SUDHAMURTY
THREETHOUSANDSTITCHES
OrdinaryPeople,ExtraordinaryLives
PENGUINBOOKS
Contents
Preface
1.ThreeThousandStitches2.HowtoBeattheBoys3.FoodforThought4.ThreeHandfulsofWater5.CattleClass6.ALifeUnwritten7.NoPlaceLikeHome8.APowerfulAmbassador9.RasleelaandtheSwimmingPool10.ADayinInfosysFoundation11.ICan’t,WeCan
FollowPenguinCopyright
PENGUINBOOKSTHREETHOUSANDSTITCHES
SudhaMurtywasbornin1950inShiggaon,northKarnataka.ShedidherMTechincomputerscience,andisnowthechairpersonoftheInfosysFoundation.AprolificwriterinEnglishandKannada,shehaswrittennovels,technicalbooks,travelogues,collectionsofshortstoriesandnon-fictionalpieces,andfourbooksforchildren.HerbookshavebeentranslatedintoallthemajorIndianlanguages.SudhaMurtywastherecipientoftheR.K.NarayanAwardforLiteratureandthePadmaShriin2006,andtheAttimabbeAwardfromthegovernmentofKarnatakaforexcellenceinKannadaliterature,in2011.
BytheSameAuthor
FICTIONDollarBahuMahashweta
GentlyFallstheBakulaHouseofCards
TheMotherINeverKnew
NON-FICTIONWiseandOtherwise
TheOldManandHisGodTheDayIStoppedDrinkingMilk
SomethingHappenedontheWaytoHeaven:TwentyInspiringReal-LifeStories(Ed.)CHILDREN’SFICTION
HowITaughtMyGrandmothertoReadandOtherStoriesTheMagicDrumandOtherFavouriteStories
TheBirdwithGoldenWings:StoriesofWitandMagicGrandma’sBagofStories
TheSerpent’sRevenge:UnusualTalesfromtheMahabharataTheMagicoftheLostTemple
ToT.J.S.George,whogavememyfirstbreaktowriteinEnglish
Preface
Ioftengetlettersfromstudentsandparentstellingmehowbeneficialmybookshavebeenforthemandtheirchildren.Iwanttothankthemandallthosewhohaveexposedmetodifferentfacetsoflife,fillingmypotoflearningwithknowledgeandexperience.Thisincludestheyoungmenandwomenwhohaveshownmehowtheyputasidetheirbitterexperiencestomoveforwardinlifewithjoyandhope.Therearesomewhofeelthatmostofmywritingisfiction,butmylifehas
unmistakablyproventobestrangerthanthat.Fifteenyearsago,renownedjournalistT.J.S.Georgeaskedmetowritea
weeklycolumnfortheNewIndianExpress.Iwashesitantatfirst—allbecauseIwaseducatedinaKannada-mediumschooltillthetenthgrade.ItwasonlynaturalthenthatIwasmorecomfortablewithKannadathanEnglish.Georgesaidtome,‘Alanguageisbutavehicle.It’sthepersoninsidewho’sweavingthestorythat’smoreimportant.Youareastoryteller.Sojustgetonwithyourstoryandthelanguagewillfallintoplace.’AndsobeganmyjourneyinEnglish.IamwhatIamtodayasanEnglish
authorbecauseofGeorge.Hegavemethetitleofmyfirstbook,WiseandOtherwise,andwrotetheforewordtoo.Hisforesightandencouragementcatapultedmefromahesitantwritertoawidelyreadauthor.IoftendreamabouttheworldbeingfilledwithmanyGeorgeswhowillcome
forwardtosupportsuchwritersandencouragethemtoexperimentandexploretheirpotential.Iwanttothankmyyoungandbrighteditor,ShrutkeertiKhurana,andalso
UdayanMitraandMeruGokhaleforbringingoutthisbook.
1ThreeThousandStitches
WesetuptheInfosysFoundationin1996.Unfortunately,Iknewpreciouslittleofhowthingsworkedinanon-profitorganization.Iknewmoreaboutsoftware,management,programmingandtacklingsoftwarebugs.Examinations,marksheetsanddeadlinesoccupiedmostofmydays.Theconceptbehindthefoundationwasthatitmustmakeadifferencetothecommonman—bahujanhitaya,bahujansukhaya—itmustprovidecompassionateaidregardlessofcaste,creed,languageorreligion.Asweponderedovertheissuesbeforeus—malnutrition,education,rural
development,self-sufficiency,accesstomedicine,culturalactivitiesandtherevivalofthearts,amongothers—therewasoneissuethatoccupiedmyuppermostthoughts—thedevadasitraditionthatwaspervasivethroughoutIndia.Theworddevadasimeans‘servantoftheLord’.Traditionally,devadasiswere
musiciansanddancerswhopractisedtheircraftintemplestopleasethegods.Theyhadahighstatusinsociety.WecanseetheevidenceofitinthecavesofBadami,aswellasinstorieslikethatofthedevadasiVinapodi,whowasverydeartotherulingkingoftheChalukyadynastybetweenthesixthandseventhcenturyinnorthernKarnataka.Thekingdonatedenormoussumsofmoneytotemples.However,astimewentby,thetemplesweredestroyedandthetraditionofthedevadasisfellintothewronghands.Younggirlswereinitiallydedicatedtotheworshipandserviceofadeityoratempleingoodfaith,buteventually,theworddevadasibecamesynonymouswithsexworker.Somewerebornintothelife,whileotherswere‘sacrificed’tothetemplesbytheirparentsduetovariousreasons,orsimplybecausetheycaughtahairinfectionlikethe
ringwormofthescalp,assumedtobeindicativethatthegirlwasdestinedtobeadevadasi.AsIthoughtabouttheirplight,IrecalledmyvisittotheYellammaGudda(or
Renukatemple)intheBelgaumdistrictofKarnatakayearsago.Irememberedtheirgreensarisandbangles,thesmearsofyellowbhandara(acoarseturmericpowder)andtheirthick,longhairastheyenteredthetemplewithgoddessmasks,coconuts,neemleavesandakalash(ametalpot).‘Whycan’tItacklethisproblem?’Iwondered.Ididn’trealizethenthatIwaschoosingoneofthemostdifficulttasksforourveryfirstproject.Withinnocenceandbubblingenthusiasm,Ichoseaplaceinnorthern
Karnatakawherethepracticewasrampantandprostitutionwascarriedoninthenameofreligion.Myplanwastotalktothedevadasisandwritedowntheirconcernstohelpmeunderstandtheirpredicament,followedbyorganizingafewdiscussionstargetedtowardssolvingtheirproblemswithinafewmonths.Onmyfirstdayinthedistrict,Iarmedmyselfwithanotebookandpenand
setout.Idressedsimply,withnojewelleryorbindi.Iworeapairofjeans,T-shirtandacap.Aftersometime,Ifoundagroupofdevadasissittingbelowatreenearatemple.Theywerechattingandremovinglicefromeachother’shair.Withoutthinking,Iwentuptothem,interruptingtheirconversation.
‘Namaskaram,Amma.I’vecomeheretohelpyou.TellmeyourproblemsandI’llwritethemdown.’Theymusthavebeendiscussingsomethingimportantbecausethewomen
gavemeadirtylook.Theylobbedquestionsatmewithincreasingferocity.‘Whoareyou?Didweinviteyouhere?’‘Haveyoucometowriteaboutus?Inthatcase,wedon’twanttotalktoyou.’‘Areyouanofficer?Oraminister?Ifwetellyouourproblems,howwillyou
solvethem?’‘Goaway.Gobacktowhereyoucamefrom.’Ididnotmove.Infact,Ipersisted.‘Iwanttohelpyou.Pleaselistentome.
AreyouawarethatthereisadangerousillnesscalledAIDSthatyoucouldbeexposedto?Thereisnocurefor...’‘Justgo,’oneofthemsnapped.Iglancedattheirfaces.Theywerefurious.ButIdidnotleave.‘Maybetheyneedalittleconvincing,’Ithought.Withoutwarning,oneofthemstoodup,tookoffherchappalandthrewitat
me.‘Can’tyouunderstandsimpleKannada?Justgetlost.’
me.‘Can’tyouunderstandsimpleKannada?Justgetlost.’Insultedandhumiliated,Ifeltmytearsthreateningtospillover.Iturnedback
andfled.Uponreturninghome,withtheinsultfreshonmymind,Itoldmyself,‘I
won’tgothereagain.’However,afewdayslater,itoccurredtomethatthewomenwereprobably
upsetaboutsomethingelseandthatmaybeIhadsimplychosenthewrongtimeanddatetovisitthem.Soafteranotherweek,Iwentthereagain.Thisvisittookplaceduringthe
tomatoharvest.Thedevadasiwomenwerehappilydistributingsmall,oval-shapedbrightredtomatoestoeachotherfromthebasketskeptnearthem.Iapproachedthemandsmiledpleasantly.‘Hello,I’vecometomeetyouagain!Pleasehearmeout.Ireally,reallywanttohelpyou.’Theylaughedatme.‘Wedon’tneedyourhelp.Butwouldyouliketobuy
sometomatoes?’‘No,Iamnotveryfondoftomatoes.’‘Whatkindofawomanareyou?Whodoesn’tliketomatoes?’Iattemptedtoengagethemoncemore,‘HaveyouheardofAIDS?Youmust
knowthatthegovernmentisspendingalotofmoneyonincreasingawarenessaboutit.’‘Areyouagovernmentagent?Ormaybeyoubelongtoapoliticalparty.How
muchcommissionareyougettingtodothis?Comeon,tellus!Wedon’tevenhaveaproperhospitalinthisareaandhereyouare,tryingtoeducateusaboutascarydisease.Wedon’tneedyourhelp.Ourgoddesswillhelpusindifficulttimes.’Istooddumbfounded,strugglingtofindwords.Oneofthewomensaiddecisively,‘Thisladymustbeajournalist.That’swhy
shehasapenandpaper.She’llwriteaboutusandmakemoneybyexploitingus.’Uponhearingthis,theothersstartedthrowingtomatoesatme.Thistime,myemotionsoverpoweredmeandIstartedtocry.Sobbing,Ifled
fromthereonceagain.Iwasindespair.‘WhyshouldIworkonthisproject?Whydotheykeep
insultingme?Whereelsedothebeneficiarieshumiliatethepersonworkingfortheirwell-being?Iamnotagoodfitforthisfield.Yes,Ishouldresignandgobacktomyacademiccareer.Thefoundationcanchooseadifferenttrustee.’WhenIreachedhome,Isatdowntocomposearesignationletter.
WhenIreachedhome,Isatdowntocomposearesignationletter.Myfathercamedownthestairsandseeingmebusywithmyheadbentclose
tothepaper,heasked,‘Whatareyouwritingsofrantically?’Inarratedtheentireepisodetohim.Tomyamazement,ratherthansympathizingwithme,myfatherchuckledand
said,‘Ididn’tknowthatyouweresoimpractical.’Istaredathiminanger.Hetookanicecreamfromthefridgeandforcedmetositdownandeatit.
‘It’llcoolyourhead,’hesaidandsmiled.Afterafewminutes,hesaid,‘Pleaseremember.Prostitutionhasexistedinsocietysinceancienttimesandhasbecomeanintegralpartoflife.Itisoneoftherootproblemsofallcivilizations.Manykingsandsaintshavetriedtoeliminateitbutnolaworpunishmenthasbeensuccessfulinbringingitdowntozero.Notonenationintheworldisfreeofthis.Thenhowcanyouchangetheentiresystembyyourself?You’rejustanordinarywoman!Whatyoushoulddoisreduceyourexpectationsandloweryourgoal.Forinstance,trytohelptendevadasisleavetheirprofession.Rehabilitatethemandshowthemwhatitmeanstoleadanormallife.Thiswillguaranteethattheirchildrenwillnotfollowintheirfootsteps.Makethatyouraim,andthedayyouaccomplishit,IwillfeelveryproudknowingthatIgavebirthtoadaughterwhohelpedtenhelplesswomenmakethemostdifficulttransitionfrombeingsexworkerstoindependentwomen.’‘Buttheythrewchappalsandtomatoesatme,Kaka,’Iwhinedpetulantly.I
alwayscalledmyfather‘Kaka’.‘Actually,yougotapromotiontoday—fromchappalstotomatoes.Ifyou
pursuethisandgothereathirdtime,maybeyou’llgetsomethingevenbetter!’Hisjokebroughtareluctantsmiletomyface.‘Theywon’teventalktome.ThenhowcanIworkforthem?’‘Lookatyourself,’myfathersaid,draggingmeinfrontofthenearestmirror.
‘YouarecasuallydressedinaT-shirt,apairofjeansandacap.Thismaybeyourstyle,butthecommonmanandaruralIndianwomanlikethedevadasiwillneverconnectoridentifywithyou.Ifyouwearasari,amangalsutra,putonabindiandtieyourhair,I’msurethattheywillreceiveyoumuchbetterthanbefore.I’llalsocomewithyou.Anoldmanlikemewillbeofgreathelptoyouinsuchanadventure.’Iprotested,‘Idon’twanttoaltermyappearancefortheirsake.Idon’tbelieve
Iprotested,‘Idon’twanttoaltermyappearancefortheirsake.Idon’tbelieveinsuchsuperficialchanges.’‘Well,ifyouwanttochangethem,thenyouhavetochangeyourselffirst.
Changeyourattitude.Ofcourse,it’syourdecisionintheend.’Heleftmeinfrontofthemirrorandwalkedaway.Myparentshadneverthrusttheirchoicesorbeliefsonmeoranyofmy
siblings,whetheritwasabouteducation,professionormarriage.Theyalwaysgavetheiradviceandhelpedusifwewanted,butImadeallthechoices.Forafewdays,Iwasconfused.Ithoughtabouttheskillsneededforsocial
work.TherewasnoglamourormoneyinthisprofessionandIcouldnotbehavelikeanexecutiveinacorporatehouse.Irequiredlanguageskills,ofwhichEnglishmaynotbeneededatall!Ishouldbeabletositdownonthefloorandeatthelocalfood,nomatterwhereItravelledforwork.Ihadtolistenpatiently,andmostofall,IshouldlovetheworkIdid.Whatwouldgivemehighersatisfaction—keepingmyexternalappearancethewayitwasortheworkthatIwoulddo?Aftersomeintrospection,Idecidedtochangemyappearanceandconcentrate
completelyonthework.Beforemynextvisit,Ipulledmyhairback,tieditandadorneditwith
flowers.Iworeatwo-hundred-rupeesari,abigbindi,amangalsutraandglassbangles.Itransformedmyselfintothe‘bharatiyanari’,thestereotypicaltraditionalIndianwoman,andtookmyfatheralongwithmetomeetthedevadasis.Thistime,whenwewentthere,uponseeingmyagedfather,theysaid,
‘Namaste.’Myfatherintroducedme.‘Thisismydaughterandsheisateacher.Shehas
comehereonaholiday.Itoldherhowdifficultyourlivesare.Yourchildrenarethereasonforyourexistenceandyouwanttoeducatethemirrespectiveofwhathappenstoyourhealth,amIright?’Theyrepliedinunison,‘Yes,sir!’‘Sincemydaughterisateacher,shecanguideyouwithyourchildren’s
educationandhelpthemfindbetterjobs.She’llgiveyouinformationaboutsomescholarshipswhichyoumaynotbeawareofandhelpyourkidswithitsothatyourfinancialburdenmaybereduced.Isthatokaywithyou?Ifnot,it’sallright.She’llgotosomeothervillageandtrytohelpthepeoplethere.Please
don’tfeelpressured.Thinkaboutitandgetbacktous.We’llbebackintenminutes.’Graspingmyhandtightly,hepulledmeashortdistanceaway.‘Whydidyousayallthat?’Iasked.‘Youshouldhavefirsttoldthemabout
thingslikethedangersofAIDS.’‘Don’tbefoolish.Wewilltellthemaboutitsomeothertime.Ifyoustartwith
somethingnegative,thennobodywilllikeit.Thefirstintroductionshouldalwaysbepositiveandbringrealhopetothebeneficiary.AndjustlikeI’vepromisedthem,youmusthelptheirchildrengetscholarshipsfirst.WorkonAIDSlater.’‘AndwhydidyoutellthemI’mateacher,Kaka?’Idemanded.‘Youcould
havesaidIwasasocialworker.’Myfatherofferedacalmrebuttal.‘Theyconsiderteachingtobeoneofthe
mostrespectablejobsandyouareaprofessor,aren’tyou?’Inoddedreluctantly,stillunsureofhisstrategy.Whenwewentback,thewomenwerereadytolisten.Theycalledmeakkaor
‘eldersister’inKannada.SoIstartedworkingwiththemtohelptheirchildrensecurethepromised
scholarships.Someofthesechildrenevenstartedgoingtocollegewithinayear.OnlyafterthishappeneddidIbringupthesubjectofAIDS,andthistime,theyheardmeout.Monthswentby.Ittookmealmostthreeyearstoestablisharelationshipwiththem.Iwastheirdarlingakkaandeventually,theytrustedmeenoughtosharetheirheart-touchingstoriesandthetrialstheyhadendured.Innocentgirlshadbeensoldintothetradebytheirhusbands,brothers,fathers,
boyfriends,unclesorotherrelatives.Someenteredthesextradeontheirownhopingtoearnsomemoneyfortheirfamiliesandhelpfuturegenerationsescapepoverty.Stillotherswereluredintoitwiththepromiseofarealjob,onlytofindthemselvestrickedtoworkassexworkers.Hearingtheirstories,thereweremomentswhenIcouldn’thidemytears,yettheyweretheoneswhoheldmyhandandconsoledme!Eachstorywasdifferentbuttheendwasthesame—theyallsufferedatthehandsofasocietythatexploitedthemandfilledthemwithguiltandshameasafinalinsult.Irealizedthatsimplydonatingmoneywouldnotbolstertheirconfidenceor
buildtheirself-esteem.ThebestsolutionIcouldthinkofwastounitethem
towardsacommongoalbyhelpingthembuildtheirownorganization.ThestategovernmentofKarnatakahadmanygoodpoliciesthatencouragedhousing,marriageschemesandscholarships,butifwestartedanassociationoraunionexclusivelyforthedevadasis,theycouldaddresseachother’sproblems.Intime,theywouldbecomeboldandindependent,learningtoorganizethemselvesintheprocess.Thus,anorganizationforthedevadasiswasformed.IbelievethatGodcannot
bepresenteverywhereatonceand,inreturn,hesendspeopletodohiswork.AbhayKumar,akind-heartedandidealisticyoungmanfromDelhi,joinedusunexpectedly.HewantedtoworkwithmeandsoIdecidedtogivehimthetoughestjobinordertotesthispassionforsocialwork.ItoldAbhay,‘Ifyouworkwiththedevadasisforeightmonthsandsurvive,I’llthinkaboutabsorbingyouintotheprojectfull-time.’Aspromised,hedidnotshowupforeightmonths,andthenoneday,he
confidentlystrolledintomyoffice,alittlethinner,butgrinningfromeartoear.Isaid,‘Abhay,nowyouknowhowhardsocialworkis.Ittakesextreme
commitmentandpersistencetokeepgoing.YoucangobacktoDelhiwiththesatisfactionofhavingmadeadifferencetosomanylives.YouareagoodhumanbeingandI’msurethatthislittleexperiencewillstaywithyouandhelpyoulater.’HesmiledandrepliedinimpeccableKannada,‘WhosaidthatIwantedtogo
backtoDelhi?I’vedecidedtostayinKarnatakaandcompletethisproject.’‘Abhay,thisisseriouswork.Youareyoungandthat’sagreatdisadvantagein
thislineofworkand...’Myvoicefadedaway.Ididn’tknowwhatelsetosay!‘Don’tworryaboutthat,ma’am!YougavemethebestjobIcouldpossibly
have.Ithoughtthatyoumightgivemeadeskjob.Ineverimaginedthatyou’dgivemefieldwork,thattoo,theprivilegeofworkingwiththedevadasis.Thispastyearhasmademerealizetheiragonyandunbearablehardships.Knowingthat,howcanIeverworkanywhereapartfromhere?’Iwasastonishedatsuchsincerityandcompassioninonesoyoung.Ioffered
himastipendtohelpwithhisexpensesbuthestoppedmewithashowofhishand,‘Idon’tneedthatmuch.Ialreadyhaveascooterandafewsetsofclothes.Ijustneedtwomealsaday,aroofovermyheadandalittlemoneyforpetrol.That’sit.’IgazedathimfondlyandknewthatIwasseeingamanwhohadfoundhis
IgazedathimfondlyandknewthatIwasseeingamanwhohadfoundhispurposeinlife.Hebidgoodbyeandleftmyofficewithdeterminedstrides.Obviously,Abhaybecametheprojectlead,andIsupportedhim
wholeheartedly,takingcaretoconversewithhimregularlyabouttheproject’sprogress.Oneday,Imetwiththedevadasisandinquiredaboutthewelfareoftheir
children.‘Ourgreatestdifficultyissupportingourchildren’seducation,’theysaid.
‘Mostofthetime,wecan’taffordtheirschoolfeesandthenwehavetogobacktowhatweknowtogetquickmoney.’‘Wewilltakecareofallyourchildren’seducationalexpensesirrespectiveof
whichclasstheyarein.Butthatmeansthatyoumustnotcontinuebeingadevadasi,nomatterwhat,’Irepliedfirmly.Thewomenagreedwithouthesitation.TheyhadcometotrustAbhayandme
andknewthatwewouldkeepourword.Hundredsofchildrenwereenrolledintheproject—somewentontodo
professionalcourseswhileotherswentontocompletetheirprimary,middleorhighschoolclasses.WeheldcampsonAIDSawarenessandpreventionandsponsoredstreetartandplaystoeducatethewomenandchildrenonvariousmedicalissues—includingthesimplefactthatinfectedhairisnotanindicationthatonemustbecomeadevadasi.Rather,itisasimplecurablediseasethatcausesthehairtosticktogetherandbecomemattedovertime.Thewomengotthemselvestreatedandsomeofthemevenhadtheirheadsshaved.Eventually,wewereabletogetthemloansbybecomingtheirguarantors.
Often,thewomenwouldtellme,‘Akka,pleasehelpusgetaloan.Ifwecan’trepayit,thenitisasgoodascheatingyouandyouknowthatwe’llneverdothat.’BythistimeIknewinmyheartthatarichmanmightcheatmebutourdevadasisneverwould.TheyhadgreatfaithinmeandIinthem.Ontheotherhand,lifebecamemoredangerousforAbhayandme.We
receiveddeaththreatsfrompimps,localgoonsandothersthroughphonecalls,lettersandmessages.IwasscaredmoreforAbhaythanmyself.ThoughIaskedforpoliceprotection,Abhayflatlyrefusedandsaid,‘Ourdevadasiswillprotectme.Don’tworryaboutme.’Afewweekslater,somepimpsthrewacidonthreedevadasiswhohadleft
theirprofessionforgood.Butweallstillrefusedtogiveup.Theplasticsurgery
thevictimsunderwenthelpedtobringbacktheirconfidence.Theywouldnotbeintimidated.Ourstrengthcamefromthesewomenwhowerecollectivelytryingtoleavethishatedprofession.Thoughthegovernmentsupplementedtheirincome,manyalsostartedrearinggoats,cowsandbuffaloes.Overtime,weestablishedsmallschoolsthatofferednightclasseswhichthe
devadasiscouldattend.Itwasanuphillbattlethattookyearsofeffortfromeverybodyinvolved.Aftertwelveyears,someofthewomenmetmetodiscussaparticularissue.‘Akka,wewanttostartabank,butweareafraidtodoitonourown.’‘Whatdoyouthinkhappensinabank?’Iasked.‘Well,youneedalotofmoneytostartabankorevenhaveanaccount.You
mustwearexpensiveclothes.We’veseenthatbankersusuallywearsuitsandtiesandsitinair-conditionedoffices,butwedon’thavemoneyforsuchthings,Akka.’Aftertheybroughtthisproblemtoourattention,AbhayandIsatdownwith
thewomenandexplainedthebasicsofbankingtothem.Afewprofessionalswereconsulted,andundertheirguidance,theystartedabankoftheirown,withtheexceptionofafewlegalandadministrativeservicesthatweprovided.However,weinsistedthatthebankemployeesandshareholdersshouldberestrictedonlytothedevadasicommunity.Sofinally,thewomenwereabletosavemoneythroughfixeddepositsandobtainlow-interestloans.Allprofitshadtobesharedwiththebankmembers.Eventually,thebankgrewandthewomenthemselvesbecameitsdirectorsandtookoveritsrunning.Lessthanthreeyearslater,thebankhadRs80lakhindepositsandprovided
employmenttoformerdevadasis,butitsmostimportantachievementwasthatalmost3000womenwereoutofthedevadasisystem.Ontheirthirdanniversary,Ireceivedaletterfromthebank.
Weareveryhappytosharethatthreeyearshavepassedsincethebankwasstarted.Now,thebankisofsoundfinancialhealthandnoneofuspractiseormakeanymoneythroughthedevadasitradition.Wehaveeachpaidahundredrupeesandhavethreelakhssavedforabigcelebration.Wehaverentedoutahallandarrangedlunchforeveryone.Pleasecomeandjoinusforourbigday.Akka,youareverydeartousandwewantyoutobeourchiefguestfortheoccasion.Youhavetravelledhundredsoftimesatyourowncostandspentendlessmoneyforoursakeeventhoughwearestrangers.Thistime,wewanttobookaround-tripair-conditionedVolvobusticket,agoodhotelandanall-expenses-paidtripforyou.Ourmoneyhasbeenearnedlegally,ethicallyandmorally.Wearesurethatyouwon’trefuseourhumbleandearnestrequest.
Tearswelledupinmyeyes.Seventeenyearsago,chappalsweremyreward,butnow,theywantedtopayformytraveltothebestoftheirability.Iknewhowmuchthecomfortofanair-conditionedVolvobusandahotelmeanttothem.Idecidedtoattendthefunctionatmyexpense.Onthedayofthefunction,Ifoundthattherewerenopoliticiansorgarlands
orlongspeechesaswastypical.Itwasasimpleevent.Atfirst,somewomensangasongofagonywrittenbythedevadasis.Thenanothergroupcameanddescribedtheirexperiencesontheirjourneytoindependence.Theirchildren,manyofwhomhadbecomedoctors,nurses,lawyers,clerks,governmentemployees,teachers,railwayemployeesandbankofficers,cameandthankedtheirmothersandtheorganizationforsupportingtheireducation.Andthenitwasmyturntospeak.Istoodthere,andmywordssuddenlyfailedme.Mymindwentblank,and
then,distantly,Irememberedmyfather’swords:‘IwillfeelveryproudknowingthatIgavebirthtoadaughterwhohelpedtenhelplesswomenmakethemostdifficulttransitionfrombeingsexworkerstoindependentwomen.’Iamusuallyaspontaneousspeakerbutonthatday,Iwastoochokedwith
emotion.Ididn’tknowwheretobegin.Forthefirsttimeinmylife,IfeltthatthedayImeetGod,Iwillbeabletostandupstraightandsayconfidently,‘You’vegivenmealotinthislifetime,andIhopethatIhavereturnedatleastsomething.I’veserved3000ofyourchildreninthebestwayIcould,relievingthemofthemeaninglessandcrueldevadasisystem.YourchildrenareyourflowersandIamreturningthemtoyou.’Thenmyeyesfellonthewomen.Theyweresoeagertolistentome.They
wantedtohearwhatIhadtosay.Abhaywastheretoo,lookingoverwhelmedbyeverythingtheyhaddoneforus.IquotedaSanskritshlokamygrandfatherhadtaughtmewhenIwassixyears
old:‘OGod,Idon’tneedakingdomnordoIdesiretobeanemperor.Idon’twantrebirthorthegoldenvesselsorheaven.Idon’tneedanythingfromyou.OLord,ifyouwanttogivemesomething,thengivemeasoftheartandhardhands,sothatIcanwipethetearsofothers.’Silently,Icamebacktomychair.Ididn’tknowwhatthewomenmustbe
thinkingorfeelingatthatmoment.
Anolddevadasiclimbedupontothestageandstoodthereproudly.Withafirmvoice,shesaid,‘Wewanttogiveourakkaaspecialgift.Itisanembroideredbedspreadandeachofushasstitchedsomeportionofit.Sotherearethreethousandstitches.Itmaynotlookbeautifulbutweallwantedtobepresentinthisbedspread.’Thenshelookedstraightatmeandcontinued,‘Thisisfromourheartstoyours.Thiswillkeepyoucoolinthesummerandwarminthewinter—justlikeouraffectiontowardsyou.Youwerebyoursideduringourdifficulttimes,andwewanttobewithyoutoo.’ItisthebestgiftIhaveeverreceived.
2HowtoBeattheBoys
Recently,whenIvisitedtheUS,Ihadtospeaktoacrowdofbothstudentsandhighlysuccessfulpeople.Ialwayspreferinteractingwiththeaudience,soIopenedthefloortoquestions.Afterseveralquestionswereasked,amiddle-agedmanstoodtospeak.
‘Ma’am,youareveryconfidentandclearincommunicatingyourthoughts.Youareabsolutelyateasewhiletalkingtous...’Iwasdirect.‘Pleasedon’tpraiseme.Askmeyourquestion.’‘IthinkyoumusthavestudiedabroadordoneyourMBAfromauniversityin
theWest.Isthatwhatgivesyousuchconfidence?’heasked.Withoutwastingasecond,Ireplied,‘ItcomesfrommyB.V.B.’Heseemedpuzzled.‘Whatdoyoumean—myB.V.B.?’Ismiled.‘I’mtalkingabouttheBasappaVeerappaBhoomaraddiCollegeof
EngineeringandTechnologyinHubli,amedium-sizedtowninthestateofKarnatakainIndia.IhaveneverstudiedoutsideofIndia.TheonlyreasonIstandherebeforeyouisbecauseofthatcollege.’Inalightervein,Icontinued,‘I’msurethattheyoungpeopleinthesoftware
industrywhoarepresentheretodaywillappreciatethecontributionofInfosystoIndiaandtotheUS.InfosyshasmadeBengaluru,KarnatakaandIndiaproud.HadInotbeeninB.V.B.,Iwouldnothavebecomeanengineer.IfIwasn’tanengineer,thenIwouldn’thavebeenabletosupportmyhusband.Andifmyhusbanddidn’thavehisfamily’sbacking,hemayormaynothavehadthechancetoestablishInfosysatall!Inthatcase,allofyouwouldn’thavegatheredheretodaytohearmespeak.’Everyoneclappedandlaughed,butIreallymeantwhatIsaid.Afterthe
Everyoneclappedandlaughed,butIreallymeantwhatIsaid.Afterthesessiongotoverandthecrowdleft,Ifelttiredandchosetositaloneonacouchnearby.Mymindwentbackto1968.Iwasaseventeen-year-oldgirlwithan
abundanceofcourage,confidenceandthedreamtobecomeanengineer.Icamefromaneducated,thoughmiddle-class,conservativeBrahminfamily.MyfatherwasaprofessorofobstetricsandgynaecologyinKarnatakaMedicalCollegeatHubli,whilemymotherwasaschoolteacherbeforeshegotmarried.Ifinishedmypre-universityexamswithexcellentmarksandtoldmyfamily
thatIwantedtopursueengineering.Ihadalwaysbeenfascinatedwithscience,evenmoresowithitsapplication.Engineeringwasoneofthosebranchesofsciencethatwouldallowmetoutilizemycreativity,especiallyindesign.ButitwasasifIhaddroppedabombinsideourhouse.Theimmediatereactionwasofshock.Engineeringwasclearlyanall-male
domainandhenceconsideredatabooforgirlsinthosedays.Therewasnoquestioningthestatusquo,whereingirlswereexpectedtobeinthecompanyofotherfemalestudentsinamedicalorsciencecollege.Theideaofawomanenteringtheengineeringfieldhadpossiblyneverpoppedupinanyone’smind.Itwasakintoexpectingpigstofly.Iwasmygrandmother’sfavouritegranddaughter,butevenshelookedatme
withdisdainandsaid,‘Ifyougoaheadanddothis,nomanfromnorthKarnatakawillmarryyou.Whowantstomarryawomanengineer?Iamsodisappointedinyou.’MygrandmotherneverthoughtthatIwoulddoanythingshedisapprovedof.However,shealsodidn’tknowthatinthecityofMysore,acrosstheriverofTungabhadra,livedamannamedNarayanaMurthywhowouldlaterwanttomarryme.Mygrandfather,ahistoryteacherandmyfirstgurutoteachmereadingand
writing,onlymildlyopposedit.‘Mychild,youarewonderfulathistory.Whycan’tyoudosomethinginthisfield?Youcouldbeagreatscholaroneday.Don’tchaseadrysubjectlikeengineering.’Mymother,whowasextremelyproficientinmathematics,said,‘Youare
goodinmaths.Whydon’tyoucompleteyourpost-graduationinmathematicsandgetajobasaprofessor?Youcaneasilyworkinacollegeafteryougetmarriedinsteadofbeingahard-coreengineerstrugglingtobalancefamilyandwork.’
Myfather,aliberalmanwhobelievedineducationforwomen,thoughtforamomentandsaid,‘Ithinkthatyoushouldpursuemedicine.Youareexcellentwithpeopleandlanguages.Totellyouthetruth,Idon’tknowmuchaboutengineering.Wedon’thaveasingleengineerinourfamily.Itisamale-dominatedindustryandyoumaynotfindanothergirlinyourclass.Whatifyouhavetospendfouryearswithoutarealfriendtotalkto?Thinkaboutit.However,thedecisionisyoursandIwillsupportyou.’ManyofmyauntsalsothoughtthatnoonewouldmarrymeifIchose
engineering.ThiswouldpossiblyentailthatImarrysomebodyfromanothercommunity,anabsolutelyunheardofthinginthosedays.However,Ididn’tcare.Asastudentofhistory,IhadreadHiuenTsang’sbook
Si-Yu-Ki.BeforeTsang’straveltoIndia,everybodydiscouragedhimfrommakingthejourneyonfoot,butherefusedtolistenanddecidedtogo.Intime,hebecamefamousforhisseventeen-year-longjourneytoIndia.TakingcouragefromTsang,Itoldmyfamily,‘Iwanttodoengineering.Comewhatmay,Iamreadyfortheconsequencesofmyactions.’IfilledouttheapplicationformforB.V.B.CollegeofEngineeringand
Technology,submitteditandsoonreceivedthenewsthatIhadbeenselectedtothecollegeonthebasisofmymarks.Iwasecstatic,butlittledidIknowthatthecollegestaffwasdiscomfitedbythisdevelopment.TheprincipalatthetimewasB.C.Khanapure,whohappenedtoknowmy
father.Theybothmetatabarbershoponedayandtheprincipalexpressedhisgenuineanguishatwhatheperceivedtobeanawkwardsituation.Hetoldmyfather,‘DoctorSahib,Iknowthatyourdaughterisveryintelligentandthatshehasbeengivenadmissiononlybecauseofmerit,butI’mafraidwehavesomeproblems.Shewillbetheonlygirlincollege.Itisgoingtobedifficultforher.First,wedon’thavealadies’toiletoncampus.Wedon’thavealadies’roomforhertorelaxeither.Second,ourboysareyoungwithraginghormonesandIamsurethattheywilltroubleher.Theymaynotdoanythinginfrontofthestaffbuttheywilldefinitelydosomethinglater.Theymaynotcooperatewithherorhelpherbecausetheyarenotusedtotalkingtogirls.Asafatheroffourdaughters,Iamconcernedaboutyourstoo.Canyoutellhertochangehermindforherownsake?’Myfatherreplied,‘Iagreewithyou,ProfessorSahib.Iknowyoumeanwell,
butmydaughterishell-bentonpursuingengineering.Frankly,she’snotdoing
butmydaughterishell-bentonpursuingengineering.Frankly,she’snotdoinganythingwrong.SoIhavedecidedtoletherpursueit.’‘Inthatcase,DoctorSahib,Ihaveasmallrequest.Pleaseaskhertoweara
saritocollegeasitisaman’sworldoutthereandthesariwillbeanappropriatedressfortheenvironmentshewillbein.Sheshouldnottalktotheboysunnecessarilybecausethatwillgiverisetorumoursandthat’snevergoodforagirlinoursociety.Also,tellhertoavoidgoingtothecollegecanteenandspendingtimetherewiththeboys.’Myfathercamebackandtoldmeaboutthisconversation.Ireadilyagreedto
alloftherequestssinceIhadnointentionofchangingmymind.Eventually,Iwouldbecomefriendlywithsomeoftheboys,butIalways
knewwheretodrawtheline.Thetruthisthatitwerethesesameboyswhowouldteachmesomeoflife’slessonslater,suchasthevalueofkeepingasenseofperspective,theimportanceoftakingiteasyeverynowandthenandbeingagoodsport.Manyoftheboys,whoarenowoldergentlemen,arelikemybrothersevenafterfiftyyears!Finally,itwasthelackofladies’toiletsoncampusthatmademeunderstandthedifficultyfacedbymanywomeninIndiaduetotheinsufficiencyorsheerabsenceoftoilets.Eventually,thiswouldleadmetobuildmorethan13,000toiletsinKarnatakaalone!Meanwhile,mymotherchoseanauspiciousdayformetopaythetuitionfee.
ItwasaThursdayandhappenedtobetheendofthemonth.MymothernaggedmetopaythefeeofRs400thatdayalthoughmyfatheronlyhadRs300left.Hetoldher,‘Waitforafewdays.IwillgetmysalaryandthenSudhacanpayherfees.’Mymotherrefusedtobudge.‘Ourdaughterisgoingtocollege.Itisabig
deal.Wemustpaythefeestoday—itwillbegoodforherstudies.’Whiletheywerestillgoingbackandforth,myfather’sassistant,DrS.S.
Hiremath,camealongwithhisfather-in-law,Patil,whowastheheadmanoftheBaadvillagenearShiggaon,thetownwhereIwasborn.Patilcuriouslyaskedwhatwasgoingonandmyfatherexplainedthesituationtohim.Hethentookouthiswalletandgavemyfatherahundredrupees.Hesaid,‘DoctorSahib,pleaseacceptthismoney.Iwanttogiftittothisgirlwhoisdoingsomethingpath-breaking.Ihaveseenparentstakeloansandselltheirhousesorfarmstopaytheirsons’feessothattheycanbecomeengineers.Infact,sometimes,they
don’tevenknowwhethertheirchildwillstudyproperlyornot.Lookatyourdaughter.ShedesperatelywantstodothisandIthinksheisright.’‘No,MrPatil,’myfatherrefused.‘Ican’ttakesuchanexpensivegift.Iwill
acceptthisasaloanandreturnittoyounextmonthafterIreceivemysalary.’Patilcontinuedasthoughhehadn’theardmyfather,‘Themostimportant
thingisforyourdaughtertodoherbestandcompletehercourseandbecomeamodelforothergirls.’Thenheturnedtomeandsaid,‘Sudha,promisemethatyouwillalwaysbeethical,impartialandhard-workingandthatyouwillbringagoodnametoyourfamilyandsociety.’Inoddedmeekly,suddenlyhumbled.Myfirstdayofcollegearrivedamonthlater.Iworeawhitesariforthefirst
time,touchedthefeetofalltheeldersathomeandprayedtoGoddessSaraswatiwhohadbeenverykindtome.Ithenmademywaytothecollege.AssoonasIreached,theprincipalcalledmeandgavemeakey.Hesaid,
‘Here,MsKulkarni,takethis.Thisisthekeyofatinyroominthecorneroftheelectricalengineeringdepartmentonthesecondfloor.Youcanusethisroomwheneveryouwant.’Ithankedhimprofusely,tookthekeyandimmediatelywenttoseetheroom.I
openedthedoorexcitedly,butalas!Theroomhadtwobrokendesksandtherewasnosignofatoilet.ItwassodustythatIcouldnotevenconsiderenteringit.Seeingmethere,acleanercamerunningwithabroominhishand.Withoutlookingatme,hesaid,‘I’msosorry.PrincipalSahibtoldmeyesterdaythatagirlstudentwasgoingtojointhecollegetoday,butIthoughtthathewasjoking.SoIdidn’tcleantheroom.Anyway,Iwilldoitrightnow.’Afterhehadfinishedcleaning,Istillfeltthattheroomwasdusty.Calmly,I
toldhim,‘Leavethebroomhereandgivemeawetcloth,please.Iwillcleantheroommyself.’Aftercleaningtheroomtomysatisfaction,Ibrushedoffthedustonmy
clothesandwenttoclass.WhenIenteredtheroomonthegroundfloor,therewere149pairsofeyes
staringatmeasthoughIweresomekindofanexoticanimal.Itwastruethough.Iwastheonehundredandfiftiethanimalinthiszoo!IknewthatsomeofthemwantedtowhistlebutIkeptastraightfaceandlookedaroundforaplacetosit.Thefirstbenchwasempty.AsIwasabouttositthere,Isawthatsomeonehad
spiltblueinkrightinthemiddleoftheseat.Thiswasobviouslymeantforme.Ifelttearsthreateningtospillover,butIblinkedthemaway.Makinguseofthenewspaperinmyhand,Iwipedtheseatcleanandsatonacornerofthebench.Icouldheartheboyswhisperingbehindme.Onegrumbled,‘Whythehelldid
youputinkontheseat?Nowshemaygoandcomplaintotheprincipal.’Anotherboyreplied,‘HowcansheprovethatIhavedoneit?Thereare149of
ushere.’Despitefeelinghurt,Ididnotgototheprincipaltocomplain.Hehadalready
warnedmyfatherthatifIcomplained,theseboysmightpersistintroublingmefurtherandImayeventuallyhavetoleavethecollege.So,Idecidedtokeepquietnomatterhowmuchtheseboystriedtoharassme.ThetruthwasthatIwasafraidofbeingsotroubledbytheboys’activitiesthat
Iwouldquitengineeringaltogether.Ithoughtofwaystostaystrong—physicallyandmentally.Itwouldbemytapas,orpenance.Inthatinstant,Iresolvedthatforthenextfouryears,Iwouldneithermissanyclassnoraskanyoneforhelpwithclassnotes.Inanefforttoteachmyselfself-restraintandself-control,IdecidedthatuntilIcompletedmyengineeringdegree,Iwouldwearonlywhitesaris,refrainfromsweets,sleeponamatandtakebathswithcoldwater.Iaimedtobecomeself-sufficient;Iwouldbemybestfriendandmyworstenemy.Ididn’tknowthenthatsuchaquotealreadyexistedintheBhagavadGitawhereKrishnasays,‘Atmaaivahiatmanobandhuaatmaaivaripuatmanah’.Wereallydon’tneedsuchpenancetodowellinourstudies,butIwasyoung
anddeterminedandwantedtodoallIcouldtosurviveengineering.Ihadgoodteacherswhowereconsiderateandsoughttolookoutformein
class.Theywouldoccasionallyask,‘MsKulkarni,iseverythingokaywithyou?’Evenourcollegeprincipal,ProfessorKhanapure,wentoutofhiswayto
inquireaboutmywelfareandifanyboysweretroublingme.However,Ican’tsaythesameaboutmyclassmates.Oneday,theybroughtasmallbunchofflowersandstuckitinmyplaitedhair
withoutmyknowledgewhentheteacherwasnotaround.Iheardsomeoneshoutfromtheback—‘MsFlowerpot!’Iquietlyranmyfingersthroughmyhair,foundtheflowersandthrewthemaway.Ididnotsayanything.Attimes,theywouldthrowpaperairplanesatmyback.Unfoldingthepapers,
Iwouldfindcommentssuchas,‘Awoman’splaceisinthekitchenorinmedical
scienceorasaprofessor,definitelynotinanengineeringcollege.’Otherswouldread,‘Wereallypityyou.Whyareyouperformingpenancelike
GoddessParvati?AtleastParvatihadareasonforit.ShewantedtomarryShiva.WhoisyourShiva?’Iwouldkeepthepaperplanesandrefrainfromreplying.Therewasafamousstudent-friendlyactivityinourcollegeknownas
‘fishpond’.Ratherthananactualfishpond,itwasafishbowlthatcarriedacollectionofanonymousnotes,orthe‘fish’.Anybodyfromthecollegecouldwriteacommentoranopinionthatwouldbereadoutlateronourannualcollegeday.Allthestudentswouldeagerlywaittohearwhatfunnyandwittyremarkshadbeenselectedthatyear.Thedesignatedhostwouldstandonthestageinthecollegequadrangleandreadthenotesoutloud.Everyyear,mostofthenoteswereaboutme.IwasoftenthetargetofKannadalimericks,oneofwhichIcanstillremembervividly:
Avvaavvagenasa,Kariseeriudisa,Gandanamanegekalisa.
Thisliterallytranslatesto:
MomMom,thereisasweetpotato,Pleasegivemeablacksariandsendmetomyhusband’shouse,ThisisbecauseI’malwayswearingawhitesari.
SomeoftheromanticnorthIndianboyswouldmodifythelyricsofsongsfrommovieslikeTeesriKasam:
SajanrejhootmathboloSudhakepassjaanahaiNahaathihainaghodahaiVahanpaidaljaanahai.
Thiscanbetranslatedas:
Dear,comeon,don’tlieIwanttogotoSudhaIneitherhaveanelephantnorahorseButIwillgowalking(toher).
Alltheboyswouldthensneakaglanceatmetoseemyreaction,butIwouldsimplyholdbackmytearsandtrymyhardesttosmile.Iknewthatmyclassmateswereactingoutforareason.Itwasnotthatthey
wantedtobullyorharassmewithdeliberateintentionasisthenormthesedays.Itwasjustthattheywereunprepared—bothmentallyandphysically—todealwithapersonoftheoppositesexstudyingwiththem.Ourconservativesocietydiscouragedtheminglingofboysandgirlsevenasfriends,andso,Iwasasinterestingasanalientothem.Mymindjustifiedthereasonfortheboys’behaviourandhelpedmecope.Andyet,theremarks,thepranksandthesarcasmcontinuedtohurt.Myonlyoutletincollegewasmyactualeducation.Ienjoyedtheengineering
subjectsanddidverywellinmyexams.IfoundthatIperformedbetterthantheboys,eveninhard-coreengineeringsubjectssuchassmithy,filing,carpentryandwelding.TheboysworeblueoverallsandIworeablueapronovermysari.IknewthatIlookedquitefunny,butitwasasmallpricetopayfortheeducationIwasgetting.Whentheexamresultswereannounced,everyoneelseknewmymarksbefore
Idid.Almosteverysemester,myclassmatesandseniorswouldmakeasingularefforttofindoutmymarksanddisplaythemonthenoticeboardforeveryonetosee.Ihadabsolutelynoprivacy.Overthecourseofmystudies,Irealizedthatthebelief‘engineeringisa
man’sdomain’isacompletemyth.NotonlywasIjustascapableasthem,Ialsoscoredhigherthanallmyclassmates.ThisgavemeadditionalconfidenceandIcontinuedtonotmissasingledayorasingleclass.Ipersistedinstudyinghard,determinedtotopthesubsequentexaminations.Intime,Ibecameunfazedthatmymarksweredisplayedonthenoticeboard.Onthecontrary,IwasproudthatIwasbeatingalltheboysattheirowngameasIkeptbaggingthefirstrankintheuniversity.Myabilitytobeself-sufficientmademestrongandtheboyseventuallystarted
torespectme,becamedependentonmeforsurveysanddrawingsandaskedmefortheanswersoftheassignments.Ibegantomakefriendsandeventoday,mygoodfriendsincludeRameshJangalfromthecivildepartment,mylabpartnerSunilKulkarni,andFakeerGowda,M.M.Kulkarni,HireGowda,AnandUthuri,GajananThakur,PrakashPadaki,H.P.SudarshanandRameshLodaya.
Iwillneverforgetmyteachers:L.J.Noronhafromtheelectricalengineeringdepartment,YogaNarasimha,agiftedteacherfromBengaluru,Prof.Mallapurfromthechemistrydepartment,Prof.Kulkarnifromhydraulicsandmanymore.Betweenmyclasses,Ialsospentmuchtimeinthelibraryandthelibrarianbecameveryfondofmeovertime,eventuallygivingmeextrabooks.Ialsospokefrequentlytothegardeneraboutthetreesthatshouldbeplanted
infrontofthecollege,andduringmyfouryearsthere,Ihadhimplantcoconuttrees.WheneverIgotoB.V.B.now,Ilookatthecoconuttreesandfondlyremembermygoldendaysonthecampus.ThefouryearspassedquicklyandthedaycamewhenIfinallyhadtoleave.I
feltsad.Ihadcomeasascaredteenagerandwasleavingasaconfidentandbrightyoungengineer!Collegehadtaughtmetheresiliencetofaceanysituation,theflexibilitytoadjustasneeded,theimportanceofbuildinggoodandhealthyrelationshipswithothers,sharingnoteswithclassmatesandcollaboratingwithothersinsteadofstayingbymyself.Thus,whenIspeakoffriends,Idon’tusuallythinkofwomenbutratherofmenbecauseIreallygrewupwiththem.WhenIlaterenteredthecorporateworld,itwasagaindominatedbymen.Itwasonlynaturalformycolleagueorfriendtobeamanandonlysometimeswouldtherebewomen,whomIhavegottoknowovermanyyears.Collegeisnotjustabuildingmadeupofwalls,benchesanddesks.Itismuch
moreintangiblethanthat.TherighteducationshouldmakeyouaconfidentpersonandthatiswhatB.V.B.didforme.Ilatercompletedmymaster’sprogrammefromtheIndianInstituteofScience,
Bengaluru.Yet,B.V.B.continuestohaveaspecialplaceinmyheart.Whenmyfatherpassedawayduetooldage,Idecidedtodosomethinginhis
memory.Hehadallowedmetogoaheadandbecomeanengineer,despitealltheoddsandthegrievanceshehadheardfromourfamilyandsociety.Thus,Ibuiltalecturehallinhismemoryinourcollegecampus.WheneverIgoabroadtodeliveraspeech,atleastfivepeopleofdifferentages
comeandtellmethattheyarefromB.V.B,too.Iconnectwiththemimmediatelyandcan’thelpbutsmileandask,‘Whichyeardidyougraduate?Whowereyourteachers?Howmanygirlsstudiedinyourclass?’Now,wheneverIgobacktothecollege,itislikeacelebration,likeadaughter
cominghome.Towardstheendofthevisit,Ialmostalwaysstandaloneinthe
innerquadrangleofthestage.MymemoriestakemebacktothenumerousoccasionswhenIreceivedawardsforacademicexcellence.Ithenspendafewminutesinfrontofthenoticeboardandwalkuptothesmallroomonthesecondflooroftheelectricalengineeringdepartmentthatwas‘Kulkarni’sRoom’,butnolongerdustynow.IrememberthebenchonwhichIsatandpreparedformyexams.MyheartfeelsafamiliarachewhenIrecallsomeofmyteachersandclassmateswhoarenolongerinthisworldtoday.Andthen,asIwalkdownthestairs,Icomeacrossgroupsofgirls—chatting
awayhappilyandwearingjeans,skirtsortraditionalsalwarkameezes.Therearealmostasmanygirlsasthereareboysinthecollege.Whentheyseeme,theylovinglysurroundmeforautographs.Inthemidstofthecrowdandthesignings,Ithinkofmyparentsandmyjourneyoffiftyyearsandmyeyesgetmisty.MayGodblessourcollege,B.V.B!
3FoodforThought
Rekhaisaverydearfriendandourfamilieshaveknowneachotherforgenerations.SinceIhadn’tseenherforalongtime,Idecidedtovisither.Ipickedupthephoneanddialledhernumber.Herfather,Rao,whoislikeafathertome,pickedupthephone.‘Hello?’WeexchangedgreetingsandIsaid,‘Uncle,Iamcomingtoyourhousefor
lunchtomorrow.’Herfather,abotanist,wasveryhappy.‘Pleasedo.TomorrowisaSundayand
wecanrelaxalittlebit.Don’trunoffquickly!’hereplied.InacitysuchasBengaluru,goingfromJayanagartoMalleswaramona
weekdayusuallytakesaminimumoftwohours.TravellingonaSundayismucheasierbecauseittakesonlyhalfthetime.WhenIreachedherhomethenextday,Icouldsmellthatlunchwasalmostready,andyetthearomaswaftinginfromthekitchenindicatedtomethattheday’smenuwouldsomehowbedifferent.NoneofthetypicalKarnatakadisheswerelaidoutonthetable,andthecuisinewas,infact,quiteblandformytaste.‘ImaywearasimplesaributIamafoodie,Rekha!Isthelunchspecially
arrangedsothatIdon’tcomeagain?’Ijoked,asonecanwithanoldfriendwhowillnotmisunderstandandtakeoffence.Rekha’sfatherlaughedheartily.‘Well,’hesighed.‘Todayismymother’s
shraddhaordeathanniversary.Onthisday,wealwaysprepareamealfromindigenousvegetables.’‘Whatdoyoumeanbyindigenous?’Iwasperplexed.‘Aren’tallthe
vegetablesavailableinourcountryindigenous,exceptperhapsoneslike
cauliflower,cabbageandpotato?’‘OhmyGod!Youhavejustbegunawrongtopiconawrongdaywiththe
wrongperson!’exclaimedRekhainmockdismay.‘Afterlunch,IthinkIshouldjustleaveyouwithmyfatherandjoinyoubothlaterintheevening.Thiswilltakeatleastfourhoursofyourtime.’IknewthatRekha’sfatherwasabotanist,butitwasthenthatIrealizedthat
hewaspassionateaboutthissubject.ThoughIhadknownhimforareallylongtime,Ihadneverseenthisfacetofhispersonalitybefore.Probably,hehadbeentoobusyduringhisworkingyearswhilewehadbeentoobusyplayingandfoolingaround.‘Isthisreallytrue,Uncle?’Iasked.Henodded.SinceIcomefromafarmer’sfamilyonmypaternalside,Ihavealwayshada
fascinationforvegetables.Iknewvaguelyaboutthethingswecouldgrow,theseasonstogrowtheminandtheonesthatwecouldnotgrow,includingthereasonswhy.However,wheneverIbroachedthesubjectwithfriendsinterestedinagricultureandfarming,Ineverreallyreceivedaproperanswer.Finally,herewasamanmorethanwillingtosharehisknowledgewithme!Icouldn’tresist.‘Youknow,Rekha,’Isaid,‘itisdifficulttogetknowledgeablepeopleto
spendtimeexplainingtheirsubjectmattertoothers.Today,Googleislikemygrandmother.IlogontothewebsiteanytimeIrequireanexplanationofsomethingIdon’tunderstandorwanttolearnabout.’‘Rightnow,youareloggingontoanencyclopaedia,’Rekhasmiledand
glancedatherfatheraffectionately.Theconversationdriftedtoothersubjectsasweatelunch.Themeal
constitutedofrice,sambarwithoutchillies,daalwithblackpepperandnotchillies,gorikayi(clusterbeans),methisaag,cucumberraitaandricepayasam.Itwasaccompaniedbyudinvadawithblackpepper.Therewaspickleandsomeplainyogurtonthesidetoo.Afterwehadeatenthislunchwell-suitedforsomeonerecoveringinahospital,Rekha’sfathersaid,‘Come,let’sgotothegarden.’Rekha’sfamilyownedanoldhouseinthecornerofastreet.Hergrandfather
hadbeenintheBritishrailwaysandwasluckyenoughtobuythecornerplotatalowpriceandhadbuiltasmallhomewithalargegardenthere.Inacitylike
Bengaluru,filledwithapartmentsandsmallspaces,thegardenwassomethingofaprivilegeandaluxury.UncleandIwalkedtothegardenwhileRekhatookanap.Hesettledhimself
onabench,whileIlookedaround.Itwasaminiatureforestwithalargekitchengardenofcarrots,okra,fenugreekandspinach—eachsegregatedneatlyintosections.Afewsugarcanesshonebrightlyinfrontofuswhileadwarfpapayatreeheavywithfruitstoodinacorner.Ontheotherendwasalineofmaizeaswellasfloweringtreessuchastheparijata(theIndiancoraltree),androsesofvaryingcolours.‘UncleandAuntymustbespendingalotoftimeheremakingthisplace
beautiful,’Ithought.‘Allthetreesandplantsseemhealthy—almostasiftheyarehappytobehere!’‘DoyouthinkthatallthevegetableswehavearoundusarefromIndia?Orare
theyfromothercountries?’heaskedoutoftheblue.IfeltasifIwasbackinschoolinfrontofmyteacher.ButIwasn’tscared.
EvenifIgavehimawronganswer,itwasn’tgoingtoaffectmyprogressreport.‘Ofcourse,Uncle!Indiahasthelargestpopulationofvegetarians.So,intime,wehavelearnttomakedifferentkindsofvegetariandishes.Evenpeoplewhoeatmeatavoiditduringtraditionaleventssuchasfestivals,weddings,deathanniversariesandthemonthofShravana.’‘Iagreewithyourassessmentofeverything,exceptthatmostvegetablesare
growninIndia.Thetruthisthatthemajorityofourvegetablesarenotoursatall.Theyhavecomefromdifferentcountries.’Istaredathimindisbelief.Hepointedtoatomatoplant—acreeperwithmultiplefruits,tiedtoafirm
bamboostick.‘Lookatthis!IsthisanIndianvegetable?’Ithoughtoftomatosoup,tomatorasam,tomatobhat(tomato-flavouredrice),
sandwichesandchutney.‘Ofcourseitis.Weuseiteverysingleday.ItisanintegralpartofIndiancuisine.’Unclesmiled.‘Well,thetomatodidnotoriginateinIndia,butinMexico.It
madeitswaytoEuropein1554.Sincenobodyatetomatoesoverthereatthetime,theybecameornamentalplantsbecauseofthebeautifuldeep-redcolour.Atsomepoint,therewasabeliefinEuropethatitwasgoodforcuringinfertility,whilesomethoughtthatitwaspoisonous.Thecontradictingperspectivesmade
itdifficultforthisfruittobeincorporatedintotheirdietforalongtime.ItslackofvaluemusthavebeenarealpushforinitiatingSpain’stomatofestival,wheremillionsoftomatoesareusedeveryyeartothisday.Astorygoesthatonebusiness-savvyEuropeansurroundedhistomatoplantswithasturdy,thickfencetoshowhisneighboursthatthefruitswerenotpoisonous,butrathervaluableandthusdesirable.Gradually,thefruitsreachedIndiaandbegantobeusedasacommercialcrop,thankstoitstemptingcolourandtaste.ItmusthavecometousduringthereignoftheBritish.Buttoday,wecannotthinkofcookingwithouttomatoes.’‘Wow!’Ithought.Outloud,Isaid,‘Uncle,tellmeaboutanessentialitemthat
isusedinourcookingbutisn’tours.’‘Comeon,tryandguess.Wesimplycannotcookwithoutthisparticular
vegetable.’Iclosedmyeyesandthoughtofsambar,thatessentialsouthIndiandishand
themutterpaneertypicalofthenorthIndiancuisine.Ittookmeawhiletothinkofacommoningredient—thechilli.Ibrushedmythoughtaway.‘No,there’snowaythatthechillicanbeanimportedvegetable.TherecanbenoIndianfoodwithoutit,’Ithought.Unclelookedatme.‘Youareright.Itisthechilli!’heexclaimedalmostasif
hehadreadmymind.‘Howdidyouknow?’‘Becausepeopleneverfailtobeshockedwhentheythinkofthepossibility
thatchillicouldbefromanothercountry.Icanseeitclearlyontheirfaceswhenthewheelsturninsidetheirhead.’Mydisbeliefwasobvious.Howcouldwecookwithoutchillies?Itisas
importantassaltinIndiancooking.‘Therearemanystoriesandmultipletheoriesaboutchillies,’Unclesaid.
‘WhenVascodaGamacametoIndia,hecamefromPortugalviaBrazilandbroughtmanyseedswithhim.Later,MarcoPoloandtheBritishcametoIndia.Thus,manymoreplantseedsarrived.Thetruthisthatwhatwecall“indigenous”isn’treallyours.Thinkofchillies,capsicum,corn,groundnut,cashews,beans,potato,papaya,pineapple,custardapple,guavaandsapodilla—theyareallfromSouthAmerica.Overtime,weindigenizedthemandlearnthowtocookthem.Somesaythatthechillicamefromthecountryofthesamename,whilesome
otherssayitcamefromMexico.Accordingtoatheory,blackpepperwastheingredienttraditionallyusedinIndiatomakeourfoodhotandspicy.SomescholarsbelievethatthesolegoaloftheEastIndiaCompanywastoacquireamonopolyoverIndia’speppertrade,whichlaterendedinIndia’scolonization.Butwhenwebeganusingchillies,wefoundthatittastedbetterthanblackpepper.Togiveyouanexample,werefertoblackpepperaskalumenasuinKannada.Wegaveasimilarnametothechilliandcalleditmenasinkai.InHindi,itisfrequentlyreferredtoasmirchi.Inthewarbetweenblackpepperandchilli,theformerlostandchilliestablisheditselfasthenewprinceandcontinuestoruletheIndianfoodindustryeventoday.northKarnatakaisfamousforitsredchilliesnow.’‘ThatmuchIdoknow,Uncle!’Iclosedmyeyesandhadavisionofmy
youngerdays.‘Irememberseeingacresandacresofredchilliplantsduringmychildhood.TheharvestusedtotakeplaceduringtheDiwaliseason.IrememberthattheBadgidistrictwasdedicatedtothesaleofchillies.IhadgonewithmyuncleonedayandwasamazedbythemountainsofredchilliesIsawthere.’‘Ohyes,youareright!Thoseredchilliesarebrightredincolourbutthey
aren’treallyhotorspicy.Onthecontrary,chilliesthatgrowinthestateofAndhraPradeshintheareaofGunturareextremelyspicy.Theyarealittleroundedinshape,notasdeepredincolourandarecalledGunturchillies.Agoodcookusesacombinationofdifferentkindsofchilliestomakethedishdeliciousandattractive.Nowthat’swhatIcallindigenous.’‘Therewerealsotwootherkindsofchilliesinourfarm—onewasachilli
calledGandharorRavanachillithatgrowsupsidedownandtheotherone,ofcourse,wascapsicum.’Unclenodded.‘CapsicuminIndiaisnothingbutgreenorredbellpeppersin
theWest.ButifyoueatonetinyRavanachilli,youwillhavetositinthebathroomwithyourbacksideinpainanddrinkmanybottlesofwaterforalong,longtime!Oryouwillhavetoeatfivehundredgramsofcandies,sweetsorchocolates.’Webothlaughed.Hearingthelaughter,Rekha’smothercameandjoinedus.‘Areyoufolks
jokingabouttoday’smenu?I’msorrythattherewasn’tmuchvariety.WhenIheardthatyouwerecomingforlunch,ItoldUncletoinformyouthattoday’s
foodwasgoingtobeblandandthatyoucouldcomeanotherSunday,buthesaidthatyouarelikefamilyandwouldn’tmindatall,’shesaidtome.Thatsparkedmyinterest.‘Tellmethereasonfortheblandfood,Aunty!’‘Wehaveamethodtothemadness,Iguess.Duringdeathanniversaries,wedo
notusevegetablesorspicesthathavecomefromothercountries.Hence,weuseingredientslikefenugreek,blackpepperandcucumber,amongothers.OurancestorswerescaredofusingnewvegetablesandnamedtheseimportsVishwamitrasrishti.’ThiswasthefirsttimethatIhadheardofsuchathing.‘Whatdoesthat
mean?’Auntysettledintoamakeshiftchairundertheguavatree.‘Thestorygoesthat
therewasakingcalledTrishankuwhowantedtogotoheavenalongwithhisphysicalbody.Withhisstrongpenanceandpowers,thesageVishwamitrawasabletosendhimtoheaven,butthegodspushedhimbackbecausetheywereworriedthatitwouldsetaprecedentforpeopletocomeinwiththeirphysicalbodies.Thatwasnottobeallowed.VishwamitratriedtopushTrishankuupwardsbutthegodspushedhimdown,likeagameoftugofwar.Intheend,VishwamitracreatedanewworldforTrishankuandcalleditTrishankuSwarga.Heevencreatedvegetablesthatbelongedneithertotheearthnorheaven.SovegetableslikeeggplantandcauliflowerarethecreationsofVishwamitra,whichmustnotbeusedatatimesuchasadearone’sdeathanniversary.’SilencefellbetweenusandIponderedoverAunty’sstory.Afterafew
minutes,IsawRekhacomingtowardsuswithsomebananasandorangesandaboxofwhatseemedtobedessert.‘Come,’shesaidtome,‘havesomething.Thebananaisfromourgardenand
thedessertismadefromhome-growningredientstoo!Youmustbe...’Uncleinterrupted,‘DoyouknowthatwemakesomanydessertsinIndiathat
aren’toriginaltoourcountry?’‘Appa,tellherthestoryoftheguavaandthebanana.Ireallylikethatone,’
Rekhasaid.Shesmiledasshehandedmeabanana.Unclegrinned,pleasedtoimpartsomemoreknowledge.‘Theseedsofguava
camefromGoa,’hesaid.‘Sosomepeoplesaythat’showitwasnamed.InKannada,wecallitperalahannubecausewebelievethatitoriginatedinPeru,SouthAmerica.Letmetellyouastory.‘Durvasawasafamedshort-temperedsageinourancientepics.Hecursed
‘Durvasawasafamedshort-temperedsageinourancientepics.Hecursedanyonewhodaredtorousehisanger.ThesagewasmarriedtoawomannamedKandali.Oneday,shesaidtohim,“Osage,peopleareterriblyafraidofyouwhileIhavelivedwithyouforsuchalongtime.Don’tyouthinkIdeserveagreatboonfromyou?”‘ThoughDurvasawasupsetatherwords,hedidnotcurseher.Hethought
seriouslyaboutwhatshehadsaidanddecidedthatshewasright.“Iwillgiveyouaboon.Butonlyone.Sothinkcarefully,”hesaid.‘Aftersomethought,shereplied,“Createafruitformethatisuniqueand
blessedwithbeautifulcolours.Thetreeshouldgrownotinheavenbutonearth.Itshouldhavetheabilitytogroweasilyeverywhereinourcountry.Itmustgivefruitsinbunchesandforthewholeyear.Thefruitmustnothaveanyseedsandmustnotcreateamesswhenweeatit.Whenitisnotripe,weshouldbeabletouseitasavegetableandonceitisripe,weshoulduseitwhileperformingpujas.Wemustbeabletouseallpartsofthetree.”‘Durvasawassurprisedandimpressedatthenumberofspecificationshiswife
wasgivinghim.Hewasusedtogivingcursesinangerandthenfiguringouttheirsolutionsoncehehadcalmeddown,butthisseeminglysimplerequestwasatestofhisintelligence.“Nowonderwomenarecleverer.Menlikemegetupsetquicklyandactbeforefullythinkingoftheconsequences,”hethought.‘ThesageprayedtoGoddessSaraswatitogivehimtheknowledgewithwhich
hecouldsatisfyhiswife’sdemand.Afterafewminutes,herealizedthathewouldbeabletofulfilhiswife’sdesire.Thushecreatedthebananatree,whichisfoundalloverIndiatoday.Everypartofthetree—theleaf,thebark,thestem,theflowersanditsfruitsareuseddaily.Rawbananacanbecookedwhiletheripebananacanbeeateneasilybypeelingoffitsskin.Itisalsoanessentialpartofworshiptothegods.Thefruitisseedlessandpresentsitselfasabunch.Amaturetreelivesforayearandsmallersaplingsarefoundaroundit.‘Kandaliwasecstaticandnamedtheplantkandari.Sheannounced,“Whoever
eatsthisfruitwillnotgetupset,despitethefactthatitwascreatedbymyshort-temperedhusband.”‘Overaperiodoftime,peoplestartedusingthebananaextensivelyandloved
it.SlowlythenamekandarichangedtokadaliandthebananacametobeknownaskadaliphalainSanskrit.’Uncletookadeepbreathattheendofhisstory.Ismiled,amusedatthestorythatseemedtoresultfromfertileimagination.I
hadastrongurgetogrababananaandtookonefromtheplateinfrontofme.
hadastrongurgetogrababananaandtookonefromtheplateinfrontofme.‘Youmayhavegivenmeblandfoodtoday,’Isaid,‘butIreallywantsomedessert.’Rekhaopenedthebox.Itwasfilledwithdifferentvarietiesofsweets.Isaw
gulabjamuns,jhangri(adeep-friedflour-baseddessert)andgulkhand(arosepetal-basedpreserve).Ican’tresistgulabjamuns,soIimmediatelypickedoneupandpoppeditintomydroolingmouth.Itwassoftandsweet.‘Whatadessert!’Iremarked,amazedathowdeliciousitwas!‘NobodycanbeatuswhenitcomestoIndiandesserts.Idon’tknowhowpeoplecanliveinothercountrieswithoutgulabjamuns.’‘Waitaminute,don’tmakesuchsweepingstatements,’saidRekha.‘Gulab
jamunisnotfromIndia.’‘Yeah,right,’Isaid,notconvincedatall.Beforeshecouldstopme,Igrabbed
anothergulabjamunandgulpeditdown.‘I’mserious.Alanguagescholaroncecametospeakinourcollege.Hetoldus
thatapartfromEnglish,weusemultiplePersian,ArabicandPortuguesewordsthatwearen’tevenawareof.GulabjamunisaPersianwordandisadishpreparedinIran.ItbecamepopularinIndiaduringtheMughalreignbecausethecourtlanguagewasPersian.Thesameistrueforjhangri,whichisakindofornamentwornonthewristandthejhangridesignresemblesit.’‘Youwillnowtellmethatevengulkhandisfromsomewhereelse!’I
complainedloudly.Shegrinned,‘Youaren’twrong!GulkhandisaPersianwordtoo—gulis
nothingbutroseandkhandmeanssweet.Gul,infact,originatesfromthewordgulab(rose).’Mybrainwasthoroughlyexhaustedwithallthisinformation.WhenIsawthe
oranges,Isaidwithpride,‘Iwillnotcallthisanorangenow,butitsKannadanamenarangi.’Uncleclearedhisthroat.‘NarangiisanIndianwordbutitdoesnotoriginate
inKarnataka.Itismadeupoftwowords—naar(orangeorcolourofthesun)andrangi(colour).’Theconversationwasleavingmefeelingtrulylost.‘Whenpeoplestayinoneplaceforsometime,’hecontinued,‘theywill
unknowinglyabsorbtheculturearoundthem,includingtheirfoodandlanguage.
Attimes,weadoptthechangesintoourlocalcuisineandmakeitourown.That’sexactlywhathappenedwiththefoodswehavediscussed.’Iglancedatmywatch.Itwastimeformetoleave.Ithankedthemprofusely,
especiallyUncle,forenlighteningmeinawaythatevenGooglecouldnot.TherewasahugetrafficjamdespiteitbeingaSundayeveningasIsetoutfor
home,butIwasn’tboredontheway.Infact,IwashappytorecollectUncle’swordsandperhaps,asaresult,suddenlyrememberedanincident.Mymotherhadtwosisters.Thoughallthreesistersweremarriedtomenfrom
thesamestate,theirhusbands’jobswereindifferentareas—onelivedinsouthKarnatakaintheoldMysorestate,myparentslivedinMaharashtraandthethirdstayedintheflatlandsinaremotecornerofKarnataka.Aftertheirhusbandsretired,thethreesisterslivedinHubliinthesamearea.It
wasfuntomeetmycousinseverydayandeatmealstogether.Wecelebratedfestivalsasafamilyandthefoodwascookedinonehouse,thougheverybodybroughthome-cookeddessertsfromtheirownhouses.DuringoneparticularDiwali,wehadahostofdelicacies.Mymothermade
puriandshrikhand(apopulardishinMaharashtramadefromstrainedyogurtandsugar).MyauntfromMysoremadekishmishkheerandarice-basedmaincoursecalledbisibeleanna,whiletheotherauntmadegroundnut-basedsweetssuchasjaggery-basedstickychikkiandball-shapedladdus.Aschildren,mycousinsandIhadplentyoffuneatingthembutinthecar,I
realizedforthefirsttimethatallthesistershadabsorbedsomethingfromtheareathattheyhadlivedin.Despitetheirphysicalproximity,thefoodineachhouseholdwassodiverse.Icouldn’thelpbutwonderhowexcitingthefoodreallymustbeinthedifferentregionsofIndia.Ithoughtofpaneerpizzas,cheesedosasandtheIndian‘Chinese’food.They
musthaveoriginatedthesameway.WhoreallysaidthatIndiaisacountry?Itisacontinent—culturallyvibrant,
diverseinfoodandyet,distinctlyIndianatheart.
4ThreeHandfulsofWater
WhenIwasyoung,IlivedwithmygrandparentsinatinyvillageinKarnataka.Mygrandmother,Krishnakka,wasagood-lookinglady.ButIrarelysawher
dresswell,unlesstherewasafestivaloranimportantevent.WhenIcamebackfromschooloneday,Ifoundherjustabouttoopenabig
woodenboxcontaininghersilksarisandafewdearpossessions.Sincesherarelyopenedthisparticularbox,italwayscarriedanairoffascinationforme.I’dalwaysdropwhateverIwasdoingtojoinher.Thistimewasnodifferent.Idroppedmybagandrantoher.Ipeepedinsideandsawasilverkumkumbharani(aboxusedtokeeptheredpowderusedforsocialorreligiouspurposes),asmallmirrorwithasilverhandle,abroken,yetusefulivorycombandafewsilvervessels.‘Myfathergavethesetomeonmywedding,’saidmygrandmotherwithpride
inhervoice.Herfatherhadbeengonealongtime.Itookthekumkumboxinmyhandandstaredatit.Itwasaround-shapedbox
thatlookedlikeaminiaturepagoda.Iremovedthecoverandopeneditwithoutasecondthought.Therewerethreepartstoit—thefirstonecontainedhoneybeewax,thesecondwasasmallroundmirrorandatthebottomwasaspacetokeepthekumkum.Iwasfascinated.‘Avva,’Ibegan,alittlehesitant.‘Outofallyourgifts,Ilovethekumkumbharanithemost.WillyoupleasegivethistomewhenIgrowup?’‘Ihavethirteengrandchildren.Eachofthemmustgetsomething.ButIwill
keepthisforyou,’shesmiledassherepliedcandidly.
Later,shesatunhurriedlyinfrontofafull-lengthmirror,brushedherhair,woreanoseringandanine-yardgreenBanarasisariwithayellowblouse.Sheputonabigbindiandprettypearlearrings,anddecoratedherhandswithgreenglassbanglesandtwogoldones.Thenshecircledherbunwithflowers.SheperfectlyfittheimageofanelderlywomanfromnorthKarnataka.‘Avva,thereisnofestivaltoday.Whyareyoudresseduplikethis?Areyou
goingsomewhere?’Iasked.‘Iamgoingoutforlunchandyouaregoingtocomewithme.Getready
quickly.’WhenIpausedforafewmoments,sheadded,‘Don’tworryaboutyour
afternoonclass.Yourteacherisalsocomingthere.’Inthevillageschool,thiskindofadjustmentwasnotunusual.Sometimes,we
gotadayoffinthemiddleoftheweekanditwascompensatedforonaSunday.Thingsweremorefluidandlifewassimple,andIwasbutabudfloweringinthisforestofmyown.Ididn’tneedtobetoldasecondtime.Iwashappyatthethoughtofattending
alunchpartyandrantochangemyclothes.Eveninthosedays,Inevertookmorethanafewminutestogetready.Avvawasn’tusuallyatalkativeperson,butshewasinagoodmoodthatday.
Asmygrandfatherwasn’tinclinedtoaccompanyherforsuchfunctions,shetoldherhusband,‘IamgoingoutforlunchtoIndira’shousetoday.Ihavekeptyourmealcoveredwithaplantainleaf.Pleasehaveitassoonaspossible.’Mygrandfather,whomIaffectionatelycalledShiggaonKaka,noddedand
continuedreadingthenewspaper.Withinminutes,westeppedoutandstartedwalkingtowardsIndiraAjji’s
house.‘What’stheoccasion?’Iasked.‘MyfriendIndirahascomebackfromVaranasiandhasinvitedallofusfor
lunch.ItisawonderfulcelebrationcalledKashiSamaradhane.’‘Whatisthat?IfIndiraAjjihasreturnedfromavisit,thenwhydowehaveto
celebrateit?Isn’titlikegoingtoHubliorGadagandcomingback?Wedon’thaveanypartyorcelebrationthen!’Avvasighed.‘ThereisalotofdifferencebetweengoingtoKashiandgoingto
Hubli.Kashiisoneofthemostsacredplacesonearth.TheriverGangaflows
there.ItisbelievedthatLordVishwanath,theLordoftheuniverse,residesthereandgivesboonstoeveryone.Itishisfavouriteplaceontheplanet.Thereareeightyghatstobatheinthere.ThousandsofSanskritscholarsliveinthecity.ThesarithatIamwearingtodayisknownasaBanarasisari.Ifyougetsuchasariasaweddinggift,itisconsideredtobeveryluckyasitisfromtheholylandofKashi.’Iwasn’tfullyconvinced.‘Still,whyissuchalunchorganized?’Ipersisted,
despitemydesperatedesiretoeatthegoodiesatthecelebrationanyway.‘ItisnoteasytogotoKashi,nomatterhowrichordevotedyouare.Going
thereandcomingbackisanarduousjourney.Youhavetoswitchmanytrainsandbuses.First,peopletherespeakadifferentlanguagecalledHindi.Second,wedon’thaveanyrelativestoleanonordirectus.Third,itissocoldduringwinterthatyoucan’tevensubmergeyourfeetinthefreezingriver.Fourth,inthesummer,theheatmakesthegroundsoflaminghotthatyoucan’twalkbarefootforthepujas.Fifth,ifthelocalstherefindoutthatweareoutsiders,thenmoreoftenthannot,theytrytocheatus.TherearestoriesofpeoplegoingtoKashiwithoutevercomingback.Sowhensomeonereturns,weconsiderthemblessed.That’swhytheygiveusafeastandweexchangegifts.’‘Whatareyougoingtogive,Avva?’Iwascurious.Avvaopenedthebagthatshewascarrying.Therewasanicecottonsari
inside,alongwithplentyoffruitsandflowers.‘Andwhatwillshegiveus?’‘WewillgetaKashithreadandsomewaterfromtheGanga,bothofwhich
areprecious.WearthethreadonyourwristoryourneckeverydayandGodwillprotectyoufromdifficulties.’Thatwasgoodnewsindeed.IneededalltheprotectionIcouldgetformy
upcomingexaminations.‘Youareluckytogetitatsuchayoungage,’Avvasaid,assheincorrectly
interpretedthereasonformysmile.‘WhatdoestheKashithreadlooklike?’‘Well,itisasimpleknottedblackthread.KashiisprotectedbyBhairavnath,
whoisagreatandloyalservantofLordShiva.IfyougotoKashianddon’tseetheKaalBhairavtemple,youryatraorjourneyisconsideredincomplete.YouwillgetaKashithreadfromthere,whichyouhavetowearforBhairavnathto
protectyou.SincetheKashitripisdifficult,hewillaccompanyyouinhisinvisibleformuntilyoureachhomesafely.Thenherunsbacktoassistthenextdevotee,’finishedmygrandmother.‘Hmm,’Ithought.‘Whatifhehastohelpmorethanonepersonhome?’BeforeIcouldask,Avvaanswered,‘Iknowwhatyouaregoingtoaskme
now.Bhairavnathcanmultiplyhimselfasmanytimesashewantsto.’Soinstead,Iasked,‘WhatistheuseofthewaterfromtheGanga?’‘Sillygirl,howcanIeverdescribetheuseoftheholywater?’Shepattedmy
headaffectionately.‘TheGangaisthelifeofourcountry.Everybodywantstodrinktheholywater,butitisn’tpossibleforpeoplelikeuswholiveinsouthIndia.SowekeepafewspoonsofGangajal,theholywaterfromtheGanga,forwhoeverisinthelastdaysoftheirlifesothattheycangotoheaven.’‘Avva,’Iasked,‘ifKashiissoimportantandyoubelieveinitsomuch,then
Kakaandyoumustgothere.Iwillalsocomewithyou.’Avvaturnedthoughtful.‘IhaveneverventuredoutofKarnataka,’shesaid.
‘YouknowthatKakaandIavoideatinganythingwhenwetravel.IttakesatleasttendaystogotoKashi.Andit’sbettertotravelinagroupbecausewedon’tknowthelocallanguage.Itisdifficulttoformsuchagrouphere,andwearealsogettingold.Wedon’twanttofallsickonthewayandburdenthegroup.SogoingtoKashiwillmostlikelyremainadreamforme.ButIamhappythatIndirahasgonetherewithhercousins.AtleastIcanvisitherandlistentoherstories.’Atthetime,Ididn’tunderstandwhymygrandmotherhadsuchdevotionfor
thisholyland.Soon,wereachedIndiraAjji’shouse.Thewholeatmospherewasfestive.
Stumpsofbananatreesandmangoleavesweretiedtothesidesofthegate.Therewereplentyofflowerdecorationsallovertheplace.Anintricaterangolidesignwasdrawnonthefloorattheentrance.Iimmediatelyspottedmyclassmatesrunninghereandtherewithglee.Myteacherwasofferinghome-madedrinkstoallthechildren.OnonesidelayfiftypotscontainingGangajal.Allthepotshadblackthreadstiedaroundtheneck.Theywerepileduponatabledecoratedwithflowers.Asinglebananaleafwaslaidoutnearbywithallthedishes,thoughtherewasnoonesittingthere.Mymindracedtocountthenumberofdessertsontheleaf.
AvvaandIenteredthemainroom.Sincemygrandmotherwastheoldestpersonthereandquitepopulartoo,peopleseemedtobehappytoseeher.AvvaturnedtoIndira,‘YouaresoluckytohavevisitedKashi,bathedintheriverGangaandseenLordVishwanathinallhisglory.’IndiraAjjismiledgentlyandinvitedbothofustositdown.Peoplewere
gatheredaroundhertohearmoreabouthertrip.Somebodyasked,‘WhatdidyouthinkofthefamousAnnapoornatemple?’‘Itwasbeautiful,’shereplied.‘ItislocatedbeforeLordVishwanath’stemple
andistheonlytemplewhereShivaisbelievedtoaskforalmsandfoodfromhiswifewithhisbeggingbowl.Heissaidtoappearinthetempleonlyonafewspecialdays.’Aspeoplestartedaskingmorequestions,Ibecamebored.Slowly,Inudgedmygrandmother.Whensheturnedtolookatme,Ipointed
tothebananaleafandasked,‘Avva,whyisnobodysittingforlunchthere?Iamhungry.CanIgoeatthefood?’‘Don’teventhinkaboutit!ThatfoodisforBhairavnath.Hehasmuchworkto
doandhastomakethetripbacksoon.Butyoucanpraytohimifyouwant.’Ididn’tseeanyonesittingtherebutrememberedthathewassupposedtobe
invisible.SoIjoinedmyhandstogetherandprayedfacingtheleaf.Ashortwhilelater,weallhadadeliciouslunch.Onourwayback,mygrandmotherremarked,‘Isn’titwonderfultohearthat
IndiratookthreehandfulsofwaterfromtheriverGangaandsalutedtherisingsun?Itmustbesuchabeautifulsight.Sometimes,Ialsowishtodothesame.IhaveconvincedmyselfthattherivuletinourgardenisalsoanotherformoftheGangaandifIworshipher,itisasgoodasworshippingtheriverinKashi.’Itwaseveningbythetimewereachedhomeandfromadistance,Icouldsee
mygrandfathersittingintheverandah.KakawasmygoodfriendandIrantotellhimabouttheday.JustasIapproachedhim,hesmiledandasked,‘Didyourgrandmothertell
youaboutwhatyoumustleavebehindinKashi?’‘Whatareyoutalkingabout,Kaka?’‘Intheoldendays,thejourneytoKashitookmonthsandnotdays.Today,we
havetrainsandroadsbutthenpeoplehadtowalkandcrossforestsandfacedangersontheirway.Manydidnotmakeitbacktotheirhomes.EmperorAkbar
abolishedthejizyataxforentryintoVaranasiwhereasAurangzebreintroducedit.HencethejourneytoKashiwasexpensive.IfsomeonemadeittoKashisuccessfully,theywouldmakeanunusualvow—togiveupwhatevertheylovedthemostaftertakingthreehandfulsofwater,keepingLordSunasawitness.AwordgiventotheGangainsuchawayisconsideredunbreakableandoneisobligedtofulfilit.’IwasfascinatedandwaitedasKakatookadeepbreath.‘Therearecertainrulesthatyoumustfollow.’‘Whatrules?’‘Onecannotgiveupeatingrice,wheatflour,milk,lentils,gheeorjaggery.
Onecangiveupeatingonevegetableandonefruitthatfreelygrowsaroundtheirhometownorareaandadessertthattheylove.Soifyoulovejalebis,youcanvowtoabstainfromit,butyoucan’tgiveupsomethingthatyoudon’tlike,suchasbittergourd.Wheneveryouseewhatyouhavegivenup,itwillremindyouofKashi.’‘Thatisquitetough,Kaka!’Mygrandfathercontinuedasifhehadn’theardme,‘Ifahusbandandwifego
together,theycanchoosetogiveupthesamethings.Thatiseasyasitmeansthattheywon’thavetocookseparately.Butifahusbandandwifevisitindividuallyandchoosetoabstainfromdifferentthings,thenbothofthemmustleavewhatevertheotherhas,too.’Avva,meanwhile,reachedtheverandah.‘Thatsoundstoocomplicated!’Ithought.Outloud,Iasked,‘Isitveryhardto
leavewhatyoulike,Kaka?’‘Itdependsontheindividual.Ifyoudecidetofulfilyourvowwithyourheart
andsoul,thenthedesirefortheobjectgoesawaywithtimeandthatwayoflifesimplybecomesahabit.’‘WhatwillyouleaveifyougotoKashi?’Iaskedmischievously.‘IloveyourAvvaandthat’swhyIwillnevergotoKashi!’herepliedwitha
twinkleinhiseye.ThoughAvvawasold,shesuddenlybecameshyandquicklywalkedin.Inamoreserioustone,headded,‘Itisnotuptoustogothere.ItisLord
Vishwanath’swish.Hewillcalluswhenit’sourtime.’
Yearsflewbyandseasonswentpast.AvvadiedwithoutevergoingtoKashi.Shepassedawayonthedayshealwayswantedto—thedayofBhishmastamiorthedayBhishmadied.Itisbelievedthatthegatesofheavenareopenonthisday.IwasinPunethenandbythetimeIreachedHubli,Icouldonlyseeherashesandherpictureonthewall.MymemoryofAvvaremainedthatofanactive,cheerful,helpfulandaffectionatewoman.BasedonAvva’slastinstructions,myauntgavemethekumkumboxandI
preserveditlikeatreasureinanoldchest,butdidnotuseitasoftenasshedidbecausebythen,stickerbindishadinvadedtheIndianmarket.Astimewentby,Istartedreadingextensivelyandbecamecompletely
fascinatedwithBuddhism.Buddha’scompassionateheartmovedmeinwaysthatIcannotexpressandIunderstoodwhyhehadtakenthefamousmiddlepath.Buddhismisrepresentedbyawheelandtwodeer.Sarnath,theplacethathadplayedabigroleinBuddha’slifeandwastheplaceofhisfirstsermon,wasadeerparklocatedonlyafewkilometresawayfromVaranasi.IrealizedthenthatthecitygotitsnamefromtheriversVarunaandAssithatbothjointheriverGangaatthislocation.Itisbelievedtobeasacredlandsincetimeimmemorial.In629AD,whentheChinesetravellerHiuenTsangvisitedIndia,hedescribed
Varanasiingreatdetailalongwithadescriptionofitstemples,rivuletsandtherichnessofthesurroundings.IfeltanincreasingdesiretogotoKashiandyet,itsomehowbecamelowonmylistofprioritiesbecauseofworkandroutine.DuringthefestivalofDiwaliin1995,Ireceivedagiftintheformofabook
calledBanaras:CityofLightbyDianaL.Eck.Ikeptitaside,intendingtoreaditafterthewonderfulmadnessofthefestivalwasover.Thatyear,ourfamilydecidedtocelebratewithatraditionalaarti.Iwentto
mybedroomandopenedtheoldchest.Ibeganrummagingthroughittofindthesilverplateforthepuja.Suddenly,Isawthekumkumbox.ItwasastrongreminderofAvvaandIforgotabouttheplate.Gently,Itookouttheboxandrecalledthewaysheusedtowearherkumkum.IsawherdressingupforKashiSamaradhaneandrememberedhowwehadwalkedforthelunchtogether.Oh,howIusedtopesterhertogivemethetreasuredkumkumbharani!ShebelievedwholeheartedlyintheholinessofKashibutnevervisitedthecityorregrettedthemiss!Ithoughttomyself,‘GoingtoKashiisnottoughnow.Moreover,Ihave
Diana’sbookwithme.ItwillhelpmeunderstandthecitybetterbeforeIgo.MaybeIshoulddoitforthesakeofmygrandmother...’‘Areyoumeditatinginthere?’mymomcalledout,cuttingmythoughtsshort.
‘Everyoneiswaiting.’Ifoundthesilverplatequicklyandgaveittomymotheralongwiththe
kumkumbharani.‘Good,thisismymother’spreciouspossession.Itwillbeasifherspiritis
withusduringtheprayerstoday,’shesaid.Oncethefestiveseasonhadended,IbeganreadingDiana’sbook—a
masterpieceinitself.Itwas,infact,theauthor’sPhDthesisatHarvard.She,aforeigner,hadcometoIndiaandstayedhereforyearsstudyingaboutthereligiousplacesinourcountry.AndhereIwas,doingnothing!Ifeltashamedofmyself.ThebookinspiredmetogettoKashiassoonasIcould,ifonlytosatisfymychildhoodcuriosityandmygrandmother’sdesire.InFebruary1996,Imanagedtofindmywaythereallbymyself.Istayedina
hotelandhadthedarshanofLordVishwanath,whosetemplewasinacornerofthecity.Hewasworshippedusingthethree-leavedBilva(LordShiva’stree)patrasandconstantlybathedbyhisdevoteeswhogatheredthere.Thereweresecuritygunmen,abarbedwirefenceandtheGyanvapimosquenearthetemple.ThedifferentimageoftheplaceIhadinmyminddisappointedmealittle,butIwasamazedbythefaithofthepeopleofvariedageswhohadcomefromalloverthecountry.Oncethatwasdone,IwenttoseetheManikarnikaghat,wheredeadbodies
arecrematedeverydayandalmostendlessly.ThestrongbeliefthatdyinginKashiisagatewaytoheavenhasnotchangedevenwiththeincreaseinliteracyandthechangingculture.Ivisitedsomemoreghatsandwastakenabackbytheamountofdirtinthisholycity.IalsovisitedtheBanarasHinduUniversitythatwasestablishedsingle-handedlybyMadanMohanMalaviya,andbeautifulmuseumsdepictingHindustaniragasthroughenchantingpaintings.Iwalkedtonumeroustemples,smallandbig,includingthetemplesof
AnnapoornaDevi,BhairavnathandthefamousHanumantemplenamedSankatMochan,wherethemonkeysoutnumberedthedevotees.Thoughplentyofblackthreadswerebeingsoldaroundme,Ididn’tbuyanybecauseIhadgrownoutof
thebelief.TheholyGangawaterwasabundantandupforsaleindifferentvolumes,shapesandsizes.Eventoday,thewaterisconsideredholy.InthesmalllanesofKashi,Iwanderedaround,aimlessandhappyinthe
moment.Thebeautifulviewsandtheprettysariscaughtmyeye.Whatagorgeousinventionthesariis—ararecombinationofthecloth-tyingmethodoftheGreeks,theRomansandourown.WheneverItravelabroad,Icomeacrosspeoplewhoarefascinatedwiththeborder,therichness,thezariandthepallu,whichautomaticallybestowsaroyalappearancetowhoeverwearsit.KashiboastsofuniqueBanarasisariswhichhavechangedovertheyearsbut
stillremainattractive.Iplannedtobuyafewsarisformyself—apastel-colouredone,abrightonesuitableforeveningwearandadarkgreensariliketheoneAvvahad.Thesellerscalledouttomeandtheotherpassers-by.Iabsolutelylovedshoppingforsaris.ButthenIchangedmymind.‘Whatwasthehurry?IwillshoptomorrowafterIhaveseenmore,’Ithought.SoIwentaboutdoingsomewindowshopping.ThenIwentbacktotheghatsandfinallyreachedthebusyDashashwamedh
ghat.Thecrowdwaspreparingfortheeveningaarti.Iglancedatthetourists—theyseemedtocomenotjustfromdifferentstatesbutalsofromdifferentcountries.Theyweresmilingandtakingpicturesoftheirsurroundings.Thedirt,thesmalllanesandtheclaustrophobicclosenessofitalldidnotseemtobotherthem.Thesadhuswereinhalf-meditationandmostofthedevoteeswerepreparingfortheirdipinthewater.Iwastempted.‘Whycan’tIbatheintheGangatoo?MaybeIcanalsoofferthreehandfulsofwatertotheGangaandcompletemyKashiexperience.’Ilookedaroundandthedirtsuddenlygavemesecondthoughts.Ididn’twant
totakeadipthere.Asifitwasmeanttobe,IrememberedanoldfriendAjaywholivedneartheGaighat.MaybeIcouldaskhimiftherewasacleanerandlesscrowdedspotmoresuitableforme.SoIlocatedalandlinenearbyandphonedhim.ItwasobviousthatAjaywas
upsetbecauseIhadn’tinformedhimofmyvisit.HegavemestrictinstructionstoremainwhereIwasandwithinafewminutes,hearrivedonhisscooter.‘Whyareyoustayinginahotelwhenyouhaveafriendinthesamecity?You
mustmovetomyhomeimmediately,’heinsisted.Iagreed.Ihadnoreasontorefusehiswarmhospitality.
Ishiftedtohishaveli.Threefamilieslivedinthemansion.Eachfamilyhadaseparatekitchenandlivedintheirownsectionsofthehugehome.Ajay’ssideofthehomehadaviewoftheGangawiththeeveninglightsshiningbrightlyasfarasIcouldsee.Hiswife,Nishi,entertainedmewithdeliciousKashisweets,sumptuousfood
andpaan.Later,hetookmetoaHindustanimusicconcertandspokeaboutthegreatmusiciansofKashisuchasBismillahKhanandRaviShankarandhowthecitywasalsoaplaceformusiclovers.Thecity,thoughdirty,wasthrivingwithlifeandculture.Atdawn,IfoundmyselfattheGaighatreadyforthedip.Isataloneonthe
stepsandthenimmersedmyselfinthewatertillmyshoulderblades.Thecoldnesstookmebysurpriseandittookafewminutesformybodytoadjusttothisnewtemperature.ItooksomewaterinmypalmsandmymindinstantlywentbacktoAvva.
Thereshewas—wearingthegreensariandtheyellowblouse,lookingatmewithloveandtellingmeaboutthethreehandfulsofwaterfromtheGanga.IsawKakasittingontheverandahduringsunset,tellingmehowitwasLordVishwanathwhodecidedwhenanindividualvisitedKashi.HowmyoldgrandparentshadlovedthecityandtheriverGanga!Tearssprangtomyeyes.Iwasblessedtohavegrandparentswhowerecontentandhadsuchstrongbeliefs.‘ItissoeasytovisitKashinow,’Ithought.‘ItookaflightfromBengaluruto
DelhiandthentoVaranasiandreachedinamerefivehours.’Now,therewasnoKashiSamaradhaneorthecustomarydistributionoftheholywaterortheblackthread.Nobodyhadthetimeortheinclination.Ilookedattherisingsunandwasbroughtbacktothepresentmoment.Itook
thefirsthandfulofwaterandsaidtomyself,‘OGanga,withthesunasthewitness,Igivethiswateronbehalfofmygrandparents.Maytheirsoulsrestinpeaceandbehappywherevertheyarerightnow.’IfeltrelievedandknewthatIhadfulfilledmygrandparents’desireeven
thoughtheyhadnevertoldmetodoso.ThenIcuppedsomemorewaterandsaidoutloud,‘OGanga,withthesunas
thewitness,youarethelifelineofourcountry.Youhaveseentheriseandfallofmanykingdomsonyourbanks.Iamgratefulandproudtobelongtothisland.
Mayyoucontinuetoflourish.ThereisnothingthatIcangiveyoubutthishandfulofwater.’Withthethirdhandful,Irememberedmygrandfather’swords,‘Giveupwhat
youlovethemost.’‘WhatshouldIdetachmyselffrom?’Iwondered.Ilovedlife,colours,shapes,
nature,music,artforms,readingandshopping,especiallyforsaris.MyselectionofearthycolourswaspopularandIlovedobservingthechangesinsaridesignsovertheyears.‘Well,ifthecityofKashidemandswhatIlovethemost,thenwiththesunasthewitness,Igiveupallkindsofshoppingfromthisdayon,exceptforessentialslikefood,medicine,travel,booksandmusic.IwilldosountilthedayIamnolongerinthisworld,’Isaidandcompletedtheritual.Slowly,IreleasedthewaterfrommypalmsbacktotheGanga.Somewhereoutthere,itfeltlikemygrandfatherhadjustsmiled.Afew
minuteslater,Iwadedoutofthewaterandsatonthestepswithatowelwrappedaroundme.Sotherewouldbenomoreappreciationofmysarichoicesandnoneofmy
friendswouldcallmeforweddingshopping.IwasworriedifIwouldbeabletosticktomyvowsinceIhadplannedtobuysaristhatdayinKashi.IwonderedifIhadchosentogiveupshoppingonthespurofthemomentorifitwaspre-plannedsomehow.Tothisday,Idon’tknow.Igotup,changedmyclothes,tookoutthekumkumpowderfromAvva’s
bharaniandputabitonmyforehead.Thatwastwentyyearsago.Thetruthisthatthevowturnedouttobeagatewaytofreedom.Thedesireto
acquirehasvanishedovertime.Onceayear,afewknownfriendsandsistersgavemesarisoftheirchoiceandIcontinuedtowearthemhappilyforalongtimebutastheyearsflewby,Ilostinterestinthattoo,andrequestedthemnottogiftmeanything.Thatlasthandfulofwaterhadchangedmylifeforever.
5CattleClass
Lastyear,IwasattheHeathrowInternationalAirportinLondonabouttoboardaflight.Usually,IwearasarievenwhenIamabroad,butIpreferwearingasalwarkameezwhiletravelling.SothereIwas—aseniorcitizendressedintypicalIndianapparelattheterminalgate.Sincetheboardinghadn’tstarted,Isatdownandbegantoobservemy
surroundings.TheflightwasboundforBengaluruandsoIcouldhearpeoplearoundmechattinginKannada.Isawmanyoldmarriedcouplesofmyage—theyweremostlikelycomingbackfromtheUSorUKafterhelpingtheirchildreneitherthroughchildbirthoranewhome.IsawsomeBritishbusinessexecutivestalkingtoeachotheraboutIndia’sprogress.Someteenagerswerebusywiththegadgetsintheirhandswhiletheyoungerchildrenwerecryingorrunningaboutthegate.Afterafewminutes,theboardingannouncementwasmadeandIjoinedthe
queue.Thewomaninfrontofmewasawell-groomedladyinanIndo-Westernsilkoutfit,aGuccihandbagandhighheels.Everysinglestrandofherhairwasinplaceandafriendstoodnexttoherinanexpensivesilksari,pearlnecklace,matchingearringsanddelicatediamondbangles.IlookedatthevendingmachinenearbyandwonderedifIshouldleavethe
queuetogetsomewater.Suddenly,thewomaninfrontofmeturnedsidewaysandlookedatmewith
whatseemedlikepityinhereyes.Extendingherhand,sheasked,‘MayIseeyourboardingpass,please?’Iwasabouttohandovermypasstoher,butsinceshedidn’tseemlikean
airlineemployee,Iasked,‘Why?’
airlineemployee,Iasked,‘Why?’‘Well,thislineismeantforbusinessclasstravellersonly,’shesaid
confidentlyandpointedherfingertowardstheeconomyclassqueue.‘Youshouldgoandstandthere,’shesaid.IwasabouttotellherthatIhadabusinessclassticketbutonsecondthoughts,
heldback.IwantedtoknowwhyshehadthoughtthatIwasn’tworthyofbeinginthebusinessclass.SoIrepeated,‘WhyshouldIstandthere?’Shesighed.‘Letmeexplain.Thereisabigdifferenceinthepriceofan
economyandabusinessclassticket.Thelattercostsalmosttwoandahalftimesmorethan...’‘Ithinkitisthreetimesmore,’herfriendinterrupted.‘Exactly,’saidthewoman.‘Sotherearecertainprivilegesthatareassociated
withabusinessclassticket.’‘Really?’Idecidedtobemischievousandpretendednottoknow.‘Whatkind
ofprivilegesareyoutalkingabout?’Sheseemedannoyed.‘Weareallowedtobringtwobagsbutyoucanonly
takeone.Wecanboardtheflightfromanother,less-crowdedqueue.Wearegivenbettermealsandseats.Wecanextendtheseatsandliedownflatonthem.Wealwayshavetelevisionscreensandtherearefourwashroomsforasmallnumberofpassengers.’Herfriendadded,‘Aprioritycheck-infacilityisavailableforourbags,which
meanstheywillcomefirstuponarrivalandwegetmorefrequentflyermilesforthesameflight.’‘Nowthatyouknowthedifference,youcangototheeconomyline,’insisted
thewoman.‘ButIdon’twanttogothere.’Iwasfirm.Theladyturnedtoherfriend.‘Itishardtoarguewiththesecattle-class
people.Letthestaffcomeandinstructherwheretogo.Sheisn’tgoingtolistentous.’Ididn’tgetangry.Theword‘cattleclass’waslikeablastfromthepastand
remindedmeofanotherincident.Oneday,IhadgonetoanupscaledinnerpartyinmyhomecityofBengaluru.
Plentyoflocalcelebritiesandsocialiteswereinattendance.IwasspeakingtosomeguestsinKannada,whenamancametomeandsaidveryslowlyandclearlyinEnglish,‘MayIintroducemyself?Iam...’ItwasobviousthathethoughtthatImighthaveaproblemunderstandingthe
ItwasobviousthathethoughtthatImighthaveaproblemunderstandingthelanguage.Ismiled.‘YoucanspeaktomeinEnglish.’‘Oh,’hesaid,slightlyflabbergasted.‘I’msorry.Ithoughtyouweren’t
comfortablewithEnglishbecauseIheardyouspeakinginKannada.’‘There’snothingshamefulinknowingone’snativelanguage.Itis,infact,my
rightandmyprivilege.IonlyspeakinEnglishwhensomebodycan’tunderstandKannada.’ThelineinfrontofmeattheairportbeganmovingforwardandIcameoutof
myreverie.Thetwowomenaheadwerewhisperingamongthemselves,‘Nowshewillbesenttotheotherline.Itissolongnow!Wetriedtotellherbutsherefusedtolistentous.’Whenitwasmyturntoshowmyboardingpasstotheattendant,Isawthem
stopandwaitashortdistanceaway,waitingtoseewhatwouldhappen.Theattendanttookmyboardingpassandsaidbrightly,‘Welcomeback!Wemetlastweek,didn’twe?’‘Yes,’Ireplied.Shesmiledandmovedontothenexttraveller.Iwalkedafewstepsaheadofthewomenintendingtoletthisgo,butthenI
changedmymindandcameback.‘Pleasetellme—whatmadeyouthinkthatIcouldn’taffordabusinessclassticket?EvenifIdidn’thaveone,wasitreallyyourprerogativetotellmewhereIshouldstand?DidIaskyouforhelp?’Thewomenstaredatmeinsilence.‘Yourefertotheterm“cattleclass”.Classdoesnotmeanpossessionofahuge
amountofmoney,’Icontinued,unabletostopmyselffromgivingthemapieceofmymind.‘Thereareplentyofwrongwaystoearnmoneyinthisworld.Youmayberichenoughtobuycomfortandluxuries,butthesamemoneydoesn’tdefineclassorgiveyoutheabilitytopurchaseit.MotherTeresawasaclassywoman.SoisManjulBhargava,agreatmathematicianofIndianorigin.Theconceptthatyouautomaticallygainclassbyacquiringmoneyisanoutdatedthoughtprocess.’Ileftwithoutwaitingforareply.Approximatelyeighthourslater,Ireachedmydestination.Itwasaweekday
andIrushedtoofficeassoonasIcouldonlytolearnthatmydaywasgoingto
bespentinmultiplemeetings.Afewhourslater,IrequestedmyprogramdirectortohandlethelastmeetingofthedaybyherselfasIwasalreadystartingtofeeltiredandjetlagged.‘Iamreallysorry,butyourpresenceisessentialforthatdiscussion,’she
replied.‘Ourmeetingiswiththeorganization’sCEOandsheiskeentomeetyouinperson.ShehasbeenfollowingupwithmeforafewmonthsnowandthoughIhavecommunicatedourdecision,shefeelsthatadiscussionwithyouwillchangetheoutcome.Ihavealreadyinformedherthatthedecisionwillnotbereversedirrespectiveofwhomshemeets,butsherefusestotakemeatmyword.Iurgeyoutomeetherandclosethischapter.’Iwasn’tnewtothissituationandreluctantlyagreed.Timewentbyquicklyandsoon,Ihadtogoinforthelastmeetingoftheday.
Justthen,Ireceivedanemergencycall.‘Goaheadwiththemeeting,’Isaidtotheprogramdirector.‘Iwilljoinyou
later.’WhenIenteredtheconferenceroomafterfifteenminutes,Isawthesame
womenfromtheairportinthemiddleofapresentation.Tomysurprise,theyweresimplydressed—onewaswearingasimplekhadisariwhiletheotherworeanunglamoroussalwarkameez.Theclotheswereareminderofthestereotypethatisstillrampanttoday.Justlikeoneisexpectedtowearthefinestofsilksforawedding,socialworkersmustpresentthemselvesinaplainanduninterestingmanner.Whentheysawme,therewasanawkwardpausethatlastedforonlyafewsecondsbeforeoneofthemacknowledgedmypresenceandcontinuedthepresentationasifnothinghadhappened.‘Mycoffeeestateisinthisvillage.Alltheestateworkers’childrengotoa
governmentschoolnearby.Manyaresharpandintelligentbuttheschoolhasnofacilities.Thebuildingdoesn’tevenhavearooforcleandrinkingwater.Therearenobenches,toiletsorlibrary.Youcanseechildrenintheschool...’‘Butnoteachers,’Icompletedthesentence.Shenoddedandsmiled.‘Werequestthefoundationtobegenerousand
providetheschoolwithproperfacilities,includinganauditorium,sothatthepoorkidscanenjoytheessentialsofabigschool.’Myprogramdirectoropenedhermouthtosaysomething,butIsignalledher
tostop.‘Howmanychildrenarethereintheschool?’Iasked.
‘Howmanychildrenarethereintheschool?’Iasked.‘Around250.’‘Howmanyofthemarethechildrenoftheestateworkers?’‘Allofthem.MyfathergottheschoolsanctionedwhenhewastheMLA,’she
saidproudly.‘Ourfoundationhelpsthosewhodon’thaveanygodfathersorgodmothers.
Thinkofthehomelessmanontheroadorthedaily-wageworker.Mostofthemhavenoonetheycanruntointimesofcrisis.Wehelpthechildrenofsuchpeople.Theestateworkershelpyourbusinessprosperandinreturn,youcanaffordtohelpthem.Infact,itisyourdutytodoso.Helpingthemalsohelpsyouinthelongrun,butitisthefoundation’sinternalpolicytoworkforthedisadvantagedinprojectswhereallthebenefitsgodirectlyandsolelytotheunderprivilegedalone.Maybethisconceptisbeyondtheunderstandingofthecattleclass.’Boththewomenlookedateachother,unsureofhowtorespond.Ilookedatmyprogramdirectorandsaid,‘Hey,Iwanttotellyouastory.’Icouldseefromherfacethatshewasfeelingawkward.Astoryinthemiddle
ofaseriousmeeting?Ibegan,‘GeorgeBernardShawwasagreatthinkerofhistimes.Oneday,a
dinnerwasarrangedataBritishclubinhishonour.Therulesoftheclubmandatedthatthemenwearasuitandatie.Itwasprobablythedefinitionofclassinthosedays.‘BernardShaw,beingwhohewas,walkedintotheclubinhisusualcasual
attire.Thedoormanlookedathimandsaidverypolitely,“Sorry,sir,Icannotallowyoutoenterthepremises.”‘“Whynot?”‘“Youaren’tfollowingthedresscodeoftheclub,sir.”‘“Well,today’sdinnerisinmyhonour,soitismywordsthatmatter,notwhat
Iwear,”repliedBernard,perfectlyreasonableinhisexplanation.‘“Sir,whateveritmaybe,Ican’tallowyouinsideintheseclothes.”‘Shawtriedtoconvincethedoormanbuthewouldn’tbudgefromhisstance.
Sohewalkedallthewaybacktohishouse,changedintoappropriateclothesandenteredtheclub.‘Ashortwhilelater,theroomwasfull,withpeoplesittinginanticipationof
hisspeech.Hestooduptoaddresstheaudience,butfirstremovedhiscoatand
tieandplaceditonachair.“Iamnotgoingtotalktoday,”heannounced.‘Thereweresurprisedmurmursintheaudience.Thosewhoknewhim
personallyaskedhimaboutthereasonforhisout-of-characterbehaviour.‘Shawnarratedtheincidentthathappenedawhileagoandsaid,“WhenIwore
acoatandtie,Iwasallowedtocomeinside.MymindisinnowayaffectedbytheclothesIwear.Thismeansthattoallofyouwhopatronizetheclub,theclothesaremoreimportantthanmybrain.Soletthecoatandthetietakemyplaceinstead.”‘Sayingthus,hewalkedoutoftheroom.’Istoodup.‘Themeetingisover,’Isaid.Weexchangedcursorygoodbyesand
Iwalkedbacktomyroom.Myprogramdirectorfollowedme,‘Yourdecisionregardingtheschoolwas
right.Butwhatwasthatotherstoryallabout?Andwhynow?Whatisthiscattle-classbusiness?Ididn’tunderstandathing!’Ismiledatherobviousconfusion.‘Onlythecattle-classfolkswillunderstand
whathappenedbackthere.Youdon’tworryaboutit.’
6ALifeUnwritten
Itwastheyear1943.MyfatherwasayoungmedicaldoctorpostedinasmalldispensaryinavillageknownasChandagad,locatedontheborderofthetwostatesofMaharashtraandKarnataka.Itrainedcontinuouslyforeightmonthsthereandtheonlyactivityduringtheremainingfourmonthswastreecutting.Itwasalesser-knownandthinlypopulatedvillagesurroundedbyathickandenormousforest.SinceBritishofficerscametohuntinthejungle,asmallclinicwassetuptherefortheirconvenience.Noneofthevillagerswenttherebecausetheypreferredusingthelocalmedicinesandplants.Sotherewasnobodyintheclinicexceptmyfather.Withinaweekofhistransferthere,myfatherstartedgettingbored.Hewas
uprootedfromthelivelycityofPunetothisslowandsilentvillagewherethereseemedtobenopeopleatall!Hehadnocontactwiththeoutsideworld—hisonlycompanionwasthecalendaronthewall.Sometimes,hewouldgoforawalkoutsidebutwhenheheardtheroarofthetigersinthejunglenearby,hewouldgetscaredandwalkbacktotheclinicasfastashecould.Itwasnowonderthenthathewastooafraidtostepoutatnightbecauseofthesnakesthatwereoftenseenslitheringontheground.Onewintermorning,heheardheavybreathingoutsidehismaindoorand
bravelydecidedtopeepthroughthewindow.Hesawatigressstretchingandyawningintheverandahwithhercubsbyherside.Paralysedwithfear,myfatherdidnotopenthedoortheentireday.Onanotherday,heopenedthewindowonlytofindsnakeshangingfromtheroofinfrontofhishouse—almostlikeropes.Myfatherwonderedifhewastransferredtothevillageasaformof
Myfatherwonderedifhewastransferredtothevillageasaformofpunishmentforsomethinghemayhavedone.Buttherewasnothingthathecoulddotochangethesituation.Onenight,hefinishedanearlydinnerandbeganreadingabookinthelightof
akerosenelamp.Itwasrainingheavilyoutside.Suddenly,heheardaknockonthedoor.‘Whocoulditbe?’hewondered.Whenheopenedit,hesawfourmenwrappedinwoollenrugswithsticksin
theirhands.TheysaidtohiminMarathi,‘DoctorSahib,takeyourbagandcomewithusimmediately.’MyfatherbarelyunderstoodtheirrusticMarathi.Heprotested.‘Buttheclinic
isclosedandlookatthetime!’Themenwereinnomoodtolisten—theypushedhimandloudlydemanded
thatheaccompanythem.Quietly,myfatherpickeduphisbagandfollowedthemlikealambtothebullockcartwaitingforthem.Thepouringrainandthemoonlessnightdisorientedhimandwhilehedidn’tknowwheretheyweretakinghim,hesensedthatthedrivemighttakesometime.Usingallthecouragehehadleft,heasked,‘Whereareyoutakingme?’Therewasnoreply.Itwasafewhoursbeforetheyreachedtheirdestinationandthebullockcart
cametoacompletehalt.Inthelightofakerosenelamp,somebodyescortedthem.Myfathernoticedthepaddyfieldsaroundhimandinthemiddleofitall,hesawahouse.Theminutehesetfootinthehouse,afemalevoicesaid,‘Come,come.Thepatientishereinthisroom.’Forthefirsttimesincehehadcometothevillage,myfatherfeltthathecould
finallyputhismedicalexpertisetogooduse.Thepatientwasayounggirl,approximatelysixteenyearsold.Anoldladywasstandingnearthegirlwhowasobviouslyinlabour.Myfatherturnedpale.Hewentbacktotheotherroomandtoldherfamily,‘Look,Ihaven’tbeentrainedindeliveringababyandIamamaledoctor.Youmustcallsomeoneelse.’Butthefamilyrefusedtolisten.‘That’snotanoption.Youmustdowhat
needstobedoneandwewillpayyouhandsomely,’theyinsisted.‘Thebabymaybedeliveredaliveordeadbutthegirlmustbesaved.’Myfatherpleadedwiththem.‘Please,Iamnotinterestedinthemoney.Let
megonow.’
Themencameclose,shovedhiminsidethepatient’sroomandlockedthedoorfromoutside.Myfatherbecameafraid.Heknewhehadnochoice.Hehadobservedandassistedinafewdeliveriesundertheguidanceofhismedicalcollegeprofessors,butnothingmore.Nervously,hestartedrecallinghislimitedpastexperienceandtheoreticalknowledgeashismedicalinstinctskickedin.Therewasnotableintheroom.Sohesignalledtheoldlady,whoappearedto
bedeafanddumb,tohelphimsetupamakeshifttablewiththesacksofpaddygrainsaroundthem.Thenmyfatherextractedarubbersheetfromhisbagandlaiditoutneatlyontopofthesacks.Heaskedthegirltoliedownonitandinstructedtheoldladytoboilwaterand
sterilizehisinstruments.Bythen,thecontractionhadpassed.Thegirlwassweatingprofuselyandthedoctorevenmore.Shelookedathimwithbiginnocent,tearyeyesandslowlybegan,‘Don’tsaveme.Idon’twanttomakeitthroughthenight.’‘Whoareyou?’‘Iamthedaughterofabigzamindarhere,’shesaidinasoftvoice.Therain
outsidemadeithardforhimtohearher.‘Sincetherewasnohighschoolinourvillage,myparentsletmestudyinadistanttown.There,Ifellinlovewithoneofmyclassmates.Atfirst,Ididn’tknowthatIwaspregnant,butonceIfoundout,Itoldthebaby’sfatherwhoimmediatelyranaway.Bythetimemyparentslearntofwhathadhappened,itwastoolatetodoanything.That’swhytheysentmeheretothisgodforsakenplacewherenobodywouldfindout.’Shestoppedasastrongcontractionhither.Afterafewminutes,shesaid,‘Doctor,Iamsurethatoncethebabyisborn,
myfamilywillkillthechildandbeatmeviolently.’Thenshegrabbedmyfather’sarmsasmoretearsgatheredinhereyes,‘Pleasedon’ttrytosavethebabyorme.Justleavemealonehereandletmedie.That’sallIwant.’Atfirst,myfatherdidn’tknowhowtorespond.Thenhesaidtoherasgently
ashecould,‘IamadoctorandIcan’tletapatientdiewhenIknowthatIcandosomethingtosavehimorher.Youmustn’tdiscouragemefromdoingmyduty.’Thegirlfellsilent.Thelabourwashard,scaryandlongandfinally,myfathermanagedtodeliver
thebabysuccessfullywiththeassistanceoftheoldlady.Theyounggirlwas
exhaustedandsweatyattheendoftheordeal.Sheclosedhereyesindespairanddidn’tevenasktoseethebaby.Hesitantly,sheasked,‘Isitaboyoragirl?’‘It’sagirl,’repliedmyfather,whiletryingtocheckthebaby’svitals.‘OhmyGod!It’sagirl!’shecried.‘Herlifewillbejustlikemine—underthe
cruelpressureofthemeninthefamily.Andshedoesn’tevenhaveafather!’Shebegansobbingloudly.Butmyfatherwasbusywiththebabyandbarelyheardher.Suddenly,thegirlrealizedthatsomethingwaswrong,‘Doctor,whyisn’tthe
babycrying?’Whenshedidn’tgetareply,shecontinued,‘Iwillbehappyifshedoesn’tsurvive.Shewillbesparedfromacursedlife.’Myfatherheldthebabyupsidedown,gentlyslappedherandinstantly,the
baby’sstrongcriesfilledtheroom.Whenthemenoutsideheardthebabycry,theyopenedthedoorandinstructedhim,‘Doctor,getreadytoleave.Wewilldropyouback.’Myfathercleaneduphispatient,gatheredhisinstrumentsandpackedhisbag.
Theoldladybegancleaningtheroom.Helookedatthetroubledyounggirlandsaid,‘Takethebabyandrunawayfromthisplaceifyoucanfinditinyourhearttodoso.GotoPuneandlookforPuneNursingSchool.FindaclerktherecalledGokhaleandtellhimthatRHhassentyou.Hewillhelpyougetadmissioninanursingcourse.Intime,youwillbecomeanurseandleadanindependentlife,withtheabilitytotakecareofyourownneeds.Raiseyourdaughterwithpride.Don’tyoudareleaveherbehindorelseshewillendupsufferinglikeyou.That’smymostsincereadviceforyou.’‘But,doctor,howwillIgotoPune?Idon’tevenknowwhereitis!’‘GotothenearestcityofBelgaumandthenfromthere,youcantakeabusto
Pune.’Myfathersaidgoodbyetoherandcameoutoftheroom.Anoldmanhandedhimonehundredrupees.‘Doctor,theseareyourfeesfor
helpingthegirlwiththedelivery.Iwarnyou—don’tsayawordaboutwhathappenedheretoday.Ifyoudo,Iwilllearnofitandyourheadwillnolongerbeattachedtotherestofyourbody.’Myfathernodded,suddenlyovertakenbyasenseofcalm.‘I’msorry,’he
said.‘IthinkIforgotmyscissorsintheroom.Iwillneedittomorrowattheclinic.’
Heturnedaroundandwentbackinsideandsawtheyounggirlgazingatthesleepingnewbornwithtearsinhereyes.Whentheoldlady’sbackwasturnedtowardshim,myfatherhandedoverthemoneytothegirl.‘ThisisallIhavewithmerightnow,’hesaid.‘UseitanddowhatIhavetoldyou.’‘Doctor,whatisyourname?’sheasked.‘MynameisDrR.H.Kulkarni,butalmosteveryonecallsmeRH.Bebrave,
child.Goodbyeandgoodluck.’Myfatherlefttheroomandthehouse.Thereturnjourneywasequallyrough
andhefinallyreachedhomeatdawn.Hewasdeadtiredandsoon,sleeptookover.Thenextmorning,hismindwanderedbacktohisfirstpatientinthevillageandhisfirstearning.Hebecameawareofhisshortcomingsandwishedhewasbetterqualifiedingynaecology.However,hiscurrentshortageoffundsmadehimpostponethedreamforanotherday.Afewmonthslater,hegotmarriedandsharedhisdreamofbecominga
gynaecologistwithhiswife.Timepassedquickly.HewastransferredtodifferentplacesinMaharashtra
andKarnatakaandhadfourchildrenalongtheway.Bythetimeheturnedforty-two,thecouplehadcarefullysavedenoughmoneyforfurthereducationandmyfatherdecidedtopursuehisdesire.SohelefthisfamilyinHubliandjoinedEgmoreMedicalCollegeinChennai,andfulfilledhisdreamofbecomingagynaecologistsurgeon.Hewasoneofthefewraremalegynaecologistsatthetime.HewentbacktoHubliandstartedworkinginKarnatakaMedicalCollegeasa
professor.Hissympatheticmannertowardstheunderprivilegedandhisgenuineconcernforthewomenandgirlshetreatedmadehimquitepopular—bothasadoctorandasateacher.Thesameconcernreflectedinhisliberalattitudetowardshisdaughtersandheallowedthemtopursuetheirchosenfieldsofeducation,whichwasunheardofinthosedays.Myfatherwasanatheist.‘Goddoesn’tresideinachurch,mosqueortemple,’
hewouldoftensay.‘Iseehiminallmypatients.Ifawomandiesduringchildbirth,thenitisthelossofonepatientforadoctorbutforthatchild,itisthelifelonglossofamother.Andtellme,whocanreplaceamother?’Despitehisretirement,myfather’sloveforlearningdidnotdiminishandhe
remainedactive.
Oneday,hewentforamedicalconferencetoanothercity.There,hemetayoungwomaninherthirties.Shewaspresentingcasesfromherexperienceintheruralareas.Myfatherfoundherworkinterestingandwenttotellhersoafterthepresentation.‘Doctor,yourresearchisexcellent.Iamquiteimpressedbyyourwork,’hesaid.‘Thankyou,’shesaid.Justthen,someonecalledouttomyfather,‘RH,wearewaitingforyouto
grabsomelunch.Willyoutakelong?’Theyoungwomanasked,‘Whatisyourname,doctor?’‘DrR.H.Kulkarni,orRH.’Afteramomentofsilence,sheasked,‘WereyouinChandagadin1943?’‘Yes.’‘Doctor,Iliveinavillagearoundfortykilometresawayfromhere.MayI
requestyoutocomehomerightnowforabriefvisit?’Myfatherwasunpreparedforsuchaninvitation.Whywasshecallinghimto
herhouse?‘Maybesomeothertime,doctor,’hereplied,hopingtoendthematter.Butthewomanwaspersistent,‘Youmustcome.Please.Thinkofthisasa
requestfromsomeonewhohasbeenwaitingforyouforyearsnow.’Myfatherwaspuzzledbyherenigmaticanswerandstillrefused,butshe
pleadedwithhim.Therewassomethinginhereyes—somethingsodesperate—thatintheend,hegaveinandaccompaniedhertothevillage.Onthewaytothevillage,bothofthemexchangedideasandshespoke
animatedlyaboutherworkandherfindings.Asthetwoofthemapproachedherresidence,myfatherrealizedthatthehousewasalsoanursinghome.Hewalkedinthroughthefrontdoorandsawaladyinherfiftiesstandinginthelivingroom.Theyoungwomannexttohimsaid,‘Ma,thisisDrRH.Ishetheoneyou
havebeenwaitingforalltheseyears?’Thewomancameforward,bentdownandtouchedherforeheadtomyfather’s
feet.Hefelthisfeetgettingwetfromhertears.Itwasstrange.Whowerethesewomen?Myfatherdidn’tknowwhattodo.Hequicklybentforward,placedhishandsontheolderwoman’sshouldersandpulledherup.‘Doctor,youmaynotremembermebutIcanneverforgetyou.Minemust
havebeenyourfirstdelivery.’
havebeenyourfirstdelivery.’Still,myfathercouldn’trecognizeher.‘Alongtimeago,youlivedinavillageontheborderofMaharashtraand
Karnataka.Onenight,therewasaheavydownpourandyouhelpedme—ayoung,unmarriedgirlthen—throughchildbirth.Therewasnodeliverytableintheroom,soyouconvertedstacksofpaddysacksintoamakeshifttable.Manyhourslater,Igavebirthtoadaughter.’Inaflash,thememoriescamefloodingbackandmyfatherrecollectedthat
night.‘OfcourseIrememberyou!’hesaid.‘ItwasthemiddleofthenightandIurgedyoutogotoPunewithyournewborn.IthinkIwasasscaredasyou!’‘Yougavemeahundredrupees,whichiswhatmyfamilypaidyouforthe
delivery.Itwasabigamountinthosedaysandstill,youhandeditallovertome.’‘Yes,mymonthlysalarywasseventy-fiverupeesthen!’addedmyfatherwith
asmile.‘YoutoldmeyourlastnamebutIcouldn’thearitbecauseofthedeafening
soundoftherain.Itookyouradvice,wenttoPune,foundyourfriendGokhaleandbecameanurse.Itwasvery,veryhard,butIwasabletoraisemydaughteronmyown.Aftersuchaterribleexperience,Iwantedmydaughtertobecomeagynaecologist.Luckily,shesharedmydreamtoo.Today,sheisadoctorandisalsomarriedtooneandtheypractisehere.Atonepoint,Ispentmonthssearchingforyoubutwithnoluck.ThenweheardthatyouhadmovedtoKarnatakaafterthereorganizationofthestatedepartmentsin1956.Meanwhile,GokhalealsopassedawayandIlostallhopeofeverfindingyou.IprayedtoGodtogivemeachancetomeetyouandthankyouforshowingmetherightpathattherighttime.’MyfatherfeltlikehewasinaBollywoodmovieandwasenchantedbythe
unexplainedmysteryoflife.Afewkindwordsandencouragementhadchangedayounggirl’slife.Sheclaspedherhandstogether,‘Wearesogratefultoyou,doctor.My
daughterwantedtocallyoufortheinaugurationofthenursinghomehereandwewereverydisappointedatnotbeingabletoreachyouthen.Timehaspassedandnowthenursinghomeisdoingverywell.’Myfatherwipedhismoisteyesandlookedaroundtoseethenameofthe
nursinghome.Helookedtotherightandfoundhimselfstaringatit—R.H.
Diagnostic.
7NoPlaceLikeHome
InfosysFoundationisinvolvedinvarioustypesofconstructionprojectslikebuildingdharamshalasforpoorpatientsandtheircaretakers,schoolsforchildreninremoteareas,housesforthethousandswhosufferincalamitiessuchascyclonesandfloods,andtoiletsforbothschoolsandpublicuseinanefforttoencouragecleanlinessinourcountry.Fromitsinception,Iwantedthefoundationtobeindependentandhaveits
ownoffice,butduringtheinitialperiod,wedidn’thavemorethanRs5000leftinthebankattheendofeveryfinancialyear,despitetheannualfunding.Somehow,thewilltohelpothersmadehavingourownpremisesanextremelylowpriority.Still,thefoundationkeptshort-termfixeddepositsandwecarefullymanagedourcashflowstoensureinterest,andovertheyears,wemanagedtoaccumulateasizeableamount.Oneday,Ilearntofabeautifulplotoflandwithanoldbuildingavailablefor
saleinthepopularsuburbofJayanagarinBengaluru.Theinterestwehadsavedwasjustenoughtopurchasetheland.Sincethebuildingwasnotsuitedfortheneedsofanoffice,itwasobviousthatatsomepoint,wewouldhavetodemolishitandbuildourown.Sowedecidedtoleavethelandasisuntilwehadsavedsomemore.Thenextfinancialyeartoo,wehadlessthanRs5000inourbankaccount.
Eventhoughwehadsavedalittleinterestovertheyears,theconstructioncostwashigherthanthemoneywehadandbuildingourofficeremainedadream.Yearspassedbyandfinally,in2002,thefoundationwasabletoaccumulate
enoughinteresttobeginconstruction.Iwashappy.Mydreamwasabouttocometrue.Igottheballrolling,contactedanarchitectandinstructedhimto
cometrue.Igottheballrolling,contactedanarchitectandinstructedhimtocreateasimpleplanforus.Afewdayslater,IreceivedaninvitationfromaMiddleEasterncountryto
speakataladies’associationthere.IdecidedtoacceptitbecauseIhadsometalksscheduledinDubaiandKuwaitsoonafter.Iwantedtocompleteallmyassignmentsthereduringonetripandthussavemoneyonthecostofairtickets.Soon,Iwasonmyway.Likealltrips,thisone,too,hadmanymeetingsand
talkslinedup.Therewerealsoeventswhereinthewho’swhooftheIndiancommunityintheregionwasexpectedtoparticipate.IttookcourageformostofthepeopleImettoleavetheirhomesbehindinIndia,settleinaforeigncountryandstillholdontothecultureandfaith,againstmanyodds.Peoplealsospokeabouttheworkwedid,orthoughtwedid––sometimesitwasfactualandsometimesalittleexaggerated.Finally,thedaycameformylastspeakingengagement.Itwasagoodevent
withlivelyquestionsanddiscussions.Whenthefunctiondrewtoaclose,Ipreparedtoleaveformyhotel.Afewwomenmetmeontheirwayout.‘Ma’am,wouldyouliketobuy
anythinghere?’theyinquiredpolitely.‘Theshoppingexperiencehereisquitewonderful.Maybeyou’dlikesomepearlsorgold?’‘No,’Ireplied.‘ButisthereanythinginterestingthatIcansee?’Thewomenponderedforamoment,shooktheirheadsandsaidtheir
goodbyes.Justthen,Inoticedtwowomenapproachingme.Oneofthemsaidinalow
voice,‘Ma’am,wewouldliketoinviteyoutooursmallshelter.Willyoupleaseconsiderit?’‘What’sthereinyourshelter?’Iasked.‘Wewantyoutoseeitforyourself.Wecantellyouabouttheworkwedoin
variousways,butIdon’tknowwhichaspectofourworkwillstrikeachordwithyou.’Myantennawentup.Therewassomethingaboutthemandtheirhumble
mannerthatmademecurious.Inodded.‘Pleasegivemeafewminutes.Iwillcomewithyourightnow,’Isaid.Ithankedmyhostsquicklyandleftthevenuewiththewomenintow.Ashort
whilelater,wereachedasmallhouseinaresidentialarea.Atfirstglance,itseemedmoreofanouthousetome.Whenweentered,Isawfivewomenthere––
allintheirnightwear.Someofthemhadswolleneyesandredmarksontheircheeks.Itwasobviousthattheywerenotinthebestofhealthorhappyinanyway.Withinafewminutes,wewereallseated.‘WhatlanguageshouldIspeakin?’Iaskedthewomenwhohadbroughtme
there.‘Hindiisokay.AlittleEnglishisalsofine.’Thewomenbegantellingmetheirnamesandthestatestheywerefrom––one
wasfromTamilNadu,twofromAndhraPradeshandonefromKerala.Iexchangedafewpleasantrieswiththemandsoonenough,Nazneem,the
womanfromAndhraPradesh,startednarratingherstory,‘Madam,IwasamaidinthedistrictofKarimnagaryearsagoandhadthreedaughtersoldenoughtogetmarried.AnagenttoldmethatIwouldearnmuchmoreintheMiddleEastforthesameworkIdidinIndia.HetoldmethatIwouldevengetafifteen-dayvacationonceayearwithfreeairtraveltoseemyfamily.IrealizedthatifIworkedhereforthreeyears,Iwouldsaveenoughtobeartheweddingexpensesofallmydaughters.ItwaseverythingIcouldaskfor.Ourfinancialtroubleswouldgoaway!Myhusband,whoisavegetablevendor,keptreassuringmethathewouldlookafterthegirlsduringmyabsence.HeencouragedmetogoaslongasIkeptintouchregularly.SowithmylimitedsavingsandbysellingallthegoldthatIhad,Ipaidformypassport,visa,travelfareandtheagent’scommission.’Hereyescloudedoverasthememoriescamefloodingback.‘Whenthetime
cametosaygoodbye,myheartleftheavyandIwasafraid.IhadnevereventravelledfromKarimnagartothebigcityofHyderabad.ThenhowwouldItravelabroadandmanagethingsallaloneinacountrycompletelyforeigntome?HowwouldIbeabletoliveawayfrommyfamily?‘Theagentassuredme,“Thefamilyyouaregoingtoworkforarekind.They
arealsoofthesamereligionasyou.Youwon’ttaketoomuchtimetoadjust.Ihavealreadyspokentothem.Theywilltreatyouasafamilymember.Ifyouareunhappy,youcancomebackafterayearandnotreturn.”‘Ifeltsomewhatrelievedandforthefirsttimeinmylife,Itravelledto
Hyderabadonmyownandthentookaflightfromthecitytocomehere.’Iinterruptedher,‘Wereyouscaredduringtheflight?’
Nazneemthoughtforamoment.‘Notreally,’shereplied.‘Intheairplane,Imetmanywomenjustlikeme,bothyoungandold,andIfeltbetterknowingthatIwasn’talone.Outsidethedestinationairport,wewerehandedaburkaeachandweredirectedtoabus.Theheatwasunbearable,anditfeltlikeIwasalmostonfire.KarimnagarisahotplaceinIndiabutthelevelofheatinthiscountrycannotbedescribed.Despitethescorchingheat,thebuswasnotair-conditioned.Wewereallexpectingaluxuriousbus,liketheonetheagenthadpromised.Wedismisseditasanerrororaproblemwithbusavailability.Infact,mostofusbelievedthatitmightrainsoon––likeithappensinsomepartsofsouthIndia.‘Anhour-longridelater,thebusdroppedusatalocationfromwherewewere
takentodifferenthousesforournewjobs.‘ThehouseIwastakentowashuge,beautifulandair-conditioned.Iwas
givenatinyroomnearthekitchen.First,ImetthehousemanagerwhotookmypassportandhandedmesomecleaningsuppliesandtoldmesomethinginalanguageIdidn’tunderstand.Thankfully,therewasanotherwomanhousekeeperfromIndianamedSantoshwhotranslatedeverythingforme:“Yourworkbeginsrightnow.Startcleaningthewholehouseandmakeitspotless.Madamhasnotolerancefordust.Yourmealtimingsare––breakfastat9a.m.,lunchat3p.m.anddinnerat10p.m.Also,youmustwearaburkawheneveryougooutsidethehouse.”‘Itooksometimetounpackmybagsandusethebathroom.ThenIwentback
tosearchforSantosh.ThesuppliesweregoodandSantoshtaughtmehowtousethemandintroducedmetosomeoftheelectroniccleaningequipmenttoo.‘Overthenextfewdays,Ihardlysawtheownerofthehouse––shewaseither
outofthecountryorlivingonadifferentfloor.Ialwaysreportedtothehousemanager.‘SantoshandIbegantogettoknowoneanother.Oneafternoon,whenwehad
afewminutesalone,sheaskedme,“Whydidyoucomehere?Thisisn’tsuchagoodworkenvironment.Weworklikedonkeysfrommorningtonightwithminimalrestandsometimes,wehavetoendurethewrathofthehousemanagerfornofaultofours.Thoughwehavecomeforhouseholdchores,wealwaysgetburdenedwithextrawork.Lookatme––Ihelpinthekitchen,bathealltheyoungchildren,ironalltheclothesandwashallthedishes.Now,theyhavebroughtyouheretocleanthehouse,butthat’snottheonlyworkyouwillbeassigned.
Youmayhavetodothecook’sjobwhenhedoesn’tshowuporrunerrandsasandwhenneeded.”‘“Itdoesn’tmatteraslongasIgetagoodsalary,”Irepliedhonestly.‘“That’swhatIusedtothinktoo,”saidSantosh.Therewassadnessinher
eyes.“Wedon’tgetarupeeinourhands.Sometimes,theownersaysthatthemoneyhasbeendepositedinabankaccountorthatithasbeensenttoourfamily.It’sbeenayearsinceIcameherebutIhaven’treceivedanypaymentdirectly.”‘“Butouragentsaid...”‘“Itdoesn’tmatterwhatyouragentsaidorwhoheis––theyareallthesame.
Theyhaveliedtousandluredusintothiscountryandjob.Wearepoorandwefellforthehopetheygaveus.Theyknowthatoncewegethere,itisdifficulttoreturn.Theagentsknowthatweareallalonehere.Inthiscountry,wecan’tevengooutwithoutamanaccompanyingus.Theownersalsokeepourpassportswiththem,makingitimpossibletoleavethisplace.”‘Forthefirsttimesincelandingthere,Ibecameafraid.Ididn’tknowwhatto
do.“Santosh,youhavebeenhereforayear.Whenareyougoingback?Areyougoingtoquitworkorchangejobs?”‘“Wecan’tquitorchangejobswithouttheowner’sconsent.Mostofthe
bossesdon’tallowit.SoIamtryingmybesttoreturn,butIneedmoneyforaone-wayticketandmypassport.”‘“Doyoutalktoyourfamilybackhome?”‘“Yes,Iwritelettersandhandthemovertomyagent,butIdon’tknow
whetheritreachesthem.Ihaven’treceivedevenonereplyyet.Ionlygettohearwhattheagenttellsmeaboutmyfamily.Iknowthattheyhavetriedtocallmehereonthephone,buttherearestrictinstructionsagainstthataccordingtotherulesofthishouse.Madamdoesn’twantherstafftotakepersonalcallsonherlandlines.Moreover,Iknowthatitisn’teasyforthemtocallmehere,andIdon’twanttosharemydifficultieswiththem.Ihearthatalumpsumamountissenttothemeverysixmonths.ButonceIgetmyticket,Iwillgobackandnevercomebackhere.”‘Iwasslightlyrelievedtohearthatherfamilywasgettingsomemoney.
“Aren’ttheysupposedtosendthemoneyeverymonth?”Iasked.
‘“Theagentsaremuchsmarterthanus.Theykeepasalarybacklogofatleastsixmonths.IfIgobacktomycountryanddon’treturn,thentheywillkeepthatmoney.Somanypeoplecomebackfortheirmoneyandthecyclecontinues.Tosomeoneinourfinancialposition,asix-monthsalaryisabigamounttowalkawayfrom.”‘“Whenareyouplanningtogohome?”‘“Itdependsontheowners.Sometimes,theysendtheworkershomeafter
fifteenmonthsorsometimesaftertwoyears.Idon’tknowwhentheywilldecidetosendmeback.Icanunderstandtheirlanguagenowbutstillpretendnotto.IhavelearntthatMadamisgoingtoIndiatoenjoythemonsooninKerala.SinceIamfromthestateandknowthelocallanguage,shewantsmetogowithherandlookafterthechildren.Iwillaskherthentoallowmetovisitmyfamilyforafewdaysandifshedoes,Iwon’tcomeback.IhavereachedapointwhereIdon’tevencareaboutthemoney,”saidSantoshfirmly.‘Icouldnotsleepthatnight.HadIbeendupedbytheagent?Howmuch
moneywillmyfamilyreallyget?Withnotmanyoptionsatmydisposal,Idecidedthatthebestwayforwardwastokeepalowprofileandcontinueworking.‘Forthefirstfewweeks,thingsseemedokay.Thestaffwasusuallygiven
leftoverfood,whichwasgoodandIdidn’thaveanycomplaintsrelatedtowork.Aftersometimehadpassed,Istartedgettingextrachores,especiallyaroundthetimeMadamwasleavingforavacationtoIndia.SantoshwasgoingtogowiththemtooandIknewthatshewouldn’tcomeback.SoIwroteletterstomyfamilyandrequestedhertomailthemfromIndia.‘OnceSantoshandthefamilyleftthecountry,thehousemanagerinstructed
metotakeonallofSantosh’sworkaswell.Sincetheowneralwaysentertainedguestsinhisbigmansion,therewasalotofcookingandcleaningtobedone.Therewereatotaloffourteenchildreninthehouseandeachchildwouldalsofrequentlybringhisorherfriendsover.Ifelttrapped––likeabirdinacage.Sincetheworkmorethandoubled,myefficiencyreducedandthehousemanagerbecameupsetandrefusedtolistentomyconcerns.Shewouldshowmeastickandsay,“Don’tcomplainaboutyourwork.Youarebeingpaidforit.Idon’twanttohearanotherword.”
‘Whentheunendingworkloadbecameunbearableduringtheday,Iwouldsitdownandrestforafewminutes.Ifthehousemanagerfoundmeresting,shewouldbeatmewiththatsamestick.That’swhenIrecalledthemarksonSantosh’shandandrealizedhowshehadgotthem.Nobodyeverbeatmeinmyhome.Thoughwewerepoor,welivedwithdignity.‘Thelonelinessandtheexcessworksoonbeganaffectingmyhealthandmy
abilitytowork.Ilongedformyfamily,mychildrenandmyfriends.Asthedayswentby,therewasnothingbutsadnessleftinmysoul.’Iinterjected,‘Withwhomdidyoushareyourtroubleswith,nowthatSantosh
wasgone?’‘Nobody,’saidNazneem.‘Therewasamalegardenerwhowouldvisitand
tendtothelawnandplantsoutsidethehouse,butIcouldnotspeaktohimaccordingtothecountry’srules.Icouldn’tgooutasIonlyhadthreenightdressesthatIworedayandnight.IwasnotallowedtoweartheclothesthatIhadbroughtwithme.Iwasonlyallowedtogoshoppingwiththefamily,andeventhen,Ihadtowearaburkaontopofmyclothes.SoIhadnofriendsoracquaintancestospeakto.‘Soon,MadamcamebackfromIndia,upsetandfurious.Shesaidtothehouse
manager,“StartkeepingacloseeyeontheseIndianwomen.Santoshnevercamebackaftershewenthome.Shecheatedme.Sofornow,don’tallowthiswomantogohomeanytimesoon.”‘ThesewordsdampenedmyspiritandIcriedintheshadows,wondering
whenIwouldseemyfamilyagain.‘Onemorning,IoverheardaconversationbetweenMadamandthehouse
manager.“Whateveryousay,Indianwomenarethebestforhouseholdwork,”shetoldthemanager.“Theydotheirjobsquietly,don’tanswerbackorcomplaintoomuch.”‘Thehousemanagersaidsomethingunintelligible.‘“Recruittwomore,”sheinstructed.‘WhileIhatedthethoughtofsomebodyelsegoingthroughwhatIhad
endured,Iwasattheendofmyropeandhopedthatthiswouldreducemyworkloadinthecourseoftime.‘Weekslater,Iwasdownwithhighfever.’‘Didyougothedoctor?’Icouldn’tcontainmyself.
‘No,thehousemanagergavemeCrocin.Wewerenevertakentothedoctorforanyreasonwhatsoever.Ihadtoworkdespitethefever.Adaylater,itwentupfurtherandIwasafraidthatmybodywouldgiveup.Desperate,Iapproachedthemanagerandaskedhertotakemetothenearestdoctororhospital.‘Shewasblunt,“WehavemultiplehousegueststodayandIreallydon’thave
thetime.”‘Ialmostbrokedown.“Ican’tworktoday,”Isaidtearfully.“Iaminpainand
there’saconstantthrobbinginmyhead.”‘Nonchalantly,sheheatedupaspoononthekitchenfire,caughtmyhandand
pressedthehotspoononmywrist.‘Iscreamedandsheshushedme.“Don’tscream.Nobodywillcometohelp
you.Youareaservantandmustbehavelikeone.Goandstartworkingnow,”shesaid,hervolumematchingmine.‘Mybodystartedtremblingwithfear.WasthisgoingtobemyfatetillIdie?‘Idon’trememberthedaysaheadwithclarity,butthefevercamedownand
mybody,atleast,feltalittlebetter.ButIwasdeadinside.Ihadnoincentivetowakeupinthemornings,butIhadnochoice.Ilivedlikearobot.WhenIhadtimetothink,Ionlythoughtaboutreturninghometomyfamily.‘Onerareday,whentherewasnobodyathomebutme,thegardener,Maruti,
requestedmeforacupoftea.Iworetheburkaandwenttothebackyardtogiveittohim.‘“Pleasehelpmegethome,”Itoldhimassoonashestartedsippingthetea.“I
don’tknowanyonehereandyouknowhowtheytreatthehelpsinthishouse.Myfamilywouldn’tevengettoknowifsomethinghappenedtomehere.Youarelikemybrother.Please,canyoulendmeahand?”‘“Don’teventhinkofrunningaway,”hesaid.Icouldseethathewasafraid.
“Iftheauthoritiestraceyouandbringyouback,youwillsufferunspeakablecruelty.Still,IwilltryandspeaktoafewpeopleIknow.Iwillgetbacktoyou.”‘Itouchedhisfeet.ItwasasifAllahhadcometohelpmethroughthiskind
man.‘AmonthpassedbeforeMarutiapproachedmeatatimewhenwewerealone
again.ItwasEid,areligiousholiday,andthefamilyhadgoneoutfortheevening.“ImettwokindwomenatanIndianfunction.Ithinktheymaybeabletohelpyou,”hesaid.‘“Iamsogratefultoyou.Howdidyoumeetthem?”
‘“Iamsogratefultoyou.Howdidyoumeetthem?”‘“Theowneronceaskedmetodeliversomeflowerstoagovernmentofficial
whowasattendinganIndianweddingceremony.Atthewedding,Iwastoldtowaitandthat’swhenIheardaboutthesetwowomenfromothers.Isomehowmanagedtoseethem.SinceIamamanandfreetomoveaboutinthiscountry,Iwasabletomeetthemafewmoretimes.Itoldthemaboutyourdifficultieshere.Theyhavetoldmetoinformyouthatitisriskytoleaveyourworkhere,butifyoudecidetodosoandgotothem,thentheywillalsosharetheriskwithyouandtrytheirbesttosendyoubackhome.Icantakeyoutothem.Butdoitwhenyougoshoppingasitwillbeeasiertoescapefromthere.”‘Inodded.Wedecidedtowaitfortherightmoment.‘Meanwhile,MarutigavemeamapandthedirectionstotheplaceIwould
havetolocatewhenthetimecame.ImemorizedeverythingwellsothatIcouldreachtherewithoutanyconfusion.MarutihadalreadydonemorethanIcouldhaveeverimaginedandIdecidednottoinvolvehimfurther.Thepunishmentforsuchactionsissevereinthiscountry.‘Weekslater,Madamaskedmetorunanerrand.Thiswasmychance.‘Iworeaburka,wenttothemarketplace,boughtgroceriesandhandedthem
tothedriver.ItoldhimthatIneededtogototherestroomandthatIwouldbebacksoon.ThemomentIwasoutofsightofthedriver,Iran!ThedriverwouldhavetakensometimetorealizethatIwasmissing.Asmanywomenworetheburka,Iknewthatitwouldbetoughforhimtofindme.Ikeptgoingwithmyheartbeatingfast––sometimesIranandsometimesIwalked.Withinhalfanhour,IreachedmydestinationwithnothingbuttheclothesIwaswearing.Finally,Iwashere.’Nazneem’sstoryendedandshecollapsedonthechair,tiredfromrelivingthe
darkpast.Thetwowomenturnedtome.‘Shecametwodaysago,’oneofthemsaid.Asilencefellintheroom.‘Nooneshouldhavetogothroughthis,’Ithought.Gracy,thewomanfromKerala,brokethestillnessintheroombysharingher
story.Shewasbeautifulandwell-spoken.Shehadalsobeendupedbyanagentwhohadpromisedherajobtotutorchildren.Andyet,herstorywasvastlydifferent.Gracywasanorphanwhogrewupinagovernmenthomeforsuchchildren.
Shebecameateacherinaconventschoolandthoughthesalarywasenoughto
getby,itwasnotenoughtoachieveherdreamofowningasmallhome.Intime,Gracyfoundaboyshelikedbuthedidnothaveasteadyjoborincome.Sincetheydidn’thaveanyassets,theymadeamutualdecision––Gracywouldgoabroadfortutoring.Thiswouldgivethecoupleachancetoearnenoughmoneytopurchaseahomelaterandsettledown.Whenshereachedthehomeshewasgoingtolivein,shewasquiteshockedto
findthatheremployerhadfourwivesandsixteenchildren––allofwhomlivedinthehugeresidence.However,onlytenoftheboysandgirlswereoldenoughtogotopre-school,primaryormiddleschool.GracytaughtthechildrensubjectssuchasEnglish,mathematics,history,artandcraftandmanners.Forafewyears,thingsseemedallrightandshewastreatedfairlywell.ShewaspaidonceinsixmonthsinbulkandheremployerevenallowedherapaidvacationtoIndiaonceayear.Thechildrenhadalsobecomeveryfondofher,andshewasnotmistreatedlikeNazneem.Astheyearspassedandtheboysreachedtheirmid-teens,theirclassmatesand
cousinsbeganfrequentingthehome.Soon,shebecamethetargetoftheirlecherousstaresandsherealizedforthefirsttimethatshewasaneasytargetshouldtheywishtoapproachher.Shebecameextremelyuncomfortablelivingthere.Whenshetriedtoshareherconcernswithoneoftheemployer’swives,shescoffedather,‘Yes,Gracy,youaresobeautifulthatmanymenwilldesireyou.Infact,Iwon’tbesurprisedifmyhusbanddoestoo!’Fromthatdayon,Gracybecameafraidforherself.Shebegantoavoid
teachingtheolderboysandeventoldtheemployerthattheydidnotneedherhelpanymore,butnobodylistened.‘Youarepaidtoteachthechildrenandyoumustfulfilyourresponsibility.
There’snothingmoretosay,’saidtheemployeranddismissedherwithawaveofhishand.Oneday,afriendoftheboyscametoherroomandtriedtoforcefullykissher.
Duetoherpresenceofmind,shemanagedtopushhimoutoftheroomwithallhermightanddidn’tmentionittoanyone.Thenextday,however,shefoundthatoneoftheboysnamedAbdulwasvery
upset.Uponfurtherinquiry,Abdulsaid,‘Myfriendisupsetforsomereason.WhenI
askedhimtocomehometoday,herefusedandsaidthatitwasbecauseofyou.
Tellme,whathaveyoudone?’Gracyfoundithardtosharehertroubleswithasixteen-year-old,butthought
itwisetotellthetruthtoherward.Toherastonishment,helaughed.‘Youareveryattractive,’saidAbdul.‘I
can’tblamemyfriendfornotbeingabletocontrolhimself.Ifyouwereuglylikethecook,Fatima,thennobodywouldwantyou.’‘Abdul,Iamyourteacher,’saidGracyveryfirmly,despitethetremorsshe
wasbeginningtofeelinherbody.‘Howdareyouspeaktomelikethis?’‘Iamnolongerachild.Iamamannowandlookatwomenfromadifferent
perspective,’herespondedandwalkedawaycasually.‘ItwasthenthatIrealizedthatthehomewasatickingtimebombforme.I
wasbetterofflivinginarentedhouseinmycountrythanstayingundersuchduressinthatresidence.Nobody––neithertheemployernorhiswives––wasgoingtoprotectmeifsomethingweretohappen.Iwasfortunateenoughthatmypassportwaswithme.Andyet,Ihadnomoney.ButIknewthesetwokindwomenherewhohelpedwomeninsuchdistress.’‘Howdidyougettoknowaboutthem?’Iasked.‘Itwasastrokeofluck.LastDecember,IhadattendedaChristmasparty.It
wastherethatImetthemandlearntabouttheirwork.Oncethetimewasright,Iwalkedtotheshelter,leavingallofmybelongingsatmyemployer’shome,’shesaid,staringatthefloor.Therewasnothingformetosay.Ifeltashamedanddisgustedattheworld
todaywherehalfofthepopulationdoesnotfeelsafe.Thetwootherwomen––RojafromTamilNaduandNeenafromAndhra
Pradesh––sharedtheirstorieswithboutsoftears.Theirexperienceswereworse.Eachhadtravelledadifferentpathbutbothhadbeenrapedbytheiremployers.Icouldn’tholdbackmytearsanylonger.Whatawretchedlifethesewomen
havehad!Howdoesoneevenbegintogetoversuchtrauma?Ittookmeafewminutestocomposemyself.Iglancedatthetwowomensittingnearme.Howdidtheysendthesewomen
back?Oneofthemsaid,‘Oncethesewomencometotheshelter,wegototheIndian
embassyandgetnewpassportsmadeforthem.Itisdifficultandattimes,werunintoproblemsthatcausedelays.Buttherealproblemistheirdeparturefrom
here.Legally,wecan’tkeepthemintheshelterbeyondacertainperiodoftimeandwehavetobuyaone-wayticketforthemassoonaswecan.Andifwehavetobookitatshortnotice,wehavetoalmostalwayspayahighpriceforit.’‘Whopaysforthetickets?’‘Weaskaroundandreachouttoeveryonewecan.Thefolksinsmall-paying
jobsarehighinnumberbuttheyusuallyhavetheirownfinancialproblemsandotherissues.Peoplewhodohavethemoneydon’treallywanttosupportusforalongtime.Somewouldratherbuygoldinthesoukorholdapartyfortheirfriendsandfamilies.Therichfolksconsiderthisaperennialproblem.Theyarewillingtohelpusforoneortwocasesbutoursheltergetsaroundfivewomeneverymonth.Soonerorlater,thedonorstopsfundingthetickets.Sometimes,storeownersanonymouslybuyflighttickets,buteverybodyisafraidofgettingcaughtsomeday.Othersshrugitoffandsaythatitisn’ttheirproblem.Theyaccusethewomenoffollowingthepathofmoney.Theyfeelitwastheirresponsibilitytoverifytheagencybeforecominghere.Whenwebegantheshelterafewyearsago,wepumpedinourpersonalfunds.Butwearen’tricheitherandIfearthatwewon’tbeabletokeepupforlong.’Itwasadepressingthought.Theshelterwasarayofhopeforthewomen
caughtindifficultcircumstances.Wherewouldtheygowithoutsuchaplacetorunto?Ilookedattheclock.Itwastimetoleaveformymeetingwithafriend.SoI
saidmygoodbyesandlefttheshelterwithaheavyheart.Wedrovepastbeautifulhomes,wideroadsandfancycars.Ifeltnothing.AllI
couldthinkofwerethefourwomenandtheirhauntingpasts.Suddenly,Ichangedmymind.‘TakeaU-turn,’Itoldthedriver.Iwentbacktotheshelterandmetthetwowomen.Isaid,‘InfosysFoundation
ishappytosponsorone-wayticketsforthewomeninneed––beittotheircity,villageortown.Wewilltakecareofthetravelcostaslongastheshelterhasverifiedthem.Butyoumusthelpthemobtainapassportintimeandensurethattheyareabletoboardtheflightwithoutanyhassles.’Thewomensmiledandagreed.Ismiledback.Finally,IfeltlikeIhadlessenedsomeofmyburden.
‘TellthesewomenthatIndiaischanging,’Itoldthem.‘Gonearethedayswhenpeopleworkedforaminusculesalary.Incities,whenboththehusbandandthewifehavetogotowork,theyneedareliableandgoodhousekeeperathome,withoutwhichmanywomenchoosetoquittheirjobs.HonestycarriesahighpriceinIndianowandmoreandmorepeoplearechoosingtostaybackinthecountryoftheirownvolitionduetothedemandinurbanareas.’‘Thewomenwillbeecstatictolearnofthisdevelopment,’saidoneofthem.
Shecouldn’tstopsmiling.‘MayGodblessthefoundationandyouforsuchaninvaluablegesture.’Thenextday,onmyflightback,Icouldn’thelpbutthinkhowfortunatewe
aretoliveinIndia.Wemaynotbetherichestorthebestcountryintheworld,butwehavesomuchfreedom.Wecanswitchjobseasilyorrelocatetoadifferenttownorcity.Ifnothingelse,mostofushaveafamilythatwillatleastgiveusaplacetostayintimesoftrouble.Wereallydon’tknowhowluckyweareuntilweareoutofthecountry.Outofhabit,Ibegancalculatingtheapproximatetravelexpensesforthe
women.Theyhadmentionedanaverageoftwentytotwenty-fivecasesperyear.‘Thisextraannualgrantwouldevaporatemysavingsfortheofficebuildinginfiveyears,’Ithought,ataddisappointed.Ihadtomakeachoice––buildtheofficeorgivesheltertothesewomen.I
knew,ofcourse,thattherereallywasnochoiceatall.Therewasnosecond-guessingmydecision.MyconscienceandIcouldstillliveinarentedthree-roomspaceforafewmoreyears.Thishappenedfifteenyearsago.Lastyear,wefinallymovedintoourownofficeandhomeaftertwentyyears.
Inamedthebuilding‘Neralu’––theshelter.
8APowerfulAmbassador
Iamastorytelleratheart,soitisn’tsurprisingthatIfellinlovewithmovies.Whenwewerechildren,Bollywoodwasverydifferentfromwhatitistoday.
Mostmovieswereinblackandwhite.Then,therewereEastmancolormoviesandblackandwhitemovieswithsomesongsincolour,untilfinally,themovewasmadetocolourfeaturefilms.MeenaKumari’stragediesoftenbroughttearstomyeyeswhileMadhubala
andAshaParekh’sbeautifulsongsequencesremainetchedinmymind.Ican’tletgoofSadhanaandWaheedaRahman’seffortlessbeauty,whileSanjeevKumar’spowerfulactingandRajeshKhanna’scharismawillremainwithmygenerationuntilwearegone.IhavefollowedtheevolutionofBollywoodthroughtheuseoftechnologyand
alsofromsimpleinnocentromancestotheaggressiveandboldportrayalofittodayandfromclassicaldancestothedrill-teamtypeofdancestobreakdanceandnow,twerking.Moviesweregenerallytaboointhosedaysandconsideredaluxuryina
villagesuchasmine.WelivedinShiggaonwithoutaccesstoamovietheatre.Besides,therewasnoelectricityinthosedays.Buttoourabsolutedelight,wedidgettouringtalkiesinthesummer,whichweretentssetupspecificallytoscreenmovies.ItwastheLord’sanswertoourdesperation!Ifwereallywantedtoseeafilm,wewereaccompaniedbyanadultandourchaperonewoulddecidewhichmoviewewouldwatch.WecouldonlyseereligiousandinspiringmoviessuchasSriKrishnaTulabharam,RamaVanavasaandGirijaKalyana.Occasionally,anexceptionwasmadeandwewereallowedtowatchachildren’s
movieunderadultsupervision.Wewouldthengoandtellourfriendsaboutit.Onthebigday,mycousinsandIwouldeatearlyandfillourstomachssothatwewouldn’thavetotakeabreakduringthemovie.Wewouldtalkaboutthefilmfordaysonendafterthescreening.However,themovie-watchingdayswererarethroughouttheyear.Butnothingstaysthesameforever.LifechangedandIcametothesmallcity
ofHubliformyeducationwheretherewereplentyofmovietheatres.Andyet,thetabooremained—ateenagegirlshouldn’tseeromanticscenes.SowhileIhappilysawthemwhenIwentwithmyfriends,IhadtolistentomyauntandclosemyeyeswhenIsawthesamesceneswithherorotherseniormembersofthefamily.Asthemonthswentpast,Ibecamebolder.Attheendofeveryexamseason,a
bunchofusgirlswouldgotogethertothemovies.WewouldlietoourfamiliesthatweweregoingforafilmlikeDashavathara(aboutthetenavatarsofLordVishnu)andgowatchafilmofthedreamyheroRajendraKumar.Allofushadsecretcrushesontheheroesbutwefeltawkwardsharingthiswitheachother.WhenImadeittocollege,Ibecamewhatmusthavebeenconsidered‘really
bold’.Itoldmyparents,‘Irefusetowatchreligiousfilms.Ihaveseenenoughofthemtolastmealifetime.Now,IwanttoseeRajeshKhanna’smovies.’Ilivedinajointfamilyanditwasclearthattheeldersinthefamilyfelt
astonishedandperhapsalittleembarrassedatmyintenselytransparentdesiretowatchasuperstar’smovies,especiallyaheroknownforhisridiculousgoodlooksandcharmandtheabilitytodriveawayallcommonsensefromagirl’smind.Fromthatdayon,myauntkeptaclosewatchonmygrades.Theslightesthint
ofafallwouldearnmethecomment,‘Itisnowonderthatyourmarksaregoingdown.Thecrappyromanticmovieshavedistractedyouandyouarenolongerabletofocusasmuchasyoushould.’PoorRajeshKhannawasoftenblamedformycousins’andmylowmarks.If
onlyhehadknown!Later,ImademywaytoBengaluruformypost-graduation.Itwasheaven!
TheareaknownasMajesticboastedofatleastthirtymovietheatressuchasSangam,Alankar,KempeGowdaandMajestic,oneithersideoftheroad.Ifrequentlymanagedtowatchtwomoviesinonetrip.
OnceIwaslefttomyowndevicesintheworkingladies’hostelinPune,therewasabsolutelynoonetostopmeandmyloveforfilmsgrewbyleapsandbounds.ItgrewtosuchanextentthatIcouldstudyonlywhenmoviesoundtrackswereplayinginthebackground.Manyofthestudentsmadefunofme.Oneday,afewgirlsgatheredatafriend’shome.Someonesaidtome,‘Moviesareawonderfulsourceofentertainment.Butit
islikeeatingdesserteveryday.Itisnotgoodforyourhealthandyouwillstartdislikingitatsomepoint.’‘Noway,’Iprotested.‘Youcaneatdifferentdessertsondifferentdaysand
you’llneverreachapointofdislikingit.It’sthesamethingwithmovies.’‘Easytosay.Notsoeasytoimplement.Areyouwillingtoseeamovieevery
day?’‘OfcourseIam.’IhadnodoubtthatIcould.Myfriendswerequitethrilled.‘Well,thenlet’sbetonit.Ifyousee365
moviesin365days,wewillgiveyouonehundredrupeesandhonouryouasMissCinema.’Inodded,quiteexcited.ThusIbeganmyfilmijourney.Punewasagreatcityforwatchingmovies.Inthosedays,NilayamTheatre
wouldscreenRajKapoormovies—adifferentoneeachday.There,Isawallhismovies—fromtheearliestonetothemostrecent.Oncethatwasdone,Iswitchedtothefamousdirector–actorGuruDuttandwatchedallhismoviesinLakshmiNarayanTheatre.Boredomwasnowhereinsight.Justwhenthatwasnearingitsend,PrabhatFilmCompany,apioneerinMarathimovies,beganshowingtheirfilmsinNatrajTheatre,whichwasastone’sthrowfrommyhostel.Someoftheseweremoviesfrombeforemytimeandwerethosemyfatherhadseenwhenhewasastudent.SoIwatchedthemtoo—Manoos,Kunku,ShejariandRamshastri,amongothers.Duringthedaysmovieswereinshortsupply,IstockeduponEnglishclassicsatRahul70mmTheatre—GonewiththeWind,ToSirwithLove,ComeSeptember,TheTenCommandments,filmsfeaturingCharlieChaplin,LaurelandHardy,andothersilentmovieswithsubtitles.Occasionally,DeccanTheatrescreenedKannadamoviestoo.Attheendoftheyear,Ihadsuccessfullywatched365moviesandbecame
suchanexpertthatIcouldrateanymoviethatmyfriendscouldthinkof.Ieven
understoodthefundamentalsforamovie’ssuccessfulrun.Necessaryprerequisitesconsistofatightstory,goodmusic,crispconversation,excellentscriptanddialogues,fineactingbytheleadroles,appropriatecostumes,outstandingdirectionandcarefulediting.Thentherewasthematterofluckwhichremainsundefinedtothisday.Ihaveencounteredfilmswithexcellentstorylinesthathaveturnedouttobebox-officeflops.Sowhilethereisnoexactformulaforsuccess,toomuchmelodramaandanon-realisticstorylinedoomsamoviefromthestart.Mydeepinterestinfilmstookmetothenextlevel—assessingtheacting
abilitiesoftheheroesandtheskillsofthedirector.ThusIgraduallyturnedintoamoviepundit.NowIamunabletowatchasmanymoviesasIwouldlikeduetomy
schedule,yet,Iprefergoingtoamovietheatre,ratherthanwatchingitathome.Ialsohaveaninterestinvisitingcountriesthataren’tconsideredpopular
touristdestinations.Afewyearsago,IaddedIran,Poland,Cuba,theBahamas,UzbekistanandIcelandtothelist.Theselessvisitedcountrieshavemanyadvantages.Theyarenotcrowdedandhavefewerhotelreservations.Theflightticketstotheseplacescanbeobtainedatashortnoticeandyouhavethefreedomtowalkaboutanywhereyouchoose.Outofthesefourcountries,theBahamaswasthemostexoticofthemall,evenasIwasintroducedtotheothercountriesandtheirspecialties—whetheritbetheirmarkets,vegetables,customs,cuisine,fashionandmuchmore.Ienjoygoingtofarmers’marketstosamplethelocalgoodiesandalwayspickupsomethingthatIcancarryaroundandeat.DuringmyvisittoIran,Iwasutterlyfascinatedtoseeyesteryear’sPersia,
especiallysinceIwasawarethatweusealmost5000PersianwordsinthelocallanguageofnorthKarnataka.ThehistoricalconnectiongoesbacktothedaysoftheAdilShahidynasty.TheofficiallanguageinthecourtandthemilitarywasPersian.Soitisn’tsurprisingthatmanywordsandnuancesofPersianarchitecturewereabsorbedbythelocalsintheirlanguageandcanstillbeviewedinBijapurandBidarinKarnataka.Intheoldendays,tradewasanimportantpartofadministrationandwas
responsibleforbringingrevenueintothekingdom.Manytradergroupswereinexistenceatthattime,whichenabledtheexchangeofgoodsfromChinatoIndia
andfromIndiatotheWesternworld.Thisalsoencouragedthesharingofculturethroughfood,dance,theatreandcloth.IdecidedtovisitthelocalmarketinShiraz,aprominentcity,inaneffortto
betterunderstandthecultureandthetypeofmerchandiseandfare.Atthemarket,Inoticedamanbusymakingnaansinasmallstallandafewpeoplewaitingaroundfortheirorder.Theprocesswasfascinatingandthenaanswerereadytobeservedinamatterofafewminutes.WhenguestscomehomeinIran,womendonotheadtothekitchenandmakerotislikewedoinIndia.Instead,themanofthehousegoestothenaanandroomaliroti(anothertypeofthinflatbread)shopandgetsthemfreshlymadeandinbigquantities.AllthecookingmademefeelhungryandIapproachedtheman.‘Iwantto
buytwoofthem,’IsaidinEnglish.Itwasclearthathewasn’ttoofamiliarwithEnglish,butheunderstoodmy
request.Soon,hehandedmetwowarmnaansonapaper.Inoticedhimobservingmysariandthebindionmyforehead.SinceIdidn’tknowthecost,Iofferedhimahigherdenominationcurrency
notesothathecouldchargemeappropriatelyandreturnthechange.‘AmitabhBachchan?’heasked.WhenIdidn’trespond,hepersisted,‘SalmanKhan?ShahRukhKhan?’AfterhearingthenamesofthefamousBollywoodheroes,Irealizedwhathe
wastryingtosay.‘Yes,’Ireplied.‘Iamfromthesamecountryasthem.’Hesmiled.‘Nomoney,’hesaid.EvenwhenIinsisted,herefused.Headded,‘India.Bollywood.Verynice.
Gooddance.Gooddress.Goodmusic.Iranianlike.’Iunderstood.IranianslikeBollywood.SinceIcomefromthesamelandas
someoftheheroestheylike,themandidn’twanttotakeanymoneyfromme.Hewantedtogivethemtomeasagift.Heprobablythoughtofitasawayofdoingsomethinginreturnfortheheroes’countrymen.‘Salaam!’Hiswordsbrokethroughmytrainofthoughtandhemovedonto
thenextclientbehindme.Iheldthosepreciousnaanscloselyandcamebacktomyroomandturnedthe
televisionon.Tomypleasantsurpriseandamusement,IsawAmitabhBachchanconversinginPersianwithJayaBhaduriinthemovieKabhiKhushiKabhieGham.Ihadnodoubt—Bollywoodmoviesweredefinitelyarageinthis
country.TheIraniansmaynotunderstandthemeaningofthesongs,buttheymustlikeourstorylines,thebeautifulandflowingsilklehengas,thefoot-tappingmusic,thegrandeurofthesetsandtheactingoftheleadcharacters.MynextvisitwastoHavana,thecapitalofCuba.Thecityiscutofffrom
Westerncivilizationandremainsisolatedfrommostoftheworld.ThelocallanguageisSpanishandIcouldn’tsayasinglewordexcept‘gracias’orthankyou.Tomysurprise,theredidn’tseemtobeanytouristsfromIndia.Theweatherwaswarmandtherewerebeautifulshelteredmarketsthathelpedusescapetheheat.Themarketshadalmosteverythingpossibleonsale,includinghandicrafts,fruitsandjuices.Sowithaglassofcoconutwaterinhand,Iwanderedthroughthemarketswith
mysister,whofoundabaginastorefilledwithwoodenandleathergoods.AsIhelpedherinspectthequalityofthebag,shebegantonegotiatetheprice—ahabitthatispartoftheIndianDNA,irrespectiveofone’sfinancialposition.Usingherhands,thesellerindicatedtheprice—fifteenpesos.Inoticedayoungmanstandingbywatchingtheinteractionwithobviousinterest.Meanwhile,mysisterinstantlyindicatedtenwithoutknowingthetruevalueoftheitemshewasbuying.Thesellercamedowntoelevenpesosbutmysisterproudlyrefusedtobudge.Thewomangrinned,agreedandsaidsomethinginSpanish.IheardthenamesMadhuriDixitandAamirKhanthrowninasthetransactionfinallytookplace.Justwhenwewereabouttowalkaway,theyoungmanonthesidefinally
spoke.‘Doyouknowwhythatladygaveyouthebagforonlytenpesos?’heaskedinbrokenEnglish.Ishookmyhead.‘ShesaysthatsheisabigfanofAamirKhanandMadhuriDixit.Shewants
youtotellthemthattheyhavefansinHavanaandtherestofCuba.’Iwassurprised.‘Canyouaskthesellerwheresheseestheirmovies?’Thesellersmiledwhensheheardthequestionandsaidsomethingtothe
youngman.‘ShegetstheDVDs,’heturnedtomeandsaid.‘Aretheypirated?’Iasked.‘Idon’tknow,’hesaid.‘Icanaskherifyouwant.’Idecidednottopursuetheconversationsincewecouldn’tcommunicate
effectively.WhileIdidn’tgetallmyanswers,itwasclearthatBollywood
effectively.WhileIdidn’tgetallmyanswers,itwasclearthatBollywoodenjoyedabigpresenceinternationally,andthatIhadgotafive-pesodiscountbecauseofit!IrecalledoneofmyvisitstoMumbaiwhereIhadmetanew-ageIndian
actor–directorandhadananimateddiscussionaboutmovies,ofcourse!‘Bollywoodisnotjustaboutcinema,’Isaid.‘Ifsomebodytalksaboutthe
importanceofgoodvalues,itmayimpactonepersoninthecrowd.Ifsomeonewritesaboutthem,thenitmaychangeafewmore.ButifitisshowninBollywoodthroughapowerfulstory,thentheimpactismuchmoredrastic.Asanactor,onemustowntheresponsibilitytospreadtherightmessages.’Heagreedwithme.TheinfluenceofBollywoodisphenomenalindeed.MytraveladventuresalsotookmetoBukhara,thefifthlargestcityof
Uzbekistan.AsIwentforaneveningstroll,thefainttunesofafamiliarsong‘TujhMeinRabDikhtaHai’waftedtowardsme.ItwasfromthemovieRabNeBanaDiJodi.Justlikethechildrenwhocouldn’tresistfollowingthePiedPiperofHamelin,mylegsdirectedmetowardsthesourceofthemusic.Withinminutes,Ifoundmyselfoutsidearestaurantbyapond—LyabiHouse.
AsIattemptedtoenter,thedoormanstoppedmegentlywithawaveofhishand.‘I’msorry,buttherestaurantisatfullcapacitytodayandallourtablesare
occupied,’hesaid.‘Butthatsongismine!’Isaid,feelingasexcitedandproudasasix-year-old
andpointinginside.‘Iamfromthecountryofthatmusic!’Thedoormansmiledandsteppedasidetoletmein.Hurriedly,Ienteredthemainroomandwalkedrightuptothesinger,focused
onhisperformance.Bynow,themusichadchangedandthistimeitwas‘TumHiHo’fromAashiqui2.‘IamfromIndiaandthissongisfrommycountry,’Isaidtohim,themomenthestoppedsinging.‘Hindustan?’heasked.Inodded.‘Namaste!’hegrinnedandnoddedhisheadvigorously,asiftoacknowledge
whatIhadjustsaid.Ilookedaround,andforthefirsttime,Ibecameawareofotherpeopleinthe
restaurant.Wetriedtocommunicatequickly—heinUzbekandIinHindiwitha
spatteringofasmanyPersianwordsthatIcouldremember.Wefailedquite
spatteringofasmanyPersianwordsthatIcouldremember.Wefailedquitemiserably.Thenhesmiledandhismelodiousvoicefilledtheair—‘MainShayarTo
Nahi’.Thesongmusthavebeenquitepopularamongthelocalsbecausesuddenlytherewasaroundofapplausefromthepeopleintheroom.Thiswasn’taboutabigachievementsuchasaspacemissionorasports
victory,butaboutrunningintocommonpeoplelisteningtoasliceofIndiainanunknowncorneroftheworld.Mywholebeingfeltarushofmixedemotions—aboveeverythingelse,asenseofpridethatIbelongedtoaspecialcountry.EvenpeopleinacountrylikeEnglandsharetheirloveforBollywooddance.
IndianrestaurantsarepopularandareoftenbasedonthethemeofBollywood.IcelandalsohasarestaurantnamedGandhiinReykjavik.ThereisastatueoflateYashChopra,arenownedIndianfilmmaker,inInterlaken,Switzerland,andaposterofShahRukhKhanandKajolattheentranceofMountTitlis,amountainoftheUriAlps.BollywoodhasalsocontributedtoHollywood’sfooddishes.Thereisadrink
calledPiggyChopsinMilkBar,WestHollywood,namedafteractressPriyankaChopra,whichconsistsofbananas,almonds,caramelsauce,vanillaicecreamandasplashofginseng.MallikaShake,ontheotherhand,isnamedafterMallikaSherawatandisadeliciousmixofblueberries,blackberries,raspberriesandstrawberries,toppedwithchocolatesauce.Younggirlsnowwanttodressliketheseheroines.Ihaveseenseveralgirlsin
myfriend’sboutiqueaskingfordressesliketheoneAnushkaSharmaworeinBandBaajaBaaraatorwhatMadhuriDixitworeinHumAapkeHainKaun.BeforemytriptoUzbekistan,IvisitedIceland.IwasasouthIndianwho
wasn’tusedtowearingasweateratanytimeoftheyear.ThenhowwouldIwearfivelayersofclothes?Imustbetheonlycrazyonewantingtovisitthecountry,orsoIthought.IwasprettysurethatIwouldn’trunintoanIndiantherebecauseofthefreezingtemperatures.WhenIfinallyreachedthecountryforaprearrangedtour,Imetanicelocal
guidewhogreetedmeinanaccentIcouldbarelyunderstand.‘Doyouwanttoseethelocalesofthe“Gerua”song?’heasked.Ididn’tunderstandawordandgazedathiminsilenceuntilhefeltvisibly
uncomfortable.SohedugaroundinhisbagandpulledoutaDVDofthemovie
DilwalestarringKajolandShahRukhKhan.‘Yes!’Iexclaimed,aslightdawnedonme.Ihadseenthemovieandhad
wonderedwhereoneofthesonganddancesequenceswasshot.OnthewaytoBlackSandbeach,heshowedusthevideoofthesong.The
blackpebblesandthefloatingicebergstookmybreathawayandweendedupspendingaconsiderableamountoftimethere.‘Wealllovethissong.IthasmadeIcelandverypopularwithyour
countrymenandenhancedourtourismprospects,’hesaid.Asweheadedbacktothehotel,aSpanishfellowtravellernexttomeadded,
‘Thatisverytrue.WehavebenefitedfromBollywood,too.The“Senorita”songfromthemovieZindagiNaMilegiDobarawhichwasshotinSpainhasmadeourcountrypopular.Themoviealsobroughtthetomatofestivaltothelimelight!’Inodded.‘ThemoviehasindeedmadeSpainafavouredholidaydestination
forIndians.WefancythecitiesofBarcelonaandMadridandtheLaTomatinofestival.Somebodyshouldconsidergivinganawardtothemovie’sdirectorZoyaAkhtarforenhancingthecountry’stourismincome.’IsatbackandmymindwanderedoverthejourneyofBollywoodfromblack
andwhitetocolourmovies,fromPrithvirajKapoortoRanbirKapoor,andfromthetouringtalkiesthatoperatedforonlythreemonthsayeartothemovie-on-demandaccessthatwehavetoday.Bollywoodhasgraduatedfrombeingapartofthemovieindustrytobecoming
avitalpartnerwhenitcomestobusinessgeneration.Allinall,itisagreatambassadorforouruniquecountry.
9RasleelaandtheSwimmingPool
HarikathaisatraditionalartformfromthestateofKarnatakawhereinanarratorordasa,alongwithasmalltroupe,goesfromvillagetovillageandsharesstoriesfromtheHinduscripturesandepics.Whentheyvisitedmyvillage,Shiggaon,theaudienceeagerlyassembledinthetempleforanall-nightperformance.Multiplestoriesweredepictedthroughdanceandtothetunesoftamburas.Theenactmentwasdependentsolelyontheexpertiseofthenarratorandthedance.Onesuchevening,IaccompaniedmycousinstotheHarikathaofGopika
VastraHarana.TheHarikathadasaofthistroupewasawell-knownpromoternamedGopinathwhowasknowntoportraystoriesfromtheBhagavataPuranaanddeeplyinvolvetheaudience.ThestorieswouldusuallycontaindescriptionsofKrishna’smischief,hismother’sloveandthecowherdgirls’(orgopikas’)adoration.Thatday,Gopinathbegan,‘Everybody,pleasecloseyoureyes.Todayisa
warmdayinthewondrouscityofVrindavan.Come,walkwithmetothebanksoftheriverYamuna.Thewateriscold,thelotusesarebloomingandtheriverflowslazily.Oncewearethere,justlookaroundyou.Youwillseebeautifulgopikassaunteringalong.Whatisthecolouroftheirclothes?’‘Redandgreen!’ayounggirlsaidoutloud.‘Yellowandorange,’saidanother.‘Nowlookatthatbigbeautifulgreentreeneartheriver,’saidGopinath.‘The
gopikashavechangedintotheirbathingrobesandlefttheirdryclothesonthebranchesofthesametree.Itistimefortheirbathandtheygetintothewaterand
beginsplashingeachother.Nowlet’ssearchforKrishna.Wheredoyouthinkheis?’‘He’sbehindthekadambatree,’someoneshoutedfromtheaudience.‘He’snexttoYashoda!’saidanothervoice.Gopinathcontinued,‘Let’sapproachKrishna.Thereheis—sittingonthehigh
branchofatreenearbyandwastinghistime.’‘Oh,heissuchaprankster,’saidayounggirlfromthetroupe—oneofthe
gopikas.‘ButIlikehim.Hebringsasmiletomylips.Mymother,however,getsupsetbecausehetakesawayallthebutterfromourhome.’ThenthetroupetookoverandtheHarikathacontinued.Awomanadded,‘Mymother-in-lawhasinstructedmenottospeakto
Krishnabecausehedrankallthemilkinourhouseafterenteringthroughthebackdoor.’Avoicecomplained,‘WheneverItakemypottofetchwater,hethrowsstones
atitandbreaksit.Myhusbandisquiteupset.’‘Wemustteachhimalesson,’insistedanotherfromthetroupe.‘Krishnaoverheardallofthis,’interjectedGopinath,‘andstealthilyhidtheir
clothes.Oncethegopikashadfinishedtheirbathintheriver,theywalkedovertothetreebutalas!Theirclotheswerenowheretobefound!Howwouldtheygobackhomeinminimalandwetclothing?Whohadstolentheirclothes?Justthen,theyheardmelodioustunesthatseemedtooriginatefromabovethem.Whentheylookedup,theysawKrishnaholdingtheirclothesinonehandandplayingtheflutewiththeother,withhiseyesclosed.Ofcourse!Hemusthaveheardthemcomplaininganddecidedtotakerevenge.Hewasn’tgoingtoreturntheclotheseasily.Sotheybegantopleadwithhim.Whatdidthewomensay?’Agirlfromtheaudienceyelled,‘OKrishna,pleasegivebackmysari.’‘Andminetoo!’shoutedanother.‘It’smyfavourite!’Thewomenbegangivingdescriptions,withtheireyesstillshut.‘Andthatblacksariwiththeredborderismine!’‘Oh,please,givemethatgreenandmango-colouredsari!’Gopinathwashappy.‘Ahyes,allofyouhaveseenKrishnanow,’hesaid.TheconversationsbetweenKrishnaandthegopikasandtheaudience
continueduntiltheyraisedtheirhandsandsurrendered,‘OKrishna!Youareakind-heartedboyandyouunderstandourhearts.Pleasegiveusthesaris.
Otherwiseweareleftwithnochoicebuttowalkhomeinourwetrobes.Wearecompletelydependentonyou.’‘Krishnasmiledandstartedthrowingdowntheclothes,’saidGopinath.‘The
gopikasworetheirsarisandaftertheywerewell-clothed,Krishnadescendedfromthetopandthedancingbegan.’Thesoundsofmusicanddancefilledtheairandthenightendedonajoyful
note.TheHarikathadasatoldustoopenoureyes.That’swhenwefoundoutthattwoandahalfhourshadpassed.Asayounggirl,Ihadavividimagination.Itwaseasytovisualizetheflowof
theriverYamuna,thepinklotuses,thebrightandcolourfulgopikas,LordKrishnaandhisnaughtybutcompassionateface,andthemusicfloatingfromhisflute.Iwasenchanted!Yearslater,IwenttoVrindavan.Tomyutterdisappointment,theYamuna
wasdirtyandmoreofarivuletthanafull-bodiedriver.Theplacewasnowcommercialized.AlmostallthepriestsIobservedweredirectingthedevoteestoatreewith
piecesofclothtiedtoit.‘LordKrishnasatonthistreeandthrewtheclothesdowntothegopikas,’theysaid.Devoteesbowedtothetreeandtiedasmallpieceofclothtoit.TheimagewasnotwhatIhadassociatedwiththestory.SoIclosedmyeyes
andturnedaway.‘Idon’twanttoseethisandruinmychildhoodimages,’Ithought.Ialsorealizedinmyadulthoodthatastorysuchasthismightbeconsidered
harassmentinthemodernworld.Butthetruthisthatsuchaconceptdidnotexistintheoldendays.Godisconsideredtobeanomnipotentfriend—someonewhoisapproachableandwhomwecanspeaktoatanytimeandanyhowwechoose.ThesetalesaremeanttobringoutthehumansideoftheLord,whileretainingthedevotiontowardshim.Soheisdepictedasanaughtyyounglad,nomorethaneightyearsold,whoenjoysspendingtimewithhisdevoteesandteasingthemwithloveandinnocence.ThisiswhythewomenalsoplayalonguntiltheycompletelysurrendertotheLord—agestureoffaithafterwhichhegivesthemwhatevertheyneed.Decadeslater,Ibecameagrandmothertotwolittlegirls—Krishnaand
Anoushka.Whentheygrewfromtoddlerstoyoungchildren,Idecidedtosharesomeofmychildhoodstorieswiththem.Ithoughtthattheywouldvisualizethe
someofmychildhoodstorieswiththem.IthoughtthattheywouldvisualizethescenesjustlikeIhad.Oneday,whenIwasplayingwiththemintheirresidenceinLondon,they
askedmeforastory.ItoldthemthesametaleofLordKrishnaandthegopikas.SinceIhadtheirattention,IaddedthestoryofAkshayaPatratoo.‘Draupadiwasveryhospitableandentertainedmanyguestswhenshewas
livinginIndraprastha.Unfortunately,duetoaturnofevents,shehadtoaccompanyherhusbandsonalongexileandfeltsadthatshecouldnolongertakecareoftheguestslikesheusedto.‘Herhusband,Yudhishthira,prayedtothesungod,Surya,andexplainedtheir
difficultyintakingcareoftheguests.SoSuryablessedthemandhandedthemavessel.“ThisisaspecialvesselknownasAkshayaPatra,”hesaid.“Youcanusethistofeedasmanypeopleasyouwant.Butononecondition...”‘“What’sthat?”askedYudhishthira.‘“Youcan’tcookanyfoodaftertheladyofthehousehaseaten.Thevessel
canbeusedagainonlyafterthenextsunrise.”‘Yudhishthiranodded.‘Happily,Draupadibeganfeedinghervisitorswithdifferentvarietiesoffood.‘Soon,thenewsofherpleasinghospitalityreachedDuryodhana’sears,who
feltjealousdespitethefactthathiscousinswereinexileandledamuchhumblerlifethantheywereusedto.Afewdayslater,theshort-temperedsageDurvasaarrivedatDuryodhana’spalaceandwastreatedasanesteemedguestandgivenallthatcouldbeoffered.‘Pleased,heblessedDuryodhana.“Iamhappywithyourhospitalitytowards
meandmydisciples.AskmewhateveryouwantandIwillfulfilyourwish.”‘Duryodhanaandhiseviluncle,Shakuni,hadalreadypre-decidedwhatthey
wouldaskfor,shouldDurvasagivethemsuchanopportunity.‘Hesmiled.“Mycousins,thePandavas,aredevoutandpious,”said
Duryodhana,pretendingtocareforthem.“Iwillbegratefulifyoucouldblessthemtoo.Ifyouleavenow,youwillreachtherelateintheevening.ThatisallIwant.”‘Durvasaagreedandsetoutwithhisgroup.‘Onthesurface,therequestwasasimpleoneandseemedtoshowthe
largenessofDuryodhana’sheart,butthetruthwasfarfromit.ShakuniandDuryodhanaknewthatbythetimeDurvasaandhisdisciplesreachedthe
Pandavas’home,DraupadiwouldhavefinishedhermealandthePandavaswouldn’tbeabletofeedallofthem.Thiswouldimmediatelyfuelthesage’swrath,whowasthenhighlylikelytocursethem.‘Afterajourneythattookmanyhours,DurvasareachedthePandavas’abode
andsaidtothem,“YourcousinDuryodhanaisanexcellenthost.Hehasrequestedmetoexperienceyourhospitalitytooandblessyou.MydisciplesandIwillfirstgoforabathintherivernearby.Pleasehaveourfoodreadyforusbythetimewereturn.”‘ThemomentDurvasaleft,Yudhishthirarushedintothekitchenandtohis
dismay,sawDraupadiwashingandcleaningtheAkshayaPatra.“Draupadi!Durvasawillsooncomeherewithhisstudentsforamealandyouhavealreadyeatenyours!Idon’twanttogetonhisbadside.Whatshouldwedo?”‘SunsetwasfastapproachingandDraupadiwasataloss.Unabletothinkofa
solution,herthoughtsturnedtoKrishna,whowasasgoodasabrothertoher.Justthen,sheheardthesoundofhorsesandachariotpullingupoutsidethehome.Shewalkedtowardstheentrancebutwithinseconds,Krishnawalkedinthroughtheopendoor.‘WhenhesawDraupadiandtherestofthePandavaswithlongfaces,he
asked,“Whyareyouallsosad?”‘Yudhishthiraexplainedthesituationtohim.“Bringthevesseltome,”said
Krishna.‘Withreluctance,DraupadifetchedtheAkshayaPatra,“There’snothingthere,
brother.Seeforyourself.”‘“Sister,youmaybeaqueenbutyouaredefinitelynotagoodcleaner.Look
atthis—youhaveleftagrainofrice.”‘Krishnapickedupthegrain,ateitandburpedratherloudly.“Iamhappyand
mystomachisfull.MayGodblessyou,”hesaidandimmediatelyleftbeforethePandavascouldstophim.‘Meanwhile,Durvasaandhisstudentswerefinishingtheirbathintheriver
whentheysuddenlyfeltasiftheyhadjusthadafullmeal.Theirstomachsfeltextremelyfullandsatisfied.‘Theylookedateachother.“Sir,”astudentgatheredhiscourageandspoketo
Durvasa.“Wearefeelingfullandcan’teatanymore.Let’sskipthevisittothePandavas’homebecausewewon’tbeabletoeatanythingandthatmightoffendthem.”
them.”‘Durvasasmiledandsaid,“Yes,mychildren,Iunderstandhowyoufeel.
Whilethereisnoendtogreedinlife,hungerisonethingthathasitslimitation.Onceyouarefull,nomatterwhatyousayordo,youjustcan’tforceyourselftoeat.IwillblessthePandavasfromhereandwecanleave.”’Oncethestoryhadended,bothKrishnaandAnoushkalookedatmyface.‘NowthatIhavetoldyoutwostoriestoday,youmustthinkaboutthemand
repeatthemtometomorrow!’Isaid.Thetwogirlswaltzedtheirwaytotheirroom,discussingthelaststorywith
eachother.IwashappythatIhadtaughtthemtwoimportantmythologicalstoriesina
verysimplemanner.Thenextmorningafterbreakfast,Krishnacameandsatnexttome.‘Ajji,’she
said.‘Ihavechangedalittlebitofyourstory.’‘Tellmethen.’AnoushkaalsojoinedusandKrishnabegan,‘Krishnawasacutelittleboy
whowasverynaughty.Hewouldfrequentlyvisithisfriends’homes,openthefridgewithoutpermissionandeatwhateverhewantedto.Thisupsetthemothersandyeteverybodywasfondofhim.’‘Hetookpizzas,pastas,sandwiches,cheese,butter,yogurt,fruitsand
everythingthatcaughthisfancy,’addedAnoushkaandgiggled.‘Bequiet!Iamtheonetellingthestory,’saidKrishna.‘ItwastheChristmas
seasonandallschoolswereclosed.Oneday,thegirlsandtheirmothersdecidedtomeetattheindoorswimmingpool.Oncetheywerethere,theychangedintotheirswimwear,kepttheclothesinthelockers,leftthekeysononeofthebenchesinthechangingroom,showeredandjumpedintothepool.‘Soontheywereintheheatedpoolsplashingaround,despitethefreezing
temperaturesoutside.‘Whattheydidn’tknowwasthatKrishnawasalsothere.Hesawthegirls
fromthefirstfloorandopenedthewindowoverlookingthepool.‘Thegirlsweretalkingabouthim.“Oh,Krishnaissoadorablebuthetroubles
me,”saidoneofthem.“TheotherdayheatemycookiesbutIdidn’tcomplaintoanyone.”‘“Oh,hestealsmypencilssooften!”‘“Yourpencils?Hetakesmytoys!”anothergirlwhined.‘“Wemustinformtheheadmistress.”
‘“Wemustinformtheheadmistress.”‘Krishnaheardthecomments,wenttothechangingroom,foundthelocker
keysandslippedaway.‘Aftertheswim,thegirlsandthemothersshoweredandwenttogathertheir
clothesfromthelockers.Butthekeysweremissing!‘“Whohastakenourkeys?”theyaskedthestaff.‘“Ma’am,onlygirlsareallowedhereatthistimeoftheday.Nobodyelsecan
enter.”‘“Butwearemiserable,coldandwet,”saidoneofthemothers.“Howwillwe
gohome?”‘“Mynewshoesarealsointhelocker!”agirlyelled.‘“Ihaveabirthdaypartytoattendafterthisandmydressisinsidethelocker!
WhatshouldIdonow?”‘Theattendantdidn’tknowwhattodo.“Givemeafewminutes.Letmespeak
tothemanager,”shesaid.‘Suddenly,thetunesfromaharmonicafloatedtowardsthem.Theylooked
towardsthesourceofthebeautifulmusicandsawKrishnaonthefirstfloorpatioalmostrightabovethem.Therewasabunchofkeysdanglingfromoneofhisfingers.‘Onceherealizedthattheyhadseenhim,hestoppedplayingtheharmonica.
“Girls,ifyoucomplainaboutmetotheheadmistress,noneofyouwillgetyourclothesback.”‘“Wewillsueyou!”saidagirl.‘“Youcansuemeallyouwant,butyoucan’tgoanywherewithoutyour
clothes.Afterall,itissnowingoutside!”‘“OKrishna,weareverysorry,”saidthegirlsinunison.‘“Ifwewantedtocomplain,wewouldhavealreadydoneso.Youaredearto
usandweloveyourpranks!Youknowthatit’sthetruth.Sostopthis.Wewillcatchacoldstandingherelikethis.Youdon’twantustofallsick,doyou?”saidoneofthemorelogicalgirls.‘Krishnasmiledandthrewthekeystothegirls.Thentheyallgotdressedand
wentwithKrishnatothenearestcaféforahotchocolate.’Mygranddaughterendedherstory.Anoushkaclappedloudlyandlaughed.Shehadenjoyedthestory!
Inoddedtoshowmyappreciation.ThetruthwasthatIwascompletelyunpreparedforthisnewvariationofthestorythatseemedtobesetinLondon.TheoldstorymademevisualizetheriverYamuna,itscoldwater,thefloatinglotusesandaflute-playingKrishnabutthisurbanversionoftheLordwastoohardformetorelateto!Hesitantly,IturnedtoAnoushka.WhatversionofthesecondstorywouldI
hearnext?Rightoncue,Anoushkastarted,‘Draupadiwasabeautifulandpowerful
queen.Oneday,sheleftthecityanddecidedtostayinavillagefaraway.Shedrankclearwaterfromthestream,pickedorganicfooddirectlyfromthetreesandplantsandcookedforalltheguestswhocamehome.However,thefoodwasinsufficientsometimes.Sheexplainedthisproblemtoherhusband,Yudhishthira,who,inturn,sharedtheissuewithafriend,Surya.‘Suryawasveryresourceful.HegiftedYudhishthiraandDraupadiaspecial
cookerandsomeadditives.Hesaid,“Wheneveryoumakericeinthis,addthesehealthyadditives.Twospoonsofthiscookedricewillbeenoughforoneperson.Youwon’thavetocooklargequantitiesorspendhoursinsearchoffood.ButDraupadi,onceyoueat,cleanthevesselanddon’tcookinitagainthatday.Thiswillkeepthebacteriaawayandensurethatthefoodremainshygienic.Sobecarefulaboutthewayyouuseit.”‘Draupadinodded.Fromthatdayon,shemadethespecialorganicriceforher
guests.‘Oneday,herunclecamewithoutinformingher,withmanypeopleintow.He
said,“Draupadi,Ihaveheardthatyoumaketastyrice.Iwanttotrythattoday.MygroupandIwillgoforaswimfirstandthencomebackforthedeliciousmeal.”‘Draupadiwasupset.First,herunclehadn’tinformedherinadvanceand
second,hesimplyshowedupontheirdoorstepwithsomanyotherstofeed!Besides,shehadalreadyeatenandcleanedthevessel.ShewasabouttogiveheruncleapieceofhermindbutYudhishthirastoppedher.“Unclehashelpedusmanytimes,dearwife.Pleasedon’tsayanythingtohim.Youknowhowshort-temperedheis!Let’snotdoanythingthatwewillregretlater.”‘Draupadiwasworried.Howwouldshefeedsomanypeoplenow?She
immediatelycalledherbrotherKrishnawhowaskind,helpfulandastrategic
thinker.Hecametoherassistanceandaskedhertoshowhimthevessel.Hetookthelastgrainofricestuckatthecornerofthevesselandateit.‘“Hmm,thericeisindeedverytastybutIamsurethatyouruncleandthe
otherguestswillnotcomebackforit.”‘“Why?”askedDraupadi.‘“Theyknowwhy,”hesaidwithamysterioussmileandleftforan
appointment.‘Meanwhile,attheswimmingpool,eachmemberofthegroupswalloweda
littlebitofthechlorinewater.Sincethechlorinelevelwashighthatday,allofthemsoonbeganfeelinguncomfortableandkeptrunningtothebathroom.Finally,Unclesaidtothegroup,“Ithinkwehaveallfallensickandarelowonenergyatthemoment.LetusnotgotoDraupadi’shomeforthebigmeal.Itisbesttogiveourstomachsalittlebreak.”‘Thegroupmurmuredinagreement.‘SoUnclecalledDraupadionhercellphoneandsaid,“Mydearchild,please
excuseus.Wewillnotbeabletoeatatyourhometoday.Ipromisewewillcomeanothertime.”‘Draupadismiled.Asalways,herbrotherhadcometoherrescue!“Youare
alwayswelcomehere,Uncle,butpleaseletmeknowinadvancenexttime,”shesaidandhungup.’Iwasstumped.Thestorieshadbeentransformed,andhow!Afterthat
reinvention,Ididn’thavethegutstosharethestoryofDraupadi’sdisrobingintheroyalcourt!
10ADayinInfosysFoundation
Shobaisoneofmyschoolfriends.InasmalltownlikeHubli,itiscommonforclosefriendstobecomeascomfortablewitheachotherassiblings.Aslifeusuallyturnsout,wewalkeddowndifferentpathsandShobasettleddowninHubli,whileImovedtoBengaluru.Herchildren,likemanyothersinKarnataka,becamesoftwareengineersandmovedtoBengaluru.SoShobafrequentedthecitytovisitherchildrenandoftencalledonmewheneverpossible.Oneday,shephonedmyoffice.SinceIwasinameeting,Ipassedona
messagetoherthatIwouldcallherbacklater.WhenIreachedouttoherintheevening,sheasked,‘Whydidyoutakesolongtoreturnmycall?’‘Shoba,Igottimetoreturnmypersonalcallsjustashortwhileago.’‘Iknowthatyouareverybusy,’shesaid,soundingalittleconcerned.‘Butit’s
sodifficulttoreachyouwhenIwantto—sometimesyouareatworkortravellingoroutforanappointmentevenduringthehourswhenIthinkyoumightbeathome.Ionlywantedtoinviteyouformygrandson’sfirstbirthday.ItisonMondayandyoumustcomeatwhatevertimeisconvenientforyou.’‘OhShoba!Itisalmostimpossibleformetovisityouonaworkingday,
especiallyMonday.’‘Can’tyouspareonehourforaclosefriend?’askedShoba,thewayonlyold
friendscando.‘Iknowthatyouarethechairpersonofafoundationandyoumustbehavingvisitorsallthetimeaskingyouforgrants,butyoucanalwaysrescheduleorrefusetomeetthem.Theywillcomeagain,I’msure!’‘Itisn’tthatsimple,’Ireplied.‘WiththetwohoursthattakesfromJayanagar
toyourhomeandback,halfmydaywillbegone.Adayatthefoundationis
filledwithmanyactivities,someofwhicharen’teasytoexplain.Forsomeonewhodoesn’tworkthere,itmayappeartobetheapparentsimpletaskofgivingmoneyorgrants.IfyoureallywanttoknowwhatIdo,thencomeandshadowmeforaday.Maybethenyouwillgetaglimpseintothecomplicatednatureofsocialwork.’Enthusiastically,Shobaagreedandafewweekslater,onaMonday,she
joinedmeforadayattheoffice.Iwashappythatshehadcome.Itoldher,‘Youwillonlyobserveandnot
commentorparticipateasIgoaboutmyday!Isthatokay?’Shesmiledandnodded.Meanwhile,Igavemyassistant,Asha,alistofpeoplewithwhomIneededto
speaktothatmorning.Soon,thephonerang.Ashasprangintoactionandansweredthecall.Avoicespoke,‘WearefromHubliandknowMrsSudhaMurtyverywell.I’d
liketospeakwithher.’‘Whatisyourname,madam?’‘Usha.UshaPatil.’Ashaturnedtome,‘UshaPatilisontheline.MayIconnecthertoyou?’UshaisacommonnameinHubliandsoisthelastnamePatil.Iknewatleast
tenUshaPatilsfromHubli—aneighbour,aclassmate,acousin,acousin’swife,awriter,anacquaintance,atemplepriest’sdaughterandafewmoreandIwonderedwhothispersonwas.Ashaseemedtobeataloss,justlikeme.ItookthephonefromAsha.‘SudhaMurtyhere,’Isaid.‘IamUshaPatilfromKundgol,avillagenearHubli.Mysonneedsajob...’‘DoIknowyou?’‘No,butyouarefromHubli.That’swhyIamsurethatyouwillhelpsomeone
fromthere.’‘Ushaji,whydidyousaythatyouknowme?’‘Idoknowyouthroughnewspapersandtelevision,’shejustified.‘ButIdidn’t
saythatyouknewme.Keepingthataside,mysoniskeenongettingemployedsoon.’Iwasfirm.‘IamnotresponsibleforrecruitingpeopleatInfosys.Pleaseemail
thehumanresourcesdepartmentforthisastheyhavetheirownprocedure.’‘Butifyouputinaword,theywon’trefuseyourrequest,’shepersisted.
‘Butifyouputinaword,theywon’trefuseyourrequest,’shepersisted.‘I’msorry,Ushaji,butthisisamatterofhiringprofessionalsandemployees
arehiredonlyafterinterviewsandtests.Irunthefoundationanddon’tinterferewiththeprocessofanotherdepartment.’Ushawasn’tconvinced.Shesoundedreluctant.‘Thenwillyougivemethe
detailsofanappropriatecontact?’‘Youcansendtheresumeviaemail,’Ireplied.‘PleaseholdonforamomentwhileIfindapenandtakedowntheemail
address.’Ididn’thavetimetowaitandgavethephonebacktoAsha,‘Giveherthe
recruitmentemailaddressandfromnowon,whensomeonesaysthattheyknowmewell,pleasealsoaskifIknowthem.’Iwentandsatdowntocheckmyemails.Leena,mysecretary,said,‘Madam,thereare410emailsforyoutoday.’Thenumberwasnotunusual.‘Let’sseparateitbasedonitscategoryandthen
startfromthebottom.’Oncethatwasdone,webegan.ThefirstwasanemaildescribingmeasifI
weresomekindofagoddess.‘Leena,justreadthelastline,’Isaid.‘Therequestisforagranttobuildatemple,’Leenaexplained.Thefoundationdoesnothelpwithanyreligiousconstructionsorrestorations
unlessitisofarchaeologicalimportance,asdeclaredbythestateorcentralgovernment.‘Pleasesendourregrets,’Isaid.BythetimeLeenaandImovedtothenextemail,mostofthecellphones
beganchimingintheofficeindicatingthatwehadreceivedseveralmessages.Theywereallinresponsetoonethatsaid,‘InfosysFoundationisgivingscholarshipstoallthosewhoapply.Contactthefoundationimmediately.’Thephonesalsobeganringing.Thenewswasabsolutelyuntrue.Severalyearsago,thefoundationhad
offeredlimitedscholarships,buttheprogrammehadbeenterminatedbasedontheexitpolicyattheendofthespecifiedterm.Despitethis,wewereawarethatsomepeoplewerefloatingthisinformationontheinstantmessagingapplicationWhatsApp.Asaresult,studentsandparentsofteninundateduswithemails,lettersandphonecalls.IaskedAshatoreplytoeachqueryinthesamemodethatitwasreceived.I
knewitwouldkeepAshabusyforafewhours.Oncethatwasdone,LeenaandIopenedthesecondemail.Auniversity
Oncethatwasdone,LeenaandIopenedthesecondemail.Auniversitywantedtoconferanhonorarydoctorateonme.LeenawasthrilledbutIwasn’t.Soonenough,wereadtherelevantline,‘Once
youreceivethedoctorate,youwillbecomeanalumnus,andwearesurethatyouwillhelptheuniversityinanywaythatyoucan.’Iscratchyourbackandyouscratchmine.‘Pleasedeclinethedoctorate
politely,’ItoldLeena.Thenextrequestwasaninvitationtobethechiefguestforacollege’sannual
dayinMumbai.WhileIusuallycan’tgotomostoftheeventsthatcomemyway,Imakeanefforttoattendatleastafew.LeenatoldmethattheeventwasonlyfortwohoursbutthetraveltimetoMumbaiandbackwouldtakeoneandahalfdays.Iconsidereddecliningit,butthenthoughtofthestudents,whoIalwaysholddear.‘IfIamgoingtoMumbaithatdayforwork,Iwillattendit,’Isaid.Shecheckedmydiary.‘YouaregoingtobeinMumbaiformeetingsinthe
afternoononthatdateandthereareafewavailablehoursinthemorning.Luckily,thevenueisclosetotheairportandyoucangothereafteryouland.WecanrescheduletheflightandyoucanleaveearlyinthemorningfromBengaluru.’‘TellthecollegemanagementthatIwillbethereslightlyearlyat9.30a.m.
andmustdepartby11a.m.’Theshrillringingofthephoneonmydeskinterruptedourconversationand
Ashaimmediatelytookthecall,‘Hello?’Afewsecondslater,shehandedmethephone,‘Kasabisontheline.’Iwasfrightened.Atthetime,KasabwasaPakistanimilitantconvictedforthe
Tajhotelbombingon26/11inMumbai.AsfarasIknew,hehadbeenexecuted.Butsometimesnothingisasitseems.‘Washereallycallingme?Andwhy?’ItoldAshatogivemeaminutetogathermythoughtsandtoinformKasab
thatIwouldspeakwithhim.Shespoketohimbrieflyandturnedtome.‘Kasabisveryangry.He’ssaying
thathe’sapatrioticcitizenandisaskingmewhyIamaddressinghiminthismanner.’Iwasconfused.‘Whatdidyousaytohim,Asha?’‘Icalledthenumberfromthelistyougavemeearlierinthemorningandtold
himtoholdwhileItransferredthecalltoyourphone.’
himtoholdwhileItransferredthecalltoyourphone.’‘InevergaveyouKasab’snumbernordidIaskyoutocallsomeonebythat
name.Kasabisdeadandgone.Doyouevenknowwhohewas?’‘Idon’tknow,’sherepliedcasually,leastbotheredabouttheaffairsofthe
state.‘Givemethephone.’Icouldhearamanfumingontheotherend.‘Hello?’Isaid.‘MygrandfatherwasafreedomfighterandIhaveservedthecountryasanex-
MLA.Iamproudofmyheritage.HowdareyoucallmeKasab?’Isighed.AshahadcalledKasabeandmispronouncedhisnametosoundlike
thatofthenotoriousterrorist.Itwasanabsolutedishonourandaninsulttoatruepatriot.‘Iamextremelysorryfortheconfusion,sir.’Iapologized.‘ThisisSudha
Murty.ItoldmystafftocallyousothatIcouldinformyouthatIwon’tbeabletocomefortheweddingasIhavetotravelonthesameday.ButIwillvisityourhomeonmywaytotheairport.’Hearingmyvoice,Kasabecalmeddown.AfterIdisconnectedthecall,I
turnedtomyassistant,‘WhydidyoucallhimKasab?’‘Madam,therewerethreephonesringingatthesametime.IthoughtIcalled
himKasabe,maybehemisheardit.WhywillIcallhimadifferentnameonpurpose?’Meanwhile,theofficemanager,Krishnamurthy,approachedmeandsaid,
‘Madam,thepaymentvouchersareready.’Ourofficeiscashlessandsoareitstransactions.Thispolicyturnedouttobea
boonduringthedemonetizationofcurrencyin2016aswewererelativelyunaffected.Prashant,theCSRmanager,interruptedus,‘Didyoupromiseamatching
granttoouremployees’non-profitarmduringyourrecentvisittoChandigarh?’‘Yes,Idid,’Ireplied.‘ItisagoodwaytoinvolvetheminsomeofourCSR
effortsandwillinspirethemtopoolinmoneyforsomeoftheactivities.Ihaveencouragedthisinotherdevelopmentcentrestoo,suchasHyderabad,Pune,Mangalore,Thiruvananthapuram,ChennaiandBhubaneswar.’Prashant’sforeheadcreasedwithobviousworry.‘Weareovershootingthe
allocatedfundsforthisyear.Itdoesn’tmatchwithourplanfortheyear.Pleasereviewourlatestbudget.’
reviewourlatestbudget.’Iunderstoodhisconcern.Prashantmonitoredthefinancesandkeptaclose
eyeonthebudget.‘Wewillmanageit.Itisbettertohavedeservingprojectsinthepipelinethan
toworryaboutthebudget.Wecanrequestformoremoneyifneeded.Thereareprojectsthatmaygetdelayedoraren’treadyyet,sothereisnoneedtoworry.’SinceIwasonceaprofessor,Ioftentalklikeateachertoeveryoneinmy
office.Mostofthetime,PrashantandShrutee,theprogramdirector,endupbeingthetargetofmywisdom-sharingtalksbecausetheyareresponsiblefortheannualbalancesheetsandreachingourCSRgoals.Despitemyregularinterventions,theywereoftenapprehensivewhenour
commitmentsexceededthefinancesinhand.ThenextphonecallwasfromthemanagementoftheBannerghattaNational
Parkforagrantupdate.Duringthepastsummer,wehadlearntthattheanimalstheresufferedfroman
acuteshortageofdrinkingwater.Theauthoritieshadconstructedatubforthetigerstositinbutthewaterhadtobechangedeveryfewdaystoavoidinfectionanddisease.Tigersweredifficulttotreatwhentheywereunwellandhence,thecaretakerswerealwayswaryaboutthewater.SoIcalledoneofourcontractorsandinstructedhimtodigborewellsinaccessibleareasandalsoconstructanoverheadwatertank.Manytriedtodissuadeusduetothelackofwaterintheareabutwewentaheadanyway.Wehadtotryforthesakeoftheanimals.Thecallwastoinformusthattherewasplentyofwaterintheborewells.The
animalswouldfinallygetenoughgoodqualitywaterandremainfreefromdiseasesasmuchaspossible.IthankedGodforthisgreatgesture.IglancedatLeena.Shewasstillbusysortingtheemailsintovarious
categoriessuchastravel,pending,appointments,regretsandnewinitiatives.Everyonewasimmersedintheirwork.Attimes,IfeellikeIdonothavemuch
todoasmostofitisappropriatelyhandled.Onlyafewnewproposals,exceptionsorescalationsusuallycomemyway.ItwastimeforShrutee’sappointmentwithavisitor.Shewentupstairstothe
conferenceroomforthemeetingwhileIbeganscanningthesnailmailkeptformeevenasthephoneskeptringing.Afterafewminutes,oneofourcontractorscalledforanurgentupdate.
‘Madam,’hesaid,‘someworkerswentonholidayaweekagoandhaven’t
returnedyet.Ifwehavetoworkwiththeexistingworkersalone,theprojectwillbedelayedbyonemonth.’‘Youcan’tdothis!’Iprotested.‘Ihavealreadyinvitedthechiefministerfor
theinaugurationandeverythinghasbeenplanned.Youmustfinishitsomehow.’‘Madam,please,thentellmewhattodo.’Ididn’tknowwhathecoulddo,butkeptinsistingthatheshouldcompletethe
workfaster.Afteralongdiscussion,heagreedtohastenhisworkanddelaybyonlyfifteendays.Itwouldberightontimefortheinauguration.Experiencehastaughtmethatdelayshappeninmostconstructionworks,nomatterhowgoodapersonisinprojectmanagement,andhenceIallowedsomeleeway.Justthen,Shruteerequestedmetojoinherforthemeeting.‘Ihave
communicatedourdecisionregardingtheproposal,’shesaid.‘Buttheteamwantstomeetyou.Therearethreeofthem.Ithinkit’sbettertomeetthemorelsetheywilldefinitelyvisitagain.’AtInfosysFoundation,wehaveourownstrategiesandpolicies.Forinstance,
wedon’tapprovegrantsforpoliticalpartiesandnoconsiderationisgiventocaste,creedorreligionduringproposalreviews.Thereisanexitpolicy,aninternalandexternalauditandathird-partyassessmentforeveryproject,andweareinclinedtowardsreleasingmoneyininstalments.Theprojectwasn’tagoodfitforusandhenceShruteehadchosentodecline
it.Hereatthefoundation,webelievethatifwearerefusingaproposal,thenwe
mustcommunicateitassoonaspossible.Adinishturaisbetterthanantyanishtura,whichmeansthataninitialdisappointmentisbetterthanadisagreementattheend.‘Okay,Iwillcome,’Isaidandaccompaniedherupstairs.Mostpeopleinsistonmeetingme.Afewthinkthatiftheyputpressureonme
directly,Imightgivein,buttheydon’tknowthetruth—ShruteeandIarealwaysonthesamepage.ButIdecidedtomeetthevisitorstohelpShrutee.JustasIexpected,they
elaboratedonthemeritsoftheirproposalforthenextthirtyminutes.Intheend,Isaid,‘Providinggrantsisnotakintoapprovingwhateverwefeellike.Pleaseunderstandthattherearecertainsystemsandprocessesinplacehere.Shrutee
hascommunicatedtherightdecisionandunfortunately,wewillnotbeabletobeapartofthis.’Theywereupset,butnothingfurthercouldbedoneatthispoint.Therearetimeswhenthecompanydirectorsforwarduslettersandrequests
thatcometothem.Weevaluatethemobjectivelyandrejectorapprovethem.Ithankthemanagementforneverpressuringusorinfluencingtheprocess.Itwastimeforlunch.Sincemyhousewasnearby,IsaidtoShoba,‘Let’sgo
eatandcomebacksoon.’Athome,asecurityguardinformedmethatmydaughter,Akshata,hadcalled.WhenIcalledherback,shethrewaflurryofquestionsatme.‘Wherewere
youyesterday?Areyouunwell?Orhassomethinghappenedtherethatyouaren’ttellingme?Ihavebeensoworried.’Iwassurprisedbyhertone.‘IamrighthereinBengaluru.Iwasattending
meetingsallday.Whyareyouworried?’‘WhenIspoketothesecuritystaffyesterdayinthemorning,theysaidthat
youwereinthetoilet.WhenIphonedintheafternoon,theyagainsaidthatyouwereinthetoilet.Itwasthesamestoryintheeveningandlateratnight,theysaidthatyouweresleeping.Thismorning,theysaidthatyouhadleftforoffice.Isentyouanemailbutdidn’thearback.Whywereyouintherestroomallday?’Shesoundedanxious.Calmly,Isaid,‘Breathe,Akshata!Dosomepranayamaeveryday.Ihadgone
forasitevisittocheckthestatusofourrecentlyinauguratedtoilets.Thiswasfollowedbyothermeetingsandapaneldiscussiononhowtoconstructthem.ItoldthesecuritystaffthatIwasgoingforthetoiletprojectworkandmaybehemisunderstooditandonlyrememberedthewordtoilet.Don’tbesoafraid!Asforyouremail,Ihaven’tseenityetasithasbeenabusyday!’Icouldhearanimmediatesighofrelief.Afterhangingup,Iwenttothemaingateandaskedthesecurityguardthere,
‘Didn’tIinformallofyouthatIwouldbebacklatebecauseofthetoiletproject?’‘Iwasn’tonduty,madam.Yesterday’sguardhasanearinfectionandhas
takenthedayoff.’Well,thatexplainedtheguard’sinabilitytohearthedaybefore.ButIsure
spentalotoftimeinthetoilet!Ismiledtomyselfandwentbackinside.
Duringlunch,mycookandIbeganmakingthegrocerylist.Hewantedtoknowthenumberofpeoplecominghomefordinnerandthemenuforthenight.Mymind,however,wasstillinofficemattersanditwasdifficulttomakethesuddenswitchtothedomesticconversation.Isaid,‘Let’stalkaboutitlaterintheevening.Tillthen,justmakewhatyoucanwithwhateverisavailable.’Afteraquicklunch,ShobaandIreturnedtotheoffice.Mynextappointmentwasonethathadbeenputoffalongtimeago.Atfirst,
allthethreemenwhocamespoketogetherandIcouldn’tunderstandanything.SoIaskedthemtospeakoneatatime.‘Ihavereceivedmanyawardsinthisareaofwork,’saidthefirst.Thesecondoneadded,‘AndIhavethepoliticalconnectionstomakethings
happen.’‘Letmefirsttellyouwhywehavecomehereandhowwewillhelptheurban
poorthroughthedrinkingwaterproject,’saidthethird.‘Pleaseallowmetoaskyouafewquestions,’Isaidgently.‘Haveyougoneto
theproposedareawhereyouintendtowork?Andifso,whatisthedistributionofthepopulationandtheratioofthenumberofmalestothenumberoffemales?’Thethreefellsilent.Ichangedthelineofquestioning.‘Wherewillyougetthesupplyofdrinking
waterfrom?’Noresponse.‘Isthereanexistingsysteminplacethatdoesn’twork?Andifso,whynot?’I
triedagain.Withnoanswersinsight,Igaveup.‘Pleaseprepareawell-researched
proposalandexecutionplanwithalltheseanswers.Afterthat,wewilldiscussitatthenextinternalreview.Ifyougivemethedetailsofthelocation,Iwillmakeapersonalvisitthere,’Isaid.‘Itreallydoesn’tmatterwhoisrulingtheareapoliticallyorwhowillbestowawardsuponus.Wespecificallytargettheunderprivilegedandhopetohelpthemthroughoureffortsandseethemsmile.’Thethreemenseemeddisappointed,mostlikelybecauseIhadn’tcommitted
anyfundsfortheirproject.WhileIwassayinggoodbye,therewasaknockonthedoorandLeenacame
in.‘Madam,youhavetoreconsideryourtravelplans.Inyourabsencelastweek,
Ireceivedmanyphonecallsfromalloverthecountryforprojectvisitsindifferentlocations.WehavetoallocatethesitevisitsbetweenPrashant,Shruteeandyou.Ineedsomeofyourtimetoblockthedatestoday.’Iglancedatthecalendarintheroom.‘FixmytoursfortheweekendssoIcan
continuewithmyroutineworkonweekdays.IfIhavetovisitDelhi,thenplanallmyprojectvisitsaroundtheregion,includingplaceslikeJammuandLucknow,atthesametime.Iwanttoavoidunnecessarytripsasmuchaspossible.’Leenanoddedandwentbackwithadeterminedglintinhereye.Shewould
figureoutthejigsawpuzzleofmytravelplansherself.Imademywaytomyroom.Alltheemailshadbeensortedanddirectedtothe
appropriatepeople.Iwentthroughtheonesleftformeandbeganrespondingtothem.Next,Iswitchedovertothephysicalmails.Oneofmygoalsistohavea
paperlessoffice,butIdon’tseeithappeninganytimesoon.Westillreceivehardcopiesofbrochures,requestlettersandinvitations.SinceIamanauthor,Ireceivemanycomplimentarybookstoo.Itisarunning
jokethatthenumberofauthorsexceedsthenumberofreadersthesedays.Someofthewritersrequestforaforeword,otherswantmetopromotetheirbooksbystockingtheminlibrariesandschools,andafewwanttoknowmyopinionontheirbooks.Someauthorssendustheiroriginalmanuscriptsandaskustosenditback,whichcausesunnecessaryhassles.Thebooksforlibrariesarehandedovertoaselectioncommittee,whiletheforewordandopinionrequestsaredeclinedmostofthetimeduetomytightschedule.Byevening,ourtrashbinsareusuallyfull.Thentherearelettersfrommyreaderstothefoundationoffice.Thesearea
mixedbag—somesharetheirexperiences,somecriticizecertainaspectsofmywritingwhileothersappreciateit.Itakethesehometoanswerduringmypersonalhours.Mytaskwasinterruptedbyacallfromanewschannel.Thejournalistasked
me,‘Whatisyouropiniononthecurrentgovernment?Whatareyourthoughtsaboutthedemonetizationofcurrencyanditsexecution?’Ideclinedtocomment.ImaybegoodatwhatIdobutIhadnoexpertisein
suchmatters.
Ibegansiftingthroughtheletters,someofwhichIroutedtoLeenaforasuitablereply.Therewasabunchoflettersfromthefamiliesofarmymartyrsthankingthefoundationforoursmallcontribution.Twootherscaughtmyattention—onewasfromthecentralgovernmentandanotherfromthestategovernment.Bothwerereachingouttothefoundationtoseekhelpforsomeprojects.Thesewereaddedtotheagendaforthenextweek’sinternalreview.Leenacameintogivemeanupdate.‘Madam,Ihaveworkedoutyourtravel
plans.Youwillbetravellingfifteendaysamonthforthenextthreemonths.Besideslosingmostoftheweekends,youwillalsomissyourdistantniece’sweddingandyourfather’sdeathanniversary.Isthatokay?’‘That’sfine,Leena.Thankyou.Myfatherhastaughtmethatworkisworship
andIknowthathewouldunderstandifhewashere.’LeenahandedovermytraveldetailstoKrishnamurthy,whoimmediately
startedarrangingmyticketsandaccommodationatthecompanyguesthouseswhereverpossible.Stayingattheguesthousesallowseasiercoordinationofmyplansandalsoallowsustosavemoneythatwewouldotherwisehavetospendonhotels.Minuteslater,Shruteecameby.‘Ihavesomegoodnews,’shesaid.‘Theboys
whomwesupportedintheMathematicsOlympiadhavegotadmissioninMITandCaltech.Intheirmediainterview,theythankedthefoundationprofuselyandsaidthatoursmallgiftoftenthousandrupeestowardstheireffortpushedthemtochoosescience.ThereisalsoanemailfromPavagada.Theselflessswamijiwhoworksforblindchildrenhaswrittenthatthemiddaymealprogrammehasbeensuccessfulinmakingthechildrenstayinschool.Thedonationfortheirmusicclasseshasalsomadethemhappy.Theyevenreceivedanawardrecently.Hehassentpicturesoftheirbrightlittlefacessmilingwithpride.’Oncesheleft,Isatinsilenceforafewminutes.Theloudringingofthephonejoltedmeoutofmythoughts.Outofinstinct,I
pickedupthephonebutLeenawasalreadyontheotherextensionwiththecaller.ThepersonwasscreamingatLeena,‘Ideservemoremoneyfromthefoundationthanwhattheyhavegivenme.Youareonlyasecretary.ConnectmetoyourbossandtellthemwhoIam.Ifyoudon’t,Iwillgotothemediaandtellthemaboutthefoundation.Sobecarefulbeforeyourespond.’IimmediatelywenttoLeenainthenextroomandtookthephonefromher.‘Sir,whatistheproblem?’Iasked.
‘Sir,whatistheproblem?’Iasked.‘Irequestedfortwocroresforaschoolbutyouhavegivenustwolakhs—itis
apittanceforthefoundation.Iwant...no,Idemandanexplanation.IamaninfluentialactivistandcantarnishthenameofthefoundationifIwantto.’‘Sure.Iwillgiveyouanexplanation.Wegetmorethanahundredgenuine
applicationsandaroundtwohundredcallseveryday.Wedon’tworkunderanysortofpressurenordowecaretogainanyadvantagefromourgrants.Thereisanestablishedprocessinplaceandwehavetodistributethegrantstothebestofourjudgement.Wedonotincreaseourgrantswithoutareviewoftheprogressmade.Experiencehastaughtusthattheworkspeaksforitself.Besides,therearetrusteeswhoarealsoinvolvedwiththedecision-making.Wemaynotbethereinthefoundationatafuturedate,buttheestablishedprocesseswillcontinue.Imustalsotellyouthatwearen’tafraidofthemediabecausewehaven’tdoneanythingwrongorunderwraps.’Themancalmeddownandclearedhisthroat.‘Well,ifwedowellandclear
thereview,thenwillyouhelpusnextyear?’‘Maybe.Wehelpmanyorganizationsandarenotafraidofapproachingthe
goodonesourselves.Itisthequalityofworkthatattractsusandwedonotworryaboutpotentialthreatsortheconnectionsofourbeneficiaries.’Icouldhearamurmurthatvaguelyseemedtosoundlikeanapology.Ihadhadaharddayandwasinnomoodtolethimoffthehook.‘Sir,wealso
havedifficultdaysatthefoundationbutwetrytoensurethatitdoesnotaffectourrelationshipswithothers,’Igaveadvicethatnobodyaskedmefor.Aglanceattheclockconfirmedthatitwasalmost5.30p.m.Iwasplanningto
staybackalittlelongerbutShobastoodupfromthechairnearby.‘IthinkIwillleave,’shesaid.Iwalkedwithhertillthemaingatetoseeheroff.Ontheway,shepassedthe
reception,wherewehaddisplayedsomeofourawards.‘Areyouproudofallthese?’sheaskedandpointedattheawards.‘Inmyyoungerdays,Iwas.Astheyearspassedandmyexperiencegrew,I
realizedthatmyjoywascomingfromtheworkandnotfromtheseoccasionalawards.Today,theydon’tmattermuchtomepersonallybuttheyareimportanttomyorganization.’‘Tellme,whydoyoucontinuetogiveyourremainingyearstothisthankless
job?’sheasked.‘Youcansitback,relax,spendtimewithyourgrandchildren,go
toweddingsandbirthdaysandreducealittlebitofstressfromyourlife.’‘ThetruthisthatIamtheluckiestofthemall.IlovewhatIdoandeveryday
isaholidayformebecauseofit.Whodoesn’tloveavacation?’Igrinned.Shobasmiledasshegotintothecarandnodded.Iwavedgoodbyeandwent
backtowork.
11ICan’t,WeCan
Recently,Iattendedanephew’swedding.ItwasawonderfuloccasiontomeetmycousinswhomIhadspentmychildhoodwithbuthadn’tmetinalongtime.TheweddingceremonybeganandafewcousinsandIsatleisurelyinacorner.Oneofmycousinssaid,‘Iamthepresidentofthelaughingclubinour
community.Comeforoneofoursessions.Wehardlymeetanymore.ThiswayIwillatleastgettoseeyouforsometime!’Itiscommonnowtoseeoldermenandwomengatherinparksinthemorning
andattempttolaugh—hahaha.Ihaveoftenwonderedhowpeoplecanmakethemselveslaughinthismanner!Ivisualizedmyselfattendingsuchanassembly.WhatwouldItalktothemabout?IwasabsolutelycluelessandsoIpolitelydeclined.Anothercousinsaid,‘Iamthesecretaryofthehousewives’associationinmy
apartmentcommunity.Ihavealreadysharedwiththemembersthatyouaremycousin.Youmustcomeandaddressthem.’‘Butwhatisthesubjectmatterthatyouareinterestedin?’‘Youareawiseinvestor.Sogivethewomentipsonhowtosaveandidentify
high-returninvestmentslikeyouhave.’‘I’mnotsureIunderstand.Canyouelaboratealittleonthat?’‘Well,everybodyknowshowyouinvestedtenthousandrupeesinInfosysand
mademillionsinreturn.’‘Ididn’tdothatforthesakeofinvestment,’Isaidinaserioustone.‘Igave
theseedmoneytofulfilmyhusband’sdream—adreamthatwasconsideredimpracticalinthosedays.Heissuccessfulnowandthat’swhyyouarereferring
tomeasawisemillionaire.Hadhenotbeenso,youwouldhavecalledthesamemoveafoolishone.Youhaveitallwrong—Iamnottherightpersontotalkaboutinvestment.Instead,youcanaskmeforadviceonhowtospendmoney.Thatwillbemoresuitedtomyskills!’Peoplearoundmelaughed.‘Ihaveaspecialrequest,’athirdcousinsaid.Shebegan,‘Myfriend’s
daughterisabrightstudentand...’‘IssheplanningtoapplyforajobatInfosys?’Iinterruptedher.‘BecauseI
reallycan’t...’‘Havesomepatience,’shestoppedme.‘Letmefinish.Ithoughtyouwould
havegarneredalotmorepatiencebynow,consideringyourlineofwork.Thegirlwantsyourguidance.ShealreadyhasajobofferaswellasanadmissionletterfromanAmericanuniversity,andneedstopickone.’‘There’snotmuchguidanceIcangive.Thedecisiondependsonthefamily’s
financialposition,thegirl’sambitionandhercareerplans,alongwithothersocialaspectsofthefamily.’‘Comeon!Meether.Shereallyneedsyourhelp.’Iwasreluctant.ButIsaid,‘Okay,askhertomeetmetomorrowat9a.m.She
cancometomyoffice.’Thenextmorning,ImettheyoungpetitegirlnamedJaya.Shewasshyand
quitenervous.Iwantedtomakehercomfortable,soItoldhertositdownandofferedhera
cupoftea.ThenIaskedforhermarksheet.Heracademicrecordwasoutstanding.‘Jaya,what’sonyourmind?’Ididnotbeataroundthebush.‘Wheredoyouseeyourselfintenyears?’Shewasquiet.Irephrasedmyquestion,‘Perhapsyouwanttobeacorporateprofessionalor
pursuetheacademicline?Ormaybesomethingelse?’Still,therewasnoreply.‘Areyouscaredofme?DoIlooklikeamonster?’Ipersistedandsmiled.Shesmiledbackandshookherhead.Thenshebeganspeakingverysoftly
aboutherfutureplans.Icouldseethatshedidn’thaveanyconfidence,despiteherachievements.
‘Jaya,academicexcellenceisnoteverything,’Isaid.‘Youmusthaveconfidenceinyourself.Oneoftheflawsofoureducationsystemisthatitdoesn’treallyteachusthatquality.Ourparents,societyandtherecruitmentprocessconcentratetoomuchonthemarksweget.Icangiveyoumanyexamplesofpeoplewhomaynothavestudiedmuchbuthavedonewellforthemselvesbecausetheybelievedtheycould.Confidencedoesn’tmeanthateverythingwillgoourway.Itsimplygivesustheabilitytoacceptfailuresthatwewillinevitablymeetonourpathandmoveforwardwithhope.’Withoutanywarning,Jayastartedsobbing.Likeatoddler.Itwas
heartbreaking.Atfirst,Iwasstartled.‘MaybeIhavegivenhertoostrongadosewithout
knowinghernature,’Ithought.InIndia,mostofusexcelatgivingadvicewithoutpeopleaskingforit,andIamnoexception.Iofferedheratissueandsaid,‘IamsorryifIhavehurtyou,Jaya.ButIdon’t
knowwhattotellyou.Youaren’tsharingmuchwithme.’Thegirlcalmeddownandwipedhertears.Hervoicewasshakingwhenshe
spoke,‘No,ma’am,youradvicedidn’tmakemecry.ThetruthisthatIfeelinferiorinfrontofmostpeople.’‘Why?Anyoneinyourshoeswouldbeproudofaccomplishingsomuchat
yourage.’Shepaused.Thenshesaid,‘Ma’am,myfatherwasanalcoholic.’Ipaused.Shespokealittlemorefluently,‘HeisnowinAAbutmyyoungeryearswere
different.Hewouldoftengetdrunkandabusemymother.Shewentthroughsomuch,andIhadnoideawhatIcoulddotohelpher.Igrewupscaredofmyfather’stemperandinanunhappyandtenseatmosphere.ThenIthoughtthattheonlywayIcouldmakeachangewastostudyhardandgetadecentjobsothatIcouldtakemymotherandleave.Ihaveasistertoo,butmymotherdoesn’twanttoleavethefamilyhome.Sheisworriedabout...’‘IthinkIcanunderstandyourmother’sconcerns.Manyinoursocietystill
judgewomenwhoareseparatedfromtheirhusbandsandshe’sprobablyconcernedabouthowthatmightimpactherdaughters’marriageprospects.’‘Youareright,ma’am.ShesaysthatIshouldgoabroadandnevercomeback
toIndia.Shewantsmetogetmarriedtoagoodmanirrespectiveofhiscasteand
creed.Heronlyconditionisthathemustn’tdrink.ButIdon’twanttorunawayandleavemymotherandsisterbehind.Iwanttobehereforthem.I’msoconfused,ma’am.That’sthereasonwhyIwantedyouradvice.’ThewordAAwasonmymind.‘WhatisAA?’Iasked.‘AlcoholicsAnonymous.Itisasupportgroupformenandwomenwhoare
addictedtoalcohol.Ithastakenmyfatherseveralyearstobecomesober,butthedarknesshecausedhasleftapermanentscaronmyheartandlife.Idon’tliketoshareanythingpersonalwithhimnordoIaskhimforadvice.Ihavenorespectforhimatall.’‘Jaya,Idon’tknowmuchaboutAA,butwedon’tknowthecircumstances
underwhichheturnedtothebottle.Hehaschangednowanditsoundslikeheistryinghardtobeabetterman.Thebestwayforwardisnottogetupsetorrunawayfromyourproblems,buttoopenachannelofconversationwithhim.Yourfathermustregrettheactionsofhispast.Ishenicetoyourmothernow?’‘Ofcourse,hehasbeenverygoodtohersincehebecamesober.’Isensedthatshewasfeelingbetter.‘Jaya,gotoacounsellorwithhimand
workthingsout.Havingathirdpartyhelpsinseeingthingsclearer.Youcandeferyouradmissionforayearandstartworkinghere.Afterthattimehaspassed,re-evaluateyourlifebyyourselforwiththehelpofacounsellorandyouwillmaketherightdecision.Inalifespanofmanyyears,youcantaketimeoffforayeartofigureoutwhat’sgoodforyou.Itisworthit.’Shesmiledandhereyesshonebrightly.Shethankedmeandleft.Thatday,mythoughtswerepreoccupiedwithAA.Atthefoundation,weare
alreadypredisposedtoreachingouttopeopleintoughsituations.Dharma,onitsown,alsomeansprotectingsomeonewhoneedsit,nomatterwhotheyareorwheretheycomefrom.It’spureandsimple,andmymindwouldn’tresteasy.Besides,wehadneverworkedonthisproblembeforeandIhadtounderstanditfirst.IgotsomeinformationonAAonlinebutitwasn’tsufficient.Multiplequestionsbouncedaroundinmymind.Whatwasitandhowdiditreallyplayaroleinanalcoholic’slife?Whatchallengesdoesheorsheface?Wasithereditary?Doesone’sfinancialstatusorfamilymakeadifference?Howdoescounsellinghelp?Whatisthesuccessrateofde-addictionandwheredoesapersongoonfromthere?
Itwasclear—Ineededfirst-handinformation.Iwantedtomeetsomeonetounderstandtheproblemalittlebetter.Vaguely,Irecalledafriendmentioninginpassingmanyyearsagothatherson-in-lawhadbeenavictimofthis.Ihadn’tbeengoodatkeepingintouchandwonderedifhewouldspeaktomeaboutit.Itookachance,pickedupthephoneandreachedouttomyfriend.Iwas
hesitant.Whenshecameontheline,wechattedforafewminutesandtriedtocatchuponthetimegoneby.Finally,Iaskedher,‘Severalyearsago,youhadtoldmeaboutyourson-in-law,Ramesh,andthathehadgonetoade-addictioncamp.Howishedoingnow?’‘WithGod’sgraceandwiththehelpofAA,heissobernowandlivesagood
life.’‘WouldhemindifIaskedhimafewquestionsaboutthegroup?Onlyifhe
wantsto,ofcourse.Icanassureyouthatitwillremainconfidential.’‘Sure,Iwilltalktohimaboutit.Iwillmessageyouhisnumberifheagrees,’
saidmyfriend.‘Thankyou!’Withintenminutes,Ireceivedhiscontactdetailsandimmediatelycalledhim.
Themanontheothersideofthephonesoundedlikehewasaroundfortyyearsold.‘Aunty!’saidRamesh,hisvoicefullofwarmth.‘Iamhappytoknowthatyou
wanttohearaboutAA.Iwillsharemyjourneywithyouandyoucanwriteaboutittoo,ifyoulike.It’llbeworthitevenifonepersonlearnsfrommymistakes.’‘Whydon’tyoucomeoverforameal?Wecanspeakleisurelythen,’I
suggested.Soon,wedecidedtomeetinmyhouseforlunch.Hewasontimeandconfidentinhisdemeanour.Wesatdownatthetable.
Therewasnoneedforpoliteconversationorformalities.‘TellmeaboutyourexperiencewithAA,’Ibroachedthesubjectwithout
beatingaroundthebush.‘I’vereadyourbooktitledTheDayIStoppedDrinkingMilk.ButifIhadto
writeone,itwouldbecalledTheDayIBeganDrinkingAlcohol.’Hesighed.‘Letmetellyouhowitallbegan.
‘Ibelongtoaconservativefamily.Aschildren,wewereexpectedtobehomebysunsetandwerenotallowedeventeaorcoffee!TheonlyliquidsIwasallowedweremilk,waterandteertha(holywater).Iwasanexcellentstudentandfinishedmytwelfthgradewithoutstandingmarks.‘Afewdayslater,someofmyclassmatesandIdecidedtocelebrate.Wewent
toarestaurantandorderedaroundofdrinks.Ihadnevertriedalcoholbeforeanditwasaclosefriend,acoffeeplanter’ssonfromCoorg,whoeggedmeon.“Comeon,haveadrink!Socialdrinkingisquiteacceptablenowanditdoesabsolutelynoharm.Oneortwodrinkswillmakeyouhappierthanthehighyoumusthavegotfromyourtopmarks!Takethis,”hesaidandhandedmeapegofwhiskywithicecubes.‘Mostofuswerefirst-timers.Thoughthetasteofthedrinkwasslightlybitter,
wealldrankandfeltgoodandrelaxed.Forsometime,IfeltthatIwasfloatingonair.ThemusicwasgoodandtheworldaroundmeseemedbeautifulandIhadanicebuzz.Ilikedit.‘Theeveningturnedintonightandweordereddinner.ThoughIwasafoodie
then,Ididn’tfeellikeeatinganything.Instead,Iquietlywenttothebarandtookasecondpeg.Everyoneatthetableclapped,“Youweresocautiousfirst,butlookatyounow!”‘Thenightendedonahighnoteandmyfrienddroppedmehomeinhiscar.
Sinceitwaslate,myparentswerealreadyasleep,soIusedmykeytoenterthehouseandcrashedonthebed.‘Thenextmorning,Ididn’tstiruntil7.30a.m.WhenIopenedmyeyes,the
sun’srayswereshiningbrightlythroughthewindow.‘Itwaslate.Iusuallywokeupat6a.m.‘Whenmymothersawme,sheasked,“Areyouunwell?”‘Ishookmyhead,butmyheadwasfeelingheavyandIhadaslightheadache.‘“Howwastheparty?”‘“Itwasfine.”‘Iheadedtothebathroomforashowerandfeltslightlybetter.Iwentabout
myroutineandattheendoftheday,Ithoughtaboutalcohol.Iwasfascinatedbythehighithadbroughtme.‘Afewdayslater,Iwantedtodrinkagainandcalledmyfriend.Helaughed
andsaid,“Noproblem,man.Let’shaveanotherparty.”
‘Thistime,itwasonlythetwoofus.Myfriendtaughtmeaboutthedifferentkindsofalcohol,thequalitiesandtheprices,asIeagerlyawaitedmypeg.Webeganmeetingregularlyandwithoutrealizingit,Igotaddictedtoalcoholandbeganyearningforiteveryday.‘Amonthlater,IgotadmissioninacollegeinMumbaiandlefthome.NowI
hadcompletefreedomandtherewasabsolutelynoonetocontrolme.Ibeganboozingwithdifferentclassmates.Somehow,Istillmanagedtogetdecentgrades,despitebunkingclasses—eitherduetohangoversorbecauseIhadsleptlatethepreviousnight.Ievengotagoodjobthatpaidmewell.Unfortunatelyforme,italsomeantthatIbegandrinkingmoresinceIcouldaffordmore.‘Afewyearslater,IwastransferredtoBengaluru.Bythen,myparentshad
builtanotherhouseonthefloorupstairsandItoldthemthatI’dliketostaythere.Ihadanarrangedmarriageandthegirlwasverynice.Butoncemywifebeganlivingwithme,shelearntofmyaddictionwithinafewdays.Livid,shefoughtwithmypoorparents,thinkingthattheywereawareofmyalcoholismandhadchosentohideitfromher.‘Mymotherwashorrified!Shehadhadnoknowledgeofmyaddiction.The
onlysymptomshewasawareofwasthatIhadbecomeshort-tempered,butshehadinnocentlyattributedittothestressatmyworkplace.Ihad,ofcourse,letherthinkthatway.Soalongwithmywife,Igotasermoneverydayanditgreatlyannoyedme.Shedraggedmetotemplesandgurus.Themoretheypushedme,themoreupsetIbecame.Throughitall,mywifecontinuedtobelieveinme.“Youareintelligent,”shewouldsay.“Youcanleavethishabit.Iknowyoucancontrolyoururges.”‘Sometimesherwordsgavemestrength,butIcouldn’tletgoofalcohol.’Iwasdumbfounded.Thiscouldhappentoanyone,especiallyinthisdayand
age.Istoppedhim.‘Tellme,howdidyoufindoutaboutAA?’‘Nowyoumustunderstandmyjourney,Aunty.Dayafterday,itbecame
worseandIkeptdrowningintheproblemthatIhadcreated.Oneday,IgotacallfrommyoldfriendfromCoorg.HewasvisitingBengaluruwithhiscousinandinvitedmetohishotel.Iwashappytohearfromhimandthoughtthatwecouldhaveamemorableeveningtogether.WhenIeventuallysawhim,Iwasconcerned.Theyoung,handsomeboylookedlikeanoldmanandaskeletonatthat!
‘“Shallweordersomethingtodrink?”Iasked,afewminutesintoourmeeting.‘“Don’tevenmentionthewordalcohol.Itiskillingme.Foralongtime,I
refusedtogetmarried.Myparentstriedtheirbesttorescuemefromthislife,butnowIhavebeendiagnosedwithlivercirrhosis.Ican’ttellyouhowmuchIregretthepast!IwasbornintoagoodfamilyandgrewupinawonderfulplacelikeCoorgwhereIcouldhavedonesomethingmeaningful.PeoplealwaysplanaholidaythereandIalreadylivedinheaven.Ishouldhavebecomehighonnature,butinsteadIbecamehighonalcohol.Idon’thavemuchtimeleft.Don’twasteyourlife,oldfriend!Learnfromme.Amannearhisdeathwillalwaystellyouthebaretruth.Thisdiseaseisworsethancancer.Peoplewillsympathizewithyouifyouhavecancerandtherearemedicinesandsurgeriesthatmightgiveyouachancetogetbacktoyouroldlife.ButhereIam.Thisiswhatrockbottomlookslike.Peoplelookdownonmeandjudgeme,evenmyparents.IthankGodthatIamnotmarriedorIwouldhaveruinedanotherperson’slifetoo.”‘Hiswordsthrewmeforaloop.Howcouldthishavehappenedtohim?This
isn’thowlifeissupposedtoturnoutforpeoplelikeus.‘Icamehomeandtossedandturnedallnight.Icouldn’tstopthinkingabout
himormyself.Mylifewasamess.Sometimes,IwouldskipworkbecauseIhaddrunktoomuchthepreviousday.PeoplewhowerelesssmartthanmeweregettingpromotedandIwasbeingpassedoveragainandagainbecauseIwasn’tconsideredreliableenough.Meanwhile,mywifeandmotherwereunderourrelatives’constantscrutinybecauseofmycondition.Itwasplainasday—Iwasn’tthatfarofffrombeinginthesameboatasmyfriend.Theveryideashookmetothecore.‘Thenextmorning,therewasacallfrommyfriend’shotel.Itwashiscousin.
“Yourfriendpassedawaylastnight,”hesaid.“Youwerehislastvisitor.”‘Ibegantremblingwithshockandfear.Itwasthelowestpointofmylife,and
Icouldn’tcontrolmybodyfromshivering.Whentheshiversstopped,Iwenttothesmallcupboardcontainingallthealcohol,tookthebottlesandthrewtheminthetrash.‘Withthehelpofmyfamily,IlearntaboutAAandcheckedintothealcohol
de-addictioncamp.IttookafewyearsformetobecomesoberandIhavebeen
thiswayeversince.Inowdedicatemylifetohelpingotherswhoareinabadplacebecauseofalcoholism.Iworkwiththemandshowthemthatthereishope.Theycangetbetter.’Hestoppedandopenedthebaghewascarrying.Herummagedinitforafew
secondsandtookabookout.Hehandedittome.‘ThisisabookonAAandtheirtwelvesteps.Theyincludeapologizingtothosewehavehurt,helpingothersandsurrenderingtoGod.’Itookthebookfromhim,eagertoreadit.‘Aunty,IamashamedofmypastbutIamalsoproudthatIcouldleaveit
behindme.Mywifeandmotherhaveplayedanimportantroleinbringingmeback.’Iwasamazedtolearnsomuch!Hehadopenedanewdoorforme.‘PleaseattendoneAAmeeting,Aunty!’hesaid.‘Therearetwotypesof
meetings—openandclosed.Anyonecangofortheopenoneswhiletheclosedgatheringsareonlyforthemembers.Tomorrow,thereisanopensessioninElectronicCitywhereIamthechairman.’‘Chairman?’Iaskedoutaloud.‘Yes,butnotintheregularsenseoftheword.Achairmanhereisamentor
whoshareshisexperience,thechallengesofhisjourneyandtheweakmomentstoo.Healsogivesinputtothemembersonhowtoconquerthedesireofafewminutessothatthepersoncansurvivetheurgetodrink.’Isaid,‘Iwouldliketojoinyoutomorrow.Youhavesharedyourstory
becauseyouknowme,butwhywillotherpeoplewanttosharetheirdarkestmomentswithme?’‘OnceIhavetheothermembers’permissiontoletyouinforanopensession,
thenitwillnotbeaproblem.Mostofthemarewillingtospeakaboutitbecausenowtheyrecognizetheproblemandgenuinelywanttobecomesober.Theydon’tknowhowtogoaboutitandthat’swhereAAcomesin,’heexplainedpatiently.‘Nowthatyouareamentoryourself,whataboutyou?Whomdoyouspeak
to?’Hesmiledandsaid,‘Icontinuetohaveamentorandvisithimweekly.Iam
human,afterall.’
Theconversationtookadifferentturnandwespokeaboutphilosophyforsometime.Whenthetimecameforhimtoleave,hesaid,‘Seeyoutomorrow.Iwilltextyouthelocationofthechurch.’‘Whyareyoumeetingthere?’Iwascurious.‘Aunty,whereelsecanwemeet?InaplacelikeBengaluru,thirtyofuscannot
fitintoanaverage-sizedlivingroom.Ifwelookforplacesonhire,thenthepaymentshavetobebudgeted.Whenweaskpeopletomakeanexceptionorallowustousetheirfacilitiesforminimalornocost,theyimmediatelyrefusewhentheylearnofthepurpose.Wewererunningoutofplacestomeetandsoweapproachedachurch.Themanagementwaskindenoughtoallowustouseaspaceintheirpremises.’Ithankedthechurchauthoritiesinmyheadforcomprehendinghumannature
andallowingsinstobeforgiven.Itistheessenceoflife.‘Theysaidwecoulddonatewhateverwecouldaffordbutinsistedthatwe
keeptheplaceclean.’‘Whydidtheysaythat?Dopeoplegettheirdrinksthere?’Iaskedinnocently.‘Aunty,comeon.AAisaboutnotdrinkingandthat’swhatthewholesession
isabout.Alotofpeoplewhodrinkalsosmoke.Ifweconsiderdrugaddictiontobeoneofthreebrothers,thenitistheworstofthemall.Alcoholcomesnext,whilesmokingistheyoungestofthethree.Theelderbrotherisusuallyaccompaniedbythetwoyoungerones,whilethemiddlebrotheralmostalwaysappearswiththeyoungest.Sowekeepashtraysonatableandcleanupbeforeweleave.’‘Whofundsthesemeetings?CanInfosysFoundationhelp?’‘Thanks,Aunty,butAAdoesn’ttakehelpfromanyoneonthatfront,’he
replied.Soon,Rameshleft.Thenextday,Ireachedthevenue,aChristianschool,attheassignedtime.
Therewasasmallcrowdofbothmenandwomenstandingoutside.Theeveningwasfadingawayandnightwasalmostuponus.Suddenly,Ifeltawkward.Attimes,beingawriterhasitsnegatives.Whatif
someonequestionedmypresence?‘Whydidshecome?’‘Isshegoingtowriteaboutus?’
Justthen,Rameshcalledmeinside.Hesaidthathewouldn’tbetakingthesessionthatday.Ienteredtheroomandsatinacorner.Itwasaregularclassroomwithtablesandbenches—therewerenoDVDs,overheadprojectororanyfancyequipment.Withinfiveminutes,theroomwasfull.Therewerepeopleofdifferentages
andgenders,thoughthenumberofgirlsandwomenwaslessthanthenumberofmen.Thereweresomeforeignerstoo.Agroupofstudentsenteredandannouncedtheirpresencebeforeretreatingtoanothercorneroftheroom.Noonepaidanyattentiontome,butIstillfeltoutofmydepth.Amiddle-agedpersonwalkedinfirmlyandgreetedeveryone.Thenhesat
downinthefront,facingus.HeopenedabookandreadoutthetwelvestepsthatIhadlearntaboutthedaybefore.Iobservedsomefaceslookingtenseandworried.Afterthatwasdone,thechairmansaid,‘Welcometoallfellowmembers,guestsandstudents.Thisisanopensession.Today,I’dliketosharesomethinggood.FellowBharat,whereareyou?’Amaninhisfortiesraisedhishand.‘Bharatiscompletinghisfirstbirthdayhere.Wewillcutthecakeattheendof
thesession.’Everyoneclapped.Ididn’tunderstandwhatwasgoingon.Whatdidthe
chairmanmeanbysayingitwashisfirstbirthday?‘Ourgueststodaymaybealittlesurprisedtoseethiscelebration,butthefirst
birthdayisaverybigdeal.ItmeansthatBharathasn’thadalcoholforayearnow.’‘Sothat’swhatitis,’Ithought.‘Asthechairman,Iwillsharemyexperiencefirst.Myinitiationanddrinking
beganincollegeunderpeerpressure.ItwascooltodrinkandIwasproudtobeinthepartycrowd.Overthenextfewyears,Ibecameanalcoholic.Still,Iwasabletolandajob,findagoodgirlandgainappreciationformywork.WhenIthoughtthetimewasright,Iaskedmygirlfriendtomarryme,butsherefused.ShesaidthatIwasdrunkwhenevershemetme,irrespectiveofthetimeoftheday.SoIturnedtothebottleevenmore,usingmyheartbreakasanexcuse.‘Oneday,myparentsfinallysaidtome,“Growup!Thegirlleftyouyearsago
andisnowthemotheroftwochildrenandyet,hereyouare—stilldrinkingyourlifeaway.Thishasnothingtodowithherandeverythingtodowithyou—youareanalcoholic.Wearereadytohelpyougetyourlifebackontrack,butyou
areanalcoholic.Wearereadytohelpyougetyourlifebackontrack,butyoumustrealizewhatyouhavebecome.”‘Iwaslivid.Howdaretheylabelmeanalcoholic?Icouldquitdrinking
wheneverIwantedto.Iwastheoneincontrol.SoIdidn’tdrinkforthenexttwodaysandthoughtthatIhadprovedmyself.Onthethirdday,myparentswantedtogotoatemplenearbyandIofferedtodrivethemthere.Ihadaquickshowerintheevening,shavedandappliedanaftershavelotion.Ilookedgood.‘Ashorttimelater,weleftforthetemple.Whiledriving,mytonguetouched
myskinbrieflyandittastedoftheaftershavelotion.Ikeptlickingitandbythetimewereachedthetemple,Iwascravingforadrink.Idroppedmyparents,wenttotheclosestbarandstayedthereforfourhours.Unawareofmyactions,mypoorparentsperformedapujaformeatthetemple,waitedforme,thentookanautorickshawandwentbackhome.‘Thatwasmyturningpoint.ItwasthedayIrealizedthatIcouldn’tlive
withoutbooze.SoIcametoAAandtheyhelpedmevocalizewhatIwas.ItwasherethatIfoundotherpeoplelikemeandIwasgladthatIwasn’taloneinthis.Oursloganis“Ican’t,wecan”.’Thechairmanlookedstraightatthecrowdinfrontofhim,‘Ifyouwouldlike
tostayandbewithus,pleasedoso.Youarealwayswelcomehere.Peoplewhothinkthatthisisn’ttheplaceforthem,letmetellyouthatthereisabarontheoppositesideofthestreet.Feelfreetoleave.’Hepaused,waitingforpeopletoexit.Onepersondid,butataturtle’space.Thenhesaid,‘Onlyanalcoholiccanunderstandanotherfellowalcoholic.
Nobodyisgoingtojudgeyouhere.Iinviteyoutoshareyourexperienceorthoughts.’Bythen,theenvironmentfeltveryinformalandIdidn’tfeelawkwardany
more.Ayoungladysittingononeofthebenchesintroducedherself.‘IamRaveena
Alcoholic,’shesaid.‘Hi,RaveenaAlcoholic,’respondedtheothermembers.‘Icomefromanaffluentfamilywheresocialdrinkingwasapartofour
culture.MyparentsstudiedinFranceandhencefrequentlydiscussedwineanditsvariouscharacteristics.Iwasintroducedtowineattheageofsixteenbutthequantitywasrestricted.Thenextyear,IwenttocollegeinDelhiandmyparentsheadedtotheMiddleEastforafinanciallyexcitingjobopportunity.Istayed
backinaresidentialhostelwhereImetgirlswhofrequentlydrankhardliquorsuchasvodkaandwhisky.Atfirst,theymadefunofmeandurgedmetotrywhattheywerehaving.SoIbeganexperimentingandcametoloveotherdrinkstoo.Myparentsusedtosendmeamonthlyallowancethen.Whenevertheyaskedmeaboutmyspending,Iwouldconcealmyexpensesonalcohol.LyingcamenaturallytomeonceIstarteditandIbarelyfeltguiltyaboutitovertime.’‘Therecomesthefourthbrother,’Ithought.‘Aroundthetimeofmygraduation,Iwenttoabarandmetaboy.Wegot
alonglikeahouseonfireandspentalotoftimelearningabouteachotherandourhabits.Wedisclosedourrelationshiptoourparentswhoapprovedofthematchandwehadalavishwedding.FollowingthenorthIndiantradition,therewasplentyofwineandliquoronthedayofthereception,andtheguestsdrankasmuchaspossiblesinceitwasfree.Afterthewedding,myhusbandandIshiftedtoBengaluru.Wewouldsitanddrinktogethereverydayafterhereturnedfromwork,buthenoticedthatIcoulddrinkmorethanhim.IneededmorethantwopegstogethighandIdidn’tpukeafterwardsorgetaheadacheimmediatelyeither.IthoughtitwasagreatqualityandthatImustpushmyselffurther.’Suddenly,Raveena’svoicesoftened.‘Weekslater,IlearntthatIwaspregnant
andwenttoagynaecologist.Ididn’ttellheraboutthealcohol.Duringthethirdmonthofpregnancy,Ifeltveryuneasyintheareaaroundmystomachandwenttoseeheragain.‘Asapartoftheroutinecheck-up,sheaskedme,“Areyoudrinkingalcohol?
Perhapswine?”‘“Wine,”Isaid,concealingthehardliquorIwasstilldowningeverynowand
then.‘“Stopit.”‘ItriedtobutIcouldn’tcontrolmyself.“Doctorsareextracarefulaboutthese
things,”Ithought.“Asiphereandthereisn’tgoingtoharmthebaby.”‘SoIpouredmyselfsomevodkaandorangejuicetheverynextday,and
continuedtodrinkwithmyhusband.‘Ninemonthslater,ababyboywasbornandourfamilieswereecstatic.
Everybodycelebratedwithwineandchampagneinourhousebutitwasn’tenoughforme.Ineededmore.Takingcareofanewbornwasmuchmore
exhaustingthanIhadthought.Whentheparentshadretiredforthenighttotheirbedrooms,Iwenttothemini-barinthediningroomanddrankvodka.‘Ayearpassedandmysongrewupquickly.Inoticedthathismilestoneswere
delayedandrantothedoctor.Withinamonth,itwasconfirmed—mysonwasaslowlearnerandwouldremainso.Thedoctorremarked,“Ihopeyouweren’tdrinkingduringthepregnancy.”‘Thathithome.Thedrinkinghadn’tharmedmebutithadlabelledmychild
“special”.Hehaddonenothingtodeservethisandyet,hewastheonepayingformysins.‘Icouldnotexcusemyselfandfeltlikeendingmylife,butthethoughtofmy
sonpreventedmefromtakingastepfurther.IfIwasn’taround,whowouldlookafterhim?Whatdoeshisfuturehold?MyhusbandandIdidn’tblameeachother,butourselves.Wetookstrengthfromeachotheranddecidedtoquitdrinking.Itwasveryhardandwekeptfailingatourattempts.Weendedupdrinkingintheevenings,justlikeweusedtobefore.‘Thankfully,wefoundAAandnowthat’sthetimeIkeepformymeetings.
Thewithdrawalwaspainfulanddifficult.Oncetheeveningispast,IammoreincontrolandIreturnhome.Myson’sfaceisastarkreminderofwhyImustnevertouchadrinkagain.WhydidGodmakesuchanaddictivethingonearth?’Hervoiceshookwiththeemotionsthatshekeptbottledinsideher.‘Iamscaredtohaveanotherbaby.WhatifIgetanotherchildlikemyson?’Thechairmansteppedin,‘Thankyou,RaveenaAlcoholic,forsharingyour
personalstory.PeoplecometoAAwhentheyreachthelowestpointintheirlives.Thatpointdiffersfrompersontoperson.Wehadoneteenagerwhoonceaskedhismotherformoneytobuyalcohol.Whensherefusedtopartwithit,hepushedheranddamagedherleg.Intime,shedevelopedalimp.Itwasaneternalremindertothesonabouthowhehadhurtheranditbecamehisturningpoint.Oncepeopledesperatelydesireachangeinthemosthonestwaypossible,theycomeherebecausewecanhelpthemmakeithappen.’Next,awell-dressedmiddle-agedmaninthefrontrowintroducedhimself.He
said,‘IamHarryAlcoholicandbelongtoawealthyfamily.Ihavenoexcuse.IgotthehabitbecauseIenjoyeddrinkingwithmyfriends.Sincemyfatherhadhisownbusiness,Idecidedtojoinhimaftermygraduationandfellinlovewith
oneofthesecretariesnamedMaria.Shelearntofmyweaknessesandaboutthedrinkingtoo.Astimepassed,weseriouslybeganthinkingofmarriage.‘“Iwantyoutoquitdrinking,”shetoldme.“WithGod’sgraceandlove,you
willleaveit,I’msure.”‘Atfirst,myparentswerehesitantaboutthematchbutsoontheytookto
Mariaandwehadabigfatwedding.Still,Icontinuedtodrink.Twoyearslater,mymotherandfatherdiedinacarcrashandIwastheonlyonetoinheritallthattheyhadbuilt.ImanagedtheofficeandMariamanagedeverythingathome,includingthefinances.Wealsohadabeautifulbabygirlandlifewaswonderful.Yet,myhabitcontinued.‘WhenMariaspoketomeaboutit,Ididn’theedherwords.Everyday,I
wouldaskherformoneytospendatthebar.Oneday,sheputherfootdown,“No,youwon’tgetanymoremoneyforthis.IdecidedtomarryyouinthehopethatyouwouldimproveandbecauseIlovedyou.Youarethesame,despitebecomingafather.”‘IbecamesoupsetthatIabusedherverballyandtoldherthatthemoneywas
mineandthatshehadnorightoverit.Withtearsinhereyes,shehandedmesomemoneyandIrushedtothebar.Thenextmorning,Ifeltbadandapologizedtoher,“I’msosorry,Maria,Iwaswrong.Iwillneverdoitagain.”‘ButIdid.Againandagain.‘Oneday,thesameincidentrepeateditselfandMariarefusedtogiveme
money.IsawmydaughterplayingonthesideandyelledatMariawithhate,“Ifyoudon’tgivemewhatIwant,Iwilldosomethingtothebabyandthenyouwillregretit.”‘Iwasincompleterage.That’stheonlyreasonIsaidit.Ilovedmydaughter
morethanmylife.‘ButMariaturnedpale.SheprobablythoughtImeantit.Shebroughtoutall
themoneyshehadandhandedittome.“Takeit,”shesaidandwalkedoutoftheroomwithmydaughter.‘Itookallthemoney,calledafewfriendsandwenttoapopularbarthatI
frequentedandwhoseownerIknew.PeoplewouldoftenjoinmethereandpraisemygraciousnaturebecauseIpaidforeveryone’sdrinks.Butinmyheart,IwasstillmadatMaria.IwantedtoshowherthatIwasnotahenpecked
husband,soIdrankmorethanusualthatday.TheownerallowedmetocrashinaroomabovethebarbecauseIwasn’tinanystatetowalkordrive.‘WhenIcamehomethenextmorning,therewasanoteonthefridge.Itwasa
handwrittennotefromMaria.
Iamleavingwithmydaughter.Youwillneverchange.Youmayhaveruinedmylife,butIdon’twantmydaughter’stoberuinedtoowithadrunkmanforafather.
‘Ilookedaroundtheapartment.Alltheirclothesweregone.‘ButIknewshewouldcomeback.Toforgetmydomesticproblems,Ibegan
drinkingevenmore.Maria,however,didn’tturnupatall.Weeksturnedintomonthsandmonthsintoyears.Ididn’tknowwhereshewasanymore.‘Withinafewyears,Ilosteverything—mybusinessandmyproperties.‘Now,theownerofthatsamepopularbarinstructedthebouncersnottolet
meinwithoutmoney.Myfriendsforgotaboutmetoo.ItgotworseandIbeganbeggingattrafficlights.AllthemoneyIgotwentintobuyingandconsumingdesiliquor.‘Oneday,IsatatatrafficsignalandthoughtthatIsawMariainoneofthe
cabswithachild.WhenIwentcloser,Irealizedthatitreallywasher,alongwithmydaughter.Excited,Iknockedatthecarwindow.She,however,dismissedmewithawaveofherhand.“Nevertalktostrangers,”shesaidtoourdaughter.“Lookatthisdirtymanbegginghereinsteadofworkingsomewhere.”‘Shedidn’trecognizeme!BeforeIcouldfindanywords,thelightturned
greenandthecarspedaway.‘Thatwasthelowestpointinmylife—Ihadlostmywife,daughterandwhat
myparentsandgrandparentshadbuiltforme.Myfamilyhadhadahumblebeginning.MygrandfatherhadcomefromKolartoBengalurucityasaclerk,workedveryhardandsavedmoneytostarthisownbusiness.Ittookdecadesforhimtoofficiallyreachthe“rich”status.HisnamewasHarryandIhadbeennamedafterhim.Butlookatme!Ihadsquanderedawayallhiswealthandbecomeabeggar.Iwantedtocommitsuiciderightthereandthen.‘Idon’trememberhowbutsomeonetookmetoanopenAAsessionina
churchandforthefirsttimeinmanyyears,Ifeltarayofhope.Iheardpeopletalkingabouttheirdarkesttimes.Theywerepeoplelikemewhohadlosteverythingandthengoneontobuildadecentlifeforthemselves.MaybeIcould
trytoo.It’sbeenfifteenyearssincethenandIhavebeensoberforalongtime.NowIspendmylifeinservicetootherslikemebybringingthemtoAAandhelpingthemontheirjourney.’Theapplauseintheroomwasfollowedbyadeafeningsilence,eachofus
busywithourownthoughts.‘Hisdaughtermustbeworkingnowandmaybemarriedtoo!’Ithought.‘His
wifeisabravewoman.Shemadetherightdecisionforherselfandthechild,butwhatalifetheyhaveallled.Everyonehassufferedalifetimebecauseofalcoholaddiction.’Ididn’tknowifalcoholismwasaformallyrecognizedmedicaldisease,but
AAwasaboonforthepeopleitserved.Coffeewasservedinpapercupsforallofus,andastringedpurseandaround
medalwascirculated.Thechairmanannounced,‘YoucancontributeonlyifyouareAAmembers.Wedon’tacceptmoneyfromothers.’Afewcontributedandmostofthememberstookthemedal,helditcloseto
theirheartandprayed.Atlast,thechairmaninvitedBharattocomeandcutthecake.‘Wehavealso
invitedBharat’sfamilytodaybecausehewouldn’thavereachedthismilestonewithoutthem,’hesaid.Withpride,Bharatblewoutthelonecandleonitandcutthecake.Thenhe
thankedhisfamilyprofuselyalongwiththepeopleinAAwhohadgivenhimbackhislife.Hisfatherthenhandedhimamedal.Hewasspeechless,chokedwithemotion.
Afterhehadcomposedhimself,hesaid,‘BharatismyonlychildandIhavecelebratedmanyeventswithhim,includinghisbirthdaysandwedding.Buttodayishisrealbirthday.Foralongtime,IwasashamedtohaveasonlikehimbuthehaschangedandIamaproudfather.’Bharatsmiledandpattedhisfather’sshoulderandlookedatthesmall
gatheringwithgratitude.‘Analcoholicisanalcoholicforever,’hesaid.‘Icannottakeanymedicineswithalcoholiccontent,notevenaspoonfulofcoughsyrupwhenIamunwell.ButIamhappywithwhereIamrightnowandIpromiseIwillcontinuetocelebratesuchbirthdayseveryyear.’IglancedatBharat’swifewhostoodnearby.Ithadbeennocakewalkforher
withthekindofpressuresocietyoftenforcesonIndianwomen.Shehadhada
troublesomemarriagewithouttruecompanionshipandwasstillstandingbesideherhusband.Afewminuteslater,themeetinggotoverandpeoplestartedleaving.Ialso
stoodupandRameshaccompaniedmetothecarwaitingoutside.‘Doeseveryonereachsobriety?’IaskedRamesh.‘Itdepends,Aunty.Therearechancesofrelapsing.That’swhywemeet
regularlytokeepoururgesincontrol.Evennow,whenIseeanalcoholadoradrinkingsceneinamovieontelevision,Iswitchitoff.Idon’tgotoanyweddingthatservesliquor.Itisveryeasytofalloffthewagon.SurrenderingtoGod,whichisoneofthestepsinAA,isveryhelpful.Goddoesn’tmeanaspecificreligiousone.EveryonehasaGodwithinthemselves.Itsimplymeansahigherpower.InAA,wehavethefreedomofchoosingourGod.ItisagreatorganizationandBengalurualonehaseightycentres.AAoperatesin186countries.Aunty,nowonderourancestorswereintelligent.Theytoldustokeepawayfrombadhabits.Itmaystartassocialdrinkingbutunfortunately,somegethookedtoit.Andoncetheyarehooked,theirlifebecomesmiserable.Iftheyhadnottrieditinthefirstplace,theywouldnothavebecomealcoholics.’IsatinthecarandthoughtaboutthefamousMarathiplayEkachPyala,a
populardramaofthe1940s,andanotheronecalledDevadas,whichisaplayaboutamanwho,aspeopleliketobelieve,turnedtothebottlebecausehecouldnotmarryParo,theloveofhislife.Butthetruthisthathewassimplyanalcoholic.IntheMarathiplay,theprotagonist,Sudhakar,andhiswife,Sindhu,area
happycouple.Oneday,analcoholicfriendinsiststhatSudhakarshoulddrinkonesipofalcoholtocelebrateanevent.Heevenoffershimapeg.Sindhuobjectstoherhusband’sdrinking,whomocksher,‘OSindhu,don’tworry.Ourlife’sshipwillnotdrownwithonepeg.’Unfortunately,herhusbandlikesthetasteandintime,becomesaslaveto
alcohol.Theplayshowshowtheirlifeisruined.Thefirstpegisenoughtogetyouonthejourney,ifyouhaveatendencytowardsalcoholism.Unfortunately,nobodycanpredictuntilyoutrythatfirstglass.Whosaysmoneyistheultimategoaloflife?Itisn’t.Youwillfindoutwhen
thetimeisright.
Oneoflife’sgoalsistheabilitytounderstandhumannatureandraiseafellowbeingfromrockbottomtobecomingausefulmemberofsociety.Weallloseafewbattlesinourlives,butwecanwinthewar.There’salwayshope.
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Thiscollectionpublished2017
Copyright©SudhaMurty2017
ThemoralrightoftheauthorhasbeenassertedJacketimages©NeelimaPAryanISBN:978-0-143-44005-5
Thisdigitaleditionpublishedin2017.
e-ISBN:978-9-386-65160-0
Thisbookissoldsubjecttotheconditionthatitshallnot,bywayoftradeorotherwise,belent,resold,hiredout,orotherwisecirculatedwithoutthepublisher’spriorconsentinanyformofbindingorcoverotherthanthatinwhichitispublishedandwithoutasimilarconditionincludingthisconditionbeingimposedonthesubsequentpurchaser.