Essay
• Fully discuss and Describe Kubler-Ross’ five stages of grieving and give examples of what a person may say during these stages.
• Recently what have many critics stated is problematic with Kubler-Ross’ theory on the five stages of grieving? What are your own thoughts?
Young Adulthood
• From about age 20-40
• Most reach physical peak at this time.
• Many are also at the height of their cognitive powers at this time.
Relationships- young adulthood
• Most young adults – try new things & change relationships w/ parents.
• Early 20’s – some feel they must live up to parents expectations.
• They also feel that parents will be able to rescue them when they fail.
Late 20’s – early 30’s
• As time passes, young adults learn to become independent & take responsibility for themselves & their actions.
• For men- becoming independent from parental authority is a major goal of development.
• Women- less interested in independence, more concerned w/ creating relationships. ( in general)
Reassessment of Goals
• 20s- “ I chose the perfect course for life!”
• 30s- They start to reevaluate the decisions that they have made.
• Age 30 transition- “Why am I doing this?” or “Where is my life going?”
• People may change jobs, look to marry, decide to have children.
Women in 30s
• Think about biological clock.
• How many childbearing years left?
• Women in workforce- overwhelmed by caring for children & their career.
Settling Down
• Late 30s – adults plant roots or increase the financial & emotional investments that they have made.
• May become more focused on advancing their careers and gaining stability in their family lives.
Relationships
• Erikson- One of the key tasks of young adulthood is the forming of relationships.
• Relationships are difficult when one or more involved lack personal stability. (teen marriages)
• Young adults – with a firm sense of identity may be ready to join their lives w/ others through friendship & marriage.
Relationships – Cont’d
• People w/out intimate relationships- may fall into loneliness & isolation.
• Intimate relationship- Not necessarily physical. It is a trusting, close, friendship w/ another person in which one can be honest w/out fear of rejection.
Marriage
• In the US- 75-80 % of people get married at least once.
• More have been delaying marriage in recent decades to pursue educational & career goals.
• Men – average age from 23-27
• Women – average age 21-25.
Patriarchy- type of marriage
• Men ( in a patriarchy) – are the primary breadwinner & plays the dominant role in the marriage.
• As of late – this has changed & most spouses are seen as equal partners in the marriage.
• Some times the roles are even reversed..
Marriage ( cont’d)
• In US- most people marry primarily for love. This originated in the 1800s.
• In 1600s and 1700s, most marriages were arranged by the parents of the bride and groom. ( based on how it would benefit both families).
21st century Marriages
• Companionship & Intimacy are central goals in most marriages.
• Marriages- provide opportunity to share opportunities & feelings of security w/ someone special.
• Most Americans – still see marriage as permanent.
Choosing Spouses
• People are influenced in their marital decisions on factors such as ethnicity, level of education, religion, social class.
• US- rarely marry people of different race or SES status- only 2% of marriages are interracial.
Factors of choosing a spouse
• Most choose marriage partners close to their own age. ( especially in early adulthood)
• Most grooms are 2-5 years older than the woman that they are marrying.
• People who remarry are less likely to choose a partner that close in age.
Divorce
• About half the marriages in the US end up in divorce.
• The divorce rate rose steadily in the last century before leveling off in the 80s.
• More than 25% of children in the US live in single parent households.
Reasons for Divorce
• Easier – “No Fault” divorce laws – mean that a judge can grant a divorce w/out having one partner blame the other.
• Increasing economic independence of women has also contributed.
• Incredibly high expectations for marriage – couples expect marriage to be constantly easy w/ no work attached.
Costs of Divorce
• When a household splits- income & property are usually divided.
• Often- neither party can maintain the standard of living he/she had while married.
• Women generally are granted custody of the couple’s children.
Children of Divorce
• More likely to have behavioral problems, engage in substance abuse, and earn lower grades in school.
• Breakdown in the quality of parenting that often allows separation between the parents & the children.
Children of two parent families
• Obtain higher scores on achievement & ability tests.
• Display more social skills.
• Experienced fewer problems & had greater security.
Parents getting divorced should:
• Agree on how they will interact with the children (do not play 1 against the other)
• Help each other maintain a good parent- child relationship.
• Avoid criticizing one another in front of the children.
Middle Adulthood
• Spans the years of 40-65
• Greatest challenge is generativity according to Erikson.
• This is the ability to create, originate & produce. ( workplace, family, society)
Midlife Transition
• One’s perspective changes in a major way.
• Most see themselves at a turning point.
• Now thinking of how many years are left in their lives.
Early 40s – Critical Events
• Parent’s Death
• Change at Work
• Slower/ less athletic than children
• May trigger realization that I am not that young anymore.
Men & women face limitations at 40s- middle age
• Dreams they had at younger ages will not be realized.
• Will not be a pro athlete, movie star or President of US.
• Some may see this as a sense of urgency, last chance to do something big.
Midlife Crisis/Mastery
• Concept has been seen as somewhat negative, children growing up + younger people advancing at a faster rate.
• Gail Sheehy- people are at the height of their creative and productive powers.
• They need new outlets for talents and experience.
Gail Sheehy – Midlife Mastery
• Task for middle aged adults is to decide what they will do with the remainder of their lives.
• People are living longer than previous generations, most healthy Americans have 30-40 years after middle adulthood.
• Lives can be fulfilling if they find careers, hobbies, or other activities that bring true satisfaction.
Middlescence
• Describes a period of searching that in many ways resembles adolescence.
• Period of transition – now refers to a second adulthood.
• Women – in 40s and 50s may emerge from middlescence w/ a renewed sense of self, feeling confident and secure.
Empty Nest Syndrome
• Feelings of emptiness & loss that parents share after children have left to establish their own lives.
• Women who do not work- will struggle to a greater extent when their children have left home. (lost job as a mother/provider)
“Happy Nest”New findings
• Many women are now happier with their marriage and with other aspects of their lives.
• Many speak of greater peace of mind, self confidence and personal stability.
• Many become more influential in politics & in their careers.
Benefits of Middle Age
• Free of financial worries
• Can travel extensively
• Can take up new hobbies or explore old interests
• 2nd honeymoon, pets, cottages, etc.
Menopause
• Late 40s- Early 50s
• End of menstruation- decrease in secretion of estrogen and progesterone.
• May experience hot flashes- sudden sensations of warmth w/ reddening + sweating.
Dr. Elizabeth Kubler -Ross
• She worked faithfully with people who had terminal illnesses.
• In 1969, she theorized that there are five stages through which many dying people pass.
• This 5 stage theory can also be used with any type of grieving. ( loss of a relationship)
Denial
• 1st Stage of Kubler Ross’ list
• “It can’t be me, the doctor must be wrong, he made a mistake.”
• Can also be called repression, time period is not determined. (self preservation)
Anger
• 2nd Stage of grieving- Kubler Ross
• “Why me, this is unfair, life is unfair!”
• Can actually be a healthier outlook than denial/repression ( coming to terms)
Bargaining
• 3rd Stage of Kubler Ross’ list
• I will be a better person, if you let me hold my grandchildren. Let me celebrate one more anniversary!”
• Comes off heels of anger, very important piece.
Depression
• 4th Stage of Kubler Ross’ list.
• Feelings of despair, “What’s the use of living another day?”
• This can also be a very long time period, there are some who may not make it to the 5th stage.
Acceptance
• 5th & final stage of Kubler Ross’ list.
• “I have had a good life, I am ready to die”
• May need to see: one last project completed, children happy, wife taken care of.
Kubler-Ross’ Theories
• Have met with considerable criticism
• Schneidman- Feelings do not follow a particular sequence.
• Schneidman- people face a variety of reactions from envy to terror to despair.
Kubler- Ross’ Critics
• May tempt family members & health care officials to ignore the uniqueness of each person’s suffering.
• May try to force this person into an acceptance mode before they are ready to do so.
K-R in Conclusion
• Good Blueprint to help explain grieving and sadness in 5 stages.
• Do not have to be in perfect sequence (some are angry right away, some never accept dying)
• Can not know the time period for each stage, some are longer than others. (denial/depression)
K-R Final
• Each person needs to be treated as a living individual, w/ hopes & feelings.
• This is not the time to be analytical and detached, dying person needs love and companionship not statistics.
List the following in groups
• For each- brief character sketch
• In your opinion- what are their character failings or what are they struggling w/ at this time?
• IMPORTANT- As a Psychologist – how would you help each individually & together as a family.