dealing with difficult people

dealing with difficult people

fellownegotiator

policy geek

blogger

my point:have a goalthree challengesbe a model

<1>

goal?

become an expert?

make friends?

gain insight?

share ideas?

market yourself?

become an expert?

make friends?

gain insight?

community

share ideas?

market yourself?

<any?>

community

fun

engaged

active

forgiving

interesting

fun

engaged

active

forgiving

interesting

and…

© 2003 The New Yorker Collection from cartoonbank.com. All Rights Reserved.

our goal?

it is not enough that I am right

they must also be wrong

<2>

weak relationships

+

blunt communication mediums

weak relationships

+

blunt communication mediums

=

dangerous assumptions

example

I didn’t say you were stupid

I didn’t say you were stupid

I didn’t say you were stupid

I didn’t say you were stupid

I didn’t say you were stupid

dangerous assumptions

I have the relevant information

I have the relevant information

If they knew what I knew, they’d think differently

I have the relevant information

If they knew what I knew, they’d think differently

They’re probably crazy, stupid or evil (or all of the

above)

<3>

model behaviour

influence your community

WHAT WE CONTROL:▬ how we behave▬ how we allow

others to affect

our behaviour

WHAT WE CONTROL:▬ how we behave▬ how we allow

others to affect

our behaviour

WHAT WE INFLUENCE:▬ others behaviour ▬ our relationship▬ the results

be curious

SHARE

ASK

SHARE

ASK

SHARE

ASK

My Conclusions

My Interpretations Their Interpretations

Data I noticed Data they noticed

DATA POOL

Their Conclusions

From Argyris & Schon

Courtesy of Common Outlook Consulting

considered response

1.Inquire:▬ Asking questions to learn

information

2.Acknowledge:▬ Of their view or feelings

(without agreeing, per se)

3.Advocate:▬ Explaining your point of view

set rules

key thoughts

1. you are the leader of your community

key thoughts

2. shape your posts

key thoughts

3. consider your reaction

key thoughts

4. don’t be afraid delete

key thoughts

5. remember you too are a difficult person

David Eaves

david@eaves.ca

www.eaves.ca

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