingelsebutthebuildingsclose at hand, they might as well have been playing blindman's buff atSalisbury.

MrPecksnifflookedabouthimforamoment,andthenknockedatthedoorofa very dingy edifice, even among the choice collection of dingy edifices athand; on the front ofwhichwas a little oval board like a tea-tray,with thisinscription—'CommercialBoarding-House:M.Todgers.'

ItseemedthatM.Todgerswasnotupyet,forMrPecksniffknockedtwiceandrang thrice,withoutmaking any impression on anything but a dog over theway.Atlastachainandsomeboltswerewithdrawnwitharustynoise,asiftheweatherhadmadetheveryfasteningshoarse,andasmallboywithalargeredhead,andnonosetospeakof,andaverydirtyWellingtonbootonhisleftarm,appeared;who(beingsurprised)rubbedthenosejustmentionedwiththebackofashoe-brush,andsaidnothing.

'Stilla-bedmyman?'askedMrPecksniff.

'Stilla-bed!'repliedtheboy.'Iwishtheywosstilla-bed.They'reverynoisya-bed; all calling for their boots at once. I thought you was the Paper, andwonderedwhyyoudidn'tshoveyourselfthroughthegratingasusual.Whatdoyouwant?'

Considering his years, which were tender, the youth may be said to havepreferredthisquestionsternly,andinsomethingofadefiantmanner.ButMrPecksniff,without takingumbrageathisbearingputacard inhishand,andbade him take that upstairs, and show them in the meanwhile into a roomwheretherewasafire.

'Orifthere'soneintheeatingparlour,'saidMrPecksniff,'Icanfinditmyself.'So he led his daughters,withoutwaiting for any further introduction, into aroomontheground-floor,whereatable-cloth(ratheratightandscantyfitin

referencetothetableitcovered)wasalreadyspreadforbreakfast;displayingamighty dish of pink boiled beef; an instance of that particular style of loafwhichisknowntohousekeepersasaslack-baked,crummyquartern;aliberalprovisionofcupsandsaucers;andtheusualappendages.

Inside the fenderwere somehalf-dozenpairsof shoesandboots,ofvarioussizes,justcleanedandturnedwiththesolesupwardstodry;andapairofshortblack gaiters, on one of which was chalked—in sport, it would appear, bysomegentlemanwhohadslippeddownforthepurpose,pendinghistoilet,andgone up again—'Jinkins's Particular,' while the other exhibited a sketch inprofile,claimingtobetheportraitofJinkinshimself.

M.Todgers'sCommercialBoarding-Housewasahouseof thatsortwhich islikely tobedarkatany time;but thatmorning itwasespeciallydark.Therewas an odd smell in the passage, as if the concentrated essence of all thedinnersthathadbeencookedinthekitchensincethehousewasbuilt,lingeredat the topof thekitchen stairs to that hour, and like theBlackFriar inDonJuan, 'wouldn't be driven away.' In particular, there was a sensation ofcabbage;asifallthegreensthathadeverbeenboiledthere,wereevergreens,and flourished in immortal strength. The parlour was wainscoted, andcommunicated to strangers amagnetic and instinctive consciousness of ratsandmice.Thestaircasewasverygloomyandverybroad,withbalustradessothickandheavythattheywouldhaveservedforabridge.Inasombrecorneron the first landing, stood a gruff old giant of a clock,with a preposterouscoronetofthreebrassballsonhishead;whomfewhadeverseen—noneeverlooked in theface—andwhoseemed tocontinuehisheavy tickfornootherreasonthantowarnheedlesspeoplefromrunningintohimaccidentally.Ithadnotbeenpaperedorpainted,hadn'tTodgers's,within thememoryofman. Itwasveryblack,begrimed,andmouldy.And,atthetopofthestaircase,wasanold,disjointed,rickety,ill-favouredskylight,patchedandmendedinallkindsofways,whichlookeddistrustfullydownateverythingthatpassedbelow,andcoveredTodgers'supasifitwereasortofhumancucumber-frame,andonlypeopleofapeculiargrowthwererearedthere.

MrPecksniffandhisfairdaughtershadnotstoodwarmingthemselvesatthefire tenminutes,when the sound of feetwas heard upon the stairs, and thepresidingdeityoftheestablishmentcamehurryingin.

M.Todgerswas a lady, rather abonyandhard-featured lady,with a rowofcurlsinfrontofherhead,shapedlikelittlebarrelsofbeer;andonthetopofitsomethingmadeofnet—youcouldn'tcallitacapexactly—whichlookedlikeablackcobweb.Shehadalittlebasketonherarm,andinitabunchofkeysthatjingledasshecame.Inherotherhandsheboreaflamingtallowcandle,which,aftersurveyingMrPecksniffforoneinstantbyitslight,sheputdownupon the table, to the end that she might receive him with the greatercordiality.

'Mr Pecksniff!' cried Mrs Todgers. 'Welcome to London!Who would havethoughtofsuchavisitasthis,afterso—dear,dear!—somanyyears!HowdoyouDO,MrPecksniff?'

'Aswellasever;andasgladtoseeyou,asever;'MrPecksniffmaderesponse.'Why,youareyoungerthanyouusedtobe!'

'YOUare,Iamsure!'saidMrsTodgers.'You'renotabitchanged.'

'Whatdoyousaytothis?'criedMrPecksniff,stretchingouthishandtowardstheyoungladies.'Doesthismakemenoolder?'

'Notyourdaughters!'exclaimedthelady,raisingherhandsandclaspingthem.'Oh,no,MrPecksniff!Yoursecond,andherbridesmaid!'

MrPecksniff smiledcomplacently; shookhishead;andsaid, 'Mydaughters,MrsTodgers.Merelymydaughters.'

'Ah!'sighedthegoodlady,'Imustbelieveyou,fornowIlookat'emIthinkIshouldhaveknown'emanywhere.MydearMissPecksniffs,howhappyyourPahasmademe!'

Shehuggedthemboth;andbeingbythistimeoverpoweredbyherfeelingsortheinclemencyofthemorning, jerkedalittlepockethandkerchiefoutofthelittlebasket,andappliedthesametoherface.

'Now, my good madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'I know the rules of yourestablishment,andthatyouonlyreceivegentlemenboarders.Butitoccurredtome,when I left home, that perhaps youwould givemy daughters houseroom,andmakeanexceptionintheirfavour.'

'Perhaps?'criedMrsTodgersecstatically.'Perhaps?'

'Imaysaythen,thatIwassureyouwould,'saidMrPecksniff.'Iknowthatyouhavealittleroomofyourown,andthattheycanbecomfortablethere,withoutappearingatthegeneraltable.'

'Deargirls!'saidMrsTodgers.'Imusttakethatlibertyoncemore.'

MrsTodgersmeantbythisthatshemustembracethemoncemore,whichsheaccordinglydidwithgreatardour.Butthetruthwasthatthehousebeingfullwiththeexceptionofonebed,whichwouldnowbeoccupiedbyMrPecksniff,shewantedtimeforconsideration;andsomuchtimetoo(foritwasaknottypointhowtodisposeofthem),thatevenwhenthissecondembracewasover,shestoodforsomemomentsgazingat thesisters,withaffectionbeaming inoneeye,andcalculationshiningoutoftheother.

'IthinkIknowhowtoarrangeit,'saidMrsTodgers,atlength.'Asofabedstead

in the little third room which opens from my own parlour.—Oh, you deargirls!'

Thereuponsheembracedthemoncemore,observingthatshecouldnotdecidewhichwasmost like their poormother (whichwas highly probable, seeingthatshehadneverbeheldthatlady),butthatsheratherthoughttheyoungestwas;andthenshesaidthatasthegentlemenwouldbedowndirectly,andtheladieswerefatiguedwithtravelling,wouldtheystepintoherroomatonce?

It was on the same floor; being, in fact, the back parlour; and had, asMrsTodgerssaid,thegreatadvantage(inLondon)ofnotbeingoverlooked;astheywouldseewhenthefogclearedoff.Norwasthisavaingloriousboast,foritcommandedataperspectiveoftwofeet,abrownwallwithablackcisternonthetop.Thesleepingapartmentdesignedfortheyoungladieswasapproachedfromthischamberbyamightilyconvenientlittledoor,whichwouldonlyopenwhenfallenagainstbyastrongperson.Itcommandedfromasimilarpointofsightanotherangleofthewall,andanothersideofthecistern.'Notthedampside,'saidMrsTodgers.'THATisMrJinkins's.'

In the first of these sanctuaries a firewas speedily kindled by the youthfulporter, who, whistling at his work in the absence of Mrs Todgers (not tomention his sketching figures on his corduroys with burnt firewood), andbeingafterwards takenbythat ladyin thefact,wasdismissedwithaboxonhisears.Havingpreparedbreakfastfortheyoungladieswithherownhands,she withdrew to preside in the other room; where the joke at Mr Jinkins'sexpenseseemedtobeproceedingrathernoisily.

'Iwon'taskyouyet,mydears,'saidMrPecksniff,lookinginatthedoor,'howyoulikeLondon.ShallI?'

'Wehaven'tseenmuchofit,Pa!'criedMerry.

'Nothing,Ihope,'saidCherry.(Bothverymiserably.)

'Indeed,'saidMrPecksniff,'that'strue.Wehaveourpleasure,andourbusinesstoo,beforeus.Allingoodtime.Allingoodtime!'

WhetherMrPecksniff'sbusinessinLondonwasasstrictlyprofessionalashehad given his new pupil to understand, we shall see, to adopt that worthyman'sphraseology,'allingoodtime.'

CHAPTERNINE

TOWNANDTODGER'S

Surely there neverwas, in any other borough, city, or hamlet in theworld,suchasingularsortofaplaceasTodgers's.AndsurelyLondon,tojudgefromthatpartof itwhichhemmedTodgers's roundandhustled it, andcrushed it,and stuck its brick-and-mortar elbows into it, and kept the air from it, andstood perpetually between it and the light, was worthy of Todgers's, andqualifiedtobeontermsofcloserelationshipandalliancewithhundredsandthousandsoftheoddfamilytowhichTodgers'sbelonged.

Youcouldn'twalkaboutTodgers'sneighbourhood,asyoucouldinanyotherneighbourhood.Yougropedyourwayforanhourthroughlanesandbyways,and court-yards, and passages; and you never once emerged upon anythingthatmightbe reasonablycalledastreet.Akindof resigneddistractioncameover thestrangerashe trod thosedeviousmazes,and,givinghimselfup forlost,wentinandoutandroundaboutandquietlyturnedbackagainwhenhecametoadeadwallorwasstoppedbyanironrailing,andfeltthatthemeansofescapemightpossiblypresentthemselvesintheirowngoodtime,butthattoanticipatethemwashopeless.Instanceswereknownofpeoplewho,beingasked to dine atTodgers's, had travelled round and round for aweary time,with its very chimney-pots in view; and finding it, at last, impossible ofattainment, had gone home againwith a gentlemelancholy on their spirits,tranquil and uncomplaining. Nobody had ever found Todgers's on a verbaldirection, thoughgivenwithina fewminutes'walkof it.CautiousemigrantsfromScotlandortheNorthofEnglandhadbeenknowntoreachitsafely,byimpressingacharity-boy,town-bred,andbringinghimalongwiththem;orbyclingingtenaciouslytothepostman;butthesewererareexceptions,andonlywenttoprovetherulethatTodgers'swasinalabyrinth,whereofthemysterywasknownbuttoachosenfew.

Several fruit-brokers had their marts near Todgers's; and one of the firstimpressionswroughtuponthestranger'ssenseswasoforanges—ofdamagedoranges—with blue and green bruises on them, festering in boxes, ormoulderingawayincellars.Alldaylong,astreamofportersfromthewharvesbesidetheriver,eachbearingonhisbackaburstingchestoforanges,pouredslowly through the narrow passages; while underneath the archway by thepublic-house, the knots of those who rested and regaled within, were piledfrommorninguntilnight.Strangesolitarypumpswere foundnearTodgers'shidingthemselvesforthemostpartinblindalleys,andkeepingcompanywithfire-ladders.Therewere churches alsobydozens,withmanyaghostly littlechurchyard, all overgrown with such straggling vegetation as springs upspontaneously from damp, and graves, and rubbish. In some of these dingyresting-placeswhichboremuchthesameanalogytogreenchurchyards,asthepotsofearthformignonetteandwall-flowerinthewindowsoverlookingthemdidtorusticgardens,thereweretrees;talltrees;stillputtingforththeirleaves

ineach succeedingyear,with sucha languishing remembranceof theirkind(soonemightfancy,lookingontheirsicklyboughs)asbirdsincageshaveoftheirs.Here,paralysedoldwatchmenguardedthebodiesofthedeadatnight,yearafteryear,untilat last theyjoinedthatsolemnbrotherhood;and,savingthat they slept below the ground a sounder sleep than even they had everknownaboveit,andwereshutupinanotherkindofbox,theirconditioncanhardlybesaidtohaveundergoneanymaterialchangewhenthey,inturn,werewatchedthemselves.

Among the narrow thoroughfares at hand, there lingered, here and there, anancientdoorwayofcarvedoak,fromwhich,ofold,thesoundsofrevelryandfeastingoftencame;butnowthesemansions,onlyusedforstorehouses,weredark and dull, and, being filled with wool, and cotton, and the like—suchheavymerchandiseasstiflessoundandstopsthethroatofecho—hadanairofpalpable deadness about them which, added to their silence and desertion,madethemverygrim.Inlikemanner,thereweregloomycourtyardsintheseparts,intowhichfewbutbelatedwayfarerseverstrayed,andwherevastbagsand packs of goods, upward or downward bound, were for ever danglingbetween heaven and earth from lofty cranes There were more trucks nearTodgers's than you would suppose whole city could ever need; not activetrucks,butavagabondrace,foreverlounginginthenarrowlanesbeforetheirmasters'doorsandstoppingupthepass;sothatwhenastrayhackney-coachorlumberingwaggoncame thatway, theywere thecauseof suchanuproarasenlivened the whole neighbourhood, and made the bells in the nextchurchtowervibrateagain.Inthethroatsandmawsofdarkno-thoroughfaresnearTodgers's, individualwine-merchants andwholesaledealers ingrocery-warehadperfectlittletownsoftheirown;and,deepamongthefoundationsofthese buildings, the groundwas undermined and burrowed out into stables,wherecart-horses,troubledbyrats,mightbeheardonaquietSundayrattlingtheirhalters, asdisturbed spirits in talesofhauntedhousesare said toclanktheirchains.

To tell of half the queer old taverns that had a drowsy and secret existencenear Todgers's, would fill a goodly book; while a second volume no lesscapacious might be devoted to an account of the quaint old guests whofrequented their dimly lighted parlours. These were, in general, ancientinhabitantsof thatregion;born,andbredtherefromboyhood,whohadlongsincebecomewheezyandasthmatical,andshortofbreath,exceptinthearticleof story-telling; in which respect they were still marvellously long-winded.Thesegentryweremuchopposedtosteamandallnew-fangledways,andheldballooningtobesinful,anddeploredthedegeneracyofthetimes;whichthatparticularmemberofeachlittleclubwhokeptthekeysofthenearestchurch,professionally, always attributed to the prevalence of dissent and irreligion;though themajorpartof thecompany inclined to thebelief thatvirtuewentout with hair-powder, and that Old England's greatness had decayed amain

withbarbers.

AstoTodgers'sitself—speakingofitonlyasahouseinthatneighbourhood,andmakingnoreferencetoitsmeritsasacommercialboardingestablishment—itwasworthytostandwhereitdid.Therewasonestaircase-windowinit,atthesideof thehouse,onthegroundfloor;whichtraditionsaidhadnotbeenopened for a hundredyears at least, andwhich, abuttingon an alwaysdirtylane,wassobegrimedandcoatedwithacentury'smud, thatnoonepaneofglasscouldpossiblyfallout,thoughallwerecrackedandbrokentwentytimes.ButthegrandmysteryofTodgers'swasthecellarage,approachableonlybyalittlebackdoorandarustygrating;whichcellaragewithinthememoryofmanhad had no connection with the house, but had always been the freeholdpropertyof somebodyelse, andwas reported tobe fullofwealth; though inwhat shape—whether in silver, brass, or gold, or butts ofwine, or casks ofgun-powder—wasmatterofprofounduncertaintyandsupremeindifferencetoTodgers'sandallitsinmates.

Thetopofthehousewasworthyofnotice.Therewasasortofterraceontheroof,with posts and fragments of rotten lines, once intended to dry clothesupon; and there were two or three tea-chests out there, full of earth, withforgotten plants in them, like old walking-sticks. Whoever climbed to thisobservatory, was stunned at first from having knocked his head against thelittle door in coming out; and after that, was for the moment choked fromhaving looked perforce, straight down the kitchen chimney; but these twostagesover,therewerethingstogazeatfromthetopofTodgers's,wellworthyourseeingtoo.Forfirstandforemost, if thedaywerebright,youobserveduponthehouse-tops,stretchingfaraway,alongdarkpath;theshadowoftheMonument; and turning round, the tall original was close beside you, witheveryhairerectuponhisgoldenhead,as if thedoingsof thecityfrightenedhim.Then therewere steeples, towers, belfries, shining vanes, andmasts ofships; a very forest. Gables, housetops, garret-windows, wilderness uponwilderness.Smokeandnoiseenoughforalltheworldatonce.

Afterthefirstglance,therewereslightfeaturesinthemidstofthiscrowdofobjects,whichsprungoutfromthemasswithoutanyreason,as itwere,andtook hold of the attention whether the spectator would or no. Thus, therevolvingchimney-potsononegreatstackofbuildingsseemedtobeturninggravely toeachothereverynowand then,andwhispering theresultof theirseparateobservationofwhatwasgoingonbelow.Others,ofacrook-backedshape,appearedtobemaliciouslyholdingthemselvesaskew,thattheymightshuttheprospectoutandbaffleTodgers's.Themanwhowasmendingapenatanupperwindowovertheway,becameofparamountimportanceinthescene,andmade a blank in it, ridiculously disproportionate in its extent, when heretired. The gambols of a piece of cloth upon the dyer's pole had farmoreinterest for themoment thanall thechangingmotionof thecrowd.Yeteven

whilethelooker-onfeltangrywithhimselfforthis,andwonderedhowitwas,the tumult swelled into a roar; the hosts of objects seemed to thicken andexpandahundredfold,andaftergazingroundhim,quitescared,heturnedintoTodgers'sagain,muchmorerapidlythanhecameout;andtentoonehetoldM.Todgersafterwardsthatifhehadn'tdoneso,hewouldcertainlyhavecomeintothestreetbytheshortestcut;thatistosay,head-foremost.

SosaidthetwoMissPecksniffs,whentheyretiredwithMrsTodgersfromthisplaceofespial,leavingtheyouthfulportertoclosethedoorandfollowthemdownstairs;who, being of a playful temperament, and contemplatingwith adelightpeculiartohissexandtimeoflife,anychanceofdashinghimselfintosmallfragments,lingeredbehindtowalkupontheparapet.

ItbeingtheseconddayoftheirstayinLondon,theMissPecksniffsandMrsTodgerswereby this timehighlyconfidential, insomuch that the last-namedladyhadalreadycommunicatedtheparticularsofthreeearlydisappointmentsof a tender nature; and had furthermore possessed her young friendswith ageneral summaryof the life, conduct, and character ofMrTodgers.Who, itseemed, had cut his matrimonial career rather short, by unlawfully runningaway from his happiness, and establishing himself in foreign countries as abachelor.

'Your pa was once a little particular in his attentions, my dears,' said MrsTodgers,'buttobeyourmawastoomuchhappinessdeniedme.You'dhardlyknowwhothiswasdonefor,perhaps?'

Shecalledtheirattentiontoanovalminiature,likealittleblister,whichwastackedupoverthekettle-holder,andinwhichtherewasadreamyshadowingforthofherownvisage.

'It'saspeakinglikeness!'criedthetwoMissPecksniffs.

'It was considered so once,' said Mrs Todgers, warming herself in agentlemanlymanneratthefire; 'butIhardlythoughtyouwouldhaveknownit,myloves.'

Theywould have known it anywhere. If they could havemetwith it in thestreet,orseenitinashopwindow,theywouldhavecried'Goodgracious!MrsTodgers!'

'Presidingoveranestablishmentlikethis,makessadhavocwiththefeatures,mydearMissPecksniffs,' saidMrsTodgers. 'The gravy alone, is enough toaddtwentyyearstoone'sage,Idoassureyou.'

'Lor'!'criedthetwoMissPecksniffs.

'The anxietyof that one item,mydears,' saidMrsTodgers, 'keeps themind

continuallyuponthestretch.Thereisnosuchpassioninhumannature,asthepassion for gravy among commercial gentlemen. It's nothing to say a jointwon'tyield—awholeanimalwouldn'tyield—theamountofgravytheyexpecteach day at dinner.Andwhat I have undergone in consequence,' criedMrsTodgers,raisinghereyesandshakingherhead,'noonewouldbelieve!'

'Just likeMrPinch,Merry!' saidCharity. 'Wehavealwaysnoticed it inhim,youremember?'

'Yes,mydear,'giggledMerry,'butwehavenevergivenithim,youknow.'

'You, my dears, having to deal with your pa's pupils who can't helpthemselves, are able to take your own way,' said Mrs Todgers; 'but in acommercial establishment, where any gentleman may say any Saturdayevening,"MrsTodgers,thisdayweekwepart,inconsequenceofthecheese,"it is not so easy to preserve a pleasant understanding. Your pa was kindenough,'addedthegoodlady,'toinvitemetotakearidewithyouto-day;andI think he mentioned that you were going to call upon Miss Pinch. Anyrelationtothegentlemanyouwerespeakingofjustnow,MissPecksniff?'

'Forgoodnesssake,MrsTodgers,'interposedthelivelyMerry,'don'tcallhimagentleman.MydearCherry,Pinchagentleman!Theidea!'

'What a wicked girl you are!' criedMrs Todgers, embracing her with greataffection.'Youarequiteaquiz,Idodeclare!MydearMissPecksniff,whatahappinessyoursister'sspiritsmustbetoyourpaandself!'

'He's the most hideous, goggle-eyed creature, Mrs Todgers, in existence,'resumedMerry: 'quite an ogre. The ugliest, awkwardest frightfullest being,youcanimagine.Thisishissister,soI leaveyoutosupposewhatSHEis.Ishallbeobliged to laughoutright, IknowIshall!'cried thecharminggirl, 'Inever shall be able to keep my countenance. The notion of a Miss Pinchpresumingtoexistatallissufficienttokillone,buttoseeher—ohmystars!'

MrsTodgers laughedimmenselyat thedear love'shumour,anddeclaredshewasquiteafraidofher,thatshewas.Shewassoverysevere.

'Whoissevere?'criedavoiceatthedoor.'Thereisnosuchthingasseverityinour family, I hope!'And thenMrPecksniff peeped smilingly into the room,andsaid,'MayIcomein,MrsTodgers?'

MrsTodgersalmost screamed, for the littledoorof communicationbetweenthatroomandtheinneronebeingwideopen,therewasafulldisclosureofthesofa bedstead in all itsmonstrous impropriety. But she had the presence ofmindtoclosethisportalinthetwinklingofaneye;andhavingdoneso,said,thoughnotwithoutconfusion,'Ohyes,MrPecksniff,youcancomein,ifyouplease.'

'Howareweto-day,'saidMrPecksniff,jocosely,'andwhatareourplans?ArewereadytogoandseeTomPinch'ssister?Ha,ha,ha!PoorThomasPinch!'

'Are we ready,' returned Mrs Todgers, nodding her head with mysteriousintelligence,'tosendafavourablereplytoMrJinkins'sround-robin?That'sthefirstquestion,MrPecksniff.'

'WhyMr Jinkins's robin,mydearmadam?' askedMrPecksniff, puttingonearmroundMercy,andtheotherroundMrsTodgers,whomheseemed,intheabstractionofthemoment,tomistakeforCharity.'WhyMrJinkins's?'

'Becausehebegantogetitup,andindeedalwaystakestheleadinthehouse,'saidMrsTodgers,playfully.'That'swhy,sir.'

'Jinkinsisamanofsuperiortalents,'observedMrPecksniff.'IhaveconceivedagreatregardforJinkins.ItakeJinkins'sdesiretopaypoliteattentiontomydaughters, as an additional proof of the friendly feeling of Jinkins, MrsTodgers.'

'Wellnow,'returnedthatlady,'havingsaidsomuch,youmustsaytherest,MrPecksniff;sotellthedearyoungladiesallaboutit.'

With these words she gently eluded Mr Pecksniff's grasp, and took MissCharity into her own embrace; though whether she was impelled to thisproceeding solely by the irrepressible affection she had conceived for thatyounglady,orwhetherithadanyreferencetoalowering,nottosaydistinctlyspitefulexpressionwhichhadbeenvisibleinherfaceforsomemoments,hasnever been exactly ascertained. Be this as it may,Mr Pecksniff went on toinformhisdaughtersof thepurportandhistoryof theround-robinaforesaid,whichwasinbrief,thatthecommercialgentlemenwhohelpedtomakeupthesum and substance of that noun of multitude signifying many, calledTodgers's,desiredthehonouroftheirpresenceatthegeneraltable,solongastheyremainedinthehouse,andbesoughtthat theywouldgracetheboardatdinner-time next day, the same being Sunday. He further said, that MrsTodgersbeingaconsentingpartytothisinvitation,hewaswilling,forhispart,toacceptit;andsoleftthemthathemightwritehisgraciousanswer,thewhilethey armed themselves with their best bonnets for the utter defeat andoverthrowofMissPinch.

Tom Pinch's sister was governess in a family, a lofty family; perhaps thewealthiestbrassandcopperfounders'familyknowntomankind.TheylivedatCamberwell;inahousesobigandfierce,thatitsmereoutside,liketheoutsideofagiant'scastle,struckterrorintovulgarmindsandmadeboldpersonsquail.Therewasagreat frontgate;withagreatbell,whosehandlewas in itselfanoteofadmiration;andagreat lodge;whichbeingclosetothehouse,ratherspoiltthelook-outcertainlybutmadethelook-intremendous.Atthisentry,a

greatporterkeptconstantwatchandward;andwhenhegavethevisitorhighleave to pass, he rang a secondgreat bell, responsive towhosenote a greatfootmanappearedinduetimeatthegreathalldoor,withsuchgreattagsuponhis liveriedshoulder thathewasperpetuallyentanglingandhookinghimselfamong the chairs and tables, and led a life of tormentwhich could scarcelyhavebeensurpassed,ifhehadbeenablue-bottleinaworldofcobwebs.

To this mansion Mr Pecksniff, accompanied by his daughters and MrsTodgers,drovegallantlyinaone-horsefly.Theforegoingceremonieshavingbeenallperformed,theywereusheredintothehouse;andso,bydegrees,theygotatlastintoasmallroomwithbooksinit,whereMrPinch'ssisterwasatthatmoment instructinghereldestpupil; towit,apremature littlewomanofthirteenyearsold,whohadalreadyarrivedatsuchapitchofwhaleboneandeducationthatshehadnothinggirlishabouther,whichwasasourceofgreatrejoicingtoallherrelationsandfriends.

'Visitors forMissPinch!' said the footman.Hemusthavebeenan ingeniousyoungman,forhesaiditverycleverly;withanicediscriminationbetweenthecoldrespectwithwhichhewouldhaveannouncedvisitorstothefamily,andthewarmpersonal interestwithwhichhewouldhave announcedvisitors tothecook.

'VisitorsforMissPinch!'

MissPinchrosehastily;withsuchtokensofagitationasplainlydeclaredthatherlistofcallerswasnotnumerous.Atthesametime,thelittlepupilbecamealarminglyupright,andpreparedherselftotakementalnotesofallthatmightbesaidanddone.Fortheladyoftheestablishmentwascuriousinthenaturalhistory and habits of the animal called Governess, and encouraged herdaughterstoreportthereonwheneveroccasionserved;whichwas,inreferencetoallpartiesconcerned,verylaudable,improving,andpleasant.

Itisamelancholyfact;butitmustberelated,thatMrPinch'ssisterwasnotatallugly.Onthecontrary,shehadagoodface;averymildandprepossessingface; and a pretty little figure—slight and short, but remarkable for itsneatness. There was something of her brother, much of him indeed, in acertaingentlenessofmanner,andinherlookoftimidtrustfulness;butshewassofarfrombeingafright,oradowdy,orahorror,oranythingelse,predictedby the twoMiss Pecksniffs, that those young ladies naturally regarded herwithgreatindignation,feelingthatthiswasbynomeanswhattheyhadcometosee.

MissMercy,ashavingthelargershareofgaiety,boreupthebestagainstthisdisappointment,andcarrieditoff, inoutwardshowatleast,withatitter;buther sister, not caring to hide her disdain, expressed it pretty openly in herlooks.AstoMrsTodgers,sheleanedonMrPecksniff'sarmandpreserveda

kind of genteel grimness, suitable to any state of mind, and involving anyshadeofopinion.

'Don't be alarmed, Miss Pinch,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking her handcondescendinglyinoneofhis,andpattingitwith theother. 'Ihavecalledtoseeyou,inpursuanceofapromisegiventoyourbrother,ThomasPinch.Myname—composeyourself,MissPinch—isPecksniff.'

Thegoodmanemphasisedthesewordsasthoughhewouldhavesaid,'Youseeinme,youngperson,thebenefactorofyourrace;thepatronofyourhouse;thepreserverofyourbrother,whoisfedwithmannadailyfrommytable;andinrightofwhomthereisaconsiderablebalanceinmyfavouratpresentstandinginthebooksbeyondthesky.ButIhavenopride,forIcanaffordtodowithoutit!'

ThepoorgirlfeltitallasifithadbeenGospeltruth.Herbrotherwritinginthefullnessofhissimpleheart,hadoftentoldherso,andhowmuchmore!AsMrPecksniff ceased to speak, she hung her head, and dropped a tear upon hishand.

'Ohverywell,MissPinch!' thought thesharppupil, 'cryingbeforestrangers,asifyoudidn'tlikethesituation!'

'Thomasiswell,'saidMrPecksniff;'andsendshisloveandthisletter.Icannotsay,poor fellow, thathewill everbedistinguished inourprofession;buthehas the will to do well, which is the next thing to having the power; and,therefore,wemustbearwithhim.Eh?'

'Iknowhehasthewill,sir,'saidTomPinch'ssister, 'andIknowhowkindlyand considerately you cherish it, for which neither he nor I can ever begrateful enough, as we very often say in writing to each other. The youngladies too,' sheadded,glancinggratefullyathis twodaughters, 'Iknowhowmuchweowetothem.'

'Mydears,'saidMrPecksniff,turningtothemwithasmile:'Thomas'ssisterissayingsomethingyouwillbegladtohear,Ithink.'

'We can't take any merit to ourselves, papa!' cried Cherry, as they bothapprisedTomPinch'ssister,withacurtsey,thattheywouldfeelobligedifshewouldkeepherdistance. 'MrPinch'sbeingsowellprovided for isowing toyoualone,andwecanonlysayhowgladwearetohearthatheisasgratefulasheoughttobe.'

'Oh verywell,Miss Pinch!' thought the pupil again. 'Got a grateful brother,livingonotherpeople'skindness!'

'Itwasverykindofyou,'saidTomPinch'ssister,withTom'sownsimplicity

andTom's own smile, 'to come here; very kind indeed; though howgreat akindnessyouhavedonemeingratifyingmywishtoseeyou,andtothankyouwithmyownlips,you,whomakesolightofbenefitsconferred,canscarcelythink.'

'Verygrateful;verypleasant;veryproper,'murmuredMrPecksniff.

'Itmakesmehappytoo,'saidRuthPinch,whonowthatherfirstsurprisewasover,hadachatty,cheerfulwaywithher,andasingle-hearteddesiretolookuponthebestsideofeverything,whichwastheverymoralandimageofTom;'very happy to think that you will be able to tell him how more thancomfortablyIamsituatedhere,andhowunnecessaryitisthatheshouldeverwastearegretonmybeingcastuponmyownresources.Dearme!SolongasIheardthathewashappy,andheheardthatIwas,'saidTom'ssister,'wecouldboth bear,without one impatient or complaining thought, a great dealmorethaneverwehavehadtoendure,Iamverycertain.'Andifevertheplaintruthwere spokenon thisoccasionally falseearth,Tom's sister spoke itwhenshesaidthat.

'Ah!' criedMr Pecksniff whose eyes had in the meantime wandered to thepupil;'certainly.AndhowdoYOUdo,myveryinterestingchild?'

'Quitewell,Ithankyou,sir,'repliedthatfrostyinnocent.

'Asweet face this,mydears,' saidMrPecksniff, turning tohisdaughters. 'Acharmingmanner!'

Both young ladies had been in ecstasies with the scion of a wealthy house(through whom the nearest road and shortest cut to her parents might besupposedtolie)fromthefirst.MrsTodgersvowedthatanythingonequartersoangelicshehadneverseen. 'Shewantedbutapairofwings,adear,' saidthatgoodwoman, 'tobeayoungsyrup'—meaning,possibly,youngsylph,orseraph.

'Ifyouwillgive that toyourdistinguishedparents,myamiable little friend,'saidMrPecksniff,producingoneofhisprofessionalcards,'andwillsaythatIandmydaughters—'

'AndMrsTodgers,pa,'saidMerry.

'AndMrsTodgers,ofLondon,'addedMrPecksniff;'thatI,andmydaughters,andMrsTodgers,ofLondon,didnotintrudeuponthem,asourobjectsimplywastotakesomenoticeofMissPinch,whosebrotherisayoungmaninmyemployment; but that I could not leave this very chaste mansion, withoutaddingmyhumbletribute,asanArchitect,tothecorrectnessandeleganceofthe owner's taste, and to his just appreciation of that beautiful art to thecultivationofwhichIhavedevotedalife,andtothepromotionofwhoseglory

andadvancementIhavesacrifieda—afortune—Ishallbeverymuchobligedtoyou.'

'Missis's compliments toMissPinch,' said the footman, suddenly appearing,and speaking in exactly the samekey as before, 'and begs to knowwotmyyoungladyisa-learningofjustnow.'

'Oh!'saidMrPecksniff, 'Hereistheyoungman.HEwilltakethecard.Withmycompliments,ifyouplease,youngman.Mydears,weareinterruptingthestudies.Letusgo.'

Someconfusionwasoccasionedforan instantbyMrsTodgers'sunstrappingherlittleflathand-basket,andhurriedlyentrustingthe'youngman'withoneofherowncards,which,inadditiontocertaindetailedinformationrelativetothetermsofthecommercialestablishment,boreafoot-notetotheeffectthatM.T.tookthatopportunityofthankingthosegentlemenwhohadhonouredherwiththeirfavours,andbeggedtheywouldhavethegoodness,ifsatisfiedwiththetable, to recommend her to their friends. ButMr Pecksniff, with admirablepresence of mind, recovered this document, and buttoned it up in his ownpocket.

Then he said to Miss Pinch—with more condescension and kindness thanever, for itwas desirable the footman should expressly understand that theywerenotfriendsofhers,butpatrons:

'Good morning. Good-bye. God bless you! You may depend upon mycontinuedprotectionofyourbrotherThomas.Keepyourmindquiteatease,MissPinch!'

'Thankyou,'saidTom'ssisterheartily;'athousandtimes.'

'Notatall,'heretorted,pattinghergentlyonthehead.'Don'tmentionit.Youwillmakemeangryifyoudo.Mysweetchild'—tothepupil—'farewell!Thatfairy creature,' saidMr Pecksniff, looking in his pensive mood hard at thefootman, as if hemeanthim, 'has shedavisiononmypath, refulgent in itsnature,andnoteasilytobeobliterated.Mydears,areyouready?'

Theywerenotquitereadyyet,fortheywerestillcaressingthepupil.Buttheytore themselves away at length; and sweeping pastMiss Pinchwith each ahaughty inclinationof theheadandacurtsey strangled in itsbirth, flouncedintothepassage.

Theyoungmanhadratheralongjobinshowingthemout;forMrPecksniff'sdelightinthetastefulnessofthehousewassuchthathecouldnothelpoftenstopping (particularly when they were near the parlour door) and giving itexpression, in a loud voice and very learned terms. Indeed, he delivered,betweenthestudyandthehall,afamiliarexpositionofthewholescienceof

architectureasappliedtodwelling-houses,andwasyetinthefreshnessofhiseloquencewhentheyreachedthegarden.

'Ifyoulook,'saidMrPecksniff,backingfromthesteps,withhisheadononesideandhiseyeshalf-shutthathemightthebettertakeintheproportionsoftheexterior:'Ifyoulook,mydears,atthecornicewhichsupportstheroof,andobserve the airiness of its construction, especially where it sweeps thesouthernangleofthebuilding,youwillfeelwithme—Howdoyoudo,sir?Ihopeyou'rewell?'

Interrupting himself with these words, he very politely bowed to amiddle-aged gentleman at an upper window, to whom he spoke—not because thegentlemancouldhearhim(forhecertainlycouldnot),butasanappropriateaccompanimenttohissalutation.

'I have no doubt, my dears,' saidMr Pecksniff, feigning to point out otherbeautieswith his hand, 'that this is the proprietor. I should be glad to knowhim.Itmightleadtosomething.Ishelookingthisway,Charity?'

'Heisopeningthewindowpa!'

'Ha,ha!'criedMrPecksniffsoftly. 'All right!HehasfoundI'mprofessional.Heheardmeinsidejustnow,Ihavenodoubt.Don'tlook!Withregardtotheflutedpillarsintheportico,mydears—'

'Hallo!'criedthegentleman.

'Sir,yourservant!'saidMrPecksniff,takingoffhishat. 'Iamproudtomakeyouracquaintance.'

'Comeoffthegrass,willyou!'roaredthegentleman.

'Ibegyourpardon,sir,'saidMrPecksniff,doubtfulofhishavingheardaright.'Didyou—?'

'Comeoffthegrass!'repeatedthegentleman,warmly.

'Weareunwillingtointrude,sir,'MrPecksniffsmilinglybegan.

'But you ARE intruding,' returned the other, 'unwarrantably intruding.Trespassing.Youseeagravelwalk,don'tyou?Whatdoyouthinkit'smeantfor?Openthegatethere!Showthatpartyout!'

Withthatheclappeddownthewindowagain,anddisappeared.

Mr Pecksniff put on his hat, and walked with great deliberation and inprofoundsilencetothefly,gazingatthecloudsashewent,withgreatinterest.AfterhelpinghisdaughtersandMrsTodgers into that conveyance,he stoodlookingatitforsomemoments,asifhewerenotquitecertainwhetheritwas

acarriageoratemple;buthavingsettledthispointinhismind,hegotintohisplace,spreadhishandsoutonhisknees,andsmileduponthethreebeholders.

But his daughters, less tranquil-minded, burst into a torrent of indignation.Thiscame,theysaid,ofcherishingsuchcreaturesasthePinches.Thiscameoflowering themselves to their level. This came of putting themselves in thehumiliating position of seeming to know such bold, audacious, cunning,dreadful girls as that. They had expected this. They had predicted it toMrsTodgers, as she (Todgers) could depone, that very morning. To this, theyadded,thattheownerofthehouse,supposingthemtobeMissPinch'sfriends,hadacted,intheiropinion,quitecorrectly,andhaddonenomorethan,undersuchcircumstances,mightreasonablyhavebeenexpected.Tothattheyadded(witha trifling inconsistency), thathewasabruteandabear;and then theymergedintoafloodoftears,whichsweptawayallwanderingepithetsbeforeit.

Perhaps Miss Pinch was scarcely so much to blame in the matter as theSeraph,who, immediatelyon thewithdrawalof thevisitors,hadhastened toreport them at head-quarters, with a full account of their havingpresumptuously charged her with the delivery of a message afterwardsconsigned to the footman; which outrage, taken in conjunction with MrPecksniff'sunobtrusiveremarksontheestablishment,mightpossiblyhavehadsomeshareintheirdismissal.PoorMissPinch,however,hadtobearthebruntofitwithbothparties;beingsoseverelytakentotaskbytheSeraph'smotherfor having suchvulgar acquaintances, that shewas fain to retire toher ownroomintears,whichhernaturalcheerfulnessandsubmission,andthedelightof having seenMrPecksniff, and having received a letter fromher brother,wereatfirstinsufficienttorepress.

As toMrPecksniff, he told them in the fly, that a good actionwas its ownreward;andrathergavethemtounderstand,thatifhecouldhavebeenkickedinsuchacause,hewouldhavelikeditallthebetter.Butthiswasnocomfortto the young ladies, who scolded violently the whole way back, and evenexhibited,morethanonce,akeendesiretoattackthedevotedMrsTodgers;onwhose personal appearance, but particularly on whose offending card andhand-basket,theyweresecretlyinclinedtolaytheblameofhalftheirfailure.

Todgers'swasinagreatbustlethatevening,partlyowingtosomeadditionaldomestic preparations for the morrow, and partly to the excitement alwaysinseparable in thathousefromSaturdaynight,wheneverygentleman's linenarrived at a different hour in its own little bundle, with his private accountpinned on the outside. There was always a great clinking of pattensdownstairs, too,untilmidnightor so,onSaturdays; togetherwitha frequentgleamingofmysterious lights in thearea;muchworkingat thepump;andaconstantjanglingoftheironhandleofthepail.Shrillaltercationsfromtimetotime arose between Mrs Todgers and unknown females in remote back

kitchens; and soundswereoccasionallyheard, indicativeof small articlesofironmongeryandhardwarebeingthrownattheboy.ItwasthecustomofthatyouthonSaturdays,torolluphisshirtsleevestohisshoulders,andpervadeallpartsofthehouseinanapronofcoarsegreenbaize;moreover,hewasmorestrongly tempted onSaturdays than on other days (it being a busy time), tomakeexcursiveboltsintotheneighbouringalleyswhenheansweredthedoor,andtheretoplayatleap-frogandothersportswithvagrantlads,untilpursuedandbroughtbackby thehairofhisheador the lobeofhisear; thushewasquiteaconspicuousfeatureamongthepeculiarincidentsofthelastdayintheweekatTodgers's.

Hewas especially so on this particular Saturday evening, and honoured theMiss Pecksniffs with a deal of notice; seldom passing the door of MrsTodgers'sprivate room,where theysatalonebefore the fire,workingby thelightofasolitarycandle,withoutputtinginhisheadandgreetingthemwithsomesuchcomplimentsas, 'Thereyouareagin!' 'An't itnice?'—andsimilarhumorousattentions.

'Isay,'hewhispered,stoppinginoneofhisjourneystoandfro,'youngladies,there'ssoupto-morrow.She'sa-makingitnow.An'tshea-puttinginthewater?Oh!notatallneither!'

Inthecourseofansweringanotherknock,hethrustinhisheadagain.

'Isay!There'sfowlsto-morrow.Notskinnyones.Ohno!'

Presentlyhecalledthroughthekey-hole:

'There's a fish to-morrow. Just come.Don't eatnoneofhim!'And,with thisspecialwarning,vanishedagain.

By-and-bye,he returned to lay thecloth for supper; ithavingbeenarrangedbetweenMrs Todgers and the young ladies, that they should partake of anexclusiveveal-cutlettogetherintheprivacyofthatapartment.Heentertainedthem on this occasion by thrusting the lighted candle into his mouth, andexhibitinghisfaceinastateoftransparency;after theperformanceofwhichfeat,hewentonwithhisprofessionalduties;brighteningeveryknifeashelaiditonthetable,bybreathingonthebladeandafterwardspolishingthesameonthe apron already mentioned. When he had completed his preparations, hegrinnedat thesisters,andexpressedhisbelief that theapproachingcollationwouldbeof'ratheraspicysort.'

'Willitbelong,beforeit'sready,Bailey?'askedMercy.

'No,'saidBailey,'itIScooked.WhenIcomeup,shewasdodgingamongthetenderpieceswithafork,andeatingof'em.'

Buthehadscarcelyachievedtheutteranceofthesewords,whenhereceivedamanualcomplimentonthehead,whichsenthimstaggeringagainst thewall;andMrsTodgers,dishinhand,stoodindignantlybeforehim.

'Ohyoulittlevillain!'saidthatlady.'Ohyoubad,falseboy!'

'No worse than yerself,' retorted Bailey, guarding his head, on a principleinventedbyMrThomasCribb.'Ah!Comenow!Dothatagain,willyer?'

'He'sthemostdreadfulchild,'saidMrsTodgers,settingdownthedish,'Ieverhadtodealwith.Thegentlemenspoilhimtothatextent,andteachhimsuchthings,thatI'mafraidnothingbuthangingwilleverdohimanygood.'

'Won't it!'criedBailey. 'Oh!Yes!Wotdoyougoa-lowerinthetable-beerforthen,anddestroyingmyconstitooshun?'

'Go downstairs, you vicious boy,' saidMrs Todgers, holding the door open.'Doyouhearme?Goalong!'

Aftertwoorthreedexterousfeints,hewent,andwasseennomorethatnight,save once, when he brought up some tumblers and hot water, and muchdisturbedthetwoMissPecksniffsbysquintinghideouslybehindthebackofthe unconscious Mrs Todgers. Having done this justice to his woundedfeelings, he retired underground;where, in companywith a swarmof blackbeetlesandakitchencandle,heemployedhisfacultiesincleaningbootsandbrushingclothesuntilthenightwasfaradvanced.

Benjaminwassupposedtobetherealnameofthisyoungretainerbuthewasknown by a great variety of names. Benjamin, for instance, had beenconverted into Uncle Ben, and that again had been corrupted into Uncle;which,byaneasytransition,hadagainpassedintoBarnwell,inmemoryofthecelebratedrelativeinthatdegreewhowasshotbyhisnephewGeorge,whilemeditating in his garden at Camberwell. The gentlemen at Todgers's had amerryhabit,too,ofbestowinguponhim,forthetimebeing,thenameofanynotoriousmalefactororminister;andsometimeswhencurrenteventswereflattheyevensoughtthepagesofhistoryforthesedistinctions;asMrPitt,YoungBrownrigg, and the like.At theperiodofwhichwewrite, hewasgenerallyknownamongthegentlemenasBaileyjunior;anamebestoweduponhimincontradistinction, perhaps, to Old Bailey; and possibly as involving therecollection of an unfortunate lady of the same name,who perished by herownhandearlyinlife,andhasbeenimmortalisedinaballad.

TheusualSundaydinner-houratTodgers'swastwoo'clock—asuitabletime,itwasconsideredforallparties;convenienttoMrsTodgers,onaccountofthebakers; and convenient to the gentlemen with reference to their afternoonengagements. But on the Sunday which was to introduce the two MissPecksniffs to a full knowledge of Todgers's and its society, the dinner was

postponed until five, in order that everything might be as genteel as theoccasiondemanded.

Whenthehourdrewnigh,Baileyjunior,testifyinggreatexcitement,appearedin a complete suit of cast-off clothes several sizes too large for him, and inparticular,mountedacleanshirtofsuchextraordinarymagnitude,thatoneofthegentlemen(remarkableforhisreadywit)calledhim 'collars'onthespot.At about a quarter before five, a deputation, consisting of Mr Jinkins, andanother gentleman, whose name was Gander, knocked at the door of MrsTodgers'sroom,and,beingformallyintroducedtothetwoMissPecksniffsbytheir parent who was in waiting, besought the honour of conducting themupstairs.

The drawing-room at Todgers's was out of the common style; so much soindeed,thatyouwouldhardlyhavetakenittobeadrawingroom,unlessyouweretoldsobysomebodywhowasinthesecret.Itwasfloor-clothedallover;andtheceiling,includingagreatbeaminthemiddle,waspapered.Besidesthethree littlewindows,with seats in them, commanding theopposite archway,therewasanotherwindowlookingpointblank,withoutanycompromiseatallaboutitintoJinkins'sbedroom;andhighup,allalongonesideofthewallwasastripofpanesofglass,two-deep,givinglighttothestaircase.Thereweretheoddest closets possible, with little casements in them like eight-day clocks,lurking in thewainscotand taking theshapeof thestairs;and theverydooritself(whichwaspaintedblack)hadtwogreatglasseyesinitsforehead,withaninquisitivegreenpupilinthemiddleofeach.

Here the gentlemen were all assembled. There was a general cry of 'Hear,hear!' and 'Bravo Jink!'whenMr Jinkins appearedwithCharity onhis arm;whichbecamequite rapturousasMrGander followed,escortingMercy,andMrPecksniffbroughtuptherearwithMrsTodgers.

Then the presentations took place.They included a gentleman of a sportingturn,whopropoundedquestionson jockey subjects to theeditorsofSundaypapers,whichwereregardedbyhisfriendsasratherstiffthingstoanswer;andthey included a gentleman of a theatrical turn, who had once entertainedserious thoughtsof 'comingout,' buthadbeenkept inby thewickednessofhuman nature; and they included a gentleman of a debating turn, who wasstrongatspeech-making;andagentlemanofaliteraryturn,whowrotesquibsupontherest,andknewtheweaksideofeverybody'scharacterbuthisown.Therewasagentlemanof avocal turn, andagentlemanof a smoking turn,and a gentleman of a convivial turn; some of the gentlemen had a turn forwhist,andalargeproportionofthegentlemenhadastrongturnforbilliardsandbetting.Theyhadall, itmaybepresumed,a turnforbusiness;beingallcommerciallyemployed inonewayorother;andhad,everyone inhisownway,adecidedturnforpleasuretoboot.MrJinkinswasofafashionableturn;beingaregularfrequenteroftheParksonSundays,andknowingagreatmany

carriagesby sight.He spokemysteriously, too,of splendidwomen,andwassuspectedofhavingoncecommittedhimselfwithaCountess.MrGanderwasofawittyturnbeingindeedthegentlemanwhohadoriginatedthesallyabout'collars;'which sparklingpleasantrywasnow retailed frommouth tomouth,underthetitleofGander'sLast,andwasreceivedinallpartsoftheroomwithgreatapplause.MrJinkinsitmaybeadded,wasmuchtheoldestoftheparty;being a fish-salesman's book-keeper, aged forty. He was the oldest boarderalso; and in rightofhisdouble seniority, took the lead in thehouse, asMrsTodgershadalreadysaid.

There was considerable delay in the production of dinner, and poor MrsTodgers,beingreproachedinconfidencebyJinkins,slippedinandout,atleasttwentytimestoseeaboutit;alwayscomingbackasthoughshehadnosuchthinguponhermind,andhadn'tbeenoutatall.Buttherewasnohitchintheconversationnevertheless;foronegentleman,whotravelledintheperfumeryline, exhibited an interesting nick-nack, in theway of a remarkable cake ofshavingsoapwhichhehadlatelymetwithinGermany;andthegentlemanofa literary turn repeated (by desire) some sarcastic stanzas he had recentlyproduced on the freezing of the tank at the back of the house. Theseamusements,withthemiscellaneousconversationarisingoutofthem,passedthe time splendidly, until dinner was announced by Bailey junior in theseterms:

'Thewittlesisup!'

Onwhichnoticetheyimmediatelydescendedtothebanquet-hall;someofthemorefacetiousspiritsinthereartakingdowngentlemenasiftheywereladies,inimitationofthefortunatepossessorsofthetwoMissPecksniffs.

MrPecksniffsaidgrace—ashortandpiousgrace,involvingablessingontheappetitesofthosepresent,andcommittingallpersonswhohadnothingtoeat,to the care of Providence; whose business (so said the grace, in effect) itclearlywas,tolookafterthem.Thisdone,theyfelltowithlessceremonythanappetite; the table groaning beneath the weight, not only of the delicacieswhereof theMiss Pecksniffs had been previously forewarned, but of boiledbeef, roast veal, bacon,pies and abundanceof suchheavyvegetables as arefavourably known to housekeepers for their satisfying qualities. Besideswhich, therewerebottlesof stout,bottlesofwine,bottlesof ale, anddiversotherstrongdrinks,nativeandforeign.

All this was highly agreeable to the two Miss Pecksniffs, who were inimmenserequest;sittingoneoneitherhandofMrJinkinsatthebottomofthetable;andwhowerecalledupon to takewinewithsomenewadmirereveryminute.Theyhadhardlyeverfeltsopleasant,andsofullofconversation,intheirlives;Mercy,inparticular,wasuncommonlybrilliant,andsaidsomanygood things in the way of lively repartee that she was looked upon as a

prodigy. 'In short,' as that young lady observed, 'they felt now, indeed, thattheywereinLondon,andforthefirsttimetoo.'

TheiryoungfriendBaileysympathizedinthesefeelingstothefullestextent,and,abatingnothingofhispatronage,gavethemeveryencouragementinhispower; favouring them, when the general attention was diverted from hisproceedings,withmanynodsandwinksandothertokensofrecognition,andoccasionally touching his nose with a corkscrew, as if to express theBacchanaliancharacterofthemeeting.Intruth,perhapseventhespiritsofthetwoMissPecksniffs,andthehungrywatchfulnessofMrsTodgers,werelessworthy of note than the proceedings of this remarkable boy,whom nothingdisconcerted or put out of his way. If any piece of crockery, a dish orotherwise,chancedtoslipthroughhishands(whichhappenedonceortwice),he let it go with perfect good breeding, and never added to the painfulemotions of the company by exhibiting the least regret. Nor did he, byhurryingtoandfro,disturbthereposeoftheassembly,asmanywell-trainedservantsdo;onthecontrary,feelingthehopelessnessofwaitinguponsolargea party, he left the gentlemen to help themselves towhat theywanted, andseldom stirred from behindMr Jinkins's chair,where,with his hands in hispockets, and his legs planted pretty wide apart, he led the laughter, andenjoyedtheconversation.

The dessert was splendid. No waiting either. The pudding-plates had beenwashedinalittletuboutsidethedoorwhilecheesewason,andthoughtheyweremoistandwarmwithfriction,stilltheretheywereagain,uptothemark,and true to time. Quarts of almonds; dozens of oranges; pounds of raisins;stacksofbiffins;soup-platesfullofnuts.—Oh,Todgers'scoulddoitwhenitchose!mindthat.

Thenmorewinecameon;redwinesandwhitewines;andalargechinabowlofpunch,brewedbythegentlemanofaconvivialturn,whoadjuredtheMissPecksniffsnot tobedespondentonaccountof itsdimensions, as therewerematerialsinthehouseforthedecoctionofhalfadozenmoreofthesamesize.Good gracious, how they laughed!How they coughedwhen they sipped it,becauseitwassostrong;andhowtheylaughedagainwhensomebodyvowedthatbutforitscolouritmighthavebeenmistaken,inregardofitsinnocuousqualities,fornewmilk!Whatashoutof'No!'burstfromthegentlemenwhenthey pathetically imploredMr Jinkins to suffer them to qualify it with hotwater; and how blushingly, by little and little, did each of them drink herwholeglassful,downtoitsverydregs!

Now comes the trying time. The sun, as Mr Jinkins says (gentlemanlycreature, Jinkins—never at a loss!), is about to leave the firmament. 'MissPecksniff!' says Mrs Todgers, softly, 'will you—?' 'Oh dear, no more, MrsTodgers.'MrsTodgersrises;thetwoMissPecksniffsrise;allrise.MissMercyPecksnifflooksdownwardforherscarf.Whereisit?Dearme,whereCANit

be?Sweetgirl,shehasiton;notonherfairneck,butlooseuponherflowingfigure.Adozenhandsassisther.Sheisallconfusion.TheyoungestgentlemanincompanythirststomurderJinkins.Sheskipsandjoinshersisteratthedoor.Her sister has her arm about thewaist ofMrs Todgers. Shewinds her armaroundhersister.Diana,whatapicture!Thelastthingsvisibleareashapeandaskip.'Gentlemen,letusdrinktheladies!'

Theenthusiasmistremendous.Thegentlemanofadebatingturnrisesinthemidst, and suddenly lets loose a tide of eloquence which bears downeverything before it. He is reminded of a toast—a toast to which theywillrespond.Thereisanindividualpresent;hehashiminhiseye;towhomtheyowe a debt of gratitude. He repeats it—a debt of gratitude. Their ruggednatureshavebeensoftenedandamelioratedthatday,bythesocietyoflovelywoman. There is a gentleman in company whom two accomplished anddelightful females regardwithveneration, as the fountainof their existence.Yes,whenyet the twoMissPecksniffs lispedin languagescarce intelligible,theycalledthatindividual'Father!'Thereisgreatapplause.Hegivesthem'MrPecksniff, andGod bless him!' They all shake handswithMr Pecksniff, astheydrinkthetoast.Theyoungestgentlemanincompanydoessowithathrill;for he feels that a mysterious influence pervades the man who claims thatbeinginthepinkscarfforhisdaughter.

WhatsaithMrPecksniffinreply?Orratherletthequestionbe,Whatleavesheunsaid? Nothing. More punch is called for, and produced, and drunk.Enthusiasm mounts still higher. Every man comes out freely in his owncharacter. The gentleman of a theatrical turn recites. The vocal gentlemanregalesthemwithasong.GanderleavestheGanderofallformerfeastswholeleaguesbehind.HErisestoproposeatoast.Itis,TheFatherofTodgers's.ItistheircommonfriendJink—it isoldJink, ifhemaycallhimby that familiarand endearing appellation. The youngest gentleman in company utters afrantic negative. He won't have it—he can't bear it—it mustn't be. But hisdepthoffeelingismisunderstood.Heissupposedtobealittleelevated;andnobodyheedshim.

Mr Jinkins thanks them fromhis heart. It is, bymanydegrees, theproudestdayinhishumblecareer.Whenhelooksaroundhimonthepresentoccasion,hefeels thathewantswords inwhich toexpresshisgratitude.One thinghewillsay.HehopesithasbeenshownthatTodgers'scanbetruetoitself;andthat,anopportunityarising,itcancomeoutquiteasstrongasitsneighbours—perhaps stronger.He reminds them, amidst thunders of encouragement, thatthey have heard of a somewhat similar establishment inCannonStreet; andthattheyhavehearditpraised.Hewishestodrawnoinvidiouscomparisons;hewouldbethelastmantodoit;butwhenthatCannonStreetestablishmentshallbeabletoproducesuchacombinationofwitandbeautyashasgracedthatboardthatday,andshallbeabletoserveup(allthingsconsidered)sucha

dinnerasthatofwhichtheyhavejustpartaken,hewillbehappytotalktoit.Untilthen,gentlemen,hewillsticktoTodgers's.

More punch,more enthusiasm,more speeches.Everybody's health is drunk,savingtheyoungestgentleman'sincompany.Hesitsapart,withhiselbowonthe back of a vacant chair, and glares disdainfully at Jinkins. Gander, in aconvulsingspeech,givesthemthehealthofBaileyjunior;hiccupsareheard;and a glass is broken.Mr Jinkins feels that it is time to join the ladies.Heproposes,asafinalsentiment,MrsTodgers.Sheisworthytoberememberedseparately.Hear,hear.Sosheis;nodoubtofit.Theyallfindfaultwithheratothertimes;buteverymanfeelsnow,thathecoulddieinherdefence.

They go upstairs, where they are not expected so soon; forMrs Todgers isasleep,MissCharityisadjustingherhair,andMercy,whohasmadeasofaofone of thewindow-seats is in a gracefully recumbent attitude. She is risinghastily,whenMrJinkinsimploresher,foralltheirsakes,nottostir;shelookstoo graceful and too lovely, he remarks, to be disturbed. She laughs, andyields, and fansherself, anddropsher fan, and there is a rush topick itup.Beingnow installed,byoneconsent, as thebeautyof theparty, she iscrueland capricious, and sends gentlemen on messages to other gentlemen, andforgets all about thembefore theycan returnwith theanswer, and invents athousandtortures,rendingtheirheartstopieces.Baileybringsuptheteaandcoffee.There isa smallclusterofadmirers roundCharity;but theyareonlythosewhocannotgetnearhersister.Theyoungestgentlemanincompanyispale,butcollected,andstillsitsapart;forhisspiritlovestoholdcommunionwithitself,andhissoulrecoilsfromnoisyrevellers.Shehasaconsciousnessofhispresenceandadoration.Heseesitflashingsometimesinthecornerofhereye.Haveacare,Jinkins,ereyouprovokeadesperatemantofrenzy!

MrPecksniffhad followedhisyounger friendsupstairs,and takenachairatthesideofMrsTodgers.Hehadalsospiltacupofcoffeeoverhislegswithoutappearingtobeawareofthecircumstance;nordidheseemtoknowthattherewasmuffinonhisknee.

'Andhowhavetheyusedyoudownstairs,sir?'askedthehostess.

'Their conducthasbeen such,mydearmadam,' saidMrPecksniff, 'as I canneverthinkofwithoutemotion,orrememberwithoutatear.Oh,MrsTodgers!'

'Mygoodness!'exclaimedthatlady.'Howlowyouareinyourspirits,sir!'

'Iamaman,mydearmadam,'saidMrPecksniff,sheddingtearsandspeakingwithanimperfectarticulation,'butIamalsoafather.Iamalsoawidower.Myfeelings, Mrs Todgers, will not consent to be entirely smothered, like theyoung children in the Tower. They are grown up, and themore I press thebolsteronthem,themoretheylookroundthecornerofit.'

Hesuddenlybecameconsciousof thebitofmuffin,andstaredat it intently;shakinghisheadthewhile,inaforlornandimbecilemanner,asifheregardeditashisevilgenius,andmildlyreproachedit.

'Shewasbeautiful,MrsTodgers,'hesaid, turninghisglazedeyeagainuponher,withouttheleastpreliminarynotice.'Shehadasmallproperty.'

'SoIhaveheard,'criedMrsTodgerswithgreatsympathy.

'Those are her daughters,' saidMr Pecksniff, pointing out the young ladies,withincreasedemotion.

MrsTodgershadnodoubtaboutit.

'Mercy and Charity,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'Charity and Mercy. Not unholynames,Ihope?'

'MrPecksniff!'criedMrsTodgers.'Whataghastlysmile!Areyouill,sir?'

Hepressedhishanduponherarm,andansweredinasolemnmanner,andafaintvoice,'Chronic.'

'Cholic?'criedthefrightenedMrsTodgers.

'Chron-ic,' he repeatedwith some difficulty. 'Chron-ic.A chronic disorder. Ihavebeenitsvictimfromchildhood.Itiscarryingmetomygrave.'

'Heavenforbid!'criedMrsTodgers.

'Yes, it is,' saidMr Pecksniff, reckless with despair. 'I am rather glad of it,uponthewhole.Youarelikeher,MrsTodgers.'

'Don'tsqueezemesotight,pray,MrPecksniff.Ifanyofthegentlemenshouldnoticeus.'

'Forhersake,'saidMrPecksniff. 'Permitme—inhonourofhermemory.Forthesakeofavoicefromthetomb.YouareVERYlikeherMrsTodgers!Whataworldthisis!'

'Ah!Indeedyoumaysaythat!'criedMrsTodgers.

'I'mafraiditisavainandthoughtlessworld,'saidMrPecksniff,overflowingwithdespondency.'Theseyoungpeopleaboutus.Oh!whatsensehavetheyoftheirresponsibilities?None.Givemeyourotherhand,MrsTodgers.'

Theladyhesitated,andsaid'shedidn'tlike.'

'Has a voice from the grave no influence?' saidMr Pecksniff, with, dismaltenderness.'Thisisirreligious!Mydearcreature.'

'Hush!'urgedMrsTodgers.'Reallyyoumustn't.'

'It'snotme,' saidMrPecksniff. 'Don't suppose it'sme; it's thevoice; it'shervoice.'

MrsPecksniffdeceased,musthavehadanunusuallythickandhuskyvoicefora lady, and rather a stuttering voice, and to say the truth somewhat of adrunken voice, if it had ever bornemuch resemblance to that in whichMrPecksniffspokejustthen.Butperhapsthiswasdelusiononhispart.

'It has been a dayof enjoyment,MrsTodgers, but still it has been a dayoftorture.Ithasremindedmeofmyloneliness.WhatamIintheworld?'

'Anexcellentgentleman,MrPecksniff,'saidMrsTodgers.

'Thereisconsolationinthattoo,'criedMrPecksniff.'AmI?'

'Thereisnobettermanliving,'saidMrsTodgers,'Iamsure.'

MrPecksniff smiled throughhis tears, and slightly shookhishead. 'Youareverygood,'hesaid,'thankyou.Itisagreathappinesstome,MrsTodgers,tomakeyoungpeoplehappy.Thehappinessofmypupils ismychiefobject. Idoteupon'em.Theydoteuponmetoo—sometimes.'

'Always,'saidMrsTodgers.

'When they say they haven't improved, ma'am,' whispered Mr Pecksniff,lookingatherwithprofoundmystery,andmotioningtohertoadvanceherearalittleclosertohismouth.'Whentheysaytheyhaven'timproved,ma'am,andthepremiumwastoohigh,theylie!Ishouldn'twishit tobementioned;youwillunderstandme;butIsaytoyouastoanoldfriend,theylie.'

'Basewretchestheymustbe!'saidMrsTodgers.

'Madam,'saidMrPecksniff,'youareright.Irespectyouforthatobservation.A word in your ear. To Parents and Guardians. This is in confidence, MrsTodgers?'

'Thestrictest,ofcourse!'criedthatlady.

'To Parents and Guardians,' repeatedMr Pecksniff. 'An eligible opportunitynow offers, which unites the advantages of the best practical architecturaleducation with the comforts of a home, and the constant association withsome,who,howeverhumbletheirsphereandlimitedtheircapacity—observe!—arenotunmindfuloftheirmoralresponsibilities.'

MrsTodgerslookedalittlepuzzledtoknowwhatthismightmean,aswellshemight;foritwas,asthereadermayperchanceremember,MrPecksniff'susualform of advertisement when he wanted a pupil; and seemed to have no

particular reference, at present, to anything. But Mr Pecksniff held up hisfingerasacautiontohernottointerrupthim.

'Doyouknowanyparentorguardian,MrsTodgers,'saidMrPecksniff, 'whodesires to avail himself of such an opportunity for a young gentleman?Anorphanwould be preferred.Do you know of any orphanwith three or fourhundredpound?'

MrsTodgersreflected,andshookherhead.

'When you hear of an orphan with three or four hundred pound,' said MrPecksniff,'letthatdearorphan'sfriendsapply,byletterpost-paid,toS.P.,PostOffice, Salisbury. I don't know who he is exactly. Don't be alarmed, MrsTodgers,' saidMr Pecksniff, falling heavily against her; 'Chronic—chronic!Let'shavealittledropofsomethingtodrink.'

'Blessmylife,MissPecksniffs!'criedMrsTodgers,aloud,'yourdearpa'stookverypoorly!'

MrPecksniffstraightenedhimselfbyasurprisingeffort,aseveryoneturnedhastily towardshim; and standingonhis feet, regarded the assemblywith alook of ineffable wisdom. Gradually it gave place to a smile; a feeble,helpless, melancholy smile; bland, almost to sickliness. 'Do not repine, myfriends,'saidMrPecksniff,tenderly. 'Donotweepforme.Itischronic.'Andwiththesewords,aftermakingafutileattempttopulloffhisshoes,hefellintothefireplace.

Theyoungestgentleman incompanyhadhimout inasecond.Yes,beforeahairuponhisheadwassinged,hehadhimonthehearth-rug—herfather!

Shewasalmostbesideherself.Sowashersister.Jinkinsconsoledthemboth.Theyallconsoledthem.Everybodyhadsomethingtosay,excepttheyoungestgentleman in company,whowith a noble self-devotiondid the heavywork,andheldupMrPecksniff'sheadwithoutbeingtakennoticeofbyanybody.Atlast they gathered round, and agreed to carry him upstairs to bed. Theyoungest gentleman in company was rebuked by Jinkins for tearing MrPecksniff'scoat!Ha,ha!Butnomatter.

Theycarriedhimupstairs,andcrushedtheyoungestgentlemanateverystep.Hisbedroomwasatthetopofthehouse,anditwasalongway;buttheygothimthereincourseoftime.Heaskedthemfrequentlyontheroadforalittledrop of something to drink. It seemed an idiosyncrasy. The youngestgentlemanincompanyproposedadraughtofwater.MrPecksniffcalledhimopprobiousnamesforthesuggestion.

Jinkins and Gander took the rest upon themselves, and made him ascomfortable as they could, on the outside of his bed; andwhen he seemed

disposedtosleep,theylefthim.Butbeforetheyhadallgainedthebottomofthestaircase,avisionofMrPecksniff,strangelyattired,wasseentoflutteronthe top landing. He desired to collect their sentiments, it seemed, upon thenatureofhumanlife.

'Myfriends,'criedMrPecksniff,lookingoverthebanisters,'letusimproveourmindsbymutualinquiryanddiscussion.Letusbemoral.Letuscontemplateexistence.WhereisJinkins?'

'Here,'criedthatgentleman.'Gotobedagain'

'Tobed!' saidMrPecksniff. 'Bed! 'Tis the voice of the sluggard, I hear himcomplain, youhavewokeme too soon, Imust slumber again. If anyyoungorphan will repeat the remainder of that simple piece from Doctor Watts'scollection,aneligibleopportunitynowoffers.'

Nobodyvolunteered.

'This isverysoothing,' saidMrPecksniff,afterapause. 'Extremelyso.Cooland refreshing; particularly to the legs! The legs of the human subject, myfriends, are a beautiful production. Compare them with wooden legs, andobservethedifferencebetweentheanatomyofnatureandtheanatomyofart.Do you know,' said Mr Pecksniff, leaning over the banisters, with an oddrecollectionofhisfamiliarmanneramongnewpupilsathome, 'thatIshouldvery much like to see Mrs Todgers's notion of a wooden leg, if perfectlyagreeabletoherself!'

Asitappearedimpossibletoentertainanyreasonablehopesofhimafterthisspeech,MrJinkinsandMrGanderwentupstairsagain,andoncemoregothimintobed.But theyhadnot descended to the second floor before hewasoutagain;nor,when theyhad repeated theprocess,had theydescended the firstflight,beforehewasoutagain. Inaword,asoftenashewasshutup inhisown room, he darted out afresh, charged with some new moral sentiment,which he continually repeated over the banisters, with extraordinary relish,and an irrepressible desire for the improvement of his fellow creatures thatnothingcouldsubdue.

Under thesecircumstances,when theyhadgothim intobed for the thirtiethtime or so, Mr Jinkins held him, while his companion went downstairs insearchofBaileyjunior,withwhomhepresentlyreturned.Thatyouthhavingbeenapprisedoftheservicerequiredofhim,wasingreatspirits,andbroughtup a stool, a candle, and his supper; to the end that he might keep watchoutsidethebedroomdoorwithtolerablecomfort.

Whenhehadcompletedhis arrangements, they lockedMrPecksniff in, andleft thekeyon theoutside; charging theyoungpage to listen attentively forsymptomsofanapoplecticnature,withwhich thepatientmightbe troubled,

and, in case of any such presenting themselves, to summon them withoutdelay. TowhichMrBaileymodestly replied that 'he hoped he knowedwoto'clock it wos in gineral, and didn't date his letters to his friends fromTodgers'sfornothing.'

CHAPTERTEN

CONTAININGSTRANGEMATTER,ONWHICHMANYEVENTSINTHISHISTORYMAY,FORTHEIRGOODOREVILINFLUENCE,

CHIEFLYDEPEND

ButMrPecksniff came to townonbusiness.Hadhe forgotten that?Washealways taking his pleasure with Todgers's jovial brood, unmindful of theseriousdemands,whatevertheymightbe,uponhiscalmconsideration?No.

Timeandtidewillwaitfornoman,saiththeadage.Butallmenhavetowaitfor time and tide. That tide which, taken at the flood, would lead SethPecksniffontofortune,wasmarkeddowninthetable,andabouttoflow.NoidlePecksnifflingeredfarinland,unmindfulofthechangesofthestream;butthere,uponthewater'sedge,overhisshoesalready,stoodtheworthycreature,preparedtowallowintheverymud,sothatitslidtowardsthequarterofhishope.

Thetrustfulnessofhistwofairdaughterswasbeautifulindeed.Theyhadthatfirmrelianceontheirparent'snature,whichtaughtthemtofeelcertainthatinallhedidhehadhispurposestraightandfullbeforehim.Andthatitsnobleend and object was himself, which almost of necessity included them, theyknew.Thedevotionofthesemaidswasperfect.

Their filial confidencewas rendered themore touching, by their having noknowledgeoftheirparent'srealdesigns,inthepresentinstance.Allthattheyknewofhisproceedingswas,thateverymorning,aftertheearlybreakfast,herepaired to the post office and inquired for letters. That task performed, hisbusinessforthedaywasover;andheagainrelaxed,untiltherisingofanothersunproclaimedtheadventofanotherpost.

This went on for four or five days. At length, one morning, Mr Pecksniffreturnedwithabreathlessrapidity,strangetoobserveinhim,atothertimessocalm;and,seekingimmediatespeechwithhisdaughters,shuthimselfupwiththem in private conference for two whole hours. Of all that passed in thisperiod,onlythefollowingwordsofMrPecksniff'sutteranceareknown:

'Howhehascometochangesoverymuch(if itshouldturnoutasIexpect,thathehas),weneedn'tstoptoinquire.Mydears,Ihavemythoughtsuponthesubject, but Iwill not impart them. It is enough thatwewill not be proud,resentful,orunforgiving.Ifhewantsourfriendshipheshallhaveit.Weknowourduty,Ihope!'

Thatsamedayatnoon,anoldgentlemanalightedfromahackney-coachatthepost-office, and, giving his name, inquired for a letter addressed to himself,anddirected tobe left tillcalledfor. Ithadbeen lying theresomedays.Thesuperscription was in Mr Pecksniff's hand, and it was sealed with MrPecksniff'sseal.

Itwas very short, containing indeednothingmore than an address 'withMrPecksniff's respectful, and (not withstanding what has passed) sincerelyaffectionateregards.'Theoldgentlemantoreoffthedirection—scatteringtherestinfragmentstothewinds—andgivingittothecoachman,badehimdriveasnearthatplaceashecould.Inpursuanceoftheseinstructionshewasdrivento theMonument; where he again alighted, and dismissed the vehicle, andwalkedtowardsTodgers's.

Thoughtheface,andform,andgaitofthisoldman,andevenhisgripofthestoutstickonwhichheleaned,wereallexpressiveofaresolutionnoteasilyshaken,andapurpose(itmatterslittlewhetherrightorwrong,justnow)suchas in other daysmight have survived the rack, and had its strongest life inweakest death; still thereweregrainsofhesitation inhismind,whichmadehim now avoid the house he sought, and loiter to and fro in a gleam ofsunlight, thatbrightenedthelittlechurchyardhardby.Theremayhavebeen,in the presence of those idle heaps of dust among the busiest stir of life,something to increase his wavering; but there he walked, awakening theechoesashepacedupanddown,untilthechurchclock,strikingthequartersforthesecondtimesincehehadbeenthere,rousedhimfromhismeditation.Shaking off his incertitude as the air partedwith the sound of the bells, hewalkedrapidlytothehouse,andknockedatthedoor.

MrPecksniffwasseatedinthelandlady'slittleroom,andhisvisitorfoundhimreading—byanaccident;heapologisedforit—anexcellenttheologicalwork.Therewerecakeandwineuponalittletable—byanotheraccident,forwhichhealsoapologised.Indeedhesaid,hehadgivenhisvisitorup,andwasabouttopartakeof that simple refreshmentwithhis children,whenheknockedatthedoor.

'Yourdaughtersarewell?'saidoldMartin,layingdownhishatandstick.

Mr Pecksniff endeavoured to conceal his agitation as a father when heansweredYes,theywere.Theyweregoodgirls,hesaid,verygood.HewouldnotventuretorecommendMrChuzzlewittotaketheeasy-chair,ortokeepout

ofthedraughtfromthedoor.Ifhemadeanysuchsuggestion,hewouldexposehimself, he feared, to most unjust suspicion. He would, therefore, contenthimselfwithremarkingthattherewasaneasy-chairintheroom,andthatthedoorwas far frombeingair-tight.This latter imperfection,hemightperhapsventuretoadd,wasnotuncommonlytobemetwithinoldhouses.

The oldman sat down in the easy-chair, and after a fewmoments' silence,said:

'Inthefirstplace,letmethankyouforcomingtoLondonsopromptly,atmyalmostunexplainedrequest;Ineedscarcelyadd,atmycost.'

'AtYOURcost,mygoodsir!'criedMrPecksniff,inatoneofgreatsurprise.

'It is not,' saidMartin, waving his hand impatiently, 'my habit to putmy—well!myrelatives—toanypersonalexpensetogratifymycaprices.'

'Caprices,mygoodsir!'criedMrPecksniff

'Thatisscarcelytheproperwordeither,inthisinstance,'saidtheoldman.'No.Youareright.'

MrPecksniffwasinwardlyverymuchrelievedtohearit,thoughhedidn'tatallknowwhy.

'Youare right,' repeatedMartin. 'It is not a caprice. It is built upon reason,proof, and cool comparison. Caprices never are. Moreover, I am not acapriciousman.Ineverwas.'

'Mostassuredlynot,'saidMrPecksniff.

'Howdoyouknow?'returnedtheotherquickly. 'Youaretobegintoknowitnow.Youaretotestandproveit,intimetocome.YouandyoursaretofindthatIcanbeconstant,andamnottobedivertedfrommyend.Doyouhear?'

'Perfectly,'saidMrPecksniff.

'Iverymuchregret,'Martinresumed,lookingsteadilyathim,andspeakingina slow and measured tone; 'I very much regret that you and I held such aconversationtogether,as thatwhichpassedbetweenusatour lastmeeting.IverymuchregretthatIlaidopentoyouwhatwerethenmythoughtsofyou,sofreelyasIdid.The intentions that Ibear towardsyounowareofanotherkind;desertedbyallinwhomIhaveevertrusted;hoodwinkedandbesetbyallwhoshouldhelpandsustainme;Iflytoyouforrefuge.Iconfideinyoutobemyally;toattachyourselftomebytiesofInterestandExpectation'—helaidgreat stress upon thesewords, thoughMrPecksniff particularly beggedhimnottomentionit; 'andtohelpmetovisittheconsequencesoftheveryworstspeciesofmeanness,dissimulation,andsubtlety,ontherightheads.'

'My noble sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff, catching at his outstretched hand. 'AndYOUregretthehavingharbouredunjustthoughtsofme!YOUwiththosegreyhairs!'

'Regrets,' saidMartin, 'are thenaturalpropertyofgreyhairs; and I enjoy, incommonwith all othermen, at least my share of such inheritance. And soenoughofthat.Iregrethavingbeenseveredfromyousolong.IfIhadknownyou sooner, and sooner used you as youwell deserve, Imight have been ahappierman.'

MrPecksnifflookeduptotheceiling,andclaspedhishandsinrapture.

'Your daughters,' saidMartin, after a short silence. 'I don't know them.Aretheylikeyou?'

'In the nose of my eldest and the chin of my youngest, Mr Chuzzlewit,'returned the widower, 'their sainted parent (not myself, their mother) livesagain.'

'Idon'tmeaninperson,'saidtheoldman.'Morally,morally.'

''Tisnotformetosay,'retortedMrPecksniffwithagentlesmile.'Ihavedonemybest,sir.'

'Icouldwishtoseethem,'saidMartin;'aretheynearathand?'

Theywere,verynear;fortheyhadinfactbeenlisteningatthedoorfromthebeginning of this conversation until now, when they precipitately retired.Havingwipedthesignsofweaknessfromhiseyes,andsogiventhemtimetogetupstairs,MrPecksniffopenedthedoor,andmildlycriedinthepassage,

'Myowndarlings,whereareyou?'

'Here,mydearpa!'repliedthedistantvoiceofCharity.

'Comedownintothebackparlour,ifyouplease,mylove,'saidMrPecksniff,'andbringyoursisterwithyou.'

'Yes, my dear pa,' cried Merry; and down they came directly (being allobedience),singingastheycame.

NothingcouldexceedtheastonishmentofthetwoMissPecksniffswhentheyfound a stranger with their dear papa. Nothing could surpass their muteamazement when he said, 'My children,Mr Chuzzlewit!' But when he toldthem thatMrChuzzlewit and hewere friends, and thatMrChuzzlewit hadsaid such kind and tender words as pierced his very heart, the two MissPecksniffs criedwithoneaccord, 'ThankHeaven for this!' and fellupon theold man's neck. And when they had embraced him with such fervour of

affection that no words can describe it, they grouped themselves about hischair,andhungoverhim,asfiguringtothemselvesnoearthlyjoylikethatofministeringtohiswants,andcrowdingintotheremainderofhislife,thelovetheywouldhavediffusedovertheirwholeexistence,frominfancy,ifhe—dearobdurate!—hadbutconsentedtoreceivethepreciousoffering.

The old man looked attentively from one to the other, and then at MrPecksniff,severaltimes.

'What,'heaskedofMrPecksniff,happeningtocatchhiseyeinitsdescent;foruntil now it had been piously upraised, with something of that expressionwhichthepoetryofageshasattributedtoadomesticbird,whenbreathingitslastamidtheravagesofanelectricstorm:'Whataretheirnames?'

MrPecksnifftoldhim,andadded,ratherhastily;hiscaluminatorswouldhavesaid,withaviewtoany testamentary thoughts thatmightbeflitting througholdMartin'smind;'Perhaps,mydears,youhadbetterwritethemdown.Yourhumble autographs are of no value in themselves, but affection may prizethem.'

'Affection,'saidtheoldman,'willexpenditselfonthelivingoriginals.Donottrouble yourselves, my girls, I shall not so easily forget you, Charity andMercy,astoneedsuchtokensofremembrance.Cousin!'

'Sir!'saidMrPecksniff,withalacrity.

'Doyouneversitdown?'

'Why—yes—occasionally, sir,' saidMrPecksniff,whohadbeenstandingallthistime.

'Willyoudosonow?'

'Can you askme,' returnedMr Pecksniff, slipping into a chair immediately,'whetherIwilldoanythingthatyoudesire?'

'You talk confidently,' saidMartin, 'andyoumeanwell; but I fear youdon'tknowwhatanoldman'shumoursare.Youdon'tknowwhatitistoberequiredtocourthislikingsanddislikings;toadaptyourselftohisprejudices;todohisbidding,beitwhatitmay;tobearwithhisdistrustsandjealousies;andalwaysstillbezealousinhisservice.WhenIrememberhownumerousthesefailingsareinme,andjudgeoftheiroccasionalenormitybytheinjuriousthoughtsIlatelyentertainedofyou,Ihardlydaretoclaimyouformyfriend.'

'Myworthy sir,' returned his relative, 'howCAN you talk in such a painfulstrain!Whatwasmorenaturalthanthatyoushouldmakeoneslightmistake,wheninallotherrespectsyouweresoverycorrect,andhavehadsuchreason—suchverysadandundeniable reason—to judgeofeveryoneaboutyou in

theworstlight!'

'True,'repliedtheother.'Youareverylenientwithme.'

'We always said, my girls and I,' cried Mr Pecksniff with increasingobsequiousness, 'that while wemourned the heaviness of ourmisfortune inbeingconfoundedwiththebaseandmercenary,stillwecouldnotwonderatit.Mydears,youremember?'

Ohvividly!Athousandtimes!

'We uttered no complaint,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Occasionally we had thepresumptiontoconsoleourselveswiththeremarkthatTruthwouldintheendprevail,andVirtuebetriumphant;butnotoften.Myloves,yourecollect?'

Recollect!Couldhedoubtit!Dearestpa,whatstrangeunnecessaryquestions!

'AndwhenIsawyou,'resumedMrPecksniff,withstillgreaterdeference, 'inthelittle,unassumingvillagewherewetakethelibertyofdwelling,Isaidyouweremistakeninme,mydearsir;thatwasall,Ithink?'

'No—notall,'saidMartin,whohadbeensittingwithhishanduponhisbrowfor some timepast, andnow lookedup again; 'you saidmuchmore,which,added to other circumstances that have come tomy knowledge, openedmyeyes.Youspoketome,disinterestedly,onbehalfof—Ineedn'tnamehim.YouknowwhomImean.'

Troublewasexpressed inMrPecksniff'svisage,ashepressedhishothandstogether,andreplied,withhumility,'Quitedisinterestedly,sir,Iassureyou.'

'Iknowit,'saidoldMartin,inhisquietway.'Iamsureofit.Isaidso.Itwasdisinterestedtoo,inyou,todrawthatherdofharpiesofffromme,andbetheirvictim yourself; most other men would have suffered them to displaythemselvesinalltheirrapacity,andwouldhavestriventorise,bycontrast,inmyestimation.Youfeltforme,anddrewthemoff,forwhichIoweyoumanythanks.Although I left the place, I knowwhat passedbehindmyback, yousee!'

'Youamazeme,sir!'criedMrPecksniff;whichwastrueenough.

'Myknowledgeofyourproceedings,'saidtheoldman,doesnotstopat this.Youhaveanewinmateinyourhouse.'

'Yes,sir,'rejoinedthearchitect,'Ihave.'

'Hemustquitit'saidMartin.

'For—foryours?'askedMrPecksniff,withaquaveringmildness.

'Foranyshelterhecanfind,'theoldmananswered.'Hehasdeceivedyou.'

'Ihopenot'saidMrPecksniff,eagerly.'Itrustnot.Ihavebeenextremelywelldisposed towards that young man. I hope it cannot be shown that he hasforfeitedallclaimtomyprotection.Deceit—deceit,mydearMrChuzzlewit,wouldbe final. I shouldholdmyselfbound,onproofofdeceit, to renouncehiminstantly.'

Theoldmanglancedatbothhisfairsupporters,butespeciallyatMissMercy,whom, indeed, he looked full in the face, with a greater demonstration ofinterestthanhadyetappearedinhisfeatures.HisgazeagainencounteredMrPecksniff,ashesaid,composedly:

'Ofcourseyouknowthathehasmadehismatrimonialchoice?'

'Ohdear!'criedMrPecksniff,rubbinghishairupverystiffuponhishead,andstaringwildlyathisdaughters.'Thisisbecomingtremendous!'

'Youknowthefact?'repeatedMartin

'Surely not without his grandfather's consent and approbation my dear sir!'criedMrPecksniff. 'Don't tellme that.For thehonourofhumannature, sayyou'renotabouttotellmethat!'

'Ithoughthehadsuppressedit,'saidtheoldman.

TheindignationfeltbyMrPecksniffatthisterribledisclosure,wasonlytobeequalledbythekindlingangerofhisdaughters.What!Hadtheytakentotheirhearthandhomea secretlycontracted serpent; acrocodile,whohadmadeafurtiveofferofhishand;an impositiononsociety;abankruptbachelorwithnoeffects,tradingwiththespinsterworldonfalsepretences!Andoh,tothinkthat he should have disobeyed and practised on that sweet, that venerablegentleman,whosenamehebore;thatkindandtenderguardian;hismorethanfather—to say nothing at all ofmother—horrible, horrible! To turn him outwithignominywouldbetreatmentmuchtoogood.Wastherenothingelsethatcouldbedonetohim?Hadheincurrednolegalpainsandpenalties?Coulditbe that the statutes of the land were so remiss as to have affixed nopunishment to such delinquency? Monster; how basely had they beendeceived!

'Iamgladtofindyousecondmesowarmly,'saidtheoldmanholdinguphishandtostaythetorrentoftheirwrath. 'Iwillnotdenythatitisapleasuretometofindyousofullofzeal.Wewillconsiderthattopicasdisposedof.'

'No,mydearsir,'criedMrPecksniff, 'notasdisposedof,untilIhavepurgedmyhouseofthispollution.'

'Thatwillfollow,'saidtheoldman,'initsowntime.Ilookuponthatasdone.'

'Youareverygood,sir,'answeredMrPecksniff,shakinghishand.'Youdomehonour.YouMAYlookuponitasdone,Iassureyou.'

'Thereisanothertopic,'saidMartin,'onwhichIhopeyouwillassistme.YourememberMary,cousin?'

'TheyoungladythatImentionedtoyou,mydears,ashavinginterestedmesoverymuch,'remarkedMrPecksniff.'Excusemyinterruptingyou,sir.'

'Itoldyouherhistory?'saidtheoldman.

'Which I alsomentioned, you will recollect, my dears,' criedMr Pecksniff.'Sillygirls,MrChuzzlewit—quitemovedbyit,theywere!'

'Why,looknow!'saidMartin,evidentlypleased;'IfearedIshouldhavehadtourgehercaseuponyou,andaskyoutoregardherfavourablyformysake.ButIfindyouhavenojealousies!Well!Youhavenocauseforany,tobesure.Shehasnothingtogainfromme,mydears,andsheknowsit.'

The twoMissPecksniffsmurmured theirapprovalof thiswisearrangement,andtheircordialsympathywithitsinterestingobject.

'If Icouldhaveanticipatedwhathascometopassbetweenusfour,' said theoldmanthoughfully;'butitistoolatetothinkofthat.Youwouldreceivehercourteously,youngladies,andbekindtoher,ifneedwere?'

Where was the orphan whom the two Miss Pecksniffs would not havecherished in their sisterly bosom!Butwhen that orphanwas commended totheircarebyoneonwhomthedammed-up loveofyearswasgushingforth,whatexhaustlessstoresofpureaffectionyearnedtoexpendthemselvesuponher!

Anintervalensued,duringwhichMrChuzzlewit,inanabsentframeofmind,satgazingattheground,withoututteringaword;andasitwasplainthathehad no desire to be interrupted in his meditations, Mr Pecksniff and hisdaughters were profoundly silent also. During the whole of the foregoingdialogue,hehadbornehispartwithacold,passionlesspromptitude,asthoughhehadlearnedandpainfullyrehearseditallahundredtimes.Evenwhenhisexpressionswerewarmestandhislanguagemostencouraging,hehadretainedthe samemanner,without the least abatement. But now therewas a keenerbrightnessinhiseye,andmoreexpressioninhisvoice,ashesaid,awakeningfromhisthoughtfulmood:

'Youknowwhatwillbesaidofthis?Haveyoureflected?'

'Saidofwhat,mydearsir?'MrPecksniffasked.

'Ofthisnewunderstandingbetweenus.'

MrPecksniff lookedbenevolentlysagacious,andat thesame timefaraboveall earthlymisconstruction, as he shook his head, and observed that a greatmanythingswouldbesaidofit,nodoubt.

'Agreatmany,'rejoinedtheoldman.'SomewillsaythatIdoteinmyoldage;that illness has shaken me; that I have lost all strength of mind, and havegrownchildish.Youcanbearthat?'

MrPecksniffansweredthatitwouldbedreadfullyhardtobear,buthethoughthecould,ifhemadeagreateffort.

'Otherswillsay—Ispeakofdisappointed,angrypeopleonly—thatyouhaveliedandfawned,andwormedyourselfthroughdirtywaysintomyfavour;bysuch concessions and such crooked deeds, such meannesses and vileendurances, asnothingcould repay;no,not the legacyofhalf theworldwelivein.Youcanbearthat?'

Mr Pecksniff made reply that this would be also very hard to bear, asreflecting,insomedegree,onthediscernmentofMrChuzzlewit.Stillhehadamodestconfidencethathecouldsustainthecalumny,withthehelpofagoodconscience,andthatgentleman'sfriendship.

'Withthegreatmassofslanderers,'saidoldMartin,leaningbackinhischair,'thetale,asIclearlyforesee,willrunthus:ThattomarkmycontemptfortherabblewhomIdespised,Ichosefromamongthemtheveryworst,andmadehimdomywill, and pampered and enriched him at the cost of all the rest.That,aftercastingaboutforthemeansofapunishmentwhichshouldrankleinthe bosoms of these kites themost, and strike into their gall, I devised thisschemeatatimewhenthelastlinkinthechainofgratefulloveandduty,thatheldme tomy race,was roughly snappedasunder; roughly, for I lovedhimwell;roughly,forIhadeverputmytrustinhisaffection;roughly,forthathebrokeitwhenIlovedhimmost—Godhelpme!—andhewithoutapangcouldthrow me off, while I clung about his heart! Now,' said the old man,dismissingthispassionateoutburstassuddenlyashehadyieldedtoit,'isyourmindmadeuptobearthislikewise?Layyouraccountwithhavingittobear,andputnotrustinbeingsetrightbyme.'

'MydearMrChuzzlewit,'criedPecksniffinanecstasy,'forsuchamanasyouhaveshownyourselftobethisday;foramansoinjured,yetsoveryhumane;foramanso—Iamatalosswhatprecisetermtouse—yetatthesametimesoremarkably—Idon'tknowhow toexpressmymeaning; for suchamanas Ihavedescribed,IhopeitisnopresumptiontosaythatI,andIamsureImayaddmychildrenalso (mydears,weperfectlyagree in this, I think?),wouldbearanythingwhatever!'

'Enough,'saidMartin.'Youcanchargenoconsequencesonme.Whendoyou

retirehome?'

'Wheneveryouplease,mydearsir.To-nightifyoudesireit.'

'Idesirenothing,' returned theoldman, 'that isunreasonable.Sucha requestwouldbe.Willyoubereadytoreturnattheendofthisweek?'

Theverytimeofallothers thatMrPecksniffwouldhavesuggestedif ithadbeenlefttohimtomakehisownchoice.Astohisdaughters—thewords,'LetusbeathomeonSaturday,dearpa,'wereactuallyupontheirlips.

'Your expenses, cousin,' saidMartin, taking a folded slip of paper from hispocketbook,'maypossiblyexceedthatamount.Ifso,letmeknowthebalancethatIoweyou,whenwenextmeet.ItwouldbeuselessifItoldyouwhereIlivejustnow;indeed,Ihavenofixedabode.WhenIhave,youshallknowit.Youandyourdaughtersmayexpecttoseemebeforelong;inthemeantimeIneednot tellyou thatwekeepourownconfidence.Whatyouwilldowhenyougethomeisunderstoodbetweenus.Givemenoaccountofitatanytime;andneverrefertoitinanyway.Iaskthatasafavour.Iamcommonlyamanoffewwords,cousin;andallthatneedbesaidjustnowissaid,Ithink.'

'One glass of wine—one morsel of this homely cake?' cried Mr Pecksniff,venturingtodetainhim.'Mydears—!'

Thesistersflewtowaituponhim.

'Poor girls!' saidMrPecksniff. 'Youwill excuse their agitation,mydear sir.Theyaremadeupoffeeling.Abadcommoditytogothroughtheworldwith,MrChuzzlewit!Myyoungestdaughterisalmostasmuchofawomanasmyeldest,isshenot,sir?'

'WhichIStheyoungest?'askedtheoldman.

'Mercy,byfiveyears,'saidMrPecksniff. 'Wesometimesventuretoconsiderherratherafinefigure,sir.Speakingasanartist,Imayperhapsbepermittedto suggest that its outline is graceful and correct. I am naturally,' said MrPecksniff,dryinghishandsuponhishandkerchief, and lookinganxiously inhiscousin'sfaceatalmosteveryword,'proud,ifImayusetheexpression,tohaveadaughterwhoisconstructedonthebestmodels.'

'Sheseemstohavealivelydisposition,'observedMartin.

'Dearme!'saidMrPecksniff.'Thatisquiteremarkable.Youhavedefinedhercharacter,mydearsir,ascorrectlyasifyouhadknownherfromherbirth.SheHASa livelydisposition. Iassureyou,mydearsir, that inourunpretendinghomehergaietyisdelightful.'

'Nodoubt,'returnedtheoldman.

'Charity, upon the other hand,' saidMr Pecksniff, 'is remarkable for strongsense,andforratheradeeptoneofsentiment,ifthepartialityofafathermaybe excused in saying so.Awonderful affection between them,my dear sir!Allowmetodrinkyourhealth.Blessyou!'

'I little thought,' retortedMartin, 'butamonthago, that I shouldbebreakingbreadandpouringwinewithyou.Idrinktoyou.'

Not at all abashed by the extraordinary abruptness with which these latterwordswerespoken,MrPecksniffthankedhimdevoutly.

'Now let me go,' said Martin, putting down the wine when he had merelytoucheditwithhislips.'Mydears,goodmorning!'

But this distant form of farewell was by no means tender enough for theyearningsoftheyoungladies,whoagainembracedhimwithalltheirhearts—with all their arms at any rate—to which parting caresses their new-foundfriendsubmittedwithabettergracethanmighthavebeenexpectedfromonewho, not a moment before, had pledged their parent in such a veryuncomfortablemanner.Theseendearments terminated,he tookahasty leaveof Mr Pecksniff and withdrew, followed to the door by both father anddaughters, who stood there kissing their hands and beaming with affectionuntilhedisappeared;though,bytheway,heneveroncelookedback,afterhehadcrossedthethreshold.

When they returned into the house, andwere again alone inMrs Todgers'sroom,thetwoyoungladiesexhibitedanunusualamountofgaiety;insomuchthat they clapped their hands, and laughed, and lookedwith roguish aspectsand a bantering air upon their dear papa. This conduct was so veryunaccountable, that Mr Pecksniff (being singularly grave himself) couldscarcely choose but ask themwhat it meant; and took them to task, in hisgentlemanner,foryieldingtosuchlightemotions.

'If it was possible to divine any cause for this merriment, even the mostremote,' he said, 'I should not reprove you. But when you can have nonewhatever—oh,really,really!'

ThisadmonitionhadsolittleeffectonMercy,thatshewasobligedtoholdherhandkerchiefbeforeherrosylips,andtothrowherselfbackinherchair,witheverydemonstrationofextremeamusement;whichwantofdutysooffendedMr Pecksniff that he reproved her in set terms, and gave her his parentaladvice to correct herself in solitude and contemplation. But at that juncturetheywere disturbed by the sound of voices in dispute; and as it proceededfromthenextroom,thesubjectmatterofthealtercationquicklyreachedtheirears.

'Idon'tcare that!MrsTodgers,' said theyounggentlemanwhohadbeen the

youngestgentlemanincompanyonthedayofthefestival;'Idon'tcareTHAT,ma'am,'saidhe,snappinghisfingers,'forJinkins.Don'tsupposeIdo.'

'I am quite certain you don't, sir,' replied Mrs Todgers. 'You have tooindependentaspirit,Iknow,toyieldtoanybody.Andquiteright.Thereisnoreasonwhyyoushouldgivewaytoanygentleman.Everybodymustbewellawareofthat.'

'I should think no more of admitting daylight into the fellow,' said theyoungestgentleman,inadesperatevoice,'thanifhewasabulldog.'

MrsTodgersdidnotstoptoinquirewhether,asamatterofprinciple,therewasany particular reason for admitting daylight even into a bulldog, otherwisethanby thenatural channelofhis eyes,but she seemed towringherhands,andshemoaned.

'Lethimbecareful,'saidtheyoungestgentleman.'Igivehimwarning.Nomanshallstepbetweenmeandthecurrentofmyvengeance.IknowaCove—'heused that familiar epithet inhisagitationbutcorrectedhimselfbyadding, 'agentlemanofproperty,Imean—whopracticeswithapairofpistols(fellowstoo)ofhisown.IfIamdriventoborrow'em,andtosendatfriendtoJinkins,atragedywillgetintothepapers.That'sall.'

AgainMrsTodgersmoaned.

'Ihavebornethislongenough,'saidtheyoungestgentlemanbutnowmysoulrebelsagainstit,andIwon'tstanditanylonger.Ilefthomeoriginally,becauseIhad thatwithinmewhichwouldn'tbedomineeredoverbyasister;anddoyouthinkI'mgoingtobeputdownbyHIM?No.'

'It is very wrong in Mr Jinkins; I know it is perfectly inexcusable in MrJinkins,ifheintendsit,'observedMrsTodgers

'If he intends it!' cried the youngest gentleman. 'Don't he interrupt andcontradict me on every occasion? Does he ever fail to interpose himselfbetweenmeandanythingoranybodythatheseesIhavesetmymindupon?Doeshemakeapointofalwayspretending to forgetme,whenhe'spouringoutthebeer?Doeshemakebraggingremarksabouthisrazors,andinsultingallusions topeoplewhohavenonecessity toshavemore thanonceaweek?Butlethimlookout!He'llfindhimselfshaved,prettyclose,beforelong,andsoItellhim.'

Theyounggentlemanwasmistakenin thisclosingsentence, inasmuchashenevertoldittoJinkins,butalwaystoMrsTodgers.

'However,'hesaid,'thesearenotpropersubjectsforladies'ears.AllI'vegottosay to you,Mrs Todgers, is, aweek's notice from next Saturday. The same

house can't contain that miscreant and me any longer. If we get over theintermediatetimewithoutbloodshed,youmaythinkyourselfprettyfortunate.Idon'tmyselfexpectweshall.'

'Dear,dear!' criedMrsTodgers, 'whatwould Ihavegiven tohavepreventedthis?Toloseyou,sir,wouldbelikelosingthehouse'sright-hand.Sopopularas you are among the gentlemen; so generally looked up to; and so muchliked!Idohopeyou'llthinkbetterofit;ifonnobodyelse'saccount,onmine.'

'There'sJinkins,'saidtheyoungestgentleman,moodily. 'Yourfavourite.He'llconsoleyou,andthegentlementoo,forthelossoftwentysuchasme.I'mnotunderstoodinthishouse.Ineverhavebeen.'

'Don't run away with that opinion, sir!' criedMrs Todgers, with a show ofhonest indignation. 'Don't make such a charge as that against theestablishment,Imustbegofyou.Itisnotsobadasthatcomesto,sir.Makeany remark you please against the gentlemen, or against me; but don't sayyou'renotunderstoodinthishouse.'

'I'mnottreatedasifIwas,'saidtheyoungestgentleman.

'Thereyoumakeagreatmistake,sir,'returnedMrsTodgers,inthesamestrain.'AsmanyofthegentlemenandIhaveoftensaid,youaretoosensitive.That'swhereitis.Youareoftoosusceptibleanature;it'sinyourspirit.'

Theyounggentlemancoughed.

'Andas,'saidMrsTodgers,'astoMrJinkins,Imustbegofyou,ifweAREtopart, tounderstand that Idon't abetMr Jinkinsbyanymeans.Far from it. IcouldwishthatMrJinkinswouldtakealowertoneinthisestablishment,andwouldnotbethemeansofraisingdifferencesbetweenmeandgentlementhatIcanmuchlessbeartopartwiththanIcouldwithMrJinkins.MrJinkinsisnotsuchaboarder,sir,'addedMrsTodgers, 'thatallconsiderationsofprivatefeelingandrespectgivewaybeforehim.Quitethecontrary,Iassureyou.'

TheyounggentlemanwassomuchmollifiedbytheseandsimilarspeechesonthepartofMrsTodgers,thatheandthatladygraduallychangedpositions;sothatshebecametheinjuredparty,andhewasunderstoodtobetheinjurer;butin a complimentary, not in an offensive sense; his cruel conduct beingattributabletohisexaltednature,andtothatalone.So,intheend,theyounggentlemanwithdrew his notice, and assuredMrs Todgers of his unalterableregard;andhavingdoneso,wentbacktobusiness.

'Goodness me,Miss Pecksniffs!' cried that lady, as she came into the backroom, and sat wearily down, with her basket on her knees, and her handsfoldeduponit,'whatatrialoftemperitistokeepahouselikethis!Youmusthaveheardmostofwhathasjustpassed.Nowdidyoueverhearthelike?'

'Never!'saidthetwoMissPecksniffs.

'OfalltheridiculousyoungfellowsthateverIhadtodealwith,'resumedMrsTodgers,'thatisthemostridiculousandunreasonable.MrJinkinsisharduponhim sometimes, but not half as hard as he deserves. To mention such agentleman asMr Jinkins in the same breath with HIM—you know it's toomuch!Andyethe'sasjealousofhim,blessyou,asifhewashisequal.'

TheyoungladiesweregreatlyentertainedbyMrsTodgers'saccount,no lessthanwithcertainanecdotesillustrativeoftheyoungestgentleman'scharacter,which she went on to tell them. But Mr Pecksniff looked quite stern andangry;andwhenshehadconcluded,saidinasolemnvoice:

'Pray, Mrs Todgers, if I may inquire, what does that young gentlemancontributetowardsthesupportofthesepremises?'

'Why,sir,forwhatHEhas,hepaysabouteighteenshillingsaweek!'saidMrsTodgers.

'Eighteenshillingsaweek!'repeatedMrPecksniff.

'Takingoneweekwithanother;asnearthataspossible,'saidMrsTodgers.

MrPecksniffrosefromhischair,foldedhisarms,lookedather,andshookhishead.

'Anddoyoumeantosay,ma'am—isitpossible,MrsTodgers—thatforsuchamiserable consideration as eighteen shillings a week, a female of yourunderstandingcansofardemeanherselfastowearadoubleface,evenforaninstant?'

'IamforcedtokeepthingsonthesquareifIcan,sir,'falteredMrsTodgers.'Imust preserve peace among them, and keep my connection together, ifpossible,MrPecksniff.Theprofitisverysmall.'

'The profit!' cried that gentleman, laying great stress upon the word. 'Theprofit,MrsTodgers!Youamazeme!'

Hewassosevere,thatMrsTodgersshedtears.

'The profit!' repeatedMr pecksniff. 'The profit of dissimulation!ToworshipthegoldencalfofBaal,foreighteenshillingsaweek!'

'Don't inyourowngoodnessbe tooharduponme,MrPecksniff,' criedMrsTodgers,takingoutherhandkerchief.

'OhCalf,Calf!'criedMrPecksniffmournfully.'Oh,Baal,Baal!ohmyfriend,MrsTodgers!Tobarter away that precious jewel, self-esteem, and cringe toanymortalcreature—foreighteenshillingsaweek!'

Hewassosubduedandovercomebythereflection,thatheimmediatelytookdownhishatfromitspeginthepassage,andwentoutforawalk,tocomposehisfeelings.Anybodypassinghimin thestreetmighthaveknownhimforagoodmanat firstsight; forhiswholefigure teemedwithaconsciousnessofthemoralhomilyhehadreadtoMrsTodgers.

Eighteenshillingsaweek!Just,mostjust,thycensure,uprightPecksniff!Haditbeenforthesakeofaribbon,star,orgarter;sleevesoflawn,agreatman'ssmile, a seat inparliament, a tapupon the shoulder froma courtly sword; aplace,aparty,orathrivinglie,oreighteenthousandpounds,oreveneighteenhundred;—but to worship the golden calf for eighteen shillings a week! ohpitiful,pitiful!

CHAPTERELEVEN

WHEREINACERTAINGENTLEMANBECOMESPARTICULARINHISATTENTIONSTOACERTAINLADY;ANDMORECOMING

EVENTSTHANONE,CASTTHEIRSHADOWSBEFORE

The family were within two or three days of their departure from MrsTodgers's,andthecommercialgentlemenweretoamandespondentandnottobecomforted,becauseof theapproaching separation,whenBailey junior, atthe jocund time of noon, presented himself before Miss Charity Pecksniff,thensittingwithhersisterinthebanquetchamber,hemmingsixnewpocket-handkerchiefs forMrJinkins;andhavingexpressedahope,preliminaryandpious,thathemightbeblest,gaveherinhispleasantwaytounderstandthatavisitorattendedtopayhisrespectstoher,andwasatthatmomentwaitinginthedrawing-room.Perhapsthislastannouncementshowedinamorestrikingpointofviewthanmanylengthenedspeechescouldhavedone,thetrustfulnessandfaithofBailey'snature;sincehehad, infact, lastseenthevisitoronthedoor-mat,where,aftersignifyingtohimthathewoulddowelltogoupstairs,hehadlefthimtotheguidanceofhisownsagacity.Henceitwasatleastanevenchancethat thevisitorwas thenwanderingontheroofof thehouse,orvainly seeking to extricate himself from the maze of bedrooms; Todgers'sbeing precisely that kind of establishment inwhich an unpiloted stranger ispretty sure to find himself in some place where he least expects and leastdesirestobe.

'A gentleman for me!' cried Charity, pausing in her work; 'my gracious,Bailey!'

'Ah!'saidBailey.'ItISmygracious,an'tit?Wouldn'tIbegraciousneither,not

ifIwoshim!'

Theremarkwasrenderedsomewhatobscureinitself,byreason(asthereadermayhaveobserved)ofaredundancyofnegatives;butaccompaniedbyactionexpressive of a faithful couple walking arm-in-arm towards a parochialchurch, mutually exchanging looks of love, it clearly signified this youth'sconvictionthatthecaller'spurposewasofanamoroustendency.MissCharityaffectedtoreprovesogreataliberty;butshecouldnothelpsmiling.Hewasastrange boy, to be sure. There was always some ground of probability andlikelihoodmingledwithhisabsurdbehaviour.Thatwasthebestofit!

'But I don't know any gentlemen, Bailey,' saidMiss Pecksniff. 'I think youmusthavemadeamistake.'

MrBaileysmiledattheextremewildnessofsuchasupposition,andregardedtheyoungladieswithunimpairedaffability.

'My dearMerry,' saidCharity, 'whoCAN it be? Isn't it odd? I have a greatmindnottogotohimreally.Soverystrange,youknow!'

The younger sister plainly considered that this appeal had its origin in thepride of being called upon and asked for; and that it was intended as anassertion of superiority, and a retaliation upon her for having captured thecommercial gentlemen. Therefore, she replied, with great affection andpoliteness,thatitwas,nodoubt,verystrangeindeed;andthatshewastotallyatalosstoconceivewhattheridiculouspersonunknowncouldmeanbyit.

'Quiteimpossibletodivine!'saidCharity,withsomesharpness,'thoughstill,atthesametime,youneedn'tbeangry,mydear.'

'Thankyou,' retortedMerry, singingatherneedle. 'Iamquiteawareof that,mylove.'

'Iamafraidyourheadisturned,yousillything,'saidCherry.

'Doyouknow,mydear,'saidMerry,withengagingcandour,'thatIhavebeenafraidof that,myself, all along!Somuch incense andnonsense, and all therestofit,isenoughtoturnastrongerheadthanmine.Whatareliefitmustbeto you, my dear, to be so very comfortable in that respect, and not to beworriedbythoseodiousmen!Howdoyoudoit,Cherry?'

This artless inquiry might have led to turbulent results, but for the strongemotions of delight evinced by Bailey junior, whose relish in the turn theconversationhadlatelytakenwassoacute,thatitimpelledandforcedhimtothe instantaneous performance of a dancing step, extremely difficult in itsnature,andonly tobeachieved inamomentofecstasy,which iscommonlycalled The Frog's Hornpipe. A manifestation so lively, brought to their

immediate recollection the great virtuous precept, 'Keep up appearanceswhateveryoudo,'inwhichtheyhadbeeneducated.Theyforboreatonce,andjointlysignifiedtoMrBaileythatifheshouldpresumetopracticethatfigureanymore in their presence, theywould instantly acquaintMrsTodgerswiththefact,andwoulddemandhiscondignpunishment,atthehandsofthatlady.The young gentleman having expressed the bitterness of his contrition byaffectingtowipeawayscaldingtearswithhisapron,andafterwardsfeigningtowringavastamountofwaterfromthatgarment,heldthedooropenwhileMissCharitypassedout;andsothatdamselwent instateupstairs toreceivehermysteriousadorer.

Bysomestrangeoccurrenceoffavourablecircumstanceshehadfoundoutthedrawing-room,andwassittingtherealone.

'Ah,cousin!'hesaid.'HereIam,yousee.YouthoughtIwaslost,I'llbebound.Well!howdoyoufindyourselfbythistime?'

MissCharity replied thatshewasquitewell,andgaveMrJonasChuzzlewitherhand.

'That's right,' saidMrJonas, 'andyou'vegotover the fatiguesof the journeyhaveyou?Isay.How'stheotherone?'

'Mysister isverywell, Ibelieve,' returned theyoung lady. 'Ihavenotheardhercomplainofanyindisposition,sir.Perhapsyouwouldliketoseeher,andaskheryourself?'

'No,nocousin!' saidMr Jonas, sittingdownbesideheron thewindow-seat.'Don'tbeinahurry.There'snooccasionforthat,youknow.Whatacruelgirlyouare!'

'It'simpossibleforYOUtoknow,'saidCherry,'whetherIamornot.'

'Well, perhaps it is,' saidMr Jonas. 'I say—Did you think I was lost? Youhaven'ttoldmethat.'

'Ididn'tthinkatallaboutit,'answeredCherry.

'Didn't you though?' said Jonas, pondering upon this strange reply. 'Did theotherone?'

'Iamsureit'simpossibleformetosaywhatmysistermay,ormaynothavethoughtonsuchasubject,'criedCherry.'Sheneversaidanythingtomeaboutit,onewayorother.'

'Didn'tshelaughaboutit?'inquiredJonas.

'No.Shedidn'tevenlaughaboutit,'answeredCharity.

'She'saterribleonetolaugh,an'tshe?'saidJonas,loweringhisvoice.

'Sheisverylively,'saidCherry.

'Livelinessisapleasantthing—whenitdon'tleadtospendingmoney.An'tit?'askedMrJonas.

'Verymuchso,indeed,'saidCherry,withademurenessofmannerthatgaveaverydisinterestedcharactertoherassent.

'SuchlivelinessasyoursImean,youknow,'observedMrJonas,ashenudgedherwithhiselbow. 'Ishouldhavecometoseeyoubefore,butIdidn'tknowwhereyouwas.Howquickyouhurriedoff,thatmorning!'

'Iwasamenabletomypapa'sdirections,'saidMissCharity.

'Iwishhehadgivenmehisdirection,'returnedhercousin,'andthenIshouldhave foundyouout before.Why, I shouldn't have foundyou evennow, if Ihadn'tmethim in the street thismorning.Whata sleek, slychaphe is! Justlikeatomcat,an'the?'

'Imust trouble you to have the goodness to speakmore respectfully ofmypapa,MrJonas,'saidCharity.'Ican'tallowsuchatoneasthat,eveninjest.'

'Ecod,youmaysaywhatyoulikeofMYfather,then,andsoIgiveyouleave,'saidJonas.'Ithinkit'sliquidaggravationthatcirculatesthroughhisveins,andnotregularblood.Howoldshouldyouthinkmyfatherwas,cousin?'

'Old,nodoubt,'repliedMissCharity;'butafineoldgentleman.'

'A fineoldgentleman!' repeatedJonas,giving thecrownofhishatanangryknock. 'Ah! It's time he was thinking of being drawn out a little finer too.Why,he'seighty!'

'Ishe,indeed?'saidtheyounglady.

'And ecod,' cried Jonas, 'nowhe's gone so farwithout giving in, I don't seemuch topreventhisbeingninety;no,norevenahundred.Why,amanwithanyfeelingoughttobeashamedofbeingeighty,letalonemore.Where'shisreligion, I should like toknow,whenhegoes flying in the faceof theBiblelikethat?Threescore-and-ten'sthemark,andnomanwithaconscience,andapropersenseofwhat'sexpectedofhim,hasanybusinesstolivelonger.'

IsanyonesurprisedatMrJonasmakingsuchareferencetosuchabookforsuch a purpose? Does any one doubt the old saw, that the Devil (being alayman)quotesScriptureforhisownends?Ifhewilltakethetroubletolookabouthim,hemay findagreaternumberofconfirmationsof the fact in theoccurrences of any single day, than the steam-gun can discharge balls in a

minute.

'Butthere'senoughofmyfather,'saidJonas;'it'sofnousetogoputtingone'sselfoutofthewaybytalkingaboutHIM.Icalledtoaskyoutocomeandtakea walk, cousin, and see some of the sights; and to come to our houseafterwards,andhaveabitofsomething.Pecksniffwillmostlikelylookinintheevening,hesays,andbringyouhome.See,here'shiswriting;Imadehimputitdownthismorningwhenhetoldmeheshouldn'tbebackbeforeIcamehere;incaseyouwouldn'tbelieveme.There'snothinglikeproof,isthere?Ha,ha!Isay—you'llbringtheotherone,youknow!'

Miss Charity cast her eyes upon her father's autograph, which merely said—'Go,mychildren,withyourcousin.Lettherebeunionamonguswhenitispossible;' and after enough of hesitation to impart a proper value to herconsent,withdrewtopreparehersisterandherselffortheexcursion.Shesoonreturned,accompaniedbyMissMercy,whowasbynomeanspleasedtoleavethe brilliant triumphs of Todgers's for the society of Mr Jonas and hisrespectedfather.

'Aha!'criedJonas.'Thereyouare,areyou?'

'Yes, fright,' saidMercy, 'here I am; and I wouldmuch rather be anywhereelse,Iassureyou.'

'Youdon'tmeanthat,'criedMrJonas.'Youcan't,youknow.Itisn'tpossible.'

'Youcanhavewhatopinionyoulike,fright,'retortedMercy. 'Iamcontenttokeepmine; andmine is that youare averyunpleasant, odious, disagreeableperson.'Hereshelaughedheartily,andseemedtoenjoyherselfverymuch.

'Oh,you'reasharpgal!'saidMrJonas.'She'saregularteaser,an'tshe,cousin?'

MissCharityrepliedineffect,thatshewasunabletosaywhatthehabitsandpropensitiesofaregularteasermightbe;andthatevenifshepossessedsuchinformation, it would ill become her to admit the existence of any creaturewith such anunceremoniousname inher family; far less in thepersonof abeloved sister; 'whatever,' addedCherrywithanangryglance, 'whateverherrealnaturemaybe.'

'Well,mydear,'saidMerry,'theonlyobservationIhavetomakeis,thatifwedon't go out at once, I shall certainly takemybonnet off again, and stay athome.'

Thisthreathadthedesiredeffectofpreventinganyfartheraltercation,forMrJonas immediately proposed an adjournment, and the same being carriedunanimously,theydepartedfromthehousestraightway.Onthedoorstep,MrJonasgaveanarm toeachcousin;whichactofgallantrybeingobservedby

Bailey junior, from the garretwindow,was by him salutedwith a loud andviolentfitofcoughing,towhichparoxysmhewasstillthevictimwhentheyturnedthecorner.

Mr Jonas inquired in the first instance if theyweregoodwalkers andbeinganswered, 'Yes,'submitted theirpedestrianpowers toaprettysevere test; forhe showed them as many sights, in the way of bridges, churches, streets,outsidesof theatres, andother free spectacles, in thatone forenoon, asmostpeopleseeinatwelvemonth.Itwasobservableinthisgentleman,thathehadan insurmountable distaste to the insides of buildings, and that he wasperfectly acquaintedwith themerits of all shows, in respect ofwhich therewasanychargeforadmission,whichitseemedwereeveryonedetestable,andof thevery lowestgradeofmerit.Hewasso thoroughlypossessedwith thisopinion, that when Miss Charity happened to mention the circumstance oftheirhavingbeentwiceorthricetothetheatrewithMrJinkinsandparty,heinquired,asamatterofcourse, 'wheretheorderscamefrom?'andbeingtoldthatMrJinkinsandpartypaid,wasbeyonddescriptionentertained,observingthat 'theymust be nice flats, certainly;' and often in the course of thewalk,bursting out again into a perfect convulsion of laughter at the surpassingsillinessofthosegentlemen,and(doubtless)athisownsuperiorwisdom.

Whentheyhadbeenoutforsomehoursandwerethoroughlyfatigued,itbeingbythattimetwilight,MrJonasintimatedthathewouldshowthemoneofthebestpiecesoffunwithwhichhewasacquainted.Thisjokewasofapracticalkind, and itshumour lay in takingahackney-coach to the extreme limitsofpossibilityforashilling.HappilyitbroughtthemtotheplacewhereMrJonasdwelt,ortheyoungladiesmighthaverathermissedthepointandcreamofthejest.

The old-established firm of Anthony Chuzzlewit and Son, ManchesterWarehousemen,andsoforth,haditsplaceofbusinessinaverynarrowstreetsomewhere behind the Post Office; where every housewas in the brightestsummermorningverygloomy;andwherelightporterswateredthepavement,each before his own employer's premises, in fantastic patterns, in the dog-days; and where spruce gentlemen with their hands in the pockets ofsymmetricaltrousers,werealwaystobeseeninwarmweather,contemplatingtheirundeniablebootsindustywarehousedoorways;whichappearedtobethehardestworktheydid,exceptnowandthencarryingpensbehindtheirears.Adim, dirty, smoky, tumble-down, rotten old house itwas, as anybodywoulddesiretosee;buttherethefirmofAnthonyChuzzlewitandSontransactedalltheirbusinessandtheirpleasuretoo,suchasitwas;forneithertheyoungmannortheoldhadanyotherresidence,oranycareorthoughtbeyonditsnarrowlimits.

Business, as may be readily supposed, was the main thing in thisestablishment; insomuch indeed that it shoulderedcomfortoutofdoors,and

jostled the domestic arrangements at every turn. Thus in the miserablebedroomstherewerefilesofmoth-eatenlettershangingupagainstthewalls;andlinenrollers,andfragmentsofoldpatterns,andoddsandendsofspoiledgoods,strewedupontheground;whilethemeagrebedsteads,washing-stands,andscrapsofcarpet,werehuddledawayintocornersasobjectsofsecondaryconsideration,nottobethoughtofbutasdisagreeablenecessities,furnishingnoprofit,andintrudingontheoneaffairoflife.Thesinglesitting-roomwason the same principle, a chaos of boxes and old papers, and had morecounting-house stools in it than chairs; not tomention a greatmonster of adeskstraddlingoverthemiddleofthefloor,andanironsafesunkintothewallabovethefireplace.Thesolitarylittletableforpurposesofrefectionandsocialenjoyment,boreasfairaproportiontothedeskandotherbusinessfurniture,asthegracesandharmlessrelaxationsoflifehadeverdone,inthepersonsoftheoldmanandhisson,totheirpursuitofwealth.Itwasmeanlylaidoutnowfordinner;andinachairbeforethefiresatAnthonyhimself,whorosetogreethissonandhisfaircousinsastheyentered.

Anancientproverbwarnsusthatweshouldnotexpecttofindoldheadsuponyoung shoulders; to which it may be added that we seldommeet with thatunnaturalcombination,butwefeelastrongdesiretoknockthemoff;merelyfromaninherentlovewehaveofseeingthingsintheirrightplaces.It isnotimprobable thatmanymen, in nowise choleric by nature, felt this impulserisingupwithinthem,whentheyfirstmadetheacquaintanceofMrJonas;butiftheyhadknownhimmoreintimatelyinhisownhouse,andhadsatwithhimat his own board, it would assuredly have been paramount to all otherconsiderations.

'Well, ghost!' saidMr Jonas, dutifully addressing his parent by that title. 'Isdinnernearlyready?'

'Ishouldthinkitwas,'rejoinedtheoldman.

'What's the good of that?' rejoined the son. 'I should think itwas. Iwant toknow.'

'Ah!Idon'tknowforcertain,'saidAnthony.

'Youdon'tknowforcertain,' rejoinedhissoninalowertone. 'No.Youdon'tknowanythingforcertain,YOUdon't.Givemeyourcandlehere.Iwantitforthegals.'

Anthonyhandedhimabatteredoldofficecandlestick,withwhichMrJonasprecededtheyoungladiestothenearestbedroom,whereheleftthemtotakeoff their shawls and bonnets; and returning, occupied himself in opening abottleofwine,sharpeningthecarving-knife,andmutteringcomplimentstohisfather,until theyand thedinnerappeared together.The repastconsistedofa

hot leg ofmuttonwith greens and potatoes; and the dishes having been setuponthetablebyaslipshodoldwoman,theywerelefttoenjoyitaftertheirownmanner.

'Bachelor'sHall,youknow,cousin,'saidMrJonastoCharity.'Isay—theotheronewillbehavingalaughatthiswhenshegetshome,won'tshe?Here;yousitontherightsideofme,andI'llhaveherupontheleft.Otherone,willyoucomehere?'

'You'resuchafright,'repliedMercy, 'thatIknowIshallhavenoappetiteifIsitsonearyou;butIsupposeImust.'

'An't she lively?' whisperedMr Jonas to the elder sister, with his favouriteelbowemphasis.

'Oh I really don't know!' repliedMiss Pecksniff, tartly. 'I am tired of beingaskedsuchridiculousquestions.'

'What'sthatpreciousoldfatherofmineaboutnow?'saidMrJonas,seeingthathisparentwas travellingupanddown the roominsteadof takinghisseatattable.'Whatareyoulookingfor?'

'I'velostmyglasses,Jonas,'saidoldAnthony.

'Sitdownwithoutyourglasses,can'tyou?'returnedhisson. 'Youdon'teatordrinkoutof 'em,I think;andwhere's thatsleepy-headedoldChuffeygot to!Now,stupid.Oh!youknowyourname,doyou?'

Itwouldseemthathedidn't,forhedidn'tcomeuntilthefathercalled.Ashespoke,thedoorofasmallglassoffice,whichwaspartitionedofffromtherestoftheroom,wasslowlyopened,andalittleblear-eyed,weazen-faced,ancientmancamecreepingout.Hewasofaremotefashion,anddusty,liketherestofthe furniture; he was dressed in a decayed suit of black; with breechesgarnished at the knees with rusty wisps of ribbon, the very paupers ofshoestrings; on the lower portion of his spindle legs were dingy worstedstockings of the same colour. He looked as if he had been put away andforgottenhalfacenturybefore,andsomebodyhadjustfoundhiminalumber-closet.

Suchashewas,hecameslowlycreepingontowardsthetable,untilatlasthecreptintothevacantchair,fromwhich,ashisdimfacultiesbecameconsciousof the presence of strangers, and those strangers ladies, he rose again,apparently intending to make a bow. But he sat down once more withouthavingmadeit,andbreathingonhisshrivelledhandstowarmthem,remainedwithhispoorbluenose immovableabovehisplate, lookingatnothing,witheyes thatsawnothing,andaface thatmeantnothing.Takehimin thatstate,andhewasanembodimentofnothing.Nothingelse.

'Ourclerk,'saidMrJonas,ashostandmasteroftheceremonies:'OldChuffey.'

'Ishedeaf?'inquiredoneoftheyoungladies.

'No,Idon'tknowthatheis.Hean'tdeaf,ishe,father?'

'Ineverheardhimsayhewas,'repliedtheoldman.

'Blind?'inquiredtheyoungladies.

'N—no. I never understood that he was at all blind,' said Jonas, carelessly.'Youdon'tconsiderhimso,doyou,father?'

'Certainlynot,'repliedAnthony.

'Whatishe,then?'

'Why, I'll tellyouwhathe is,' saidMrJonas,apart to theyoung ladies, 'he'spreciousold,foronething;andIan'tbestpleasedwithhimforthat,forIthinkmyfathermusthavecaughtitofhim.He'sastrangeoldchap,foranother,'headdedina loudervoice, 'anddon'tunderstandanyonehardly,butHIM!'Hepointedtohishonouredparentwiththecarving-fork,inorderthattheymightknowwhomhemeant.

'Howverystrange!'criedthesisters.

'Why,you see,' saidMr Jonas, 'he'sbeenaddlinghisoldbrainswith figuresandbook-keepingallhislife;andtwentyyearsagoorsohewentandtookafever.All thetimehewasoutofhishead(whichwasthreeweeks)heneverleftoffcastingup;andhegottosomanymillionatlastthatIdon'tbelievehe'severbeenquite right since.Wedon'tdomuchbusinessnow though, andhean'tabadclerk.'

'Averygoodone,'saidAnthony.

'Well!Hean'tadearoneatallevents,'observedJonas;'andheearnshissalt,whichisenoughforourlook-out.Iwastellingyouthathehardlyunderstandsanyoneexceptmyfather;healwaysunderstandshim,though,andwakesupquitewonderful.He'sbeenusedtohiswayssolong,yousee!Why,I'veseenhimplaywhist,withmyfatherforapartner;andagoodrubbertoo;whenhehad no more notion what sort of people he was playing against, than youhave.'

'Hashenoappetite?'askedMerry.

'Oh,yes,'saidJonas,plyinghisownknifeandforkveryfast.'Heeats—whenhe'shelped.Buthedon'tcarewhetherhewaitsaminuteoranhour,aslongasfather'shere;sowhenI'matallsharpset,asIamto-day,IcometohimafterI'vetakentheedgeoffmyownhunger,youknow.Now,Chuffey,stupid,are

youready?'

Chuffeyremainedimmovable.

'Alwaysaperverseoldfile,hewas,'saidMrJonas,coollyhelpinghimselftoanotherslice.'Askhim,father.'

'Areyoureadyforyourdinner,Chuffey?'askedtheoldman

'Yes,yes,'saidChuffey,lightingupintoasentienthumancreatureatthefirstsoundofthevoice,sothatitwasatonceacuriousandquiteamovingsighttoseehim.'Yes,yes.Quiteready,MrChuzzlewit.Quiteready,sir.Allready,allready,allready.'Withthathestopped,smilingly,andlistenedforsomefurtheraddress;butbeingspokentonomore,thelightforsookhisfacebylittleandlittle,untilhewasnothingagain.

'He'll be very disagreeable, mind,' said Jonas, addressing his cousins as hehandedtheoldman'sportiontohisfather.'Healwayschokeshimselfwhenitan'tbroth.Lookathim,now!Didyoueverseeahorsewithsuchawall-eyedexpressionashe'sgot?If ithadn'tbeenfor the jokeof it Iwouldn'thave lethimcomeinto-day;butIthoughthe'damuseyou.'

The poor old subject of this humane speech was, happily for himself, asunconscious of its purport as of most other remarks that were made in hispresence.Butthemuttonbeingtough,andhisgumsweak,hequicklyverifiedthestatementrelativetohischokingpropensities,andunderwentsomuchinhisattempts todine, thatMr Jonaswas infinitelyamused;protesting thathehadseldomseenhimbettercompanyinallhislife,andthathewasenoughtomakeamansplithissideswithlaughing.Indeed,hewentsofarastoassurethesisters,thatinthispointofviewheconsideredChuffeysuperiortohisownfather;which,ashesignificantlyadded,wassayingagreatdeal.

ItwasstrangeenoughthatAnthonyChuzzlewit,himselfsooldaman,shouldtakeapleasureinthesegibingsofhisestimablesonattheexpenseofthepoorshadowattheirtable.Buthedid,unquestionably;thoughnotsomuch—todohim justice—with reference to their ancient clerk, as in exultation at thesharpness of Jonas. For the same reason that youngman's coarse allusions,eventohimself,filledhimwithastealthyglee;causinghimtorubhishandsandchucklecovertly,as ifhesaid inhissleeve, 'I taughthim.I trainedhim.This is the heir of my bringing-up. Sly, cunning, and covetous, he'll notsquandermymoney.Iworkedforthis;Ihopedforthis;ithasbeenthegreatendandaimofmylife.'

Whatanobleendandaimitwastocontemplateintheattainmenttruly!Buttherebesomewhomanufactureidolsafterthefashionofthemselves,andfailtoworship themwhen they aremade; charging their deformity on outragednature.Anthonywasbetterthantheseatanyrate.

Chuffeyboggledoverhisplatesolong,thatMrJonas,losingpatience,tookitfromhimatlastwithhisownhands,andrequestedhisfathertosignifytothatvenerable person that he had better 'peg away at his bread;'whichAnthonydid.

'Aye, aye!' cried the old man, brightening up as before, when this wascommunicated to him in the same voice, 'quite right, quite right. He's yourownson,MrChuzzlewit!Blesshimforasharplad!Blesshim,blesshim!'

MrJonasconsideredthissoparticularlychildish(perhapswithsomereason),thatheonlylaughedthemore,andtoldhiscousinsthathewasafraidoneofthese fine days, Chuffey would be the death of him. The cloth was thenremoved,andthebottleofwinesetuponthetable,fromwhichMrJonasfilledthe young ladies' glasses, calling on them not to spare it, as theymight becertaintherewasplentymorewherethatcamefrom.Butheaddedwithsomehasteafterthissallythatitwasonlyhisjoke,andtheywouldn'tsupposehimtobeinearnest,hewassure.

'I shall drink,' said Anthony, 'to Pecksniff. Your father, my dears. A cleverman,Pecksniff.Awaryman!Ahypocrite,though,eh?Ahypocrite,girls,eh?Ha,ha,ha!Well,soheis.Now,amongfriends,heis.Idon'tthinktheworseofhim for that, unless it is that he overdoes it.Youmay overdo anything,mydarlings.Youmayoverdoevenhypocrisy.AskJonas!'

'You can't overdo taking care of yourself,' observed that hopeful gentlemanwithhismouthfull.

'Do you hear that, my dears?' cried Anthony, quite enraptured. 'Wisdom,wisdom!Agoodexception,Jonas.No.It'snoteasytooverdothat.'

'Except,'whisperedMrJonas tohis favouritecousin, 'exceptwhenone livestoolong.Ha,ha!Telltheotheronethat—Isay!'

'Good gracious me!' said Cherry, in a petulant manner. 'You can tell heryourself,ifyouwish,can'tyou?'

'Sheseemstomakesuchgameofone,'repliedMrJonas.

'Thenwhyneedyoutroubleyourselfabouther?'saidCharity. 'Iamsureshedoesn'ttroubleherselfmuchaboutyou.'

'Don'tshethough?'askedJonas.

'Goodgraciousme,needItellyouthatshedon't?'returnedtheyounglady.

Mr Jonas made no verbal rejoinder, but he glanced at Mercy with an oddexpression in his face; and said THATwouldn't break his heart, she mightdepend upon it. Then he looked on Charity with even greater favour than

before,andbesoughther,ashispolitemannerwas,to'comealittlecloser.'

'There'sanotherthingthat'snoteasilyoverdone,father,'remarkedJonas,afterashortsilence.

'What'sthat?'askedthefather;grinningalreadyinanticipation.

'Abargain,'saidtheson.'Here'stheruleforbargains—"Doothermen,fortheywoulddoyou."That'sthetruebusinessprecept.Allothersarecounterfeits.'

Thedelighted fatherapplauded thissentiment to theecho;andwassomuchtickled by it, that he was at the pains of imparting the same to his ancientclerk,whorubbedhishands,noddedhispalsiedhead,winkedhiswateryeyes,andcriedinhiswhistlingtones,'Good!good!Yourownson,MrChuzzlewit'witheveryfeebledemonstrationofdelightthathewascapableofmaking.Butthisoldman'senthusiasmhadtheredeemingqualityofbeingfeltinsympathywiththeonlycreaturetowhomhewaslinkedbytiesoflongassociation,andbyhispresenthelplessness.Andiftherehadbeenanybodythere,whocaredtothinkaboutit,somedregsofabetternatureunawakened,mightperhapshavebeen descried through that very medium, melancholy though it was, yetlingeringatthebottomoftheworn-outcaskcalledChuffey.

As matters stood, nobody thought or said anything upon the subject; soChuffey fell back into a dark corner on one side of the fireplace,where healways spent his evenings, andwas neither seen nor heard again that night;saveonce,whenacupofteawasgivenhim,inwhichhewasseentosoakhisbreadmechanically.Therewasnoreasontosupposethathewenttosleepattheseseasons,orthatheheard,orsaw,orfelt,orthought.Heremained,asitwere, frozen up—if any term expressive of such a vigorous process can beappliedtohim—untilhewasagainthawedforthemomentbyawordortouchfromAnthony.

MissCharitymadeteabydesireofMrJonas,andfeltandlookedsoliketheladyofthehousethatshewasintheprettiestconfusionimaginable;themoreso from Mr Jonas sitting close beside her, and whispering a variety ofadmiring expressions in her ear. Miss Mercy, for her part, felt theentertainmentoftheeveningtobesodistinctlyandexclusivelytheirs,thatshesilently deplored the commercial gentlemen—at that moment, no doubt,wearying for her return—and yawned over yesterday's newspaper. As toAnthony,hewent tosleepoutright,soJonasandCherryhadaclearstagetothemselvesaslongastheychosetokeeppossessionofit.

Whenthetea-traywastakenaway,asitwasatlast,MrJonasproducedadirtypackofcards,andentertainedthesisterswithdiverssmallfeatsofdexterity:whereofthemainpurposeofeveryonewas,thatyouweretodecoysomebodyinto laying a wager with you that you couldn't do it; and were then

immediatelytowinandpockethismoney.MrJonasinformedthemthattheseaccomplishmentswereinhighvogueinthemostintellectualcircles,andthatlargeamountswereconstantlychanginghandsonsuchhazards.Anditmayberemarkedthathefullybelievedthis;forthereisasimplicityofcunningnolessthan a simplicity of innocence; and in all matters where a lively faith inknaveryandmeannesswas requiredas theground-workofbelief,Mr Jonaswasoneofthemostcredulousofmen.Hisignorance,whichwasstupendous,maybetakenintoaccount,ifthereaderpleases,separately.

Thisfineyoungmanhadalltheinclinationtobeaprofligateofthefirstwater,and only lacked the one good trait in the common catalogue of debauchedvices—open-handedness—tobeanotablevagabond.Buttherehisgripingandpenurious habits stepped in; and as one poison will sometimes neutraliseanother,whenwholesomeremedieswouldnotavail,sohewasrestrainedbyabad passion fromquaffing his fullmeasure of evil,when virtuemight havesoughttoholdhimbackinvain.

Bythetimehehadunfoldedallthepeddlingschemesheknewuponthecards,it was growing late in the evening; and Mr Pecksniff not making hisappearance, theyoung ladies expressed awish to returnhome.But this,MrJonas, inhisgallantry,wouldbynomeansallow,until theyhadpartakenofsomebreadandcheeseandporter;andeventhenhewasexcessivelyunwillingtoallowthemtodepart;oftenbeseechingMissCharitytocomealittlecloser,ortostopalittlelonger,andpreferringmanyothercomplimentarypetitionsofthat nature in his own hospitable and earnest way. When all his efforts todetain them were fruitless, he put on his hat and greatcoat preparatory toescorting themtoTodgers's; remarking thatheknewtheywouldratherwalkthitherthanride;andthatforhisparthewasquiteoftheiropinion.

'Good night,' said Anthony. 'Good night; rememberme to—ha, ha, ha!—toPecksniff. Take care of your cousin, my dears; beware of Jonas; he's adangerousfellow.Don'tquarrelforhim,inanycase!'

'Oh, the creature!' criedMercy. 'The idea of quarrelling forHIM!Youmaytakehim,Cherry,mylove,alltoyourself.Imakeyouapresentofmyshare.'

'What!I'masourgrape,amI,cousin?'saidJonas.

Miss Charity was more entertained by this repartee than one would havesupposedlikely,consideringitsadvancedageandsimplecharacter.Butinhersisterly affection she tookMr Jonas to task for leaning soveryharduponabrokenreed,andsaidthathemustnotbesocrueltopoorMerryanymore,orshe(Charity)wouldpositivelybeobligedtohatehim.Mercy,whoreallyhadhershareofgoodhumour,onlyretortedwithalaugh;andtheywalkedhomeinconsequencewithoutanyangrypassagesofwordsupontheway.MrJonasbeinginthemiddle,andhavingacousinoneacharm,sometimessqueezedthe

wrongone;sotightlytoo,astocausehernotalittleinconvenience;butashetalkedtoCharityinwhispersthewholetime,andpaidhergreatattention,nodoubt this was an accidental circumstance.When they arrived at Todgers's,andthedoorwasopened,Mercybrokehastilyfromthem,andranupstairs;butCharity and Jonas lingered on the steps talking together formore than fiveminutes; so, asMrsTodgersobservednextmorning, toa thirdparty, 'ItwasprettyclearwhatwasgoingonTHERE,andshewasgladof it, for it reallywashightimethatMissPecksniffthoughtofsettling.'

Andnowthedaywascomingon,whenthatbrightvisionwhichhadburstonTodgers'ssosuddenly,andmadeasunshineintheshadybreastofJinkins,wastobeseennomore;whenitwastobepacked,likeabrownpaperparcel,orafish-basket,oranoysterbarrelorafatgentleman,oranyotherdullrealityoflife,inastagecoachandcarrieddownintothecountry.

'Never,mydearMissPecksniffs,'saidMrsTodgers,whentheyretiredtorestonthelastnightoftheirstay,'neverhaveIseenanestablishmentsoperfectlybroken-heartedasmineisat thispresentmomentof time.Idon'tbelievethegentlemenwill be the gentlemen theywere, or anything like it—no, not forweekstocome.Youhaveagreatdealtoanswerfor,bothofyou.'

Theymodestlydisclaimedanywilfulagencyinthisdisastrousstateofthings,andregretteditverymuch.

'Your pious pa, too,' said Mrs Todgers. 'There's a loss! My dear MissPecksniffs,yourpaisaperfectmissionaryofpeaceandlove.'

Entertaining an uncertainty as to the particular kind of love supposed to becomprised in Mr Pecksniff's mission, the young ladies received thecomplimentrathercoldly.

'If Idared,' saidMrsTodgers,perceiving this, 'toviolateaconfidencewhichhasbeen reposed inme,and to tellyouwhy Imustbegofyou to leave thelittle doorbetweenyour roomandmineopen tonight, I thinkyouwouldbeinterested. But I mustn't do it, for I promised Mr Jinkins faithfully, that Iwouldbeassilentasthetomb.'

'DearMrsTodgers!Whatcanyoumean?'

'Why, then,my sweetMissPecksniffs,' said the ladyof thehouse; 'myownloves,ifyouwillallowmetheprivilegeoftakingthatfreedomontheeveofour separation,Mr Jinkins and the gentlemenhavemadeup a littlemusicalpartyamongthemselves,andDOintend,inthedeadofthisnight,toperformaserenade upon the stairs outside the door. I could havewished, I own,' saidMrsTodgers,withherusualforesight,'thatithadbeenfixedtotakeplaceanhourortwoearlier;becausewhengentlemensituplatetheydrink,andwhentheydrinkthey'renotsomusical,perhaps,aswhentheydon't.Butthisisthe

arrangement; and Iknowyouwillbegratified,mydearMissPecksniffs,bysuchamarkoftheirattention.'

Theyoungladieswereatfirstsomuchexcitedbythenews,thattheyvowedthey couldn't thinkof going to beduntil the serenadewasover.But half anhourofcoolwaitingsoalteredtheiropinionthattheynotonlywenttobed,butfellasleep;andwere,moreover,notecstaticallycharmedtobeawakenedsometimeafterwardsbycertaindulcetstrainsbreakinginuponthesilentwatchesofthenight.

Itwasveryaffecting—very.Nothingmoredismalcouldhavebeendesiredbythemost fastidious taste. The gentleman of a vocal turnwas headmute, orchiefmourner;Jinkinstookthebass;andtheresttookanythingtheycouldget.The youngest gentleman blew his melancholy into a flute. He didn't blowmuchoutofit,butthatwasallthebetter.IfthetwoMissPecksniffsandMrsTodgershadperishedbyspontaneouscombustion,andtheserenadehadbeenin honour of their ashes, it would have been impossible to surpass theunutterabledespairexpressedinthatonechorus,'Gowhereglorywaitsthee!'It was a requiem, a dirge, amoan, a howl, awail, a lament, an abstract ofeverything that is sorrowfulandhideous insound.The fluteof theyoungestgentlemanwaswildandfitful.Itcameandwentingusts,likethewind.Foralongtimetogetherheseemedtohaveleftoff,andwhenitwasquitesettledbyMrs Todgers and the young ladies that, overcome by his feelings, he hadretired in tears,heunexpectedly turnedupagainat thevery topof the tune,gasping for breath.Hewas a tremendous performer.Therewas noknowingwheretohavehim;andexactlywhenyouthoughthewasdoingnothingatall,thenwashedoingtheverythingthatoughttoastonishyoumost.

Therewereseveraloftheseconcertedpieces;perhapstwoorthreetoomany,thoughthat,asMrsTodgerssaid,wasafaultontherightside.Buteventhen,evenat that solemnmoment,when the thrilling soundsmaybepresumed tohavepenetratedintotheverydepthsofhisnature,ifhehadanydepths,Jinkinscouldn't leavetheyoungestgentlemanalone.Heaskedhimdistinctly,beforethesecondsongbegan—asapersonalfavourtoo,markthevillaininthat—nottoplay.Yes;hesaidso;nottoplay.Thebreathingoftheyoungestgentlemanwasheardthroughthekey-holeofthedoor.HeDIDN'Tplay.Whatventwasaflutefor thepassionsswellingupwithinhisbreast?Atrombonewouldhavebeenaworldtoomild.

The serenade approached its close. Its crowning interest was at hand. Thegentlemanofaliteraryturnhadwrittenasongonthedepartureoftheladies,andadaptedittoanoldtune.Theyalljoined,excepttheyoungestgentlemanincompany,who,forthereasonsaforesaid,maintainedafearfulsilence.Thesong (which was of a classical nature) invoked the oracle of Apollo, anddemanded to know what would become of Todgers's when CHARITY andMERCY were banished from its walls. The oracle delivered no opinion

particularly worth remembering, according to the not infrequent practice oforacles from the earliest ages down to the present time. In the absence ofenlightenmentonthatsubject,thestraindesertedit,andwentontoshowthattheMiss Pecksniffswere nearly related toRuleBritannia, and that ifGreatBritainhadn'tbeenanisland,therecouldhavebeennoMissPecksniffs.Andbeingnowonanauticaltack,itclosedwiththisverse:

'AllhailtothevesselofPecksniffthesire!

Andfavouringbreezestofan;

WhileTritonsflockroundit,andproudlyadmire

Thearchitect,artist,andman!'

As they presented this beautiful picture to the imagination, the gentlemengraduallywithdrew tobed togive themusic theeffectofdistance;andso itdiedaway,andTodgers'swaslefttoitsrepose.

MrBaileyreservedhisvocalofferinguntilthemorning,whenheputhisheadintotheroomas theyoungladieswerekneelingbeforetheir trunks,packingup, and treated them to an imitation of the voice of a young dog in tryingcircumstances;whenthatanimalissupposedbypersonsofalivelyfancy,torelievehisfeelingsbycallingforpenandink.

'Well,young ladies,' said theyouth, 'soyou'rea-goinghome,areyou,worseluck?'

'Yes,Bailey,we'regoinghome,'returnedMercy.

'An'tyoua-goingtoleavenoneof'emalockofyourhair?'inquiredtheyouth.'It'sreal,an'tit?'

Theylaughedatthis,andtoldhimofcourseitwas.

'Oh, is it of course, though?' saidBailey. 'I knowbetter than that.Hers an't.Why,Iseeithanginguponce,onthatnailbythewinder.Besides,Ihavegonebehind her at dinner-time and pulled it; and she never know'd. I say, youngladies,I'ma-goingtoleave.Ian'ta-goingtostandbeingcallednamesbyher,nolonger.'

MissMercyinquiredwhathisplansforthefuturemightbe;inreplytowhomMrBaileyintimatedthathethoughtofgoingeitherintotop-boots,orintothearmy.

'Intothearmy!'criedtheyoungladies,withalaugh.

'Ah!' said Bailey, 'why not? There's a many drummers in the Tower. I'macquaintedwith'em.Don'ttheircountrysetavalleyon'em,mindyou!Notat

all!'

'You'llbeshot,Isee,'observedMercy.

'Well!' criedMrBailey, 'wot if I am?There's somethinggamey in it, youngladies,an't there?I'dsoonerbehitwithacannon-ball thanarolling-pin,andshe'salwaysa-catchingupsomethingofthatsort,andthrowingitatme,whenthe gentlemans' appetites is good. Wot,' said Mr Bailey, stung by therecollectionofhiswrongs, 'wot, if theyDOconsume theper-vishuns. It an'tMYfault,isit?'

'Surelynoonesaysitis,'saidMercy.

'Don'ttheythough?'retortedtheyouth.'No.Yes.Ah!oh!Noonemayn'tsayitis! but someoneknows it is.But I an't a-going tohave every rise inpriceswisitedonme.Ian'ta-goingtobekilledbecausethemarketsisdear.Iwon'tstop. And therefore,' addedMr Bailey, relenting into a smile, 'wotever youmeantogiveme,you'dbettergivemeallatonce,becosifeveryoucomebackagin, I shan't be here; and as to the other boy,HEwon't deserve nothing, Iknow.'

The young ladies, on behalf ofMr Pecksniff and themselves, acted on thisthoughtful advice; and in considerationof their private friendship, presentedMrBaileywithagratuitysoliberalthathecouldhardlydoenoughtoshowhisgratitude;whichfoundbutanimperfectvent,duringtheremainderoftheday,in divers secret slaps upon his pocket, and other such facetious pantomime.Norwasitconfinedtotheseebullitions;forbesidescrushingabandbox,witha bonnet in it, he seriously damaged Mr Pecksniff's luggage, by ardentlyhauling it down from the top of the house; and in short evinced, by everymeans inhis power, a lively senseof the favourshehad received from thatgentlemanandhisfamily.

MrPecksniffandMrJinkinscamehometodinnerarm-in-arm;for the lattergentleman had made half-holiday on purpose; thus gaining an immenseadvantage over the youngest gentleman and the rest, whose time, as itperverselychanced,wasallbespoke,untiltheevening.ThebottleofwinewasMr Pecksniff's treat, and they were very sociable indeed; though full oflamentationsonthenecessityofparting.Whiletheywereinthemidstoftheirenjoyment,oldAnthonyandhissonwereannounced;muchtothesurpriseofMrPecksniff,andgreatlytothediscomfitureofJinkins.

'Come to say good-bye, you see,' said Anthony, in a low voice, to MrPecksniff,astheytooktheirseatsapartat thetable,whiletherestconversedamongthemselves.'Where'stheuseofadivisionbetweenyouandme?Wearethetwohalvesofapairofscissors,whenapart,Pecksniff;buttogetherwearesomething.Eh?'

'Unanimity,mygoodsir,'rejoinedMrPecksniff,'isalwaysdelightful.'

'Idon'tknowaboutthat,'saidtheoldman,'fortherearesomepeopleIwouldratherdifferfromthanagreewith.Butyouknowmyopinionofyou.'

MrPecksniff,stillhaving'hypocrite'inhismind,onlyrepliedbyamotionofhis head,whichwas something between an affirmative bow, and a negativeshake.

'Complimentary,' said Anthony. 'Complimentary, upon my word. It was aninvoluntarytributetoyourabilities,evenatthetime;anditwasnotatimetosuggest compliments either.Butwe agreed in the coach, youknow, thatwequiteunderstoodeachother.'

'Oh,quite!'assentedMrPecksniff,inamannerwhichimpliedthathehimselfwasmisunderstoodmostcruelly,butwouldnotcomplain.

Anthony glanced at his son as he sat besideMiss Charity, and then at MrPecksniff, and then at his son again, verymany times. It happened thatMrPecksniff'sglancestookasimilardirection;butwhenhebecameawareofit,hefirstcastdownhiseyes,andthenclosedthem;asifheweredeterminedthattheoldmanshouldreadnothingthere.

'Jonasisashrewdlad,'saidtheoldman.

'He appears,' rejoinedMr Pecksniff in his most candid manner, 'to be veryshrewd.'

'Andcareful,'saidtheoldman.

'Andcareful,Ihavenodoubt,'returnedMrPecksniff.

'Lookye!'saidAnthonyinhisear.'Ithinkheissweetuponyoudaughter.'

'Tut,mygoodsir,'saidMrPecksniff,withhiseyesstillclosed;'youngpeople—youngpeople—akindofcousins, too—nomoresweetness than is in that,sir.'

'Why, there is very little sweetness in that, according to our experience,'returnedAnthony.'Isn'tthereatriflemorehere?'

'Impossibletosay,'rejoinedMrPecksniff.'Quiteimpossible!Yousurpriseme.'

'Yes,Iknowthat,'saidtheoldman,drily. 'Itmaylast;Imeanthesweetness,not the surprise; and itmay die off. Supposing it should last, perhaps (youhavingfeatheredyournestprettywell,andIhavingdonethesame),wemighthaveamutualinterestinthematter.'

MrPecksniff,smilinggently,wasabouttospeak,butAnthonystoppedhim.

'I know what you are going to say. It's quite unnecessary. You have neverthoughtofthisforamoment;andinapointsonearlyaffectingthehappinessofyourdearchild,youcouldn't,asatenderfather,expressanopinion;andsoforth.Yes,quiteright.Andlikeyou!Butitseemstome,mydearPecksniff,'addedAnthony,layinghishanduponhissleeve,'thatifyouandIkeptupthejoke of pretending not to see this, one of usmight possibly be placed in apositionofdisadvantage;andasIamveryunwillingtobethatpartymyself,youwill excusemy taking the liberty of putting thematter beyond a doubtthusearly;andhavingitdistinctlyunderstood,asitisnow,thatwedoseeit,and do know it. Thank you for your attention.We are now upon an equalfooting;whichisagreeabletousboth,Iamsure.'

He rose as he spoke; and givingMrPecksniff a nod of intelligence,movedawayfromhimtowheretheyoungpeopleweresitting;leavingthatgoodmansomewhatpuzzledanddiscomfitedbysuchveryplaindealing,andnotquitefreefromasenseofhavingbeenfoiledintheexerciseofhisfamiliarweapons.

Butthenight-coachhadapunctualcharacter,anditwastimetojoinitattheoffice;whichwassonearathandthattheyhadalreadysenttheirluggageandarranged towalk.Thither thewhole party repaired, therefore, after nomoredelaythansufficedfortheequipmentoftheMissPecksniffsandMrsTodgers.Theyfoundthecoachalreadyatitsstarting-place,andthehorsesin;there,too,were a largemajority of the commercial gentlemen, including the youngest,whowasvisiblyagitated,andinastateofdeepmentaldejection.

Nothing could equal the distress ofMrs Todgers in parting from the youngladies,exceptthestrongemotionswithwhichshebadeadieutoMrPecksniff.Neversurelywasapocket-handkerchieftakeninandoutofaflatreticulesooftenasMrsTodgers'swas,asshestooduponthepavementbythecoach-doorsupportedoneithersidebyacommercialgentleman;andby thesightof thecoach-lampscaughtsuchbriefsnatchesandglimpsesofthegoodman'sface,astheconstantinterpositionofMrJinkinsallowed.ForJinkins,tothelasttheyoungestgentleman'srocka-headinlife,stooduponthecoachsteptalkingtotheladies.UpontheotherstepwasMrJonas,whomaintainedthatpositioninrightofhiscousinship;whereas theyoungestgentleman,whohadbeen firstupon the ground, was deep in the booking-office among the black and redplacards, and the portraits of fast coaches, where he was ignominiouslyharassed by porters, and had to contend and strive perpetually with heavybaggage.Thisfalseposition,combinedwithhisnervousexcitement,broughtabouttheveryconsummationandcatastropheofhismiseries;forwheninthemomentofpartingheaimedaflower,ahothouseflowerthathadcostmoney,atthefairhandofMercy,itreached,instead,thecoachmanonthebox,whothankedhimkindly,andstuckitinhisbuttonhole.

Theywere off now; and Todgers's was alone again. The two young ladies,leaning back in their separate corners, resigned themselves to their own

regretfulthoughts.ButMrPecksniff,dismissingallephemeralconsiderationsof social pleasure and enjoyment, concentrated his meditations on the onegreat virtuous purpose before him, of casting out that ingrate and deceiver,whosepresenceyettroubledhisdomestichearth,andwasasacrilegeuponthealtarsofhishouseholdgods.

CHAPTERTWELVE

WILLBESEENINTHELONGRUN,IFNOTINTHESHORTONE,TOCONCERNMRPINCHANDOTHERS,NEARLY.MRPECKSNIFF

ASSERTS

THEDIGNITYOFOUTRAGEDVIRTUE.YOUNGMARTINCHUZZLEWITFORMSADESPERATERESOLUTION

MrPinch andMartin, little dreaming of the stormyweather that impended,made themselves very comfortable in the Pecksniffian halls, and improvedtheirfriendshipdaily.Martin'sfacility,bothofinventionandexecution,beingremarkable, the grammar-school proceeded with great vigour; and Tomrepeatedlydeclared,thatiftherewereanythinglikecertaintyinhumanaffairs,or impartiality inhumanjudges,adesignsonewandfullofmeritcouldnotfail tocarryoffthefirstprizewhenthetimeofcompetitionarrived.Withoutbeingquitesosanguinehimself,Martinhadhishopefulanticipationstoo;andtheyservedtomakehimbriskandeagerathistask.

'IfIshouldturnoutagreatarchitect,Tom,'saidthenewpupiloneday,ashestood at a little distance from his drawing, and eyed it with muchcomplacency,'I'lltellyouwhatshouldbeoneofthethingsI'dbuild.'

'Aye!'criedTom.'What?'

'Why,yourfortune.'

'No!' said Tom Pinch, quite as much delighted as if the thing were done.'Wouldyouthough?Howkindofyoutosayso.'

'I'd build it up, Tom,' returnedMartin, 'on such a strong foundation, that itshould lastyour life—aye, andyour children's lives too, and their children'safterthem.I'dbeyourpatron,Tom.I'dtakeyouundermyprotection.LetmeseethemanwhoshouldgivethecoldshouldertoanybodyIchosetoprotectandpatronise,ifIwereatthetopofthetree,Tom!'

'Now, I don't think,' said Mr Pinch, 'upon my word, that I was ever more

gratifiedthanbythis.Ireallydon't.'

'Oh!ImeanwhatIsay,'retortedMartin,withamannerasfreeandeasyinitscondescension to, not to say in its compassion for, the other, as if hewerealreadyFirstArchitectinordinarytoalltheCrownedHeadsinEurope.'I'ddoit.I'dprovideforyou.'

'Iamafraid,'saidTom,shakinghishead,'thatIshouldbeamightyawkwardpersontoprovidefor.'

'Pooh,pooh!'rejoinedMartin.'Nevermindthat.IfItookitinmyheadtosay,"Pinchisacleverfellow;IapproveofPinch;"Ishouldliketoknowthemanwhowouldventure toputhimself inoppositiontome.Besides,confoundit,Tom,youcouldbeusefultomeinahundredways.'

'IfIwerenotusefulinoneortwo,itshouldn'tbeforwantoftrying,'saidTom.

'For instance,' pursued Martin, after a short reflection, 'you'd be a capitalfellow,now, tosee thatmy ideaswereproperlycarriedout;and tooverlooktheworksintheirprogressbeforetheyweresufficientlyadvancedtobeveryinteresting toME; and to take all that sort ofplain sailing.Thenyou'dbe asplendidfellowtoshowpeopleovermystudio,andtotalkaboutArtto 'em,when I couldn'tbeboredmyself, andall thatkindof thing.For itwouldbedevilishcreditable,Tom(I'mquiteinearnest,Igiveyoumyword),tohaveamanofyourinformationaboutone,insteadofsomeordinaryblockhead.Oh,I'dtakecareofyou.You'dbeuseful,relyuponit!'

TosaythatTomhadnoideaofplayingfirstfiddleinanysocialorchestra,butwasalwaysquitesatisfiedtobesetdownforthehundredandfiftiethviolinintheband,or thereabouts, is toexpresshismodestyinveryinadequate terms.Hewasmuchdelighted,therefore,bytheseobservations.

'Ishouldbemarriedtoherthen,Tom,ofcourse,'saidMartin.

WhatwasthatwhichcheckedTomPinchsosuddenly,inthehighflowofhisgladness;bringingthebloodintohishonestcheeks,andaremorsefulfeelingtohishonestheart,asifhewereunworthyofhisfriend'sregard?

'Ishouldbemarriedtoherthen,'saidMartin,lookingwithasmiletowardsthelight; 'andweshouldhave,Ihope,childrenaboutus.They'dbeveryfondofyou,Tom.'

ButnotawordsaidMrPinch.Thewordshewouldhaveuttereddieduponhislips,andfoundalifemorespiritualinself-denyingthoughts.

'All the children hereabouts are fond of you, Tom, and mine would be, ofcourse,'pursuedMartin.'PerhapsImightnameoneof'emafteryou.Tom,eh?Well,Idon'tknow.Tom'snotabadname.ThomasPinchChuzzlewit.T.P.C.

onhispinafores—noobjectiontothat,Ishouldsay?'

Tomclearedhisthroat,andsmiled.

'SHEwouldlikeyou,Tom,Iknow,'saidMartin.

'Aye!'criedTomPinch,faintly.

'Icantellexactlywhatshewouldthinkofyou,'saidMartinleaninghischinuponhishand,andlookingthroughthewindow-glassasifhereadtherewhathesaid; 'Iknowhersowell.Shewouldsmile,Tom,oftenat firstwhenyouspoketoher,orwhenshelookedatyou—merrilytoo—butyouwouldn'tmindthat.Abrightersmileyouneversaw.'

'No,no,'saidTom.'Iwouldn'tmindthat.'

'Shewouldbeas tenderwithyou,Tom,' saidMartin, 'as ifyouwereachildyourself.Soyouarealmost,insomethings,an'tyou,Tom?'

MrPinchnoddedhisentireassent.

'She would always be kind and good-humoured, and glad to see you,' saidMartin;'andwhenshefoundoutexactlywhatsortoffellowyouwere(whichshe'd do very soon), she would pretend to give you little commissions toexecute,andtoasklittleservicesofyou,whichsheknewyouwereburningtorender;sothatwhenshereallypleasedyoumost,shewouldtrytomakeyouthink youmost pleased her. Shewould take to you uncommonly, Tom; andwouldunderstandyoufarmoredelicately thanIevershall;andwouldoftensay,Iknow,thatyouwereaharmless,gentle,well-intentioned,goodfellow.'

HowsilentTomPinchwas!

'In honour of old time,' saidMartin, 'and of her having heard you play theorgan in this damp little church down here—for nothing too—wewill haveone in thehouse. I shall build an architecturalmusic-roomon a planofmyown,andit'lllookratherknowinginarecessatoneend.Thereyoushallplayaway,Tom,tillyoutireyourself;and,asyouliketodosointhedark,itshallBEdark;andmany'sthesummereveningsheandIwillsitandlistentoyou,Tom;besureofthat!'

ItmayhaverequiredastrongereffortonTomPinch'sparttoleavetheseatonwhichhesat,andshakehisfriendbybothhands,withnothingbutserenityandgratefulfeelingpaintedonhisface; itmayhaverequiredastrongereffort toperformthissimpleactwithapureheart, than toachievemanyandmanyadeed to which the doubtful trumpet blown by Fame has lustily resounded.Doubtful,becausefromitslonghoveringoverscenesofviolence,thesmokeandsteamofdeathhaveclogged thekeysof thatbrave instrument;and it isnotalwaysthatitsnotesareeithertrueortuneful.

'It's a proof of the kindness of human nature,' said Tom, characteristicallyputting himself quite out of sight in thematter, 'that everybodywho comeshere, as you have done, is more considerate and affectionate to me than Ishould have any right to hope, if I were the most sanguine creature in theworld; or shouldhave anypower to express, if Iwere themost eloquent. Itreallyoverpowersme.Buttrustme,'saidTom,'thatIamnotungrateful—thatInever forget—and that if I caneverprove the truthofmywords toyou, Iwill.'

'That'sallright,'observedMartin,leaningbackinhischairwithahandineachpocket,andyawningdrearily.'Veryfinetalking,Tom;butI'matPecksniff's,Iremember,andperhapsamileorsooutofthehigh-roadtofortunejustatthisminute.Soyou'veheardagainthismorningfromwhat'shisname,eh?'

'Whomay thatbe?'askedTom,seeming toenteramildprotestonbehalfofthedignityofanabsentperson.

'YOUknow.Whatisit?Northkey.'

'Westlock,'rejoinedTom,inratheraloudertonethanusual.

'Ah! to be sure,' saidMartin, 'Westlock. I knew itwas something connectedwithapointofthecompassandadoor.Well!andwhatsaysWestlock?'

'Oh! he has come into his property,' answered Tom, nodding his head, andsmiling.

'He's a lucky dog,' saidMartin. 'I wish it weremine instead. Is that all themysteryyouweretotellme?'

'No,'saidTom;'notall.'

'What'stherest?'askedMartin.

'Forthematterofthat,'saidTom,'it'snomystery,andyouwon'tthinkmuchofit; but it's very pleasant tome. John always used to saywhen hewas here,"Mark my words, Pinch. When my father's executors cash up"—he usedstrangeexpressionsnowandthen,butthatwashisway.'

'Cash-up'saverygoodexpression,'observedMartin,'whenotherpeopledon'tapplyittoyou.Well!—Whataslowfellowyouare,Pinch!'

'Yes,IamIknow,'saidTom;'butyou'llmakemenervousifyoutellmeso.I'mafraidyouhaveputmeoutalittlenow,forIforgetwhatIwasgoingtosay.'

'WhenJohn'sfather'sexecutorscashedup,'saidMartinimpatiently.

'Ohyes,tobesure,'criedTom;'yes."Then,"saysJohn,"I'llgiveyouadinner,Pinch,andcomedowntoSalisburyonpurpose."Now,whenJohnwrote the

otherday—themorningPecksniffleft,youknow—hesaidhisbusinesswasonthe point of being immediately settled, and as hewas to receive hismoneydirectly,whencould ImeethimatSalisbury? Iwroteandsaid,anyday thisweek;andItoldhimbesides,thattherewasanewpupilhere,andwhatafinefellowyouwere,andwhat friendswehadbecome.UponwhichJohnwritesbackthisletter'—Tomproducedit—'fixesto-morrow;sendshiscomplimentstoyou;andbegsthatwethreemayhavethepleasureofdiningtogether;notatthehousewhereyouandIwere,either;butattheveryfirsthotelinthetown.Readwhathesays.'

'Verywell,' saidMartin,glancingover itwithhiscustomarycoolness; 'muchobligedtohim.I'magreeable.'

Tom could have wished him to be a little more astonished, a little morepleased,orinsomeformorotheralittlemoreinterestedinsuchagreatevent.But hewas perfectly self-possessed; and falling into his favourite solace ofwhistling, took another turn at the grammar-school, as if nothing at all hadhappened.

MrPecksniff'shorsebeingregardedinthelightofasacredanimal,onlytobedriven by him, the chief priest of that temple, or by some person distinctlynominated for the time being to that high office by himself, the two youngmenagreedtowalktoSalisbury;andso,whenthetimecame,theysetoffonfoot;whichwas, after all, abettermodeof travelling than in thegig, as theweatherwasverycoldandverydry.

Better! A rare strong, hearty, healthy walk—four statute miles an hour—preferable to that rumbling, tumbling, jolting, shaking, scraping, creaking,villanousoldgig?Why,thetwothingswillnotadmitofcomparison.Itisaninsult to the walk, to set them side by side.Where is an instance of a gighavingevercirculatedaman'sblood,unlesswhen,puttinghim indangerofhisneck, it awakened inhisveinsand inhisears, andall alonghis spine, atingling heat, much more peculiar than agreeable? When did a gig eversharpenanybody'switsandenergies,unlessitwaswhenthehorsebolted,and,crashingmadlydownasteephillwithastonewallatthebottom,hisdesperatecircumstances suggested to the only gentleman left inside, some novel andunheard-ofmodeofdroppingoutbehind?Betterthanthegig!

Theairwascold,Tom;soitwas,therewasnodenyingit;butwouldithavebeenmore genial in the gig? The blacksmith's fire burned very bright, andleapeduphigh,asthoughitwantedmentowarm;butwouldithavebeenlesstempting, looked at from the clammy cushions of a gig? The wind blewkeenly, nipping the features of the hardy wight who fought his way along;blindinghimwithhisownhair ifhehadenough to it,andwintrydust ifhehadn't; stopping his breath as though he had been soused in a cold bath;tearingasidehiswrappings-up,andwhistlingintheverymarrowofhisbones;

butitwouldhavedoneallthisahundredtimesmorefiercelytoamaninagig,wouldn'tit?Afigforgigs!

Betterthanthegig!Whenweretravellersbywheelsandhoofsseenwithsuchred-hot cheeks as those? when were they so good-humouredly and merrilybloused?whendidtheirlaughterringupontheair,astheyturnedthemround,what time the stronger gusts came sweeping up; and, facing round again astheypassedby, dashedon, in such aglowof ruddyhealth asnothing couldkeeppacewith,but thehighspirits itengendered?Better thanthegig!Why,hereisamaninagigcomingthesamewaynow.Lookathimashepasseshiswhipintohislefthand,chafeshisnumbedrightfingersonhisgraniteleg,andbeats thosemarble toes of his upon the foot-board.Ha, ha, ha!Whowouldexchangethisrapidhurryofthebloodforyonderstagnantmisery,thoughitspaceweretwentymilesforone?

Betterthanthegig!Nomaninagigcouldhavesuchinterestinthemilestones.Noman in a gig could see, or feel, or think, likemerry users of their legs.How,as thewindsweepson,upon thesebreezydowns, it tracks its flight indarkening ripples on the grass, and smoothest shadows on the hills! Lookroundandrounduponthisbarebleakplain,andseeevenhere,uponawinter'sday,howbeautifultheshadowsare!Alas!itisthenatureoftheirkindtobeso.Theloveliestthingsinlife,Tom,arebutshadows;andtheycomeandgo,andchangeandfadeaway,asrapidlyasthese!

Anothermile, and then begins a fall of snow,making the crow,who skimsaway so close above the ground to shirk the wind, a blot of ink upon thelandscape.Butthoughitdrivesanddriftsagainstthemastheywalk,stiffeningontheirskirts,andfreezing in the lashesof theireyes, theywouldn'thave itfallmoresparingly,no,notsomuchasbyasingleflake,althoughtheyhadtogoascoreofmiles.And,lo!thetowersoftheOldCathedralrisebeforethem,evennow!andby-and-byetheycomeintotheshelteredstreets,madestrangelysilentbytheirwhitecarpet;andsototheInnforwhichtheyarebound;wherethey present such flushed and burning faces to the cold waiter, and are sobrimfulofvigour,thathealmostfeelsassaultedbytheirpresence;and,havingnothingtoopposetotheattack(beingfresh,orratherstale,fromtheblazingfireinthecoffee-room),isquiteputoutofhispalecountenance.

A famous Inn! the hall a very grove of dead game, and dangling joints ofmutton; and inone corner an illustrious larder,withglassdoors, developingcold fowls and noble joints, and tarts wherein the raspberry jam coylywithdrew itself, as suchaprecious creature should, behind a latticeworkofpastry.Andbehold,onthefirstfloor,atthecourt-endofthehouse,inaroomwith all the window-curtains drawn, a fire piled half-way up the chimney,plates warming before it, wax candles gleaming everywhere, and a tablespreadforthree,withsilverandglassenoughforthirty—JohnWestlock;notthe old John of Pecksniff's, but a proper gentleman; looking another and a

grander person,with the consciousness of beinghis ownmaster andhavingmoney in thebank;andyet insomerespects theoldJohn too, forheseizedTomPinchbybothhishandstheinstantheappeared,andfairlyhuggedhim,inhiscordialwelcome.

'Andthis,'saidJohn,'isMrChuzzlewit.Iamverygladtoseehim!'—Johnhadanoff-handmannerofhisown;sotheyshookhandswarmly,andwerefriendsinnotime.

'Standoffamoment,Tom,'criedtheoldpupil,layingonehandoneachofMrPinch's shoulders,andholdinghimoutatarm's length. 'Letme lookatyou!Justthesame!Notabitchanged!'

'Why,it'snotsoverylongago,youknow,'saidTomPinch,'afterall.'

'Itseemsanagetome,'criedJohn,'andsoitoughttoseemtoyou,youdog.'AndthenhepushedTomdownintotheeasiestchair,andclappedhimonthebacksoheartily,andsolikehisoldselfintheiroldbedroomatoldPecksniff'sthatitwasatoss-upwithTomPinchwhetherheshouldlaughorcry.Laughterwonit;andtheyallthreelaughedtogether.

'I have ordered everything for dinner, thatwe used to saywe'd have, Tom,'observedJohnWestlock.

'No!'saidTomPinch.'Haveyou?'

'Everything.Don'tlaugh,ifyoucanhelpit,beforethewaiters.Icouldn'twhenIwasorderingit.It'slikeadream.'

Johnwaswrong there, because nobody ever dreamed such soup aswas putuponthetabledirectlyafterwards;orsuchfish;orsuchside-dishes;orsuchatop and bottom; or such a course of birds and sweets; or in short anythingapproaching the reality of that entertainment at ten-and-sixpence a head,exclusive of wines. As to THEM, the man who can dream such icedchampagne,suchclaret,port,orsherry,hadbettergotobedandstopthere.

But perhaps the finest feature of the banquet was, that nobodywas half somuch amazed by everything as John himself, who in his high delight wasconstantly bursting into fits of laughter, and then endeavouring to appearpreternaturally solemn, lest thewaiters shouldconceivehewasn'tused to it.Someofthethingstheybroughthimtocarve,weresuchoutrageouspracticaljokes,though,thatitwasimpossibletostandit;andwhenTomPinchinsisted,inspiteof thedeferentialadviceofanattendant,notonlyonbreakingdownthe outer wall of a raised pie with a tablespoon, but on trying to eat itafterwards,Johnlostalldignity,andsatbehindthegorgeousdish-coverattheheadofthetable,roaringtothatextentthathewasaudibleinthekitchen.Norhadhetheleastobjectiontolaughathimself,ashedemonstratedwhenthey

hadallthreegatheredroundthefireandthedessertwasonthetable;atwhichperiod the headwaiter inquiredwith respectful solicitudewhether that port,being a light and tawnywine,was suited to his taste, orwhether hewouldwishtotryafruityportwithgreaterbody.TothisJohngravelyansweredthathewaswellsatisfiedwithwhathehad,whichheesteemed,asonemightsay,aprettytidyvintage;forwhichthewaiterthankedhimandwithdrew.AndthenJohntoldhisfriends,withabroadgrin,thathesupposeditwasallright,buthedidn'tknow;andwentoffintoaperfectshout.

Theywereverymerryandfullofenjoymentthewholetime,butnottheleastpleasantpartofthefestivalwaswhentheyallthreesataboutthefire,crackingnuts,drinkingwineandtalkingcheerfully.IthappenedthatTomPinchhadaword to say to his friend the organist's assistant, and so deserted his warmcornerforafewminutesatthisseason,lestitshouldgrowtoolate;leavingtheothertwoyoungmentogether.

Theydrankhishealthinhisabsence,ofcourse;andJohnWestlocktookthatopportunityof saying, thathehadneverhadevenapeevishwordwithTomduring the whole term of their residence in Mr Pecksniff's house. ThisnaturallyledhimtodwelluponTom'scharacter,andtohintthatMrPecksniffunderstooditprettywell.Heonlyhintedthis,andverydistantly;knowingthatitpainedTomPinchtohavethatgentlemandisparaged,andthinkingitwouldbeaswelltoleavethenewpupiltohisowndiscoveries.

'Yes,'saidMartin.'It'simpossibletolikePinchbetterthanIdo,ortodogreaterjusticetohisgoodqualities.HeisthemostwillingfellowIeversaw.'

'He's rather toowilling,' observed John, whowas quick in observation. 'It'squiteafaultinhim.'

'Soitis,'saidMartin.'Verytrue.Therewasafellowonlyaweekorsoago—aMrTigg—whoborrowedallthemoneyhehad,onapromisetorepayitinafewdays.Itwasbuthalfasovereign,tobesure;butit'swellitwasnomore,forhe'llneverseeitagain.'

'Poor fellow!' said John, who had been very attentive to these few words.'Perhaps you have not had an opportunity of observing that, in his ownpecuniarytransactions,Tom'sproud.'

'Youdon'tsayso!No,Ihaven't.Whatdoyoumean?Won'theborrow?'

JohnWestlockshookhishead.

'That's very odd,' saidMartin, setting down his empty glass. 'He's a strangecompound,tobesure.'

'As to receivingmoney as a gift,' resumed JohnWestlock; 'I think he'd die

first.'

'He'smadeupofsimplicity,'saidMartin.'Helpyourself.'

'You, however,' pursued John, filling his own glass, and looking at hiscompanion with some curiosity, 'who are older than the majority of MrPecksniff's assistants, and have evidently had much more experience,understandhim,Ihavenodoubt,andseehowliableheistobeimposedupon.'

'Certainly,'saidMartin,stretchingouthislegs,andholdinghiswinebetweenhiseyeandthelight.'MrPecksniffknowsthattoo.Sodohisdaughters.Eh?'

JohnWestlocksmiled,butmadenoanswer.

'Bythebye,'saidMartin,'thatremindsme.What'syouropinionofPecksniff?Howdid he use you?What do you think of him now?—Coolly, you know,whenit'sallover?'

'AskPinch,'returnedtheoldpupil.'Heknowswhatmysentimentsusedtobeuponthesubject.Theyarenotchanged,Iassureyou.'

'No,no,'saidMartin,'I'dratherhavethemfromyou.'

'ButPinchsaystheyareunjust,'urgedJohnwithasmile.

'Oh!well!ThenIknowwhatcoursetheytakebeforehand,'saidMartin;'and,therefore,youcanhavenodelicacyinspeakingplainly.Don'tmindme,Ibeg.I don't like him I tell you frankly. I amwith him because it happens fromparticularcircumstancestosuitmyconvenience.Ihavesomeability,Ibelieve,inthatway;andtheobligation,ifany,willmostlikelybeonhissideandnotmine. At the lowest mark, the balance will be even, and there'll be noobligationatall.Soyoumaytalktome,asifIhadnoconnectionwithhim.'

'Ifyoupressmetogivemyopinion—'returnedJohnWestlock.

'Yes,Ido,'saidMartin.'You'llobligeme.'

'—Ishouldsay,'resumedtheother,'thatheisthemostconsummatescoundrelonthefaceoftheearth.'

'Oh!'saidMartin,ascoollyasever.'That'sratherstrong.'

'Notstrongerthanhedeserves,'saidJohn;'andifhecalleduponmetoexpressmyopinionofhimtohisface,Iwoulddosointheverysameterms,withoutthe least qualification. His treatment of Pinch is in itself enough to justifythem; butwhen I lookbackupon the five years I passed in that house, andrememberthehyprocrisy,theknavery,themeannesses,thefalsepretences,thelip service of that fellow, and his trading in saintly semblances for the veryworstrealities;whenIrememberhowoftenIwasthewitnessofall thisand

howoftenIwasmadeakindofpartytoit,bythefactofbeingthere,withhimformyteacher;IsweartoyouthatIalmostdespisemyself.'

Martindrainedhisglass,andlookedatthefire.

'Idon'tmeantosaythatisarightfeeling,'pursuedJohnWestlock'becauseitwas no fault of mine; and I can quite understand—you for instance, fullyappreciatinghim,andyetbeingforcedbycircumstancestoremainthere.Itellyousimplywhatmyfeelingis;andevennow,when,asyousay,it'sallover;andwhenIhavethesatisfactionofknowingthathealwayshatedme,andwealwaysquarrelled,andIalwaystoldhimmymind;evennow,IfeelsorrythatIdidn'tyield toan impulseIoftenhad,asaboy,of runningawayfromhimandgoingabroad.'

'Whyabroad?'askedMartin,turninghiseyesuponthespeaker.

'Insearch,'repliedJohnWestlock,shrugginghisshoulders,'ofthelivelihoodIcouldn't have earned at home.Therewouldhavebeen something spirited inthat.But,come!Fillyourglass,andletusforgethim.'

'As soon as you please,' said Martin. 'In reference to myself and myconnectionwithhim,IhaveonlytorepeatwhatIsaidbefore.Ihavetakenmyownwaywithhimsofar,andshallcontinuetodoso,evenmorethanever;forthe fact is, to tell you the truth, that I believe he looks tome to supply hisdefects, and couldn't afford to loseme. I had a notion of that in first goingthere.Yourhealth!'

'Thankyou,'returnedyoungWestlock.'Yours.Andmaythenewpupilturnoutaswellasyoucandesire!'

'Whatnewpupil?'

'Thefortunateyouth,bornunderanauspiciousstar,' returnedJohnWestlock,laughing; 'whose parents, or guardians, are destined to be hooked by theadvertisement.What!Don'tyouknowthathehasadvertisedagain?'

'No.'

'Oh,yes.Ireaditjustbeforedinnerintheoldnewspaper.Iknowittobehis;havingsomereasontorememberthestyle.Hush!Here'sPinch.Strange,isitnot,thatthemorehelikesPecksniff(ifhecanlikehimbetterthanhedoes),thegreaterreasononehastolikeHIM?Notawordmore,orweshallspoilhiswholeenjoyment.'

Tomenteredasthewordswerespoken,witharadiantsmileuponhisface;andrubbinghishands,morefromasenseofdelightthanbecausehewascold(forhe had been running fast), sat down in his warm corner again, and was ashappyasonlyTomPinchcouldbe.Thereisnoothersimilethatwillexpress

hisstateofmind.

'And so,' he said, when he had gazed at his friend for some time in silentpleasure,'soyoureallyareagentlemanatlast,John.Well,tobesure!'

'Trying tobe,Tom; trying tobe,'he rejoinedgood-humouredly. 'There isnosayingwhatImayturnout,intime.'

'Isupposeyouwouldn'tcarryyourownboxtothemailnow?'saidTomPinch,smiling;'althoughyoulostitaltogetherbynottakingit.'

'Wouldn't I?' retortedJohn. 'That'sallyouknowabout it,Pinch.ItmustbeaveryheavyboxthatIwouldn'tcarrytogetawayfromPecksniff's,Tom.'

'There!' criedPinch, turning toMartin, 'I told you so.The great fault in hischaracterishisinjusticetoPecksniff.Youmustn'tmindawordhesaysonthatsubject.Hisprejudiceismostextraordinary.'

'Theabsenceofanything likeprejudiceonTom'spart,youknow,' said JohnWestlock, laughing heartily, as he laid his hand onMr Pinch's shoulder, 'isperfectlywonderful. If oneman ever had a profoundknowledgeof another,and saw him in a true light, and in his own proper colours, Tom has thatknowledgeofMrPecksniff.'

'Why,ofcourseIhave,'criedTom.'That'sexactlywhatIhavesooftensaidtoyou. If you knewhim aswell as I do—John, I'd give almost anymoney tobringthatabout—you'dadmire,respect,andreverencehim.Youcouldn'thelpit.Oh,howyouwoundedhisfeelingswhenyouwentaway!'

'IfIhadknownwhereabouthisfeelingslay,'retortedyoungWestlock,'I'dhavedonemybest,Tom,withthatendinview,youmaydependuponit.ButasIcouldn't wound him in what he has not, and in what he knows nothing of,exceptinhisabilitytoprobethemtothequickinotherpeople,IamafraidIcanlaynoclaimtoyourcompliment.'

Mr Pinch, being unwilling to protract a discussion which might possiblycorrupt Martin, forbore to say anything in reply to this speech; but JohnWestlock,whomnothingshortofan irongagwouldhavesilencedwhenMrPecksniff'smeritswereonceinquestion,continuednotwithstanding.

'HIS feelings! Oh, he's a tender-hearted man. HIS feelings! Oh, he's aconsiderate, conscientious, self-examining, moral vagabond, he is! HISfeelings!Oh!—what'sthematter,Tom?'

MrPinchwasbythistimeerectuponthehearth-rug,buttoninghiscoatwithgreatenergy.

'I can't bear it,' said Tom, shaking his head. 'No. I really cannot. Youmust

excuseme,John.Ihaveagreatesteemandfriendshipforyou;Iloveyouverymuch;andhavebeenperfectlycharmedandoverjoyedto-day,tofindyoujustthesameasever;butIcannotlistentothis.'

'Why,it'smyoldway,Tom;andyousayyourselfthatyouaregladtofindmeunchanged.'

'Not in this respect,' said TomPinch. 'Youmust excuseme, John. I cannot,really; I will not. It's very wrong; you should be more guarded in yourexpressions.ItwasbadenoughwhenyouandIusedtobealonetogether,butunderexistingcircumstances,Ican'tendureit,really.No.Icannot,indeed.'

'Youarequiteright!'exclaimedtheother,exchanginglookswithMartin.'andIam quitewrong, Tom, I don't know how the deucewe fell on this unluckytheme.Ibegyourpardonwithallmyheart.'

'Youhavea freeandmanly temper, Iknow,' saidPinch; 'and therefore,yourbeingsoungenerous in thisonesolitary instance,onlygrievesme themore.It's not my pardon you have to ask, John. You have doneME nothing butkindnesses.'

'Well! Pecksniff's pardon then,' said young Westlock. 'Anything Tom, oranybody. Pecksniff's pardon—will that do? Here! let us drink Pecksniff'shealth!'

'Thankyou,'criedTom,shakinghandswithhimeagerly,andfillingabumper.'Thank you; I'll drink it with allmy heart, John.Mr Pecksniff's health, andprosperitytohim!'

JohnWestlockechoedthesentiment,ornearlyso;forhedrankMrPecksniff'shealth,andSomething tohim—butwhat,wasnotquiteaudible.Thegeneralunanimitybeingthencompletelyrestored,theydrewtheirchairscloserroundthefire,andconversedinperfectharmonyandenjoymentuntilbed-time.

Noslightcircumstance,perhaps,couldhavebetterillustratedthedifferenceofcharacterbetweenJohnWestlockandMartinChuzzlewit,thanthemannerinwhicheachoftheyoungmencontemplatedTomPinch,afterthelittlerupturejustdescribed.Therewasacertainamountofjocularityinthelooksofboth,nodoubt,butthereallresemblanceceased.Theoldpupilcouldnotdoenoughto show Tom how cordially he felt towards him, and his friendly regardseemedofagraverandmorethoughtfulkindthanbefore.Thenewone,ontheotherhand,hadnoimpulsebuttolaughattherecollectionofTom'sextremeabsurdity;andmingledwithhisamusementtherewassomethingslightingandcontemptuous, indicative, as it appeared, of his opinion thatMr Pinch wasmuch too fargone in simplicity tobeadmittedas the friend,onseriousandequalterms,ofanyrationalman.

JohnWestlock,whodidnothingbyhalves, ifhecouldhelp it,hadprovidedbeds for his two guests in the hotel; and after a very happy evening, theyretired.MrPinchwassittingonthesideofhisbedwithhiscravatandshoesoff,ruminatingonthemanifoldgoodqualitiesofhisoldfriend,whenhewasinterruptedbyaknockathischamberdoor,andthevoiceofJohnhimself.

'You'renotasleepyet,areyou,Tom?'

'Blessyou,no!not I. Iwas thinkingofyou,' repliedTom,opening thedoor.'Comein.'

'Iamnotgoingtodetailyou,'saidJohn;'butIhaveforgottenalltheeveningalittlecommissionItookuponmyself;andIamafraidImayforgetitagain,ifIfailtodischargeitatonce.YouknowaMrTigg,Tom,Ibelieve?'

'Tigg!'criedTom.'Tigg!Thegentlemanwhoborrowedsomemoneyofme?'

'Exactly,'saidJohnWestlock.'Hebeggedmetopresenthiscompliments,andtoreturn itwithmanythanks.Here it is. Isuppose it'sagoodone,buthe isratheradoubtfulkindofcustomer,Tom.'

MrPinchreceivedthelittlepieceofgoldwithafacewhosebrightnessmighthaveshamed themetal;andsaidhehadno fearabout that.Hewasglad,headded,tofindMrTiggsopromptandhonourableinhisdealings;veryglad.

'Why, to tell you the truth, Tom,' replied his friend, 'he is not always so. Ifyou'll takemyadvice,you'll avoidhimasmuchasyoucan, in theeventofyourencounteringhimagain.Andbynomeans,Tom—praybearthisinmind,forIamveryserious—bynomeanslendhimmoneyanymore.'

'Aye,aye!'saidTom,withhiseyeswideopen.

'Heisveryfarfrombeingareputableacquaintance,'returnedyoungWestlock;'andthemoreyoulethimknowyouthinkso,thebetterforyou,Tom.'

'Isay,John,'quothMrPinch,ashiscountenancefell,andheshookhisheadinadejectedmanner.'Ihopeyouarenotgettingintobadcompany.'

'No,no,'herepliedlaughing.'Don'tbeuneasyonthatscore.'

'Oh,butIAMuneasy,'saidTomPinch;'Ican'thelpit,whenIhearyoutalkinginthatway.IfMrTiggiswhatyoudescribehimtobe,youhavenobusinessto know him, John.Youmay laugh, but I don't consider it by anymeans alaughingmatter,Iassureyou.'

'No, no,' returned his friend, composing his features. 'Quite right. It is not,certainly.'

'Youknow,John,'saidMrPinch,'yourverygoodnatureandkindnessofheart

make you thoughtless, and you can't be too careful on such a point as this.Uponmyword,ifIthoughtyouwerefallingamongbadcompanions,Ishouldbequitewretched, forIknowhowdifficultyouwouldfind it toshake themoff.Iwouldmuchratherhavelostthismoney,John,thanIwouldhavehaditbackagainonsuchterms.'

'I tellyou,mydeargoodoldfellow,'criedhisfriend,shakinghimtoandfrowithbothhands,andsmilingathimwithacheerful,opencountenance, thatwouldhavecarriedconvictiontoamindmuchmoresuspiciousthanTom's;'Itellyouthereisnodanger.'

'Well!' criedTom, 'I amglad tohear it; I amoverjoyed tohear it. I amsurethereisnot,whenyousaysointhatmanner.Youwon'ttakeitill,John,thatIsaidwhatIdidjustnow!'

'Ill!'saidtheother,givinghishandaheartysqueeze;'whywhatdoyouthinkIammadeof?MrTiggandIarenotonsuchanintimatefootingthatyouneedbeatalluneasy,Igiveyoumysolemnassuranceofthat,Tom.Youarequitecomfortablenow?'

'Quite,'saidTom.

'Thenoncemore,goodnight!'

'Goodnight!'criedTom;'andsuchpleasantdreamstoyouasshouldattendthesleepofthebestfellowintheworld!'

'—ExceptPecksniff,' saidhis friend,stoppingat thedoor foramoment,andlookinggaylyback.

'ExceptPecksniff,'answeredTom,withgreatgravity;'ofcourse.'

Andthustheypartedforthenight;JohnWestlockfulloflight-heartednessandgoodhumour, andpoorTomPinchquite satisfied; though still, ashe turnedoveronhissideinbed,hemutteredtohimself, 'Ireallydowish,forallthat,though,thathewasn'tacquaintedwithMrTigg.'

They breakfasted together very early nextmorning, for the two youngmendesiredtogetbackagainingoodseason;andJohnWestlockwastoreturntoLondonbythecoachthatday.Ashehadsomehourstospare,heborethemcompanyforthreeorfourmilesontheirwalk,andonlypartedfromthematlast insheernecessity.Thepartingwasanunusuallyheartyone,notonlyasbetweenhimandTomPinch,butonthesideofMartinalso,whohadfoundintheoldpupilaverydifferentsortofpersonfromthemilksophehadpreparedhimselftoexpect.

Young Westlock stopped upon a rising ground, when he had gone a littledistance, and looked back. They were walking at a brisk pace, and Tom

appearedtobetalkingearnestly.Martinhadtakenoffhisgreatcoat,thewindbeing nowbehind them, and carried it upon his arm.As he looked, he sawTomrelievehimofit,afterafaintresistance,and,throwingituponhisown,encumberhimselfwiththeweightofboth.Thistrivialincidentimpressedtheold pupil mightily, for he stood there, gazing after them, until they werehiddenfromhisview;whenheshookhishead,asifheweretroubledbysomeuneasyreflection,andthoughtfullyretracedhisstepstoSalisbury.

In themeantime,Martin andTompursued theirway, until they halted, safeand sound, at Mr Pecksniff's house, where a brief epistle from that goodgentlemantoMrPinchannouncedthefamily'sreturnbythatnight'scoach.Asitwouldpass the cornerof the laneat about sixo'clock in themorning,MrPecksniff requested that thegigmightbe inwaitingat the finger-post aboutthattime,togetherwithacartfortheluggage.Andtotheendthathemightbereceivedwith thegreaterhonour, theyoungmenagreed toriseearly,andbeuponthespotthemselves.

Itwastheleastcheerfuldaytheyhadyetpassedtogether.Martinwasoutofspirits and out of humour, and took every opportunity of comparing hiscondition and prospects with those of young Westlock; much to his owndisadvantage always. This mood of his depressed Tom; and neither thatmorning's parting, nor yesterday's dinner, helped tomend thematter. So thehoursdraggedonheavilyenough;andtheyweregladtogotobedearly.

Theywerenotquitesogladtogetupagainathalf-pastfouro'clock,inalltheshivering discomfort of a dark winter's morning; but they turned outpunctually,andwereat thefinger-postfullhalf-an-hourbeforetheappointedtime. Itwas not by anymeans a livelymorning, for the skywas black andcloudy, and it rained hard; but Martin said there was some satisfaction inseeing that brute of a horse (by this, he meant Mr Pecksniff's Arab steed)getting verywet; and that he rejoiced, on his account, that it rained so fast.FromthisitmaybeinferredthatMartin'sspiritshadnotimproved,asindeedtheyhadnot;forwhileheandMrPinchstoodwaitingunderahedge,lookingattherain,thegig,thecart,anditsreekingdriver,hedidnothingbutgrumble;and,butthatitisindispensabletoanydisputethatthereshouldbetwopartiestoit,hewouldcertainlyhavepickedaquarrelwithTom.

Atlengththenoiseofwheelswasfaintlyaudibleinthedistanceandpresentlythe coach came splashing through the mud and mire with one miserableoutside passenger crouching down among wet straw, under a saturatedumbrella; and the coachman, guard, and horses, in a fellowship of drippingwretchedness. Immediately on its stopping, Mr Pecksniff let down thewindow-glassandhailedTomPinch.

'Dearme,MrPinch! Is itpossible thatyouareoutupon thisvery inclementmorning?'

'Yes,sir,'criedTom,advancingeagerly,'MrChuzzlewitandI,sir.'

'Oh!'saidMrPecksniff,lookingnotsomuchatMartinasatthespotonwhichhestood.'Oh!Indeed.Domethefavourtoseetothetrunks,ifyouplease,MrPinch.'

ThenMrPecksniffdescended,andhelpedhisdaughterstoalight;butneitherhenortheyoungladiestooktheslightestnoticeofMartin,whohadadvancedto offer his assistance, but was repulsed by Mr Pecksniff's standingimmediately before his person, with his back towards him. In the samemanner,andinprofoundsilence,MrPecksniffhandedhisdaughters intothegig;andfollowinghimselfandtakingthereins,droveoffhome.

Lost inastonishment,Martinstoodstaringat thecoach,andwhen thecoachhaddrivenaway,atMrPinch,andtheluggage,until thecartmovedoff too;whenhesaidtoTom:

'NowwillyouhavethegoodnesstotellmewhatTHISportends?'

'What?'askedTom.

'Thisfellow'sbehaviour.MrPecksniff's,Imean.Yousawit?'

'No.IndeedIdidnot,'criedTom.'Iwasbusywiththetrunks.'

'It is nomatter,' saidMartin. 'Come!Let usmake haste back!'Andwithoutanother word started off at such a pace, that Tom had some difficulty inkeepingupwithhim.

Hehad no carewhere hewent, butwalked through little heaps ofmud andlittlepoolsofwaterwiththeutmostindifference;lookingstraightbeforehim,and sometimes laughing in a strange manner within himself. Tom felt thatanythinghecouldsaywouldonlyrenderhimthemoreobstinate,andthereforetrustedtoMrPecksniff'smannerwhentheyreachedthehouse,toremovethemistakenimpressionunderwhichhefeltconvincedsogreatafavouriteasthenewpupilmustunquestionablybe labouring.Buthewasnota littleamazedhimself,when theydid reach it, andentered theparlourwhereMrPecksniffwassittingalonebeforethefire,drinkingsomehottea,tofindthatinsteadoftaking favourable notice of his relative and keeping him, Mr Pinch, in thebackground,hedidexactlythereverse,andwassolavishinhisattentionstoTom,thatTomwasthoroughlyconfounded.

'Take some tea, Mr Pinch—take some tea,' said Pecksniff, stirring the fire.'Youmustbeverycoldanddamp.Praytakesometea,andcomeintoawarmplace,MrPinch.'

TomsawthatMartin lookedatMrPecksniffas thoughhecouldhaveeasilyfound it inhisheart togiveHIMan invitation toaverywarmplace;buthe

wasquite silent, and standingopposite that gentlemanat the table, regardedhimattentively.

'Take a chair, Pinch,' said Pecksniff. 'Take a chair, if you please.Howhavethingsgoneoninourabsence,MrPinch?'

'You—youwillbeverymuchpleasedwiththegrammar-school,sir,'saidTom.'It'snearlyfinished.'

'Ifyouwillhavethegoodness,MrPinch,'saidPecksniff,wavinghishandandsmiling,'wewillnotdiscussanythingconnectedwiththatquestionatpresent.WhathaveYOUbeendoing,Thomas,humph?'

MrPinchlookedfrommastertopupil,andfrompupil tomaster,andwassoperplexed and dismayed that he wanted presence of mind to answer thequestion.Inthisawkwardinterval,MrPecksniff(whowasperfectlyconsciousofMartin'sgaze, thoughhehadneveronceglanced towardshim)poked thefireverymuch,andwhenhecouldn'tdothatanymore,drankteaassiduously.

'Now,Mr Pecksniff,' saidMartin at last, in a very quiet voice, 'if you havesufficientlyrefreshedandrecoveredyourself,Ishallbegladtohearwhatyoumeanbythistreatmentofme.'

'And what,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning his eyes on Tom Pinch, even moreplacidly and gently than before, 'what have YOU been doing, Thomas,humph?'

Whenhehadrepeatedthisinquiry,helookedroundthewallsoftheroomasifhewere curious to seewhether any nails had been left there by accident informertimes.

Tomwasalmostathiswit'sendwhattosaybetweenthetwo,andhadalreadymadeagestureas ifhewouldcallMrPecksniff'sattention to thegentlemanwhohadlastaddressedhim,whenMartinsavedhimfurthertrouble,bydoingsohimself.

'MrPecksniff,'hesaid,softlyrappingthetabletwiceorthrice,andmovingastep or two nearer, so that he could have touched him with his hand; 'youheardwhat I said just now.Dome the favour to reply, if you please. I askyou'—heraisedhisvoicealittlehere—'whatyoumeanbythis?'

'Iwilltalktoyou,sir,'saidMrPecksniffinaseverevoice,ashelookedathimforthefirsttime,'presently.'

'Youareveryobliging,'returnedMartin;'presentlywillnotdo.Imusttroubleyoutotalktomeatonce.'

MrPecksniffmadeafeintofbeingdeeplyinterestedinhispocketbook,butit

shookinhishands;hetrembledso.

'Now,' retortedMartin, rapping the table again. 'Now. Presentlywill not do.Now!'

'Doyouthreatenme,sir?'criedMrPecksniff.

Martinlookedathim,andmadenoanswer;butacuriousobservermighthavedetected an ominous twitching at his mouth, and perhaps an involuntaryattractionofhisrighthandinthedirectionofMrPecksniff'scravat.

'I lament to be obliged to say, sir,' resumedMr Pecksniff, 'that it would bequiteinkeepingwithyourcharacterifyoudidthreatenme.Youhavedeceivedme.You have imposed upon a naturewhich you knew to be confiding andunsuspicious.Youhaveobtainedadmission,sir,'saidMrPecksniff,rising,'tothishouse,onpervertedstatementsandonfalsepretences.'

'Go on,' said Martin, with a scornful smile. 'I understand you now. Whatmore?'

'Thusmuchmore, sir,' criedMrPecksniff, trembling fromhead to foot, andtryingtorubhishands,asthoughhewereonlycold.'Thusmuchmore,ifyouforceme to publish your shamebefore a third party,which Iwas unwillingand indisposed to do.This lowly roof, sir,must not be contaminatedby thepresence of one who has deceived, and cruelly deceived, an honourable,beloved,venerated,andvenerablegentleman;andwhowiselysuppressedthatdeceit from me when he sought my protection and favour, knowing that,humble as I am, I am an honestman, seeking to domy duty in this carnaluniverse,andsettingmyfaceagainstallviceand treachery. Iweepforyourdepravity, sir,' saidMrPecksniff; 'Imournover your corruption, I pity yourvoluntarywithdrawalofyourselffromtheflowerypathsofpurityandpeace;'herehestruckhimselfuponhisbreast,ormoralgarden; 'butIcannothavealeperandaserpentforaninmate.Goforth,'saidMrPecksniff,stretchingouthishand:'goforth,youngman!Likeallwhoknowyou,Irenounceyou!'

With what intention Martin made a stride forward at these words, it isimpossibletosay.ItisenoughtoknowthatTomPinchcaughthiminhisarms,and that, at the samemoment,MrPecksniff steppedback sohastily, thathemissedhis footing, tumbledover a chair, and fell in a sittingpostureon theground;whereheremainedwithoutanefforttogetupagain,withhisheadinacorner,perhapsconsideringitthesafestplace.

'Letmego,Pinch!'criedMartin,shakinghimaway.'Whydoyouholdme?Doyouthinkablowcouldmakehimamoreabjectcreaturethanheis?Doyouthink that if I spat uponhim, I could degrade him to a lower level thanhisown?Lookathim.Lookathim,Pinch!'

Mr Pinch involuntarily did so. Mr Pecksniff sitting, as has been alreadymentioned,onthecarpet,withhisheadinanacuteangleofthewainscot,andallthedamageanddetrimentofanuncomfortablejourneyabouthim,wasnotexactly amodel of all that is prepossessing and dignified inman, certainly.StillheWASPecksniff; itwas impossible todeprivehimof thatuniqueandparamountappealtoTom.AndhereturnedTom'sglance,asifhewouldhavesaid, 'Aye,MrPinch, look atme!Here I am!Youknowwhat thePoet saysaboutanhonestman;andanhonestmanisoneofthefewgreatworksthatcanbeseenfornothing!Lookatme!'

'Itellyou,'saidMartin, 'thatasheliesthere,disgraced,bought,used;aclothfordirtyhands,amatfordirtyfeet,alying,fawning,servilehound,heistheverylastandworstamongtheverminoftheworld.Andmarkme,Pinch!Thedaywillcome—heknowsit;seeitwrittenonhisface,whileIspeak!—whenevenyouwillfindhimout,andwillknowhimasIdo,andasheknowsIdo.HErenounceME!CastyoureyesontheRenouncer,Pinch,andbethewiserfortherecollection!'

Hepointedathimashespoke,withunutterablecontempt,andflinginghishatuponhishead,walkedfromtheroomandfromthehouse.Hewentsorapidlythat he was already clear of the village, when he heard Tom Pinch callingbreathlesslyafterhiminthedistance.

'Well!whatnow?'hesaid,whenTomcameup.

'Dear,dear!'criedTom,'areyougoing?'

'Going!'heechoed.'Going!'

'I didn't so much mean that, as were you going now at once—in this badweather—onfoot—withoutyourclothes—withnomoney?'criedTom.

'Yes,'heansweredsternly,'Iam.'

'Andwhere?'criedTom.'Ohwherewillyougo?'

'Idon'tknow,'hesaid.'Yes,Ido.I'llgotoAmerica!'

'No, no,' cried Tom, in a kind of agony. 'Don't go there. Pray don't. Thinkbetter of it. Don't be so dreadfully regardless of yourself. Don't go toAmerica!'

'Mymindismadeup,'hesaid.'Yourfriendwasright.I'llgotoAmerica.Godblessyou,Pinch!'

'Take this!' cried Tom, pressing a book upon him in great agitation. 'Imustmakehasteback,andcan'tsayanythingIwould.Heavenbewithyou.LookattheleafIhaveturneddown.Good-bye,good-bye!'

The simple fellow wrung him by the hand, with tears stealing down hischeeks;andtheypartedhurriedlyupontheirseparateways.

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

SHOWINGWHATBECAMEOFMARTINANDHISDESPARATERESOLVE,AFTERHELEFTMRPECKSNIFF'SHOUSE;WHAT

PERSONSHEENCOUNTERED;WHATANXIETIESHESUFFERED;ANDWHATNEWSHEHEARD

CarryingTomPinch'sbookquiteunconsciouslyunderhisarm,andnotevenbuttoning his coat as a protection against the heavy rain, Martin wentdoggedlyforwardatthesamequickpace,untilhehadpassedthefinger-post,andwasonthehighroadtoLondon.Heslackenedverylittleinhisspeedeventhen,buthebegantothink,andlookabouthim,andtodisengagehissensesfromthecoilofangrypassionswhichhithertohadheldthemprisoner.

It must be confessed that, at that moment, he had no very agreeableemployment either for his moral or his physical perceptions. The day wasdawning from a patch of watery light in the east, and sullen clouds camedriving up before it, fromwhich the rain descended in a thick,wetmist. Itstreamedfromeverytwigandbrambleinthehedge;madelittlegulliesinthepath; ran down a hundred channels in the road; and punched innumerableholesintothefaceofeverypondandgutter.Itfellwithanoozy,slushysoundamongthegrass;andmadeamuddykennelofeveryfurrowintheploughedfields.Nolivingcreaturewasanywheretobeseen.Theprospectcouldhardlyhavebeenmoredesolateifanimatednaturehadbeendissolvedinwater,andpoureddownupontheearthagaininthatform.

The rangeofviewwithin the solitary travellerwasquite as cheerless as thescenewithout. Friendless and penniless; incensed to the last degree; deeplywoundedinhisprideandself-love;fullofindependentschemes,andperfectlydestitute of any means of realizing them; his most vindictive enemymighthavebeensatisfiedwiththeextentofhistroubles.Toaddtohisothermiseries,hewas by this time sensible of beingwet to the skin, and cold at his veryheart.

InthisdeplorableconditionherememberedMrPinch'sbook;morebecauseitwas rather troublesome to carry, than fromanyhopeof being comfortedbythatpartinggift.Helookedatthedingyletteringontheback,andfindingittobeanoddvolumeofthe'BachelorofSalamanca,'intheFrenchtongue,cursedTomPinch's folly twenty times.Hewason thepointof throwing itaway, in

hisill-humourandvexation,whenhebethoughthimselfthatTomhadreferredhim to a leaf, turneddown; andopening it at thatplace, thathemighthaveadditionalcauseofcomplaintagainsthimforsupposingthatanycoldscrapoftheBachelor'swisdomcouldcheerhiminsuchcircumstances,found!—

Well,well! notmuch, butTom's all.The half-sovereign.He hadwrapped ithastily in a piece of paper, and pinned it to the leaf. These words werescrawled in pencil on the inside: 'I don'twant it indeed. I should not knowwhattodowithitifIhadit.'

There are some falsehoods,Tom,onwhichmenmount, as onbrightwings,towardsHeaven. There are some truths, cold bitter taunting truths, whereinyour worldly scholars are very apt and punctual, which bind men down toearthwithleadenchains.Whowouldnotratherhavetofanhim,inhisdyinghour, the lightest featherofafalsehoodsuchas thine, thanall thequills thathave been plucked from the sharp porcupine, reproachful truth, since timebegan!

Martin felt keenly for himself, and he felt this good deed of Tom's keenly.Afterafewminutesithadtheeffectofraisinghisspirits,andremindinghimthathewasnotaltogetherdestitute,ashehadleftafairstockofclothesbehindhim, and wore a gold hunting-watch in his pocket. He found a curiousgratification,too,inthinkingwhatawinningfellowhemustbetohavemadesuch an impressiononTom; and in reflectinghow superior hewas toTom;andhowmuchmorelikelytomakehiswayintheworld.Animatedbythesethoughts,andstrengthenedinhisdesignofendeavouringtopushhisfortuneinanothercountry,heresolved toget toLondonasarallying-point, in thebestwayhecould;andtolosenotimeaboutit.

Hewastengoodmilesfromthevillagemadeillustriousbybeingtheabiding-place of Mr Pecksniff, when he stopped to breakfast at a little roadsidealehouse;andrestinguponahigh-backedsettlebeforethefire,pulledoffhiscoat,andhungitbeforethecheerfulblazetodry.Itwasaverydifferentplacefrom the last tavern inwhich he had regaled; boasting no greater extent ofaccommodation than thebrick-flooredkitchenyielded;but themindsosoonaccommodates itself to thenecessitiesof thebody, that thispoorwaggoner'shouse-of-call,whichhewouldhavedespisedyesterday,becamenowquiteachoicehotel;whilehisdishofeggsandbacon,andhismugofbeer,werenotby any means the coarse fare he had supposed, but fully bore out theinscriptiononthewindow-shutter,whichproclaimedthoseviandstobe'GoodentertainmentforTravellers.'

He pushed away his empty plate; and with a second mug upon the hearthbefore him, looked thoughtfully at the fire until his eyes ached. Then helooked at the highly-coloured scripture pieces on the walls, in little blackframes like common shaving-glasses, and saw how the Wise Men (with a

strong family likeness among them)worshipped in apinkmanger; andhowtheProdigalSoncamehomeinredragstoapurplefather,andalreadyfeastedhis imaginationonasea-greencalf.Thenheglanced through thewindowatthefallingrain,comingdownaslantuponthesign-postoveragainstthehouse,and overflowing the horse-trough; and then he looked at the fire again, andseemedtodescryadoubledistantLondon,retreatingamongthefragmentsoftheburningwood.

Hehadrepeatedthisprocessinjustthesameorder,manytimes,asifitwereamatter of necessity, when the sound of wheels called his attention to thewindowoutofitsregularturn;andtherehebeheldakindoflightvandrawnbyfourhorses,andladen,aswellashecouldsee(foritwascoveredin),withcornand straw.Thedriver,whowasalone, stoppedat thedoor towaterhisteam,andpresentlycamestampingandshakingthewetoffhishatandcoat,intotheroomwhereMartinsat.

Hewas a red-facedburlyyoung fellow; smart inhisway, andwith agood-humoured countenance. As he advanced towards the fire he touched hisshining forehead with the forefinger of his stiff leather glove, by way ofsalutation;andsaid(ratherunnecessarily)thatitwasanuncommonwetday.

'Verywet,'saidMartin.

'Idon'tknowaseverIseeawetter.'

'Ineverfeltone,'saidMartin.

ThedriverglancedatMartin'ssoileddress,andhisdampshirt-sleeves,andhiscoathunguptodry;andsaid,afterapause,ashewarmedhishands:

'Youhavebeencaughtinit,sir?'

'Yes,'wastheshortreply.

'Outriding,maybe?'saidthedriver

'Ishouldhavebeen,ifIownedahorse;butIdon't,'returnedMartin.

'That'sbad,'saidthedriver.

'Andmaybeworse,'saidMartin.

Now the driver said 'That's bad,' not somuch becauseMartin didn't own ahorse, as because he said he didn't with all the reckless desperation of hismoodandcircumstances,andsoleftagreatdealtobeinferred.Martinputhishands in his pockets andwhistledwhen he had retorted on the driver; thusgiving him to understand that he didn't care a pin for Fortune; that hewasabovepretendingtobeherfavouritewhenhewasnot;andthathesnappedhis

fingersather,thedriver,andeverybodyelse.

Thedriverlookedathimstealthilyforaminuteorso;andinthepausesofhiswarmingwhistledtoo.Atlengthheasked,ashepointedhisthumbtowardstheroad.

'Upordown?'

'WhichISup?'saidMartin.

'London,ofcourse,'saidthedriver.

'Upthen,'saidMartin.Hetossedhisheadinacarelessmannerafterwards,asifhewouldhaveadded,'Nowyouknowallaboutit.'puthishandsdeeperintohispockets;changedhistune,andwhistledalittlelouder.

'I'mgoingup,'observedthedriver;'Hounslow,tenmilesthissideLondon.'

'Areyou?'criedMartin,stoppingshortandlookingathim.

The driver sprinkled the fire with his wet hat until it hissed again andanswered,'Aye,tobesurehewas.'

'Why, then,' saidMartin, 'I'll be plainwith you.Youmay suppose frommydressthatIhavemoneytospare.Ihavenot.AllIcanaffordforcoach-hireisacrown,forIhavebut two.Ifyoucantakemefor that,andmywaistcoat,orthissilkhandkerchief,do.Ifyoucan't,leaveitalone.'

'Shortandsweet,'remarkedthedriver.

'Youwantmore?'saidMartin. 'ThenIhaven'tgotmore,andIcan'tget it,sothere'sanendofthat.'Whereuponhebegantowhistleagain.

'I didn't say I wanted more, did I?' asked the driver, with something likeindignation.

'Youdidn'tsaymyofferwasenough,'rejoinedMartin.

'Why,howcould I,whenyouwouldn't letme? In regard to thewaistcoat, Iwouldn't have aman'swaistcoat,much less a gentleman'swaistcoat, onmymind, for no consideration; but the silk handkerchief's another thing; and ifyouwassatisfiedwhenwegottoHounslow,Ishouldn'tobjecttothatasagift.'

'Isitabargain,then?'saidMartin.

'Yes,itis,'returnedtheother.

'Thenfinishthisbeer,'saidMartin,handinghimthemug,andpullingonhiscoatwithgreatalacrity;'andletusbeoffassoonasyoulike.'

Intwominutesmorehehadpaidhisbill,whichamountedtoashilling;waslyingatfulllengthonatrussofstraw,highanddryatthetopofthevan,withthetiltalittleopeninfrontfortheconvenienceoftalkingtohisnewfriend;and was moving along in the right direction with a most satisfactory andencouragingbriskness.

Thedriver'sname,ashesooninformedMartin,wasWilliamSimmons,betterknown as Bill; and his spruce appearancewas sufficiently explained by hisconnectionwithalargestage-coachingestablishmentatHounslow,whitherhewasconveyinghisloadfromafarmbelongingtotheconcerninWiltshire.Hewas frequently up and down the road on such errands, he said, and to lookafter the sick and rest horses, of which animals he hadmuch to relate thatoccupied a long time in the telling.He aspired to the dignity of the regularbox, and expected an appointment on the first vacancy. He was musicalbesides, and had a little key-bugle in his pocket, on which, whenever theconversation flagged, he played the first part of a great many tunes, andregularlybrokedowninthesecond.

'Ah!'saidBill,withasigh,ashedrewthebackofhishandacrosshislips,andputthisinstrumentinhispocket,afterscrewingoffthemouth-piecetodrainit;'LummyNedof theLightSalisbury,HEwas theoneformusical talents.HeWASaguard.WhatyoumaycallaGuard'anAngel,wasNed.'

'Ishedead?'askedMartin.

'Dead!' replied theother,with a contemptuousemphasis. 'Nothe.Youwon'tcatchNeda-dyingeasy.No,no.Heknowsbetterthanthat.'

'Youspokeofhiminthepasttense,'observedMartin,'soIsupposedhewasnomore.

'He'snomoreinEngland,'saidBill, 'ifthat'swhatyoumean.HewenttotheU-nitedStates.'

'Didhe?'askedMartin,withsuddeninterest.'When?'

'Fiveyearago,orthenabout,'saidBill.'Hehadsetupinthepubliclinehere,andcouldn'tmeethisengagements,sohecutofftoLiverpooloneday,withoutsayinganythingaboutit,andwentandshippedhimselffortheU-nitedStates.'

'Well?'saidMartin.

'Well!ashelandedtherewithoutapennytoblesshimselfwith,ofcoursetheywosverygladtoseehimintheU-nitedStates.'

'Whatdoyoumean?'askedMartin,withsomescorn.

'What do Imean?' saidBill. 'Why, THAT.Allmen are alike in theU-nited

States,an't they? Itmakesnooddswhetheramanhasa thousandpound,ornothing,there.ParticularinNewYork,I'mtold,whereNedlanded.'

'NewYork,wasit?'askedMartin,thoughtfully.

'Yes,' saidBill. 'NewYork. I know that, because he sentword home that itbroughtOldYorktohismind,quitevivid,inconsequenceofbeingsoexactlyunlike it in every respect. I don't understand what particular business Nedturned hismind to,when he got there; but hewrote home that him and hisfriendswasalwaysa-singing,AleColumbia,andblowingupthePresident,soI suppose it was something in the public line; or free-and-easy way again.Anyhow,hemadehisfortune.'

'No!'criedMartin.

'Yes,hedid,'saidBill.'Iknowthat,becausehelostitallthedayafter,insix-and-twentybanksasbroke.Hesettledalotofthenotesonhisfather,whenitwasascertainedthattheywasreallystoppedandsent 'emoverwithadutifulletter. I know that, because they was shown down our yard for the oldgentleman'sbenefit,thathemighttreathimselfwithtobaccointheworkus.'

'Hewasa foolish fellownot to takecareofhismoneywhenhehad it,' saidMartin,indignantly.

'Thereyou're right,' saidBill, 'especiallyas itwasall inpaper,andhemighthavetookcareofitsoveryeasy,byfoldingitupinasmallparcel.'

Martinsaidnothinginreply,butsoonafterwardsfellasleep,andremainedsoforanhourormore.Whenheawoke,findingithadceasedtorain,hetookhisseatbeside thedriver,andaskedhimseveralquestions;ashowlonghad thefortunateguardof theLightSalisburybeen incrossing theAtlantic;atwhattime of the year had he sailed;whatwas the name of the ship inwhich hemade the voyage; howmuch had he paid for passage-money; did he suffergreatlyfromsea-sickness?andsoforth.Butonthesepointsofdetailhisfriendwas possessed of little or no information; either answering obviously atrandom or acknowledging that he had never heard, or had forgotten; nor,although he returned to the charge very often, could he obtain any usefulintelligenceontheseessentialparticulars.

Theyjoggedonallday,andstoppedsooften—nowtorefresh,nowtochangetheirteamofhorses,nowtoexchangeorbringawayasetofharness,nowononepointofbusiness,andnowuponanother,connectedwiththecoachingonthatlineofroad—thatitwasmidnightwhentheyreachedHounslow.Alittleshortof thestablesforwhich thevanwasbound,Martingotdown,paidhiscrown, and forced his silk handkerchief upon his honest friend,notwithstandingthemanyprotestationsthathedidn'twishtodeprivehimofit,withwhichhetriedtogivethelietohislonginglooks.Thatdone,theyparted

company;andwhenthevanhaddrivenintoitsownyardandthegateswereclosed,Martinstoodinthedarkstreet,withaprettystrongsenseofbeingshutout,alone,uponthedrearyworld,withoutthekeyofit.

Butinthismomentofdespondency,andoftenafterwards,therecollectionofMr Pecksniff operated as a cordial to him; awakening in his breast anindignation thatwasverywholesome innervinghimtoobstinateendurance.UndertheinfluenceofthisfierydramhestartedoffforLondonwithoutmoreado.Arrivingthereinthemiddleofthenight,andnotknowingwheretofindatavern open, he was fain to stroll about the streets and market-places untilmorning.

Hefoundhimself,aboutanhourbeforedawn, in thehumbler regionsof theAdelphi;andaddressinghimselftoamaninafur-cap,whowastakingdowntheshuttersofanobscurepublic-house,informedhimthathewasastranger,and inquired ifhecouldhaveabed there. Ithappenedbygood luck thathecould. Though none of the gaudiest, it was tolerably clean, andMartin feltvery glad and grateful when he crept into it, for warmth, rest, andforgetfulness.

It was quite late in the afternoon when he awoke; and by the time he hadwashedanddressed,andbrokenhisfast,itwasgrowingduskagain.Thiswasallthebetter,foritwasnowamatterofabsolutenecessitythatheshouldpartwith his watch to some obliging pawn-broker. He would have waited untilafterdarkforthispurpose,thoughithadbeenthelongestdayintheyear,andhehadbegunitwithoutabreakfast.

He passedmore Golden Balls than all the jugglers in Europe have juggledwith,inthecourseoftheirunitedperformances,beforehecoulddetermineinfavourofanyparticularshopwherethosesymbolsweredisplayed.Intheendhecamebacktooneofthefirsthehadseen,andenteringbyaside-doorinacourt,wherethethreeballs,withthelegend'MoneyLent,'wererepeatedinaghastly transparency, passed into one of a series of little closets, or privateboxes, erected for the accommodation of the more bashful and uninitiatedcustomers. He bolted himself in; pulled out his watch; and laid it on thecounter.

'Uponmylifeandsoul!'saidalowvoiceinthenextboxtotheshopmanwhowas in treaty with him, 'youmustmake it more; youmustmake it a triflemore,youmustindeed!Youmustdispensewithonehalf-quarterofanounceinweighingoutyourpoundofflesh,mybestoffriends,andmakeittwo-and-six.'

Martindrewbackinvoluntarily,forheknewthevoiceatonce.

'You're always full of your chaff,' said the shopman, rolling up the article

(which looked like a shirt) quite as amatter of course, and nibbing his penuponthecounter.

'Ishallneverbefullofmywheat,'saidMrTigg,'aslongasIcomehere.Ha,ha!Notbad!Makeittwo-and-six,mydearfriend,positivelyforthisoccasiononly. Half-a-crown is a delightful coin. Two-and-six. Going at two-and-six!Forthelasttimeattwo-and-six!'

'It'llneverbe the last timetill it'squitewornout,' rejoinedtheshopman. 'It'sgrownyellowintheserviceasitis.'

'Itsmasterhasgrownyellowintheservice,ifyoumeanthat,myfriend,'saidMrTigg; 'inthepatrioticserviceofanungratefulcountry.Youaremakingittwo-and-six,Ithink?'

'I'mmakingit,'returnedtheshopman,'whatitalwayshasbeen—twoshillings.Samenameasusual,Isuppose?'

'Still the same name,' saidMr Tigg; 'my claim to the dormant peerage notbeingyetestablishedbytheHouseofLords.'

'Theoldaddress?'

'Notatall,'saidMrTigg;'Ihaveremovedmytownestablishmentfromthirty-eight,Mayfair,tonumberfifteen-hundred-and-forty-two,ParkLane.'

'Come, I'mnotgoing toputdown that, youknow,' said the shopmanwith agrin.

'Youmayputdownwhatyouplease,myfriend,'quothMrTigg. 'Thefact isstillthesame.Theapartmentsfortheunder-butlerandthefifthfootmanbeingofamostconfoundedlowandvulgarkindatthirty-eight,Mayfair,Ihavebeencompelled, inmyregard for the feelingswhichdo themsomuchhonour, totakeonleaseforseven,fourteen,ortwenty-oneyears,renewableattheoptionof the tenant, the elegant and commodious familymansion, number fifteen-hundred-and-forty-two Park Lane. Make it two-and-six, and come and seeme!'

TheshopmanwassohighlyentertainedbythispieceofhumourthatMrTigghimself could not repress some little show of exultation. It vented itself, inpart, in a desire to see how the occupant of the next box received hispleasantry;toascertainwhichheglancedroundthepartition,andimmediately,bythegaslight,recognizedMartin.

'IwishImaydie,' saidMrTigg,stretchingouthisbodysofar thathisheadwasasmuchinMartin'slittlecellasMartin'sownheadwas,'butthisisoneofthemost tremendousmeetingsinAncientorModernHistory!Howareyou?Whatisthenewsfromtheagriculturaldistricts?HowareourfriendstheP.'s?

Ha, ha! David, pay particular attention to this gentleman immediately, as afriendofmine,Ibeg.'

'Here!Pleasetogivemethemostyoucanfor this,'saidMartin,handingthewatchtotheshopman.'Iwantmoneysorely.'

'Hewantsmoney,sorely!'criedMrTiggwithexcessivesympathy.'David,willyou have the goodness to do your very utmost for my friend, who wantsmoney sorely. You will deal with my friend as if he were myself. A goldhunting-watch, David, engine-turned, capped and jewelled in four holes,escapemovement,horizontallever,andwarrantedtoperformcorrectly,uponmypersonalreputation,whohaveobserveditnarrowlyformanyyears,underthe most trying circumstances'—here he winked at Martin, that he mightunderstand this recommendation would have an immense effect upon theshopman;'whatdoyousay,David,tomyfriend?Beveryparticulartodeservemycustomandrecommendation,David.'

'Icanlendyouthreepoundsonthis,ifyoulike'saidtheshopmantoMartin,confidentially.'Itisveryold-fashioned.Icouldn'tsaymore.'

'Anddevilishhandsome, too,' criedMrTigg. 'Two-twelve-six for thewatch,andseven-and-sixforpersonalregard.Iamgratified;itmaybeweakness,butI am.Three poundswill do.We take it. The name ofmy friend is Smivey:ChickenSmivey,ofHolborn,twenty-six-and-a-halfB:lodger.'HerehewinkedatMartinagain,toapprisehimthatalltheformsandceremoniesprescribedbylawwere now compliedwith, and nothing remained but the receipt for themoney.

Inpointoffact,thisprovedtobethecase,forMartin,whohadnoresourcebuttotakewhatwasofferedhim,signifiedhisacquiescencebyanodofhishead,andpresentlycameoutwiththecashinhispocket.Hewasjoinedintheentryby Mr Tigg, who warmly congratulated him, as he took his arm andaccompaniedhimintothestreet,onthesuccessfulissueofthenegotiation.

'Asformypartinthesame,'saidMrTigg,'don'tmentionit.Don'tcomplimentme,forIcan'tbearit!'

'Ihavenosuchintention,Iassureyou,'retortedMartin,releasinghisarmandstopping.

'Youobligemeverymuch'saidMrTigg.'Thankyou.'

'Now, sir,' observedMartin, biting his lip, 'this is a large town, andwe caneasilyfinddifferentwaysinit.Ifyouwillshowmewhichisyourway,Iwilltakeanother.'

MrTiggwasabouttospeak,butMartininterposed:

'Ineedscarcelytellyou,afterwhatyouhavejustseen,thatIhavenothingtobestowuponyourfriendMrSlyme.AnditisquiteasunnecessaryformetotellyouthatIdon'tdesirethehonourofyourcompany.'

'Stop'criedMrTigg,holdingouthishand.'Hold!Thereisamostremarkablylong-headed,flowing-bearded,andpatriarchalproverb,whichobservesthatitisthedutyofamantobejustbeforeheisgenerous.Bejustnow,andyoucanbe generous presently. Do not confuse me with the man Slyme. Do notdistinguishthemanSlymeasafriendofmine,forheisnosuchthing.Ihavebeen compelled, sir, to abandon the partywhom you call Slyme. I have noknowledgeofthepartywhomyoucallSlyme.Iam,sir,'saidMrTigg,strikinghimself upon the breast, 'a premium tulip, of a very different growth andcultivationfromthecabbageSlyme,sir.'

'Itmattersverylittletome,'saidMartincoolly,'whetheryouhavesetupasavagabondonyourownaccount,orarestill tradingonbehalfofMrSlyme.Iwish to hold no correspondence with you. In the devil's name, man' saidMartin,scarcelyable,despitehisvexation,torepressasmileasMrTiggstoodleaninghisbackagainsttheshuttersofashopwindow,adjustinghishairwithgreatcomposure,'willyougoonewayorother?'

'Youwillallowmetoremindyou,sir,'saidMrTigg,withsuddendignity,'thatyou—not I—that you—I say emphatically, YOU—have reduced theproceedingsof this evening toa coldanddistantmatterofbusiness,when Iwasdisposed toplace themona friendly footing. Itbeingmadeamatterofbusiness,sir,IbegtosaythatIexpectatrifle(whichIshallbestowincharity)ascommissionuponthepecuniaryadvance,inwhichIhaverenderedyoumyhumble services. After the terms in which you have addressed me, sir,'concludedMrTigg, 'youwill not insultme, if youplease, byofferingmorethanhalf-a-crown.'

Martindrewthatpieceofmoneyfromhispocket,andtossedittowardshim.MrTiggcaughtit,lookedatittoassurehimselfofitsgoodness,spunitintheairafterthemannerofapieman,andbuttoneditup.Finally,heraisedhishataninchortwofromhisheadwithamilitaryair,and,afterpausingamomentwithdeepgravity,as todecide inwhichdirectionheshouldgo,and towhatEarlorMarquisamonghis friendsheshouldgive thepreference inhisnextcall, stuck his hands in his skirt-pockets and swaggered round the corner.Martin took the directly opposite course; and so, to his great content, theypartedcompany.

Itwaswithabittersenseofhumiliation thathecursed,againandagain, themischanceofhavingencounteredthismaninthepawnbroker'sshop.Theonlycomfort he had in the recollection was, Mr Tigg's voluntary avowal of aseparation between himself and Slyme, that would at least prevent hiscircumstances (soMartin argued) from being known to anymember of his

family,thebarepossibilityofwhichfilledhimwithshameandwoundedpride.Abstractedlytherewasgreaterreason,perhaps,forsupposinganydeclarationof Mr Tigg's to be false, than for attaching the least credence to it; butrememberingthetermsonwhichtheintimacybetweenthatgentlemanandhisbosom friend had subsisted, and the strong probability ofMr Tigg's havingestablishedanindependentbusinessofhisownonMrSlyme'sconnection,ithadareasonableappearanceofprobability;atallevents,Martinhopedso;andthatwentalongway.

His first step, now that he had a supply of ready money for his presentnecessities,was,toretainhisbedatthepublic-houseuntilfurthernotice,andto write a formal note to Tom Pinch (for he knew Pecksniff would see it)requestingtohavehisclothesforwardedtoLondonbycoach,withadirectionto be left at the office until called for.Thesemeasures taken, he passed theinterval before the box arrived—three days—inmaking inquiries relative toAmericanvessels,attheofficesofvariousshipping-agentsinthecity;andinlingeringaboutthedocksandwharves,withthefainthopeofstumblinguponsome engagement for the voyage, as clerk or supercargo, or custodian ofsomethingor somebody,whichwouldenablehim toprocurea freepassage.But finding,soon, thatnosuchmeansofemploymentwere likely topresentthemselves, and dreading the consequences of delay, he drew up a shortadvertisement, stating what he wanted, and inserted it in the leadingnewspapers. Pending the receipt of the twenty or thirty answers which hevaguelyexpected,hereducedhiswardrobetothenarrowestlimitsconsistentwith decent respectability, and carried the overplus at different times to thepawnbroker'sshop,forconversionintomoney.

Anditwasstrange,verystrange,eventohimself,tofindhow,byquickthoughalmost imperceptible degrees, he lost his delicacy and self-respect, andgraduallycametodothatasamatterofcourse,withouttheleastcompunction,whichbutafewshortdaysbeforehadgalledhimtothequick.Thefirsttimehevisitedthepawnbroker's,hefeltonhiswaythereasifeverypersonwhomhepassedsuspectedwhitherhewasgoing;andonhiswaybackagain,asifthewholehumantidehestemmed,knewwellwherehehadcomefrom.Whendidhecaretothinkoftheirdiscernmentnow!Inhisfirstwanderingsupanddownthewearystreets,hecounterfeited thewalkofonewhohadanobject inhisview; but soon there cameuponhim the sauntering, slipshodgait of listlessidleness, and the loungingat street-corners, andpluckingandbitingof straybitsofstraw,andstrollingupanddownthesameplace,andlookingintothesameshop-windows,withamiserableindifference,fiftytimesaday.Atfirst,hecameoutfromhislodgingwithanuneasysenseofbeingobserved—evenby those chance passers-by, on whom he had never looked before, andhundredstoonewouldneverseeagain—issuinginthemorningfromapublic-house;butnow, inhiscomings-outandgoings-inhedidnotmind to loungeabout the door, or to stand sunning himself in careless thought beside the

wooden stem, studded fromhead to heelwith pegs, onwhich the beer-potsdangled like so many boughs upon a pewter-tree. And yet it took but fiveweekstoreachthelowestroundofthistallladder!

Oh,moralists,whotreatofhappinessandself-respect,innateineverysphereoflife,andsheddinglightoneverygrainofdustinGod'shighway,sosmoothbelowyourcarriage-wheels,soroughbeneaththetreadofnakedfeet,bethinkyourselves in lookingon the swiftdescentofmenwhoHAVE lived in theirownesteem, that therearescoresof thousandsbreathingnow,andbreathingthickwithpainfultoil,whointhathighrespecthaveneverlivedatall,norhadachanceof life!Goye,whorest soplacidlyupon thesacredBardwhohadbeen young, andwhen he strung his harpwas old, and had never seen therighteous forsaken, or his seed begging their bread; go, Teachers of contentand honest pride, into the mine, the mill, the forge, the squalid depths ofdeepest ignorance, and uttermost abyss of man's neglect, and say can anyhopefulplantspringupinairsofoulthatitextinguishesthesoul'sbrighttorchasfastasitiskindled!And,oh!yePhariseesofthenineteenhundredthyearofChristianKnowledge,whosoundinglyappeal tohumannature,seethat itbehumanfirst.Takeheedithasnotbeentransformed,duringyourslumberandthesleepofgenerations,intothenatureoftheBeasts!

Fiveweeks!Ofallthetwentyorthirtyanswers,notonehadcome.Hismoney—even the additional stock he had raised from the disposal of his spareclothes(andthatwasnotmuch,forclothes,thoughdeartobuy,arecheaptopawn)—wasfastdiminishing.Yetwhatcouldhedo?Attimesanagonycameoverhiminwhichhedartedforthagain,thoughhewasbutnewlyhome,and,returningtosomeplacewherehehadbeenalreadytwentytimes,madesomenew attempt to gain his end, but always unsuccessfully. He was years andyears tooold for a cabin-boy, andyears uponyears too inexperienced tobeaccepted as a common seaman.His dress andmanner, too,militated fatallyagainstanysuchproposalasthelatter;andyethewasreducedtomakingit;forevenifhecouldhavecontemplatedthebeingsetdowninAmericatotallywithoutmoney, he had not enough left now for a steerage passage and thepoorestprovisionsuponthevoyage.

Itisanillustrationofaverycommontendencyinthemindofman,thatallthistimeheneveroncedoubted,onemayalmostsaythecertaintyofdoinggreatthings in the New World, if he could only get there. In proportion as hebecamemoreandmoredejectedbyhispresentcircumstances,andthemeansofgainingAmericarecededfromhisgrasp, themorehefrettedhimselfwiththeconvictionthatthatwastheonlyplaceinwhichhecouldhopetoachieveanyhighend,andworriedhisbrainwiththethoughtthatmengoingthereinthemeanwhilemightanticipatehimintheattainmentof thoseobjectswhichwere dearest to his heart. He often thought of JohnWestlock, and besideslookingoutforhimonalloccasions,actuallywalkedaboutLondonforthree

days together for the expresspurposeofmeetingwithhim.But althoughhefailed in this;andalthoughhewouldnothavescrupled toborrowmoneyofhim;andalthoughhebelievedthatJohnwouldhavelentit;yetstillhecouldnotbringhismindtowritetoPinchandinquirewherehewastobefound.Foralthough,aswehaveseen,hewasfondofTomafterhisownfashion,hecouldnot endure the thought (feeling so superior to Tom) of making him thestepping-stone tohis fortune,orbeinganything tohimbutapatron;andhispridesorevoltedfromtheideathatitrestrainedhimevennow.

Itmighthaveyielded,however;andnodoubtmusthaveyieldedsoon,butforaverystrangeandunlooked-foroccurrence.

Thefiveweekshadquiterunout,andhewasinatrulydesperateplight,whenone evening, having just returned to his lodging, and being in the act oflightinghiscandleatthegasjetinthebarbeforestalkingmoodilyupstairstohisownroom,hislandlordcalledhimbyhisname.Nowashehadnevertoldit to the man, but had scrupulously kept it to himself, he was not a littlestartled by this; and so plainly showed his agitation that the landlord, toreassurehim,said'itwasonlyaletter.'

'Aletter!'criedMartin.

'ForMrMartinChuzzlewit,' said the landlord, reading the superscription ofoneheheldinhishand.'Noon.Chiefoffice.Paid.'

Martintookitfromhim,thankedhim,andwalkedupstairs.Itwasnotsealed,butpastedclose;thehandwritingwasquiteunknowntohim.Heopeneditandfoundenclosed,withoutanyname,address,orotherinscriptionorexplanationofanykindwhatever,aBankofEnglandnoteforTwentyPounds.

To say that hewas perfectly stunnedwith astonishment and delight; that helooked again and again at the note and the wrapper; that he hurried belowstairstomakequitecertainthatthenotewasagoodnote;andthenhurriedupagaintosatisfyhimselfforthefiftiethtimethathehadnotoverlookedsomescrap of writing on the wrapper; that he exhausted and bewildered himselfwithconjectures;andcouldmakenothingofitbutthattherethenotewas,andhewassuddenlyenriched;wouldbeonlytorelatesomanymattersofcourseto no purpose. The final upshot of the business at that time was, that heresolvedtotreathimselftoacomfortablebutfrugalmealinhisownchamber;andhavingorderedafiretobekindled,wentouttopurchaseitforthwith.

Heboughtsomecoldbeef,andham,andFrenchbread,andbutter,andcameback with his pockets pretty heavily laden. It was somewhat of a dampingcircumstance to find the room full of smoke,whichwas attributable to twocauses;firstly,tothefluebeingnaturallyviciousandasmoker;andsecondly,

to their having forgotten, in lighting the fire, an odd sack or two and sometrifles, which had been put up the chimney to keep the rain out. They hadalready remedied this oversight, however; and propped up thewindow-sashwith a bundle of firewood to keep it open; so that except in being ratherinflammatory to the eyes and choking to the lungs, the apartmentwasquitecomfortable.

Martinwasinnoveintoquarrelwithit,ifithadbeeninlesstolerableorder,especially when a gleaming pint of porter was set upon the table, and theservant-girlwithdrew, bearingwith her particular instructions relative to theproduction of something hot when he should ring the bell. The cold meatbeingwrappedinaplaybill,Martinlaidtheclothbyspreadingthatdocumentonthelittleroundtablewiththeprintdownwards,andarrangingthecollationuponit.Thefootofthebed,whichwasveryclosetothefire,answeredforasideboard;andwhenhehadcompletedthesepreparations,hesqueezedanoldarm-chairintothewarmestcorner,andsatdowntoenjoyhimself.

Hehadbeguntoeatwithgreatappetite,glancingroundtheroommeanwhilewithatriumphantanticipationofquittingitforeveronthemorrow,whenhisattentionwasarrestedbyastealthyfootsteponthestairs,andpresentlybyaknock at his chamber door, which, although it was a gentle knock enough,communicatedsuchastart to thebundleof firewood, that it instantly leapedoutofwindow,andplungedintothestreet.

'Morecoals,Isuppose,'saidMartin.'Comein!'

'Itan'taliberty,sir,thoughitseemsso,'rejoinedaman'svoice.'Yourservant,sir.Hopeyou'reprettywell,sir.'

Martin stared at the face that was bowing in the doorway, perfectlyremembering the features andexpression, butquite forgetting towhom theybelonged.

'Tapley,sir,'saidhisvisitor.'HimasformerlylivedattheDragon,sir,andwasforcedtoleaveinconsequenceofawantofjollity,sir.'

'Tobesure!'criedMartin.'Why,howdidyoucomehere?'

'Rightthroughthepassage,andupthestairs,sir,'saidMark.

'Howdidyoufindmeout,Imean?'askedMartin.

'Why, sir,' saidMark, 'I'vepassedyouonceor twice in the street, if I'mnotmistaken; andwhen I was a-looking in at the beef-and-ham shop just now,alongwithahungrysweep,aswasverymuchcalculatedtomakeamanjolly,sir—Iseeyoua-buyingthat.'

Martinreddenedashepointedtothetable,andsaid,somewhathastily:

'Well!Whatthen?'

'Why,then,sir,'saidMark,'Imadeboldtofoller;andasItold'emdownstairsthatyouexpectedme,Iwasletup.'

'Areyouchargedwithanymessage, thatyou told themyouwereexpected?'inquiredMartin.

'No,sir,Ian't,'saidMark.'Thatwaswhatyoumaycallapiousfraud,sir,thatwas.'

Martin cast an angry look at him; but there was something in the fellow'smerryface,andinhismanner—whichwithall itscheerfulnesswasfarfrombeingobtrusiveorfamiliar—thatquitedisarmedhim.Hehadlivedasolitarylifetoo,formanyweeks,andthevoicewaspleasantinhisear.

'Tapley,'hesaid,'I'lldealopenlywithyou.FromallIcanjudgeandfromallIhaveheardofyouthroughPinch,youarenotalikelykindoffellowtohavebeenbroughtherebyimpertinentcuriosityoranyotheroffensivemotive.Sitdown.I'mgladtoseeyou.'

'Thankee,sir,'saidMark.'I'daslievestand.'

'Ifyoudon'tsitdown,'retortedMartin,'I'llnottalktoyou.'

'Verygood,sir,'observedMark.'Yourwill'salaw,sir.Downitis;'andhesatdownaccordinglyuponthebedstead.

'Helpyourself,'saidMartin,handinghimtheonlyknife.

'Thankee,sir,'rejoinedMark.'Afteryou'vedone.'

'Ifyoudon'ttakeitnow,you'llnothaveany,'saidMartin.

'Very good, sir,' rejoined Mark. 'That being your desire—now it is.' Withwhichreplyhegravelyhelpedhimselfandwentoneating.Martinhavingdonethelikeforashorttimeinsilence,saidabruptly:

'WhatareyoudoinginLondon?'

'Nothingatall,sir,'rejoinedMark.

'How'sthat?'askedMartin.

'Iwantaplace,'saidMark.

'I'msorryforyou,'saidMartin.

'—Toattenduponasinglegentleman,'resumedMark.'Iffromthecountrythemoredesirable.Makeshiftswouldbepreferred.Wagesnoobject.'

Hesaidthissopointedly,thatMartinstoppedinhiseating,andsaid:

'Ifyoumeanme—'

'Yes,Ido,sir,'interposedMark.

'Thenyoumayjudgefrommystyleoflivinghere,ofmymeansofkeepingaman-servant.Besides,IamgoingtoAmericaimmediately.'

'Well,sir,'returnedMark,quiteunmovedbythisintelligence'fromallthateverIheardaboutit,IshouldsayAmericaisaverylikelysortofplaceformetobejollyin!'

AgainMartinlookedathimangrily;andagainhisangermeltedawayinspiteofhimself.

'Lordblessyou,sir,'saidMark,'whatistheuseofusa-goingroundandround,andhidingbehindthecorner,anddodgingupanddown,whenwecancomestraight to the point in sixwords? I've hadmy eye upon you any time thisfortnight.Iseewellenoughthere'sascrewlooseinyouraffairs.Iknow'dwellenoughthefirsttimeIseeyoudownattheDragonthatitmustbeso,soonerorlater.Now,sirhereamI,withoutasitiwation;withoutanywantofwagesforayeartocome;forIsavedup(Ididn'tmeantodoit,butIcouldn'thelpit)attheDragon—hereamIwithalikingforwhat'swentersome,andalikingforyou,andawishtocomeoutstrongundercircumstancesaswouldkeepothermendown;andwillyoutakeme,orwillyouleaveme?'

'HowcanItakeyou?'criedMartin.

'WhenIsaytake,'rejoinedMark,'Imeanwillyouletmego?andwhenIsaywillyouletmego,Imeanwillyouletmegoalongwithyou?forgoIwill,somehoworanother.Nowthatyou'vesaidAmerica,Iseeclearatonce, thatthat'stheplaceformetobejollyin.Therefore,ifIdon'tpaymyownpassagein theshipyougo in,sir, I'llpaymyownpassage inanother.Andmarkmywords, if I go alone it shall be, to carry out the principle, in the rottenest,craziest, leakingest tub of a wessel that a place can be got in for love ormoney.SoifI'mlostupontheway,sir,there'llbeadrownedmanatyourdoor—andalwaysa-knockingdoubleknocksatit,too,ornevertrustme!'

'Thisismerefolly,'saidMartin.

'Verygood,sir,'returnedMark.'I'mgladtohearit,becauseifyoudon'tmeantoletmego,you'llbemorecomfortable,perhaps,onaccountofthinkingso.ThereforeIcontradictnogentleman.ButallIsayis,thatifIdon'temigratetoAmericainthatcase,inthebeastliestoldcockle-shellasgoesoutofport,I'm—'

'Youdon'tmeanwhatyousay,I'msure,'saidMartin.

'YesIdo,'criedMark.

'ItellyouIknowbetter,'rejoinedMartin.

'Very good, sir,' saidMark, with the same air of perfect satisfaction. 'Let itstandthatwayatpresent,sir,andwaitandseehowitturnsout.Why,lovemyheartalive!theonlydoubtIhaveis,whetherthere'sanycreditingoingwithagentlemanlikeyou,that'sascertaintomakehiswaythereasagimletistogothroughsoftdeal.'

This was touching Martin on his weak point, and having him at a greatadvantage.Hecouldnothelp thinking,either,whatabrisk fellow thisMarkwas,andhowgreatachangehehadwroughtintheatmosphereofthedismallittleroomalready.

'Why,certainly,Mark,'hesaid,'Ihavehopesofdoingwellthere,orIshouldn'tgo.Imayhavethequalificationsfordoingwell,perhaps.'

'Ofcourseyouhave,sir,'returnedMarkTapley.'Everybodyknowsthat.'

'Yousee,'saidMartin,leaninghischinuponhishand,andlookingatthefire,'ornamentalarchitectureappliedtodomesticpurposes,canhardlyfailtobeingreatrequestinthatcountry;formenareconstantlychangingtheirresidencesthere,andmovingfurtheroff;andit'scleartheymusthavehousestolivein.'

'Ishouldsay,sir,'observedMark,'thatthat'sastateofthingsasopensoneofthejolliestlook-outsfordomesticarchitecturethateverIheerdtellon.'

Martinglancedathimhastily,notfeelingquitefreefromasuspicionthatthisremarkimpliedadoubtofthesuccessfulissueofhisplans.ButMrTapleywaseatingtheboiledbeefandbreadwithsuchentiregoodfaithandsinglenessofpurpose expressed in his visage that he could not but be satisfied. Anotherdoubt arose in hismind however, as this one disappeared.He produced theblankcoverinwhichthenotehadbeenenclosed,andfixinghiseyesonMarkasheputitinhishands,said:

'Nowtellmethetruth.Doyouknowanythingaboutthat?'

Markturneditoverandover;helditnearhiseyes;helditawayfromhimatarm's length; held it with the superscription upwards and with thesuperscriptiondownwards;andshookhisheadwithsuchagenuineexpressionof astonishment at being asked the question, thatMartin said, as he took itfromhimagain:

'No,Iseeyoudon't.Howshouldyou!Though,indeed,yourknowingaboutitwouldnotbemoreextraordinarythanitsbeinghere.Come,Tapley,'headded,afteramoment'sthought,'I'lltrustyouwithmyhistory,suchasitis,andthenyou'llseemoreclearlywhatsortoffortunesyouwouldlinkyourselfto,ifyou

followedme.'

'Ibegyourpardon,sir,'saidMark; 'butaforeyouenteruponitwillyoutakeme if I choose togo?Will you turnoffme—MarkTapley—formerlyof theBlue Dragon, as can be well recommended by Mr Pinch, and as wants agentlemanofyourstrengthofmindtolookupto;orwillyou,inclimbingtheladder as you're certain to get to the top of, take me along with you at arespectfuldistance?Now,sir,'saidMark,'it'sofverylittleimportancetoyou,Iknow, there's thedifficulty;but it'sofverygreat importance tome,andwillyoubesogoodastoconsiderofit?'

If thisweremeantasasecondappeal toMartin'sweakside, foundedonhisobservation of the effect of the first, Mr Tapley was a skillful and shrewdobserver.Whetheranintentionaloranaccidentalshot,ithitthemarkfullyforMartin, relenting more and more, said with a condescension which wasinexpressiblydelicioustohim,afterhisrecenthumiliation:

'We'll see about it, Tapley. You shall tell me in what disposition you findyourselfto-morrow.'

'Then, sir,' saidMark, rubbing his hands, 'the job's done.Go on, sir, if youplease.I'mallattention.'

Throwinghimselfbackinhisarm-chair,andlookingatthefire,withnowandthenaglanceatMark,whoatsuchtimesnoddedhisheadsagely, toexpresshis profound interest and attention. Martin ran over the chief points in hishistory,tothesameeffectashehadrelatedthem,weeksbefore,toMrPinch.But he adapted them, according to the best of his judgment, toMrTapley'scomprehension;andwiththatviewmadeaslightofhisloveaffairashecould,andreferredtoitinveryfewwords.Butherehereckonedwithouthishost;forMark'sinterestwaskeenestinthispartofthebusiness,andpromptedhimtoasksundryquestionsinrelationtoit;forwhichheapologisedasoneinsomemeasureprivileged todo so, fromhaving seen (asMartin explained tohim)theyoungladyattheBlueDragon.

'Andayoungladyasanygentlemanoughttofeelmoreproudofbeinginlovewith,'saidMark,energetically,'don'tdrawbreath.'

'Aye!You sawherwhen shewas not happy,' saidMartin, gazing at the fireagain.'Ifyouhadseenherintheoldtimes,indeed—'

'Why,shecertainlywasalittledown-hearted,sir,andsomethingpalerinhercolourthanIcouldhavewished,'saidMark,'butnonetheworseinherlooksforthat.Ithinksheseemedbetter,sir,aftershecometoLondon.'

Martinwithdrewhiseyesfromthefire;staredatMarkasifhethoughthehadsuddenlygonemad;andaskedhimwhathemeant.

'Nooffence intended, sir,' urgedMark. 'I don'tmean to say shewasany thehappierwithoutyou;butIthoughtshewasa-lookingbetter,sir.'

'Do you mean to tell me she has been in London?' asked Martin, risinghurriedly,andpushingbackhischair.

'OfcourseIdo,'saidMark,risingtoo,ingreatamazementfromthebedstead.

'DoyoumeantotellmesheisinLondonnow?'

'Mostlikely,sir.Imeantosayshewasaweekago.'

'Andyouknowwhere?'

'Yes!'criedMark.'What!Don'tyou?'

'Mygoodfellow!'exclaimedMartin,clutchinghimbybotharms,'IhaveneverseenhersinceIleftmygrandfather'shouse.'

'Why,then!'criedMark,givingthelittletablesuchablowwithhisclenchedfist that the slices of beef and ham danced upon it, while all his featuresseemed,withdelight,tobegoingupintohisforehead,andnevercomingbackagain anymore, 'if I an't your nat'ral born servant, hired by Fate, there an'tsuchathinginnatur'asaBlueDragon.What!whenIwasa-ramblingupanddownaoldchurchyardintheCity,gettingmyselfintoajollystate,didn'tIseeyourgrandfathera-toddlingtoandfroforprettynighamortalhour!Didn'tIwatchhimintoTodgers'scommercialboarding-house,andwatchhimout,andwatchhimhometohishotel,andgoandtellhimashiswastheserviceformymoney, and I had said so, afore I left theDragon!Wasn't theyoung ladya-sitting with him then, and didn't she fall a-laughing in a manner as wasbeautiful tosee!Didn'tyourgrandfathersay,"Comebackagainnextweek,"anddidn'tIgonextweek;anddidn'thesaythathecouldn'tmakeuphismindto trustnobodynomore;and thereforewouldn'tengageme,butat thesametimestoodsomethingtodrinkaswashandsome!Why,'criedMrTapley,withacomicalmixtureofdelightandchagrin,'where'sthecreditofaman'sbeingjollyunder suchcircumstances!Whocouldhelp it,when thingscomeaboutlikethis!'

For somemomentsMartin stood gazing at him, as if he really doubted theevidence of his senses, and could not believe thatMark stood there, in thebody,beforehim.Atlengthheaskedhimwhether,iftheyoungladywerestillinLondon,hethoughthecouldcontrivetodeliveralettertohersecretly.

'DoIthinkIcan?'criedMark.'THINKIcan?Here,sitdown,sir.Writeitout,sir!'

With that he cleared the table by the summary process of tilting everythingupon it into the fireplace; snatched somewritingmaterials from themantel-

shelf; setMartin's chair before them; forcedhimdown into it; dippedapenintotheink;andputitinhishand.

'Cutaway,sir!'criedMark.'Makeitstrong,sir.Letitbewerypinted,sir.DoIthinkso?Ishouldthinkso.Gotowork,sir!'

Martinrequirednofurtheradjuration,butwenttoworkatagreatrate;whileMrTapley,installinghimselfwithoutanymoreformalitiesintothefunctionsofhisvaletandgeneralattendant,divestedhimselfofhiscoat,andwentontoclearthefireplaceandarrangetheroom;talkingtohimselfinalowvoicethewholetime.

'Jollysortoflodgings,'saidMark,rubbinghisnosewiththeknobattheendofthe fire-shovel, and looking round the poor chamber; 'that's a comfort. Therain'scomethroughtheroof too.Thatan'tbad.Alivelyoldbedstead, I'llbebound;popilatedbylotsofwampires,nodoubt.Come!myspiritsisa-gettingupagain.Anuncommonraggednightcapthis.Averygoodsign.Weshalldoyet! Here, Jane, my dear,' calling down the stairs, 'bring up that there hottumbler formymasteraswasa-mixingwhenIcome in.That's right, sir,' toMartin.'Goatitasifyoumeantit,sir.Beverytender,sir,ifyouplease.Youcan'tmakeittoostrong,sir!'

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

INWHICHMARTINBIDSADIEUTOTHELADYOFHISLOVE;ANDHONOURSANOBSCUREINDIVIDUALWHOSEFORTUNEHE

INTENDSTOMAKEBYCOMMENDINGHERTOHISPROTECTION

The letter being duly signed, sealed, and delivered, was handed to MarkTapley,forimmediateconveyanceifpossible.Andhesucceededsowellinhisembassy as to be enabled to return that same night, just as the house wasclosing,withthewelcomeintelligencethathehadsentitupstairstotheyounglady, enclosed in a small manuscript of his own, purporting to contain hisfurther petition to be engaged inMrChuzzlewit's service; and that she hadherselfcomedownandtoldhim,ingreathasteandagitation,thatshewouldmeetthegentlemanateighto'clockto-morrowmorninginSt.James'sPark.Itwasthenagreedbetweenthenewmasterandthenewman,thatMarkshouldbeinwaitingnearthehotelingoodtime,toescorttheyoungladytotheplaceof appointment; and when they had parted for the night with thisunderstanding,Martintookuphispenagain;andbeforehewenttobedwroteanotherletter,whereofmorewillbeseenpresently.

Hewasupbeforedaybreak,andcameupontheParkwiththemorning,whichwasclad in the leastengagingof the threehundredandsixty-fivedresses inthewardrobeoftheyear.Itwasraw,damp,dark,anddismal;thecloudswereasmuddyastheground;andtheshortperspectiveofeverystreetandavenuewasclosedupbythemistasbyafilthycurtain.

'Fineweather indeed,'Martin bitterly soliloquised, 'to be wandering up anddownherein,likeathief!Fineweatherindeed,forameetingofloversintheopenair,andinapublicwalk!Ineedbedeparting,withallspeed,foranothercountry;forIhavecometoaprettypassinthis!'

Hemightperhapshavegoneon toreflect thatofallmornings in theyear, itwasnotthebestcalculatedforayounglady'scomingforthonsuchanerrand,either.Buthewasstoppedontheroadtothisreflection,ifhisthoughtstendedthatway,byherappearanceatashortdistance,onwhichhehurriedforwardtomeet her. Her squire,Mr Tapley, at the same time fell discreetly back, andsurveyedthefogabovehimwithanappearanceofattentiveinterest.

'MydearMartin,'saidMary.

'MydearMary,'saidMartin;andloversaresuchasingularkindofpeoplethatthisisalltheydidsayjustthen,thoughMartintookherarm,andherhandtoo,and they paced up and down a short walk that was least exposed toobservation,half-a-dozentimes.

'Ifyouhavechangedatall,mylove,sinceweparted,'saidMartinatlength,ashelookeduponherwithaprouddelight, 'itisonlytobemorebeautifulthanever!'

Had she been of the commonmetal of love-worn young ladies, she wouldhavedeniedthisinhermostinterestingmanner;andwouldhavetoldhimthatsheknewshehadbecomeaperfectfright;orthatshehadwastedawaywithweepingandanxiety;orthatshewasdwindlinggentlyintoanearlygrave;orthat her mental sufferings were unspeakable; or would, either by tears orwords,oramixtureofboth,havefurnishedhimwithsomeotherinformationtothateffect,andmadehimasmiserableaspossible.Butshehadbeenrearedupinasternerschool thanthemindsofmostyounggirlsareformedin;shehadhadhernaturestrengthenedbythehandsofhardenduranceandnecessity;had come out from her young trials constant, self-denying, earnest, anddevoted; had acquired in her maidenhood—whether happily in the end, forherselforhim,isforeigntoourpresentpurposetoinquire—somethingofthatnobler quality of gentle heartswhich is developedoftenby the sorrows andstruggles of matronly years, but often by their lessons only. Unspoiled,unpampered inher joysorgriefs;with frankandfull,anddeepaffectionforthe object of her early love; she saw in him one who for her sake was anoutcast fromhis home and fortune, and she had nomore idea of bestowing

that loveuponhim inother than cheerful and sustainingwords, full ofhighhope and grateful trustfulness, than she had of being unworthy of it, in herlightestthoughtordeed,foranybasetemptationthattheworldcouldoffer.

'What change is there in YOU, Martin,' she replied; 'for that concerns menearest?Youlookmoreanxiousandmorethoughtfulthanyouused.'

'Why,as to that,my love,' saidMartinashedrewherwaistwithinhis arm,firstlookingroundtoseethattherewerenoobserversnear,andbeholdingMrTapleymoreintentthaneveronthefog; 'itwouldbestrangeifIdidnot;formylife—especiallyoflate—hasbeenahardone.'

'Iknowitmusthavebeen,'sheanswered.'WhenhaveIforgottentothinkofitandyou?'

'Notoften,Ihope,'saidMartin.'Notoften,Iamsure.Notoften,Ihavesomeright to expect, Mary; for I have undergone a great deal of vexation andprivation,andInaturallylookforthatreturn,youknow.'

'Avery,verypoorreturn,'sheansweredwithafaintersmile.'Butyouhaveit,andwillhaveitalways.Youhavepaidadearpriceforapoorheart,Martin;butitisatleastyourown,andatrueone.'

'Of course I feel quite certain of that,' saidMartin, 'or I shouldn't have putmyself inmypresentposition.Anddon't sayapoorheart,Mary, for I sayarichone.Now,Iamabouttobreakadesigntoyou,dearest,whichwillstartleyou at first, but which is undertaken for your sake. I am going,' he addedslowly,lookingfarintothedeepwonderofherbrightdarkeyes,'abroad.'

'Abroad,Martin!'

'OnlytoAmerica.Seenow.Howyoudroopdirectly!'

'IfIdo,or,IhopeImaysay, ifIdid,'sheanswered,raisingherheadafterashortsilence,andlookingoncemoreintohisface,'itwasforgrieftothinkofwhatyouareresolvedtoundergoforme.Iwouldnotventuretodissuadeyou,Martin; but it is a long, long distance; there is awide ocean to be crossed;illness and want are sad calamities in any place, but in a foreign countrydreadfultoendure.Haveyouthoughtofallthis?'

'Thoughtofit!'criedMartin,abating,inhisfondness—andheWASveryfondof her—hardly an iota of his usual impetuosity. 'What am I to do? It's verywell to say, "Have I thought of it?"my love; but you should askme in thesame breath, have I thought of starving at home; have I thought of doingporter'swork for a living; have I thought of holdinghorses in the streets toearnmyrollofbread fromday today?Come,come,'headded, inagentlertone,'donothangdownyourhead,mydear,forIneedtheencouragementthat

your sweet face alone can give me. Why, that's well! Now you are braveagain.'

'Iamendeavouringtobe,'sheanswered,smilingthroughhertears.

'Endeavouring tobeanything that'sgood,andbeing it, is,withyou,allone.Don'tIknowthatofold?'criedMartin,gayly.'So!That'sfamous!NowIcantellyouallmyplansascheerfullyasifyouweremylittlewifealready,Mary.'

Shehungmorecloselyonhisarm,andlookingupwardsinhisface,badehimspeakon.

'You see,' saidMartin, playingwith the little hand upon his wrist, 'thatmyattemptstoadvancemyselfathomehavebeenbaffledandrenderedabortive.Iwillnotsaybywhom,Mary,forthatwouldgivepaintousboth.Butsoitis.Have you heard him speak of late of any relative of mine or his, calledPecksniff?OnlytellmewhatIaskyou,nomore.'

'Ihaveheard,tomysurprise,thatheisabettermanthanwassupposed.'

'Ithoughtso,'interruptedMartin.

'Andthatitislikelywemaycometoknowhim,ifnottovisitandresidewithhimand—Ithink—hisdaughters.HeHASdaughters,hashe,love?'

'Apairofthem,'Martinanswered.'Apreciouspair!Gemsofthefirstwater!'

'Ah!Youarejesting!'

'There is a sortof jestingwhich isverymuch inearnest, and includes somepretty serious disgust,' said Martin. 'I jest in reference to Mr Pecksniff (atwhose house I have been living as his assistant, and atwhose hands I havereceivedinsultandinjury),inthatvein.Whateverbetides,orhowevercloselyyoumay be brought into communicationwith this family, never forget that,Mary;andneverforaninstant,whateverappearancesmayseemtocontradictme,losesightofthisassurance—Pecksniffisascoundrel.'

'Indeed!'

'Inthought,andindeed,andineverythingelse.Ascoundrelfromthetopmosthairofhishead, to thenethermost atomofhisheel.Ofhisdaughters Iwillonlysaythat,tothebestofmyknowledgeandbelief,theyaredutifulyoungladies, and takeafter their fatherclosely.This is adigression from themainpoint,andyetitbringsmetowhatIwasgoingtosay.'

Hestoppedtolookintohereyesagain,andseeing,inahastyglanceoverhisshoulder, that therewasnoonenear,and thatMarkwasstill intentupon thefog,notonlylookedatherlips,too,butkissedthemintothebargain.

'Now I am going to America, with great prospects of doing well, and ofreturninghomemyselfverysoon;itmaybetotakeyouthereforafewyears,but,atallevents,toclaimyouformywife;which,aftersuchtrials,Ishoulddowithnofearofyourstill thinkingitadutytocleavetohimwhowillnotsuffermetolive(forthisistrue),ifhecanhelpit,inmyownland.HowlongImaybeabsentis,ofcourse,uncertain;butitshallnotbeverylong.Trustmeforthat.'

'Inthemeantime,dearMartin—'

'That's the very thing I am coming to. In the meantime you shall hear,constantly,ofallmygoings-on.Thus.'

Hepausedtotakefromhispockettheletterhehadwrittenovernight,andthenresumed:

'In this fellow's employment, and living in this fellow's house (by fellow, ImeanMrPecksniff,ofcourse),thereisacertainpersonofthenameofPinch.Don'tforget;apoor,strange,simpleoddity,Mary;butthoroughlyhonestandsincere;fullofzeal;andwithacordialregardforme.WhichImeantoreturnoneofthesedays,bysettinghimupinlifeinsomewayorother.'

'Youroldkindnature,Martin!'

'Oh!'saidMartin,'that'snotworthspeakingof,mylove.He'sverygratefulanddesirous to serveme; and I ammore than repaid.Nowonenight I told thisPinchmyhistory,andallaboutmyselfandyou; inwhichhewasnota littleinterested, Ican tellyou, forheknowsyou!Aye,youmay looksurprised—andthelongerthebetterforitbecomesyou—butyouhaveheardhimplaytheorganinthechurchofthatvillagebeforenow;andhehasseenyoulisteningtohismusic;andhascaughthisinspirationfromyou,too!'

'WasHEtheorganist?'criedMary.'Ithankhimfrommyheart!'

'Yes,hewas,'saidMartin, 'andis,andgetsnothingfor iteither.Thereneverwassuchasimplefellow!Quiteaninfant!Butaverygoodsortofcreature,Iassureyou.'

'Iamsureofthat,'shesaidwithgreatearnestness.'Hemustbe!'

'Oh,yes,nodoubtatallabout it,' rejoinedMartin, inhisusualcarelessway.'Heis.Well!Ithasoccurredtome—butstay.IfIreadyouwhatIhavewrittenandintendsendingtohimbypostto-nightitwillexplainitself."MydearTomPinch." That's rather familiar perhaps,' said Martin, suddenly rememberingthathewasproudwhentheyhadlastmet,'butIcallhimmydearTomPinchbecausehelikesit,anditpleaseshim.'

'Veryright,andverykind,'saidMary.

'Exactlyso!'criedMartin.'It'saswelltobekindwheneveronecan;and,asIsaidbefore,hereallyisanexcellentfellow."MydearTomPinch—IaddressthisundercovertoMrsLupin,attheBlueDragon,andhavebeggedherinashortnotetodeliverittoyouwithoutsayinganythingaboutitelsewhere;andtodothesamewithallfuturelettersshemayreceivefromme.Myreasonforsodoingwillbeatonceapparenttoyou"—Idon'tknowthatitwillbe,bythebye,'saidMartin,breakingoff, 'forhe'sslowofcomprehension,poorfellow;buthe'llfinditoutintime.Myreasonsimplyis,thatIdon'twantmyletterstobereadbyotherpeople;andparticularlybythescoundrelwhomhethinksanangel.'

'MrPecksniffagain?'askedMary.

'Thesame,'saidMartin '—willbeatonceapparent toyou.IhavecompletedmyarrangementsforgoingtoAmerica;andyouwillbesurprisedtohearthatIamtobeaccompaniedbyMarkTapley,uponwhomIhavestumbledstrangelyin London, and who insists on putting himself under my protection'—meaning,mylove,'saidMartin,breakingoffagain, 'ourfriendintherear,ofcourse.'

Shewasdelightedtohearthis,andbestowedakindglanceuponMark,whichhe brought his eyes down from the fog to encounter and received withimmensesatisfaction.Shesaidinhishearing,too,thathewasagoodsoulanda merry creature, and would be faithful, she was certain; commendationswhichMrTapleyinwardlyresolvedtodeserve,fromsuchlips,ifhediedforit.

'"Now,my dear Pinch,"' resumedMartin, proceeding with his letter; '"I amgoing to repose great trust in you, knowing that I may do so with perfectrelianceonyourhonourandsecrecy,andhavingnobodyelsejustnowtotrustin."'

'Idon'tthinkIwouldsaythat,Martin.'

'Wouldn'tyou?Well!I'lltakethatout.It'sperfectlytrue,though.'

'Butitmightseemungracious,perhaps.'

'Oh, I don't mind Pinch,' saidMartin. 'There's no occasion to stand on anyceremonywithHIM.However,I'lltakeitout,asyouwishit,andmakethefullstop at "secrecy."Verywell! "I shall not only"—this is the letter again, youknow.'

'Iunderstand.'

'"I shall not only enclosemy letters to the young ladyofwhom I have toldyou,toyourcharge,tobeforwardedasshemayrequest;butImostearnestly

commither, theyoung ladyherself, toyourcareand regard, in theeventofyourmeeting inmyabsence. I have reason to think that theprobabilities ofyour encountering each other—perhaps very frequently—are now neitherremotenorfew;andalthoughinourpositionyoucandoverylittletolessentheuneasinessofhers,Itrusttoyouimplicitlytodothatmuch,andsodeservetheconfidenceIhavereposedinyou."Yousee,mydearMary,'saidMartin,'itwillbeagreatconsolationtoyoutohaveanybody,nomatterhowsimple,withwhom you can speak aboutME; and the very first time you talk to Pinch,you'll feel at once that there is nomore occasion for any embarrassment orhesitationintalkingtohim,thanifhewereanoldwoman.'

'However thatmay be,' she returned, smiling, 'he is your friend, and that isenough.'

'Oh,yes,he'smyfriend,'saidMartin,'certainly.Infact,Ihavetoldhiminsomanywords thatwe'llalways takenoticeofhim,andprotecthim;and it'sagoodtraitinhischaracterthathe'sgrateful—verygratefulindeed.You'lllikehimof all things,my love, I know.You'll observeverymuch that's comicalandold-fashionedaboutPinch,butyouneedn'tmindlaughingathim;forhe'llnotcareaboutit.He'llratherlikeitindeed!'

'Idon'tthinkIshallputthattothetest,Martin.'

'Youwon'tifyoucanhelpit,ofcourse,'hesaid,'butIthinkyou'llfindhimalittletoomuchforyourgravity.However,that'sneitherherenorthere,anditcertainlyisnottheletter;whichendsthus:"KnowingthatIneednotimpressthenatureandextentofthatconfidenceuponyouatanygreaterlength,asitisalreadysufficientlyestablished inyourmind, Iwillonlysay, inbiddingyoufarewelland lookingforward toournextmeeting, that I shallchargemyselffromthistime,throughallchangesforthebetter,withyouradvancementandhappiness, as if they were my own. You may rely upon that. And alwaysbelieveme, my dear Tom Pinch, faithfully your friend,Martin Chuzzlewit.P.S.—Ienclosetheamountwhichyousokindly"—Oh,'saidMartin,checkinghimself,andfoldinguptheletter,'that'snothing!'

AtthiscrisisMarkTapleyinterposed,withanapologyforremarkingthattheclockattheHorseGuardswasstriking.

'WhichIshouldn'thavesaidnothingabout,sir,'addedMark,'iftheyoungladyhadn'tbeggedmetobeparticularinmentioningit.'

'Idid,'saidMary.'Thankyou.Youarequiteright.InanotherminuteIshallbeready to return.Wehave time for avery fewwordsmore, dearMartin, andalthoughIhadmuchtosay,itmustremainunsaiduntilthehappytimeofournextmeeting.Heavensenditmaycomespeedilyandprosperously!ButIhavenofearofthat.'

'Fear!'criedMartin.'Why,whohas?Whatareafewmonths?Whatisawholeyear?WhenIcomegaylyback,witharoadthroughlifehewnoutbeforeme,then indeed, lookingbackupon this parting, itmay seema dismal one.Butnow!Iswear Iwouldn'thave ithappenundermorefavourableauspices, if Icould; for then I should be less inclined to go, and less impressedwith thenecessity.'

'Yes,yes.Ifeelthattoo.Whendoyougo?'

'To-night.WeleaveforLiverpool to-night.Avesselsailsfromthatport,asIhear, in three days. In a month, or less, we shall be there. Why, what's amonth!Howmanymonthshaveflownby,sinceourlastparting!'

'Longtolookbackupon,'saidMary,echoinghischeerfultone,'butnothingintheircourse!'

'Nothing at all!' cried Martin. 'I shall have change of scene and change ofplace;changeofpeople,changeofmanners,changeofcaresandhopes!Timewillwearwingsindeed!Icanbearanything,sothatIhaveswiftaction,Mary.'

Washethinkingsolelyofhercareforhim,whenhetooksolittleheedofhershare in the separation; of her quiet monotonous endurance, and her slowanxietyfromdaytoday?Wastherenothingjarringanddiscordanteveninhistoneof courage,with this onenote 'self' for ever audible, however high thestrain?Notinherears.Ithadbeenbetterotherwise,perhaps,butsoitwas.Sheheardthesameboldspiritwhichhadflungawayasdrossallgainandprofitforher sake,making lightofperil andprivation that shemightbecalmandhappy;andsheheardnomore.Thatheartwhereselfhasfoundnoplaceandraisednothrone,isslowtorecognizeitsuglypresencewhenitlooksuponit.Asonepossessedofanevilspiritwasheldinoldtimetobealoneconsciousofthe lurking demon in the breasts of othermen, so kindred vices know eachotherintheirhiding-placeseveryday,whenVirtueisincredulousandblind.

'Thequarter'sgone!'criedMrTapley,inavoiceofadmonition.

'Ishallbereadytoreturnimmediately,'shesaid.'Onething,dearMartin,Iamboundtotellyou.Youentreatedmeafewminutessinceonlytoanswerwhatyou asked me in reference to one theme, but you should and must know(otherwiseIcouldnotbeatease)thatsincethatseparationofwhichIwastheunhappyoccasion,hehasneveronceutteredyourname;hasnevercoupledit,oranyfaintallusiontoit,withpassionorreproach;andhasneverabatedinhiskindnesstome.'

'I thankhim for that last act,' saidMartin, 'and for nothing else.Thoughonconsideration Imay thankhim forhisother forbearancealso, inasmuchas Ineitherexpectnordesirethathewillmentionmynameagain.Hemayonce,perhaps—tocoupleitwithreproach—inhiswill.Lethim,ifheplease!Bythe

timeitreachesme,hewillbeinhisgrave;asatireonhisownanger,Godhelphim!'

'Martin! If youwould but sometimes, in somequiet hour; beside thewinterfire; in the summer air; when you hear gentlemusic, or think of Death, orHome,orChildhood;ifyouwouldatsuchaseasonresolvetothink,butonceamonth,orevenonceayear,ofhim,oranyonewhoeverwrongedyou,youwouldforgivehiminyourheart,Iknow!'

'IfIbelievedthattobetrue,Mary,'hereplied,'Iwouldresolveatnosuchtimeto bear him in my mind; wishing to spare myself the shame of such aweakness.Iwasnotborntobethetoyandpuppetofanyman,farlesshis;towhosepleasureandcaprice,inreturnforanygoodhedidme,mywholeyouthwassacrificed.Itbecamebetweenustwoafairexchange—abarter—andnomore;andthereisnosuchbalanceagainstmethatIneedthrowinamawkishforgiveness topoise the scale.Hehas forbiddenallmentionofme toyou, Iknow,'headdedhastily.'Come!Hashenot?'

'Thatwaslongago,'shereturned;'immediatelyafteryourparting;beforeyouhadleftthehouse.Hehasneverdonesosince.'

'Hehasneverdonesosincebecausehehasseennooccasion,'saidMartin;'butthatisoflittleconsequence,onewayorother.Letallallusiontohimbetweenyouandmebeinterdictedfromthistimeforth.Andtherefore,love'—hedrewherquicklytohim,forthetimeofpartinghadnowcome—'inthefirst letterthatyouwritetomethroughthePostOffice,addressedtoNewYork;andinalltheothersthatyousendthroughPinch;rememberhehasnoexistence,buthasbecometousasonewhoisdead.Now,Godblessyou!Thisisastrangeplaceforsuchameetingandsuchaparting;butournextmeetingshallbeinabetter,andournextandlastpartinginaworse.'

'One other question,Martin, Imust ask.Have you providedmoney for thisjourney?'

'HaveI?'criedMartin;itmighthavebeeninhispride;itmighthavebeeninhis desire to set hermind at ease: 'Have I providedmoney?Why, there's aquestionforanemigrant'swife!HowcouldImoveonlandorseawithoutit,love?'

'Imean,enough.'

'Enough!More thanenough.Twenty timesmore thanenough.Apocket-full.MarkandI, forallessentialends,arequiteasrichas ifwehadthepurseofFortunatusinourbaggage.'

'Thehalf-hour'sa-going!'criedMrTapley.

'Good-byeahundredtimes!'criedMary,inatremblingvoice.

But how cold the comfort in Good-bye! Mark Tapley knew it perfectly.Perhaps he knew it from his reading, perhaps from his experience, perhapsfromintuition.Itisimpossibletosay;buthoweverheknewit,hisknowledgeinstinctively suggested tohim thewisest courseof proceeding that anymancouldhaveadoptedunderthecircumstances.Hewastakenwithaviolentfitofsneezing,andwasobligedtoturnhisheadanotherway.Indoingwhich,he,inamannerfencedandscreenedtheloversintoacornerbythemselves.

Therewasa shortpause,butMarkhadanundefined sensation that itwasasatisfactoryoneinitsway.ThenMary,withherveillowered,passedhimwithaquickstep,andbeckonedhimtofollow.Shestoppedoncemorebeforetheylostthatcorner;lookedback;andwavedherhandtoMartin.Hemadeastarttowardsthematthemomentasifhehadsomeotherfarewellwordstosay;butsheonlyhurriedoffthefaster,andMrTapleyfollowedasindutybound.

WhenherejoinedMartinagaininhisownchamber,hefoundthatgentlemanseatedmoodilybeforethedustygrate,withhistwofeetonthefender,histwoelbowsonhisknees,andhischinsupported,inanotveryornamentalmanner,onthepalmsofhishands.

'Well,Mark!'

'Well, sir,' saidMark, takinga longbreath, 'I see theyoung lady safehome,andIfeelprettycomfortableafterit.Shesentalotofkindwords,sir,andthis,'handinghimaring,'forapartingkeepsake.'

'Diamonds!'saidMartin,kissingit—letusdohimjustice,itwasforhersake;not for theirs—and putting it on his little finger. 'Splendid diamonds! Mygrandfatherisasingularcharacter,Mark.Hemusthavegivenherthisnow.'

Mark Tapley knew as well that she had bought it, to the end that thatunconsciousspeakermightcarrysomearticleofsterlingvaluewithhiminhisnecessity;asheknewthatitwasday,andnotnight.ThoughhehadnomoreacquaintanceofhisownknowledgewiththehistoryoftheglitteringtrinketonMartin'soutspreadfinger,thanMartinhimselfhad,hewasascertainthatinitspurchase shehadexpendedherwhole stockofhoardedmoney, as if hehadseen itpaiddowncoinbycoin.Her lover's strangeobtuseness in relation tothislittleincident,promptlysuggestedtoMark'sminditsrealcauseandroot;andfromthatmomenthehadaclearandperfectinsightintotheoneabsorbingprincipleofMartin'scharacter.

'SheisworthyofthesacrificesIhavemade,'saidMartin,foldinghisarms,andlookingattheashesinthestove,asifinresumptionofsomeformerthoughts.'Wellworthyofthem.Noriches'—herehestrokedhischinandmused—'couldhavecompensatedforthelossofsuchanature.Nottomentionthatingaining

her affection I have followed the bent of my ownwishes, and baulked theselfishschemesofotherswhohadnorighttoformthem.Sheisquiteworthy—morethanworthy—ofthesacrificesIhavemade.Yes,sheis.Nodoubtofit.'

TheseruminationsmightormightnothavereachedMarkTapley;forthoughtheywerebynomeansaddressedtohim,yettheyweresoftlyuttered.Inanycase,hestoodthere,watchingMartinwithanindescribableandmostinvolvedexpression on his visage, until that young man roused himself and lookedtowards him; when he turned away, as being suddenly intent upon certainpreparationsforthejourney,and,withoutgivingventtoanyarticulatesound,smiledwithsurpassingghastliness,andseemedbyatwistofhisfeaturesandamotionofhislips,toreleasehimselfofthisword:

'Jolly!'

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

THEBURDENWHEREOF,ISHAILCOLUMBIA!

Adarkanddrearynight;peoplenestlingintheirbedsorcirclinglateaboutthefire;Want,colder thanCharity,shiveringat thestreetcorners;church-towershummingwiththefaintvibrationoftheirowntongues,butnewlyrestingfromtheghostlypreachment 'One!'Theearthcoveredwitha sablepall as for theburial of yesterday; the clumps of dark trees, its giant plumes of funeralfeathers,wavingsadlytoandfro:allhushed,allnoiseless,andindeeprepose,save the swift clouds that skim across themoon, and the cautiouswind, as,creepingafter themupon theground, it stops to listen,andgoes rustlingon,andstopsagain,andfollows,likeasavageonthetrail.

Whithergothecloudsandwindsoeagerly?If,likeguiltyspirits,theyrepairtosomedreadconferencewithpowerslikethemselves,inwhatwildregionsdotheelementsholdcouncil,orwhereunbendinterribledisport?

Here!Freefromthatcrampedprisoncalledtheearth,andoutuponthewasteof waters. Here, roaring, raging, shrieking, howling, all night long. Hithercomethesoundingvoicesfromthecavernsonthecoastofthatsmallisland,sleeping,athousandmilesaway,soquietlyinthemidstofangrywaves;andhither,tomeetthem,rushtheblastsfromunknowndesertplacesoftheworld.Here, in the furyof theirunchecked liberty, theystormandbuffetwitheachother, until the sea, lashed into passion like their own, leaps up, in ravingsmightierthantheirs,andthewholesceneismadness.

On, on, on, over the countless miles of angry space roll the long heavingbillows.Mountainsandcavesarehere, andyet arenot; forwhat isnow theone,isnowtheother;thenallisbutaboilingheapofrushingwater.Pursuit,andflight,andmadreturnofwaveonwave,andsavagestruggle,endinginaspouting-upof foamthatwhitens theblacknight; incessantchangeofplace,and form, andhue; constancy in nothing, but eternal strife; on, on, on, theyroll, and darker grows the night, and louder howls the wind, and moreclamorousandfiercebecomethemillionvoicesinthesea,whenthewildcrygoesforthuponthestorm'Aship!'

Onward she comes, in gallant combat with the elements, her tall maststrembling,andhertimbersstartingonthestrain;onwardshecomes,nowhighuponthecurlingbillows,nowlowdowninthehollowsof thesea,ashidingforthemomentfromitsfury;andeverystorm-voiceintheairandwatercriesmoreloudlyyet,'Aship!'

Still she comes striving on; and at her boldness and the spreading cry, theangrywavesriseupaboveeachother'shoaryheadstolook;androundaboutthe vessel, far as themariners on the decks can pierce into the gloom, theypressuponher,forcingeachotherdownandstartingup,andrushingforwardfromafar,indreadfulcuriosity.Highoverhertheybreak;androundhersurgeandroar;andgivingplacetoothers,moaninglydepart,anddashthemselvestofragmentsintheirbaffledanger.Stillshecomesonwardbravely.Andthoughtheeagermultitudecrowdthickandfastuponherall thenight,anddawnofdaydiscoverstheuntiringtrainyetbearingdownupontheshipinaneternityoftroubledwater,onwardshecomes,withdimlightsburninginherhull,andpeople there, asleep; as if nodeadly elementwere peering in at every seamandchink,andnodrownedseaman'sgrave,withbutaplanktocoverit,wereyawningintheunfathomabledepthsbelow.

Among these sleepingvoyagerswereMartin andMarkTapley,who, rockedinto a heavydrowsiness by the unaccustomedmotion,were as insensible tothefoulairinwhichtheylay,astotheuproarwithout.Itwasbroaddaywhenthelatterawokewithadimideathathewasdreamingofhavinggonetosleepinafour-postbedsteadwhichhadturnedbottomupwardsinthecourseofthenight.Therewasmorereasoninthistoo,thanintheroastingofeggs;forthefirst objectsMr Tapley recognized when he opened his eyes were his ownheels—looking down to him, as he afterwards observed, from a nearlyperpendicularelevation.

'Well!' said Mark, getting himself into a sitting posture, after variousineffectualstruggleswiththerollingoftheship.'ThisisthefirsttimeaseverIstoodonmyheadallnight.'

'Youshouldn'tgo to sleepupon thegroundwithyourhead to leeward then,'growledamaninoneoftheberths.

'WithmyheadtoWHERE?'askedMark.

Themanrepeatedhisprevioussentiment.

'No,Iwon'tanothertime,'saidMark, 'whenIknowwhereaboutsonthemapthatcountryis.InthemeanwhileIcangiveyouabetterpieceofadvice.Don'tyounoranyotherfriendofminenevergotosleepwithhisheadinashipanymore.'

Themangaveagruntofdiscontentedacquiescence,turnedoverinhisberth,anddrewhisblanketoverhishead.

'—For,'saidMrTapley,pursuingthethemebywayofsoliloquyinalowtoneofvoice;'theseaisasnonsensicalathingasanygoing.Itneverknowswhattodowithitself.Ithasn'tgotnoemploymentforitsmind,andisalwaysinastateofvacancy.LikethemPolarbearsinthewild-beastshowsasisconstantlya-noddingtheirheadsfromsidetoside,itneverCANbequiet.Whichisentirelyowingtoitsuncommonstupidity.'

'Isthatyou,Mark?'askedafaintvoicefromanotherberth.

'It's asmuch ofme as is left, sir, after a fortnight of thiswork,'Mr Tapleyreplied, 'Whatwithleadingthelifeofafly,eversinceI'vebeenaboard—forI've been perpetually holding-on to something or other in a upside-downposition—whatwiththat,sir,andputtingaverylittleintomyself,andtakingagooddealoutofmyself,therean'ttoomuchofmetoswearby.Howdoyoufindyourselfthismorning,sir?'

'Verymiserable,' saidMartin,with a peevish groan. 'Ugh. This iswretched,indeed!'

'Creditable,' muttered Mark, pressing one hand upon his aching head andlookingroundhimwitharuefulgrin.'That'sthegreatcomfort.ItIScreditabletokeepupone'sspiritshere.Virtue'sitsownreward.So'sjollity.'

Mark was so far right that unquestionably any man who retained hischeerfulness among the steerage accommodations of that noble and fast-sailing line-of-packet ship, 'THE SCREW,' was solely indebted to his ownresources, and shipped his good humour, like his provisions, without anycontribution or assistance from the owners. A dark, low, stifling cabin,surroundedbyberthsallfilledtooverflowingwithmen,women,andchildren,invariousstagesofsicknessandmisery,isnottheliveliestplaceofassemblyatanytime;butwhenitissocrowded(asthesteeragecabinoftheScrewwas,everypassageout),thatmattressesandbedsareheapeduponthefloor,totheextinctionofeverything likecomfort,cleanliness,anddecency, it is liable tooperatenotonlyasaprettystrongbanneragainstamiabilityoftemper,butasapositive encourager of selfish and rough humours.Mark felt this, as he sat

lookingabouthim;andhisspiritsroseproportionately.

There were English people, Irish people, Welsh people, and Scotch peoplethere;allwiththeir littlestoreofcoarsefoodandshabbyclothes;andnearlyallwith their familiesof children.Therewere childrenof all ages; from thebabyatthebreast,totheslattern-girlwhowasasmuchagrownwomanashermother. Every kind of domestic suffering that is bred in poverty, illness,banishment, sorrow, and long travel in bad weather, was crammed into thelittlespace;andyetwasthereinfinitelylessofcomplaintandquerulousness,andinfinitelymoreofmutualassistanceandgeneralkindness tobefoundinthatunwholesomeark,thaninmanybrilliantballrooms.

Marklookedabouthimwistfully,andhisfacebrightenedashelooked.Hereanoldgrandmotherwascrooningoverasickchild,androckingittoandfro,in arms hardlymorewasted than its own young limbs; here a poorwomanwithaninfantinherlap,mendedanotherlittlecreature'sclothes,andquietedanotherwhowascreepingupaboutherfromtheirscantybeduponthefloor.Herewere oldmen awkwardly engaged in little household offices, whereintheywouldhavebeenridiculousbutfortheirgood-willandkindpurpose;andhere were swarthy fellows—giants in their way—doing such little acts oftenderness for those about them, asmight havebelonged to gentlest-hearteddwarfs.The very idiot in the cornerwho satmowing there, all day, hadhisfacultyofimitationrousedbywhathesawabouthim;andsnappedhisfingerstoamuseacryingchild.

'Now, then,' said Mark, nodding to a woman who was dressing her threechildrenatnogreatdistancefromhim—andthegrinuponhisfacehadbythistimespreadfromeartoear—'Handoveroneofthemyoung'unsaccordingtocustom.'

'Iwishyou'dgetbreakfast,Mark,insteadofworryingwithpeoplewhodon'tbelongtoyou,'observedMartin,petulantly.

'Allright,'saidMark.'SHE'lldothat.It'safairdivisionoflabour,sir.Iwashherboys,andshemakesourtea.IneverCOULDmaketea,butanyonecanwashaboy.'

Thewoman,whowasdelicateandill,feltandunderstoodhiskindness,aswellshemight,forshehadbeencoveredeverynightwithhisgreatcoat,whilehehadforhisownbedthebareboardsandarug.ButMartin,whoseldomgotupor looked about him, was quite incensed by the folly of this speech, andexpressedhisdissatisfactionbyanimpatientgroan.

'Soit is,certainly,'saidMark,brushingthechild'shairascoollyasifhehadbeenbornandbredabarber.

'Whatareyoutalkingabout,now?'askedMartin.

'Whatyousaid,'repliedMark; 'orwhatyoumeant,whenyougavethattheredismalventtoyourfeelings.Iquitegoalongwithit,sir.ItISveryharduponher.'

'Whatis?'

'Makingthevoyagebyherselfalongwiththeseyoungimpedimentshere,andgoingsuchawayatsuchatimeoftheyeartojoinherhusband.Ifyoudon'twant to be drivenmadwith yellow soap in your eye, youngman,' saidMrTapley to the second urchin, who was by this time under his hands at thebasin,'you'dbettershutit.'

'Wheredoesshejoinherhusband?'askedMartin,yawning.

'Why, I'm verymuch afraid,' saidMrTapley, in a lowvoice, 'that she don'tknow.Ihopeshemayn'tmisshim.Butshesentherlastletterbyhand,anditdon'tseemtohavebeenveryclearlyunderstoodbetween'emwithoutit,andifshedon'tseehima-wavinghispocket-handkerchiefontheshore,likeapicturoutofasong-book,myopinionis,she'llbreakherheart.'

'Why,how,inFolly'sname,doesthewomancometobeonboardshiponsuchawild-gooseventure!'criedMartin.

MrTapleyglancedathimforamomentashe layprostrate inhisberth,andthensaid,veryquietly:

'Ah!Howindeed!Ican't think!He'sbeenawayfromherfor twoyear;she'sbeenverypoorandlonelyinherowncountry;andhasalwaysbeena-lookingforwardtomeetinghim.It'sverystrangesheshouldbehere.Quiteamazing!Alittlemadperhaps!Therecan'tbenootherwayofaccountingforit.'

Martinwastoofargoneinthelassitudeofsea-sicknesstomakeanyreplytothesewords,oreventoattendtothemastheywerespoken.Andthesubjectoftheirdiscoursereturningatthiscrisiswithsomehottea,effectuallyputastoptoanyresumptionofthethemebyMrTapley;who,whenthemealwasoverand he had adjusted Martin's bed, went up on deck to wash the breakfastservice,which consistedof twohalf-pint tinmugs, and a shaving-potof thesamemetal.

It isdue toMarkTapley to state thathe sufferedat leastasmuch fromsea-sickness as anyman,woman,or child, onboard; and that hehad apeculiarfacultyofknockinghimselfaboutonthesmallestprovocation,andlosinghislegsateverylurchoftheship.Butresolved,inhisusualphrase,to'comeoutstrong'underdisadvantageouscircumstances,hewas the lifeandsoulof thesteerage, and made no more of stopping in the middle of a facetiousconversation to go away and be excessively ill by himself, and afterwardscomebackintheverybestandgayestoftemperstoresumeit,thanifsucha

courseofproceedinghadbeenthecommonestintheworld.

Itcannotbesaidthatashisillnessworeoff,hischeerfulnessandgoodnatureincreased, because they would hardly admit of augmentation; but hisusefulnessamongtheweakermembersofthepartywasmuchenlarged;andatalltimesandseasonstherehewasexertingit.Ifagleamofsunshoneoutofthe dark sky, downMark tumbled into the cabin, and presently up he cameagainwithawomaninhisarms,orhalf-a-dozenchildren,oraman,orabed,orasaucepan,orabasket,orsomethinganimateorinanimate,thathethoughtwouldbethebetterfortheair.Ifanhourortwooffineweatherinthemiddleofthedaytemptedthosewhoseldomornevercameondeckatothertimestocrawlintothelong-boat,orliedownuponthesparespars,andtrytoeat,there,inthecentreofthegroup,wasMrTapley,handingaboutsaltbeefandbiscuit,or dispensing tastes of grog, or cutting up the children's provisionswith hispocketknife, for their greater ease and comfort, or reading aloud from avenerable newspaper, or singing some roaring old song to a select party, orwriting the beginnings of letters to their friends at home for people whocouldn'twrite,orcracking jokeswith thecrew,ornearlygettingblownovertheside,oremerging,half-drowned,fromashowerofspray,orlendingahandsomewhere or other; but always doing something for the generalentertainment.Atnight,when the cooking-firewas lightedon thedeck, andthedrivingsparksthatflewamongtherigging,andthecloudsofsails,seemedtomenacetheshipwithcertainannihilationbyfire,incasetheelementsofairandwaterfailedtocompassherdestruction;there,again,wasMrTapley,withhis coatoff andhis shirt-sleeves turnedup tohis elbows,doingall kindsofculinaryoffices;compounding thestrangestdishes; recognizedbyeveryoneas an established authority; and helping all parties to achieve somethingwhich,lefttothemselves,theynevercouldhavedone,andneverwouldhavedreamed of. In short, there never was a more popular character thanMarkTapley became, on board that noble and fast-sailing line-of-packet ship, theScrew;andheattainedatlasttosuchapitchofuniversaladmiration,thathebegan tohavegravedoubtswithinhimselfwhether amanmight reasonablyclaimanycreditforbeingjollyundersuchexcitingcircumstances.

'Ifthiswasgoingtolast,'saidTapley, 'there'dbenogreatdifferenceasIcanperceive,betweentheScrewandtheDragon.Ineveramtogetcredit,Ithink.IbegintobeafraidthattheFatesisdeterminedtomaketheworldeasytome.'

'Well,Mark,' saidMartin, nearwhose berth he had ruminated to this effect.'Whenwillthisbeover?'

'Another week, they say, sir,' returnedMark, 'will most likely bring us intoport.Theship'sa-goingalongatpresent,assensibleasashipcan,sir;thoughIdon'tmeantosayasthat'sanyveryhighpraise.'

'Idon'tthinkitis,indeed,'groanedMartin.

'You'dfeelallthebetterforit,sir,ifyouwastoturnout,'observedMark.

'Andbeseenbytheladiesandgentlemenontheafter-deck,'returnedMartin,withascronfulemphasisuponthewords, 'minglingwiththebeggarlycrowdthatarestowedawayinthisvilehole.Ishouldbegreatlythebetterforthat,nodoubt.'

'I'm thankful that Ican't sayfrommyownexperiencewhat the feelingsofagentlemanmaybe,'saidMark,'butIshouldhavethought,sir,asagentlemanwould feel a deal more uncomfortable down here than up in the fresh air,especiallywhentheladiesandgentlemenintheafter-cabinknowjustasmuchabouthimashedoesabout them,andare likely to trouble theirheadsabouthiminthesameproportion.Ishouldhavethoughtthat,certainly.'

'I tell you, then,' rejoined Martin, 'you would have thought wrong, and dothinkwrong.'

'Verylikely,sir,'saidMark,withimperturbablegoodtemper.'Ioftendo.'

'As to lying here,' cried Martin, raising himself on his elbow, and lookingangrilyathisfollower.'Doyousupposeit'sapleasuretoliehere?'

'All the madhouses in the world,' saidMr Tapley, 'couldn't produce such amaniacasthemanmustbewhocouldthinkthat.'

'Thenwhyareyouforevergoadingandurgingmetogetup?'askedMartin,'Ilieherebecause Idon'twish tobe recognized, in thebetterdays towhich Iaspire,byanypurse-proudcitizen,asthemanwhocameoverwithhimamongthesteeragepassengers.IlieherebecauseIwishtoconcealmycircumstancesandmyself,andnottoarriveinanewworldbadgedandticketedasanutterlypoverty-strickenman. If I couldhaveaffordedapassage in theafter-cabin Ishould have held upmy headwith the rest.As I couldn't I hide it.Do youunderstandthat?'

'Iamverysorry,sir,'saidMark.'Ididn'tknowyoutookitsomuchtoheartasthiscomesto.'

'Of course you didn't know,' returned his master. 'How should you know,unlessItoldyou?It'snotrialtoyou,Mark,tomakeyourselfcomfortableandtobustleabout.It'sasnaturalforyoutodosounderthecircumstancesasitisformenottodoso.Why,youdon'tsupposethereisalivingcreatureinthisshipwhocanbypossibilityhavehalfsomuchtoundergoonboardofherasIhave?Doyou?'heasked,sittinguprightinhisberthandlookingatMark,withanexpressionofgreatearnestnessnotunmixedwithwonder.

Marktwistedhisfaceintoatightknot,andwithhisheadverymuchononeside,pondereduponthisquestionasifhefeltitanextremelydifficultoneto

answer.HewasrelievedfromhisembarrassmentbyMartinhimself,whosaid,ashestretchedhimselfuponhisbackagainandresumedthebookhehadbeenreading:

'Butwhatistheuseofmyputtingsuchacasetoyou,whentheveryessenceofwhatIhavebeensayingis,thatyoucannotbypossibilityunderstandit!Makemealittlebrandy-and-water—coldandveryweak—andgivemeabiscuit,andtellyourfriend,whoisanearerneighbourofoursthanIcouldwish,totryandkeepherchildrenalittlequieterto-nightthanshedidlastnight;that'sagoodfellow.'

MrTapley set himself to obey these orderswith great alacrity, and pendingtheirexecution,itmaybepresumedhisflaggingspiritsrevived;inasmuchashe several times observed, below his breath, that in respect of its power ofimparting a credit to jollity, the Screw unquestionably had some decidedadvantagesovertheDragon.Healsoremarkedthatitwasahighgratificationtohimtoreflectthathewouldcarryitsmainexcellenceashorewithhim,andhaveitconstantlybesidehimwhereverhewent;butwhathemeantbytheseconsolatorythoughtshedidnotexplain.

And now a general excitement began to prevail on board; and variouspredictionsrelativetothepreciseday,andeventheprecisehouratwhichtheywould reach New York, were freely broached. There was infinitely morecrowdingondeckandlookingovertheship'ssidethantherehadbeenbefore;and an epidemic broke out for packing up things every morning, whichrequiredunpackingagaineverynight.Thosewhohadanyletterstodeliver,oranyfriendstomeet,oranysettledplansofgoinganywhereordoinganything,discussedtheirprospectsahundredtimesaday;andasthisclassofpassengerswasverysmall,andthenumberofthosewhohadnoprospectswhateverwasverylarge,therewereplentyoflistenersandfewtalkers.Thosewhohadbeenill all along, got well now, and those who had been well, got better. AnAmericangentlemanintheafter-cabin,whohadbeenwrappedupinfurandoilskin thewholepassage,unexpectedlyappeared inaveryshiny, tall,blackhat, and constantly overhauled a very little valise of pale leather, whichcontainedhis clothes, linen, brushes, shaving apparatus, books, trinkets, andotherbaggage.Helikewisestuckhishandsdeepintohispockets,andwalkedthedeckwithhisnostrilsdilated,asalreadyinhalingtheairofFreedomwhichcarries death to all tyrants, and can never (under any circumstances worthmentioning)bebreathedbyslaves.AnEnglishgentlemanwhowasstronglysuspectedofhavingrunawayfromabank,withsomethinginhispossessionbelongingtoitsstrongboxbesidesthekey,greweloquentuponthesubjectoftherightsofman,andhummedtheMarseillaiseHymnconstantly.Inaword,onegreatsensationpervadedthewholeship,andthesoilofAmericalayclosebefore them; so close at last, that, upon a certain starlight night they took apilot on board, andwithin a few hours afterwards lay to until themorning,

awaiting the arrival of a steamboat in which the passengers were to beconveyedashore.

Off she came, soon after it was light nextmorning, and lying alongside anhourormore—duringwhichperiodhervery firemenwereobjectsofhardlylessinterestandcuriositythaniftheyhadbeensomanyangels,goodorbad—tookallherlivingfreightaboard.AmongthemMark,whostillhadhisfriendandher threechildrenunderhiscloseprotection;andMartin,whohadoncemoredressedhimselfinhisusualattire,butworeasoiled,oldcloakabovehisordinaryclothes,untilsuch timeasheshouldseparateforeverfromhis latecompanions.

Thesteamer—which,withitsmachineryondeck,looked,asitworkeditslongslim legs, like someenormouslymagnified insector antediluvianmonster—dashedatgreatspeedupabeautifulbay;andpresentlytheysawsomeheights,andislands,andalong,flat,stragglingcity.

'And this,' saidMr Tapley, looking far ahead, 'is the Land of Liberty, is it?Verywell.I'magreeable.Anylandwilldoforme,aftersomuchwater!'

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

MARTINDISEMBARKSFROMTHATNOBLEANDFAST-SAILINGLINE-OF-PACKETSHIP,'THESCREW',ATTHEPORTOFNEW

YORK,INTHEUNITEDSTATESOFAMERICA.HEMAKESSOMEACQUAINTANCES,ANDDINESATABOARDING-HOUSE.THE

PARTICULARSOFTHOSETRANSACTIONS

Sometriflingexcitementprevailedupontheverybrinkandmarginofthelandofliberty;foranaldermanhadbeenelectedthedaybefore;andPartyFeelingnaturallyrunningratherhighonsuchanexcitingoccasion,thefriendsofthedisappointedcandidatehadfounditnecessarytoassertthegreatprinciplesofPurityofElectionandFreedomofopinionbybreakingafewlegsandarms,and furthermore pursuingone obnoxious gentleman through the streetswiththe design of hitting his nose. These good-humoured little outbursts of thepopular fancy were not in themselves sufficiently remarkable to create anygreat stir, after the lapse of a whole night; but they found fresh life andnotoriety in thebreathof thenewsboys,whonotonlyproclaimed themwithshrillyellsinallthehighwaysandbywaysofthetown,uponthewharvesandamongtheshipping,butonthedeckanddowninthecabinsofthesteamboat;which,beforeshetouchedtheshore,wasboardedandoverrunbyalegionofthoseyoungcitizens.

'Here'sthismorning'sNewYorkSewer!'criedone.'Here'sthismorning'sNewYorkStabber!Here'stheNewYorkFamilySpy!Here'stheNewYorkPrivateListener!Here'stheNewYorkPeeper!Here'stheNewYorkPlunderer!Here'stheNewYorkKeyholeReporter!Here'stheNewYorkRowdyJournal!Here'sall the New York papers! Here's full particulars of the patriotic locofocomovement yesterday, in which the whigs was so chawed up; and the lastAlabamagougingcase;andtheinterestingArkansasdooelwithBowieknives;andallthePolitical,Commercial,andFashionableNews.Heretheyare!Heretheyare!Here'sthepapers,here'sthepapers!'

'Here'stheSewer!'criedanother.'Here'stheNewYorkSewer!Here'ssomeofthetwelfththousandofto-day'sSewer,withthebestaccountsofthemarkets,andalltheshippingnews,andfourwholecolumnsofcountrycorrespondence,andafullaccountof theBallatMrsWhite's lastnight,whereall thebeautyandfashionofNewYorkwasassembled;withtheSewer'sownparticularsoftheprivatelivesofalltheladiesthatwasthere!Here'stheSewer!Here'ssomeofthetwelfththousandoftheNewYorkSewer!Here'stheSewer'sexposureof theWallStreetGang,and theSewer's exposureof theWashingtonGang,andtheSewer'sexclusiveaccountofaflagrantactofdishonestycommittedbytheSecretaryofStatewhenhewaseightyearsold;nowcommunicated,atagreat expense, by his own nurse. Here's the Sewer! Here's the New YorkSewer, in its twelfth thousand,with awhole column ofNewYorkers to beshown up, and all their names printed! Here's the Sewer's article upon theJudgethattriedhim,dayaforeyesterday,forlibel,andtheSewer'stributetotheindependentJurythatdidn'tconvicthim,andtheSewer'saccountofwhatthey might have expected if they had! Here's the Sewer, here's the Sewer!Here's thewide-awakeSewer;alwayson the lookout; the leadingJournaloftheUnitedStates,nowinitstwelfththousand,andstilla-printingoff:—Here'stheNewYorkSewer!'

'Itisinsuchenlightenedmeans,'saidavoicealmostinMartin'sear, 'thatthebubblingpassionsofmycountryfindavent.'

Martin turned involuntarily, and saw, standing close at his side, a sallowgentleman, with sunken cheeks, black hair, small twinkling eyes, and asingular expression hovering about that region of his face,whichwas not afrown, nor a leer, and yetmight have beenmistaken at the first glance foreither.Indeeditwouldhavebeendifficult,onamuchcloseracquaintance,todescribeitinanymoresatisfactorytermsthanasamixedexpressionofvulgarcunningandconceit.Thisgentlemanworearatherbroad-brimmedhatforthegreater wisdom of his appearance; and had his arms folded for the greaterimpressiveness of his attitude.Hewas somewhat shabbily dressed in a bluesurtoutreachingnearlytohisankles,shortloosetrousersofthesamecolour,andafadedbuffwaistcoat,throughwhichadiscolouredshirt-frillstruggledtoforce itself intonotice, as assertingan equalityof civil rightswith theother

portions of his dress, andmaintaining a declaration of Independence on itsown account. His feet, which were of unusually large proportions, wereleisurely crossed before him as he half leaned against, half sat upon, thesteamboat'sbulwark;andhisthickcane,shodwithamightyferuleatoneendand armedwith a greatmetal knob at the other, depended from a line-and-tassel on hiswrist. Thus attired, and thus composed into an aspect of greatprofundity,thegentlemantwitcheduptheright-handcornerofhismouthandhisrighteyesimultaneously,andsaid,oncemore:

'Itisinsuchenlightenedmeansthatthebubblingpassionsofmycountryfindavent.'

AshelookedatMartin,andnobodyelsewasby,Martininclinedhishead,andsaid:

'Youalludeto—?'

'To the Palladiumof rational Liberty at home, sir, and the dread of Foreignoppressionabroad,'returnedthegentleman,ashepointedwithhiscanetoanuncommonlydirtynewsboywithoneeye.'TotheEnvyoftheworld,sir,andtheleadersofHumanCivilization.Letmeaskyousir,'headded,bringingtheferuleofhisstickheavilyuponthedeckwiththeairofamanwhomustnotbeequivocatedwith,'howdoyoulikemyCountry?'

'I amhardlyprepared to answer thatquestionyet,' saidMartin 'seeing that Ihavenotbeenashore.'

'Well, I should expect you were not prepared, sir,' said the gentleman, 'tobeholdsuchsignsofNationalProsperityasthose?'

Hepointedtothevesselslyingatthewharves;andthengaveavagueflourishwith his stick, as if he would include the air and water, generally, in thisremark.

'Really,'saidMartin,'Idon'tknow.Yes.IthinkIwas.'

The gentleman glanced at him with a knowing look, and said he liked hispolicy.Itwasnatural,hesaid,anditpleasedhimasaphilosophertoobservetheprejudicesofhumannature.

'You have brought, I see, sir,' he said, turning round towards Martin, andrestinghischinonthetopofhisstick,'theusualamountofmiseryandpovertyand ignorance and crime, to be located in the bosomof the greatRepublic.Well,sir!let'emcomeoninshiploadsfromtheoldcountry.Whenvesselsareabouttofounder,theratsaresaidtoleave'em.Thereisconsiderableoftruth,Ifind,inthatremark.'

'Theoldshipwillkeepafloatayearor twolongeryet,perhaps,'saidMartin

withasmile,partlyoccasionedbywhatthegentlemansaid,andpartlybyhismannerof saying it,whichwasoddenough forheemphasisedall the smallwords and syllables in his discourse, and left the others to take care ofthemselves;asifhethoughtthelargerpartsofspeechcouldbetrustedalone,butthelittleonesrequiredtobeconstantlylookedafter.

'Hope is said by the poet, sir,' observed the gentleman, 'to be the nurse ofyoungDesire.'

Martin signified that he had heard of the cardinal virtue in question servingoccasionallyinthatdomesticcapacity.

'Shewillnotrearher infant inthepresent instance,sir,you'llfind,'observedthegentleman.

'Timewillshow,'saidMartin.

Thegentlemannoddedhisheadgravely;andsaid,'Whatisyourname,sir?'

Martintoldhim.

'Howoldareyou,sir?'

Martintoldhim.

'Whatisyourprofession,sir?'

Martintoldhimthatalso.

'Whatisyourdestination,sir?'inquiredthegentleman.

'Really,'saidMartinlaughing,'Ican'tsatisfyyouinthatparticular,forIdon'tknowitmyself.'

'Yes?'saidthegentleman.

'No,'saidMartin.

Thegentlemanadjustedhiscaneunderhisleftarm,andtookamoredeliberateandcompletesurveyofMartinthanhehadyethadleisuretomake.Whenhehadcompletedhisinspection,heputouthisrighthand,shookMartin'shand,andsaid:

'My name is Colonel Diver, sir. I am the Editor of the New York RowdyJournal.'

Martin received the communication with that degree of respect which anannouncementsodistinguishedappearedtodemand.

'TheNewYorkRowdyJournal,sir,'resumedthecolonel, 'is,asIexpectyou

know,theorganofouraristocracyinthiscity.'

'Oh!thereISanaristocracyhere,then?'saidMartin.'Ofwhatisitcomposed?'

'Of intelligence, sir,' replied the colonel; 'of intelligence and virtue. And oftheirnecessaryconsequenceinthisrepublic—dollars,sir.'

Martinwasverygladtohearthis,feelingwellassuredthatifintelligenceandvirtue led, as a matter of course, to the acquisition of dollars, he wouldspeedilybecomeagreat capitalist.Hewasabout toexpress thegratificationsuchnewsaffordedhim,whenhewasinterruptedbythecaptainoftheship,whocameupatthemomenttoshakehandswiththecolonel;andwho,seeingawell-dressedstrangeron thedeck (forMartinhad thrownasidehiscloak),shookhandswithhimalso.ThiswasanunspeakablerelieftoMartin,who,inspiteoftheacknowledgedsupremacyofIntelligenceandvirtueinthathappycountry,wouldhavebeendeeplymortifiedtoappearbeforeColonelDiverinthepoorcharacterofasteeragepassenger.

'Wellcap'en!'saidthecolonel.

'Wellcolonel,'criedthecaptain.'You'relookingmostuncommonbright,sir.Icanhardlyrealiseitsbeingyou,andthat'safact.'

'Agoodpassage,cap'en?'inquiredthecolonel,takinghimaside,

'Wellnow!Itwasaprettyspankingrun,sir,'said,orrathersung,thecaptain,whowasagenuineNewEnglander;'considerin'theweather.'

'Yes?'saidthecolonel.

'Well!Itwas,sir,'saidthecaptain. 'I'vejustnowsentaboyuptoyourofficewiththepassenger-list,colonel.'

'You haven't got another boy to spare, p'raps, cap'en?' said the colonel, in atonealmostamountingtoseverity.

'Iguessthereairadozenifyouwant'em,colonel,'saidthecaptain.

'Onemoderatebig 'uncouldconveyadozenchampagne,perhaps,' observedthecolonel,musing,'tomyoffice.Yousaidaspankingrun,Ithink?'

'Well,soIdid,'wasthereply.

'It's very nigh, you know,' observed the colonel. 'I'mglad itwas a spankingrun,cap'en.Don'tmindaboutquartsifyou'reshortof'em.Theboycanaswellbring four-and-twenty pints, and travel twice as once.—A first-rate spanker,cap'en,wasit?Yes?'

'Amoste—tarnalspanker,'saidtheskipper.

'Iadmireatyourgoodfortun,cap'en.Youmight loanmeacorkscrewat thesame time,andhalf-a-dozenglasses ifyou liked.Howeverbad theelementscombine against my country's noble packet-ship, the Screw, sir,' said thecolonel, turningtoMartin,anddrawingaflourishonthesurfaceof thedeckwithhiscane,'herpassageeitherwayisalmostcertaintoeventuateaspanker!'

Thecaptain,whohadtheSewerbelowatthatmoment,lunchingexpensivelyinonecabin,while theamiableStabberwasdrinkinghimself intoa stateofblindmadness inanother, tookacordial leaveofhis friend thecolonel, andhurried away to dispatch the champagne; well knowing (as it afterwardsappeared) that ifhefailedtoconciliate theeditorof theRowdyJournal, thatpotentatewoulddenouncehimandhisship in largecapitalsbeforehewasaday older; andwould probably assault thememory of hismother also,whohadnotbeendeadmorethantwentyyears.Thecolonelbeingagainleftalonewith Martin, checked him as he was moving away, and offered inconsideration of his being an Englishman, to show him the town and tointroducehim,ifsuchwerehisdesire,toagenteelboarding-house.Butbeforetheyenteredontheseproceedings(hesaid),hewouldbeseechthehonourofhis company at the office of the Rowdy Journal, to partake of a bottle ofchampagneofhisownimportation.

Allthiswassoextremelykindandhospitable,thatMartin,thoughitwasquiteearly in the morning, readily acquiesced. So, instructing Mark, who wasdeeplyengagedwithhisfriendandherthreechildren,thatwhenhehaddoneassistingthem,andhadclearedthebaggage,hewastowaitforfurtherordersattheRowdyJournalOffice,Martinaccompaniedhisnewfriendonshore.

They made their way as they best could through the melancholy crowd ofemigrantsuponthewharf,who,groupedabouttheirbedsandboxes,withthebare ground below them and the bare sky above, might have fallen fromanotherplanet, foranything theyknewof thecountry; andwalked for someshort distance along a busy street, bounded on one side by the quays andshipping;andontheotherbyalongrowofstaringred-brickstorehousesandoffices,ornamentedwithmoreblackboardsandwhiteletters,andmorewhiteboardsandblack letters, thanMartinhadeverseenbefore, in fifty times thespace. Presently they turned up a narrow street, and presently into othernarrowstreets,untilatlasttheystoppedbeforeahousewhereonwaspaintedingreatcharacters,'ROWDYJOURNAL.'

Thecolonel,whohadwalkedthewholewaywithonehandinhisbreast,hisheadoccasionallywaggingfromsidetoside,andhishatthrownbackuponhisears, likeamanwhowasoppressed to inconveniencebyasenseofhisowngreatness,ledthewayupadarkanddirtyflightofstairsintoaroomofsimilarcharacter, all littered and bestrewn with odds and ends of newspapers andothercrumpledfragments,bothinproofandmanuscript.Behindamangyoldwriting-tableinthisapartmentsatafigurewithastumpofapeninitsmouth

andagreatpairof scissors in its righthand,clippingandslicingata fileofRowdy Journals; and it was such a laughable figure that Martin had somedifficultyinpreservinghisgravity,thoughconsciousofthecloseobservationofColonelDiver.

The individual who sat clipping and slicing as aforesaid at the RowdyJournals, was a small young gentleman of very juvenile appearance, andunwholesomely pale in the face; partly, perhaps, from intense thought, butpartly, thereisnodoubt,fromtheexcessiveuseoftobacco,whichhewasatthatmomentchewingvigorously.Heworehisshirt-collarturneddownoverablack ribbon; and his lank hair, a fragile crop, was not only smoothed andpartedbackfromhisbrow,thatnoneofthePoetryofhisaspectmightbelost,buthad,hereandthere,beengrubbedupbytheroots;whichaccountedforhisloftiestdevelopmentsbeing somewhatpimply.Hehad thatorderofnoseonwhich the envy ofmankind has bestowed the appellation 'snub,' and it wasverymuchturnedupat theend,aswithaloftyscorn.Upontheupperlipofthisyounggentlemanweretokensofasandydown;sovery,verysmoothandscant,that,thoughencouragedtotheutmost,itlookedmorelikearecenttraceofgingerbreadthanthefairpromiseofamoustache;andthisconjecture,hisapparently tender agewent far to strengthen.Hewas intent upon hiswork.Every time he snapped the great pair of scissors, hemade a correspondingmotionwithhisjaws,whichgavehimaveryterribleappearance.

Martinwasnot longindeterminingwithinhimself that thismustbeColonelDiver's son; the hope of the family, and future mainspring of the RowdyJournal. Indeedhehadbegun tosay thathepresumed thiswas thecolonel'slittleboy,andthatitwasverypleasanttoseehimplayingatEditorinalltheguilelessnessofchildhood,whenthecolonelproudlyinterposedandsaid:

'MyWarCorrespondent,sir—MrJeffersonBrick!'

Martin could not help starting at this unexpected announcement, and theconsciousnessoftheirretrievablemistakehehadnearlymade.

MrBrick seemedpleasedwith the sensationheproducedupon the stranger,andshookhandswithhim,withanairofpatronagedesignedtoreassurehim,andtolethimblowthattherewasnooccasiontobefrightened,forhe(Brick)wouldn'thurthim.

'YouhaveheardofJeffersonBrick,Isee,sir,'quoththecolonel,withasmile.'Englandhas heard of JeffersonBrick.Europehas heardof JeffersonBrick.Letmesee.WhendidyouleaveEngland,sir?'

'Fiveweeksago,'saidMartin.

'Fiveweeksago,'repeatedthecolonel,thoughtfully;ashetookhisseatuponthe table,andswunghis legs. 'Now letmeaskyou, sirwhichofMrBrick's

articleshadbecomeatthattimethemostobnoxioustotheBritishParliamentandtheCourtofSaintJames's?'

'Uponmyword,'saidMartin,'I—'

'Ihavereasontoknow,sir,'interruptedthecolonel,'thatthearistocraticcirclesofyourcountryquailbeforethenameofJeffersonBrick.Ishouldliketobeinformed,sir,fromyourlips,whichofhissentimentshasstruckthedeadliestblow—'

'AtthehundredheadsoftheHydraofCorruptionnowgrovellinginthedustbeneaththelanceofReason,andspoutinguptotheuniversalarchaboveus,its sanguinary gore,' saidMrBrick, putting on a little blue cloth capwith aglazedfront,andquotinghislastarticle.

'Thelibationoffreedom,Brick'—hintedthecolonel.

'—Must sometimesbequaffed inblood, colonel,' criedBrick.Andwhenhesaid 'blood,'hegavethegreatpairofscissorsasharpsnap,as ifTHEYsaidbloodtoo,andwerequiteofhisopinion.

Thisdone,theybothlookedatMartin,pausingforareply.

'Uponmy life,' saidMartin,whohad by this time quite recovered his usualcoolness,'Ican'tgiveyouanysatisfactoryinformationaboutit;forthetruthisthatI—'

'Stop!'criedthecolonel,glancingsternlyathiswarcorrespondentandgivinghis head one shake after every sentence. 'That you never heard of JeffersonBrick, sir. That you never read JeffersonBrick, sir. That you never saw theRowdyJournal,sir.Thatyouneverknew,sir,ofitsmightyinfluenceuponthecabinetsofEurope.Yes?'

'That'swhatIwasabouttoobserve,certainly,'saidMartin.

'Keepcool,Jefferson,'saidthecolonelgravely.'Don'tbust!ohyouEuropeans!Afterthat,let'shaveaglassofwine!'Sosaying,hegotdownfromthetable,andproduced,fromabasketoutsidethedoor,abottleofchampagne,andthreeglasses.

'Mr JeffersonBrick, sir,' said thecolonel, fillingMartin'sglassandhisown,andpushingthebottletothatgentleman,'willgiveusasentiment.'

'Well,sir!'criedthewarcorrespondent,'Sinceyouhaveconcludedtocalluponme,Iwill respond.Iwillgiveyou,sir,TheRowdyJournaland itsbrethren;thewell ofTruth,whosewaters are black frombeing composedof printers'ink, but are quite clear enough formy country to behold the shadowof herDestinyreflectedin.'

'Hear, hear!' cried the colonel, with great complacency. 'There are flowerycomponents,sir,inthelanguageofmyfriend?'

'Verymuchso,indeed,'saidMartin.

'There is to-day's Rowdy, sir,' observed the colonel, handing him a paper.'You'llfindJeffersonBrickathisusualpost inthevanofhumancivilizationandmoralpurity.'

Thecolonelwasbythistimeseatedonthetableagain.MrBrickalsotookupapositiononthatsamepieceoffurniture;andtheyfelltodrinkingprettyhard.TheyoftenlookedatMartinashereadthepaper,andthenateachother.Whenhe laid it down,whichwas not until they had finished a second bottle, thecolonelaskedhimwhathethoughtofit.

'Why,it'shorriblypersonal,'saidMartin.

Thecolonelseemedmuchflatteredbythisremark;andsaidhehopeditwas.

'Weareindependenthere,sir,'saidMrJeffersonBrick.'Wedoaswelike.'

'If I may judge from this specimen,' returnedMartin, 'there must be a fewthousandshere,ratherthereverseofindependent,whodoastheydon'tlike.'

'Well!Theyyield to thepopularmindof thePopular Instructor,sir,' said thecolonel. 'They rile up, sometimes; but in general we have a hold upon ourcitizens, both in public and in private life, which is as much one of theennoblinginstitutionsofourhappycountryas—'

'Asniggerslaveryitself,'suggestedMrBrick.

'En—tirelyso,'remarkedthecolonel.

'Pray,'saidMartin,aftersomehesitation,'mayIventuretoask,withreferencetoacaseIobserveinthispaperofyours,whetherthePopularInstructoroftendealsin—Iamatalosstoexpressitwithoutgivingyouoffence—inforgery?Inforgedletters,forinstance,'hepursued,forthecolonelwasperfectlycalmand quite at his ease, 'solemnly purporting to have been written at recentperiodsbylivingmen?'

'Well,sir!'repliedthecolonel.'Itdoes,nowandthen.'

'Andthepopularinstructed—whatdotheydo?'askedMartin.

'Buy'em:'saidthecolonel.

MrJeffersonBrickexpectoratedandlaughed;theformercopiously,thelatterapprovingly.

'Buy 'em by hundreds of thousands,' resumed the colonel. 'We are a smartpeoplehere,andcanappreciatesmartness.'

'IssmartnessAmericanforforgery?'askedMartin.

'Well!'saidthecolonel,'Iexpectit'sAmericanforagoodmanythingsthatyoucallbyothernames.Butyoucan'thelpyourselfinEurope.Wecan.'

'And do, sometimes,' thought Martin. 'You help yourselves with very littleceremony,too!'

'Atallevents,whatevernamewechoosetoemploy,'saidthecolonel,stoopingdowntorollthethirdemptybottleintoacorneraftertheothertwo,'Isupposetheartofforgerywasnotinventedheresir?'

'Isupposenot,'repliedMartin.

'NoranyotherkindofsmartnessIreckon?'

'Invented!No,Ipresumenot.'

'Well!' said thecolonel; 'thenwegot it all from theoldcountry, and theoldcountry'stoblameforit,andnotthenew'un.There'sanendofTHAT.Now,ifMrJeffersonBrickandyouwillbesogoodastoclear,I'llcomeoutlast,andlockthedoor.'

Rightly interpreting this as the signal for their departure, Martin walkeddownstairsafterthewarcorrespondent,whoprecededhimwithgreatmajesty.Thecolonel following, they left theRowdy JournalOffice andwalked forthintothestreets;Martinfeelingdoubtfulwhetherheoughttokickthecolonelforhavingpresumedtospeaktohim,orwhetheritcamewithintheboundsofpossibilitythatheandhisestablishmentcouldbeamongtheboastedusagesofthatregeneratedland.

ItwasclearthatColonelDiver,inthesecurityofhisstrongposition,andinhisperfectunderstandingofthepublicsentiment,caredverylittlewhatMartinoranybodyelsethoughtabouthim.Hishigh-spicedwaresweremadetosell,andtheysold;andhisthousandsofreaderscouldasrationallychargetheirdelightinfilthuponhim,asagluttoncanshiftuponhiscooktheresponsibilityofhisbeastlyexcess.Nothingwouldhavedelightedthecolonelmorethantobetoldthat no suchman as he couldwalk in high success the streets of any othercountryintheworld;forthatwouldonlyhavebeenalogicalassurancetohimofthecorrectadaptationofhislabourstotheprevailingtaste,andofhisbeingstrictlyandpeculiarlyanationalfeatureofAmerica.

Theywalkedamileormorealongahandsomestreetwhichthecolonelsaidwas called Broadway, and which Mr Jefferson Brick said 'whipped the

universe.'Turning,atlength,intooneofthenumerousstreetswhichbranchedfromthismainthoroughfare,theystoppedbeforearathermean-lookinghousewithjalousieblindstoeverywindow;aflightofstepsbeforethegreenstreet-door; a shining white ornament on the rails on either side like a petrifiedpineapple,polished;alittleoblongplateofthesamematerialovertheknockerwhereonthenameof'Pawkins'wasengraved;andfouraccidentalpigslookingdownthearea.

Thecolonelknockedatthishousewiththeairofamanwholivedthere;andanIrishgirlpoppedherheadoutofoneofthetopwindowstoseewhoitwas.Pendingherjourneydownstairs,thepigswerejoinedbytwoorthreefriendsfrom the next street, in companywithwhom they lay down sociably in thegutter.

'Isthemajorindoors?'inquiredthecolonel,asheentered.

'Isitthemaster,sir?'returnedthegirl,withahesitationwhichseemedtoimplythattheywereratherflushofmajorsinthatestablishment.

'Themaster!'saidColonelDiver,stoppingshortandlookingroundathiswarcorrespondent.

'Oh!ThedepressinginstitutionsofthatBritishempire,colonel!'saidJeffersonBrick.'Master!'

'What'sthematterwiththeword?'askedMartin.

'Ishouldhopeitwasneverheardinourcountry,sir;that'sall,'saidJeffersonBrick;'exceptwhenitisusedbysomedegradedHelp,asnewtotheblessingsofourformofgovernment,asthisHelpis.Therearenomastershere.'

'All"owners,"arethey?'saidMartin.

Mr Jefferson Brick followed in the Rowdy Journal's footsteps withoutreturninganyanswer.Martintookthesamecourse,thinkingashewent,thatperhapsthefreeandindependentcitizens,whointheirmoralelevation,ownedthe colonel for their master, might render better homage to the goddess,Liberty,innightlydreamsupontheovenofaRussianSerf.

Thecolonelledthewayintoaroomatthebackofthehouseupontheground-floor, light, and of fair dimensions, but exquisitely uncomfortable; havingnothinginitbutthefourcoldwhitewallsandceiling,ameancarpet,adrearywasteofdining-tablereachingfromendtoend,andabewilderingcollectionof cane-bottomed chairs. In the further region of this banqueting-hallwas astove,garnishedoneithersidewithagreatbrassspittoon,andshapedinitselflike three little ironbarrelssetuponendinafender,andjoinedtogetherontheprincipleoftheSiameseTwins.Beforeit,swinginghimselfinarocking-

chair, lounged a large gentleman with his hat on, who amused himself byspitting alternately into the spittoon on the right hand of the stove, and thespittoonontheleft,andthenworkinghiswaybackagaininthesameorder.Anegroladinasoiledwhitejacketwasbusilyengagedinplacingonthetabletwolongrowsofknivesandforks,relievedatintervalsbyjugsofwater;andashe travelleddownone sideof this festiveboard,he straightenedwithhisdirtyhandsthedirtiercloth,whichwasallaskew,andhadnotbeenremovedsincebreakfast.Theatmosphereofthisroomwasrenderedintenselyhotandstiflingbythestove;butbeingfurtherflavouredbyasicklygushofsoupfromthekitchen,andbysuchremotesuggestionsoftobaccoaslingeredwithinthebrazenreceptaclesalreadymentioned,itbecame,toastranger'ssenses,almostinsupportable.

Thegentlemanintherocking-chairhavinghisbacktowardsthem,andbeingmuch engaged in his intellectual pastime, was not aware of their approachuntil the colonel, walking up to the stove, contributed hismite towards thesupportoftheleft-handspittoon,justasthemajor—foritwasthemajor—boredownuponit.MajorPawkinsthenreservedhisfire,andlookingupward,said,withapeculiarairofquietweariness,likeamanwhohadbeenupallnight—anairwhichMartinhadalreadyobservedbothinthecolonelandMrJeffersonBrick—

'Well,colonel!'

'Here is a gentleman from England, major,' the colonel replied, 'who hasconcludedtolocatehimselfhereiftheamountofcompensationsuitshim.'

'Iamgladtoseeyou,sir,'observedthemajor,shakinghandswithMartin,andnotmovingamuscleofhisface.'Youareprettybright,Ihope?'

'Neverbetter,'saidMartin.

'You are never likely to be,' returned themajor. 'Youwill see the sun shineHERE.'

'I think I remember to have seen it shine at home sometimes,' saidMartin,smiling.

'Ithinknot,'repliedthemajor.Hesaidsowithastoicalindifferencecertainly,but still in a tone of firmnesswhich admitted of no further dispute on thatpoint.Whenhehadthussettledthequestion,heputhishatalittleononesidefor thegreater convenienceof scratchinghishead, and salutedMr JeffersonBrickwithalazynod.

MajorPawkins(agentlemanofPennsylvanianorigin)wasdistinguishedbyavery largeskull,andagreatmassofyellowforehead; indeference towhichcommoditiesitwascurrentlyheldinbar-roomsandothersuchplacesofresort

thatthemajorwasamanofhugesagacity.Hewasfurthertobeknownbyaheavyeyeandadull slowmanner;and forbeingamanof thatkindwho—mentallyspeaking—requiresadealofroomtoturnhimselfin.But,intradingonhisstockofwisdom,heinvariablyproceededontheprincipleofputtingallthegoodshehad(andmore)intohiswindow;andthatwentagreatwaywithhisconstituencyofadmirers.Itwentagreatway,perhaps,withMrJeffersonBrick,whotookoccasiontowhisperinMartin'sear:

'Oneofthemostremarkablemeninourcountry,sir!'

Itmustnotbesupposed,however,thattheperpetualexhibitioninthemarket-placeofallhisstock-in-tradeforsaleorhire,wasthemajor'ssoleclaimtoaverylargeshareofsympathyandsupport.Hewasagreatpolitician;andtheone article of his creed, in reference to all public obligations involving thegood faith and integrity of his country, was, 'run amoist pen slick througheverything,andstartfresh.'Thismadehimapatriot.Incommercialaffairshewasaboldspeculator.Inplainerwordshehadamostdistinguishedgeniusforswindling,andcouldstartabank,ornegotiatealoan,orformaland-jobbingcompany(entailingruin,pestilence,anddeath,onhundredsoffamilies),withany gifted creature in the Union. This made him an admirable man ofbusiness.Hecouldhangaboutabar-room,discussingtheaffairsofthenation,for twelve hours together; and in that time could hold forth with moreintolerable dulness, chew more tobacco, smoke more tobacco, drink morerum-toddy,mint-julep,gin-sling,andcocktail, thananyprivategentlemanofhisacquaintance.Thismadehimanoratorandamanofthepeople.Inaword,themajorwasarisingcharacter,andapopularcharacter,andwasinafairwaytobesentbythepopularpartytotheStateHouseofNewYork,ifnotintheend toWashington itself.But as aman's private prosperity does not alwayskeep pace with his patriotic devotion to public affairs; and as fraudulenttransactionshavetheirdownsaswellasups,themajorwasoccasionallyundera cloud. Hence, just now Mrs Pawkins kept a boarding-house, and MajorPawkinsrather'loafed'histimeawaythanotherwise.

'You have come to visit our country, sir, at a season of great commercialdepression,'saidthemajor.

'Atanalarmingcrisis,'saidthecolonel.

'Ataperiodofunprecedentedstagnation,'saidMrJeffersonBrick.

'Iamsorrytohearthat,'returnedMartin.'It'snotlikelytolast,Ihope?'

MartinknewnothingaboutAmerica,orhewouldhaveknownperfectlywellthat if its individual citizens, to a man, are to be believed, it always ISdepressed,andalwaysISstagnated,andalwaysISatanalarmingcrisis,andneverwasotherwise;thoughasabodytheyarereadytomakeoathuponthe

Evangelists at any hour of the day or night, that it is themost thriving andprosperousofallcountriesonthehabitableglobe.

'It'snotlikelytolast,Ihope?'saidMartin.

'Well!' returned themajor, 'I expectwe shall get along somehow, and comerightintheend.'

'Weareanelasticcountry,'saidtheRowdyJournal.

'Weareayounglion,'saidMrJeffersonBrick.

'Wehave revivifyingandvigorousprincipleswithinourselves,' observed themajor.'Shallwedrinkabitteraforedinner,colonel?'

The colonel assenting to this proposal with great alacrity, Major Pawkinsproposedanadjournmenttoaneighbouringbar-room,which,asheobserved,was 'only in thenextblock.'He then referredMartin toMrsPawkins forallparticulars connectedwith the rate of board and lodging, and informed himthat hewould have the pleasure of seeing that lady at dinner,whichwouldsoonbeready,asthedinnerhourwastwoo'clock,anditonlywantedaquarternow.Thisremindedhimthatifthebitterweretobetakenatall,therewasnotime to lose; so hewalked offwithoutmore ado, and left them to follow iftheythoughtproper.

Whenthemajorrosefromhisrocking-chairbeforethestove,andsodisturbedthehot air andbalmywhiffof soupwhich fanned theirbrows, theodourofstale tobacco became so decidedly prevalent as to leave no doubt of itsproceeding mainly from that gentleman's attire. Indeed, as Martin walkedbehindhimto thebar-room,hecouldnothelp thinking that thegreatsquaremajor, in his listlessness and langour, looked very much like a stale weedhimself;suchasmightbehoedoutofthepublicgarden,withgreatadvantagetothedecentgrowthofthatpreserve,andtossedonsomecongenialdunghill.

Theyencounteredmoreweedsinthebar-room,someofwhom(beingthirstysouls as well as dirty) were pretty stale in one sense, and pretty fresh inanother. Among them was a gentleman who, as Martin gathered from theconversationthat tookplaceoverthebitter,startedthatafternoonfortheFarWestonasixmonths'businesstour,andwho,ashisoutfitandequipmentforthis journey,had justsuchanothershinyhatand justsuchanother littlepalevaliseashadcomposedtheluggageofthegentlemanwhocamefromEnglandintheScrew.

Theywerewalkingbackveryleisurely;Martinarm-in-armwithMrJeffersonBrick,andthemajorandthecolonelside-by-sidebeforethem;when,astheycamewithinahouseortwoofthemajor'sresidence,theyheardabellringingviolently. The instant this sound struck upon their ears, the colonel and the

major dartedoff, dashedup the steps and in at the street-door (which stoodajar)likelunatics;whileMrJeffersonBrick,detachinghisarmfromMartin's,madeaprecipitatediveinthesamedirection,andvanishedalso.

'GoodHeaven!' thoughtMartin. 'The premises are on fire! It was an alarmbell!'

Buttherewasnosmoketobeseen,noranyflame,norwasthereanysmelloffire.AsMartin falteredon thepavement, threemoregentlemen,withhorrorand agitation depicted in their faces, came plungingwildly round the streetcorner;jostledeachotheronthesteps;struggledforaninstant;andrushedintothe house, a confused heap of arms and legs.Unable to bear it any longer,Martinfollowed.Eveninhisrapidprogresshewasrundown,thrustaside,andpassed, by two more gentlemen, stark mad, as it appeared, with fierceexcitement.

'Where is it?' criedMartin,breathlessly, toanegrowhomheencountered inthepassage.

'Inaeatinroom,sa.Kernell,sa,himkepaseat'sidehimself,sa.'

'Aseat!'criedMartin.

'Foradinnar,sa.'

Martinstartedathimforamoment,andburstintoaheartylaugh;towhichthenegro, out of his natural good humour and desire to please, so heartilyresponded, that his teeth shone like a gleamof light. 'You're the pleasantestfellowIhaveseenyet,'saidMartinclappinghimontheback,'andgivemeabetterappetitethanbitters.'

With this sentimenthewalked into thedining-roomandslipped intoachairnextthecolonel,whichthatgentleman(bythistimenearlythroughhisdinner)hadturneddowninreserveforhim,withitsbackagainstthetable.

Itwasanumerouscompany—eighteenortwentyperhaps.Ofthesesomefiveorsixwereladies,whosatwedgedtogetherinalittlephalanxbythemselves.Alltheknivesandforkswereworkingawayataratethatwasquitealarming;veryfewwordswerespoken;andeverybodyseemedtoeathisutmostinself-defence, as if a famine were expected to set in before breakfast time to-morrowmorning,andithadbecomehightimetoassertthefirstlawofnature.Thepoultry,whichmayperhapsbeconsideredtohaveformedthestapleoftheentertainment—fortherewasaturkeyatthetop,apairofducksatthebottom,andtwofowlsinthemiddle—disappearedasrapidlyasifeverybirdhadhadtheuseofitswings,andhadflownindesperationdownahumanthroat.Theoysters, stewedandpickled, leaped from their capacious reservoirs, and slidby scores into the mouths of the assembly. The sharpest pickles vanished,

wholecucumbersatonce,likesugar-plums,andnomanwinkedhiseye.Greatheapsofindigestiblemattermeltedawayasicebeforethesun.Itwasasolemnandanawfulthingtosee.Dyspepticindividualsboltedtheirfoodinwedges;feeding, not themselves, but broods of nightmares, who were continuallystandingat liverywithin them.Sparemen,with lankandrigidcheeks,cameoutunsatisfiedfromthedestructionofheavydishes,andglaredwithwatchfuleyesuponthepastry.WhatMrsPawkinsfelteachdayatdinner-timeishiddenfromallhumanknowledge.Butshehadonecomfort.Itwasverysoonover.

When the colonel had finished his dinner, which event took place whileMartin,whohadsenthisplateforsometurkey,waswaitingtobegin,heaskedhimwhathe thoughtof theboarders,whowere fromallpartsof theUnion,andwhetherhewouldliketoknowanyparticularsconcerningthem.

'Pray,'saidMartin,'whoisthatsicklylittlegirlopposite,withthetightroundeyes?Idon't seeanybodyhere,who looks likehermother,orwhoseems tohavechargeofher.'

'Doyoumeanthematroninblue,sir?'askedthecolonel,withemphasis.'ThatisMrsJeffersonBrick,sir.'

'No,no,'saidMartin,'Imeanthelittlegirl,likeadoll;directlyopposite.'

'Well,sir!'criedthecolonel.'THATisMrsJeffersonBrick.'

Martinglancedatthecolonel'sface,buthewasquiteserious.

'Blessmysoul!IsupposetherewillbeayoungBrickthen,oneofthesedays?'saidMartin.

'TherearetwoyoungBricksalready,sir,'returnedthecolonel.

Thematronlookedsouncommonlylikeachildherself,thatMartincouldnothelp saying as much. 'Yes, sir,' returned the colonel, 'but some institutionsdevelophumannatur;othersre—tardit.'

'Jefferson Brick,' he observed after a short silence, in commendation of hiscorrespondent,'isoneofthemostremarkablemeninourcountry,sir!'

Thishadpassedalmostinawhisper,forthedistinguishedgentlemanalludedtosatonMartin'sotherhand.

'Pray,MrBrick,'saidMartin,turningtohim,andaskingaquestionmoreforconversation's sake than from any feeling of interest in its subject, 'who isthat;'hewasgoing tosay 'young'but thought itprudent toeschewtheword—'thatveryshortgentlemanyonder,withtherednose?'

'ThatisPro—fessorMullit,sir,'repliedJefferson.

'MayIaskwhatheisprofessorof?'askedMartin.

'Ofeducation,sir,'saidJeffersonBrick.

'Asortofschoolmaster,possibly?'Martinventuredtoobserve.

'Heisamanoffinemoralelements,sir,andnotcommonlyendowed,'saidthewar correspondent. 'He felt it necessary, at the last election forPresident, torepudiate anddenouncehis father,whovotedon thewrong interest.Hehassincewritten some powerful pamphlets, under the signature of "Suturb," orBrutusreversed.Heisoneofthemostremarkablemeninourcountry,sir.'

'Thereseemtobeplentyof'em,'thoughtMartin,'atanyrate.'

PursuinghisinquiriesMartinfoundthattherewerenofewerthanfourmajorspresent, two colonels, one general, and a captain, so that he could not helpthinkinghowstronglyofficeredtheAmericanmilitiamustbe;andwonderingvery much whether the officers commanded each other; or if they did not,where on earth the privates came from. There seemed to be no man therewithoutatitle;forthosewhohadnotattainedtomilitaryhonourswereeitherdoctors,professors,orreverends.ThreeveryhardanddisagreeablegentlemenwereonmissionsfromneighbouringStates;oneonmonetaryaffairs,oneonpolitical, oneon sectarian.Among the ladies, therewereMrsPawkins,whowas very straight, bony, and silent; and a wiry-faced old damsel, who heldstrongsentimentstouchingtherightsofwomen,andhaddiffusedthesameinlectures; but the restwere strangely devoid of individual traits of character,insomuchthatanyoneofthemmighthavechangedmindswiththeother,andnobodywouldhavefounditout.These,bytheway,weretheonlymembersofthepartywhodidnotappeartobeamongthemostremarkablepeopleinthecountry.

Several of the gentlemen got up, one by one, and walked off as theyswallowedtheirlastmorsel;pausinggenerallybythestoveforaminuteorsoto refresh themselves at the brass spittoons. A few sedentary characters,however,remainedattablefullaquarterofanhour,anddidnotriseuntiltheladiesrose,whenallstoodup.

'Wherearetheygoing?'askedMartin,intheearofMrJeffersonBrick.

'Totheirbedrooms,sir.'

'Istherenodessert,orotherintervalofconversation?'askedMartin,whowasdisposedtoenjoyhimselfafterhislongvoyage.

'Weareabusypeoplehere,sir,andhavenotimeforthat,'wasthereply.

So the ladies passed out in single file; Mr Jefferson Brick and such othermarried gentlemen as were left, acknowledging the departure of their other

halves by a nod; and there was an end of THEM. Martin thought this anuncomfortable custom, but he kept his opinion to himself for the present,being anxious to hear, and inform himself by, the conversation of the busygentlemen,who now lounged about the stove as if a greatweight had beentaken off their minds by the withdrawal of the other sex; and whomade aplentifuluseofthespittoonsandtheirtoothpicks.

Itwasratherbarrenofinterest,tosaythetruth;andthegreaterpartofitmaybe summedup inoneword.Dollars.All their cares, hopes, joys, affections,virtues,andassociations,seemedtobemelteddownintodollars.Whateverthechancecontributions that fell into theslowcauldronof their talk, theymadethe gruel thick and slab with dollars. Men were weighed by their dollars,measuresgaugedbytheirdollars;lifewasauctioneered,appraised,putup,andknockeddown for its dollars.The next respectable thing to dollarswas anyventurehavingtheirattainmentforitsend.Themoreofthatworthlessballast,honourand fair-dealing,whichanymancastoverboard from the shipofhisGood Name and Good Intent, the more ample stowage-room he had fordollars.Makecommerceonehugelieandmightytheft.Defacethebannerofthenationforanidlerag;polluteitstarbystar;andcutoutstripebystripeasfromthearmofadegradedsoldier.Doanythingfordollars!WhatisaflagtoTHEM!

Onewhoridesatallhazardsoflimbandlifeinthechaseofafox,willprefertoriderecklesslyatmost times.Soitwaswith thesegentlemen.Hewasthegreatestpatriot,intheireyes,whobrawledtheloudest,andwhocaredtheleastfordecency.Hewastheirchampionwho,inthebrutalfuryofhisownpursuit,could cast no stigma upon them for the hot knavery of theirs. Thus,Martinlearnedinthefiveminutes'stragglingtalkaboutthestove,thattocarrypistolsintolegislativeassemblies,andswordsinsticks,andothersuchpeacefultoys;toseizeopponentsbythethroat,asdogsorratsmightdo;tobluster,bully,andoverbearbypersonalassailment;wereglowingdeeds.NotthrustsandstabsatFreedom,strikingfardeeperintoherHouseofLifethananysultan'sscimitarcouldreach;butrareincenseonheraltars,havingagratefulscentinpatrioticnostrils,andcurlingupwardtotheseventhheavenofFame.

Once or twice, when there was a pause, Martin asked such questions asnaturally occurred to him, being a stranger, about the national poets, thetheatre, literature, and the arts. But the information which these gentlemenwere in a condition to give him on such topics, did not extend beyond theeffusions of such master-spirits of the time as Colonel Diver,Mr JeffersonBrick,andothers;renowned,asitappeared,forexcellenceintheachievementofapeculiarstyleofbroadsideessaycalled'ascreamer.'

'Weareabusypeople,sir,'saidoneofthecaptains,whowasfromtheWest,'andhavenotimeforreadingmerenotions.Wedon'tmind'emiftheycometous in newspapers alongwith almighty strong stuff of another sort, but darn

yourbooks.'

Here the general, who appeared to grow quite faint at the bare thought ofreadinganythingwhichwasneithermercantilenorpolitical,andwasnotinanewspaper, inquired 'if any gentleman would drink some?' Most of thecompany,consideringthisaverychoiceandseasonableidea,loungedout,onebyone,tothebar-roominthenextblock.Thencetheyprobablywenttotheirstoresandcounting-houses;thencetothebar-roomagain,totalkoncemoreofdollars,andenlargetheirmindswiththeperusalanddiscussionofscreamers;andthenceeachmantosnoreinthebosomofhisownfamily.

'Whichwouldseem,'saidMartin,pursuingthecurrentofhisownthoughts,'tobetheprincipalrecreationtheyenjoyincommon.'Withthat,hefella-musingagain on dollars, demagogues, and bar-rooms; debating within himselfwhetherbusypeopleofthisclasswerereallyasbusyastheyclaimedtobe,oronlyhadaninaptitudeforsocialanddomesticpleasure.

It was a difficult question to solve; and themere fact of its being stronglypresentedtohismindbyallthathehadseenandheard,wasnotencouraging.Hesatdownatthedesertedboard,andbecomingmoreandmoredespondent,ashethoughtofalltheuncertaintiesanddifficultiesofhisprecarioussituation,sighedheavily.

Now, therehadbeenat thedinner-table amiddle-agedmanwith adark eyeandasunburntface,whohadattractedMartin'sattentionbyhavingsomethingveryengagingandhonest in the expressionofhis features; butofwhomhecould learn nothing from either of his neighbours, who seemed to considerhimquitebeneaththeirnotice.Hehadtakennopartintheconversationroundthestove,norhadhegoneforthwiththerest;andnow,whenheheardMartinsighforthethirdorfourthtime,heinterposedwithsomecasualremark,asifhedesired,withoutobtrudinghimselfuponastranger'snotice,toengagehimincheerful conversation if he could.Hismotivewas soobvious, andyet sodelicatelyexpressed,thatMartinfeltreallygratefultohim,andshowedhimsointhemannerofhisreply.

'Iwillnot askyou,' said thisgentlemanwitha smile, ashe roseandmovedtowardshim,'howyoulikemycountry,forIcanquiteanticipateyourfeelingonthatpoint.But,asIamanAmerican,andconsequentlyboundtobeginwithaquestion,I'llaskyouhowyoulikethecolonel?'

'Youaresoveryfrank,'returnedMartin, 'thatIhavenohesitationinsayingIdon't like him at all. Though Imust add that I am beholden to him for hiscivilityinbringingmehere—andarrangingformystay,onprettyreasonableterms,bytheway,'headded,rememberingthatthecolonelhadwhisperedhimtothateffect,beforegoingout.

'Notmuchbeholden,'saidthestrangerdrily.'Thecoloneloccasionallyboardspacket-ships,Ihaveheard,togleanthelatestinformationforhisjournal;andheoccasionallybrings strangers toboardhere, I believe,with aview to thelittlepercentagewhichattaches to thosegoodoffices;andwhich thehostessdeductsfromhisweeklybill.Idon'toffendyou,Ihope?'headded,seeingthatMartinreddened.

'Mydearsir,' returnedMartin,as theyshookhands, 'howis thatpossible! totellyouthetruth,I—am—'

'Yes?'saidthegentleman,sittingdownbesidehim.

'Iamratherataloss,sinceImustspeakplainly,'saidMartin,gettingthebetterofhishesitation,'toknowhowthiscolonelescapesbeingbeaten.'

'Well!Hehasbeenbeatenonceortwice,'remarkedthegentlemanquietly.'Heisoneofaclassofmen,inwhomourownFranklin,solongagoastenyearsbeforethecloseofthelastcentury,foresawourdangeranddisgrace.Perhapsyoudon'tknowthatFranklin,inverysevereterms,publishedhisopinionthatthosewhowereslanderedbysuchfellowsasthiscolonel,havingnosufficientremedyintheadministrationofthiscountry'slawsorinthedecentandright-minded feeling of its people, were justified in retorting on such publicnuisancesbymeansofastoutcudgel?'

'Iwas not aware of that,' saidMartin, 'but I amveryglad to know it, and Ithinkitworthyofhismemory;especially'—herehehesitatedagain.

'Goon,'saidtheother,smilingasifheknewwhatstuckinMartin'sthroat.

'Especially,' pursued Martin, 'as I can already understand that it may haverequiredgreatcourage,eveninhistime,towritefreelyonanyquestionwhichwasnotapartyoneinthisveryfreecountry.'

'Some courage, no doubt,' returned his new friend. 'Do you think it wouldrequireanytodoso,now?'

'IndeedIthinkitwould;andnotalittle,'saidMartin.

'Youareright.Soveryright,thatIbelievenosatiristcouldbreathethisair.Ifanother Juvenal or Swift could rise up among us to-morrow, he would behunteddown.Ifyouhaveanyknowledgeofourliterature,andcangivemethenameofanyman,Americanbornandbred,whohasanatomizedourfolliesasapeople, andnot as thisor thatparty; andwhohasescaped the foulest andmostbrutalslander,themostinveteratehatredandintolerantpursuit;itwillbea strangename inmyears,believeme. In somecases I couldname toyou,whereanativewriterhasventuredonthemostharmlessandgood-humouredillustrationsofourvicesordefects,ithasbeenfoundnecessarytoannounce,

that in a second edition the passage has been expunged, or altered, orexplainedaway,orpatchedintopraise.'

'Andhowhasthisbeenbroughtabout?'askedMartin,indismay.

'Thinkofwhatyouhaveseenandheard to-day,beginningwith thecolonel,'saidhisfriend,'andaskyourself.HowTHEYcameabout,isanotherquestion.Heaven forbid that they should be samples of the intelligence and virtue ofAmerica, but they come uppermost, and in great numbers, and too oftenrepresentit.Willyouwalk?'

Therewasacordialcandourinhismanner,andanengagingconfidencethatitwouldnotbeabused;amanlybearingonhisownpart,andasimplerelianceon the manly faith of a stranger; which Martin had never seen before. HelinkedhisarmreadilyinthatoftheAmericangentleman,andtheywalkedouttogether.

It was perhaps to men like this, his new companion, that a traveller ofhonouredname,whotrodthoseshoresnownearlyfortyyearsago,andwokeupon that soil, as many have done since, to blots and stains upon its highpretensions,which in thebrightnessofhisdistantdreamswere lost toview,appealedinthesewords—

'Oh,butforsuch,Columbia'sdaysweredone;

Rankwithoutripeness,quickenedwithoutsun,

Crudeatthesurface,rottenatthecore,

Herfruitswouldfallbeforeherspringwereo'er!'

CHAPTERSEVENTEEN

MARTINENLARGESHISCIRCLEOFAQUAINTANCE;INCREASESHISSTOCKOFWISDOM;ANDHASANEXCELLENTOPPORTUNITYOFCOMPARINGHISOWNEXPERIENCESWITH

THOSEOFLUMMYNEDOFTHELIGHTSALISBURY,ASRELATEDBYHISFRIENDMRWILLIAMSIMMONS

ItwascharacteristicofMartin,thatallthiswhilehehadeitherforgottenMarkTapleyascompletelyasiftherehadbeennosuchpersoninexistence,or,iffora moment the figure of that gentleman rose before his mental vision, haddismisseditassomethingbynomeansofapressingnature,whichmightbe

attendedtoby-and-bye,andcouldwaithisperfectleisure.But,beingnowinthe streets again, it occurred tohimas just comingwithin thebare limitsofpossibility thatMrTapleymight, incourseof time,growtiredofwaitingonthethresholdoftheRowdyJournalOffice,soheintimatedtohisnewfriend,thatiftheycouldconvenientlywalkinthatdirection,hewouldbegladtogetthispieceofbusinessoffhismind.

'Andspeakingofbusiness,'saidMartin,'mayIask,inorderthatImaynotbebehind-handwithquestionseither,whetheryouroccupationholdsyoutothiscity,orlikemyself,youareavisitorhere?'

'Avisitor,'repliedhisfriend.'Iwas"raised"intheStateofMassachusetts,andresidetherestill.Myhomeisinaquietcountrytown.Iamnotofteninthesebusyplaces;andmyinclinationtovisitthemdoesnotincreasewithourbetteracquaintance,Iassureyou.'

'Youhavebeenabroad?'askedMartin.

'Ohyes.'

'And, likemostpeoplewho travel, havebecomemore than ever attached toyourhomeandnativecountry,'saidMartin,eyeinghimcuriously.

'Tomyhome—yes,'rejoinedhisfriend.'TomynativecountryASmyhome—yes,also.'

'Youimplysomereservation,'saidMartin.

'Well,'returnedhisnewfriend,'ifyouaskmewhetherIcamebackherewithagreater relish formycountry's faults;with agreater fondness for thosewhoclaim (at the rateof somanydollars aday) tobeher friends;with a coolerindifferencetothegrowthofprinciplesamongusinrespectofpublicmattersandofprivatedealingsbetweenmanandman,theadvocacyofwhich,beyondthe foul atmosphereof a criminal trial,woulddisgraceyourownoldBaileylawyers;why,thenIanswerplainly,No.'

'Oh!'saidMartin;insoexactlythesamekeyashisfriend'sNo,thatitsoundedlikeanecho.

'If you ask me,' his companion pursued, 'whether I came back here bettersatisfiedwithastateofthingswhichbroadlydividessocietyintotwoclasses—whereof one, the great mass, asserts a spurious independence, mostmiserably dependent for itsmean existence on the disregard of humanizingconventionalitiesofmanner and social custom, so that the coarser aman is,themoredistinctlyitshallappealtohistaste;whiletheother,disgustedwiththe lowstandard thus setupandmadeadaptable toeverything, takes refugeamong the graces and refinements it can bring to bear on private life, and

leavesthepublicwealtosuchfortuneasmaybetideitinthepressanduproarofageneralscramble—thenagainIanswer,No.'

AndagainMartinsaid'Oh!'inthesameoddwayasbefore,beinganxiousanddisconcerted; not so much, to say the truth, on public grounds, as withreferencetothefadingprospectsofdomesticarchitecture.

'Inaword,'resumedtheother,'Idonotfindandcannotbelieveandthereforewillnotallow,thatweareamodelofwisdom,andanexampletotheworld,and the perfection of human reason, and a great deal more to the samepurpose,whichyoumayhearanyhourintheday;simplybecausewebeganourpoliticallifewithtwoinestimableadvantages.'

'Whatwerethey?'askedMartin.

'One,thatourhistorycommencedatsolateaperiodastoescapetheagesofbloodshedandcrueltythroughwhichothernationshavepassed;andsohadallthelightoftheirprobation,andnoneofitsdarkness.Theother,thatwehaveavastterritory,andnot—asyet—toomanypeopleonit.Thesefactsconsidered,wehavedonelittleenough,Ithink.'

'Education?'suggestedMartin,faintly.

'Pretty well on that head,' said the other, shrugging his shoulders, 'still nomightymattertoboastof;foroldcountries,anddespoticcountriestoo,havedoneasmuch,ifnotmore,andmadelessnoiseaboutit.WeshineoutbrightlyincomparisonwithEngland,certainly;buthers is averyextremecase.Youcomplimentedmeonmyfrankness,youknow,'headded,laughing.

'Oh!Iamnotatallastonishedatyourspeakingthusopenlywhenmycountryisinquestion,'returnedMartin.'Itisyourplain-speakinginreferencetoyourownthatsurprisesme.'

'You will not find it a scarce quality here, I assure you, saving among theColonelDivers,andJeffersonBricks,andMajorPawkinses; though thebestofusaresomethinglikethemaninGoldsmith'scomedy,whowouldn'tsufferanybody but himself to abuse his master. Come!' he added. 'Let us talk ofsomething else. You have come here on some design of improving yourfortune, I dare say; and I should grieve to put you out of heart. I am someyears older than you, besides; andmay, on a few trivial points, advise you,perhaps.'

Therewasnot theleastcuriosityorimpertinenceinthemannerofthisoffer,which was open-hearted, unaffected, and good-natured. As it was next toimpossiblethatheshouldnothavehisconfidenceawakenedbyadeportmentso prepossessing and kind,Martin plainly statedwhat had brought him intothoseparts,andevenmadetheverydifficultavowalthathewaspoor.Hedid

notsayhowpoor,itmustbeadmitted,ratherthrowingoffthedeclarationwithanairwhichmighthave implied thathehadmoneyenough for sixmonths,insteadof asmanyweeks; but poorhe saidhewas, andgrateful he saidhewouldbe,foranycounselthathisfriendwouldgivehim.

Itwouldnothavebeenverydifficultforanyonetosee;butitwasparticularlyeasy forMartin,whoseperceptionswere sharpenedbyhis circumstances, todiscern; that the stranger's face grew infinitely longer as the domestic-architectureprojectwasdeveloped.Nor,althoughhemadeagreatefforttobeas encouraging as possible, could he prevent his head from shaking onceinvoluntarily,asifitsaidinthevulgartongue,uponitsownaccount,'Nogo!'But he spoke in a cheerful tone, and said, that although therewas no suchopeningasMartinwished,inthatcity,hewouldmakeitmatterofimmediateconsideration and inquiry where one was most likely to exist; and then hemade Martin acquainted with his name, which was Bevan; and with hisprofession,whichwasphysic,thoughheseldomorneverpracticed;andwithothercircumstancesconnectedwithhimselfandfamily,whichfullyoccupiedthetime,untiltheyreachedtheRowdyJournalOffice.

MrTapleyappearedtobetakinghiseaseonthelandingofthefirstfloor;forsounds as of some gentleman established in that region whistling 'RuleBritannia'withallhismightandmain,greetedtheirearsbeforetheyreachedthehouse.Onascendingtothespotfromwhencethismusicproceeded,theyfound him recumbent in the midst of a fortification of luggage, apparentlyperforming his national anthem for the gratification of a grey-haired blackman,whosatononeoftheoutworks(aportmanteau),staringintentlyatMark,whileMark,withhisheadrecliningonhishand,returnedthecomplimentinathoughtful manner, and whistled all the time. He seemed to have recentlydined,forhisknife,acasebottle,andcertainbrokenmeatsinahandkerchief,laynearathand.Hehademployedaportionofhisleisureinthedecorationofthe Rowdy Journal door, whereon his own initials now appeared in lettersnearlyhalfafootlong,togetherwiththedayofthemonthinsmallertype;thewholesurroundedbyanornamentalborder,andlookingveryfreshandbold.

'Iwasa'mostafraidyouwaslost,sir!'criedMark,rising,andstoppingthetuneat that point where Britons generally are supposed to declare (when it iswhistled)thattheynever,never,never—

'Nothinggonewrong,Ihope,sir?'

'No,Mark.Where'syourfriend?'

'Themadwoman,sir?'saidMrTapley.'Oh!she'sallright,sir.'

'Didshefindherhusband?'

'Yes,sir.Leastwaysshe'sfoundhisremains,'saidMark,correctinghimself.

'Theman'snotdead,Ihope?'

'Notaltogetherdead,sir,'returnedMark; 'buthe'shadmorefeversandaguesthanisquitereconcilablewithbeingalive.Whenshedidn'tseehima-waitingforher,Ithoughtshe'dhavediedherself,Idid!'

'Washenothere,then?'

'HEwasn'there.Therewasafeebleoldshadowcomea-creepingdownatlast,asmuch likehis substancewhen sheknow'dhim,asyour shadowwhen it'sdrawnouttoitsveryfinestandlongestbythesun,islikeyou.Butitwashisremains,there'snodoubtaboutthat.Shetookonwithjoy,poorthing,asmuchasifithadbeenallofhim!'

'Hadheboughtland?'askedMrBevan.

'Ah!He'dboughtland,'saidMark,shakinghishead,'andpaidforittoo.Everysort of nateral advantage was connected with it, the agents said; and therecertainlywasONE,quiteunlimited.Noendtothewater!'

'It's a thing he couldn't have done without, I suppose,' observed Martin,peevishly.

'Certainlynot,sir.Thereitwas,anyway;alwaysturnedon,andnowater-rate.Independentof threeor four slimyold rivers closeby, it variedon the farmfromfourtosixfootdeepinthedryseason.Hecouldn'tsayhowdeepitwasintherainytime,forheneverhadanythinglongenoughtosounditwith.'

'Isthistrue?'askedMartinofhiscompanion.

'Extremelyprobable,'heanswered. 'SomeMississippiorMissouri lot, Idaresay.'

'However,'pursuedMark,'hecamefromI-don't-know-where-and-all,downtoNewYorkhere,tomeethiswifeandchildren;andtheystartedoffagaininasteamboat thisblessedafternoon, ashappy tobealongwitheachother as iftheyweregoingtoHeaven.Ishouldthinktheywas,prettystraight, ifImayjudgefromthepoorman'slooks.'

'And may I ask,' saidMartin, glancing, but not with any displeasure, fromMarktothenegro,'whothisgentlemanis?Anotherfriendofyours?'

'Whysir,'returnedMark,takinghimaside,andspeakingconfidentiallyinhisear,'he'samanofcolour,sir!'

'Doyou takemeforablindman,'askedMartin, somewhat impatiently, 'thatyouthink itnecessary to tellmethat,whenhis face is theblackest thateverwasseen?'

'No,no;whenIsayamanofcolour,'returnedMark,'Imeanthathe'sbeenoneofthemasthere'spictersofintheshops.Amanandabrother,youknow,sir,'saidMrTapley,favouringhismasterwithasignificantindicationofthefiguresooftenrepresentedintractsandcheapprints.

'Aslave!'criedMartin,inawhisper.

'Ah!'saidMarkinthesametone.'Nothingelse.Aslave.Why,whenthattheremanwasyoung—don'tlookathimwhileI'ma-tellingit—hewasshotintheleg;gashedinthearm;scoredinhislivelimbs,likecrimpedfish;beatenoutofshape;hadhisneckgalledwithanironcollar,andworeironringsuponhiswristsandankles.Themarksareonhimtothisday.WhenIwashavingmydinnerjustnow,hestrippedoffhiscoat,andtookawaymyappetite.'

'IsTHIStrue?'askedMartinofhisfriend,whostoodbesidethem.

'Ihavenoreasontodoubtit,'heanswered,shakinghishead'Itveryoftenis.'

'Blessyou,'saidMark,'Iknowitis,fromhearinghiswholestory.Thatmasterdied;sodidhissecondmasterfromhavinghisheadcutopenwithahatchetbyanotherslave,who,whenhe'ddoneit,wentanddrownedhimself;thenhegota better one; in years and years he saved up a littlemoney, and bought hisfreedom,whichhegotpretty cheapat last, onaccountofhis strengthbeingnearlygone,andhebeingill.Thenhecomehere.Andnowhe'sa-savinguptotreat himself, aforehedies, toone small purchase—it's nothing to speakof.Onlyhisowndaughter;that'sall!'criedMrTapley,becomingexcited.'Libertyforever!Hurrah!Hail,Columbia!'

'Hush!'criedMartin,clappinghishanduponhismouth;'anddon'tbeanidiot.Whatishedoinghere?'

'Waitingtotakeourluggageoffuponatruck,'saidMark.'He'dhavecomeforitby-and-bye,butIengagedhimforaveryreasonablecharge(outofmyownpocket)tositalongwithmeandmakemejolly;andIamjolly;andifIwasrichenoughtocontractwithhimtowaituponmeonceaday,tobelookedat,I'dneverbeanythingelse.'

ThefactmaycauseasolemnimpeachmentofMark'sveracity,butitmustbeadmitted nevertheless, that there was that in his face and manner at themoment,whichmilitatedstronglyagainstthisemphaticdeclarationofhisstateofmind.

'Lord love you, sir,' he added, 'they're so fond of Liberty in this part of theglobe,thattheybuyherandsellherandcarryhertomarketwith'em.They'vesuchapassionforLiberty,thattheycan'thelptakinglibertieswithher.That'swhatit'sowingto.'

'Verywell,' saidMartin,wishing to change the theme. 'Having come to thatconclusion,Mark,perhapsyou'llattendtome.Theplacetowhichtheluggageistogoisprintedonthiscard.MrsPawkins'sBoardingHouse.'

'MrsPawkins'sboarding-house,'repeatedMark.'Now,Cicero.'

'Isthathisname?'askedMartin

'That'shisname,sir,'rejoinedMark.Andthenegrogrinningassentfromundera leathern portmanteau, than which his own face was many shades deeper,hobbled downstairs with his portion of their worldly goods; Mark Tapleyhavingalreadygonebeforewithhisshare.

Martin and his friend followed them to the door below, and were about topursue theirwalk,when the latter stopped, and asked,with somehesitation,whetherthatyoungmanwastobetrusted?

'Mark!ohcertainly!withanything.'

'Youdon'tunderstandme—Ithinkhehadbettergowithus.He isanhonestfellow,andspeakshismindsoveryplainly.'

'Why, the fact is,' said Martin, smiling, 'that being unaccustomed to a freerepublic,heisusedtodoso.'

'I thinkhehadbettergowithus,' returned theother. 'Hemayget into sometrouble otherwise.This is not a slaveState; but I am ashamed to say that aspiritofToleranceisnotsocommonanywhereintheselatitudesastheform.Wearenotremarkableforbehavingverytemperatelytoeachotherwhenwediffer;buttostrangers!no,Ireallythinkhehadbettergowithus.'

Martincalledtohimimmediatelytobeoftheirparty;soCiceroandthetruckwentoneway,andtheythreewentanother.

They walked about the city for two or three hours; seeing it from the bestpoints of view, and pausing in the principal streets, and before such publicbuildings as Mr Bevan pointed out. Night then coming on apace, MartinproposedthattheyshouldadjourntoMrsPawkins'sestablishmentforcoffee;butinthishewasoverruledbyhisnewacquaintance,whoseemedtohavesethisheartoncarryinghim,thoughitwereonlyforanhour, to thehouseofafriendofhiswho livedhardby.Feeling (howeverdisinclinedhewas,beingweary) that itwouldbe inbad taste,andnotverygracious, toobject thathewasunintroduced,when thisopen-heartedgentlemanwasso ready tobehissponsor,Martin—for once in his life, at all events—sacrificed his ownwilland pleasure to the wishes of another, and consented with a fair grace. Sotravellinghaddonehimthatmuchgood,already.

MrBevanknockedatthedoorofaveryneathouseofmoderatesize,fromthe

parlour windows of which, lights were shining brightly into the now darkstreet.ItwasquicklyopenedbyamanwithsuchathoroughlyIrishface,thatitseemedasifheought,asamatterofrightandprinciple,tobeinrags,andcouldhaveno sort of business tobe looking cheerfully at anybodyoutof awholesuitofclothes.

CommendingMarktothecareofthisphenomenon—forsuchhemaybesaidtohavebeeninMartin'seyes—MrBevanledthewayintotheroomwhichhadshed its cheerfulness upon the street, towhose occupants he introducedMrChuzzlewitasagentlemanfromEngland,whoseacquaintancehehadrecentlyhad the pleasure to make. They gave him welcome in all courtesy andpoliteness; and in less than fiveminutes' time he found himself sitting verymuchathiseasebythefireside,andbecomingvastlywellacquaintedwiththewholefamily.

There were two young ladies—one eighteen; the other twenty—both veryslender, but very pretty; theirmother,who looked, asMartin thoughtmucholderandmorefadedthansheoughttohavelooked;andtheirgrandmother,alittle sharp-eyed,quickoldwoman,whoseemed tohavegotpast that stage,andtohavecomeallrightagain.Besidesthese, thereweretheyoungladies'father,andtheyoungladies'brother;thefirstengagedinmercantileaffairs;thesecond, a student at college; both, in a certain cordiality ofmanner, likehisown friend, and not unlike him in face.Whichwas no greatwonder, for itsoonappearedthathewastheirnearrelation.Martincouldnothelptracingthefamilypedigreefromthetwoyoungladies,becausetheywereforemostinhisthoughts;notonlyfrombeing,asaforesaid,verypretty,butbyreasonoftheirwearingmiraculouslysmallshoes,andthethinnestpossiblesilkstockings;thewhichtheirrocking-chairsdevelopedtoadistractingextent.

There is no doubt that it was a monstrous comfortable circumstance to besittinginasnug,well-furnishedroom,warmedbyacheerfulfire,andfullofvariouspleasantdecorations,includingfoursmallshoes,andthelikeamountof silk stockings, and—yes, why not?—the feet and legs therein enshrined.AndthereisnodoubtthatMartinwasmonstrouswell-disposedtoregardhisposition in that light, after his recent experience of the Screw, and of MrsPawkins's boarding-house. The consequencewas that hemade himself veryagreeable indeed; and by the time the tea and coffee arrived (with sweetpreserves,andcunningtea-cakesinitstrain),wasinahighlygenialstate,andmuchesteemedbythewholefamily.

Another delightful circumstance turned up before the first cup of tea wasdrunk.ThewholefamilyhadbeeninEngland.Therewasapleasantthing!ButMartinwas not quite so glad of this,when he found that they knew all thegreat dukes, lords, viscounts, marquesses, duchesses, knights, and baronets,quite affectionately, and were beyond everything interested in the leastparticular concerning them. However, when they asked, after the wearer of

thisor thatcoronet,andsaid, 'Washequitewell?'Martinanswered, 'Yes,ohyes.Neverbetter;'andwhentheysaid,'hislordship'smother,theduchess,wasshemuchchanged?'Martinsaid,'Ohdearno,theywouldknowheranywhere,iftheysawherto-morrow;'andsogotonprettywell.InlikemannerwhentheyoungladiesquestionedhimtouchingtheGoldFishinthatGrecianfountaininsuchandsuchanobleman'sconservatory,andwhethertherewereasmanyasthereusedtobe,hegravelyreported,aftermatureconsideration,thattheremustbeatleasttwiceasmany;andastotheexotics, 'Oh!well!itwasofnousetalkingaboutTHEM;theymustbeseentobebelieved;'whichimprovedstate of circumstances reminded the family of the splendour of that brilliantfestival (comprehending the whole British Peerage and Court Calendar) towhichtheywerespeciallyinvited,andwhichindeedhadbeenpartlygivenintheir honour; and recollections ofwhatMrNorris the father had said to themarquess,andofwhatMrsNorristhemotherhadsaidtothemarchioness,andofwhatthemarquessandmarchionesshadbothsaid,whentheysaidthatupontheirwordsandhonourstheywishedMrNorristhefatherandMrsNorristhemother, and theMissesNorris thedaughters, andMrNorris Junior, the son,wouldonlytakeuptheirpermanentresidenceinEngland,andgivethemthepleasureoftheireverlastingfriendship,occupiedaveryconsiderabletime.

Martinthoughtitratherstange,andinsomesortinconsistent,thatduringthewholeofthesenarrations,andintheverymeridianoftheirenjoymentthereof,bothMrNorris thefather,andMrNorrisJunior, theson(whocorresponded,every post, with four members of the English Peerage), enlarged upon theinestimable advantage of having no such arbitrary distinctions in thatenlightened land,where therewerenonoblemenbutnature'snoblemen, andwhereallsocietywasbasedononebroadlevelofbrotherlyloveandnaturalequality.Indeed,MrNorristhefathergraduallyexpandingintoanorationonthis swelling theme, was becoming tedious, when Mr Bevan diverted histhoughtsbyhappeningtomakesomecausalinquiryrelativetotheoccupierofthenexthouse;inreplytowhich,thissameMrNorristhefatherobserved,that'thatpersonentertainedreligiousopinionsofwhichhecouldn'tapprove;andtherefore he hadn't the honour of knowing the gentleman.' Mrs Norris themother added another reason of her own, the same in effect, but varying inwords;towit,thatshebelievedthepeoplewerewellenoughintheirway,buttheywerenotgenteel.

Another little trait came out, which impressed itself onMartin forcibly.MrBevantold themaboutMarkand thenegro,and then itappeared thatall theNorriseswereabolitionists.Itwasagreatrelieftohearthis,andMartinwassomuchencouragedonfindinghimself insuchcompany, thatheexpressedhissympathy with the oppressed and wretched blacks. Now, one of the youngladies—the prettiest and most delicate—was mightily amused at theearnestnesswithwhichhespoke;andonhiscravingleavetoaskherwhy,wasquiteunableforatimetospeakforlaughing.Assoonhoweverasshecould,

she told him that the negroes were such a funny people, so excessivelyludicrous in theirmannersandappearance, that itwaswholly impossibleforthosewho knew themwell, to associate any serious ideaswith such a veryabsurdpartof thecreation.MrNorris thefather,andMrsNorris themother,andMissNorris the sister, andMrNorris Junior the brother, and evenMrsNorrisSeniorthegrandmother,wereallofthisopinion,andlaiditdownasanabsolutematteroffact—asiftherewerenothinginsufferingandslavery,grimenough to cast a solemn air on any human animal; though it were asridiculous,physically,asthemostgrotesqueofapes,ormorally,asthemildestNimrodamongtuft-huntingrepublicans!

'Inshort,'saidMrNorristhefather,settlingthequestioncomfortably,'thereisanaturalantipathybetweentheraces.'

'Extending,' saidMartin's friend, in a lowvoice, 'to the cruellest of tortures,andthebargainandsaleofunborngenerations.'

MrNorristhesonsaidnothing,buthemadeawryface,anddustedhisfingersasHamletmightaftergettingridofYorick'sskull;justasthoughhehadthatmomenttouchedanegro,andsomeoftheblackhadcomeoffuponhishands.

Inorderthattheirtalkmightfallagainintoitsformerpleasantchannel,Martindropped the subject, with a shrewd suspicion that it would be a dangerousthemetoreviveunderthebestofcircumstances;andagainaddressedhimselfto the young ladies, who were very gorgeously attired in very beautifulcolours,andhadeveryarticleofdressonthesameextensivescaleasthelittleshoesandthethinsilkstockings.Thissuggestedtohimthat theyweregreatproficients in theFrench fashions,which soon turnedout tobe thecase, forthough their information appeared to be none of the newest, it was veryextensive;andtheeldestsisterinparticular,whowasdistinguishedbyatalentformetaphysics,thelawsofhydraulicpressure,andtherightsofhumankind,hadanovelwayofcombiningtheseacquirementsandbringingthemtobearonanysubjectfromMillinerytotheMillennium,bothinclusive,whichwasatonce improving and remarkable; so much so, in short, that it was usuallyobservedtoreduceforeignerstoastateoftemporaryinsanityinfiveminutes.

Martinfelthisreasongoing;andasameansofsavinghimself,besoughttheothersister(seeingapianointheroom)tosing.Withthisrequestshewillinglycomplied; and a bravura concert, solely sustained by the Misses Noriss,presently began. They sang in all languages—except their own. German,French,Italian,Spanish,Portuguese,Swiss;butnothingnative;nothingsolowas native. For, in this respect, languages are like many other travellers—ordinaryandcommonplaceenoughathome,but'speciallygenteelabroad.

ThereislittledoubtthatincourseoftimetheMissesNorriswouldhavecometo Hebrew, if they had not been interrupted by an announcement from the

Irishman,who,flingingopenthedoor,criedinaloudvoice—

'JiniralFladdock!'

'My!'criedthesisters,desistingsuddenly.'Thegeneralcomeback!'

As theymadetheexclamation, thegeneral,attired infulluniformforaball,came darting inwith such precipitancy that, hitching his boot in the carpet,and getting his sword between his legs, he came down headlong, andpresentedacuriouslittlebaldplaceonthecrownofhisheadtotheeyesoftheastonishedcompany.Norwas this theworstof it; forbeing rathercorpulentandverytight, thegeneralbeingdown,couldnotgetupagain,but lay therewrithinganddoingsuchthingswithhisboots,asthereisnootherinstanceofinmilitaryhistory.

Ofcoursetherewasanimmediaterushtohisassistance;andthegeneralwaspromptlyraised.Buthisuniformwassofearfullyandwonderfullymade,thathe cameup stiff andwithout a bend in him like a deadClown, and had nocommandwhateverofhimselfuntilhewasputquiteflatuponthesolesofhisfeet,whenhebecameanimatedasbyamiracle,andmovingedgewisethathemightgoinanarrowercompassandbeinlessdangeroffrayingthegoldlaceonhisepaulettesbybrushingthemagainstanything,advancedwithasmilingvisagetosalutetheladyofthehouse.

To be sure, it would have been impossible for the family to testify purerdelightandjoythanatthisunlooked-forappearanceofGeneralFladdock!Thegeneralwasaswarmlyreceivedas ifNewYorkhadbeen inastateofsiegeandnoothergeneralwastobegotforloveormoney.HeshookhandswiththeNorrisesthreetimesallround,andthenreviewedthemfromalittledistanceasabravecommandermight,withhisamplecloakdrawnforwardovertherightshoulderandthrownbackupontheleftsidetorevealhismanlybreast.

'AnddoIthen,'criedthegeneral,'onceagainbeholdthechoicestspiritsofmycountry!'

'Yes,'saidMrNorristhefather.'Hereweare,general.'

ThenalltheNorrisespressedroundthegeneral,inquiringhowandwherehehad been since the date of his letter, and how he had enjoyed himself inforeign parts, and particularly and above all, towhat extent he had becomeacquainted with the great dukes, lords, viscounts, marquesses, duchesses,knights, andbaronets, inwhom the people of those benighted countries haddelight.

'Well,then,don'taskme,'saidthegeneral,holdinguphishand.'Iwasamong'em all the time, and have got public journals in my trunk with my nameprinted'—he lowered his voice and was very impressive here—'among the

fashionablenews.But,oh,theconventionalitiesofthata-mazingEurope!'

'Ah!' cried Mr Norris the father, giving his head a melancholy shake, andlookingtowardsMartinasthoughhewouldsay,'Ican'tdenyit,sir.IwouldifIcould.'

'Thelimiteddiffusionofamoralsenseinthatcountry!'exclaimedthegeneral.'Theabsenceofamoraldignityinman!'

'Ah!'sighedalltheNorrises,quiteoverwhelmedwithdespondency.

'Icouldn'thaverealisedit,'pursuedthegeneral,'withoutbeinglocatedonthespot.Norris, your imagination is the imaginationof a strongman,butYOUcouldn'thaverealisedit,withoutbeinglocatedonthespot!'

'Never,'saidMrNorris.

'Theex-clusiveness,thepride,theform,theceremony,'exclaimedthegeneral,emphasizing the article more vigorously at every repetition. 'The artificialbarriers set up between man and man; the division of the human race intocourt cards and plain cards, of every denomination—into clubs, diamonds,spades—anythingbutheart!'

'Ah!'criedthewholefamily.'Tootrue,general!'

'But stay!' cried Mr Norris the father, taking him by the arm. 'Surely youcrossedintheScrew,general?'

'Well!soIdid,'wasthereply.

'Possible!'criedtheyoungladies.'Onlythink!'

ThegeneralseemedatalosstounderstandwhyhishavingcomehomeintheScrewshouldoccasionsuchasensation,nordidheseematallcleareronthesubjectwhenMrNorris,introducinghimtoMartin,said:

'Afellow-passengerofyours,Ithink?'

'Ofmine?'exclaimedthegeneral;'No!'

HehadneverseenMartin,butMartinhadseenhim,andrecognizedhim,nowthattheystoodfacetoface,asthegentlemanwhohadstuckhishandsinhispocketstowardstheendofthevoyage,andwalkedthedeckwithhisnostrilsdilated.

EverybodylookedatMartin.Therewasnohelpforit.Thetruthmustout.

'Icameoverinthesameshipasthegeneral,'saidMartin,'butnotinthesamecabin.Itbeingnecessaryformetoobservestricteconomy,Itookmypassage

inthesteerage.'

Ifthegeneralhadbeencarriedupbodilytoaloadedcannon,andrequiredtolet it off that moment, he could not have been in a state of greaterconsternation than when he heard these words. He, Fladdock—Fladdock infullmilitiauniform,FladdocktheGeneral,Fladdock, thecaressedofforeignnoblemen—expectedtoknowafellowwhohadcomeoverinthesteerageofline-of-packetship,atthecostoffourpoundten!AndmeetingthatfellowintheverysanctuaryofNewYorkfashion,andnestlinginthebosomoftheNewYorkaristocracy!Healmostlaidhishanduponhissword.

Adeath-likestillnessfellupontheNorisses.Ifthisstoryshouldgetwind,theircountryrelationhad,byhisimprudence,foreverdisgracedthem.Theywerethe bright particular stars of an exaltedNewYork sphere.Therewere otherfashionable spheres above them, and other fashionable spheres below, andnoneofthestarsinanyoneofthesesphereshadanythingtosaytothestarsinanyotherofthesespheres.But,throughallthespheresitwouldgoforththattheNorrises,deceivedbygentlemanlymannersandappearances,had,fallingfrom their high estate, 'received' a dollarless andunknownman.OguardianeagleofthepureRepublic,hadtheylivedforthis!

'Youwillallowme,' saidMartin,aftera terrible silence, 'to takemy leave. Ifeel that I am the cause of at least asmuch embarrassment here, as I havebrought upon myself. But I am bound, before I go, to exonerate thisgentleman,who,inintroducingmetosuchsociety,wasquiteignorantofmyunworthiness,Iassureyou.'

WiththathemadehisbowtotheNorrises,andwalkedoutlikeamanofsnow;verycoolexternally,butprettyhotwithin.

'Come, come,' said Mr Norris the father, looking with a pale face on theassembled circle as Martin closed the door, 'the young man has this nightbeheld a refinement of social manner, and an easy magnificence of socialdecoration, towhichhe isastranger inhisowncountry.Letushope itmayawakeamoralsensewithinhim.'

Ifthatpeculiarlytransatlanticarticle,amoralsense—for,ifnativestatesmen,orators,andpamphleteers,aretobebelieved,Americaquitemonopolisesthecommodity—if that peculiarly transatlantic article be supposed to include abenevolentloveofallmankind,certainlyMartin'swouldhaveborne,justthen,a deal ofwaking.As he strode along the street,withMark at his heels, hisimmoral sense was in active operation; prompting him to the utterance ofsome rather sanguinary remarks, which it was well for his own credit thatnobodyoverheard.Hehadsofarcooleddown,however,thathehadbeguntolaughattherecollectionoftheseincidents,whenheheardanotherstepbehindhim,andturningroundencounteredhisfriendBevan,quiteoutofbreath.

He drew his arm throughMartin's, and entreating him towalk slowly, wassilentforsomeminutes.Atlengthhesaid:

'Ihopeyouexoneratemeinanothersense?'

'Howdoyoumean?'askedMartin.

'Ihopeyouacquitmeofintendingorforeseeingtheterminationofourvisit.ButIscarcelyneedaskyouthat.'

'Scarcely indeed,' said Martin. 'I am the more beholden to you for yourkindness,whenIfindwhatkindofstuffthegoodcitizensherearemadeof.'

'Ireckon,'hisfriendreturned,'thattheyaremadeofprettymuchthesamestuffasotherfolks,iftheywouldbutownit,andnotsetuponfalsepretences.'

'Ingoodfaith,that'strue,'saidMartin.

'I dare say,' resumed his friend, 'youmight have such a scene as that in anEnglish comedy, and not detect any gross improbability or anomaly in thematterofit?'

'Yes,indeed!'

'Doubtlessitismoreridiculousherethananywhereelse,'saidhiscompanion;'butourprofessionsaretoblameforthat.SofarasImyselfamconcerned,Imayadd that Iwasperfectlyaware from the first thatyoucameover in thesteerage, for Ihad seen the listofpassengers, andknew itdidnot compriseyourname.'

'Ifeelmoreobligedtoyouthanbefore,'saidMartin.

'Norrisisaverygoodfellowinhisway,'observedMrBevan.

'Ishe?'saidMartindrily.

'Ohyes! thereareahundredgoodpoints abouthim. Ifyouor anybodyelseaddressed him as another order of being, and sued to him IN FORMAPAUPERIS,hewouldbeallkindnessandconsideration.'

'I needn't have travelled three thousand miles from home to find such acharacterasTHAT,'saidMartin.Neitherhenorhisfriendsaidanythingmoreon the way back; each appearing to find sufficient occupation in his ownthoughts.

Thetea,orthesupper,orwhateverelsetheycalledtheeveningmeal,wasoverwhen they reached the Major's; but the cloth, ornamented with a few

additionalsmearsandstains,wasstilluponthetable.AtoneendoftheboardMrsJeffersonBrickandtwootherladiesweredrinkingtea;outoftheordinarycourse, evidently, for theywere bonneted and shawled, and seemed to havejustcomehome.Bythelightofthreeflaringcandlesofdifferentlengths,inasmany candlesticks of different patterns, the room showed to almost as littleadvantageasinbroadday.

These ladieswereall three talking together inavery loudtonewhenMartinandhisfriendentered;butseeingthosegentlemen,theystoppeddirectly,andbecame excessively genteel, not to say frosty.As theywent on to exchangesomefewremarksinwhispers,theverywaterintheteapotmighthavefallentwentydegreesintemperaturebeneaththeirchillingcoldness.

'Haveyoubeentomeeting,MrsBrick?'askedMartin'sfriend,withsomethingofaroguishtwinkleinhiseye.

'Tolecture,sir.'

'Ibegyourpardon.Iforgot.Youdon'tgotomeeting,Ithink?'

HeretheladyontherightofMrsBrickgaveapiouscoughasmuchastosay'Ido!'—as,indeed,shedidnearlyeverynightintheweek.

'Agooddiscourse,ma'am?'askedMrBevan,addressingthislady.

Theladyraisedhereyesinapiousmanner,andanswered'Yes.'Shehadbeenmuchcomfortedbysomegood,strong,pepperydoctrine,whichsatisfactorilydisposedofallherfriendsandacquaintances,andquitesettledtheirbusiness.Her bonnet, too, had far outshone every bonnet in the congregation; so shewastranquilonallaccounts.

'Whatcourseoflecturesareyouattendingnow,ma'am?'saidMartin'sfriend,turningagaintoMrsBrick.

'ThePhilosophyoftheSoul,onWednesdays.'

'OnMondays?'

'ThePhilosophyofCrime.'

'OnFridays?'

'ThePhilosophyofVegetables.'

'You have forgotten Thursdays; the Philosophy of Government, my dear,'observedthethirdlady.

'No,'saidMrsBrick.'That'sTuesdays.'

'Soitis!'criedthelady.'ThePhilosophyofMatteronThursdays,ofcourse.'

'Yousee,MrChuzzlewit,ourladiesarefullyemployed,'saidBevan.

'Indeed you have reason to say so,' answered Martin. 'Between these verygrave pursuits abroad, and family duties at home, their timemust be prettywellengrossed.'

Martin stopped here, for he saw that the ladies regarded himwith no verygreat favour, thoughwhat he had done to deserve the disdainful expressionwhichappeared in their faceshewas at a loss todivine.Buton their goingupstairs to their bedrooms—which theyvery soondid—MrBevan informedhim that domestic drudgery was far beneath the exalted range of thesePhilosophers,andthatthechanceswereahundredtoonethatnotoneofthethreecouldperformtheeasiestwoman'sworkforherself,ormakethesimplestarticleofdressforanyofherchildren.

'Though whether they might not be better employed with such bluntinstrumentsasknitting-needlesthanwiththeseedge-tools,'hesaid,'isanotherquestion; but I can answer for one thing—they don't often cut themselves.Devotionsandlecturesareourballsandconcerts.Theygototheseplacesofresort, as an escape frommonotony; look at each other's clothes; and comehomeagain.'

'Whenyousay"home,"doyoumeanahouselikethis?'

'Veryoften.ButIseeyouaretiredtodeath,andwillwishyougoodnight.Wewilldiscussyourprojectsinthemorning.Youcannotbutfeelalreadythatitisuseless stayinghere,withanyhopeofadvancing them.Youwillhave togofurther.'

'Andtofareworse?'saidMartin,pursuingtheoldadage.

'Well,Ihopenot.Butsufficientfortheday,youknow—goodnight'

They shookhandsheartily and separated.As soonasMartinwas left alone,theexcitementofnoveltyandchangewhichhadsustainedhimthroughallthefatiguesoftheday,departed;andhefeltsothoroughlydejectedandwornout,thatheevenlackedtheenergytocrawlupstairstobed.

In twelve or fifteen hours, how great a change had fallen on his hopes andsanguineplans!Newandstrangeashewastothegroundonwhichhestood,andtotheairhebreathed,hecouldnot—recallingallthathehadcrowdedintothatoneday—butentertainastrongmisgivingthathisenterprisewasdoomed.Rash and ill-considered as it had often looked on shipboard, but had neverseemedonshore,itworeadismalaspect,now,thatfrightenedhim.Whateverthoughts he called up to his aid, they came upon him in depressing and

discouragingshapes,andgavehimnorelief.Eventhediamondsonhisfingersparkled with the brightness of tears, and had no ray of hope in all theirbrilliantlustre.

He continued to sit in gloomy rumination by the stove, unmindful of theboarderswhodroppedinonebyonefromtheirstoresandcounting-houses,orthe neighbouring bar-rooms, and, after taking long pulls from a greatwhitewaterjuguponthesideboard,andlingeringwithakindofhideousfascinationnear thebrassspittoons, loungedheavily tobed;untilat lengthMarkTapleycameandshookhimbythearm,supposinghimasleep.

'Mark!'hecried,starting.

'Allright,sir,'saidthatcheerfulfollower,snuffingwithhisfingersthecandlehebore.'Itain'taverylargebed,your'n,sir;andamanaswasn'tthirstymightdrink,aforebreakfast,allthewateryou'vegottowashin,andafterwardseatthetowel.Butyou'llsleepwithoutrockingto-night,sir.'

'I feelas if thehousewereonthesea'saidMartin,staggeringwhenherose;'andamutterlywretched.'

'I'masjollyasasandboy,myself,sir,'saidMark.'But,Lord,Ihavereasontobe! I ought to have been born here; that's my opinion. Take care how yougo'—for they were now ascending the stairs. 'You recollect the gentlemanaboardtheScrewashadtheverysmalltrunk,sir?'

'Thevalise?Yes.'

'Well,sir,there'sbeenadeliveryofcleanclothesfromthewashto-night,andthey're put outside thebedroomdoors here. If you takenotice aswegoup,whataveryfewshirtsthereare,andwhatamanyfronts,you'llpenetratethemysteryofhispacking.'

ButMartinwastoowearyanddespondenttotakeheedofanything,sohadnointerest in this discovery. Mr Tapley, nothing dashed by his indifference,conductedhimtothetopofthehouse,andintothebed-chamberpreparedforhisreception;whichwasaverylittlenarrowroom,withhalfawindowinit;abedsteadlikeachestwithoutalid;twochairs;apieceofcarpet,suchasshoesare commonly tried upon at a ready-made establishment inEngland; a littlelooking-glass nailed against the wall; and a washing-table, with a jug andewer,thatmighthavebeenmistakenforamilk-potandslop-basin.

'Isupposetheypolishthemselveswithadryclothinthiscountry,'saidMark.'They'vecertainlygotatouchofthe'phoby,sir.'

'Iwishyouwouldpulloffmybootsforme,'saidMartin,droppingintooneofthechairs'Iamquiteknockedup—deadbeat,Mark.'

'Youwon'tsaythatto-morrowmorning,sir,'returnedMrTapley;'norevento-night, sir,whenyou'vemadea trialof this.'Withwhichheproducedaverylarge tumbler,piledup to thebrimwith littleblocksofclear transparent ice,throughwhichoneortwothinslicesoflemon,andagoldenliquidofdeliciousappearance, appealed from the still depths below, to the loving eye of thespectator.

'Whatdoyoucallthis?'saidMartin.

ButMrTapleymade no answer;merely plunging a reed into themixture—whichcausedapleasantcommotionamongthepiecesofice—andsignifyingbyanexpressivegesturethatitwastobepumpedupthroughthatagencybytheenraptureddrinker.

Martintooktheglasswithanastonishedlook;appliedhislipstothereed;andcast up his eyes once in ecstasy. He paused no more until the goblet wasdrainedtothelastdrop.

'There,sir!'saidMark,takingitfromhimwithatriumphantface;'ifeveryoushouldhappentobedeadbeatagain,whenIain'tintheway,allyou'vegottodoistoaskthenearestmantogoandfetchacobbler.'

'Togoandfetchacobbler?'repeatedMartin.

'Thiswonderfulinvention,sir,'saidMark,tenderlypattingtheemptyglass,'iscalled a cobbler. Sherry cobblerwhen you name it long; cobbler,when youname it short. Now you're equal to having your boots took off, and are, ineveryparticularworthmentioning,anotherman.'

Havingdeliveredhimselfofthissolemnpreface,hebroughtthebootjack.

'Mind!Iamnotgoingtorelapse,Mark,'saidMartin;'but,goodHeaven,ifweshouldbeleftinsomewildpartofthiscountrywithoutgoodsormoney!'

'Well,sir!'repliedtheimperturbableTapley; 'fromwhatwe'veseenalready,Idon'tknowwhether,underthosecircumstances,weshouldn'tdobetterinthewildpartsthaninthetameones.'

'Oh,TomPinch,TomPinch!'saidMartin,inathoughtfultone;'whatwouldIgivetobeagainbesideyou,andabletohearyourvoice,thoughitwereevenintheoldbedroomatPecksniff's!'

'Oh, Dragon, Dragon!' echoed Mark, cheerfully, 'if there warn't any waterbetween you and me, and nothing faint-hearted-like in going back, I don'tknow that I mightn't say the same. But here am I, Dragon, in New York,America;andthereareyouinWiltshire,Europe;andthere'safortunetomake,Dragon,andabeautifulyoungladytomakeitfor;andwheneveryougotoseetheMonument,Dragon,youmustn'tgiveinonthedoorsteps,oryou'llnever

getuptothetop!'

'Wiselysaid,Mark,'criedMartin.'Wemustlookforward.'

'Inall thestory-booksaseverIread,sir, thepeopleaslookedbackwardwasturned into stones,' replied Mark; 'and my opinion always was, that theybrought iton themselves,and itserved 'emright. Iwishyougoodnight,sir,andpleasantdreams!'

'Theymustbeofhome,then,'saidMartin,ashelaydowninbed.

'SoIsay,too,'whisperedMarkTapley,whenhewasoutofhearingandinhisownroom; 'for if theredon'tcomea timeaforewe'rewelloutof this,whenthere'll be a little more credit in keeping up one's jollity, I'm a UnitedStatesman!'

Leaving themtoblendandmingle in theirsleep theshadowsofobjectsafaroff, as they take fantastic shapes upon thewall in the dim light of thoughtwithoutcontrol,beitthepartofthisslightchronicle—adreamwithinadream—asrapidlytochangethescene,andcrosstheoceantotheEnglishshore.

CHAPTEREIGHTEEN

DOESBUSINESSWITHTHEHOUSEOFANTHONYCHUZZLEWITANDSON,FROMWHICHONEOFTHEPARTNERSRETIRES

UNEXPECTEDLY

Changebegets change.Nothingpropagates so fast. If amanhabituated to anarrow circle of cares and pleasures, out of which he seldom travels, stepbeyond it, though for never so brief a space, his departure from themonotonoussceneonwhichhehasbeenanactorofimportance,wouldseemtobethesignalforinstantconfusion.Asif,inthegaphehadleft,thewedgeof change were driven to the head, rending what was a solid mass tofragments, things cemented and held together by the usages of years, burstasunder in as many weeks. The mine which Time has slowly dug beneathfamiliarobjectsissprunginaninstant;andwhatwasrockbefore,becomesbutsandanddust.

Mostmen,atonetimeorother,haveprovedthisinsomedegree.Theextenttowhich the natural laws of change asserted their supremacy in that limitedsphere of actionwhichMartin had deserted, shall be faithfully set down inthesepages.

'Whatacoldspringit is!'whimperedoldAnthony,drawingneartheeveningfire,'Itwasawarmerseason,sure,whenIwasyoung!'

'You needn't go scorching your clothes into holes, whether it was or not,'observed the amiable Jonas, raising his eyes from yesterday's newspaper,'Broadclothain'tsocheapasthatcomesto.'

'Agoodlad!'criedthefather,breathingonhiscoldhands,andfeeblychafingthemagainsteachother.'Aprudentlad!Heneverdeliveredhimselfuptothevanitiesofdress.No,no!'

'Idon'tknowbutIwould,though,mindyou,ifIcoulddoitfornothing,'saidhisson,asheresumedthepaper.

'Ah!'chuckledtheoldman.'IF,indeed!—Butit'sverycold.'

'Letthefirebe!'criedMrJonas,stoppinghishonouredparent'shandintheuseofthepoker.'Doyoumeantocometowantinyouroldage,thatyoutaketowastingnow?'

'There'snottimeforthat,Jonas,'saidtheoldman.

'Nottimeforwhat?'bawledhisheir.

'Formetocometowant.Iwishtherewas!'

'Youalwayswereasselfishanoldbladeasneedbe,'saidJonasinavoicetoolowforhimtohear,andlookingathimwithanangryfrown. 'Youactuptoyourcharacter.Youwouldn'tmindcomingtowant,wouldn'tyou!Idaresayyouwouldn't.Andyourownfleshandbloodmightcometowanttoo,mightthey,foranythingyoucared?Ohyoupreciousoldflint!'

Afterthisdutifuladdresshetookhistea-cupinhishand—forthatmealwasinprogress, and the father and son and Chuffey were partakers of it. Then,lookingsteadfastlyathisfather,andstoppingnowandthentocarryaspoonfulofteatohislips,heproceededinthesametone,thus:

'Want,indeed!You'reaniceoldmantobetalkingofwantatthistimeofday.Beginning to talk ofwant, are you?Well, I declare!There isn't time?No, Ishouldhopenot.Butyou'd live tobeacoupleofhundred ifyoucould;andafterallbediscontented.Iknowyou!'

Theoldmansighed,andstillsatcoweringbeforethefire.MrJonasshookhisBritannia-metalteaspoonathim,andtakingaloftierposition,wentontoarguethepointonhighmoralgrounds.

'Ifyou'reinsuchastateofmindasthat,'hegrumbled,butinthesamesubduedkey, 'why don't you make over your property? Buy an annuity cheap, and

make your life interesting to yourself and everybody else that watches thespeculation.Butno,thatwouldn'tsuitYOU.Thatwouldbenaturalconducttoyourownson,andyouliketobeunnatural,andtokeephimoutofhisrights.Why,IshouldbeashamedofmyselfifIwasyou,andgladtohidemyheadinthewhatyoumaycallit.'

Possiblythisgeneralphrasesuppliedtheplaceofgrave,ortomb,orsepulchre,orcemetery,ormausoleum,orothersuchwordwhichthefilialtendernessofMrJonasmadehimdelicateofpronouncing.Hepursuedthethemenofurther;forChuffey, somehow discovering, from his old corner by the fireside, thatAnthony was in the attitude of a listener, and that Jonas appeared to bespeaking,suddenlycriedout,likeoneinspired:

'Heisyourownson,MrChuzzlewit.Yourownson,sir!'

Old Chuffey little suspected what depth of application these words had, orthat, in the bitter satirewhich they bore, theymight have sunk into the oldman'sverysoul,couldhehaveknownwhatwordsherehangingonhisownson's lips, or what was passing in his thoughts. But the voice diverted thecurrentofAnthony'sreflections,androusedhim.

'Yes,yes,Chuffey,Jonasisachipoftheoldblock.Itisaveryoldblock,now,Chuffey,'saidtheoldman,withastrangelookofdiscomposure.

'Preciousold,'assentedJonas

'No,no,no,'saidChuffey.'No,MrChuzzlewit.Notoldatall,sir.'

'Oh!He'sworsethanever,youknow!'criedJonas,quitedisgusted.'Uponmysoul,father,he'sgettingtoobad.Holdyourtongue,willyou?'

'Hesaysyou'rewrong!'criedAnthonytotheoldclerk.

'Tut,tut!'wasChuffey'sanswer.'Iknowbetter.IsayHE'Swrong.IsayHE'Swrong.He'saboy.That'swhathe is.Soareyou,MrChuzzlewit—akindofboy.Ha!ha!ha!You'requiteaboytomanyIhaveknown;you'reaboytome;you'reaboytohundredsofus.Don'tmindhim!'

Withwhichextraordinaryspeech—forinthecaseofChuffeythiswasaburstof eloquence without a parallel—the poor old shadow drew through hispalsiedarmhismaster'shand,andhelditthere,withhisownfoldeduponit,asifhewoulddefendhim.

'I grow deafer every day, Chuff,' said Anthony, with as much softness ofmanner, or, to describe it more correctly, with as little hardness as he wascapableofexpressing.

'No,no,' criedChuffey. 'No, youdon't.What if youdid? I'vebeendeaf this

twentyyear.'

'Igrowblinder,too,'saidtheoldman,shakinghishead.

'That'sagoodsign!'criedChuffey. 'Ha!ha!Thebestsign in theworld!Yousawtoowellbefore.'

HepattedAnthonyuponthehandasonemightcomfortachild,anddrawingthe oldman's arm still further throughhis own, shookhis trembling fingerstowards the spot where Jonas sat, as though he would wave him off. But,Anthonyremainingquitestillandsilent,herelaxedhisholdbyslowdegreesandlapsedintohisusualnicheinthecorner;merelyputtingforthhishandatintervalsandtouchinghisoldemployergentlyonthecoat,aswiththedesignofassuringhimselfthathewasyetbesidehim.

Mr Jonaswas so verymuch amazed by these proceedings that he could donothingbut stareat the twooldmen,untilChuffeyhad fallen intohisusualstate, and Anthony had sunk into a doze; when he gave some vent to hisemotionsbygoingcloseuptotheformerpersonage,andmakingasthoughhewould,invulgarparlance,'punchhishead.'

'They'vebeencarryingonthisgame,'thoughtJonasinabrownstudy,'forthelasttwoorthreeweeks.Ineversawmyfathertakesomuchnoticeofhimashehasinthattime.What!You'relegacyhunting,areyou,MisterChuff?Eh?'

ButChuffeywasaslittleconsciousofthethoughtasofthebodilyadvanceofMr Jonas's clenched fist,which hovered fondly about his ear.When he hadscowledathimtohisheart'scontent,Jonastookthecandlefromthetable,andwalkingintotheglassoffice,producedabunchofkeysfromhispocket.Withoneoftheseheopenedasecretdrawerinthedesk;peepingstealthilyout,ashedidso,tobecertainthatthetwooldmenwerestillbeforethefire.

'All as right as ever,' said Jonas, propping the lid of the desk openwith hisforehead,andunfoldingapaper.'Here'sthewill,MisterChuff.Thirtypoundayearforyourmaintenance,oldboy,andalltheresttohisonlyson,Jonas.Youneedn't troubleyourself tobe tooaffectionate.Youwon'tget anythingby it.What'sthat?'

It WAS startling, certainly. A face on the other side of the glass partitionlookingcuriouslyin;andnotathimbutatthepaperinhishand.Fortheeyeswereattentivelycastdownuponthewriting,andwereswiftlyraisedwhenhecriedout.Thentheymethisown,andwereastheeyesofMrPecksniff.

Sufferingthelidofthedesktofallwithaloudnoise,butnotforgettingeventhentolockit,Jonas,paleandbreathless,gazeduponthisphantom.Itmoved,openedthedoor,andwalkedin.

'What'sthematter?'criedJonas,fallingback.'Whoisit?Wheredoyoucomefrom?Whatdoyouwant?'

'Matter!' cried the voice of Mr Pecksniff, as Pecksniff in the flesh smiledamiablyuponhim.'Thematter,MrJonas!'

'Whatareyoupryingandpeeringaboutherefor?'saidJonas,angrily.'Whatdoyoumeanby comingup to town in thisway, and takingone unawares? It'spreciousoddamancan'treadthe—thenewspaper—inhisownofficewithoutbeingstartledoutofhiswitsbypeoplecominginwithoutnotice.Whydidn'tyouknockatthedoor?'

'SoIdid,MrJonas,'answeredPecksniff,'butnooneheardme.Iwascurious,'headdedinhisgentlewayashelaidhishandupontheyoungman'sshoulder,'tofindoutwhatpartofthenewspaperinterestedyousomuch;buttheglasswastoodimanddirty.'

Jonas glanced in haste at the partition.Well. Itwasn't very clean. So far hespokethetruth.

'Wasitpoetrynow?'saidMrPecksniff,shakingtheforefingerofhisrighthandwithanairofcheerfulbanter.'Orwasitpolitics?Orwasitthepriceofstock?Themainchance,MrJonas,themainchance,Isuspect.'

'Youain'tfarfromthetruth,'answeredJonas,recoveringhimselfandsnuffingthecandle;'buthowthedeucedoyoucometobeinLondonagain?Ecod!it'senough tomakeamanstare, toseea fellow lookingathimallofasudden,whohethoughtwassixtyorseventymileaway.'

'Soitis,'saidMrPecksniff.'Nodoubtofit,mydearMrJonas.Forwhilethehumanmindisconstitutedasitis—'

'Oh, bother the humanmind,' interrupted Jonas with impatience 'what haveyoucomeupfor?'

'A little matter of business,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'which has arisen quiteunexpectedly.'

'Oh!'criedJonas,'isthatall?Well.Here'sfatherinthenextroom.Hallofather,here'sPecksniff!Hegetsmoreaddle-patedeverydayhe lives, Idobelieve,'muttered Jonas, shaking his honoured parent roundly. 'Don't I tell youPecksniff'shere,stupid-head?'

Thecombinedeffectsoftheshakingandthislovingremonstrancesoonawokethe old man, who gave Mr Pecksniff a chuckling welcome which wasattributableinpart tohisbeinggladtoseethatgentleman,andinpart tohisunfadingdelight in the recollectionofhavingcalledhimahypocrite.AsMrPecksniffhadnotyettakentea(indeedhehad,butanhourbefore,arrivedin

London)theremainsofthelatecollation,witharasherofbacon,wereservedupforhisentertainment;andasMrJonashadabusinessappointment in thenextstreet,hesteppedouttokeepit;promisingtoreturnbeforeMrPecksniffcouldfinishhisrepast.

'Andnow,mygoodsir,'saidMrPecksnifftoAnthony;'nowthatwearealone,praytellmewhatIcandoforyou.Isayalone,becauseIbelievethatourdearfriend Mr Chuffey is, metaphysically speaking, a—shall I say a dummy?'askedMrPecksniffwithhis sweetest smile,andhisheadverymuchononeside.

'Heneitherhearsus,'repliedAnthony,'norseesus.'

'Why,then,'saidMrPecksniff,'Iwillbeboldtosay,withtheutmostsympathyfor his afflictions, and the greatest admiration of those excellent qualitieswhichdoequalhonourtohisheadandtohisheart,thatheiswhatisplayfullytermedadummy.Youweregoingtoobserve,mydearsir—?'

'IwasnotgoingtomakeanyobservationthatIknowof,'repliedtheoldman.

'Iwas,'saidMrPecksniff,mildly.

'Oh!YOUwere?Whatwasit?'

'That I never,' saidMr Pecksniff, previously rising to see that the doorwasshut, and arranging his chair when he came back, so that it could not beopened in the least without his immediately becoming aware of thecircumstance; 'that I never inmy lifewas soastonishedasby the receiptofyour letter yesterday. That you should do me the honour to wish to takecounselwithmeonanymatter,amazedme;butthatyoushoulddesiretodoso,totheexclusionevenofMrJonas,showedanamountofconfidenceinoneto whom you had done a verbal injury—merely a verbal injury, you wereanxioustorepair—whichgratified,whichmoved,whichovercameme.'

Hewasalwaysaglibspeaker,buthedeliveredthisshortaddressveryglibly;havingbeenatsomepainstocomposeitoutsidethecoach.

Althoughhepausedforareply,andtrulysaidthathewasthereatAnthony'srequest,theoldmansatgazingathiminprofoundsilenceandwithaperfectlyblankface.Nordidheseemtohavetheleastdesireorimpulsetopursuetheconversation,thoughMrPecksnifflookedtowardsthedoor,andpulledouthiswatch,andgavehimmanyotherhintsthattheirtimewasshort,andJonas,ifhe kept his word, would soon return. But the strangest incident in all thisstrangebehaviourwas, thatofa sudden, inamoment, soswiftly that itwasimpossibletotracehow,ortoobserveanyprocessofchange,hisfeaturesfellintotheiroldexpression,andhecried,strikinghishandpassionatelyuponthetableasifnointervalatallhadtakenplace:

'Willyouholdyourtongue,sir,andletmespeak?'

MrPecksniffdeferredtohimwithasubmissivebow;andsaidwithinhimself,'I knew his hand was changed, and that his writing staggered. I said soyesterday.Ahem!Dearme!'

'Jonasissweetuponyourdaughter,Pecksniff,'saidtheoldman,inhisusualtone.

'We spoke of that, if you remember, sir, at Mrs Todgers's,' replied thecourteousarchitect.

'Youneedn'tspeaksoloud,'retortedAnthony.'I'mnotsodeafasthat.'

MrPecksniffhadcertainlyraisedhisvoiceprettyhigh;notsomuchbecausehethoughtAnthonywasdeaf,asbecausehefeltconvincedthathisperceptivefaculties were waxing dim; but this quick resentment of his consideratebehaviourgreatlydisconcertedhim,and,notknowingwhattacktoshapehiscourse upon, hemade another inclination of the head, yetmore submissivethatthelast.

'Ihavesaid,'repeatedtheoldman,'thatJonasissweetuponyourdaughter.'

'A charming girl, sir,'murmuredMr Pecksniff, seeing that hewaited for ananswer.'Adeargirl,MrChuzzlewit,thoughIsayit,whoshouldnot.'

'You know better,' cried the old man, advancing his weazen face at least ayard,andstartingforwardinhischairtodoit.'Youlie!What,youWILLbeahypocrite,willyou?'

'Mygoodsir,'MrPecksniffbegan.

'Don't call me a good sir,' retorted Anthony, 'and don't claim to be oneyourself.Ifyourdaughterwaswhatyouwouldhavemebelieve,shewouldn'tdoforJonas.Beingwhatshe is, I thinkshewill.Hemightbedeceived inawife.Shemightrunriot,contractdebts,andwastehissubstance.NowwhenIamdead—'

Hisfacealteredsohorriblyashesaidtheword,thatMrPecksniffreallywasfaintolookanotherway.

'—Itwillbeworseformetoknowofsuchdoings,thanifIwasalive;fortobetormented for getting that together, which even while I suffer for itsacquisition, is flung into the very kennels of the streets, would beinsupportable torture. No,' said the old man, hoarsely, 'let that be saved atleast; let therebe somethinggained,andkept fastholdof,whensomuch islost.'

'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,' said Pecksniff, 'these are unwholesome fancies;quiteunnecessary,sir,quiteuncalledfor,Iamsure.Thetruthis,mydearsir,thatyouarenotwell!'

'Not dying though!' cried Anthony, with something like the snarl of a wildanimal.'Notyet!Thereareyearsoflifeinme.Why,lookathim,'pointingtohis feeble clerk. 'Death has no right to leave him standing, and tomowmedown!'

Mr Pecksniff was somuch afraid of the oldman, and so completely takenabackby the state inwhichhe foundhim, thathehadnot evenpresenceofmindenough tocallupascrapofmorality fromthegreat storehousewithinhisownbreast.Thereforehestammeredout thatnodoubt itwas, infairnessanddecency,MrChuffey'sturntoexpire;andthatfromallhehadheardofMrChuffey, and the little he had the pleasure of knowing of that gentleman,personally,hefeltconvincedinhisownmindthathewouldseetheproprietyofexpiringwithaslittledelayaspossible.

'Comehere!' said theoldman,beckoninghim todrawnearer. 'Jonaswillbemyheir,Jonaswillberich,andagreatcatchforyou.Youknowthat.Jonasissweetuponyourdaughter.'

'Iknowthattoo,'thoughtMrPecksniff,'foryouhavesaiditoftenenough.'

'Hemightgetmoremoneythanwithher,'saidtheoldman,'butshewillhelphim to take care of what they have. She is not too young or heedless, andcomesofagoodhardgripingstock.Butdon'tyouplaytoofineagame.Sheonlyholdshimbya thread;andifyoudrawit tootight(Iknowhis temper)it'll snap.Bind himwhen he's in themood, Pecksniff; bind him.You're toodeep.Inyourwayofleadinghimon,you'llleavehimmilesbehind.Bah,youman of oil, have I no eyes to see how you have angledwith him from thefirst?'

'Now I wonder,' thought Mr Pecksniff, looking at him with a wistful face,'whetherthisisallhehastosay?'

OldAnthonyrubbedhishandsandmutteredtohimself;complainedagainthathewascold;drewhischairbefore the fire; and, sittingwithhisback toMrPecksniff, and his chin sunk down upon his breast,was, in anotherminute,quiteregardlessorforgetfulofhispresence.

Uncouthandunsatisfactoryasthisshort interviewhadbeen,ithadfurnishedMrPecksniffwith ahintwhich, supposingnothing furtherwere imparted tohim,repaidthejourneyupandhomeagain.Forthegoodgentlemanhadnever(forwantofanopportunity)dived into thedepthsofMrJonas'snature;andanyrecipeforcatchingsuchason-in-law(muchmoreonewrittenonaleafoutofhisownfather'sbook)wasworththehaving.Inorderthathemightloseno

chanceofimprovingsofairanopportunitybyallowingAnthonytofallasleepbeforehehadfinishedallhehad tosay,MrPecksniff, in thedisposalof therefreshmentsonthetable,aworktowhichhenowappliedhimselfinearnest,resorted tomany ingenious contrivances for attracting his attention; such ascoughing,sneezing,clatteringtheteacups,sharpeningtheknives,droppingtheloaf,andsoforth.Butallinvain,forMrJonasreturned,andAnthonyhadsaidnomore.

'What!Myfatherasleepagain?'hecried,ashehunguphishat,andcastalookathim.'Ah!andsnoring.Onlyhear!'

'Hesnoresverydeep,'saidMrPecksniff.

'Snoresdeep?'repeatedJonas.'Yes;lethimaloneforthat.He'llsnoreforsix,atanytime.'

'Doyouknow,MrJonas,'saidPecksniff,'thatIthinkyourfatheris—don'tletmealarmyou—breaking?'

'Oh,ishethough?'repliedJonas,withashakeoftheheadwhichexpressedtheclosenessofhisdutifulobservation. 'Ecod,youdon'tknowhowtoughhe is.Heain'tuponthemoveyet.'

'Itstruckmethathewaschanged,bothinhisappearanceandmanner,'saidMrPecksniff.

'That's all you know about it,' returned Jonas, seating himself with amelancholyair.'Heneverwasbetterthanheisnow.Howaretheyallathome?How'sCharity?'

'Blooming,MrJonas,blooming.'

'Andtheotherone;how'sshe?'

'Volatile trifler!' saidMrPecksniff, fondlymusing. 'She iswell, she iswell.Rovingfromparlourtobedroom,MrJonas,likeabee,skimmingfromposttopillar,likethebutterfly;dippingheryoungbeakintoourcurrantwine,likethehumming-bird!Ah!wereshealittlelessgiddythansheis;andhadshebutthesterlingqualitiesofCherry,myyoungfriend!'

'Isshesoverygiddy,then?'askedJonas.

'Well,well!'saidMrPecksniff,withgreatfeeling;'letmenotbeharduponmychild.BesidehersisterCherrysheappearsso.Astrangenoisethat,MrJonas!'

'Somethingwrongintheclock,Isuppose,'saidJonas,glancingtowardsit.'Sotheotheroneain'tyourfavourite,ain'tshe?'

Thefondfatherwasabouttoreply,andhadalreadysummonedintohisfacea

lookofmost intensesensibility,when thesoundhehadalreadynoticedwasrepeated.

'Uponmyword,MrJonas,thatisaveryextraordinaryclock,'saidPecksniff.

Itwouldhavebeen,ifithadmadethenoisewhichstartledthem;butanotherkindoftime-piecewasfastrunningdown,andfromthatthesoundproceeded.AscreamfromChuffey,renderedahundredtimesmoreloudandformidableby his silent habits, made the house ring from roof to cellar; and, lookinground,theysawAnthonyChuzzlewitextendedonthefloor,withtheoldclerkuponhiskneesbesidehim.

Hehadfallenfromhischair ina fit,and lay there,battlingforeachgaspofbreath,witheveryshrivelledveinandsinewstartinginitsplace,asifitwerebentonbearingwitness tohisage, and sternlypleadingwithNatureagainsthisrecovery.Itwasfrightfultoseehowtheprincipleoflife,shutupwithinhiswithered frame, fought like a strong devil, mad to be released, and rent itsancient prison-house.A youngman in the fullness of his vigour, strugglingwithsomuchstrengthofdesperation,wouldhavebeenadismalsight;butanold,old,shrunkenbody,endowedwithpreternaturalmight,andgivingtheliein every motion of its every limb and joint to its enfeebled aspect, was ahideousspectacleindeed.

Theyraisedhimup,andfetchedasurgeonwithallhaste,whobledthepatientand applied some remedies; but the fits held him so long that it was pastmidnightwhentheygothim—quietnow,butquiteunconsciousandexhausted—intobed.

'Don'tgo,'saidJonas,puttinghisashylipstoMrPecksniff'searandwhisperedacrossthebed.'Itwasamercyyouwerepresentwhenhewastakenill.Someonemighthavesaiditwasmydoing.'

'YOURdoing!'criedMrPecksniff.

'Idon'tknowbuttheymight,'hereplied,wipingthemoisturefromhiswhiteface.'Peoplesaysuchthings.Howdoeshelooknow?'

MrPecksniffshookhishead.

'Iused to joke,youknow,' said. Jonas: 'but I—Ineverwishedhimdead.Doyouthinkhe'sverybad?'

'Thedoctorsaidhewas.Youheard,'wasMrPecksniff'sanswer.

'Ah!buthemightsaythattochargeusmore,incaseofhisgettingwell'saidJonas. 'Youmustn'tgoaway,Pecksniff.Now it'scome to this, Iwouldn'tbewithoutawitnessforathousandpound.'

Chuffeysaidnotaword,andheardnotaword.Hehadsathimselfdowninachair at the bedside, and there he remained, motionless; except that hesometimes bent his head over the pillow, and seemed to listen. He neverchangedinthis.ThoughonceinthedrearynightMrPecksniff,havingdozed,awoke with a confused impression that he had heard him praying, andstrangely mingling figures—not of speech, but arithmetic—with his brokenprayers.

Jonassat there, too,allnight;notwherehisfathercouldhaveseenhim,hadhis consciousness returned, but hiding, as it were, behind him, and onlyreadinghowhe looked, inMrPecksniff's eyes.HE, the coarse upstart,whohad ruled the house so long—that craven cur,whowas afraid tomove, andshookso,thathisveryshadowflutteredonthewall!

Itwas broad, bright, stirring daywhen, leaving the old clerk towatch him,theywentdowntobreakfast.Peoplehurriedupanddownthestreet;windowsanddoorswereopened;thievesandbeggarstooktheirusualposts;workmenbestirred themselves; tradesmen set forth their shops; bailiffs and constableswereonthewatch;allkindsofhumancreaturesstrove,intheirseveralways,ashardtolive,astheonesickoldmanwhocombatedforeverygrainofsandinhisfast-emptyingglass,aseagerlyasifitwereanempire.

'IfanythinghappensPecksniff,'saidJonas,'youmustpromisemetostopheretillit'sallover.YoushallseethatIdowhat'sright.'

'Iknowthatyouwilldowhat'sright,MrJonas,'saidPecksniff.

'Yes,yes,but Iwon'tbedoubted.Nooneshallhave it inhispower tosayasyllableagainstme,'he returned. 'Iknowhowpeoplewill talk. Just as ifhewasn'told,orIhadthesecretofkeepinghimalive!'

MrPecksniffpromisedthathewouldremain, ifcircumstancesshouldrenderit,inhisesteemedfriend'sopinion,desirable;theywerefinishingtheirmealinsilence,whensuddenlyanapparitionstoodbeforethem,soghastlytotheviewthatJonasshriekedaloud,andbothrecoiledinhorror.

OldAnthony,dressedinhisusualclothes,wasintheroom—besidethetable.Heleanedupontheshoulderofhissolitaryfriend;andonhislividface,andonhishornyhands,andinhisglassyeyes,andtracedbyaneternalfingerintheverydropsofsweatuponhisbrow,wasoneword—Death.

He spoke to them—in something of his own voice too, but sharpened andmadehollow, likeadeadman's face.Whathewouldhavesaid,Godknows.Heseemed toutterwords,but theyweresuchasmanhadneverheard.Andthis was the most fearful circumstance of all, to see him standing there,gabblinginanunearthlytongue.

'He'sbetternow,' saidChuffey. 'Betternow.Lethimsit inhisoldchair,andhe'llbewellagain.Itoldhimnottomind.Isaidso,yesterday.'

They put him in his easy-chair, and wheeled it near the window; then,swingingopen thedoor,exposedhim to the freecurrentofmorningair.Butnotalltheairthatis,norallthewindsthateverblew'twixtHeavenandEarth,couldhavebroughtnewlifetohim.

Plungehimtothethroatingoldenpiecesnow,andhisheavyfingersshallnotcloseonone!

CHAPTERNINETEEN

THEREADERISBROUGHTINTOCOMMUNICATIONWITHSOMEPROFESSIONALPERSONS,ANDSHEDSATEAROVERTHE

FILIALPIETYOFGOODMRJONAS

MrPecksniffwasinahackneycabriolet,forJonasChuzzlewithadsaid'Sparenoexpense.'Mankindisevilinitsthoughtsandinitsbaseconstructions,andJonaswasresolveditshouldnothaveaninchtostretchintoanellagainsthim.It never should be charged upon his father's son that he had grudged themoneyforhisfather'sfuneral.Hence,untiltheobsequiesshouldbeconcluded,Jonashadtakenforhismotto'Spend,andsparenot!'

Mr Pecksniff had been to the undertaker, and was now upon his way toanotherofficer in the trainofmourning—a female functionary, a nurse, andwatcher, andperformer of nameless offices about the persons of the dead—whomhehadrecommended.Hername,asMrPecksniffgatheredfromascrapof writing in his hand, was Gamp; her residence in Kingsgate Street, HighHolborn.SoMrPecksniff,inahackneycab,wasrattlingoverHolbornstones,inquestofMrsGamp.

This lady lodged at a bird-fancier's, next door but one to the celebratedmutton-pie shop, and directly opposite to the original cat's-meatwarehouse;the renown of which establishments was duly heralded on their respectivefronts.Itwasalittlehouse,andthiswasthemoreconvenient;forMrsGampbeing,inherhighestwalkofart,amonthlynurse,or,ashersign-boardboldlyhad it, 'Midwife,'and lodging in thefirst-floor front,waseasilyassailableatnight by pebbles, walking-sticks, and fragments of tobacco-pipe; all muchmoreefficaciousthanthestreet-doorknocker,whichwassoconstructedastowakethestreetwithease,andevenspreadalarmsoffireinHolborn,withoutmakingthesmallestimpressiononthepremisestowhichitwasaddressed.

It chanced on this particular occasion, thatMrs Gamp had been up all thepreviousnight,inattendanceuponaceremonytowhichtheusageofgossipshasgiventhatnamewhichexpresses, in twosyllables, thecursepronouncedonAdam.ItchancedthatMrsGamphadnotbeenregularlyengaged,buthadbeencalledinatacrisis,inconsequenceofhergreatrepute,toassistanotherprofessional lady with her advice; and thus it happened that, all points ofinterestinthecasebeingover,MrsGamphadcomehomeagaintothebird-fancier'sandgonetobed.SowhenMrPecksniffdroveupinthehackneycab,MrsGamp'scurtainsweredrawnclose,andMrsGampwasfastasleepbehindthem.

If thebird-fancierhadbeenathome,asheought tohavebeen, therewouldhavebeennogreatharminthis;buthewasout,andhisshopwasclosed.Theshuttersweredowncertainly;andineverypaneofglasstherewasatleastonetinybirdinatinybird-cage,twitteringandhoppinghislittleballetofdespair,and knocking his head against the roof; while one unhappy goldfinch wholivedoutsidearedvillawithhisnameonthedoor,drewthewaterforhisowndrinking,andmutelyappealedtosomegoodmantodropafarthing's-worthofpoisoninit.Still,thedoorwasshut.MrPecksnifftriedthelatch,andshookit,causingacrackedbell insidetoringmostmournfully;butnoonecame.Thebird-fancierwasaneasyshaveralso,andafashionablehair-dresseralso,andperhapshehadbeensentfor,express,fromthecourtendofthetown,totrimalord,orcutandcurla lady;buthowever thatmightbe, there,uponhisownground,hewasnot;norwasthereanymoredistincttraceofhimtoassisttheimaginationofaninquirer,thanaprofessionalprintoremblemofhiscalling(much favoured in the trade), representing a hair-dresser of easy mannerscurling a lady of distinguished fashion, in the presence of a patent uprightgrandpianoforte.

Noting these circumstances, Mr Pecksniff, in the innocence of his heart,appliedhimselftotheknocker;butatthefirstdoubleknockeverywindowinthe street became alive with female heads; and before he could repeat theperformancewholetroopsofmarriedladies(someabouttotroubleMrsGampthemselves very shortly) came flocking round the steps, all crying outwithoneaccord,andwithuncommoninterest, 'Knockat thewinder,sir,knockatthewinder.Lordblessyou,don'tlosenomoretimethanyoucanhelp—knockatthewinder!'

Actinguponthissuggestion,andborrowingthedriver'swhipforthepurpose,MrPecksniffsoonmadeacommotionamongthefirstfloorflower-pots,androusedMrsGamp,whosevoice—tothegreatsatisfactionofthematrons—washeardtosay,'I'mcoming.'

'He'saspaleasamuffin,'saidonelady,inallusiontoMrPecksniff.

'Soheoughttobe,ifhe'sthefeelingsofaman,'observedanother.

Athirdlady(withherarmsfolded)saidshewishedhehadchosenanyothertimeforfetchingMrsGamp,butitalwayshappenedsowithHER.

ItgaveMrPecksniffmuchuneasinesstofind,fromtheseremarks,thathewassupposedtohavecometoMrsGampuponanerrandtouching—notthecloseoflife,but theotherend.MrsGampherselfwasunderthesameimpression,for, throwingopen thewindow, she criedbehind the curtains, as shehastilyattiredherself—

'IsitMrsPerkins?'

'No!'returnedMrPecksniff,sharply.'Nothingofthesort.'

'What,MrWhilks!'criedMrsGamp.'Don'tsayit'syou,MrWhilks,andthatpoorcreeturMrsWhilkswithnotevenapincushionready.Don'tsayit'syou,MrWhilks!'

'Itisn'tMrWhilks,'saidPecksniff.'Idon'tknowtheman.Nothingofthekind.Agentleman isdead;andsomepersonbeingwanted in thehouse,youhavebeenrecommendedbyMrMouldtheundertaker.'

Asshewasbythistimeinaconditiontoappear,MrsGamp,whohadafaceforalloccasions, lookedoutof thewindowwithhermourningcountenance,andsaidshewouldbedowndirectly.ButthematronstookitveryillthatMrPecksniff'smissionwasofsounimportantakind;andtheladywithherarmsfolded rated him in good round terms, signifying that shewould be glad toknow what he meant by terrifying delicate females 'with his corpses;' andgiving it as her opinion that hewas quite ugly enough to know better. Theotherladieswerenotatallbehind-handinexpressingsimilarsentiments;andthechildren,ofwhomsomescoreshadnowcollected,hootedanddefiedMrPecksniff quite savagely. So when Mrs Gamp appeared, the unoffendinggentlemanwasgladtohustleherwithverylittleceremonyintothecabriolet,anddriveoff,overwhelmedwithpopularexecration.

MrsGamphadalargebundlewithher,apairofpattens,andaspeciesofgigumbrella;thelatterarticleincolourlikeafadedleaf,exceptwhereacircularpatchof a livelybluehadbeendexterously let in at the top.Shewasmuchflurried by the haste she hadmade, and laboured under themost erroneousviews of cabriolets, which she appeared to confound with mail-coaches orstage-wagons,inasmuchasshewasconstantlyendeavouringforthefirsthalfmile to forceher luggage through the little frontwindow,andclamouring tothe driver to 'put it in the boot.'When she was disabused of this idea, herwholebeingresolveditself intoanabsorbinganxietyaboutherpattens,withwhichsheplayedinnumerablegamesatquoitsonMrPecksniff'slegs.Itwasnot until theywere close upon the house ofmourning that she had enoughcomposuretoobserve—

'And so thegentleman's dead, sir!Ah!Themore's thepity.' Shedidn't evenknow his name. 'But it'swhatwemust all come to. It's as certain as beingborn,exceptthatwecan'tmakeourcalculationsasexact.Ah!Poordear!'

Shewasafatoldwoman,thisMrsGamp,withahuskyvoiceandamoisteye,whichshehadaremarkablepowerofturningup,andonlyshowingthewhiteofit.Havingverylittleneck,itcosthersometroubletolookoverherself,ifonemay say so, at those towhom she talked. Shewore a very rusty blackgown, rather theworse for snuff, and a shawl and bonnet to correspond. Inthesedilapidatedarticlesofdressshehad,onprinciple,arrayedherself, timeout ofmind, on such occasions as the present; for this at once expressed adecentamountofveneration for thedeceased,and invited thenextofkin topresentherwith a fresher suit ofweeds; an appeal so frequently successful,that the very fetch and ghost ofMrs Gamp, bonnet and all, might be seenhangingup,anyhourintheday,inatleastadozenofthesecond-handclothesshops about Holborn. The face ofMrs Gamp—the nose in particular—wassomewhat red and swollen, and itwas difficult to enjoy her societywithoutbecomingconsciousofasmellofspirits.Likemostpersonswhohaveattainedtogreateminenceintheirprofession,shetooktohersverykindly;insomuchthat,settingasidehernaturalpredilectionsasawoman,shewenttoalying-inoralaying-outwithequalzestandrelish.

'Ah!' repeated Mrs Gamp; for it was always a safe sentiment in cases ofmourning.'Ahdear!WhenGampwassummonedtohislonghome,andIseehima-lyinginGuy'sHospitalwithapenny-pieceoneacheye,andhiswoodenlegunderhisleftarm,IthoughtIshouldhavefaintedaway.ButIboreup.'

If certain whispers current in the Kingsgate Street circles had any truth inthem,shehadindeedborneupsurprisingly;andhadexertedsuchuncommonfortitudeastodisposeofMrGamp'sremainsforthebenefitofscience.Butitshouldbeadded,infairness,thatthishadhappenedtwentyyearsbefore;andthat Mr and Mrs Gamp had long been separated on the ground ofincompatibilityoftemperintheirdrink.

'Youhavebecomeindifferentsincethen,Isuppose?'saidMrPecksniff.'Useissecondnature,MrsGamp.'

'Youmaywellsaysecondnater,sir,'returnedthatlady.'One'sfirstwaysistofind sich things a trial to the feelings, and so is one's lasting custom. If itwasn'tforthenervealittlesipofliquorgivesme(Ineverwasabletodomorethantasteit),InevercouldgothroughwithwhatIsometimeshastodo."MrsHarris,"Isays,attheverylastcaseaseverIactedin,whichitwasbutayoungperson,"MrsHarris,"Isays,"leavethebottleonthechimley-piece,anddon'taskmetotakenone,butletmeputmylipstoitwhenIamsodispoged,andthen Iwill dowhat I'mengaged todo, according to thebest ofmyability.""MrsGamp,"shesays,inanswer,"ifevertherewasasobercreeturtobegot

ateighteenpenceadayforworkingpeople,andthreeandsixforgentlefolks—nightwatching,"' saidMrsGampwith emphasis, '"beinga extra charge—youare that inwallableperson.""MrsHarris," I says toher, "don'tname thecharge, for if I could afford to lay all my feller creeturs out for nothink, Iwouldgladlydoit,sichistheloveIbears'em.ButwhatIalwayssaystothemashasthemanagementofmatters,MrsHarris"'—hereshekepthereyeonMrPecksniff—'"betheygentsorbetheyladies,is,don'taskmewhetherIwon'ttakenone,orwhetherIwill,butleavethebottleonthechimley-piece,andletmeputmylipstoitwhenIamsodispoged."'

The conclusion of this affecting narrative brought them to the house. In thepassagetheyencounteredMrMouldtheundertaker;alittleelderlygentleman,bald,andinasuitofblack;withanotebookinhishand,amassivegoldwatch-chain dangling from his fob, and a face in which a queer attempt atmelancholywas at oddswith a smirkof satisfaction; so that he looked as amanmight,who, in thevery act of smackinghis lips over choiceoldwine,triedtomakebelieveitwasphysic.

'Well,MrsGamp, andhowareYOU,MrsGamp?' said thisgentleman, in avoiceassoftashisstep.

'Prettywell,Ithankyou,sir,'droppingacurtsey.

'You'll be very particular here,MrsGamp.This is not a common case,MrsGamp.Leteverythingbeveryniceandcomfortable,MrsGamp,ifyouplease,'saidtheundertaker,shakinghisheadwithasolemnair.

'It shall be, sir,' she replied, curtseying again. 'You knowsme of old, sir, Ihope.'

'I hope so, too, Mrs Gamp,' said the undertaker, 'and I think so also.' MrsGamp curtseyed again. 'This is one of the most impressive cases, sir,' hecontinued,addressingMrPecksniff, 'that Ihaveseen in thewholecourseofmyprofessionalexperience.'

'Indeed,MrMould!'criedthatgentleman.

'Such affectionate regret, sir, I never saw. There is no limitation, there ispositivelyNOlimitation'—openinghiseyeswide,andstandingontiptoe—'inpoint of expense! I have orders, sir, to put on my whole establishment ofmutes;andmutescomeverydear,MrPecksniff;nottomentiontheirdrink.Toprovide silver-plated handles of the very best description, ornamented withangels' heads from the most expensive dies. To be perfectly profuse infeathers.Inshort,sir,toturnoutsomethingabsolutelygorgeous.'

'MyfriendMrJonasisanexcellentman,'saidMrPecksniff.

'Ihaveseenagooddealofwhatisfilialinmytime,sir,'retortedMould,'andwhatisunfilialtoo.Itisourlot.Wecomeintotheknowledgeofthosesecrets.But anything so filial as this; anything so honourable to human nature; socalculatedtoreconcileallofustotheworldwelivein;neveryetcameundermy observation. It only proves, sir, what was so forcibly observed by thelamented theatrical poet—buried at Stratford—that there is good ineverything.'

'Itisverypleasanttohearyousayso,MrMould,'observedPecksniff.

'Youareverykind,sir.AndwhatamanMrChuzzlewitwas,sir!Ah!whatamanhewas.Youmaytalkofyourlordmayors,'saidMould,wavinghishandat the public in general, 'your sheriffs, your common councilmen, yourtrumpery;butshowmeamaninthiscitywhoisworthytowalkintheshoesof the departed Mr Chuzzlewit. No, no,' cried Mould, with bitter sarcasm.'Hang'emup,hang'emup;sole'emandheel'em,andhave'emreadyforhissonagainsthe'soldenoughtowear 'em;butdon't try 'emonyourselves,fortheywon'tfityou.Weknewhim,'saidMould,inthesamebitingvein,ashepocketedhisnote-book;'weknewhim,andarenottobecaughtwithchaff.MrPecksniff,sir,goodmorning.'

Mr Pecksniff returned the compliment; and Mould, sensible of havingdistinguishedhimself,wasgoingawaywithabrisksmile,whenhefortunatelyremembered the occasion. Quickly becoming depressed again, he sighed;looked into thecrownofhishat,as if forcomfort;put itonwithout findingany;andslowlydeparted.

Mrs Gamp and Mr Pecksniff then ascended the staircase; and the former,having been shown to the chamber in which all that remained of AnthonyChuzzlewitlaycoveredup,withbutonelovingheart,andthatahaltingone,tomournit,leftthelatterfreetoenterthedarkenedroombelow,andrejoinMrJonas,fromwhomhehadnowbeenabsentnearlytwohours.

He found that example to bereaved sons, and pattern in the eyes of allperformersoffunerals,musingoverafragmentofwriting-paperonthedesk,and scratching figures on it with a pen. The old man's chair, and hat, andwalking-stick, were removed from their accustomed places, and put out ofsight; the window-blinds as yellow as November fogs, were drawn downclose;Jonashimselfwassosubdued,thathecouldscarcelybeheardtospeak,andonlyseentowalkacrosstheroom.

'Pecksniff,'hesaid,inawhisper,'youshallhavetheregulationofitall,mind!You shall be able to tell anybody who talks about it that everything wascorrectlyandnicelydone.Thereisn'tanyoneyou'dliketoasktothefuneral,isthere?'

'No,MrJonas,Ithinknot.'

'Becauseifthereis,youknow,'saidJonas,'askhim.Wedon'twanttomakeasecretofit.'

'No,'repeatedMrPecksniff,afteralittlereflection. 'Iamnotthelessobligedtoyouonthataccount,MrJonas,foryourliberalhospitality;buttherereallyisnoone.'

'Verywell,'saidJonas; 'thenyou,andI,andChuffey,andthedoctor,willbejustacoachful.We'llhavethedoctor,Pecksniff,becauseheknowswhatwasthematterwithhim,andthatitcouldn'tbehelped.'

'Where is our dear friend,MrChuffey?' asked Pecksniff, looking round thechamber, and winking both his eyes at once—for he was overcome by hisfeelings.

Butherehewas interruptedbyMrsGamp,who,divestedofherbonnetandshawl, came sidling and bridling into the room; and with some sharpnessdemandedaconferenceoutsidethedoorwithMrPecksniff.

'Youmaysaywhateveryouwishtosayhere,MrsGamp,'saidthatgentleman,shakinghisheadwithamelancholyexpression.

'It isnotmuchas Ihave tosaywhenpeople isa-mourningfor thedeadandgone,'saidMrsGamp;'butwhatIhavetosayisTOthepintandpurpose,andnooffenceintended,mustbesoconsidered.Ihavebeenatamanyplaces inmytime,gentlemen,andIhopeIknowswhatmydutiesis,andhowthesameshouldbeperformed;incourse,ifIdidnot,itwouldbeverystrange,andverywrong in sich a gentleman asMrMould, which has undertook the highestfamiliesinthisland,andgiveneverysatisfaction,sotorecommendmeashedoes. I have seen a deal of trouble my own self,' said Mrs Gamp, layinggreaterandgreaterstressuponherwords,'andIcanfeelforthemashastheirfeelingstried,butIamnotaRooshanoraProoshan,andconsequentlycannotsufferSpiestobesetoverme.'

Beforeitwaspossiblethatananswercouldbereturned,MrsGamp,growingredderintheface,wentontosay:

'Itisnotaeasymatter,gentlemen,tolivewhenyouareleftawidderwoman;particularwhenyourfeelingsworksuponyoutothatextentthatyouoftenfindyourselfa-goingoutontermswhichisacertainloss,andnevercanrepay.Butinwhateverwayyouearnsyourbread,youmayhaverulesandregulationsofyour own which cannot be broke through. Some people,' said Mrs Gamp,againentrenchingherselfbehindherstrongpoint,asif itwerenotassailablebyhumaningenuity,'maybeRooshans,andothersmaybeProoshans;theyareborn so, and will please themselves. Them which is of other naturs thinks

different.'

'If I understand this good lady,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning to Jonas, 'MrChuffeyistroublesometoher.ShallIfetchhimdown?'

'Do,'saidJonas.'Iwasgoingtotellyouhewasupthere,whenshecamein.I'dgomyselfandbringhimdown,only—only I'd ratheryouwent, ifyoudon'tmind.'

MrPecksniffpromptlydeparted,followedbyMrsGamp,who,seeingthathetookabottleandglassfromthecupboard,andcarrieditinhishand,wasmuchsoftened.

'Iamsure,'shesaid,'thatifitwasn'tforhisownhappiness,Ishouldnomoremindhimbeingthere,poordear,thanifhewasafly.Butthemasisn'tusedtothesethings,thinkssomuchof'emafterwards,thatit'sakindnessto'emnottolet 'emhave theirwish.Andeven,' saidMrsGamp,probably in reference tosome flowersof speech shehadalready strewnonMrChuffey, 'even ifonecalls'emnames,it'sonlydonetorouse'em.'

Whatever epithets she had bestowed on the old clerk, they had not rousedHIM. He sat beside the bed, in the chair he had occupied all the previousnight, with his hands folded before him, and his head bowed down; andneitherlookedup,ontheirentrance,norgaveanysignofconsciousness,untilMrPecksnifftookhimbythearm,whenhemeeklyrose.

'Threescoreandten,'saidChuffey, 'oughtandcarryseven.Somemenaresostrong that they live to four score—four times ought's an ought, four timestwo's an eight—eighty. Oh! why—why—why didn't he live to four timesought'sanought,andfourtimestwo'saneight,eighty?'

'Ah!whatawaleofgrief!' criedMrsGamp,possessingherselfof thebottleandglass.

'Whydidhediebeforehispooroldcrazyservant?'saidChuffey,claspinghishandsandlookingupinanguish.'Takehimfromme,andwhatremains?'

'MrJonas,'returnedPecksniff,'MrJonas,mygoodfriend.'

'Ilovedhim,'criedtheoldman,weeping.'Hewasgoodtome.WelearntTareandTrettogetheratschool.Itookhimdownonce,sixboysinthearithmeticclass.Godforgiveme!HadIthehearttotakehimdown!'

'Come, Mr Chuffey,' said Pecksniff. 'Come with me. Summon up yourfortitude,MrChuffey.'

'Yes, I will,' returned the old clerk. 'Yes. I'll sum upmy forty—Howmanytimes forty—Oh,Chuzzlewit and Son—Your own sonMrChuzzlewit; your

ownson,sir!'

He yielded to the hand that guided him, as he lapsed into this familiarexpression,andsubmittedtobeledaway.MrsGamp,withthebottleononeknee,andtheglassontheother,satuponastool,shakingherheadforalongtime,until, inamomentofabstraction,shepouredoutadramofspirits,andraisedittoherlips.Itwassucceededbyasecond,andbyathird,andthenhereyes—either in the sadness of her reflections upon life and death, or in heradmirationoftheliquor—weresoturnedup,astobequiteinvisible.Butsheshookherheadstill.

PoorChuffeywasconductedtohisaccustomedcorner,andthereheremained,silentandquiet,saveatlongintervals,whenhewouldrise,andwalkabouttheroom,andwringhishands,orraisesomestrangeandsuddencry.Forawholeweektheyallthreesataboutthehearthandneverstirredabroad.MrPecksniffwouldhavewalkedoutintheeveningtime,butMrJonaswassoaversetohisbeingabsentforaminute,thatheabandonedtheidea,andso,frommorninguntil night, they brooded together in the dark room, without relief oroccupation.

The weight of that which was stretched out, stiff and stark, in the awfulchamberabove-stairs,socrushedandboredownJonas, thathebentbeneaththe load. During the whole long seven days and nights, he was alwaysoppressedandhauntedbyadreadful senseof itspresence in thehouse.Didthedoormove,helookedtowardsitwithalividfaceandstartingeye,asifhefullybelievedthatghostlyfingersclutchedthehandle.Didthefireflickerinadraught of air, he glanced over his shoulder, as almost dreading to beholdsome shrouded figure fanning and flapping at it with its fearful dress. Thelightestnoisedisturbedhim;andonce,inthenight,atthesoundofafootstepoverhead,hecriedoutthatthedeadmanwaswalking—tramp,tramp,tramp—abouthiscoffin.

He lay at night upon a mattress on the floor of the sitting-room; his ownchamberhavingbeenassignedtoMrsGamp;andMrPecksniffwassimilarlyaccommodated. The howling of a dog before the house, filled him with aterrorhecouldnotdisguise.Heavoidedthereflectionintheoppositewindowsofthelightthatburnedabove,asthoughithadbeenanangryeye.Heoften,ineverynight,roseupfromhisfitfulsleep,andlookedandlongedfordawn;alldirections and arrangements, even to the ordering of their daily meals, heabandoned to Mr Pecksniff. That excellent gentleman, deeming that themournerwantedcomfort,andthathighfeedingwaslikelytodohiminfiniteservice,availedhimselfoftheseopportunitiestosuchgoodpurpose,thattheykept quite a dainty table during this melancholy season; with sweetbreads,stewed kidneys, oysters, and other such light viands for supper every night;over which, and sundry jorums of hot punch, Mr Pecksniff delivered suchmoralreflectionsandspiritualconsolationasmighthaveconvertedaHeathen

—especially if he had had but an imperfect acquaintance with the Englishtongue.

NordidMrPecksniff alone indulge in the creature comfortsduring this sadtime.MrsGampprovedtobeverychoiceinhereating,andrepudiatedhashedmuttonwithscorn.Inherdrinkingtoo,shewasverypunctualandparticular,requiringapintofmildporteratlunch,apintatdinner,half-a-pintasaspeciesof stay or holdfast between dinner and tea, and a pint of the celebratedstaggeringale,orRealOldBrightonTipper, at supper;besides thebottleonthechimney-piece,andsuchcasualinvitationstorefreshherselfwithwineasthe good breeding of her employers might prompt them to offer. In likemanner,MrMould'smenfounditnecessarytodrowntheirgrief,likeayoungkitteninthemorningofitsexistence,forwhichreasontheygenerallyfuddledthemselvesbeforetheybegantodoanything,lestitshouldmakeheadandgetthe better of them. In short, thewhole of that strangeweekwas a round ofdismaljovialityandgrimenjoyment;andeveryone,exceptpoorChuffey,whocamewithintheshadowofAnthonyChuzzlewit'sgrave,feastedlikeaGhoul.

At length the day of the funeral, pious and truthful ceremony that it was,arrived.MrMould, with a glass of generous port between his eye and thelight,leanedagainstthedeskinthelittleglassofficewithhisgoldwatchinhisunoccupied hand, and conversed with Mrs Gamp; two mutes were at thehouse-door,lookingasmournfulascouldbereasonablyexpectedofmenwithsucha thrivingjobinhand; thewholeofMrMould'sestablishmentwereonduty within the house or without; feathers waved, horses snorted, silk andvelvetsfluttered;inaword,asMrMouldemphaticallysaid, 'Everythingthatmoneycoulddowasdone.'

'Andwhatcandomore,MrsGamp?'exclaimedtheundertakerasheemptiedhisglassandsmackedhislips.

'Nothingintheworld,sir.'

'Nothingintheworld,'repeatedMrMould.'Youareright,MrsGamp.Whydopeoplespendmoremoney'—herehefilledhisglassagain—'uponadeath,MrsGamp,thanuponabirth?Come,that'sinyourway;yououghttoknow.Howdoyouaccountforthatnow?'

'Perhaps it is because an undertaker's charges comes dearer than a nurse'scharges, sir,' saidMrs Gamp, tittering, and smoothing down her new blackdresswithherhands.

'Ha, ha!' laughed Mr Mould. 'You have been breakfasting at somebody'sexpense thismorning,MrsGamp.'Butseeing,by theaidofa littleshaving-glasswhichhungopposite,thathelookedmerry,hecomposedhisfeaturesandbecamesorrowful.

'Many's the time that I'venot breakfasted atmyownexpense alongof yourrecommending, sir; and many's the time I hope to do the same in time tocome,'saidMrsGamp,withanapologeticcurtsey.

'Sobeit,' repliedMrMould, 'pleaseProvidence.No,MrsGamp;I'll tellyouwhy it is. It's because the laying out of money with a well-conductedestablishment,wherethethingisperformedupontheverybestscale,bindsthebrokenheart,andshedsbalmupon thewoundedspirit.Heartswantbinding,andspiritswantbalmingwhenpeopledie;notwhenpeopleareborn.Lookatthisgentlemanto-day;lookathim.'

'Anopen-handedgentleman?'criedMrsGamp,withenthusiasm.

'No, no,' said the undertaker; 'not an open-handed gentleman in general, byanymeans.Thereyoumistakehim;butanafflictedgentleman,anaffectionategentleman,whoknowswhatitisinthepowerofmoneytodo,ingivinghimrelief, and in testifyinghis love andveneration for thedeparted. It cangivehim,'saidMrMould,wavinghiswatch-chainslowlyroundandround,sothathedescribedonecircleaftereveryitem; 'itcangivehimfourhorses toeachvehicle; it can give him velvet trappings; it can give him drivers in clothcloaksandtop-boots;itcangivehimtheplumageoftheostrich,dyedblack;itcangivehimanynumberofwalkingattendants,dressed in the first styleoffuneral fashion, and carrying batons tipped with brass; it can give him ahandsome tomb; it can give him a place inWestminsterAbbey itself, if hechoosetoinvestitinsuchapurchase.Oh!donotletussaythatgoldisdross,whenitcanbuysuchthingsasthese,MrsGamp.'

'Butwhatablessing,sir,'saidMrsGamp,'thattherearesuchasyou,tosellorlet'emoutonhire!'

'Aye, Mrs Gamp, you are right,' rejoined the undertaker. 'We should be anhonouredcalling.Wedogoodbystealth,andblushtohaveitmentionedinourlittle bills. How much consolation may I—even I,' cried Mr Mould, 'havediffusedamongmyfellow-creaturesbymeansofmyfourlong-tailedprancers,neverharnessedundertenpundten!'

MrsGamphadbeguntomakeasuitablereply,whenshewasinterruptedbytheappearanceofoneofMrMould'sassistants—hischiefmournerinfact—anobese person, with his waistcoat in closer connection with his legs than isquitereconcilablewiththeestablishedideasofgrace;withthatcastoffeaturewhichisfigurativelycalledabottlenose;andwithafacecoveredalloverwithpimples. He had been a tender plant once upon a time, but from constantblowinginthefatatmosphereoffunerals,hadruntoseed.

'Well,Tacker,'saidMrMould,'isallreadybelow?'

'A beautiful show, sir,' rejoined Tacker. 'The horses are prouder and fresher

thaneverIsee'em;andtosstheirheads,theydo,asiftheyknowedhowmuchtheirplumescost.One,two,three,four,'saidMrTacker,heapingthatnumberofblackcloaksuponhisleftarm.

'IsTomthere,withthecakeandwine?'askedMrMould.

'Readytocomeinatamoment'snotice,sir,'saidTacker.

'Then,'rejoinedMrMould,puttinguphiswatch,andglancingathimselfinthelittleshaving-glass,thathemightbesurehisfacehadtherightexpressiononit; 'then I thinkwemay proceed to business. Giveme the paper of gloves,Tacker.Ah,whatamanhewas!Ah,Tacker,Tacker,whatamanhewas!'

Mr Tacker, who from his great experience in the performance of funerals,wouldhavemadeanexcellentpantomimeactor,winkedatMrsGampwithoutatalldisturbingthegravityofhiscountenance,andfollowedhismaster intothenextroom.

ItwasagreatpointwithMrMould,andapartofhisprofessionaltact,nottoseem to know the doctor; though in reality theywere near neighbours, andveryoften,asinthepresentinstance,workedtogether.Soheadvancedtofitonhisblackkidglovesas ifhehadneverseenhim inallhis life;while thedoctor,onhispart, lookedasdistantandunconsciousasifhehadheardandread of undertakers, and had passed their shops, but had never before beenbroughtintocommunicationwithone.

'Gloves,eh?'saidthedoctor.'MrPecksniffafteryou.'

'Icouldn'tthinkofit,'returnedMrPecksniff.

'Youareverygood,'saidthedoctor,takingapair.'Well,sir,asIwassaying—Iwascalleduptoattendthatcaseatabouthalf-pastoneo'clock.Cakeandwine,eh?Whichisport?Thankyou.'

MrPecksnifftooksomealso.

'Atabouthalf-pastoneo'clockinthemorning,sir,'resumedthedoctor,'Iwascalled up to attend that case.At the first pull of the night-bell I turned out,threwupthewindow,andputoutmyhead.Cloak,eh?Don't tie it too tight.That'lldo.'

MrPecksniffhavingbeenlikewiseinductedintoasimilargarment,thedoctorresumed.

'And put out my head—hat, eh? My good friend, that is not mine. MrPecksniff, I beg your pardon, but I think we have unintentionally made anexchange.Thankyou.Well,sir,Iwasgoingtotellyou—'

'Wearequiteready,'interruptedMouldinalowvoice.

'Ready,eh?'saidthedoctor.'Verygood,MrPecksniff,I'lltakeanopportunityof relating the rest in the coach. It's rather curious. Ready, eh? No rain, Ihope?'

'Quitefair,sir,'returnedMould.

'Iwasafraidthegroundwouldhavebeenwet,'saidthedoctor, 'formyglassfell yesterday. We may congratulate ourselves upon our good fortune.' ButseeingbythistimethatMrJonasandChuffeyweregoingoutatthedoor,heputawhitepocket-handkerchief tohis faceas ifaviolentburstofgriefhadsuddenlycomeuponhim,andwalkeddownsidebysidewithMrPecksniff.

MrMouldandhismenhadnotexaggeratedthegrandeurofthearrangements.Theywere splendid. The four hearse-horses, especially, reared and pranced,and showed their highest action, as if they knew a man was dead, andtriumphedinit.'Theybreakus,driveus,rideus;ill-treat,abuse,andmaimusfortheirpleasure—Buttheydie;Hurrah,theydie!'

So through the narrow streets and winding city ways, went AnthonyChuzzlewit's funeral;Mr Jonas glancing stealthily out of the coach-windownowandthen, toobserveitseffectuponthecrowd;MrMouldashewalkedalong, listeningwithasoberprideto theexclamationsof thebystanders; thedoctorwhisperinghis story toMrPecksniff,without appearing to comeanynearertheendofit;andpooroldChuffeysobbingunregardedinacorner.Buthe had greatly scandalizedMrMould at an early stage of the ceremony bycarryinghishandkerchiefinhishatinaperfectlyinformalmanner,andwipinghis eyeswith his knuckles.And asMrMould himself had said already, hisbehaviourwasindecent,andquiteunworthyofsuchanoccasion;andheneveroughttohavebeenthere.

Therehewas,however;andinthechurchyardtherehewas,also,conductinghimself inano lessunbecomingmanner,and leaningforsupportonTacker,whoplainlytoldhimthathewasfitfornothingbetterthanawalkingfuneral.ButChuffey,Heavenhelphim!heardnosoundbuttheechoes,lingeringinhisownheart,ofavoiceforeversilent.

'I lovedhim,' cried theoldman, sinkingdownupon thegravewhenallwasdone.'Hewasverygoodtome.Oh,mydearoldfriendandmaster!'

'Come,come,MrChuffey,'saidthedoctor,'thiswon'tdo;it'saclayeysoil,MrChuffey.Youmustn't,really.'

'Ifithadbeenthecommonestthingwedo,andMrChuffeyhadbeenaBearer,gentlemen,'saidMould,castinganimploringglanceuponthem,ashehelpedtoraisehim,'hecouldn'thavegoneonworsethanthis.'

'Beaman,MrChuffey,'saidPecksniff.

'Beagentleman,MrChuffey,'saidMould.

'Uponmyword,mygood friend,'murmured the doctor, in a tone of statelyreproof,ashesteppeduptotheoldman'sside, 'thisisworsethanweakness.Thisisbad,selfish,verywrong,MrChuffey.Youshouldtakeexamplefromothers,mygoodsir.Youforgetthatyouwerenotconnectedbytiesofbloodwithourdeceasedfriend;andthathehadaverynearandverydearrelation,MrChuffey.'

'Aye, his own son!' cried the old man, clasping his hands with remarkablepassion.'Hisown,own,onlyson!'

'He'snotrightinhishead,youknow,'saidJonas,turningpale. 'You'renottomind anything he says. I shouldn't wonder if hewas to talk some preciousnonsense.Butdon'tyoumindhim,anyofyou.Idon't.Myfatherlefthimtomycharge;andwhateverhesaysordoes,that'senough.I'lltakecareofhim.'

A hum of admiration rose from themourners (includingMrMould and hismerrymen)atthisnewinstanceofmagnanimityandkindfeelingonthepartofJonas.ButChuffeyput it to the testno farther.Hesaidnotawordmore,andbeinglefttohimselfforalittlewhile,creptbackagaintothecoach.

IthasbeensaidthatMrJonasturnedpalewhenthebehaviouroftheoldclerkattracted general attention; his discomposure, however, was butmomentary,andhesoonrecovered.Butthesewerenottheonlychangeshehadexhibitedthatday.ThecuriouseyesofMrPecksniffhadobservedthatassoonastheyleft the house upon their mournful errand, he began to mend; that as theceremonies proceeded he gradually, by little and little, recovered his oldcondition, his old looks, his old bearing, his old agreeable characteristics ofspeechandmanner,andbecame,inallrespects,hisoldpleasantself.Andnowthattheywereseatedinthecoachontheirreturnhome;andmorewhentheygot there, and found the windows open, the light and air admitted, and alltraces of the late event removed; he felt so well convinced that Jonas wasagaintheJonashehadknownaweekago,andnottheJonasoftheinterveningtime,thathevoluntarilygaveuphisrecently-acquiredpowerwithoutonefaintattempt toexercise it, andatonce fellback intohis formerpositionofmildanddeferentialguest.

MrsGampwent home to the bird-fancier's, andwas knocked up again thatvery night for a birth of twins;MrMould dined gayly in the bosom of hisfamily, and passed the evening facetiously at his club; the hearse, afterstandingforalongtimeatthedoorofaroisteringpublic-house,repairedtoitsstableswiththefeathersinsideandtwelvered-nosedundertakersontheroof,eachholdingonbyadingypeg,towhich,intimesofstate,awavingplume

wasfitted;thevarioustrappingsofsorrowwerecarefullylaidbyinpressesforthe next hirer; the fiery steeds were quenched and quiet in their stalls; thedoctorgotmerrywithwineatawedding-dinner,andforgotthemiddleofthestorywhichhadnoendtoit;thepageantofafewshorthoursagowaswrittennowherehalfsolegiblyasintheundertaker'sbooks.

Notinthechurchyard?Noteventhere.Thegateswereclosed;thenightwasdarkandwet;therainfellsilently,amongthestagnantweedsandnettles.Onenewmoundwas therewhichhadnotbeen there lastnight.Time,burrowinglikeamolebelow theground,hadmarkedhis trackby throwingupanotherheapofearth.Andthatwasall.

CHAPTERTWENTY

ISACHAPTEROFLOVE

'Pecksniff,'saidJonas,takingoffhishat,toseethattheblackcrapebandwasall right;and finding that itwas,putting itonagain,complacently; 'whatdoyoumeantogiveyourdaughterswhentheymarry?'

'My dearMr Jonas,' cried the affectionate parent, with an ingenuous smile,'whataverysingularinquiry!'

'Now,don'tyoumindwhetherit'sasingularinquiryorapluralone,'retortedJonas,eyeingMrPecksniffwithnogreatfavour,'butanswerit,orletitalone.Oneortheother.'

'Hum! The question, my dear friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, laying his handtenderlyuponhiskinsman'sknee,'isinvolvedwithmanyconsiderations.WhatwouldIgivethem?Eh?'

'Ah!whatwouldyougive'em?'repeatedJonas.

'Why, that, 'said Mr Pecksniff, 'would naturally depend in a great measureuponthekindofhusbandstheymightchoose,mydearyoungfriend.'

MrJonaswasevidentlydisconcerted,andata losshowtoproceed. Itwasagoodanswer.Itseemedadeepone,butsuchisthewisdomofsimplicity!'

'MystandardforthemeritsIwouldrequireinason-in-law,'saidMrPecksniff,afterashortsilence,'isahighone.Forgiveme,mydearMrJonas,'headded,greatlymoved,'ifIsaythatyouhavespoiledme,andmadeitafancifulone;animaginativeone;aprismaticallytingedone,ifImaybepermittedtocallit

so.'

'What do youmean by that?' growled Jonas, looking at himwith increaseddisfavour.

'Indeed,mydearfriend,'saidMrPecksniff,'youmaywellinquire.Theheartisnotalwaysaroyalmint,withpatentmachinerytoworkitsmetalintocurrentcoin.Sometimesitthrowsitoutinstrangeforms,noteasilyrecognizedascoinatall.Butitissterlinggold.Ithasatleastthatmerit.Itissterlinggold.'

'Isit?'grumbledJonas,withadoubtfulshakeofthehead.

'Aye!'saidMrPecksniff,warmingwithhissubject'itis.Tobeplainwithyou,MrJonas, if I could find twosuchsons-in-lawasyouwillonedaymake tosomedeservingman,capableofappreciatinganaturesuchasyours,Iwould—forgetful of myself—bestow upon my daughters portions reaching to theveryutmostlimitofmymeans.'

Thiswasstronglanguage,anditwasearnestlydelivered.ButwhocanwonderthatsuchamanasMrPecksniff,afterallhehadseenandheardofMrJonas,shouldbestrongandearnestuponsuchatheme;athemethattouchedeventheworldlylipsofundertakerswiththehoneyofeloquence!

MrJonaswassilent,andlookedthoughtfullyatthelandscape.Fortheywereseatedontheoutsideofthecoach,attheback,andweretravellingdownintothecountry.HeaccompaniedMrPecksniffhomeforafewdays'changeofairandsceneafterhisrecenttrials.

'Well,'hesaid,at last,withcaptivatingbluntness, 'supposeyougotonesuchson-in-lawasme,whatthen?'

MrPecksniffregardedhimatfirstwithinexpressiblesurprise;thengraduallybreakingintoasortofdejectedvivacity,said:

'ThenwellIknowwhosehusbandhewouldbe!'

'Whose?'askedJonas,drily.

'Myeldestgirl's,MrJonas,'repliedPecksniff,withmoisteningeyes.'MydearCherry's;mystaff,myscrip,mytreasure,MrJonas.Ahardstruggle,butitisinthenatureofthings!Imustonedaypartwithhertoahusband.Iknowit,mydearfriend.Iampreparedforit.'

'Ecod!you'vebeenprepared for thatapretty long time, I should think,' saidJonas.

'Manyhavesoughttobearherfromme,'saidMrPecksniff.'Allhavefailed."Ineverwillgivemyhand,papa"—thosewereherwords—"unlessmyheart is

won."Shehasnotbeenquitesohappyassheusedtobe,oflate.Idon'tknowwhy.'

AgainMr Jonas looked at the landscape; then at the coachman; then at theluggageontheroof;finallyatMrPecksniff.

'I suppose you'll have to part with the other one, some of these days?' heobserved,ashecaughtthatgentleman'seye.

'Probably,'saidtheparent. 'Yearswill tamedownthewildnessofmyfoolishbird,andthenitwillbecaged.ButCherry,MrJonas,Cherry—'

'Oh, ah!' interrupted Jonas. 'Years havemade her all right enough. Nobodydoubtsthat.Butyouhaven'tansweredwhatIaskedyou.Ofcourse,you'renotobligedtodoit,youknow,ifyoudon'tlike.You'rethebestjudge.'

There was a warning sulkiness in the manner of this speech, whichadmonishedMr Pecksniff that his dear friend was not to be trifled with orfenced off, and that he must either return a straight-forward reply to hisquestion,orplainlygivehimtounderstandthathedeclinedtoenlightenhimuponthesubjecttowhichitreferred.MindfulinthisdilemmaofthecautionoldAnthonyhadgivenhimalmostwithhislatestbreath,heresolvedtospeakto the point, and so toldMr Jonas (enlarging upon the communication as aproofofhisgreatattachmentandconfidence), thatinthecasehehadput; towit, in the event of such aman as he proposing for his daughter's hand, hewouldendowherwithafortuneoffourthousandpounds.

'Ishouldsadlypinchandcrampmyselftodoso,'washisfatherlyremark;'butthatwouldbemyduty,andmyconsciencewouldrewardme.Formyself,myconscienceismybank.Ihaveatrifleinvestedthere—ameretrifle,MrJonas—butIprizeitasastoreofvalue,Iassureyou.'

The good man's enemies would have divided upon this question into twoparties. One would have asserted without scruple that if Mr Pecksniff'sconsciencewerehisbank,andhekeptarunningaccountthere,hemusthaveoverdrawnitbeyondallmortalmeansofcomputation.Theotherwouldhavecontendedthatitwasamerefictitiousform;aperfectlyblankbook;oroneinwhichentrieswereonlymadewithapeculiarkindofinvisibleinktobecomelegibleatsomeindefinitetime;andthathenevertroubleditatall.

'Itwouldsadlypinchandcrampme,mydearfriend,' repeatedMrPecksniff,'butProvidence—perhapsImaybepermittedtosayaspecialProvidence—hasblessedmyendeavours,andIcouldguaranteetomakethesacrifice.'

A question of philosophy arises here,whetherMr Pecksniff had or had notgood reason to say that he was specially patronized and encouraged in hisundertakings.Allhis life longhehadbeenwalkingupanddownthenarrow

waysandby-places,withahookinonehandandacrookintheother,scrapingallsortsofvaluableoddsandendsintohispouch.Now,therebeingaspecialProvidenceinthefallofasparrow,itfollows(soMrPecksniff,andonlysuchadmirable men, would have reasoned), that there must also be a specialProvidence in thealightingof thestoneorstick,orothersubstancewhich isaimed at the sparrow.AndMrPecksniff's hook, or crook, having invariablyknockedthesparrowontheheadandbroughthimdown,thatgentlemanmayhavebeenledtoconsiderhimselfasspeciallylicensedtobagsparrows,andasbeingspeciallyseizedandpossessedofallthebirdshehadgottogether.Thatmanyundertakings,nationalaswellas individual—butespeciallytheformer—areheld to be specially brought to a glorious and successful issue,whichnevercouldbesoregardedonanyotherprocessofreasoning,mustbecleartoallmen.ThereforetheprecedentswouldseemtoshowthatMrPecksniffhad(asthingsgo)goodargumentforwhathesaidandmightbepermittedtosayit,anddidnotsayitpresumptuously,vainly,orarrogantly,butinaspiritofhighfaithandgreatwisdom.

MrJonas,notbeingmuchaccustomedtoperplexhismindwiththeoriesofthisnature, expressed no opinion on the subject. Nor did he receive hiscompanion's announcement with one solitary syllable, good, bad, orindifferent.Hepreservedthistaciturnityforaquarterofanhouratleast,andduring thewhole of that time appeared to be steadily engaged in subjectingsomegivenamounttotheoperationofeveryknownruleinfigures;addingtoit, taking from it, multiplying it, reducing it by long and short division;working it by the rule-of-three direct and inversed; exchange or barter;practice;simple interest;compound interest;andothermeansofarithmeticalcalculation.The resultof these laboursappeared tobesatisfactory, forwhenhedidbreaksilence,itwasasonewhohadarrivedatsomespecificresult,andfreedhimselffromastateofdistressinguncertainty.

'Come, old Pecksniff!'—Such was his jocose address, as he slapped thatgentlemanontheback,attheendofthestage—'let'shavesomething!'

'Withallmyheart,'saidMrPecksniff.

'Let'streatthedriver,'criedJonas.

'Ifyouthinkitwon'thurttheman,orrenderhimdiscontentedwithhisstation—certainly,'falteredMrPecksniff.

Jonas only laughed at this, and getting down from the coach-topwith greatalacrity,cutacumbersomekindofcaperintheroad.Afterwhich,hewentintothepublic-house,andthereorderedspirituousdrinktosuchanextent,thatMrPecksniffhadsomedoubtsofhisperfectsanity,untilJonassetthemquiteatrestbysaying,whenthecoachcouldwaitnolonger:

'I'vebeenstandingtreatforawholeweekandmore,andlettingyouhaveallthe delicacies of the season.YOUshall pay for thisPecksniff.' Itwasnot ajoke either, asMr Pecksniff at first supposed; for hewent off to the coachwithoutfurtherceremony,andlefthisrespectedvictimtosettlethebill.

ButMrPecksniffwasamanofmeekendurance,andMrJonaswashisfriend.Moreover, his regard for that gentlemanwas founded, aswe know, on pureesteem,andaknowledgeoftheexcellenceofhischaracter.Hecameoutfromthe tavern with a smiling face, and even went so far as to repeat theperformance, on a less expensive scale, at the next ale-house. There was acertainwildnessinthespiritsofMrJonas(notusuallyapartofhischaracter)whichwas far from being subdued by thesemeans, and, for the rest of thejourney, he was so very buoyant—it may be said, boisterous—that MrPecksniffhadsomedifficultyinkeepingpacewithhim.

Theywerenotexpected—ohdear,no!MrPecksniffhadproposedinLondontogivethegirlsasurprise,andhadsaidhewouldn'twriteawordtopreparethemonanyaccount,inorderthatheandMrJonasmighttakethemunawares,and just see what they were doing, when they thought their dear papa wasmiles and miles away. As a consequence of this playful device, there wasnobodytomeetthematthefinger-post,butthatwasofsmallconsequence,fortheyhadcomedownbythedaycoach,andMrPecksniffhadonlyacarpetbag,whileMrJonashadonlyaportmanteau.Theytooktheportmanteaubetweenthem, put the bag upon it, and walked off up the lane without delay; MrPecksniff already going on tiptoe as if, without this precaution, his fondchildren,beingthenatadistanceofacoupleofmilesorso,wouldhavesomefilialsenseofhisapproach.

Itwasalovelyeveninginthespring-timeoftheyear;andinthesoftstillnessofthetwilight,allnaturewasverycalmandbeautiful.Thedayhadbeenfineand warm; but at the coming on of night, the air grew cool, and in themellowingdistancesmokewasrisinggentlyfromthecottagechimneys.Therewereathousandpleasantscentsdiffusedaround,fromyoungleavesandfreshbuds;thecuckoohadbeensingingalldaylong,andwasbutjustnowhushed;the smell of earth newly-upturned, first breath of hope to the first labourerafter his gardenwithered,was fragrant in the evening breeze. Itwas a timewhenmostmencherishgoodresolves,andsorrowforthewastedpast;whenmostmen,lookingontheshadowsastheygather,thinkofthateveningwhichmustcloseonall,andthatto-morrowwhichhasnonebeyond.

'Preciousdull,' saidMr Jonas, lookingabout. 'It's enough tomakeamangomelancholymad.'

'Weshallhavelightsandafiresoon,'observedMrPecksniff.

'Weshallneed'embythetimewegetthere,'saidJonas.'Whythedevildon't

youtalk?Whatareyouthinkingof?'

'Totellyouthetruth,MrJonas,'saidPecksniffwithgreatsolemnity,'mymindwasrunningatthatmomentonourlatedearfriend,yourdepartedfather.'

MrJonas immediately lethisburden fall, andsaid, threateninghimwithhishand:

'Dropthat,Pecksniff!'

MrPecksniffnotexactlyknowingwhetherallusionwasmadetothesubjectortheportmanteau,staredathisfriendinunaffectedsurprise.

'Dropit,Isay!'criedJonas,fiercely.'Doyouhear?Dropit,nowandforever.Youhadbetter,Igiveyounotice!'

'Itwasquiteamistake,'urgedMrPecksniff,verymuchdismayed; 'though Iadmititwasfoolish.Imighthaveknownitwasatenderstring.'

'Don'ttalktomeabouttenderstrings,'saidJonas,wipinghisforeheadwiththecuffofhiscoat.'I'mnotgoingtobecrowedoverbyyou,becauseIdon'tlikedeadcompany.'

MrPecksniffhadgotoutthewords'Crowedover,MrJonas!'whenthatyoungman,withadarkexpressioninhiscountenance,cuthimshortoncemore:

'Mind!'hesaid.'Iwon'thaveit.Iadviseyounottorevivethesubject,neithertomenoranybodyelse.Youcantakeahint,ifyouchooseaswellasanotherman.There'senoughsaidaboutit.Comealong!'

Takinguphispartoftheloadagain,whenhehadsaidthesewords,hehurriedon so fast that Mr Pecksniff, at the other end of the portmanteau, foundhimselfdraggedforward,inaveryinconvenientandungracefulmanner,tothegreatdetrimentofwhatiscalledbyfancygentlemen'thebark'uponhisshins,whichweremostunmercifullybumpedagainst thehard leather and the ironbuckles.Inthecourseofafewminutes,however,MrJonasrelaxedhisspeed,and suffered his companion to come up with him, and to bring theportmanteauintoatolerablystraightposition.

Itwasprettyclearthatheregrettedhislateoutbreak,andthathemistrusteditseffect onMr Pecksniff; for as often as that gentleman glanced towardsMrJonas, he found Mr Jonas glancing at him, which was a new source ofembarrassment.Itwasbutashort-livedone,though,forMrJonassoonbegantowhistle,whereuponMrPecksniff, takinghiscuefromhisfriend,begantohumatunemelodiously.

'Prettynearlythere,ain'twe?'saidJonas,whenthishadlastedsometime.

'Close,mydearfriend,'saidMrPecksniff.

'What'lltheybedoing,doyousuppose?'askedJonas.

'Impossible to say,' criedMr Pecksniff. 'Giddy truants! They may be awayfromhome, perhaps. Iwasgoing to—he! he! he!—Iwasgoing to propose,'saidMrPecksniff,'thatweshouldenterbythebackway,andcomeuponthemlikeaclapofthunder,MrJonas.'

Itmight not havebeen easy to decide in respect ofwhichof theirmanifoldproperties,Jonas,MrPecksniff,thecarpet-bag,andtheportmanteau,couldbelikenedtoaclapofthunder.ButMrJonasgivinghisassenttothisproposal,theystoleroundintothebackyard,andsoftlyadvancedtowards thekitchenwindow, throughwhich themingled light of fire and candle shoneupon thedarkeningnight.

TrulyMrPecksniffisblessedinhischildren—inoneofthem,atanyrate.TheprudentCherry—staffandscrip,andtreasureofherdotingfather—thereshesits,ata little tablewhiteasdrivensnow,before thekitchenfire,makingupaccounts! See the neat maiden, as with pen in hand, and calculating lookaddressed towards theceilingandbunchofkeyswithina littlebasketatherside,shechecksthehousekeepingexpenditure!Fromflat-iron,dish-cover,andwarming-pan; from pot and kettle, face of brass footman, and black-leadedstove;brightglancesofapprobationwinkandglowuponher.Theveryonionsdanglingfromthebeam,mantleandshinelikecherubs'cheeks.SomethingoftheinfluenceofthosevegetablessinksintoMrPecksniff'snature.Heweeps.

Itisbutforamoment,andhehidesitfromtheobservationofhisfriend—verycarefully—by a somewhat elaborate use of his pocket-handkerchief, in fact;forhewouldnothavehisweaknessknown.

'Pleasant,'hemurmured,'pleasanttoafather'sfeelings!Mydeargirl!Shallweletherknowwearehere,MrJonas?'

'Why, I suppose you don't mean to spend the evening in the stable, or thecoach-house,'hereturned.

'That, indeed, is not such hospitality as I would show to YOU,my friend,'criedMr Pecksniff, pressing his hand.And then he took a long breath, andtappingatthewindow,shoutedwithstentorianblandness:

'Boh!'

Cherrydroppedherpenandscreamed.Butinnocenceiseverbold,orshouldbe.As theyopened thedoor, thevaliantgirl exclaimed in a firmvoice, andwithapresenceofmindwhicheveninthattryingmomentdidnotdeserther,'Whoareyou?Whatdoyouwant?Speak!orIwillcallmyPa.'

MrPecksniffheldouthisarms.Sheknewhiminstantly,andrushed intohisfondembrace.

'Itwas thoughtless of us,Mr Jonas, itwasvery thoughtless,' saidPecksniff,smoothinghisdaugther'shair.'Mydarling,doyouseethatIamnotalone!'

Not she. She had seen nothing but her father until now. She sawMr Jonasnow,though;andblushed,andhungherheaddown,asshegavehimwelcome.

ButwherewasMerry?MrPecksniffdidn'taskthequestioninreproach,butinaveinofmildnesstouchedwithagentlesorrow.Shewasupstairs,readingontheparlourcouch.Ah!DomesticdetailshadnocharmsforHER.'Butcallherdown,'saidMrPecksniff,withaplacidresignation.'Callherdown,mylove.'

Shewascalledandcame,allflushedandtumbledfromreposingonthesofa;butnonetheworseforthat.No,notatall.Ratherthebetter,ifanything.

'Ohmygoodnessme!'criedthearchgirl,turningtohercousinwhenshehadkissedherfatheronbothcheeks,andinherfrolicsomenaturehadbestowedasupernumerary salute upon the tip of his nose, 'YOUhere, fright!Well, I'mverythankfulthatyouwon'ttroubleMEmuch!'

'What!you'reaslivelyasever,areyou?'saidJonas.'Oh!You'reawickedone!'

'There, go along!' retortedMerry, pushing him away. 'I'm sure I don't knowwhat I shall ever do, if I have to seemuch of you.Go along, for gracious'sake!'

MrPecksniffstrikinginhere,witharequestthatMrJonaswouldimmediatelywalkupstairs,hesofarcompliedwiththeyounglady'sadjurationastogoatonce.ButthoughhehadthefairCherryonhisarm,hecouldnothelplookingbackathersister,andexchangingsomefurtherdialogueofthesamebanteringdescription, as they all four ascended to the parlour; where—for the youngladieshappened,bygoodfortune,tobealittlelaterthanusualthatnight—thetea-boardwasatthatmomentbeingsetout.

MrPinchwas not at home, so they had it all to themselves, andwere verysnug and talkative, Jonas sitting between the two sisters, and displaying hisgallantry in that engagingmannerwhichwas peculiar to him. Itwas a hardthing,MrPecksniff said,when teawas done, and cleared away, to leave sopleasantalittleparty,buthavingsomeimportantpaperstoexamineinhisownapartment,hemustbegthemtoexcusehimforhalfanhour.Withthisapologyhewithdrew,singingacarelessstrainashewent.Hehadnotbeengonefiveminutes,whenMerry,whohadbeensitting in thewindow,apart fromJonasandhersister,burstintoahalf-smotheredlaugh,andskippedtowardsthedoor.

'Hallo!'criedJonas.'Don'tgo.'

'Oh, Idaresay!' rejoinedMerry, lookingback. 'You'reveryanxious I shouldstay,fright,ain'tyou?'

'Yes,Iam,'saidJonas. 'UponmywordIam.Iwant tospeaktoyou.'Butasshelefttheroomnotwithstanding,heranoutafterher,andbroughtherback,after a short struggle in the passage which scandalized Miss Cherry verymuch.

'Uponmyword,Merry,' urged that young lady, 'Iwonder at you!There areboundseventoabsurdity,mydear.'

'Thankyou,mysweet,'saidMerry,pursingupherrosyLips.'Muchobligedtoitfor itsadvice.Oh!doleavemealone,youmonster,do!'ThisentreatywaswrungfromherbyanewproceedingonthepartofMrJonas,whopulledherdown,allbreathlessasshewas,intoaseatbesidehimonthesofa,havingatthesametimeMissCherryupontheotherside.

'Now,'saidJonas,claspingthewaistofeach;'Ihavegotbotharmsfull,haven'tI?'

'Oneofthemwillbeblackandblueto-morrow,ifyoudon'tletmego,'criedtheplayfulMerry.

'Ah!Idon'tmindYOURpinching,'grinnedJonas,'abit.'

'Pinch him for me, Cherry, pray,' saidMercy. 'I never did hate anybody somuchasIhatethiscreature,Ideclare!'

'No,no,don'tsaythat,'urgedJonas,'anddon'tpincheither,becauseIwanttobeserious.Isay—CousinCharity—'

'Well!what?'sheansweredsharply.

'Iwanttohavesomesobertalk,'saidJonas; 'Iwanttopreventanymistakes,you know, and to put everything upon a pleasant understanding. That'sdesirableandproper,ain'tit?'

Neitherof thesisters spokeaword.MrJonaspausedandclearedhis throat,whichwasverydry.

'She'llnotbelievewhatIamgoingtosay,willshe,cousin?'saidJonas,timidlysqueezingMissCharity.

'Really,MrJonas,Idon'tknow,untilIhearwhatitis.It'squiteimpossible!'

'Why,yousee,'saidJonas, 'herwayalwaysbeingtomakegameofpeople,Iknowshe'lllaugh,orpretendto—Iknowthat,beforehand.ButyoucantellherI'minearnest,cousin;can'tyou?You'llconfessyouknow,won'tyou?You'llbehonourable,I'msure,'headdedpersuasively.

Noanswer.His throatseemedtogrowhotterandhotter,andtobemoreandmoredifficultofcontrol.

'Yousee,CousinCharity,'saidJonas,'nobodybutyoucantellherwhatpainsItooktogetintohercompanywhenyouwerebothattheboarding-houseinthecity,becausenobody'ssowellawareofit,youknow.NobodyelsecantellherhowhardItriedtogettoknowyoubetter, inorderthatImightgettoknowherwithoutseemingtowish it;can they?Ialwaysaskedyouabouther,andsaidwherehadshegone,andwhenwouldshecome,andhowlivelyshewas,andallthat;didn'tI,cousin?Iknowyou'lltellherso,ifyouhaven'ttoldhersoalready,and—and—Idaresayyouhave,becauseI'msureyou'rehonourable,ain'tyou?'

Stillnotaword.TherightarmofMrJonas—theeldersistersatuponhisright—may have been sensible of some tumultuous throbbing which was notwithin itself; but nothing else apprisedhim that hiswordshadhad the leasteffect.

'Evenifyoukeptittoyourself,andhaven'ttoldher,'resumedJonas, 'itdon'tmuchmatter,becauseyou'llbearhonestwitnessnow;won'tyou?We'vebeenverygoodfriendsfromthefirst;haven'twe?andofcourseweshallbequitefriendsinfuture,andsoIdon'tmindspeakingbeforeyouabit.CousinMercy,you'veheardwhat I'vebeensaying.She'll confirm it, everyword; shemust.Willyouhavemeforyourhusband?Eh?'

AshereleasedhisholdofCharity,toputthisquestionwithbettereffect,shestarted up and hurried away to her own room,marking her progress as shewent by such a train of passionate and incoherent sound, as nothing but aslightedwomaninherangercouldproduce.

'Letmegoaway.Letmegoafterher,'saidMerry,pushinghimoff,andgivinghim—to tell the truth—more than one sounding slap upon his outstretchedface.

'Not till you say yes. You haven't told me. Will you have me for yourhusband?'

'No,Iwon't.Ican'tbearthesightofyou.Ihavetoldyousoahundredtimes.You are a fright.Besides, I always thought you likedmy sister best.Weallthoughtso.'

'Butthatwasn'tmyfault,'saidJonas.

'Yesitwas;youknowitwas.'

'Anytrickisfairinlove,'saidJonas. 'ShemayhavethoughtIlikedherbest,butyoudidn't.'

'Idid!'

'No,youdidn't.YounevercouldhavethoughtIlikedherbest,whenyouwereby.'

'There'snoaccountingfortastes,'saidMerry;'atleastIdidn'tmeantosaythat.Idon'tknowwhatImean.Letmegotoher.'

'Say"Yes,"andthenIwill.'

'IfIeverbroughtmyselftosayso,itshouldonlybethatImighthateandteaseyouallmylife.'

'That'sasgood,'criedJonas,'assayingitrightout.It'sabargain,cousin.We'reapair,ifevertherewasone.'

This gallant speech was succeeded by a confused noise of kissing andslapping; and then the fair but much dishevelled Merry broke away, andfollowedinthefootstepsofhersister.

NowwhetherMrPecksniffhadbeenlistening—whichinoneofhischaracterappears impossible; or divined almost by inspirationwhat thematterwas—which, in amanof his sagacity is farmore probable; or happenedby sheergood fortune to findhimself inexactly the rightplace, atprecisely the righttime—which, under the special guardianship in which he lived might veryreasonablyhappen;itisquitecertainthatatthemomentwhenthesisterscametogether in their own room, he appeared at the chamber door. And amarvellouscontrastitwas—theysoheated,noisy,andvehement;hesocalm,soself-possessed,socoolandfullofpeace,thatnotahairuponhisheadwasstirred.

'Children!' said Mr Pecksniff, spreading out his hands in wonder, but notbefore he had shut the door, and set his back against it. 'Girls! Daughters!Whatisthis?'

'Thewretch;theapostate;thefalse,mean,odiousvillain;hasbeforemyveryfaceproposedtoMercy!'washiseldestdaughter'sanswer.

'WhohasproposedtoMercy!'askedMrPecksniff.

'HEhas.Thatthing,Jonas,downstairs.'

'JonasproposedtoMercy?'saidMrPecksniff.'Aye,aye!Indeed!'

'Haveyounothingelsetosay?'criedCharity. 'AmItobedrivenmad,papa?HehasproposedtoMercy,nottome.'

'Oh, fie! For shame!' said Mr Pecksniff, gravely. 'Oh, for shame! Can thetriumphofasistermoveyoutothisterribledisplay,mychild?Oh,reallythis

isverysad!Iamsorry;Iamsurprisedandhurttoseeyouso.Mercy,mygirl,blessyou!Seetoher.Ah,envy,envy,whatapassionyouare!'

Utteringthisapostropheinatonefullofgriefandlamentation,MrPecksnifflefttheroom(takingcaretoshutthedoorbehindhim),andwalkeddownstairsintotheparlour.Therehefoundhis intendedson-in-law,whomheseizedbybothhands.

'Jonas!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Jonas! the dearest wish of my heart is nowfulfilled!'

'Verywell;I'mgladtohearit,'saidJonas.'That'lldo.Isay!Asitain'ttheoneyou'resofondof,youmustcomedownwithanotherthousand,Pecksniff.Youmustmake it up five. It'sworth that, to keep your treasure to yourself, youknow.Yougetoffverycheapthatway,andhaven'tasacrificetomake.'

Thegrinwithwhichheaccompaniedthis,setoffhisotherattractionstosuchunspeakableadvantage,thatevenMrPecksnifflosthispresenceofmindforamoment, and looked at the young man as if he were quite stupefied withwonder and admiration.But he quickly regainedhis composure, andwas intheveryactofchangingthesubject,whenahastystepwasheardwithout,andTomPinch,inastateofgreatexcitement,camedartingintotheroom.

Onseeinga stranger there, apparently engagedwithMrPecksniff inprivateconversation,Tomwasverymuchabashed,thoughhestilllookedasifhehadsomethingofgreat importance tocommunicate,whichwouldbea sufficientapologyforhisintrusion.

'MrPinch,' saidPecksniff, 'this ishardlydecent.Youwill excusemysayingthatIthinkyourconductscarcelydecent,MrPinch.'

'Ibegyourpardon,sir,'repliedTom,'fornotknockingatthedoor.'

'Ratherbegthisgentleman'spardon,MrPinch,'saidPecksniff.'Iknowyou;hedoesnot.—Myyoungman,MrJonas.'

Theson-in-lawthatwastobegavehimaslightnod—notactivelydisdainfulorcontemptuous,onlypassively;forhewasinagoodhumour.

'Could I speak a word with you, sir, if you please?' said Tom. 'It's ratherpressing.'

'It should be very pressing to justify this strange behaviour, Mr Pinch,'returned hismaster. 'Excuseme for onemoment,my dear friend.Now, sir,whatisthereasonofthisroughintrusion?'

'I amvery sorry, sir, I amsure,' saidTom, standing, cap inhand,beforehispatroninthepassage;'andIknowitmusthaveaveryrudeappearance—'

'ItHASaveryrudeappearance,MrPinch.'

'Yes,Ifeelthat,sir;butthetruthis,Iwassosurprisedtoseethem,andknewyouwouldbetoo,thatIranhomeveryfastindeed,andreallyhadn'tenoughcommand over myself to know what I was doing very well. I was in thechurch just now, sir, touching the organ for my own amusement, when Ihappened to lookround,andsawagentlemanand ladystanding in theaislelistening.Theyseemedtobestrangers,sir,aswellasIcouldmakeoutinthedusk;andIthoughtIdidn'tknowthem;sopresentlyIleftoff,andsaid,wouldtheywalkupintotheorgan-loft,ortakeaseat?No,theysaid,theywouldn'tdothat;buttheythankedmeforthemusictheyhadheard.Infact,'observedTom,blushing, 'theysaid,"Deliciousmusic!"atleast,SHEdid;andIamsurethatwas agreaterpleasure andhonour tome than anycompliment I couldhavehad.I—I—begyourpardonsir;'hewasallinatremble,anddroppedhishatforthesecondtime 'butI—I'mratherflurried,andIfearI'vewanderedfromthepoint.'

'Ifyouwillcomebacktoit,Thomas,'saidMrPecksniff,withanicylook, 'Ishallfeelobliged.'

'Yes,sir,'returnedTom,'certainly.Theyhadapostingcarriageattheporch,sir,andhadstoppedtoheartheorgan,theysaid.Andthentheysaid—SHEsaid,Imean,"IbelieveyoulivewithMrPecksniff,sir?"IsaidIhadthathonour,andItooktheliberty,sir,'addedTom,raisinghiseyestohisbenefactor'sface,'ofsaying,asIalwayswillandmust,withyourpermission,thatIwasundergreatobligationstoyou,andnevercouldexpressmysenseofthemsufficiently.'

'That,'saidMrPecksniff,'wasvery,verywrong.Takeyourtime,MrPinch.'

'Thank you, sir,' cried Tom. 'On that they asked me—she asked, I mean—"Wasn'tthereabridleroadtoMrPecksniff'shouse?"'

MrPecksniffsuddenlybecamefullofinterest.

'"WithoutgoingbytheDragon?"WhenIsaidtherewas,andsaidhowhappyIshouldbetoshowit'em,theysentthecarriageonbytheroad,andcamewithmeacrossthemeadows.Ileft 'emattheturnstiletorunforwardandtellyoutheywerecoming,andthey'llbehere,sir, in—inlessthanaminute'stime,Ishouldsay,'addedTom,fetchinghisbreathwithdifficulty.

'Now,who,'saidMrPecksniff,pondering,'whomaythesepeoplebe?'

'Blessmy soul, sir!' criedTom, 'Imeant tomention that at first, I thought Ihad. Iknew them—her, Imean—directly.Thegentlemanwhowas ill at theDragon,sir,lastwinter;andtheyoungladywhoattendedhim.'

Tom'steethchatteredinhishead,andhepositivelystaggeredwithamazement,

at witnessing the extraordinary effect produced on Mr Pecksniff by thesesimplewords.Thedreadoflosingtheoldman'sfavouralmostassoonastheywere reconciled, through the mere fact of having Jonas in the house; theimpossibilityofdismissingJonas,orshuttinghimup,or tyinghimhandandfootandputtinghimin thecoal-cellar,withoutoffendinghimbeyondrecall;thehorriblediscordanceprevailingintheestablishment,andtheimpossibilityofreducingittodecentharmonywithCharityinloudhysterics,Mercyintheutmost disorder, Jonas in the parlour, andMartinChuzzlewit and his youngcharge upon the very doorsteps; the total hopelessness of being able todisguise or feasibly explain this state of rampant confusion; the suddenaccumulation over his devoted head of every complicated perplexity andentanglement for his extrication from which he had trusted to time, goodfortune, chance, and his own plotting, so filled the entrapped architectwithdismay,thatifTomcouldhavebeenaGorgonstaringatMrPecksniff,andMrPecksniff could have been a Gorgon staring at Tom, they could not havehorrifiedeachotherhalfsomuchasintheirownbewilderedpersons.

'Dear, dear!' cried Tom, 'what have I done? I hoped it would be a pleasantsurprise,sir.Ithoughtyouwouldliketoknow.'

Butatthatmomentaloudknockingwasheardatthehalldoor.

CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE

MOREAMERICANEXPERIENCES,MARTINTAKESAPARTNER,ANDMAKESAPURCHASE.SOMEACCOUNTOFEDEN,ASITAPPEAREDON PAPER. ALSO OF THE BRITISH LION. ALSO OF THE KIND OFSYMPATHYPROFESSEDANDENTERTAINEDBYTHEWATERTOASTASSOCIATIONOFUNITEDSYMPATHISERS

The knocking at Mr Pecksniff's door, though loud enough, bore noresemblancewhatevertothenoiseofanAmericanrailwaytrainatfullspeed.Itmaybewelltobeginthepresentchapterwiththisfrankadmission,lestthereadershouldimaginethat thesoundsnowdeafeningthishistory'searshaveany connection with the knocker onMr Pecksniff's door, or with the greatamountofagitationprettyequallydividedbetween thatworthymanandMrPinch,ofwhichitsstrongperformancewasthecause.

Mr Pecksniff's house ismore than a thousand leagues away; and again thishappy chronicle has Liberty andMoral Sensibility for its high companions.AgainitbreathestheblessedairofIndependence;againitcontemplateswithpious awe that moral sense which renders unto Ceasar nothing that is his;

again inhales that sacred atmosphere which was the life of him—oh noblepatriot,withmanyfollowers!—whodreamedofFreedominaslave'sembrace,andwakingsoldheroffspringandhisowninpublicmarkets.

Howthewheelsclankandrattle,andthetram-roadshakes,asthetrainrusheson! And now the engine yells, as it were lashed and tortured like a livinglabourer, and writhed in agony. A poor fancy; for steel and iron are ofinfinitelygreateraccount,inthiscommonwealth,thanfleshandblood.Ifthecunningworkofmanbeurgedbeyonditspowerofendurance,ithaswithinitthe elements of its own revenge; whereas the wretched mechanism of theDivineHandisdangerouswithnosuchproperty,butmaybetamperedwith,andcrushed,andbroken,atthedriver'spleasure.Lookatthatengine!Itshallcostamanmoredollarsinthewayofpenaltyandfine,andsatisfactionoftheoutraged law, to deface inwantonness that senselessmass ofmetal, than totakethelivesoftwentyhumancreatures!Thusthestarswinkuponthebloodystripes;andLibertypullsdownhercapuponhereyes,andownsOppressioninitsvilestaspect,forhersister.

The engine-driver of the trainwhose noise awoke us to the present chapterwascertainlytroubledwithnosuchreflectionsasthese;norisitveryprobablethat hismindwasdisturbedby any reflections at all.He leanedwith foldedarmsandcrossed legsagainst the sideof thecarriage, smoking;and, exceptwhen he expressed, by a grunt as short as his pipe, his approval of someparticularly dexterous aim on the part of his colleague, the fireman, whobeguiledhisleisurebythrowinglogsofwoodfromthetenderatthenumerousstray cattle on the line, he preserved a composure so immovable, and anindifference so complete, that if the locomotive had been a sucking-pig, hecouldnothavebeenmoreperfectlyindifferenttoitsdoings.Notwithstandingthetranquilstateofthisofficer,andhisunbrokenpeaceofmind,thetrainwasproceedingwithtolerablerapidity;andtherailsbeingbutpoorlylaid,thejoltsandbumpsitmetwithinitsprogresswereneitherslightnorfew.

There were three great caravans or cars attached. The ladies' car, thegentlemen's car, and the car for negroes; the latter painted black, as anappropriatecomplimenttoitscompany.MartinandMarkTapleywereinthefirst,as itwasthemostcomfortable;and,beingfarfromfull, receivedothergentlemenwho, like them, were unblessed by the society of ladies of theirown. They were seated side by side, and were engaged in earnestconversation.

'Andso,Mark,'saidMartin, lookingathimwithananxiousexpression, 'andsoyouaregladwehaveleftNewYorkfarbehindus,areyou?'

'Yes,sir,'saidMark.'Iam.Preciousglad.'

'Wereyounot"jolly"there?'askedMartin.

'Onthecontrairy,sir,'returnedMark.'ThejolliestweekaseverIspentinmylife,wasthatthereweekatPawkins's.'

'Whatdoyouthinkofourprospects?'inquiredMartin,withanairthatplainlysaidhehadavoidedthequestionforsometime.

'Uncommonbright,sir,'returnedMark.'Impossibleforaplacetohaveabettername, sir, than theWalley of Eden. Noman couldn't think of settling in abetterplacethantheWalleyofEden.AndI'mtold,'addedMark,afterapause,'as there's lots of serpents there, so we shall come out, quite complete andreg'lar.'

Sofar fromdwellingupon thisagreeablepieceof informationwith the leastdismay,Mark'sfacegrewradiantashecalledittomind;soveryradiant,thatastrangermighthavesupposedhehadallhislifebeenyearningforthesocietyofserpents,andnowhailedwithdelighttheapproachingconsummationofhisfondestwishes.

'Whotoldyouthat?'askedMartin,sternly.

'Amilitaryofficer,'saidMark.

'Confoundyouforaridiculousfellow!'criedMartin,laughingheartilyinspiteofhimself.'Whatmilitaryofficer?Youknowtheyspringupineveryfield.'

'As thickasscarecrows inEngland,sir,' interposedMark, 'which isasortofmilitathemselves,beingentirelycoatandwescoat,withastickinside.Ha,ha!—Don'tmindme,sir;it'smywaysometimes.Ican'thelpbeingjolly.WhyitwasoneoftheminwadingconquerorsatPawkins's,astoldme."AmIrightlyinformed,"hesays—notexactlythroughhisnose,butasifhe'dgotastoppagein it, very high up—"that you're a-going to theWalley of Eden?" "I heardsometalkonit,"Itoldhim."Oh!"sayshe,"ifyoushouldeverhappentogotobed there—youMAY,youknow,"he says, "incourseof timeascivilisationprogresses—don'tforgettotakeaaxewithyou."Ilooksathimtolerablehard."Fleas?"saysI."Andmore,"sayshe."Wampires?"saysI."Andmore,"sayshe."Musquitoes,perhaps?"saysI."Andmore,"sayshe."Whatmore?"saysI."Snakes more," says he; "rattle-snakes. You're right to a certain extent,stranger.Thereairsomecatawampouschawersinthesmallwaytoo,asgrazeupon a human pretty strong; but don't mind THEM—they're company. It'ssnakes,"hesays,"asyou'llobjectto;andwheneveryouwakeandseeoneinauprightposteronyourbed,"hesays,"likeacorkscrewwiththehandleoffa-sittin'onitsbottomring,cuthimdown,forhemeanswenom."'

'Whydidn'tyoutellmethisbefore!'criedMartin,withanexpressionoffacewhichsetoffthecheerfulnessofMark'svisagetogreatadvantage.

'Ineverthoughtonit,sir,'saidMark.'Itcomeinatoneear,andwentoutatthe

other.ButLordloveus,hewasoneofanotherCompany,Idaresay,andonlymadeupthestorythatwemightgotohisEden,andnottheoppositionone.'

'There's someprobability in that,'observedMartin. 'Icanhonestlysay that Ihopeso,withallmyheart.'

'I've not a doubt about it, sir,' returned Mark, who, full of the inspiritinginfluence of the anecodote upon himself, had for the moment forgotten itsprobableeffectuponhismaster;'anyhow,wemustlive,youknow,sir.'

'Live!'criedMartin.'Yes,it'seasytosaylive;butifweshouldhappennottowakewhenrattlesnakesaremakingcorkscrewsofthemselvesuponourbeds,itmaybenotsoeasytodoit.'

'And that'sa fact,' saidavoice soclose inhisear that it tickledhim. 'That'sdreadfultrue.'

Martin looked round, and found that a gentleman, on the seat behind, hadthrusthisheadbetweenhimselfandMark,andsatwithhischinrestingonthebackrailoftheirlittlebench,entertaininghimselfwiththeirconversation.Hewas as languid and listless in his looks asmost of the gentlemen they hadseen;hischeeksweresohollowthatheseemedtobealwayssuckingthemin;andthesunhadburnthim,notawholesomeredorbrown,butdirtyyellow.Hehad bright dark eyes, which he kept half closed; only peeping out of thecorners, and even then with a glance that seemed to say, 'Now you won'toverreachme;youwant to,butyouwon't.'Hisarmsrestedcarelesslyonhiskneesasheleantforward;inthepalmofhislefthand,asEnglishrusticshavetheir slice of cheese, he had a cake of tobacco; in his right a penknife. Hestruckintothedialoguewithaslittlereserveasifhehadbeenspeciallycalledin,daysbefore,toheartheargumentsonbothsides,andfavourthemwithhisopinion;andhenomorecontemplatedorcaredforthepossibilityoftheirnotdesiringthehonourofhisacquaintanceorinterferenceintheirprivateaffairsthanifhehadbeenabearorabuffalo.

'That,' he repeated, nodding condescendingly to Martin, as to an outerbarbarianandforeigner,'isdreadfultrue.Darnallmannerofvermin.'

Martin could not help frowning for a moment, as if he were disposed toinsinuate that the gentleman had unconsciously 'darned' himself. ButrememberingthewisdomofdoingatRomeasRomansdo,hesmiledwiththepleasantestexpressionhecouldassumeuponsoshortanotice.

Theirnew friendsaidnomore just then,beingbusilyemployed incuttingaquid or plug from his cake of tobacco, and whistling softly to himself thewhile. When he had shaped it to his liking, he took out his old plug, anddepositedthesameonthebackoftheseatbetweenMarkandMartin,whilehethrust thenewone into thehollowofhischeek,where it looked likea large

walnut,ortolerablepippin.Findingitquitesatisfactory,hestuckthepointofhisknife into theoldplug, andholding it out for their inspection, remarkedwith the air of a man who had not lived in vain, that it was 'used upconsiderable.'Thenhe tossed it away; put his knife into onepocket andhistobaccointoanother;restedhischinupontherailasbefore;andapprovingofthepatternonMartin'swaistcoat, reachedouthishand to feel the textureofthatgarment.

'Whatdoyoucallthisnow?'heasked.

'Uponmyword'saidMartin,'Idon'tknowwhatit'scalled.'

'It'llcostadollarormoreayard,Ireckon?'

'Ireallydon'tknow.'

'Inmycountry,'saidthegentleman,'weknowthecostofourownpro-duce.'

Martinnotdiscussingthequestion,therewasapause.

'Well!' resumed their new friend, after staring at them intently during thewholeintervalofsilence;'how'stheunnat'raloldparentbythistime?'

MrTapley regarding this inquiry as only another version of the impertinentEnglishquestion, 'How's yourmother?'wouldhave resented it instantly, butforMartin'spromptinterposition.

'Youmeantheoldcountry?'hesaid.

'Ah!' was the reply. 'How's she? Progressing back'ards, I expect, as usual?Well!How'sQueenVictoria?'

'Ingoodhealth,Ibelieve,'saidMartin.

'Queen Victoria won't shake in her royal shoes at all, when she hears to-morrownamed,'observedthestranger,'No.'

'NotthatIamawareof.Whyshouldshe?'

'Shewon'tbetakenwithacoldchill,whensherealiseswhatisbeingdoneinthesediggings,'saidthestranger.'No.'

'No,'saidMartin.'IthinkIcouldtakemyoathofthat.'

The strange gentleman looked at him as if in pity for his ignorance orprejudice,andsaid:

'Well, sir, I tell you this—there ain't a engine with its biler bust, in GodA'mighty'sfreeU-nitedStates,sofixed,andnipped,andfrizzledtoamoste-tarnal smash,as thatyoungcritter, inher luxurious location in theTowerof

Londonwillbe,whenshereadsthenextdouble-extraWatertoastGazette.'

Several other gentlemen had left their seats and gathered round during theforegoing dialogue. Theywere highly delightedwith this speech. One verylankgentleman,inalooselimpwhitecravat,longwhitewaistcoat,andablackgreat-coat, who seemed to be in authority among them, felt called upon toacknowledgeit.

'Hem!MrLaFayetteKettle,'hesaid,takingoffhishat.

Therewasagravemurmurof'Hush!'

'MrLaFayetteKettle!Sir!'

MrKettlebowed.

'Inthenameofthiscompany,sir,andinthenameofourcommoncountry,andin the name of that righteous cause of holy sympathy in which we areengaged, I thank you. I thank you, sir, in the name of the WatertoastSympathisers;andIthankyou,sir,inthenameoftheWatertoastGazette;andI thankyou,sir, in thenameof thestar-spangledbannerof theGreatUnitedStates, for your eloquent and categorical exposition. And if, sir,' said thespeaker, poking Martin with the handle of his umbrella to bespeak hisattention,forhewaslisteningtoawhisperfromMark;'if,sir,insuchaplace,andatsuchatime,Imightventuretocon-cludewithasentiment,glancing—however slantin'dicularly—at the subject in hand, I would say, sir, may theBritish Lion have his talons eradicated by the noble bill of the AmericanEagle, andbe taught toplayupon the IrishHarp and theScotchFiddle thatmusicwhichisbreathedineveryemptyshellthatliesupontheshoresofgreenCo-lumbia!'

Herethelankgentlemansatdownagain,amidstagreatsensation;andeveryonelookedverygrave.

'General Choke,' said Mr La Fayette Kettle, 'you warm my heart; sir, youwarm my heart. But the British Lion is not unrepresented here, sir; and Ishouldbegladtohearhisanswertothoseremarks.'

'Upon my word,' cried Martin, laughing, 'since you do me the honour toconsidermehisrepresentative,IhaveonlytosaythatIneverheardofQueenVictoriareadingtheWhat's-his-nameGazetteandthatIshouldscarcelythinkitprobable.'

General Choke smiled upon the rest, and said, in patient and benignantexplanation:

'Itissenttoher,sir.Itissenttoher.Hermail.'

'ButifitisaddressedtotheTowerofLondon,itwouldhardlycometohand,Ifear,'returnedMartin;'forshedon'tlivethere.'

'TheQueenofEngland,gentlemen,'observedMrTapley,affectingthegreatestpoliteness,and regarding themwithan immovable face, 'usually lives in theMinttotakecareofthemoney.SheHASlodgings,invirtueofheroffice,withthe Lord Mayor at the Mansion House; but don't often occupy them, inconsequenceoftheparlourchimneysmoking.'

'Mark,' saidMartin, 'I shall be verymuch obliged to you if you'll have thegoodnessnot to interferewithpreposterous statements, however jocose theymayappeartoyou.Iwasmerelyremarkinggentlemen—thoughit'sapointofvery little import—that theQueenofEnglanddoesnothappen to live in theTowerofLondon.'

'General!'criedMrLaFayetteKettle.'Youhear?'

'General!'echoedseveralothers.'General!'

'Hush!Pray,silence!'saidGeneralChoke,holdinguphishand,andspeakingwith a patient and complacent benevolence thatwas quite touching. 'I havealways remarked it as a very extraordinary circumstance,which I impute tothe natur' of British Institutions and their tendency to suppress that popularinquiry and information which air so widely diffused even in the tracklessforests of this vast Continent of theWestern Ocean; that the knowledge ofBritishersthemselvesonsuchpointsisnottobecomparedwiththatpossessedbyourintelligentandlocomotivecitizens.Thisisinteresting,andconfirmsmyobservation.When you say, sir,' he continued, addressingMartin, 'that yourQueen does not reside in the Tower of London, you fall into an error, notuncommontoyourcountrymen,evenwhentheirabilitiesandmoralelementsairsuchastocommandrespect.But,sir,youairwrong.SheDOESlivethere—'

'WhensheisattheCourtofSaintJames's,'interposedKettle.

'WhensheisattheCourtofSaintJames's,ofcourse,'returnedtheGeneral,inthe same benignant way; 'for if her location was in Windsor Pavilion itcouldn'tbeinLondonatthesametime.YourTowerofLondon,sir,'pursuedtheGeneral,smilingwithamildconsciousnessofhisknowledge,'isnat'rallyyourroyalresidence.Beinglocated in the immediateneighbourhoodofyourParks, your Drives, your Triumphant Arches, your Opera, and your RoyalAlmacks, it nat'rally suggests itself as the place for holding a luxurious andthoughtless court. And, consequently,' said the General, 'consequently, thecourtisheldthere.'

'HaveyoubeeninEngland?'askedMartin.

'InprintIhave,sir,'saidtheGeneral, 'nototherwise.Weairareadingpeoplehere, sir.Youwillmeetwithmuch information among us thatwill surpriseyou,sir.'

'Ihavenottheleastdoubtofit,'returnedMartin.ButherehewasinterruptedbyMrLaFayetteKettle,whowhisperedinhisear:

'YouknowGeneralChoke?'

'No,'returnedMartin,inthesametone.

'Youknowwhatheisconsidered?'

'Oneofthemostremarkablemeninthecountry?'saidMartin,ataventure.

'That'safact,'rejoinedKettle.'Iwassureyoumusthaveheardofhim!'

'Ithink,'saidMartin,addressinghimselftotheGeneralagain,'thatIhavethepleasure of being the bearer of a letter of introduction to you, sir. FromMrBevan,ofMassachusetts,'headded,givingittohim.

TheGeneraltookitandreaditattentively;nowandthenstoppingtoglanceatthetwostrangers.Whenhehadfinishedthenote,hecameovertoMartin,satdownbyhim,andshookhands.

'Well!'hesaid,'andyouthinkofsettlinginEden?'

'Subject to your opinion, and the agent's advice,' repliedMartin. 'I am toldthereisnothingtobedoneintheoldtowns.'

'Icanintroduceyoutotheagent,sir,'saidtheGeneral.'Iknowhim.Infact,IamamemberoftheEdenLandCorporationmyself.'

ThiswasseriousnewstoMartin,forhisfriendhadlaidgreatstressupontheGeneral's havingno connection, as he thought,with any land company, andthereforebeinglikelytogivehimdisinterestedadvice.TheGeneralexplainedthat he had joined the Corporation only a few weeks ago, and that nocommunicationhadpassedbetweenhimselfandMrBevansince.

'Wehaveverylittletoventure,'saidMartinanxiously—'onlyafewpounds—butitisourall.Now,doyouthinkthatforoneofmyprofession,thiswouldbeaspeculationwithanyhopeorchanceinit?'

'Well,'observedtheGeneral,gravely,'iftherewasn'tanyhopeorchanceinthespeculation,itwouldn'thaveengagedmydollars,Iopinionate.'

'Idon'tmeanforthesellers,'saidMartin.'Forthebuyers—forthebuyers!'

'For the buyers, sir?' observed the General, in a most impressive manner.

'Well! you come from an old country; from a country, sir, that has piled upgoldencalvesashighasBabel,andworshipped 'emforages.Weareanewcountry,sir;manisinamoreprimevalstatehere,sir;wehavenottheexcuseofhavinglapsedintheslowcourseoftimeintodegeneratepractices;wehavenofalsegods;man,sir,here, isman inallhisdignity.Wefought for thatornothing.HereamI,sir,'saidtheGeneral,settinguphisumbrellatorepresenthimself,andavillanous-lookingumbrellaitwas;averybadcountertostandfor thesterlingcoinofhisbenevolence, 'hereamIwithgreyhairssir,andamoralsense.WouldI,withmyprinciples,investcapitalinthisspeculationifIdidn'tthinkitfullofhopesandchancesformybrotherman?'

Martin tried to look convinced, but he thought of New York, and found itdifficult.

'WhataretheGreatUnitedStatesfor,sir,'pursuedtheGeneral 'ifnotfortheregenerationofman?Butitisnat'ralinyoutomakesuchanenquerry,foryoucomefromEngland,andyoudonotknowmycountry.'

'Thenyouthink,'saidMartin,'thatallowingforthehardshipswearepreparedto undergo, there is a reasonable—Heaven knowswe don't expectmuch—areasonableopeninginthisplace?'

'A reasonableopening inEden, sir!But see theagent, see theagent; see themapsandplans,sir;andconcludetogoorstay,accordingtothenatur'ofthesettlement.Edenhadn'tneedtogoa-beggingyet,sir,'remarkedtheGeneral.

'It isanawful lovelyplace,sure-ly.Andfrightfulwholesome, likewise!'saidMrKettle,whohadmadehimselfaparty to thisconversationasamatterofcourse.

Martinfeltthattodisputesuchtestimony,fornobetterreasonthanbecausehehad his secret misgivings on the subject, would be ungentlemanly andindecent. So he thanked theGeneral for his promise to put him in personalcommunication with the agent; and 'concluded' to see that officer nextmorning. He then begged the General to inform him who the WatertoastSympathisers were, of whom he had spoken in addressing Mr La FayetteKettle,andonwhatgrievances theybestowed theirSympathy.Towhich theGeneral, looking very serious, made answer, that he might fully enlightenhimselfonthosepointsto-morrowbyattendingaGreatMeetingoftheBody,which would then be held at the town to which theywere travelling; 'overwhich,sir,'saidtheGeneral,'myfellow-citizenshavecalledonmetopreside.'

Theycametotheirjourney'sendlateintheevening.Closetotherailwaywasan immense white edifice, like an ugly hospital, on which was painted'NATIONALHOTEL.'Therewas awoodengallery or verandah in front, inwhichitwasratherstartling,whenthe trainstopped, tobeholdagreatmany

pairsofbootsandshoes,andthesmokeofagreatmanycigars,butnootherevidences of human habitation. By slow degrees, however, some heads andshouldersappeared,andconnectingthemselveswiththebootsandshoes,ledtothediscoverythatcertaingentlemenboarders,whohadafancyforputtingtheirheelswhere thegentlemenboarders inothercountriesusuallyput theirheads, were enjoying themselves after their ownmanner in the cool of theevening.

Therewasagreatbar-roominthishotel,andagreatpublicroominwhichthegeneral table was being set out for supper. There were interminablewhitewashed staircases, longwhitewashed galleries upstairs and downstairs,scores of little whitewashed bedrooms, and a four-sided verandah to everystoryinthehouse,whichformedalargebricksquarewithanuncomfortablecourtyardinthecentre,wheresomeclothesweredrying.Hereandthere,someyawning gentlemen lounged up and downwith their hands in their pockets;butwithinthehouseandwithout,whereverhalfadozenpeoplewerecollectedtogether, there, in their looks, dress, morals, manners, habits, intellect, andconversation, were Mr Jefferson Brick, Colonel Diver, Major Pawkins,General Choke, andMr La Fayette Kettle, over, and over, and over again.They did the same things; said the same things; judged all subjects by, andreducedallsubjectsto,thesamestandard.Observinghowtheylived,andhowtheywerealwaysintheenchantingcompanyofeachother,Martinevenbegantocomprehendtheirbeingthesocial,cheerful,winning,airymentheywere.

Atthesoundingofadismalgong,thispleasantcompanywenttroopingdownfromallpartsof thehouse to thepublic room;while from theneighbouringstoresotherguestscameflockingin,inshoals;forhalfthetown,marriedfolksas well as single, resided at the National Hotel. Tea, coffee, dried meats,tongue, ham, pickles, cake, toast, preserves, and bread and butter, wereswallowedwith the usual ravaging speed; and then, as before, the companydroppedoffbydegrees,andloungedawaytothedesk,thecounter,orthebar-room.Theladieshadasmallerordinaryoftheirown,towhichtheirhusbandsand brothers were admitted if they chose; and in all other respects theyenjoyedthemselvesasatPawkins's.

'Now, Mark, my good fellow, said Martin, closing the door of his littlechamber, 'wemustholda solemncouncil, forour fate isdecided to-morrowmorning.Youaredeterminedtoinvestthesesavingsofyoursinthecommonstock,areyou?'

'IfIhadn'tbeendeterminedtomakethatwentur,sir,'answeredMrTapley, 'Ishouldn'thavecome.'

'Howmuchistherehere,didyousay'askedMartin,holdingupalittlebag.

'Thirty-seven pound ten and sixpence. The Savings' Bank said so at least. I

nevercountedit.ButTHEYknow,blessyou!'saidMark,withashakeoftheheadexpressiveofhisunboundedconfidenceinthewisdomandarithmeticofthoseInstitutions.

'Themoneywebroughtwithus,'saidMartin,'isreducedtoafewshillingslessthaneightpounds.'

Mr Tapley smiled, and looked all manner of ways, that he might not besupposedtoattachanyimportancetothisfact.

'Uponthering—HERring,Mark,'saidMartin, lookingruefullyathisemptyfinger—

'Ah!'sighedMrTapley.'Begyourpardon,sir.'

'—We raised, in English money, fourteen pounds. So, even with that, yourshareofthestockisstillverymuchthelargerofthetwoyousee.Now,Mark,'saidMartin,inhisoldway,justashemighthavespokentoTomPinch,'Ihavethoughtofameansofmakingthisuptoyou—morethanmakingituptoyou,Ihope—andverymateriallyelevatingyourprospectsinlife.'

'Oh! don't talk of that, you know, sir,' returned Mark. 'I don't want noelevating,sir.I'mallrightenough,sir,Iam.'

'No,buthearme,' saidMartin, 'because this isvery important toyou, andagreatsatisfactiontome.Mark,youshallbeapartnerinthebusiness;anequalpartnerwithmyself. Iwill put in, asmy additional capital,my professionalknowledgeandability;andhalftheannualprofits,aslongasitiscarriedon,shallbeyours.'

Poor Martin! For ever building castles in the air. For ever, in his veryselfishness, forgetful of all but his own teeming hopes and sanguine plans.Swelling, at that instant, with the consciousness of patronizing and mostmunificentlyrewardingMark!

'I don't know, sir,' Mark rejoined, much more sadly than his custom was,though fromaverydifferentcause thanMartin supposed, 'what Icansay tothis,inthewayofthankingyou.I'llstandbyyou,sir,tothebestofmyability,andtothelast.That'sall.'

'Wequiteunderstandeachother,mygoodfellow,' saidMartin rising inself-approvalandcondescension.'Wearenolongermasterandservant,butfriendsandpartners;andaremutuallygratified.IfwedetermineonEden,thebusinessshall be commenced as soon asweget there.Under thename,' saidMartin,who never hammered upon an idea that wasn't red hot, 'under the name ofChuzzlewitandTapley.'

'Lordloveyou,sir,'criedMark, 'don'thavemynamein it. Iain'tacquainted

withthebusiness,sir.ImustbeCo.,Imust.I'veoftenthought,'headded,inalowvoice,'asIshouldliketoknowaCo.;butIlittlethoughtaseverIshouldlivetobeone.'

'Youshallhaveyourownway,Mark.'

'Thank'ee, sir. If any country gentleman thereabouts, in the public way, orotherwise,wantedsuchathingasaskittle-groundmade,Icouldtakethatpartofthebis'ness,sir.'

'Against any architect in the States,' said Martin. 'Get a couple of sherry-cobblers,Mark,andwe'lldrinksuccesstothefirm.'

Either he forgot already (and often afterwards), that they were no longermasterandservant,orconsideredthiskindofdutytobeamongthelegitimatefunctionsoftheCo.ButMarkobeyedwithhisusualalacrity;andbeforetheypartedforthenight,itwasagreedbetweenthemthattheyshouldgotogethertotheagent'sinthemorning,butthatMartinshoulddecidetheEdenquestion,onhisownsoundjudgment.AndMarkmadenomerit,eventohimselfinhisjollity,ofthisconcession;perfectlywellknowingthatthematterwouldcometothatintheend,anyway.

The General was one of the party at the public table next day, and afterbreakfastsuggestedthattheyshouldwaitupontheagentwithoutlossoftime.They,desiringnothingmore,agreed;soofftheyallfourstartedfortheofficeof the Eden Settlement, which was almost within rifle-shot of the NationalHotel.

Itwasasmallplace—somethinglikeaturnpike.Butagreatdealoflandmaybegotintoadice-box,andwhymaynotawholeterritorybebargainedforinashed?Itwasbutatemporaryofficetoo;fortheEdenerswere'going'tobuildasuperbestablishmentforthetransactionoftheirbusiness,andhadalreadygotso faras tomarkout thesite.Which isagreatway inAmerica.Theoffice-doorwaswideopen,andinthedoorwaywastheagent;nodoubtatremendousfellow to get through his work, for he seemed to have no arrears, but wasswinging backwards and forwards in a rocking-chair, with one of his legsplantedhighupagainstthedoor-post,andtheotherdoubledupunderhim,asifhewerehatchinghisfoot.

Hewasagauntmaninahugestrawhat,andacoatofgreenstuff.Theweatherbeinghot,hehadnocravat,andworehisshirtcollarwideopen;sothateverytimehespokesomethingwasseentotwitchandjerkupinhisthroat,likethelittlehammersinaharpsichordwhenthenotesarestruck.PerhapsitwastheTruthfeeblyendeavouringtoleaptohislips.Ifso,itneverreachedthem.

Twogreyeyes lurkeddeepwithin thisagent'shead,butoneof themhadnosightinit,andstoodstockstill.Withthatsideofhisfaceheseemedtolisten

towhattheothersidewasdoing.Thuseachprofilehadadistinctexpression;andwhenthemovablesidewasmostinaction,therigidonewasinitscoldeststate ofwatchfulness. Itwas like turning theman insideout, to pass to thatviewofhisfeaturesinhisliveliestmood,andseehowcalculatingandintenttheywere.

Each long black hair upon his head hung down as straight as any plummetline;but rumpled tuftswereon thearchesofhis eyes, as if thecrowwhosefootwasdeeplyprintedinthecornershadpeckedandtorntheminasavagerecognitionofhiskindrednatureasabirdofprey.

Suchwasthemanwhomtheynowapproached,andwhomtheGeneralsalutedbythenameofScadder.

'Well,Gen'ral,'hereturned,'andhowareyou?'

'Ac-tiveandspry,sir,inmycountry'sserviceandthesympatheticcause.Twogentlemenonbusiness,MrScadder.'

He shook hands with each of them—nothing is done in America withoutshakinghands—thenwentonrocking.

'IthinkIknowwhatbis'nessyouhavebroughtthesestrangershereupon,then,Gen'ral?'

'Well,sir.Iexpectyoumay.'

'You air a tongue-y person,Gen'ral. For you talk toomuch, and that's fact,'saidScadder. 'Youspeaka-larmingwellinpublic,butyoudidn'toughttogoaheadsofastinprivate.Now!'

'If Ican realiseyourmeaning, ridemeona rail!' returned theGeneral,afterpausingforconsideration.

'Youknowwedidn'twishtosellthelotsoffrightawaytoanyloaferasmightbid,'saidScadder;'buthadcon-cludedtoreserve'emforAristocratsofNatur'.Yes!'

'Andtheyarehere,sir!'criedtheGeneralwithwarmth.'Theyarehere,sir!'

'Iftheyairhere,'returnedtheagent,inreproachfulaccents,'that'senough.Butyoudidn'toughttohaveyourdanderriswithME,Gen'ral.'

TheGeneralwhisperedMartin that Scadderwas the honestest fellow in theworld, and that he wouldn't have given him offence designedly, for tenthousanddollars.

'Idomyduty;andIraisethedanderofmyfellercritters,asIwishtoserve,'saidScadderinalowvoice,lookingdowntheroadandrockingstill.'Theyrile

up rough, along ofmy objecting to their selling Eden off too cheap. That'shumannatur'!Well!'

'MrScadder,'saidtheGeneral,assuminghisoratoricaldeportment.'Sir!Hereismyhand,andheremyheart.Iesteemyou,sir,andaskyourpardon.Thesegentlemenairfriendsofmine,orIwouldnothavebrought'emhere,sir,beingwell aware, sir, that the lots at present go entirely too cheap. But these airfriends,sir;theseairpartick'lerfriends.'

Mr Scadderwas so satisfied by this explanation, that he shook theGeneralwarmlybythehand,andgotoutoftherocking-chairtodoit.HetheninvitedtheGeneral's particular friends to accompany him into the office.As to theGeneral, he observed, with his usual benevolence, that being one of thecompany, he wouldn't interfere in the transaction on any account; so heappropriated the rocking-chair to himself, and looked at the prospect, like agoodSamaritanwaitingforatraveller.

'Heyday!'criedMartin,ashiseyerestedonagreatplanwhichoccupiedonewhole side of the office. Indeed, the office had little else in it, but somegeologicalandbotanicalspecimens,oneortworustyledgers,ahomelydesk,andastool.'Heyday!what'sthat?'

'That'sEden,'saidScadder,pickinghisteethwithasortofyoungbayonetthatflewoutofhisknifewhenhetouchedaspring.

'Why,Ihadnoideaitwasacity.'

'Hadn'tyou?Oh,it'sacity.'

A flourishing city, too! An architectural city! There were banks, churches,cathedrals, market-places, factories, hotels, stores, mansions, wharves; anexchange, a theatre; public buildings of all kinds, down to the office of theEdenStinger,adailyjournal;allfaithfullydepictedintheviewbeforethem.

'Dearme!It'sreallyamostimportantplace!'criedMartinturninground.

'Oh!it'sveryimportant,'observedtheagent.

'But, I am afraid,' saidMartin, glancing again at the Public Buildings, 'thatthere'snothingleftformetodo.'

'Well!itain'tallbuilt,'repliedtheagent.'Notquite.'

Thiswasagreatrelief.

'Themarket-place,now,'saidMartin.'Isthatbuilt?'

'That?'saidtheagent,stickinghistoothpickintotheweathercockonthetop.'Letmesee.No;thatain'tbuilt.'

'Ratheragoodjobtobeginwith—eh,Mark?'whisperedMartinnudginghimwithhiselbow.

Mark,who,withaverystolidcountenancehadbeeneyeingtheplanandtheagentbyturns,merelyrejoined'Uncommon!'

Adeadsilenceensued,MrScadderinsomeshortrecessesorvacationsofhistoothpick,whistled a fewbars ofYankeeDoodle, and blew the dust off theroofoftheTheatre.

'I suppose,' said Martin, feigning to look more narrowly at the plan, butshowingbyhis tremulousvoicehowmuchdepended, inhismind,upon theanswer;'Isupposethereare—severalarchitectsthere?'

'Thereain'tasingleone,'saidScadder.

'Mark,'whisperedMartin, pulling himby the sleeve, 'do you hear that?Butwhoseworkisallthisbeforeus,then?'heaskedaloud.

'The soil being very fruitful, public buildings grows spontaneous, perhaps,'saidMark.

Hewasontheagent'sdarksideashesaidit;butScadderinstantlychangedhisplace,andbroughthisactiveeyetobearuponhim.

'Feelofmyhands,youngman,'hesaid.

'Whatfor?'askedMark,declining.

'Airtheydirty,orairtheyclean,sir?'saidScadder,holdingthemout.

Inaphysicalpointofviewtheyweredecidedlydirty.ButitbeingobviousthatMrScadderofferedthemforexaminationinafigurativesense,asemblemsofhis moral character,Martin hastened to pronounce them pure as the drivensnow.

'I entreat, Mark,' he said, with some irritation, 'that you will not obtruderemarks of that nature, which, however harmless and well-intentioned, arequiteoutofplace,andcannotbeexpectedtobeveryagreeabletostrangers.Iamquitesurprised.'

'The Co.'s a-putting his foot in it already,' thought Mark. 'He must be asleepingpartner—fastasleepandsnoring—Co.must;Isee.'

MrScaddersaidnothing,buthesethisbackagainst theplan,and thrusthistoothpickintothedesksometwentytimes;lookingatMarkallthewhileasifhewerestabbinghimineffigy.

'Youhaven'tsaidwhoseworkitis,'Martinventuredtoobserveatlength,ina

toneofmildpropitiation.

'Well,nevermindwhoseworkitis,orisn't,'saidtheagentsulkily.'Nomatterhowitdideventuate.P'rapsheclearedoff,handsome,withaheapofdollars;p'raps hewasn't worth a cent. P'raps hewas a loafin' rowdy; p'raps a ring-tailedroarer.Now!'

'Allyourdoing,Mark!'saidMartin.

'P'raps,'pursuedtheagent,'themain'tplantsofEden'sraising.No!P'rapsthatdeskandstoolain'tmade fromEden lumber.No!P'rapsnoendof squattersain'tgoneoutthere.No!P'rapsthereain'tnosuchlocationintheterritoaryoftheGreatU-nitedStates.Oh,no!'

'Ihopeyou'resatisfiedwiththesuccessofyourjoke,Mark,'saidMartin.

But here, at amost opportune and happy time, theGeneral interposed, andcalledout toScadder fromthedoorway togivehis friends theparticularsofthatlittlelotoffiftyacreswiththehouseuponit;which,havingbelongedtothecompanyformerly,hadlatelylapsedagainintotheirhands.

'Youairadealtooopen-handed,Gen'ral,'wastheanswer.'Itisalotasshouldberoseinprice.Itis.'

He grumblingly opened his books notwithstanding, and always keeping hisbright side towards Mark, no matter at what amount of inconvenience tohimself,displayedacertainleaffortheirperusal.Martinreaditgreedily,andtheninquired:

'Nowwhereupontheplanmaythisplacebe?'

'Upontheplan?'saidScadder.

'Yes.'

Heturnedtowardsit,andreflectedforashorttime,asif,havingbeenputuponhismettle,hewasresolvedtobeparticulartotheveryminutesthair'sbreadthofashade.Atlength,afterwheelinghistoothpickslowlyroundandroundintheair,asifitwereacarrierpigeonjustthrownup,hesuddenlymadeadartatthe drawing, and pierced the very centre of the main wharf, through andthrough.

'There!'hesaid,leavinghisknifequiveringinthewall;'that'swhereitis!'

Martin glancedwith sparkling eyes upon his Co., and his Co. saw that thethingwasdone.

Thebargainwasnotconcludedaseasilyasmighthavebeenexpectedthough,for Scadder was caustic and ill-humoured, and cast much unnecessary

oppositionintheway;atonetimerequestingthemtothinkofit,andcallagainin aweek or a fortnight; at another, predicting that theywouldn't like it; atanother,offeringtoretractandletthemoff,andmutteringstrongimprecationsupon the follyof theGeneral.But thewholeof the astoundingly small sumtotal of purchase-money—it was only one hundred and fifty dollars, orsomething more than thirty pounds of the capital brought by Co. into thearchitecturalconcern—wasultimatelypaiddown;andMartin'sheadwastwoinches nearer the roof of the littlewoodenoffice,with the consciousness ofbeingalandedproprietorinthethrivingcityofEden.

'If it shouldn't happen to fit,' said Scadder, as he gaveMartin the necessarycredentialsonrecepitofhismoney,'don'tblameme.'

'No,no,'herepliedmerrily.'We'llnotblameyou.General,areyougoing?'

'I am at your service, sir; and Iwish you,' said theGeneral, giving him hishandwithgravecordiality,'joyofyourpo-ssession.Youairnow,sir,adenizenof themostpowerful andhighly-civiliseddominion thathasevergraced theworld;ado-minion,sir,wheremanisboundtomaninonevastbondofequalloveandtruth.Mayyou,sir,beworthyofyoura-doptedcountry!'

Martinthankedhim,andtookleaveofMrScadder;whohadresumedhispostintherocking-chair,immediatelyontheGeneral'srisingfromit,andwasoncemore swinging away as if he had never been disturbed.Mark looked backseveraltimesastheywentdowntheroadtowardstheNationalHotel,butnowhis blighted profile was towards them, and nothing but attentivethoughtfulnesswaswrittenonit.Strangelydifferenttotheotherside!Hewasnotamanmuchgiventolaughing,andneverlaughedoutright;buteverylineintheprintofthecrow'sfoot,andeverylittlewiryveininthatdivisionofhishead, was wrinkled up into a grin! The compound figure of Death and theLady at the topof the old balladwasnot dividedwith a greater nicety, andhadn't halves more monstrously unlike each other, than the two profiles ofZephaniahScadder.

TheGeneralpostedalongat agreat rate, for the clockwason the strokeoftwelve; and at that hour precisely, the Great Meeting of the WatertoastSympathiserswastobeholdeninthepublicroomoftheNationalHotel.Beingvery curious towitness the demonstration, and knowwhat itwas all about,Martin kept close to the General; and, keeping closer than ever when theyenteredtheHall,gotbythatmeansuponalittleplatformoftablesattheupperend;whereanarmchairwassetfortheGeneral,andMrLaFayetteKettle,assecretary,wasmakingagreatdisplayofsomefoolscapdocuments.Screamers,nodoubt.

'Well, sir!' he said, as he shook hands with Martin, 'here is a spectaclecalc'latedtomaketheBritishLionputhistailbetweenhislegs,andhowlwith

anguish,Iexpect!'

Martin certainly thought it possible that the British Lion might have beenrather out of his element in that Ark; but he kept the idea to himself. TheGeneral was then voted to the chair, on the motion of a pallid lad of theJeffersonBrickschool;whoforthwithset inforahigh-spicedspeech,withagooddealabouthearthsandhomesinit,andunrivetingthechainsofTyranny.

Ohbut itwasaclincher for theBritishLion, itwas!The indignationof theglowingyoungColumbianknewnobounds.Ifhecouldonlyhavebeenoneofhisownforefathers,hesaid,wouldn'thehavepeppered thatsameLion,andbeen tohimasanotherBruteTamerwithawirewhip, teachinghim lessonsnoteasilyforgotten.'Lion!(criedthatyoungColumbian)whereishe?Whoishe?Whatishe?Showhimtome.Letmehavehimhere.Here!'saidtheyoungColumbian, in a wrestling attitude, 'upon this sacred altar. Here!' cried theyoungColumbian,idealisingthedining-table,'uponancestralashes,cementedwith the glorious blood poured out like water on our native plains ofChickabiddyLick!BringforththatLion!'saidtheyoungColumbian.'Alone,Idarehim!ItauntthatLion.ItellthatLion,thatFreedom'shandoncetwistedinhismane,herollsacorsebeforeme,andtheEaglesoftheGreatRepubliclaughha,ha!'

WhenitwasfoundthattheLiondidn'tcome,butkeptoutoftheway;thattheyoung Columbian stood there, with folded arms, alone in his glory; andconsequentlythattheEagleswerenodoubtlaughingwildlyonthemountaintops; such cheers arose as might have shaken the hands upon the Horse-Guards'clock,andchangedtheverymeantimeofthedayinEngland'scapital.

'Whoisthis?'MartintelegraphedtoLaFayette.

TheSecretarywrote something,verygravely,onapieceofpaper, twisted itup,andhaditpassedtohimfromhandtohand.Itwasanimprovementontheoldsentiment:'Perhapsasremarkableamanasanyinourcountry.'

ThisyoungColumbianwassucceededbyanother,tothefullaseloquentashe,whodrewdownstormsofcheers.Butbothremarkableyouths, in theirgreatexcitement(foryourtruepoetrycanneverstooptodetails),forgottosaywithwhomorwhattheWatertoasterssympathized,andlikewisewhyorwhereforetheyweresympathetic.ThusMartinremainedforalongtimeascompletelyinthedarkasever;untilat lengtharayoflightbrokeinuponhimthroughthemedium of the Secretary, who, by reading the minutes of their pastproceedings, made the matter somewhat clearer. He then learned that theWatertoastAssociationsympathizedwithacertainPublicManinIreland,whoheldacontestuponcertainpointswithEngland;andthattheydidso,becausetheydidn'tloveEnglandatall—notbyanymeansbecausetheylovedIrelandmuch;beingindeedhorriblyjealousanddistrustfulof itspeoplealways,and

only tolerating them because of theirworking hard,whichmade them veryuseful;labourbeingheldingreaterindignityinthesimplerepublicthaninanyothercountryuponearth.ThisrenderedMartincurioustoseewhatgroundsofsympathytheWatertoastAssociationputforth;norwashe longinsuspense,for theGeneral rose to read a letter to thePublicMan,whichwithhis ownhandshehadwritten.

'Thus,'saidtheGeneral,'thus,myfriendsandfellow-citizens,itruns:

'"SIR—I address you on behalf of the Watertoast Association of UnitedSympathisers. It is founded, sir, in the great republic of America! and nowholdsitsbreath,andswellstheblueveinsinitsforeheadnightobursting,asitwatches,sir,withfeverishintensityandsympatheticardour,yournobleeffortsinthecauseofFreedom."'

At the name of Freedom, and at every repetition of that name, all theSympathisersroaredaloud;cheeringwithninetimesnine,andninetimesover.

'"InFreedom'sname,sir—holyFreedom—Iaddressyou.InFreedom'sname,Isendherewithacontributiontothefundsofyoursociety.InFreedom'sname,sir, I advertwith indignationanddisgust to thataccursedanimal,withgore-stained whiskers, whose rampant cruelty and fiery lust have ever been ascourge,atormenttotheworld.ThenakedvisitorstoCrusoe'sIsland,sir;theflyingwivesofPeterWilkins;thefruit-smearedchildrenofthetangledbush;nay, even themen of large stature, anciently bred in themining districts ofCornwall; alike bear witness to its savage nature. Where, sir, are theCormorans, the Blunderbores, theGreat Feefofums, named inHistory?All,all,exterminatedbyitsdestroyinghand.

'"Iallude,sir,totheBritishLion.

'"Devoted, mind and body, heart and soul, to Freedom, sir—to Freedom,blessedsolace to thesnailupon thecellar-door, theoyster inhispearlybed,the stillmite in his home of cheese, the verywinkle of your country in hisshellylair—inherunsulliedname,weofferyouoursympathy.Oh,sir,inthisour cherished and our happy land, her fires burn bright and clear andsmokeless;oncelightedupinyours,thelionshallberoastedwhole.

'"Iam,sir,inFreedom'sname,

'"YouraffectionatefriendandfaithfulSympathiser,

'"CYRUSCHOKE,

'"General,U.S.M."'

IthappenedthatjustastheGeneralbegantoreadthisletter,therailroadtrainarrived,bringinganewmailfromEngland;andapackethadbeenhandedin

to the Secretary, which during its perusal and the frequent cheerings inhomage to freedom, he had opened. Now, its contents disturbed him verymuch,andthemomenttheGeneralsatdown,hehurriedtohisside,andplacedinhishanda letterandseveralprintedextracts fromEnglishnewspapers; towhich,inastateofinfiniteexcitement,hecalledhisimmediateattention.

TheGeneral,beinggreatlyheatedbyhisowncomposition,wasinafitstatetoreceiveanyinflammableinfluence;buthehadnosoonerpossessedhimselfofthecontentsofthesedocuments,thanachangecameoverhisface,involvingsuchahugeamountofcholerandpassion,thatthenoisyconcourseweresilentinamoment,inverywonderatthesightofhim.

'My friends!' cried the General, rising; 'my friends and fellow citizens, wehavebeenmistakeninthisman.'

'Inwhatman?'wasthecry.

'In this,' panted the General, holding up the letter he had read aloud a fewminutesbefore.'Ifindthathehasbeen,andis,theadvocate—consistentinitalwaystoo—ofNiggeremancipation!'

If anything beneath the sky be real, those Sons of Freedom would havepistolled, stabbed—in some way slain—that man by coward hands andmurderous violence, if he had stood among them at that time. The mostconfiding of their own countrymen would not have wagered then—no, norwouldtheyeverperil—onedunghillstraw,uponthelifeofanymaninsuchastrait.Theytoretheletter,castthefragmentsintheair,troddownthepiecesastheyfell;andyelled,andgroaned,andhissed,tilltheycouldcrynolonger.

'Ishallmove,'saidtheGeneral,whenhecouldmakehimselfheard, 'that theWatertoastAssociationofUnitedSympathisersbeimmediatelydissolved!'

Downwithit!Awaywithit!Don'thearofit!Burnitsrecords!Pulltheroomdown!Blotitoutofhumanmemory!

'But, my fellow-countrymen!' said the General, 'the contributions.We havefunds.Whatistobedonewiththefunds?'

Itwashastily resolved that apieceofplate shouldbepresented to a certainconstitutional Judge,whohad laiddownfrom theBench thenobleprinciplethat it was lawful for any white mob to murder any black man; and thatanotherpieceofplate,ofsimilarvalueshouldbepresentedtoacertainPatriot,who had declared from his high place in the Legislature, that he and hisfriendswouldhangwithouttrial,anyAbolitionistwhomightpaythemavisit.For the surplus, it was agreed that it should be devoted to aiding theenforcementof those freeandequal laws,which render it incalculablymorecriminal anddangerous to teachanegro to readandwrite than to roasthim

alive in a public city. These points adjusted, themeeting broke up in greatdisorder,andtherewasanendoftheWatertoastSympathy.

AsMartinascendedtohisbedroom,hiseyewasattractedbytheRepublicanbanner,whichhadbeenhoistedfromthehouse-topinhonouroftheoccasion,andwasflutteringbeforeawindowwhichhepassed.

'Tut!' saidMartin. 'You're a gay flag in the distance. But let aman be nearenoughtogetthelightupontheothersideandseethroughyou;andyouarebutsorryfustian!'

CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO

FROMWHICHITWILLBESEENTHATMARTINBECAMEALIONOFHISOWNACCOUNT.TOGETHERWITHTHEREASONWHY

As soon as it was generally known in the National Hotel, that the youngEnglishman,MrChuzzlewit,hadpurchaseda'lo-cation'intheValleyofEden,andintendedtobetakehimselftothatearthlyParadisebythenextsteamboat,he became a popular character.Why this should be, or how it had come topass, Martin no more knew than Mrs Gamp, of Kingsgate Street, HighHolborn,did;butthathewasforthetimebeingthelion,bypopularelection,of theWatertoastcommunity,andthathissocietywasinrather inconvenientrequesttherecouldbenokindofdoubt.

The first notification he received of this change in his position, was thefollowing epistle,written in a thin running hand—with here and there a fatletteror two, tomake thegeneral effectmore striking—ona sheetofpaper,ruledwithbluelines.

'NATIONALHOTEL,'MONDAYMORNING.

'Dear Sir—'When I had the privillidge of being your fellow-traveller in thecars,thedaybeforeyesterday,youofferedsomeremarksuponthesubjectofthetowerofLondon,which(incommonwithmyfellow-citizensgenerally)Icouldwishtohearrepeatedtoapublicaudience.

'As secretary to theYoungMen'sWatertoastAssociation of this town, I amrequested to informyou that theSocietywillbeproud tohearyoudeliveralectureupontheTowerofLondon,attheirHallto-morrowevening,atseveno'clock; and as a large issue of quarter-dollar ticketsmaybe expected, youranswerandconsentbybearerwillbeconsideredobliging.

'DearSir,

'Yourstruly,

'LAFAYETTEKETTLE.

'TheHonourableM.Chuzzlewit.

'P.S.—The Society would not be particular in limiting you to the Tower ofLondon.PermitmetosuggestthatanyremarksupontheElementsofGeology,or (if more convenient) upon the Writings of your talented and wittycountryman,thehonourableMrMiller,wouldbewellreceived.'

Verymuchaghastatthisinvitation,Martinwroteback,civillydecliningit;andhadscarcelydoneso,whenhereceivedanotherletter.

'No.47,BunkerHillStreet,

'MondayMorning.

'(Private).

'Sir—I was raised in those interminable solitudes where our mightyMississippi(orFatherofWaters)rollshisturbidflood.

'Iamyoung,andardent.Forthereisapoetryinwildness,andeveryalligatorbaskingintheslimeisinhimselfanEpic,self-contained.Iaspirateforfame.Itismyyearningandmythirst.

'Are you, sir, aware of any member of Congress in England, who wouldundertake to paymy expenses to that country, and for sixmonths aftermyarrival?

'There is something within me which gives me the assurance that thisenlightenedpatronagewouldnotbethrownaway.Inliteratureorart;thebar,thepulpit,or the stage; inoneorother, ifnot all, I feel that I amcertain tosucceed.

'Iftoomuchengagedtowritetoanysuchyourself,pleaseletmehavealistofthreeorfourofthosemostlikelytorespond,andIwilladdressthemthroughthePostOffice.MayIalsoaskyoutofavourmewithanycriticalobservationsthat have ever presented themselves to your reflective faculties, on "Cain, aMystery,"bytheRightHonourableLordByron?

'Iam,Sir,

'Yours(forgivemeifIadd,soaringly),

'PUTNAMSMIF

'P.S.—AddressyouranswertoAmericaJunior,Messrs.Hancock&Floby,DryGoodsStore,asabove.'

Bothofwhichletters,togetherwithMartin'sreplytoeach,were,accordingtoalaudablecustom,muchtendingtothepromotionofgentlemanlyfeelingandsocialconfidence,publishedinthenextnumberoftheWatertoastGazette.

Hehadscarcelygot throughthiscorrespondencewhenCaptainKedgick, thelandlord,kindlycameupstairstoseehowhewasgettingon.TheCaptainsatdownuponthebedbeforehespoke;andfindingitratherhard,movedtothepillow.

'Well,sir!'saidtheCaptain,puttinghishatalittlemoreononeside,foritwasrathertightinthecrown:'You'requiteapublicmanIcalc'late.'

'Soitseems,'retortedMartin,whowasverytired.

'Ourcitizens,sir,'pursuedtheCaptain,'intendtopaytheirrespectstoyou.Youwillhavetoholdasortofle-vee,sir,whileyou'rehere.'

'Powersabove!'criedMartin,'Icouldn'tdothat,mygoodfellow!'

'IreckonyouMUSTthen,'saidtheCaptain.

'Mustisnotapleasantword,Captain,'urgedMartin.

'Well! Ididn't fix themother language,and Ican'tunfix it,' said theCaptaincoolly;'elseI'dmakeitpleasant.Youmustre-ceive.That'sall.'

'ButwhyshouldIreceivepeoplewhocareasmuchformeasIcareforthem?'askedMartin.

'Well!becauseIhavehadamunimentputupinthebar,'returnedtheCaptain.

'Awhat?'criedMartin.

'Amuniment,'rejoinedtheCaptain.

MartinlookeddespairinglyatMark,whoinformedhimthattheCaptainmeantawrittennoticethatMrChuzzlewitwouldreceivetheWatertoastersthatday,atandaftertwoo'clockwhichwasineffectthenhanginginthebar,asMark,fromocularinspectionofthesame,couldtestify.

'Youwouldn't be unpop'lar, I know,' said theCaptain, paring his nails. 'Ourcitizensan'tlongofrilingup,Itellyou;andourGazettecouldflayyoulikeawildcat.'

Martinwasgoingtobeverywroth,buthethoughtbetterofit,andsaid:

'InHeaven'snameletthemcome,then.'

'Oh, THEY'll come,' returned the Captain. 'I have seen the big room fixeda'purpose,withmyeyes.'

'Butwillyou,'saidMartin,seeingthattheCaptainwasabouttogo;'willyouatleasttellmethis?Whatdotheywanttoseemefor?whathaveIdone?andhowdotheyhappentohavesuchasuddeninterestinme?'

CaptainKedgickputathumbandthreefingerstoeachsideofthebrimofhishat;lifteditalittlewayoffhishead;putitonagaincarefully;passedonehandalldownhisface,beginningattheforeheadandendingatthechin;lookedatMartin;thenatMark;thenatMartinagain;winked,andwalkedout.

'Uponmy life, now!' saidMartin, bringing his hand heavily upon the table;'suchaperfectlyunaccountablefellowasthat,Ineversaw.Mark,whatdoyousaytothis?'

'Why, sir,' returned his partner, 'my opinion is thatwemust have got to theMOSTremarkablemaninthecountryatlast.SoIhopethere'sanendtothebreed,sir.'

AlthoughthismadeMartinlaugh,itcouldn'tkeepofftwoo'clock.Punctually,asthehourstruck,CaptainKedgickreturnedtohandhimtotheroomofstate;andhehadnosoonergothimsafethere,thanhebawleddownthestaircasetohisfellow-citizensbelow,thatMrChuzzlewitwas'receiving.'

Uptheycamewitharush.Uptheycameuntiltheroomwasfull,and,throughthe open door, a dismal perspective ofmore to come,was shown upon thestairs. One after another, one after another, dozen after dozen, score afterscore,more,more,more,uptheycame;allshakinghandswithMartin.Suchvarietiesofhands,thethick,thethin,theshort,thelong,thefat,thelean,thecoarse,thefine;suchdifferencesoftemperature,thehot,thecold,thedry,themoist,theflabby;suchdiversitiesofgrasp,thetight,theloose,theshort-lived,and the lingering!Stillup,up,up,more,more,more;andeverandanon theCaptain's voice was heard above the crowd—'There's more below! there'smorebelow.Now,gentlemenyouthathavebeenintroducedtoMrChuzzlewit,will you clear gentlemen? Will you clear? Will you be so good as clear,gentlemen,andmakealittleroomformore?'

RegardlessoftheCaptain'scries,theydidn'tclearatall,butstoodthere,boltuprightandstaring.TwogentlemenconnectedwiththeWatertoastGazettehadcomeexpress toget thematter for anarticleonMartin.Theyhadagreed todividethelabour.Oneofthemtookhimbelowthewaistcoat.Oneabove.Eachstooddirectlyinfrontofhissubjectwithhisheadalittleononeside,intentonhisdepartment.IfMartinputonebootbefore theother, thelowergentlemanwasdownuponhim;herubbedapimpleonhisnose,andtheuppergentlemanbookedit.Heopenedhismouthtospeak,andthesamegentlemanwasonone

knee before him, looking in at his teeth,with the nice scrutiny of a dentist.Amateursinthephysiognomicalandphrenologicalsciencesrovedabouthimwithwatchfuleyesanditchingfingers,andsometimesone,moredaringthantherest,madeamadgraspatthebackofhishead,andvanishedinthecrowd.Theyhadhiminallpointsofview:infront,inprofile,three-quarterface,andbehind. Those who were not professional or scientific, audibly exchangedopinionsonhis looks.Newlightsshone inuponhim, inrespectofhisnose.Contradictory rumourswere abroad on the subject of his hair. And still theCaptain's voice was heard—so stifled by the concourse, that he seemed tospeakfromunderneathafeather-bed—exclaiming—'Gentlemen,youthathavebeenintroducedtoMrChuzzlewit,WILLyouclear?'

Even when they began to clear it was no better; for then a stream ofgentlemen,everyonewithaladyoneacharm(exactlylikethechorustotheNationalAnthemwhenRoyaltygoesinstate to theplay),cameglidingin—every new group fresher than the last, and bent on staying to the latestmoment.Iftheyspoketohim,whichwasnotoften,theyinvariablyaskedthesame questions, in the same tone; with no more remorse, or delicacy, orconsideration, thanifhehadbeenafigureofstone,purchased,andpaidfor,andsetuptherefortheirdelight.Evenwhen,intheslowcourseoftime,thesediedoff,itwasasbadasever,ifnotworse;forthentheboysgrewbold,andcameinasaclassofthemselves,anddideverythingthatthegrown-uppeoplehaddone.Uncouthstragglers,too,appeared;menofaghostlykind,whobeingin,didn'tknowhowtogetoutagain;insomuchthatonesilentgentlemanwithglazedandfishyeyesandonlyonebuttononhiswaistcoat(whichwasaverylargemetalone,andshoneprodigiously),gotbehindthedoor,andstoodthere,likeaclock,longaftereverybodyelsewasgone.

Martinfelt,frompurefatigue,andheat,andworry,asifhecouldhavefallenon theground andwillingly remained there, if theywouldbut havehad themercytoleavehimalone.Butaslettersandmessages,threateninghispublicdenouncement if he didn't see the senders, poured in like hail; and asmorevisitorscamewhilehe tookhiscoffeebyhimself; andasMark,withallhisvigilance,wasunabletokeepthemfromthedoor;heresolvedtogotobed—not thathefeltatallsureofbedbeinganyprotection,but thathemightnotleaveaforlornhopeuntried.

Hehadcommunicated thisdesign toMark,andwason theeveofescaping,when the doorwas thrown open in a great hurry, and an elderly gentlemanentered;bringingwithhimaladywhocertainlycouldnotbeconsideredyoung—thatwasmatteroffact;andprobablycouldnotbeconsideredhandsome—butthatwasmatterofopinion.Shewasverystraight,verytall,andnotatallflexible in face or figure.On her head shewore a great straw bonnet,withtrimmingsofthesame,inwhichshelookedasifshehadbeenthatchedbyanunskillfullabourer;andinherhandsheheldamostenormousfan.

'MrChuzzlewit,Ibelieve?'saidthegentleman.

'Thatismyname.'

'Sir,'saidthegentleman,'Iampressedfortime.'

'ThankGod!'thoughtMartin.

'I go back Toe my home, sir,' pursued the gentleman, 'by the return train,whichstartsimmediate.Startisnotawordyouuseinyourcountry,sir.'

'Ohyes,itis,'saidMartin.

'You airmistaken, sir,' returned the gentleman, with great decision: 'but wewill not pursue the subject, lest it should awake your preju—dice. Sir,MrsHominy.'

Martinbowed.

'MrsHominy,sir,istheladyofMajorHominy,oneofourchicestspirits;andbelongsToeoneofourmostaristocraticfamilies.Youair,p'raps,acquainted,sir,withMrsHominy'swritings.'

Martincouldn'tsayhewas.

'You have much Toe learn, and Toe enjoy, sir,' said the gentleman. 'MrsHominy is going Toe stay until the end of the Fall, sir, with her marrieddaughteratthesettlementofNewThermopylae,threedaysthissideofEden.Anyattention,sir,thatyoucanshowToeMrsHominyuponthejourney,willbeverygratefulToe theMajorandour fellow-citizens.MrsHominy, Iwishyougoodnight,ma'am,andapleasantpro-gressonyourroute!'

Martin could scarcely believe it; but he had gone, and Mrs Hominy wasdrinkingthemilk.

'A'mostused-up Iam, Idodeclare!' sheobserved. 'The jolting in thecars isprettynighasbadasiftherailwasfullofsnagsandsawyers.'

'Snagsandsawyers,ma'am?'saidMartin.

'Well, then, I do suppose you'll hardly realise my meaning, sir,' said MrsHominy.'My!Onlythink!DOtell!'

It did not appear that these expressions, although they seemed to concludewithanurgententreaty,stoodinneedofanyanswer;forMrsHominy,untyingher bonnet-strings, observed that she would withdraw to lay that article ofdressaside,andwouldreturnimmediately.

'Mark!'saidMartin.'Touchme,willyou.AmIawake?'

'Hominyis,sir,'returnedhispartner—'Broadawake!Just thesortofwoman,sir,aswouldbediscoveredwithhereyeswideopen,andherminda-workingforhercountry'sgood,atanyhourofthedayornight.'

Theyhadnoopportunityofsayingmore,forMrsHominystalkedinagain—veryerect,inproofofheraristocraticblood;andholdinginherclaspedhandsaredcottonpocket-handkerchief,perhapsapartinggiftfromthatchoicespirit,the Major. She had laid aside her bonnet, and now appeared in a highlyaristocraticandclassicalcap,meetingbeneathherchin:astyleofheaddresssoadmirably adapted to her countenance, that if the late Mr Grimaldi hadappearedinthelappetsofMrsSiddons,amorecompleteeffectcouldnothavebeenproduced.

Martinhandedhertoachair.Herfirstwordsarrestedhimbeforehecouldgetbacktohisownseat.

'Pray,sir!'saidMrsHominy,'wheredoyouhailfrom?'

'Iamafraid Iamdullofcomprehension,'answeredMartin, 'beingextremelytired;butuponmywordIdon'tunderstandyou.'

Mrs Hominy shook her head with a melancholy smile that said, notinexpressively,'Theycorrupteventhelanguageinthatoldcountry!'andaddedthen,ascomingdownasteportwotomeethislowcapacity,'Wherewasyourose?'

'Oh!'saidMartin'IwasborninKent.'

'Andhowdoyoulikeourcountry,sir?'askedMrsHominy.

'Verymuch indeed,' saidMartin, half asleep. 'At least—that is—prettywell,ma'am.'

'Most strangers—and partick'larly Britishers—are much surprised by whattheyseeintheU-nitedStates,'remarkedMrsHominy.

'They have excellent reason to be so, ma'am,' saidMartin. 'I never was somuchsurprisedinallmylife.'

'Ourinstitutionsmakeourpeoplesmartmuch,sir,'MrsHominyremarked.

'Themost short-sightedmancould see that at aglance,withhisnakedeye,'saidMartin.

Mrs Hominy was a philosopher and an authoress, and consequently had aprettystrongdigestion;butthiscoarse,thisindecorousphrase,wasalmosttoomuch for her. For a gentleman sitting alonewith a lady—although the doorWASopen—totalkaboutanakedeye!

Along intervalelapsedbeforeevenshe—womanofmasculineand toweringintellect though she was—could call up fortitude enough to resume theconversation.ButMrsHominywasa traveller.MrsHominywasawriterofreviews and analytical disquisitions. Mrs Hominy had had her letters fromabroad, beginning 'My ever dearest blank,' and signed 'The Mother of theModernGracchi' (meaning themarriedMissHominy), regularlyprinted inapublic journal, with all the indignation in capitals, and all the sarcasm initalics.MrsHominyhadlookedonforeigncountrieswiththeeyeofaperfectrepublican hot from themodel oven; andMrsHominy could talk (orwrite)aboutthembythehourtogether.SoMrsHominyatlastcamedownonMartinheavily,andashewasfastasleep,shehaditallherownway,andbruisedhimtoherheart'scontent.

ItisnogreatmatterwhatMrsHominysaid,savethatshehadlearntitfromthecantofaclass,andalargeclass,ofherfellowcountrymen,whointheireveryword, avow themselves to be as senseless to the high principles on whichAmericasprang,anation,intolife,asanyOrsoninherlegislativehalls.Whoarenomorecapableoffeeling,orofcaringiftheydidfeel,thatbyreducingtheirowncountrytotheebbofhonestmen'scontempt,theyputinhazardtherightsofnationsyetunborn,andveryprogressofthehumanrace,thanaretheswinewhowallowintheirstreets.Whothinkthatcryingouttoothernations,oldintheiriniquity,'Wearenoworsethanyou!'(Noworse!)ishighdefenceand 'vantage-ground enough for that Republic, but yesterday let loose uponher noble course, and but to-day somaimed and lame, so full of sores andulcers,foul to theeyeandalmosthopeless to thesense, thatherbestfriendsturnfromtheloathsomecreaturewithdisgust.Who,havingbytheirancestorsdeclaredandwontheirIndependence,becausetheywouldnotbendthekneetocertainPublicvicesandcorruptions,andwouldnotabrogatethetruth,runriotintheBad,andturntheirbacksupontheGood;andlyingdowncontentedwiththewretchedboastthatotherTemplesalsoareofglass,andstoneswhichbatter theirs may be flung back; show themselves, in that alone, asimmeasurably behind the import of the trust they hold, and as unworthy topossess it as if the sordid hucksterings of all their little governments—eachoneakingdominitssmalldepravity—werebroughtintoaheapforevidenceagainstthem.

Martin by degrees became so far awake, that he had a sense of a terribleoppressiononhismind;animperfectdreamthathehadmurderedaparticularfriend,andcouldn'tgetridofthebody.Whenhiseyesopeneditwasstaringhimfull in the face.Therewas thehorribleHominy talkingdeep truths inamelodioussnuffle,andpouringforthhermentalendowmentstosuchanextentthat theMajor'sbitterest enemy,hearingher,wouldhave forgivenhim fromthe bottomof his heart.Martinmight have done something desperate if thegong had not sounded for supper; but sound it did most opportunely; andhavingstationedMrsHominyat theupperendofthetablehetookrefugeat

the lower end himself;whence, after a hastymeal he stole away,while theladywasyetbusiedwithdriedbeefandasaucer-fullofpickledfixings.

ItwouldbedifficulttogiveanadequateideaofMrsHominy'sfreshnessnextday,oroftheaviditywithwhichshewentheadlongintomoralphilosophyatbreakfast.Somelittleadditionaldegreeofasperity,perhaps,wasvisibleinherfeatures,butnotmorethanthepickleswouldhavenaturallyproduced.AllthatdaysheclungtoMartin.Shesatbesidehimwhilehereceivedhisfriends(fortherewasanotherReception,yetmorenumerousthantheformer),propoundedtheories, and answered imaginary objections, so thatMartin really began tothink hemust be dreaming, and speaking for two; she quoted interminablepassages from certain essays on government, written by herself; used theMajor's pocket-handkerchief as if the snuffle were a temporary malady, ofwhichshewasdeterminedtoridherselfbysomemeansorother;and,inshort,wassucharemarkablecompanion,thatMartinquitesettleditbetweenhimselfand his conscience, that in any new settlement it would be absolutelynecessarytohavesuchapersonknockedontheheadforthegeneralpeaceofsociety.

InthemeantimeMarkwasbusy,fromearlyinthemorninguntillateatnight,ingettingonboardthesteamboatsuchprovisions,toolsandothernecessaries,astheyhadbeenforewarneditwouldbewisetotake.Thepurchaseofthesethings,andthesettlementoftheirbillattheNational,reducedtheirfinancestoso lowanebb, that if thecaptainhaddelayedhisdepartureany longer, theywouldhavebeeninalmostasbadaplightastheunfortunatepooreremigrants,who(seducedonboardbysolemnadvertisement)hadbeenlivingonthelowerdeckawholeweek,andexhaustingtheirmiserablestockofprovisionsbeforethevoyagecommenced.Theretheywere,allhuddledtogetherwiththeengineandthefires.Farmerswhohadneverseenaplough;woodmenwhohadneverused an axe; builderswho couldn'tmake a box; cast out of their own land,withnotahandtoaidthem:newlycomeintoanunknownworld,childreninhelplessness,butmeninwants—withyoungerchildrenattheirbacks,toliveordieasitmighthappen!

Themorningcame,andtheywouldstartatnoon.Nooncame,andtheywouldstartatnight.Butnothingiseternalinthisworld;noteventheprocrastinationofanAmericanskipper;andatnightallwasready.

Dispirited andweary to the last degree, but agreater lion than ever (hehaddonenothingalltheafternoonbutanswerlettersfromstrangers;halfofthemaboutnothing;halfaboutborrowingmoney,andallrequiringaninstantaneousreply),Martinwalkeddowntothewharf,throughaconcourseofpeople,withMrsHominyuponhisarm;andwentonboard.ButMarkwasbentonsolvingtheriddleofthislionship,ifhecould;andso,notwithouttheriskofbeingleftbehind,ranbacktothehotel.

CaptainKedgickwassittinginthecolonnade,withajuleponhisknee,andacigarinhismouth.HecaughtMark'seye,andsaid:

'Why,whatthe'Tarnalbringsyouhere?'

'I'll tell you plainly what it is, Captain,' said Mark. 'I want to ask you aquestion.'

'AmanmayASKaquestion,sohemay,'returnedKedgick;stronglyimplyingthatanothermanmightnotansweraquestion,sohemightn't.

'What have they beenmaking somuch of him for, now?' saidMark, slyly.'Come!'

'Ourpeoplelikeex-citement,'answeredKedgick,suckinghiscigar.

'Buthowhasheexcited'em?'askedMark.

TheCaptainlookedathimasifhewerehalfinclinedtounburdenhismindofacapitaljoke.

'Youaira-going?'hesaid.

'Going!'criedMark.'Ain'teverymomentprecious?'

'Our people like ex-citement,' said the Captain, whispering. 'He ain't likeemigrantsingin'ral;andheexcited'emalongofthis;'hewinkedandburstintoasmotheredlaugh;'alongofthis.Scadderisasmartman,and—and—nobodyasgoestoEdenevercomesbackalive!'

The wharf was close at hand, and at that instant Mark could hear themshoutingouthisname;couldevenhearMartincallingtohimtomakehaste,ortheywouldbeseparated. Itwas too late tomend thematter,orputanyfaceupon it but thebest.Hegave theCaptain apartingbenediction, and ranofflikearace-horse.'Mark!Mark!'criedMartin.

'HereamI,sir!'shoutedMark,suddenlyreplyingfromtheedgeof thequay,andleapingataboundonboard.'Neverwashalfsojolly,sir.Allright.Haulin!Goahead!'Thesparks fromthewoodfirestreamedupward fromthe twochimneys,asif thevesselwereagreatfireworkjustlighted;andtheyroaredawayuponthedarkwater.

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