1
DEALING WITH CONFLICTAN INTRODUCTION
2
WHAT WE’LL BE DOING 3:00-4:00
Introduction 4 conflict management skills
4:00-4:15 Break 4:15-5:15
4 conflict management skills (continued) Preparation for role plays
5:15-5:30 Energizer 5:30-6:30
Presentations of role plays Discussion and closing
3
WHAT IS CONFLICT? A state of disagreement and
disharmony A natural part of life Positive if handled well: destructive if
handled poorly
4
CONFLICT = VIOLENCE
=
5
CONFLICT CAN BE COVERT (HIDDEN) OR OVERT (IN THE OPEN)
Her political
views make me furious.
6
INSANITY IS DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AND EXPECTING A DIFFERENT RESULT. Albert Einstein
7
INSANITY IS DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AND EXPECTING A DIFFERENT RESULT. Albert Einstein
8
4 CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS
1. Listening
2.Positions and interests
4. Facts and assumptions
3. “I” statements
9
RESOLVING CONFLICTS Resolving conflicts can be hard work.
Preparation Skills Knowledge Creativity Coordination
Resolving conflicts can be rewarding work.
10
SKILL #1 LISTENINGWE ARE TAUGHT TO READ AND WRITE, BUT WE ARE NOT TAUGHT TO LISTEN.
11
SKILL #1 LISTENING PARAPHRASING
In your own words Restate what was said
(the content) So you’re saying that
the new law should ………… Did I understand you correctly?
Identify the feeling You sound upset about
the way he treated you.
JudgingExplaining
Defending
ArguingAnalyzing
12
SKILL #1 LISTENING PARAPHRASING
Instructions for exercise Listen as carefully as you can. You may
want to take notes. Restate what the person said (content).
“So you’re saying ……………… Did I understand you correctly?”
Identify the feeling of the speaker. “You sound_________ about this. Is this correct?”
Judging
Explaining
Defending
Arguing
Analyzing
13
SKILL #2 POSITIONS AND INTERESTS
What we see or hear
What is hidden
Interests•Needs•Values•Aspirations•Fears•Concerns
Position•Demands
14
15
SKILL #3 “I "STATEMENTS
How can you do that? You spread awful rumors about my brother. You’re a liar.
16
SKILL #3 “I "STATEMENTS
When I heard the rumors about
my brother, I felt shocked and
angry. I need to know where you heard them and why you spread them without
checking if they were true.
17
SKILL #3 “I "STATEMENTS To resolve conflicts, attack the problem (the
situation, the behavior), not the person.
Accusing people accelerates the conflict. The other person will defend him/her self.
Attacking the problem often leads to resolving
the conflict. “I” statements help you do this.
18
SKILL #3 “I "STATEMENTSWhen I heard the rumors about my
brother, I felt shocked and
angry. I need to know where you heard them and why you spread them without
checking if they were true.
“I” statement: 1. Observation: When I see/hear _______________2. Feeling : I feel ________________________3. Needs/Value/Interest: (because) I need _______ 4. (Request) and I would like ________________________.
19
SKILL #3 “I "STATEMENTS
“I” statement: 1. Observation: When I see/hear _______________2. Feeling : I feel _____________________________ 3. Needs/Value/Interest: (because) I need _______ 4. (Request) and I would like __________________.
Attacking the person: (You, you, you)You’re always telling me how to do things. You don’t ever let me try out my ideas. You don’t think I know anything.
20
SKILL #3 “I "STATEMENTS
“I” statement: 1. Observation: When I hear you telling me what to do 2. Feeling: I feel frustrated and devalued3. Needs/Value/Interest: because I need to try out my ideas.4. (Request) I would like __________________.
Attacking the person: (You, you, you)You’re always telling me how to do things. Why don’t you listen to my ideas? You don’t think I know anything.
21
SKILL #3 “I "STATEMENTS When people ignore your “I
“message, or respond by defending
themselves, by explaining, or trying to change your mind,
avoid arguing and respectfully become a “broken record!” of your interests.
22
SKILL #4 FACTS AND ASSUMPTIONS
Conflict is often a result of our inability to recognize the difference between what we KNOW and what we ASSUME.