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— Anna Valdez | Fostering Hope —
Why Can’t I Remain Calm? Understanding Parent Stress
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Why Can’t I Remain Calm : Understanding Parent Stress
Adapted from Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell, Parenting from the Inside Out: How A Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive (New York: Penguin Press, 2004), 185-194.
Anna Valdez Director of Programs
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Children need more ofus during this time.
How has your life change?
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We cannot bring healing to a child if we are in a place of deep hurt.
-Dr. Casey Call
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UnderstandingOur Window of Tolerance
H Y P E R - A R O U S E D
fight/flight responseanxiety, overwhelmed, rigidness, over-eating
C O M F O R T Z O N E
emotionally regulated calm, cool, collected, connected
H Y P O - A R O U S E D
freeze response, disconnected, not present, shut down, auto-pilot
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Parent Stress and Anxiety
•Overeating•Over worrying•Future/past state of fear •Stress tells muscles to react (fight, flight, freeze)•Stress can become toxic•Drives one into isolation and perpetuated anxiety behaviors
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Am I an angry parent, or do I have
an unmet need?
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Parents sometimes flip their lid, too.
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Parents sometimes flip their lid, too.
1 .S t ressfu l s t imulus causes f l ight , f ight or f reeze (muscles prepare to respond)
2 . Shuts of f our th ink ing brain
3 . Makes i t harder to use execut ive funct ion ing
4. Cannot meet the needs of others .
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What pushes you over your window
of tolerance?
What pushes you under?
Know YourShark Music
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Adjust your Expectations 1 . Put on your 5 or 10 years
glasses .
2 . Focus on what ’s work ing.
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Mindfulness is key
1 . Br ing complete at tent ion to the present . Inter rupt your brain f rom being in the future .
2 . Regulate wi th your body.
3 . L i s ten to your body.
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Model Calm
• You can only give your child what you have
• Have you considered your needs and tried to meet them creatively?
• Create a definite start/end to your day• Create a soothing space
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We Are Still Going To Mess Up
• And that’s okay• It’s better to have erred and
repaired than to have never erred at all.
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Always pursue reconnection
• Rupture- a break in connection • Repair- reconnection in a timely
manner
What do you bring to the relationship?
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WHAT BRINGS YOU BACK TO YOUR COMFORT ZONE?
DO YOU HAVE A CALMING PLAN?
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Thank you for joining us!
Website: fosteringhopeaustin.org
Email: [email protected]
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