Dr Micaela Connolly, Psychology Dept., BOCSI Autism Services South Lee, April 2020 1
This pack was put together to support parents to support their child who is anxious.
Below are some key messages we can give to our children.
▪ We say we have anxiety when we are worrying a lot.
▪ We all experience anxiety from time to time.
▪ While anxiety is a normal part of life, sometimes it becomes too
big and overwhelming.
▪ There are lots of things we can do to help with anxiety.
How anxiety affects us
• Anxiety affects our thoughts, our feelings
and our bodies.
• Anxiety may cause us to have certain reactions.
• We can use different strategies to help
us manage anxiety in our thoughts,
our feelings and our bodies / reactions.
thoughts
feelingsBody/ reactions
Dr Micaela Connolly, Psychology Dept., BOCSI Autism Services South Lee, April 2020 2
Anxiety can have many symptoms
Different people can feel different symptoms. Here are some of the more common
ones. You might think of some more.
Our bodies are designed to respond to
danger to keep us safe. Our bodies have
strong responses to frightening things or
situations. These strong responses
include the fight, flight, freeze, fawn and
faint reactions.
We sometimes have very little control
over these responses. They happen
automatically.
Sometimes when we are worried or
anxious, our body responds with fight,
flight, freeze, fawn or faint reactions. It
thinks we are in physical danger even
though we are not. It gets ready to act in
a physical way. Chemicals messages in
our body prepare our body for physical
action even though physical action might
not be needed.
Dr Micaela Connolly, Psychology Dept., BOCSI Autism Services South Lee, April 2020 3
Anxiety responses and how people behave
Anxiety Responses in Children with ASD – What We See (Griffith’s University)
Dr Micaela Connolly, Psychology Dept., BOCSI Autism Services South Lee, April 2020 4
When anxiety is severe, we talk about anxiety disorders. There are a number of
different anxiety disorders that children and young people can experience:
Why does a person’s anxiety get so big?
There can be a number of reasons someone can have a lot of anxiety.
We don’t always know why someone gets anxious, but we can be prepared and we
can support.
Some of us have a genetic reason for having more anxiety than others.
Some people have experienced very frightening events or bullying.
Some people are burnt out from working very hard and they need time to rest and recover.
Some people get anxious because of sensory things – noises, smells, bright lights, etc.
Some people get anxious because of uncertainty – they don’t know what’s happening next or when something will happen.
Look at the child’s daily activities to see if wellbeing can be
enhanced
Generalised anxiety disorder
Panic disorder
Phobias and fears
Social anxiety disorder
Agoraphobia
Separation anxiety
Selective mutism
Dr Micaela Connolly, Psychology Dept., BOCSI Autism Services South Lee, April 2020 5
What parents / carers can do to support their child with anxiety
Environmental supports
The environment can be very important in supporting people with anxiety.
❑ Is the environment reasonably calm and quiet?
❑ Is there a haven where the child can go if they need to?
❑ Does the child have routine and structure?
❑ Does the child have access to visual supports?
❑ Does the child have access to sensory supports?
https://www.autism.org.uk/about/family-life/in-the-home/environment.aspx
https://southleeasd.files.wordpress.com/2018/01/sensory-processing.pdf
https://southleeasd.wordpress.com/2018/01/31/overview-of-sensory-breaks/
https://southleeasd.files.wordpress.com/2018/01/visual-strategies-information-
sheet.pdf
Consult with GP to rule out medical conditions and discuss options for support
Look at the child’s environment to see if it can be made more calm, structured and predictable
Give the child information on what anxiety is and put proactive and reactive strategies in place
Practice breathing, calming and thinking techniques
Use low arousal techniques if necessary
Look at the child’s daily activities to see if wellbeing can be
enhanced
Dr Micaela Connolly, Psychology Dept., BOCSI Autism Services South Lee, April 2020 6
Enhancing wellbeing
A well-balanced day can help to reduce symptoms of anxiety.
❑ Having a good diet, good sleep routine, enough exercise and relaxation are key
in reducing stress and tension.
❑ For people who feel burnt out, rest and recovery is essential.
❑ Using breathing techniques can help some people to help ease symptoms.
❑ Sugary food and drinks and caffeine can make panic attacks worse. For
teenagers and adults, alcohol and smoking can make panic attacks worse.
Having information about anxiety
It is important for children to understand their own feelings. They can be helped to do
this by:
❑ Learning about feelings in their body: http://web.seru.sa.edu.au/wp-
content/uploads/2019/04/Interoception-101_March-2019.pdf ;
https://southleeasd.wordpress.com/2018/11/29/palm/ .
❑ Learning how to keep regulated: http://www.zonesofregulation.com/index.html
❑ Learning about anxiety: https://youtu.be/FfSbWc3O_5M , Beating Anxiety by
Davida Hartman.
Dr Micaela Connolly, Psychology Dept., BOCSI Autism Services South Lee, April 2020 7
How to help when your child is anxious in the moment
❑ Stay calm.
❑ Reassure your child that you are there and
that you see they are anxious.
❑ Gently interpret their feelings for them if they
don’t know what is happening.
❑ Reassure them that the feelings will pass.
❑ Gently coach them to take deep breaths if
this works or use another calming strategy
(e.g. haven, drawing, deep pressure).
❑ Give the child time to calm down and recover
How to help when your child is overwhelmed
❑ Sometimes when a child is
overwhelmed, they to be on
their own and they need space
or a haven to go to.
❑ This could be under a bed, in
a tent, in a comfortable place
in their room, etc.
❑ Some children need people
around them to use a low
arousal approach (see below).
Strategies to help with anxiety
Dr Micaela Connolly, Psychology Dept., BOCSI Autism Services South Lee, April 2020 8
Breathing
Breathing regulates your breath, which regulates your body, which regulates your
emotions, which helps you stay calm. Be aware this may not work for everyone as
some people can become anxious when they’re bodies feel calm.
There are lots of different breathing techniques to try.
Square breathing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFdZXwE6fRE
Triangle breathing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Q8D6n-3qw
Nathan Pyle:
https://twitter.com/nathanwpyle/status/1139676955316559872
Dr Micaela Connolly, Psychology Dept., BOCSI Autism Services South Lee, April 2020 9
Calming Techniques
Have a plan around which calming strategies you can use with your child to help them
calm down. Deep pressure activities can be very calming for some people. Spending
time with pets can be very calming for others. Music or drawing can help other people
calm down.
Here are some suggestions from Máiréad, the Early Years Team Occupational
Therapist:
Stimming
Dr Micaela Connolly, Psychology Dept., BOCSI Autism Services South Lee, April 2020 10
Thinking strategies
Anxious and worried thoughts are just thoughts. Teach your child how to deal with
worrying and intrusive thoughts. Here are some ideas for dealing with them:
• Look at our thoughts as things we can change, for example, imagine your
thoughts are just clouds … watch them float away.
• Think about a problem, then scale the problem, for example, how big is the
problem? (scale of 1 to 5).
• Learn how feelings work, for example, using the Zones of Regulation.
• Learn about inner dialogue. This is the conversation a lot of people have in
their heads. Sometimes we say kind things to ourselves (our inner coach).
Sometimes we say unkind things to ourselves (our inner critic). We might
say more unkind things to ourselves when we are anxious. Learn to use
more coaching than criticising.
• Remember the 15% v 85% rule (15% of what happens in our
lives is within our control – this is all we can be responsible for).
• Use a feelings line or anxiety curve to show that anxiety will go up but will
always come down again.
Visuals from www.autismjourneys.ie
See also
- https://southleeasd.files.wordpress.com/2018/03/anxiety-tipsheet.pdf
- https://southleeasd.wordpress.com/2018/03/01/creating-an-environment-that-
supports-young-children-with-asd/
- https://southleeasd.wordpress.com/2018/11/29/palm/ (from SCERTS® model).
Reassure your child that anxiety is not their fault
People can be ashamed and embarrassed about things they do when they are
anxious. It is important that we reassure children and young people that anxiety is not
their fault. It is the body’s response to not feeling safe. Anxiety may be a sign that
something is not going right for the child in some part of their life. Look at events,
situations and environments in your child’s life to see if something needs to be
changed to support them.
Dr Micaela Connolly, Psychology Dept., BOCSI Autism Services South Lee, April 2020 11
Low Arousal Approach
The Low Arousal Approach refers to supportive behaviour management strategies that
focus on the reduction of stress, fear and frustration (Prof Andrew McDonnell, Studio
3) https://www.lowarousal.com/.
❑ Decrease demands and requests and, if necessary, don’t speak.
❑ Avoid potentially arousing triggers such as direct eye contact and touch.
❑ Ask onlookers to leave.
❑ Avoid non-verbal behaviours such as aggressive postures or stances, move
slowly.
As part of using a low arousal approach we need to think about:
Getting More Help
Some children need professional help with their
anxiety.
They might go to a psychologist or other trained ם
professional to learn strategies to cope.
.They might take medication to help ם
They might go to specialists (Child and ם
Adolescent Mental Health Service) who treat
more serious cases of anxiety.
If you are concerned about your child’s anxiety levels,
it’s a good idea to talk to your GP about the best course of action to take.
Managing our own stress levels as carers so we can be more regulated
Managing the environment so it is as calm and structured as possible
Giving children opportunities to take care of their wellbeing and practise calming techniques