8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
1/27
1
Effective Sentences
Sentences show
• Style relationships.
• Grammatical relationships
What’s wrong?
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
“Order your summers suit. Because in
big rush we will execute customers instrict rotation.”
From the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Artby 15,000 Soviet Republic painters andsculptors. These were executed over thepast two years.
ول
رو و
د
دول
.
What’s wrong?
At a Budapest zoo:
“Please do not feed the animals. If you haveany suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.”
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across fromRussian Orthodox monastery:
“You are welcome to visit the cemetery wherefamous Russian and Soviet composers, artists,and writers are buried daily except Thursday.”
Employees will be able to nominatetwo employees to receive the bestemployee of the month award
I am sending you this announcementto let you all know that Friday will be aworking day.
The General Manager definitely gave afine presentation that was actuallyheard by the employees.
We must consider this problem.
Effective sentences should becorrect; and have unity ofidea, emphasize the rightparts, show cohesion ofparts, be precise inmeaning, be concise,show word propriety, beclear in meaning, and
show variet in structure.
If on the date of opening of bid, theaverage price of domestic product is notmore than 10 percent above the averageof types, which price should reflect theprice of premium quality products, and ifreasonable bid proposals have beenreceived for the whole quantity , the saidbid will be awarded for local productsthat do not exceed 10 percent more thanforeign equivalents and the proceduresset forth for awarding contracts willapply.
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
2/27
2
If necessary, click "To:" tochoose a different recipienttype; click Reply to answer a
message: click Reply to respondto the sender alone and ReplyAll to respond to all addresseesin the message. Toautomatically include the text ofa message to which you arereplying in the compositionwindow, click “Quote.”
A practical multipurposecompact distillation towereffluent gas continuousanalysis solid state unit
Comment on the followingcompound noun
Electricity is useful. Electricity ispractical. Electricity is economic.Electricity is generated in largepower plants. Electricity isenvironmentally friendly. Electricityis expensive. Electricity is
important. Electricity is the backboneof modern life and economies.Electricity in Egypt is 80% fromnatural gas. Electricity in France is60% from nuclear sources.
All supervisors are herewithfirmly instructed to return thedue performance appraisalforms for all their employees tothe designated HR officer.
Please return the performanceappraisal forms to the HRdepartment.
Please be informed that forcertain uncontrollablecircumstances, we will beunable to handout requiredelements in time becauseavailable resources shall not bemobilized in time.
There is no doubt that …. ?
They specialize in a computer; the futureof data processing looks good.
Because oil prices are low, thesearch for new sources of energy isintensive.
Presenting a good outline of the budget,the management approved the outlinerapidly.
Today, a jet engine develops over 40,000lb. of thrust which weighs 5000 lb.
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
3/27
3
Formatting and few touchescan improve readability, re-
wording effectiveness
Effective sentences should
be correct, and1. have unity of idea2. Emphasize the right part3. show cohesion of parts4. be precise in meaning5. be concise6. show word propriety7. be clear in meaning8. show variety in structure.
A bid will be awarded for local products
if the average price of domesticproduct is not more than 10 percentabove the average price of otherrepresentative types
if the price reflects the price ofpremium quality products
if reasonable bid proposals have been
received for the whole quantity if they do not exceed 10 percent more
than foreign equivalents if the procedures set forth for
awarding contracts will apply.
1. If the average price of domesticproduct is not more than 10 percentabove the average price of otherrepresentative types
2. if the price reflects the price ofpremium quality products
3. if reasonable bid proposals have beenreceived for the whole quantity
4. if they do not exceed 10 percent morethan foreign equivalents5. if the procedures set forth for
awarding contracts will apply,
the bid will be awarded for local products.
If necessaryclick "To:" to choose a differentrecipient typeclick Reply to answer a messageclick Reply to respond to the senderalone and Reply All to respond to alladdressees in the messageclick Quote to automatically includethe text of a message to which youare replying in the compositionwindow.
If necessary, click "To:" to choosea different recipient type; clickReply to answer a message: click
Reply to respond to the sender
alone and Reply All to respond toall addressees in the message. To
automatically include the text of a
message to which you are replying
in the composition window, click
Quote.
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
4/27
4
We cannot give you a room on theexecutive floor today, but we can
provide you with a room on the18th floor with a sea view.
We can offer you an excellentroom on the 18th floor with a sea-view since all the rooms on theexecutive floor are alreadyoccupied.
Timeliness is considered apriority by all managers.
A key priority of all managers istimeliness.
All managers consider timelinessas one of their top priorities.
Explore the possibility ofordering additional supplies andensure that the supplies can bedelivered on time.
Explore the possibility ofordering additional supplies, but
most importantly, ensure that thesuppliers can deliver them ontime! AlsoIn addition to the above
AwareFully cognizant of
IfIn the event that
PleaseFeel free to
NowAt this point in time
AllowAfford an opportunity
If you get a negative performanceevaluation during your probationperiod, you will be terminated.
You will secure the position, onceyou successfully complete yourprobation period.
Negative
Positive tone
1) Unity
The sentence should dealwith one idea, or connects
related thoughts.
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
5/27
5
Unity of the sentence is
disturbed by
grammar and style errors, unrelated thoughts, long parts of speech,misplaced parts of speech, excessive details….
If necessary, click "To:" tochoose a different recipienttype; click Reply to answer a
message: click Reply to respondto the sender alone and ReplyAll to respond to all addresseesin the message. Toautomatically include the text ofa message to which you arereplying in the compositionwindow, click “Quote.”
What’s wrong?
At a Budapest zoo:
“Please do not feed the animals. If you haveany suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.”
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across fromRussian Orthodox monastery:
“You are welcome to visit the cemetery wherefamous Russian and Soviet composers, artists,and writers are buried daily except Thursday.”
What’s wrong?
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
“Order your summers suit. Because inbig rush we will execute customers instrict rotation.”
From the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Artby 15,000 Soviet Republic painters andsculptors. These were executed over thepast two years.
Employees will be able to nominatetwo employees to receive the bestemployee of the month award
I am sending you this announcementto let you all know that Friday will be aworking day.
The General Manager definitely gave afine presentation that was actuallyheard by the employees.
We must consider this problem.
2. CohesionThe sentence is cohesive when parts are tiedtogether. Cohesion can be within the sentence,between sentences, and between paragraphs.
⌧ The chief engineer had, in spite of his notwilling to share with us this meeting, pride ofthe department's performance.
⌧ The new hardware is the one to, whetherexpensive or not, use in design.
? The (x) production (x) dropped (x) 10%.Consider putting “almost” where “x’s” are.
⌧ Those who watch television rarely read much.
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
6/27
6
2.Cohesion
Tools showing relations to improvecohesion.
1.coordinating or subordinating
2. information ordering3. repeating specific words.4. pronouns5. the definite article6. demonstratives7. connectives and transition words8. visual formatting and use of colors9. other wa s of or anization.
Cohesion
First of all, the good paragraph has unity: focuses
on a single idea or theme . Second, a goodparagraph has coherence: one sentence leads tothe next in some kind of logical sequence . Finally,a good paragraph has adequate content : eachsentence contains appropriate details to supportthe main idea .
Parallelism
Once made, you should execute thedecision.
Coordination, punctuation, Thesis: cohesive tools
The two processes, speaking and writing, are notidentical. Writing is not simply speech writtendown on paper. Learning to write is not just anatural extension of learning to speak alanguage. We learned to speak our first languageat home without systematic instruction; whereas,most of us had to be taught in school how towrite that same language. Many adult nativespeakers of a language find writing difficult. Aspeaker speaks to a listener who is right there,nodding or frowning, or interrupting orquestioning. (development of the main thought isbased on showing contrast)
The two processes, speaking and writing,are not identical. Writing is not simplyspeech written down on paper. Learning towrite is not just a natural extension oflearning to speak a language. We learned tospeak our first language at home withoutsystematic instruction; whereas, most of ushad to be taught in school how to write thatsame language. Many adult native speakersof a language find writing difficult. Aspeaker speaks to a listener who is rightthere, nodding or frowning, or interruptingor questioning. For the writer, the reader'sresponse is either delayed or nonexistent.
Cohesion use of color
If on the date of opening of bid, theaverage price of domestic product is notmore than 10 percent above the averageof types, which price should reflect theprice of premium quality products, and ifreasonable bid proposals have beenreceived for the whole quantity , the saidbid will be awarded for local productsthat do not exceed 10 percent more thanforeign equivalents and the proceduresset forth for awarding contracts will
apply.
Excessive details & structure (labyrinthic)may hurt cohesion A bid will be awarded for local products if the average price of domestic product
is not more than 10 percent above theaverage price of other representativetypes
if the price reflects the price of premiumquality products
if reasonable bid proposals have beenreceived for the whole quantity
if they do not exceed 10 percent morethan foreign equivalents
if the procedures set forth for awarding
contracts will apply.
Formatting improves cohesion & readability
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
7/27
7
A bid will be awarded for local products 1. if the average price of domestic product
is not more than 10 percent above theaverage price of other representativetypes
2. if the price reflects the price of premiumquality products
3. if reasonable bid proposals have beenreceived for the whole quantity
4. if they do not exceed 10 percent morethan foreign equivalents
5. if the procedures set forth for awardingcontracts will apply.
Formatting improves cohesion & readabilityPunctuation marks serve cohesion• colon (what is after details what is before)• semicolon ( before & after are logically related )
• parenthesis, quotation marks (group parts )• formatting, parallelism (show levels )Errors disrupt relationship• fragments (incomplete meaning)• run on sentences ( no relationships)• dangling and squinting modifiers• errors of agreement (verb, number, persons)• relationships between tenses, …
First of all, the good paragraph has unity : focuseson a single idea or theme . Second, a good
paragraph has coherence : one sentence leads tothe next in some kind of logical sequence .
Finally, a good paragraph has adequate content :each sentence contains appropriate details to
support the main idea .
Parallelism, punctuation, ordinal adverbs aretools for cohesion
X Once made, you should execute the decision.(the first part is dangling)
Once made, the decision should be executed.
Errors hurt cohesion
Gas-driven cars burn gas that leaves theair relatively clean. Compared withgasoline, hydrocarbon gases are rich in
mainly hydrogen and carbon and containvery little impurities. The hydrogen in thegas combines with oxygen to form watervapor and carbon dioxide..
Article is a tool of cohesion when it refers
to something previously mentioned.
Repetition of a Key Term or PhraseThe problem with contemporary art is that it isnot easily understood by most people.Contemporary art is deliberately abstract, and
that means it leaves the viewer wondering whathe/she is looking at.SynonymsMyths narrate almost sacred histories andexplain sacred origins. These traditional narratives are, in short, a set of beliefs that are
a very real force in the lives of the people who
tell them.
PronounsThis, that, these, those, … he/she, it, they arerefer back to something previously mentioned.Be sure; what you are referring to is clear.
When scientific experiments do not work outas expected, they are often considered
failures until some other scientist tries themagain. Those that work out better the secondtime around are the ones that promise the
most rewards.
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
8/27
8
Transitional Words improve cohesionI like autumn, and yet autumn is a sadtime of the year. The leaves turn bright
shades of red and the weather is mild,but I cannot help thinking ahead to thespring and the nice weather we have inthis time of the year. In addition , that isthe season of not too many layers ofclothes to put on, and (season of ) dayswhen I will not have to heat part of thehouse to stay in working.
•A practical multipurpose compact
distillation tower effluent gascontinuous analysis solid state unit.Where is the problem?•A practical multipurpose compactdistillation tower [having, with] aneffluent gas continuous analysis solidstate unit.
Relationships between words in acompound noun
5. the first law ofthermodynamics
4. Bingham fluid,Newton’s law
3. floppy disc, soft
line, hard disk
2. horizontal bar,vertical tower, topdrive
1. four-arm-caliper,4-wheel drive car
Compound nouns
c. order
e. Consistency
d. Name ofcreator
b. Construction
a. Position
Relationship
?4. large-diameter pipe,
six-inch line-pipe5. disk brakes, goose-
neck connection
3. air brakes, air hoist,hydraulic pump
2. carbon steel brakes,high carbon steel
1. emergency brakes,safety valve
Compound nouns
b. Shape
e. Mode ofoperation
d. Purpose
c. Composition
a. Size
Relationship
?
Exercises on Cohesion
First of all, the good paragraph has unity:focuses on a single idea or theme. Second,a good paragraph has coherence: onesentence leads to the next in some kind oflogical sequence. Finally, a goodparagraph has adequate content: eachsentence contains appropriate details tosupport the main idea.
Define the tools of cohesion used in thefollowing text
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
9/27
9
First of all, the good paragraph has unity:
focuses on a single idea or theme.Second, a good paragraph has coherence:one sentence leads to the next in some kindof logical sequence.
Finally, a good paragraph has adequatecontent: each sentence containsappropriate details to support the mainidea.
Define the tools of cohesion used in thefollowing text
The chief engineer had, in spite of his notwilling to share with us this meeting, pride ofthe department's performance.
The new hardware is the one to, whetherexpensive or not, use in design.
The almost production dropped 10%. Those who watch television rarely read much. Jogging often relaxes.
Once in place, leave the place.
Define the errors that hurt cohesion. Correct.
I enjoy working work in this company we
hardly work hard.
Show tools and errors of cohesion in this text
The two processes, speaking and writing, are notidentical. Writing is not simply speech writtendown on paper. Learning to write is not just anatural extension of learning to speak alanguage. We learned to speak our first languageat home without systematic instruction; whereas,most of us had to be taught in school how to
write that same language. Many adult nativespeakers of a language find writing difficult. Aspeaker speaks to a listener who is right there,nodding or frowning, or interrupting orquestioning.
If on the date of opening of bid, theaverage price of domestic product is notmore than 10 percent above the averageof types, which price should reflect theprice of premium quality products, and ifreasonable bid proposals have been
received for the whole quantity , the saidbid will be awarded for local productsthat do not exceed 10 percent more thanforeign equivalents and the proceduresset forth for awarding contracts willapply.
Propose ways to improve readability of thistext
Punctuation marks serve cohesion• Colon (what is after details what is before)• Semicolon ( before & after are logically related )• parenthesis, quotation marks (group parts )• formatting, parallelism (show levels )Errors disrupt relationship• Fragments (incomplete meaning)• run on sentences ( no relationships)• dangling and squinting modifiers• errors of agreement (verb, number, persons)
• relationships between tenses, …
Give examples of the following Comment on cohesion in this paragraph.Unlike readers of the academic world, mostreaders of the “real world” read selectively:rather than thoroughly digesting a piece ofwriting, they skim-read most of it, skipping fromone main idea to another until they come tosomething that particularly interests them.Such readers are forced to read this way. Firstof all, the good paragraph has unity: focuses ona single idea or theme . Second, a goodparagraph has coherence: one sentence leadsto the next in some kind of logical sequence .Finally, a good paragraph has adequate content :each sentence contains appropriate details tosupport the main idea .
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
10/27
10
Gas-driven cars burn gas that leavesthe air relatively clean. Comparedwith gasoline, hydrocarbon gases arerich in mainly hydrogen and carbonand contain very little impurities. Thehydrogen in the gas combines withoxygen to form water vapor andcarbon dioxide..
Show tools of cohesion used in this text. Your comments on this slide
1. Teamworking and Group Skills2. Environment Protection
3. General Social skills
Generally Knowledge
Psychological
Networking.
• The problem with contemporary art is that it isnot easily understood by most people.Contemporary art is deliberately abstract, andthat means it leaves the viewer wondering whathe/she is looking at.
• Myths narrate almost sacred histories andexplain sacred origins. These traditionalnarratives are, in short, a set of beliefs that are avery real force in the lives of the people who tellthem.
• When scientific experiments do not work out asexpected, they are often considered failuresuntil some other scientist tries them again.Those that work out better the second timearound are the ones that promise the mostrewards.
I like autumn, and yet autumn is a sad
time of the year. The leaves turn bright
shades of red and the weather is mild,
but I cannot help thinking ahead to the
spring and the nice weather we have in
this time of the year. In addition, that isthe season of not too many layers of
clothes to put on, and days when I will
not have to heat part of the house.
A practical multipurpose compactdistillation tower effluent gascontinuous analysis solid state unit.Where is the problem?
Lunch time opening meeting programactivities forecast
9. Opening paragraph
8. Mach number
6. Company unit
7. Computer company
5. Avogadro’s Number
10. Cairo University
4. pH meter
3. Linear Algebra
2. A deviated gas well
1. A 7-passenger carCompound noun Relationship
?
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
11/27
11
End of Exercises onCohesion
3. Emphasis
Special attention given to particularwords or part(s) of speech.
Ideas vary in importance; therefore,expressing them should vary inemphasis.
3) Emphasis: Summing up
The writer can gain or vary emphasis by
placing important parts at the position ofnatural stress
repeating important partsarranging ideas in order of climaxusing intensifiers, subordination, …abruptly changing sentence lengthputting parts out of customary orderOther: passive/active, questioningVisual elements, punctuation,
italicization, …Use of em hatic mood … etc.
Timeliness is considered apriority by all managers.
Typewriters were invented byChristopher Choles.
Typewriters were invented around1860.
Christopher Choles inventedtypewriters.
Typewriters were invented byChristopher Choles.
Typewriters were inventedaround 1860.
The increasing price of oil may causea shift to other sources of energy.
Worldwide, coal should last for atleast 300 years.
Oil, on the other hand, will be virtuallydepleted within the next 60 years.
A method with old foundations, rocksplitting by humidifying wood, is stillused these days.
True, we have long meetings withoutresults.
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
12/27
12
At the present time, consumers arenot interested in solar heatersbecause they are still expensivedespite the wide publicity we havemade for this article.
At the present time, solar heaters donot interest customers because theyare still expensive despite the widepublicity we have made for thisarticle.
3) Emphasis: Summing up
The writer can gain or vary emphasis by
placing important parts at the position of
natural stressrepeating important partsarranging ideas in order of climaxusing intensifiers, subordination, …abruptly changing sentence lengthputting parts out of customary orderOther: passive/active, questioningVisual elements, punctuation,
italicization, …Use of em hatic mood … etc.
Beginning phrases usually do not affect
emphasis: the main clauses are always
emphasized.
The expanding gases drive the turbine,and the same gases are used to heatintake air of the air supply system.
Whether the engineer is engaged in civil,
mechanical or other professions, he isconfronted with data and figures.
Basic to all progress are integrity, faithand hard work.
Egypt does have considerable -- butbadly managed -- human resources.
Unlike readers of the academicworld, most readers of the “realworld” read selectively : rather thandigesting a piece of writing, theyskim-read most of it, skipping from
one main idea to another until theycome to something that particularlyinterests them. Such readers areforced to read this way.
Put words to emphasize near thebeginnings and endingsNever bury elements in subordinate
clauses.• No one can deny that the
computer has had a great effectupon the business world.
• Computer effect upon thebusiness world has been great.
• Undeniably, computer effect uponthe business world has been
great.
3) Emphasis: Summing upThe writer can gain or vary emphasis by
placing important parts at the position ofnatural stress
repeating important partsarranging ideas in order of climaxusing intensifiers, subordination, …abruptly changing sentence lengthputting parts out of customary orderOther: passive/active, questioningVisual elements, punctuation,
italicization, …
Use of em hatic mood … etc.
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
13/27
13
Example: Emphasis, cohesion of texts
The two processes, speaking and writing, arenot identical. Writing is not simply speechwritten down on paper. Learning to write is notjust a natural extension of learning to speak alanguage. We learned to speak our first languageat home without systematic instruction; whereas,most of us had to be taught in school how to writethat same language. Many adult native speakersof a language find writing difficult. A speakerspeaks to a listener who is right there, nodding orfrowning, or interrupting or questioning. For thewriter, the reader's response is either delayed ornonexistent.
Example: Emphasis, cohesion of textsThe two processes, speaking and writing, are notidentical. Writing is not simply speech writtendown on paper. Learning to write is not just a
natural extension of learning to speak a language.We learned to speak our first language at homewithout systematic instruction; whereas, most ofus had to be taught in school how to write thatsame language. Many adult native speakers of alanguage find writing difficult. A speaker speaksto a listener who is right there, nodding orfrowning, or interrupting or questioning. For thewriter, the reader's response is either delayed ornonexistent.
Social Skills
1. Teamwork and Group Skills
2. Environment Protection
3. General Social Skills
4. General Knowledge
5. Psychology
6. Networking.
Use of color (enhancement) 3. Emphasis ( continued )Visual Devices for Achieving Emphasis
Changes of• font face and size, boldface,• all-capitals
But they create the impression of a
writer relying on flashy effects
instead of clear writing.
Use of BoldfaceIn commercials to portray things far fromrealistic.•The following topics will be covered:•topic 1: brief description of topic 1•topic 2: brief description of topic 2•topic 3: brief description of topic 3
Use of ALL-CAPITAL letters foremphasis may not be effective.
Dash or colon is more emphatic thancomma.
1. The employees were surprised by the decision,which was not to change company policy.
2. The employees were surprised by thedecision -- no change in company policy.
3. The employees were surprised by thedecision: no change in company policy.
But express emphasis primarily through
words. Use punctuation as a help.
Punctuation Marks for Achieving Emphasis
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
14/27
14
Choice and Arrangement of Words forAchieving Emphasis
• Use of some words and phrases:especially , particularly , crucially , most,
importantly , ….• Emphasis by repetition of key words:• See your good times: pictures in elegant
finish, instant pictures, and pictures inbeautiful enlargements will stay for ever.
• Establishing a pattern; repeat it; thenbreak it. The varied part is emphasized
• We are the first in reliability, first inservice, but in customer complaints -- thelast.
Departing from a basic structural:Invert standard S-V-O pattern• You make $ 50 in one hour-work.• Fifty dollars you can make in one hour.
Put words to emphasizeNear the beginnings and endingsNever bury elements in subordinate clauses.• No one can deny that the computer has
had a great effect upon the businessworld.
• Computer effect upon the business worldhas been great.
• Undeniably, computer effect upon thebusiness world has been great.
Arrangement of Clauses for AchievingEmphasis
Purpose: say candidates are good.• I believe both applicants are superb
even though it is hard to find goodpersons nowadays.
• Even though it is hard to find goodpersons nowadays, I believeapplicants are superb.
Sudden change of sentence length
• For a long time some corporations
used other countries merely as a
cheap source of raw materials, as a
place to dump outdated equipment
and overstocked merchandise, and asa training ground for junior
executives. But those days have
ended.
• The increased number of joggers,the booming sales of exercisebicycles and other physical trainingdevices, the record number ofentrants in marathon races -- allclearly indicate the growing beliefthat strenuous, prolonged exercise
is good for their health. But is it real?
Use a question after a series ofstatements
3) Emphasis: Summing upThe writer can gain or vary emphasis by
placing important parts at the position ofnatural stress
repeating important partsarranging ideas in order of climaxusing intensifiers, subordination, …abruptly changing sentence lengthputting parts out of customary orderOther: passive/active, questioningVisual elements, punctuation,
italicization, …
Use of em hatic mood … etc.
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
15/27
15
What is the problem of thisslide?
1. Teamwork and Group Skills2. Environment Protection
3. General Social Skills
4. General Knowledge
5. Psychology
6. Networking.
4) VARIETY
Introduce variety in texts. Avoid short repetitivestructures, unless necessary.Electricity is useful. Electricity is practical. Electricity is
economic. Electricity is environmentally friendly.Electricity is important. Electricity is generated in largepower stations
Electricity has become important becauseof being useful, practical, economic, andenvironmentally friendly. For economy ofscale, It is now generated in large powerstations using coal, oil, gas or nuclearpower.
Vary sentence pattern
S-Vi: … is writing
S-Vi-C: … is writing well
S-Vt-O … is writing a letter
S-Vt-O-C: We consider him clever
S-Vt-OD-preposition-Oi: … wrote a letterto the office.
S-Vt-OD-preposition-Oi-COi … wrote aletter to the office in Cairo.
S-Vt-Oi-C-Od-C: We wrote him a letterbefore Tuesday
1. Vary sentence pattern
S-Vi or S-Vi-C. S-Vt-O or S-Vt-O-C
S-Vt-OD-preposition-Oi-COi
S-Vt-Oi-C-Od-C
2. Use leading phrase or clause.
3. Use one or more of the following:
Negation, Question, Passive Voice
Monosyllabic: perform do. Direct indirect
4. Vary repetitions: full/short forms.
5. Vary length: 8 to 28 words/sentence.
6. Combine Clauses: coordinate/subordinate.
7. Vary sentences type: > 40% simple, < 40%complex, < 20% compound.
V A R I E T Y
VARIETY
Use sentence connective: In addition
Use coordinate conjunction: and, or,
Use conjunctive adverb, however,
Use transitional expression: Price, we have seen, is one aspect of marketing;quality is another, but importantfactor.
The increasing price of oil may causea shift to other sources of energy.
Worldwide, coal should last for atleast 300 years.
Oil, on the other hand, will be virtuallydepleted within the next 60 years.
A method with old foundations, rocksplitting by humidifying wood, is stillused these days.
“We have long meetings withoutresults” is true.
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
16/27
16
Variety: Negative Example
We first choose the style ofbrainstorming. We must notcriticize them. We always ask forclarity. We must write results onboard. We first look for quantity notquality. We group related thoughts.We rank thought in terms ofpriorities.
Variety: Positive Example
First choose the style of brainstorming. Do
not allow audience to discuss ideas nor to
criticize speakers. An exception, ask for
clarity. Show results of brainstorming to all:
write them on board. Essentially,
brainstorming targets quantity not quality.
After brainstorming, group related
thoughts, exclude repetitions, and rank
them in terms of priorities.
Most readers of the “real world” readselectively: they skim-read most oftexts, skipping from one main idea toanother until they come to something
that particularly interests them. Suchreaders are forced to read this way.
Show tools of variety used in thefollowing text.
Examples
A great place to work in is the one whereemployees trust the people they work for,have pride in what they do, and enjoy thepeople they work with. Companies withgood workplace tend to be betterperformers in financial terms. The heart ofthe workplace is in the quality of relation-
ships in it: employees trust the people theywork for. If a business needs to bechanged, the trust within the workplace willbe the currency with which that change willbe paid.
Unlike readers of the academic world,most readers of the “real world” readselectively: rather than digesting apiece of writing, they skim-read mostof it, skipping from one main idea toanother until they come to somethingthat particularly interests them. Suchreaders are forced to read this way.
Show tools of variety used in thefollowing text.
Example: Emphasis, cohesion of textsThe two processes, speaking and writing, are notidentical. Writing is not simply speech writtendown on paper. Learning to write is not just anatural extension of learning to speak a language.We learned to speak our first language at homewithout systematic instruction; whereas, most ofus had to be taught in school how to write thatsame language. Many adult native speakers of alanguage find writing difficult. A speaker speaksto a listener who is right there, nodding orfrowning, or interrupting or questioning. For thewriter, the reader's response is either delayed ornonexistent.
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
17/27
17
5- Word propriety
Levels of Formality
In-Group Jargon – specialized language used by groups
of like-minded individuals.
– Never use jargon for a generalaudience without first explaining it.
Slang and idiomatic expressions
– Avoid!
The Paramedic Method Circle the prepositions (of, in, about, for, onto,
into) Draw a box around the "is" verb forms
Ask, "Where's the action?" Change the "action" into a simple verb Move the doer into the subject (Who's kicking
whom)
Word propriety
Deceitful language and Euphemisms
– words that veil the truth
– collateral damage: the “unintended” destruction of civiliansand their property
– sunshine units: a term for a power plant that is leakingradiation into the surrounding areas
– persons with disabilities, differently-abled persons
Biased languageRacial, ethnic, group, or gender bias
man's achievements human achievements
nine man-hours nine staff-hours
fireman firefighter
male nurse nurse
Black African American
Additional Examples
A great place to work in is the one whereemployees trust the people they work for,have pride in what they do, and enjoy thepeople they work with. Companies withgood workplace tend to be betterperformers in financial terms. The heart ofthe workplace is in the quality of relation-
ships in it: employees trust the people theywork for. If a business needs to bechanged, the trust within the workplace willbe the currency with which that change willbe paid.
You will almost always have to use additionalinformation, specific to your particular problem, to
answer such basic questions as, "Do I expect a
unique solution?" and "Approximately where?".
Once, however, you identify the neighborhood of the
root, or of a place where there might be a root, then
the problem firms up considerably: It is time to turn
to Newton-Raphson , which readily generalizes to
multiple dimensions.
This method gives you a very efficient means ofconverging to the root, if it exists, or of spectacularly
failing to converge, indicating (though not proving)
that your root does not exist nearby.
6. Conciseness
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
18/27
18
6. Conciseness
Eliminate words that explain theobvious
– Imagine a mental picture of someone
– Imagine someone
Eliminate unnecessary determiners andmodifiers –very unique
–unique
Combine sentences whereappropriate
D a n g
e r o u
s
V e r y
d a n
g e r o u s
alsoIn addition to the above
awareFully cognizant of
ifIn the event that
pleaseFeel free to
nowAt this point in timeallowAfford an opportunity
6- Conciseness
Replace several vague words with morepowerful and specific words.
All supervisors are herewithinstructed to return theperformance appraisal formsfor all their employees to thedesignated HR officer.
Please return the performanceappraisal forms to the HRdepartment.
Conciseness
Change phrases into single-words andadjectives
–As you carefully read what you have written toimprove your wording and catch small errors ofspelling, punctuation, and so on, the thing todo before you do anything else is to try to see
where a series of words expressing actioncould replace the ideas found in nouns ratherthan verbs. (53 words)
– Concise: As you edit, first find nominalizationsthat you can replace with verb phrases.
Methods of Eliminating Wordiness1. Eliminate unnecessary modifiers2. Change phrases into single words3. Change that , who …clauses to phrases4. Avoid overusing expletives5. Use active rather than passive verbs6. Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs7. Reword infinitive phrases8. Replace circumlocutions with direct
expressions9. Omit words that explain obvious things10. Omit repetitive wording
Methods of Eliminating Wordiness1. Eliminate unnecessary and modifiers
Wordy• Any particular type of dessert is fine
with me.• Balancing the budget by Friday is an
impossibility without some kind of extrahelp.
More Concise• Any dessert is fine with me.• Balancing the budget by Friday is
impossible without extra help.
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
19/27
19
1. Eliminate unnecessary and modifierssome words/phrases, often be eliminated tomake sentences clearer
reallyindividualparticularbasically
definitelyfor all intents andpurposes
specificgenerally
type ofactually
Wordy
For all intents and purposes, industrial
productivity generally depends on
certain factors that are really more psychological in kind than of any given
technological aspect.More Concise
Industrial productivity depends more on
psychological than on technological
factors.
2. Change phrases into single wordswhen possible.
Wordy
• The employee with ambition ...
• The department showing the best
performance ...
More Concise
• The ambitious employee...
• The best-performing department...
2. Change phrases into single words when possible.
• Mr. xyz, our chief of consulting ,suggested at our last board meeting theinstallation of microfilm equipment in thedepartment of data processing .
• our chief consultant suggested the
installation of microfilm equipment in thedepartment of data processing .• The chief consultant suggested that the
company install microfilm equipment inthe data processing department.
2. Put actions into verbs
The measurement of the tube wasconducted using a special probe.
We used a special probe to measurethe diameter of the pipe.
3. Change unnecessary “that , who ,and which” clauses into phrases
The report, which was released recently ...The report released recentlyWe recently released report...All applicants who are interested in the jobmust...All job applicants must...The system that is most efficient andaccurate ...The most efficient and accurate system...
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
20/27
20
4. Avoid overusing expletives at thebeginning of sentences
Expletivesit + be –verborthere + be -verb."It is imperative that we find asolution.”Same meaning "We must find asolution."
4. Avoid overusing expletives• It is the manager who signs the bills.
emphasis
• The manager signs the bills.• There are four rules that should beobserved: ...
• Four rules should be observed:...• Observe four rules• There was a big explosion, which shook
the windows, and people ran into thestreet.
• A big explosion shook the windows, andpeople ran into the street.
5. Use active rather than passive verbsWordy
• An account was opened by Mrs. Xxx.• Your figures were checked by the
research department.More Concise
• Mrs. Xxx opened an account.• The research department checked your
figures.
6. Avoid overusing noun forms of verbsUse verbs than noun forms
(nominalizations) Wordy
• The function of this department is thecollection of accounts.
• The current focus of the medical
profession is disease prevention.More Concise• This department collects accounts.• The medical profession currently focuses
on disease prevention.
7. Reword infinitive phrases• Convert some infinitive into verbs• Change a be -verb with an action verb.1. The duty of a clerk is to check all
incoming mail and to record it.2. A shortage of tellers at our branch office
on Friday and Saturday during rushhours has caused customers to becomedissatisfied with service.
• A clerk checks and records all incomingmail.
• A teller shortage at our branch office onFriday and Saturday during rush hourshas caused customer dissatisfaction.
8. Replace circumlocutions with directexpressions
Circumlocutions: saying short meaningsin long words
•At this/that point in time...•Now/then...• In accordance with your request...•As you requested...• It is possible that nothing will come ofthese preparations.
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
21/27
21
8. Replace circumlocutions with direct
expressions
1. Nothing may come of these
preparations.2. You have the ability to influence the
outcome.
3. You can influence the outcome
• It is necessary that we take a stand on
this pressing issue.
• We must take a stand on this pressing
issue.
common circumlocutions:• the reason for• for the reason that
• owing/due to the fact that• in light of the fact that• considering the fact that• this is why because, since, why• on the occasion of• in a situation in which• under circumstances in which = when• as regards
• in reference to• with regard to• concerning the matter of• it is crucial that• it is necessary that• there is a need/necessity for• it is important that• cannot be avoided=must, should• is able to
• has the opportunity to• has the capacity for• has the ability to=can• it is possible that• there is a chance that• it could happen that
9. Omit words that explain the obvious orprovide excessive detail
Delete what is obvious to readers.1. I received your inquiry yesterday. Yes,
we do have...2. Imagine a mental picture of someone
engaged in trying to learn the rules for
how to play the game of chess.• Yes you asked for xxx, we do have...• Imagine someone trying to learn the
rules of chess.
9. Omit words that explain the obvious orprovide excessive detail
Delete what is obvious to readers.1.It goes without saying that we are
acquainted with your policy on filing taxreturns, and we have every intention ofcomplying with the regulations that youhave mentioned.
• We intend to comply with the tax-returnregulations that you have mentioned.
9. Omit words that explain the obvious or
provide excessive detail
Delete what is obvious to readers.
1.Imagine a mental picture of someone
engaged in the intellectual activity of
trying to learn what the rules are for how
to play the game of chess.
• Imagine someone trying to learn the rules
of chess.
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
22/27
22
10. Omit repetitive wordingDo not repeat words with same meaning.
• I would appreciate it if you would bring tothe attention of your officers our dislike oflong sentences in messages to the fieldand in other items drafted for signature, aswell as in all correspondence, reports, andstudies
• Please encourage your officers to keepsentences and paragraphs in letters,reports, and studies short.
10. Omit repetitive wording1.Before the travel agent was completely
able to finish explaining the various
differences among all of the many veryunique vacation packages his travelagency was offering, the customerchanged her future plans.
• Before the travel agent finished explainingthe differences among the uniquevacation packages his travel agency wasoffering, the customer changed her plans.
1.During that time period, many carbuyers preferred cars that were pink incolor and shiny in appearance.
2.The microscope revealed a group oforganisms that were round in shape andpeculiar in nature.
• During that period, many car buyerspreferred pink, shiny cars.
• The microscope revealed a group ofpeculiar, round organisms.
true factsof a red color
important essentialsheavy in weight
future plansperiod in timeterrible tragedyround in shape
end resultat an early time
final outcomeeconomics field
basic fundamentalsoften times
each individuallarge in size
various differencesPeriod of time
past memoriesvery unique
final outcomeeconomics fieldfree giftof cheap quality
past historyhonest incharacter
expected surpriseuncertain chance
sudden crisisin a confused state
of a strange typeunusual in nature
extreme in degree alsoIn addition to the above
awareFully cognizant of
ifIn the event that
pleaseFeel free to
nowAt this point in time
allowAfford an opportunity
Conciseness
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
23/27
23
Negative ExampleOur deluxe models have chromium,rubber-insulated fixtures for durability,economy, and easy maintenance, andconvenient controls to cut down oninstallation costs and necessaryadjustments. They operate on AC or DCcurrent and incorporate the latestprinciples of electronic controls whichmeans flexibility in their use, betteradjustment of the thermal units, lesschance of error, and reduced labor costsper unit of production.
WORDY/CONCISE Example
• It is the responsibility of our ProductionDepartment to see that it meets therequirements of our Sales Division. (19)
• Our Production Department must meet ourSales Division's requirements. (9)
• The collision had the effect of adestructive force on the duplicator. (12)
• The collision destroyed the duplicator. (5)
• We have enclosed a pamphlet whichshows further details of construction onpage four. (14)
• Page four of the enclosed pamphlet
shows further construction details. (10)
• We must sell our surplus stock. (6)• This manual of instructions was
prepared to aid our dealers in beinghelpful to their customers. (16)
• We prepared this instruction manual to
help our dealers serve their customers.(12)
• Three days ago you asked us toinvestigate the problem of discomfortamong your office workers. We have madeour study. Too low humidity is apparentlythe main cause of your problem. Yourbuilding is steam-heated. (39)
• Too low humidity is apparently the causeof your workers' discomfort. Since yourbuilding is steam-heated, your solution isto . . .(21)
Negative ExampleOur deluxe models have chromium,rubber-insulated fixtures for durability,economy, and easy maintenance, andconvenient controls to cut down oninstallation costs and necessaryadjustments. They operate on AC or DCcurrent and incorporate the latestprinciples of electronic controls whichmeans flexibility in their use, betteradjustment of the thermal units, lesschance of error, and reduced labor costs
per unit of production.
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
24/27
24
Exercises on Conciseness
Exercise: WORDY CONCISE• It is the responsibility of our Production
Department to see that it meets therequirements of our Sales Division. (19)
• The collision had the effect of a destructiveforce on the duplicator. (12)
• We have enclosed a pamphlet which showsfurther details of construction on page four.(14)
• This manual of instructions was prepared to aidour dealers in being helpful to their customers.(16)
• Sale of surplus stock is one of our primaryneeds. (10)
ConciseWordy
Feel free to
At this point in timeAfford an opportunity
In addition to the above
Fully cognizant of
In the event that
true facts
important essentials
future plansterrible tragedy
end result
final outcome
basic fundamentals
each individual
various differences
past memories
of a red color
heavy in weight
period in time
round in shape
at an early time
economics field
often times
large in size
Period of timevery unique
ConciseWordy
free gift
past history
expected surprise
sudden crisis
of a strange type
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
25/27
25
•has the capacity for
•has the ability to•it is possible that
•there is a chance that
•it could happen that
•in reference to
•with regard to
•concerning the matter of
ConciseWordy
•it is crucial that
•it is necessary that
•there is a need/necessity for
•it is important that
•cannot be avoided
•is able to
•has the opportunity to
•concerning the matter of
•with regard to
•in reference to
ConciseWordy
Employees will be able to nominatetwo employees to receive the bestemployee of the month award
I am sending you this announcementto let you all know that Friday will be aworking day.
The General Manager definitely gave afine presentation that was actuallyheard by the employees.
We must consider this problem.
• Any particular type of dessert is finewith me.
• Balancing the budget by Friday is animpossibility without some kind of extrahelp.
• For all intents and purposes, industrial
productivity generally depends on certain factors that are really more
psychological in kind than of any given
technological aspect.
• Mr. xyz, our chief of consulting ,suggested at our last board meeting theinstallation of microfilm equipment in thedepartment of data processing .
• our chief consultant suggested theinstallation of microfilm equipment in the
department of data processing .
• The employee with ambition ...
• The department showing the best
performance ... The report, which was released recently ...
All applicants who are interested in the jobmust...
The system that is most efficient andaccurate ...
The measurement of the tube wasconducted using a special probe.
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
26/27
26
• It is the manager who signs the bills.emphasis
• There are four rules that should be observed:...
• There was a big explosion, which shook thewindows, and people ran into the street.
• An account was opened by Mrs. Xxx.
• Your figures were checked by the research
department.
• The function of this department is the collection of accounts.
• The current focus of the medical profession isdisease prevention.
1. The duty of a clerk is to check allincoming mail and to record it.
2. A shortage of tellers at our branch officeon Friday and Saturday during rushhours has caused customers to becomedissatisfied with service.
•At this/that point in time...• In accordance with your request...• It is possible that nothing will come of
these preparations.
• You have the ability to influence theoutcome.
• It is necessary that we take a stand onthis pressing issue.
1. I received your inquiry yesterday. Yes,we do have...
2. Imagine a mental picture of someoneengaged in trying to learn the rules forhow to play the game of chess.
• It goes without saying that we areacquainted with your policy on filing taxreturns, and we have every intention ofcomplying with the regulations that youhave mentioned.
• I would appreciate it if you would bring to
the attention of your officers the our dislikeof long sentences in messages to the fieldand in other items drafted for signature, aswell as in all correspondence, reports, andstudies
• Imagine a mental picture of someone
engaged in the intellectual activity of
trying to learn what the rules are for how
to play the game of chess.
• During that time period, many car buyerspreferred cars that were pink in color andshiny in appearance.
• The microscope revealed a group oforganisms that were round in shape and
peculiar in nature.
• Before the travel agent was completelyable to finish explaining the variousdifferences among all of the many veryunique vacation packages his travelagency was offering, the customerchanged her future plans.
م ج:ل ،أ س ء ل ،ن
،ل ر ف و ن أ ، هأو و ،ل رأ و ش
و ة . و ه ه . ع ن ،أ ت إو
. ت أ د و ن أ) (،
و ر ه .إ أ ن ذن؟ ن
8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences
27/27
رز: ل أ و ،و فو ،و ب و ،خ و مو ،و رو ،و
، ب و ،ن ب و ،رو و ،خ أ
رع و ر س و ،س و و .:إ و د . ت أ .و م إ ن و أ
:ن ل ،م ه أ و :م رأ د ت . :ر ن أ ،إ ه
ه و ، أ و أ ه أة أ و س و س ،أ و
و و . و أ ،ً و و ن إو ،.. ..
، ح . و ح و ق و و ه و
ظول وه ح ن و أهآ ، و ف و ن
ر و ر ث ع ور و وآ و ح آه ث
ح
و
وم د
رو .ع