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the Pas, OCN, Cranberry Portage, Flin Flon, wanless, wabowden, Nelson house, Lynn Lake, Leaf Rapids, Norway house, Cross Lake, Snow Lake, thompson, Gillam, Ponton, Split Lake, Grand Rapids, easterville, AshernPublished Monthly by local businesses and distributed thru out the Communities of Northern Manitoba
issue # 4 - February - March 2012
is Northern Manitoba a homeland to
SALe
PPage age 1188
One night, quite a few years ago, a buddy and
I where out in Carrot Valley and decided to stop
in the gravel pits at the border cause we had to
use the outdoor facilities. So we drove in and
went around the big pile of gravel at the end and
came a little ways back towards the highway. We
both jumped out of the vehicle and began to do
what we needed to do when we heard something
scream that absolutely scared the crap out of us.
The only way I can describe the scream is it
was like a woman screaming in horror. It was
also tremendously loud like it was screaming
right beside you. It echoed through the bush and
after the 2nd scream we jumped in the vehicle
and drove out of there. We basically were expect-
ing to see someone walk out of the bush with an
axe or something after just murdering someone
cause the scream sounded like someone just
screeching.
I have listened to screams on YouTube and
have heard similar screams to the one me and
my buddy heard. I have also talked with people
who say they have had encounters with a Big-
foot or Sasquatch and say that they have heard
the same thing (they are many stories from the
Mooselake Road).
Now, I have heard people say that rabbits do
make a scream when they are injured. And I
have also been told that cats such as cougars or
bobcats will give off a scream. And even foxes
have an eerie scream as continued on page 10
RUMbLe ON the ReZ
FebRUARY 11th
G.L.M.C. OPASkwAYAk CRee NAtiON
M ore info. on P a g e 21
Mystery Sasquatch Circulation 12,000
page 2
A Non Profit PublicationPublished Monthly by local businesses and distributed
thru out the Communities of Northern Manitobato place an Ad please call: 1-204-800-1300
and leave a message
Just like a flyer
An Ottawa-based architect is pro-
posing a housing solution for northern
First Nations.
Andy Thomson is part of a group
of concerned citizens working on a
plan for better housing in the North.
He said shipping houses to the region
is like paying to move a big box of air.
So he's come up with lightweight pan-
els that can be easily assembled on-
site, even without skilled labour.
Thomson, who bills himself as a
green building designer, said he's de-
veloping patents for his housing
model. The model uses panels made of
lightweight, strong materials that aren't
made of any organic material, like
wood — so they won't rot. Mouldy
housing is a common problem in First
Nation communities.
The panels will simply bolt to-
gether, Thomson said, so skilled labour
isn't needed. He noted the assembly is
simpler than putting together an item
from Ikea — and will be much
cheaper to transport. The reason
houses are currently shipped pre-made
to First Nations communities, is that
skilled labour isn't always available to
construct them.
Thomson said he senses there is a
feeling of hopelessness surrounding
the housing situation. That's why he
plans on heading to Attawapiskat on
Feb. 7 to talk to kids about architecture
to start building some hope in the
younger generation.
“I get the feeling that there's a sense
of 'what's the point? Why bother?’,”
Thomson noted. “And so what we'd
like to do is [say] hey, this is some-
thing really cool, [this is] going to
happen in your community, and let's
make it work.”
Thomson is working with a group
of designers, lawyers and public serv-
ice employees to get the project mov-
ing. A law firm has donated its services
to get the housing models patented.
From there, the patent will be given to
First Nations communities.
PetroChina buys20% of b.C. Shellgas play
PetroChina Co. has agreed to buy a
20 per cent stake in Shell Oil’s
Groundbirch shale gas project in
northeastern B.C.
"PetroChina and Shell have signed
binding agreements for PetroChina to
acquire a 20 per cent interest in certain
of Shell’s 100-per-cent owned
Groundbirch lands and assets in north-
east B.C." Royal Dutch Shell CEO
Peter Voser said.
The deal is the latest in a number of
natural resource acquisitions by China,
which has moved aggressively in re-
cent years to secure deals in China and
elsewhere in the world.
In January, PetroChina bought the
entirety of the MacKay River oilsands
project from Athabasca Oil Sands
Corp. for $680 million.
Last summer PetroChina walked
away from a $5 billion deal with En-
Cana Corp. that would have seen the
former take a 50 per cent stake in the
latter's shale gas assets.
Shell's Groundbirch site has the po-
tential to produce 1 billion cubic feet
equivalents a day for 40 years.
Shell Canada declined to offer fi-
nancial details, but investment website
FinanceAsia reported PetroChina may
have paid as much as $1 billion.
Job bankwww.jobbank.gc.ca
For Jobs in the Pas & Flin Flon go to:http://www.jobbank.gc.ca/res-eng.aspx?Comm-Grouping=GMb004&OfferpPage=50&Student=No
if you have any important news you would like to share with other Northern Manitoba Communities... DO NOt heSitAte... e-mail the information to: blackbear20000@yahoo.ca (or call 1-204-800-1300)
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Wednesday 8:30am - 5:30pm
Thursday 8:30am - 5:30pm
Friday 8:30am - 5:30pm
Saturday 9:00am - 5:00pm
Sunday Closed
Architect pitches housing solution for the North
page 3
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February 24th to 26th
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Rooms are available at Reduced rate at:
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Various other tournaments as well
219 Fisher Ave. the Pas, Mb
Social networking site Facebook
is "the most terrifying machine to
spy ever invented, " in addition free
- says the founder of the website
Wikileaks Julian Assange.
- It's one of the most important in-
struments at the disposal of the U.S.
government to spy on people around
the world - said in an interview As-
sange TV RT (Russia Today), avail-
able on YouTube and discussed in the
British media.
According to the 39-year-old Aus-
tralian man whose extradition is re-
quired by Swedish authorities,
Facebook, Google and Yahoo are
connected with U.S. intelligence or-
ganizations.
- Facebook is the most detailed
database about
people, their social
and family con-
tacts, names,
addresses,
place of
current
resi-
dence,
how we
commu-
nicate. All this is available in the U.S.
and is an American intelligence organi-
zations - he noted.
- Everyone should understand that
every time when you add friends to
your Facebook profile, it becomes
free U.S. intelligence employee -
added Assange.
Manitoba ice roadsthreatened by mildweather
Northern Manitoba residents are
desperately hoping for some cold
weather, because milder than normal
temperatures are leaving the opening
of northern ice roads in doubt.
Many people in remote northern
communities use ice roads every win-
ter to get groceries and other essential
supplies transported by truck from
Winnipeg, Thompson or large towns
like Flin Flon or The Pas.
Some also drive on the roads to buy
their own groceries, which they say
would cost twice as much at home.
"Winter roads are a necessity with
the high costs of living up north, and
we all depend on the winter roads,"
said Irma Harper of St. Theresa Point,
Manitoba.
The seasonal roads, which are
built on frozen lakes as well as land,
take some time to prepare, and in a
typical year are open from mid-Janu-
ary until March.
But above-normal temperatures
across much of Manitoba so far this
winter have northern residents nerv-
FACebOOk- the most terrifying machine to spy ever invented
continued on page 9
page 4
PReVeNtiON
You might be behind the wheel, but increas-
ingly, computers control your car’s every function.
Microprocessors direct braking, acceleration
and even the horn these days. “Because they are
hidden, people don’t often understand that there
can be anywhere from 30 to 40 microprocessors
in most cars and even up to 100 different ones run-
ning different functions in some vehicles,” says
Stephan A. Tarnutzer, chief operating officer for
DGE Inc., which provides electronic designs and
consulting for auto manufacturers and suppliers.
But could a hacker compromise these sys-
tems? Recently, several news reports have raised
the issue of car-hacking risks, including:
Vehicle disablement. After a disgruntled former
employee took over a Web-based vehicle-immobi-
lization system at an Austin, Texas, car sales center,
more than 100 drivers found their vehicles had been
disabled or their horns were honking out of control.
Tire pressure system hacking. Researchers
from the University of South Carolina and Rutgers
University were able to hack into tire pressure
monitoring systems. Using readily available
equipment and free software, the researchers trig-
gered warning lights and remotely tracked a vehi-
cle through its unique monitoring system.
Disabling brakes. Researchers at the Univer-
sity of Washington and University of San Diego
created a program that would hack into onboard
computers to disable brakes and stop the engine.
The researchers connected to onboard computers
through ports for the cars’ diagnostic system.
iS YOUR CAR At RiSk?The potential for car hacking is real, although
there may not be a financial incentive for hackers
to focus on autos just yet, say the experts. “All the
malware attacks consumers are faced with every
day have financial motives behind them,” says
Ryan Smith, a principal researcher with Accuvant
Labs who finds vulnerabilities in computer systems.
Most of the danger right now may come from
hackers who want to demonstrate their prowess
and enhance their reputations, says Tarnutzer. And
the increased reliance on wireless systems -- such
as the tire pressure monitoring system -- makes
your car more vulnerable to these attacks, says
John Bambene, a security researcher with the In-
ternet Storm Center, the global cooperative com-
munity that monitors cyberthreats.
PROteCt YOUR CARFROM hACkiNG
Security is largely in the hands of auto man-
ufacturers, who are working to address con-
cerns. In the meantime, you can take these steps
to protect your vehicle:
Ask about wireless systems. Familiarize
yourself with the wireless systems if you’re
purchasing a new car, advises Bambene. For a
car you already own, you can review your man-
ual or check online. Find out if any of the sys-
tems can be operated remotely.
Ask about remote shutdown. If you’re fi-
nancing through the company from which you
purchased the vehicle, ask about remote shut-
down related to repossession. Make sure the
seller has security measures in place that con-
trol access to the system.
Go to reputable dealers and repair shops.
It’s possible for unscrupulous garages
to manipulate your car’s computer
systems, making it appear you need
repairs that aren’t actually warranted.
Don’t cut corners when it comes to
choosing a dealer or repair shop.
Protect your information. Of course, lock-
ing your car is always wise. And if you use On-
Star - the GM - owned auto security and
information service - make sure you don’t leave
OnStar-related documents or your password in
the car, says John Luludis, president and co-
founder of Superior Tech Solutions, an IT
provider, and a former car industry tech execu-
tive. Since OnStar can remotely shut off your
engine if you report the vehicle stolen, for
quick recovery of your vehicle if it’s stolen.
Also OnStar is the best
system on the market
against hacker attacks.
Be cautious about
after-market devices.
After-market car systems
may not be as rigorously
tested or designed, open-
ing you to vulnerabili-
ties, says Tarnutzer.
Luludis compares the use of computers in
cars to the development in our use of personal
computers. Hacking exploded when the Inter-
net evolved, making it easy to access comput-
ers via networks. Wireless connections mean
your car is no longer a closed system. “Once
you have connection to vehicles, you have an
entry point for people to try to access,” says Lu-
ludis. “The only thing standing in their way
now is a standardized piece of software. It’s a
concern we need to address.”
Can Your Car Be HaCked ?OnStar the GM-owned auto security and information service can remotely shut
off your engine if you report the vehicle stolen, there’s
the potential for quick recovery of your
vehicle if it’s stolen.Also OnStar
is the best system on the market against
hacker attacks.
www.jackscarclub.com
page 5
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www.michaelscornerstore.com
OttAwA - Manitoba Keewati-
nowi Okimakanak Inc. (MKO) Grand
Chief David Harper said First Nations
in northern Manitoba have high ex-
pectations for making "real progress"
during the meeting in Ottawa between
Prime Minister Stephen Harper and
First Nations leaders. MKO released
its Clean Running Water, Health and
Housing Strategy that was prepared
by MKO for the Crown-First Nation
Gathering. The strategy sets out a
framework for addressing the urgent
needs of northern and remote First
Nations in Canada.
"The Manitoba Keewatinowi
Okimakanak will be presenting our
stategy on Clean Running Water,
Health and Housing to Prime Min-
ister Stephen Harper", stated MKO
Grand Chief David Harper. "MKO
is presenting a comprehensive strat-
egy that addresses how solutions in-
cluding education, training and
employment, resource revenue shar-
ing and First Nation representation
in Parliament will result in real
progress toward clean running water
and adequate health and housing,"
added the MKO Grand Chief.
Bunibonibee Cree Nation Chief
Irvin Sinclair said, "almost every
northern First Nation in Canada is in
a state of crisis regarding the need for
clean running water and adequate
health and housing. Part of the solu-
tion is building permanent roads to
make sure that First Nations in north-
ern Manitoba have same access to
clean running water, health and hous-
ing enjoyed by all other Canadians."
Northlands Denesuline First Na-
tion Chief Joe Antsanen stated that,
"the Treaties have shared the wealth
of our traditional lands with Canada
and provinces. Resource revenue
sharing and benefit sharing is the
key for First Nations to make the in-
vestments in the infrastructure,
health services and housing that our
communities so urgently require".
"There has to be First Nation rep-
resentation in the Senate and House
of Commons in order to ensure real
progress in improving the lives of
First Nations peoples in Canada. First
Nation representation in the Senate
and House of Commons has to be
guaranteed in the Constitution of
Canada.", stated Norway House First
Nation Chief Ron Evans.
"Our people expect the Prime
Minister's commitment to make real
progress toward delivering clean run-
ning water and adequate health serv-
ices and housing for our First Nations
and toward ensuring that the voice of
First Nations is heard in Parliament",
concluded Grand Chief Harper.
~Manitoba Keewatinowi Oki-
makanak Inc. is a non-profit, political
advocacy organization that has rep-
resented 30 First Nation communities
in Manitoba's North since 1981~
Contacts:brennan ManoakeesickPhone: (204) 795-0449brennanm@mkonorth.com
Northern Manitoba First Nations expect
"Real Progress" on Clean Running water
page 6
RCMP execute search warrant and seize cocaine
A Gillam Manitoba man is facing
drug related charges after RCMP
seized a quantity of cocaine at a local
residence last month.
Gillam RCMP executed a CDSA
(Controlled Drugs and Substances
Act) search warrant at a residence in
Gillam, Manitoba. RCMP investiga-
tors seized cocaine, drug parapherna-
lia, a quantity of cash and a 2012
Skidoo snowmobile.
24-year-old Gregory Fred Sim-
mans of Gillam has been charged with
possession of cocaine for the purpose
of trafficking and proceeds of crime.
He has been released from custody
and is scheduled to appear in Gillam
Provincial Court on March 19th, 2012.
The investigation continues.
Fatal snowmobile collision near belair
On January 29, 2012, shortly after
midnight, the Powerview RCMP De-
tachment along with local area EMS
responded to a report of a male found
unresponsive by a snowmobile on the
Northstar snowmobile trail.
RCMP report the location of the ac-
cident was about 10 miles into the bush
from Highway 59 near Belair, Manitoba.
Despite efforts by civilians who
came across the victim, members,
paramedics and volunteers from the
local fire department, the victim was
pronounced deceased at the scene. It
appears the sole rider of the snowmo-
bile, identified as a 34-year-old Grand
Marais man, collided with a tree. Police
say that speed and alcohol have not
been ruled out at the present time.
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33-2nd St. eastthe PasMb R9A1M1
PhONe :204-623-5416
Openning hours:Monday to Friday
8:30 am to 5:30 pmSaturday
9:00 am to 5:00 pm
what a Great picture of a Great dog family ! thanks to J. Constant for sending it to us
page 7
HUGH WINTERTIRE PRICE
REDUCTION
MAkiNG ROOM FOR OUR SUMMeR StOCk
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At MURRAY DUNN GMwe wiLL eVeN StORe YOUR
tiReS FOR FRee OVeR the SUMMeR
DONt MiSS OUt ON thiS GReAt OPPORtUNitY !!!
Larry bonserParts Manager
Murray Dunn GM -the Pas212 Larose Ave. Mb. R9A 1L1
toll Free: 1-888-799-0000 tel.: 1-204-623-3481Fax: 1-204-623-6050
e-mail: larryb@murraydunn.com
page 8
Just West of The Pas in the RM of Kelsey is a vast area known as the Carrot Valley Farming Community. In that area the residents enjoy
gathering at their community centre which is located about 12 miles out off of Highway 283 west. This provides a venue for many different
occasions. I grew up in the Carrot Valley and have relocated back there with my family and now volunteer at the hall as an Executive on the
Committee. Every year we hold our New Years Family Dance, our Spring Potluck, our Fall Supper, and Halloween and Christmas parties
for our families. Another big event we have in the winter is our annual Poker Derby.
On Sunday March 4, 2012 the Carrot Valley Community Centre is going to hold its 25th annual Poker Derby. This will be a big cel-
ebration that will go along with the anniversary of the Carrot Valley hall itself. The first derby was held in February of 1987 out of the freshly
built hall that was finished in November 1986. The building of the new hall was a great achievement as it was all the members dreamed about
as they spent years fundraising for it.
The derby always shows a great turnout that people come to attend from near and far. We always kick off the day with our pancake
breakfast that starts at 10 AM and this year we are going to provide it for free to all participants of the derby along with free smokies along
the trail. We have first rider out at 11 AM and last one back by 1:00 PM and this is not a race it is just a casual scenic day of touring the
area while playing a hand of poker. Snowpasses are also not required for the day of the poker derby.
We always have lots of giveaway door prizes for the riders and prize for the top three poker hands
is 25%, 15% and 10% of the take. We also have prizes for the oldest rider, youngest rider, rider that came
from the longest distance away and rider with the worst hand. We also issue ghost hands for those that want
to participate but dont have a snowmobile or simply dont feel like braving the elements. All of the poker hands
are sold at $5 a hand or 5 for $20 including the ghost hands so if you would like to buy some ghost hands
for the derby or need any more information about the derby come down to Murray Dunn GM.
I am a Sales Consultant at the dealership or call me at (204) 623-3481.
We are planning on giving away some ghost hands on CJ1240 so stay tuned in February to find out how.
Also watch for us in the torchlight parade at the Northern Manitoba Trappers Festival, we will have some vintage
snowmobiles on our float. We are also hoping to take part in Centenial 2012 celebrations as well this summer.
= 25%of the take
= 10%of the take
= 15%of the take
See you there !Jackie LeSann
Fraud suspect tracked to northern ManitobaA fugitive in a Victoria
fraud matter has been ar-
rested in Norway House
Manitoba.
Police say that Richard William
Patterson disappeared after being
charged with bilking an elderly vic-
tim out of several hundred thousand
dollars. Information gathered here
led to a request to authorities in
Manitoba, who located Patterson in
Norway House.
He now faces a charge of breach-
ing a court order, as well as the orig-
inal fraud count.
Churchillbest Northern Lights Peak
With solar activity increasing,
experts expect more frequent and in-
tense lightshows in 2012. Winter
tours take travellers under the auro-
ral oval in sub-arctic Churchill for
amazing aurora borealis viewing ex-
periences. The remote subarctic
town of Churchill in Manitoba is
considered one of the world’s best
places for viewing northern lights
because it’s directly under the au-
roral oval. This is the huge halo
around the magnetic north pole
where high-energy particles shoot-
ing from the sun collide with gases
in the earth’s atmosphere.
Space scientists say we’ve en-
tered a prime period for northern
lights viewing. Solar activity,
which rises and falls in 11-year cy-
cles, is on the upswing, approach-
ing the highest levels in a decade.
Heightened solar activity generally
means a greater intensity and fre-
quency of northern lights, accord-
ing to the Canadian Space Agency.
The current cycle’s peak of activ-
ity, called the solar maximum, is
expected to occur in 2012-2013.
page 9
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ous that this year's ice road season could
be cut short, or the roads may not be
built at all.
Drastic food costsA shortened or cancelled ice road sea-
son means northerners like Harper would
have to order their groceries from Win-
nipeg and get them flown to their com-
munities at much higher costs.
"It's going to be very drastic in
terms of food supplies…like flour,
sugar," Harper said. "If we have to ship
those things up north, it would cost us
a fortune."
The federal government also uses
winter ice roads to send essential sup-
plies — such as chemicals for water
treatment plants, fuel for school buses,
and even school supplies — to remote
northern communities.
In 2010, the federal Aboriginal Af-
fairs and Northern Development depart-
ment spent $2.3 million to ship those
supplies by air. Officials say they may
have to airlift supplies again this year if
temperatures don't get any colder.
"We are prepared to implement our
contingency plan, which would mean
having supplies airlifted in or paying for
other alternative methods for getting
supplies into communities," said Ellen
***
Funk, a department spokesperson in
Winnipeg. Funk said the federal gov-
ernment will help subsidize food costs
in northern communities.
continued from page 3
page 10
well. But after listening to them on
YouTube, those are not the screams
that I heard.
What I actually heard scream that
night I will never know because we
got out of there so fast, and it was dark.
But it is still the scariest sound I have
ever heard in my life. Was it a Bigfoot
or Sasquatch, I wouldn't want to say
that is for sure what it was. But the
scream was certainly like a warning
from an animal letting us know it was
nearby and certainly wanted us to be
aware it was there. All I know is, if you
ever hear the same scream I heard, the
hair on your neck will immediately
stand up. Your senses will be on high
alert and the thought of protecting
yourself or leaving the area will be the
first thing on your mind.
There will always be the question
of whether Bigfoot or Sasquatch is
real. We may never know the real truth
either way. But with cell phones and
all the recording devices we have
today, make sure you take them with
you when you are out of suburbia,
cause you never know what you may
hear or see.
Keith Jeager_________________________
LOCAtiON DetAiLS:Manitoba Hwy
6 , north of Gyp-
sumville , near
the Easterville turn off. South
of Grand Rapids ,interlake be-
tween L. Winnipegosis and the
north basin of Lake Winnipeg
I was proceeding north, late after-
noon, first Monday in September 1990.
Traffic was light . I had just passed Dev-
ils Lake roadside park. A compact
pickup truck with two occupants (male
and female ) passed me, and was 200
yards in front of me . Visibility was
good , in full sun . The road has wide
ditches with scrub on the right (east )
and spruce forest 40 yards from the
road on the left (west ).The foliage in
the ditch was brown and past ripe . I
was watching the truck in front of me
proceed away from me as I maintained
a constant speed of approximately 110
km per h when something that had been
lying in the ditch, blending in very well,
rose to a hight exceeding 7 feet and pro-
ceeded across the road, from right to
left, and into the bush . The individual
was about midway between me and the
next truck. It was very very quick, did
not look at me. It was looking strait
ahead ,instead. It had long legs, bent at
the knee, a large chest, long arms, and
a round head . I think the face was dark
brown, and the body hair was roughly
the colour of coconut husk. I proceeded
to the Easterville corner, and phoned
home to tell my wife what I had seen.
_________________________
LOCAtiON DetAiLS:It happened on
the edge of town
of The Pas. The
name of the
park where I seen him was
Cathedral park and the apart-
ment that I was standing in was
called cathedral apartments.
Hi, I am going to tell you what I
saw. It was October 2001 I can't recall
what day it was but I still remember
what time of day because I was watch-
ing the Simpsons which starts at 5:00
p.m. it was around that time so it was
getting dark but I could still see what I
saw clearly. I was standing in my apart-
ment by my living room window, and
I can see a back alley in behinded my
apartment that lead my eyes to the end
of the back alley that I could see the
park witch is by a bush because my
apartment is on the edge of town and
what I saw was real because I know in
my heart. I SEEN a very tall human
like thing that looked about 8 feet tall
hairy all over and of course brown fur.
He was walking in the park coming
from some where and heading towards
the bush. It happened so fast I just did-
n't know what to do. I have always re-
membered this memory but now I have
told you . I hope that someday we can
figure out what these things are. Thanks.
Also noticed:
What I found that was unusual is
that he walked through the park so
gracefully like it wasn't scared of
anything.
Follow-up investigation report:
We spoke to the witness, “JJ”, a
young-sounding woman, by phone
for about forty minutes. She came
across as sincere and honest as she
described to us the creature she saw
from her apartment window. It
seemed to be cutting through Cathe-
dral Park, which is on the edge of the
town of The Pas, a town surrounded
by bush. She saw it walking across
the park and into the bush.
“The steps he could take were
amazing… because it didn’t take
him long to get through the park to
the bush… It was so casual… walk-
ing through the park like it does it all
the time.”
JJ’s description of the animal:
“It’s not a human being or an
animal… he must have been eight
feet. Covered with hair… like the
length of what a bear’s fur is. It was
all one color… kind of the color of
what a cinnamon bear is.”
“His arms were swaying… (It)
einstein called it ‘spooky’,physicists worldwide acceptit, one third of our economydepends on it, and it isundisputed; being the mostaccurate theory in science.Most physicists, however, keep ‘it’ in a skeletal closet. why? because Quantum Mechanics’ challenges our perception of reality and thereforevery difficult to explain; not the enigma but the encounter it has with our consciousness. explaining it is not easy but, while we look for answers,quantum physics is one reality that commands our consideration.
we humans live in a three dimensional quasi-reality world. Quantum physics says there are more - other dimen-sions, parallel universes; we just don’t access them in our current macro-world compulsory environment. every-
thing we try to imagine has its beginning and its end. but, how can we imagine the end of outer space; a wall,more space, what? if it has no end, how could it have had a beginning? Get your head around that, if you can.
ever had a Déjà vu? the literal meaning is ‘already seen’. those who have experienced the feeling de-scribe it as an overwhelming sense of familiarity with something that shouldn't be familiar at all. Could
our minds be attempting to link into another dimension? A dimension unrestricted by, what wecall, ‘time’? ‘Physical’ access to it is inadequate due to the three-dimensional environment weare in. but are we really inadequate? Could this facet be the phenomenon that Christians call aspiritual encounter?
history tells us that giants have existed on earth before, i.e., gigantopithecus, biblical ac-counts, Greek mythology, etc. Some claim a celestial parent. Could ‘bigfoot’ be a remnant of a
demigod, and possibly have access to a dimension we don’t quite understand?i’m not a physicist but quantum mechanics just might have something to do with these giants
that seem to appear and disappear at will. if the answer to our ‘bigfoot’ mystery lies in the quan-tum world, i suggest there will be NO answer until we understand ‘time’ and how to deal withit. Until then, if there is a ‘then’, i suggest we researchers continue to explore what we can of
this bigfoot / Sasquatch enigma—which at times we are debatably fortunate to be part of.David Forbinster
continued from page 9
Sasquatch enigma
page 11
had long arms, really long arms… I
was shocked. His shoulders and arms
were very big. His arms were the size
of my legs.”
“It had a normal round head, like
a human head, sort of… and it didn’t
have a neck.”
“His legs were very thick, big – the
calves and thighs thick…”
We asked for a clarification on
“thick,” asked whether she meant
they were muscular.
“Yes. Very muscular,” she an-
swered.
On her reaction to seeing it:
“At first I thought I was losing it,
but I saw it, I know it was there… Is
there anyone else seeing this right
now…? I’m sure someone else saw
it… It’s really strange… nobody be-
lieves me… they say maybe what you
saw isn’t what you think you really
saw… but I know what I saw.”
On the possibility that it was a bear:
“A bear? Nope, nope, nope, a bear
can’t walk like a human being.”
What about the possibility that it
was a person dressed up in an outfit?
“Well who knows, maybe it was…
I don’t know, but ah… they could
dress up as a sasquatch, but they
can’t be that tall… unless they were
on stilts or something… I don’t
know.”
Do you think it might have been a
person in an outfit?
“My opinion? No.”
JJ told us, that a day or two after the
sighting she went to the park with a
friend to look around. They saw no ev-
idence of the creature – the ground was
all grass.
“It’s a little scary after you see
something like that,” she told us.
We think you really saw one.
“Oh, I did. I know I did,” she said.
_________________________
OtheR StORieS:People have told us
some stories about
sightings just minutes
out of town a place
called Ralls Island.
A lady who said that
she looked out her window because
her dog was barking and looked and
seen this thing that she said looked like
a Bigfoot and earlier in the day she
racked her leaves into a pile on her
lawn. This thing was rolling in the
leaves like a child would if he was
having fun. She was looking at this
thing worried it would harm her dog
but the thing wasn't afraid of the dog
because it was chained up. So it stood
up and looked at her in the eyes
through window and got afraid and ran
into the bush near by.
_________________________
LOCAtiON DetAiLS:Fairford Reserve
Spring, May 2nd, 2003
Woman driving
sees creature walk into bush. The
sparsely populated Fairford Reserve is
surrounded by bush on two sides, the
Fairford River on one side, and Lake
St. Martin on the other side.
May 2nd, 2003 two women saw
Sasquatches in the Interlake area of
Manitoba, that piece of country which
separates the giant Lake Winnipeg
from Lakes Manitoba, Winnipegosis,
and Cedar Lake. Both sightings were
on the Fairford Reserve, which lies
about 10 miles south of Gypsumville
along Lake St. Martin. The two inci-
dents were separated by only a little
more than three weeks time and per-
haps a 1.5 km distance.
The more recent sighting occurred
just two days prior our visit to Fairford
Reserve. We spoke in person to the
witness, CL, a Native Canadian
woman. She had a couple of young
kids who played around us as we sat
with her at her kitchen table and lis-
tened as she told what she had seen as
she drove home at about 5:30 P.M.
May 2, 2003.
“I saw a big, black, hairy creature
walk into the bush,” CL told us. “I
got a pretty good view of it; I was
driving pretty slow because the road
was bumpy… It was about 40 yards
away. It was pretty big, about seven
footish, broad shoulders… I just
couldn’t believe what I was looking
at. I got home and I said to my hus-
band, I just seen something! And he
got a camcorder and went over there
but it was already gone.”
continued on page 14
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CL saw the animal as it walked away
so she saw only its backside and not its
face. She said it was covered with
black hair; she couldn’t tell whether it
was a male or a female; and when
asked about its head and neck she said
it didn’t have a neck, and that the head
was a little pointed on top. She didn’t
see the legs because the brush hid
them; she saw the creature from about
the butt up. It just walked calmly into
the bush from where she first saw it
just off the gravel road.
We found CL to be completely be-
lievable. It was clear she had no interest
in Sasquatch and had little knowledge
of the subject. She spoke to us about
her sighting only because we looked
her up with the help of a local man who
heard she’d seen something.
_________________________
LOCAtiON DetAiLS:South of Devil's
Lake. Summer, Au-
gust, 24th, 1999
Optometrist has
clear sighting of what he calls Bigfoot.
Driving south on highway 6 in
plain daylight. Thought I saw a bear
approx. 50 yards off of the highway.
As I got closer, it stood up and was a
Bigfoot. It was standing in a grain field
and the grain was at its knees. It was
two tone in color (brown and light
brown). Its chest and back of head
were light brown. The arms were thick
from shoulder to wrist and it appeared
to have no neck like a gorilla. Approx.
height was easily seven 7 feet tall and
estimated weight was 400-500 lbs. It
was bent over as I drove past possibly
digging in the soil but stood and
looked at me. There was few vehicles
on the road at the time.
The witness, TM, is a pharmacist
and optometrist who lives in Winnipeg.
He traveled (at that time) monthly to
The Pas to see patients. TM is an expe-
rienced hunter and fisherman.
At first TM thought the animal he
saw, which was bent over, might be a
bear. When it straightened up and
swung around to look at his passing
car, he said he knew it was not a bear.
It was a big creature, six to seven
feet tall with massive arms and a
heavy neck, and it had kind of a
blonde mane and chest. When we
asked what his general impression of
the thing was, what it looked like to
him, he said, “It looked like Hulk
Hogan out in a field in a monkey suit.”
TM said that shortly after passing
by the animal, after he’d had a moment
to digest what his eyes had seen, he
knew it had been a Bigfoot. He com-
mented that he wished he had stopped
or turned around to look at the animal
better, but said it took him a little while
to process what he’d seen and get over
the shock… by that time he was well
down the road.
_________________________
LOCAtiON DetAiLS:
Incident occurred
on Friday, July 10,
1998. Estimated
time was around 9:30 am. Approx. 380
km North of Winnipeg and 70km south
of Grand Rapids, MB on Highway #6.
The area is noted for having large
amounts of limestone deposits, cliffs,
& caves. The sighting occurred right
near a creek going through highway
#6 (small bridge). The forest is conif-
erous in this area.
I was the driver of the vehicle and
my cousin was the passenger. I was
driving down highway #6 just nearing
the bridge named "North Three
Rivers Creek Bridge", when all
of a sudden what I thought was
man came out of the left side of the
bush. I immediately awoke my cousin
and told her to take a look at this guy,
the very first thing I noticed was what
I thought were his clothing (black) and
his "walk", both being out of the norm.
I thought that this guy might not be all
there, his walk looked as though he
was marching. He made his way down
the ditch and onto the highway and at
that moment I without a doubt thought
it looked like a Bigfoot.
His walk was so distinct, it took
amazing strides with his arms swing-
ing. It was covered head to toe in black
fur and appeared to be without a neck.
I was expecting it to look in my direc-
tion, but it just kept walking, heading
towards the other side of the highway.
As I was nearing, it made its way onto
the right side of the highway, the ditch.
As I was passing it, it made its way
in to the bush. I braked, but could not
see it thru the thick bush. I was not
going to get out and start exploring be-
cause I was quite shake from the
whole ordeal. So I continued down the
highway. In the five hour drive, not
once could I stop thinking about what
happened.
_________________________
LOCAtiON DetAiLS:Nelson River,
aprox. 36 km South -
West of Norway
House. Incident oc-
curred on April 16, 2005. Estimated
Time was around 6:30 am
Residents of Norway House, Man-
itoba, approximately 500 kilometers
north of Winnipeg, have been flocking
to Georgina Henry's house to view a
nearly three minute videotape of what
appears to be Bigfoot, taken by her
son Bobby on the morning of April
16, 2005.
Just after dawn, Bobby Clarke, a
ferryman on the Nelson River, sighted
what he described as "a big black fig-
ure" on the opposite side of the river-
bank aprox. 250 meters away. Known
to never be without his video camera,
Bobby was able to film the figure for
almost three minutes.
Missy Flett, an outreach worker
with the Norway House Community
Council, and an admitted cynic, said
she was stunned to see the image of the
massive, hair covered creature walking
upright...
"I was kind of skeptical when I
went over," stated Ms. Flett, "But
after seeing it, I truly believe it's the
real Sasquatch" ..."It's awesome. . .
It's real. It's the real deal."
"Couple of my friends and
cousins have seen it, and some of
them, first didn't believe in anything
like that,' said Joey Robertson.'
When they seen the video, it con-
vinced them."
Sharness Henry, Bobby`s sister,
claims the videotape is of a massive
creature, which stands aprox. 8-10 feet
tall, walking along the river`s edge
through some bulrushes. Towards the
end of the 2 min. 49 sec. video, the fig-
ure turns and appears to look directly
into the camera.
Bobby was quite shaken by the or-
deal, and had to take a few days off
work following the sighting.
'"It was just massive, standing tall.
I'm freaked out,' Clarke said in an in-
continued from page 11
continued on page 16
page 15
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page 16
terview from the ferry at an uninhab-
ited bush area 36 kilometers (28 miles)
from Norway House. He said he's
been nervous ever since, especially
when he takes the ferry to that side of
the river."
Mr.Clarke isn't the first person re-
portedly to catch sight of Bigfoot at
this location. Hubert Folster, who was
also a ferry operator, spotted the crea-
ture in 2004. The creature was walking
among the bulrushes which were
trapped in the ice. Dark and human-
like, the creature was too large to be a
human. Although he watched the crea-
ture for about 6 minutes, Clarke claims
it was too hard to make out any more
details in the poor morning light.
"It just wasn't right," claimed Fol-
ster, who never really talked about his
encounter. "You don't want to mention
these things". Unfortunately, Mr. Fol-
ster didn't have a camera at the time.
***
A second bigfoot
sighting has been re-
ported by a young girl,
and her play mates in
Paupanakis Point,
Norway House,
Manitoba, which is located on the
south end of the same First Nations re-
serve where ferryman, Bobby Clarke,
videotaped a large, dark, bipedal crea-
ture walking along the bank of the
Nelson River.
The girls were close to a residential
area, which borders the woods, at
around 7:30-8:00 pm on May 20, when
the encounter occurred. The woods are
bordered by knee high grass, which is
where the creature was standing in
plain view, apparently watching the
children play. One of the girls fainted
from fright, after seeing "a huge crea-
ture." None of the children were hurt,
but they are understandably still quite
shaken, and afraid to be left alone.
Immediately following the sight-
ing, a search party was assembled to
investigate the surrounding area.
Footprints were found where the ac-
tual sighting occurred, as well as
deeper into the woods. Several more
expeditions have been conducted
since, and have resulted in finding
more physical evidence.
The size of some of the tracks
measure "larger than a man`s size 16
shoe" said one witness, and have a
clearly defined outline of the toes. The
tracks have been preserved, pho-
tographed, and videotaped by Norway
House residents.
_________________________
LOCAtiON DetAiLS:The location is 12
miles north of The Pas,
Manitoba, on high-
way 10 and then 3
miles to the left on dirt road, calm,
large clearing with some willow trees.
I was out moose hunting in Sep-
tember of 2002 north of The Pas, ap-
proximately 15 miles away and well
off the main highway 10 heading
north west. I was in my tree stand that
I had built in the month of August and
is about 13 feet off the ground facing
a small river and a large clearing. The
incident happened at about 10:00 pm
when the light is just above the tree
line and can't see much of the ground,
it started when I called in a bull
moose, the moose was no more then
200 yards away from me and moving
toward the clearing. I heard some-
thing to my left and walking toward
the moose. This thing was walking
fast as it only took it about a few sec-
onds to cross the clearing. The moose
of course stopped grunting and took
off very fast the opposite direction. I
thought this was a bigger moose and
was excited at the prospect of bag-
ging a big bull moose. The sound of
the steps came around along the bush-
line to my right after that and came
closer to my stand. I got ready with
my 30-06 british enfield and as the
thing got about 50 yards from me, my
tree stand gave me up by making a
small creeking sound when I moved
a bit to get up from my chair. I seen
this thing and it wasn’t a moose but a
sasquatch, still fairly young, it stood
about 8-9 feet tall, judging it's mass
probably weighing in the area of 320-
350 lbs. When the boards on my
stand creeked the sasquatch ducked
behind some willow trees and that's
where it stayed for the next 30-40
minutes observing me and I it. The
sasquatch eventually made its way
going toward the north east and I
went on with my hunt. I eventually
bagged a bull moose at about 4:00 am
the next day and I had an experience
I'll probably never forget. If this ani-
mal wanted to kill me it probably
would have done it, but I feel that
they are harmless if a person doesn’t
panic and start shooting it for nothing.
We have always heard of
stories and we have had some
wierd experiences around
The Pas hunting areas
within the past few seasons like
wierd sounds or calls at night
when we hunt.
continued from page 14
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world heritage site.
The two provinces, along with five
First Nations, finalized their submission
package last step in what has cost mil-
lions of dollars and brought political heat
for Manitoba Premier Greg Selinger.
"The UNESCO designation is re-
ally a world-class recognition of the
southern boreal landscape that we are
protecting," Selinger said.
"We're going to be globally recog-
nized for what we've done to protect
this site and it will attract eco-tourists
from all around the world." The
33,400-square-kilometre area is known
as Pimachiowin Aki — an Ojibwa
phrase that translates as "the land that
gives life" — and is the last intact bo-
real forest of its kind in the world.
As part of the effort to protect the
area, the provincial government in
2007 prevented Manitoba Hydro from
building a transmission line through it.
The government ordered the Crown
utility to build a much longer line
around lakes Winnipeg and Manitoba,
which will cost at least several hun-
dred million dollars more.
The Opposition Progressive Con-
servatives denounced the move as
costly and unnecessary. They have re-
peatedly said construction of a trans-
mission line wouldn't hurt the chances
of the vast forest being declared a
world heritage site. Their attacks failed
to dent voter support for the NDP in
last October's election. Selinger said
the government has spent money, "in
the very low millions," to prepare the
UNESCO bid. There are more than
900 world heritage sites already des-
ignated by UNESCO, including
Lunenburg, N.S., and Banff National
Park. The world heritage committee
meets every spring to consider new
sites, although it is not clear how soon
the bid from Manitoba and Ontario
will be considered.
This year the meeting is in St. Pe-
tersburg, Russia, but there is no guar-
antee the bid will be reviewed then.
bOReAL FOReStManitoba, Ontario boundary proposed as world heritage site
page 20
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RUmblE ON
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Aquarius(January 20 - Feb. 18)
Pisces(February 19 - March 20)
Aries(March 21 - April 19)
taurus(April 20 - May 20)
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
Cancer(June 22 - July 22)
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Virgo(August 23 - Sep. 22)
Libra(September 23 - Oct. 23)
Scorpio (October 24 - Nov. 21)
Sagittarius(November 22 - Dec. 21)
Capricorn(December 22 - Jan. 19)
page 22
Horoscope
February
You’ve been working like blazes
behind the scenes and now, with so
much positive star energy focusing
on you, any meetings or develop-
ments planned take a new positive
momentum. Make calls and contacts
when you’re at your most articulate.
When it comes to meetings at work,
discussions or dealings regarding
health matters, you’re unlikely to
put a foot wrong. It pays to link up
with others of like mind. Socially,
your life opens out. You can make a
lot of inroads if you get yourself or-
ganised. It’s all about talking to the
right people. The stars show you’ll
end up with a good feeling. Planning
a holiday, a business trip or a train-
ing course? Make those enquiries
now. Relationships? Meet half way.
Someone somewhere is waving a
magic wand! Trouble is, you could
be in danger of not appreciating the
importance or relevance of what’s
happening. Perhaps you need some
time out to relax and take stock.
There’s a hint of endings and fresh
beginnings as a collaborative ven-
ture reaches completion. Now, your
financial prospects are looking
brighter and more hopeful. Strategi-
cally, it’s a good time to make new
plans and keep thinking up those in-
novative ideas. You know, if it’s
something you really want to do,
there are always ways and means
around any obstacle. Group proj-
ects, team playing and people power
is the way to go. Take things one at
a time. Stay cool.
Very soon you’ll have the chance
to make a bold new life-statement.
Whether you want to improve your
social life, your status, your career
or your relationships, the cosmos is
smiling upon you and giving you the
green light. So don’t rest on your
laurels. Intense and probing conver-
sations will help you to get back in
step. Boost your charm at work.
Emotionally, things settle down and
if you’ve been out of synch with
your partner.There’s an uneasy feeling at the
back of your mind. Once you put
your finger on the cause, you can set
about to resolve the matter.
Dealings with officials, and es-
pecially so if connected with fi-
nance, go smoothly. There’s a
powerful cosmic stimulus that will
help you overcome negative feel-
ings, attitudes and habits that are
blocking your path. Be open to
suggestions and willing to be per-
suaded. Have you been thinking
about relocating, working abroad,
perhaps, or applying for a job with
a foreign company? If so, keep
your eyes and ears wide open. But
if you hit against an unforeseen
problem, a discrete word with an
official or boss will soon clear the
matter up.
Stretch your imagination. Stimulate
those little grey cells. Love, friendship,
creative projects and adventure go
hand-in-hand. But so do money, in-
vestments and all joint projects, too.
Work, home and personal relation-
ships have been central features in
your life for some time now. You can
make a big presence with your contri-
bution at work. And you can make
great progress by joining forces with
other people’s ideas, but remember
that people sometimes say and do
things that quite take you by surprise.
Whatever has unsettled you, it’s best
to be philosophical. Looks like a sud-
den thought struck you in the middle
of night.Take it forward.
throwing a positive light on your de-
sires. Relationships are moving to a
new phase.
It’s quite an interesting time for
you financially. Expect a few eye-
opening surprises, some unexpected
developments and the odd unusual
turnarounds. Investments, love, sex
life – things are developing! People
are full of surprises this days. Beware
of colleagues who want to take over
the show, youngsters who behave un-
predictably and shopping that goes
well over your budget. Put your
wellbeing first. Ideas for either sav-
ing or generating new money are
promising. Strike out for better deals
while your luck is holding good.
Enjoy some leisure and sport.
You’re having a ball! The tempta-
tion to take on more and more re-
sponsibility is hard to fight – but
then, you could never resist a chal-
lenge! Career-wise, if you want to
become either a big player, or a big
earner, you must now give your work
all you’ve got. Go on, don’t miss this
chance! Keep making those good de-
cisions. Love? A new romance is
lighting a fire in your heart and it
feels so right. You might be caught
up in a burst of excitement.Visitors
and more activity under your roof
will keep you happily engaged.
Anything’s possible .
Whether on a personal or profes-
sional level, be sure you’re ready to
respond so as not to miss out. If
you’re looking for a new job, or a
fresh project to get your teeth into,
now is the time to go for it. An in-
vigorating influence is about to
enter your life which will put you in
sparkling social form. Listen out for
opportunity knocking at your door!
Status and prestige? When it comes
to dealing with others, you’re mak-
ing good sense and the advice
you’re giving is bang on target, butdon’t make hasty judgements. In
time you’ll see the merit of trying
something new.
Because of your new philosophy
and your determination to open your
heart and mind to new pleasures, a
deep passion is growing… Blinding
flashes of inspiration, instincts and
hunches will pay off if you heed and
follow them up. A quiet word with
someone close will have the desired
effect and show you where the land
lies. With your store of pent-up energy,
you’re ready to push through your
ideas to advance your position. And
the good news is, you’re making
progress fast! Strike out for better
deals while your luck is holding
good. Affairs concerning friends and
youngsters also get the go-ahead.
Events put you on a high. Now that
you’ve got things off your chest, your
feelings are much clearer and the pres-
sure you’ve been under is easing off.
Career-wise, you’re finding the job
deeply absorbing. You may be feel-
ing short-tempered and out of your
comfort zone. The best thing to do
is just sit back and roll with events.
Why give yourself a headache when
it’s not necessary? Overseas contacts,
long-distance plans, dealings with
legal, educational or travel matters
come under harmonious stars. Adven-
ture is in the air. The links you’re mak-
ing will work very much in your
favour. Travel? Your resourcefulness
pays off. Success is sweet but love is
sweeter if you give it a chance.
could find something you thought
you’d lost forever. Life has had a
few unsettling moments recently.
Find a way to rationalise the situa-
tion because, once done, much
calmer waters lie ahead. It seems, a
few wrinkles that need to be
smoothed over right now. Soon
you’ll have your green light to go.
Patterns change, moods lift and new
developments come into play your
way. There are unexpected changes
to take on board.
It’s a good time to break negative
patterns. A surprisingly useful array
of planetary activity gives you the
backing to push ahead with ambi-
tious career. Lift your spirits by hav-
ing a good old clear-out, organising
your office or planning a spot of refur-
bishment. As long as you stay within
the limits of your budget, there’s no
reason why your account won’t stay
firmly in the black. Doors are opening
and favours are being granted. You’ve
been waiting for this turnaround for
months so make best use of it now.
Whether it’s career, a relationship or a
sense of personal power, the stars are
Chances are your desk is piled so
high you need the Time Team to ex-
cavate it! Unknown power is urging
you to de-clutter, tidy and recycle.
Not only will a good clear-out bring
fresh energy and inspiration, but you
page 23
Jokes
SMARt MAN
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He
reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the bal-
loon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised
my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know
where I am."
The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering
approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42
degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."
"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."
"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is tech-
nically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information,
and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below says "You must be a manager."
"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you
know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you
are, or where you are going. You have made a promise
which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect
me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the
exact same position you were in before we met, but
now it is somehow my fault."
GReAt NAMeA woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spot-
ted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled
and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name,"
he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of
fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most
- cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?"
she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."
GAteS OF hAVeNFather O'Flannagan dies due to old age. Upon entering St.Peter's
gate, there is another man in front, waiting to go into heaven. St.
Peter asks the man, "What is your name what did you accomplish
during your life?". The man responds "My name is Joe Cohen, and
I was a New York city Taxi driver for 14 years" "Very well," says
St. Peter, "Here is your silk robe and golden scepter, now you may
walk in the streets of our Lord." St. Peter looks at the Father, and
asks "What is your name and what did you accomplish?" He re-
sponds, "I'm Father O'Flannagan, and have devoted the last 62 years
to the Lord". "Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your cotton robe
and wooden staff, you may enter." "Wait a minute," says O'Flanna-
gan, "You gave the taxi driver a silk robe and golden scepter, why
did I only get a cotton robe and wooden staff?". "Well," St. Peter
replied, "We work on a performance scale, you see while you
preached, everyone slept, when he drove taxis, everyone prayed!"
beAUtYA businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders
a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks
inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another
double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his
shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double mar-
tini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all
night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt
pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peek-
ing at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know
it's time to go home."
bACk iN 5 MiNUteSA guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he
needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink
so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!".
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his
beer saying, "So did I!"
DRUNkOne night, a police officer was stalking out a
particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the
driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he
saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the
curb, and try his keys on five different cars before
he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling
around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone
left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his en-
gine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver,
read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The re-
sults showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to
know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Des-
ignated Decoy."
JeSUS bOYA boy asks his father to use the car and the father replies "No,
not until you cut your hair!". The boy replies "But father...Jesus
had long hair!" to which his father says, "Yeah, but Jesus walked
everywhere."
80 YeAR YOUNGAn 80 year old couple were having problems remembering
things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to
make sure nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor
about the problems they were having with their memory. After
checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were phys-
ically okay but might want to start writing things down and make
notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while
watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked,
"Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked,
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "Sure." She
then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you
can remember it?" He said, "No, I can remember that."
She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top.
You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that."
He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries." She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream
on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that
down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After
about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a
plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and
said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"
wiLD ShOeSA young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She
wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was
very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of
one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out
and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reason-
able price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest.
Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined,
the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching her-
self an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots
the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward
her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort
hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of
the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just
then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts
out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
20 iN ChANGeA lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping.
An honest, little boy noticed her drop the handbag, so he picked it
up and returned it to her. The lady looked into her handbag and com-
mented, "Hmm... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20
bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied,
"That's right, lady. The last time I found a purse, the owner didn't
have any change for a reward."
SAiLORS AND SOLDieRSShOULD be FRieNDS!A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite directions
on a curvy mountain road. The army man hits a patch of sand,
swerves, and nails the Navy man's truck. They both exit their cars
with no injuries, but their vehicles are ruined.
Now, the rivalry between Army and Navy is well known, so
needless to say a heated argument followed. Then suddenly the
Navy man changed heart and said, “Hold on, this is dumb. It was
an accident. Let's put this rivalry behind us.”
The Army man agreed this was a good idea. So the Navy man
offered, “Why don't we celebrate our new friendship over a fifth of
vodka? I have a bottle in the truck.”
The Army man thought this was an excellent idea. So the Navy
man, being a gentleman, offered the Army man the first drink, and
told the Army man to drink as much as he wanted. Soon half the
bottle was gone and he offered the bottle back to the Navy man
who said, “Thanks, but I'll wait till after the cops get here!”
page 24
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