0712 866 035 / 0755 443 175 / 0776 866 035 / 0714 443 175 / 0752 866 035 / 0776 443 175
I can feel it .............................................. pg 4
bloody misleading headlines!!!.................. pg 6
fringe benefits of being employed ............ pg 7
know your rights ..................................... pg 7
Kampala is for hustlers: ........................... pg 8
one for the desk, drinking at work ........... pg 9
daring to dare : a chat with Kemi ........... pg 10
why Burundi shouldn’t be a country ....... pg 16
that boda .............................................. pg 20
be your own corporation ........................ pg 21
12 names for millions of people ............. pg 22
buy a dog! ............................................. pg 23
forex re-regulation! ................................ pg 24
global dimming - a reality? .................... pg 27
umeme, and dog hanging... .................. pg 29
1st day of being officially self employed! . pg 30
I am a coward ....................................... pg 32
don’t let real music die .......................... pg 33
the buffalo theory. .................................. pg 34
the gender of a computer ..................... pg 36
welcome to the 21st century... .............. pg 37
events, ads and everything else ............ pg 38
9 reasons why Burundi should not be a country.
PG 16
daring to dare :a chat with Kemi PG 10
that boda PG 20
writersPaulo Nins
Benjamin-Axel Mugema.
Matookenation
Vuga
Solomon Akugizibwe
Plonkee
Cheem Alan
Rafa Yili
Gunnernkosa
David Oluka
Sara Akelly
Dannie
Brian B.Coutinho
Tashobya Davis
Luca Blasi
Hiraa Mizhar
COVERmodel : Kemiyodo Coutinho
picture: Mirrors Media
design: identity Co.
Copyright © 2011.All Rights Reserved. Although every precaution has
been taken in the publication of
this magazine, the publisher and
authors assume no responsibility
for errors or omissions.
The Workzine is not responsible
for the contents of any websites
referenced within the workzine,
nor does it endorse any specific
products or services referenced.
No part of the workzine may
be reproduced for commercial
purposes or substitute for
professional assistance.
questions,comments &
requestswelcome
for advertising information:
0712-815-8950772-888-1830791-032-469sales@theworkzine.comwww.theworkzine.com
editor’s word:The main news story in Africa in the past few
weeks has been the independence of South
Sudan.
In Uganda , the citizens have taken time off
their civil protests to remember the lives lost in
the 7/11 bombings of 2010.
While the world was watching the World Cup
final, Uganda was in mourning. And each year
we shall not forget and pray that such incidents
cease the world over.
let’s have a hip hip hooray for the world’s newest country!!!!!!
and a moment of silence for the victims of the 7/11 bombings in Uganda.
July 2011
IDLERS CORNER : I can feel it
Guess what! I just remembered
something awesome!! A friend of
mine is a genius!! A genuine bona
fide genius!
Brian, my hat’s off to you. : ).
(No, I am not talking about myself). Ok, now
that that’s done, and I’m in a slightly better
mood, let’s see, something a little more fun
ought to come up… hmmm…
Aah, life is beautiful, do you not agree? (just
so you know, I’m only writing that because I’m
expected to at this point, mbu I’m supposed to
be eternally happy, just how does that work?
Oh, yeah, mbu I’m also very sarcastic, I’m
happy and sarcastic, yes; that does make a
whole lot of sense. (this is where I could snort
or something, but that is just not polite, so I will
spare you. Besides, I’m happy, right? : )))
Now where was I? ah yes, someone is
promising…wait. Let’s see, um… ah yes. Hang
on a second, let’s see if this will work.
Eh, ok, now you see that second, it lasted a lot
longer than I thought it would… right now I have
no idea just what point I was trying to avoid,
so you will… ok, hang on another second,
someone thinks they are more important than
what I’m currently doing… ok, ok, I’m coming
sheesh (not to you, don’t worry, its just that I’m
typing... and they’re calling again, one sec.)
Well, that was a (currently very mad) Lady
(because mbu she had to call twice, had no
idea I was performing a humanitarian duty
here…Some people! Tch tch!) (ok, so she might
be a fine upstanding specimen of… (the lady I
mean, keep up, will you?)(if I continue with this
sentence I, well, let’s just say I like myself with
no parts cut off, visible or not) but still!)
Eh, but that’s beside the point; that beautiful,
wonderful, brilliant, perfect, wonderful
specimen of a human being has just done it for
me!! Ooh yes, I can feel it; I can feel the brilliance
bubbling under, the sheer genius slowly rising
to that point, yes, that point, ecstasy they call
it, and… oh, you know what I just found out?
I now have two (yes count them, two, as in
one, two, a whole two!!(not one, not 1.5 or
1.8, but two)) confirmed fans, this is brilliant,
this is lovely, this… this calls for a celebration!!
(hang on a second while I go do a jig) break
out the fine wine…oh, screw the wine, break
out the hard liquor, the tough meat, the… eh,
that’s really all you need to throw a party? Oh
no, wait, Music and… and… okay, yes, that’s
about it… hmm, funny, I thought it was harder
than that…
Eh, no matter PARTY, I have two, yes, count
them, TWO CONFIRMED fans aiyaya, I think I
should have an epiphany (I know I know, you
don’t usually think these things through, but it
has been so long since I had a brilliant idea (and
when I say brilliant, I do mean brilliant, like that
dude who came up with the million dollar page
(what, you haven’t heard of it? Ed., have you
figured out how to embed links in this magazine
thingy? Not yet? Ah well, google always works
. (but seriously Adib, web-zine, no links?))) or
that chic who charges people to break stuff…
well, you get the idea, do you not?) eh, buts
that’s not important right now, I’m supposed to
be having an epiphany!!
Eh, ok, I’m going to have to leave now, some
other (also very arresting) Lady is competing for
my attention and not to be snide or anything,
but she really is more interesting, so ba bye,
see ya, toodles.
Oh, yes, one last thing; I are a genius. Just so
you know.
4
by Brain B.COutinhoartwork by: identity Co.
Bloody misleading headlines!!!
So I check out this BBC headline screaming “Africa hit by worst
drought in 60 years”.. Just doesn’t make sense to me that a
whole continent of about 30 million km² is facing severe drought..
and when I click on link, I find out that they are talking about
“The horn of Africa” - Don’t their viewers deserve to know which
countries make up the horn of Africa (Somalia, Djibouti, Eritrea
and Ethiopia) - and when I listen further to this clip, they are
actually talking of only Somalia, and just part of Somalia - wonder
why they just couldn’t say Somalia...
So some other person who saw this headline and did not listen
further get wrong view of what is going on in Africa in general....
and after almost 90 years, one would think that they would be
able to let their viewers know that what happens in one African
state does not reflect what is going on in the whole of Africa .... or
is it because the mere mention of Africa is more newsworthy than
the mention of Somalia the country they are actually reporting
about, .... little wonder that most people here in Europe cant
distinguish between different African states and still think of Africa
as this dark continent... what of all the good stuff????? - And I
am tired of all these people I tell I am from Uganda, and they just
have not heard of it , at least the guy who asked me whether its
near Nigeria or Senegal and knows its a country is better off.....
And I am tired of all the bad publicity these western media gives
our beautiful countries - Twakowa....
by Paulo Nins
<the writer is applauding Rupert Murdoch closing News of the
World, one liar down, 7985 to go>
know your rights If you fail drug testing in the workplace, the
employer likely has the right to take disciplinary
action against you, such as firing or refusing
to hire you. Certain state drug testing laws
encourage or require employers to allow
offenders to choose a substance-abuse
treatment program in place of employment
termination.
Considering all the legal obstacles that drug
testing in the workplace has and still faces, and
the absence or lacking of state drug testing
laws, you might be able to challenge related
disciplinary action in court and win. Many
employees have filed workplace drug testing
lawsuits and won, even after they didn’t pass
drug tests.
You likely won’t be arrested, as failing drug
testing in the workplace is not the same as
getting caught red-handed possessing or
doing an illegal drug in the workplace. However,
if your employer catches you possessing or
doing an illegal drug, that’s a different matter.
Your employer has the right to call the police,
who might arrest you.
fringe benefits of being employed
There are many ways of generating an income, and lots of people seem to ideologically favour working for yourself, or working at home. Being your own boss is the great way to wealth apparently. Probably wouldn’t work for me, but each to their own.
One of the things that people who are for some
reasonable reason against being employed
talk about, especially those advocates of
stay at home parenting, are the hidden costs
of working. I’m talking about things like
commuting, eating lunch out, buying nice
clothes, conveniences that you use which you
wouldn’t if you spent more time at home.
This got me thinking about the converse. The
things that you can get from your workplace
that would cost you money to have to provide
for yourself. I mean, just like you don’t notice
the hidden costs of working, so maybe we
don’t notice the hidden benefits of working.
• At my current job we get free stationery, not
exactly for our own personal use, but still a pen
is a pen.
• My walking commute enables me to exercise
easily for free.
• I have to travel to London at least once a
month, and I can use this train ticket to meet
up with friends or family for dinner or drinks
and then head back to my own place for no
additional cost.
• There’s a subsidised gym (which I don’t use)
• It gets me out of the house everyday and
talking to real people. What can I say, I’m an
introvert at heart
• They heat the place. If I had to heat my house
all day, that would get expensive pretty quickly.
Let me know what benefits you get out of work.
by plonkee
< the writer owns a company. hhhmmmm>
6 7
July 2011
1. Don’t be white
KAMPALA IS FOR HUSTLERS:
boda negotiation 101 one for the desk, DRINKING AT WORK
5. When he names his price, be aware of the anchoring effect, most experienced salespeople name an
absurdly high price because once you begin negotiating, anything below that seems like a reasonable
bargain.
(Be wary of the rider who has no idea where you are going or how to get there and is simply pulling
prices out of his butt-crack.)
Don’t judge me, she said as she reached into her desk and pulled out a bottle of Uganda
Waragi , poured into her glass added sprite , sipped at it and then proceeded with her
work.
Melissa <Johannesburg > doesn’t give a damn:
“Drink or no drink. I don’t care. If you do your
work. then you could walk around naked. ”
2. Rather than flagging a boda rider from the
road, go to a stage where you have several
options. Pick the guy who looks hungriest. (NB
Don’t confuse high-as-a-kite for the lethargy
associated with stage one starvation)
3. Speak in Luganda
3 a) If you can’t speak Luganda, Speak Ugandan
English, and punctuate your sentences with as
many Neddas, Ssebos, and Kales as possible
3 b) Don’t have a Mzungu* accent
4. State your destination, avoid naming
obviously “high-class” places, if you’re going
to Serena hotel, say Crested Towers (opposite)
instead.
6. It is said that you should never pay more
than 3, 000 UGsh for a boda within central
Kampala.
You will learn more about this in advanced Boda
negotiation classes (this is in the same course
unit as “how to balance telephone poles on
the back of a boda”, and “Boda biology: How
clean is that helmet?”).
If the rider refuses to come down to a reasonable
price (perhaps because of your peach-pale
skin/Kiwi accent/ destination: Kabira Country
Club), simply find another.
Out of 40 000 boda bodas in Kampala, surely
you can find a hungrier more willing one.
*Person of European descent, one who travels
or wanders without particular destination in
mind.
by vuga.wordpress.com
<vuga reserves the right to out-hustle the boda
guys and make them cry.>
Alcohol at work is becoming the corporate
worlds worst kept rumor. Sara <Kampala>
feels it shouldn’t be an issue: “As long as the
person gets to do their work properly without
issues, then it shouldn’t be made an item at the
weekly meetings.”
Tom <Leicester > tends to agree: “When I
take a swig at work , it doesn’t mean I have
problem. Work with this economic downturn
is quite stressing. I am doing stuff meant for
two people and my pay is still crap. I need
something to take the edge off. ”
Ahmed <Dubai > frowns at the practice: “Work
is work. Alcohol has no place in the board room.
That’s why meetings don’t have it served. It
addles your brain.”
Jackie <Kampala> thinks that alcohol is a
necccesity for work :”A little bit of alcohol
once in while makes the brain move faster.
Reaserched and proven. I can even show you
the links, the boss should add it to the daily
checklist.”
Emmanuel <Spain > is a bit more cautious :
“I think it really depends on what type of job
you are doing. Some jobs which require a clear
mind like operation of machinery and heavy
equipment must not tolerate alcohol. Desk
jockeys I guess its fine. But then again, if that
person interacts with the client constantly, it’s
a No!!” Of course HR officers and consultants
are against.
Phillip <an HR manager from Detroit >: “Its not
an issue. It’s against regulations and anyone
found should be fired. Some argue that’s it’s
the same as smoking. No its not. Smoking
doesn’t cloud judgment. Alcohol does. ”
Despite the reasons, alcohol at work seems to
be a reality that is here to stay. And employees
have come up with creative ways of disguising
the goods or their intake. But that’s a story for
another day.
8 9
The WorkZIne recently caught up with Kemiyondo Coutinho , the one-woman acting wonder for an interview and photoshoot. She is the sole actor and writer of the hard hitting critically acclaimed play “Jabulile” that has been performed all over Africa and the United States.
customers, friends, her spiteful mother in-law and finally
leads up to reliving the death of her daughter.
Jabulile! is a one-woman performance, in which actor Kemiyondo Coutinho uses simple props
and staging to bring a small community of market vendors to life.
The play tells the story of four Swazi women. Jabulile (the main character) begins
by letting the audience know that today will be the day that she shares her story.
Jabulile, an optimistic street vendor who claims to always wear a smile, introduces
the audience to her drunken husband, childhood memories, manipulative
As the audience takes the journey of her life, they
come to understand that she keeps going on for
the memory of her daughter. Whilst telling her
own story, she introduces the stories of four other
women.
WZ: What was the inspiration for the play?
As I used to walk past the women on the side
of the road selling their fruits and vegetables, I
could not help but notice the constant optimism
on their faces.
I knew that being a woman in Swaziland was
not the easiest life and yet there was no trace
of this on the faces of these women.
Regardless of the daily struggles that many
of these women faced there was an inner
strength that shone through and that I greatly
envied, the strength to smile through it all. I was
intrigued by those smiles and wanted to know
what lay behind them.
I started talking to the women about their
lives as well as the lives of the women who
surrounded them and from this, the character
Jabulile (happiness) was born.
10
July 2011
WZ: Who is your artistic muse ?
Surprisingly the people that inspire most are
musicians. Music expresses most the feelings
and thoughts that I process on a daily basis.
Who inspires me the most changes as my
personality and soul grows. For now though,
Erykah Badu is definitely someone I aspire to
be like. Her freedom to create regardless of
what popular culture dictates is something I
try to assimilate in my work. She values truth
over fame, something more artists need to be
doing.
In the theatre realm my work is influenced
greatly by Lynn Nottage, Danai Gurira and
Ntozake Shange.
WZ: Do you plan to join main stream acting? say in movies.
My heart is on stage. The attraction to theatre
stems from the immediate reaction between
myself and the audience before me. No
performance is ever the same simply because
the audiences change and impact your
performance. Ideally I would like to stick with
theatre for a while, however, I have not tried
film and so I cannot say that I will not do it. I do
believe we need to push our boundaries and
maybe film is a boundary I shall attend to in the
distant future. But for the next 6 years I aim to
craft my stage work.
WZ: Imagine its your birthday and you had to choose amongst a bottle of Afghan wine, a bouquet of cacti and an overweight Tyrese , what would be your pick?Overweight Tyrese!!duh!! <at this point Kemi
blushes and hides her face. >I absolutely LOVE
his smile. I also just read his book and he is not
just a pretty face he actually has some depth
to him.
WZ: Why did you choose theatre to express these feelings ?
I have learned in life that we as individuals have
the power to make change if we do it in the
best way we know how. For me this is and
has always been through theatre. Theatre, in
my eyes, is the most immediate and possibly
strongest way to invoke change. It is a clear
reflection of society. Sometimes people need
to take a step back and watch society played
out before them before they can understand
what is happening in their daily lives, and more
importantly what SHOULD be happening. It
was for this reason that I chose theatre as my
realm to invoke change.
WZ: Why a one woman show ?why not a full blown play ?
The act of me standing there without any other
person or much props only begins to explain
our power as a female. I liked the interplay
of 1 woman( me) playing numerous female
characters. I think it shows that in all of the
characters there is a common ground between
them. There is a shared experience and I feel
that is greatly brought across as a one-woman
show.
Aside to that a one-woman show has many
advantages the greatest being that I don’t rely
on anyone, apart from my director, Stephanie
Arnold, to rehearse. I can perform within 24
hours notice and not have to worry about any
else’s schedule. Also it doesn’t hurt not having
to share the limelight. (giggles)
WZ: how have the audiences worldwide responded to your play ? Don’t people from different cultures feel abit lost ?
Doing performances in South Africa, Kampala, Uganda as well as in New York City and in Portland, Oregon, I started to notice a similarity in reactions from these cross-cultural audiences. This verified and emphasized that these stories were not unique to the women of Swaziland. Their stories resonated with every woman who has been denied something because she was a woman, with every woman who has had to endure pain because of her gender, with every woman who has felt that being a woman was a curse and not a blessing. Sadly these women
exist everywhere, all over the world.
I think the message of the show (women empowerment) is strongly brought out when 1 female stands before a audience
and delivers a message.
WZ: If you could change one thing about yourself as a modern woman ,what would it be ?
Absolutely nothing. I know, what a cliche. I joke,
there is a lot I’d like to change about myself
but even that changes from day to day. In this
moment right now, I would like to be more
patient with my surroundings. As a person who
likes to see change happen and happen fast
it often becomes frustrating and demotivating.
Of course, change never happens fast and so
patience is definitely something I need to work
on.
WZ: What message do you want people to take from seeing your play ?
I hope to encourage young African women
not to sit back and watch society dictate their
fate. Let us all make a change the best way
we know how. Let us invoke change in others
WZ: Another musical curiosity : An album of Whitney Houston rapping or Snoop Dogg crooning ?
WZ: Is there an African attitude towards women which you think is highly beneficial yet is misunderstood by western media ?
in whatever way we know best.
Let us not fail to understand that we the “Young African Woman” can be
I wish I could say yes but I can’t think of
any attitude towards African woman that is
beneficial to women or the culture surrounding
us. I think regardless of our education level
or how successful, woman are STILL looked
down upon. There is nothing beneficial of a
girl being told she cannot go to school yet her
brother can. There is nothing beneficial about
a woman working a 9-5 job but having to rush
back home to cook for her husband so. There
is absolutely nothing beneficial about being told
you have to do certain things simply because
you are a woman. Nothing. Until woman are
seen as equals and nothing less, there is
nothing to benefit from this degrading attitude
we have been receiving.
Whitney Houston rapping. I am somewhat of a die hard fan. I love the lady and her music so I would listen out of loyalty. Plus I can’t listen to snoop dogg rapping so crooning would just be torture.
I’ll skip!
whoever and whatever we choose to be.
July 2011
3. The Sports
Science graduate’sre-election.
First we need to ask, why is Burundi a
country? Well, it is because the Belgian
imperialists made it one. That is all. It is
like asking why an elephant is called an
elephant in English. You see? Secondly,
we need to ask, where is Burundi? It is
found below Rwanda. Physically and
literally. Third, we need to define our
title.
1. The President.The president of Burundi is a Sports Science
graduate. A sports science graduate does
not run a country; he/she runs a sports
establishment, or simply runs. Period.
For much of the past decade, there has been war in Burundi.
It was only recently that the rebels and government forces
decided that perhaps peace was better than war. Hence
peace. What you saw on TV was war, guaranteed. What you
did not see was that this war was unlike any other. Apparently,
they fought 9 to 5. Meaning, they woke up, had breakfast,
fought, ceased fire for lunch break, waged on until dawn and
then set off home for dinner. It was a job. And well, like any
other job, someone has to be the boss. Hence the Sports
Science graduate.
2. How the Sports Science graduate became the president.
4. He is
also a pastor.A devoted man of God, the Sports Science
graduate takes time of his clearly demanding
schedule to preach the good news to his
people. Now, judging by the ‘Ugandan’
definition of a pastor (/pastor/ noun, masc:
One who intentionally lures unsuspecting
persons to a wooden shack using insinuative
and attractive connotations for the Holy Bible,
and religious music in several languages at the
same time with the sole intention of acquiring
unimaginable sums of money of all currencies
from them with the promise of perpetual
prosperity and immortality) would we want a
pastor for a president? You tell me.
Now firmly in power, our boy set out to make
Burundi seem as normal as any other African
nation (insert Somalia here at own risk). He
organized elections. Again, in typical Burundian
fashion, they were like no other. Turns out
there was a bunch of opposition candidates
who even before the election assured the
press that it would be rigged and flawed and
decided unanimously; to pull out of the race.
My question is: Why would you enter a race
against a Sports Science graduate? He stood,
and won, unopposed.
16
July 2011
7. KS Alpha.5. The pastor’s
flock.6. The pastor’s economics.At a certain point in our history, Burundi was
the poorest country in the world. True story. But
thanks to the pastor, ‘The Burundians’ have
achieved great strides in development, hitting
a previously unimaginable economic growth of
0.1%. You see, the pastor has great plans for
his country. He sold the presidential jet and for
a moment actually had the airport on auction.
(Yes Burundi has an airport) It is said, according
to the same people that crafted that private,
exclusive, inside joke that he has serious plans
in the pipeline to sell the capital city Bujumbura
in a very lucrative deal that would potentially
benefit ‘The Burundians’. Watch this space.
The Sporty Pastor leads a people called ‘The
Burundians’. This is a special breed of human
beings with distinct personalities and traits
like no other. ‘The Burundians’ are known to
be very indulgent people, particularly the male
Burundians, indulgent in the finer things in life
such as good shirts, expensive shoes and ‘bring
bring.’ However, as we shall later discover in
the ‘economics’ of Burundi, such luxuries are
not available in the pastor’s nation. They travel
the depths of the region, in a fervent search
of these tokens of pomp. A private, exclusive,
inside joke about ‘The Burundians’ talks about
how ; ‘when The Burundians go to Kigali,
they think they are in Nairobi, when they go to
Kampala they think they are in Dubai…’ (Anon).
What happens when they go to Nairobi? The
pastor’s flock.
The three most important exports of Burundi are: Khadja
Nin, Beautiful and well-endowed women and Kidum(u),
in that order. The latter, however is currently property of
the Republic of Tanzania and therefore, in regard to the
dwindling export revenue, the pastor’s people had to find
another lucrative product to export. Hence; KS Alpha.
The dread-locked musician (artiste in Uganda speak) is
so popular in Burundi, he has actually done more than
two shows there. To drive the point home or rather put it
in perspective; it is like asking Clever J to sing the national
anthem on Independence Day. Now you see what I mean.Benjamin-Axel Mugema. Twitter: @AxelthePoet
<the writer Is Ugandan-Rwandan who believes the EAC should declare Burundi a protectorate and declare all the
women to be his wives .> 9. Trending events.Lately, there have been increased reports of marriages between ‘The Burundian’ girls and Rwandan men. Yes. It is true. The girls from Burundi are indulging themselves in marital affairs with men from Rwanda like never before. One of the more prominent reasons for this phenomenon is that it has occurred suddenly that Rwandan men have proven to be more attractive, ambitious and generally better than ‘The Burundian’ men. This I cannot independently verify. However, what is for sure is that ‘The Burundian’ girls are aware of a phenomenon of ‘Harold Camping End of the World’ proportions. Apparently, Burundi is no longer a country. They are therefore marrying Rwandan men so that they can have
a place to call home.
8. Again, the pastor’s
flock.Once upon a time, a group of
hippie male students from a
certain university in Uganda
went to Burundi to indulge (for
lack of a better word) in the
business of meeting random
girls and well, doing bad things
to them. They called it; a Road
Trip. The Road Trip was bound
to be the greatest journey
ever made by any group of
Ugandans. When they had
arrived, and settled in, they
rose the next morning, ready to
take in (pun unintended) all that
Burundi had to offer. However,
their hopes quickly dwindled
for our Ugandan friends were
treated like tourists. Every price
doubled. They were treated the
same way a muzungu would
be in Bwaise and Kalerwe.
But why, oh why did they treat
them like that? Because they
spoke English. In which African
country are Africans treated like
tourists? The moral of the story:
Only in Burundi.
July 2011
be your own corporationWe always think of ourselves as slaves to a
ruling body, or as an employee to a board of
directors. This is the mindset that schools and
the earlier generations taught us (no offense to
them). However, there are a few speakers and
authors now who are discussing that schools
are cultivating an attitude of being a good
employee–one who follows rules and does not
break away from the pack.
There’s nothing wrong with that, but there’s
another perspective to that lesson.
I remember a line I heard 4 years ago from
an audio book; I’ve never forgotten it: “Think
of yourself as your own corporation. Think of
work not as working for a corporation. Working
for them is like selling your services to them.”
That absolutely changed my view on work,
even before I started working. Four years later,
I’ve never felt like a slave and never felt like just
an employee.
Because we are our own corporations
Because we are our own corporations, we
can own our work. Our work is not just what
our boss tells us to do, it becomes a part of
us. Because we own our work, we can steer
it. It’s exactly like being an entrepreneur—
making your own direction for your work, your
corporation.
Seth Godin, in his book Linchpin, says to add
emotional labor into our work, because it adds
something that cannot be quantified and taken
from anyone else. Emotional labor is not about
crying or being affected, it’s about putting in
more of yourself in your work to personalize it.
By personalizing our work, we add something
to it, something that no one else can replicate.
By personalizing our work, we keep it aligned
with our goals. And this is what successful
corporations do.
Because we are our own corporations, we
have to invest in ourselves. We have to hone
our craft. This can be summarized in 3 letters–
BSC. No, not a balanced score card. Books,
seminars, consultants (mentors). We should
try to gauge whether the investments are long
term or short term. I’ve been investing in books
for a year now, and they’re paying off. In just
a year, the books I’ve read have been able to
give me new perspectives and new insights for
work. Some seminars may pay off right away,
some may not. But if you feel that it’s relevant
to your career path, go ahead and take it.
Consultants are there not to direct the work,
but to provide insight and experience. I am the
kind of person who needs a mentor. I value
mentorship, because so far it has been the way
I have learned the most throughout my career.
Change the bigger picture
Imagine that the company is society and that
the society is the world.
If we have a project, we do it because it benefits
society. And we want to improve society
because we want to improve the world.
We can all be like Apple, a single corporation
that changed the world. Through our work, we
can improve society and improve the world
around us. Employees are not just slaves.
Employees are corporations, too. And who put
up your corporation? You.
BY dodgepodge.wordpress.com<The writer
believes you should pay yourself tax before the
governemt steps in. If nothing is left when they
do , then they should remit some to you.>
Driver, Passenger, Pedestrian, Cyclist– the one thing we
all have in common is that we all have to deal with the
Boda Bodas. Whether you spend your time on the back
of them or dodging them in traffic the fact of that matter is
there is always a Bajaj zipping by.
Who is ‘that boda’?Here is what some of you had to say:
1. If he tells you that you have to pay more because people
your size consume more of his fuel, he’s that boda.
2. If he tries to use your car as a shield to enter a busy
intersection and calls you a coward for not moving fast
enough, he’s that boda.
3. If he cuts a bra in half, attaches string to it and uses it
as a face mask, he’s that boda.
4. If he has a bumper sticker that says ‘The Earth is full,
go home’ he’s that boda.
5. If he has loaded a pick-up worth of goods onto his bike
and you are too scared to over take him for fear that the
iron sheets and beds he is carrying will fall into your car,
he’s that boda.
6. If he parks next to you in a traffic jam and asks you to
wind your window down and turn the volume up so that
he can hear your radio, he’s that boda.
7. If he parks sideways in the middle of two parking spots,
taking up a portion of each one when he could easily fit in
half of one, he’s that boda.
8. If you find yourself hiding behind your handbag on the
way to work because you boda driver has stopped to yell
at your boss for driving badly, he’s that boda.
9. If he tells you that it’s unacceptable for a woman to sit
with her legs open that close to him, he’s that boda.
10. If the sweat from his head flies backwards and lands
in your mouth, he’s that boda.
BY MATOOKENATION.COM <MatookeNation is thinking
of starting a boda service to get rid of that boda. Qualities
needed : Bathes everyday, clean clothes, speaks
pidgin english ,uses deaodarant and looks like Denzel
washington>
20 21
July 2011
12 names for millions of people
What makes the Batooro of western
Uganda special? Is it their young
king Oyo, the escapades of their
Queen Mother Kemigisa, their closeness to
the famous snow-caped Rwenzori montains or
their western jazz style? Or is the most special
thing their “pet names”?
The pet names are so much embeded in the
Tooro culture that everyone born or married
in Tooro adopts them. Among children it is
punishable to call an elder by their religious
or traditional name because it is a sign of
disrespect and indiscpline. Batooro use pet
names to greet, praise, show gratitude or ask
for favors from people.
The first eleven pet names or empaako are
Bbala, Abbooki, Abwooli, Acaali, Adyeeri,
Akiiki, Amooti, Apuuli, Araali, Ateenyi, Atwooki.
However, the 12th pet name Okaali is reserved
for the king only. He is the only Mutooro with
two pet names. Upon becoming a king, no
matter what his pet name was before, he takes
Amooti used to greet him on an everyday basis
and Okaali used only on special ocassions,
traditional ceremonies and rituals.
Surprisingly, the pet names do not mean
anything in Tooro culture! They originated from
the Luo who invaded Bunyoro – which Toro
was part of – and assimilated them into their
language. Empaako were tagged with special
Luo meanings, for instance Akiiki means saviour
of nations, Abwooli is a cat, Apuuli is a bitch
and Ateenyi is the legendary serpent of River
Muziizi – which separates today’s Bunyoro and
Toro Kingdoms.
The Batooro share many cultural traits with
Banyoro, including pet names, because Tooro
Kingdom was originally a province of Bunyoro-
Kitara until 1830 when Prince Kaboyo rebelled
and declared Tooro independent.
Solomon Akugizibwe Apuuli
<read more //www.edirisa.org>
<the writer gets different empako’s everytime
he gets married >
buy a dog!
• If you want someone who doesn’t care
if you are fat or thin, young or old…..
buy a dog.
• If you want someone who will bring you
the paper without first tearing it apart to remove
the sports section............
buy a dog.
• If you want someone willing to make
a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing
you............
buy a dog.
• If you want someone who will eat
whatever you put in front of him and never says
its not quite as good as his mother made
buy a dog.
• If you want someone always willing to
go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever
you want………..
buy a dog.
• If you want someone who will never
touch the remote, doesn’t give a darn about
football, and can sit next to you as you watch
romantic movies….
buy a dog.
• If you want someone who is content to
get up on your bed just to warm your feet and
whom you can push off if he snores……
buy a dog.
• If you want someone who never
criticizes what you do, who doesn’t care if you
are pretty or ugly…..
buy a dog.
• If you want someone who acts as
if every word you say is especially worthy of
listening to, and loves you unconditionally,
perpetually………….
buy a dog.
• But, on the other hand, If you want
someone who will never come when you call,
ignores you totally when you come home,
leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you,
runs around all night and only comes home
to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire
existence is solely to ensure his happiness.
Then my friend, buy a cat!by Chêêm Allân<the writer will definately be apologising
to someone when she reads this>22 23
July 2011
I was thus surprised to check the leading daily
newspapers the following day and note that
this story was missing. Did they not attend the
function at which the Deputy Governor made
this pronouncement or were they just indifferent
to the matter on a whole. Well, because of that
and also due to lack of any sort of notice on
the Bank of Uganda website I cannot deduce
deeper the purpose this is supposed to do
to help with the stabilisation of the freefalling
shilling but my guess is the Central Bank hopes
the commercial banks will use it as their base
in foreign currency transactions and this shall
somewhat curb the short term fluctuations of
the shilling.
The dollar hit the 2,500shs mark against the
dollar last week (2,630shs on 28/June/2011)
and this was after a flurry of activity in the forex
market sparked off by the Governor’s interview
It is kind of absurd that the Governor who called Mr. Museveni a Marxist has
resorted to socialist principles for the institution he heads, the Bank of Uganda
– Central Bank, is from 1 July 2011to begin publishing a monthly “Central Bank
Rate” which shall be used as a base for lending to commercial banks. This was
announced by the Deputy Governor – Louis Kasekende on 23 June 2011.
with the Financial Times two weeks back. The
central bank managed to salvage the shilling
by selling an undisclosed amount of dollars in
the market my guess is over 30million dollars
since this is how much is claimed to have been
bought out of the market after the Ugandan
newspapers re-run the story.
It is these short term fluctuations coupled with
our lack of dollar reserves since they were used
in jet purchasing that I think Governor has come
up with this ludicrous plan of setting a Base
Exchange rate for the market each month.
If Uganda is to attain its ambition of becoming
a middle income country then it will have to
reign in on the depreciation of its shilling. With
Uganda being a net importer and the Balance
of Payments as announced by the Minister
at her reading of the Budget Speech shows
that we spent 1.8times more on imports than
we earned on exports. The depreciation of
the shilling when also looked at from 1990 to
2010 shows a very marked depreciation with it
having been Shs.440 in July 1990 and by July
2010 it was Shs. 2303.93 or depreciation by
413% over the period or an average of 21%
per year. This depreciation clearly works into
the prices of the products we are importing
and together with the imported inflation adds
onto the already burdensome price inflation we
are currently facing.
Therefore with all this in the back of our minds
and the future we desire of being a sub-Saharan
nation with middle-income status by 2016, the
monetary tool best put forward by the world
acclaimed economists at the Central Bank is
not enough to curtail the freefall of the shilling.
Many nations have some sort of foreign
currency regulation which in a way tries to
restrict the movement of foreign currency in
the economy and they include Brazil, Russia,
India, China, South Africa, Malaysia, Argentina,
Cuba, Egypt, Morocco, Namibia and Nigeria.
I particularly looked at the regulations in Brazil
and South Africa. These two have been said
to be the most “emergent” of the emerging
economies and are part of the five nation
acronym of BRICS.
Republic of South Africa
The country has an Exchange Control authority
that is charged with the responsibility of carrying
out various foreign exchange controls in South
Africa. The country has some interesting
controls in place including limitations on
amounts of foreign currency that can be taken
out of the economy if not part of normal trade
operations.
The Republic has restrictions on investments
made out of the country, for instance. This
is because these investments would require
foreign exchange to be purchased from the
South African market. Corporate institutions
for instance are restricted from investing
more than R1 billion for rest of the world
and R 2billion for African countries except
Lesotho, Namibia and Swaziland which have
no limit for their membership of the Common
Monetary Area. Institutional investors (including
Collective Investment Schemes, Mutual Funds)
are restricted to 20% of their investment
portfolio and 15% for institutions like long-term
insurance funds and retirement funds.
For trade purchases (imports) the Exchange
Control limits advance payments up to 33.33%
(a third) of the factory cost prior to shipment.
Other controls in place include limits to
individuals of amounts that can be remitted
out of the country to R750,000 for individuals,
R1.5million for a family as a unit and R1million
of personal effects.
It is these and more controls in place that
maintains the countries exchange against
the dollar other major world currencies to
a reasonable amount that has enabled the
country’s manufacturing industry to flourish.
Brazil
Brazil has had a long history of foreign
exchange controls most of which were Decrees
by its many military leaders and these have
been retained or modified to suit its current
economic situation. A series of events led to
the first foreign exchange control Decree in
1931 and these were the NYSE crash of 1929
that led to drop of commodity prices including
Brazilian coffee, the 1930 Brazilian revolution
of Getulio Vargas and the 1931 devaluation of
the Pound Sterling following its abandonment
of the Gold Standard. The Decree was made
24
July 2011
their own countries and earnings received from
exports.
The government through the Central Bank
needs also to put in place several measures
that can efficiently monitor the actual numbers
of imports and exports resulting in foreign
currency outflow and inflow for much better
decision making. The controls put in place by
the BRICS though frowned upon by the IMF and
most international investors in those countries
have actually been one of the greatest factors
that have enabled them to become BRICS.
Uganda as such needs to implement some
sort of control over this market in order to get
back control of the currencies in circulation
in the country most especially the foreign
currency. It is my view that it should be made
illegal for residents, bodies incorporated in
Uganda and individuals, to charge in foreign
currency for transactions made with other
individuals and corporate bodies resident in
Uganda. All transactions should be charged
using the national legal tender, Uganda shilling
except for transactions of export. It is after all
illegal to deny receipt of payment in Uganda
shillings if transacting business in the territories
of Uganda. It should thus then be the risk of
the supplier within the territories of Uganda to
bare if at all they would like to maintain foreign
currency.
Other control measures that the country needs
to put in place include the monitoring of imports
which in my view and extensive audits of some
companies have revealed that most of these
companies are simply repatriating income
through making payments for goods that may
never actually enter the economy or by paying
more for goods to related companies abroad.
by Rafayili Kayigwa<The writer is the leading
economic analyst in the country. true story>
to limit the free exchange of currencies in Brazil
and introduced a monopoly in the Bank of Brazil
in order to control the inequitable distribution of
foreign exchange. This led to a flurry of other
Decrees and laws which by 2003 a variant of
these was still in effect.
Brazil after going through all these rules and
regulations finally settled for an ICT system
Siscomex and Sisbacen to record all exports
and imports in order to acquire licenses of
export and import. It requires an exporter to
record various information including the type,
quantity, classification and description of goods
as well as terms of payment. Shipment has to
be done within 60days else the export license
is cancelled automatically. Payment is followed
up with receipt of foreign currency in the bank
by quoting the export license reference no.
Proceeds without a reference identifier are
automatically flagged and export licenses
which aren’t cleared in the 180 days from the
point of shipping then it is considered a loan
with interest due.
The imports also have to be recorded in the
Siscomex system with it generating an import
license. Advance payments of imports are
allowed up to 180days beyond which if goods
have not been received in the country the
import has to repatriate the foreign currency.
The government controls on imports are to
curtail import of unwanted commodities like
guns, drugs etc as well as avoiding tax evasion
by over invoicing and foreign exchange evasion
by over invoicing (repatriation of forex in guise
of imports).
These two countries have put in place controls
over their foreign currency exchange markets
to essentially insulate the effect of foreign
currency demands on the depreciation of their
currencies ultimately affecting the inflation in
Is global warming the real problem, or are we faced with something else?
When some one talks about global dimming, it sounds stupid, given the highly publicized directly opposite phenomenon of global warming.
You are about to find out something that’s very shocking.
By definition, global dimming is the gradual reduction in the amount of direct solar radiation reaching the earth’s surface, thus causing a possible
reduction in atmospheric temperature
The concept of global dimming was once
hinted on by Dr.Gerry Stanhill (a meteorologist),
who made some startling observations when
he repeated sunlight experiments first made
in the 1950’s. He discovered that there was a
22% reduction in sunlight between the 1950’s
and 1980’s. His published results made little
impact o¬n the scientific community. Many
scientists dismissed the ‘evidence’ since it
conflicted with the effect of global warming.
They were skeptical about his measurements.
The use of fossil fuel, besides producing
greenhouse gases (that contribute to global
warming), creates other by-products such
as sulphur dioxide, soot, and ash. These are
pollutants, and they cause the properties of
clouds to change. Clouds are formed when
water droplets are seeded by air-borne
particles, such as pollen. Polluted air results
in clouds with larger number of droplets than
unpolluted clouds. This then makes those
clouds more reflective. In effect, more of the
sun’s heat and energy is reflected back into
space, instead of reaching the earth’s surface.
This reduction of heat reaching the earth is
known as Global Dimming.
The most profound piece of evidence of this
phenomenon is the observation that was
made by scientists during the three days after
the 9/11 attacks o¬n the World Trade Centre.
For 15 years Dr David Travis (University of
Wisconsin, Whitewater) had been researching
an apparently obscure topic, whether the vapor
trails left by aircrafts were having a significant
effect on the climate. In the aftermath of 9/11
the entire US fleet was grounded, and Travis
finally had a chance to find out. He wasn’t
disappointed. It was observed that the change
in temperature range during those three days
increased by 1 degree centigrade. From a
27
July 2011
Um
eme,
and
dog
han
ging
...W
hen
Um
eme
guys
get
bor
ed,
they
tur
n of
f ou
r lig
hts.
The
n th
ey t
ease
us
by p
layi
ng w
ith t
he s
witc
hes
so t
hat
the
light
s co
me
on t
hen
off,
like
that
like
climatic point of view, this is a huge change in
a time as short as three days. No one had ever
seen such a big climatic change happen so fast.
Before this incident, most scientists had even
never heard of the phenomenon, yet after the
occurrence, it meant that all their predictions
about the future of the world climate could
have been wrong.
Another piece of evidence is from long-term
measurements of Pan Evaporation Rates
(measured by topping up a ‘pan’ with water,
to determine the amount of evaporation that
has occurred in the previous 24 hours), which
have indicated that evaporation rates have
fallen. Dr Farquhar (Australia) and Dr. Roderick
provide evidence for this phenomenon.
This is an apparent paradox because as the
average global temperature increases, the pan
evaporation rate actually decreases. Yet, it
was found that the rise of temperature is not
the main factor in the evaporation rate. The
amount of sunlight reaching the surface of the
earth was found to be the main contributory
that, until they are satisfied and they put our
lights back. On such occassions I sing away
my misery with war songs like ‘stand up stand
up for Jesus ye soldiers of the cross’ and other
menacing ones.
Today though my guitar snapped a wire and
I had to bare with melodies. But that is for
another hour.
Meanwhile, my neighbour’s dogs have become
unruly and are eating animals they are not
supposed to eat. (CHICKEN!) Such a dog is a
disgrace to other dogs for aspiring to be like
humans. Someone suggested hanging them.
I feel for the poor dogs. I don’t blame the
neighbours.
by David Okia <The writer got a cat>
factor for the evaporation process.
Further evidence of the concept was provided
in a nature article, entitled “Evaporation losing
its strength”, which revealed that Russia,
United States and Eastern Europe all exhibited
reduced evaporation rates. This amounted to
100 mm of water in the last 30 years. When Dr
Farquhar (Australia) and Dr. Roderick analyzed
this data they arrived at the conclusion that the
drop in evaporation rate was consistent with
the reduction in the solar radiation reaching the
surface of Earth.
A final piece of evidence comes from
atmospheric experiments carried out in the
Maldives in the 1990s, which revealed that the
effect of particulates in the atmosphere from
India resulted in a 10% reduction in sunlight
reaching the surface beneath the pollution
cloud
By GUNNERNKOSA
<The writer is an Agricultural, Energy and
Environmental Engineer>
29
July 2011
Yesterday was my last day at work! It was a
difficult day, mainly because it was both exciting
and nerve wracking. I had been contemplating
giving up my job for so long and felt like it
would never come and then it did and it was
sad and heartbreaking leaving the children
and yet exciting and nerving to be embarking
upon my own. I will really miss my colleagues
and the children and it was a hard decision to
make, especially as i’ve had lots of fun there,
but I am still secure in that it was the right one
for me. Although working with children is great
and rewarding, the pay doesn’t come with it
and there is no way that I could live on what
I earnt there, even with us having a flat mate.
I’m also looking forward to embarking on my
own as I have a lot more freedom now, rather
than having to work six days a week and every
one of those evenings. Its going to be fun, but
a little scary to think that I am relying purely on
myself now! I’m not around much of the next
two weeks either, so so much for being self
employed! I’m off to Bath with my friend on
Monday and Tuesday and then at the weekend
I am going to Yorkshire for a massage course
and to visit the family. Although i’m not here
much next week, I already have ten clients
lined up, which is great!
My first set of plans for the business is getting
attending the courses, revamping the website
further, promoting my facebook page, getting
my taxes sorted out and getting that put in,
just so I know what tax I owe. Also, joining the
network group, although thats not meeting
until the end of June. Also, sort out going along
to an exercise class. I also need to look at more
ways to promote the business, although I have
a meeting with the university soon and my
article coming out soon, then the networking
groups too, so that should help give me ideas
for promoting the business.
1dayof beingofficially selfemployed!
I also got a nice surprise cheque that I wasn’t
expecting. I have received two cheques from
work recently, one for just over £500 and the
other for almost £700. The £700 cheque I am
putting away for tax and national insurance.
The £500 I am using for money for next week
as its this weeks wages and some holiday
pay. It then leaves me with £250 left so will be
chucking some of it off the long list of things i
want to do, with £150 going towards my costs
for the Thailand expedition. Very happy with the
payout I got, as I wasn’t expecting it at all, so
was very pleased:-)
Talking of Thailand, fundraising is going so so,
the charity have said that cake stalls aren’t
that great in city centre’s due to the health and
safety, but are great at work places, however I
don’t know of anyone who works in an office
space or anything. I had been relying upon
this one, so am a little dissapointed about it.
But then, this time next year I should hopefully
have better contacts, so I shouldn’t get too
worried about it. On a positive note, I have sold
a book on amazon for the charity, which has
made £15 profit for the charity, which is great.
My massage tunic has several watchers and
finishes in two days time. I have also spoken to
friends and they are up for doing a sponsored
walk along the itchen way in Winchester,
Hampshire, so we should be able to raise a bit
from that, especially if everyone can get around
£50 sponsorship or if we can get more people
to do it with us. One of my client’s does nordic
walking with a group of friends and I might
see if they would be interested in joining the
sponsored event, especially if there is a free
footmassage at the end from yours trully!
I’m going to get the rest of the stuff stuck
on ebay in a couple of weeks, so hopefully I
can get some sales from that. I will continue
to look at my sponsorship challenges and try
and arrange somthing for them and just keep
pushing it ahead. My mum has put the charity
tins back in the shop, so they will be collecting
money for the charity again, every little penny
helps after all. I still have the money here to
put in the bank so I can put it in my account,
but will do that soon and then I will put my
giving page on my website and show how my
business is supporting the charity. If anyone
has any fundraising suggestions, they are most
welcome!
It was my 28th birthday the other day which
was not great and I didn’t like the prospect of
getting older, so it was just a bit of a flop as
nothing was planned etc! However today I got
thinking about how on the 23rd June I will have
lived my ‘chosen life’ for ten years and it would
be nice to mark it in some way.
On the 23rd June 2001 I set off from my home
in a little town to go volunteering, having no set
plans for after the two week voluntary stint and
never returned to it! I went from having done
nothing, to really seeing the world and seeing
what life was like and leaving my old life behind.
I have some amazing, funny, happy, sweet, life
changing moments from the past ten years and
so it would be nice to remember how much has
happened in the past ten years and how much
I have to be thankful for. So I will celebrate this
‘second birthday’ by some marked way, not
sure how yet, but I do have some ideas.
Not much to report on the goals front, obviously
over the next two weeks I will get some goals
completed, what with going to Bath and then
going to the Deep with my mum for my birthday
treat and then the pinata.
By Dannie< myultimatelifelist.blogspot.com>
30
July 2011
I am a coward we just sit back and wait for things to run their
course. You want change? Go out and seek it.
But like many of you nodding as you read this
article, I am a coward. After I am done writing
this, I will post it on my face book wall, and
then I will pull my covers and sleep. After you
are done reading this, you will like the article,
maybe post a comment in agreement, or even
just ignore it and go back to your daily activity.
It will not even cross my mind that something
as small as a face book page dedicated to
redeeming our country can have a great
impact. I will not remember how the Egyptians
got courage and strength to do what they did
from a social site. No. I, like most of you, will
subconsciously accept my cowardly ways and
hope that people like Besigye who are willing
to go the extra mile and then some for this
country, scratch that; for MY country, will have
to bear the burden on his own.
I have a dream that one day; Ugandans will be
allowed to demonstrate freely on issues that
concern politics and poor governance.
I have a dream that one day, we shall have a
president that will look beyond his ranch and
realize that he is there to serve his people.
I dream of lots of great things for MY country,
but in all that..
I HAVE A DREAM THAT ONE DAY I WILL HAVE
THE COURAGE TO TAKE ACTION.
by Sara Chocolat Akelly <The writer is no longer
a coward. Someone kill that rat below her chair
so that she can come down.>
that I am insignificant and that any attempt on
my part to stand up and out rightly condemn
such actions will point the arrow in my direction
and put me in danger. I let all these justifications
allow me to move on with my life; after all, this
is not happening to me or my family. But there
is something I forget. People are suffering that
I may have a good life. Those people I watch
on news; they are ordinary people like me, who
have decided to take a stand. I forget that it
could be me walking on the streets minding
my own business, when suddenly I am caught
in the crossfire, seeing as no one stood up to
condemn such things. Bullets are the norm
when any demonstration concerning politics
is held. Bullets are the norm when unarmed
civilians abandon their cars to walk. Bullets are
the norm when unarmed civilians enter their
cars to exercise their freedom to do something
as simple as drive to a bank. ‘Bullets, teargas,
batons, paper sprays, sniffer dogs; let us bring
them all out at once for these fierce savages
throwing pebbles in protest of prices the
government has no control over, and while we
are at it, we can call in the military as well.’ That
is what they tell themselves behind the doors
of power.
I am saddened. What hurts the most is
hearing our very own entrusted politicians try
to justify such actions. When will we ever take
responsibility for these evils? When is enough
really enough? We all say, the time will come.
When will it come? Change cannot come if
It is about 2.30am, the morning of 30th.04.2011.
I have been lying awake in my bed for over
3hours now, having been robbed of sleep.
The events of the past few days still fresh in
my mind, as the pictures all over the news
flash before my eyes. Our very own Ugandan
inhumanely insulted and brutally abused as an
unjustified arrest takes place. Let us strip him
of his titles and all that he has accomplished
that has enabled him be held in high regard as
an Opposition leader. Let us look at him as one
of us. A man born of flesh and blood. A man
of our heritage. Once looked at as a symbol
of strength, now reduced to a shriveled man
as he tries to hide his face from the tear gas
being emptied into his car. Tears are coming
to my eyes. I cry not just for this injustice, but
for the fact that this is allowed to happen. Who
does that to a human being? How do you
sleep at night? How do you go back home and
kiss your wife and kids, and expect the latter
to want to grow up and be just like you? But
worst of all, how do you tell yourself that what
you are doing is right? How do you live with
yourself?
I am a coward. Like the hundreds of you
reading this behind your computers, I am a
coward. I watch and see what is going on. I
complain to my colleagues in our political
discussions, and I update my status regularly,
but when it has died down, I go back to my
daily life. I convince myself that I am but one
person and I can do nothing. I convince myself
don’t let real music die
You say Justin Bieber --- I say ---------- Tupac
You say Lil Wayne --- I say --------------- Dr Dre
You say Drake --- I say ----------- Biggie Smalls
You say Soulja Boy --- I say ------------ Big Pun
You say Gucci Mane --- I say --------- Ice Cube
You say Nick Minaj --- I say -------- Queen Pen
You say Beyonce --- I say ------- Queen Latifah
You say Lady Gaga --- I say ------------ Da Brat
You say New school -- I say -- shut the fuck up
You say Pop --- I scream -------------- Hip Hop!
You say Hannah Montana --- I fucking punch
you in the face
92% of music lovers have turned to New school
and Pop.
If you are part of the 8% that still listen to real
music, yo the bomb! Don’t let the real music
die!
by Luca Blasi <the writer knows music>
32 33
July 2011
the buffalo theory.
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as
the slowest buffalo. And, when the herd
is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first. This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole,
because the general speed and health of the
whole group keeps improving by the regular
killing o...f the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can
only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills
brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest
and weakest brain cells first. In this way,
regular consumption of beer in the right kind of
quantities(and this differs from one individual to
another owing to significant differences in DNA
composition) eliminates the weaker brain cells,
making the brain a faster and more efficient
machine!
That’s why you(those in the know) always feel
smarter after a few beers.
by Tashobya Davis <the writer deserves to be
shot. Guiness will do.>
34
July 2011
The Gender of a ComputerA SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her
class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are
designated as either masculine or feminine.
‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la Casa.’
‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’
A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split
the class into two groups, male and female,
and asked them to decide for themselves
whether computer’ should be a masculine or a
feminine noun. Each group was asked to give
four reasons for its recommendation.
The men’s group decided that ‘computer’
should definitely be of the feminine gender (‘la
computadora’), because:
1... No one but their creator understands their
internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate
with other computers is incomprehensible to
everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long
term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one,
you find yourself spending half your paycheck
on accessories for it.
(this gets better!)
The women’s group, however, concluded
that computers should beMasculine (‘el
computador’), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have
to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for
themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve
problems, but half the time they ARE the
problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize
that if you had waited a little longer, you could
have gotten a better model.
The women won.
by Hiraa Mazha
<the writer is a biased teacher. reminds me of the high school teacher who said that Denzel Washington in Training day was simply misunderstood>
welcome to the 21st century...
Communication ............................................... Wireless
Phones ........................................................... Cordless
Cooking ........................................................... Fireless
Food ................................................................. Fatless
Sweets ......................................................... Sugarless
Labour ........................................................... Effortless
Relations ......................................................... Fruitless
Attitude .......................................................... Careless
Feelings ......................................................... Heartless
Politics ......................................................... Shameless
Education ..................................................... Worthless
Mistakes ....................................................... Countless
Arguments ..................................................... Baseless
Youth ............................................................... Jobless
Ladies .............................................................. Topless
Boss .............................................................. Brainless
Jobs ............................................................. Thankless
Needs .............................................................. Endless
Situation ........................................................ Hopeless
Salaries ...................................................... Less & Less
PROTESTS .................................................. USE LESS
36 37
for IT support and the best hardware trouble shooting skills in the country
call: +256 772 888 183
\Base 2\
July 2011
EVENTS, ADS AND EVERYTHING ELSE
38
birthday shoutouts to:
Martin 26 July # Joan Uwamungu 26 July
# Ssekyewa Denis 26 July # Caesar Kakuru
27 July # Bakashaba Baker Kahima 27 July
# Jachan Martin 27 July # Nambasa Joyce
27 July # Lutalo Bossa 27 July # Michael
Carsuelay 27 July * Patrick Nyeko 28
July * Semambo Jerome Paul 28 July
* Carolyn Mugabi 29 July * Gonzaga
Ntege 29 July * Kenan Douglas 29
July * Tracy Ekuka Atim 30 July *
Della Louise 31 July * Maka Blaze 31
July * Johnnie Ns Papa 31 July *
Bejöùrz Jackie 31 July * Henry Nyenje
Senungi 01 August * Muwooya D
Muwooya 01 August * Brooks Electrics
02 August * Jacque Kasoma 02
August * Cathie Namutebi 03 August *
Mwebaza Peter 03 August * Simon D.
Wanyama 03 August * Rukundo Oscar
03 August * Joan Komugisha 04
August * Benjamin Mukasa 04 August#
Knank Jay04 August # Ronald S Mudembu
04 August •# Jay Torach 05 August# Orach
Francis Oyat 07 August # Okumu-Ringa
Maureen 07 August # Aaron Aisu 07 August
# Anesha Mirembe 08 August # Joe Kakande
08 August # Kabarwani Angella 08 August #
Nimusiima Evas 08 August # Arnold Babasa
10 August # Daiblo Gunene 10 August #
Charlene Fitzwell Kamikazi 10 August # Nixon
Niyonzima 10 August # Ezra Ra 10 August
# Ken Rogers Kasumba 10 August #Agnes
Kyomugisha 11 August # Balla Christopher
11 August # Guster Bukenya 11 August • #
Hassan Ali Rimex 11 August
* Michael Paul * Katandi Mercilus
Opio * Matthew Rukaari * Edgar
Muhumuza * Anky Ruby * Ngeci
Muchiri * Pumla Nabachwa * Were
Richard * Morris Ndekwe * John
Kalyesubula 11 July * Muwazi Daniel
11 July * Kakuru Caleb 12 July *
Paulsen Hall 12 July * Alan Arrington
13 July * Heavensent Anita 13 July *
Axel PapaBear Benjamin 14 July * Ali
Taha 14 July * Gloria Habu 14 July
* Dean MA 15 July * Linda Tusiime
16 July# Nahida Bhegani 16 July # Anchil
Geatan 17 July # Bida Francis Mozeh 17 July
# Peter Hadoto 17 July # Alan Ssenyonga
18 July # Hudson William 18 July # Thomas
Mutete 18 July # Kasabiiti B. Ntambirweki
18 July # Wouter van den Brand 18 July #
Eric KéBa 19 July # Jeffta Kwangwari 20
July # Judith Biryabarema 20 July # Edward
Hire Yosia 21 July # Andrew Semanda 21
July # Musiimenta Doreen 21 July # Denis K
Lugoloobi 22 July # JozyzBoutique LadyBoss
22 July # Niwagaba Peter 22 July # Pamela
Achii 22 July # Kuiper Rasx 23 July #
Kiwolu James 23 July • # Lydia Logose 23
July # Dan Kater 24 July # Mujuzi Ken
Ronald 24 July # Andrew Odong 25 July #
Daniel Higz 25 July # Herbert Kwizera 25 July
# Isiagi Moses 25 July # Pasawan Yupasee
25 July # Senfuma Michael 25 July # Rodney
Twagarukaho Bagamba 26 July # Agaba
Arthur Mwanje and Lovisa
Chrispin’s LAUNCH (Wedding Meetings)
7 July • 14:30 - 17:30 at Barbecue
Lounge (Centenary Park) Kampala
Youth fest’ 11- Uganda’s largest
youth festival 22 July at 09:30 - 23 July at
21:00 at Kololo Airstrip, Kampala
Bayimba Regional Festival of the
Arts- Mbale 30 July at 12:00 - 31 July at
00:00 at African Golden Gardens
Bugolobi Annual Youth
Conference 2011 Theme: “REBUILDING
THE WALLS” Nehemiah 2:3-5 21 August
at 18:30 - 27 August at 12:00 at Seroma
Christian Highschool, Mukono
MAURICE KIRYA live in
KAMPALA...2nd/SEPT/2011... at
SERENA HOTEL
MILEGE CONCERT ::::....
REPAINTING UGANDA 2011 30
September • 19:00 - 21:00 at Kampala
Serena Hotel
Uganda Cranes Vs Kenya
Harrambe Stars 08 October • 14:00
- 18:00 at Mandela National Stadium,
Namboole
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