The summer holidays can be a stressful time for parents. With routines relaxed and
boredom setting in, children's difficult behaviours can increase. It is an important time
to remember and use skills learnt through the NVR programme, such as de
escalation. It is also the perfect opportunity to rebuild relationships by revisiting
reconciliation gestures.
Reconciliation gestures are the planned acts of kindness we show our children. They
are unconditional, we do it to show our child (and remind ourselves) that we love
them regardless of their behaviour. The reaction of the child to the reconciliation
gesture is not important - they may well reject the gesture. Sometimes when
relationships with our children are strained, doing something kind for them is difficult.
Thoughts such as 'Why should I do anything for them? They don't deserve it!', are
normal but signal that the relationship needs work.
Parents come up with many different ideas for reconciliation gestures, they don't
need to cost much. In fact, one that many parents have found effective is sending a
text message, or leaving them a little note. Another popular gesture is to cook
something for the child, their favourite meal for instance, or baking a special treat.
This involves time and preparation, which is a good opportunity to think positively
about our children. A couple of recipes that parents have used are included below.
The most important fact to remember with reconciliation gestures is that they are not
rewards, they should not be removed for bad behaviour. The purpose of them are to
send the child a positive message about the way we feel. It shows them that they are
worth making an effort for and that we will always love them (Helen).
Re-building Relationships
Issue 22 - August 2014
Newsletter Non - violent
Resistance
Programme
Page 2 NVR Newsletter
Some of you may know me from the last two CAMHS NVR clinics. In the last group I started making cakes and pastries for each weekly meeting to raise some pennies to fund NVR volunteer projects.
Prompted by requests I produced a little recipes booklet with some of my favourites. Several follow up ideas have been voiced and I will try and incorporate some of them with the next edition of NVR recipes. In the meantime, I have some copies available at £1 each of the current edition. See me at the monthly NVR parent club in Highpoint House. Cooking can be a good joint project where parents and kids can work together and bond, or the produce from a baking session would make a super reconciliation gesture / offering. I'm not a chef and I have no doubt that many of you have favourite recipes that could outshine my efforts. Why not share them with us and we publish them on the NVR website? I've also heard whispers that we might find a prize for the best one (no idea who's going to judge that).
Chicken with Honey and Sesame Seeds (ANDY) Ingredients: Boneless chicken cuts (thighs or breasts) Salt and pepper Oil Honey Sesame seeds Method Bash the chicken thin between greaseproof paper or in a plastic bag with a
heavy pan. Take care if you use breast meat, it can be turned into mince if you are too enthusiastic. Season with salt and pepper and oil if you intend to grill. Oil pan and fry till cooked and golden. Now drizzle honey over the cutlets and generously sprinkle sesame seeds over place under grill for
a min to brown seeds and serve with your favourite vegetables.
I keep bees now and have jars of honey for sale: £3.50 for 300g (£1.50 goes to the NVR fund).
Strawberry, Banana and White Chocolate Muffins (Helen)
Ingredients: 3 very ripe bananas 125ml vegetable oil 2 eggs 250g plain flour 100g caster sugar ½ teaspoon bicarbonate of soda 1 teaspoon baking powder 300g strawberries chopped into bite size pieces 150g white chocolate chopped into bite size pieces Method: Preheat the oven to 200C/gas mark 6 and line a 12-bun muffin tin with muffin papers. Mash the bananas and set aside. Pour the oil and eggs into a jug and beat. Put the flour, sugar, bicarbonate of soda and baking powder into a large bowl and mix in the eggs
and oil, followed by the mashed bananas. Fold in the strawberries and the white chocolate chips, then place equal quantities in the prepared
muffin tin and bake in the oven for 20 minutes.
Our NVR Recipe e-Book
Andy is very keen to put an e-book together for the Oxleas NVR website with some of your most
favoured recipes. The purpose of this book is to give you some delicious ideas when you want to put
some reconciliation gestures into practice.
Cooking and baking is a wonderful way to give some quality time to your child – rebuilding your
relationship and showing your child that your whole attention and time is on them. You also have the
enjoyment of seeing your child eating his or her favourite meal or cake which you have prepared with
love and care.
Cooking or baking together is another treat that many children love and appreciate.
If there are any favourite recipes in your family that you are happy to share with other parents, we would be pleased to see them and include them in our e-book book. The more you all send in, the better! Being able to download ideas from this e-book will be of great value to all of us and our children when thinking about reconciliation gestures., please make them original or personally adapted recipes not copyrighted ones from a book please. (Sarah) Please send your recipes to:
Issue 22– August 2014 Page 3
Reconciliation Gestures
· Hot chocolate at your local
cafe
· Mend bicycle
· A key ring with his name
· Allow their friends for a sleep-over
· Play a board game
· Watch them playing sport
· Help tidy their room
· Watch their favourite DVD/TV
programme
· Share an activity which they enjoy
· Give them a lift
· Buy a magazine and put it on their
bed
· Spend extra time just listening to
them
· Text a nice message
· Send and e-card or a card through
the post
· Leave messages for him around
the house to find
Prepare a meal together
Buy favourite biscuits, dessert,
drink
Cook their favourite meal
Spend individual time with them
Ask about their day
Remember to tell them "I love
you”
Give praise for a task ‘well done’
Say “sorry” if I’ve sounded irritable
Start slowly rebuilding the relationship by
offering to make your child a hot chocolate or
their favourite drink, maybe watch a film
together or read them their favourite story book
or even cook them their favourite meal. If your
child is non responsive, don’t worry, your child
will know that you have thought of them one way
or another and it makes you feel good knowing
you are being kind and thoughtful. Spending
quality time together is one of the first steps to
rebuilding that special bond. We are the parents
and it is our duty (not the child’s) to repair that
bond that was once broken. (Donna)
Stressed is…………...
Desserts ……....spelled backwards
Always remember to look after yourself before you look after others!
NVR Parent Clubs
UPDATE 2014
You are warmly invited to join the NVR Graduate Parents once a month on a
Thursday evening 5-7pm Venue: Highpoint House,
Shooters Hill, SE18 3RG
Dates for 2014:
August 28th September 25th
October 23rd November 27th December 18th
Erith NVR Parent Club
2014 New Venue!
Wednesday Mornings 10am-
12pm @ Bexleyheath Centre,
4 Emerton Close, Bexleyheath
Kent DA6 8DX
2014 Dates:
August - no meeting
17th Sept Meeting Rm2
15th Oct Group Room
12th Nov Group Room
10th Dec Group Room
How to find the Bexleyheath centre:
Buses: 89, 96, 422, 486, B11, B12, B13, B15 and B16 stop near the centre. Trains: The nearest train station is Bexleyheath. Car parking: There is limited car parking at the centre and there is a pay and display car park between the Broadway and Albion Road.
Beth & Roger
Please note! In December 2014 we will sell NVR
Christmas cards at Oxleas sites, in
all NVR clinics & in parent clubs!
NVR volunteers…. … are actively supporting all NVR
projects in CAMHS and in the
Greenwich community, including the
two NVR parent clubs. Oxleas will be
running a new NVR volunteer
recruitment campaign on NHS jobs in
September 2014. We hope that more
of you will sign up.
Christmas Party 2014!!! Yes Christmas is only four months away.
All Graduate Parents,
please note this date in your calendar!
18th
December 5pm – 7pm at
Highpoint House Please bring along nibbles or soft drinks.
( Alcohol is unfortunately not allowed on NHS
premises)
Our Christmas party is always a good
evening. It is good to see other graduate
parents and sit and have a good catch-up.
So, if you are free and fancy an evening out,
please come along and join us celebrating the
festive season.
It will be great to see YOU! Sarah