Central Iowa Chapter 2741 Hickman Rd. Des Moines, IA 50310
DECEMBER 2015 VOLUME 17 NO. 12
“WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE!”
NEXT MEETING: December 1, 2015 7 – 8:45 PM
Hamilton’s on Westown Parkway
**Large Chapel Area or Butterfly Reception Room**
3601 Westown, West Des Moines, IA
Go west at the corner of Valley West Drive and Westown Parkway. Hamilton’s is located on the northwest corner of
36th Street and Westown Parkway. Entry to the parking lot is off of 36th Street, on either the south or north side of the
building. The facility will be open at 6:30 pm for anyone who wants to come early to share or for new people to fill
out papers and get information folders.
PROGRAM: Our Annual Chapter Candle Lighting Service. We will be remembering our
children, siblings, and grandchildren with songs, poetry, readings, and lighting
of our memory candles. A social hour follows for sharing and snacks.
INCLEMENT WEATHER
Winter is upon us now with unpredictable weather. If the weather is severe the night of our meetings, please use
good judgment before venturing out. Listen to local TV and radio stations or check cancellations online; if most
school activities and other events are cancelled, we will not meet. We will also notify Hamilton’s of our
cancellation by 5 p.m. on meeting date (515-224-0078).
TELEPHONE FRIENDS:
We have all experienced the pain of having a child die. We understand and care and would like to hear from
you. The parents listed below have offered to listen and share those difficult times we all experience. If you
are having a bad day, would like to share a memory, or need reassurance that what you are feeling is “normal,” please call a telephone friend.
Ruth and Dave Carlson Michael (3 months), congenital heart defects 515-224-0720
Karen Wiederholt Nicholas (3 months), sudden infant death syndrome 515-274-3584
Larry and Linda Vavroch Larry II, stillborn 515-278-5963
Paul and Joyce Scranton Brian (22 years), suicide 515-965-2467
Dick and Diana Sosalla Nicole (20 years), sudden death, illness 515-367-3077
Jennifer Ryan Premature birth 515-779-9449
EMPTY ARMS – A self-help group within our TCF chapter for parents experiencing miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death. Facilitators and Telephone Friends: Ginger & Dale Johnson 515-226-3143
277-7502
Betsy Lundy 515-277-7502
SIBLINGS – Any person who has had a brother or sister die is invited to attend our regular chapter meetings.
Facilitator and Telephone Friend: Vern Bradley 515-277-6432
UPCOMING EVENTS
December 1, 2015, 7 pm – Our Chapter Candle Lighting Ceremony
December 13, 2015, 6:30 pm – Worldwide Candle Lighting Ceremony with Mercy Medical Center
CHAPTER AND NATIONAL INFORMATION
Central Iowa Chapter:
Chapter Leader – Merry Bradley – 515-277-6432
Newsletter Editor – Judy Jarboe - [email protected]
Chapter Advisor – Chapter Website – htp://www.tcfdsm.org/
National Office:
Address: The Compassionate Friends, Inc. P.O. Box 3693 Oak Brook, IL 60522-3693
Phone toll-free: 1-877-969-0010 Fax: 1-630-990-0246 E-mail: [email protected]
Website: www.thecompassionatefriends.org
We encourage you to use the national website as a resource for information regarding recommended reading
materials and other supporting information. It is also a link, 24 hours a day, to chat rooms specifically
for bereaved parents, grandparents, and siblings.
“ . . . We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends.”
IN LOVING MEMORY . . . .
There are no dues or fees to belong to The Compassionate Friends. We have all paid the ultimate price—the loss
of our loved ones. Through “love gifts,” parents and others who wish to may provide financial support for our chapter. We are grateful for these gifts and use them in our chapter’s work to be there for others.
RUBY GEHRKE AND ANNE GEHRKE
In memory of their son and brother, DAVID JAMES GEHRKE
VERN and MERRY BRADLEY and RAECHEL GRAPENTINE
In memory of their daughter and sister, TERRI BRADLEY
ROSEMARIE KELLING
In memory of her daughter, ANET JAMES
MARVIN and MARY WOOD
In memory of their son, JONATHAN DANIEL WOOD
CENTRAL IOWA CHAPTER NOVEMBER MONTHLY MEETING
Six members attended the Steering Committee meeting prior to the November TCF meeting, and topics of discussion
included the upcoming candle lighting ceremony and need for volunteers and attendance numbers. Jen Jacobe was selected as chapter delegate for ballot voting concerns during 2016 related to the national office.
Fourteen members attended the regular November meeting. We welcomed Darlene Greenfield who attended in memory
of her son, Alex Greenfield. Darlene was accompanied by her good friend and supporter, Marcella Edmonds.
The Ask It Basket provided much thought and discussion for coping with the holidays and any days for new as well as
veteran grievers. We encouraged all to take care of themselves and to hold the good memories close at heart even though a tear may fall. Remember, our love for our special persons and their love for us will never fail.
You may not be looking forward to the coming holidays; when those days arrive, look back at the good memories,
whether it be years, and the warmth and elation of a baby on the way. Don’t lose those moments.
NOTE: The Compassionate Friends is a self-help support group to help individuals on their grief journey.
Please understand we cannot advise on depression; major family feuds, or financial areas. We can only suggest
that professional counseling may be helpful, as well as talking with your minister, a social worker, or a banker.
~ Merry Bradley
2
Come light a candle with us and join with families around the
world . . . “that their light may always shine.”
Join the Compassionate Friends and Mercy Medical Center for the annual
community candle lighting.
Where: Mercy Medical Center East Tower Auditorium
1111 6th Avenue, Des Moines, IA 50314
From: 6:30 – 7:30 pm Sunday, December 13th, 2015
Who: Parents, Grandparents, Siblings, Family, and Friends
Reason: To remember the children in our families who have died at all ages,
from all causes. We will be placing luminaries in Memory Garden.
Directions:
You may enter the Main Tower Entrance on University or in the East Tower Entrance
on 3rd
Street. Go to level A; there will be direction signs to the auditorium. For additional Information Contact: Ann Valdez (55 358-3000
UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING
Need #1: Acknowledge the reality of the death
You must gently confront the difficult reality that someone you loved is dead and will never physically be present to you again. Whether the death was sudden or anticipated, acknowledging the full reality of the loss may occur over weeks and months. You will first acknowledge the reality of the loss with your head. Only over time will you come to acknowledge it with your heart. At times you may push away the reality of the death. This is normal. You will come to integrate the reality in doses as you are ready.
Tell someone about the death today. Talking about it will help you work on this important need.
~ Dr. Alan Wolfelt, Healing Your Grieving Heart
3
4
5
Our Beloved Children Remembered in December Lighting a candle, cherishing a birth . . .
Wendy Allsopp Daughter of Rosemarie O’Connor and Michael Allsopp
Derrick Bagley Son of Marvin and RoseAnn Bagley, spouse of Laura Bagley
Jacob Baker Son of Ann Baker
Alex Bowersox Son of Tom and Karen Bowersox
Doug Brewbaker Son of Max and Pat Brewbaker
Emily Conner Daughter of Bob and Susan Conner
Joseph Davis Son of Toni Davis
Diane Dickman Daughter of Norman and Darlene Dickman
Mark Dinsmore Son of James and Pat Dinsmore
Michael Emal Son of Mary Emal
Karli Faas Daughter of Mindy and Josh Faas, granddaughter of Linda Kimball
Alec Freese Son of Kevin and Cindy Freese, grandson of Len and Helen Ringgenberg
David James Gehrke Son of Robert and Ruby Gehrke, brother of Anne Gehrke
Douglas Gordon Brother of Denise Gordon-Kamm
Brock Adam Gould Grandson of Randy and Barb Gould
Brian Highland Son of Bill and Barb Highland
Emily Hilterbrand Daughter of Jon Stahl Jr. and Kelley Hilterbrand
Keith Lee Jarboe Son of Ralph and Judith Jarboe, brother of Molly
Andrew Knoke Son of Ron and Kristin Knoke
Gabriel Kornstad Son of Lori and Greg Kornstad
Kim Kramer-Roberts Daughter of Ed and Millie Kramer
Audrey Elizabeth Logue Daughter of Sara Johnson, sister of Tristan Daniel and Jasper Thomas Jason Mrogenski Son of Tom and Diana Mrogenski
Aaron Paul Nelson Son of Ward and Paula Nelson
Zach Paulsen Kurt and Patrice Paulsen Christopher Pettyjohn Son of Cindy Witt and Marvin Witt
Ryan & David Peyton Children of Jarad Peyton
Emily Ryan Daughter of Rick and Jennifer Ryan
Courntney Seymour Son of Cindy and Jeff Mayer
Scott Alan Shawver Brother of Jan Shawver
Carly Rose Shelton Daughter of Andrew and Laura Shelton
Joseph Daniel Signorelli Son of Kimberley Ann Plumley, brother of Angelina Ashley Signorelli Linda Starkey-Smith Sister of Donna Luepker
Andy Strait Son of Ted and Joanne Strait
Jeannie Walsh Daughter of Steve and Judy Walsh
Taylor Wiederien Son of Mary Wiederien
Julie Windolf Daughter of John and Ann Windolf
Jonathan Daniel Wood Son Marvin and Mary Wood
Lighting a candle, remembering a life . . . Erica Allen Daughter of Laura Allen
Terri Bradley Daughter of Vern and Merry Bradley, sister of Raechel Grapentine
Noah Edwards Son of David and Christine Edwards
Teresa Fagen Daughter of Steve and Peggy Fagen, sister of Michelle, Mary, & Renee
Karen Farley Sister of Jackie Judge
Jamie Flinn Daughter of Donna Flinn
Laura Gastineau Daughter of James and Janet Gastineau
Chap Gordon Son of Paul Gordon
Chad Huisinga Son of Alan and Melinda Huisinga, brother of Kristin
Brice Janvrin Son of Diane and Bruce Janvrin
Jimmy R. Johnson Son of Mary J. Duran, brother of Crystal Burrell
Crissy Miller Daughter of Jody Freel
Katie Nielson Daughter of Eric and Carol Nielson
Ryan O’Connor Son of Terry O’Connor
Amy Prideaux Daughter of Ken and Janet Prideaux 6
Franklin Augustus Sanchez Son of Vince and Gail Valdez and Frank Sanchez
Jamie Sturges Daughter of Donna Flinn
Jody Thomas Daughter of Orene and Rex Glantz
Chase Thomas Grandson of Orene and Rex Glantz
Lucas Weis Son of Kim and Dennis Weis, brother of Christopher, Miles, and Zach
Morgan Williams Daughter of Mark and Cheryl Williams
Kathryn (Katie) Zucker Daughter of Jana Wickman
“Special Days”— birthdays and death anniversary days — can be difficult for bereaved families. This feature
helps us be aware of who is facing these “special days” each month. Let them know that you are thinking of
them. Children whose birth and death dates fall within the same month will appear in the birthday column only.
In an effort to minimize the risk of identity theft, we will show only the name and the month, not the exact day
and year.
Holiday Lights
During the holiday season, both Christians and Jews light candles in celebration of their respective faiths, and as they do so even the darkest of rooms become warm and bright from the glow of the candle. Then, we can ask ourselves how powerful and sinister can the darkness be if it can be overcome by the light of one little candle.
There is then a message in this for all of us. When the darkness seems to overwhelm us, and it can be a mental and spiritual darkness as well as the darkness of winter night, we need to be reminded that it is powerless to withstand the smallest bit of illumination.
So as the world grows colder and darker during these winter months, we as Compassionate Friends must do what people of many faiths have been taught to do at this season. Light a candle in someone's life to make the darkness and fears flee. A little bit of light is all that most of us need, but, oh, we need that little bit so badly.
So, let us all in The Compassionate Friends extend a candle of light and hope not only to each other, but to the unfortunate people who, for whatever reason, become one of us this winter and will be in need of that light. It's the least we can do and it accomplishes so much.
TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE IT. ~ Bettye and Sam Rosenberg, TCF Louisville, KY ~
Why not receive your copy of our monthly newsletter by email? Just send your email address (also include your
full snail-mail address with zip code) to the editor at [email protected]. The email version is in pdf form and can
be opened on any computer regardless of operating system, and it is in color!
“Pick and choose and try to spend this holiday season with people who will put no pressure on you
to “get back to normal.” There is no such thing. Normal was when your child was still alive. The task is to create a new normalcy, not to live in denial as to the reality of the old one.”
~ Dierdre Felton, MA
If you have a memory of someone who has died, give it freely to those who are left
behind . . . in the sharing of memories is born the beginnings of hope and healing.
7