YOU REVEAL YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING, RIDICULOUS, WHAT-WAS- I-THINKING MOMENTS.
“I was in charge of capturing my friend’s wedding on video. The ceremony started and just as they were announced as husband and wife, I realized I’d forgotten to push record! They had to repeat the vows all over again so I could get a video.…Oops.”
—MYRNELLE S., 31,
hairstylist, from Miami
1
WE KNOW YOU HAVE
CONFESSIONS TO SHARE....
E-MAIL THE DIRTY
DETAILS TO
CONFESSIONS@
COSMOPOLITAN.COM,
OR TWEET YOUR TALES TO
@COSMOPOLITAN!
CON F ESSIONS
E DITE D BY I
M A RINA K HIDE K E L I
PHOTOGR APHED BY MEREDITH JENKS 39
7
“I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SEXY TO IT GOT EVERYWHERE, EVEN IN MY
NICK M., 21,
artist, from France
NATALIA R., 31,
receptionist, from
Queens, NY
ELIDJA C., 20,
hostess, from Miami
“ONE NIGHT, I FELL ASLEEP ON A BUS, AND WHEN I WOKE UP, THE BUS WAS DARK AND EMPTY—I WAS AT THE BUS DEPOT AT NYC’S PORT AUTHORITY STATION IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. I’D MISSED ALL THE STOPS AND THE BUS DRIVER MUST NOT HAVE SEEN ME. I WAS SO CONFUSED.”
“M Y GI R L F R I E N D WA S
GI V I NG M E M Y ‘BI RT H DAY
GI F T’ AT M I DN IGH T W H E N
H E R PA R E N T S WA L K E D
I N W I T H A BI RT H DAY C A K E
FOR M E. T H E Y C A NC E L E D
T H E PA RT Y, A N D I
WA SN’ T A L LOW E D BAC K.”
—MICHAEL D., 27
“I ’M A BIT OF A
SHOPAHOLIC, SO THERE
ARE THINGS WITH
TAGS IN MY CLOSET
THAT HAVE BEEN
THERE FOR, LIKE,
YEARS. THAT’S ME—
POP THE TAG AFTER
FOUR YEARS.”
“I’m an engineering
student, and our
class had an engi-
neer come talk to us
about postgrad
opportunities. It was
very clear that he
didn’t think women
were as qualified for
the field as the guys.
So when he went to
shake our hands
after class, I licked
mine beforehand.
So gratifying.”
—TAYLOR S., 21
G U Y C O N F E S S I O N
“I SH AV E D
M Y N I PPL ES
Y EST E R DAY.”
REPORTED BY ANNA BRESLAW AND RORI KOTCH
C ON F E SSIONS
G U Y C O N F E S S I O N4
6
35
2
40 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ MAY 2015
THE
COSMO
GUYS K Y L A R A
S T I N
PHOTOGR APHED BY BEN WAT TS | ST YLED BY ADAM MANSUROGLU
TICKETS TO
PITCH PERFECT 2!
Cosmo is giving away 200 pairs of tickets (up to $25 total
value). Enter to win at Cosmopolitan.com/Fandango.
See page 243 for details.
We didn’t think it w
as possible for us to crush harder on Pitch
Perfect 2
’s adorable aca-fella. And then we talked to him.
T O TA L B A L L E R
I’m a huge Knicks fan, even though
they’re so bad. I grew up in New York,
and I still love going to the Garden.
A LWAY S O N T H E DV RI love The Bachelor and The Bachelorette! Thank god they switched the genders. It’s aridiculous show, but at least it’s balanced out—silly guys pining for a woman and vice versa.
GO
’ HE A D, G
I RL
I have no problems with forward behavior,
especially if it’s cuttin
g through BS. It
forces you to be more honest. I think
honesty breeds confidence.
C A R E E R C U RV E B A L L
I went from a competitive-sports camp to
theater camp in a year. My fifth-grade year-
book said I’d play for the Mets, but I got bit-
ten by the [acting] bug one hundred percent.
W H O A R E Y O U O B S E S S E D W I T H ? T W E E T @ C O S M O P O L I T A N # C O S M O G U Y A N D Y O U C O U L D S E E H I M O N T HIS PAGE !
R O UG H & R E A DYMy biggest sport these days is the
UFC, surprisingly. I train a little bit.
Yeah, the guy who sang a cappella in
Pitch Perfect likes cage fighting!—RACHEL MOSELY
GR
OO
ME
R:
JO
DIE
BO
LA
ND
E U
SIN
G C
HA
NE
L L
ES
BE
IG
ES
AT
SE
E M
AN
AG
EM
EN
T.
T-S
HIR
T,
CH
EA
P M
ON
DA
Y,
CH
EA
PM
ON
DA
Y.C
OM
. J
EA
NS
, J
OE
’S
, J
OE
SJ
EA
NS
.CO
M.
SH
OE
S,
CA
LV
IN
KL
EIN
JE
AN
S,
CA
LV
IN
KL
EIN
.CO
M.
50
HOW TO HAVE
A CONVERSATION
WITH A STRANGER
I’m cool showing up at a party alone. I just wander around until I find someone to talk to. But there was one party I went to by myself recently where I stood aimlessly in the middle of the room for a little too long. Another girl walked up, looked me in the eye, and said, “Hi!” Instant friends. It really is that easy. All you have to do is say hello. —H.J.
HOW TO BE THE
LIFE OF THE PARTYThere’s an episode of Broad City where BFFs Ilana and Abbi go from party to party in search of “the Narnia of partyas.” One party rates a 7. The next is an 8.5. They’re looking for a 10. We are all, in a way, the thing that we’re doing. So how do you get to turnt up? You turn up. Whether you’re hosting or coasting, if you want a good time, commit. One hundred percent. Party your ass off, and Narnia will appear.
TEMPERATURE
+ SPA VIBE (75 DEGREES)
LIGHTING
+DIM
+ SEXY
BATHROOM
+CLEAN
+STOCKED
+CANDLELIT
DESIGNATE YOURSELF THE HOUSE PHO-TOGRAPHER. GET PEOPLE
TO POSE, AND TAKE PICTURES.
IT’S A GREAT, EASY WAY TO INTRODUCE
YOURSELF TO PEOPLE. (IF YOU SHARE
THE PICTURES WITH THE
HOST, SHE’LL LOVE THAT.)
A PURPOSE OR CONCEPT
MAKES A PARTY SPECIAL.
APPLY THE SECRET SAUCE
LIBERALLY BE STOKED
TO BE THERE
Someone put in time, money, and effort to make this party
happen. If you’re not there to have fun, why
are you there?
BE COMPLETELY
PRESENT
Your IG feed rightfully demands your
attention every other minute of your life,
but during a party, it’s best to focus on the
humans in front of you.
REMEMBER THEIR
NAMES
“People love to hear their own name,”
says party planner Bronson Van Wyck.
So keep working your new friend’s name
into the conversation as a way to tattoo it on
your brain.
PART Y WISDOM
“Create an environment where every single person feels like it’s their birthday.” —MEGHAN EDWARDS, CREATOR OF UNDERGROUND PARTY TOP40
Let It Be LegendaryI N V I T E T H E
R I G H T M I X
Guests make a party. You want
each attendee to be seriously dope.
M A K E T H E
E X P E R I E N C E U N I Q U E
A good party makes you feel like you were a part of something that’s never going to
happen again.
C O N S I D E R E V E R Y
E L E M E N T
Details matter. Think about the greeting, the bar, where coats
go. Little things make a huge impact.
A RE
YOU THE
ODD M A N
OUT?
M A KE
THEM
FEEL AT
HOME
GI V E IT
A RE ASON
FOR
BEING
W H AT TRIP
WOULD
YOU TA KE
IF MONE Y
W ERE NO
OBJECT?
W H AT ’ S
YOUR
FAVORITE
PL ACE TO
E AT THE SE
DAYS?
W HERE ’D
YOU GET
THOSE
SHOE S?
W H AT ’ S
THE BE ST
THING TH AT
H A PPENED
TO YOU
TODAY ?
W H AT SHOW
A RE YOU
WATCHING
RIGHT
NOW?
MAKE AN ENTRANCE > Arrive 20 minutes late. That grace period is priceless. If you get there any earlier, you’re not giving the host any margin for error. > If you’re the host, make your guests feel at home as soon as they show up. Take coats, make introductions, and offer them drinks.
PR
EV
IO
US
A
ND
O
PP
OS
IT
E P
AG
ES
: A
CP
/T
RU
NK
A
RC
HIV
E
156
1 (750-milliliter) bottle pineapple-infused rum, chilled (see below)
2 cups homemade sour mix (see below)
1 cup Domaine de Canton ginger liqueur
2 cups club soda, chilled
2 (750-milliliter) bottles brut white sparkling wine or brut rosé, chilled
Ice mold
3 pints rainbow sherbet, or other assorted sherbets such as mango, pineapple, and lemon
PUNCH
Stir rum, sour mix, ginger
liqueur, and club soda together
in a punch or other serving
bowl. When ready to serve, stir
in sparkling wine, and slide in
ice mold. Scoop all sherbet into
the punch, or scoop individual
portions into serving cups
and ladle punch over sherbet.
Serve immediately.
PINEAPPLE RUM
Infuse 1 (750-milliliter) bottle
light or golden rum with
1 small pineapple, peeled,
cored, and cubed.
HOMEMADE SOUR MIX
Pulse 1 cup granulated sugar,
3 tablespoons finely grated
lemon zest, and 3 tablespoons
finely grated lime zest in a food
processor until sugar is damp and
no zest strands remain. Combine
sugar mixture and 1 cup water in
a medium saucepan, and cook
over medium heat, stirring, until
sugar is dissolved. Let syrup cool
to room temperature, and then
stir in 1 cup each fresh lemon
and lime juices. Refrigerate in
an airtight container for up to
one month. Shake before using.
Makes 1 quart.
Have, Just, Oceans of BoozeBUT NOT EVERYBODY DRINKS,
SO MAKE A FEW OF THESE TOOSHIRLEY TEMPLE / SERVES 1
Combine 3 ounces ginger ale, 3 ounces lemon-lime soda, and a dash of grenadine (or more to taste) in an ice-filled glass, and stir gently to combine. Garnish with a maraschino cherry and serve.
PART Y WISDOM
“If it’s raining, keep them dry. If it’s cold, keep them warm. If they’re thirsty, serve them a drink. If they’re hungry, give them food. The rest is semantics.” —BRONSON VAN WYCK
POUR THIS
PART Y LIBATION
RAINBOW SHERBET PUNCHDessert and booze? What kind of crazy brilliance is this? Try this recipe from María del Mar Sacasa’s Summer
Cocktails.
HOW
MUCH
L IQUID?
TWO DRINKS
PER
PERSON
PER
HOUR
+MORE JUST
IN CASE
PA RT Y FOUL
You can’t show up to
a BYOB thing
empty-handed. Similarly, if
it’s a theme or
costume party, get
on board.
EM
IL
Y K
AT
E R
OE
ME
R/S
TU
DIO
D
. F
OO
D/
BE
VE
RA
GE
S
TY
LIS
T: E
D G
AB
RIE
LS
/H
AL
LE
Y R
ES
OU
RC
ES
. P
RO
P S
TY
LIS
T: E
MIL
Y M
UL
LIN
/K
AT
E R
YA
N IN
C.
158 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ MAY 2015
ARE YOU A GHOST? > No? Then please thank your host before you bail. Even a quick thank-you wave works. > If you need to shut this party down, turn off the music, turn up the lights, and you’ll find that everyone magically wants to go home. Peace!
Every Party Has a Rhythm
THE INVITE SAYS 9,
NOT THE ACTUAL
CALL TIME.
THE PARTY WARRIORS
ARRIVE AROUND 9:30. THINGS ARE HEATING UP.
WHEN THE REAL EXODUS
STARTS AROUND
MIDNIGHT, PEOPLE EMPTY OUT QUICKLY.
IT’S 10 P.M. OUT OF NOWHERE, YOU HAVE A
PACKED HOUSE.
A FEW PEOPLE BOUNCE AROUND 11 P.M., BUT THEN YOU GET A
SECOND WAVE (USUALLY THE WILD ANIMALS).
NU
MB
ER
OF
BO
DIE
S
HANDLE ANY AWKWARD SITCH
NO ONE SHOWS UP
Act like that was the point. It was meant to be exclusive!
YOU BURNED THE FOOD
Open windows; order pizzas.
YOUR FRENEMY’S THERE
Be honorable. Say hi ASAP to get it out of the way.
YOU’VE HAD TOO MUCH
Switch to water, and enlist a trusted friend as instant cohost.
PA RT Y FOUL
If you drop a tapa
or spill a drink on the rug,
do the right thing.
Help mop it up, and offer
to get it professionally
cleaned—deep
cleaned.
DON’T START THE MUSIC TOO HARD.
EASE PEOPLE INTO IT WITH A SLOW VIBE, AND STEADILY
BUILD TO YOUR CLUB-
GOIN’-UP RAGER.
L AY
DOW N
SOME
TUNE S
How the night (or day) goes from dead to bangin’ and back.
9 P.M. 10 P.M. 11 P.M. 12 A.M. FR
OM
TO
P:
AC
P/
TR
UN
K A
RC
HIV
E;
GE
TT
Y I
MA
GE
S.
160 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ MAY 2015
manthropoYOUR GUIDE TO THE MALE BRAIN
FROM THE
MOUTH OF BAES
THE LIES GUYS TELL FOR LOVEHe’s using his family dog to get you in bed.
BY MARISSA GAINSBURG
WHY IT’S HOT: He’ll see that you
live a cool life and feel like he’s
missing out on the fun. If he likes
you, he’ll respond. If not, there’s
really nothing here for him to reject!
WHY IT’S HOT:
Saying your
burger was
arousing shows
you can find the
hotness
anywhere. He’ll
be strangely
turned on next
time he orders a
Quarter Pounder.
WHY IT’S HOT:
You never ask if he
wants to come. A
confident woman just
assumes that he
does. The easy way
to make your texts
sexier? Lose the
question marks.
WHY IT’S HOT: It’s a great tease that
lets him know you’re having naughty
thoughts about him. Plus, he’ll feel
special knowing you’d rather see him
naked than a ripped celebrity.
WHY IT’S HOT:
Making the two
of you together
seem like a bad
idea (for all the
right reasons) will
drive him wild
with desire.
Thank me later for
the massive
sexual tension at
parties.
I WANT YOUR TEXT
FIVE TEXTS EVERY GUY SECRETLY WANTSSad but true: Most of us are offensively boring via text (“wut up?”). It doesn’t have to be this way. Dating guru Matthew Hussey suggests new texting strategies that will really vibrate in his pants.
I’m at that new lounge that just opened. The music is amazing. Why aren’t you here?
Just saw The Avengers. Chris Evans is pretty, but I’d rather watch you take your shirt off for an hour.
You. Me. Tonight. Game of Thrones. Pizza. Be there.
I just had the most life-changing burger. Almost sexual.
It’s a good thing you’re just my friend’s brother or you and I would be trouble for each other.…
FOR MORE OF
MATTHEW’S SECRETS
ON DATING AND
RELATIONSHIPS, VISIT
HOWTOGETTHEGUY
.COM
206
logyGTFO
CONSCIOUS UNCOUPLING CHEAT SHEET When is ghosting no longer okay? Let’s standardize the breakup system for posterity. BY ANNA BRESLAW
“Calm down” is a handy cop-out when guys are feeling lazy (which is often). As one friend said, “When I’m confused and don’t have much to say, I just tell her to calm down.”
But really, “calm down” is all about conflict avoidance. We’re scared that if you get emotional, things will escalate from a five-minute spat to a five-hour cry-fest, and we’ll have to talk about our feelings. The fact that doing so might clear the air or resolve issues? Irrelevant! We’d rather bottle up our emotions, then unleash them
days later by doing something weird like yelling at the cable guy. Genius, right?
Ever since our Little League coach told us to “rub some dirt on the wound” and get back in the game, we were nudged toward a code of “strong silent type” machismo. So the next time he plays the “calm down” card, remember he’s not heartless—he just lacks your savvy in how to deal.
—JEFF WILSER, AUTHOR
OF THE MAXIMS OF MANHOOD
GUYWITNESS NEWS
WHY DO GUYS ALWAYS SAY “CALM DOWN” DURING FIGHTS?The two dirty little words are a frustrating fallback for boyfriends across the nation. One man explains.
E DIT E D BY
MICHE L L E RUIZ
“I tell girls my dog lives with
me, even though he lives
with my parents. I look much
cuter next to a puppy.”
–STEVE J., 25
“For a first date,
I take girls to a coffee
shop I ‘love.’ I
secretly hate coffee.
I just don’t want to
drop cash on dinner
until the second or
third date.”
—TEDDY G., 25
75
ONE DATE
Drop off the face of the earth.
No explanation necessary.
Smell you later.
TWO DATES Classic “this is a craaazy week for me” text, followed by a slow fade.
THREE
MONTHS
Polite, half-honest phone call…
preferably longer than Joe Jonas’s
infamous 27-second
dumping of Taylor Swift.
SIX MONTHS
Mature conversation about how you’re just in “really different
places right now.” (Like, you want to be on top of another dude.)
ONE YEAR
One full day of crying, laughing, throwing
crockery, and deciding to stay Facebook friends.
THREE YEARS
An entire weekend of negotiation about why you have to part ways,
plus a custody battle over his T-shirts.
TEN YEARS
Divorce lawyer o’clock.
%
“I’ve been known to wear a random
sling around my arm or medical boot on
my foot at bars. Girls seem to have a
thing for the injured, vulnerable guy.”
—GARRETT B., 24
“I’m a tennis player,
but I tell girls I’m a coach.
Girls love an older guy
who’s ‘helping kids.’”
—ALEX C., 21
“I masturbate every
day. When girls I’m
dating ask, I say
three times a week.
It makes me seem
less horny.”
—JAY S., 26
OF ME N COP TO
M A K ING A SE X TA PE .
SCORSE SE -ME ETS -
SK INE M A X A LE RT!
SOURCE: STATISTICBRAIN.COM 2014 STUDY
HU
SS
EY
: C
IND
Y O
RD
/G
ET
TY
IM
AG
ES
. C
AL
M D
OW
N:
KA
TE
RIN
A T
SA
TS
AN
I/F
OL
IO-I
D.C
OM
/P
OS
ED
BY
MO
DE
LS
. C
ON
SC
IOU
S U
NC
OU
PL
ING
CH
EA
T S
HE
ET
, F
RO
M
TO
P:
TO
MM
Y T
ON
/T
RU
NK
AR
CH
IVE
; G
ET
TY
IM
AG
ES
(2
); S
HU
TT
ER
ST
OC
K;
AL
AM
Y (
2).
LIE
S G
UY
S T
EL
L F
OR
LO
VE
: G
ET
TY
IM
AG
ES
(4
). T
HE
SE
AR
E
PR
OF
ES
SIO
NA
L M
OD
EL
S A
ND
AR
E U
SE
D F
OR
IL
LU
ST
RA
TIV
E P
UR
PO
SE
S O
NL
Y.