Impacting Kids Who are Angry, Withdrawn, or Superficial

NW Ministries Conference 2019

“Every kid needs someone to run to that won’t run away”

Me

Romans 12:2 (NIV)2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Conforming to a pattern

Fight

Flight

Freeze

OR…Pleasure

“A plan in the heart of a man is like a deep water, but a man of understanding draws it out.”

King Solomon - Proverbs 20:5

LEVELS OF COMMUNICATIONSilent Listening

Advising

Questioning

Paraphrasing

Supporting

Analyzing

Evaluating

You Are Capable

You Need Me

Empathizing

Adapted from Tim Alexander’s summary of: Adler, Ronald B., Lawrence B. Rosenfeld, and Russell F. Proctor. Interplay: The Process of Interpersonal Communication. New York: Oxford UP, 2004. Print.

OUR TARGET

“I’m interested in you as a person, and I think that what you feel is important. I respect your thoughts, and even if I don’t agree with them, I know they are valid for you. I want to understand you. I think you’re worth listening to, and I want you to know that I’m the kind of person you can talk to.” by Carl R. Rogers

GENDER DIFFERENCES

Males

▸ Prefer “shoulder to shoulder” communication. ▸ Have a sense of honor in confrontation.

▸ In conflict need respectful communication.

Females

▸ Prefer “face to face” communication.

▸ Confront to connect.

▸ In conflict need loving communication.

Eggerichs, Emerson. Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs. Nashville, TN: Integrity ;, 2004. Print.

WARNING:Generalities*

*Yourpersonalexperiencemayvary

IT SEEMS LIKE…KEY PHRASE

AFFIRMATIONS

• Goal: Encourage repeating behavior • Use descriptive phrases rather than “empty”

phrases like good job • Process versus the end product • Say what you saw • Talk less, ask more questions • External to internal • Avoid labels

IT’S NOT PERSONAL

REMOVE THE AUDIENCE

YOU HAVE TIME

VALIDATE WHAT YOU CAN

and

DON’T BUY THE DRAMA

BE CAREFUL WITH HUMOR

KEY AREAS TO LEAD

� Voice � Visual � Body Language

MATCH AND MIRROR

AVOID DANGER AREAS

� Protect your reputations � No secrets � No visual privacy � Accountability

IF ONLY ONE THING?

NEXT STEP

▸ Email Follow-up

▸ NWMincon to 44222

▸ Sign-up sheet

▸ projectpatch.org/nwmincon

▸ chuck@projectpatch.org

CONNECT

www.projectpatch.org

Facebook.com/projectpatch

@projectpatch & @chuckhagele

360-690-8495

TodaysFamilyExperience.com