Northern Echo #4

the Pas, OCN, Cranberry Portage, Flin Flon, wanless, wabowden, Nelson house, Lynn Lake, Leaf Rapids, Norway house, Cross Lake, Snow Lake, thompson, Gillam, Ponton, Split Lake, Grand Rapids, easterville, AshernPublished Monthly by local businesses and distributed thru out the Communities of Northern Manitoba

issue # 4 - February - March 2012

is Northern Manitoba a homeland to

SALe

PPage age 1188

One night, quite a few years ago, a buddy and

I where out in Carrot Valley and decided to stop

in the gravel pits at the border cause we had to

use the outdoor facilities. So we drove in and

went around the big pile of gravel at the end and

came a little ways back towards the highway. We

both jumped out of the vehicle and began to do

what we needed to do when we heard something

scream that absolutely scared the crap out of us.

The only way I can describe the scream is it

was like a woman screaming in horror. It was

also tremendously loud like it was screaming

right beside you. It echoed through the bush and

after the 2nd scream we jumped in the vehicle

and drove out of there. We basically were expect-

ing to see someone walk out of the bush with an

axe or something after just murdering someone

cause the scream sounded like someone just

screeching.

I have listened to screams on YouTube and

have heard similar screams to the one me and

my buddy heard. I have also talked with people

who say they have had encounters with a Big-

foot or Sasquatch and say that they have heard

the same thing (they are many stories from the

Mooselake Road).

Now, I have heard people say that rabbits do

make a scream when they are injured. And I

have also been told that cats such as cougars or

bobcats will give off a scream. And even foxes

have an eerie scream as continued on page 10

RUMbLe ON the ReZ

FebRUARY 11th

G.L.M.C. OPASkwAYAk CRee NAtiON

M ore info. on P a g e 21

Mystery Sasquatch Circulation 12,000

page 2

A Non Profit PublicationPublished Monthly by local businesses and distributed

thru out the Communities of Northern Manitobato place an Ad please call: 1-204-800-1300

and leave a message

Just like a flyer

An Ottawa-based architect is pro-

posing a housing solution for northern

First Nations.

Andy Thomson is part of a group

of concerned citizens working on a

plan for better housing in the North.

He said shipping houses to the region

is like paying to move a big box of air.

So he's come up with lightweight pan-

els that can be easily assembled on-

site, even without skilled labour.

Thomson, who bills himself as a

green building designer, said he's de-

veloping patents for his housing

model. The model uses panels made of

lightweight, strong materials that aren't

made of any organic material, like

wood — so they won't rot. Mouldy

housing is a common problem in First

Nation communities.

The panels will simply bolt to-

gether, Thomson said, so skilled labour

isn't needed. He noted the assembly is

simpler than putting together an item

from Ikea — and will be much

cheaper to transport. The reason

houses are currently shipped pre-made

to First Nations communities, is that

skilled labour isn't always available to

construct them.

Thomson said he senses there is a

feeling of hopelessness surrounding

the housing situation. That's why he

plans on heading to Attawapiskat on

Feb. 7 to talk to kids about architecture

to start building some hope in the

younger generation.

“I get the feeling that there's a sense

of 'what's the point? Why bother?’,”

Thomson noted. “And so what we'd

like to do is [say] hey, this is some-

thing really cool, [this is] going to

happen in your community, and let's

make it work.”

Thomson is working with a group

of designers, lawyers and public serv-

ice employees to get the project mov-

ing. A law firm has donated its services

to get the housing models patented.

From there, the patent will be given to

First Nations communities.

PetroChina buys20% of b.C. Shellgas play

PetroChina Co. has agreed to buy a

20 per cent stake in Shell Oil’s

Groundbirch shale gas project in

northeastern B.C.

"PetroChina and Shell have signed

binding agreements for PetroChina to

acquire a 20 per cent interest in certain

of Shell’s 100-per-cent owned

Groundbirch lands and assets in north-

east B.C." Royal Dutch Shell CEO

Peter Voser said.

The deal is the latest in a number of

natural resource acquisitions by China,

which has moved aggressively in re-

cent years to secure deals in China and

elsewhere in the world.

In January, PetroChina bought the

entirety of the MacKay River oilsands

project from Athabasca Oil Sands

Corp. for $680 million.

Last summer PetroChina walked

away from a $5 billion deal with En-

Cana Corp. that would have seen the

former take a 50 per cent stake in the

latter's shale gas assets.

Shell's Groundbirch site has the po-

tential to produce 1 billion cubic feet

equivalents a day for 40 years.

Shell Canada declined to offer fi-

nancial details, but investment website

FinanceAsia reported PetroChina may

have paid as much as $1 billion.

Job bankwww.jobbank.gc.ca

For Jobs in the Pas & Flin Flon go to:http://www.jobbank.gc.ca/res-eng.aspx?Comm-Grouping=GMb004&OfferpPage=50&Student=No

if you have any important news you would like to share with other Northern Manitoba Communities... DO NOt heSitAte... e-mail the information to: [email protected] (or call 1-204-800-1300)

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Architect pitches housing solution for the North

page 3

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Social networking site Facebook

is "the most terrifying machine to

spy ever invented, " in addition free

- says the founder of the website

Wikileaks Julian Assange.

- It's one of the most important in-

struments at the disposal of the U.S.

government to spy on people around

the world - said in an interview As-

sange TV RT (Russia Today), avail-

able on YouTube and discussed in the

British media.

According to the 39-year-old Aus-

tralian man whose extradition is re-

quired by Swedish authorities,

Facebook, Google and Yahoo are

connected with U.S. intelligence or-

ganizations.

- Facebook is the most detailed

database about

people, their social

and family con-

tacts, names,

addresses,

place of

current

resi-

dence,

how we

commu-

nicate. All this is available in the U.S.

and is an American intelligence organi-

zations - he noted.

- Everyone should understand that

every time when you add friends to

your Facebook profile, it becomes

free U.S. intelligence employee -

added Assange.

Manitoba ice roadsthreatened by mildweather

Northern Manitoba residents are

desperately hoping for some cold

weather, because milder than normal

temperatures are leaving the opening

of northern ice roads in doubt.

Many people in remote northern

communities use ice roads every win-

ter to get groceries and other essential

supplies transported by truck from

Winnipeg, Thompson or large towns

like Flin Flon or The Pas.

Some also drive on the roads to buy

their own groceries, which they say

would cost twice as much at home.

"Winter roads are a necessity with

the high costs of living up north, and

we all depend on the winter roads,"

said Irma Harper of St. Theresa Point,

Manitoba.

The seasonal roads, which are

built on frozen lakes as well as land,

take some time to prepare, and in a

typical year are open from mid-Janu-

ary until March.

But above-normal temperatures

across much of Manitoba so far this

winter have northern residents nerv-

FACebOOk- the most terrifying machine to spy ever invented

continued on page 9

page 4

PReVeNtiON

You might be behind the wheel, but increas-

ingly, computers control your car’s every function.

Microprocessors direct braking, acceleration

and even the horn these days. “Because they are

hidden, people don’t often understand that there

can be anywhere from 30 to 40 microprocessors

in most cars and even up to 100 different ones run-

ning different functions in some vehicles,” says

Stephan A. Tarnutzer, chief operating officer for

DGE Inc., which provides electronic designs and

consulting for auto manufacturers and suppliers.

But could a hacker compromise these sys-

tems? Recently, several news reports have raised

the issue of car-hacking risks, including:

Vehicle disablement. After a disgruntled former

employee took over a Web-based vehicle-immobi-

lization system at an Austin, Texas, car sales center,

more than 100 drivers found their vehicles had been

disabled or their horns were honking out of control.

Tire pressure system hacking. Researchers

from the University of South Carolina and Rutgers

University were able to hack into tire pressure

monitoring systems. Using readily available

equipment and free software, the researchers trig-

gered warning lights and remotely tracked a vehi-

cle through its unique monitoring system.

Disabling brakes. Researchers at the Univer-

sity of Washington and University of San Diego

created a program that would hack into onboard

computers to disable brakes and stop the engine.

The researchers connected to onboard computers

through ports for the cars’ diagnostic system.

iS YOUR CAR At RiSk?The potential for car hacking is real, although

there may not be a financial incentive for hackers

to focus on autos just yet, say the experts. “All the

malware attacks consumers are faced with every

day have financial motives behind them,” says

Ryan Smith, a principal researcher with Accuvant

Labs who finds vulnerabilities in computer systems.

Most of the danger right now may come from

hackers who want to demonstrate their prowess

and enhance their reputations, says Tarnutzer. And

the increased reliance on wireless systems -- such

as the tire pressure monitoring system -- makes

your car more vulnerable to these attacks, says

John Bambene, a security researcher with the In-

ternet Storm Center, the global cooperative com-

munity that monitors cyberthreats.

PROteCt YOUR CARFROM hACkiNG

Security is largely in the hands of auto man-

ufacturers, who are working to address con-

cerns. In the meantime, you can take these steps

to protect your vehicle:

Ask about wireless systems. Familiarize

yourself with the wireless systems if you’re

purchasing a new car, advises Bambene. For a

car you already own, you can review your man-

ual or check online. Find out if any of the sys-

tems can be operated remotely.

Ask about remote shutdown. If you’re fi-

nancing through the company from which you

purchased the vehicle, ask about remote shut-

down related to repossession. Make sure the

seller has security measures in place that con-

trol access to the system.

Go to reputable dealers and repair shops.

It’s possible for unscrupulous garages

to manipulate your car’s computer

systems, making it appear you need

repairs that aren’t actually warranted.

Don’t cut corners when it comes to

choosing a dealer or repair shop.

Protect your information. Of course, lock-

ing your car is always wise. And if you use On-

Star - the GM - owned auto security and

information service - make sure you don’t leave

OnStar-related documents or your password in

the car, says John Luludis, president and co-

founder of Superior Tech Solutions, an IT

provider, and a former car industry tech execu-

tive. Since OnStar can remotely shut off your

engine if you report the vehicle stolen, for

quick recovery of your vehicle if it’s stolen.

Also OnStar is the best

system on the market

against hacker attacks.

Be cautious about

after-market devices.

After-market car systems

may not be as rigorously

tested or designed, open-

ing you to vulnerabili-

ties, says Tarnutzer.

Luludis compares the use of computers in

cars to the development in our use of personal

computers. Hacking exploded when the Inter-

net evolved, making it easy to access comput-

ers via networks. Wireless connections mean

your car is no longer a closed system. “Once

you have connection to vehicles, you have an

entry point for people to try to access,” says Lu-

ludis. “The only thing standing in their way

now is a standardized piece of software. It’s a

concern we need to address.”

Can Your Car Be HaCked ?OnStar the GM-owned auto security and information service can remotely shut

off your engine if you report the vehicle stolen, there’s

the potential for quick recovery of your

vehicle if it’s stolen.Also OnStar

is the best system on the market against

hacker attacks.

www.jackscarclub.com

page 5

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OttAwA - Manitoba Keewati-

nowi Okimakanak Inc. (MKO) Grand

Chief David Harper said First Nations

in northern Manitoba have high ex-

pectations for making "real progress"

during the meeting in Ottawa between

Prime Minister Stephen Harper and

First Nations leaders. MKO released

its Clean Running Water, Health and

Housing Strategy that was prepared

by MKO for the Crown-First Nation

Gathering. The strategy sets out a

framework for addressing the urgent

needs of northern and remote First

Nations in Canada.

"The Manitoba Keewatinowi

Okimakanak will be presenting our

stategy on Clean Running Water,

Health and Housing to Prime Min-

ister Stephen Harper", stated MKO

Grand Chief David Harper. "MKO

is presenting a comprehensive strat-

egy that addresses how solutions in-

cluding education, training and

employment, resource revenue shar-

ing and First Nation representation

in Parliament will result in real

progress toward clean running water

and adequate health and housing,"

added the MKO Grand Chief.

Bunibonibee Cree Nation Chief

Irvin Sinclair said, "almost every

northern First Nation in Canada is in

a state of crisis regarding the need for

clean running water and adequate

health and housing. Part of the solu-

tion is building permanent roads to

make sure that First Nations in north-

ern Manitoba have same access to

clean running water, health and hous-

ing enjoyed by all other Canadians."

Northlands Denesuline First Na-

tion Chief Joe Antsanen stated that,

"the Treaties have shared the wealth

of our traditional lands with Canada

and provinces. Resource revenue

sharing and benefit sharing is the

key for First Nations to make the in-

vestments in the infrastructure,

health services and housing that our

communities so urgently require".

"There has to be First Nation rep-

resentation in the Senate and House

of Commons in order to ensure real

progress in improving the lives of

First Nations peoples in Canada. First

Nation representation in the Senate

and House of Commons has to be

guaranteed in the Constitution of

Canada.", stated Norway House First

Nation Chief Ron Evans.

"Our people expect the Prime

Minister's commitment to make real

progress toward delivering clean run-

ning water and adequate health serv-

ices and housing for our First Nations

and toward ensuring that the voice of

First Nations is heard in Parliament",

concluded Grand Chief Harper.

~Manitoba Keewatinowi Oki-

makanak Inc. is a non-profit, political

advocacy organization that has rep-

resented 30 First Nation communities

in Manitoba's North since 1981~

Contacts:brennan ManoakeesickPhone: (204) [email protected]

Northern Manitoba First Nations expect

"Real Progress" on Clean Running water

page 6

RCMP execute search warrant and seize cocaine

A Gillam Manitoba man is facing

drug related charges after RCMP

seized a quantity of cocaine at a local

residence last month.

Gillam RCMP executed a CDSA

(Controlled Drugs and Substances

Act) search warrant at a residence in

Gillam, Manitoba. RCMP investiga-

tors seized cocaine, drug parapherna-

lia, a quantity of cash and a 2012

Skidoo snowmobile.

24-year-old Gregory Fred Sim-

mans of Gillam has been charged with

possession of cocaine for the purpose

of trafficking and proceeds of crime.

He has been released from custody

and is scheduled to appear in Gillam

Provincial Court on March 19th, 2012.

The investigation continues.

Fatal snowmobile collision near belair

On January 29, 2012, shortly after

midnight, the Powerview RCMP De-

tachment along with local area EMS

responded to a report of a male found

unresponsive by a snowmobile on the

Northstar snowmobile trail.

RCMP report the location of the ac-

cident was about 10 miles into the bush

from Highway 59 near Belair, Manitoba.

Despite efforts by civilians who

came across the victim, members,

paramedics and volunteers from the

local fire department, the victim was

pronounced deceased at the scene. It

appears the sole rider of the snowmo-

bile, identified as a 34-year-old Grand

Marais man, collided with a tree. Police

say that speed and alcohol have not

been ruled out at the present time.

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page 7

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page 8

Just West of The Pas in the RM of Kelsey is a vast area known as the Carrot Valley Farming Community. In that area the residents enjoy

gathering at their community centre which is located about 12 miles out off of Highway 283 west. This provides a venue for many different

occasions. I grew up in the Carrot Valley and have relocated back there with my family and now volunteer at the hall as an Executive on the

Committee. Every year we hold our New Years Family Dance, our Spring Potluck, our Fall Supper, and Halloween and Christmas parties

for our families. Another big event we have in the winter is our annual Poker Derby.

On Sunday March 4, 2012 the Carrot Valley Community Centre is going to hold its 25th annual Poker Derby. This will be a big cel-

ebration that will go along with the anniversary of the Carrot Valley hall itself. The first derby was held in February of 1987 out of the freshly

built hall that was finished in November 1986. The building of the new hall was a great achievement as it was all the members dreamed about

as they spent years fundraising for it.

The derby always shows a great turnout that people come to attend from near and far. We always kick off the day with our pancake

breakfast that starts at 10 AM and this year we are going to provide it for free to all participants of the derby along with free smokies along

the trail. We have first rider out at 11 AM and last one back by 1:00 PM and this is not a race it is just a casual scenic day of touring the

area while playing a hand of poker. Snowpasses are also not required for the day of the poker derby.

We always have lots of giveaway door prizes for the riders and prize for the top three poker hands

is 25%, 15% and 10% of the take. We also have prizes for the oldest rider, youngest rider, rider that came

from the longest distance away and rider with the worst hand. We also issue ghost hands for those that want

to participate but dont have a snowmobile or simply dont feel like braving the elements. All of the poker hands

are sold at $5 a hand or 5 for $20 including the ghost hands so if you would like to buy some ghost hands

for the derby or need any more information about the derby come down to Murray Dunn GM.

I am a Sales Consultant at the dealership or call me at (204) 623-3481.

We are planning on giving away some ghost hands on CJ1240 so stay tuned in February to find out how.

Also watch for us in the torchlight parade at the Northern Manitoba Trappers Festival, we will have some vintage

snowmobiles on our float. We are also hoping to take part in Centenial 2012 celebrations as well this summer.

= 25%of the take

= 10%of the take

= 15%of the take

See you there !Jackie LeSann

Fraud suspect tracked to northern ManitobaA fugitive in a Victoria

fraud matter has been ar-

rested in Norway House

Manitoba.

Police say that Richard William

Patterson disappeared after being

charged with bilking an elderly vic-

tim out of several hundred thousand

dollars. Information gathered here

led to a request to authorities in

Manitoba, who located Patterson in

Norway House.

He now faces a charge of breach-

ing a court order, as well as the orig-

inal fraud count.

Churchillbest Northern Lights Peak

With solar activity increasing,

experts expect more frequent and in-

tense lightshows in 2012. Winter

tours take travellers under the auro-

ral oval in sub-arctic Churchill for

amazing aurora borealis viewing ex-

periences. The remote subarctic

town of Churchill in Manitoba is

considered one of the world’s best

places for viewing northern lights

because it’s directly under the au-

roral oval. This is the huge halo

around the magnetic north pole

where high-energy particles shoot-

ing from the sun collide with gases

in the earth’s atmosphere.

Space scientists say we’ve en-

tered a prime period for northern

lights viewing. Solar activity,

which rises and falls in 11-year cy-

cles, is on the upswing, approach-

ing the highest levels in a decade.

Heightened solar activity generally

means a greater intensity and fre-

quency of northern lights, accord-

ing to the Canadian Space Agency.

The current cycle’s peak of activ-

ity, called the solar maximum, is

expected to occur in 2012-2013.

page 9

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ous that this year's ice road season could

be cut short, or the roads may not be

built at all.

Drastic food costsA shortened or cancelled ice road sea-

son means northerners like Harper would

have to order their groceries from Win-

nipeg and get them flown to their com-

munities at much higher costs.

"It's going to be very drastic in

terms of food supplies…like flour,

sugar," Harper said. "If we have to ship

those things up north, it would cost us

a fortune."

The federal government also uses

winter ice roads to send essential sup-

plies — such as chemicals for water

treatment plants, fuel for school buses,

and even school supplies — to remote

northern communities.

In 2010, the federal Aboriginal Af-

fairs and Northern Development depart-

ment spent $2.3 million to ship those

supplies by air. Officials say they may

have to airlift supplies again this year if

temperatures don't get any colder.

"We are prepared to implement our

contingency plan, which would mean

having supplies airlifted in or paying for

other alternative methods for getting

supplies into communities," said Ellen

***

Funk, a department spokesperson in

Winnipeg. Funk said the federal gov-

ernment will help subsidize food costs

in northern communities.

continued from page 3

page 10

well. But after listening to them on

YouTube, those are not the screams

that I heard.

What I actually heard scream that

night I will never know because we

got out of there so fast, and it was dark.

But it is still the scariest sound I have

ever heard in my life. Was it a Bigfoot

or Sasquatch, I wouldn't want to say

that is for sure what it was. But the

scream was certainly like a warning

from an animal letting us know it was

nearby and certainly wanted us to be

aware it was there. All I know is, if you

ever hear the same scream I heard, the

hair on your neck will immediately

stand up. Your senses will be on high

alert and the thought of protecting

yourself or leaving the area will be the

first thing on your mind.

There will always be the question

of whether Bigfoot or Sasquatch is

real. We may never know the real truth

either way. But with cell phones and

all the recording devices we have

today, make sure you take them with

you when you are out of suburbia,

cause you never know what you may

hear or see.

Keith Jeager_________________________

LOCAtiON DetAiLS:Manitoba Hwy

6 , north of Gyp-

sumville , near

the Easterville turn off. South

of Grand Rapids ,interlake be-

tween L. Winnipegosis and the

north basin of Lake Winnipeg

I was proceeding north, late after-

noon, first Monday in September 1990.

Traffic was light . I had just passed Dev-

ils Lake roadside park. A compact

pickup truck with two occupants (male

and female ) passed me, and was 200

yards in front of me . Visibility was

good , in full sun . The road has wide

ditches with scrub on the right (east )

and spruce forest 40 yards from the

road on the left (west ).The foliage in

the ditch was brown and past ripe . I

was watching the truck in front of me

proceed away from me as I maintained

a constant speed of approximately 110

km per h when something that had been

lying in the ditch, blending in very well,

rose to a hight exceeding 7 feet and pro-

ceeded across the road, from right to

left, and into the bush . The individual

was about midway between me and the

next truck. It was very very quick, did

not look at me. It was looking strait

ahead ,instead. It had long legs, bent at

the knee, a large chest, long arms, and

a round head . I think the face was dark

brown, and the body hair was roughly

the colour of coconut husk. I proceeded

to the Easterville corner, and phoned

home to tell my wife what I had seen.

_________________________

LOCAtiON DetAiLS:It happened on

the edge of town

of The Pas. The

name of the

park where I seen him was

Cathedral park and the apart-

ment that I was standing in was

called cathedral apartments.

Hi, I am going to tell you what I

saw. It was October 2001 I can't recall

what day it was but I still remember

what time of day because I was watch-

ing the Simpsons which starts at 5:00

p.m. it was around that time so it was

getting dark but I could still see what I

saw clearly. I was standing in my apart-

ment by my living room window, and

I can see a back alley in behinded my

apartment that lead my eyes to the end

of the back alley that I could see the

park witch is by a bush because my

apartment is on the edge of town and

what I saw was real because I know in

my heart. I SEEN a very tall human

like thing that looked about 8 feet tall

hairy all over and of course brown fur.

He was walking in the park coming

from some where and heading towards

the bush. It happened so fast I just did-

n't know what to do. I have always re-

membered this memory but now I have

told you . I hope that someday we can

figure out what these things are. Thanks.

Also noticed:

What I found that was unusual is

that he walked through the park so

gracefully like it wasn't scared of

anything.

Follow-up investigation report:

We spoke to the witness, “JJ”, a

young-sounding woman, by phone

for about forty minutes. She came

across as sincere and honest as she

described to us the creature she saw

from her apartment window. It

seemed to be cutting through Cathe-

dral Park, which is on the edge of the

town of The Pas, a town surrounded

by bush. She saw it walking across

the park and into the bush.

“The steps he could take were

amazing… because it didn’t take

him long to get through the park to

the bush… It was so casual… walk-

ing through the park like it does it all

the time.”

JJ’s description of the animal:

“It’s not a human being or an

animal… he must have been eight

feet. Covered with hair… like the

length of what a bear’s fur is. It was

all one color… kind of the color of

what a cinnamon bear is.”

“His arms were swaying… (It)

einstein called it ‘spooky’,physicists worldwide acceptit, one third of our economydepends on it, and it isundisputed; being the mostaccurate theory in science.Most physicists, however, keep ‘it’ in a skeletal closet. why? because Quantum Mechanics’ challenges our perception of reality and thereforevery difficult to explain; not the enigma but the encounter it has with our consciousness. explaining it is not easy but, while we look for answers,quantum physics is one reality that commands our consideration.

we humans live in a three dimensional quasi-reality world. Quantum physics says there are more - other dimen-sions, parallel universes; we just don’t access them in our current macro-world compulsory environment. every-

thing we try to imagine has its beginning and its end. but, how can we imagine the end of outer space; a wall,more space, what? if it has no end, how could it have had a beginning? Get your head around that, if you can.

ever had a Déjà vu? the literal meaning is ‘already seen’. those who have experienced the feeling de-scribe it as an overwhelming sense of familiarity with something that shouldn't be familiar at all. Could

our minds be attempting to link into another dimension? A dimension unrestricted by, what wecall, ‘time’? ‘Physical’ access to it is inadequate due to the three-dimensional environment weare in. but are we really inadequate? Could this facet be the phenomenon that Christians call aspiritual encounter?

history tells us that giants have existed on earth before, i.e., gigantopithecus, biblical ac-counts, Greek mythology, etc. Some claim a celestial parent. Could ‘bigfoot’ be a remnant of a

demigod, and possibly have access to a dimension we don’t quite understand?i’m not a physicist but quantum mechanics just might have something to do with these giants

that seem to appear and disappear at will. if the answer to our ‘bigfoot’ mystery lies in the quan-tum world, i suggest there will be NO answer until we understand ‘time’ and how to deal withit. Until then, if there is a ‘then’, i suggest we researchers continue to explore what we can of

this bigfoot / Sasquatch enigma—which at times we are debatably fortunate to be part of.David Forbinster


Sasquatch enigma

page 11

had long arms, really long arms… I

was shocked. His shoulders and arms

were very big. His arms were the size

of my legs.”

“It had a normal round head, like

a human head, sort of… and it didn’t

have a neck.”

“His legs were very thick, big – the

calves and thighs thick…”

We asked for a clarification on

“thick,” asked whether she meant

they were muscular.

“Yes. Very muscular,” she an-

swered.

On her reaction to seeing it:

“At first I thought I was losing it,

but I saw it, I know it was there… Is

there anyone else seeing this right

now…? I’m sure someone else saw

it… It’s really strange… nobody be-

lieves me… they say maybe what you

saw isn’t what you think you really

saw… but I know what I saw.”

On the possibility that it was a bear:

“A bear? Nope, nope, nope, a bear

can’t walk like a human being.”

What about the possibility that it

was a person dressed up in an outfit?

“Well who knows, maybe it was…

I don’t know, but ah… they could

dress up as a sasquatch, but they

can’t be that tall… unless they were

on stilts or something… I don’t

know.”

Do you think it might have been a

person in an outfit?

“My opinion? No.”

JJ told us, that a day or two after the

sighting she went to the park with a

friend to look around. They saw no ev-

idence of the creature – the ground was

all grass.

“It’s a little scary after you see

something like that,” she told us.

We think you really saw one.

“Oh, I did. I know I did,” she said.

_________________________

OtheR StORieS:People have told us

some stories about

sightings just minutes

out of town a place

called Ralls Island.

A lady who said that

she looked out her window because

her dog was barking and looked and

seen this thing that she said looked like

a Bigfoot and earlier in the day she

racked her leaves into a pile on her

lawn. This thing was rolling in the

leaves like a child would if he was

having fun. She was looking at this

thing worried it would harm her dog

but the thing wasn't afraid of the dog

because it was chained up. So it stood

up and looked at her in the eyes

through window and got afraid and ran

into the bush near by.

_________________________

LOCAtiON DetAiLS:Fairford Reserve

Spring, May 2nd, 2003

Woman driving

sees creature walk into bush. The

sparsely populated Fairford Reserve is

surrounded by bush on two sides, the

Fairford River on one side, and Lake

St. Martin on the other side.

May 2nd, 2003 two women saw

Sasquatches in the Interlake area of

Manitoba, that piece of country which

separates the giant Lake Winnipeg

from Lakes Manitoba, Winnipegosis,

and Cedar Lake. Both sightings were

on the Fairford Reserve, which lies

about 10 miles south of Gypsumville

along Lake St. Martin. The two inci-

dents were separated by only a little

more than three weeks time and per-

haps a 1.5 km distance.

The more recent sighting occurred

just two days prior our visit to Fairford

Reserve. We spoke in person to the

witness, CL, a Native Canadian

woman. She had a couple of young

kids who played around us as we sat

with her at her kitchen table and lis-

tened as she told what she had seen as

she drove home at about 5:30 P.M.

May 2, 2003.

“I saw a big, black, hairy creature

walk into the bush,” CL told us. “I

got a pretty good view of it; I was

driving pretty slow because the road

was bumpy… It was about 40 yards

away. It was pretty big, about seven

footish, broad shoulders… I just

couldn’t believe what I was looking

at. I got home and I said to my hus-

band, I just seen something! And he

got a camcorder and went over there

but it was already gone.”

continued on page 14

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CL saw the animal as it walked away

so she saw only its backside and not its

face. She said it was covered with

black hair; she couldn’t tell whether it

was a male or a female; and when

asked about its head and neck she said

it didn’t have a neck, and that the head

was a little pointed on top. She didn’t

see the legs because the brush hid

them; she saw the creature from about

the butt up. It just walked calmly into

the bush from where she first saw it

just off the gravel road.

We found CL to be completely be-

lievable. It was clear she had no interest

in Sasquatch and had little knowledge

of the subject. She spoke to us about

her sighting only because we looked

her up with the help of a local man who

heard she’d seen something.

_________________________

LOCAtiON DetAiLS:South of Devil's

Lake. Summer, Au-

gust, 24th, 1999

Optometrist has

clear sighting of what he calls Bigfoot.

Driving south on highway 6 in

plain daylight. Thought I saw a bear

approx. 50 yards off of the highway.

As I got closer, it stood up and was a

Bigfoot. It was standing in a grain field

and the grain was at its knees. It was

two tone in color (brown and light

brown). Its chest and back of head

were light brown. The arms were thick

from shoulder to wrist and it appeared

to have no neck like a gorilla. Approx.

height was easily seven 7 feet tall and

estimated weight was 400-500 lbs. It

was bent over as I drove past possibly

digging in the soil but stood and

looked at me. There was few vehicles

on the road at the time.

The witness, TM, is a pharmacist

and optometrist who lives in Winnipeg.

He traveled (at that time) monthly to

The Pas to see patients. TM is an expe-

rienced hunter and fisherman.

At first TM thought the animal he

saw, which was bent over, might be a

bear. When it straightened up and

swung around to look at his passing

car, he said he knew it was not a bear.

It was a big creature, six to seven

feet tall with massive arms and a

heavy neck, and it had kind of a

blonde mane and chest. When we

asked what his general impression of

the thing was, what it looked like to

him, he said, “It looked like Hulk

Hogan out in a field in a monkey suit.”

TM said that shortly after passing

by the animal, after he’d had a moment

to digest what his eyes had seen, he

knew it had been a Bigfoot. He com-

mented that he wished he had stopped

or turned around to look at the animal

better, but said it took him a little while

to process what he’d seen and get over

the shock… by that time he was well

down the road.

_________________________

LOCAtiON DetAiLS:

Incident occurred

on Friday, July 10,

1998. Estimated

time was around 9:30 am. Approx. 380

km North of Winnipeg and 70km south

of Grand Rapids, MB on Highway #6.

The area is noted for having large

amounts of limestone deposits, cliffs,

& caves. The sighting occurred right

near a creek going through highway

#6 (small bridge). The forest is conif-

erous in this area.

I was the driver of the vehicle and

my cousin was the passenger. I was

driving down highway #6 just nearing

the bridge named "North Three

Rivers Creek Bridge", when all

of a sudden what I thought was

man came out of the left side of the

bush. I immediately awoke my cousin

and told her to take a look at this guy,

the very first thing I noticed was what

I thought were his clothing (black) and

his "walk", both being out of the norm.

I thought that this guy might not be all

there, his walk looked as though he

was marching. He made his way down

the ditch and onto the highway and at

that moment I without a doubt thought

it looked like a Bigfoot.

His walk was so distinct, it took

amazing strides with his arms swing-

ing. It was covered head to toe in black

fur and appeared to be without a neck.

I was expecting it to look in my direc-

tion, but it just kept walking, heading

towards the other side of the highway.

As I was nearing, it made its way onto

the right side of the highway, the ditch.

As I was passing it, it made its way

in to the bush. I braked, but could not

see it thru the thick bush. I was not

going to get out and start exploring be-

cause I was quite shake from the

whole ordeal. So I continued down the

highway. In the five hour drive, not

once could I stop thinking about what

happened.

_________________________

LOCAtiON DetAiLS:Nelson River,

aprox. 36 km South -

West of Norway

House. Incident oc-

curred on April 16, 2005. Estimated

Time was around 6:30 am

Residents of Norway House, Man-

itoba, approximately 500 kilometers

north of Winnipeg, have been flocking

to Georgina Henry's house to view a

nearly three minute videotape of what

appears to be Bigfoot, taken by her

son Bobby on the morning of April

16, 2005.

Just after dawn, Bobby Clarke, a

ferryman on the Nelson River, sighted

what he described as "a big black fig-

ure" on the opposite side of the river-

bank aprox. 250 meters away. Known

to never be without his video camera,

Bobby was able to film the figure for

almost three minutes.

Missy Flett, an outreach worker

with the Norway House Community

Council, and an admitted cynic, said

she was stunned to see the image of the

massive, hair covered creature walking

upright...

"I was kind of skeptical when I

went over," stated Ms. Flett, "But

after seeing it, I truly believe it's the

real Sasquatch" ..."It's awesome. . .

It's real. It's the real deal."

"Couple of my friends and

cousins have seen it, and some of

them, first didn't believe in anything

like that,' said Joey Robertson.'

When they seen the video, it con-

vinced them."

Sharness Henry, Bobby`s sister,

claims the videotape is of a massive

creature, which stands aprox. 8-10 feet

tall, walking along the river`s edge

through some bulrushes. Towards the

end of the 2 min. 49 sec. video, the fig-

ure turns and appears to look directly

into the camera.

Bobby was quite shaken by the or-

deal, and had to take a few days off

work following the sighting.

'"It was just massive, standing tall.

I'm freaked out,' Clarke said in an in-


continued on page 16

page 15

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page 16

terview from the ferry at an uninhab-

ited bush area 36 kilometers (28 miles)

from Norway House. He said he's

been nervous ever since, especially

when he takes the ferry to that side of

the river."

Mr.Clarke isn't the first person re-

portedly to catch sight of Bigfoot at

this location. Hubert Folster, who was

also a ferry operator, spotted the crea-

ture in 2004. The creature was walking

among the bulrushes which were

trapped in the ice. Dark and human-

like, the creature was too large to be a

human. Although he watched the crea-

ture for about 6 minutes, Clarke claims

it was too hard to make out any more

details in the poor morning light.

"It just wasn't right," claimed Fol-

ster, who never really talked about his

encounter. "You don't want to mention

these things". Unfortunately, Mr. Fol-

ster didn't have a camera at the time.

***

A second bigfoot

sighting has been re-

ported by a young girl,

and her play mates in

Paupanakis Point,

Norway House,

Manitoba, which is located on the

south end of the same First Nations re-

serve where ferryman, Bobby Clarke,

videotaped a large, dark, bipedal crea-

ture walking along the bank of the

Nelson River.

The girls were close to a residential

area, which borders the woods, at

around 7:30-8:00 pm on May 20, when

the encounter occurred. The woods are

bordered by knee high grass, which is

where the creature was standing in

plain view, apparently watching the

children play. One of the girls fainted

from fright, after seeing "a huge crea-

ture." None of the children were hurt,

but they are understandably still quite

shaken, and afraid to be left alone.

Immediately following the sight-

ing, a search party was assembled to

investigate the surrounding area.

Footprints were found where the ac-

tual sighting occurred, as well as

deeper into the woods. Several more

expeditions have been conducted

since, and have resulted in finding

more physical evidence.

The size of some of the tracks

measure "larger than a man`s size 16

shoe" said one witness, and have a

clearly defined outline of the toes. The

tracks have been preserved, pho-

tographed, and videotaped by Norway

House residents.

_________________________

LOCAtiON DetAiLS:The location is 12

miles north of The Pas,

Manitoba, on high-

way 10 and then 3

miles to the left on dirt road, calm,

large clearing with some willow trees.

I was out moose hunting in Sep-

tember of 2002 north of The Pas, ap-

proximately 15 miles away and well

off the main highway 10 heading

north west. I was in my tree stand that

I had built in the month of August and

is about 13 feet off the ground facing

a small river and a large clearing. The

incident happened at about 10:00 pm

when the light is just above the tree

line and can't see much of the ground,

it started when I called in a bull

moose, the moose was no more then

200 yards away from me and moving

toward the clearing. I heard some-

thing to my left and walking toward

the moose. This thing was walking

fast as it only took it about a few sec-

onds to cross the clearing. The moose

of course stopped grunting and took

off very fast the opposite direction. I

thought this was a bigger moose and

was excited at the prospect of bag-

ging a big bull moose. The sound of

the steps came around along the bush-

line to my right after that and came

closer to my stand. I got ready with

my 30-06 british enfield and as the

thing got about 50 yards from me, my

tree stand gave me up by making a

small creeking sound when I moved

a bit to get up from my chair. I seen

this thing and it wasn’t a moose but a

sasquatch, still fairly young, it stood

about 8-9 feet tall, judging it's mass

probably weighing in the area of 320-

350 lbs. When the boards on my

stand creeked the sasquatch ducked

behind some willow trees and that's

where it stayed for the next 30-40

minutes observing me and I it. The

sasquatch eventually made its way

going toward the north east and I

went on with my hunt. I eventually

bagged a bull moose at about 4:00 am

the next day and I had an experience

I'll probably never forget. If this ani-

mal wanted to kill me it probably

would have done it, but I feel that

they are harmless if a person doesn’t

panic and start shooting it for nothing.

We have always heard of

stories and we have had some

wierd experiences around

The Pas hunting areas

within the past few seasons like

wierd sounds or calls at night

when we hunt.


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wiNNiPeG - A United Nations or-

ganization will soon have to designate

a huge tract of boreal forest along the

Manitoba-Ontario boundary as a

world heritage site.

The two provinces, along with five

First Nations, finalized their submission

package last step in what has cost mil-

lions of dollars and brought political heat

for Manitoba Premier Greg Selinger.

"The UNESCO designation is re-

ally a world-class recognition of the

southern boreal landscape that we are

protecting," Selinger said.

"We're going to be globally recog-

nized for what we've done to protect

this site and it will attract eco-tourists

from all around the world." The

33,400-square-kilometre area is known

as Pimachiowin Aki — an Ojibwa

phrase that translates as "the land that

gives life" — and is the last intact bo-

real forest of its kind in the world.

As part of the effort to protect the

area, the provincial government in

2007 prevented Manitoba Hydro from

building a transmission line through it.

The government ordered the Crown

utility to build a much longer line

around lakes Winnipeg and Manitoba,

which will cost at least several hun-

dred million dollars more.

The Opposition Progressive Con-

servatives denounced the move as

costly and unnecessary. They have re-

peatedly said construction of a trans-

mission line wouldn't hurt the chances

of the vast forest being declared a

world heritage site. Their attacks failed

to dent voter support for the NDP in

last October's election. Selinger said

the government has spent money, "in

the very low millions," to prepare the

UNESCO bid. There are more than

900 world heritage sites already des-

ignated by UNESCO, including

Lunenburg, N.S., and Banff National

Park. The world heritage committee

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sites, although it is not clear how soon

the bid from Manitoba and Ontario

will be considered.

This year the meeting is in St. Pe-

tersburg, Russia, but there is no guar-

antee the bid will be reviewed then.

bOReAL FOReStManitoba, Ontario boundary proposed as world heritage site

page 20

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page 21

RUmblE ON

THE REzFebRUARY 11th G.L.M.C . OPASkwAYAk CRee NAtiON

CURReNtLY theRe ARe 11 FiGhtS SCheDULeD FOR thiS eVeNt: Jordon "toes" Constant vs Luke Palmer Leon Church vs Sunny bird

iN the biG MeAt MAtCh OF the NiGht

Nelson Cote vs Nick Paul Clearsky Leo Constant vs Derrek Abrahamson Mike Flett Jr vs Scott Neapeautrever Lonechild vs Criss Cross Christina Ross Curtis head Constant vs Adam wayne bJ Constant vs travis Cloud

Obie Spence vs Paul Raymond brad bear vs Alex kay Vincent bercier vs Mat Zemalak

On February 11th the OCN blizzard will host Jeff wiley and Pro MMA

Rumble on the Rez will feature team Constant threat captained by 5-4 brian J. Constant. Other notable members

of team Constant threat include, Jordon "toes" Constant, Mike Flett Jr, Nelson Cote, Leo Constant and Vincent bercier.

they will be squaring off against Jeff wiley's team of western All-Stars, including Alex kay, Luke Palmer, trever Lonechild, Mat Zemelak Sunny bird and others.

Tickets on sale now at Constant Threat Ph. (204) 623-2111

in the Otineka Mall or by calling the

Blizzard Office at (204) 627-7077

$40 each for Rush Seats

Vip Packages are also available, but space is limited.

DOORS OPeN FOR thiS eVeNt At 5:00 pm ON FRiDAY NiGht with beLL tiMe At 6:30 pm

Tick

ets

on sale

now

Aquarius(January 20 - Feb. 18)

Pisces(February 19 - March 20)

Aries(March 21 - April 19)

taurus(April 20 - May 20)

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

Cancer(June 22 - July 22)

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Virgo(August 23 - Sep. 22)

Libra(September 23 - Oct. 23)

Scorpio (October 24 - Nov. 21)

Sagittarius(November 22 - Dec. 21)

Capricorn(December 22 - Jan. 19)

page 22

Horoscope

February

You’ve been working like blazes

behind the scenes and now, with so

much positive star energy focusing

on you, any meetings or develop-

ments planned take a new positive

momentum. Make calls and contacts

when you’re at your most articulate.

When it comes to meetings at work,

discussions or dealings regarding

health matters, you’re unlikely to

put a foot wrong. It pays to link up

with others of like mind. Socially,

your life opens out. You can make a

lot of inroads if you get yourself or-

ganised. It’s all about talking to the

right people. The stars show you’ll

end up with a good feeling. Planning

a holiday, a business trip or a train-

ing course? Make those enquiries

now. Relationships? Meet half way.

Someone somewhere is waving a

magic wand! Trouble is, you could

be in danger of not appreciating the

importance or relevance of what’s

happening. Perhaps you need some

time out to relax and take stock.

There’s a hint of endings and fresh

beginnings as a collaborative ven-

ture reaches completion. Now, your

financial prospects are looking

brighter and more hopeful. Strategi-

cally, it’s a good time to make new

plans and keep thinking up those in-

novative ideas. You know, if it’s

something you really want to do,

there are always ways and means

around any obstacle. Group proj-

ects, team playing and people power

is the way to go. Take things one at

a time. Stay cool.

Very soon you’ll have the chance

to make a bold new life-statement.

Whether you want to improve your

social life, your status, your career

or your relationships, the cosmos is

smiling upon you and giving you the

green light. So don’t rest on your

laurels. Intense and probing conver-

sations will help you to get back in

step. Boost your charm at work.

Emotionally, things settle down and

if you’ve been out of synch with

your partner.There’s an uneasy feeling at the

back of your mind. Once you put

your finger on the cause, you can set

about to resolve the matter.

Dealings with officials, and es-

pecially so if connected with fi-

nance, go smoothly. There’s a

powerful cosmic stimulus that will

help you overcome negative feel-

ings, attitudes and habits that are

blocking your path. Be open to

suggestions and willing to be per-

suaded. Have you been thinking

about relocating, working abroad,

perhaps, or applying for a job with

a foreign company? If so, keep

your eyes and ears wide open. But

if you hit against an unforeseen

problem, a discrete word with an

official or boss will soon clear the

matter up.

Stretch your imagination. Stimulate

those little grey cells. Love, friendship,

creative projects and adventure go

hand-in-hand. But so do money, in-

vestments and all joint projects, too.

Work, home and personal relation-

ships have been central features in

your life for some time now. You can

make a big presence with your contri-

bution at work. And you can make

great progress by joining forces with

other people’s ideas, but remember

that people sometimes say and do

things that quite take you by surprise.

Whatever has unsettled you, it’s best

to be philosophical. Looks like a sud-

den thought struck you in the middle

of night.Take it forward.

throwing a positive light on your de-

sires. Relationships are moving to a

new phase.

It’s quite an interesting time for

you financially. Expect a few eye-

opening surprises, some unexpected

developments and the odd unusual

turnarounds. Investments, love, sex

life – things are developing! People

are full of surprises this days. Beware

of colleagues who want to take over

the show, youngsters who behave un-

predictably and shopping that goes

well over your budget. Put your

wellbeing first. Ideas for either sav-

ing or generating new money are

promising. Strike out for better deals

while your luck is holding good.

Enjoy some leisure and sport.

You’re having a ball! The tempta-

tion to take on more and more re-

sponsibility is hard to fight – but

then, you could never resist a chal-

lenge! Career-wise, if you want to

become either a big player, or a big

earner, you must now give your work

all you’ve got. Go on, don’t miss this

chance! Keep making those good de-

cisions. Love? A new romance is

lighting a fire in your heart and it

feels so right. You might be caught

up in a burst of excitement.Visitors

and more activity under your roof

will keep you happily engaged.

Anything’s possible .

Whether on a personal or profes-

sional level, be sure you’re ready to

respond so as not to miss out. If

you’re looking for a new job, or a

fresh project to get your teeth into,

now is the time to go for it. An in-

vigorating influence is about to

enter your life which will put you in

sparkling social form. Listen out for

opportunity knocking at your door!

Status and prestige? When it comes

to dealing with others, you’re mak-

ing good sense and the advice

you’re giving is bang on target, butdon’t make hasty judgements. In

time you’ll see the merit of trying

something new.

Because of your new philosophy

and your determination to open your

heart and mind to new pleasures, a

deep passion is growing… Blinding

flashes of inspiration, instincts and

hunches will pay off if you heed and

follow them up. A quiet word with

someone close will have the desired

effect and show you where the land

lies. With your store of pent-up energy,

you’re ready to push through your

ideas to advance your position. And

the good news is, you’re making

progress fast! Strike out for better

deals while your luck is holding

good. Affairs concerning friends and

youngsters also get the go-ahead.

Events put you on a high. Now that

you’ve got things off your chest, your

feelings are much clearer and the pres-

sure you’ve been under is easing off.

Career-wise, you’re finding the job

deeply absorbing. You may be feel-

ing short-tempered and out of your

comfort zone. The best thing to do

is just sit back and roll with events.

Why give yourself a headache when

it’s not necessary? Overseas contacts,

long-distance plans, dealings with

legal, educational or travel matters

come under harmonious stars. Adven-

ture is in the air. The links you’re mak-

ing will work very much in your

favour. Travel? Your resourcefulness

pays off. Success is sweet but love is

sweeter if you give it a chance.

could find something you thought

you’d lost forever. Life has had a

few unsettling moments recently.

Find a way to rationalise the situa-

tion because, once done, much

calmer waters lie ahead. It seems, a

few wrinkles that need to be

smoothed over right now. Soon

you’ll have your green light to go.

Patterns change, moods lift and new

developments come into play your

way. There are unexpected changes

to take on board.

It’s a good time to break negative

patterns. A surprisingly useful array

of planetary activity gives you the

backing to push ahead with ambi-

tious career. Lift your spirits by hav-

ing a good old clear-out, organising

your office or planning a spot of refur-

bishment. As long as you stay within

the limits of your budget, there’s no

reason why your account won’t stay

firmly in the black. Doors are opening

and favours are being granted. You’ve

been waiting for this turnaround for

months so make best use of it now.

Whether it’s career, a relationship or a

sense of personal power, the stars are

Chances are your desk is piled so

high you need the Time Team to ex-

cavate it! Unknown power is urging

you to de-clutter, tidy and recycle.

Not only will a good clear-out bring

fresh energy and inspiration, but you

page 23

Jokes

SMARt MAN

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He

reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the bal-

loon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised

my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know

where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering

approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42

degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.

"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."

"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is tech-

nically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information,

and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says "You must be a manager."

"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you

know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you

are, or where you are going. You have made a promise

which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect

me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the

exact same position you were in before we met, but

now it is somehow my fault."

GReAt NAMeA woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spot-

ted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled

and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name,"

he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of

fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most

- cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?"

she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

GAteS OF hAVeNFather O'Flannagan dies due to old age. Upon entering St.Peter's

gate, there is another man in front, waiting to go into heaven. St.

Peter asks the man, "What is your name what did you accomplish

during your life?". The man responds "My name is Joe Cohen, and

I was a New York city Taxi driver for 14 years" "Very well," says

St. Peter, "Here is your silk robe and golden scepter, now you may

walk in the streets of our Lord." St. Peter looks at the Father, and

asks "What is your name and what did you accomplish?" He re-

sponds, "I'm Father O'Flannagan, and have devoted the last 62 years

to the Lord". "Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your cotton robe

and wooden staff, you may enter." "Wait a minute," says O'Flanna-

gan, "You gave the taxi driver a silk robe and golden scepter, why

did I only get a cotton robe and wooden staff?". "Well," St. Peter

replied, "We work on a performance scale, you see while you

preached, everyone slept, when he drove taxis, everyone prayed!"

beAUtYA businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders

a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks

inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another

double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his

shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double mar-

tini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all

night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt

pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peek-

ing at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know

it's time to go home."

bACk iN 5 MiNUteSA guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he

needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink

so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!".

After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his

beer saying, "So did I!"

DRUNkOne night, a police officer was stalking out a

particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the

driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he

saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the

curb, and try his keys on five different cars before

he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling

around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone

left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his en-

gine and began to pull away.

The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver,

read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The re-

sults showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to

know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Des-

ignated Decoy."

JeSUS bOYA boy asks his father to use the car and the father replies "No,

not until you cut your hair!". The boy replies "But father...Jesus

had long hair!" to which his father says, "Yeah, but Jesus walked

everywhere."

80 YeAR YOUNGAn 80 year old couple were having problems remembering

things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to

make sure nothing was wrong with them.

When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor

about the problems they were having with their memory. After

checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were phys-

ically okay but might want to start writing things down and make

notes to help them remember things.

The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while

watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked,

"Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked,

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "Sure." She

then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you

can remember it?" He said, "No, I can remember that."

She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top.

You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that."

He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with

strawberries." She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream

on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that

down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After

about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a

plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and

said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"

wiLD ShOeSA young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She

wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was

very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of

one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out

and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reason-

able price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest.

Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined,

the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching her-

self an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots

the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward

her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort

hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of

the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just

then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts

out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

20 iN ChANGeA lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping.

An honest, little boy noticed her drop the handbag, so he picked it

up and returned it to her. The lady looked into her handbag and com-

mented, "Hmm... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20

bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied,

"That's right, lady. The last time I found a purse, the owner didn't

have any change for a reward."

SAiLORS AND SOLDieRSShOULD be FRieNDS!A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite directions

on a curvy mountain road. The army man hits a patch of sand,

swerves, and nails the Navy man's truck. They both exit their cars

with no injuries, but their vehicles are ruined.

Now, the rivalry between Army and Navy is well known, so

needless to say a heated argument followed. Then suddenly the

Navy man changed heart and said, “Hold on, this is dumb. It was

an accident. Let's put this rivalry behind us.”

The Army man agreed this was a good idea. So the Navy man

offered, “Why don't we celebrate our new friendship over a fifth of

vodka? I have a bottle in the truck.”

The Army man thought this was an excellent idea. So the Navy

man, being a gentleman, offered the Army man the first drink, and

told the Army man to drink as much as he wanted. Soon half the

bottle was gone and he offered the bottle back to the Navy man

who said, “Thanks, but I'll wait till after the cops get here!”

page 24

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