salt.
Copyright©2013NayyirahWaheed
Allrightsreserved.
ISBN10:1492238287ISBN-13:978-1492238287
itwasonlyandeverlove.
forus
iyo.nchele.sira.muối.lonu.pa’akai.cho.masima.ama.wardan.ityuwa.noon.salila.munya.zede´.chewa.mith.nnu.lobon.hapi.letswai.juky.milh.sogum.mongwa. uppu. saahl. cusbo. îunkyre. tisnt. lun. nkyen. ambel. namak. gishiri.asin. chumvi. sohgoom. iam. malga. yim. loon. mungwa. shio. uyah.zhiiwitaagan. îukyra. gleua. isawudo. ta’ab. labana. meleh. ntsev. hoh-rum.aymara. nkyini. yán. tswayi. sotoe. nun. chumbí. garam. disel. nkyene. lu-nu.melh. tsira. nimak. sogidda. iztapinolli. loonh.muño. umuchene.mithu. kashi.nkyene.melach.lon.agh.kripalati.tuz.sél.marili.suola.sol.sare.súl.sare.só.sil.halen.zout.salann.druska.salz.so.sale.sel.sal.salt.
CONTENTS
salt
waterclingstomywrists.ithasbeenmyfragrancesincebirth.
iamalwayswritingofyou.foryou.
––breath|mypeople
canwespeakinflowers.itwillbeeasierformetounderstand.
––otherlanguage
themorningisyoungerthanyou.butyouwillalwaysbemoretender.
––age
youbroketheoceaninhalftobehere.onlytomeetnothingthatwantsyou.
––immigrant
cruelmothersarestillmothers.theymakeuswars.theymakeusrevolution.theyteachusthetruth.early.mothersarehumans.whosometimesgivebirthtotheirpain.insteadofchildren.
––hate
sometimesthereismorewaterinapoemthaninthesea.
––––––––––––––––––––––––
threewaveswashtheirwayintomyhand.theyarethewaterinthispoem.
whatmassacrehappenstomysonbetweenhimlivingwithinmyskin.drinkingmycells.mywater.myorgans.andhissoftpsycheturningcruel.doeshenotrememberheishalfwoman.
––from
thehardseasonwillsplityouthrough.donotworry.youwillbleedwater.donotworry.thisisgrief.yourfacewillfalloutanddownyourskinandtherewillbescorching.butdonotworry.keepspeakingtheyearsfromtheirhidingplaces.keepcoughingupsmokefromallthedeathsyouhavedied.keeptheragetender.becausethesoftseasonwillcome.itwillcome.loud.ready.gulping.bothhandsinyourchest.upallnight.upallofthenights.todrinkalldamageintolove.
––therapy
trustyourwork.
wouldyoustillwanttotraveltothatcountryifyoucouldnottakeacamerawithyou.
––aquestionofappropriation
flowerworkisnoteasy.remainingsoftinfiretakestime.
whenyourmotherunbirthsyoubecauseshesmellsswansinyourskinitfeelslikesheissinginginsalt.andhereyescarveyououtofherbody.youareadreamundreamt.andthisisaholocaustthatwinterbirdswillneverknow.
––swans
blackwomenbreatheflowers,too.justbecausewearetaughttogrowthemintheliningofourquiet(ourgrandmotherssecret)doesnotmeanwedonotswelterwithwildtenderness.wesoftswim.wepetal.wescentlimbs.love.wejusthavebeentoolongagardenforsharpanddeadlyteeth.sowehavegrownourselvesintogreenhouses.
––greenhouses
iknewyoubeforeimetyou.i’veknownyoumywholelife.
––nafsi
sheasked‘youareinlovewhatdoeslovelooklike’towhichireplied‘likeeverythingi’veeverlostcomebacktome.’
whenyouarehereeverythingiswild.
––moon
areyoureyesblushing?
eventhesmallpoemsmeansomething.theyareoftenwhalesinthebodiesoftinyfish.
therearefeelings.youhaven’tfeltyet.givethemtime.theyarealmosthere.
––fresh
hisbackwasahundredstorieshewantedtotellme.ahundredliveshewantedtolivetogether.
––muscle(howmanyhoursispentreadinghisskin)
iamsuchasensitivesummerthing.
whenyouarestrugglinginyourwriting(art).itusuallymeansyouarehearingonething.butwriting(creating)another.
––honest|risk
ifoundflawsandtheywerebeautiful.
––ugly
taketheart.sliceitfromtheirskin.leavethecolorbehind.
––flowercrownsandbobmarleyt-shirts
myheartisinmymind.ithinkthisiswhyiamanartist.
ibleedeverymonth.butdonotdie.howaminotmagic.
––thelie
iwillcrawlforwhitebeauty.eatmyarms.bartermylegs(makemythighsintoaltarsofgrief).forskinthatdoesnotdrinknight.hairthatisnotangry.bodythatisnotsoil.iplacecursesonmyfleshcallthemdiets.tellmyancestorstheyareugly.howlatmynoseuntilitbleeds.runmyheartacrossmyteeth,repeatedly.iamdying.tobebeautiful.butbeautiful.issomething.iwillneverbe.
––bythetimeweareseven
whereyouare.isnotwhoyouare.
––circumstances
iamachildofthreecountries.thewater.theheat.thewords.
laydown.letmeputyourflowerson.
––fall
both.iwanttostay.iwanttoleave.iamthreeoceansawayfrommysoul.
––lost
ilied.itoldyouiwasnotafraidtoloveyou.theniwalkedaway.andlovedyou.
––ihavespentmywholelifealone.lovingyou|whenwechoosefear
iamyourfriend.asoulforyoursoul.aplaceforyourlife.home.knowthis.sunorwater.hereoraway.wearealighthouse.weleave.andwestay.
––lighthouse
shewasthecolorofeveninghuskandsalt.iworemyvoicewithhersometimesmyfragranceothers.shewasabeautifulplacetobaremylegs.nightmycountries.andeatthehotwinter.
––thaw
ifiwritewhatyoumayfeelbutcannotsay.itdoesnotmakemeapoet.itmakesmeabridge.andiamhumbledandiamgratefultoassistyourheartinspeaking.
––grateful
expectsadnesslikeyouexpectrain.bothcleanseyou.
––natural
africanamericanwomenareeasy.inferior.africansaredirty.junglepeople.africanamericansarelazy.indolent.africanpeoplearetooblack.ugly.africanamericansthinktheyarebetterthanus.africansthinktheyarebetterus.
––listentothesoundofus|wearebreakingourmothersheart|theancestorsweepathowmuchwelooklikethehatethatcametoeatus
sitintheocean.itisoneofthebestmedicinesontheplanet.
––thewater
ifwemustbothberight.wewillloseeachother.
––exile
hewassobeautifulbecausewhenheheldherhewasnotconcernedwith‘beingaman.’‘beingaman’hadnothingtodowiththis.theseflowerspouringfromhischest.
––weightless
weareneverourown.wemustchangethisfact.
––acceptance
iwaketoyoueverywhere.yetyouarenothere.
––reach
myenglishisbroken.onpurpose.youhavetotryhardertounderstandme.breakingthislanguageyousoloveismypleasure.inyourarroganceyoupresumethatiwantyourskinnylanguage.thatmymouthisbuildingaroomforitinthebackofmythroatitisnot.
––ihavesevendifferentwordsforlove.youhaveonlyone.thatmakesalotofsense.
idon’tpayattentiontotheworldending.ithasendedformemanytimesandbeganagaininthemorning.
theideaofasecondheart.
iwantmore‘men’withflowersfallingfromtheirskin.morewaterintheireyes.moretrembleintheirbodies.morewomenintheirheartsthanontheirhands.moresoftnessintheirheight.morehonestyintheirvoice.morewonder.morehumilityintheirfeet.
––less
youtellme‘burnyourselfwhite,itwillmakemehappy.’mysadnessissharpeningitselfagainstmyteeth.youarethecolorofsoftcoal.andjustgotbackfromvisitingyourmotherinlastnigeriamonth.yousay‘lookbaby,look,whatibroughtbackforyou.’imoveout..lunchwithyoursisterisslightlytrembling.youwanttotouchheropeningcheekwithyourhurt.shewon’treallylookatyou.itisbetternottotalk.nowordscanputoutthepalefirespreadingacrossherface..youaresorefromallofthewhitewomeninmagazines.coaxingyououtofyourskin.theirfragranceisalloveryourfriendsatschool.youcansmellit.theheatofwhitenessontheirnecks.‘maybe,’asyourhands.brushpainandreliefintoyourface.‘maybe,now’
yousay,‘theworldwillleavemealone.’
––bleach
ifyourlightfallsoutofyourmouthpickitup.(andputitback)
––noor
youwilldrownifyoudonothaveboundaries.theyarenotoptional.thisstructurecountsonyourinabilitytosayno.meanno.theytakenofromourfirstbreath.gobackandreturnittoyourmouth.yourheart.yourlight.
––swim|womenofcolor
youseeyourface.youseeaflaw.how.ifyouaretheonlyonewhohasthisface.
––thebeautyconstruct
whitepeoplearenotchinese.becausetheyareborn/liveinchina.whitepeoplearenotindian.becausetheyareborn/liveinindia.whitepeoplearenotafrican.becausetheyareborn/liveonacontinenttheymurderedtheirwayinto.
––thereisnosuchthingasawhiteafrican|colonialbloodmyths|arevisionisthistory
iamoftenbrokenintolanguage.whetheriwanttospeakornot.
iamsimplythepoet.thepoemistheonethatcanchangeyourlife.
––medium
isthereaplaceinthecommunity.forthosewholeave.butneverleave(you).
––ex
iamtheline.onbothsidestherearesongsinmyname.
––bi
theraininthisroomislowandthickandundressingmyheartthroughtheair.
––intimacy
staysoft.itlooksbeautifulonyou.
icouldjustsimplysayiwantyouandleavemymouthinyourhand.
welayinourcountry.lovemakesusahomeland.
––bed
iamabrutallysoftwoman.
withthewaterbowlbalancingonmythighsisoaktheflowersuntiltheybecomewords.theniwrite.
––theritual
shewashestheseaonherknees.
––salt
iamablackwaveinawhitesea.alwaysseenandunseen.
––thedifference
whatwillyoureyesdowithmewhentheyaredone.willtheylaymeinthetenderfleshbehindthesun.foldmeintoyourmemory’sback.keepmearunningwaterdownyourarms.
––where
stayisasensitiveword.wewearwhostayedandwholeftinourskinforever.
––sojourn
whatwehideanddonotsayturnsintoanothermouththatonlyweknow.
––mouths
asawomaniknowthedifferencebetweenappreciationandteeth.whatreallyhurtsisthatasagirlihadtoknowthesamething.
––survivor
iamasilkfieldofvulnerability.
becarefulofallthethingsyouloseinsomeone’smouthwhenyoulovethem.
ifyoudeservehoneyminewillflowfrommyarmstoyoursnoeffort,noasking.but,ifthereisnoneandyoufeelwindinstead.knowthatmyspiritalreadysensesthatwhenyousmellsweetnessyoubeginharvestingbladesinyourhands.
––kindnessisaformofintelligence
whatcanidowhenthenightcomesandibreakintostars.
––osmosis
donotputyourhandinthemouthofloneliness.itsteetharesoftbutitwillscaryouforlife.
––donotbeseducedbythelonelyones
youtraveltolushlootedcountriespartsofearthlayingontheirsidesbarelybreathinghotwithrust,infection,andtouristanemia.youandyourcameraarrive.starttearingatbodieswithyourlust.it’sharmless.appreciatingculture.sharing.honoringclothing.thewaycertainskinexists.ohyou’vesoldthosephotographstheonesyouweresoexcitedabout.theoneyou‘caught’withchildrenbeingchildren.theonewiththewomanyouthoughtso‘beautiful.’youandyourcameraeatasmuchasonestomachandthreesdcardscanhold.getonaplaneandleavewiththebeliefthatyoureyesareclean.
honest.artistic.
––photography|thegaze
thenightwasbusymakingthemoonsoigatheredmyquiltandsoftlytoldmyheartwe’dcomebacktomorrow.
mywholelifeihaveatemytongue.atemytongue.atemytongue.iamsofullofmytongueyouwouldthinkspeakingiseasy.butitisnot.
––forwewhokeepourlivesinourmouths
africadoesnotneedyourtears.oryourprayers.oryourmoney.oryourt-shirts.oryourtelethons.oryourhandseversolovinglyplacedonherbuttocks.yourmouthatherbreasts.yourfistsinhereyes.shewantsyoutostoppissinginherfaceandcallingitwater.shewantsyoutoleave.sheisthemother.shedoesnotbelongtoyou.youdonotbelongtoher.andyouhatethis.butonedayyouwillreap.whatyouhavesown.
––aid
mengivebirth,too.tochildren.tolongings.todreams.thattheymusthide.theirstomachs.theiruteruses.theirhungers.theirsoftness.theircravingsfortouch.tobeaman.isthethingthatclosestheirlight.andeatstheireyes.
––him
thereisyouandyou.thisisarelationship.thisisthemostimportantrelationship.
––home
crywild.youhaveprobablynevercriedwild.but,youknowwhatdoorsfeellike.youhaveanintimacywithdoorsthatiskillingyou.
––break
decolonizationrequiresacknowledging.thatyourneedsanddesiresshouldnevercomeattheexpenseofanother’slifeenergy.itisbeinghonestthatyouhavebeenspoiledbyamachinethatisnotfeedingyoufreedombutfeedingyouthemilkofpain.
––therelease
whycanwenevertalkabouttheblood.thebloodofourancestors.thebloodofourhistory.thebloodbetweenourlegs.
––blood
iwilltellyou,mydaughterofyourworthnotyourbeautyeveryday.(yourbeautyisagiven.everybeingisbornbeautiful)knowingyourworthcansaveyourlife.raisingyouonbeautyaloneyouwillbestarved.youwillberaw.youwillbeweak.aneasystomach.alwaysinneedofsomeonetellingyouhowbeautifulyouare.
––emotionalnutrition
good.girl.
––rope
yourheartisthesoftestplaceonearth.takecareofit.
thediasporaisabsolutelybreathtaking.andthediasporaisinstunningpain.weareagreatmanythings.allatonce.
––myriad|disconnect
gettingyourselftogether.whataboutundoingyourself.
––thefix
thickcompassion.asthickasthethroatsofourfatherswhentheyhavealreadyleftbutleavetheirwordsbehind..ourfatherswriteus.alloverus.theirhandwriting.wecannotignore.whethertheyhavespelledoureyes.ourmouths.ortheneedinourbrows.wecannothelpbutbetheirpoem..howcouldtheythinktheyarenotimportant.wearehouseseatenbyriversbecausewedonotknowtheirsmell.whenwearelookingallthewaythroughourselves,wearelookingforthem.howdaretheyremovethemselvesfromoursight.wehavearighttobeabletorecognizeourfatherifheispassingusonthestreet..whatkindofheartbreakishe.whatnightwasitthathedecided.whatdidthemoonlooklike.washehungry.sohungry,thathewouldgivemeup.giveusup.howdotheygiveusupsoeasily.sowillingly.theytakeouttheirvoice.breakusfromit.andeatmistandguiltuntilwearebutdreams.
unharmsomeonebytellingthetruthyoucouldnotfacewhenyoustruckinsteadoftended.
––putthefireout(unburn)
thebeautyofmypeopleissothickandintricate.ispenddaystryingtoundomyeyessoicansleep.
––lace
iftheoceancancalmitselfsocanyou.wearebothsaltwatermixedwithair.
––meditation
racismisatranslucentskin.itdefendsitselfbyattackingitself.
––reverseracism
inourownwaysweallbreak.itisokaytoholdyourheartoutsideofyourbodyfordays.months.years.atatime.
––heal
you.notwantingme.wasthebeginningofmewantingmyself.thankyou.
––thehurt
eyesthatcommit.thatiswhatIamlookingfor.
warmphiladelphianight.bluebruiseacrossthesky.groceriesinhand.idreamtlastnightofhoney.mygrandmothercalledmeintoadreamlikesheusedtocallmeintoaroom.shegavemehoney.honeyforyou.you,whowillnottalk.whowillnotswallowthenews.whowillnotletanythingnearyourthroat.but,icanfindyou.icanfindyouevenwhenyouarethere,inmorocco.evenwhenyouhaveflownthroughyoureyesbutnotyourbody.whenyouareholdingme,andiampracticingbeinglimpwithrestraint,becauseiamreallyholdingyou.whenyourefusetochangebackfromwaterandwanttofillourwholehousewiththesebou.iknow,mysweet.wehavespokeofhertheentirelengthofourlove.shewasyoureyesthedayimetyou.remember,youandi.onthefloor,youteachingmeofhowsheeats.threefingersontherighthandonly.ihavewornherclothes.ateherlanguagefromyourmouth.andiknew,iknewwhenthephonecallscame,andthetvstartedshrieking,andourhouseturnedintoweather,iknewthiswouldbreaksomeofourbones.butmylove,itisdrinkingusdowntoourteeth.icannotseeyouanymore.yoursmile.yourlegs.yourheat.islonely.thehoney,grandmothersaid,isforyourblood.itistobringyouback.but,shesaid,imustfirstask,‘if’youwanttocomeback.andthough,‘if’isarazortomyvein,iwillask.so,iamnotasking‘when’youwillcomeback.because,icantakeit,theswimminginyourbody,thelostness,yourgrowingappetitefordoors.iamnotaskingwhen.‘when,’isnotsomethingyouasksomeonewhenthebodiesoftheiraunt.uncle.friends.firstlove.cannotbefound.iamasking‚‘if.’becauseiamhere.danglingfromyourleftringfinger,wringingoceansoutofmyskin,andcominghomeeverynight.iknowyourfamilyistattooanditistheirscreamingvoicesyouhearwhenIsayiloveyou.iknow,sheistheloveyouare,thelandyouaremadeof,andsheishemorrhaging.wariseatingherheart.but,youarelosingyourstoo,mylove.
––whatthewarhasdonetous
whitepeopletrytotakeblackness.pouritoutrubitintotheirskinandwearusliketheyknowwhatweabout.buthoneyit’sonlyevergon’beasuntan.youain’tnevagon’beblack.
––tan|stealingfromthesun
stopspeaking.useyoureyes,instead.
––theeyefire
beinsecureinpeace.allowyourselflowness.knowthatitisonlyacountryonthewaytowhoyouare.
––traveling
if.we.arewithchild.andyoubelievethatfatherhoodbeginswhenmybodypoursababyintoyourhands.notbefore.youdonotdeservethischild.youareacoward.
––youareafatherthemomentyouenterme
donoteverbeafraidtotellmewhoyouare.iamgoingtofindouteventually.
––blunt
youasktotouchmyhairorworsetouchitwithoutasking.thisisnotinnocence.thisisnotignorance.thisisnotcuriosity.thisistheveryracistandsubhumanbeliefthatyouhavearighttome.
––iwillbreakyourhand.donotevertouchme|everytimeyoutouchmyhairmyancestorsplaceacurseonyou
yoursoulstainedmyshoulders.mywholelifesmellslikeyou.thiswilltaketime.undoingyoufrommyblood.
––thework
ouracheforafrica.istheheartbehindourheart.thepainwithnoname.
––amnesia
iamawomanandapoem.
––visceral
whenyouallowthatman.towalkthroughyourchildren.planthisfeet.intheirveins.holdtheirvoices.necks.bodies.insidehisviolence.youarenolongeramother.whenyougivehimthekeytothatdoor.becauseyouneedtobelovedbysomeone.youhaveseasonedthemforthewolf.burnedtheirchildhoodintoafantasy.it’sgoingtotakeathirdoftheirlives.allthecourage.fromtheircellstotheirhair.tolearnthealchemeticformulathatturnsthatkindofbetrayal.ademothering.soft.liveable.
––beforeyougetthatkeymade
theworstthingthateverhappenedtotheworldwasthewhitemancomingacrossgunpowder.
––theendoftheworld|thebeginningofwhitesupremacy
soonthemoonwillcomefrommylipsandyouwillnotrememberyourname.
––oshún
thereisaphantomlanguageinmymouth.atonguebeneathmytongue.willieverrememberwhatisoundlike.willievercomehome.
––africanamericani
ilostawholecontinent.awholecontinentfrommymemory.unlikeallotherhyphenatedamericansmyhyphenismadeofblood.feces.bone.whenafricasayshellomymouthisaheartbreakbecauseihavenothinginmytonguetoanswerher.idonotknowhowtosayhellotomymother.
––africanamericanii
canyoubeadaughter.ifyouhavenomotherlanguage.
––africanamericaniii
howbeautifulthatyoucanlaydownamapandwithastraightfingershowmewhoyouare.yousay'showme,showmewhoyouare.'itellmysofttightfinger'donotbeafraid'islowandlightlylayitonafrica(asifidonotbelongtoher)andthenyouaskme‘where.’
––africanamericaniiii
weareafraid.ashamed.ofafrica.
––thesecretweneversay|africanamericaniiiii
iliketheheatincertainwords.thewarmtravel.thelowsun.
youdonothavetobeafireforeverymountainblockingyou.youcouldbeawaterandsoftriveryourwaytofreedomtoo.
––options
sometimesthenightwakesinthemiddleofmeandicandonothingbutbecomethemoon.
iwanttoseebrownandblackfolksphotographedbybrownandblackeyes.
––eyes
tonotbesafeontheearth.simplybecauseofthecolorofyourskin.howdoesabeingsurvivethis.
––trayvonmartin
ifamancanonlyshowvulnerabilityforwhatisbetweenmylegs.canonlybeaheartduringsex.ifanorgasmistheonlywayhecanweep.whatishislifebutacage.
––prison
listentomypoems.butdonotlookforme.lookforyou.
––you
iamnotyours.ididnotmakethelonghardjourneythroughandacrossthespiritworldtobeaman’socean.mybodyisnotyours.mymouthisnotyours.mywaterisnotyours.nothingiambelongstoyou.unlessidecidetoopenmyhandandgiveittoyou.
––birthmarks
youwillfindyourway.itisinthesameplaceasyourlove.
––seek
whenyoutellyourself‘youcanhaveyourenergyback.’afteryearsofgivingittowhitepeople.andtheirrequirementsforacceptance.forsupplecolonization.digestingtheirbeliefs.thoughts.opinions.ofyou.whenyouremovethemfromyournucleus.yourbeingisthenallowedtofocusitspoweronturningyourlife.into.yoursoul’swork.youbecomeyours.
again.
––decolonization|center
tocallmeblack.isoneofthemostbeautiful.incredible.complimentsyoucouldevergiveme.
––insult
yourskinsmellslikelight.ithinkyouarethemoon.
ibrokemyselfdreamingofyoulastnight.thewaterandflowershavebeenworkingonmeallmorning.
––seamstresses
ifyoushowsomeonethesuninyourbonesandtheyrejectyouyoumustremember.theyhurtthemselvesthisverysameway.
––unable
‘no’mightmakethemangrybutitwillmakeyoufree.
––ifnoonehasevertoldyou,yourfreedomismoreimportantthantheiranger
thereisatenderthingiammadeof.ihavealwaysfeltbeforeibreathe.
andwhatifiwriteofyou.isthatmorelovethanyoucanhandle.
bealion.iwillstillbewater.
wherearemylegs.wherearemylegs.ihadtogivethemtomybabiessotheycouldswimbackhometome.backhometome.backhometome.irubbedthesunallintheirhair.everysinglebirth.irubbedsunintheirhair.sotheyrememberwhotheylooklike.whotheylooklike.whotheylooklike.me.toloselovethatway.tohavetowatchthembeopenedlikethat.allthewaydowntotheirmouths.timewillneverknowmyskin.wildwitheverythingandnothingbutthem.isangintotheirblood.eachandeveryoneofthemhavemyvoicesintheirbones.theywillcomehome.iknowtheywillcomehome.thewholeskyhadtoholdmewhentheworldcametoeatmychildren.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.wakeupmyloves.intome.iwillcometoyoueverynight.everysinglenight.becauseyoudonotunderstandyournose.oryourfeet.ortheboatsinyoureyes.youdonotrememberme.andyousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.sweptwithbanzo.sweptwithbanzo.sweptwithbanzo.yousuffer.youhateyourself.youhateme.thisisdeathforamother.howmanydeaths.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.rememberme.rememberme.rememberme.myhandsinyourheart.iwillnotletyougo.iwillfindyou.worldsawayfromme.iamyourbeauty.iamyou.nomatterhowmuchbleachyoumustdrink.everynightiwillcomeintoyouandrepair.relove.undoeverythingthatisnotme.imemorizedyou.iwillwalkoverallwaterstocomeandgetyou.bringyoubacktome.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.they
donotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknowiputsaltineachoneofyourskin.eachandeveryoneofyourskins.theydonotknowthatsaltpreservesnotonlyfruit.butchildren.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.yousee.mylove.youseehowyourbodyisbeginningtoslowglowwithstars.youareremembering.youaremine.youhaveneverbeenanythingelse.
––africa'slament
thesearenottears.thisisthesea.
––tides
nevertrustanyonewhosaystheydonotseecolor.thismeanstothemyouareinvisible.
––is
wheniamafraidtospeakiswhenispeak.thatiswhenitismostimportant.
––thefreedominfear
whatineverlearnedfrommymotherwasthatjustbecausesomeonedesiresyou.doesnotmeantheyvalueyou.desireisthekindofthingthateatsyouandleavesyoustarving.
––thecoloroflowselfesteem
beinginlovewithmypeopledoesnotmeanihateothers.howridiculousisthat.
––self
iamrelieved.wheniseethefemininepresenceinaman’seyes.itmeansheisapeaceidonothavetobringtohim.
––ease
apologizetoyourbody.maybethat’swherethehealingbegins.
––starting
themostgorgeousthingonahumanbeing.vulnerability.
––want
putsomesaltinthathoney.warmitup.heal.
––stove
ablackwomancanwriteofloneliness.orloveorsoftness.orthemoon.youmaytryvaliantlytocrippleherbutshewillstillgrowflowersinherflesh.
––agenocideofflowers
youblushlikeanoceaninlove.wildwithblueness.
––yemanja
ihavealwaysbeenthewomanofmydreams.
openyoureyes.evenifthesunwantsthem.
––see
audrewroteofthe‘secretpoetry.’weallknowthispoetry.liningourarms.rustingourteeth.walkingthroughourhair.feedingourwildstomach.soothingourmouthtears.foldingitselfintowaists.betweenlegs.alwaysclimbingupoursadnessintoourneckstosleep.
––thesecretpoetry|audre
thereispeaceful.thereiswild.iambothatthesametime.
––sum
allthatwastakenfrommeisstillhere.
––root|immortal
thishardvulnerability.
––black
evenifyouareasmallforestsurvivingoffofmoonalone.yourlightisextraordinary.
––reminder
awomanisnotagirl.andagirlisnotawoman.
––misogyny|synonyms
ilostmyhandsinherwaistandthatisthesoftestdetail.
youaremyfavoritekind.nothingthaticanname.
somepeoplewhentheyhearyourstory.contract.othersuponhearingyourstory.expand.andthisishowyouknow.
ifyouaresofterthanbeforetheycame.youhavebeenloved.
considerthisplace.considerthisplaceassafe.whenyoutakeoffyourthroat.layyourvoiceinthemiddleofthebed.openyourbackuptome.
––slow
ifsomeonedoesnotwantmeitisnottheendoftheworldbutifidonotwantmetheworldisnothingbutendings.
somethingassimpleasthesunaskingmeout.
––theperfectdate
mysilenceiswetandhotanddrinkingmymouthtodeath.
youarenotamistake.youaretoomanyexquisitedetailstobeamistake.
1. rubhoneyintothenight’sback.2. makesurethemoonisfed.3. bathetheocean.4. warmsingthetrees.
––tend
thewarmestlightisyourbody.
itisbeinghonestaboutmypainthatmakesmeinvincible
––yield
whensummercomestheairrunshotwithfeverandsodoi.
––alchemy
youtookoffyourmouthgaveittohimandnowyousecretlyweepfireinthebathroombeforemakinglove.howmuchburningwillbeenough.
––dowry
yoursoulisinflamed.good.payattention.findwater.comeinside.
––map
iamadreamstilldreaming.
idonotexpectmychild’srespect.justbecauseihavegivenbirthtotheirlifedoesnotmeantheyoweme.anything.whatiwantmostistolookintomychild’seyesandseethatihavegivenbirthtoaheart.havehonored.heldandfed.someone’sheart.fromthemomentwefirstmet.
andtheyloveforthis.
––first
therehavebeensomanytimesihaveseenamanwantingtoweepbutinsteadbeathisheartuntilitwasunconscious.
––masculine
youareastory.donotbecomeaword.oneword.becauseyouwanttobeloved.lovedoesnotaskyoutobenothingforsomething.
––name
istu„„,mbleinthislanguage.ifalldowninthislanguaGE.iamp&a&i&n=inthislang|uage.my(mouth).heart.armsarelosingmuscle+inthislanguage.mybodydoesnot$recognizethetaste$ofthis-language-.ilong_____________________________________________inthisLANGUAGE.iamnot/{myself}inthislanguage."
––e.n.g.l.i.s.h./forallofuswhoareheldcaptive
healingbeginsthemomentyouwantitto.
––time
itouchedherinthemiddleofherheart.ineversawheragain.
––scar
youkeepputtingyourhandsonmymind.itisthesamethingasmybody.
––hands
leaving.doesn’tmeanthatyou’veleft.
––linger
mymotherwasmyfirstcountry.thefirstplaceieverlived.
––lands
eatstars.
––howtohealthenativewounds|firework
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
eatwater.
––howtohealthehotwounds|saltwork
foryou,iamsweepingwordsagainsteachother.
––quilts
go.enjoy.leave.itwasallaboutyou,anyway.
––tourist
idonotwanttobeliked.iwanttobemyself.
––fiction
yourskinisinfamousformakingmelatetowork.
––youknowiain’tgottimeforthatlaughandthoseeyes.youain’tright.
iamaquietsinger.
idonotfeelineedanameoramovementtolegitimizethedefenseofmyself.iamawomanofcolor.myboneshavebeenboughtandsoldeverymorning.so,nowicarryamacheteinmymouth.
––ivory
ilovedyoubecauseitwaseasierthanlovingmyself.
––runaway
asachildtherewaseitherbooksorpain.ichosebooks.
––howibecameawriter
somewordsbuildhousesinyourthroat.andtheylivethere.contentandonfire.
yousay‘youaresucha‘goodwriter’forawomanofcolor.’
ihear‘youhaveabettercommandoftheenglishlanguagethanido.mybitternessiswildsaltinmybloodcausingmyorganstocrushandweepandthisisthesoundofmypain.’
––translation|whitenoise
remember.youwereawriterbeforeyoueverputwordtopaper.justbecauseyouwerenotwritingexternally.doesnotmeanyouwerenotwritinginternally.
––stories
illegitimatechildrenissuchaforeignconcepttome.iwasbornfrommymotherandiamhere.thatisallthelegitimacyineed.
––thebastardconstruct
knowingyourpoweriswhatcreateshumility.notknowingyourpoweriswhatcreatesinsecurity.
––ego
ifwewantedto.peopleofcolorcouldburntheworlddown.forwhatwehaveexperienced.areexperiencing.butwedon’t.
––howstunninglybeautifulthatoursacredrespectfortheearthisdeeperthanourrage
ifihaveneverseenyoucry.ifyoudonotcry.ifyoudonotvalueorrespecttheneedsofyourwater.youandicannotform.ifyoucannotallowyourownbeingtowashoveryou.howwillmineevermakeitpastyourskin.
––available
beautifulisthehighestcomplimentyoucanpayawoman.iwatchwomendive.totheground.eatit.standup.andsmile.
––shame
ifyoucannothearthem.asktheancestorstospeaklouder.theyonlywhispersoasnottofrightenyou.theyknowtheyhavebeenconvinced.coerced.spooked.fromyourskin.
––communication
weatheristheearth’semotions.sheisobviouslyenraged.
––sentient
therearesomewounds.onlyafricacanheal.
––inus
alieissimplyalie.itdrawsitsstrengthfrombelief.stopbelievinginwhathurtsyou.
––power
yourwordswalkdownmyback.thisishowyouleaveme.
––vertebrae
willyoualwaysbethispaininme.willyoualwayshurt.
youmustputhealingonthelist.thegrocerylist.thetodolist.thenightlist.becauseyouareteachingyourbabytheverysamechemistrythattookyoureyesandheartwhenyouwerefour.
––thelist
youareyourownstandardofbeauty.
––mirrorwork
makesuretheyhavefalleninlovewithyourspirit.first.yourbody.second.
––thefragranceofyourlaughter
iamoftenbrokenintolanguage.whetheriwanttospeakornot.
ifellapartmanytimes.so.whatdoesthatsayaboutmebesidesilivethroughwars.
myancestorsmadesureiwasbornthecoloroftheireyes.
––sight
haveyoueverheardablackwomanweepoverherskinmurderedchild.itisthesplittingofatoms.itisbillionsofvoicesscreamingtheirchildren’snamesthroughherdeathwail.
––trayvonmartinii
doyouthinkcallingme‘angry’isaninsult.everytimeyoucallme‘angry’ihearyourvoicesaltwithguiltandilaugh.lookhoweasyitistorevealyou.
––angerisahealthyandnaturalresponsetooppression
it’snotaboutmakingyouuncomfortable.it’saboutmakingmecomfortable.
––reparations
ithinkoneofthemostpathologicalthingsihaveeverseenisstabbingsomeoneandthentellingthemthattheirpainandangeroverbeingstabbedismakingyousad.
––whiteguilt
youcannotremainawarbetweenwhatyouwanttosay(whoyoureallyare)andwhatyoushouldsay(whoyoupretendtobe)youmouthwasnotdesignedtoeatitself.
––split
chemistryisyoutouchingmyarmanditsettingfiretomymind.
––flood
youaskyourheartwhyitisalwayshurting.itsays‘thisistheonlythingyouwillallowmetosaytoyou.theonlyfeelingyouarewillingtofeel.’
weep.intoyourshirt.you’reallowed.
––clouds
hesaid‘myabsenceisstrongandwarm.itwillholdyou.itwillteachyouhowtomiss.howtobewithout.andhowtosurviveanyway.’
––howmyfatherraisedme
thestarswillbeginfallingfromyourmouththemoment.youforgiveyourself.forthesilenceyoudidnotcreate.
––fault
‘ilovemyself.’thequietest.simplest.mostpowerful.revolution.ever.
––ism
iwantyoutodrinktheseainsideofme.
––summerjuice
idroppedmyprideinthegulfofyourmouth.andidonotknowhowtoswim.
––island
ilookforyouinthemiddleofthelight.inthewestoftheday.inthewarmmemoryofthewater.
sheispoemcountry.everywherealanguage.
writing.isthewayyourbeingspeakstoyou.
––conversations
youarediggingintomyheartwithbothofyourhands.who.what.areyoulookingfor.iamrighthere.
––trust
iwakeupinapoem.
iknew.read.soniasanchez.nikkigiovanni.audrelorde.beforeieverevenheardthenamecharlesbukowski.finally,apropereducation.
––theorder
hireher.foryourchildren.foryourkitchen.foryourclothes.foryourhouse.giveheraroomwithanunmadetwinbedandadresser.analarmclock.setherhourspastherownchildren’sbedtime.shortenhername.changehername.talkthroughher.callherapartofthefamily.withouteveraskingifshewantsyouthisclosetoherskin.justdonotbesurprisedthedayyouaccidentlylookinhereyesandherspiritpullsyourheartoutthroughyourmouth.
––themaid
whoyouare.isnotwhatyouaredoing.whatyouaredoingisbeingsomeoneelse.
––architecture
herlove.wastheonlymedicine.theonly.medicine.thateverworked.andthisiswhy.sheleft.shewantedyourstowork.too.
––healer
thethingyouaremostafraidtowrite.
writethat.
––advicetoyoungwriters
wheniamlosttouchthebackofmywaterandiwillreturn.
thewoundshavechangedme.iamsosoftwithscarsmyskinbreathesandbeatsstars.
ihavelostmillionsandmillionsofwordstofear.tellmethatisnotviolence.
––thedeaths
ifsheiswarmletmeknowherinthemorning.
wewritefromthebody.itrememberseverything.
––boneandsoil
yourhandspouringskyallovermybedwhatlanguageisthat.
yourmothermayneverreturnfromwar.butyouwillstillseehereveryday.
––two
fallapart.pleasejust,fallapart.openyourmouth.andhurt.hurtthesizeofeverythingitis.
––dam
shewasflowersaltinmyheart,andshehurtbeautifully.
formethereisnoother.becausethereisnodefault.everyoneisavariationoflife.
––thehumanbeing|thehumangender|thehumansex
itwasiwhoheldyouwhenyouwantedsomeoneelse.
––treason
isawlovethereijustdidnotpickitup.
––mistake
expressyoursadness.insideithasonlyoneplacetogo.
––tissue
youaretrailinglongdustacrossourheart.thereisaneasierwaytoleave.
––over
you.theweight.rosecinnamon.darkhoney.theclothesyouwearonyourmouth.thewarmsmokeinyourlegs.aquietquilt.amasonjar(formoon).aneasylaughbrushedwithoil.time.thelightleftover.somemusicinyourhair.you.
––thingsyoubringtotheoceanatnight
whyisthemoonfull.isitcarryingthewholeworldtoo.
––daughter
youareaseaoflight.openyoureyes.seeyourself.
iamterrifiedthenirememberiamgivingbirthtoacontinent.irememberthatiamgivingbirthtoacontinentoverandover.
––theprocess|writingabook|theancestorsweremymidwives|ashé.