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3 WAYS TO GET MASSIVE VALUE

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FROM THIS WORKBOOK

1 PRINT this workbook and use it during our lesson to stay

fully engaged and take notes on the actions you want to

implement quickly. If you want to save some ink, don’t

print page one since the title design is pretty fancy.

2 Think of ONE QUESTION you want answered while we

are live together. If I don’t answer your question during

the lesson, you can ask it during the final Q&A session or

you can post it to the online community on Facebook.

3 To maximise your time in this lesson, at the end of the

session decide on just one ACTION you plan to complete

in the next 24 hours. Taking action right away will give

you instant momentum to start seeing BIG results as you

get on your way to being a calm, confident and

connected Montessori parent.

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Tools to Success:

A Montessori Parenting Toolkit It’s important that parents learn peaceful tools, skills

and strategies to navigate through the childhood years

with their connection to their children intact.

The success of parenting strategies depends on the

love relationship between the parent and child – in

particular during times of stress, misbehaviour and

conflict.

We focus on a calm, happy home because based on the

law of attraction what we focus on, we get.

Everyday Communication in a

Montessori Home Emotional health depends on good communication and

acknowledging feelings.

Unconditional love shows children they are loved no

matter what. It is not permissive – a child needs a full

love tank to respond to parent guidance without

resentment.

One way to normalise talk about feelings is to start a

conversation about love buckets at dinner:

1. Did anyone empty your love bucket today?

2. Did you fill anyone’s bucket today?

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Toolkit

1. Observation

Stay calm and in the present moment, step back and

observe. Take the time and space to decide if you need

to intervene - then to act rather than react.

2. Proximity and Patient Waiting

Intervene too soon and a learning opportunity can be

lost. Give children a chance to organise themselves and

talk to them later about making better choices next

time.

3. Eye contact and Questioning

Use positive language (avoid ‘no’ and ‘don’t’ which

often lead to power struggles) and ask an open

question to encourage your child to think about the

right course of action.

Alternatives to ‘no’ include:

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

Keep ‘no’ for ________________________________

___________________________________________

4. Distraction

Redirection attention away from the misbehaviour and

suggest another activity.

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5. Clear Direction

Use positive language.

6. Reflective Language

Demonstrate you acknowledge your child’s feelings by

using your right brain to connect with your child’s right

brain.

7. Prescriptive Praise

Wait until your child invites you to comment and then

provide prescriptive praise rather than evaluative.

8. Avoid Competition

Children play games for fun – they don’t need to be

made to feel they are a loser. Play cooperative rather

than competitive games.

9. Positive Time Out

Give your child time and space to deal with a situation.

It’s not about isolation, shame or punishment. Provide

warmth and affection and involve the child in the

activity again as soon as they have calmed down.

10. Family Meetings and Family Rules

The fewer the rules the better. Family Rules should be

determined by the children at a family meeting and can

focus on not hurting self, not hurting others and not

hurting things. Write rules in the positive and aim for

unanimous acceptance. Children can sign a booklet and

the rules should be on display.

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Family meetings involve the use of an agenda and

minutes with standing items on compliments,

gratitude, family rules and paid and unpaid jobs.

Brainstorming can be used to solve problems and the

chair should be rotated.

IDEAS, INSIGHTS AND ACTION ITEMS

Discipline

A child who misbehaves has a need. Reasons for

misbehaviour include:

Mental confusion

Learned helplessness

Power seeking

Attention seeking

Boredom

Dishonesty

If there are no limits, the child gets complacent and

confused. When there are too many limits, the child gets

manipulative and rebellious.

IDEAS, INSIGHTS AND ACTION ITEMS

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Children learn limits through consequences – either

natural or logical. As this knowledge about consequences

is internalised, it becomes self-discipline.

Discipline may manifest in four ways:

1. Self-control

2. _________

3. Orderliness

4. _________

A child does not need discipline, a child needs freedom

with limits, responsibilities and consequences.

A Montessori child should have the following liberties:

Liberty to explore

Liberty to ____________

Liberty to go at their pace

Liberty to ________

Liberty to communicate

Liberty to express themselves

IDEAS, INSIGHTS AND ACTION ITEMS

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7 Tips on Discipline

1. Avoid ________________ situations

2. Have the adult in charge ________________________

3. Avoid saying ___________ when a child does what he

is supposed to

4. ________ the behaviour you want from your children

5. Avoid _____________

6. Be wary of _____________________

7. Focus on ____________ of children, not problems

Rewards and Punishments

External rewards are irrelevant, ineffective in the long

run, and harmful. The feeling of satisfaction is a child’s

internal reward.

Punishments are based on revenge. They discourage

children and create a cycle of rebelliousness and

contrariness that is designed to break a child’s will. They

need to be severe to work and increase in severity to

keep working. They create a negative self-image which

produces negative behaviour and impedes self-discipline.

IDEAS, INSIGHTS AND ACTION ITEMS

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Natural and Logical Consequences

A natural consequence is the natural outcome without

any interference from parents.

A logical consequence is imposed when the natural

consequence is inappropriate. It is not a punishment.

Parents need to allow children to take the consequences

of their behaviour and decisions as children learn by

experiencing consequences.

A natural consequences is not appropriate when it is too

_____________ or too dangerous.

When imposing a logical consequence it helps to

remember the P.A.I.R Technique:

P: _____________ the problem happening

A: Adult imposed

I: Includes a __________ opportunity

R: Related to the problem

IDEAS, INSIGHTS AND ACTION ITEMS

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Logical Consequence Example #1

Children mucking around when they should be

brushing teeth and getting ready for bed

Logical Consequence Example #2

Toys are left out in the lounge room

Logical Consequence Example #3

A child hurts or disturbs another child

Remember:

Stopping the behaviour is only the first step. There also

needs to be an opportunity to learn.

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Tantrums

Everything a child does is communication – we need to

decipher the message.

There are two main causes of tantrums:

1. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (+Sick)

2. Frustration or Anger

We can miss the obvious signs, but the first cause is the

easiest to address.

Some children might be frustrated or angry as they need

assistance with a task, they are testing the limits or they

struggle with transitions.

Whole-Brain Strategies

Whole-Brain Strategy #1 – Connect and Redirect

Technique

The right side of our brain experiences big emotions and

the left side logical thought. When children are overcome

with big emotions, we need to connect on an emotional

level (using reflective language to acknowledge feelings,

non-verbal signals to show empathy and non-

judgemental listening) before we apply logic to the

situation.

IDEAS, INSIGHTS AND ACTION ITEMS

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Whole-Brain Strategy #2 – Name It To Tame It

Technique

Children are right-hemisphere dominant and when they

experience a big or scary moment, big emotions can be

overwhelming. This technique brings the left hemisphere

into the picture so the child can understand what is

happening. This integration is best achieved by retelling

the experience as storytelling brings both sides of the

brain together. So it’s by naming the fears and emotions

that we tame them.

The Peace Table is a good place for this process to

happen.

IDEAS, INSIGHTS AND ACTION ITEMS

The Peace Table

The Peace Table is an important tool in conflict

resolution. It is a place where children resolve issues

themselves, with other children or adults only brought in

as a last resort.

It usually includes a child-sized table, two chairs or

cushions, a tablecloth, a flower or candle to signify peace

and a bell.

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Children place on hand on the table and one on their

heart and take it in turns to speak without interruption.

They ring the bell together when a resolution is reached.

The benefits of the Peace Table are:

1. Children are __________

2. Children resolve issues ________ without adult input

3. Children learn to actively listen without ___________

4. Children learn to show kindness and compassion to

each other, even when they disagree

Sibling Conflicts

Children aren’t born knowing how to resolve conflicts,

we need to teach this valuable life skill. One of the most

important things parents can do is to stay calm

themselves. Observe first, then if you decide to

intervene:

Step 1: Don’t try to figure out who started it

Step 2: Treat both children the same

Step 3: Use reflective language to ‘connect with the

right’

Step 4: Use clear direction

Step 5: Remind them of the Family Rules to ‘redirect with

the left’

Step 6: Remind them to use the Peace Table

Step 7: Children resolve it themselves, or as you to

intervene – then focus on feelings and encourage

children to make amends

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The Peace Table is used for sibling conflicts:

1. So each child gets heard

2. So each child has a chance to reflect on how their own

actions and anger contributed to the situation

3. So each child hears the other side of the story (to

develop empathy and social intelligence)

4. So each child develops more impulse control.

Tips on sibling conflict

1. Do things together as a family

2. Have regular family meetings

3. Downplay competition at home

4. Understand and meet each child’s unique needs

5. Provide each child with a clearly defined space of their

own.

A checklist for when things go wrong:

1. Was I prepared?

2. Was my child prepared?

3. Does my child feel ownership of the Family Rules?

4. Does my child have guided choices to choose from?

5. Do I know what went wrong?

6. Do I know what to do differently next time?

Remember: Progress, not Perfection!

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EXERCISE #1:

3-STEP COMMUNICATING

FAMILIES CONNECT CHALLENGE

Start this exercise as soon as possible. Getting started is

the key to momentum! Put time aside this weekend and

involve your children.

Step 1:

Review your notes in this week’s Work Book within the

next 24 hours and make a note of the biggest behaviour

challenge you experience on a regular basis – and the steps

you will now take next time that behaviour happens. Stick

these steps to your fridge.

Step 2:

Hold your first Family Meeting this weekend. Aim to have

Family Rules established and paid and unpaid jobs

allocated within 1-2 weeks.

Step 3:

Set up a Peace Table within the next week and show your

children how to use it.

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EXERCISE #2:

Sibling Conflict Exercise

This exercise is so you can practice applying everything

you have learned in today’s lesson to a ‘real life’ scenario.

Scenario:

Your 5 year old and 7 year old children are fighting over

a puzzle. You’ve been observing for a while, but the

situation is now getting heated.

Your next step (before intervening) could be:

After several more minutes, the situation escalates and

one child threatens to hit the other with the puzzle. As

the situation now meets the criteria of ‘dangerous’ – it’s

time to intervene before a child gets hurt.

First you take the toy to get their attention. This

________ the children from the conflict with each other

and puts their attention on you and the toy.

You ___________ before talking.

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When you speak, you use ___________ language and say

“_____________________________________________

______________________________________________”

Then using ____________, you could ask:

“How can we resolve this? We have two children and

only one puzzle.”

If you decided the children needed some Clear Direction

you could say:

“____________________________________________

_____________________________________________”

If they were particularly upset, you might consider

Positive ___________ to allow them to calm down.

Once they are calm you might remind them of the Family

Rules and ask them if they want to use The ___________

_________ to try to resolve it themselves.

If they ask for adult input, you could ________________

______________________________________________.

You could ask each child what they could do to make

__________ to the other.

The ultimate result we are aiming for is to get the

children back _________ in an activity, not to feel

segregated from the family.