The Secrets of Body Language
Arif Anis
(This presentation is based on Arif Anis‟ upcoming book)[email protected]
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Body language is a form of non-verbal communication,
consisting of body pose, gestures, and eye
movements. Humans send and interpret such signals
subconsciously
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The Cortico-Limbic Theory for targeted
communication (CLTC)
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to educate the “thinking” brain, the neocortex, with information that is already
inherited in our “emotional” part of the
brain ( Amygdala) in the limbic system..
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to better understand others, control our own body language
to help us improve our communication
skills
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Three interrelated brain networks involved in
Emotional Body Language (EBL)
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Mehrabian's rule (1971)Three elements in any
face-to-face communication
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1. Actual words ( Verbal) 7%
2. Tone, pitch, pace of voice ( Vocal) 38%
3. Facial Expression, gesture, posture (Visual) 55%
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Words are used primarilyfor conveying information, while
body language is used fornegotiating interpersonal
attitudes and as a substitute for verbal messages
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Nonverbal SignalsVary from culture to culture
Mic
roso
ft Ph
oto
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This is 'good' to Westerners, 'one'
to Italians,'five' to Japanese and 'up yours' to
the GreeksEveryone
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Showing this American football gesture
is a jailable offence in Italy
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'OK' to a Westerner,
'money'to a Japanese,
'zero' tothe French and
insulting tothe Turks and
Brazilians
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This can mean 'Good', 'One','Up yours' or 'Sit on this'depending
where you live
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Body leaning forward
REFLECTIVEOPEN/BACK, people are interested and receptive, but not actively accepting. Trying to close the sale or asking for an agreement now may drive them away into fugitive mode. This is the time to present further facts and incentives. It may also be a good time to keep quiet and let them think.
4 Basic positions
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Body leaning forward
Body leaning backwards
RESPONSIVE
OPEN/FORWARD the person is actively accepting. This is the time to close the sale, ask for agreement, demand a concession.
4 Basic positions
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Body leaning forward
Body leaning backwards
FUGITIVE
CLOSED/BACK, people are trying to escape physically through the door or mentally into boredom. This is the time to spark interest in any way you can, even irrelevant to the message.
4 Basic positions
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Body leaning forward
Body leaning backwards
COMBATIVE
CLOSED/FORWARD, there is active resistance. This is the time to defuse anger, avoid contradiction and outright argument and to steer them into reflective mode.
4 Basic positions
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Body leaning forward
Body leaning backwards
Shoulder Shrug •exposed palms to show nothing is being concealed in the hands•Hunched shoulders to protect the throat from attack •Raised brow which is a universal, submissivegreeting
Universal Gestures
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Three Rules for Accurate Reading
Rule 1. Read Gestures in Clusters
Scratching the head can mean uncertaintybut it's also a sign of dandruff
Scratching the head can mean uncertaintybut it's also a sign of dandruff
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Critical evaluation
• Legs tightly crossed and arm crosses body thus implicated listener is defensive
• Head and chin are down implicate hostility
• I don’t like what you are saying and I disagree with you
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Body leaning backwards
Am I being critically evaluated
now?
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Body leaning backwards
Hillary Clinton uses this cluster when she's not
convinced
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Three Rules for Accurate Reading
Rule 2. Look for Congruence
Scratching the head can mean uncertaintybut it's also a sign of dandruff
When a person's words and body language are in conflict, women ignore what is said
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Three Rules for Accurate Reading
Rule 3. Read Gestures in Context
Scratching the head can mean uncertaintybut it's also a sign of dandruff
All gestures should be considered in the context in which theyoccur
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Why Kids are Easier to Read
Older people are harder to read than younger ones
becausethey have less muscle tone in
the face
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The child telling a lie
Covers the mouth with one or both hands they have less muscle tone in the face
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The teenager telling a lie
Rubs fingers lightly around the mouth
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The adult telling a lie
..or they can just bite lower lip, purse lips, or skew mouth from side to side
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The adult telling a lie
Bill Clinton answering questions aboutMonica Lewinsky in front of the Grand Jury
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Modern humans are worse at reading
body signals than their ancestors because weare now distracted by
words
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When men lie their body language can be obvious
Women prefer to look busy as they lie
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Body language is easier to fake with menthan with women
because, overall, menaren't good readers of
body language
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How to Detect Openness
The palms are intentionally used everywhereto infer an open, honest approach
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Palm Power
Adolf Hitler using one of history's most notable Palm-Down signals
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Palm Power
The Palm-Closed-Finger-Pointed gesture is one of the most annoying gesturesannoying gestures
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Palm Power
The pointing finger creates negative feelings in most listeners
But often it can inspire the listeners
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Palm Power
Squeezing the thumb against the fingertips avoids intimidating the audience
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Hand Shakes
The Double-Hander is like a miniature hug
And
It may produce discomfort in
unfamiliar recipient
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Hand Shakes
Yasser Arafat plants a Double-Hander on Tony Blair, whose tight-lipped expression shows he's not impressed
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Hand Shakes that invades the personal space of the recipient
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The Double-Hander is like a miniature hug
The Wrist Hold The Elbow Grasp
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The Double-Hander is like a miniature hug
The Upper-Arm Grip The Shoulder Hold
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The Double-Hander is like a miniature hug
The Wet Fish :Hyperhydrosis
The Vice :A desire to dominate
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Bone-Crusher:A desire to dominate
The Socket Wrencher :Pulling the receiver into
the initiator's territory
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The Double-Hander is like a miniature hug
The Finger-Tip Grab:Personal space
difference
The Stiff-Arm Thrust :Aggression
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The Double-Hander is like a miniature hug
The Pump Handle :Lack of
sophistication
The Dutch Treat :'Giving a handshake like a bunch of carrots'
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The Double-Hander is like a miniature hug
False smiles pull back only the mouth, real smiles pull back both the mouth and eyes
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A primate'fear face'
(left)and a primate
'play face’ ( Right)
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When liars lie, the left side of the smile isusually more pronounced than the right
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The Tight-Lipped Smile shows she has asecret and won't be sharing it with you
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Tony and Cherie Blair were 'tight lipped'about Cherie's last pregnancy
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A Drop-Jaw smile is a practiced smile where only the jaw is lowered to feign enjoyment
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Diana's Sideways-Looking-Up smile had apowerful effect on both men and women
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The Down-Mouth expression can become a permanent facial feature
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Crossed-Arms-on-Chest:he's not coming out andyou're not coming in
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Fists-Clenched-Arms-Crossed (Standard arm cross) : shows a hostileattitude exists
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The Double-Arm-Grip (Reinforced arm cross) :feeling insecure and notbuying what you're selling
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Thumbs-Up: defensive,but he still thinks he'spretty cool
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Holding-Hands-With-Yourself ::Holding herself likeher mother held herwhen she was a child
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Holding the hands over the crotch makes men feel more secure when they feel threatened
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Humans make a point of hiding the areas they think are their weakest or most vulnerable
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Famous people are justas nervous in public asthe rest of us
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Prince Charles' Cuff-Link-Adjust revealing his insecurities
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Flower grasping shows self consciousness :anattempt to disguise nervousness
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Hands clenched inraised position reveals frustration, even when smiling
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Hands clenched incentre position : Moderate degree of frustration
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Hands clenched inlower position : Mild degree of frustration
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Hands clenched inlower position : Mild degree of frustration
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The Face Platter -Presenting her facefor a man to admire
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Back and front views of the superiority-confidence gesture
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The Hand-Gripping-Wrist Gesture : Frustrationand an attempt at self-control
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The Waistcoat Thruster : Thumbs are used to display dominance,assertiveness or sometimes aggressive attitudes
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Thumbs-Protruding-
from-Coat-Pocket: Prince Charles using his Thumb- Protruding-from-Coat-Pocket gesture
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Giving a contradictoryverbal message: A lawyer pretending to be humble
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Thumbs-Protruding-
from-Back-Pocket: A person is trying to hide his dominant attitude.
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signal of ridicule or disrespect when it is used to point at another person.
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The Three Wise Monkeys.: Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil
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The Nose Touch/
Scratch: Can be used
both by the speaker
and the listener.
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The Collar Pull: Getting hot under the collar due to tingling sensation or sweating
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The hand supporting the head to stop from falling asleep
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Interested evaluation — the head supports itself and the hand rests on the cheek/ chin
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Rodin's ‘The Thinker’ showed a thoughtful, evaluative attitude, but the body posture and hand supporting the head also reveal a dejected person
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Evaluation/decision-making cluster
Evaluation, decision,boredom cluster
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Princess Diana used the 'Looking Up' cluster to evoke world empathy during her marital problems
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Shutting you out Evaluation, decision,boredom cluster
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Women's wider peripheral vision means never getting caught; Men's Tunnel Vision means always getting caught
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The Power Lift — using the pen to control where a person looks during a presentation
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Personal space —the portable bubble we all carry around with us
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Women stand slightly closer to one another, face each
other more and touch more than men do with other men
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Doctors and hairdressers are given permission to enter our Intimate Zones
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The people travelling on a crowded bus or in a lift aren't unhappy; they're just masking their emotions
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Whether we are in a crowded lift, cinema or bus, people around us become non-persons
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Common lift-riding rules:
1. There will be no talking to anyone, including a person you know.
2. Avoid eye contact with others at all times.
3. Maintain a 'poker face' - no emotion is permitted to be shown.
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4. If you have a book or newspaper, pretend to be deeply engrossed in it.
5. In bigger crowds, no body movement is allowed.
6. At all times, you must watch the floor numbers change at all times.
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The acceptable conversationaldistance for most Western,Northern European andScandinavian city dwellers
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A man with a smaller spatial need forcing a woman to lean back to defend her space
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Two men from thecity greet each other;their hands reachingto 18 inches (46cm)
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Two people from acountry town reachingout to 36 inches (lm)
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People from a sparsely populated area keeping their distance
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Legs Apart: The Crotch Display - puttinghis masculinity on show
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The Foot-Forward Position -pointing at where the mind wantsto go
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The Scissors - 'No comment‘ but he's not leaving; uncertain
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She's more likely to be cold orjust looking for the rest room
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The Leg Clamp - is a sign of the tough-minded, stubbornindividual who rejects any opinion other than their own
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The Ankle Lock: A woman minimizing her leg space and a man taking up more space
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Men voted Parallel-Legs as their number one favoriteposition in women who are seated
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He's coming on strong withOne-Foot-Forward and CrotchDisplay; she's either undecidedor not keen
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taking the whole seat
feet steady on the floor
sitting up straight
slightly leant forward
taking the seat before it has
been offered to you
wiggling
nervous movements
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feet crossed under chair
not steady on floor
uncertainty
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not showing your hands
uncommunicative
“keeping secrets”
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2.The Head Tilt: displays the vulnerable neck and makes a person appear smaller and more submissive
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Tilting the head to reveal the vulnerable neck appears to be intuitively understoodby most people
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3. Head Down: a negative, judgmental or aggressive attitude
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The Head Duck — trying toappear smaller in ordernot to cause offence to others
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Hands-on-Hips makes you look bigger and morenoticeable because you
take up more space.
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Hands-on-Hips used bymodels to make clothingmore appealing
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The cowboy stance - his fingers point at what he wants you to notice
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Contradictory signals: his right arm shows pointed aggression while his lefthand attempts to protect his front
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Leg-Over-the-Arm-of-
Chair: Informality, aggressiveness, indifferenceand lack of concern
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Straddling a Chair: The Straddler wants to dominate or control while, at the same time, protecting his front
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The Catapult:This is a seated version of the Hands-on-Hips pose
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Mirroring the otherperson's body languageto gain acceptance
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Mirroring the otherperson's body languageto gain acceptance
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A boss would perceive asubordinate's mirroringbehavior as arrogance
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Women use the cigarette as a social display to open the body and display the wrist; men close their bodies when they smoke and prefer secretive holds
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Smoke blown up: confident, superior, positive;smoke blown down: negative, secretive, suspicious
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Solid frame glasses can make you look more sincere and intelligent; over-the-top frames don't
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Each standing at 45-degreeangles to avoid comingacross as aggressive
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Open triangular positionencouraging the entry of athird person
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Body Pointing is used to close off a coupleand exclude the man on the right
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We reduce our height to show subordination toothers and increase height to gain status
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The Corner Position: This is the most successful strategic position from which person B candeliver a presentation to person A
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The Independent Positiontells others you don't wantto get involved
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Keeping both partiesinvolved when answeringa question
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'Open„ families go for round tables, 'closed' families select squaretables and 'authoritative' types select rectangular tables
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Thank You
Please read the upcoming book of the author on the secrets of body language and email you comments to [email protected]
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