Break out your bibs and buckets: It's time for the *Drool* Simon Vetinari Bachelor Challenge!

This is Day 5: SimSelves, kissing, and hunky Simon!

Cassidy was under no illusions about his boyfriend's Aspiration. "Gil? Do you ever regret moving in here with me? I mean, you can't exactly play the field."

Cassidy Vetinari: spare-spawn from the Vetinari Dualegacy.Gilbert Jacquet: rogue baker.

Gil knew that Cass's insecurities were groundless. "Who needs a field?" Gil said, resting his chin on Cassidy's shoulder. "What do I have to do to convince you that you're all I need?" He felt the tension ease from Cass's body.

"Just keep telling me," Cassidy said.

"I know I'm not meant to ask Cassidy about his past," said Theo, "but I could not help but ask him about his heritage. He said something about a telescope and extraterrestrials."

Doc sighed. "I'm sure he did. Please tell me there was minimal use of the word 'probe.'"

Theodore Harrison is courtesy of Dicreasy's Victorian Legacy, and was the subject of a Bachelor Challenge won by my SimSelf.Doc would be my SimSelf (DrSupremeNerd).

"I was abducted once as an adolescent," said Theo, a slight smile on his face. "I would very much like to repeat the experience now, and I wonder if we might procure a telescope."

"I definitely don't play Pleasantview enough to warrant any green babies," said Doc, "but if you want a telescope, I can make that happen." She had a sudden thought. "And maybe I can think of another use for it as well..."

"Hey, Di!" Doc called over her shoulder. "Who's the Pleasantview slapper?"

"I do believe it's your bo-o-o-oyfri-i-ie-e-e-end," Di singsonged.

"I think I see where this is going," Indy said. "I wish we had popcorn."

Dicreasy writes the Victorian Legacy.Indy Vetinari is a Gen 5 Prettacy spare and Simon's uncle.

"Eeeexcellent," Doc said with an evil little smile.

"C'mon, grandpa..."

"Seriously," said Indy. "Popcorn."

"What gives you the right to spy on me?" Mortimer Goth shouted, delivering a stinging slap to Doc's face.

"I do not find you attractive!" Doc snarled, dishing it right back to him. "And you should have been a teddy bear anyway!"

"How dare you attack a woman, sir!" Theo said, giving Morty a fierce poking.

"He's so cute when he thinks he has to defend my honor," said Doc.

"Well, he is Victorian," Di said.

"You gonna tell him you did it on purpose?" Indy asked.

"Pffft--no," Doc snorted. "And I'm also not gonna tell Morty that I cheated the rest of us a bunch of skill points."

Morty chose that moment to attack Theo.

"Go Theo!" Indy shouted, always up for a fight.

"Bella was doing Don on the side!" Doc called.

"Hitting below the belt," said Indy. "Nicely done."

"I trust you can find your way out," Theo said coldly. Mortimer clambered to his feet and walked away, nursing what was left of his dignity.

"That was very sweet of you," said Doc. "Perhaps not entirely necessary, but sweet of you."

Theo battled the very un-Victorian urge to kiss her. "I believe we have a Bachelor Challenge to watch."

Doc shrugged. "Yeah; I suppose we've put it off long enough."

Still disheartened over the day before, Simon plopped down at the computer.

More hot-tubbing, he thought. Hooray. He was giving even odds on them even noticing his presence. Painfully shy, his confidence was shaken, and his grouchy side was starting to surface. He wanted to go back to college, where he could bury his nose in a book and leave the romancing to Archie and Rizzo and Becca.

Three Flirts again. Fantastic. Because those went so well yesterday. The worst part was that the rejected Flirts weren't the start of what had gone wrong, merely the disappointing end to a disappointing day. He might not have been the most social of people, but he'd never felt as alone in a house full of people as he had the previous day.

The last item on the list is the one that made his stomach churn: Romantic Kiss. He'd known it was coming, but that didn't mean it was easy to see--or get up the courage to do, considering how nervous he was already.

He chose to hit the hot tub first.

Hunky Simon Vetinari, son of Gen 5 Prettacy spare Chad and the SimSelf of MichelleFobbs, writer of the Planetary Apocalypse and the Not Quite a Vacation Asylum.

Simon's a Sagittarius 6/1/10/7/4 Knowledge Sim whose shyness, while adorable, is something of a handicap in this particular challenge.

After being largely ignored on Day 4, he was ready to go home, but a pep talk from his cousin Rizzo gave him some encouragement, though he's not the happiest of people at the moment.

And the remaining contestants who so confounded him?

Marina (smoothiequeen87, writer of the Villainous Apocalypse), was fourth on Day 4 with a score of 128, friends with Simon, and a double-crush.

Stacie (stacilee [boolprop.com]/stacierearden [Exchange] writes Whedonberry) was first with a score of 137, friends, and a double-crush.

Pen (penguingirl0384, writer of the Penguino Legacy) was second with a score of 136, friends, and double-crush.

"Hey, Simon! Guess what!" Marina said.

"...Is this the part where you tell me how hot I am?" Simon asked.

"It could be," she admitted.

"I'm totally thrilled that I haven't gone home yet," Stacie said. "I mean, I feel bad for Lark and Jamie and Silvain and Lea, but I'd rather be here than gone."

"Who says you won't be going home at noon?" Marina asked.

"Hush!" Stacie said, splashing Marina.

"Don't splash M'ina!" Pen said, splashing Stacie.

Simon tried to engage Marina in a discussion about the upcoming new season of Top Chef.

"TV? It's NaNoWriMo; who's got time for TV?" Marina replied.

"What about Indy and that hat?" Marina asked.

"Are you trying to get yourself gone?" Stacie sighed, knowing Simon's distaste for fashion.

Luckily for Marina, Pen had distracted Simon with a splash, so he didn't have to argue with Marina about the topic of conversation.

"I think it's great that we're all getting along," Stacie said. "It's so much better than the alternative."

"You're right," said Simon. "I don't think I could deal with being here if there was fighting."

"So I guess today's the day you've all been waiting for," he said. "There'll be kissing later on."

"I can't wait!" said Pen, already anticipating the event itself.

"Simon's so dreamy," Stacie said.

"We know you think so!" said an exasperated Marina.

"Anyway, I think he's cute too," Marina said.

"Totally cute," Stacie agreed.

"Way, way cute," Pen said.

"I'm looking forward to being better friends with you all," Simon said. His fears of a repeat of the day before were allayed; his guests were talking to him and interacting with him, and all was right with his world.

"Cass and Gil? How cute are they?" Marina said.

"That needs to happen for real," Stacie said.

"And also leather pants," Pen chimed in.

Simon's stomach grumbled, and he headed in to fill the buffet.

"I'm sorry we didn't get closer yesterday," Simon said. "I feel like we should be best friends already."

"It was a bit of an anomaly," Pen said. "But none of that today. Promise!"

Stacie snorted. "What was the anomaly--that you didn't have the high score?"

"Well, yes," Pen said.

After dinner, they sat around the table, chatting for a while, until they all started to yawn. They headed to bed, Simon knowing that he'd have to kiss the three of them in the morning.

Simon started with Marina.

"I know I talk about how much you confuse me, but you seem really sweet, and there's no confusion about that," he said.

"I mean, you've put up with me and my shyness for all this time," he said.

"It's not really a hardship," Marina replied.

"What, this again?" Marina asked.

"I really don't have an eyelash, do I?"

"No," Simon admitted. "Er... Does this mean you don't want to kiss me?"

"Now that you can do," Marina said.

Simon pulled Marina close, hoping that he wasn't messing it up.

"That was okay, wasn't it?" he asked nervously.

"Better than okay," Marina said, smiling. She let go of Simon with no small measure of reluctance.

Stacie came in next.

"I really am grateful that you talked to me yesterday," he said. "And, uh..."

"What?" Stacie asked.

Rather than talk, Simon reached around and gave Stacie a pinch on the cheek.

"Simon!" she said. "And here I thought you were shy!"

"You know, I think I'm sort of getting over it," he said with a smirk.

"I guess the right person just had to bring the confidence out in me," he said in a more serious tone.

Stacie reached up and ran her hand along his arm. "I'm glad I could be the right person."

Simon wrapped his arms around Stacie, kissing her and having no desire to follow it up with a noogie.

"That felt..." Stacie started.

"Yes?" Simon prompted.

"Like green happy faces," Stacie said.

"I know what you mean."

Stacie headed out and Pen came in.

"So I hope penguins aren't the only thing you get excited about," Simon said.

"Definitely not," Pen replied, smiling at Simon.

"I know something a penguin can't do," he said.

"Whistle?"

"Not exactly."

"Now there's something that requires opposable thumbs!" she giggled.

Simon waggled his fingers at her. "I've got two."

"Even better."

"They aren't just good for pinching, either," Simon said as green happy faces spun dizzily over their heads.

"I can see that," Pen said.

"Wanna know what else penguins can't do?"

Pen had to admit that there were some things that beaks were just not suited for.

"If pressed, I'd have to admit that I like you better than a penguin," Pen said. "Hands and/or flippers down."

"I'm glad I rate higher than a bird," Simon said. "And I bet I look cuter in a tux."

Pen laughed and left Simon alone in his bedroom.

Simon headed down to the pool table, thinking that Pen was looking particularly attractive just then.

"Simon just heart-farted me!" Pen said, thumping Marina in the face with a pillow.

"Oh, it's on!" Marina laughed, smacking Pen back.

Stacie grabbed a free cue stick and joined Simon. She was feeling confident about her chances.

Simon went to line up a shot, but Pen and Marina's pillow fight had migrated too close to the pool table, so he stowed his cue and gave Marina a playful shot to the arm.

"Don't you know better than to get between a man and his pool table?" he joked.

"Don't you know better than to get between a woman and her pillow fight?" she replied. "Unless they're in their underwear, in which case, that's pretty much an invitation."

Simon blushed. "I notice that you're clothed, though, and thanks for that."

He gave her another punch on the arm. "I mean, I certainly wouldn't be doing this if you weren't dressed."

"What would you be doing?" she asked.

"Gibbering quietly to myself in shock," he admitted. "Watching Becca walk around the house in her underwear is bad, but she's my cousin and there's no naughty thoughts there."

"But there are naughty thoughts here?" Marina asked.

"Very possibly," he said.

"Psssst! Simon! Call me!" Pen said.

"Pen, you live here," Marina said, smacking Simon in the shoulder.

"Whatever," Pen said.

"How's this for a call?" Simon asked, clocking Pen with a pillow.

"Well, that only took you five days!" she replied, laughing.

Pen grabbed a pillow and hit Simon back, happy that he'd finally chosen to initiate interactions with his houseguests, and she was a more-than-willing recipient of his attentions.

For his part, Simon was glad that the three remaining SimSelves had drawn him out of his shell. He rarely felt as comfortable with non-family-members as he did with Pen, Marina, and Stacie.

After the pillow fight with Pen, Simon snagged his cue stick and set up a trick shot. He made the shot easily, "Shave and a Haircut" plinking out on the xylophone.

"Way to go!" Stacie shouted. "Hey, come here for a second!"

"What's up?" Simon asked.

"Come closer," Stacie urged.

Simon leaned in.

"Didja hear the one about the bird, the gavel, the sack of money, and the buttwiggle?" she asked.

"No, I hadn't," he said. "And I thought I'd heard all the dirty jokes from listening to my mom tell them to my dad!"

"That was a good one!" he laughed. "With the gavel and the money!"

"I thought you might like that," she grinned.

Not to be outdone, Pen waved him over. "Didja hear the one about the ghost, the rocket ship, the chalkboard, and the exaggerated hourglass shape?"

"Er... what?" Simon said.

"...with an eraser!" Pen finished.

"Hee hee hee?" Simon said, laughing because it seemed sort of expected of him, but overall sort of annoyed by the lameness of the dirty joke itself.

He stopped off to pee; when he returned to the main room, his guests were at the poker table.

Pen dealt out the cards. "Is everyone in?" she asked.

"At least until noon," Stacie said.

After a few hands, Simon won a sizeable pot. "You're not letting me win, are you?"

"Safe to say you win no matter what," Marina pointed out. She looked over at the small stack of chips she had left. "Some of us won't be so lucky."

Pen and Stacie won the next few hands, though Simon was still in the lead.

I got a bad feeling about this, thought Marina.

Simon took the deck from Pen. This would be the last hand before noon, and one of his guests would have to leave. He liked all three of them. He'd anticipated the eliminations getting harder, but he hadn't expected it to be this hard.

A part of him wanted to not deal out the cards, but he knew that wouldn't stop time, just delay the inevitable.

He won the hand, but there was little joy in it. Simon cleared the table and nodded to the SimSelf who'd be departing.

"I'm really sorry, Marina," Simon said. He quite liked her, and would have been more than happy to keep her around and continue to be baffled by her, but rules were rules. "I have to ask you to go. I don't really want to, but that's the way the game is played."

Marina sighed. "I understand. I had fun, though."

Simon gave her a shy smile. "I have to say I didn't hate kissing you."

"It definitely didn't suck," Marina replied. "Well, you gonna hug me or what?"

"Sure," said Simon, giving her a squeeze. "Have a safe trip back to Riverblossom Hills."

"Take it easy," Marina said. "Pen or Stacie will be lucky to end up with you."

Simon watched her go, sad to see her leave, but curious to see what the next day would bring.

Day 5 scores:Pen first again with 164, best friends, double-crush, 2 boltsStacie second again with 160, best friends, double-crush, 2 boltsMarina still third with 148, friends, double-crush, 2 boltsThere was no way to beat the stalky determination of Pen and Stacie. But their stalky determination means it's anyone's game on Day 5!

"I got so close!" Marina sobbed. "Why didn't I just let him pretend to brush an eyelash off my cheek?"

"You gotta want it more!" said Larch, shaking his fist for emphasis. "That's how you come out a winner!"

"Who are you?" Theo asked.

Larch looked Theo up and down. "I'm Larch, Mr. Darcy. Perhaps you've heard of me."

"There may have been a passing mention," Theo said. "Incidentally, my name is Theodore, but you may call me Mr. Harrison."

Larch Vetinari is my Gen 2 Uglacy heir. He's got 10 Outgoing and likes to wander in and sit naked in the hot tub.

Doc looked over at them. "So nice of you to let yourself in, Larch. Now, am I going to have to separate the two of you, or will you play nice and not poke fun at my SimSelves?"

"I will accede to your wishes, of course," Theo said. He shot Larch a glare. "And I can only hope that Mr. Vetinari will do the same."

"Hey," said Marina. "Remember me? Heartbroken former Bachelor Challenge contestant here? Supposed to be doing an exit interview?"

"You held out for quite some time," Di said. "After all, you were third from the bottom at one point. I think you acquitted yourself very well."

"You're hot when you're being all comforting," Indy said.

"Not the time for that, m'dear," Di replied.

"I guess there was just no competing with Pen and Stacie's stalker tendencies," Marina said. "I don't think any of the others could have done any better than I did. But tomorrow, the gloves will be coming off. There's a part of me that's glad I'll be watching the fireworks from a safe distance."

"Archie?" asked Doc.

"This 'Archie' fellow seems very much like my cousin Stanley," Theo commented.

"You have no idea," Doc said.

Larch laughed. "That's my great-great-grandson you're talking about there! All hail the childrinions!"

"I guess I could be flung at Archie," Marina said. "So I suppose this means I'm off to placehold now."

"Enjoy it," Di said. "And your failure to heart-fart my boyfriend/husband-type person is much appreciated."

"He's no Simon," Marina said. She got up and headed out.

"I keep telling you," said Indy. "I don't care how many other people heart-fart me. Yours are the only ones that count."

"Wanna hit the hot tub?" Di asked.

"Why, yes. Yes I do."

Theo pulled Doc close. "I am finding your era to be very agreeable," he said. "Though I could do without the rude old men."

Doc thought about Pirate Island. "Safe to say I could too. I mean... wrinkly." She shuddered.

"Do you have a chill?" he asked, wrapping his arms more tightly around her.

"Not anymore," she replied.

The officially late, always great Uglacy heir looked at Doc and Theo with a slight smile. "I do love a good romance."

Will Doc and Theo ever overcome Theo's Victorian propriety? What will happen with Di and Indy? Will Larch ever leave now that he's let himself in? Who will win Simon? Keep an eye out for Day 6 to find out!

Still made of win.

Still made of cute.