10-Steps-to-a-Blissful-Life.pdf

TheMonarchCompany.com

About the Author

Im Katie Morton, and the most important

thing you need to know about me is that I

want you to live an amazing life.

I know how hard that can be when we feel

so limited by our humanness; we want

wonderful things to happen in our lives, but

we act in the opposite direction. Its

maddening!

The 10 steps youre about to discover

helped me to stop acting against my own

wishes and best interests and to gain the

freedom, strength and courage to start living

a big, blissful life. Its my sincere belief that

these 10 steps will work for you, too.

Im a freelance writer. Im a mother, a wife, and a small business owner. Im recovering from living

the small, uninspired life I had while I worked in high-profile positions for companies like CNBC and

Discovery Communications. I had a nagging sense that there was something else waiting for me,

something bigger and better that I was missing out on.

Once I got clear on how to use some specific techniques from the intersection of neuroscience and

psychology, a whole new world opened up to me. Its now my lifes mission to help others in much

the same way that Ive been helped.

You can learn more about how I got this once-in-a-lifetime chance to inspire you by reading My Story

on my web site, TheMonarchCompany.com.

2013 Katie Morton, Monarch Company Retreats, LLC

All Rights Reserved, except photography, which was acquired under a Creative Commons license.

Cover Photo: Naama / Creative Commons


Introduction As humans, we all check out now and then by engaging in bad habits in order to numb our minds

and emotions. Your bad habits might include overeating or eating unhealthy foods. You may

occasionally drink too much. Its highly possible that you waste time by watching too much TV or

spending too much time at your computer. Any action that keeps you distracted from living a big,

blissful life or that negatively impacts your health is considered a bad habit. Bad habits are like tiny

suicides. You are both escaping your life the moment you numb yourself with a bad habit, and youre

often chopping time off the end of your life by negatively impacting your health.

We all know how difficult it can be to kick bad habits that are deeply ingrained into our lives.

However, Ive discovered a 10-step process that will make habit change feel like a breeze. There is

work involved behind the process, but if you engage in the process willingly and with an open mind,

it will feel more like play. You will generate a sense of ease and excitement in your life that will make

you wonder why you ever struggled with your bad habits to begin with. The purpose of this book is to

help you design a life so blissful that you dont want to escape.

How to use this Book

These 10 steps helped me to enjoy a period of abstinence from wine and to lose weight, with

seemingly no effort. It wasnt a perfect process. Your journey wont always feel like a smooth

trajectory upwards, but making mistakes is baked into the process. The key to using this book

successfully is to use it consistently over time. When you feel yourself failing, know that its all part

of the process; you will learn how to hop back onto your bike faster each time you fall off. When you

work the process, each set back actually serves as a launching point to make you more effective

and more successful as you learn what works and doesnt work for you. Your gains will be

cumulative and compounded over time, rocketing you higher and higher.

The 10 steps arent listed in any particular order. Youll find it helpful to bounce back and forth

between different steps as you improve in some areas and need more help in others. They are all

dependent on each other, yet youll want to pay more attention to some steps than others at different

times as you learn, grow and transform.

This book is written to be as effective as possible while using as few words as possible. That means

it will benefit you to read it carefully and to absorb each sentence, to read it more than once, and to

refer back to it as you reach different stages of your journey. As you evolve, more lessons will arise

from the same words as you return to them. Here are the 10 steps that will change your life in

magnificent ways when you allow them. Let go of resistance, open your mind, and read on


When we have a crystal clear vision of what

we want in life, we are pulled in that direction.

When you take the time to examine your

feelings and your circumstances and to decide

what would make you happier, you allow

yourself to see the possibility of living a

greater life. You get closer to becoming who

you are, the person you are meant to be.

The flipside of this truth is that its impossible

to stay motivated if you cant see clearly what

youre aiming for. If you cant see it, then you

wont really want it that badly, because you

dont even really know what it is. When you

dont take the time to create a clear vision of

what you want, your inspiration will be wishy-

washy and fleeting.

Really get in there and examine the details of

your blissful life. Where will you wake up in

the morning? What kind of work will you do?

How will you dress? What kind of people will

you spend your time with? How will you feel?

What kind of energy will you have?

Uncover a clear vision of what life will be like

without your bad habits. If its exactly the

same way your life is now, only with a gaping

hole where your bad habits used to be, thats

not motivating enough. If your only goal is to

get rid of a bad habit for example, if your

only goal is to lose weight then its highly

likely you are going to keep doing the same

old things, like overeat, within the confines of

your same old life.

Raise the stakes on your vision and decide

that amazing things are going to happen when

you ditch your bad habits. When you can

clearly see the benefits of a new life where

things are markedly different in a great way,

its easier to accept and even welcome the

changes that achieving your goal will bring.


Its crucial that, with the vision of our blissful

lives and resulting goals in mind, we

orchestrate our actions and environments to

come into alignment with what we want.

This step basically means that were going to

take action towards our goals, which sounds

obvious. However, most of us frequently skip

this step, or wed already have achieved our

goals!

Many of us say, I want to lose weight, but

then we fail to keep healthy food on hand. I

might say, I want to get into outstanding

physical shape, but if I dont organize my

schedule to make time to work out, then its

not happening. You might say, I hate this job,

I want a new career, but you dont take the

time to explore other options.

As we continue on our journey, we may have

to revise and modify our plans to support the

achievement of our goals. Allow for flexibility

in how you will get there.

We must approach this step with these key

intentions:

We will learn from our mistakes and setbacks

and do better next time.

We are going to keep going and keep

adjusting our approach until we hit a groove

that works.

We have time. Our goals and our vision of a

blissful life are worth all of the time and effort it

takes to reach them.


Many of us give up at the slightest hint of

discomfort or difficulty. We throw up our hands

and think, Ugh, this is too hard. When we

fear pain, we dismiss the desires in our

hearts. We slide right back into our old

existence, trying to convince ourselves that its

okay to give up.

Its not okay to give up.

Once you get over the discomfort, and it might

be substantial, life will get better and better

over time. You are going to power through,

and you will be rewarded.

Learn to welcome the pain, because by

holding out for what you want on the other

side, you become stronger and happier. You

will feel thrilled with yourself because you had

the grit and the tenacity to accomplish

something difficult.

To achieve great things, you cant be afraid of

a little discomfort. Choose to embrace pain.

Where there is pain along your journey, you

are blessed with opportunities to learn, grow

and ultimately thrive. But we need to aim for

the pain that will help us, rather than

wallowing in old habits, which is simply pain

that were familiar with.

When we fear pain, we become prisoners of it.

We get trapped inside the tiny bubble of our

comfort zone, which is actually not

comfortable at all. When we open our eyes to

the promise of a bigger world, and we boldly

cross the threshold of pain in order to reach

our goals, we are rewarded with greater

energy and a blissful life.


Humans fear change, even positive change.

Your brain is going to cook up some zany

excuses in order to keep the status quo.

When you argue with your excuses, you allow

doubt to creep in, which allows destructive

patterns to continue in your life.

To deal powerfully with excuses, there are two

tactics:

1. Shut it down. Move on.

Say, Aha, I see what youre doing there. Not

so fast. Nice try. Im on to you.

2. Problem solve the excuse.

For example, heres an excuse: But Im

soooo hungry, and the lasagna is sitting right

there! And heres the solution: Hold up! First,

you shouldnt have let yourself get so hungry.

Lets work on that for next time. Second, you

arent going to starve while we prepare

something healthy to eat. Relax, be patient,

and a delicious lunch that wont weigh you

down will be ready in a moment.

When you get in a wrestling match with your

brain over whether you should engage in your

bad habit or not, you are wasting serious time

and energy thats better focused on the

pursuit of your blissful life.

When we expect great things, were more

likely to achieve great things.

Understand and appreciate the massive

impact of your belief in yourself. When you

think youll fail, you will notice obstacles.


Own your power is a nice-sounding way of

telling you that you are responsible for your

actions, your habits, and your life.

Assuming you are an adult, does your mother

put extra food in your mouth? Does your

father put that glass of soda or booze to your

lips? No, of course not. Yet many people have

no problem pointing at the way they were

raised for why their diets and their habits are

less than optimal. What do we get out of doing

that? We have people to blame. We can play

the victim card. And ultimately, we are able to

excuse ourselves from taking responsibility.

We can pretend that the guilt and the

culpability lie outside of ourselves. We can

fool ourselves into thinking that our eating

patterns or other bad habits are out of our

control.

Lets try out a common means of diminishing

responsibility for our own behavior. I can say,

Im too tired to get up early to work out.

Maybe I dont sleep well because Im too

stressed. Maybe its reasonable to think that

caring for a small child while I start a business

is a really difficult undertaking, and its only

natural to be stressed out. And so this is a

nice way of excusing myself from making time

for exercise. Well, guess what. My stress

levels and how much sleep I get are my

responsibility. So any way you slice it, its

within my control whether I am too tired to

work out or whether I decide that Im going to

find a way to make this work. There are things

I can do to relieve stress and to sleep better at

night so that I have more energy for exercise.

I can meditate, which I know brings my stress

level down. Even though I love coffee, I can

choose to drink less caffeine, which helps me

regulate my levels of cortisol, or stress

hormone. I can limit my screen time at night

and get into bed at a decent hour.

Know that by accepting the truth that you

are responsible for your behavior and your

circumstances you gain leverage. You have

buttons to push, knobs to twist, levers to

press. This is a good thing! You can choose to

stop being a victim and start making changes.


If youre someone who has a habit that you

feel you have little control over, you are

probably engaging in that habit because its

really great at distracting you from negative

emotions. Who wants to feel sad, really?

The problem is that bad habits also cause

huge whirlwinds of negative feelings, mostly in

the form of worry. We worry about what were

doing to our health. We worry that were

wasting our lives. We worry that well never

get a hold of ourselves.

It might seem like you prefer to feel worry over

sadness, or maybe you prefer worry over

anger. When you start to feel annoyed about

something or sad about something, or maybe

even too happy about something, you turn to

bad habits in order to bring your feelings back

to a familiar baseline.

If you grew up in a home where there was a

general tone that was less happy than say,

The Muppets, your happiness set point might

be a little low. When things get too happy, you

subconsciously feel the need to bring it back

down a notch, via bad habits or other means

of sabotage. Be aware of that tendency.

Theres nothing wrong with being blissfully

happy of course, but surprisingly, it can take

getting used to! Despite this, feelings should

not be ignored.

Your emotions contain valuable information.

Feel your feelings, and also observe your

feelings. Notice them and watch them. Figure

out what they are trying to tell you so you can

act on that information when it will benefit you.


If all you aspire to do in life is go to work,

watch TV, sleep and eat, then why should you

care whether youre a mess of vices and time

wasters? Raise the stakes of your life so that

a bad habit actually becomes a problem.

Dont spend time contemplating your bad

habits and whether youre doing them or not

doing them and whether you should feel guilty

or smug. Thats not important and it wastes

time.

When you have big dreams, bad habits

suddenly endanger the promise of living a big,

blissful life. See what you want out of life and

go for it; youll loosen your attachment to a

bad habit when it gets in the way of what you

actually want.

When you strive to live a bigger, better life,

bad habits detract from your experience.

Make whole life changes that are positive and

that pull you upwards so that you can feel the

weight and negativity of your bad habits

pulling you down.

When you have a vision for a blissful life and

you take the steps to get there, over time

youll find yourself living a life in which bad

habits are simply no longer a part of who you

are. You will come to see that theres no

sacrifice involved when youre gaining

something bigger and better than bad habits.


Sometimes we want to make a positive

change in our lives, BUT because change is

difficult and the idea of forever is way too

daunting, we do nothing instead. Or we decide

to go on a diet, or we take some other period

of abstinence from a bad habit and spend the

whole time wishing it were over. Once we go

back to our old ways, its like nothing ever

happened except that we feel bruised by

deprivation. When we pretend to be virtuous

for a limited period of time because we want

to be done so that we can go back to bad

habits, we arent making lasting change.

Were simply taking an unpleasant break and

then returning back to our old lives.

However, abstinence is a powerful way to

change our relationship to a bad habit, if we

do it for a meaningful length of time and within

the mindset of growth, curiosity and learning.

Moderation takes energy. We debate between

ounces we can have. We negotiate with

ourselves. Abstinence removes the

guesswork and gives that energy back to you.

Without your habit to distract or numb you,

you will become stronger and more resilient

every day.

When the abstinence period is over, you will

reevaluate whether you ever want to engage

in your bad habit within a limited framework,

or not. Going back to your habit may require

more work to limit yourself than abstaining.

You dont need to know exactly what life is

going to be like or what you want out of the

experiment before you start. Youre going to

stay curious throughout the process so you

can learn whats best for you. What habits will

benefit you and what habits harm you? How

can you structure your life to be bigger,

bolder, and better? For you, that might mean

abstaining for good, or it might not. Thats not

up to me or anyone else to decide but you.

The important part is to start, to enjoy the

journey, to learn from your new habits and

actions, and to know that life will never again

be the same. You do not wish to be done

taking care of yourself and your amazing life.


We cannot grow and change in the absence

of outside influences. By reading this book,

youre expanding your social circle. Youre

connected to me, and Im connected to you.

(Im only an email away.) Youre already doing

some of the work by allowing me to inspire

your mind and your behaviors. As time goes

on and you follow the steps outlined here, you

may feel a need for more people in your life

who are changing and growing in the same

direction you are. Youll have exciting ideas

and feelings youll want to share with others,

and youll want positive feedback for the new

ways youre thinking and feeling.

Dont resist your desire for fresh social

interaction. Notice when opportunities to meet

new people present themselves and say yes.

Take advantage of events and invitations

when they come your way.

At times on your journey, youll find yourself

getting stuck at different points and, as a

result, seeking out new support and

information. Asking for help is a beautiful

thing. Unless someone is very broken, people

live to help others. What so many of us dont

understand is that asking someone for help is

frequently a gift to them. Everyone wants to

feel needed. Asking someone for help is an

expression of how much you value them, their

expertise and what they have to offer.

Asking for help doesnt always have to look so

literal, like, Will you help me? It can take

many forms. It can simply mean that you join

up with others for an exchange of ideas. Their

fresh information can broaden your mind.

Make room for people in your life who

encourage you and allow you to reach your

true potential. Likewise, look for ways that you

can help others. Offer your presence and

involvement.

Periodically examine your relationships to see

where you need time to yourself and what

exactly you require of your loved ones. As you

become in tune with your own inner-most

desires, its necessary to see where your

relationships can detract and where they can

help support your mission, and make changes

accordingly so you can achieve the highest

good for all concerned.


We are all connected. Everything you say, do,

and feel has a ripple effect on everyone

around you, and thus on everyone on the

planet. This is true whether you isolate

yourself with bad habits and play small, or

whether you bust out and play big while you

pursue a blissful life.

Its been documented that there is a social

component to the obesity epidemic. When we

have overweight friends, we are more likely to

view an unhealthy physical state as

acceptable and to feel more comfortable being

overweight ourselves. The same is true for

any behavior that distracts us, numbs us, or

wastes time. When we all spend every

waking moment watching TV and surfing the

internet, it feels socially acceptable to us

because everyone is doing it.

The reverse is also true. As we elevate

ourselves, value ourselves, and know that our

actions affect others deeply, we begin to take

better care of ourselves and our lives. We

begin to recognize our value and our impact

on others.

By paying attention and being aware of our

ripple effect, we can choose to be inspired to

higher thoughts and actions. Go about your

days with powerful intentions.

Conclusion

You are enough. You have all the answers

inside you. But when you feel small, scared,

or you question your worth, do not remain

inside the negative echo chamber your mind

can sometimes resemble. Reach outside of

yourself for energy, love and support.


1. Envision what your blissful life looks like. See your blissful life clearly in your minds eye and concentrate on all of the details, including how your blissful life will feel, so that you re

compelled to act towards it and move obstacles out of your way.

2. Plan your actions and environment based on what you want to achieve. Figure out the concrete steps you will take. Keep trying through setbacks and mistakes. Take the

time to figure out how to hit a groove that works.

3. Choose the pain of success over the pain of failure. Either way, were going to experience pain. We can choose between enjoying the pain of success or suffering the pain of

failure. Choose the pain that will make your life amazing.

4. Notice that you are great at making excuses. Excuses are worthless. Dont argue with excuses. Instead, dismiss your excuses or problem solve them away. We have

control over the behavior we expect of ourselves. Believe youll succeed to see opportunities and

ways to triumph.

5. Own your power. The fastest way to get stuck in bad habits is to blame circumstances and people for that which you have control over. Every single aspect of your life is yours. Own it. Take

control over it. Love it.

6. Observe your emotions. Feelings are usually quite accurate in telling us whats good in our lives and whats wrong in our lives and where we can benefit from making changes. If you feel

uneasy because things are going well, avoid sabotage and keep moving towards a blissful life.

7. Raise the stakes in your life to crowd out bad habits. If you want to quit a bad habit, stop thinking about your habit and start seeing ways you can live bigger and better. When you

begin to experience bad habits as limitations, it becomes easier to push them away.

8. You dont want to be done taking care of your amazing life. Enjoy a lengthy period of abstinence so that you have the energy to take massive action towards living your big,

blissful life. Handle stress and overwhelm and optimize your health and vitality. You are never going

back to your old life because you dont want to be done taking care of your amazing life.

9. Enjoy a robust and growing social circle. As you meet new people, they will only know you as the way youre becoming. This will support your evolution into a wiser, happier version

of yourself. Seek out and hold on to friendships that inspire your true self, the self you are becoming.

10. You are a valuable human being. You deserve to live a magnificent life. It matters whether you take care of your body and your life. The way you act, think, and feel is

significant. Whether you live big or small, your life has a profound effect on other peoples lives.

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