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3 WAYS TO GET MASSIVE VALUE
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FROM THIS WORKBOOK
1 PRINT this workbook and use it during our lesson to stay
fully engaged and take notes on the actions you want to
implement quickly. If you want to save some ink, don’t
print page one since the title design is pretty fancy.
2 Think of ONE QUESTION you want answered while we
are live together. If I don’t answer your question during
the lesson, you can ask it during the final Q&A session or
you can post it to the online community on Facebook.
3 To maximise your time in this lesson, at the end of the
session decide on just one ACTION you plan to complete
in the next 24 hours. Taking action right away will give
you instant momentum to start seeing BIG results as you
get on your way to being a calm, confident and
connected Montessori parent.
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Tools to Success:
A Montessori Parenting Toolkit It’s important that parents learn peaceful tools, skills
and strategies to navigate through the childhood years
with their connection to their children intact.
The success of parenting strategies depends on the
love relationship between the parent and child – in
particular during times of stress, misbehaviour and
conflict.
We focus on a calm, happy home because based on the
law of attraction what we focus on, we get.
Everyday Communication in a
Montessori Home Emotional health depends on good communication and
acknowledging feelings.
Unconditional love shows children they are loved no
matter what. It is not permissive – a child needs a full
love tank to respond to parent guidance without
resentment.
One way to normalise talk about feelings is to start a
conversation about love buckets at dinner:
1. Did anyone empty your love bucket today?
2. Did you fill anyone’s bucket today?
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Toolkit
1. Observation
Stay calm and in the present moment, step back and
observe. Take the time and space to decide if you need
to intervene - then to act rather than react.
2. Proximity and Patient Waiting
Intervene too soon and a learning opportunity can be
lost. Give children a chance to organise themselves and
talk to them later about making better choices next
time.
3. Eye contact and Questioning
Use positive language (avoid ‘no’ and ‘don’t’ which
often lead to power struggles) and ask an open
question to encourage your child to think about the
right course of action.
Alternatives to ‘no’ include:
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
Keep ‘no’ for ________________________________
___________________________________________
4. Distraction
Redirection attention away from the misbehaviour and
suggest another activity.
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5. Clear Direction
Use positive language.
6. Reflective Language
Demonstrate you acknowledge your child’s feelings by
using your right brain to connect with your child’s right
brain.
7. Prescriptive Praise
Wait until your child invites you to comment and then
provide prescriptive praise rather than evaluative.
8. Avoid Competition
Children play games for fun – they don’t need to be
made to feel they are a loser. Play cooperative rather
than competitive games.
9. Positive Time Out
Give your child time and space to deal with a situation.
It’s not about isolation, shame or punishment. Provide
warmth and affection and involve the child in the
activity again as soon as they have calmed down.
10. Family Meetings and Family Rules
The fewer the rules the better. Family Rules should be
determined by the children at a family meeting and can
focus on not hurting self, not hurting others and not
hurting things. Write rules in the positive and aim for
unanimous acceptance. Children can sign a booklet and
the rules should be on display.
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Family meetings involve the use of an agenda and
minutes with standing items on compliments,
gratitude, family rules and paid and unpaid jobs.
Brainstorming can be used to solve problems and the
chair should be rotated.
IDEAS, INSIGHTS AND ACTION ITEMS
Discipline
A child who misbehaves has a need. Reasons for
misbehaviour include:
Mental confusion
Learned helplessness
Power seeking
Attention seeking
Boredom
Dishonesty
If there are no limits, the child gets complacent and
confused. When there are too many limits, the child gets
manipulative and rebellious.
IDEAS, INSIGHTS AND ACTION ITEMS
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Children learn limits through consequences – either
natural or logical. As this knowledge about consequences
is internalised, it becomes self-discipline.
Discipline may manifest in four ways:
1. Self-control
2. _________
3. Orderliness
4. _________
A child does not need discipline, a child needs freedom
with limits, responsibilities and consequences.
A Montessori child should have the following liberties:
Liberty to explore
Liberty to ____________
Liberty to go at their pace
Liberty to ________
Liberty to communicate
Liberty to express themselves
IDEAS, INSIGHTS AND ACTION ITEMS
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7 Tips on Discipline
1. Avoid ________________ situations
2. Have the adult in charge ________________________
3. Avoid saying ___________ when a child does what he
is supposed to
4. ________ the behaviour you want from your children
5. Avoid _____________
6. Be wary of _____________________
7. Focus on ____________ of children, not problems
Rewards and Punishments
External rewards are irrelevant, ineffective in the long
run, and harmful. The feeling of satisfaction is a child’s
internal reward.
Punishments are based on revenge. They discourage
children and create a cycle of rebelliousness and
contrariness that is designed to break a child’s will. They
need to be severe to work and increase in severity to
keep working. They create a negative self-image which
produces negative behaviour and impedes self-discipline.
IDEAS, INSIGHTS AND ACTION ITEMS
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Natural and Logical Consequences
A natural consequence is the natural outcome without
any interference from parents.
A logical consequence is imposed when the natural
consequence is inappropriate. It is not a punishment.
Parents need to allow children to take the consequences
of their behaviour and decisions as children learn by
experiencing consequences.
A natural consequences is not appropriate when it is too
_____________ or too dangerous.
When imposing a logical consequence it helps to
remember the P.A.I.R Technique:
P: _____________ the problem happening
A: Adult imposed
I: Includes a __________ opportunity
R: Related to the problem
IDEAS, INSIGHTS AND ACTION ITEMS
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Logical Consequence Example #1
Children mucking around when they should be
brushing teeth and getting ready for bed
Logical Consequence Example #2
Toys are left out in the lounge room
Logical Consequence Example #3
A child hurts or disturbs another child
Remember:
Stopping the behaviour is only the first step. There also
needs to be an opportunity to learn.
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Tantrums
Everything a child does is communication – we need to
decipher the message.
There are two main causes of tantrums:
1. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (+Sick)
2. Frustration or Anger
We can miss the obvious signs, but the first cause is the
easiest to address.
Some children might be frustrated or angry as they need
assistance with a task, they are testing the limits or they
struggle with transitions.
Whole-Brain Strategies
Whole-Brain Strategy #1 – Connect and Redirect
Technique
The right side of our brain experiences big emotions and
the left side logical thought. When children are overcome
with big emotions, we need to connect on an emotional
level (using reflective language to acknowledge feelings,
non-verbal signals to show empathy and non-
judgemental listening) before we apply logic to the
situation.
IDEAS, INSIGHTS AND ACTION ITEMS
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Whole-Brain Strategy #2 – Name It To Tame It
Technique
Children are right-hemisphere dominant and when they
experience a big or scary moment, big emotions can be
overwhelming. This technique brings the left hemisphere
into the picture so the child can understand what is
happening. This integration is best achieved by retelling
the experience as storytelling brings both sides of the
brain together. So it’s by naming the fears and emotions
that we tame them.
The Peace Table is a good place for this process to
happen.
IDEAS, INSIGHTS AND ACTION ITEMS
The Peace Table
The Peace Table is an important tool in conflict
resolution. It is a place where children resolve issues
themselves, with other children or adults only brought in
as a last resort.
It usually includes a child-sized table, two chairs or
cushions, a tablecloth, a flower or candle to signify peace
and a bell.
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Children place on hand on the table and one on their
heart and take it in turns to speak without interruption.
They ring the bell together when a resolution is reached.
The benefits of the Peace Table are:
1. Children are __________
2. Children resolve issues ________ without adult input
3. Children learn to actively listen without ___________
4. Children learn to show kindness and compassion to
each other, even when they disagree
Sibling Conflicts
Children aren’t born knowing how to resolve conflicts,
we need to teach this valuable life skill. One of the most
important things parents can do is to stay calm
themselves. Observe first, then if you decide to
intervene:
Step 1: Don’t try to figure out who started it
Step 2: Treat both children the same
Step 3: Use reflective language to ‘connect with the
right’
Step 4: Use clear direction
Step 5: Remind them of the Family Rules to ‘redirect with
the left’
Step 6: Remind them to use the Peace Table
Step 7: Children resolve it themselves, or as you to
intervene – then focus on feelings and encourage
children to make amends
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The Peace Table is used for sibling conflicts:
1. So each child gets heard
2. So each child has a chance to reflect on how their own
actions and anger contributed to the situation
3. So each child hears the other side of the story (to
develop empathy and social intelligence)
4. So each child develops more impulse control.
Tips on sibling conflict
1. Do things together as a family
2. Have regular family meetings
3. Downplay competition at home
4. Understand and meet each child’s unique needs
5. Provide each child with a clearly defined space of their
own.
A checklist for when things go wrong:
1. Was I prepared?
2. Was my child prepared?
3. Does my child feel ownership of the Family Rules?
4. Does my child have guided choices to choose from?
5. Do I know what went wrong?
6. Do I know what to do differently next time?
Remember: Progress, not Perfection!
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EXERCISE #1:
3-STEP COMMUNICATING
FAMILIES CONNECT CHALLENGE
Start this exercise as soon as possible. Getting started is
the key to momentum! Put time aside this weekend and
involve your children.
Step 1:
Review your notes in this week’s Work Book within the
next 24 hours and make a note of the biggest behaviour
challenge you experience on a regular basis – and the steps
you will now take next time that behaviour happens. Stick
these steps to your fridge.
Step 2:
Hold your first Family Meeting this weekend. Aim to have
Family Rules established and paid and unpaid jobs
allocated within 1-2 weeks.
Step 3:
Set up a Peace Table within the next week and show your
children how to use it.
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EXERCISE #2:
Sibling Conflict Exercise
This exercise is so you can practice applying everything
you have learned in today’s lesson to a ‘real life’ scenario.
Scenario:
Your 5 year old and 7 year old children are fighting over
a puzzle. You’ve been observing for a while, but the
situation is now getting heated.
Your next step (before intervening) could be:
After several more minutes, the situation escalates and
one child threatens to hit the other with the puzzle. As
the situation now meets the criteria of ‘dangerous’ – it’s
time to intervene before a child gets hurt.
First you take the toy to get their attention. This
________ the children from the conflict with each other
and puts their attention on you and the toy.
You ___________ before talking.
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When you speak, you use ___________ language and say
“_____________________________________________
______________________________________________”
Then using ____________, you could ask:
“How can we resolve this? We have two children and
only one puzzle.”
If you decided the children needed some Clear Direction
you could say:
“____________________________________________
_____________________________________________”
If they were particularly upset, you might consider
Positive ___________ to allow them to calm down.
Once they are calm you might remind them of the Family
Rules and ask them if they want to use The ___________
_________ to try to resolve it themselves.
If they ask for adult input, you could ________________
______________________________________________.
You could ask each child what they could do to make
__________ to the other.
The ultimate result we are aiming for is to get the
children back _________ in an activity, not to feel
segregated from the family.