2017 Re-Boot Camp

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WithSpecialGuestsCertifiedConflictREVOLUTION®TrainersCathyKlineandRobinCordova

Barbara:Goodmorning.It’sSunday,March26,2017.IamBarbaraWith.YouareherewithmeandthePartyof12.Partyof12.comiswhereyoucanfindallthingsEinsteinianfrombeyondthegrave,newsfromthePartyof12,andofcourseinformationaboutConflictREVOLUTION,ourimaginedEinstein’smiraculousprocessforworldpeace,onepersonatatime,startingwithyou—orme.I’llstartwithme,youstartwithyou.Mymissionthisyearwithmy12-part2017Re-BootSeriesistovisitplaceswhereEinstein’spath,thatwe’vechanneledandresearchedandexperimentedwithforthepastdecades,crossespathswithotherknowledgeandotherbodiesofknowledge.Tothatend,Iwaspreparedtohaveawonderfulwomanontheshowtoday,LeslieStewart,anauthorandachannelwhowroteabookentitledTrustandAllowtheProcessofLifeIn-Joy!Iwaslookingforwardtodoingtoday’sshowonjoy.ButsomethingcameupthatpromptedmetomoveherappearancetotheAprilshow.Ididafewcoachingsessionsandhadaconflictofmyownthatinspiredmetodevotethistoday’sshowtopresentingConflictREVOLUTION101,themostbasicwaytoteachConflictREVOLUTION,step-by-stepinstructionsaimedatabsolutebeginners—peoplewhohaveneverheardthisinformationbefore.EventhoughIhavegeareditforbeginners,thiswillalsohelpouttherestofuswhohavebeendoingthisprocessadinfinitum,someofusliterallyfordecades.Itwillhelpustorememberthepowerofbeingaperpetualbeginner.Sometimeswhenwe’relostinoverwhelming,uncomfortablefeelingsandourthoughtsareoutofcontrol,onewaytomaketheshiftbackintocontrolofyourowndomainandtostarttherevolutionistogobacktosquareone,tostartatthebeginning,reviewwhatyouknow,andtakebabystepsasifyou’reabeginner.MychallengewiththisisthattheunifiedfieldtheoryandthemapsofhumanconsciousnessthatIhavepresentedoverthesepastdecadesrepresentanenormouslycomplexsystem.Itworkssequentially.Describinghowmatterismademanifestonestepatatimefromnothingintoeverythingisaverybigundertaking.I’msoclosetoitthatIdon’ttrustmyselftoknowwhat’snecessaryandwhat’snot,becauseI’llalwaysgodeep.It’smynature.Itallseemsnecessarytome.Icalleduptwoofmycertifiedcoaches,CathyKlineinColumbus,Ohio,andRobinCordova,onBainbridgeIslandinWashingtonstate,tohelpmecraftasimplevision.They’llbejoiningusinawhiletosharesomeoftheirownConflictREVOLUTIONstories.Iaskedthemeachtwothings.First:“WhatisthesimplestwaytoexplainConflict

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REVOLUTION?Whatarethebare,minimalelementsofthewholehugeunifiedfieldtheoryandthemapsofhumanconsciousnessthatareneededinordertoshowsomeonehowtodoiteffectively?”Second:“Howdoweastrainersinspireyouwhoarelearningit,whenyouareinthosemomentsandthebademotionsaresurgingandyourthoughtsareoutofcontrol,totakeadifferentstepandmakeadifferentdecisionthatwillmoveyoutowardyourrevolution?”Becausethosemomentsofoverwhelmingemotionandout-of-controlthoughtsaretheplacewherewedotheworkofConflictREVOLUTION.ConRevisallaboutcatchingyourselfintheactofmakingadecisionthatisnotgoodforyou.It’saboutdoingsomethingdifferentinthatmoment.Whenwechangeourenergythatdeeply,wearehelpingtochangethewayourentiresystemoperates.Themorewemakeconsciousdecisionsinthosemoments,themorewe’reworkingforthegoodofthewhole,firstofallforusandthenfortheentiresituation.Eachtimeitbecomeseasierinthoseconflictedmomentstonotonlydecidetomakeadifferentchoicetodosomethingelse,butthentodoit.That’swhatit’sallabout.AftermydiscussionwithCathyandRobin,weconcludedthatthebottomlinewas,“Givethemstep-by-stepinstructionsthataresimpleandeasytounderstandandthenteachthroughexample.”ThebestwayIcaninspireanyonetodoConflictREVOLUTIONistodoitmyself,getthemiraculousresults,andthensharethatwithpeoplewhoneedinspiration.Becausethetruthis,inthatmomentyouaretheonlyonewhocanmakethatdecision.Ican’tgetintoyourheadandmakeyouthinkdifferentthings.Ican’tforceyoutobreatheemotionthroughyourbody.Onlyyoucanmakethatdecisioninthatmoment,andthosearethehardestmomentsinwhichtomakethem.Somuchofourcultureandthewaythatpeoplehavetraditionallyresolvedconflictissittingdownwiththepersonandsaying,“Weneedtotalkthroughourissues.”Sometimesthatworks,forawhile.Butitdoesn’tgetverydeep.TheobjectofConflictREVOLUTIONishelpingeachindividualfindpeacewithintheself,andindoingthat,tocontributeonagloballeveltothecollectiveconsciousnessofpeaceaswell.Ihaveseveralconflicts,theoriginalconflictsthatexcitedmeandmademewanttodothis.SomethinghappenedafewdaysagowithCathywhereshewasinthatstateofoverwhelmingemotionandrunawaythoughts.Wedidarevolution,anditwassoremarkablethatIdecidedtorevamptheconflictI’mgoingtobring—althoughtherearesomanygoodonestoshare—andIwanttoaskthoseofyouwhoarelistening,whetherit’sliveorafterthefact,tobringaconflictofyourowntothissession.Itdoesn’thavetobeanyparticularconflict.YoucanlearnConflictREVOLUTIONusinganyconflictyouwant,butIliketoadvisepeopletobringonethatentailsanotherhumanbeing,becauseit’saloteasiertolookinthemirrorofanotherhumanbeingandseeyourselfthanitis

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tolookinthemirrorof,say,warorfinancialcrisis.It’snotimpossible.Ihavedoneeverykindofconflictunderthesun.Butifyouusesomebodywho’sinyourlife,it’llgiveyouabetteropportunitytoseeyourself.Getapadandpaper.You’llbewritingthingsdown.Youcanworkyourconflictalongwithus.Attheend,you’llhaveyourownactionplan,somethingthattomorrowmorningbeforeyougetoutofbedyoucanhaverighttherebyyourbedside.Youcanstartyourdaywithaprayerofgratitude—“Thankyouforanotheramazing,miraculousdayoflife.Ifullyintend—”setyourintention—“towatchmyselftoday,”andhere’syouractionplanofwhatyouwilldo,thedecisionsyouwillmake.Alsonameyourconflict.Thatisthebeginningofcreatingwhatwecallsoundbites.Soundbitesareessentialbecauseyourimaginationandyourintellectandyourreasoningcantalktoyouadnauseamaboutwhateveryou’reobsessedoverinaconflict.Youcangoonandoninyourhead.Weallhavedoneit.Whenwestarttodevelopsoundbites,we’reparingdownmeanings,gettingtoasimplerplace.Namingitisanimportantpiece.Everyconflictformeisacasestudy.Icansay,“Ah,theHeadacheProject!”or“I’maLiar!”andIknowthewholeconflict.Sonameyourconflict.We’regoingtostartwithstep-by-stepinstructions.BaseduponmyconversationswithRobinandCathy,thisiswhatwehavecomeupwithasthesimplestwaytounderstandConflictREVOLUTION.Thefirstpieceisthatthisisone-sidedwork.Thisisnotconflictresolution,whereyousitdownandmakesureyouhavegoodsentencestructureandtoneandyoulookinpeople’seyesandtrytoresolvesomething.It’snotthat.Thisisone-sidedwork.Infact,thegroundruleis:yourdomainisyourresponsibility.Itisnotyourresponsibilitytotakecareofsomebodyelse’sconflict,andsomeoneelseisnotresponsiblefortakingcareofyourconflict.Yourdomainisyourresponsibility.Thevaluesthatweusewhenwe’redoingthisone-sidedworkare:

1. Tobenonjudgmental.Remember,thisisascienceexperiment.It’snotapriesttellingyouyou’rebadorgood.

2. Tohavepassion.Inthislifewehavetotrainourselvesthatwenotonlyhavetherighttofeelallofourfeelings,butwehavetheresponsibilitytofeelalloftheemotionthatisflowingthroughus.That’swhatpassionis.We’llfindoutaswegoforwardthatemotionisthecreativejuiceofthemanifestationofeverythingphysical.Buttouspersonally,itisourlifeforce.It’sthefirstdimensioninthebuildingblockofwhoweare.

3. Tohavecreativity.Remember,thisisacreativeprocess,sowe’relookingoutsidethebox,we’repushingourselvestothinkinnewways,we’recanoodlingwithmetaphorsthatwillrevealthemselvestous.

4. Tohavehumor.Ifyoucan’tlaughatyourself,wewill.Youarefreetolaughatme,becausehumorissoimportantingettingusoutofastuckplace.

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Sowhenyoufindyourselfbeingjudgmental,shiftovertoanonjudgmentalpointofview.Onewaytodothatis,ifyou’rejudgingsomethingtobebad,purposefullyfindthegoodinit.Orifyou’reclingingtosomethingthat’sgood,purposefullyfindthebadinit.Thenyouhavethewholepictureandyou’renonjudgmental.Whenyou’relackingpassion,getintouchwithemotion.That’llgetthosejuicesflowingagain.Whenyou’restuck,reachforyourcreativity.Thisisthebasicdescriptionthatwe’llworkwithofwhoyouare,thepicturewe’llbepainting.Youhavethreehumandimensionsthatworktogethertocreateyourabilitytohaveahumanexperienceinthephysicalworld.Thinkofitasawavethatstartsatyourfeet,flowsupthroughyourbody,allthewaythroughthetopofyourhead,andwhenitcomesoutthere,itgoesaroundagainandstartsagainatyourfeet.There’stheflowofyourlifeforce.It’slikeastring.ThethreehumandimensionsareEmotion,locatedinyoursolarplexus,Intuition,locatedinyourheartoryourchestarea,andIntellect,locatedinyourhead.Nowyouhavethreeseparateplacesthatwe’llalsobegintoassociatewiththosethingssowecanbegintoseparatethosethreehumandimensionsfromoneanother.Becausewehaveallbeenoperatingasifit’sjustonebigcrazymassofenergy,andit’shardtotellwhatIntellectis,whatEmotionis.We’rethinkingaboutafeeling,we’rethinkingaboutaconflict,andwethinkwe’refeelingit.ThereissomeEmotioninthere,therealwaysis,butthiswillhelpusseparatethemandunderstandtheirrolesclearly.ThelastpieceofthispuzzleiswhatwecalltheWitness.ThatisthepartofyouthathastheabilitytostepbackandwatchyourEmotion,Intuition,andIntellect,toobservethosethreehumandimensions.Maybeyou’dcallthattheobserverofself.Maybeyou’relookingatyourhumanselffromyoursoulself.Maybeitmightfeellikedissociation.ThatWitnesswillhelpfacilitatemakingdecisionsinthoseconflictedmoments.Verybasically,Emotion,orfeelings,inthesolarplexusisnotjustwhatwetypicallythinkofasemotions—sadness,happiness,joy,anger.InmynewbookEinsteinetal.,therearetwopagesinnine-pointtypeonEmotion.There’sahugerangeofEmotion.We’vebeentaughttoonlyfeelthegoodones,andeventhat—Iwasnevertaughthowtodothateffectively.ButinConflictREVOLUTIONwe’lllearnhowtofeeltheentirerangeoffeelings.That’sawaytogettheflowmoving.Wewanttohaveacircularflowofourstringconstantlymovingthroughuslikewater.Emotionisthefuel,theprimordialsoup,asitwere,ofenergythat’sthebeginningstepofthecreationofthephysicalworldthroughourbodies,ourperceptionofit.Atthatlevelthere’snothinking,noreasoning,

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noreasonswhyyoufeelthisway,there’snothingtodoaboutit.There’sjustpure,unadulteratedEmotion.Asthatflowmovesupintotheheart,whereIntuitionissituated,wehaveEmotionnowbecomingavoice.Ouremotionsguideus,andIntuitionbecomesthevoiceofwhatwecallCompassion.InConflictREVOLUTION,Compassionisthefifthfundamentalforceoftheuniverse,theintelligencewithinusthatisimpellingthecreationofthephysicalworld—thegarden,theearth—onestepatatime,startingwithzeroandsequentiallywalkingintotheinfinityoftheuniverse.Compassion,amongotherthings,impelsustoworkforthegoodofthewholesystem.YoumightcallitGod,Goddess,theuniverse.Itisthelifeforcethatatitsrootisprogrammedtotakecareofallpartsoftheentiresystem,creatingallpartsofit.Withinyou,thevoiceofIntuitionistellingyouthenextsteptotake,thenextdecisiontomakethatwillbegoodforthewholesituationthatyou’reinatthatmoment.It’simportanttoredefineIntuitionhereassomethingthatfirstofall,everyonehasaspartoftheirfunctioningsystem,andsecondly,ismeanttotellyouwhattodoinpresentmoment.It’salwayssendingyousignals:“Beat,heart.Breathe,”thosekindsofsubliminalimpelling.It’salwaystellingyouthenextthingyoucandothatwillbebestforthewholesituation.Makingdecisionsforthegoodofthewhole,that’sCompassion.Youtakecareofyourselffirstandyoulookoutsideandseeeverythingelsethat’sneededandyoumakeadecisiontothebestofyourabilitythatwillbenefitthewholesituation.That’swhatwe’relookingforhere.Itstartswiththethreehumandimensions.Whenweunderstandhowtheyallworktogetherandwebeginbytakingcareofourselves,wecomebacktothephysicalworldwhole,alignedtoCompassion,readytobeapeacemaker,readytocontributetoworldpeace,notjustworkingfromouregoorwhatwethinkshouldbeintellectually.You’vegotEmotionthatflowsupintoyourchestareaandbecomesIntuition,andit’simpellingyoutotakeastep.WhenitflowsupintotheIntellect,that’swhereallofthedescriptionsofthephysicalworldlie.SowithinyouyouhaveEmotionthatwillbethechair.AsitflowsupintoyourheartandyourIntuitionsaystothatpartofyou,“Gobeachair,”anditgetsintoyourIntellect,there’sadescription.Itstartsout,“IamagreenchairsittinginthecornerinWisconsinin2017.”Butthenitflips,likethelensofaneyeorarevolution,to,“Thatisachairinthecorner.”Thatisaverybasicexplanationofhowthesethreedimensionswork.Allofthisisprojectedthroughandperceivedbyyourbody.Eventhoughthechairisinthecorneroverthere,itbeginswithinyou.WhathappensintheIntellect,however,isthatimaginationcomesin,rationalization,patternsofthinkingyoudon’tevenknowyouhavethatweredrilledintoyouasachild,

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asababy,even.Andforthoseofyouwhobelieveinpastlives,sometimeswehavethoughts,feelings,senses,memories,andenergiesofpastlivescomingthroughus,infiltratingourthinkingprocess.Sowhenyouaretriggeredbyanegativeemotion,youalsotriggerdegenerativethoughtsthatwedtothatemotion,andthatbecomesareality.Iwasworkingwithawomantheotherdaywhowassaying,“I’msomadbecauseS.willnever,ever,everstayoneminutelongerforhershifttohelpout.Shejustwon’tdoit.”Isaid,“Didyouaskher?”“Well,no.”“Whydon’tyou?”Soshecalledher.“Oh,yes,I’dbehappyto!”HowlongwouldthatwomanhavewalkedaroundwithanangryemotionmarriedtothethoughtthatS.neverdoesanything?HowdoesthataffectherrelationwithS.?Ourjobhereistokeepallemotionsflowing,listentotheintuitiveimpelling,andthenIntellect,insteadofrationalizingandprojectingandgettingallcloggedupwithimagination,ismeanttohearthatimpellingofIntuitionandmakethedecisiontotakeactiontofulfilltheintuitiveimpelling.Becausehere’sthecatch:freewilloperatesintheintellectualarena.Youdon’tmakeadecisionwithyoursolarplexusorwithyourheart.Youimplementdecision-makinginyourintellectualarea.That’swherefreewilltakesplace.YourIntuitioncanbetellingyou,“Rest,”butyourIntellectcanbesaying,“No,Ican’trest.Idon’thavetimetorest.IfIrest,badthingswillhappen.”Youmakethedecisiontokeepworking.Thatisthebasickindofconflictthatwefirstresolvewithinourselves—anditchangeseverything.We’llhearsomestoriesinaminutefromthetrainersabouthowthey’veuseditandthemiraculousoutcomesthey’vehad.Icouldwriteawholecasestudybookaboutthemiraculousoutcomeswhenwedothiswork.WhenIsay“miracle,”ImeanfacilitatingaresultthatIcouldnothavefacilitatedbygoingdirectlyintothearenaoftheconflict.IcouldnothavefacilitatedthisoutcomethatcameuphadIsatdownwithmyclientandtalkedtotheissues.That’sthemiracle.Thosearethemiracleswe’llcreate.TheWitnesspartofyoualsooperatesintheintellectualarena.It’ssteppingback,takingnotes.“LookatmethinkingIcan’tdothat.Lookatmebeingjudgmental.Lookatallthatdeepanxietyinmysolarplexus.Listen,there’sIntuitiontellingmewhattodo.”TheWitness,theobserver,hastheabilitytoinspireyoutomakethosedifferentdecisions.Whenyouknowwhatdecisionsyoushouldbemaking,itdoesn’tguaranteethatyou’llmakethem,butit’samucheasiersteptobeinspiredtomakethem.Withallthatsaid,I’llsharemyconflict.It’scalled“AssumptionsandMiscommunications.”ThiswillbeanepicconflictfortherestofmylifebecauseIlearnedsomuchthroughit.TheoneIwasoriginallygoingtodowasawomanIwas

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coachingwithamiraculousoutcome.Shenamedhers“TiptoeingthroughtheMinefieldsofFacebook.”Ithought,“Raiseyourhandifyou’veneverbeentriggeredbysomethingsomebodysaidonFacebook.”Ofcourse,noonehasahandup.Sowe’llfocusonthisandthenbringonRobinandCathyinaminute.IwascoachingMaxinneone-to-oneonConflictREVOLUTION.Here’ssomethingIlearnedalongtimeago:whenIcoach,IneedtohavemyownconflictthatI’mfocusedon,becausethere’sa75%chancethatwhenIcoachsomeone,Iwillbetriggered.IlearnedthiswhenTeresaMcMillian,oneoftheco-foundersandco-authors,mydearfriend,yearsagofinallydecidedtouseConflictREVOLUTIONtoaddresshermigraines,whichwerefrequentandhorrible.SheaskedmeifIwouldhelpcoachher.Wecalledherconflict“TheHeadacheProject.”IquicklydiscoveredthatIwasbeingtriggeredbymysister.MysisterandIhadalifelongconflict.Shegavemeaheadache.SoIcouldcallitthe“HeadacheProject,”andwecouldgetatwo-fer.ThisiswhathappenedwithMaxinne.Shehasamassagetherapybusiness,andbecauseofsomelimitationsshe’sgoingthroughrightnow,shecan’tdomassages.Herrevenueisdependentonthemassagetherapistswhoworkthroughheroffice.Shegetsacutofthat.Weweredoingthetraining.Shehadanactiveconflict.Sheunderstoodthatshewasworkingtolearnhowtomakedecisionsforthegoodofthewhole.ShearrangedforhermassagetherapistJudytohaveareadingwithme.Iasked,“PhoneorSkype?”Shesaid,“Iwanttocomeinperson.”Idon’tdomanyreadingsinpersonanymore,Idon’tthinkit’snecessary,butIhonoreditbecauseshewasMaxinne’sfriend.Wemadeanappointment.TheonlytimethatwecoulddoitwasifshecametowhereIwasstayingat4:00andweweredoneby5:30becausemyhostesswascominghomeandtherewasnoprivacytodothereading.At10:00themorningofthereading,MaxinnegotarequestforamassagethatafternoonthatwouldhaveputJudytomyplaceat4:30or5:00.Shetextedmeandsaid,“Canyoumovethereading?Canshegetthereat5:00?”Isaid,“No,Ican’t,butIcandoitbyphone.”AndIthought,understandingwhatwasgoingon,thattheywoulddefinitelytakethewalk-intrafficandwecouldreschedulebyphone.Inmymindthatwaswhatwasforthegoodofthewhole.SoIsaid,“Havehercallme,we’llreschedule.We’lldoitbyphone.It’snobigdeal.”Ididn’thearfromanyone,andIjustassumedthatthat’swhattheydid,becausemoneywasthebigtrigger.Sheneededmoney.“Yeah,getmoney,let’sbeabundant,thisiswonderful!”SoIchangedmyplans.At4:00Iwaswalkingoutthedoor,andawomanwaswalkingupanddownthesidewalk.TurnedouttobeJudy,rightontime—early,infact.Igottriggeredinthatmoment.Itoldher,“Ithoughtyouhadcanceled.”Shesaidno.Ididthereading.WhenIaskedwhatshewanted,shedidn’tseemasifshewerein

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emotionaldistress.Shejustwantedtoseewhatchannelingwas.Thattriggeredmeabit,likeIwasondisplay.Butitwasabeautifulreading.Ididmyquickrevolutionandreallyenjoyedthereading.Shewasbuoyedbyit.Laterthatnight,IgotanemailfromMaxinne.Shewaspissed.Shesaid,“Whycouldyounothavemovedherappointmentto5:00?Ijustlost$80?Howisthatgoodforthewhole?”That’smyconflict.Rightnow,IwanttobringonRobinCordova,whoisalsogoingtosharesomeofherworkandherconflict,andthenwe’lldoourstogether,andthenwe’llbringCathyonandshe’llalsoshare.Goodmorning,Robin,howareyoutoday?Robin:Goodmorning,Barbara,I’mgreat!Thankyou.Barbara:Iwanttoaskyouaquestionbeforewegetintoyourconflict.HowdoyouexperiencetheWitness?WhenIdomyWitness,Ifeelschizophrenic,likeIhavetwovoicesinmyhead.ButI’mOKwithit,becauseIknowwhatitis.HowdoyouexperiencetheWitness?Robin:That’sagoodvisual.Iexperienceitasahealthysplit.Iknowthatpartofmeissplittingofftostepoutsideofmyselfandpayattentiontowhat’shappeningaroundme,listeningtomythoughtsandmyfeelings.Itrytomakesuretogroundmyselfaswell.Barbara:Ah,goodidea!Howdoyoudothat?Robin:Iusethecirclevisualizationthatyouexplainedintheopening.That’sthemostpowerfulthingwhenIfeeloff-centerorwoozyfrombecomingaWitness.Igroundwiththatcirclevisualizationthatyouguidedusthereatthebeginning.Barbara:Great.Whatconflictareyoubringing?Robin:Along-timecoworkerandI,someoneI’vebeenworkingwithforabout15years,weliveindifferentstates.Whenweworktogether,mostofourcontactisviaphone.Sometimeswe’llbeinpersontogether,butprimarilyit’sviaphone.Wearchitectandsellmission-criticalcomputersystems,andoftenourprojectstakemonths.They’redifficult.Therearealotofobstacles.Inmyopinion,theonlywaytogetthroughthemistobeoptimistic,tohaveperseverance,tobegratefulforthingsthataregoingwell,to

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stayfocusedandhopefulandworktowardsolutions.That’stheonlywaywe’llgetthrough.Robin:Weweregoingthroughaboutayearwherethingsweren’tgoingwell.Wehadacorporatecustomerwherethingswerecrashing.Whensystemscrash,corporationslosemillionsofdollarseveryminute,anditcanbecomequitestressful.Whenwe’dgetonthephone,insteadoftryingtofocusonwhatwentwellandhowwecouldsolvetheproblem,hewantedtorantandcomplainandrageandexpresshisfrustrationatthingsthatwereoutofhiscontrol.Often,especiallyduringthisperiodwhenweweregoingthroughadifficulttime,weweretalkingdaily.He’dspendanextra20minutesonthephonewithmebeyondthepurposeofthecalljusttodumpallofhisnegativeemotionsonme.I’dendupswitchingintoacoachingrescuemode.There’sadifferencebetweencoachingandrescuing.Robin:Coachingisahealthyfunction;rescuingisanunhealthyfunction.IwasfindingmyselfintheunhealthyfunctionoftryingtorescuehimandbringhimbackupemotionallyandtakeonmorethanmyresponsibilityandtryingtofixthingsandmakeitOK.I’dhangupzappedofenergy.I’llgettotheemotionwhenwe’rereadyforthatpart.Barbara:Didyounameyourconflict?Robin:Yes:“Mr.Downer.”Barbara:(laughs)That’sgood!Sowe’vegotyour“Mr.Downer”andmy“AssumptionsandMiscommunications.”We’velaidthemout.Forthoseofyouwhoaredoingthisathome,youcanstarttoseeaswemoveforwardwhatwe’lldowithallthisinformation.We’llidentifythethreehumandimensionswithintheconflict.Itdoesn’tmatterwhereyoustartputtingyourmatrixtogether.Thiswillbeyouractionplanwhenyougetdone.Iwouldn’tsuggeststartingwithIntuition.That’shard,especiallyifyouhaveanactiveconflictandyouhaveemotionsandthoughtsgoingon.It’shardtowinnowoutwhattheintuitivemessageis.I’llstartwiththeintellectualsoundbites.ThereasonwecreatesoundbitesisbecausetheimaginationandtheIntellectcanruncrazywildalloveryou,andyougetlostinit.Barbara:We’retryingtoparedownthewholestoryoftheconflictintooneortwosentencesaboutwhatisreallybuggingyouherewiththerootoftheproblemwithMr.Downer.WhatismyproblemwithMaxinne?Yougetthemsothey’resmallsoa)youcanrememberthemandb)youcancallupontheminthosetimeswhenwegettotheprocessalittlelateron.

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Barbara:Forme,[theconflictwithMaxinne]wasaveryeasyconflicttoparboildowntointellectualsoundbites,andoneofthegreatthingsformewashowquicklyIdidit.IthappenedafterIstopped.Myintellectualsoundbiteswere,“She’smakingallkindsofassumptions.She’snotcommunicatingverywell.”Forabrieftime,myIntellectwentto,“Youknow,shenevercalledmebacktoconfirm.SheassumedthatIdidthisandthat.”Butquickly,thosetwosoundbiteshelpedguidemetothenextstep.MyEmotionwasirritation,anger,confusion,frustration,impatience.Forthoseofyouwhoaredoingthis,whenyou’retryingtoidentifytheemotionofit,don’tgointothereasonswhyyouthinkyoufeelthis.That’sanintellectualactivity.Wearelookingjusttoidentifyandisolatetheemotionaroundthisconflict.Theyshouldbeone-wordanswers.Robin,howdidyougettoyourintellectualsoundbites?Robin:That’sagoodreminder,toseparatetheIntellectandjustfocusontheEmotion.I’llstartthere.Iwasfeelingfuriousandoutragedandresentful,quitefrankly,drainedofenergy,andthat’swhatmademefeelresentful.Exasperated.Iwouldassignfairlystrongemotionsinthisparticularconflict.Barbara:Whatabouttheintellectualsoundbite?Robin:Theintellectualsoundbitewas,“He’ssopessimistic.He’salwayshopeless.Hebringsmedownanddrainsme.Andhedoesn’tcareabouttheburdenheputsonme.”Barbara:Oh,gosh,I’vehadsoundbiteslikethat.(laughs)“Theyjustdon’tunderstandme!”Robin:(laughs)Exactly!Barbara:Whenwe’retryingtofindtheIntuition,it’salittletrickier.SometimesyoucantrytothinkofwhatJesuswouldtellyoutodo,whatagreatspiritualleaderwouldtellyoutodo,whatyourbestfriendwhoknowsyouandlovesyouandiskindwouldtellyoutodo,whatyourcaringmotherwouldtellyoutodoifyoucan’tfigureitout.Oftentimeswegetintoplaceswherewehaveintenseemotionsandthoughtsabouttheotherperson,andit’shardtoseparatethoseout.Barbara:Forme,veryquickly,Iheard,“Lookatyourself.”It’saformof,“Dothework,dotherevolution,doyourprocess.”BecauseIknowthatwhenIdotheprocess,Igetthemiracle.WhatwillinspiremetodothatprocesswhenI’minthatplace?Thatwastolookatmyselfandtobekind.Thosewerethetwointuitivemessages.AndrememberalsothatIntuitionisasmall,declarativestatementthatwilltellyoutodosomethingandthatit’saboutthenextsteptotake.Wecan’tfigureoutwhatIntuitionwilltellyoutodowhenyougetintoasituation.It’sallaboutpresentmomentandwhatthatIntuitionis

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pickingupaboutthesituationandwhat’sgoodforthewhole.Herewe’llimaginethatit’llworkthatway,butjustunderstand,asyougoforwardwithyourIntuition,thatit’sallaboutwhatwillhappeninpresentmoment,notwhatwillhappennextweek.WhatwasyourIntuitiontellingyou?Robin:Therearetwobranchesthatcameoutofthis.ThefirstnuggetofIntuitionIreceivedwastosetupboundaries.ThatwastheveryfirstthingIneededtodo.Itwasnotmyresponsibilitytomakehimhappy.ThatwasadirectactionthatIhadtotakeforthisconflict,butitwasn’tthefullrevolution.Barbara:We’llgettothatinaminute.Robin:Initially,myIntuitionsaid,“Setupboundaries.”Itwasanuggetofthreewords.Thatwasmyfirststep.Barbara:Sonowwehaveourmatrix.Wehaveourintellectualsoundbites.Wehaveidentifiedwhatouremotionsare.WedidsomeconjectureaboutwhatCompassionwouldwantustodoforthegoodofthewhole.I’llintroduceCathyinaminute,butIwanttogettotwothingsabouttheintellectualsoundbites.Ournextstepistorevolvethosesoundbitesbackontous.“Ihadpoorcommunication.Iwasmakingassumptions.”Inthiscaseyouwouldrevolveyourstofigureoutthatyouhadhopelessness,right?Robin:Yes.AndIhadtofindwhereIwasalsopessimistic,whichoriginallywas,“I’mnotpessimistic!I’mthemostoptimisticpersonIknow!”(laughs)I’llgettothatmorelater.Barbara:Forthoseofyoudoingthisathome,createthatrevolvedsoundbiteandhavethatready.IwanttobringonCathyrightnowandhavehersharesomethingsthatwenton,andthenwe’llallrevthistogetherandgiveyouanideaofhowitworksacrosstheboard.Goodmorning,Cathy!Cathy:Goodmorning!I’mdoinggreat,howareyou?Barbara:Good.Cathy:IwouldliketosharethatIlovedhowRobintalkedabouttherescuerandthecoach,becauseit’ssoeasyformetoslipfromonetotheother.AsfarasConflictREVOLUTIONforme,whenwefirstlearnedthisyearsago,thethingIlearnedthathelpedmethemostwasthatIwastalkingaboutandthinkingaboutmyfeelingsversusfeelingandbreathingthemthroughmybody.Andunderstandingthedifferences,acleardefinitionaboutEmotion,Intellect,andIntuitionhelpedmetogoforwardandmademylifemucheasier.Barbaraspokeaboutleadingbyexample.Ihadanexperience

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yesterdaythatwassointeresting.IhaveaconflictthatI’venamed“BeingBlockedfromAllDirections.”That’swhereIhadaConRevwithinaConRev.Theotheroneiscalled“NoLongerBeingHere.”That’saboutmydaughterLoriandmyson-in-lawCraig.Cathy:YesterdaymorningIwasworkingwithmyfriendTammygettingtoacoreissuethatwaspreventingherfrommanifestingthemoney,thejob,thehome,theman.Shefeltlikeshewasbeingblockedfromalldirections.WeweregoingthroughtheprocessofConflictREVOLUTION,andshestoppedandsaid,withmuchpassion,“You’reblockingmealso.Whydoyoudothat?I’vewatchedyoureceivinghelpfromallyourotherfriends,andyetyou’veblockedeveryofferIgiveyou.Iofferedtocookamealforyou,dothedishes,helpyouduringchemo,butyoudenymyhelp.Whydoyoudothat?”ThatwasacasewherewhenyoutalkabouthowyoucancomeintoConflictREVOLUTIONatanylevel,I’mnotevensureIhadaconscioussoundbite,butIwentrightintothefeelingandthebreathing.Barbara:Becauseyouwereobviouslytriggered?Cathy:Yes.“Whatismytruth?WhatcanItellher?WhatcanIanswerher?”Ididn’twanttohurtherfeelings.Ihadthebackstory.Itoldmyselfthatthereasonfornotlettingherhelpmewasthatshehadn’tbeenthroughcancerorchemoandshewasunabletounderstandandgivemethesupportIneeded.Butrightthere,IwentintofeelingandbreathingsoIcouldgettomyintuitivemessage.Barbara:Whatwasit?Cathy:“Tellherthetruth.”Andatthatmoment,thetruthcametome:“Idon’ttrustyou.”Tobeabletotellher—becausewehadapastexperiencethatwasamisunderstanding.ShethoughtIwassleepingwithherboyfriendandsentterribletextmessagesdemandingthatIconfesstoher.ShewassoconvincedthatIwasguiltythatitgotreallyugly.Wehadbecomefriendsagain,butIhadkeptheratarm’slengthandrefusedtoacceptanyhelpshewasofferingmebecauseIwassoangrythatIdidn’ttrustherenoughtoletherallthewayin.Thatwassoempowering.Andthentalkaboutleadingbyexample:inthemiddleofcoachingherthroughherconflict,Ihadtostopandfeelandbreathetohelpusgoforward.Barbara:Let’sleavethatonerightthereandgototheoneweworkedon.Cathy:FridayIhadacallfrommydaughter.Shewascrying.Shewasafraidthatherhusbandwasdead.Herphonehaddied.Shehadtoborrowaphonetocallme.Therewasnowayforhertogohome.Shehadleftforworkthatmorningandcouldn’tfindhimanywhere.Hehadbeenthreatening,“You’llmissmewhenI’mgone.”Shehadtogo

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towork.Shecheckedthehouse,thebarn,couldn’tfindhimanywhere.Shegoestoworkandshe’sdevastatedalldaylongbecauseshedoesn’tknowwhetherhe’saliveordead.That’swhyIcalledthatconflict“NoLongerBeingHere.”Cathy:IdroppedwhatIwasdoinganddroveoverandcheckedonhimandfoundoutthathewasstillthere.Hehadhidfromherthatmorningwhensheleftforworktomakeherfeelbad.Hefiguredoncehewasdead,shewouldmisshimwhenhewasgone,andbyhidingfromher,itgaveheratasteofthat.Cathy:IwassooverwhelmedwithhowtodealwiththatthenextdaythatIhadtogobacktoConflict101andcallyou,Barbara,andaskforsomeguidancethroughthisbecauseIwassofrustratedmyselfIcouldn’tgetmysoundbites.Whenwefinallygottothem,theywere,“Hewasgoodatmanipulating.Hewasn’thelpingthesituation.Andwhatifhewasn’thereanymore?”Barbara:Wow!Cathy:Thosearemysoundbites.Barbara:WhatwastheEmotion?Thisisreallyintense.Cathy:Completelyoverwhelmed,frustrated.ThisgoesbacktohowIwanttobetherescuer,soIgoinandtrytofixthesituation.Overwhelmedandfrustrated.ItwassooverwhelmingIcouldn’tthinkclearly.Barbara:Wereyouangry?Cathy:Oh,yes!Angry,frustrated,annoyed,disappointed.Barbara:Whenwegetoverwhelmed,sometimeswehaveallthefeelingssuper-sized.Cathy:Yes.Barbara:Whatintuitivemessagewasinthisconflict?Cathy:Ihadtoaskforhelp.That’swhyIcalledandaskedforguidancethroughthis.EventhoughIautomaticallyknowthisprocessanditcomestomesoquicklyandIgothroughitwithoutevenconsciouslyknowingwhatI’mdoingsometimes,thisoneblockedmesomuchthatwhenIstoppedtofeelandbreathe,theintuitivemessagewas,“Askforhelp.”

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Barbara:It’sinteresting,asanaside,howthesetwoconflictsinvolveaskingforhelp.Cathy:(laughs)Yes!Barbara:WhenCathyandItalkedinthemorning,originallyweweregoingtotalkaboutthelayoutoftheshow,butthenshecameinthisstateandaskedmetocoachher.IsharedwithherthecontentIhadalreadyformulatedtalkingaboutwithRobin,andwethoughtitwasawonderfulopportunitytoshowinrealtimethatthisreallyworks.Youweretheguineapig,inthatplacewhereemotionswereintenseandthoughtswereoutofcontrol.Youwerehavingtheconflictandwewerebreakingdownthepiecesatthesametime.Oftentimeswhensomebody’sinatrainingsessionoraworkshop,they’renotactivelyengaged.It’snotatriagemoment.It’sanintellectualstory.Butyouwereinthatmoment.Whenwegottotheplacewherewesaid,“Let’simaginewhattheIntuitionwouldhavetoldyoutodo,”allwehadtodowaslookbackandidentifywhatthatwas,anditwas,“Askforhelp.”Andyouaskedforhelp.It’sbeautifulhowConflictREVOLUTIONbecomesanoperatingsystem,andnotonlydoesyourIntuitiontellyoutoaskforhelp,butthenyourIntellectdialsthephonetogetthehelp.Youdon’thavetosay,“Idon’tneedhelp.”Cathy:Andyes,thankyouforhelpingmedefinethis,becauseI’mstillinthemiddleofprocessingallofthat.Itjusthappenedthisweekend.Justtryingtoexplainittosomeone,Iappreciateyourhelpinclarifyingwhatwe’regoingthroughwiththis.Anditworks.Barbara:Andalso—andIthinkRobinwilladdressthisaswell—myconflicthappenedveryquicklyandwasrevolvedandresolvedquickly,andIquicklygottothemiraculousplacethatI’llshareinaminute.Butmoreoftenthannot,ittakestimetodothis.Intalkingabout,say,Mr.Downer,Robin,nowthatyou’vehadtherevolutionbacktoyourself,Ithinkweneedtosharewhattheprocessisthatwenowdo.Therearetwocomponentstoit.OneistodealwithEmotioninanewway:tobreatheit,nottoanalyzeit.TheotheristochangethethoughttowhichtheEmotionismarryingitselftocreateyourrealityandthenchangethethinkingprocess.Thesearetwobigthings.Thesearen’teasytodo.TellusaboutprocessingMr.Downer.Robin:Itwentoffintotwobranches.That’swhyIwantedtosharethatconflict.Itwillhelppeopletoseethatsometimeswehavetoworkthingsinmultipleways.Withhim,Ihadtotakeactionstepstogetthatrelationshiptoahealthyplace.Thatrequiredsettingupboundariesandseeingthatmykindnessishelpfulforpeople,butthatthere’sashadowsidetokindness,too.Weletourselvesbetakenadvantageof,wefeelthatwehavetotakeresponsibilityforsomeoneelse’shappiness.

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Robin:Forhim,IneededtosetuphealthyboundariesandtakemyselfoutofthatresponsibilitybecauseIneededmyenergytosolvethetechnicalissuesofwhatwasgoingon.Itwasn’tmyresponsibilitytoprophimup.ButthenIhadtostepbackintotheWitnessandworkwiththedeepersoundbites,whichwerethepessimismandhopelessness.AtfirstIcouldn’tseeitinmylife.TherearesomanyareasinmylifewhereI’mveryoptimistic.IhadtostepbackfurtherintotheWitnessandaskthegreaterpartofme,“ShowmewhereI’mpessimistic.”Ithinkoftentimeswhenwe’renotseeingitwecanaskthatgreaterpartofourselvestoshowus,andthenstepfurtherintotheWitnessandwatchwhatcomesupandlookfordeeperintuitivemessages.Robin:Overtime,Ifoundthatitwasintheintimaterelationshippartofmylife.Notmyworklife,notmylifeasamother,acoach,anathlete.AllofthosethingsI’mveryhopefulandoptimisticin.ButwhenIthinkaboutgoingoutonadateorfeelingthatIwassomehowgoingtobesuccessfulinaromanticrelationshipinmylife,Iwasn’thopeful.Iwaspessimistic.That’swheremyworkwas.Barbara:That’sagreatillustrationofwhyconflictsaresohardtoaddress.Whenyouseesomethinglikethis,yourealizethathistriggerofyouintothisplacewasyourenergycallingyoutolookwayoverhereataplacethathadnothingtodowithhim.Howlongdoyouthinkthiswenton?Robin:Italkedwithyouaboutitseveraltimesduringthisperiod,andI’mayearinrightnow.ItwasrightatthistimelastyearwhenIrealizedIneedtosetboundaries.IttooksometimetoworkwiththeEmotion,torealizewherethepessimismwas,andtocomeupwithanactionplan.I’mjustnowstartingtomakesomeheadwayinbothanewrelationshipwithmycoworker—becauseIstillhavetoworkwithhim—andanewrelationshipwithmyownoptimismandhopefulnessintheromanticrelationshipareaofmylife.Ittakestimeandpatienceandbeingcommittedtoself-loveandself-compassion.That’scrucialforthiswork.Barbara:Youbroughtupthisquestion,andthenCathybroughtitup,andasyouweretalkingIwasthinkingaboutsomeconflictsIhaveaboutwhenwewanttobenice.Ihadayear-longconflictcalled“TheKitchenDishes.”Myroommatewasleavingdishesinthesink.YouwouldhavethoughtIcouldjustsay,“Hey,canyoucleanupyourdishes?”ButIcouldn’t.IwasbeinghammeredinmybrainabouthowsmallIwasthatIwouldn’tjustwipeoffthisbowlforher,thinkingIwasn’tbeingniceenough,Iwassoselfish.Whileyouweretryingtosetthoseboundaries,wereyoustrugglingwithsomeofthosekindsofvoices?Robin:Definitely!HavingtodothingsIwouldn’tnormallydo,suchaslethiscallsgotovoicemailsothatIcouldlistentothemessageandstayfocusedondoingagoodjob

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withjustthetechnicalpart.Myjobisn’ttoprophimupemotionally,it’stoworktheissues.Ididn’thavetospend20extraminutesonthephoneworkingthroughhisemotionandthenbesodrainedthatIcouldn’tdomyjobwell.Barbara:Gettingbacktothemomentswherewe’refeelingEmotion,wehavetheIntuition.“I’mgoingtosetsomeboundaries.”Youletitrolltovoicemail,whereyouweremakingadecisiontosetaboundary,todothingsdifferently,butthere’sanxiety,shame,andthoughtsabouthowyou’renotaniceperson.Robin:Exactly.Barbara:Thisiswhyitcantakeayearormoresometimes,andthisisonereasonwhyIwasinspiredtodothisshow,becauseMaxinnecamebackafterherfirstnightoffeelingandbreathingandnoticingtheseterriblethoughts,andshesaid,“Iwasfeelingandbreathingallnightandnothingchanged.”Robin:Andthenshegetsintoacycleofbeinghardonherself.Barbara:Yes.Thisisourpattern.Butwithher,Isaidthattheremightnotbeachangeinthatmoment,butwhat’sdifferentis,you’reobservingyourselfnow.That’sthefirststep.Whenyouobserveandexperiment,itchanges.Theveryfactthatshe’sobservingitisabeginningstep.Robin:Yes.Wehavetohonortheprocess,nottheresults,praiseourselvesfortheprocess.Likeyou’vesaidmanytimes,wearebuildinganewoperatingsystem.It’lltaketime.We’rereworkingourbrains,ourthinkingprocess.Tolearntostop,tofeel,tobreathe,tostepintotheWitness,tohonorthesmallstepsissocrucial.There’sanotherthingyou’vealwayssaidthatwasveryhelpful,too:usingthequestion“Isthisregenerativeordegenerative?”Whenyougetamomentof,“Oh,I’mnotkindenough.Thisfeelsawkward,”whenwe’regrowing,itwillfeelawkward,becausewe’redoingsomethingdifferent,sowe’llfeelalittlebitawkward.Askyourself,“Isthisaregenerativeoradegenerativestep?”Ifit’sregenerative,it’sprobablygoodforthewhole.Barbara:Yes.Inthisinstance,thephoneringsandyouseeit’syourcoworker,youletitgotovoicemail,whichismakingadecisionforthegoodofall,butyou’restillfeelingbad,thinkingbadthoughts,butyou’vemadethatdecision.Robin:Goodpoint.Thathappensinthefreewill.“Thisfeelsawkwardbecauseyouprideyourselfondoingagoodjobandnotlettingpeopledown.”Butyou’reonlystoppingthe

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degenerativepart.Iwasstillplanningtohearthevoicemailandrespondtowhatwasneeded,butIdidn’thavetoputmyselfonthephonefor20minutesinadegenerativestate.Barbara:Right.Andinthecaseofmy“KitchenDishes”conflict,afterayearofit,IwasembarrassedtotalkaboutittoanybodywhoknowsConflictREVOLUTION.WhenIfinallygottheahamomentandthemiracle,Iwastalkingtomysisteraboutit,andsheremindedmethatwhenIwaslittle,mymotherusedtoworklonghours,andIwouldcleanupthewholekitchen.Shewouldcomehomeaftera12-hourworkdayandfindtheonethingIdidn’tdoandyellatme.Robin:Ah!Barbara:AndwhenIgotthat,Iwasabletogobacktomyroommateandstarttheconversation,“Hey,wouldyoumindifwe—?”Shegotalittledefensive,andsuddenlyI’mweepingandwearehavingthebestconversation!Shesaid,“Don’tever,ever,evernottellmethesethings.”Sowebuilttrust,anditwasalldivinetiming.SincethenourrelationshiphasdeepenedsomuchthatIdon’twanthertogo.Iusedtobelike,“I’mgladIhavearoommate,Iloveher,butIwishIlivedalone.”NowIthink,“No!Don’tleaveme!”(laughs)Barbara:Cathy,tellmewhathappenedafterwetalkedandyouhadthethinghappenwithTammy.Whatabouttheconflictwithyourson-in-law?Cathy:Letmecloseuptheconflictwewereworkingcalled“BeingBlockedinAllDirections.”Myquestionwas,“Whatismytruth?”So“WhatismytruthwithTammy?”followsinto“Whatismytruthwithmyfamily?”Notonlydidmybeingaskedtotellherthetruth—thatIdidn’ttrustherandwhyIdidn’t—helpopenupthetensionsandtheblocksinmyrelationshipwithTammy,butithelpedher.WedidmoreConRevonherstory,andshehadabreakthroughtorealizethatintheincidentwhereshefeltlikeIandeverybodyelsewereblockingher,thisisacoreissue.She’sfeelingpeopleblockingherfromalldirectionsfromherabundance.Maybethatwillbethechangeandshe’llopenupthoseblocksandstarthealingonanewlevelsoshecangetherabundanceonalllevels.Cathy:Goingbackto“Whatismytruth?,”whenIcomebacktothestorywithCraigandLori,maybeCraigwasthreateningtocommitsuicide,andinsteadofmybeingsoangryandfrustratedwiththis“evil”man,whatifhe’sthepersonwhoisshowingLorithatshecanbeadifferentwaysoshenolongerwantstocommitsuicidebutwantstofigureouthowtogetthroughherlifewithoutsomuchconflict?Thefactthatheisthreateningandsheissaying,“No,don’tdothis,”that’stheirconflict.SoI’mthinkingallalongthatthisis

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theirproblem,whenmytruthis,mybiggestfearandmydeepestcoreissueismyfearofdying,ofnolongerbeingthere.Cathy:Goingthroughthat,IfeellikeI’mabletolookatmyissuesofdying.Myfirsthusbandwasthreateningtokillme,andnowchemoisthreateningtokillme,canceristhreateningtokillme,sohowdoIgetwhatIwantinlife?I’mrealizingthatmaybeIdon’tneedcanceranymoretogetwhatIwantoutoflife.I’mstillprocessingallofthis.Barbara:Yeah,wow!Cathy:Youcanseehowthisalltiestogether!AllthisweekendIwaslike,“Whoa!”(laughs)Barbara:Abackstoryisthatyou’vebeendealingwithLori,whoissuicidal,andshe’sjustrecentlydecidedthatshewantstoliveandshe’sbeenstrugglingtoestablishalifeforherselfandmakingbetterdecisions.Craigisbasicallycommittingaslowsuicideinfrontofeveryone.Cathy:Thankyouforarticulatingthat!Barbara:AndyouandItalkedabouthowCraigisLori’s—asCarlosCastanedausedtocallit—“pettytyrant.”Heistheimpetuswhoispushingher,givinghertheplatformtoriseabovethatbehaviorinherself.He’splayinganimportantroleforherrightnow,eventhoughtheymaynotendupmarried.Hemightkillhimself.Hemightnot.You’reseeingLorichangingherlife,obviouslyinfluencedbybeingraisedwatchingherfathertryingtokillhermotheranddoharmtoher.She’sbreakingthatpattern,andnowit’scomingbacktoyou,whenyou’reonchemoforcancer.We’vedonesomeworksinceyouwerediagnosedandchosetogetchemo.Thatwasbreathtaking,becauseIknowyouwanttolive.Butitseemedlikewhenwerevolved—andnowwe’llgettothelastrevolutionofthesoundbites—“Whatifhe’snothereanymore?Whatifyou’renothereanymore?Iwanttobehere.”Cathy:Right.Barbara:“Iwanttolive.”Cathy:LikeIsaid,Iwasthinkingitwasalltheirproblem.Ididn’trealizewhatcoreissueofmyownIwasbringingtothesurface.Barbara:Yes.

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Cathy:Verypowerful!Barbara:Yes!Goingbacktomyquickconflict,“I’mmiscommunicating.I’mmakingassumptions.”WhenIaskedmyselfwhatassumptionsIwasmakingandwhereIwasnotcommunicatingwell,oh,mygosh!Firstofall,IassumedthatMaxinneandJudycanceledtheappointment.Ididn’tcommunicatewellonwhyJudycouldn’thavecomeat5:00.WhenIsaidtotheuniverse,“ShowmenowasImoveforwardwhereImakeassumptions,”IsawthatImakeassumptionsalldaylong!Atthatmoment,everytimeIstartedtomakeanassumptionaboutMaxinneorJudy,Istoppedandsaid,“Waitaminute.Showmewhattheanswertothisquestionis.Whydidwehavetodoitinperson?IassumedthatJudywascuriousandwantedtotakeadvantageof—no!Why?”AndthenIrealizedthatshehadneverseenachannel.Alifelonggoalofherswastobeinthepresenceofsomeonewhochannels.She’sheardaboutthem.She’sreadthem.Maxinnehastoldher,andnowhere’sawomanshetrusts,becauseMaxinneisoneofherbestfriends,andit’sreallyimportantforhertogetthereat4:00tobeinthesamespacebecausethismaynotcomeagain.Barbara:WhenIrealizedthat,withoutmakinganassumptionaboutwhyshewantedittobein-person,itcametome.Oh,soeventhoughIthoughtitwasbestforthewholeiftheytookthemoney,thatextramoneyshewouldhavemadewasn’tnearlyasimportantasgettingtothatappointmenttobeinthepresenceofachannel.Thiswaslikeatreasurehunt.Therewasnoshameinvolved,nodegenerativevoiceinmyheadsaying,“What’swrongwithyou?Youalwaysmakeassumptions!”Therewasnoickyfeeling.Therewasthejoyofdiscovery.Andbythenextday,Maxinne,too,wasobservingandmakingdifferentdecisionsandthinkingdifferentthoughtsandfeelingandbreathing,andwewereabletoputtogetherallofourassumptions,andwegotthebigpicture.Wesaid,“Lookatthis!WeneverwouldhavebeenabletodothiswithoutConflictREVOLUTION!”Barbara:AndthenitcontinuedwhenIwenttoNewOrleansandmyfriendnevercalledmeback.Icouldusethis,notmakeassumptions,notrespond,andthelongandshortofitwas,IhadherphoneblockedandIdidn’tevenknowit!Icouldhavedoneabigthingaboutherfailings,butIdidn’t.Ihadagreattime,eventhoughshewasn’tthere.Barbara:Let’sgotoRobin.Whenyoufoundthoseplacesinyourlovelifewhereyouwerepessimisticandhopeless,wheredidthattakeyou?Robin:That’sthebeautyofConflictREVOLUTION:youoftenendupsolvingsomethingthat’sverydeepandmeaningful.That’swhytheEmotionissostrong.Inmycase,IhadtolookathowIbuilduphopefulnessinmylifeandrealizethatthisissomethingItruly

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valuedandwantedinmylifeandhadnotbeensuccessfulin.Thatwassad.Thatwascreatingasenseofhopelessness.Pessimisticthinkingisoftenalignedwithfeelingpersonallyflawed.InmycaseIwasfeelingunworthyandunlovable.Itsentmebacktodoingsomeinnerchildhealingworkforbeinghopeful.Ithenworkedtowardssettingsomegoals,likewetalkedaboutinJanuary,settinggoalsandpathwaysthatwereachievableformeandthatworkedforme.I’mstillworkingonthesethings,butI’mmuchmorehopefulandoptimisticnowbecauseIcouldseetheproblemclearly,whichImightnothavebeenabletodowithouttheConflictREVOLUTIONprocess.Barbara:WithoutMr.Downer?Robin:Yeah,withoutMr.Downer!Barbara:Blesshim!Robin:Andthat’swherewehavetoaskhowwecanbegrateful.Ijustwanttosay,Cathy,you’resobravetocomeontheshowandtalkaboutthesevulnerablethingsthatyou’rerightinthemiddleof.Cathy:Thankyou.Robin:Iwanttoacknowledgethat,becauseIhavebeenworkingonthisconflictthatI’msharingforayear.I’mexcitedforyouandthebeautifulthingsthatwillunfold.I’mbusywiththeworknow,comingbacktogoingintotheWitness.Howisthisgoing?AmIfeelingandbreathingandpayingattentiontothosethoughts?NotlettingmyselftellmyselfI’mflawedandunworthyandunlovable?Cathy:Thankyou,Robin.Forme,theprocessofConRevisamazinglypowerful.Whenwegoforwardcreatingourlives,mymaingoalistoconsistentlyasktobeaware.IwanttobeawareofwhenI’mnottellingthetruthtootherpeopleandespeciallytomyself.IwanttobeawarewhenI’mfeelingfearandsorryformyselfandafraidofnotbeinghereanymore,tobeabletostepbackandbetheWitness,theobserverwhocanseewhenI’mcheatingmyselfoutofalovelylifebecauseofallmybullshit.Barbara:Whatwasinterestingaboutourworkyesterdaywaswhenyousaid,“Thiscancerhascausedmetoaskformorehelp,andI’mfindingouthowlovedIam.”Cathy:It’ssohuge.Idon’thavetocreatecancertoknowthatpeoplelovemeandcareaboutme.Ihavebeengivensomanygifts,fromemotionalsupporttomoneytogiftstofoodtopeoplehelpingme,drivingmetomyappointments.Ilostmy12-year-oldgranddaughtertocancerlastyear.IwentthroughdepressionthatIdidn’trealizeIwas

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goingthrough,feelinglikeIdidn’thaveanypurposeinlifeanymore,notrealizingwhy,notrealizingIwasindepression.Iwaspullingmyselfawayfromtheworldandnotdoinganythingorgoinganywhere.Creatingthecancerhasopenedmeuptorealizing,“Wow,Idon’tneedtohaveanillnesstogoforwardwithmygoals.”Barbara:Andwhenyouweredescribingallthethingsyouweregainingfromhavingthecancer,myresponsewas,“Ihaveallthosethings,andIdon’thavecancer.Ifeelsoloved.”Cathy:Iknow!Barbara:ThatwassortofanAha!forbothofus.Cathy:Yes,yes!Weallwanttobelovedandacceptedandadoredandcradledandhappy!(laughs)Barbara:Haveyoucreatedanykindofactionplanfromourworkgoingforwardaboutwantingtolive?Cathy:ThebasiconeisthatsometimesIneedtobreatheandremembertostepbackintomyWitnessandobservewhatI’mdoing.AsIgoforward,IchoosetobemoreawareofwhenIamnotdoingthethingsthatIwanttodo,liketellingthetruthandbeinghonestwithmyselfandallowingmyselftogooutandcreatetheloveandallthejoythatI’mgettingwithoutbeingsick.Thosearemystepsgoingforward.Barbara:Inourmatrix,theactionplan,thelaststepofthesoundbiteswe’rewritingdown,hasthoseintellectualsoundbitesdefiningwhatweneedtodoinordertoaddresstheoriginalissue.Forme,with“AssumptionsandMiscommunications,”myactionplanisbasedonmyIntuition,whichsaid,“Lookatyourself.”MyplangoingforwardisthatI’mgoingtowatchwhereImakeassumptionsandwhereIdon’tcommunicatequiteaswellasIcould.AsItoldyou,thisisgoingdowninthehistoryofrevs,becausetherearesomanythingsinthatoneweekwhereIdidn’tmakeassumptions,whereImadesuretotakethatextrastepincommunicationandstepbackandthink,“HaveItoldeverybodyeverything?DoIneedtotellanybodyanythingelse?”AndwhenIfindplaceswhereI’mnotcommunicatingorImakeanassumption,there’snoshame.There’snomentallyberatingmyself.It’slike,“Oh,look,it’smemakingassumptionsagain.”Cathy:ThebeautyofyouandRobinandmeallsharingwitheachotheristhatIlookatyoursandRobin’ssoundbitesandgoalsforgoingforward,andIseehowIcannowapplythosetome.Itappliestoallofus.

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Barbara:Yes.WhenIdothisinaworkshop,everyonehasaPost-ItnoteonthewallandIwritealltheemotionsatthebottominredandgoallaroundtheroom,andwhenwe’redone,youseethatitdoesn’tmatterhowdifferentthestorylineis.MystorylinefromRobin’sstorylineandespeciallyfromyourstorylineandT.’sstoryline,it’sthesameconflicts.It’stheuniversalemotionsthatdonotgetembracedandlovedandmovingthroughtheflow:anger,depression,sadness,frustration—allthebadstuffistrappedinus,anditbecomescancer.Itbecomesexcessiveweight,depression,externallyitisseparationswithinfamilies,conflictswithinthecommunity,worldwideconflict.Barbara:Weareworkingattherootlevel.Listeningtobothofyourconflicts,I’mfindinggreatfodderformyowncontinuedrevolutions.Robin?Robin:Agreed.Weallmakeassumptions.That’sagoodone,too!(laughs)Barbara:It’ssoelemental.I’msogratefultoM.We’recomingtotheend,butIwantedtoaskyou:boilingitdownintoabasicpresentation,whatdoyouthinkisthebestwaytohelppeopleuntrainthemselvestorejectthebademotions?Robin:Forme,IremindmyselfthatwhenI’mtriggeredwithEmotion,thefirstthingItellmyselfis,“Don’thaveaknee-jerkreaction.”WhenIgettriggeredIsay,“Oh,there’sworktodo.”Itcreatesanewinstantresponsetowhateveremotionishappening.I’veeventrainedmyselftodothatwithintensejoy,becauseintensejoy,thepeoplewhorunoffinLasVegashaveequallyhadaknee-jerkreactiontoextremejoythatmaynotbegoodforthewhole.Withanyemotionthat’scomingthroughus,wecanstopandsay,“Ihaveworktodo.”That’swhereIbegin,andthenIremembertheprocess.“Feelandbreathe.”Ifollowthetraining,theprocess.Barbara:Particularlybecause,havingknownyouthislong,it’sbeenchallengingforyoutoaccessdeepemotion.Cathy:(laughs)Yes!Youaskedhowwewouldencourageothers.Atonetimewhenmostofuswouldtakeabademotionwhenwewerefeelingitandtellpeople,“Don’tfeelthatway,”whenyouseesomeonecryingandexpressinganuncomfortableemotion.I’mablenowtoallowthemandmyself,becauseIdidn’tusedtobegoodatcryingatall,tofeelthose“bad”emotions,becauseallemotionscanleadussomeplaceelse.Weencourageeachothertofeelthegoodandthebademotionsandmovethemthroughandthentakethat—like,ifI’mfeelingsad,Ican’tfeellikebeinghappyimmediately,butIcantakethenextstepuptowhateveremotionmakesmefeelalittlebitbetterandthenalittlebitbetter.EverytimeIprocesstheConRevIneedtobreathe.Ibreatheto

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getintomyWitness.Ibreathetofindmytruth.Ibreathetofindmysoundbite.Justrememberingtofeelandbreathehasbeensopowerfultome.Barbara:Me,too.Iwanttoaddanendingtomyownconflict.Shortlyafterorduringthistime,Ihadaconflictwithmysister—andIwasM.IwroteanemailtomysisterthatsoundedjustlikeM.’s.Isentitoffandimmediatelystartedtofeelandbreathe,andI’msogratefulforbringingConflictREVOLUTIONtomyfamily.Thesisterwhotriggeredmewastheonefrom“TheHeadacheProject.”Longstoryshort,myothersisterwasinvolvedaswell,andshesaid,“Thisisnotaconversationforemail.”SoIcalledher,andshewaswonderful.Shewastriggered,too,butshereturnedConflictREVOLUTIONtome.Sheknewhowtodoit.AndprettysoonIwascrying,shewascrying.Shealsohadsomethingthatwascomingup.SoIwaitedforafewdaysandIkeptgettingIntuitionnudgingme,“Calltheotherone.”Barbara:Iwasalittlelessexcited,becauseshetraditionallywouldreadmetheriotact.Butshewasalsowonderful,solovingandcalm.Sheexplainedeverything.Wehadawonderfultalk,andwe’llgettogetherwhenIgethome.Soyoucanevenactnotforthegoodofthewholeanditcancomeoutforthegoodofthewhole.Barbara:Isthereanythingelseeitherofyouwantstoaddbeforeweclosethisandletpeoplegooffandthinkaboutthisanddigestit?Cathy:Thankyou,RobinandBarb.WhenwewentthroughwhathappenedthisweekendandIhadtoaskyouforhelpandyouaskedmeifIwouldbewillingtoshareintheSundaymorningconferencethesepersonalthingsaboutmeandmyfamily,myfirstreactionwas,“Eeek!”AndthenIrealizedthatmytruthneedstobetold,becausethenIcanshowbyexamplethatnotonlydopeoplewhohavebeendoingConRevforyearsanddoingitwellgetstuckandneedtoaskforhelp,butalso,whenyouhearmystory,youcanrelatetoitandsay,“Ifshecandothis,IcanfixtheissueIhavewithmybossatwork.”I’msogratefultobothofyou.Iloveyouboth.Thankyouforlettingmebeapartofthis—eventhoughIwasalittlebitscaredtodoit!Barbara:ThepowerfulthingaboutyousharingyourstoryisthatIhavealwaysbelievedthatConflictREVOLUTIONcanhealphysicalillnesses,itcanpreventphysicalillnessesbynotallowingabuild-up,anabscessofemotiontogetstuckinourbodies.Youhaveshownthatthisisn’tareplacementforchemooranykindofphysicaltherapyanybodymightbedoingwithcancer,butIbelieveitcanaugmentthehealingprocess.I’mlookingforwardtohavingyougetyourcleanbillofhealth.Cathy:Amen!(laughs)

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Robin:Inclosing,Ithinkwe’veshownbyalltheseexamplesagoodreasonwhythisworkisimportantandwhyit’sworthit.Maybelistenersarethinking,“Thisisalotofeffort.Idon’tknowifIcandoit.”Butwhatinspiresusisthehealth,thewell-beingthatcomeoutofit,strongerrelationships,theabilitytoachievethethingsthatyouvalueinlife.Inmycase,IrealizedthatIvaluehavingapartnershipandIwanttodowhateverittakestogetthat.MyconflictwithMr.Downeristheonethathelpedmetoseethatmirrorandsay,“Waitaminute.I’mdrainingmyownenergybytellingmyselfI’munworthyandunlovableandI’llneverhaveapartnerorbeabletoachievewhatIwantinlife.”Ididn’tseethepathway,Icouldn’tfindthenextstepIneededtotake.Robin:I’mtakingalotofsteps,declaringthatthisissomethingIvalue,settingthatintentiondaily,seeingtheoptimisticside.WhatamIgratefulfor?Whatisworkingright?Whatwillworkforme?HowdoIcombatthethoughtsthataretellingmethatI’munworthyandunlovable?HowdoIstepintotheWitnessandcatchmyselfeverytimeIstarttobeatmyselfup?Pushingback,wrestlingwiththosethoughtstocreatemorehopefulness.I’mmuchmorehopefulayearintoit.Ihaven’tachievedmygoalyet,butI’mveryhopefulthatIwill.Barbara:AndLilyPhelps,onhershowweweretalkingaboutifJesuswouldforgiveHitler,andtheanswerwas,“Ofcourse.”Hecouldn’tnotforgivehim,becausethenhewouldn’tbeJesus.Youcan’tnotachievethatgoal,becauseifwe’regoingtohaveavisionandintentionandworktowardsthat,thenithastohavecometrueinthefuture.Robin:Ilovethat.Barbara:Sowecanfindhopefulnessinthat,too.IwanttoclosebytellingthepeoplewhohavelistenedtothiswhowanttodothisworkthatyoucanalwayscontactmeatPartyof12.com,BarbWith@gmail.Ihaveanumberoflearningtools.Mynewbook,Einsteinetal.:Manifestation,ConflictREVOLUTION,andtheNewOperatingSystem,isthecompleteguide.It’stheunifiedfieldtheory,themapsofhumanconsciousness,andthecompletecurriculumthatwillwalkyouthroughit.Idosomeone-on-onecoaching.Ioccasionallyhaveonlineclasses.Cometomywebsiteandsignup.There’salotoffreestuffthereaswelltodownload.Withthisbasicinformation,Ithinkyoucanstartexperimentingwithyourselfandgaincontrolofyourowndomain.IthinkIspeakforCathyandRobinandeveryonewhohasbeenpracticingandexperiencingtheresultsofConflictREVOLUTIONwhenIsaythatthenyouonlywillneedtowatchandbeamazed.Thankyou!Untilnexttime!Haveawonderfulmonth!AttheendofAprilwewillhaveLeslieStewartontalkingaboutjoy.