How could you improve the email (letter) below?

VA FEEDBACK

Extending ideas

LO: how can I improve my response for the Writing section of the exam?LO: how can I improve my response for the Writing section of the exam?

C/W 20th May

Did I get your level right?Highlight the different sentence types

School Librarian

School Librarian

Hardworking, polite

Like reading

Play sports

Book monitor in Primary School

Want to be an English teacher when I am

older

How do you plan?

School Librarian

1. Hardworking, polite

Like reading

Play sports

Book monitor in Primary School

Want to be an English teacher when I am

older

How do you plan?

School Librarian

1. Hardworking, polite

1. Like reading

Play sports

Book monitor in Primary School

Want to be an English teacher when I am

older

How do you plan?

School Librarian

1. Hardworking, polite

1. Like reading

Play sports

2. Book monitor in Primary School

Want to be an English teacher when I am

older

How do you plan?

School Librarian

1. Hardworking, polite

1. Like reading

3. Play sports

2. Book monitor in Primary School

Want to be an English teacher when I am

older

How do you plan?

School Librarian

1. Hardworking, polite

1. Like reading

3. Play sports

2. Book monitor in Primary School

4. Want to be an English teacher when

I am older

How do you plan?

Introduction?

Conclusion?

Dear Mrs Carew,

I am emailing you regarding the position of pupil-librarian. I would very much like to be considered for the role and believe I have all the characteristics to be a success.

In conclusion, I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my letter and I hope to hear from you soon.

Yours Faithfully, ___________

Dear Mrs Carew,

I am emailing you regarding the position of pupil-librarian. I would very much like to be considered for the role and believe I have all the characteristics to be a success.

Firstly,

Secondly/Also,

Thirdly/In addition/Furthermore

In conclusion, I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my letter and I hope to hear from you soon.

Yours Faithfully, ___________

VA FEEDBACK

Extending ideasOrganising ideasSentence structure: accurate, ambitious and varied

How could you improve the email (letter) below?