HEARD AND SEEN A Cviumn FROM and FOR Everybody By BILL PRICE'. t
" '
THE CHRISTMAS BELLS.
¦ft0all the fix lac icheats hi*lac's In the mixla«.
length the taM* utandeI with aaU aad
with Ha M| back
m mm Mm sklldrea's stacking*
"T a g^O^ea^Bw
i we see <
_ .. , wtth hUAt Ma week aevee balks.
While easlort, warmth aad
tw< winrAM¦
THE ANSWER POUND.Dear Bill: "Where do all ths
tvckers come fror^t" has beenanswered by a scientist.Barnum said a tucker, woe
horn every mtnut*. Anotherfink raited Barnum, toyingM«t there are "two euckert born*v*ry minute" and two to "takeW in." The latett scientificdiscovery ie that humanity itdescended from fith, which ac-aountt lot both the suckers and.the "poor fith" we have among**
EDWARD R. BEHADE.
CREAM WILL RISE.Br ARIZONA 1KB.
^IXS^n
Smtttu ¦!al<lmS ilmaskla rraaa
iMMdft jm M th# hipewttxasr*crjrxa-
:ant aar*Wokstoe aaahrldgedsauh want a* fall:ap iwllln tram themereate kan aat 'an
THE MOTHER TONGUE.Bill: | know a jrwni butcher
la Cantar lUrktt who la . conetaat reader of H. and 8., and toalways watching or listening (orsomething (or th^ column. Thaother day « man walked up to himand Mid:"Olmrae IS centa' worth at doc
meat."And tha butcher answered: "O(
course we dhn't keep doc moat,sir, but I can give you some moat(or your dog."
CJONTER MARKET.
jss? xurwTLSrab,."-twatKar1
T«fo dusky ex-eefvice men werewalklnc down the atreet whenthey oame to an antique shop.In the, window w«s a large shell.a relic of the world war.Sambo.Moae, doe* yo' remem¬
ber when we use to shoot dentthing* In de hi* guns?Moae.Man. ah neber shot dem
things, AH DODGED EM.ARTHUR STRANOER.
A WARM COURTSHIP.A contributor to the Chicago
Post finda in an old acrap bookthie memorable geographicalcourtship:la tha State at Moae.There Urea a lata
I love te ce N. C.Ne ether MUa.Can e'er I Wis.
iters ewaek i
Si SlSa.Uvea the (ha*Aad Ceaa. It o'er aad Ore.
Whjr la M.hr m H. M.
N. C..ft,lU.f
I.mt wuit
tela geatle maidAad ae te pr«
..It. 11»te weds
urs»«
,ss*sk :x""-He'd make lieetch tram earn aad
wheat.Aad hema-hraw frem
Atileetrte pramfifty sale. |per I.our.
Ami make It atreua. ae'a aae IntakeWeald slve a liaadrcd can't-.
^rdall
btbkbt acaiiiK.
WHO REMEMBERS? By Dick Mansfield *.r~ That M
APPLE-SATIN' TIME*We hear of
When Hush BRooks Harnessshop on p ar. B^r. MCap * N.J.AVE.N. W. WAS THE RRNPBZVOU5
NEIGHBORHOOD 'FOLK WHOWOULD gather to Discuss thr,WEATHER ftND OTHER THtNgS.
<!§¦>WhenYour TeacherDiscovered Nicotine.
STRIN8 ON YOUR FiM6ER5i fW>>boTR«EOTbTell Her
>boW^»?e HU5KIN6 WalnutsIN JUNE.
. Soon II... . ,.
flftOUTDRRK WITH YOUR CkOTMtSSMEU.IN6 Of 9M0KE, HMO THAT
llCtflN«»PQPp*«DTT>C5i*E
iw
k?9r When Doc Mc.keeverF<woysy fiklCK VWRO K1N6 EVER SHOT'h f?A66ir.
WlBiVfUK-ttxcsONLV SOLD DRUGSANp MeO|CAL50pfUESVirfM PlotA0UVB FEWCIGRf» RHP A WUICABNIN6- fiuM
.Sot!70-DAY.
"Warld'a Rum Ueaaaa Orsaa-laed." we read. That latrtcaee ae.We'd like te Jala.
a Idea er "fmy-flfty"
.elf. That aacleat mariner ixtlntanorth, area If yeur eaarceat la laheck! FKBU VBTTBB.
DRAWINGS FOR H. AND S.We have received two draw¬
ings from JOSEPH O. and onefrom BILL M. The (ormer werein blue Ink, on yellow paper, andthe latter In pencil on writingpaper. Many times we have to givedrawings to the office Goat thatare creditable in execution andidea, but they do not meet therequlremanta of the enrravere.All drawinga should be in black inkupon atlf( white paper.
THE GOOD IN OTHERS.out aoroes the
SAFETY FIRST.A Jay walker
atreot.He did not need the bell.
The oar It went to Georgetown.The Jay walker.never eaae
She: "How far ran your an-
ceatry be traced?"He: "Well, when my grand¬
father resigned his position ancashier of a country bank theylaced him as far as China, buthe got away."
AT THB HAIR DRB8SRR*S.Mrs. S..My. how natural they
make theee braids now.Mrs. T..Tee, U'e hard to tell
which la awltch.H. SMITH.
JACK RIOOLES.
SYNONYMS.
'>Ua me. my hare, yea aaeed myUfa,"le <ha traffic laapeeteri
r«t an year.hie lUe I
CANOES; KIDS.
"I et me rr«^ on jraar manly cheat,teeter.'
Tlirourl- aced a pre-
"BRlDGlNd" EXPENSES.Ha plar« his card* with ripert
HA.VK HAM KIM.That hf may reap the alaaer'a ahara:
HaV.' ".})ea»e-waeee
"Bridge" get
aad
Tm'dldH't they playtlmef"Wet
Willie, "whyla Neatfe
granted
_That perfume the air et aartag,
»fviThough It la a memtrm alglU,"sfStersytar- .
la ap»to aatla' Uate.
Now, some would have the aeaaoa
w^'Wjssusj^.w%*Sr^3laSfe.la apple eatla' time.So here'a to all Mm glorlea
Tla the rarest Irak I know;It ghree ua aplawdM ciderXad the tlaeet kind of ale,tie ae woader thai I'm happy,
*. H. HOLMAN.
Women are natural barnmathematician! beaautt theyare always good at figure!,especially their own, tayt B.
off tha
au go, but. expenae gaea ea for¬ever.
"Haagtng roaad" aaay kfll thathat deea aot IdU the ararhaad ex-
quarts to the
""JKk"."The "tight" gaya yea
ooee^tHAWKINS.
When your limbt begin toswell you ought to tee a doc¬tor, but if your head beginsto swell there's not much hopefor you. FRED VETTER.
THE TIGHTWAD'They say that time it money.''Quoth Nan to Jimmy Bine;
'You can tpend your time withme.
But tpend a little money, too."OKLAHOMA PETE.
SOME AFTER-THOUGHTS.As leag aa a man Uvea, there la
aae thlag that stays wltk him. aaegnldldg star te all kla aarrewa, oneeaaaeltag kaad fer pit his fallurea,aad that la.HOFB far sewethlng
What eaa ha mere attlfal thaathat ef eae-aMed levhT Ta lovesad net he laved to giving apay aparson's meat prOetoul Jewela arith-eat a return.
The aama woman rosy be lookedupon In many different arsya bydlffaraat trpee ef man.aha maybe an angel te a bey. a temptationto a married maa. aad "junk" toa bachelor.What can be wore pleaalug «uj
mora desirable thaa a thlag iliatla uaattalnableT
A maa Is aft "ripe" far matrl-tnoay uatll big heart le broken m.eaat onoe by some clever sad at-trkatlve dgmsei.Leva certainly makae time fly.
ead time certainly aiakae love fir-r. a. a.
A PRIZE JINGLE.This wga last week'a beat Jingle
(worth |1) printed in Capper'sWeekly:There^wy a yoaag
Who went to a fraternity ball;Hut dariag the.He fractured hie paata,
Aad had to go home la a ahpwl.
HANK'S HONKS.the llghia are turned »convsraatloa oaaally
ought to
FUNNY SIGNS.(Collected from different parts
of the country aad sent in by acontrib:
A PEACEABLB HOT."Don't atop me," yelled Jlmmle.
But the man atopped him aay-how."What are you ruaalng for?"
Use p1**1 MkirtlTm tryln' to keep two fellows
(Tom flghtln'" Jlmmle Shaped."What two (eUowar*"Willie Brown aad ma."
WHAT ABOUT THE MOVIES? By O. 0. McINTYRE THE DRIED-OUT BLOTTER BY GEORGE ADEHB overtone of ea*erne««
JL movies seems to me quit*senseless Anyway they are pay¬ing Will Hays a. hundred thou-.and a year or so to worry. I'daccept all the worries of Holly-Wood for less. Tea, far less.The answer to: What are wo
folng to do about the movies? is¦Imply let them alone.This has been a season of play-
gotng for me. I've seen HenryMiller crumple into a heap in a
gust of uncontrollable tears overthe faithlessness of a Parisianaocotte.
I've laughed at Will Rogers"rope throwing and gum chewing.I've watched Laurence D'Orsayhaw-haw his delightful waythrough on* of those ringing forthe butler to remove the teathings dramas.
It has been pleasant and enter¬taining. But I was fed up. Bventhe lfuslc Boat at 911 a seattikiled to stir me.
TURNED TO FILMS..
.*
80 I turned to the movies. AndI've Jupt returned from seeingThe Town That Forgot God."Perhaps some of the hardenedcritics would call it hokum."Lifhtain'" is hokum. 80 to
Old Homestead" and so to«*hs First Tsar."In feet, an stuff of the theater
to hokum. If It to good hokumIt creates aa illusion that toworth while. That to too touchstriving for reality. Straininggnats and swallowing camels,. "The Town That Forgot God"takee us back to the hallowedgays of awlmmIn' holes andpirate caves a vigorous hard-hit¬ting drama that mads me ginway to a little honorable moisture.In truth I wept.Than them to "One Uniting'
Might." which makes the hair riseJust libs it does with a frightwig. Griffith, I hsllsve. producedthis. Also there to "The VillagsBlacksmith," a genuinely movingMi of film reproduction.Marion Davtes is turning them
away with "When Knighthoodin Flower".a oostnms pic¬
ture that, as H. C. Wltwer wouldsay, knocks you for a row ofKindil succotash bowls.
I believe- I am a oempetent.Title of the movies. With theoxoeptlon of a Charlie Chaplinfilm I have not attended themovies for several years.And now rm sating thsm up.
His days of gun play and foulmurder* have given way tobreathless artistry. The moviehanktr no longer wears sido-irtisal whiskers and high hat.Ho looks liks the banker in rsal
.about the future of the
"Tate ru biok to the hallowed day* t>f iwlmmin' holesand pirate eavee."Villains do not toll with slick
little muitaehN and strike patentleather boots with riding crops.They are ths villains of real life.And how the movie audlencee
have chanced! People ride tothe biasing facade# of the moviehousee In motor, oars and weartheir ermine wrap*. The firstnights take on the flare of tJohn Drew opening at the Dm-
, v
There la an acre of white shirtfronts and gleaming White should¬ers, dassllng with Jewels.The sober truth is that ths
movies are giving the eo-calledlegitimate theaters a hard run onthe Rialto. They* have qualitiesmore eaqulsite snd arresting thanwo have !u%ur legitimate theaters.
During the ttme I have, beenabsent from the movies theohanges have been amaslng.Cocker spaniel* are no longer
Used as bloodhouqds. Real tear*have bean substituted tar glyce¬rine fakerlee. A castle Is a realcastle and not a stucco affairheld up In the back by a prop.Mechanical trains a la Llnooln
J. Carter have been replaced by
There are momenta la the cinemathat rival momenta'In" plays bySalvinl and Boucicault. Thereare Arthur Hopklnaea and DavidBelaaooa In thla new movie world.
OLD STUFF TAWDRY.The old hell-raisersA aaved the
convict at the edge of the elec¬tric chair. Herolnea were toseedoff ollffa, ridden on logs to bun-saws, locked In fearful dungeonsand strapped to wild mustanrs.It waa all too lmpoaalble to be¬liever-tawdry and allly.There were aoenea where
women choked and spluttered Inthroee of dread.and you couldalmoat see them smiling at theabsurdity. Women do not dothat In real Ufe. They merelyswoon.
It appears silly to applaud atthe movies, as silly as the youngNew Yorker who waited at thestage door of a movie house forMary Plckford, yet so realistichas the movie grown that deafen¬ing applause punctures the per¬formance along Broadway.And how different the attitude
of the press. They used to haveJoat a few notes about the
movies. Now each paprr has Itomovie critic.skilled writers whoknow the theater.A few of those: Qulnn Martin,
of the World; Robert Sherwoodof the Herald; Luello Parsons. ofthe Morning Telegraph; AlanDale, of the American (he aloorevlewa the regular plays); DonAllen, the Evening World, andothera.The flneat theaters in New
York are the movie houaea: theRlalto. the RlvoU, the Criterion,and the atrinfc of fine playhouaesowned by William Fox and B. 8.Mom.
In several weeka of movie pil¬grimaging I have tailed to find a
Desperate Deamond or a Cough¬ing Little Both.FINK PLAYHOUSES.
ft seems to me that it la timeto let up on the movlea. Theyhave been attacked long enough.Ho have their atara.Recently I talked to Will H.
Haya about Hollywood. Ha hadaent Joseph Jefferaon O'Nell. for¬merly one of the shrewdest re¬porters on the World, to Holly¬wood, to inveatlgate.Joe O'Nell haa aeen much of
Ufa.tha underworld and thaupper. Ha la not to ha tricked.Hollywood did not know ha waacoming. He did not find a singledrunken party while ha waathere. Nor oould ho find t dopeaddict on any of tho lota.He found Inatead that Holly¬
wood folk wont to bad at .o'clock. That thair deviltry con¬sisted In golhg to soda fountainsand tea rooms in the afternoonfor a half hour or so. There lamore checkers played in Holly¬wood than'In any other aactlon ofAmerica.There Is a screen actor who la
reported to be a terrible drugaddict, corrupting the morals Ofhis oo-workera. He heard thatales. He went to headquarters,he demanded that the atoriea behushed up.At hla own -solicitation he waa
constantly watched by four doc¬tors for a period of alx weeka.He waa taatad and pounded dally.The doctors declared that notonly had he never been a drugaddict but that he waa one of thehealthleat epeclmena of humanitythat had ever encountered.Fatty Arbuckle cave the movlea
a black eye. And that was un¬fair to the industry. Such thingshare happened among bankers,artiste, preachers. merchantprincea and the like. But thaentire body of men ware not con¬demned.Tha movlea are all right. Lot
then alone.and go to saa them.<Os» nam. ,iMeMaagnt
ONPB there was an Almost-(ten u* named Hwlvvleton J.Kiefbit.
He was admitted to the Baraway bark yonder when no onehad anything on the Hip excepta Hip-Pocket.
Liquor of extreme potentialitycould be had at three or (ourgaudy Establinhments in everyBlock, at any Hotel or Club, or onany Pullman Car.
Private Home* and Hotel BedRooms were still Dry.When the Old Stuff was 15c a
Shot or two for a Quarter, thehanding of a Potation to a Fellow-Mortal was regarded as a mereact of Courteay and not as asplendid exhibition of Generosity.The Bar-Fly who received a
H gh Ball felt that he was oelngtreated.not endowed.Those were the sunshiny days
for Mr. Flegble.From early Morn to dewy Eva.
various People ware trying tomake him drink, and they did.He acted like a Man endeavoring
to drown some Secret Sorrow thathad learned how to swim.Often It was remarked by the
Ladles of hia Acquaintance, "Whata wonderful Man Mr. Flacbiewould be, if he didn't Drink!"In bis own Profesalon It was
generally believed that ba wouldhave been a Member of the Su¬preme Court long ago It ha hadworn Bar-Mutfs at all times.Ha was so brilliant In Cowrsrsa-
tlon and so fluent as a PublicSpsakar and so keen undsr theWat when called upon to attackany Legal proposition, that Folkscould only surmise what a four-time Wonder he would be if hswould cut out the Flowing Bowl.An Attorney who Is stewed
three-f&irths of the time mightnaturally be suspected ot handi¬capping his Career.
"WATTLER8" EXTINCT.Tou see, Swlv had a high-strung
and restless Naturs. He was In¬clined to fidget around and won¬der what he could do next to re¬lieve the Demnltlon Grind. Usuallyhs struck upon the happy Ex¬pedient of hoisting about ThraaFingers of something said to hs100 proof and twenty years Inthe WoodMr. Flegble learned, before ha
left the Law School* that a coupleof 8norts In the Morning will doyou nb Harm unless you let themdie later In the Day.He knew a lot of good Toasts
and could recite sentimental Versesabout Olrls who had gone wrongbut were not really to blame.He could carry a Part In a
Close Hannony Quartette and hisFavorite was "That Little OMRed Shawl."
"8wuhiny D»jtThus It will b« Htg that he
poueutd Accomplishment* whichhelped to make him the Ufa ofthe Party In any first-claas RamParlor at about 11:S0 p. m.
If he had gone to bed early andnot a lot of Sleep and kept hhneelfall shaved and talcum-powdered, hewould have been much more effi¬cient in protecting hie Clients andwould have been a Perfect Gentle¬man to boot. At leaat that waa thecommon talk among the Neigh¬bor*.Next to the Serbians. probably
Mr. Flegtote Buffered more thanany one on account of the WorldWar.When the price* at every Thirst
Emporium began to put the Necee-sitlee of Life Into the Luxury Class,a gaod many of the Wattlers be¬came more guarded In tfcslr Con¬versation.
- Of oouree you know about theWattlers. They are members ofthat Jovial Brotherhood which orig¬inated the worda "WattleyouhaveT"and "WottlettbefThe Buyera decreased la num¬
ber when the Matt hegsn to be
for Mr. Flsfbls"as valuable ss Perfumery bat ther*were still a (a# Life-Savers work¬ing at the Life-Bevlng Button.And any time flwir got an In¬
vito. he waa at tho Listening Post,accompanied by one adult Thirat.
CANT PRACTICE LAW.If a Benefactor In the adjoining
Room aaid la a Stag* Whiaper:"Will you pour a alight Libationon tha Altar of Frltndsblp?" Mr.Flagble, forty feet away and.witha Partition between alwaya apokeUP and aaid: "Excuss ma If 1 dont
, rofuaa."When a Boll tapped, ha waa
there ahead of the Walter.By working the aoft Routes and
telling a 8tory whan It came histurn to Purchase, he waa underFull Ball by 10 o'clock every Morn¬ing, with all Flags ast and thaBand playing, even after tha starkSpecter of Prohibition bad cast adark Shadow against avary swing-lag Door.His Frlsod* continued to Insist
that If bo oould sMt-stop thaOrog. ho would provs to bs a
Wsbster, Demonstheneo aad Willlam Jwnlim Chautauqua.Ha put across ,many a cute
Bustosss DmI even when he wma
primed to the Key-Hole. -
"If we could Just get him on
the LUhla." said all of hi* Acqualntancss, "ho would eoon
throw a cloud of Duet over Cherlor Schwab."While la the Smart Sot. even
mm allowed that even though be
might be lit up like aa Elks'Carnival, he had a certain Charmof Manner and a rare touch ofthe Savohr Fair®, with the ac¬
cent on the "Salve."At last the Country In which
he had been reared on the Bottlewent dryer than Death Valley.The Buyers ceased to Buy snd
the Ice Picks were hammeredInto Knitting Needles.Mr. Flsgbie found himself dou¬
ble-crossed.He oould not practice Law un¬
less he was lubrlcatsd and heoould not afford to pay the boot¬legging prices of 9144 'a Case.MISSING ON HJEVBN.Aa occasional Snifter meant
nothing to bia>. He had to havea Pressure In ths Gauge all ofthe tlsM. or thgre was nothingdoing. *
A syathetls GecktaU before Dinaer was all right for the Amateursbut Car Mr. FIsgMa that was Justths earn* as tossing a Peanut toga Elephant, orery third day.After many years tl)s Old Soout
was Vractically oa the Wagon. Acans of PBros bat who cares, so
long as a Osnlus can be savedfrom Destruction?Ths raaay Admirers of Old
Pleg predicted that at last hewould emerge from the AlcoholicMists and stand forth, radiant inthe Sunlight of Sobriety.He stood forth, but he didn't
seem to Radiate. ,He could not oven Ignite.He was a Twin-Six. but he wan
missing on 11 CylindersAfter fooling them tot. Tsars.
It was now revealed that hierightful Occupation was te chisel
. Epitaphs on Head-Stones.In other Words, he was a Dud
when oold sober.When he got back to h|s Real
Self hs was a Third-Rater.He got stslled when the proper
Mixture was not fed into th*Carburetor.He is new petitioning for Beer
aad Light Wines but no one
know* what he will do with themIf hs gets them. The only LightWine he ever fancied was thekind brought ovsr tram Scotland.
MWtAL: Om ana's Pslssa Ivyti fiftir Mil I lllni
