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Natalie Wong
Professor Lynda Haas
Writing 39C
26 August 2015
The Problem of Puppy Mills: A Business of Exploitation
In the last few decades, the amount of purebred dogs found in our households have
become increasingly prevalent as a result of a business more commonly known as puppy mills,
where puppies are bred for sale. According to United States Department of Agriculture, there are
at least 10,000 of these structures that mass-produce about 500,000 puppies per year across the
United States today (The Humane Society of the United States). Allotted to just six inches of
moving space in a confined cage from birth, mothers are constantly forced to reproduce until
they are no longer capable of producing offspring. The Humane Society of the United States
(HSUS), states that as a consequence of these poor living conditions, mill puppies suffer from
shorter lives and mental and physical problems; in the future, this leads to them being given
away and euthanized in animal shelters. Owners of puppy mills completely dismiss the
emotional capacities of dogs and see them simply as cash crops. Given that humans have
interfered with the dogs’ natural evolution and entwined them into our lives as early as 10,000
years BP, we are responsible for them as a species and should not treat them as inanimate
objects. Even though there are state and federal laws that attempt to regulate puppy mills, they
are largely ineffective. In addition, enforcement programs cannot function without enough
inspectors or funding. Solutions to this problem include imposing laws that address the source
that permits the abominable puppy mills to continually thrive. In addition, the use of social
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media will raise the awareness of advocating for regulations of puppy mills to the public at the
fastest rate.
A History of Dogs and Our Responsibilities for Them Today
Since the publication of The Origin of the Species by Charles Darwin in the 19th century,
the theory of humans as the source behind the domestication of dogs was introduced. According
to James Serpell, Professor of Veterinary Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania, the
discovery of archaeological remains suggests that dogs were domesticated as early as 14,000
years BP (10). In 1923, Julian Huxley, evolutionary biologist and Secretary of the Zoological
Society of London, claimed that “animals have no brains, only soul” (Mitchell, Thompson, and
Miles 26). During this time, scientific studies of canine cognition or cognitive ethology had not
begun yet. According to Dr. Marc Bekoff, a cognitive ethologist at the University of Colorado,
“researchers [at the time] were almost all skeptics who spent their time wondering if […]
animals felt anything” (xvii). Although scientists have only barely begun to study canine
cognition and cognitive ethology, the research performed over the last 30 years has dramatically
changed scientific perspectives.. As a researcher of animal behavior and the creator of the field
of cognitive ethology, Donald Griffin recognized in 1976 that “mental experiences also include
feelings, desires, fears, and ‘sensations’ such as pain, rage, and affection” (Mitchell, Thompson,
and miles 26). In Bekoff’s book, The Emotional Lives of Animals: A Leading Scientist Explores
Animal Joy, Sorrow, and Empathy and Why They Matter, he extends Griffin’s sentiment of
mental experiences by explaining how emotions have evolved as adaptations over time and serve
as a social glue to bond animals with one another (xviii).
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One of the earliest experiments concerning animal cognition dates back to 1967; in this
study called “The First Learned Helplessness Experiment,” psychologists Christopher Peterson,
Steven Maier, and Martin Seligman, demonstrate that experiencing emotions is indeed possible
for domesticated canines. In this highly unethical study, the canines were conditioned to accept
the shocks given to them with no way to escape; when the dogs became habituated to the pain
produced by the given stimulus, the researcher provided the dogs with the same stimulus and an
escape route, observing the emotional reaction. The dogs demonstrated the experience of
“learned helplessness,: or the passive acceptance of certain circumstances, which is similar to the
diagnoses of depression in humans (Peterson, Maier, and Seligman 17-19). This experiment
played a role in diverting scientists’ focus of animal cognition and animal ethology from why
emotions are felt to how they are felt. According to Peterson et. al., primary emotions of “fear,
anger, surprise, sadness, disgust, and joy” are made possible by the limbic system and the
amygdala (91). In addition to finding that both these structures are found in all mammals,
scientists have now proven that humans and animals also share similar chemical and
neurobiological systems (Bekoff 10). These breakthrough discoveries are extremely beneficial
for this field of research by enabling researchers to take advantage in incorporating animals into
their experiments when attempting to study humans. Similarly, facilities like puppy mills exploit
canines to make profits by simply ignoring their well being.
When archaeological evidence was first being discovered, scientists were unaware of the
role anthropomorphism and secondary emotions played in forming the first relationships
between humans and dogs. Serpell indicates in his finding, displayed in Figure 1, that humans
were still hunting, gathering, and foraging when animals were first domesticated, which dated
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back to the end of the last Ice Age at 12,000 years
BP, demonstrating the long history between humans
and canines and why humans have a moral
responsibility to treat them as a species (10).
We are interconnected with dogs and have been for
a very long time even though research and studies
are still trying to discover more about the human-
canine relationship as well as canines’ cognitive
abilities and emotional capacities. Canines have
successfully survived as an entire species, which can
be attributed to the early evolvement and
development of the human-canine relationship at the
end of the Pleistocene Epoch, 10,000 years BP. The different physical and behavioral traits that
appeal to everyone is not the only reason why the human-canine relationships still remains, but
also for canine’s willingness to interact and coexist with humans.
Even though the rate of domesticating dogs and selective breeding purebred dogs is
thriving and increasing, why do we not consider the negative health effects of some of the traits
that certain breeds inherit? According to Kristine Lacoste, coordinator for Dogs on Deployment
in New Orleans, many diseases and genetic problems are introduced during the breeding process
such as blood disorders, skin problems, and cancer (2013). Based on this information and the
scientific foundation established by studies in cognitive ethology, questions about our treatment
towards dogs come to the surface. Why are the unethical practices behind the business of dog
Fig 1. Burial of a human with a puppy. (Serpell 11).
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breeding and puppy mills ignored and disregarded? Since humans have interfered with the dogs’
natural evolution, we are responsible for them as a species, and ethically should not treat them as
inanimate objects. Even after the studies of canine cognition and canine ethology, making profit
is of more importance than the thoughtless breeding and brutal treatment of canine emotions,
which is senseless. Although it is a presumptuous way of thinking, some see humans as the sole
reasons of canine’s survival up to today. Dogs should be taken cared of and be ethically bred
solely for human characteristic of morality.
As a proponent of the outdated belief of speciesism - the idea that humans are superior
and more deserving of moral rights than non-humans - Lewis Petrinovich, a Professor of
Psychology Emeritus at the University of California, Riverside, argues that humans have a right
to use non-human animals due to our unique superior qualities by painting a black and white
image of human interests versus animal interests and per our higher cognitive capacity, our
interests trump the interests of animals (210 - 238). Although such beliefs were once accepted by
the ignorance regarding canine cognition and cognitive ethology, current knowledge of dogs’
capability of experiencing both basic and complex emotions and forming deep emotional bonds
with others similar to humans, it should be understood that treating animals like emotionless,
inanimate cash crops is entirely unethical and must end.
Puppy Mills and Animal Shelters
Every year in the United States, puppy mills contribute to the overpopulation of pets with
the admission of eight million animals into the market and the euthanization of 17 million
animals, according to Joshua Frank, executive director of the Foundation for Interdisciplinary
Research and Education Promoting Animal Welfare (108). The initiation of this pet supplying
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industry dates back to World War II, when various schemes were used to trick consumers into
buying inbred dogs. According to Kailey Burger, writer for the Washington University Journal
of Law, the difficult economic issues during this time led to the failure of conventional crops, so
farmers were desperate for alternatives and saw dogs as substitutes for crops (265). As a result,
established pet shops began to sell dogs, moral responsibilities were disregarded, and breeders
treated dogs as commodities, which began to take advantage of producing dogs with certain
physical characteristics. As a result, established pet shops began to sell dogs, moral
responsibilities were disregarded, and breeders treated dogs as commodities, which began to take
advantage of producing dogs with certain physical characteristics. Dr. Marc Bekoff, a cognitive
ethologist at the University of Colorado, states that owners of puppy mills fail to acknowledge
the basic biology of the mammalian brain, which comprises of such structures like the amygdala
and the limbic system which enable humans and canines alike to suffer basic inborn primary
emotions such as fear, anger, disgust, surprise, and sadness (8). Kathy Rudy, Associate Professor
of Ethics at Duke University, claim that inbreeding results in physical birth defects from
damaged gene pools leads to unnaturally short lives for these puppies (52). In order to sell the
puppies to consumers, pet stores will use innocent names such as “Rainbow Ranch” or
“Heaven’s Blessing Kennel” (HSUS). Furthermore, they attempt to fool consumers by putting up
a façade of placing the healthy puppies behind the windows, while the sick disregarded puppies
are in the back in order to maintain their public credibility.
As pet stores receive dogs from puppy mills, the unpurchased puppies are inevitably sent
to shelters; usually these are puppies who are afflicted with some sort of problem due to
breeding. In 2011, veterinarian Franklin D. McMillan, conducted “The Harmful Effects of Puppy
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Mills on Breeding Dogs and Their Puppies” which demonstrates that dogs from puppy mills
have more health problems and exhibit increased levels of fear and nervousness, less aggression
and excitability, sensitivity to touch, and compulsive behaviors. Once puppies are placed in
animal shelters, they become more reclusive and timid because of limited human interaction
(McMillan 4). Furthermore, Alexandra Protopopova, an Applied Animal Behavior Professor at
the University of Florida, and Clive D.L. Wynne, a Professor of Psychology at Arizona State
University found in their study of “In-Kennel Behavior Predicts Length of Stay in Shelter Dogs”
that the change in behavior of seclusion only keeps them in the shelter longer. As a result, a
going of affected mill dogs are sent into animal shelters, and they ultimately are euthanized
because of their behavioral and mental conditions only worsen, declining any chance of getting
adopted. According to Protopopova and Wynne, 60% of admitted animals to shelters euthanized
annually because animal shelters need to kill the unadoptable dogs immediately in order to save
space for adoptable ones.
Although, there are laws to regulate problematic puppy mills in the United States, as
shown in Figure 2, they are hardly enforced due to the tactless organization and implementation
allowed by the state and federal law. As a Law graduate from Harvard University, Kailey Burger
notes that some states have “lemon laws” that are designed to protect consumers by requiring
breeders to sign contracts that guarantee the health of their puppies or provide a replacement if
otherwise (265). Unfortunately, other puppy mill laws are not as easy to support or enforce, such
as the Animal Welfare Act signed in 1966. It was designated to inspect breeders and oversee
interstate transactions, but the standards were only applied to animal dealers, which left breeders
free from being convicted. According to HSUS, only 96 inspectors from the United States
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Department of Agriculture are
expected to oversee the
thousands of puppy mills
nationwide as a result of the
lacking of funding for the
program that oversees puppy
mills. Since the federal level
has deficiencies in overseeing
puppy mills, states are able to
do as they please so breeders take advantage in moving to the states that will not easily persecute
them, such as Missouri, the “Puppy Mill Capital” in the United States, which provides up to 40
percent of the nation’s mill-bred dogs (Burger 265). Despite the various laws implemented
through the federal or state, many are not properly enforced without enough resources resulting
in breeders freely doing business and gaining monetary value.
Concerning the Root of the Problem With Law and Social Media
As mentioned earlier, aged federal laws such as the Animal Welfare Act of 1966 are
ineffectual, which is why new laws need to be proposed and implemented in order for
punishments to be enforced on puppy mills. Christina Widner, a writer for the San Joaquin
Agricultural Law Review, suggests a proposition on domestic animal breeding for California’s
puppy mills that can also be applicable to others throughout the United States. She focuses
bringing more attention and control on bigger facilities by suggesting having a required state
inspection every year by providing more funds into programs because only 40% of licensed
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facilities were actually inspected (Widner 266). At the same time, puppy mill enforcement can
acquire revenue so that programs can continue to overlook these facilities. Widner argues for
retailers no longer being exempt from registration requirements and employing licensing fee of
$500 on breeders in each puppy mill based on the size of litter produced (Widner 271). In order
to lower the amount of mistreatment of animals in overcrowded facilities, Widner recommends
an adequate solution by placing a cap of no more than 75 bred dogs in facilities (235).
Although the recommendations provided by Widner are adequate enough to enforce on
puppy mills, they do not address the efforts that need to be taken in order for laws to be
jumpstarted and enforced. As a Lawyer and Graduate from Drake University Law School,
Katherine C. Tushaus, alternative solutions have been proposed in New South Wales of
Australia, such as the Animals (Regulation of Sales) Bill. This proposal allows recognized
breeders to sell animals as long they follow the responsibilities and regulations. Under this bill,
the root of the puppy mill problem is addressed, rather than selling animals from puppy mills, pet
stores can only acquire animals from pet shelters. Although breeders’ income diminishes as a
result of the animals coming from animal shelters, the overpopulation issue caused by puppy
mills can be solved. In addition, the state can keep breeders in check by forcing the breeders to
visit if they want to continue to sell puppies (Tushaus 515). Tushaus follows this solution by
explaining the major developments the United States will generate in the effort against puppy
mills if they were to establish a law similar to Australia’s. If pet stores shift their financial
incentive to animal shelters rather than puppy mills, breeders will no longer have to focus on
optimizing their profits by only confining puppies in enclosed spaces. Their business can
continue to sell pets as long as they are recognized by the state and obey the state regulations.
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Meanwhile, pet stores can concentrate on selling care products for pets instead. Through this
transition, people will concentrate in adopting pets from animal shelters, and pet stores can be
easily reported if they are to be selling pets (Tushaus 516-517). In order for this solution to be
effective, a bill must be passed in the United States along with the collaboration effort of the
agricultural and pet supply industry to lobby against the selling of pets. Even though business
may continue to sell animals and a bill may fail after years of debate like the Animals
(Regulation of Sales) Bill, the government and the people can be aware of the issue of puppy
mills that is occurring. As Tushaus states, a proposal similar to this bill in the United States will
establish a platform for the public to support and spread the word of such animal cruelty in
puppy mills, which can play a major role in demanding and instituting laws towards this issue
(518).
One of the best ways to raise awareness about the scientific facts of canine cognition and
of the horrible problems created by puppy mills is through social media. With the rapid
expansion and improvement of the Internet and social media sites such as, Twitter, Instagram,
and Facebook, little effort needs to be applied in sharing ideas and news at the fastest pace.
Professor of Media at New York University Clay Shirky describes social media in a TEDTalk
video as a vital platform and a profound tool of the 21st century, because it is able to distribute
any type of information to anyone at the quickest rate possible. In addition, the Internet and
social media provide a “many-to-many pattern,” which is important in providing a reliable
source for people to speak with one another, collaborate, and discuss how they feel with others.
There is no better way than to utilize the Internet and social media in advocating and spreading
awareness of puppy mill issues.
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A prime example of a social media campaign that has made a difference is by the
Humane Society of the United States (HSUS). They encourage people to advocate against puppy
mills through their Stop Puppy Mills Campaign, by spreading awareness and pushing for
legislation that would strengthen regulations and anti-cruelty laws. Through the power of social
media, HSUS has been successful in educating the public on the issue of puppy mills, and
encouraging people to report puppy mills, stop buying from pet stores, and spread information
with the flyers and kits they offer.
As a class, we were split into different groups for a Social Media Campaign (SMC), and
my group, Refurbished Pets, found in our campaign that it only took a few tweets a day with
pictures, videos, or facts to spread awareness of adoptable pets that people often overlook and
garner followers on Twitter, our most successful platform. By using enticing titles and relevant
hash tags in the limited character count, many supported our hash tag #StillAPet by favoriting or
retweeting our tweets. Through the retweets and favorites, we were able to follow other users
who followed us back as a courtesy. In addition, it allowed us to spread awareness of our issue
by small increments. From our campaign, the effectiveness of social media in spreading
awareness of our cause was evident with only a few well-worded tweets per day. The SMC
demonstrated how the effort to raise awareness of an issue can go anywhere via social media
outlets. At the same time, it can educate people to give more thought to the matter, such as where
they buy pets from and to give more thought to the pets they buy. In addition, recognition can be
given to the efforts being made against puppy mills, to provide current and future generations
with information to become more aware of the puppies seen in pet store windows.
Conclusion
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Ever since farmers substituted crops with dogs to acquire money in the 1940’s, the
business of puppy mills was established. However, this industry is more prevalent now because
consumers can easily be tricked into buying puppies from pet stores, and the desire for purebred
dogs is high. The puppies produced by breeding facilities end up being sold in pet store
windows, and the ones left over end up being given to animals shelters for euthanization.
Bearing in mind with the long history humans have with dogs, we must protect the dogs from
these establishments to the best of our abilities by developing, establishing, and enforcing laws
towards the issue of puppy mills, similar to the Animals (Regulation of Sales) Bill by New South
Wales of Australia. In order for bills to be effective in prohibiting the sale of animals to pet
stores, the use of the Internet and social media needs to be incorporated into the process of
bringing education and awareness to the public. With the continuing improvement of the Internet
and social media, the public and advocacy groups can collectively spread the word worldwide
through social media outlets like Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. More attention can be
gravitated towards the issue of puppy mills by utilizing this type of platform to advocate for laws
at the same time.
Works Cited
"Animals (Regulation of Sale) Bill 2008." Australian Veterinary Association. Web. 19 Aug.
2015.
<http://www.ava.com.au/node/1065>.
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Bekoff, Marc. The Emotional Lives of Animals: A Leading Scientist Explores Animal Joy,
Sorrow, and Empathy--and Why They Matter. Novato, CA: New World Library, 2007.
Print.
Burger, Kailey A. "Solving the Problem of Puppy Mills: Why the Animal Welfare Movement's
Bark is Stronger than its Bite." Wash. UJL & Pol'y 43 (2013): 265.
Frank, Joshua. "An interactive model of human and companion animal dynamics: the ecology
and economics of dog overpopulation and the human costs of addressing the problem."
Human Ecology 32.1 (2004): 107-130. Print.
Irvine, Leslie. If You Tame Me Understanding Our Connection with Animals. Philadelphia:
Temple UP, 20044. Print.
Lacoste, Kristine. "Common Health and Behavior Problems in Puppy Mill Dogs" Petful. 19 Feb.
2013. Web. 28 July 2015.
<http://www.petful.com/animal-welfare/puppy-mill-dog-health-problems/>.
McMillan, Franklin D. The Harmful Effects of Puppy Mills on Breeding Dogs and Their Puppies
(2011). Web. 10 Aug. 2015.
<http://www.animalsheltering.org/training-events/expo/expo-2012-archive/expo-2012-
speaker-portal/form-uploads/Harm-of-Puppy-Mills-Animal-Care-Expo-2012.pdf>.
Mitchell, Robert W., Nicholas S. Thompson, and H. Lyn Miles. Anthropomorphism, Anecdotes,
and Animals. Albany: State U of New York, 1997. Print.
Peterson, Christopher, Steven F. Maier, and Martin Seligman. Learned Helplessness: A Theory
for the Age of Personal Control. Oxford University Press, 1995. Web. 14 July 2015.
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Petrinovich, Lewis. "Animal Liberation and Speciesism." Darwinian Domination:
Animal
Welfare and Human Interests. Massachusetts Institute of Technology, 1999. 209-
38. Print.
Protopopova, Alexandra, and Clive D.L. Wynne. "In-Kennel Behavior Predicts Length of Stay in
Shelter Dogs." Plos One 31 Dec. 2014. Web. 10 Aug. 2015.
Rudy, Kathy. "The Love of a Dog." Loving Animals: Toward a New Animal Advocacy.
Minneapolis: U of Minnesota, 2011. 29-71. Print.
Seligman, Martin E., Steven F. Maier, and James H. Geer. "Alleviation of Learned Helplessness
In The Dog." Journal of Abnormal Psychology 73.3, Pt.1 (1968): 256-62. APA PsycNET.
Web. 7 May 2015.
Serpell, James. “Origins of the Dog: Domestication and Early History.” The Domestic Dog: Its
Evolution, Behaviour and Interactions with People. Cambridge: Cambridge UP, 1995. 8-
19. Print.
Shirky, Clay. “How Social Media Can Make History.” TED. 19 Aug. 2015.
<http://www.ted.com/talks/
clay_shirky_how_cellphones_twitter_facebook_can_make_history?language=en>.
The Humane Society of the United States. State Puppy Mill Laws. Digital image. The Humane
Society of the United States. Web. 10 Aug. 2015.
<
http://www.humanesociety.org/assets/pdfs/pets/puppy_mills/state_map_puppy_mill_laws
.JPG?credit=web_id359552774>.
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The Humane Society of the United States. "A Horrible Hundred Selected Puppy Mills in the
United States." (2013). May 2013. Web. 10 Aug. 2015.
<http://www.humanesociety.org/assets/pdfs/pets/puppy_mills/100-puppy-mills-list.pdf>.
The Humane Society of the United States. "Get the Facts on Puppy Mills." Web. 10 Aug. 2015.
<http://animalrightscoalition.com/doc/puppy_mills_factsheet.pdf>.
Tushaus, Katherine C. "Don't Buy the Doggy in the Window: Ending the Cycle That Perpetuates
Commercial Breeding With Regulation of the Retail Pet Industry." Drake J. Agric. L. 14
(2009): 504-517.
Widner, Christina. "Channeling Cruella De Vil: An Exploration of Proposed and Ideal
Regulation on Domestic Animal Breeding in California." San Joaquin Agric. L. Rev. 20
(2010): 260 - 284.
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Advocacy Project Peer Review
Rhetoric and Argument
A
B
O
V
E
M
E
E
T
S
B
E
L
O
W
Review of the
Scientific
Literature
The foundation of the advocacy project is a well-
written and relevant review of scientific studies
about the animals impacted by the issue being
covered. This review of the literature is
presented with a historical framework and is
logically connected to the presentation of the
problem and the solutions offered.
X
Comments: It was clearly explained and discussed how canines became domesticated.
Additionally, the historical framework was clearly outlined. For example, in her paper she
wrote, “Since the publication of The Origin of the Species by Charles Darwin in the 19th
century, the early theory of humans as the source behind the domestication of dogs was
introduced” (6). By beginning her historical review with this, it tells the reader exactly when
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the first thoughts were introduced about the domestication of dogs.
Problem
Statement and
History
The composition clearly presents and analyzes a
significant political/social/cultural problem and
establishes the problem’s urgency, scope, and
severity. The problem is clearly framed and
focused; it is not presented as the writer’s
opinion, but is a “sourced” argument, backed
up with credible sources.
X
Comments: In the portion of her paper where she defines the problem, she begins by
writing, “Every year in the United States, puppy mills contribute to the overpopulation of
pets with the admission of eight million animals and the euthanization of 17 million
animals…” By including statistics, it immediately helped the reader to understand the scale
of the problem. Furthermore, she defined her problem using credible sources.
Analysis of
Solutions
The composition presents and analyzes
solution(s) to the central problem (Macro and
micro solution offered). Rigorous and well-
documented arguments that address a possible
solution or solutions are presented clearly.
X
Comments: I feel that this paper could benefit from the inclusion of more
counterarguments. For instance, when addressing that Widner, “recommends an adequate
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solution by placing a cap on breeders for the amount of puppies that can be sold,” I would
included a counterargument. Although this would fix the problem on the number of puppies
sold, this would not put a cap on the number of puppies that could be bred. Also, I think that
in the micro solution offered, it should be more specific. Specifically tell the reader what
type of social media cite would be best for educating people on the problem of puppy mills.
Argument
Development
and
Counterargum
ent:
Rigorous arguments of a possible solution or
solutions are developed through the use of
expert support, persuasive evidence, and well
chosen rhetorical appeals. The composition
anticipates and responds effectively and
appropriately to oppositional claims. For the
level of this course and for this particular
assignment, the arguments are sophisticated,
creative, persuasive, insightful, and deeply
embedded in scholarly discourse.
X
Comments: Many different sources were cited to address different solutions that were
brought up. In addition, commentary on the effectiveness of the solutions was also provided.
For instance, after discussing the solution that Widner proposed, she stated, “…they do not
address the efforts that need to be taken in order for laws to be jumpstarted and enforced.”
(9)
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Multi-Modal
Element(s)
Uses at least one multi-modal element, and this
element strengthens and deepens
explanations, summaries, or arguments.
Visual evidence is dense and diverse in
information, yet communicates information
clearly and effectively.
X
Comments: Both of the pictures included were effective in developing her paper. The first
picture appeals to the reader’s emotions while the second picture is more informative. Also,
the second picture helps the reader to visualize the problem, that not enough laws that are
effective have been enforced.
Organization/
Arrangement
of Evidence:
The project is well-organized and easy to
follow, with transitions, topic sentences and/or
headers to help guide the reader; the presentation
of evidence is arranged coherently and
demonstrates a well-documented analytical
synthesis.
X
Comments: The paper was easy to understand because of the utilization of transition words
and also topic sentences. For instance, on page three she begins her paragraph by saying,
“One of the earliest experiments concerning animal cognition dates back to 1967; in this
study called ‘The First Learned Helplessness Experiment’, psychologists Chistopher
Peterson, Steven Maier, and Martin Seligman, demonstrate that experience of emotions is
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indeed possible for domesticated canines.”
Scholarly
Ethos
Throughout the composition, the writer
illustrates the scholarly ethos of a well-
informed, objective, and credible advocate.
X
Comments: This paper includes a lot of statistics and detail from very credible sources.
Evidence and Information Literacy
Sources:
Credibility &
Relevance
The selected sources are credible for a
scholarly audience and offer clear, relevant
support to all of the composition’s
argumentative moves.
X
Comments: The sources were credible and relevant to the ideas introduced in the paper. For
example, on page 4, Leslie Irvine is referenced to explain how humans first began
interacting with canines.
Source Use
and
Integration
The composition uses sources appropriately in
distinct and different capacities:
primary/secondary,
exhibit/argument/background. The author
integrates the sources seamlessly into the
composition and properly introduces them.
X
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Comments: Sources were really well integrated into the paper. For example, on page 4 she
wrote, “In 2008, Leslie Irvine, a professor of sociology and researcher of animal-human
interactions demonstrate her agreement in her book If You Tame Me: Understanding Our
Connection with Animals in 2008.” Whenever a source was introduced, the credentials of
the author was also included.
Documentation
& Formatting
The AP is formatted correctly using MLA
formatting (this includes margins, page number
location, and page 1 header). Sources are
documented appropriately using MLA; this
includes appropriate captions for multi-modal
elements and correct format for Works Cited.
X
Comments: Formatting followed MLA format. The images that were included followed
MLA format as well as all of the in-text citations.
Style Mechanics and Conventions
Clarity,
Sentence
Structure and
Readability
The writing is clear, eloquent, characterized by
precise word choice, purposeful sentences with
varied structure, and a high degree of
readability for the level of its course and this
particular assignment. Few errors of
grammar/language/usage are found, and if there
X
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are small errors, they do not detract from
readability.
Comments: I found a number of sentences to be really long. For example, on page 4 the
sentence, “The first two theories involved canines’ hunting and scavenging abilities, which
is beneficial to humans by offering a symbiotic relationship where both humans and canines
live together as well as commensalism, in which one species enjoys a benefit, and the other
is not significantly affected.” A number of sentences, like this one, would be better if they
were broken up into two sentences.
Organization
and
Development
The organization is deliberately paced, and
demonstrates a very high degree of skill and
control when moving from idea to idea,
paragraph to paragraph, and sentence to
sentence. Connections are made throughout the
essay to create cohesion
X
Comments: The paper is very well paced and flows nicely from one paragraph to another.
For example, to move from the first paragraph to the second paragraph on page 9, she wrote,
“Although the recommendations proved by Widner are adequate enough to enforce on
puppy mills, they do not address the efforts that need to be taken in order for laws to be
jumpstarted and enforced.” This sentence ties the argument discussed by Wilder in the
previous paragraph.
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Required
Elements
Page length, number of sources, and included
content as described in prompt meet the
minimum requirements
X
Comments: The minimum page length, number of sources, and content were met.
Style, Mechanics, & Conventions
Clarity, Sentence Structure and Readability
The writing is clear, eloquent, characterized by
precise word choice, purposeful sentences with
varied structure, and a high degree of readability
for the level of its course and this particular
assignment. Few errors of
grammar/language/usage are found, and if there are
small errors, they do not detract from readability.
X
Comments: I found a number of sentences to be really long. For example, on page 4 the
sentence, “The first two theories involved canines’ hunting and scavenging abilities, which
is beneficial to humans by offering a symbiotic relationship where both humans and canines
live together as well as commensalism, in which one species enjoys a benefit, and the other
is not significantly affected.” A number of sentences, like this one, would be better if they
were broken up into two sentences.
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Organization
and
Development
The organization is deliberately paced, and
demonstrates a very high degree of skill and control
when moving from idea to idea, paragraph to
paragraph, and sentence to sentence. Connections
are made throughout the essay to create cohesion
X
Comments: The paper is very well paced and flows nicely from one paragraph to another.
For example, to move from the first paragraph to the second paragraph on page 9, she wrote,
“Although the recommendations proved by Widner are adequate enough to enforce on
puppy mills, they do not address the efforts that need to be taken in order for laws to be
jumpstarted and enforced.” This sentence ties the argument discussed by Wilder in the
previous paragraph.
Required
Elements
Page length, number of sources, and included
content as described in prompt meet the minimum
requirements
X
Comments: The minimum page length, number of sources, and content were met.
THE TOP THREE PRIORITIES I RECOMMEND FOR YOUR REVISION STRATEGY:
1. I would recommend shortening some of your sentences. Some of them were too long
and would be more effective in conveying your idea if they were broken up.
2. For the solutions part, I think your paper could benefit from more of your own
input/commentary. You could do this by commenting more on the costs and benefits of
the different solutions that your sources proposed.
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3. For your micro solution, I would try to be more specific. What type of social media cite
would be best for your problem?